I get in my weight, never out of my lane.

It's been like you one in the more one.

So it is gonna be baby squad.

We've been the gol du running on us.

That won't you need maybe, won't you keep me company?

Give me felling the jube and I get on.

Every humpday.

We got Porsha Pete in the building, Sex Selects in the building.

Friends I miss, y'all.

I know, listen, I'm feeling better.

Yes, I'm looking better, for sure, I'm feeling so much better, y'all.

I was so sick.

Oh my goodness, I was outside too much, y'all.

I talked to Hill right before she got on that podcast, and I said, what you do with your friend?

I said, you're gonna put a hat on?

She said, yeah, I put a hat on.

And to my surprise, lo and behold, I look on the internet and see my girl with the with the flyaways with the friends was I said, My girl said she don't feel good and she needs y'all to know.

I had the hoodie on my head and I was like, no, take it off.

I'm like the hoodie look cute.

No, the hoodie everything.

She was like this little bow peep.

So lex was the culprit.

Yes, I was liked.

She was like, it look cute, put it down, let's set me up.

It wasn't a setup.

That was that said, I ain't posting.

That's when I.

Said nothing except I really did have a conversation with her before she got on.

I said, she didn't say that.

I should have seen me looking with the cowboy hair.

I was looking at hot mess.

YEA probably thought something was wrong with me, like I just came out of out.

Of a She was joking about the cowboys like a regular.

Oh she was a joking Okay, No.

But what I can say is I was represented for my job.

Bad bitch, good mom.

I was representing.

I said a few sales and came through what I did.

My girl was wearing it.

That's why the people in my shop.

Yeah, anybody tell.

You the influence of marketing doesn't work, because it does.

And I love that you represent the brand, you represent the business, pushing people what you had.

To do today.

I had a listing appointment today because I'm a real professional type of bitch.

I had to go to a listing appointment.

You know what I mean, coming soon about to sell another house.

Give me another coin.

Yeah, I was working today.

We're about to make us some money.

I was in the field.

Look at me, Andre, I looked like a like a like a schoolgirl.

And Mike, he said, little uniform.

I'm like that uniform.

You look like a little intern though, like you just graduated from high school.

This is probably like how old are you trying to sell my house?

Right?

Do you know what you're doing?

Ma'am?

Are you experienced to know?

Do you know what I'm doing?

I'm a real grown beautiful thank you, yes you do.

So how was your weekend?

How how it has y'all day been since we last communicated?

But y'all just communicated on Monday?

Yes, yeah, but you know elects me.

She get a lot done from Monday to wedds.

Okay, lex be slide.

I won't know where lex LEXI be slide.

Sorry she did and low key with it.

It was yesterday.

Just what you did?

It was awesome and today was even great.

Today is my my wellness Wednesday.

So I went to my nails one, got my favorite flowers and just really just relaxed.

Asada requested a steak and I haven't had steak in over twenty years, so but I can make a good one.

And so she's been like feeding for this steak and you make chimmy cheery sauce with you.

No, it doesn't need it.

Oh okay, No, it's just a good in the cast iron skillet, garlic, salt and pepper and some rosemary and some you get the.

I think I'll sayen you cook in the steak before like that, okay.

And so she just loves it.

And then she's so she has steak and freez.

So I just spent some time with her.

How do you let your sneak near nate?

No marinating at all?

This is, oh hell, what happened when y'all be going to these culinary schools.

Y'all, don't take it back to the old school and season the meat's Let.

Me tell you something.

It's not about old school and season and the meat.

It's about understanding the technique and just the whole fundamentals of.

How they messing you up.

Please please tell Porscha what you said about your meat, What you don't, what they don't, what they.

Teach you not to do?

No more, they teach you not to wash like your chicken.

Oh hell, the day of that's what we were taught by it the day of or the day before, and cook your meat.

Okay.

So for the people who buy in bulk, don't wash your chicken.

Well, I mean they don't clean their chicken.

You don't think that it tastes better like you don't.

And I grew up.

I grew up cleaning my chicken, your chicken.

What you clean your chicken with?

Who meat?

A paper towel?

What you clean your chicken with a paper towel?

No, I get.

And that's how I used.

My mom used to do that too.

She used to like pull all my fat out.

Yeah, I mean my mother in law boiling, scolding, hot water, white vinegar, salt.

Yeah, and we were splashing back and things all over the place.

But it's delicious, yeah it is.

But you clean.

You gotta clean your sink after.

I don't be sloppy.

It ain't like you clean it.

But not everybody.

I mean, at a at home chef has to take precaution of wipes and making sure they're not transferring bacteria.

I clean my meat in a bowl and that's that.

And I don't clean it.

But I mean I feel you, you know, everybody.

I mean, I'm sorry.

I also, don't marinate steak.

Yeah, you're not supposed.

I don't marinate steak.

Don't I wait till it's room temperature because I don't.

I don't.

There you go, that's the whole.

Booth.

Y'all gotta taste mysteak.

Yeah, to taste your daddy's seak.

I don't knowing about your steak.

But my state tastes just like my papa steak.

And guess Papa Papa.

Be marry named that steak.

Everybody as good as hell.

Yes, my state tastes just like Dennis Rising.

Okay, well the jury is still out on that.

We're gonna have to see at holiday.

You don't taste my cooking before?

Have I just never had a steak?

So have y'all have y'all?

Do y'all wash your steaks too?

No, yeah, I rent my steak.

I have to rent everything because you Let me tell you why, because no, no, I don't grounded.

But let me tell you why I rents my steak.

Because you don't know what the butchers are doing back there.

When they back there handling to me, it could have been nothing dropped on the floor.

You don't know.

You want to know there's nothing like that clean that four hundred and five hundred degrees.

It was some hot grease.

Tell me that you think the vinegar like for I'm really cleaning my chicken because I really do think it make it taste better.

And that's the true.

I'm not cleaning my chicken because I think that the vinegar is going to get rid of something that the pan won't.

If the pan don't see it off, I can assure you the lemon not.

It's the thought of it will kill it.

With the well, we're gonna be extra killing it even before.

I don't.

I don't, I don't.

I don't rent mysteak.

I don't know about that.

I got to ask my mother in law about that.

You know, Caribbeans wash everything.

I rinsed my steak and I patted dry with the paper towel.

But I'm not finna just take the steak out of the pack and throw it and start throw some season on it and cook it.

Well, I marinate steak.

If I'm making like a carni asida and you want to marinate it, or the kids love this community just that I do, so, then I'm marinated in those seasons and stuff.

But other than that, No, do you.

Give us the culinary tips.

I want to know what the people are saying.

We need a boat.

Do y'all wash y'all meet?

Yes or no?

We need to know do y'all wash y'all?

Majority wash?

Yes?

Majority people do wash their meat.

I'm getting what's wrong with the people who don't wash their meat.

Because they have some kind of culinary awareness because was taught that way.

She just called us some.

Understand I mean, you know if I wouldn't you know, that's the whole point of going to culinary school to get I love it, you know.

No, I don't know.

I just can't.

I can't change tradition.

Even if I went to culinary school, I would still probably, I know it ain't no, probably I would still wash my meat.

Because their reason in it for not washing your meat with national spreads.

Spread bacteria, and because you know, food.

Is trace FBA contamination, and how you're supposed to keep it refrigerator like refrigerated, all these things, you know, do you.

Think that it makes it taste better?

Though, if you like let it sit in the vinegar and you cut the little slits in it, and if.

For sure, if that's the intended dish for it to be.

Yeah, okay, so Portia you go, you're about to start not washing your chicken.

I can't do that.

That lady hang me by my feet.

If you see me over there and trying to make some chicken for her son and then grand son.

I'm looking silo.

That's what Haitians called you when they think you dirty.

Silop.

You're looking at me like this.

If I would go in my grandma kitchen and my mama and my grandma see me pulled some chicken out of a pack of out of a pack, fresh out of the pack and just throw it season it, throw seasoning on the cooking, I will get the worst cursing up and down that house, and they probably kicked my ass and send me back down to Florida.

Well, my family will receive it because they're just like, lets you got it in, put it and we'll tear it up.

Listen, my family from the stop they are country country.

Yeah, anyways, I get it, my mama.

Still, you know, we don't even let everybody.

We don't even eat from certain family members.

We don't eat half the family cooking.

We pay attention to who is in the kitchen everybody can't come in the kitchen during the holidays.

Because you be scratching your head.

You do all this, y'all the chat not washing their meat?

Pause but wait what not washing the meat?

Thank you chack.

Because they they we're more educated and baking.

We're breaking generational you know, traditions.

I refuse to believe very much.

It's really much from you know, our.

Caribbean and our black family members and such.

That's what we do.

I grew up doing the exact same thing.

Washington meat, Washington meat that comes from just you know, we'll take it back all the way to slavery.

We had to wash everything because we were giving the scraps, so we had to make something out of nothing, you know, so that becomes traditional.

And then we in these households and we just know that we got to get this meat, we got to get it in bulk, we got to freeze it, all these things.

Yeah, you don't have to wash these that by a fresh that day girl who is running to the grocery store every day to get.

A package before.

Yeah, there's there's different standards of that's a lot spreading and you know, just because if you think about it, it goes from from the farms to be butchered, and then you know, you know, the whole process distribution.

So the sooner you get your meat from the store and you you should cook it.

Teach me something lix.

Yeah, so when you freeze it, it ain't you really, I mean it's sometimes it's better to it if you know you're not gonna eat it within a couple of days.

Okay, sexy les chef, chef girl arlets president lists.

You know I'm still gonna wash my chicken.

I understand I have to.

All right, let's get into it, y'all.

Our first topic today, lowering your expectations and dating soul may are settling.

Let's be real, Are our standards and dating becoming so high that we're actually blocking love?

The current dating dating culture is full of checklists, six figure salary, no kids, six two tall, darken hints, emotionally intelligent, well dressed, good teeth, owns property, passport ready, and the list goes on.

For are these high expectations happen as found the one or pushing potential soulmates away?

Well, some women are starting to wonder if I lowered my expectations, would I be in a relationship by now yes, or would I just be miserable with someone I settled for.

I feel like there is power in possessing who you are and what you're going to be able to bend with and to match with somebody eventually, you know, the we're here to love the human experiences, to love and endure it, to.

Give it, to raise it, to emboy it, embody it.

So you know, the hopeless romantic in me is always like, you know, let's connect, let's you know it's a free hell, let's you know it's going to be this romantic you know, cute meat, and you know there's real life.

This is not something you can read, you know, from a fairy tale or watch it on Disney Channel, you know what I mean.

So like I just look at it, like, if this person is meant to be with me, we're gonna align, We're gonna have this.

You know, I can see.

I can see that I want that connection.

You know.

It's not about the law and the standard.

I feel like I want to encompass somebody that I can reflect what I love to do, whether that's travel, whether that's eating out, whether that's you know, knowing how to raise children properly and surround them with certain things and experiences.

Like that's what I would see in somebody that's a mate.

Now, the standard of what certain people have their bar, it should be some kind of wiggle room, because some people are very you know, they can kind of cap out or they don't want to change how they are about certain things, whether they save, whether they're more frugal, whether they aren't gonna leave a city.

They're not gonna bend just these little these rules and pass.

If you're a traveler, and I don't think you should compromise, you know, if your mate is someone that should appreciate your love and travel.

You know.

So like there's some non negotiables and then there's also some like you can bend, like trying to make someone that you really love be your match.

I feel like that is the ultimate goal, you know what I mean.

So like it's okay to have some differences, but you want to have a lot of like you want to have a lot that you have in common that or at least there's a sense of like I know who she is, I know who he is, I know who they are, and that's who they that's who that's what they're gonna do that feels their passion, That makes them a good spouse, that makes them makes them a good partner, all these beautiful things.

So I think we got to like lay off of being super strict on what we expect, you know, because we should be bringing that to the table too, or giving some other strengths, you know what I mean.

So that's that's my take on that.

And expectations the same thing, what you are.

Standards and expectations like the same thing.

Expectations seems a little bit more.

Fluid.

Compromising standards seems very very I don't know, Like you can't just expect for somebody to be tall.

Either they tall or they not, honestly, but if that's what you need to be, then that's what I don't know.

I feel like either way, I agree with you lex people need to be flexible.

And I also think that people who have too many standards are not even too many.

But high.

You know, if your standards are too high, I feel like you're putting yourself in a situation.

To where you're gonna stay single.

Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.

You're going to compromise, low key missing out on someone just because you're like, they weren't all of this whole list that I've been fantasizing about and reading about or scrolling and seeing and just expecting it.

We were putting way too much pressure on each other, you know what I mean, for the sake of like love or the sake of just being lonely or alone.

You know, are a stand in this until this prince Charming.

Comes out the way.

You know, we're all guilty.

Of like these, you knowful romantic matches, you know, if those of us that are lucky to like experience that.

But at the same time, you have to understand.

The integrity of what you're really getting into, Like this is serious, like this is this is like building families, This is like connecting, and this is like sharing assets and all these you know, it's a lot.

So we have to take that serious.

So I get having certain like this is what is.

Quality.

Yeah, this is what I see in this person.

This is what I'm praying on.

This is something that is very important to me.

Yeah, you can stand on that your spirituality or they're bringing in a certain amount of money, or you want this kind of lifestyle, like you want to travel, you want to do this you want those kind of things you can really you know, set for yourself.

But at the same time that, yeah, there's more personal things that we you know, we gotta start bending on, you know again.

But you know, one of the things that I got out of the mindset of was looking at the looks first.

And I felt like every time, like I always had a set.

My type was tall, dark chocolate you got, but I've got I don't look at that now now that I'm you know, I'm I'm in a new situation.

He's the opposite of the tall chocolate, right.

I mean he got height to him, but I mean it's not what you would normally see.

Yeah, And I got to instead of looking at the looks, you know, we had conversations, We talked.

I didn't know what the income was, what this was, and know anything, I just met that person as a person and it's just everything the connection was there and everything, you know, is a line.

And so I would say that a safe.

Bet is stay open minded, because I would say when I lived in la I looked at a restaurant and I was there for like five or six years, but I worked with all of these incredible women, beautiful women.

They were actresses, singers, producers, gorgeous women right, and they were, you know, from the age of twenty one forty one, you know what I mean, from different countries, Foreign women, American women.

It was easily like one of the best jobs I've ever had.

And I learned so much from all of those women because we used to get off work and we sit down with a glass of wine and.

We would just talk.

And there was a few.

Of them, you know what I mean, who were very no, none, very Oh.

We went on a day.

He didn't call me the next day, he's done.

Oh I text him this.

He didn't text me back.

Da da da, Oh it's done.

All we went out to dinner, we had a conversation and blah blah blah, and this happened.

Oh it's done.

And it was just like they were like, you try it, and you out the door.

Shade no shade, Like they still want person.

Because if you have all of that stuff, if you don't give people room, if you don't give room for a man to show up, you will just you end up just missing out on somebody simply because you can't do something right that they didn't know they were supposed to do.

Right, And it's insane to think that you're supposed to meet somebody and they're supposed to know exactly how to treat you.

It's different.

You're just like a pressure.

He needs to open doors, he needs to do this, he needs to do that, blah blah blah.

But everybody doesn't.

Care about that.

It sounds good.

Yes, you want a man to open doors and pull out chairs.

They really not out something doing that and don't care.

We go to a restaurant, Yeah, we vibe and I'm gonna pull out my own chair and sit down.

I don't give a shit, you know, like, but some women, for them, that's just like, it says a lot about that guy, and it's I feel like it's unfair because those things you don't know, they don't know how to treat you until you tell him how to treat you.

And if you have these expectations that are uncommunicated, then you're just gonna was out on somebody.

Who simply would have done it had he known he was supposed.

To exactly unexpected communicate what is it called.

Dang?

What's the word communicated expectations?

Yeah, uncommunicated expectations.

Yeah, that's what.

Well, how a lot of relationships and fail or you overlook like like you said, he is because.

Of that, you don't know what what you.

This person may not know what you want unless you said and every relationship is different.

That's why you got to lead it all out there.

You can't expect someone to think and know everything that you like and you want getting into a relation.

Communication is key for sure.

That should definitely be number one on the list.

That should be the standard in the expectation.

Knowing how to please tell me how you feel and let's talk about it.

Oh, I hate when somebody shut down.

I cannot be with someone who shut who just shuts down.

I don't like going to bed angry.

I don't like never mind when it pisses me off when we're having enough conversation, don't.

Worry never mind.

That's if you're the type that wants to like work it out, then get out.

And you're like, I don't care how what time we're going to sleep, We need to don't worry about it, never mind.

Yeah, Like y'all are really just describing every woman and then every man.

Every woman is like we need to talk about this, and every man is like, never mind.

I don't want.

Because they hate communicating a lot of.

A lot of men hate to express themselves.

That tone can be a little heavy too, Like you know, when you say we need to talk about they're like having flash.

But I don't even be like that.

I be like, can we just talk about it?

They hear the same thing.

Sometimes I'll just be like, baby, and he knows, yeah, communicate.

Hey, babe, I don't he knows.

I don't even have to say that.

Because they always assuming it's gonna be some type of altercation, which probably it is.

You know, women how we are.

But I do not like arguing.

I like to just lay it out there.

I don't like going to be angry.

I want to see how we can fix this issue so we don't have to continue to go.

To you know, depends dwell on it.

But it's just like, I don't know.

With our men, they do not like to communicate.

Nobody ever talk about it's getting better.

Though you think it's getting better, and you think it's swing hard in the other direction.

I think I think it's getting better just because we again, we are having more resources at the palm of our hands, and and I feel like our generations are understanding that they should be talking to therapists, they should be talking it out, they should be figuring things out, they should be searching things out.

So it's like.

Becoming very much like our children.

That's the first thing they want to do is soak up so much energy because they're able to search for it that there's low key spelling.

They're lokey, you know, like they're trying to understand.

So I look at it like our children are more informed than we were because we would have to like get to a library and go find the encyclopedias and then look for the s and knowing that it's only like two s's right, the ones checked out, the one you need to look up snakes is gone.

So like they're able to access so much information and so much, you know, a quicker amount of time.

So you know, I just think it's.

I don't know.

I think we still have a long way to go.

We do have a long way to go.

We have a long way to go.

But I do also agree that people are just black men specifically, are getting more comfortable talking about their feelings and being open to therapy and stuff.

But you need that think to swing.

Too hard in another direction, because people go to therapy, they start DYINGO and themselves.

They start leaning, they start leaning on the chronic ADHD and it's like we're just feeding everyone's narcissism because you go and you sit down with somebody and you talk about yourself for an hour, and you do all the time.

I just think, you.

Know what I mean, it's exercise.

It's definitely exercise.

It's like practicing for everything else.

You know, Yeah, you got to go often?

Do we have to go to therapy often though?

That's but therapy doesn't have to be sitting and sitting to hear a third person diagnose you with all.

This time, not even diagnosed you.

Just really sometimes I feel like therapists just reaffirm you, and they just they I mean, if you are, if you're the type of person that's walking around, you're not really feeling validated in your experience, in your relationships or in your life.

I mean, I've been to a therapist, I've been to marriage counseling, I've been to a therapist on my own, and I can't think of one thing.

I know that I'm awesome, but he agreed with everything I said, and I know that I'm always right, but damn.

You know what I mean?

And I was like, are we paying you to agree with me?

Because this feels too good.

I feel validated right now.

Well, they're just.

Going off of clinical research obviously and trying to help you understand your brain.

That's all it is.

It's just them spending more time with helping us translate what we got going on.

We are a lot of us are fucked up lack of lack of, lack of better words, the trauma.

So it's like now of trying to understand, like who am I?

Why do I do this?

How can I be a better person?

How can I be a better husband, wife, child, mother, father, co parent?

All these things?

Coworker, Yeah, because we have to all intertwine with each other.

So, like you know, that's why that's therapy.

That's why you still.

Understand what's going on with you.

People are really trying to understand their their being.

Yeah.

I feel like the best communication and the best therapy is wants you and your partner sit there and allow each other to understand each other, get to know each other and express how you feel and learn each other because a third party can listen to what you say all the time.

You forget sometime you're dating a narcissists and they can tell that therapist what they want you to hear, and it's not the real them.

So it's just understanding who you are and your partner and y'all communicate it out.

I just I don't know you.

Something about a couple therapy.

Couple therapy is not it's not the jam if you're not willing to be completely honest.

And that's the thing.

For women are more likely to go into a situation and want to lay it all out because they really do want the help.

But the way that a man is set up and rightfully so, he don't really want his business.

And you know what I mean, it's embarrassing.

It's embarras seems probably more embarrassing for them than it is for us because we're just wired differently.

So for you to sit down in front of a therapist and tell them the problem that you're having with your spouse and you're talking about his weaknesses, his shortcomings, get wrong, and if you can't be completely honest, you're not going to get anywhere.

But then I also very much believe in the problems that we have in our house need to be as long as they're not like detrimental to our health or our.

Well being, you know what I mean.

Like whatever we're dealing with, we just need to deal with that because we can and we have the tools to deal with it.

But I do feel like it's very difficult for men to give people their business because they have a lot of pride and equal and sit down tell a stranger essentially what they're not doing right, what they're doing wrong.

That's hard for anybody, especially.

Say it's hard for anyone.

Yeah, that's difficult, And I found that.

I think the the therapy did help us for that particular situation because it's crazy how it made me understand him more and made just maybe just hearing it from somebody else, he explained it.

He's like, you know what, Well, he's a boxer, so this is how his brain is working.

And he really explained it, like Andre approaches everything like a fight, not like he wants to fight, but he approaches everything like he's going into a fight.

So he has to train for it, he prepares for it, he's watching film on it, he's dissecting it.

You know what I mean.

So he really explained to me, like why at the time he was acting the way he was acting, and I was like, okay, So it helped in that regard.

But for me, I didn't want to like give too much information because I didn't want to offend Andre by, you know, saying everything.

That I thought, you know, because I was like, I got to.

Go home with him and he's gonna be looking at me like I cannot believe you said that, bitch.

Whyn't you right?

I don't know.

I think it helps, but then it doesn't help.

I do think what everything practice makes perfect?

Right, So just the more you go, if you have these issues or and then you can you can scale back to you know, the therapist will be like, all right, you know you've reached that peak.

You've done that you can cross.

Don't nobody do they want to check?

They want that that's true.

Okay, this is a good question.

Have you ever regretted turning someone down because they weren't enough at the time you met them?

Ever regretted like you passed up on something.

No, No, I don't have any regrets for that.

No, No, we overlooked someone.

Have you answered the question for yes.

I regretted turning someone down because they weren't enough.

I wouldn't say they weren't enough.

I probably would say I regret it not getting to know someone m because because I overlooked, I was looking at the wrong things at the time, Like you notice now I don't look at what I'm attracted to first.

Hm hmm.

So yeah, I would say I.

Have We're gonna talk when we get off the podcast.

I'm trying to see who you're talking.

Why see who you at.

That you knows.

And you're gonna tell me I'm you know, you know, girl?

Shut up?

Cause someone who doesn't need your physical type become your favorite partner.

Yeah, yeah, that's the situation now, Like I feel like the person who I'm talking to now, he could be my favorite party.

She's gushing, I like this ship.

This might be the third time shooting brought him up.

Let me, let's change Let's I don't want to change the subject because you was just like, I mean.

If I ever meet somebody and I'm sitting there looking at you, but you met somebody, but it's okay.

But let's say now we're in a space where.

Look look at like this Portia.

I got that car?

He was like.

In that accent, don't you now hold up.

I didn't even it would take accent.

Don't get too much single, He'll say.

So he straightened you.

But look at you over there, you got your chin.

I was like, it wasn't like that.

It wasn't like that.

I would say, last stomach and feet you over there, Yeah, because I just feel.

Like the guy.

Stomach and look with the court with the corner around.

Uh.

I love him.

We've crossed the threshold.

You see, you see how things are progressing.

I like this.

Listen, I'm in the ghetto.

I told Lex, I said, I'll be back living a good life in a few more days.

It's so funny because I'm being a peasant right now.

I have to drive for myself, I have to cook for myself.

Should that is not being a peasant.

I've been a peasant right now.

I missed the good life, the good life.

I need to do anything.

I had a call button chef, can you make me this?

Can?

I don't give the people all the team supposed to give.

Right now?

The chat, Oh my goodness, y'all are hilarious.

He's planning on find who that man is.

Oh, they'll never find it, anybody, anybody.

Mm hmmm.