Hi, I'm kp er Lan, I'm Jacqueline Novaka, And this.

Is poog, an ongoing conversation about wellness between two obsessive.

Friends, two untamable intellects.

This is our hobby, this is our hell, This is.

Our naked desire for free products.

This is poog.

Today's topics, loosely.

Speaking, God, the angels, the gods.

Hi all, you might notice some microphone issues this week.

We are aware of them, but we are working on it.

Thank you, and you're welcome.

See this?

Oh yeah, did you get this?

Yeah?

I was like, that's how you do it, that's how you gorgeous box.

It's this huge ribbon on it.

It's so pretty.

I know the news that it's all blush.

It's almost and it's so pigmented.

It's well in sane.

I tried it literally yesterday.

I went like, put a drop and I was like, well, it's literally acrylic paint.

Yes, I just pulled the one out.

I was like, oh, maybe gift.

Okay, see you're the speed of you, right, and I think this can go in because because first of all, a lot of people are desperate for a high pigment product.

Okay, I'm just trying.

It right now.

But I will say I do want some of their other products, and I'm gonna want them to Okay, like.

No, no, we need the whole line.

I do want the whole line.

But look, I just put it.

I just put on my lip and my cheek with just fingers.

You look pretty.

Bad.

Actually, I saw a picture.

What's that poppy?

Just for the curious.

She has a gorgeous say, say, how do you say?

Oh?

Yeah, we never said the words.

That's funny.

We hadn't said yet.

I do believe my microphone will fall at some point during this.

I saw a picture of myself earlier that I took on my phone.

Yeah, and I saw eleven's bursting forth in a way that I and I go, is it powder?

Is it treating into the face?

Yeah?

Treating into the face.

And that's the thing with elevens or wrinkles, And again we're embracing mancos.

But the elevens, I go, you can kind of erase them week to week.

I go, you have elevens and the next week they're gone.

Literally, But it's like one week you're gorgeous, the next week you're hideous, one week you're you know, like everything can change.

I do believe elevens if three days on someone's botox is okay, Because I was telling a friend.

Like I was begging her not to get you bow talk.

Bowtoxs for the elevens just because I was like, you'll never believe it, Like if you start that now, you'll never believe the truth that.

Like you can erase them to the guashaw.

And stop fucking firing that furrowing brow.

Just stop doing it and it will go away.

So yeah, Like and they're like saying, like, oh, after three days, like doctor said, it'll take a couple of days to notice.

And it's like, so what they're saying is that literally a couple of days of not using that muscle.

Oh shit, you see what I'm saying.

Well, you're a genius.

I never thought of it that way.

Fuck and so versus a magic potion.

Right, It's literally so I feel like it's one of the easiest things to get rid of.

I mean, it's like if I'm mount in the sun and you're squinting, squinting it like swinting, like like I'll be like, it's like there's the wrinkle.

You age age seven years and forty five minutes.

Yeah, yeah, but you just work it out, just.

Don't do it.

Yeah, and then yeah, the guausha of it all absolutely absolutely there she is drinking the celsius.

I've been so dehydrated.

My water consumption has plummeted.

I've never been more dehydrated.

I think the water was on a road trip.

And you can't water on a road trip unless you want to piss every twenty two minutes.

And so interesting, massive dehydration.

That's very interesting.

I've never been someone that considers, oh, I'll have to pee.

I don't do that.

I just you just hold it.

I live.

I don't.

Yeah, I don't know.

I just I feel like you hold a massively hydrating Yeah, like.

I mean, I have to myself.

How often are you trying not to stop?

Try?

Think it actually be stopping?

Like every twenty minutes?

Oh if I'm drinking water in a real way, Yeah, I am pissing.

How small is that blackder?

I wondered, Okay, well, I guess what's been going on over here, waking up on the night to pee now for weeks?

No, Yeah, talk me through it, because I because at first I went, oh, is that I've been having I don't want to say poor sleep, but you know that I pribly myself on going to sleep, sleeping ten hours dead, dead to sleep, waking up, greeting the day.

I've been having some some a little bit of tossing a little bit of turning, peeing in the night, okaya.

And tossing and turning, like being like, what's going on?

Roll over?

Yeah, having a couple.

Well, I had.

By the way, you'll love this lucid dreams.

This is huge, Jacqueline.

I may have seen my first ghost.

Eck excuse me, Okay, so listen to this.

I'm gonna give it to you here, I am.

I'm gonna set to see.

I'm in an old hotel near the Grand Canyon.

What.

Yeah, listen to this.

On your road trip.

On the road trip, about your road trip, all right, but anyway, we'll talk about that.

I wake up.

I think fishy is going on.

So imagine this dead of night, eyes boom, open my eyes, just jut awake.

And I knew I was aware.

I'm in the hotel room.

I knew exactly where I was, so I was like, I'm awake, okay, and I saw this woman.

Are you freaking serious?

I already know it's a ghost.

Okay, I don't know.

I don't mean by you.

I don't mean by you, just like.

Well because here so I've never seen a Ghost've always said hey, love you, I don't want to see you.

I'm not open to it.

I thought if I ever saw a ghosts, my life would be over.

I'd be too scared to continue.

Wait, so when you go into an old space, you preload with that sentiment.

Oh yeah, if I'm going to place always haunted, I go not open to it.

And I just feel like also just psychically, like I just internally I'm just like, don't show me.

I don't want to see you, like I wish you well and I'm you know, but don't I'm not I'm not open to it.

The assumption I can read minds is a big one.

No, no, because I've thought about this because I think I think that is like like I'm not even saying it's wrong.

I think there's a belief read minds.

One thing's like I think some of them could.

Okay, I think I can.

Right, Oh yeah, god, the guides can.

Huge question.

You don't have to speak it out that.

A common ghost.

No, but I'm saying but a common ghost.

I'm not so sure.

Well, I don't think it got through because I I wasn't even be thinking about ghosts and then.

But here's what was so strange about it.

I always thought something like that happened, I'd be terrified, no fear.

No fear.

So here's what happened coming back, eyes opened.

Picture this picture if you're very have we talked about that on the show.

Okay, So wait, So I go from dead asleep, imagine this, eyes open, just boom, I see a woman and it wasn't a full body though, this is why was it a dream?

But it wasn't a dream I saw, but she was very clear.

I didn't know her.

I'd say woman, blonde, woman, her mid fifties, smiling in a really nice way, like a smile body.

I mean, what not full body?

I'd say, waste up like it was more like a bustunds like a spirit to me, Wait, are you serious?

It was not just a full body.

I don't know about this stuff.

So I saw her and she was it was really nice, and she smiled at me this big kind of toothy.

Not in a scary way though, like that almost sounds scary like a ghost.

Smile at you like it felt.

It felt like really benevolent, it felt really positive.

I wasn't scared, but I was jolted like enough where I got the adrenaline of like, well yeah, or just like and then I was able to fall asleep.

Okay, what so you you thought, Okay, that's a ghost, and then decided to go to sleep.

It was enough that I was again awake, I'm in the room.

Whoa Okay.

But then it was kind of this in between right state where I just closed my eyes and I was like all right, and then I but I woke up and instantly thought about it.

Okay, hold on, so let me just think for a minute, because I have questions.

I didn't know that a bust, that a ghost could be just a bust, kind of a floating bust.

You're seeing any of my work?

Okay, okay, this is a huge part.

Yeah.

Sure it wasn't an orb.

She was she was a woman, she was broad, she was a no.

I know, I mean, I'm joking.

I'm joking, but but I mean, well, for what.

Did it happen?

Did I see as did it happen?

I think it might happen now now, But there's a couple of questions.

So during checkout where you asked the question of the owner didn't check out, just left.

Well, I don't check out either, but I actually think only a fool checks out until.

I'm pointed out.

That's how you check You check the receipt for where they like charged you for valet parking, and.

You right you go.

Actually I didn't get twice.

I got it once.

Yeah, you wish I got it twice.

Usually I did get it twice, but.

I like it.

Can I do it again for dinner before I leave?

How many more times can I have this experience before I leave?

Okay?

Wait, so I watched a couple of hours of Shark Days.

Okay, keep going in the hotel?

Yeah, raw to the dome?

Yeah yeah, commercials, I think commercials.

I mean it is crazy.

I've talked like raw commercials, just prescription drugs, candy, Yeah, injuries.

I don't know, it's crazy on there.

But wait, so checking out, I didn't say, hey, is there any ghost activity?

What about Google?

Did you google anything?

No?

Okay?

Interesting like Google the hotel name plus the word haunted.

Oh, okay, it's definitely an old It's one of those situations where it's like an old motel that they kind of like spiffed up a little guy.

Yeah, yeah, but not even it's very it was very ethnically Okay.

It wasn't a reconditioning.

It wasn't a fancy spot.

Very limited options in the Grand Canyon, right.

But did you read some reviews to arrive at that choice?

You must have it.

It's complicated.

No, this was kind of a last minute.

It was one night, only one night.

This wasn't like yeah, and you were probably focused more on cheapness.

Yeah.

I love to ye pinched a penny because I went big in Sidona.

Yeah, right, Okay, I need to get just the Dona.

The jealousy, Okay, don't be jealous because literally, watch Shark Tank.

It wasn't like a It wasn't like at the Vortex, well the whole it was healing.

Okay, this is interesting.

You go to Sodona, right, healing city about the vortex.

Go.

Sure, we went on a hike, but I wasn't engaging with the mystical properties of the Dona.

But I was watching.

So you do reap the benefits of Sedona, even getting room service, watching Shark Tank, just in the hotel room blind shut, curtains closed, not even looking at the view.

Yes, yeah, I mean a vortex.

Isn't a vortex if it's not big enough to permeate a hotel room?

Am I right?

Jacqueline?

Other huge news.

That's what was listened to and completed on the car ride eight D two point zero.

Oh my god, I'm fully I can't find the app that I read the half chapter in visually.

It's Madden by the way, I thought about you.

There's stuff that's you.

There' stuff that's me.

There's stuff that's us.

Oh wait, there's stuff for you.

Like Jacqueline, You're like you're like, you're like, you know, Jacqueline as that anoxious quality.

I don't obnoxious.

Just I don't know.

I'm just joking.

I just don't know.

But but but but but really yeah.

What do I what like hyper focused stuff?

Talk about my email face?

Perhaps it was like face going into freakish.

I don't by I don't know.

This is too close to the bone for air.

But this is but I think that you'll be this is fine and we can always cut it or whatever.

But this is your face is drapped.

It's nothing bad.

It's just like but I think that you would openly identify as this.

They talked about rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

M are you aware of this?

Not really, but let's hear it.

Well, that's kind of it.

But it's just like, because I know you as many of us, I.

Don't as many of us, don't stoppen it.

Just give it to me people, But no, because I think people hate me.

You've said this, which I don't see myself as.

No, I don't think that.

No, no, no, no, no, that's what it is.

Okay, But but but you have you have sometimes, like you know, kind of a comment that is bigly critical about poog or something.

You're like, well, I'm not, we're not anymore so, but that's what it's about.

Yeah, I think it's called rejection sense of dysmorphia or dysphoria dysphoria, and it's about like, yeah, there was fear of or like small criticisms, like totally being or you know, like anticipating criticism even if you don't receive it, and that kind of like shutting it down.

Yeah, totally, oh.

God, yeah, yeah, you think it's the add.

It's a major ADHD thing I think.

And then I think I read about that.

But anytime there's anything about odd enough to depression like or to whatever, like anything that goes like that, that sounds like it could be a symptom of like anything.

Yeah, I almost sort.

Of like don't really like take it as like that's my add because like sometimes there do you know what I mean?

Like it's almost like that's like such a massive cornerstone of you know, like every mental health problem of course in my mind like rejection, dysphoria or something.

Right, Yeah, just sounds totally but it's nice to hear it all fitting.

I thought it was interesting.

And then the thing that I'm feeling the most is like the by the.

Way, my at the I mean obviously a symptom of I mean of the.

Face dropping before anything has been anything has been said about me, Okay, go on.

But also what it talked about is the irritability which I feel for myself.

The like, yeah, the rage.

Like for example, this happened.

I woke up in the middle of the night.

I was like, is this my life now?

I just can't sleep through the night, like what's going on?

And then I fell back asleep and then it was like the early light came in was hitting my eyes and I was like, I need my my jazzy i'm ask went over, anger surging through my body, like feeling like wrong, fury, yeah, like this fury of like couldn't you know?

It was like feeling around for the imask.

Ripped apart my suitcase.

I mean I took everything that was in the suitcase and I jumped it on the floor.

I did kind of almost like a childlike like where is it?

And I wasn't screaming.

I was being silent, but I just was like and I was like, well, guess what.

It's all coming out of the suitcase.

So I emptied out the entire contents of my suitcase.

Suitcase and really, because I was to leave the next morning, emptied the contents onto the ground, every.

Prepacked to head out.

This was not just an right okay, so I'll make.

This was this is pre packed to leave the hotel the next day.

Emptied and this is no exaggeration, the entire contents onto the ground to search for the imask.

And I had so much anger as it was happening, and it's kind of like like I just and I found it.

That's fine.

We'll go up happy everything's fine, but like those moments where it's like and that's when I degrade myself or I'll you know, use violent words about myself.

Yeah, but about about the like misplacing of the mask kind of like just basic.

Yeah yeah, or just like when like for example, I mean this is hysterical.

You know how maybe you've heard me talk about how I need to mog check.

So okay, my.

Car, I don't know if I've heard about that.

So my car, the registration expired in July.

It is currently late feb.

I think I remember.

It's all discussing like the fact that we're all expected to remember them.

That's at oil and all.

This sideel like we discussed that many months ago.

And then okay, so okay, so listen to this.

Wait what was it caused by?

Oh wait, I'm losing it.

I'm losing it.

I had a day of huge euphoria because I checked things off my I was being productive.

I was going to get my car.

So then the mob check, got the oil check, got the window.

Remember that the windshield wipers replaced.

It was a day of euphoria.

Imagine this eight o'clock at night or six point thirty at night, why is that important?

That's a detail doesn't need to be said.

The point was this later in the day, the same misty I need it.

I well, well, listen to this.

I order vintage clothes from the Real Real the website often, and I often buy things that returnable.

You must be doing well.

Eighty three dollars paid.

Okay, there's theater does not pay?

Is I devastated to realize, awake of the night doing the numbers, going wow, okay, so welcome to you.

It's crazy.

Do people know people need to know we need to go come up?

They literally people have reached out thinking that they think, then you get the ticket money that you pocket it.

You don't.

And that's actually education.

You know what I want to do, audience education.

Yeah, we don't get the money.

Just to be a bunch of clear and God bless we're doing theater because we're trying to save culture.

But we don't get the money.

And then also, I actually want to say this formally, if you.

Buy a ticket because we get the money and by but it's not like but you you wouldn't imagine percentage.

You be shocked?

Do you be absolutely shocked?

You be absolutely shocked.

So, but but but do it, please please please, we have to you know, we have to do this.

We have to continue to have life experiences as we become more and more disembodied every day.

It's actually gonna and I'd love to say about this, so it's all coming back around to lie and by the way, because it's like one of the only opportunities.

I've never been more radicalized by the theater and I and you know, fuck the money obviously, but it's like it's it's actually completely essential.

And I mean, I mean ticket prices will raise when when it has value.

You again, at least they're sad.

But but why you have cheap.

They'll drop, ticket prices will drop, people will be able to come.

That's why so much theater is unwatchable exactly because who the fuck can afford this ship?

I mean, it's insane, right, So the ticket.

Prices need to rise.

Like I confused, Okay.

I don't understand.

No, no, there's no value.

It's one of the only it's one of the only places God still exists.

I mean, my god, way, I forgot what I was saying entirely.

I'll bring you back.

I'm sorry.

I was onto some theater so so so I'll tell you.

I'll tell it was the real real, It was, the real real it was the return wasn't the something else?

Okay, but you were staring address arrives.

Okay.

I tried it on.

Hit it.

I'm leaving the next day.

I look at my phone.

I go, this is the kind of thing that ordinarily would crush me.

Right the return window I have one day.

I'm leaving the next day.

If I don't return it today, I'm going to pass the return window by a time I get back from the trip, and I will have just paid for the stress that I don't like.

Wait, instead of sinking to the floor crying.

Yeah, because, by the way, I could sink to the floor crying right now for a thing I shelled out for before a wedding and desperation several hundred dollars.

I think, I remember I have a dress me you remember she get my pictures.

Yeah, it's hanging in the real real bag, unworn.

And I was like, I gotta return it, like like the day after I bought it.

I was like, this was a wild mistake.

Anyway, the returns crushed So so I didn't sink to the floor, I said, and then okay, here's another obstacle.

The post office place where I go was closing in twenty minutes.

I go, you're getting in the car.

You're going to return it.

I printed the label at home.

Can you imagine the strength.

By the way, that is one of the greatest when you actually succeed it and printing and it's coming out and it's warm in the hand.

The fact that the printer because I thought, I thought, well, I'm going to get the exclamation market it's not going to be connected, and then I'm gonna hurl the printer out my front door.

I mean, I thought, yeah, it connected, the printing.

The returning a red red exclamation.

The bouncing when it's bouncing at the bottom, bounce up and the window.

Mac thought apple, they thought the bouncing, there's a word for it.

The bouncing thing would be you know like oh then we would yeah, like the pin wheel.

Oh god, the pin wheel, the beautiful sign of death.

Yeah.

So I I go it prints, I get in the car, I'm driving there.

I feel like I feel like a mom of four.

Okay, yeah, I get there, return it.

It was so it felt so easy, and I said to the guy, go, that's it.

He goes, that's it.

Oh, and I just hand it in the label.

You didn't even have to.

No.

No.

I came in with the package with the dress and the thing the label, and I go, oh, oh do I need to because I didn't have you know, I was like, oh, would you mind taping that for me?

He goes, oh, that's what I'm asking about.

Oh, it's already, it's already the real, real thing.

It's like a reusable envelope.

There's already a thing that you pull in it self tapes.

And he did that in front of me, and I go, you're kidding.

He goes yep.

I go, that's magic, and he you know, laughs a little.

I go, that's it.

He goes, yeah, that's it.

And then then I thought part of community, and I go and I go, god, I caught you cut you right through before you close.

Two minutes to go.

We we are worth smiling, we're laughing.

I am cartwheeling out of there.

I get in the car, euphoria.

I feel like I've made money, you know, even though I actually lost.

For here is this is triggering something.

This is triggering some kind of memory for me, and I'm trying to think about what it was like a feeling, well there was there would be okay, you would literally crumble, rage and then I don't know what you'd do, Okay if you experienced what I am going through right now with I don't mean to say you'd crumble and rage, like you know, I mean only to say it is so fucked up, okay, like the way you know when you're like my eyes are glazing over, like I'm gone right, like about complexity of some some specific thing that's uninteresting.

Lob check anything.

Yeah, okay.

I've been paying out of pocket for will buttrit okay, several days, okay, a couple of pills at a time, going like, hey, did the insurance go through it kind of thing?

Okay, explain the details of prior authorizations and you got to call the doctor to call the pharmacist who will trigger the thing that will send it to the insurance.

I really, I really understand with my migraine medicine, it's it's, it's, it's.

And and my whole thing comes down to like trying to prescribe my dog, trying to keep me on brand, okay instead of.

Going to the generic right because like I had.

A problem with it, many years ago, and she has to write in the authorization note like or she has to write in the thing to the insurance.

And she said, lack of efficacy of the medicine is not covered as an excuse for why you're allowed to use the other thing.

What if the medicine doesn't work, you have to say you have like allergic, like negative symptoms in reaction.

Unbelievable whatever.

So you know, the.

Healthcare whatever, it's fucked.

But I'm I'm in this zone of showing up and it's sort of like everybody's doing the best they can.

It's one of these things where like everyone's doing the best they can and there still are no answers.

Now I'm ordering it from Canada.

The strength to google, like how to get it from Canada?

And it was a strength I was unable to achieve myself.

Chris edit, he googled it.

Well like grumpy got in the shower with a bowl of chili.

Okay, yeah, I was thinking about you.

I was like, chili in the shower, This could this because it was I cook it up and I go, I'm color hold.

I had a chill in my bones.

Yeah, I make a little heat up a little chili in one of those gorgeous bowls from W and P Porter whatever.

Okay, the silicone covering to deck the hand.

Yeah, and I'm like, i'mna run the shower now.

And then I'm like, I'm actually gonna get in the shower now, and I finish the chili like like I rested on the side of the thing.

I can't tell you what it does for me when I'm in that particular kind of mood, this sort of to just be in appropriately eating in the shower is.

Yeah, I want to try it.

I want to try it out because I've never eaten in the bath.

It doesn't sound good inherently, but but I mean, I guess it does, and then it doesn't.

It's not my instinct when running a bath.

It's not like, oh, I need a bowl of berries there or something that they sometimes show in these by the way, not to scale.

I'm really tired of online or on Amazon.

Okay, they're showing up a product how it's fully not to scale and it's obvious, like so they've just put a woman like they've floated the image of a woman under like bathtubtray.

They're smelling you and there's like a huge bowl of berries.

It's like the size for her head the berry.

You know, it's like and how are you supposed to tell anything?

Anyway?

I'm always looking at those every like twelve month there I go looking for a bathtub tray where I'm going to live out my life in the tub.

Hmmmm hmmm.

Do you have a tray so I spend all the time in the bath?

Don't have a tray.

I don't think I'll ever have a tray.

I just long for one day home ownership and to have a separate bathtub.

And I dream of the side space.

Sorry, like a shelf, not shelf, you know what I'm saying.

Like a ledge, a huge protected ledge, huge onto which you can put candles.

Imagine the products.

Then you can have a candle.

Imagine without bottles falling in, the.

Clanging, falling, cascading.

Yeah, yeah, all of it.

I know.

Well, I've actually realized I can't be living like this.

I need a vanity.

I might need to downsize because I have, you know, an office in my home.

I have the room.

I'm like, yeah, downsize the desk, the office.

I'm actually might take a picture of it and post it on the on the gram because this makes me go, if you saw, if you open a d if you sought mental illness my office right now, it looks like it's not an office, and it's impossible.

It is every surface.

And also this is another eighty thing of anger.

Was looking for something about them in my purse, couldn't find it.

Yeah, I go went into the office, dumped it all out onto the floor, and it felt actually satisfying, much like a little child would feel satisfied.

Totally.

Yeah, turned it completely the context.

I don't have a big day bag, sweetheart.

I'm talking about a night evening bag.

I'm talking about a day bag.

Oh, I know.

You jumped it out and by the way, a toothpick case open, all the toothpicks scattered.

I go, good, you think I fucking care.

I'll walk on it till I bleed.

Yeah, fuck you.

Objects exactly flowing out, flowing out, still there.

That's maybe two and a half, if not three weeks ago.

I did that, and I've been stepping over it.

These are the darpor Is channels.

I can't blame these people who don't understand, who post things like, you know, like chaos in the office, and it's like literally the most like, it's nothing neatness I've ever seen in my life.

It's it's just it's okay, like people their lives are relative to themselves, you know, it's just like you know, not of what you speak.

I mean whatever.

It just I dropped the Starbucks.

I sent you a picture being witnessed.

Was the only it was.

I got a text some Jacqueline that said drop my box.

Yeah, Bux dropped my Bucks.

And it was a Star Wars emptied.

Out side down, just down it went.

I even it hits the ground and I go, and it's a d D because it's like I forget there's something in my hand.

I mean, it's it's constant, the dropping.

The I took a spill on an escalator trying to run back up it.

Wait you know, and he started going down.

Oh wait, I'm not We're not going down.

Someone realized, and then I go, I go, let's run it, okay, because I I've seen people do that.

It's late, okay, I was late, and I was like, I'm strong.

Yeah wait, yeah, that's not even the bruise.

I mean it is one of them.

Okay, that's not even it.

But you I want to tell all the hags.

Can you see it?

I see a big bruise on your like jam, that's one escalator.

Wow, Now I'm just.

Now you're just kind of showing like I gotta convince the people that's my neck.

Wait yeah the nice Boo video.

Do you think my necklox?

Uh?

Netflix Sinner case not up and down?

Yes?

Sorry?

Wait wait, you were talking about soaring doing tasks like a while ago, and I'm not done with it because I got excited and then just decided to tell you the post boring thing ever about the pharmacy.

But wait, but me leaving soaring from community but without the meds, like me leaving and like being like we left well, so like I got another couple of pills while I'm waiting and I'll never be refunded.

And it's hell okay, and I go America again and today object hell yeah, see you again.

In two days.

I had that experience with my pharmacist where I go.

Because again we've talked about this, I'm gonna get off of it.

These poor hags have heard this from any million times.

But it was like a thing of paying out of pocket.

I get the insurance, I got the coupon my medication that would be nine hundred dollars out of pocket.

I got down to two hundred and then actually to five dollars.

There's something happened to is like hysterical.

You mean that's what the insurance I.

Had to live?

The fuck?

This is where I go?

How did I do it?

Well, no, you can't, of course you can't have.

But it was like I found the coupon online.

I had to sign up for a coupon thing where for a year you get it, you know.

So I got it down because it did feel like that, yeah, care mark, No.

Plus, it's this whole other thing for a of aim of eggue.

The injection I used, got it to five dollars nine hundred to five, okay, And I was begging for free samples along the way to not to pay the nine hundred or the two hundred point is one time with the pharmacist, something happened where it was some freak thing where they didn't authorize it whatever, and he was like, for you to pick it up today.

It cost nine hundred and I said, but it's usually five dollars and then he said I know, and I said, it's so evil.

I said, this is just so evil, and he said, I know, Oh it is evil.

It is evil.

Imagine imagine that you're the person behind the desk.

I mean, I mean, what these people fucking go through.

A woman who's nine hundred and forty two hunched over, who has to write a check for fourteen ninety nine for I mean, it's just it's just whatever, it's it's just fucking hell so crazy.

Anyway, I am experimental.

A million times, but just the pharmacist me like like I don't know between some meds in New York and like I don't know two thousand and nine or something like being like and like I'm waiting in line.

It's like I'm like not in great shape, waiting in line to get like the prescription field.

And it's like really like just fourteenth Street CBS, Like that's a tough one.

And it's like the pharmacist sort of trudging around and just goes, I'm gonna freaking chill myself.

That's a classic.

That's amazing, amazing.

I beg Burrow for a couch.

It's time.

Burrow has been good to us.

Burrow gave me shelves that I fucking loved it, or in my office or fantastic.

You know who's also been good.

Address arrived page denim okay okay on a on a cycle.

They sent jeans.

I wore them.

Someone sent God them pushed through.

Someone said I actually want to post it on the ground because some company and forgetting it was a weird company.

God blessed, but they were like, well send you something went on the website.

There was some kind of like sexy, kind of sluggy like lingerie adjacent slip thing, and I went, I'll get it in a small right because it's just that it is for a eight year old.

It's for a thin eight year old.

I was like, it was like it was for a dog.

It like wasn't even curious.

It was shocking.

Was it for a dog?

Maybe it was for definitely wasn't for pets.

Definitely not for pet It wasn't.

Some confusion, and it was for an adult.

I could not believe.

Yeah, of course some companies they're small.

It's so small, like it's sure, but I was like small this is this would be a petite you would order this as like ultra petit.

It was shocking.

Anyway, almost attended the bad game.

I'll tell you I never knew you left.

Oh no, I'm still wearing.

It's time for reap.

Oh breaking mortar is dead.

I want to talk about it.

Actually, Oh well, people talk like, go on, I can you believe this, Jacqueline, I would say, about forty five minutes ago, I drove by your house.

Yeah, and I actually thought I call her and say, hey, but we can't record together because we don't have the equipment.

But I have too weird thing to drive by your house and I was driving home to record poog.

Yeah, half an hour from my home.

Interesting, right, I almost felt like deception, like totally yeah, it was like confused, I feel I was driving by her house.

I know, well, but I knew that if I called, it didn't make sense for me to because I had to go home because I was rushing home to make the record.

No, I get it.

Those those are a strange moment.

Yeah, that's a strange moment, driving by your home, rushing.

I haven't seen you in weeks.

In order to or to see you, I had to ignore.

So it's almost like you'd be making a bee line towards a friend at a party and then suddenly realized, like the quickest route to them is like around back and.

So yeah away and they go yeah, yeah, totally.

Well there is that thing where like if amongst a group of people, you see the person that you know and you go, oh, I can't get to the IM not going to say hi to them yet, but you've already sort of said hi to them in your mind, and then when you do start talking to them, you don't have the oh hi energy because it's like, yeah, thirty feet away, right, nine minutes?

Wait, wait, break, Okay, a couple of things.

I've been going into the Tracy Anderson studio and you know, I've I've been leaning on in person being I need a motivator.

Okay, I need to email these people because jacquline, I want a private I decided to shell out.

I go teach it to me.

Yes, remember last week I was like, you just click on it and then okay, we'll.

Figure it out and it will be tried.

I've uncovered a raw tomato allergy.

What are you fucking serious?

Finally a food sensitivity.

My mouth is torn into this.

I ate a raw tomato okay, the acidic.

So I've in the past been like, oh I woke up lacerations, sore, itching, kind of tingling, nothing terrible.

I took a benadol.

I was high in a really fun way.

It was easy because again it was a long car trip.

Partner take in the wheel.

I was like, you know, they've got it.

It's fine.

So I got to just kind of like be like laughing in the passenger seat.

But I was like quite stoned in a way that kind of I used to be afraid of ben agel because I don't like pills.

I don't like that feeling of like being such a seventies stone, like I just eighties.

I'm you.

I don't like pills like as though like Benadryl is inherently a pill like versus like because benadrula comes in liquid form, but the shape like it reminds.

Me guess what was in my book about ad They talked about literally subscribe, subscribing, prescribing drama mean to people with a d D because of inner ear like dizziness, balance, something about strengthening the ceahbellum that some people responded well to drama mean as an AD.

Like stomach just turned in a nod with the feeling of like no one listens, okay, because I've been talking about this for years.

Okay, seriously, not the drama means.

But I've been telling you, and it makes sense that it would be an HD two point oh okay, because I read in some obscure texts way back when I was like gonna heal my own brain and become a god, this whole thing about the cerebellum extra stuf okay, okay, in order to and that that because it was not the main theory.

It was not okay.

So basically, these balance exercises strengthen it, and crossing the line is the whole thing, you know, crossing the midline.

And then they do you do these and like balance boards, and so I would like I remember like in New York again, I remember like walking along on these getting a little balance, being working wherever.

I could and balancing.

That's truly what balance.

Oh wait, going into studio, I've been wearing my home unitards, my various and you know, I'm always trying to do a unitard round up.

I really like the one from What is It?

It's not as you like it, it's it's oh you are Emma, Emma are as I am.

It's something that like confusing, it's a it's a it's active, we're brand.

Remember I sent you that photo of me in that like insane little short romberd yes yes, and can't work out in it.

Whatever.

But there are other ones.

They're leggings and their long sleeve.

You can't work out because people don't come up to you and start railing you from behind.

I couldn't even work work out and it's safety at home.

Okay, no, but couldn't.

It wouldn't hold it wouldn't hold me in okay, like tits tits Okay, yeah.

Yeah, tit's an ass pouring out in all directions, like just it was.

Not for working out and whatever.

But their leggings were great whatever.

But then I go in, I sweat completely through everything.

So the heat in air, it's a complete sauna experience every time.

So you're getting like once a day sun.

Right.

The clothes are so after, but the light colored unitards are a problem.

Once you're sweating and you're doing these high splits, you can just see contours of everything.

It's like, you know, like that period where like Lulu Lemon was like it was like a whole thing about Little Lemon.

Oh kind of they were like, we won't, we won't you know, like there's an.

Issue that that everyone could see their like crouch like in class.

I've never been in that world.

So then, so whatever the point is dark units tarts, and then the other point is the supremacy of the free people.

I think it's the good karma Onesie Okay continues to to sort of soar in these classes, and it's interesting because it's one of my favorites and it's not perfect, but it's a cut above the rest okay, and so it's holding strong and my unitarn round up from last year, like goddamn free People.

So I decide I'm going to Free People late one night because I have a class next day and I want a fresh one.

I look it up.

I go.

There's no way anything's open.

I go maybe the mall.

Okay, I look it up up the mall Westfield Free People FP Movement store open till ten.

Okay, whoa O, Chris?

Can we go to the mall?

Good child?

Okay?

We go.

It's like nine fifteen.

I walk up.

Someone's in there, doors closed.

Okay.

I'm staring at I'm going, what the hell?

Every store in the small is supposed to be open till ten?

I start seeing that some are just boldly closing early.

I drove there, o, Kate, I got in a car.

I drove there, okay, and I believed, I believe knocked on the door the hours.

I stared the hours.

Okay, I just stared, and I didn't knock on the door in bag.

But I was irritated enough to walk twenty feet away and call the store.

I go, hey, you guys are open till ten.

Right.

It's a psychotic act up like of like you know, because what am I even doing?

But I needed to understand and it was sort of like, well, actually, like this location was very sort of questionable.

It was like we normally and I'm like, you know it sayn't one and they're like yeah.

So then I'm like, okay, wait, you didn't just like stand outside and wave and go oh can I come in?

No, because it was just done.

I could just see it was just over and.

You gotta let them close, then you gotta let them go home.

So then a week later I'd go to return from Harbards at the grove at that store.

In person return imaginable.

Okay, I go, let's know, I'll walk to the grove.

Will be fun.

You know, I go open till whatever, ten, nne whatever.

I show up within with thirty five minutes to spare.

Okay.

The point is it was half hour plus before closing time.

Same thing.

I knock, I see them, I knock.

I'm like okay, and they come over it and they go, we're doing inventory.

So we close early on this night to do inventory.

And I go return and he goes, I can take it for you and take your information and return it first thing in the morning.

And I go sure, okay, and Chris was like, you try.

I walked away with no bag.

He's like, you trust that.

I was like, fuck, I was like, I did trust it, and I've been burned that really, I've been burned.

And that was a specific scenario, but things like that where you just you just think it's gonna be fine, because how could it not be.

Then there's no evidence and there's no there's no whatever this is.

I'm sorry.

I'm like trying to trying to put you able to sleep, like actively you included.

Okay, but then okay, one more one more so then I decide I'm gonna hit a different Free People Movement store, okay, before class to try to get a fresh, a fresh unit Tard.

I go to the store.

I've studied the stuff online.

There's so many different unitors.

Okay, okay, okay, sorry, sorry, I'm walking up into a boulevard.

I know that the Free People Store does not contain the Free People Movement stuff anymore because it's its own store now.

But I go, holy shit, I see a Unitard in the window.

I go, oh my god, I think they got it.

They got it.

Finally, this makes sense.

I go in.

I see the mannequm of the unitary.

I go up to it, tiny sign and says, do you like this unitard?

Go to FP Movement.

Oh okay, no, so go I should know.

Fine, go to FP Movement.

Go in.

They have two of their Unitard styles in stock.

Okay, only two, you're saying, yeah, when they have like nine.

I went to the store so I could try on the Unitard styles.

That's crazy.

They're not there and.

Stuck.

Sorry, so boring.

I just can't stop, and I'm sorry, but I just need you to understand.

You know, the whole thing with like nine colors.

Okay, it comes in like or like fifteen colors, and they.

Had like two.

Yeah, what where what it's Yeah.

No, they're pushing us.

They're pushing us away, They're pushing us online.

Yeah.

Oh, I have a new ritual and it literally involves a sponsored product, that Hatch that they sent us.

Wait, so you're okay, they deserve literally kick them a little something.

I came a little love.

Yeah, kick them a little well, they're an actual thing that I don't even record an ad for yet.

I don't know what's going on.

Okay, but they did send it.

But you love it.

You texted me.

You're like, You're like, I'm falling asleep to the hatchbird sounds and waking up to the natural light.

Yeah, if I'm grant, I got to get one of these from my mother.

Yes, okay, so I knew.

I now have a nightly ritual, which is instead of passing out on the couch and then and they going, okay this like I'm tired enough to sleep and running upstairs and then like quickly like brushing my teeth or whatever, actually like actively going to bed.

Huge congratulations to go out there.

I play one audio book while I brush my teeth and do all that, so you settle in and I don't feel like I'm rushing through it.

I turn on the hatch to these ocean sounds, white noise sounds.

I'm really into white noise lately.

You know you can do that for yourself.

Your iPhone.

iPhone has an unbelievablehite noise.

Continue, so continue.

I get in bed, I crank.

That's kind of loud.

I kind of like it.

And I read like stuff like I read like Joe Despenza, like how to Become Supernatural.

I read stuff that's like very like to me uplifting, like neuroscience about Oh is the heart?

Okay, the electromagnetic field that the heart generates three feet it can be measured literally.

And by the way, the heart is full of neurons.

It has its own brain, it has its own memories.

It's not just a blood pumper.

Oh.

Anyway, we got to get our heart rate variability.

We got to get our heart coherent sounds, more information on the brain than the brain sounds to the heart.

I what I lie there is and I read and then I go, okay, okay, got it.

I'm gonna take this.

I got my eyes aster and to close, and I'm trying so hard to keep so I did the thing.

I keep one awake.

I mean one open, one eye open.

Yeah, they're still reading what the heart.

And there that's going, it's going.

I go, okay, okay, laid on, put the phone down in and I go, I'm gonna go off into my mind and do things like I'm gonna like so around in here and whatever, and I'm gonna go apply what I'm reading and off t bed I go, and then do we trip.

I couldn't think about it how to make a bird sound?

So I was language.

Tell me we got to get into Jewish mysticism.

I'm feeling the and you know, Cabala.

I'm gonna be the person who's in a Kabala class.

Yeah.

Now Los Angeles in nineteen ninety eight, Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, we'rebinical, hell and sick.

I'm not sure which one.

But the point is we have nothing.

We have nothing.

What is meaning on?

But but this hard stuff okay, like you know the Heart Math Institute.

Nope, So like they've been measuring like their hearts magnetic electromaic, I feel whatever for years okay, and and even like their Instagram account is kind of like the graphics like a little goofy, but the information's.

Quality goofy graphics will frame you.

It's no, no, no, it's like it's like the incredible information that's been lost to the goofy graphic and then the pristine graphic, familiar graphic that says nothing but that, you know, it's like that really good shocking.

Yeah yeah, well just point right the right font on it.

And it's almost at this point the sort of not good design.

It's starting to become a symbol of like they're really doing science.

Of intelligence totally.

Yeah, right, like they like had money and just hired like everything design.

Yeah yeah, so.

Breathing exercises.

It's you can measure on your goddamn iPhone.

Okay, okay, apparently like's the heart rate variability thing you can actually for me, the data helps, Okay, data helps.

It's not just you know, measure from your iPhone, but I mean you.

Can heart rate variability.

I think is that they and now like I think like the Apple Watch tracks at anyway less you know, like your hurt reveriabilities.

Better vehemently anti Apple Watch.

We know, okay, we know, girl, we don't.

We haven't talked about No, this isn't about what we have about trying to save ourselves.

No, no, I can't be walking around with an Apple Watch on and expect humanity.

No, I know, I know, unless you're all unless you're a fall risk.

Yes, for the elderly, for the criminally insane who are not, or you know somebody who is that?

Even am anymore?

It sounds I think so I've been.

I was making myself laugh at day I called.

I said something about a criminally insane.

I think it's an It was a law and order thing.

It was like the criminally insane.

It's like definitely doesn't mean it's like you can't or it just what does that mean?

Like like people that have been like deranged by you know, poverty, but they're not insane anyway, but no one is.

That's what it referred to.

I mean, I think I think I think it just meant the criminal.

Okay, like like Jeffrey Doers, it's criminally insane.

Is that even the turn he doesn't need an a watch?

Criminally insane?

Wait?

Is that the term like you're so insane, you're so crazy that you're running into the street with knives slicing and dicing because you're lost.

It criminal.

By the way, Martin Bashers, Michael Jackson doc required watch has have you seen it?

No?

Are you absolutely kidding me?

I need everyone to write in maybe it's an age thing, but no, no.

Martin Basher's Michael Jackson One hour BBC special.

Unfortunately some segments are missing from YouTube.

One of the most haunting, fucking psychotic things you'll ever see, but unbelievable, and also the access they had to MJ where he's back there and they're like, I mean, it's really he was talking about his dad being the absolute fucking shit out of them, and it's like this really where you're like, oh, right, of course you went on to become this like you were.

By the way, you can't let people get so famous by the time they're six and I expect them not to become child rapists and psychopathy.

You can't give people that.

It's like and of course you know it's it's like he's but then but it's amazing.

He goes to Las Vegas to like hang out.

He's like, he's like I was visiting Mink to Las Vegas.

He wanted like he's living an in you know, some crazy hotel top floor.

He has a little automatic like wheelchair, like an electric wheelchair, and he's like Yeah, at night when I can't sleep, I just roam the halls.

Are you hearing this?

Michael Jackson in the chair alone, roaming the halls of a Las Vegas hotel at like four AUMs.

He can't sleep, okay.

And then it's him in this thing and he's playing video games and he has huge, like insane bizarre sculptures in there, like the Green Giant, like the Jolly Green Giant, like these like figures from his childhood from ads.

And he goes into a Las Vegas store and he's buying things and it's it's really actually influential for me.

It's like he goes in, he's like, I want that, I want that.

I'll take that.

Oh that's pretty.

And he's pointing at like Fabercire eggs that are like, you know, two hundred and twenty thousand dollars, like the most hideous thing you've ever seen.

He's like, isn't that beautiful?

You know?

He's like buying all this stuff.

He's buying like huge, like Egyptian like fake like the most like grotesque shit you could ever see.

And he drops, like he truly drops like two million dollars like just one little shopping visit and like what kind of how I got on that?

No, this is interesting, what kind of story is this?

Like?

Like it's like what kind of Los Angeles store is it?

Like like it's Vegas?

Oh sorry, he's usually influential.

Do you mean like not like but comedically influential?

Yeah?

Yeah not a yeah, I mean I didn't think you had aspirationion love that.

I was curious what you meant Wait wait, wait, take me back.

Where were you.

Imagine someone's like who We're like who was like?

Oh you inspired to Michael Jackson?

Well, by the way, I actually had I had one of my sick when I had a cold and I was doing my show Kate here in LA.

He was doing eight shows a week.

Yeah, and there was one day I never cracked.

I never cried, it never broke down and I can't do this.

But there was one day where I felt I just felt so run down and really yees emotionally and just like truly just physically exhausted.

And the most fucked up thing I said, I said, I have sympathy for Michael Jackson.

I was like in terms like I just meant like performer or I'm like Judy Garland I'm like these people.

It's like I'm not even performing a you know, one hundredth of like what they were doing these people.

Of course he needed industrial horse tranquil I started take a nap.

Imagine the energy he was absorbing on stage every night, the ghosts and spirits attaching to him.

Well, sure we never figured out so it was a ghost that I saw.

This is really all over the place.

One sorry, folks, And I'm not apologize.

And Michael Jackson, I want to say whatever, you know what, I'm not gonna you know, I'm not gonna engage in be littling or diminishing.

Our audience is smart enough people know I'm not up here going I like Michael Jackson.

I think he's a cool guy, and I'm glad he he absolutely savagely raped children for his centuries without anyone caring.

Like obviously I'm not saying that, but I do.

Do I feel a little bad for the guy.

Yeah, I'm human enough to know that he went through hell.

But okay, got it.

No, No, I enjoyed all that.

Wait wait, wait, but there was something Wait hold on, hold on.

I don't know, man, I don't know.

I just can't sure I'm fine, relaxed.

You're relaxed.

That's great.

Hey, hey look at us by the unusual for us a late afternoon poob.

It's five o'clock here.

What I'm going to do required mandatory, have to go on a walk forty minute stroll.

I gotta get you to dinner.

Yeah, we never did our our celebration of the poob Tour dinner.

I'm ready whenever.

Okay, great, this is what going out to dinner?

Yeah, you and I.

I need a steak, I need onion rings, I need a Leachi Martini.

Stat question question, Okay, I have another air one that isn't funking.

These airlines are for twelve year olds.

You don't get the smoothiet air one.

That's a complete rookie move.

You don't go to good hair Onin's again.

I mean to be clear, I'm not no, I'm saying this.

I'm just saying this to the culture.

It's like, no, that's for twelve and also like it's not serious that are like you know so and so, well, here's actually some people don't know.

At airwe you can make your own smoothie.

Yeah, like the smoothies the ones that they have that are at least eighteen dollars.

They are ridiculous.

Go to Foster's Freeze like what actually, no, oh, that's maybe that's the only California thing.

It's an ice cream place.

But the point is you, oh, go to Foster's just like you're like a local girl, Like go.

To basket in Robins Bok, go to seltan Straw.

Yeah.

Yeah, but the smooths are ridiculous.

You don't.

You can make your own smoothie there with minimal ingredients that are smaller for like ten dollars.

But I got the soft served there.

I was curious.

The coconut soft served tasted like coal.

Wep.

That wasn't impressed.

Wait fuck, I had said something.

Oh well, I wanted to.

So there's a there's a minimally disgraced restaurant in Los Angeles that I'm I had one of the most fabulous nights out meals out I've had a long time.

Okay, hey, listen to this.

Listen to this.

Maybe I'll talk about where I was another time, but it's too embarrassing to drop the name.

So I ate at this place many many months ago, and at the end of the meal had such an ecstatic experience with the server.

We hugged at the end.

Okay, we hugged months and months past ago, on a sexy date, on a great meal.

We go top to bottom, excellent meal, moaning over the flavors, beautiful ambience.

I go, stopped the bottom.

I was imagining the hug from the waiter time being top to bottom.

So listen to this entry.

So last time I was there, many many months prior, I made a note in my phone with the name of the server.

I made it up my phone with the name of the bartenders.

Yeah, so they could come back a because I thought i'd be back in like two weeks.

Right, I'm connecting having them sailing at the dinner.

I go, fuck, I don't remember their fucking name.

By the way, not a crime.

Who would like?

That's okay.

I go to the bathroom.

I go, wait, if I know something about myself.

I look at my note, full names with positions at the restaurant.

I had made a note of three different names.

So then I come out emboldened.

So you didn't actually remember that you took the note?

You go, I bet I was smart enough to take a note kind of thing.

Yep, I go, I know myself.

I bet I took the note, and I had taken the note come back and I had said I had said to my sweetheart.

On the way there, I was laughing about how last time I came here, I'm not going to make any promises, but I connected so deeply that I got a hug.

Okay, and not evening they got a hug.

We both mutually went in for the hug at the same time.

Okay, we're laughing about that, and they're making fun of me.

Okay, guess what happened again?

Different server and natural hug and embrace at the end of the meal because we were popping off so hard, had so much fun.

Oh wow, Do they have cocktails?

Natural hug?

Do they have cocktails?

Ye?

The cocktails are so explosive.

I ordered okay, I like a cocktail to look at it.

I don't order off a cocktail, man, I'm not like I'll have the lavender infused gin.

I don't give a shadow want costs of cocktails only what a bit.

Their cocaus are so transcendent.

I've disgusted because of migraines.

Because of migraines are always too sweet for me.

I can't do it.

They are, they're usually the bar menu.

They were incredible.

Also, they turned to one as horses everyone else horses.

I've never been.

We're gonna go.

What kind of food is exquisite Italian?

I guess it's a brasseriy, kind of like explosive food.

Some darkness transpired over there.

The owners believe it's been switched to hands, like, yeah, the monster is no longer there.

Okay, great, well, I love yeah, I love you talk tun.

That was food.

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