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Your life has been lifing.

I'm always really careful to say that, though it.

Doesn't mean it's bad lifing though sometimes right, but somebody always got it worse.

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day.

Someone always got it better too.

Somebody does always got it better.

And your path is your path.

Some friends of mine had a little miscommunication and both of them have came to me separately about it, and I realized they both got a lot of shit going on, and each side didn't realize how much the other side had going on.

And I just was like, you know what, every single person has shit going on, and sometimes you in turn like, damn, they're my friend, they should know, Oh I need them in this time, or you're thinking that way, so you feel about about your friend, or everybody got shit.

Everybody got they're battling right now, and so I don't know what the fucking point of this was, but like, life be lifing, and why you don't say yeah, life with life, because then all right, so then I'll have like a bad day or a bad week.

But then one of my friends is like, damn they going through That makes your problem not seeing that big, And number one, it makes your problem not seem that big.

And then number two it's like I wasn't even thinking about what they were experiencing.

Right now, let me shift my energy a little bit.

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Terms apply, and sometimes that helps right the fastest way to solve your own problems, Like if you're in a rut, I always remember this if like I'm in a rut or I'm gonna woe is me, or a sad place or whatever.

The quickest way to make yourself feel better is to do something for somebody else.

It's like a quick fit.

It's almost like a cheat code, like if you're damn, I can't figure this out, Damn, I can't believe this happened.

Damn me me, me, me, me, me, my, my, shit my this.

The fastest way to make yourself feel better is to do something for somebody else.

It's it's not the all ending.

You still have to get back to yourself and heal whatever's going on.

But if you're just looking for a way to cheat that quickly relief.

Quickly relief is to do something for somebody else put you in a better place.

I gotta be careful with that type, though, because then I'll just only do stuff for anybody.

I cannot do that.

No, No, that's not good.

Then I'm like, hmm, where's me?

What about me?

No, don't do that.

That's only the extremes are never good.

Yeah.

Yeah, you can't be about everybody else, and you can't be all about yourself all the time.

There's got to be like a mid, a mid and how do we get to this?

This just came out of nowhere.

This is in real life, happening, real life, in real time.

That's how life is lifing.

Life is fully lifing.

We've had some really good episodes recently.

I really liked Leslie Jones.

Leslie Jones.

We haven't regrouped since then.

First of all, she gave me like a whole fortune tele reading an episode.

If you haven't watched it yet, please go watch it.

Well.

Also, she was talking about her brother.

You know, her brother had passed and they were beefing before he died, and she never really got to fix that, and he called her.

She didn't answer.

I wish I had answered the phone.

You didn't answer?

Were you somebody that screens a lot?

Because I did that?

It was how bad each other?

He was doing some dumb shit anyway, and I didn't feel like I was making a lot ofy ticket in Atlanta, and I didn't feel like answered.

I was like just whatever, because he had already did something and somebody had said he was in the hospital.

But I was like, Oh, he's fine, I'll talk to him later.

That's the way.

Oh that's tough.

How do you make peace with that?

How do you make peace with that?

Yeah, you continue to tell yourself.

Fuck you know, tell people to fucking love their people while they're here.

If your loved one is you, if you mad at your mama, unless your mama abused you or did something fucking offul go make up with your mama.

If your daddy is still here and you he ain't, like, go make up with people.

Stop that shit.

It's too year.

I promise they gone in a fucking minute.

And ain't nothing worse than the people that's close to you dying and them not knowing that you loved him.

She was telling everybody like, and we've heard this before, like you never know when somebody's life is going to be changed over you can or the removed.

Everybody has an expiration date, and you just never know when people's expiration date is, so if you can, you know.

It's funny because some of the comments I saw people said, no, thank you, not when they're toxic, not when they're this.

I mean yeah, but she said that too.

I said that.

She was like, I'm not saying if somebody abuses you, you should make right with them, but if there are things that you can kind of let go, that's the best to do it, because she has a lot of regret about not being right with her brother when he passed.

And I know.

So it's a lot of death lately too.

This week.

We just lost di'angelo recently.

I was having a conversation about that yesterday, and I find it really interesting how there's certain people that when they die, it just hits different Yeah right, yeah, yeah, And it don't even be the people necessarily that you're the closest with.

Sometimes people die and then you're like, yo, I really I really like them.

Well they really mattered to me, and you don't really process it until they're gone.

Some people you do something you don't.

But there's certain individuals like D'Angelo just passed, and I'm seeing people talk about his music and how much it meant, And I don't remember seeing people talk about DiAngelo that much before.

For the same thing happened when Nipsey Hustle.

When nip died, everybody was affected by his life so deeply.

People got to learn who he was more.

I think there's certain people that after they die you kind of realize the impact that they have on you.

Like we just saw that with the Angel.

It's funny because we're Prodigy.

Shout out to Mob Deep.

They just put an album out where Prodigy died and Prodigy we weren't like we didn't go No, we didn't go to them all together.

We was always cool.

We had interviewed him a bunch of times.

He always showed love.

He hopped one of my albums back in the day, like show love cool, but like we weren't besties.

But something about when he died it really hit me hard, and I realized not only that I was sad personally because somebody I knew was always cool.

I respected him as an artist, it was also what he represented.

He represented an era, a time, a music, a purity about that craft, you know what I'm saying.

And it's like he represented something bigger than just his personality or his specific contributions.

What he represented I almost felt was gone when he left.

So it's like you don't really realize people's impact until they're gone.

Has it never happened to you or you haven't, you haven't had that much experience with death.

I'm actually terrified of when because I know, like as you're getting older, like it's gonna come, and we talk about that stuff.

Like that so much on this pod, I haven't even wrapped my brain.

Around like how I'm gonna respond.

Yeah, it's hard, But have you not known anybody who died you had?

I have, but not someone who's like had such an emotional impact on me.

Like in high school we've had I've had like a friend of a friend that.

Passed or Clark.

We went through Clark.

You got to know Clark?

Well, yeah I did.

That one was tough, but even still like I got to know him for a short period of time.

But also sometimes some people represent something in your life, like I have to talk about Prodigy represented this part of him pop culture, or like even how Nip probably really represented something to people.

And I feel like D'Angelo represented a music a shift in music, and you know what I mean, what were you gonna say?

This one is not as nearly as like important as someone who's so big to the culture.

But like the first time someone passed was it was like my first boyfriend.

This sounds so to me, this sounds so low like silly, but it was my first boyfriend.

And I remember he was like into skateboarding and hip hop and he was like the first person that kind of like put me onto a mob deep or like taught me what like old school hip hop was.

And I remember just thinking he was so the cool cool, No, he was the coolest person ever.

He put me onto like Nike as B's like I literally was like a lot of his A lot of my current day interests started with him.

And then even after we broke up.

I remember when I was in college, the last year of my college year, he he passed away, and I remember being so I was really hurt by it, to the point where I had dreams about Him'm like, I haven't talked to this guy in years.

Why am I having dreams about him?

But then it brought me back to like all the things.

That's the piece of your child like young adulthood.

Yes, yes, but also like no, it's a perfect example kind of how it helped mold my character to look at the stuff I'm interested in.

Now what I'm doing.

And I always used to hold his opinion so highly when it came to like music, culture.

And fashion and things.

And I remember when I was leaving from school, I was trying to decide what path for my career I was going to take, and I had a dream with him where he was like, just do the thing you always talked about doing, and that's actually what helped me move to New York.

That's interesting as you're saying that, I'm thinking, first of all, there's no different what you're talking about, what I'm saying about Prodigy or di'angelo or Nipsey Hustle.

It's the same thing.

It's like what somebody represents to you, it's even bigger.

It's not diminishing who they were or their personal connections, their family, but it's even bigger than that.

It's like how their life impacted you, uh in a way.

And so maybe that's a way how Leslie was saying to make peace with people or to appreciate people while they're here.

It's like maybe making note of that the people who have influenced you and in the ways that they have.

It might be a way to honor people in that way.

Like we don't always think about that, no, like how has that person changed my life?

Or how has this person being alive or doing that shifted my because even like my mother, right, so Diane Keaton just passed, right, my mom looks at her as, oh, my gosh, a peer you haven't met that lady, she'll know her, but to her, she's a woman that represents a time that is important.

To my mother, she's a woman, she's a woman who represents women operating at a high level with excellence and you know, talent and breaking through, you know, and just the eight at any age, showing it's okay to be fifty or sixty and have these big roles.

So I think that.

So that struck my mother.

Even when we were talking about the other she was getting emotional.

I was like, oh, what about Tyank?

How about Tyank Kingan who she never met?

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But it's just how how people's lives, you know, impact you and resonate with you in a certain way.

Man.

I hope our podcast at some point does that for somebody.

That would be amazing.

It's definitely done that.

I mean for me while we're in the room, all right, So for nobody else at least, sorry out no, no, no.

There are plenty of comments on.

People who have even with this new Voice memo segment that we have where someone someone called in, yes, well the one when someone called in for you know, we did the first one with Leslie and the young woman who was like you made me feel like it was okay to be an awkward black girl, Like.

She has no idea the impact she has on other black women who are going day to day with just how unapologetically she shows up as herself and I love her for that.

I know they mistreat you because they're on her mistreating us, Leslie, and you continue to go and that is the inspiration I took away from your book, from seeing you on TV, from watching your specials.

I love that you are so unapologetically yourself that it makes it the norm.

You're my aunt, You're my sister, You're my mom, And I feel that I can show up and continue to be myself unapoljectedly because you can either take me or you cannot.

I loved Leslie f n Jones her book.

I laughed and cried for seventeen hours straight.

Leslie Jones makes me feel like I can show up as myself unapologetically every day as she does, and I love her for that.

That's so sweet.

That's all I'm trying to do.

I'm trying to get the little girls that look like me.

That's dope that in itself.

Do we have a question today?

Yeah?

The question is this is our segment.

By the way, our boost mobile voice notes Tianjie.

I'm fifty years old and I just moved to a new city.

I just needed something new, so I decided to make a change.

But I'm having a hard time finding my community out here?

How do I make friends at this age?

You know what?

Shout out to Kalib because he really with no new friends, he like ruined people.

Oh, I felt cold on no new friends.

But it's also like you should always be making new friends.

We should always be by the way, thank you for your voice.

Note, Thank you so much.

What was her name by the way?

Rebecca?

Rebecca?

Thank you Rebecca for your voice.

Note listen, I'm I'm with call it in terms of like I don't need a whole bunch of new friends just to have new friends, like having a bunch of people around no thanks, are consistently seeking out, have new roundaries, protect your piece.

You don't need a bunch of motherfuckers arounds or whatever.

However, the right people wherever and your stage in your life's changed.

So like who lifts you up, who motivates you, who inspires you?

That may change.

You may need some new friends, You may need some new inspiration or like your situation, Rebecca, you're in a new city, You're gonna need people to show you around.

You're gonna need to see that place through their eyes.

So and it's an opportunity for you to make a new crew.

So what are you interested in?

And then go there and find those people like I like the golf.

I got a new batch of golf friends, and so many I have golf friends many and some of them are just there, like I see you at golf.

We golf, I don't ever talk to you again until the next time.

But while we're there, it's real, like our connection to what we're doing is real.

Then some of them even after, like hey, by the way, we were talking about this thing check out.

You know, like all of a sudden you become kind of cool.

But it opens the space for people that have similar interests.

So what are your interests?

So in the last episode we talked to Norri.

He's running now right, He's got the run club.

In this past episode with Norri, that's the thing for him.

After the New York City Marathon on November second, you are running it, I am running it.

Wow.

Second, I got my congratulations?

Is this are you announcing this now?

Is this the first time you're selling I said it.

But this is the first time I actually got the actual email from the news.

I want to say congratulations, sir, We'll see you there.

And they tell me that I'm gonna be in the VIP section with Copo Choby.

I don't know if you know what Coco Chobe is.

He's a Michael Jordan of running.

This is amazing Number number one, This is amazing.

Congratulations.

You deserve to have something that is not work related that you effort and you commit yourself too, because it really, like I don't know, it fills you up right in a different type of way and it makes you better in your work.

You're gonna kill this.

By the way, you got to find like mind of you.

You got to find other runners to show you where the paths are, the races are, to talk about man does your toe her whatever it is to have the experience with you.

And so I think you have to start there right.

Go whatever you think at list your five things that you like to do or that you want to be happening in your life.

I decided a couple of years ago I wanted to shoot a short film.

I made some friends that are not that many, but a couple that actually helped me, gave me great information.

Shout out to you, Shout out to Stephen, Bernie to Peck, Shout out to Pack also coming into space using resources.

It's like surround yourself with people that help you to kind of develop.

And it doesn't have to be false like I need this, so I'm gonna get, you know, because that's the difference some people just take from people to help them get The connection has to be genuine.

It's not don't be an opportunist and it's for networking or anything like that, but just genuinely connecting with people on something that you genuinely both have interest in.

And that's a great way to start new friendships.

And it's an opportunity for you to start something new.

You're in a new city, figure out what you want the next three to five years of your life to look like, and then go to the places where those people work, live, shop, go to church, work out, and put yourself in that mix, and I think you'll find like minded people there.

I think Rebecca's halfway there, because you have to open up yourself up and be vulnerable to a certain degree to like make new friends.

So being honest with yourself like I want new friends is like.

How comfortable it's vulnerable, Especially at the age of fifty, you think, like, you know, which we get friends?

You don't have no friends?

Yeah, like what you been doing this whole time, girl, But some you know things, whatever things happen, life happens.

That's one part of it.

And then another part of it is too Like there's this thing that I saw this clip.

Actually, my friend was on another podcast that she was talking about how people are lacking in community because they put up too many boundaries.

Oh I'm too tired, I need this time to myself.

Oh I don't want to go to that baby shower.

I don't want to because I need to go do my own thing.

And it's like, also be aware that it takes real effort.

Don't close yourself up.

Yes, it takes real effort.

You might be too tired to go to the housewarming event or whatever, but you got to get up and show up because that's how you build community.

And you know, I think there are different types of friendships mm hmm.

There are friendships like that I have with Nikki that we've been friends since we're eight years old, and then if I'm in a project and I don't talk to her barely all month, I love those.

Those are great friendships to have and mostly not everyone's gonna be like that.

They're lifelong friendships and lucky you if you have one, wow, if you have two or three, like that is like the blessing from wherever.

But that doesn't have to be your only type of friendship.

You can have cobby friendships, you can have mom friends.

You can have workout buddies or work friends people work friends or season friends.

If you're in a season of healing, if you're going through a divorce, you might want to you might want to talk to other people that have been through that shit.

Yeah, that's what support groups are all about, is like finding those kind of people.

And so you know, maybe you're these friends will just be your season friends while you're living in this city, and that's totally cool, and maybe one of them will stick and you'll be friends with twenty thirty years, which is what I hope for Rebecca.

But yeah, like Brittany said, you gotta be open to shit.

Great and thank you to Boo's Mobile.

That was our voice note, by the way, our new voice note segment.

How do people put those in?

How do they?

Where they go?

They go to Andrew Martinez Iro Instagram or you can send us a direct voice note there and.

If oh DM, yep, yeah DM, Your voice notes great to Andrew Martinez Iral and we look for them through there questions, comments, concerns, no hate, but like critique is fine.

I'm cool with that.

It's respectful.

Don't be crazy block you or suggestions you want to.

I like suggestions.

See this guest, ask this guest this question.

Yeah, for sure, that type of thing.

Anyway, Thanks for watching.

Check out the Leslie Jones episode.

The Noriy episode, uh Nori was great.

It was great.

A couple of things real quick about nor number one.

Find you a hobby, It changed change your life at whatever age, something that you just love.

Find it, look, keep looking for it.

You might not find it year one, but you got to try different ship till you find your thing you love working out.

It's amazing to me that you found that, but find the thing you know, and Norrie talks a lot about that in the episode, and he also talks about out, which we didn't even get into, being a loyal husband, A loyal husband, my fave, and how that has shaped his life as of recent since they've been married.

Even some certain rappers like I hang out with I do judge you if you're not loyal to your to your lady and It's not about like me knowing her and you introducing me to her.

It's about you actually that because you're not actually cheating on her, you're cheating on yourself.

Like you know what I'm saying.

If you can lay down and you can disrespect a lady that you lay down with, who fees your kids, who wakes you up.

In the morning, and then what you're gonna do, You're gonna cheat me?

Like shit, Yeah, how the fuck can I be worth something to you if the person that's worth the closest to you you have no respect for?

So I do judge people by that, you know what I mean?

Two things to learn from now what you would expect from the drink Champ that those would be the two things that were like the standout moments of our conversation.

That it would be about being a loyal husband and finding your thing that's not work, that's joy, that's peace.

That's like, you know, finding your hobby or your passion.

Anyway, no episode Leslie Jones episode subscribe like tell a friend, leave a voice note and thanks for watching.

Hey guys, thanks for watching.

Make sure you subscribe, like comments and check out all of the other episodes we Have on Edge Martinez I r OL podcast