I'm Scott.

I'm Russell.

I'm Leo.

This is Spitball.

Welcome to Spitball where three pixelated pirates and a guest empty their heads of startup and tech product ideas that we have stuck up in there so you can all have them for free.

Anything that we say is yours to keep.

And this week I brought our guest.

What everyone wants is me to just talk through the whole intro, through the game, through everything.

So no one gets to speak.

Yeah.

This week I brought my good friend, Adam.

I've known Adam longer than the other friends here on this call by, I think both of you combined like a long amount of time.

Adam's a property manager and an enthusiast of nerd culture.

Adam is a DM that I have been privy to once.

You have to like do a mini campaign or something for us.

That would be fun.

Welcome to Spitball, Adam.

- Oh, it's great to be here.

Oh my gosh.

- I'm excited.

- This is gonna be fun.

- Having such little experience in this field.

I'm excited to really shake it up, you establishment.

- Yeah.

- And that sentence however you want, really.

- Part of the goal of the show is to get diversity of perspectives.

And we've had a lot of straight white tech enthusiast men lately.

So it's going to be great to not be that for the next few episodes.

I'm hopeful.

It's suddenly the recording process happened and all of my charm just kind of flew out somewhere.

We're going to find it.

We're going to find it.

So this week I would love to get us warmed up with a celebrity guest pitch.

I want to play a clip here from Colin Mochrie of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Let's see what he has to say.

Hey, there's Scott, Russell and Leo, Colin Mochrie from Whose Line Is It Anyway here, international comedy icon.

I understand.

Yes, of course, you have this lovely podcast, a tech product or starting idea.

Here's what I would and of course, I don't know if we have the technology to do this.

Maybe this is something you guys can work on.

I would like a universal opener.

I don't know if you've noticed, maybe it's because I'm getting older now.

Opening a bag of potato chips.

It's like a workout.

Opening jars, opening the wrapping of some project that you bought.

It's insanely strong.

They wrap it so that you can't open it.

I want something, whether it's a laser beam, just something that will immediately open up what I want right away.

And also if you could maybe even add another setting where you can open doors and windows so it really does open everything.

Anyway everyone have a good day stay safe I'm really looking forward to you making this happen.

Make it so.

Oh my gosh.

Colin Mochrie!

Oh my gosh!

That just made my day.

He said my name!

I didn't really take this over I have met that man.

That's why I waited for this one.

That's so So insane.

My stepdad and I helped push his car out of Milwaukee theater when he came to perform when I was in high school.

That's so great.

That's insane.

Okay.

What a good day.

What a good day.

I should have let him know that you were going to be here.

You remember the car.

You're, yeah.

You're good butts.

You told me I'd be good at improv because I had nothing to say to you backstage.

So, universal opener, maybe with a laser or something that could do chips, jars, windows, and doors.

It's a bit abstract.

I have a skeleton key for everyday life.

Absolutely.

I just wanted to say, anytime we smoke weed, we have a joke that boxes are hard.

That's like the theme.

If you try to open something while you're high, it is impossible.

It doesn't matter if it's a bag of chips or like a shoe box.

Like it's just way harder.

I a hundred percent agree with you, Colin.

Yeah.

That's probably where it came from.

I occasionally smoke weed every day.

I like the laser beam.

Lasers.

Yeah.

It's kind of hard to incorporate lasers.

I like that.

That's not like a necessary function of the device.

It just could also happen.

It's an opener now with laser pointer.

Yeah.

I mean, I think the lightsaber is kind of what he's going for.

You can open a bag of chips.

Shores?

Walls?

Windows?

It can open anything once.

Well, if it's powerful enough, it'll just cauterize it and reseal it, right?

So then it isn't opened.

Oh, right away.

It immediately reseals itself.

Oh, dang it!

You just have a smaller bag.

You're so right.

Hmm.

Open and close.

Good.

So this is my, like, do you guys have that, like, I don't know, I got one of these jar openers that are like the Triangle and there that you can fit any jar you guys seen no before no, what is this for your tiny baby hands?

It's just like a triangle shaped like this Okay, and then depending on the jar size, right?

If it's a tiny jar, it'll go all the way to the end If it's a large jar, it goes all the way to the top.

What is it triangle made of little teeth like Small it's made of small teeth okay yeah it's great I've seen the China jar opener that's like a like a rubber band a thick rubber strap on a handle have you seen those so it goes over the lid and then like cinches down and you could use it to get like a socket set angle sort of wrenching motion on it but I've never seen the triangle with teeth yeah I don't know even went to Google like what do you Google jar metal teeth.

Jar of small teeth.

little teeth open and I've been banned from Google.

- Safe search, double on.

- Image is off, please.

I don't want this.

- Speaking of little teeth and opening things though, right?

Like I feel like you open a lot of things with your teeth.

Think about it, right?

Jars, bags, you're just like tearing it, you know?

Maybe.

- So we just need dentures.

- Yeah, dentures and a robot arm.

We got it.

Or...

Gives you all the grip and the power without the saliva element.

Yeah, or like vampire teeth, those plastic ones for Halloween, but they're specifically for opening so that you don't damage your real teeth.

Enamel.

Yeah.

Plated.

Yeah.

You can open doors with it.

Serrated.

We could do a Twilight merch brand deal.

It's probably about 10 years too late for that.

I don't know.

Taylor Lautner is coming back with a new project.

Taylor Lautner werewolf hunter.

What?

Playing himself hunting werewolves.

I was gonna say, was he the werewolf in the first one?

He was.

I thought so.

Taylor Lautner and his wife, Taylor Lautner.

He is actually a werewolf and he's trying to overcompensate his lack, he doesn't want to tell people he's a werewolf.

I thought he was a llama.

What does that mean?

No, no one knows that.

I think, wow, is that a reference?

Because aesthetically, I get it.

[laughter] what does that mean just google Taylor Lautner llama at some point to your viewer who wants to go first this week wait are we done did you want to talk more about the universal opener that's a triangle with little teeth but also does chips and doors and windows I would love to know more about your thoughts there there there's got to be like that one tool you keep in your drawer your Kitchen drawer that opens it's got a little it's like the pocket knife the pocket knife for maybe not opening doors But like opening anything in your said anything specifically also doors and windows Everything including and here's the thing it might be because I have seen oceans 11 and 13 three times in the last two weeks And I'm I'm so upset that that's legitimate But I I yeah, well, okay.

All right.

Well this little side thing I just got a streaming service philo that basically has a yard for MC pretty much It's got well, they just took Ocean's 11 off 50 % of the catalog Okay, but but my proclivity for heist movies I really resonate with that idea spiritually.

I'm leading less towards the chips and the of really hard to open containers of Tostitos queso.

- Oh yeah.

- And I'm leaning more towards the, I wanna open every door around me.

Not for any nefarious purpose.

- Colin just wants to rob a bank.

- Yeah.

- Bank robberies.

- Universal door opener.

- That's how he gets his money.

Colin, we got your money.

It's behind the bank door.

- Well, that's the pitch.

We've already heisted Colin's stuff as a proof of concept.

- Sharks, I'm here today with Colin Mochrie's fortune.

I'm looking for a 10 % investment in the device I used to open his door and steal all of his money.

I want to say this is just the plot to like Sherlock, one of the episodes of Sherlock.

Sounds right.

Just immediately going to date this podcast with so many references.

We've already mentioned the Twilight.

The hottest new stuff like Twilight and Sherlock.

That's what everyone's into.

Okay.

All right, Colin, thank you for this idea.

Yeah, spot on.

We figured it out for you, so you're welcome.

And if you want your stuff back, get a triangle with little teeth.

Little teeth and a box opener.

If you want your stuff back.

Midnight under the tree in Central Park.

No cops.

Where I helped you push your car out of a parking structure.

If you remember.

All right, Scott, what do you got for us?

Hit us up.

Start us off this week.

All right.

This isn't as simple as cabinets that are dishwashers, but I I want a car rental Uber.

I want when I leave an airport and I need to get a rental car for any reason, I want the company Hertz, Budget, whoever to freaking bring me the rental car.

I don't wanna go, I don't wanna wait in line.

They have Uber right now, how hard would it be for them to be like, they have my location, I have their location, I stand outside in the arrivals of an airport, they pull up, a guy hops out, I get in the car and I drive off and he just walks back to the Uber or gets an Uber to somewhere else.

And then when I'm returning the car, the exact same thing I go to, there's someone waiting for me there, ready to go.

Cause they know what my flight is.

They know all the checkout and sign up and everything you can do for a rental car.

You can do over your phone.

You can do it ahead of time on the plane in any form.

I don't want to wait an extra 90 minutes standing in line, getting pissed off just to have the exact same result here.

That is the entire idea.

I was very angry when I was thinking about this.

And I could feel that in the pitch.

because I was standing in line and it hurts.

(laughing) - Dude.

- That's it.

Simple as can be.

- Like getting, waiting for the shuttle, finally getting in the shuttle, getting in the car rental place, finding out there's a huge ass line.

You're waiting in line just to pick up the keys that you already paid for the car for, you know?

It's like, God, just, I don't need insurance.

I will sign the waiver ahead of time.

Your boy at the counter ain't gonna do it.

I'm sorry, but like, hurts.

It's a done deal.

I don't care how good they are or what their commission structure is, but just can you give me the keys and go?

Like that's, I get it, Scott, it is.

I want them to bring the car to me.

We'll pay a premium for that, I don't care.

I'm not going off campus again, like you said.

- Have you guys ever done a two row?

I've never done one.

Where you like, it's a peer to peer, like rent a car straight from somebody else, put up your car for rental.

- It's like the fancy cars you can get, right?

- Sometimes, yeah.

I think you can put your - A Chevy Trax for instance.

Yes.

How would you know?

Oh, God.

Is this a-- I go to the website, and it's literally skip the rental car counter.

God damn it.

Yeah.

That's their tagline.

I've never actually picked one up.

And I've always wondered about the logistics of that.

So if you-- maybe this is audio poison for everyone who knows about this but me.

But if you rent a car from another human through Turo, how do they get it to you?

Do you have to give them a ride home in their own car and then drop them off at their house and now you have their car for a bit?

"Do they pick you up?

How does that work?" "You just gotta get an Uber to the two -row and then take it from there?" "Order another two -row to bring you home." So that person has a friend who drives right behind them.

They also two -rowed their car.

That's honestly like it, right?

It is an Ouroboros of rented cars.

Each getting into the previous person's car.

In the Infinity Hotel.

To Shellgate.

All the rooms are filled.

Anyway, yeah.

I've kind of just always wondered about that logistics side of it.

sort of what's kept me away from this if there was like a my first two -row which is really the you know budgets and Hertz's of the world that I already have accounts with but they offered this as a concierge service maybe that make me more comfortable easy pickup by hosts at hundreds of airports okay so you just pick up at an airport but then the host just stays at the airport for four days really really Tom Hanks again yeah I think Turo is a different example because when I was looking at Turo a long time ago it's like way more expensive.

It is a pain in the ass.

They might have like a feature now or they have cars at the airport.

But I think that's just like, it is peer to peer.

It's all still peer to peer like I'm pretty sure but I don't.

Some of the prices were similar to like the budgets and whatever Avis of the world that I was comparing them to.

We didn't end up going with it because we were going to be on an island.

I was like, there weren't any roads.

It doesn't work.

If like some dude just like cancels the two Then I'm just sort of not with a car for a week.

That would be a bummer Anyway, dude, if I pay like what if you just had somebody pick it up for you?

like could you pay somebody to just represent you as Scott Brandon ECO to pick up the car and Deliver it to you a proxy like that's a whole separate industry.

Yeah, you just like it though but then you you leverage like so any car like any airport inconveniences, right you just hire a No, no, he went through the TSA for me.

You don't have to check my shoes.

My proxy already went through the TSA.

I've got Scott's ID.

It's a concierge service, right?

So having just-- as you can tell, I'm in frickin' Florida, right, for those who are listening.

And the pain of bringing all the bags out of my frickin' car just 10 feet so I can go park the damn car is huge.

you can't leave a bag unintended or else you're gonna, you know, create the next terrorist attack, right?

So of course, (laughing) - You foiled them.

You won against the terrorists today by not leaving your bag for 10 minutes.

- Yeah, so my wife and kids are in the thing.

I have a car that I can't move because also, like, oh, those parking people are gonna be on my ass if I don't move that car within 30 seconds.

So I have this in between of, I just need somebody to move my bags 30 feet without my car or my bags being like breaking all the security, like an airport concierge service.

So I'm thinking, Scott, airports themselves are, they're just a parking lot.

The actual airport is its own entity.

They don't work and they don't hire, but they say, "Delta, come in, take our gates, "rent our gates out." rent our space so the airport's always looking for the next buck or two and this would be an amazing yeah like you you could hire your service that starts before you even leave picks you up the ride to the airport like quintessential what a pain that I'm doing for a friend thing you're paying a flat fee for the everything until you have boarded experience where they're helping like Have you ever landed in an airport and you just like there's no way to figure out what foods are where?

What is it about every airport that makes it impossible?

For the maps and all that stuff to be accessible in an easy format Like if you just search on Google Maps, it doesn't work the airport in inside maps are like, I don't know They look like a he is it's very confusing.

Everything has one and a half star reviews If you could have the concierge that's like hey We're gonna take you to the airport and go with you through the lines do all the pickup drop -off stuff Wait in the line for you all that stuff.

That would be pretty sweet.

What's your bags?

So Essentially like what I'm understanding this to be is we are treating the airport experience like a like a luxury hotel Yeah And so you are getting everything provided for and the room that you're staying in in this, you know Fictional hotel is the skies another country another state Is that am I am I packaging it in a way that's absolutely and there's like a huge dichotomy between Flying coach through the regular airport and like the other terminal that they don't let you go to for the private jets, right?

Where is the middle ground the like just a half step above that?

I pay a couple hundred private jet Suppose that's every jet everything but the PJ, you know, everything but the private jet.

It's just like that experience Interesting the luxury hotel in the skies.

I think that's actually super valuable Like I mean the airport probably pays gate agents and all these other places Like why not create like okay, you could rent your private jet Sure, but I mean you could do everything else Like if you don't want to rent the private jet, you just want to fly first -class, but you don't want to be oh, that's all You know, I guess Well, I guess like just you're only doing first class for this one.

You're slumming it I don't think Spirit has first class.

I think it's all one boarded group.

I think it's attractive to the high -end individuals, right?

Like all the people that, let's say, the people that fly business, right?

They already are expensing half this stuff anyway.

And when time is money and there's a rental car, in a way, Scott, that whole car rental pickup thing is like what an hour and a half of billable hours that that company, if they have a team of 2000 salespeople times one hour is actually a pretty like there's there's economies there or scale or whatever, whatever fancy term is that for that.

But yeah, I bet I bet you need to hire multiple concierges because of how populous would be like you wouldn't have one person.

Oh, yeah, I can't think of many more demoralizing careers than I wait in lines for rich people So they don't have to wait at Enterprise Me to go to the I said it baggage claim every day There's nothing more sisyphus Ian that just Waiting in line for a reward you'll never receive.

But they get to wear a tie.

Okay, they wear a tie.

It looks like a That's that's I took my school career test and they said waits at Enterprise Shoot.

You gotta tip him Scott.

You gotta tip him good though, right when you start I am too away from the front of the line if I don't see a hundred dollar bill in your hand Random story.

I was very, a flight got in late.

I was trying to get to another flight that was literally two miles away through this airport and I have all my stuff on me.

There's a, there's Miami airport is massive and I'm just trying to book it over there and I run about a quarter of the way and I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna make it.

They had all those little golf carts going all over the place.

Yeah, and I see one sitting up there right up like, can I get to this spot?

He's like, absolutely not.

We don't do that.

What if I give you $20?

Get it.

Really?

of a $20 bill and he drives me to the gate.

I didn't make the flight.

And then the golf cart guy drove me to Miami.

That cost another 20.

Another concierge experience that you can only get through luxury hair or whatever we whatever.

No no I don't want a golf cart I want this concierge to carry me.

You get four people in a throne you know like with the bulls on your shoulders like ancient Egyptian times or whatever there is an undeniable human element that you need to be need to have a part in this process yeah i don't want my place to be electronically saved in line i do want a All right, Leo, what have you brought us this week?

LeoJ All right, a bit of a pivot.

So watching sports at home is pretty nice because you get all the CG lines and rules and boundaries and scoreboard stuff and interactive floating whatever.

Watching sports in person is fun for the excitement and the crowd work and all that, but there are people who literally bring FM radio receivers to get like play -by -play and stuff because the in -person like context for actually caring about the game is not as good as seeing it at home.

AR glasses are getting pretty good.

I want to have an AR glasses that gives me somewhere in between at home with CG, with scoreboard, with floating, with numbers pointing, with exactly where the line is, etc, etc.

But in person, you go, it's aware of where you are in the stadium and it maps out the field for you and it says, "Oh, this player is what just got the penalty and here's what happened." over here, look out for this, this play looks like it's the three in one over this side.

All that kind of context that you kind of miss unless you really, really, really, really know the sport, you could give if you just are watching it with a little bit of extra help, a little bit of AR.

I'm sure that this is something that someone's already pitched somewhere, but I'd love that as like the killer app or I guess it doesn't have to be a standalone product.

You could have your Apple Vision Pro or Meta Ray Bans or whatever, like this could be a software product is what I'm saying.

You don't have to like make your own glasses.

We're just on the cusp of this being something that people, some people might have.

I realized going to a live sporting event and watching things through a VR headset is social faux pas a little bit.

- Yeah, right.

- That too.

- It's a social faux pas now.

- That's what I mean.

- In the future where this is already successful.

- The whole stadium just looks like Daft Punk.

(laughing) But I think that would be the best of both worlds.

You get like the fun of the crowd and the excitement and the energy and stuff.

And you have an idea of what's going on when something complicated happens in the rules that you don't quite understand because you're not a sports expert.

AR glasses for in -person sports fans.

I also want the AI assistant just straight up like a sports announcer, but it's just live reading what you see and just being making commentary based on that in the super excited sports switch to European soccer player or to celebrity.

I have my personal favorite Australian man.

(laughing) - Cronichy.

- Can I get crude uncle?

Like just like making fun of people.

Like the drunk crude uncle.

- Belligerent mean guy, yeah.

- I think you, well you take the headphones out to experience that.

I think, I don't think.

There's the software hardware.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Nature takes care of that.

- Dude, Leo, I can't resonate with that.

Like whenever I go to a baseball game and I listen to it on the radio, it's like why?

It's the radio experience is so much better than the live, because of all the reasons you described, right.

But the thought of having the AR, AR, right.

Cause it doesn't look maybe as dorky or whatever.

And like, that is so cool.

And yeah, it's always a pain.

He has to be like the score.

Where's the downs, you know, and all that stuff.

Or just be better if we could see it.

Oh yeah.

You could dial it up or down.

You just have the scoreboard floating or like every person is highlighted.

Where's the ball right now?

Where's the puck.

What's the thing that just happened?

Oh, they're in this formation.

That means they're probably going to throw it.

You know, all that kind of stuff that you might miss out on.

Yeah, it's the like the evolution of the ball tracker in golf, like golf sportscasting.

Absolutely.

You could have the golf ball tracker in person.

That would be amazing.

I would actually watch golf if I could do that.

Like, yeah, with an AR, it would give a reason to go in person.

Besides seeing like, oh, my gosh, Arnold Palmer, he just sued liquid death.

Oh Did he I'm so sorry to take this in another direction, but absolutely Yeah Arizona contractor no, so yeah liquid death had a like a Arnold Palmer And I I don't think it's named just Arnold Palmer, but that was part of it And they very much the art of Palmer estate hated that and so They renamed their like their Arnie Palme.

They renamed it like another dead billionaire Like something that like mean -spirited.

He's dead now, right?

Yeah.

Yeah Interesting.

Oh, yeah 2016 They went hardcore with that right that's their brand I guess oh, yeah, it's their brand Yeah - No guys, it's sweetened with agave.

It's better.

(laughing) - Okay, so sports, right?

That's one, but I think the live entertainment, like, so this is like, let's say part of the experience at certain stadiums or schools.

So like, let's say you have a concert, right?

And you create concert with a ton of different visuals that you would never be able to experience in real life.

Like the next level 3D glasses, I think that's like.

something you hand out at the door yeah yep they're pre -charged there they got like you know bone music receiver things you know silent discos are about to get really cool everyone hearing and seeing their own thing whoa I just the acid trips at these Coldplay concerts no I think there's a huge market for you know any sort of like live enjoyable thing because there is always going to be an an element of, well, when it's brought to you at your house or wherever you're consuming this, there's always going to be something that's missing in the live experience, apart from the excitement that you're getting.

- And I think they're having trouble filling stadiums.

Hockey, I know, has a problem with, they tried to do this thing where they highlighted the puck like a glowing blue, 'cause people were watching hockey and they couldn't follow the puck, and that was the big thing.

There's all these things that sports, They're like, live sports are dying, I guess, with this generation of millennials.

Another thing we're knocking out of-- I think we killed.

Yep.

Got 'em.

So it's just like, OK, maybe there's like-- we just need more stimulation.

We were raised right on the cusps of the iPad, so we just need a little more ADD with our sports.

This might be the thing.

Yeah.

How long until there's the 24 /7 ads feed on top of the stadium field that you're watching or whatever?

- I love football.

I just wish there was like a family guy clip underneath it.

- Some dude just jangling keys.

- Or playing Temple Run right on one screen.

- Oh yeah.

- There it is.

Minecraft Temple Run.

- Someone playing a mobile game poorly to make me angry on purpose.

I fall for it every single time.

- I mean, but shoot the ads, the ads alone might pay for it.

Like the fact that you can, you know, you have your AR on there.

Like I know it's taken away from the fun of it, but it's like, Hey, you can now add, you'll, you'll sell more beer or somewhere drinks and food because ARs.

Remind me.

Already at home, the baseboards around a lot of these professional sports places have like CG ads put on top of them.

If you could have those be hyper targeted to every person in the audience.

So the thing that they see on the Jumbotron is their, you know, Amazon They almost bought earlier that day.

That's probably worth something.

Oh, yeah, your AR experience profile is gonna be keyed to key to you I don't know if that's good or bad.

I don't know I guess, you know people long -term About like the ads or they're tracking me they have all this data about me But like if I have to watch an ad I've lived my life in that way where I don't have to watch many ads nowadays And it's pretty great If one sneaks through, I'd rather it be targeted than just be like, here's this perfume that no one in your house cares about.

Yeah.

Ask your doctor about this blood pressure med.

Like that's not, maybe it should be a cool, interesting electronic.

I didn't know existed.

I don't know.

My doctor and I don't have that kind of relationship.

I'm not gonna, I'm not asking her about that.

I just, I love the trend that's currently going on with sports where, uh, SpongeBob and Patrick and other Nickelodeon characters commentate the game.

(laughs) - What?

- Yup.

- Heavy, oh my gosh.

Yeah, and that's absolutely, in my vision of what this is, this is essential, this is a part of it.

If I can make Australian man be my voice, I can also make SpongeBob and Patrick have running commentary.

- Wait, is this just like a AI overlay where they just like say it in SpongeBob's voice?

There's live performance elements of the voice actors in the booth watching the game in mo -cap suits, very light, but they're in real life reacting.

- Well, the Nickelodeon had the Super Bowl last year or something, didn't they, Nickelodeon?

Yeah.

- And they've been doing it since, I believe.

- Now you're at the game and you see them running around on the field, running, dodging.

Scooby -Doo's like tripping over the ball in the background or whatever.

That'd be so fun Yeah, maybe that's too much And I'm saying that's what it's gonna evolve into yeah, I don't need to watch football.

I just want to watch a cartoon It's fine Why not both has this ever happened to you dude This is it but that's a great way for you like a kid to get involved in the game, right?

Like you just throw in the AR glasses keep them occupied like that Like how do you connect your kid to the game you're watching right without?

Maybe that's part of the experience you're explaining everything the whole time.

The Paw Patrol are trying to steal that hockey puck.

Oh no or whatever.

Yeah, how you got sacked.

Maybe not that All right, Russell what do you got for us let's see what you got oh well mine aren't as fun as yours ideas but mine's like so I'm a little topical with some of my ideas and this one is about Valentine's Day right yeah so my wife went to already in the past when we're recording so very in the past when you're listening listen that's right continue topical topics I'm fashionably late All the hot button issues getting tackled on spin.

So speaking of Valentine's Day, you know, that just happened.

Just, uh, yep.

We were.

There's, uh, my wife did this Galentine's Day thing, right?

I think some of our wives did that.

Yeah, where they all go and hang out as gals and do gal things, right?

And one of those things was a candle like making workshop or whatever Like you make your own candle, right?

Like everybody's probably done that date once Throw back to my date ideas Spitball episodes where there's like hundreds of date ideas that everybody has done This one is the girl version the gallons Anyways, the problem I have is that there are so many candles in my house that are on their last leg *laughter * What do we do with all these date candles?

*laughter * Okay, there's like just picturing an infomercial black and white Russell just surrounded by candles doesn't know what to do So hundreds of candles that are like, you know on their last leg So like you don't want to it's a pain to get the match or the lighter down in there to light it So you just end up having a candle sitting out forever and it just goes and then it just stays there So my idea very simple the ones that are almost burned out.

Yes, like or yeah You take you take all their can all those candles and you create a really really great device Where you take a candle and you flip it on top of this device.

Okay, it melts it down into the compost call it, as four dudes, you know, it's definitely the compost candle.

And, you know, it slowly fills up over time.

So like all those leftover candles that you're like, can I throw it in the compost candle?

Yes, go ahead.

You can throw in a compost candle.

And literally it creates and then maybe there's like a way to make a cool design out of it.

But like, you know, it melts and creates like a multi layered candle.

I have other candle ideas that I want to throw in this as well because I might as well just pitch all my dumbass candle ideas in one go.

Infinite episodes to candles.

So, Russell's candle corner.

When I was a kid we had a little like easy -bake oven type thing and you put half broken Crayola crayons in it and you like mixed them all together and then it would dump into a a new Crayola crayon.

It had like the little mold on one end.

It was melt them to the wax, you'd like tip it after a couple minutes of baking, and it would do this exact thing that you're talking about.

It was so fun.

And you could like mix and match your own half burned out candles like, oh, I've got a sandalwood here mixed with ginger spice.

Oh, I wonder what that would be like.

Let's make some in the candle compost.

I love that.

I think this is good for really like, from a scent perspective an adventurous household.

Because if you are a very loyal, like, I am just a Parisian coffeehouse kind of person, then yeah, you're just making another Parisian coffeehouse just with more steps.

But if you're willing to invest the time and invest the adventure into building the strata of a new experience, I love that.

OK, so a spin on this candle idea is you throw a Deet cartridge in there.

Okay.

So all those wasted candles.

Because that's exactly what Adam was like.

You turned them into mosquito ones.

Yeah, because you don't want that inside your house.

You put a D -Day cartridge on there and now you can burn that terrible scented multi -scent candle outside and it keeps mosquitoes away.

Okay.

Sure.

That's a lovely second pitch.

Is your, so you can make a delightful new experience.

On the flip side, is your new experience an affront to God?

(laughing) Put it outside.

- It's a compost candle.

- Just shoot people away from your house.

- That's what you do with it when you've combined two or three of them and it just is awful.

What have I done?

It smells like old shoes.

I'll throw a Deet cartridge in there and then burn it outside, done.

No drop wasted.

Use every part of the candle.

[LAUGHTER] My wife has the nose of a bloodhound.

And like, certain candles, she's like, oh, this is fine.

This is fine.

And then one candle that smells the exact same to me as all the others, she's like, absolutely not.

This cannot cross the threshold of our home.

And I'm just picturing accidentally mixing one of the good with one of the bad.

You've ruined them all.

You composted the wrong one.

Did all the crayons you make just kind of end up brown Well, it would kind of swirl them.

It didn't mix like well So you just sort of dump it and you'd end up with kind of a groovy looking like tie -dye sort of thing Okay, that's awesome.

It was fun.

There's probably I don't know if it's still around But yeah What I love about like what you've mentioned Leo is I can picture that exact same like exactly what you're talking about And it was in that chunky like 90s 2000s radical Extreme like it wasn't just like a calm easy fake oven.

It was Metal and it was grungy, and it was like the one I'm thinking of is like purple and and like rektar.

Oh, yeah Branded yeah compost candle attachment number three okay shapes the deep cartridge This is like three of 40 guys shapes So you put beef brisket in it All right -Melt it into shapes, like screw the hole, make it into a candle, make it into a duck, make it into a-- -You got the melted wax, you might as well do something with it.

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Throw it in some cookie cutters.

-Okay.

-Yes.

There's just so many-- -What do you do with it?

Why do you want a duck?

-You give it away like every other candle you get, right?

Whoever buys it.

-I made this myself.

It's made of the discarded leavens of every candle I've bought over the last four years is a duck.

I don't know, Leo.

Why do we want a sunset?

[laughter] Okay, so...

Sometimes I want a wax duck.

[laughter] And you could have your partnership with brands so you could make a wax Pokemon or whatever.

Alright, and then the last one is...

Do...

When you buy a thing of wax that's scented to, like, put in a melter, are they often in a shape?

I feel like I've seen little wax, like, stars or whatever that you put into the little melter.

So maybe that's what your gimmick is.

You know what I'm talking about?

Yep.

You'll get like a Scott.

You look surprised.

There's like a burner with a little bowl.

I don't know enough about candles.

I guess you can get like a basin with that.

Not allowed in our household.

A candle goes underneath it and it sort of just warms it.

I don't know what you do with that after you've melted it down.

Does it just harden and then you throw it away?

I don't know.

Uh, no.

Cause well, cause that's the, the Senate, uh, like evaporates into the air.

So it is eventually just going to be nothing.

It just goes away.

Oh, interesting.

That must be a different.

Okay.

Yeah, it's the same with candles.

I mean, where do candles go when you burn them?

[LAUGHTER] This is lint soup.

It's in the air.

Wow.

We are all stardust when you think about it, bro.

No, I just mean, like, it's not actually combusting, right?

So I don't know if it's just sitting warm in a bowl.

Is that enough for it to just evaporate?

I guess it is.

Candle technology, candle science, you know, We need those scientists to listen to this podcast.

And we are clearly the right people for this discussion.

Yeah, I love the no follow through that we have to do to get this made.

It just has to you just has to say it.

Exactly.

That's the premise of the show.

Yeah, and I love it.

Now someone else do the work.

Here's an idea.

I'm done.

All right.

Sorry, I cut you off.

What was your last?

Oh, no, I just want to get rid of next.

- No, it was the last-- - Next, now you have 38 more.

- It was another, I spin on it.

All these candles in my house have like these ash marks on 'em and so they just look awful, right?

Just sitting on my counter all over the place.

They're just like, every time you light it, it just creates a black ring around the entire candle.

So, I don't know if there's some chemical or like maybe part of the candle compost attachments is one that like uses that as part of the design is as the candle burns that black ashy smut.

What is it called?

Smut?

Soot.

Soot?

Smut.

Smut.

[LAUGHTER] Soot.

Slut.

[LAUGHTER] Hold on, I can't type that stuff.

Candle smut.

Candle slut.

Oh, no.

That might be something else.

Soot.

That's the word.

Soot is the word you're looking for.

So candle soot, and it creates a design, right?

So as you're burning the candle, like, oh, this is-- you don't know what you got.

And it creates a cool design with the soot as it's-- Like a barista latte art.

Yeah.

I thought you were going to say that this thing could act like a refurbisher.

So you've got your half -burned -out charred candle.

You put your thing in the composter.

It stores it in a basin.

You throw the empty jar in the dishwasher, and then you redo the candle half -filled, but now it's all beautiful and fresh.

Yes, that's number five.

This is way better.

That's number five.

could do smoke art.

I like soot art.

Also you're gonna start your own candle podcast.

I just want to...

Welcome to the candle cast!

What up candle heads?

Welcome to burn after reading.

Burn after listening.

Burn while listening.

That's gotta be a weed podcast.

already.

I'm already taking it.

No, I just want to man, like in a way, it's just like, how do I, as a, you know, dude, husband with all these half -burnt candles, manify, how do I get rid of them, but also like, you know, brand it up to be like, yeah, dudes want compost candles, throw some deet in it, and we got an outdoor candle, you know, we got a freaking...

I think your deet pack sells that.

Oh, I know, that's the...

That is fun.

I like the deet.

Wait till you get to the Roman candle layer.

I think that'd be sick.

Shoot, yeah.

That's clever.

Wildly practical, probably dangerous.

Why stick with the same old wick?

But fun.

It's a hybrid candle and Roman candle.

Don't store next to other flammables in your house.

I think the wrong kind of whimsy is currently in the candle market.

I am terrified of that candle over there.

I'm 30 seconds to four hours away from getting a fireball shot at me when I'm least expecting it.

I have a hard time explaining anxiety to my family.

Adam, let's hear what you got for us this week.

Okay, I didn't want to start with a "has this ever happened to you?" but sharks It's it's 1030 at night and you know, you've been sitting wondering what am I gonna eat for the past two hours and I so what I want at its core is a Palate analyzer.

I want something that is going to either scan Scan my my taste buds scan my brain and I understand that this is gonna be pretty pretty invasive for something That's pretty minimal However, I the prompt I was given was there's no bad ideas And I would just like something that tells me that thing that's going to satisfy me from a taste perspective or from a dietary perspective Any any Jimmy Neutron heads any brain blasters out there is gonna recognize this.

Yeah The tongue makes you the burger.

Yeah that are going to be impactful are going to be for those who have a pretty limited diet or pretty limited tasting experience.

And so something that is going to maybe in the parameters that you set is going to take you to either someplace comfortable, someplace avant -garde if you're looking for that kind of experience, something within your drivable zone, so something that that connects to your community and kind of locates the thing that's going to best satisfy you.

- Okay.

- Whoa, okay.

- For a moment I thought you were gonna try to pitch the thing creates the food.

Okay, awesome.

- Nope.

- That's way better.

- Yeah, the instant food matter.

- Right, right, right, right.

- Okay.

- Transporter.

- Yeah, it gives you the local suggestion somehow influenced based off of actual anatomy or something.

Okay.

- Yeah.

- I don't know about the tongue scanning on there, but what you could do for your MVP right now, just have a Tinder setup where it's just a bunch of different types of foods and you just like swipe in left and right on them and it's eventually pitching foods that you like against other newer ones and by the end of it, you're gonna end up with not the best possible answer but definitely not the worst.

- What you are currently craving based on the, you know, two things fall at the same time, which one do you grab?

- So this is a little bit out there.

I can think of someone in my life who will crave red meat when they're low on iron and other things like that.

I wonder if there is a blood test?

- No, I - I'm low on glucose or some other like markers that could be used to actually determine this would hit really hard right now.

What you really, really need is a McFlurry.

(laughter) - I keep doing it, it just comes back with vegetables.

- Yeah, right.

(laughter) - You're severely deprived.

- I guess so.

- Dear God, water.

(laughing) - Calling emergency services right now.

- But yeah, I would imagine that there's a dietary health or there would be tiers to this sort of thing.

Where it's, I want something based on these vibes, I want something based on this mood or this.

'Cause that's how I think of food, of what mood am I eating right now?

And then there is the more invasive stuff, like yeah, maybe a test strip with a little blood sample or I guess I don't know what amount you get from a cheek swab other than.

- I don't know either.

- Yeah, but there are people more knowledgeable than me that would know what you would get from that and there are dieticians who would offer, here are the things that your body would really crave and would really satisfy you now.

- Okay, I think I'm gonna throw some crazy idea out there but I think this might make sense is, So let's say you got like a, you know, those glycerine breath strips.

Okay, take that.

- Yeah.

- Then have different sets of like nutritional things like iron, like whatever, like all these different, - Vitamins.

- The things that are missing, iron.

- Vitamin test?

- Iron, vitamin, whatever.

You just, I don't know.

You create the right test strips, right?

And then now you're just tasting like, you have 10 test strips and you just taste each one.

- Which one is most appeasing to you right now?

- And if you select eight and seven, it's like, oh, Chinese food.

It's got, you know, sugar and it's got chicken, you know?

Or like beef, right?

You get a beef Mongolian and...

- Russell, I honestly love that.

Like, they're just arbitrary named like A through G or something and you just take them, like, which one do you want the most?

Okay, now do one through 10.

You, oh, you like seven, you're F seven, Chinese food.

That's amazing.

They can be like vials.

They're like little droppers, right?

You can make like, all right, just you know If you liked seven and eight combined seven and eight and tie ten and see now that's a scratch and sniff It's just a page that you're licking on all of these guys It's getting more Willy Wonka that I think I It's doable is what I'm saying, right you could test right?

Yeah Yeah, I love that What do you call it?

How on earth do you get this to appeal to someone who's hungry and lazy man?

Yeah, that's just straight -up door - it tells you which restaurant in what to get from it's a feature in like a who breeds or whatever Yeah, there you go.

Well for me like it came about because of my extreme Indecision lately.

Mm -hmm.

And so having something that scientifically is like This is going to be the thing that is going to be most satisfying to you whether it's from a dietary Perspective or from like I've already made the choice.

It's already happening But yeah, I have I have sat and debated for longer than it would have taken to make the meal itself the scientific Palate meal find you imagine like your indecisive wife like I don't know and you just like hey Hey, just take like lick these ten things real quick and tell me here's ten vials of various sludges It looks like you want some vitamin K, all right.

Let me check the chart.

Tacos it is.

Tacos is amazing, right?

Oh, OK.

We nailed it, right?

Every single one just leads to tacos.

It doesn't matter.

It's hitting all the food groups.

Everyone likes tacos.

Except for the cilantro stuff for some people.

Right.

This one says you need a Subway sandwich.

Is this sponsored?

[LAUGHTER] That's the one thing I was like, oh, I would-- I need a Whopper?

I understand that that's probably necessary in any pitch that there's going to be, you know, sponsorship opportunities or forced obligations.

But, uh, Lean Cuisine.

I want to keep this pure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, you could do, I was, maybe there's a way to, if you track your meals somehow in this app or some tool, you could probably calculate your flavor rhythm, we'll say, or flavor cycle.

Damn.

- What do you think?

Like that might be a-- - There it is.

- Flavor rhythm slaps.

I'd see them in concert for sure.

- So I mean like then, like your indecisiveness is, let's say taking the past history of the meals you've had that you've enjoyed and now it's like, all right, based on your last, your, the way, what you're choosing to eat, we're making a set of decisions for you that you weren't thinking of according to the patterns of your eating cycles this is what you're looking for right?

Yeah.

Do you need Wendy's again?

It's been four days in a row.

Get the chili this time.

The pizza hut outside of my house is starting to recognize me and I don't think that's something an app can tell me but it is something that I'm starting to notice.

Same thing as always boss.

Listen there's something about a thin and crispy cheese pizza from I don't make the rules.

That's what my body wants.

Yeah, right.

I must have a thin and crispy cheese deficiency.

I don't know what it is.

Doctors orders that have flavor rhythm.

I love that flavor rhythm.

It's gonna be flavor and flavor flames on the cover.

Yeah, flavor rhythm and then it's pointing to the clock and it says it's time to eat.

How old is Flava Flav?

Is he on Cameo?

Like, can he just...

Don't spoil next week, man.

Right.

How...

I'm sorry, I'm googling now.

How bad have things got for Flava Flav?

Turns out he just looks exactly the same.

$20.

$20.

Well, dear listener, if you're enjoying our podcast over another thin and crispy cheese pizza, thank you for listening.

We hope you enjoyed yourself.

And thank you so much, Adam, for joining us.

Have fun.

I had so much fun.

This is great.

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