Plus: combatting loneliness, turning down the volume on social comparison, and why mattering to a few people beats outperforming everyone.

Gordon Flett is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at York University where he has served as the Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Child and Youth Research. Dr. Flett is most known for his influential research on perfectionism in health and mental health and his more recent work on the psychology of mattering. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The difference between perfectionism and healthy striving
• How perfectionism functions as a coping mechanism for unmet needs for love, belonging, and significance
• What "mattering" actually means
• Antimattering (and our fear of not mattering)
• Why feeling like you matter to others can loosen the grip of perfectionism
• Why people consistently underestimate how much they matter to others
• Practical ways to help others feel like they matter
• Why helping others feel like they matter boomerangs back and boosts your own sense of significance
• The fear of not mattering in the age of AI

Get the 10% with Dan Harris app here

Sign up for Dan's free newsletter here

Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel

Additional Resources: 

• Gordon's books: The Psychology of Mattering, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents, and Perfectionism: Theory, Research, and Treatment

Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here!

This episode is sponsored by:
Quo – Try Quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com/happier. 

BetterHelp — Online therapy, matched to your needs. Get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/happier

Warby Parker — Prescription glasses with virtual try-on. Buy one prescription pair and get 20% off additional prescription pairs at https://www.warbyparker.com/happier

IQBAR:   To get twenty percent off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus free shipping, text DAN to 64000.

To advertise on the show, contact sales@advertisecast.com or visit https://advertising.libsyn.com/10HappierwithDanHarris