The ninety three Half Ass Morning Show.

Three.

So, so this is what life is like on the surface of the moon.

Huh two three hundred below zero, very few signs of life.

Josh is currently surviving solely by consuming his own fluids.

I've always wanted to do it, but now I've got an excuse.

At least it's not as windy as yesterday.

My goodness, I was not expecting that.

It was like a blizzard by my house last night.

She was blowing kind of cool looking, but I bet if you're on the roads, that sucked quite a bit.

And my house was making noises I've never heard before, and I was home alone.

And so either ghosts come out in freezing weather or my house might be in some trouble.

There could be two burglars coming to rob the place.

The Frozen bandits.

Yeah, welcome to one cold ash broadcast of the ninety three Acts Half Ass Morning Show.

Yeah, I'll part your hair for you this morning.

As Babyface Destroyer Jesus said, it's so cold you can hear it.

Yeah, there is something to that where everything's steaming.

I'll tell you.

On my way in today, it was very lightly traveled.

I didn't see the only car.

I saw two cars, and they must have had some engine trouble.

They were long gone, but they were pulled over to the side of the road.

Now that would suck eggs.

Oh, I can't even imagine.

Did you guys pack a winter kit or anything?

I always have one in my car.

Yeah, I never have.

My mom would always get on my case about it.

I saught, I'll be fine.

I never once have.

It's gonna kid me someday.

The winter survival kit?

Did your parents ever get on you guys about that?

Our mother mentioned it once or twice, but as you know, Josh, they didn't really truly care.

It just seems like something you should say is.

You knew them, you knew they didn't ever really truly care.

I remember my mother saying something about a winter survival kit when we were young, and I thought it sounded so dopey that still to this day, I don't think I could put one in my car.

You'd rather just die.

Oh, you're not gonna freaking where how am I gonna die between?

Maybe if I was up way up by the border or something.

I know.

I don't miss parking outdoors, I'll tell you that, much like scraping and fingers cross your car starts.

Yeah, I don't hear anything about from you yuppies with your heated garages in that other.

Studio right now.

Hey, my garage is and heated.

Okay, well you still have a garage, Ash.

I grew up.

I grew up without any of that.

I don't think I didn't have a garage until maybe close to thirty years old.

So you know, I know what you're going through.

I think he finally cleared it out like this past summer.

Otherwise, like last one, ter I didn't park at the garage because we just had so much crap in it.

I did put in a garage heater, though.

Did you.

Yeah, I'm so jealous.

I don't want I'd recommend apollow heating, Aaron Plumbing.

Oh, call Apollo dot.

Com the Winter Survival Kit.

Now.

My mom still calls every every time it's gonna be cold or when I travel with my baby, especially now, she'll make sure, like you know, make sure you have extra jackets and make sure you have extra stuff for him if you break down and he's cold.

Yeah, I've ever done that either.

If I was taking a car ride this morning from Bowabbik to Fargo then maybe, but yes, I remember that being brought up once or twice back in the day.

Gonna be a busy day for I'd imagine HVAC folks and plumbers and stuff like that.

Read a couple of articles about plumber saying sometimes in weather like this they're for seventy two hours responding to boilers and burst pipes.

And dude, we found out we've had a couple burst pipes at our house and we sucks.

I know.

Well, wait a minute, you've had everything right.

There's a lot we have and it's kind of crazy.

I must have been, uh told you some sort of evil dictator in a previous life, because you're right, a lot of stuff's happened.

But I told you to get out of that friggin house.

My wife will let us.

But we have we found out our pipes, they have pipes written run on some exterior walls, which I was told you're not supposed to do, and they were not insulated and there was no insulation.

Well you guys know this is there was no insulation in my adic.

Yeah, that's a friggin nightmare.

So I if anybody has that, I've seen that before.

A real so our we got lucky it wasn't too much damage.

But I lived in a townhouse when I first moved to Egan, and all of a sudden I was leaving for work one day and there was a frozen waterfall coming because our it had tuck under garages.

Right, you understand what I'm saying.

I think so it just you know, you're basically where you're living is on top of the garage, right, It was flowing over the garage from that.

I guess you'd say second floor, you know, whatever you want to call it, right, And I mean it was really cool looking that I felt terrible for the people and where I had lived.

It was a lot of folks who had recently come to the country from warm climates, so much so that I was like the local guide where people would come over and say, how do we do this?

So what do we do here?

But they had gone back home, this family that lived there and didn't know better, and they turned their furnace off trying to save a couple of bucks.

And I had moved by the time.

The furnace off.

It was I mean, it was I've never seen anything, honestly, have you ever been to Like many ho falls when it freezes.

Yeah, beautiful, beautiful.

Never been there in person, but yeah, I can picture what you're talking about.

Look just like that, and so it destroyed theirs unfortunate, and the people on either side of them got worked over pretty good.

I've known one person.

I've known one person who had just that full on four alarm dead of winter pipe burst issue to where everything poured into the basement and froze.

You could have played some of these upcoming Olympic hockey games on the floor of their basement.

Just I can't even imagine how I would react to something like that.

I'm very sensitive to little issues like that in my house where I fly off the handle, you know what I'm talking about.

I just go nuts.

I get so pissed off at little issues like that.

Well, you've had a couple of big issues too.

Yeah, I've had a water in the basement thing before me.

That was like you came to work, you left, and you were wet vacking water until the next day.

I mean you, I remember that you had a real bad.

Time once, Dude.

I just don't all times, maybe.

A couple of times.

I don't have the patience the temperament for it so to have something to the level of what you were just explaining, Josh, I would bust a spring the uh.

I feel for people that are having some trouble with their cars.

We're getting a lot of people texting and saying cars just decided I'm not doing it today.

Today's not today.

Excessive diarrhea said that his alternator took a big steamy turd, and he said he's too much of a broke bitch to afford a toe and that sucks.

I'm sorry those aren't cheap, so he said.

He also still can't find his peener because he got stuck on the side of the road.

Peener has disappeared, ought.

To be broken down on the side of the road this morning.

God be with you, God, and Baby Jesus be with you.

Let's talk about hot things.

Tell me something hot.

Yesterday was National Hot Sauce Day.

I enjoy a good hot sauce.

Oh, yeah, me too.

I'm not.

Actually, you put it on a lot of stuff, right and everything.

Yeah, my wife's kind of like that where she has to put hot stuff on everything.

I like to rub it in my eyes.

Yeah yourself.

Yeah, my husband like doesn't.

I don't know.

He like shames me for eating Tabasco sauce on everything makes me feel bad about it.

I like to dump a little on my athlete's foot.

That'll warm you, eh.

Are the kids going to school in your neighborhood, Josh, or did the cold shut it off?

I shut down, And I'll tell you what.

My kid would have had a lonely wait at the bus stop for So I didn't get any alert whatsoever.

None.

They must have took me off the list somehow.

What do you mean you get a call?

Yeah, usually they'll give you a call, a text, and email, all three.

It used to be the case.

Sure, And I didn't get anything.

I thought, well, I'm kind of surprised because I kept reading this school, this school, this school in some nearby districts, but I hadn't seen anything in ours yet.

And my wife last night alerted me that no, he doesn't school.

So yeah, my son would have been frozen red on the corner had it been just up to me.

Had no clue.

So I don't know if it's how widespread it is, but it sounds like quite a few districts have decided too.

Cold, let it go.

They said, soft ass punks with another day off.

Yeah, we never we talked about it before, not to be the old guy yelling at the sky, but we never had a cold day.

I only remember a couple of snow days.

Have you guys ever heard of that blizzard in nineteen ninety one, the Halloween blizzard of ninety more, I recall anyone ever talked about that, I think, So that's the only time I ever remember having a couple of snow days.

A cold day, yeah, I don't remember that ever happened.

We never did.

We had some cold days when I was in high school.

But it sucked because I think it was like the last trimester of the year.

We had to make up for it.

Oh that sucks.

Yeah.

So they just added like four minutes to every day.

This was so it four minutes.

I've heard the cases where they had extra days into the summer.

That's what they did for us that year.

Yeah, they just stretched out the days longer.

Yeah, so dumb.

It was just like slightly inconvenient.

So you's pretty nitpicky.

Yeah, you're so much smarter now for those four extra minutes for a few days.

Actually, right, we didn't and especially because like you don't do anything in class.

The last ten minutes of the day anyway.

Oh, the last two hours of the day, you kind of start mailing it in.

Yeah.

Well, the last two months of school, yeah, yeah, we had it was maybe two days.

I can't remember exactly how many days we had off.

It was certainly one, maybe even two.

And we had to add those on at the end of the year because we were so excited until we found that.

I'm like, we I'd rather just go right now and get it over with.

There's one year in high school.

I think it was a senior and my friends they were all the types that would go to spring break all the time, go on these fancy beach trips and stuff.

My family can never afford things like that.

But one year, my family and I we went down to Fort Myers for spring training to see the Twins play.

And I'm so excited.

I'm so happy.

I like, hey, guys, my turn, I'm getting out of the coal I'm going down to Fort Meyers.

There's two snow days while I was in Fort Myers.

So while I was in Fort Myers enjoining it, the other kids they got two snow days.

I was like, this isn't fair.

That's the best isn't it.

I loved that that would certainly happen.

We my wife wanted to go somewhere warm for our honeymoon, and we went to Vegas.

Found out we're not Vegas people.

It was cheap, right, So we went there and it was it was in January, but it was colder in Vegas than it was here.

It was a warmer winter.

Oh yeah, and.

So she's miserable right next to the desert.

We're gonna be plenty.

Yeah, I can't picture in Las Vegas, Josha.

Like I said, it wasn't for us.

I gambled ten bucks on a roulette wheel and it wasn't even mine.

It was a coworker that said, hey, throw ten bucks on black Did you go to Cheetahs?

No, we didn't go to Cheetahs.

Who goes to Vegas and doesn't go to Cheetahs.

We went to the eminem store.

Oh that's pretty.

They sold like backwards baseball caps and.

Uh no, that's a different Eminem.

Oh yeah, they saw M and ms.

Yeah they do it.

The eminem store.

Went to the coke store, tried coke the world.

I honestly thought you meant the singer.

No, I wouldn't be surprised if he had a residency in Vegas.

At something that you went to.

Everyone else is at cheat as you and your wife went to the eminem candy store.

Yeah, we went to a place called Best Buy.

Like those exact kind of places in Chicago.

You don't have to go that far.

We did.

We did splurge a little bit though, Ashley, And this really is probably one of the coolest experiences I've ever had.

We uh paid for a helicopter trip.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Yeah, and that was really cool.

And we went over like the Grand Canyon and you know, we went over the strip.

It was that part was fun.

And he was like, hey, we're going to even take you in a limo over to the airstrip.

And I thought, wow, it's fun.

I'd only been in a limo one time in my life and it was across the street, so I didn't really have much of a limo experience.

But you went to Las Vegas and it was cold, yeah.

Well cold for Las Vegas, yeah, but it was warmer.

Cold for a couple of Minnesotans who wanted to get away from what we know as real cold.

And my wife, her only requirement was we just asked.

My mother in law is very well traveled, like, where should we go it's warm.

She's like, We'll go to Vegas.

It's cheap desert.

I always look that stuff up ahead of time.

Oh the weather, Yeah, I always make sure.

The one time we went on a vacation as a family, it was in like September October time, and we went to the Virgin Islands, which is I mean beautiful, the most beautiful place I've ever been.

But back home it was like the most beautiful fall week that's ever existed.

It was like in the seventies.

It just looked perfect, and I was like, I wanted it to be bad weather back home.

So guy on.

Once we took a boat to the Bahamas and when we landed, it was the coldest day in the history of them.

I mean not that I am the to wander around the beach and soak up the rays and all that, but I just found it interesting that we landed in the Bahamas and it was the coldest day they had seen in seventy five years or something like that.

We're taking our outside of Wisconsin, We're taking and well, I take that back.

Last year we went to Boston.

So that was our first ever family trip out of state, you're not counting Wisconsin.

And we're taking one this year, going to a beach and at first say, I told my wife is I am not going on the beach.

I'm not a beach guy.

You know.

They all want to lay on the beach and stuff like that.

So I'll just be in the hotel hoping there's like an arcade or.

Something up the sand between your toes.

No, I'll all go out there with them and go, oh sweet, that's a big body of water.

Doesn't go back in And oh do you swim?

No?

I can't imagine you swimming.

I don't even take baths.

Some people love that sun, Josh, they love to soak up this.

You're not much of a swimmer.

No, me neither.

I'm picturing it and it would look kind of funny, Yeah.

Josh, No, honey on the beach, T shirt, nose plug, water wings.

I'll do this with you if you want.

You want to sign up for some community education swimming classes.

Yeah, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

Although I don't find outside of just like fishing a couple times a year, I don't really find myself on boats very often.

So yeah, I could probably learn or use that lesson.

And I've also I've never been a very skilled swimmer.

You know who swam for her high school team?

Who's at my wife?

Oh?

Did she ye know that?

Yeah?

Total nerd.

I had a buddy who was on a swim team like it wasn't an Olympic team, but some other team like lighter than the Olympics.

I don't know what juniors or I don't know what you call it, but he used to do that and he did the whole shaving his entire body type of well he's more of a diver, but he was a little of both.

He would do some swimming as well.

Shave the whole thing down.

Huh it was cut bad.

Yeah, swimmer's a good shape.

They weren't those muscles that he didn't even know you have?

Yeah, well we've talked about some some hot, warm things.

Perfect morning for it.

Come on, you can't do that.

It's a private joke alone a couple of people.

Leave it alone.

Have you ever had something word there was a laugh that got you so hard your nose hurts and you feel like you have a sinus infection.

No.

Someone said something about the bus stop a couple of minutes ago.

Boy, when we were kids on mornings like today, that bus stop was a stiff bitch, wasn't it.

We had a really long walk to again, I sound, oh to the bus stop.

Yeah, uphill both ways.

It was uphill one way.

Yeah, I just had one hills at the time.

We got lucky.

We only had to walk one half a block over.

Ours was about eight blocks away.

I could see I can see our bus stop.

I can see our bus stop from our front window.

My brother and I were very lucky like that.

I'm gonna look up how many blocks.

You had to walk?

Eight blocks to get on the school bus.

Yeah, well, keep in mind you.

I went to Catholic school, so it wasn't like they were very short on buses.

Now they got their own.

Now they have their own.

They don't contract with anybody.

It's fancy.

Do you have a friend named Jack?

Yeah, he, but he rode a horse, not a bus.

Jack was an equestrian type of guy.

So you never had to holler stop the bus and let my friend Jack off.

No, never once, but I would help Jack get on that horse.

I don't know the bit you're referring to.

Well, if you help Jack on the horse, yes, to help Jack off the horse?

Right?

Ah, cripes, is this over yet?

Now?

We got a little waste to go.

Oh man, all right, so we hope everyone's doing all right.

You're texting in.

That means you're probably doing all right.

Yeah, hopefully the glow of your phone screen and keeping you warm.

Uh, here's someone texting in from Florida.

You know how folks like to do that to us doesn't have an effect on me, It really doesn't.

I've said this before.

I would I'd rather go thirty five below every day for a month than spend two days in Florida.

So it doesn't work on me personally.

You know when they throw that at you, Well, I'm in Florida right now and it's eighty one degree.

Hey you're in Florida.

I'm here.

I win.

That's just my personal vibe.

What else is going on?

Well, speaking of, you know, school days, someone started a big argument online about how gym classes these days.

Gym classes for kids these days are too soft?

What do they do?

I'm not exactly sure what they do, but I don't remember really getting our asses whooped in gym class.

No me either.

A you know, a crate of balls and said, hey, go go a have at it and you roll it out.

Yep, you roll out the ball.

You know what.

I liked that, just roll it out.

Scooter hockey?

Oh that was fun, so much fun.

Did you ever play that?

Oh?

You get your fingers pinched?

All that sucks.

I didn't have that happen.

Did you guys ever bowl?

Yeah?

Yeah, okay.

I was telling somebody about I think it was my husband, and he thought that was crazy.

We did this thing called Midnight Bawl, and so they would turn off all the lights and then they'd have some like cool like glow in the dark pins.

I was so sorry.

No, I have no memories of bowling.

I want to do that.

So that sounds like so much fun.

I need to go back to Weaver Elementary.

I remember it was rubber rubber bowling balls and plastic pins, so you could basically bounce that ball to this ceiling of the gym.

My kids did roller skating and they had like a whole event.

I mean, parents could go.

And some of those kids were embarrassed by their parents because a couple of them were really showing off, like hal and Malcolm in the middle.

We never got to do that.

I have no memories of roller skating.

And parents would come to watch their children roller skates and watch.

You could get in there if you wanted to.

So it was like a father son mother daughter day parents.

So the kids had learned how to roller skate, right, and so then once they got good enough, they had the parents go.

And there's a couple of guys that were trying out for the.

Olympics that looked like, that's embarrassing.

My wife got out there and I was a little embarrassed.

You know, just a couple of your wife got out there and roller skate.

Is she any good at it?

She's actually very good.

She's a good skater.

And you can't skate for dick.

Nope, I'm what they call an ankle burner.

Oh yeah, I'm pretty bad.

I don't know what gets into people.

But you know, a few older folks got on the internet and just they say, gym class is too soft these days and the kids aren't being taught.

Let me find some of the words here.

Or did they get rid of square dancing?

It was so important and difficult?

Yeah, we did that too, did they did you actulely when you were going.

No.

Yes, we did dancing, but not square dancing.

We did like the typical we learned like the macarina, I don't know, stupid little like the ymz a cute little dances like that.

Here's what one older person had to say about current.

What's the big word for Jim again?

Physical education?

I'm misser.

Yeah, but anyway, older person said we should return to the days of intensive fitness drills memory.

Yeah, I guess those sucked.

Yeah, when we did, like the pacer test, the pacer so you would just it would be in the gym with the basketball court, so you would it was it would beep, and then you would go to the other side of the gym and then it would beep, and then you would go back and it would get faster and faster and faster and faster and faster.

So you'd start off walking.

But by the end of course, there's like three dudes out there that are try hards, that are like full on.

I guess I hated the running.

Oh that was yeah, that that was bad.

I mean I remember they would you'd run back and forth, they'd time you.

People would throw up.

Maybe that maybe that's what Maybe I don't know this word pacer, but of course I remember running and your timed and this and that.

Can I tell you something I'm embarrassed by.

I'm I'm actually quite ashamed by that half mile run or mile run, whatever it was.

I can't remember.

I cheated, did you?

I cut through an alley because terrible fat kid, it was tough to run.

I thought I was going to die, and so I cut through the alley.

I walked.

I mean, I still finished towards the end of the pack, but it was a lot easier than I think what the rest of the people at.

There was a few of us that decided we're just going to cut.

Right through you.

That's smart.

That's really smart.

At Yeah, maybe callisthenics is the word I was looking.

For to bring that up, But that's I thought that was different.

I don't know the.

Presidential Fitness Test we did that?

Oh yeah, do you guys do that?

N'll run the static arm, hang the sit and reach all that stuff.

Even Oh yeah, those are.

I thought that was pretty cool.

We never did that.

I'm sure we did all of those things.

Alence beam what cool.

That was fun, But I just don't remember it being terribly intense is the word that they keep using, these people who are complaining about modern gym classes for kids.

I don't remember ever thinking to myself, Wow, this is intense.

This is really testing me to the limits.

And these older folks are asking for those days to return.

The only ones out.

So we didn't have swimming at when I grew up in my schools, so that that might have been difficult.

But the only things I remember hating were the runs and that climbing the rope.

Oh yeah, I was banded.

Climbing the row.

The rope was never a thing when I was in school.

Thankfully, I would suck at that.

Oh I suppose pull ups weren't a very fun day for a kid that couldn't do one single pull up.

Embarrassing day.

These were the worst days for me.

Yeah, normally i'll I'll jump in really and bash the younger people.

But I don't really know where they're going with this.

Gym classes have gotten too soft on the young people.

All the problems facing the youth of America, I don't put gym class near the top.

It seems like they're doing a lot of the same stuff we did, if not maybe some more.

You know some kind of cooler.

Things, shit ups, push ups, all that.

I want to go to elementary gym class again.

I can't stop thinking about that now.

That sounds like so much fun.

They didn't push you too hard, just to go and have fun with all your friends.

Play with a big parachute.

That was awesome, that parachute.

I remember the parish warsaw Jesus said they got to play pickleball and badminton end quote.

That was dope.

We did badminton pickleball not.

I don't know if it just wasn't a thing.

My kids played pickleball.

Though there was no such thing as pickleball.

Oh.

I remember one unit we had that was really strenuous.

We did cup stacking.

What oh really?

Yeah?

That was really like comped of like speed cup stacking.

My kids did that too.

Yeah, you make a pyramid and then tear it down and like the fastest kid won.

I forgot.

We bought some of those cup kits.

My daughter was really into it.

Why did that get bag?

Was that because of pitch Perfect?

It had to have been there.

I mean, pitch Perfect was twenty years away from me when I was in elementary school, so it's definitely before.

Oh yeah, that's huh, box talks, box tossing.

Jesus had archery, awesome, dang right.

We had a local park that had like day camps and dated an archery camp.

I did that once.

That was a blast.

Worst mistake.

One of the worst decisions in my life was grade school gym class where we had our grade school Olympics and everybody had to sign up for something.

Yeah, you know, all right, So I must have not been paying attention and all the cool events got gobbled up while I was not paying attention.

So there was no room left to run the fifty yard dashed or you know what I mean, on the list of little kid would put his name up there.

There was no room left on that.

The hurdles, they were all filled out.

What other cool things might you do?

Throwing the shot put, throwing the discus?

I missed all that, So here I am, I need to sign up for what's left?

And our gym teacher said, well, the four hundred meter meter, and I said, I put my name on there.

I didn't even know what the four hundred meter meter was.

Oh boy, it's a loop.

It's a long friggin foot race.

So I said, okay, just point me to the start line.

We get to the start line, the little gun goes off.

I start running my nuts off because I have no idea what I've signed up for.

I have this gargantuan lead on everybody because everyone else is pacing themselves because it's a long pig.

We go through one lap.

I think it's over.

No, it's not over.

You got to keep going.

I won the damn thing, and I almost killed myself doing it because I did not know when it was over.

And also what motivated me was a gal that I had a wicked crush on at the time was watching.

So as a twelve year old kid, I just about dropped dead of a cardiac arrest.

You had to show out because I showed up and signed up for an event that I hit no idea what the rules were.

So something you said in there about that girl watching it echoes what poor social skills.

Jesus said she was a tryhard at gym class Ashley for the pacer test and made fun of for trying so hard.

But she said the other kids didn't understand that her crush was in that class.

Oh yeah, that's a big deal.

So she was showing off.

Somebody else says the uh oh, where'd that go?

The peg board for strength?

I love pegging.

You guys know this about me.

Yeah, you got me into it.

Yeah I did.

We never had that, No, we never had that.

Yeah, it looks fun.

I've seen that before.

I have seen it too, Man, we didn't have that at my school.

Yeah.

That was the high school level stuff, you know, the weight lifting and the climbing with the pegs.

Yeah, yeah, that was there.

I don't have any memories of of you know, any details, but yeah.

High Hopes McGee.

Jesus was also the fat kid in class.

He said the gym teacher would tell him he could do girl push ups instead of regular ones because of his weight.

Oh yeah, yeah, I was there.

All right, listen up, this is our final final.

We'll talk to Randy Shaver a little bit later.

Stupid news, all the regular stuff, hang in there.

It's a stiff one out there.

Good news is, from what I learned last night, we only got like ten or eleven more days of this and no biggie.

Then we'll be off the hook.

You're a terrific crowd.

When we come back, we'll get to that.

Stupid news report.

We'll be right back on the half last morning show, Stupid News on the half assed morning show.

Get some cubby.

Oh god, here we go, the final final.

I'll tell you right now, today's stupid News features two or three real characters, some unique type of characters here, Like we'll start with this f and guy in stinking New Hampshire, New Hampshire, a young fella stands accused of breaking into a house or two.

All right, and at least with one of those houses he busted his way into, he poured Caso dip all over their television and furniture.

That's frustrating.

Was it?

I'm guessing it was their own caso?

Can anyone tell me what the what is wrong with this guy?

Yes, their own Caso dip?

Well, that sucks even more.

That's a paper plate.

It's not a paper plate covered with Nato chips.

That's my television, right, he poured it all over the.

Now you're a former cheese man yourself.

Oh, one night at Sant claud State I was cheese man.

They were chatting it all over campus.

You were vandalized by cheese.

The story isn't too triggering for you?

No, No, I had no real problems being cheese man.

You were okay with cheese Man.

I was unconscious throughout my experience, as she so.

I stayed up for about a day and a half, drinking and carrying on up at Sant claud State, and it was probably seven or eight o'clock at night.

Party had just started.

I made the mistake of sitting down and the lights went out.

I completely my body finally gave way, and just in a casual seated position, my head tilted back and I was done.

And this is just the beginning of the night.

By midnight or one, some people had poured a bucket of that cheese whiz into a bowl, put it in a microwave, and then poured it over the top of my head.

And it molded perfectly to my head and face, and they tore out eye holes, and they tore out a hole so I could breathe.

And for the rest of the party, I was Cheeseman and they were dancing around me.

Photos were taken with Cheeseman.

I was absolutely one hundred percent unconscious.

I missed chee Whiz.

I always forget about that.

In Velveta, you got.

My cheese Whiz Boy, what movie the Blues Brothers nineteen eighty.

That's good stuff.

You like cheese whiz Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so good.

I was thinking, like, why haven't I had qeso in a while?

That's a good food right there.

This particular situation where somebody's being vandalized, don't get mad at me.

I thought this was kind of funny.

Somebody getting vandalized by cheese out for a rip.

Jesus says, that's the worst caso scenario right there.

So I knew that was going to happen later on that evening.

It was worth it.

Later on that evening, the police broke up this beer party.

Everyone is either leaving the party, well, most everyone left.

There's only a handful of people left.

And I was told that one of the cops.

Two cops walked into the house.

One of them made a bee line for me and was just standing over me, trying to figure out what I was doing there sleeping with a perfectly molded cheese mask on.

And I guess the cop grabbed one of my buddies, pointed at me and said, what's this guy's story?

And my friend said, don't worry about him, he's fine.

He fell asleep a few hours ago.

The cops were thinking about taking me to the spin dry.

Sure, but my pal said no, no, no, so.

Can't take Cheeseman to the spin dry.

Cheese Man was saved, and of course, you know how it was back in those days.

Ten minutes after the cops left, everyone poured back into the party.

I did wake up around two or three in the morning, and it was just I had no idea what had happened.

But as soon as I opened my eyes, the whole party went, Yay, cheese Man has returned.

I'm like, who's cheese.

I'm looking behind myself, Who's cheese?

It was me.

I'm glad you didn't get hurt.

I mean, shoot, it sounds like something you could get third degree burns from stuff would get super high.

From what I was told.

Good point.

From what I was told, they were very careful not to create the cheese mask until the temperature was a non life threatening.

So here we go.

Dude in New Hampshire breaks into a house a few of them, and at one particular house he poured keeso dip all over their television and as the older people would say, they're furnature.

The story says, oh, speaking of hard drinking college nonsense.

The story says, the young dude is a college student.

He goes by the name of Alec.

He's he's only at nineteen years old, so I don't know.

Maybe he's the type that you know turns into a lunatic when he's drunk.

Whenever I read about a college student Josh coming uncorked, I automatically think binge drinking had to play a role.

But I could be wrong.

Yeah, and I think everyone has that friend.

Well maybe not everyone, but I know certainly we've got a friend where he's a completely different person after maybe his second fear.

Especially when they're really young, because they don't know how to manage it yet.

Yeah, so let me tell you some more details on how this Alec kid goes about things.

In one night, he broke into three or four houses, they say here.

All these houses were near the college campus.

At one house he walked into, Oh, this was the house with the caso dip.

He walked into a bedroom and watched a couple sleep for a little while.

It's unsettling.

That's a good way to get shot.

Oh my gosh, I can't imagine waking off.

And seeing that they did wake up they see the sum bitch just hovering over them.

No, no, no, no, no no.

The dude half of that couple hopped up out the fart sack.

Alec runs out of a house and that's when the dude went downstairs and saw that Alec had gone rummaging through their refrigerator.

The Caso Dip had been boocockied all over the furniture, all of the living room sure had also been flipped over, and eggs were smashed on the kitchen floor.

Thanks Dick.

Right.

Yeah.

Do you guys ever wake up in the middle of the night and you think you see something in like the corner of your bedroom for a second, and you have to like readjust your eyes have to link a couple times.

You're like, oh, okay, maybe when I was a tiny little kid.

Oh luckily, no, that still happens to me.

So I can't imagine like doing that and thinking I see this guy and then like rubbing my eyes, like, oh no, he's still there.

This is a real person.

When I was a tiny kid, I probably woke up and thought I saw the abominable snowman in my room, But not since.

So you still have this.

You you have this feeling that someone's in the room with you.

Yeah, oh, yeah, so scary.

Maybe you have someone in the room with you.

Dude, I'm so paranoid.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Even like in the middle of the day, I'll be in my kid's room with him, trying to put him to sleep, so you know, it's dark in there, and I get it.

Sometimes if I think too much about it, I'm like, ah, is there's somebody in the closet.

Why would there it be somebody in the closet.

I've been home all day.

Now, I got a bargain with your husband.

We got to play some kind of a grand prank on you someday.

No, oh, I almost killed Dana this morning.

Oh you did.

Yeah, And you know we've mentioned before Dana's jumpy.

But this is totally my fault.

And I could see why.

I was like standing in the I never turned lights on, and I was standing in like the corner of the bathroom look at something on my phone and I didn't have the lights on, and he walked in and it was really a stupid place where I was standing.

Yeah, so you know, you turned the corner to get in, and Josh's along that wall where I couldn't see him until and he's just leaning up against the wall in the pitch black dark of the bathroom.

Yeah, and so you earned that one.

So scared.

I was.

Not only did I feel terrible about that, but I was incredibly embarrassed.

I wasn't expectingbody to walk in.

Yeah, and I got you big time.

Yeah, I'm sorry for it.

It's okay.

It was It's more funny than it was scary, because it was just like it was stupid.

I was like, what what's happening here?

That was a dumb situation.

Did you think there was somebody there to kill you?

I did?

I mean, it happened so fast, and I thankfully he had he was looking at his phone.

Josh was looking at his phone, so there' at least the glow of the phone, so I could see it was Josh, and I knew it was him.

But yeah, other than if that hadn't happened, it was just a dark silhouette figure standing there.

You could hear a breathing.

Yeah, and there was a.

Pitch black in this.

That's so hilarious to me.

I'm very sorry for that, Okay, man, I'm embarrassed and it was stupid.

I wasn't gonna bring it up unless you did.

I didn't want to embarrass you further because I knew you in the moment how dumb you felt.

Oh yeah, yeah, I was embarrassed.

Shadow monsters, Ashley.

People.

Other people are texting and saying they also see shadow monsters in their room.

Yeah.

So I got to work something out with your h Bill.

We're gonna give it like five years.

Oh god, no.

And I'm going to work it out with your husband.

Especially and I try and scare each other every day.

I mean it's a daily occurring.

So I would think you have a tolerance at this point.

It sounds like not in her own home.

So what I'm going to work out is your husband's going to leave the bedroom one night while you are unconscious.

I'm going to walk in and I'm going to stand there for as long as it takes, so.

I can be the real life version of that childhood fear that still bothers you.

And you know what line I got to dump on you when you wake up and see me, huh could have killed you because I know you like that old junior.

I don't know that might make it not scary because I'll be dying so hard.

I bet a couple of those moments, like when I lived with a cousin and he's a bit odd, like a lot of my family.

And one time I was on my way to work, getting ready to go to work, and I walked past the bathroom and there was a suit of armor sitting there.

We had different lifestyles, and I guess over ninety somehow acquired a suit of armor and he put it right next to the bathroom.

That scared the hell out of me.

I thought, oh my god, not only if I woke up in thirteen seventeen, but there's somebody in a suit of armor that's ready just to come.

He wasn't wearing the suit of armor.

It was like it was like a statue, like a mannequin wearing.

A well, you know how it goes.

Sometimes you're on your way home from work and you think, hey, I'm going to stop by the door and get a suit of armor.

I have no idea how that happened.

Yeah, that's not cheap.

And then I remember that cousin.

That dude was weird, just weird, good guy but odd.

I want to need him.

Now we've talked about you know, people who have driven the longest distances to get some.

He wins.

As far as people, I know, it was North Carolina he was.

He would drive there like probably once a month to get some.

You couldn't find any willing participant between Minneapolis and North Carolina.

And by the way, did he he lived with her adult son?

Did he get so well?

As far as I know, he got all right?

Well, I win that was something else though.

I'm sorry to be uh fun, I'm sorry to be a one upper.

But Wang went to South Carolina and didn't even get any.

I'm assuming he did.

I'm assuming he gets.

We also at our house, we have a giant rocky cardboard cutout, and my son and I when we first got it, had kind of a contest to see who could scare the other one the most.

Cheese Man will visit you some night, Ashley in the future.

Just what's that smell?

I was trying to think of the perfect costumer mask you could wear.

I was thinking clown, but cheese man is much better.

Cheese mad Oh don't.

Too much clowns.

And we've seen her with the clown and that I still feel terrible about that.

Not realizing how bad it really was.

That would traumatize me.

It would bad.

If we can get back to this Alec kid who was running around breaking into houses.

Okay, at one point or another, after Alec got chased out of that house I was telling you about, he poured the Caso dip everywhere, He flipped over the furniture.

The dude in the house woke up.

Alec runs.

At one point or another, Alec ran off into the woods and the cops were able to drag him out of there.

So as the local cops were cuffing this friggin clown, suddenly a few other folks in the neighborhood walked on up out of their homes and said, yeah, my house got broken into tonight as well.

So here's the other damage that Alec did to those folks.

One person told the cops that Alec had stolen what they call here a marijuana bong.

Another said, Alec poured maple syrup smooth over their television.

Alex Alec, whatever his name, he had a car nearby.

Inside that vehicle, the cops found that stolen bong, ski, they found somebody golf clubs, They found a Corona bar light, something that only a nineteen year old would steal.

That would be so cool.

Yeah, one other, poor bastard, One other dude said that Alec busted into his house and dumped milk everywhere.

He could stop making such a mess.

Not a one of them knew Dick Tracy about this Alec kid, didn't know him nothing.

I think I'd prefer the keeso out of all those syrup is way too sticky.

And no, you gotta go milk, No, because if.

You miss a little spot that's gonna get all gross.

Are you telling me that milk is a bad choice.

Yes, yeah, that is a bad choice.

But you know, back to the theory that this kid is just a clueless drunk.

I don't know, but as Josh and I were discussing, some people, especially when they're young and inexperienced, can be so affected by alcohol intake that it turns him into a complete the different person.

I'm sure you've all seen it more than once.

I remember I remember learning.

I mean, I had plenty of friends who were derelict thieves.

You know, you couldn't trust him, couldn't trust him.

They'd even you know, they'd even steal from me.

And I was a friend, they'd steal from each other.

But I remember when I learned that a friend of mine, who I thought was pretty straight laced, was pretty friggin sleazy when he drank.

He would never operate like this sober.

But one night we were walking home from a bar party.

We're twenty one.

We're walking from the bar to his apartment, and suddenly he were walking through parking lots that it wasn't necessary just I remember saying to him, why aren't we just on the sidewalk, Why don't we keep weaving through these parking lots?

Well, he was going around, checking to see what cars were locked and what cars were not.

I mean I wasn't of course, at that point in my life, I wasn't shocked to see that type of behavior.

I was that type of kid.

I just didn't know he was.

I thought he was more of a straight lace guy.

Next thing you know, he's checking, he finds an open car, He's sifting through all their stuff, he steals some loose change.

How'd you feel about were you like I was disappointed or welcome to the club?

Ah?

Probably more disappointed because I thought of him as maybe someone's someone I could I don't know, how to say it.

I thought of him as a bright light in a dark group of people.

Yeah, I understand, even if you're kind of in the criminal life, you want somebody to yeah, all right, he kind of balances.

Us out right.

Yeah, you need a moral compass.

Yeah, I think I told you guys.

When I was seventeen, I had a buddy who he wanted to start his own longbowing business, and I thought, Wow, what an entrepreneur.

I wish I had that in me.

I wish I had I could do something like that.

And I found out he stole all his lawnmowers to make this.

He would just go through alleys, find a lawnmower in somebody's backyard and steal it.

In one case, he broke into a garage.

Oh, those are the people that are going to be hiring him too, because they don't have a lot more anymore.

Then somebody do it.

Then that's double genius.

I never even considered.

That stealing lawnmowers from a garage, you know, little garage shopping we called it back in the day.

Oh, you used to do that, some buddies of mine did.

He mainly cases of beer from beer fridges in the garage.

There was a girl we didn't like, and she decided to leave her garage open one night, and me and my friends were on a walk and we're like, well, you know, I might as well go check it out.

And she played.

So she played like soccer or volleyball, I can't remember what it was.

So we took some beer and then we took all of the soccer balls.

She couldn't play soccer at.

Her own home.

And then the beers weren't twisted off, they were the stupid you know whatever the other one is, and so we couldn't drink them while walking around, so we ended up just breaking them in the street.

Stole all of her soccer balls.

Yep, no soccer for you.

And you're thinking, yeah, we got to have fun at sport mark, bitch.

And her parents have fun the liquor store, bitch.

Yeah, it was some weird ipa crap too, something I've never heard of.

It's disappointing when you steal a beer or liquor that's undrinkable.

I've had that experience.

Now, I don't care where you are, some folks are going to have a problem with this here.

Some folks might even walk away a little traumatized.

This came from New York City.

Pictures have been going round of a character that was riding around New York City on one of those subways.

A lady on the subway is beside herself over what she saw from this man.

I'm going to try and explain this the best I can.

The lady saw an older gentleman setting across from her in the subway car.

Dude wasn't wearing pants.

It looks to me like he's wearing a long coat, but no pants.

He had long stockings on like pantyhose.

Okay, the dude was sitting with his legs apart and the lady right.

The lady has pictures to prove it.

The lady could see smooth up between his legs.

He wasn't wearing any drawers, but he was wearing some kind of a dong cage around his pecker and his nuts.

Anybody ever, what put it getting involved in something like that?

Oh god, no, I did just see an episode of nine to one one They have a new season out.

It's great, where they had to help a guy that had a chastity belt.

Maybe, and maybe that's what I don't really know if some kind of cage.

I googled it and yeah, it's a cage.

It's not like the same as a Chassi belt.

I don't even know what is it metal?

Well, the one I saw was the one in this photos blurred out.

So chastity belt.

There's some kind of iron nutcup or something.

You eat it.

It's like the shape that whitey tidies are.

Yeah, yeah, okay, so Cubby's right.

This is some I don't know what the hell this guy was doing, some kind of a sexual s and m gimmick.

But the lady could see his rod and his rosin bag in a cage.

So the gal wants this guy arrested for letting it all hang out like he did, But the New York cops told her, and they were probably trying to be punny here, the cops told her that there's nothing they can do because the dude didn't break any quote penal codes.

Are there pictures of this on our website?

No, I don't know if we could post that or not.

Oh oh well, probably it's blurred out, but I don't know if we have some weird rules.

That's fine.

I couldn't care less one way or the other.

That's why I asked, because the photo I looked at was blurred out.

Yeah, it's blurring.

The lady said, I'm totally beside myself that this man.

I think that's a little dramatic.

I mean, it would be something to see.

But I'd like to think if I was in that situation, and if he wasn't, you know, harassing me or bothering me in any way, I'd probably just look the other way.

Right, saw some caged meat right there?

Yeah, I mean that would be a fun story.

I'd be super pumped to talk to somebody.

She took a picture of this guy.

I think I'd be too scared to take a picture like, he's obviously nuts, right, pardon the pund he's obviously.

It looked like he was asleep.

Maybe I don't know, he was texting it.

Oh.

Oh.

She shared the picture on a local Facebook group thing, of course, But the cops said, relax, lady.

They said, quote, while the man's attire may be provocative, it did not constitute exposing himself.

And the cops went on and on with this, but they felt the need to explain.

They said, public lewdness requires some intentional act that shows the clear effort to reveal oneself, such as lifting up your shirt or opening up your coat, and that's not what this guy did.

They compared it to a woman's wearing a short skirt who may have unintentionally revealed too much ass or bird inina.

So they said, that's not a criminal act, thank god.

And yeah, who hasn't seen that a half a dozen times or so?

You're out at a bar club kind of a thing, an a gal's not wearing any drawers under her little skirt and you get a little ass or a little bit of the old privates.

Finally, what the rules.

Would be if he wasn't wearing anything like it?

Would a girl get in trouble sitting like that, and there's just you can clearly see her.

No, No, that that that's exactly what the cops are saying.

They're saying that it's like they did.

They didn't mention specifically if because she would be unclothed as part of it.

You know what I'm saying, Like, if I think underwear would make a difference, I'm curious if that does or not.

Oh I don't anyway, they told the lady.

As difficult as it was to look at I'm sure the dude did not inappropriately touch himself, nor did he aim his little caged unit at anyone in the subway car the local facebook group I was telling you about that, This lady turned to other women commented, and they said that they had seen this dude's balls before too.

He often dresses kind of skimpy when he rides the subway.

What's he got going on?

Oh yeah, he wanted people to see it.

I know his story.

You don't want to know his story.

He's sitting directly across from people.

This is what he wanted.

He got a penis cage, he sure does.

Who's got the key to that cage?

Oh?

You know, it just crossed my mind.

Is that what the band named Cage the Elephant is all about?

Is that some kind of a pecker joke?

Oh my gosh, it just dawned on me.

I hope not.

That's what they were.

Remember when they were all like, I'm going to Witchita Doot doot doot dooooooo, I'm going to Witchita Cave's the Elephant.

Uh, here's another picture he might want to get a look at, This one from Mexico.

The guy got himself stuck in a trash can, and pictures of this poor schmuck are everywheres.

They're up on ninety three x dot com too.

Appreciate that half his f and body is fully trapped in the trash can, with his ass, legs and feet hanging on the outside.

It looks if you're picturing it right now, it's even funnier than that.

I agree with that assessment.

Like the trash can trying to eaim, it.

Is a very fun I heard your neck, Oh was it very funny photo.

They call it an anti vandal trash container.

I don't know if I've seen one of those before.

It looks like it kind of looks like the big mailbox at your hometown post office, same shape.

I guess the anti vandal angle with these trash cans is the flap closes tightly after you toss your garbage up in it.

That's my guess.

So I'm assuming they have the anti vandal trash container so derelics can't easily reach in there, grab a beer bottle and then throw it at the front window of a business or something.

Right, we have stuff like this around town.

I haven't seen them in a while, actually, where they do like donations outside.

It's like shaped weird, so you can't really get your body through it.

The dude who was gobbled up by the trash can had to be pried out of there by the local fire department.

He told cops that he climbed in head first to try to get something he'd accidentally thrown away, and it ate him up.

I wonder what the hell that was that he accidentally And when the fireman had to pull this dude out of there, it was an elaborate setup.

They didn't just grab him by the ass and pull like hell.

The pictures make it look like they had to take the whole can apart piece by piece.

They had to lift the dude off the ground and turn him upside down.

It was a total gong ship kid.

See, I didn't notice this when I looked at it the first time because his legs are hanging out.

But then at the bottom of the trash is his face looks hilarious.

Oh, he looks to be very uncomfortable.

When you get a look at his face while he's still technically inside that trash can, he does not look comfortable.

That's all so miserable.

No serious injuries.

His ego I met is pretty bruise.

Has to be trash can pooped him out.

He was allowed to go on with his life.

That sons like a beginning of a pornal.

Oh yeah, stuck stuck thing that that's not a portal.

That's a crime.

It's just a movie.

Josh, it's a crime.

He's ass up stuck in a trash can help he?

All right.

So there's conflicting information about how the band named Cage the Elephant originated.

Uh, and there better be a solid answer by nine am.

I got to sleep today two h one.

Google says it's an encounter where a man approached the lead singer, hugged him and repeatedly said you have to cage the Elephant and rickshaw Jesus said, Cage the Elephant is named after a dot to dot puzzle game on the back of a Cereal box.

He said he heard it from the singer in an interview once.

Okay, okay, we got that settled.

What's the story behind the rim song?

What's the frequency?

Kenneth?

Just go down the list?

Yeah, alright, I think I got time for one more run here.

Oh, I'll tell you here's what I think.

At least if you're a dumb person, are you following me so far?

If you're a naturally dumb person, those methrocks will up and make you even dumber.

I think in a place called Jacksonville, Texas, you want to hear a damned ridiculous way to get yourself in trouble.

A forty three year old woman's she's called Jessica.

She got arrested for smoking methrocks on a video call with an inmate at the local Ladies Gray Bar Hotel.

Brilliant.

I'll explain this to you because I know there was a lot right there.

Jessica is their name again.

She was having a video visit with a current inmate, galfriend of hers.

So her galfriend is a set in there in the video call room at jail, the guards and whatnot are watching.

Of course, Jessica is setting at home smoking her meth pipe, plain as day.

The guards and the cops there at the jail watch her smoke her meth pipe.

They get a search warrant for her house.

They drove over, they arrested her, and they locked her sad ass up.

And this gal looks like meth Ooh wee, cubby has she worn her appearance down with those meth rocks.

Yes, this is another one.

She's forty three years old.

If you just saw her photo, you'd never guess it.

We were talking about the other day.

Show these pictures to young people before they choose to do math or something like that.

It's up on ninety three x dot com too.

Forty three her friend is really hard to believe.

Her friend's there incarcerated doing a video call.

She's got to know that people are watching.

But nope, she kept roasting that little pipe ski.

She couldn't just wait a handful of minutes till the calls over.

No.

Now, when you're addicted to matt.

I guess not.

What do you doing?

Math must be pretty good?

You know who's you know who's pretty solidly hooked on meth?

Is that cage the elephant?

I could google it.

That's why they came up.

That's the motivation behind that Wichita song.

You're rage baiting with that.

I just to save some texts.

Yeah, it's it's awesome.

People are getting pissed.

Please don't accuse me of rage baiting.

Well you are rage baiting.

You like to do that, It's kind of what you do today going.

To Wichita up.

And that's how it plays itself out.

I've created some.

Raide sports on the ninety three ex Half Assed Morning Show.

Dangerous Free on three combo from Minnesota prison time five seconds in over time the needle.

We got two points on home ice, on home ice is how that audio closes out.

Yet good game last night between the Pigs and the Detroit Red Wings.

It's too bad that folks had to be awake till midnight to see it close out.

The Russian kid gets the game winner, went into overtime again.

F me running.

Now what do they do next?

Oh, tomorrow, Josh, they got to play the Stanley Cup champions from the state of Hockey in.

The state hockey.

Well no, oh, you're saying Florida is.

Yeah, I mean, obviously Florida is the state of hockey.

Eyes every Stanley Cup goes through.

So tomorrow at home, Yes, the Pigs are at home.

They're playing against the one of the teams from the state of I mean they got two hockey teams.

We've only got one hockey team.

Florida's got two.

You bring up a good point, Florida Panthers in Saint Paul tomorrow afternoon.

Colder hell this morning, everybody, you're well aware, is what I meant to say of that.

I got a text message here from a listener.

Good morning, try and stay warm, he says.

I don't know why I found this so cute, but I did.

He said, I worked for a food service.

We're making sure that everyone gets their frozen lettuce this morning.

That the wolves pissed me off.

Sorry, we can cover that.

We'll cover that when Randy Shaver ducks in here in a little while.

But Josh, a listener has a question for you for me before we move on.

You got some more news for us here in a minute or two.

Yes, a listener has a question for you.

I asked earlier, what's the story with the band named Cage the Elephant?

Is that some kind of a pecker joke?

And you said no, they named their band because of this and that.

So a listener says, Josh knows all the answers.

Can he give us any background on the Butthole Surfers?

Yeah?

I thought they had a song called Butthole Surfer Maybe did they really?

Yeah?

And there was like a they were being announced and whoever was announcing it couldn't remember the band name, so that he called them the Butthole Surfers.

That's outstanding.

That is fun.

How do you know so much of this filthy trivia?

Oh?

Easy?

I saw the text and I looked it up.

Oh, made it very easy on me.

They're the Butthole Surfers and they had a song called well, but they had a song called the Butthole Surfers before they were the Butthole Surfer just.

Playing butthole Surfer.

It was not pluralized yet, right.

The guy who introduced it kind of sounds like something you do on stage.

I don't know, it's the people that do.

The guys from Wichita song.

I have forgotten band names a couple times on stage.

I have.

You were there to save me one particular occasion.

Uh.

Yeah.

The only what made that worse is the band was maybe three and a half feet behind us.

Nah, they heard everything that we said to each other.

They definitely heard what was going on.

People.

I said, all right, everybody, hang on to your ass.

Here they are.

And I turned to Josh and I said, Okay, who the hell is this behind me?

It was some forty one And Josh said, they're called some forty one some forty one, and the man looked at us like, you dildo's get out of here so we can play some pop punk music for these eleven year olds.

Uh, you know everything.

There were One time at First Avenue, Josh, I saw a rock concert and the opening act was Dumpster Juice.

Oh yeah, I remember that.

And the headliner was the Butthole Surfers.

Is that right?

I was there for that.

I've never I never saw Dumpster Juice, but I always would read the back of city pages or you know, see who was playing where, and that was like Gemini was another one you'd see all the time.

I was a Dumpster Juice fan.

That that name was so gross, but I heard they were good.

Oh it was a lot of fun.

More news from Josh here in a couple of minutes.

Half Ast Morning Show ninety three acts pretty crazy.

I mean, you don't really think about stuff like that happening in your own town.

You know.

A North Carolina woman's facing screwtine after turning incompetence into precariousness, shooting her gun into the air because she didn't know how else to empty it.

Greenville police were called to a shot spot of alert Saturday and used a camera to track a suspected vehicle.

Police track down that vehicle driven by Samantha Williams, who admitted firing her gun into the air because she didn't know how else to clear the weapon.

Despite her risky response to a questionable grasp of munition mechanics, no injuries were reported.

I mean, I would think you could google that quite easily, she h asks, someone who may know.

She did it wrong.

Yeah.

Man, I think that's the first time ever that somebody can believe something like that happened in their neighborhood.

It seems like people have things happen in their neighborhood and they can't believe it.

Yeah, sometimes you live in a neighborhood where you can believe it.

Oh yeah, no, I've lived in those neighborhoods.

Me too.

How many shots does she pop off then before she was able to rest easy?

Yeah.

They didn't quite say how many.

It was more than one.

They just said several.

Well, let me ask you this.

I mean, that's that's pretty difficult to believe.

But if Cubby said it, then it's got to be true.

Let me ask you this.

Have you seen the video where the lady has her vehicle parked at the gas station.

The hood is up and she just opens up a bottle of motor oil and just pours it all over the engine.

Yes, it's a kind of an infamous video.

I think some of those.

Is that fake?

Was that real?

That's That's where I'm going with this.

Was that real that she really thought, you know, when she was had the low oil light go off in her car, that she was supposed to grab a bottle and just pour it all over the engine.

I believe it was fake.

I think because there's a lot of those, right, have you seen the ones where like there's the girl she's confused walking around her tesla wondering where to put the gas.

Yeah, you know she'll be parked at a gas.

Station, all right.

So I think that's fake, but maybe not.

You know, there are plenty of dumb people in the world about him every day.

I just didn't know if any of you us had a direct answer on that one, because that one's always a fascinated me.

Did that really effing happen?

There's someone who actually thought you just pour oil all over the like you're putting salad dressing on a salad.

An Irish politician set out to pitch a plan to unclog the roads, only to be foiled by the very thing he meant to fix.

He was scheduled to bring the motion Wednesday morning, but the chambers soon learned the proposal had to be delayed because he got stuck in traffic during the season.

It was a session, that is, it was announced, quote rather ironically or perhaps appropriately, he's stuck in traffic right now, and he's been there for three and a half hours.

The lawmaker's remedy centers on flexible working hours and a bid to bend the rush before it breaks everyone else.

He argued that spreading start times could reduce commuter delays.

Officials said Dublin is now the third most congested city in Europe and the eleventh most congested in the world.

The politician making the propose suggested it would be very easy for employers to offer modest flexibility, such as offering slightly different start times for some workers, which he believes would make a good major impact on traffic levels.

So getting stuck in traffic proved his point, or went against his.

Will well proved his point.

He was on his way to have a vote to say let's make employers kind of switch things up a little bit.

Yeah, and he got stuck in traffic three and a half hour.

Had have been an accident, right.

I would go absolutely insane.

Yeah.

Otherwise, Yeah, I'm just gonna bike to work.

Yeah, exactly, Dan, I'm somebody.

Somebody must have been killed dead three and a half hours.

A physician's assistant in Florida learned the hard way that bedside manner does not extend to bargaining with badges.

The thirty four year old was arrested after offering cash to a cop in an attempt to avoid being arrested.

The episode played out last Monday at an unrivaled basketball of it, where security was called and then police were called after she refused to leave the property.

Officers took her into custody and began transporting her to jail, at which point the bus became a barter.

During that drive, she attempted to have the matter dismissed by offering the arresting officer one thousand dollars.

Yah, that's pretty good amount of money.

Yeah, that's tempting.

I was expecting like fifty bucks.

What do he say?

He turned her down?

She said, okay, how about five thousand dollars?

Oh?

Snap, dude had to have taken five grand.

He didn't because she made herself even more likable by saying, just let me go.

My family has a lot of money.

The proposal failed to gain traction once again, and the conversation grew stranger.

As the trip continued, she displayed erratic behavior, including rapid speech and noticeable mood swings.

Oh that's so scary.

She starts talking really.

Fast, details which became clearer once she arrived at the jail.

They figured it out during intake.

Correctional staff discovered a clear plastic bag containing cocaine in her pocket.

The trust Fund trespasser was booked on charges of bribery of a public servant, possession of a controlled substance, and trespassing.

She wasn't lying about being rich doing cocaine.

That's rich people drug right there.

Oh I thought maybe she was BS and she ain't got a pot to piss in, but possible five grand?

I do it.

I let her go.

Pretty good payday, right there?

Yeah, I ain't bad.

Yeah, you know, maybe you're cursing the body cam at that point.

Yeah, yeah.

M Health Fairview Lakes Medical Center in Wyoming, Minnesota.

SIT's a long way from Hollywood, yet it carries an unexpected link to the entertainment industry.

One of its emergency room physicians, doctor Jacob Lentz, spits splits that is time between tending patients and tending scripts, moonlighting as a medical consultant for the HBO Max drama The Pit, which is a great show in my opinion.

It's fantastic now and at second season.

The series has drawn praise for its accurate see from both critics and doctors alike, and a doctor here in Minnesota make sure that happens the amount of Meati native said he initially pursued a career in television writing, but ultimately chose medicine instead.

His path to the show began when a friend passed along a post seeking physicians with television experience to assist with consulting.

In that role, he functions as a technical consultant, offering feedback on scripts, supplying notes about which props belong in each scene.

He's also present on set for the filming of every episode.

The Pit recently won two of the top prizes for TV at the twenty twenty six Golden Globes.

Taking home the award for Best Drama Series and Best Actor in a Drama Series.

So this guy's a big shot.

Now that's a cool gig.

Yeah, well, especially since it's getting all kinds of praise for how accurate it is.

I mean, you hear that quite a bit.

Actually, it's so accurate.

I had to go to the doctor on Monday, and doctors like, hey, do you mind if I use this new app to chord everything we do?

And then AI translates it.

But and I totally I just saw this in an episode of The Pit last week.

That's hilarious.

So that's the first time I saw it, So it's that accurate.

I'm always impressed with the actors and those types of shows to memorize that dialogue because it's all sorts of words that I can't.

Even pronounce, let alone understand what they mean.

That's gotta be super different.

That's gotta be so hard.

You guys are all fans of The Pit.

Yeah, very very good show.

Does your wife watch it seems like something she'd be into.

It does sound like something she's being I have no idea if she's down with the Pit.

Ski it's a bit of a slow week.

At theaters.

But that's good for former Parks and Rec star Chris Pratt because he's got a new one out this week.

Pratt stars in Mercy, a near future thriller which places a veteran detective on trial for the murder of his wife.

Oh it's a system he wants publicly endorsed until he finds himself at the mercy of the AI verdict.

That sounds pretty cool.

That sounds cool.

That sounds like a pressure pack situation.

His name is what's his name?

They said his name?

Chris Raven?

Total movie name like Lincoln Hawk.

I like the name Lincoln Hawk.

Movie name.

Sunday Night on Fox, the series premiere of Memory of a Killer.

Patrick Dempsey plays a New York hit man trying to protect his family after the line between his double life blurs once his memory starts to fail.

On HULUM, the streaming premiere of Springsteen Delivered Me from Nowhere, starring Jeremy Allen White as Bruce Springsteen.

Over on HBO Max the streaming premiere of The Smashing Machine, starring The Rock as an MMA fighter And it kind of.

Sounds like he busted his ass for nothing.

Yeah, that movie kind of went nowhere.

Yeah, beforehand, so many people are like, he's going to get an Oscar for this thing.

It's going to be huge.

What a transformation.

He made, best acting he's ever done, and yet it seems like nobody liked it.

I saw it, I heard it was kind of a turd.

And tonight on HBO, part two of the mel Brooks documentary, The ninety nine year old Man ask for new music.

Today, Goldfinger is back with nine Lives, Jesus teaming up with Well You'll like this part.

He's teaming up with Blink one A two's Mark Hoppis on Freaking Out a bit.

Nine Lives is the band's first new albums.

It's twenty twenty, and it features other guest appearances from members from bands like Pennywise, Ice, Nine Kills and others.

Now Mega Death's long awaited self titled album is available today, including Let Their Be Shred.

Would asked if he'd be inviting previous members to perform with Mega Death as part of their farewell tour with Hardy Friedman, which could last between three and five years.

Dave miss Daine said he doesn't want it to feel like a puppet show, so no, that will not happen.

What do you mean a puppet show.

He doesn't want to have.

Oh, here's this puppet, here's this puppet.

He just wants the guys that are in the band right now.

Well all right, yeah, I'm kind of bummed.

Well, like you said, the tour last three to five years might changes min Yeah, a lot of time to change his mind.

They might need replacements at some point.

What would be wrong with bringing Marty Friedman out there to play fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, twenty four or five songs?

Just replaced whoever they got?

Yeah, yeah, why not just kick the other guy out and bring back Marty Freeman.

I'm with you on that one.

The tour is coming to town with Iron Maiden, but not Marty Freeman.

This September, following the success of last year's standalone single End of You, which featured co lead vocals from Amy Lee of FNS EF Excuse Me Evanessence, Poppy released Empty Hands.

Should get any any help there from the guys in blank one.

Two or didn't say?

Maybe a producer?

Oh it's Tom DeLong there in the background.

You can hear him.

Oh yeah, you could hear him in the background.

I didn't even notice it.

Check out ninety three x dot com and Spotify for our Notable New Releases playlist, putting a spotlt spotlight on what's new in rock every week and a quick footnote.

Metallica teamed up with Doc Martin's for a new shoe and boot collection coming out soon.

Oh, I'll be at them all later this afternoon.

It's not out yet.

A shoe foot It.

Is a comfortable shoe.

I'll go ahead and never had Doc Martins.

Yeah, I love those.

They're cute but expensive.

Very comfortable?

Are they expensive?

Yeah?

Join the Jordan Clark Foundation for the You Matter Tournament, a one day community event featuring open single elimination tournaments and pickleball paddle squash, both singles and doubles.

It's happening tomorrow from ten am to eight pm at the Heights Racket and Social Club, fourteen to fifteen Mendota Heights Road in Mendoda Heights.

Entries twenty bucks for members, forty dollars for non members.

The Jordan Clark Foundation You Matter Tournament Tomorrow starting at ten Shout out to Electrician Jesus headed to Wyoming with a long car ride to go sledding with the Boys, and that's ninety three X news.

Randy Shaver on the half Last Morning Show.

You gotta get back to playing defense.

We have no defensive personality right now, you know.

We gotta get back to winning the point of attack.

Why does that Wax and Wayne throughout a season?

Yeah, I don't know.

It's just's question for them more than me.

Really, Hello, Randy Shaver, Randy, what's going Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Yeah.

Yeah, she's our final final today.

Yeah.

Again, not a hell of a lot going on, So I'm encouraging long drawn out stories.

Do you don't happen to have a brother in law with a soybean farm?

Do you?

I certainly don't know.

Many years ago, I walked into my favorite neighborhood bar.

And when I walked in there, it was the middle of the afternoon.

It was just a bartender and one old timer at the bar.

And this was a friend of my dad's, this old timer.

So I sat down.

We're all three of us jaw jacking back and forth.

The old timers got to get up and take a piss.

So he walks out of earshot for a while, and the bartender says, he says, thank god, you came in here when you did, he said, Old Donnie there won't stop running his mouth.

He says, if I have to listen to one more story about his brother in law, soybean Farm, I'm gonna choke that son of a bitch to death.

That sucks to your bartender is the only person there.

You're a captive audience.

Yeah, yeah, he just had him pinned nothing but talk about his brother in law, soybean Farm.

I bet that's interesting for a while.

But yeah, it depends on how long you're sitting there.

Sure, sure, long drawn out stories.

Today's the day.

Oh we can talk about the cold a little bit.

If are you going out of doors today, Randy, I.

Don't mean to rub it in.

I am not in Minnesota.

Where are you?

If you say Florida, it'll play perfectly.

I'm in Florida.

Yes, Okay, See that does nothing for me.

We actually covered this earlier.

I think Florida sucks so much that it has no effect on me.

When someone almost regularly, right, Josh, when the weather gets really cold like this, one of our listeners is going to text from Florida to try to get us right and say, well, I'm not suffering in the cold.

I'm in Florida.

I'd rather be here.

I haven't seen much of Florida, but I didn't really enjoy it either.

I've been to Kassimi didn't been like that.

And then Orlando for Disney World.

I went to Miami and I didn't really enjoy it.

But I would rather be somewhere warm.

It is.

This is perfect, This is perfect.

We need long drawn out stories.

Explain to us why you're in that god forsaken part of our country.

Ah well, we're down here for a couple of months just to get out of the weather.

Oh wow, So carl Month, why did you choose Florida?

There's so many other ones.

We did this last We did this last year.

Remember we came down and then my granddaughter got terribly sick.

Oh yeah, and we spent twelve days in the ICU and it was a very traumatic deal and all of that.

Let's try it again this year without the I see you.

Yeah, yeah, we want to we we don't want that to be the lasting memory.

Sure, So we're back down here again, and they're coming down in a few weeks to spend a week with us, and fingers crossed, everything goes well and that'll be the memory that we have.

So it's kind of a bummer, Rainy.

I thought we had plans to go to twins Fest this weekend.

Is that this weekend it is terrible weekend for twins Fest.

It was going to be sparsely.

Kind of fitting, you know what, dinner.

You're right, this wasn't gonna be a big year for twins Fast, no matter how nice the weather was.

At least now they have an excuse for the poor attendance.

Right, good call.

Do you want to tell us what town you're in or anything like that or you want to keep.

That as we We are in a place called Reunion, Florida, which is it's in the Casimi area, and it's I have to be honest, it's really nice.

It's been great.

It's going to be eighty two here today.

You're going to catch the ball games if you're give me there for a couple of months.

We are going to try to go.

We went to Lakeland last year.

I told you this watch the Tigers and we watched schooble pitch.

My plan is to go.

Bout your fly open.

That's right, I do.

I do love watching him put a pitch.

Our plan is to go down there at some point and watch a ball game.

So I suppose we got what just a month before some of that nonsense.

Yeah, a month and a half.

I think they report.

Oh, I want to say like middle of like early February.

Right, it.

May even be earlier than that.

It is.

I lost my mind there for a second.

I thought it was early January.

We've made it all the way to late January now, so right around Valentine's Day, right, Yeah, so you'll get to watch some baseball.

All right, there you go frigging Florida.

You go to Florida, and you get the money.

It's what I've heard before.

Yeah, it's thirty five forty below here.

Oh that's his brutal.

Here's a listener who texted in and said, Josh, it's so cold.

He says, my test He said his testicles have retracted far back enough that they've pushed out his back dimples.

Oh boy, I think we've all experienced that.

Some poor guy said his alternator crapped out on him.

He was stuck on the side of the road and he couldn't find his quote peener.

His peener disappeared sitting on the side of the road by invisible peener.

So again, Yeah, the guy says, not only have his nuts retracted so far back that they pushed out his back dimples, but his nipples Josh have sliced his T shirt into a doily.

Oh god, shoot, let me see.

It's awful cold, are they Are they still planning to do the event this weekend?

Yes, because it's all of it.

Is still on last I saw.

Yeah.

Still they're pushing it out everywhere on television and the newspapers, on the internet, the State of Hockey people or pardon me, the Hockey Day in Minnesota.

People are saying, don't be shy, we're doing it tomorrow.

Wow.

Okay, I have that around here somewhere.

Good luck.

Yeah.

The people are saying, like the players are going to be fine because they have so many the heated benches and you know, heaters and stuff on them, and then they're out there exercising.

But they said the fans might have some trouble unless you paid a little extra to get in one of the warmer areas, at least according to text, that's what people are.

You really got to love your kid, Yeah, if you're gonna sit out there and watch him play yeah, her play.

I would come nowhere near it.

I guess I forgot about that.

I suppose they do pump those jet engine type heaters at the kids on the bench.

Sure, you're miserable for I don't know, minute and a half, two minutes out there.

I do feel bad for the kids because you know, these high school hockey players they want they want to be part of Hockey Day in Minnesota.

They want to be on television number one.

All the chicks get a look at them, right, they get an intro, You got the play by play guys talking about you the same way they talk about professional players, right right.

It just sucks that, you know, the weather has to be so brutal because you know the kids look forward to this setup.

Today there's a few games, including the Irwegian wild play in Hastings and then tomorrow starting at nine to thirty in the morning, varsity girls game Hastings versus Park Varsity boys game follows that Hastings versus east Ridge.

Four thirty in the afternoon rock Ridge Saint Thomas.

That's a varsity boys game, and they close it out at seven point thirty where the gals game Hastings.

Oh oh, this is the Hastings Alumni Girls' family Skate, So there's a little bit of everything.

You know, if I were a seventeen year old kid on one of these clubs, I'd want to enjoy it to the fullest.

Yeah, and that's going to be kind of difficult to do when it's thirty below zero, Pike exactly.

Yes, it's too bad.

They're going for it all right.

While we're on the topic of hockey, me let me shift over to the game last night here in town.

Good game between the Pigs and the Detroit Red Wings.

I can see why Detroit has the record that they do.

They're pretty sharp.

Went into overtime again, the Russian kid scores the game winner, and the Pigs enter by an official final final I think it was four to three.

Yep, you know.

Palamine asked me what I thought was a good question the other night, what the hell are the Pigs gonna do in the playoff when there's no silly three on three hockey in overtime?

Are they going to be able to win a real overtime game with no gimmicks?

And I don't know that's a good question.

The game is so different with two less guys on the ice for both clubs, and I think the man Bear Pigs have benefited from that, especially with the skill set that that Russian kid possesses.

He excels with that extra ice very different, especially in the playoffs playing five on five overtime.

Right, I guess we'll find out the Russian kid actually scored twice.

Zucarello scored twice.

Old Phil in between the pipes there thirty one saves.

Quinn Hughes had three assists.

Up next tomorrow the Stanley Cup Champions from the real state of hockey where you are right now, Florida, the Florida Panthers playing Saint Paul Saint Paul tomorrow afternoon.

I think, oh no, it's a late game, eight o'clock at night or so.

To put a lid on hockey Day, Minnesota Hockey.

Day and stink and there you go, there you go.

Golden Gopher Dudes Hockey is playing at Michigan State this weekend.

The gals are playing at Saint Cloud State where Dana used to hang out.

Now and again, me too.

I had a lot of fun in that arena.

It was in that arena where I heard what I thought was one of the more original lines, at least up to that point in my life.

So we were there to watch the Golden Gophers play Saint Cloud State.

I was living up there at the time, but I never gave two pumps about Saint Cloud State hockey.

I was born and bred a Golden Gopher fan, so we were there to support the Golden Gophers, even though I had a high schooluddy play on the Saint Cloud roster at the time.

Brett Levers terrific guy and a terrific hockey player.

So we were there, sold out, smooth to the rafters.

Golden Gophers versus Saint Cloud.

Those are the best when they had a lot of fun Gophers ud, I mean, oh yeah, those.

Were those days.

We go into the pisser.

It's about eleven guys deep at each head, and this is the you.

At least when I was twenty one.

This was a very original line.

The line was terrible.

Everyone's holding it, been drinking beer all afternoon evening, and one guy in line says about the guy in front of him, they were complete strangers.

The guy says, he, you think the guy in front of me would mind if I took a piss in his back.

Pocket, and that arena was one of the funniest getting caught underage drinking stories ever saw.

We were freshmen and we were in the dorms and my buddy had a twenty ounce of Coca cola, so he poured out of it, filled the rest with rum, you know, and smuggled it in and then he was just carrying around like he bought at the concession stand.

Cop comes up to him and says, uh, hey, let me see that.

He goes, No, I got this at the concession stand.

He goes, this place only sells pepsi products.

But rats, he had the perfect plan.

Yeah, yeah, it foiled.

Son of a bench.

You know, you kind of forget that places either colch or PEPs Yeah.

Did he blame it on you guys?

Why did you guys tell me that the only show.

We still bust his balls about it to this day.

That's a very aware cop.

Really.

Yes, Yeah, we got in trouble in school for maybe we should have been put on some kind of a predatory list at the time, but.

For a lot of reasons.

Yeah, you told plenty of stories were.

Me and my pals road trip to Alexandria to watch to watch the dance line, to watch the wise at a dance line.

Huh.

You know, I couldn't tell one good dance line from the other.

We were there to look at girls and hopefully get to know a few of them.

And we stayed in the same hotel as the Wisetta girls did, and so you know, we're just kind of lurking and lingering all.

Weekend, sitting in the lobby waiting.

But of course a lot of them were our friends, but I don't think they were entirely comfortable with us sitting all afternoon in the hotel sitting, you know, in the in the activities area, you know, the big, big, old like dance floor type scene in this hotel, right, and the girls are practicing and we're sitting there drinking all day.

But we poured our hooch into doctor Pepper bottles.

That was our little gimmick, right, So we we didn't bother anybody.

We just we're kind of lurking and lingering.

We went to all the dance events and we went home.

The next Monday, we all got called into the principal's office.

What are you guys doing?

We're like, what do you mean, what are we doing?

Well?

You went, you drove all the way to Alexandria to see the dance line, and we're like, well, yeah, we're big fans.

They didn't buy it and they shouldn't.

But we kept arguing, you know, why are we in trouble if we would have traveled to go see the hockey team?

Would we be in the v if we traveled to see And finally the principal goes, all right, let's just cut to the chase.

No, kid your age drinks that much doctor Pepper.

We know what you were doing with the doctor Pepper.

And I said, what are you gonna give us a piss test?

You know you don't know what we were doing.

They did, but of course we just said no, no, no, we're drinking pop.

Yeah, I can't prove it.

And a guy friend of mine did hook up with a gal from a different dance team, nice that was staying at THEO.

But then the next morning he woke up he couldn't talk.

He couldn't talk.

He was very sick, and he was he could barely speak, like he had laryngitis.

And her name was Cherry, so he said he.

Had a case of cherry itis.

All right, they're going to go ahead with the NFC and AFC title games this Sunday in the National Football League.

Go ahead, Randy Shaver, what's going to happen.

Well, it's what's going to happen as to what you want to have happened, right.

I want to see Sam Darnald go to the Super Bowl.

I think the Rams are great.

They've got a very good football team, well coached.

But I would love to see Sam Darnald uh go to the Super Bowl, and with that defense, they probably have a great chance to do it.

It's Sam Donald's next shot at glory.

Yeah, and I just it kind of just twists the knife a little bit more into Vikings fans if Sam Donald were to go to the Super Bowl, right, I really I think the the Broncos Patriots game is super interesting to me, only because I know the Broncos top quarterback is hurt and not playing and all.

That makes the Patriots a favorite in the game.

But I still think that Broncos defense is super good, so I think that game's gonna be a lot closer than people think.

I still think the Patriots probably win.

You're saying Patriots probably win.

Patriots Seahawks I think will probably be the matchup Oh boy.

It's back to Sam Donald.

I asked a buddy at the beginning of the playoffs, are you rooting for Sam Donald?

He's a hardcourt Vikings fan.

I said, are you rooting for Sam Donald?

Are you hoping that he fails again so you can keep the narrative saying we made the right call to let him go?

And he said, no, no, no, I'm rooting for the guy.

Yesterday he texted me I wasn't rooting for him this much though.

Well, he's going up against the team that beat him last year in the playoffs, right, that's true, and it basically demolished him last year.

And I know they've played already once this year.

Actually they split during the regular season, so he did beat the Rams during the regular season.

But obviously, what much more on the line right now, so we'll see.

I'm gonna be pulling for him.

I hope that they that they win, so.

Sam Darnold's next shot to no longer be looked at as a yeah, a shlub, a guy who can't but win the big game.

But you know, Nick, it's just that it just adds that extra layer to agony for Vikings fans.

I just think I just think that's what's that's what's intriguing.

Of course, of course that's what's intriguing about it.

Yeah, what if Indiana Jones hadn't gotten hurt Indianapolis and they make the.

Playoffs, Yeah, that would have been fun.

Then he made a run too Super Bowl.

Between those two quarterbacks, I enjoy the hell out of Vikings fan misery.

So you know who I'm rooting for on Sunday.

And I think Matt Stafford.

I mean I'm pulling for staff I think Stafford's obviously a great player.

The Rams are really good.

They either game can go eat both.

These games are going to be very close and hard fought, and as it should be when you get to the championship weekend.

So all right, speaking of old Viking quarterbacks that came and went, some of them annoyed us more than others.

Captain death Rocks Curtis Cousins, a listener says, we're forgetting about the Curse of Kurt Cousins.

No team that has lost to Captain Death Rocks and the regular season has ever advanced to the Super Bowl.

He beat the Rams late in the season.

That's a good point, so keep that in mind.

Too, Randy Shaver.

Okay, okay, where do you go with this?

These are the fellas who are in the running for the Associated Press NFL Most Valuable Player Award, or, as a friend of mine would say, the Most Valuable Player Reward.

Christian mcraffree McCaffrey, Josh Allen, Trevor Lawrence, Drake May, Matthew Stafford, Calvin Portner.

I think there's just two guys.

It's just Stafford in May.

Oh.

Those are the top two guys, and probably Stafford is going to end up getting there.

I think there's going to be a Drake May's got more time in his career to get there kind of a thing.

So they're kind of like a lifetime achievement award.

Yeah.

I kind of look at Staffords as the leader in the clubhouse for this award, and it's not that he does it as deserve it.

He does.

He's had a standing year, and so has Drake May.

I mean, what Drake May has done has been tremendous, So they both deserve it.

But I think Stafford will end up kidding it.

Is there more than one of these?

Is there?

Is there?

The Associated Press and then the Sports?

Yeah?

I thought there was more than there's like a Player of the Year two.

There's other awards two.

Not that it troubles me too deeply, says here.

The San Francisco forty nine ers want to make a trade for oversize sixth grader and Vikings wide receiver Addison Jordan.

Let them have them.

What would they like to give us in return?

I don't know.

Will take whatever you want to give us.

Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry, I tuned off for a second.

What would they like to give us in return?

I don't know.

I'm imagining a functioning adult or two pick of some sort a bucket of money kicking the ass, take.

A draft choice.

I'd take a draft pick from them.

Sure, maybe an as yet to be determined, unproven, possibly injury prone player player to be named Addison Jordan.

I'm filing this one under the you probably don't give two pumps, but I'm gonna go ahead anyway.

Category.

There's a rumor going around that former NFL coach current television dork Rex Ryan might leave ESPN for a return to coaching.

Specifically, he'd take the defensive coordinator gig with the New York Giants.

Now that is old bro John John Harbaugh is their new head coach.

I think that John Harbow would want to.

I don't know if John Harbow would want that.

Rex Ryan is such a strong personality.

He's a dufus, is what he is.

He's a little bit of a goofball team.

Yeah, I think he'd wants something's more in tune with what's been going on the Innererkings of the NFL last decade.

He's a big dum dufist and the NFL is loaded with big dumb dufices, so he'll fit right back in.

Rex Ryan.

Yeah, he's got the foot fetish, right right.

I hate that.

I know that.

By the way, any time you hear his name, it's the first thing I think of.

I already also likes his nipples played with a little bit.

But so, the other side of this.

Coin is doesn't he have a Mark Sanchez tattoo?

Or is that a joke?

Look it up, boy, Actually, good question.

I remember something about that.

It's Mark.

He's holding the knife.

There's a truck driver in the background.

Different.

Oh.

And then and then the other side of the coin, Randy Shaver is if Rex Ryan goes back to coaching, that would open up a spot on television for recently gassed NFL head coach Mike Tomlin to land that television guy.

I think Mike Tomlin will get a gig regardless of who's there right now.

The rumor is that he'll end up at CBS, that Tomlin will end up taking Matt Ryan's spot on CBS.

So I looked it up.

Rex Ryan kind of has a Mark Sanchez tattoo.

It's a pretty blonde lady wearing only a Mark Sanchez jersey.

Only.

Yeah, she's got no bottom side.

What a weird I remember that.

Now you think he'll have that altered.

Gosh, change that up probably.

Well, so you just see the sleeve and it's the number six.

He could easily turn that six into an eight.

Just put a little knife by it, all right?

How about this is this big news?

According to a listener, Fernando Mendoza, the quarterback who led Indiana to the national U is gonna turn pro.

Is that something?

Yes, he's he's projected to be the number one pick.

Oh, this is old news or new news that he's turning pro.

I think he's officially announced it.

He just officially.

I think that everybody, everybody assumed he was going.

All right, he's projected to be the number one pick.

And by the way, speaking of that, that ball club Indiana who your's head coach Kurt Signetti and the rest of those peckerheads involved with Indiana football, they're having a hell of a good time right now.

It hasn't even been a week since they won the very first football national title in school history.

We mentioned a few weeks ago that this Signetti guy loves to eat Chipotle burritos and whatnot.

Well, now Chipotle has up and decided to honor him with a menu item with his name on it.

Now, if they serve spaghetti, you will be perfect, but they don't.

Actually, don't you have a burger somewhere?

No, somebody was telling me there is one and you're in Wisconsin.

What I'd be so jealous.

I've always want to have a menu?

Yeah, dog, how do.

You get something?

It's still named that?

Do?

They call it the fur Burghers?

They call it the smash Lee.

It's been a while since I've been there.

Is that dough Boys barn girl.

It's kind of in like Osceola, New Richmond area.

Yeah, one of my buddy, my buddy dough Boy owned dough Boys Bar and grill.

How did this come about?

Uh?

So when he opened up the place, jeez, I think it was two years ago now, me and my husband helped him kind of set the place up, cleaned it out.

It was, oh god, it was bad in there.

And he went to go get us some lunch and came back with some burgers, and you know, we told him whatever we wanted and he ended up taking like the burger I ordered what was on that one and throwing it on the menu.

Do you even remember what was on the smashly, I.

Do not off the top of my head, but it's obviously you know, Smash Burger's.

But it's it's nothing like crazy or weird.

But yeah, that that's a great place.

And uh the coolest thing about that place, Nick, fifty cent pool tables.

Lick me down?

Uh huh.

I like to play pocket billiards now and again.

And you got to dump more than fifty cents in there.

And most joints, yep.

Usually a dollar fifty.

It's ridiculous unless.

You're at the Legion.

And why is that a Saturday nights free pool?

Anyway?

Chipotle has added a menu item to honor Kurt Signetti Uh, it's simply called the I Win burrito or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, that's that's his famous line, I win, I win, Google me.

Oh sure I have heard that.

Yes, his introductory news conference that people's you know, didn't you know know who he was or whatever?

He just says, I win, Just google.

Me, corporate radio rules, we win again.

I won't tell that story again, although it is a lot of fun.

Most of our listeners know it.

But you know, I gotta be honest with you.

I'm kind of upset about this whole Kurt Signetti getting his own Here's Cubby, a guy who made f and Chipotle rich all by himself decades ago.

Decades ago, he ate their food every day.

He never got a Neil how do you say it?

A meal named after him.

Here comes this Signetti knob wash.

He wins a few amateur football games and he gets his name on the menu.

He wins.

That doesn't trouble you at all, Google him.

I'm win with it.

I'm still hung up on the fact that Ashley has a menu item named after her and completely forgot.

I complete I know.

My husband even texted me and all he said was, dude, I'm sorry.

I'm a little sleep deprived.

Cubby with deep throat and Chipotle burritos when Signetti was still teaching square dancing as a junior high gym teacher and you got nothing out of.

It, well, it was I went so often.

Really, the only variety of my diet for probably ten years was the location of Chipotle.

It's about it, and you got the same thing every single time.

Right, I'm the same thing every single time guy still to this day.

But brazy yeah, they'd have it waiting for me at times, which would be kind of embarrassing.

They did honor you by giving you that free Chipotle for life card that you're too embarrassed to use.

I tried it once and then I never used it again.

I would feel kind of like a douche too.

I felt like a giant douche.

At least it's a healthier place, and you know, it's not like one of the worst fast food places.

I'd feel more guilty if, like, you know, I had a huge burger waiting for me with fries Chipotle's.

Oh no, I just got a large sour cream that was my orders, the tub of it with a spoon.

Dude, that stuff is so good.

And I've tried to remake that at home so many times.

Yeah, they you know, they gave me a plaque.

You know, it's kind of like around here if they're like, oh, you know you want to raise pal, here's a business card.

Yeah didn't you?

Yeah, I brought it.

I know.

That was nice and everything very kind.

I just think you should have been recognized.

I got a title.

You should have been recognized a little more efficiently.

They called me a master Burrito Ambassador.

Efficiently was officially, is what I meant to say.

Officially.

But they did cater our wedding everything.

So we started off our conversation playing some audio from Finchy.

Yeah, head coach of the Timberwolves, just aren't good enough right now.

They are not, and they are not.

It's mostly a matter of effort and motivation in my opinion, which makes it frustrating to watch.

And I would also say that their bench has just been brutal.

Other than nas Reid, they're just not getting anything from this bench.

Yeah, they've lost four in a row now for I think only the second time since Finchy took over five years ago or whenever it was.

The Chicago Bulls beat them by five last night at Target Center.

Close game for the most part all the way through.

Yeah, they let the Bulls come back in that game.

And yeah, the Wolves made a nice thirteen to nothing run on the Bulls about halfway through the fourth quarter.

They took the lead, but the final four minutes of the ballgame, Chicago went on a fifteen to four run to close it out.

She was a nine to nothing run in the final minute of the ballgame.

In the final few minutes, the Wolves took bad shot, they turned the ball over.

They didn't have the smarts to close it out.

They made stupid decisions in the last few minutes, and they deserve to lose.

Its frustrating to watch.

Possible future Wolves starting point guard kolbe White scored twenty two points for the Bulls.

Julius Randall scored thirty.

Edwards had an off night.

He looked hired.

He didn't play any defense either.

From day one.

It's just again, its effort, its motivation that slows these guys down.

They'll play the Golden State Warriors here tomorrow afternoon.

Disappointing.

Yeah, it certainly is.

Golden Gopher Bros.

Play basketball at home tomorrow versus Nebraska Freds the mayor.

Freddie Hoyer, the mayor is here.

We talked about him a couple of days ago.

Twins are gonna try the Taylor Rogers thing again.

Yeah, that's okay.

Well, I got no problem with that.

It's more body, it's you know, two million bucks for a left handed reliever.

I think that's worth it for the twins with a lot of experience at thirty five.

So lefty reliever, don't you know?

Yeah, Taylor Rodgers, since he spent his first six big league seasons here in town.

Since then, he's pitched for the Podres, the Brewers, the Giants, the Reds, the Cubs, the Rams, the Argonauts.

But a solid lefty, he can get swings and misses.

So I'm excited about this.

It's probably I don't know if you have no the answer to this question.

But do do lefties get paid more?

No?

Like offered more?

No, they're not like.

Sing They seem to last longer in the big leagues and get more opportunities in the bigs just because there's less of them out there, so.

They paid more in general.

No, but they're certainly appreciated.

Yeah, for sure.

More opportunity as a left handed reliever starter.

So mmmmm, oh, man, just ask Glenn Perkins.

Glenn Perkins, I hope his uh, his winter's going all right?

You talked to Glenn lately, Dana.

I haven't talked to him now in a while.

Hopefully he wants to come back and mess around on the live radio.

Oh, you did tell me that he would love to come back next year.

I like Glen a lot.

Yeah, he's really good too.

He had a lot of fun.

Wonderful guy.

He's very very good.

How about this?

Now got some Belgian soccer fans.

Oh, you usually don't bring up soccer in the positive light, So I think I know where this is going.

Oh, this is fun.

Oh it must be a slow day.

This is fun.

No, no, this would have been brought up any day that this isn't bringing up soccer.

Okay, really you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, I get you.

Three Belgian soccer fans are off to prison for what they wore to an away game in Kazakhstan.

So they went over to Kazakhstan to watch their favorite Belgian soccer club play.

All three of them wore the infamous mankini that made Borat famous.

Dude in his real nice now.

They all wore the MANKINI I.

Was going to ask.

I thought, I was like, why does that sound familiar?

Isn't that Borat's hometown.

Fraud to make a hands relief NICs relief.

From his famous real life documentary titled Borat Cultural Learnings of America for make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.

God he nice, my husband taught well.

I stuck at it, I guess.

But my husband talks like this all around the house, around our kid because he wants them to talk like Borat.

That's a goal.

I want that.

You know what's funny is when my brother's kids were young, that's when that Borat movie got dumped on us, right, and I couldn't stop saying And I still say whaaa, we will.

So I'm doing that around my brother's kids all the time.

You know, they'd be like, hey, look a dead rat or whatever like little kids do, and I would say, whoa, whoa, we will.

Don't let them say this, Ashley, I like to take photograph of ladies while they make a toilet.

You don't want that.

You don't want that to be his first words.

So next thing, I know, I eat success.

Next thing, I know, Ashley, these two little kids are running around my parents' house and they're saying nothing but Wawa, we will awesome Borat cultural learnings of America for make great benefit glorious.

So the three Belgian soccer dorks were arrested at the ballgame.

They weren't allowed to watch the entire soccer game, and they will be off to prison.

Now, I don't think.

I want to go to a prison in Kazakistan or Kazakhstan.

Yeah, either, right, that didn't sound right when it came out of my mouth.

It didn't try it again.

Kazakhstan say, I know ninety nine folks from Kazakhstan.

I know ninety nine folks from Kazaistan.

Yeah.

They say these three guys will be going to prison for what they call here in the story a short stint.

That's insane.

So if something, if you didn't know.

They don't find Borat's journalistic style very funny.

Oh, they were furious over how they were represented, absolutely furious.

They say that Borat embarrassed them in that documentary and doing Borat things over there is illegal.

And it looked cold that afternoon too, when those fellas were running around in the mankinies.

Belgium doesn't sound like a hot or warm place to me.

I'm always picturing kind of gloomy, chilly.

That's very funny.

I was.

I was a damned fool, is what I was.

When I first went to see Borat in the movie theater.

I walked out of there and I said, what the hell was that?

That was friggin dumb.

I even texted Josh.

I even texted Josh and I said, why do you love that Borat movie?

Because Josh couldn't believe how funny it was.

He was telling us about it on the radio.

I even texted Josh into.

That I was more of an Ali G guy.

I did like I loved Ali G.

Yeah, I was certainly Alig.

But then I watched Borat the second time and I was on my knees.

I don't know what it was, what my problem was on the first time I saw it, I didn't really did you.

It's it's like Anchorman.

It's the same concept, right, hated hated Anchorman.

When I first watched it was like, this is so stupid, Right, And by the third time I watched it on HBO, it's like I can't stop watching a lot of Wilfare.

All movies are like that.

They are the same with Elf.

I couldn't.

I thought Elf was the dumbest thing ever the first time I saw it.

Now I love it.

Aera doesn't make sense to me.

I fell in love immediately.

Who's too silly?

Elf?

Oh, I don't know, I love it.

I don't know.

Elf.

When you saw Borant, did you see it in a packed theater or is it just like a Saturday afternoon time?

That was a relatively We saw an opening.

Night with a full pack theater, and my god, we had to go back and watch it a second time because we missed so many parts because the theater was just rolling in the aisles laughing so hard.

Yeah, that added to it for me.

People were loving it.

That wrestling scene I could have done without, although that the how big the black bar was was that was a nice touch.

And buy you watch it again?

As a match?

Was this buddy's name?

I remember they had a hell of a wrestling match?

Yeah, they did.

I like the scene where this Azamat guy says to Borat.

He says, so going to why do we have to go to California?

What's in California?

And Borat says Pearl Harbor is there and so is Texas.

Ah that Borat's brave, though he put himself in some pretty dangerous situations he.

Did, especially that second one.

Yeah, I thought he's gonna die in the second one.

His mother was the oldest woman in all of Kazakhstan, and she was forty three, if I remember correctly, died terribly.

Did you guys see that new thing he released?

Not too long?

No, I haven't followed this dude.

What's his name against Asha Baron Collins.

I haven't followed him in many years.

I guess it was in twenty twenty, but I watched it, I don't know, like two three years ago, and yeah, he's doing like a it's like a documentary type thing but not real obviously, and it's about like the pandemic and like the political climate that we're handing.

But he just nails it.

I'll check that guy out.

He's like in a basement the whole time with like two really weird dudes.

It's really good.

What was the movie called where he was a German model or something?

Bruno?

I didn't follow that one.

Bruno.

I never watched Bruno.

Maybe funny, it's funny.

You want you have to have a strong stomach for a lot of penis because there's a lot of exposed male Genitalian.

Now maybe I have to Maybe I have to watch that one again because Bruno didn't grab me.

Just the picture of who I imagine is Bruno gets me what his hair?

It's so ridiculous.

What is this.

In Borat when he says this is my wife?

Fuck Shawna.

She is a moron.

I forget the actress's name, but Will Ferrell Movies and the other guys, is.

It Eva Mendez the hottest woman ever?

He thinks his wife is just plain and ugly.

He doesn't get it when other people say she's tracked.

He's like, Embarrassmayer.

Yeah, people are texting in now The Dictator anyone.

Yeah, I watched The Dictator.

I don't really remember much about it.

Yeah.

I kind of came and went.

I thought I think it was funny in the moment, but it's nothing I ever felt like anything.

Oh yeaheah, I.

Didn't see I know you're talking.

I forgot about that big Lebowski.

A listener says boring the first time, but then it hit me.

Yeah, I have to admit that The Big Lebowski didn't grab me right away.

Napoleon Dynamite confused the heck out of me the first time I saw it.

I was irritated by that.

I didn't know why it was a movie.

He pissed me off.

But yeah, I started to understand.

Tina, come get some ham.

I didn't involves the best.

Yeah, so you guys were kind of confused too, Like what am I?

I loved it right away.

I thought it was dumb it What was it all again?

Napoleon Dynamite?

I loved it right away.

I don't know why.

Somebody said I knew nothing about it when I first when I watched it, did somebody kind of give you the gist of it?

I have no memory of whether or not I had a warm up for Napoleon Dynamite, but I loved it right away.

It reminded me so much of high school and some kids that I knew in high school, especially the scene when he just gets smoked into the lockers.

I was on a knee and then he kind of kicks at the guy.

Remember that, Yeah, he gets smoked into the lockers for no reason and he kind of karate kicks it just reminded me of junior maybe more junior high than high school, because that was like our favorite thing in the world to do.

Whether it was a friend or a complete stranger, someone standing two or three feet away from the lockers, you jack them into the damn thing as hard as he can.

It's just fun.

It reminded me of fun times.

Ah, there you go, Randy Shaver.

What do you got planned for Florida today?

Did your wife?

Did your wife bring her skimpiest bikini?

Of course?

Yeah, of course.

What about you?

What do you wear on the beach?

I wear my speedo as little as a T shirt.

You wear your T shirt on the beach?

Actually wants to know?

Do I?

I?

Normally I do not.

Let her buck?

Right, Yeah, good for you.

Let all those ladies what you been working on all this time?

Yeah?

Right right right?

Oh man, I know this.

I will be much warmer here than you will be there.

Ale beers for me, Yeah.

I have a You probably won't drink much because you're soft like that, but Friday have a good time, and so you'll be there for a couple of months.

So when we talk to you on Monday, you'll.

I'll be here for quite a while, part time.

Part time Floridian hand relief, right, Randy, Yeah, yes, exactly, some time she makes hand relief, relief, hand relief.

I'm sorry, no relief.

Can you remind everyone?

I know it's a sad story, but how Borat's mom passed away?

If I remember right, it was due to strangulation.

While well, she died during child bird.

I don't remember the drum strangulation.

Drumstrangulate, that's how she passed.

That's right.

Have a wonderful weekend, Randy.

See, we'll be back in a few minutes.

Here on the program acts the.

Home of the Half Assed Morning Show.

What is it?

Thirty five below zero?

Pretty chilly something like that.

Yeah, what a nightmare.

I hope everyone's able to see the sun come up tomorrow.

It's cold enough for the actual number doesn't even really matter, it's just you.

Yeah, thirty is just miserable.

She's a stiff one out there.

Sorry.

Folks with beards.

Folks with beards have been texting in showing just the ice that has formed instantaneously on those things.

Just crunchy facial hair today.

Hey you can do the cool uh like boiling water tricks?

Oh yeah, somebody sent a video they did that this morning.

Too dangerous, though, make sure you'd throw it away from them, didn't.

We read some stories a couple of years ago where folks were a scalding the skin right off of their body.

Throw it away from your body.

You gotta know what you're doing when you do the hot water trick.

We welcome you back to the show.

Oh yeah, the the ice beard.

I've just got stubble.

I wonder if that'll freeze on my way out.

I think you'll be all right.

I bet you.

You know that the nose starts to run, it gets into the mustache.

It's just terrible, like the Dumb and Dumber scene.

When they when your eyelashes freeze together.

My my old Springer Spaniel, the best girl in the whole world, Megan Maurice, You once so wore an ice beard.

See when my roommates let her out the house when it was about thirty five below zero, and then they left real nice, right, And I told them because it was so brutally cold, and I wasn't going to be home, I said, when you let that friggin dog out, keep an eye on her.

She was getting a little old, a little uh, what's the word, Nile se Nile said, keep an eye on the Of course, because we were young and they were stupid, they let her out, forgot about her and left.

Oh no, oh, I'd be so pissed.

I got home maybe an hour and a half.

Two hours later, dog's not in the house.

It's thirty five below zero.

I get in my vehicle.

I start driving around the neighborhood looking for this friggin dog.

And I see your jogging down the road and she's got a full on four alarm ice beard.

Poor baby.

My dogs are so pissed off about the cold right now.

It's so funny when one of them have to take a number two, because they'll be out there and like try to lift, you know, their back paws up.

While they're in the squad.

They start favoring the paw that freezes up and they hang it in the air.

I like that.

That's a fun pit.

I'm gonna have to get an ice pick to clean up out there.

It's just almost instantaneously it's been freezing.

I don't think we've done it, or actually I have a solution.

My dog Jaeger can come over.

He likes to eat frozen frozen crabs.

Oh does Yeah, he'll clear that out for you.

Oh, I appreciate that.

Something I've always thought was uni about you, Josh is you don't wait till the spring.

You go out there in the bitter cold and chip away at hard dog turns.

Why don't you just well.

With our dogs?

You can't.

It's twice a day.

There's two of them, and they're giant.

Oh, your yard would be a message and our yeah, yard isn't all that big.

So well, that's disgusting.

It pretty bad.

All right, I say we put this pig on cruise control here, Kubby, I'm ready to get back under the covers.

Although we had been invited to do something after the program is over here in twenty eight minutes, you got plans after nine am?

Anybody?

I got a little something, but I could always reschedule it.

Let's see, this is disposable lighter repair man Jesus.

He says he is currently wrestling and hanging three hundred pound steal garage doors in folks' garages.

Wants to know if we wouldn't mind swinging by and helping them out after we're done with the radio.

I lied, I can't reschedule my things.

You've got something very important.

Yeah, you need me to like hand you a screwdriver or something.

I could do that, But that's about it.

Somebody else said they're working up on a roof and they want help finding their penis.

I told them, if you can wait till nine thirty, I'll help them out.

That's so bad.

Somebody is safe.

You can get for us by I think they said, in less than ten minutes today.

Another gentleman said, that is it?

Is it that quick?

Yeah?

Another gentleman said his penis actually froze off and it rolled down his pant leg into his shoe and he can't find it.

Jesus, Now you're standing on your own penis.

Well, that's one of those things where if you know, a genie comes out of the bottle and you're like, I want a penis where I can stand on it, And then that's what happens.

Oh falls all day.

It's always something evil.

Rolls into your red wing boots and all right, Oh.

You guys, take a look at the photo from the phone number ending zero three seven four.

This is from uh Andy's lawn and snow Jesus cleaning drifts and wacone.

You check out the frosted tips, he said, Look, yeah, their hair is completely frozen's eyelashes, eyebrows?

That hair?

You poor gentlemen, you look so cold.

That would bring you some hot chocolate.

Their hairdoes have frozen.

Yeah they're yeah, you sweat a little bit.

I don't have that problem.

It's kind of a good look.

I don't know.

Yeah, it looks good.

Even his eyebrows have frosted.

What coney eyelashes is?

What get eyelashes?

Ouch, you're gonna lose some eyelashes.

What's this uh story I have in front of me here where kid was jacking off while wearing his dad's air pods.

I'll tell you what I learned something from that.

I'm still a little confused.

But yeah, I never would have suspected that one air pod means you're masturbating jacking off, would you?

Guys?

Well, I mean the amount of people on the internet that said, like, yeah, that's a common Apparently it is.

Yeah, I have one air butt in the geese almost like all.

Day, okay, and that's i'd well, I don't even want to ask.

It's not for that reason.

I didn't think so, I like I'm one of those weirdos.

I get made fun of this for I wear headphones when I go grocery shopping.

I need to.

Yeah, people really, they're like, why do you do that?

That's so rude.

When I was young, I used to wear my Walkman once in a while while grocery shopping, listening to a Maiden tape or something like that.

Okay, so I have a pair of these air pods.

They were gifted to me.

I tried them once.

I can't keep them in my ears, but we don't need to get into that.

They keep taking they fall out of my ear.

So anyway, AirPods, you jam them into your ear hole, it hooks up to your phone.

Here's the issue that was presented on the godless and wildly misinformed social media.

A guy was having a problem with his AirPod headphones.

He posted about it to see if anyone could help him out.

He said, Now, what did he say?

One of his AirPods the battery life was on one hundred percent, the other was on two percent.

And that's when folks started teeing off on him, telling him he mentioned that his teenage son had borrowed the AirPods.

Right, yep, one of them comes back at two percent?

What of them comes back at a hondo?

What's the problem.

And that's when folks started teeing off and making fun of this guy, saying his kid must have been whacking it.

I think that's such a reach.

That's what it seems like to me as well.

I mean, so many people assumed it was masturbation, that maybe there's something.

To it, and so many people say, yeah, I do that all the time.

I get the gist because you want to make sure no one sneaks up on you, right, yeah, you don't be walked in on.

Yeah, yeah, I mean that makes sense, but that would never be the first place my mind went.

I just think, oh, he was probably just using one earbud.

I don't know, people do that all.

The time, just like you, Ashley.

Yeah, that's maybe he's just want to make sure he's not gonna be hit by a car or something.

But he also do need to remember too.

The people that are on the internet commenting on things like this are probably prolific Masturbatorska's.

Yeah, they don't go outside much.

What do Jesus said?

You know what?

Just connected to the surround sound and grow up, don't keep that in your ears.

Let the whole neighborhood.

No, yeah, that you're watching a Sasha Gray gag Porto.

There was a kid in our dorm freshman yor that he's doing this intentionally to be funny.

But whenever he was watching poorn he had this back when desktop desktop computers still thing.

He had like a nice speaker system.

He would just crank it.

You could hear from the elevator.

Just didn't care.

Yeah, just just be funny, you know, to be funny.

Yeah, somebody else says, you keep one in just to make sure you're not moaning too loud.

So that's what everyone told this fella on social media.

They said.

The reason your aarpods are unbalanced as far as the battery power goes, They said, because your teenage son used them to whack his bag.

He had one in the ear for listening to the porno sounds.

The other he left out so he could hear if anyone was coming around the corner.

Well, if he goes to school too, which I imagine he does, that that would make sense too.

Why he was.

Only using one goes to school?

Yeah, because I when I would wear earbuds at school, I only ever had one in in case a teacher said something, or one of my friends said something, or.

I'll try anything four times, Jesus said, as a masturbation expert myself, Oh no, I do say one.

Earbud is masturbation technique number one.

What makes you an expert?

I want to know, wasn't it just a couple of weeks ago?

I asked the question when the last time anyone actually heard porn dialogue?

You know, you rarely ever really need the sound.

I remember many years ago, my old man came home from an over the road truck driving trip.

We were in our twenties or something like that.

We were all hanging out at his house.

He comes home from off the road and he said he had stopped at a cafe in Indiana and they had a fun gimmick at the cafe for drivers where you know, chili was two dollars and they had a raffle every ten minutes giving away things to the drivers.

Just a cafe filled with truck drivers, and some of the prizes were porno movies.

So my dad's sitting there eating his chili, getting ready for his run back to the cities, and you know, he put his number in the hat or however, it worked and he won a VHS porno.

So he walks in the house.

All of us, you know, young guys, are sitting there, and he goes, here, you go your animals.

He throws us to be I went downstairs to throw darts or something.

Next thing, you know, by the way, this is like a summer day.

All the windows are open, it's like a beautiful afternoon.

Suddenly from the basement I hear this blaring porn audio, and obviously I knew what had happened.

Someone had put the movie in.

Then it's just, oh oh ah, just loud as hell porn audio.

I come upstairstairs, my dad and four or five of my buddies just watching us, And I said, what the hell is the matter with you guys?

There's kids in the neighborhood playing outside right now, turn that down with your dad.

You had to tell your dad to turn the porn down.

That's not a situation meaning people find themselves.

Well, I know you're reaching where you begin to parent your parents.

Yeah, things switch.

Yeah, a lot of people are saying the same thing you guys did, Like, who listens to porn?

Right?

Somebody said we should try watching porn with closed caption on.

Oh don't they have porn where people sign like?

I thought there was like ASL porn before during the Maybe somebody just was messing with me.

There's everything now, cubby, Well is that rule if it exists in real life?

There's a porn version of it?

Yeah, rule thirty four.

Yeah, that's it.

Closed captions.

Huh, I got.

To put that on?

So oh I do.

Yeah, I wish I use it four to seven.

I wish you'd just be the default setting now at this point.

I try.

On comedies, I try not to.

It ruins the punchline a little bit.

Oh yeah, Or have you ever accidentally had it on when you're watching a stand up?

Uh?

No for that reason?

Yeah, on purpose.

I won't then, just because it does ruin it comedies.

In sports there are only two times I'm not having the closed captions rolling.

Well, the sports takes too long to catch up, right.

Yes, this whole conversation, which started with using earbuds and watching a pornum, it all brings me back to Yes, A few people have texted in this old joke.

God, I remember the first time I heard this joke.

I didn't get it.

And then it dawns on you.

Because that was probably only twelve or thirteen when I heard this joke for the first time.

What's the most sensitive part of your body when masturbating your ears because you're listening for footsteps?

Oh I can't even footsteps.

I can't be caught.

Some of you texting in about porn should delete your text messages.

Could you give me an example.

I don't think I can say this word.

It's from Josh gave me his hot dog on a boat.

Jesus.

Oh my goodness, you know you can't.

I guess you can say that word.

We used to play a game with that word in it.

Oh you can.

Yeah, it feels weird.

Most recent one.

Well yeah, usually it won't come out of your mouth.

So can you say queef is the word?

Yeah?

If that came out of your mouth, that's a burp.

Yeah.

The guy said, asmr kleef.

Porn is pretty chill.

Pretty chill.

Chill is the word he uses to All right, I'll check that.

God dang, there is ASL porn.

Folks are saying.

I thought i'd heard that, but I maybe you know, somebody was messing with me.

Yeah, you said a minute ago.

Josh, you can't imagine being caught.

Jesus, We've had so many people texting stories of how they were caught, who caught them?

I would so much rather catch someone else.

I can so see you not ever coming back from that, whether you're nine or ninety nine, we all agree that you would never come back from that.

We all agreed that the worst would be your mom, right, your mom catching you.

Yeah, it'd be bad, no matter.

Yeah, I suppose all.

I guess if you have kids, probably your kid catching you.

Oh yeah, you got to explain it.

Yeah, I've got em.

I got down here.

That's a great answer.

That's probably all equally devastating, depending on who you are.

Of course, some folks wouldn't care.

It's a small gathering of folks that wouldn't care at all, but they're out there.

We've mentioned before, and I you know, it's sinful and as guilt ridden as that act can be, which is, you know, it's not necessarily something I'm looking you know, doing too often.

But well, you got to hand garage doors after the show's over, so you've got no time, got to drivers.

But yeah, we've mentioned this before, and this is kind of true, and I know it goes a little bit against what I said about getting caught, but if somebody were to film me doing something like that, or being intimate with the wife or whatever, that wouldn't bother me as much because that was not that shouldn't happen, you know, if somebody's you.

Know, secretly filming.

Yeah, it's like you're at a some sort of I'm just throwing out Airbnb, you know, something like that, and they film it.

Yeah, you're a victim, Yeah exactly.

Maybe that's it.

It's like, well, what am I going to do there?

I had no idea that was being on camera.

Oh that morning show, all this masturbation talk that Josh started, I didn't start it.

We got some a genius idea out of hot cocoa.

Jesus.

We were saying how awful it would be if you get caught by a kid, your kid, really, any kid.

Yeah, but she said, if you do get caught by your kid, all you got to do is just tell them they didn't turn out right.

So you're trying again.

I'm try to fire another one up here, really, just try to.

We got to improve things around here.

Sexy garbage man Jesus texted in to say, instead of masturbation, I just treat my wife like my pinky toe.

I bang around all the furniture in the house.

We gotta get going again, we do.

It's come time for us to venture out onto the surface of Mars with the rest he is obviously this year is it's gonna make for a good weekend to just sit your carcass down on the sofa and stare at a television screen.

What do you watch it on television this weekend?

Josh, The Pit.

I'll be watching The Pit.

I think there's a new episode of Grey's Antime to they I'm not today, not.

Two thousand and five.

It's still around, I know it is.

This is crazy how long it's been going on.

Probably a Night of the Seven Kingdoms.

Do you watch Abbott Elementary?

Josh No, I've watched a couple episodes.

It's very funny.

I don't know why I haven't gone back.

Yeah, they just came out with their new season.

Well you know, they release one every week, but it's it's a really great.

Animal control, so that's what I'm those are the ones I'll be watching that.

Yeah, I love him, very funny.

The Night of the Seven Kingdoms.

A Night of the Seven Kingdoms.

Yep, tell me if you agree with this.

A new study says the more you binge watch, the lonely you.

The lonelier you are.

Whatever I want care.

It's so sweet.

You just have a day to sit on the couch and binge watch TV.

The TV shows are my friends.

I don't need real friends exactly.

That sounds beautiful.

You don't feel I'm hanging out with Noah Wiley this weekend.

You bet he'd be a cool hang.

I don't think there's ever been a time where, especially if it's a good show, I'm sitting in front of Netflix for five hours and I'm like, man, I'm lonely.

I don't you've never felt that way?

Nah.

I mean it's usually like an activity with my wife, you know, so we're I don't really watch anything without her.

Says here, there's a direct link between binge watching and feelings of loneliness.

But you guys don't think so.

No, not really.

I mean the majority of the TV watch we watched is like late Friday and Saturday nights.

So maybe when you're staying late, like three four of them, we'll try and get the TV in when we can on the weekends.

These people should check out.

There's a lot of uh, like different sites or whatever that you can go to and like talk about the TV show that you're watching, like currently other people that are binge watching it.

Oh boy, there was I think it was well, yeah, it was last year.

There was a TV show that came out.

Oh gosh, it was really good.

It was about like the end of the world.

I'm completely blanking on what it was, but.

The one where they're living in an underground town.

Yes, yes, that was so great.

And I was in like a little little group on Twitter where we were talking about you.

Is it Fallout?

No?

No, oh, I can't remember.

I bet you watched it too, Josh, because.

It was really good, the one on James Marsden was the president of that underground town.

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, we have like a little group where we talked about the show.

It was awesome.

I loved it, Josh and Ashley.

When you guys finish the show and you have no new episodes, watch you get kind of sad.

Yes, Oh yeah I do too.

It's almost kind of like, oh I missed my friends now.

Yeah, I get pretty sad.

About it, like I'll look ahead and be like, oh, there's only six episodes.

Man, this is gonna suck.

All right, So the show is called Paradise there.

That was okay, damn really I loved it.

That was a cool concept.

They didn't execute it very well.

The uh if you I brought this up to Ashley and I blew her mind.

Something my wife noticed.

If you watch Designated Survivor M with Keefer Sutherland, you know the guy likes to beat up right chair drivers.

Yeah, if you watch that, it's the The White House is the same in Paradise.

Yeah, and it makes it I think they're the same network's Yeah, it's the same set, the reason set.

I love when they do stuff like that, same exact set.

Well, you guys all seen to love your television viewing.

But for some it says here that that whole one more episode type moment in your life where you've watched like seventeen in a row and you're gonna squeeze one more in before the sun comes up.

They say that isn't just about entertainment.

It's a coping mechanism.

Oh whatever, for isolation.

Who cares?

There's so many good TV shows out.

Something's too mean, he gets overwhelming at times.

No, there's not enough.

I frequently run out of stuff to watch.

It says that a lot of binge watchers are also overeaters.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, and then the next morning you take a huge poop.

The worst is when you eat a bunch of the night before and then do you, guys ever feel this way, like like your face almost feels like heavy the next day, Like it feel like your mouth is kind of sore from eating so much.

No, you just kind of like feel it physically, because I do.

We're talking about her, and I haven't felt this.

Oh god, Yeah, that's a side effect of overeating.

Yeah.

Oh I thought maybe your face was coming loose from binge water.

You eat so much your face hurts.

Like, yeah, it just feels like I don't I feel like I gained fifteen pounds somehow.

Well, I'm happy to know that you guys all look at this these ten eleven hour television marathons.

I'm glad that you have You get joy from it, and none of you are feeling isolated or lonely, because that sounds very sad.

Yeah, the closest would be get kind of bummed out when a show's over right, you know you guys watch land Man so good?

Oh did they just come up with the last episode?

Yeah?

So I'm kind of bummed that that's gone for it might start eating too land Man.

Screw you, Dana Lucky.

So you you've been watching land Man, Josh?

Yes?

Yeah?

What's your favorite part of Landman?

I love all of it?

Every Yeah, humping eggs, cooked eggs.

He friggin loves land Man.

Gosh, when you and your wife are watching these shows together, you said it's something you do with your wife.

Yes.

Are you sure you're not just creating background noise and storytelling to fill the silence in an empty home?

Oh dude, I definitely do that, because.

That's also right here in this report.

You know what?

Baby?

Subconsciously?

I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know what would we Let's say we're not going to watch TV.

We could play UNO and she could beat me for the millionth time, or we could sit there and really not know what to talk about her.

Yeah, that's awkward silence between your spouse and oh thank you.

I always I love having the TV on for background noise, but ever since I had a baby, TV isn't great.

For them.

Some people say, so I try to keep the TV off, or it's.

A wonderful babysitter.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, when he gets glimpses of it, he is all about it and she's man, no, I don't think he No, that's an after bed show.

Yeah.

He watches Hey Bear sensory videos of anything.

You'd really get a kick out of those.

It's all black and.

White bear sense sensory.

Yeah, it's called Hey Bear.

That's what like the channel is.

It's like this little bear comes out and he goes hello everybody, and then there's like flying rainbows and tear drops falling.

This is baby television programming.

Yeah, is super rid.

It kind of sounds similar to dog TV.

Yeah, it is really similar.

You have dog TV.

Yep, I also have that channel.

Actually, is it something you want to watch back in your stoner days?

Maybe?

Oh, now that might be fun.

Yeah, that are Dancing Fruit is another program.

I know there's a lot of parents out there who know what I'm talking about.

Be careful, smoke some guns.

You watch this bear.

Next thing you know, you're running nude through the woods.

You're taking some acid.

Yeah, I don't know those shows anymore.

Dog, Trachel.

Is I hear so many good things about miss Rachel.

Yeah, I've heard a lot of great things about her.

Haven't tried that yet.

All right, let's go freeze our nuts off, well you think.

It's a cold one before we go, our friend beer and pizza.

Jesus text in to say Happy eleventh birthday to her daughter Addie aka makeup Over, makeup Jesus