This is Alcohol Freedom Finders.

This week we talked to Carrie Walters from Michigan.

Carrie is now a seasoned coach helping high achieving women, but she takes us back to 2020 when she was deep in the struggle of drinking every night and hangovers and anxiety every day with a relationship, strained and self-doubt about the kind of mother she was to her young kids.

She used curiosity to find her way out.

Let's jump in and find out how.

So, everybody.

I am genuinely

Hey, everybody I

be more

excited today could be more delighted and excited to hear Harry.

curious life coach, and we can't wait to hear her alcohol freedom finder story.

I.

Hi,

I'm so excited to share.

Hey guys,

Great to see you.

Great to

great to see you.

Good to see you.

we've known each other

we've known each other now for, what is it, eight months?

Nearly two.

That's right.

and I know a little bit

And I know a little bit about.

from, from sort of times when we've,

Story times when we've had,

group,

group,

our own stories.

our own story.

yeah.

so why don't you take us back to when you first sort of

something about.

thought about

drinking

the way I'm drinking,

you know, how that came

how that, you know, how that came about.

how you, ultimately

How you

alcohol

found, alcohol freedom.

So

Yeah.

So

me

thank you for having me, Barry and Justine, my friends from afar, as I'm in the United States and you guys are across in your countrys, which is beautiful.

just so grateful to be here with you.

My story started

started

I started getting curious, should we say, hence sober curious life coach.

I like to lead myself in curiosity and it.

Has really been a theme throughout my entire life, when it comes to alcohol.

And so in 2020 I decided I needed to get curious with substance, the substance of alcohol, right?

I was like, gotta get curious of like, do I need this anymore?

Do, do, is this do?

Is this really bringing me joy and all the things?

I

I just had to go into this state of questioning myself of

is

what is this substance and is it what I think it is?

'cause I'm giving a lot of power to it.

And it almost felt like I was losing myself in, in October of 2020.

And so let's rewind back to curiosity.

Curiosity started when I was a little girl.

I was very curious.

my

in my home and, and who I was.

And curious, curious about my faith.

Curious about what it was to be a woman in this, world.

Curious about,

connect

how to connect with God.

I was just, curiosity was everywhere.

And one thing that wasn't in my house as a child

alcohol,

alcohol,

was no

so there was no curiosity there.

Alcohol.

Alcohol wasn't existent.

I grew up in a religious home, and so it was kinda like, oh,

That's

that's a non-issue.

However, what happened for me and my personality, because I'm very,

but

curious, but also like,

little

a little rebellious, right?

Is, oh, there's no alcohol in the house.

I, yeah, exactly.

I wonder why and when I maybe leave the house, what will that be like, what, what role will alcohol play?

And I was very curious about that.

So, I had, you know.

Minimal experiences with alcohol in my teenage years.

But then once I left the house and became of age here in the States at 21 years old, you know, I had my first drinks with my brothers and that's really the curiosity began.

And I, kind of felt good when I drank alcohol.

Like it gave me, you know, that buzz, I don't think that I would even recognize it just kind of like relaxed me, but it wasn't anything I was too much more curious about beyond that and.

That's really where it started for me.

And it just sort of increased over time, right?

And so my curiosity was like, oh, I had a hard day at work.

I think maybe I should have a glass of wine.

You know, oh, my coworkers are going out for happy hour, I should drink.

So that's how it kind of all began.

But it all was out of that lens of curiosity,

yeah,

and it was a slow growth.

It was super slow and gradual.

resonate with that.

It's

Totally

I don't know, as you were talking, it

like, I know

being that teenager and

for

It's almost

finding

know, when everything's so tricky as a teenager and you don't quite know who your friends are and which

alcohol, I know who your

and which girls are

are and which boy likes you and which

one

like, you go,

always

got the lump thing.

oh my God, I

He's gonna be my friend.

Oh my God.

I found it.

And how cool that.

alcohol

almost like

buddy that you,

alcohol becomes the

and you

buddy that

you are, you

go out with and you feel like you are, you know, like your bulletproof.

with that in mind,

What,

what was

with that in mind, what was your

realizing that maybe alcohol

realizing.

friend, actually she was a toxic friend.

when did you start to notice that?

Yeah, so

Yeah, so that was in 20 19, 20 20.

The pandemic really had nothing to do with it, honestly for me.

'cause I was still, I was drinking every night anyways.

And so that is when I realized that my best friend.

Alcohol at that time, was taking over everything.

It, I needed it to function.

I needed it for my anxiety.

I needed it to take care of me.

I needed it after my kids went to bed.

I needed it in order to achieve in my work.

I've been in the business world for a decade now and I was able to build a couple brands.

Through my own voice and branding and with another other companies, and I was always achieving to get to the, the top and alcohol got the credit for that.

I almost like gave alcohol the credit like, ah, I can do this because I'm drink, you know, I'm drinking at night.

Take the edge off.

And so, it became pretty toxic, I would say.

That's a good, good word for it.

And then it started to, you know.

affecting

Really affecting my relationships with my husband and my children.

My children maybe didn't even realize it, because I was pretty high functioning.

But, I did have a defining moment after a year and a half of becoming curious.

So I did from October, 2020 until 20 February of 2022.

So about a year and a half.

I.

I got curious again of what would it be like without my best friend?

What would it be like without my alcohol buddy?

You know, what would it be like if I went to my friend's house without alcohol?

And I just started to become, you know, more mindful.

And in that journey, my children realized I was drinking less.

Started

And they started realizing, they said to me, mom, you don't have your wine glass out anymore.

I was like, oh my goodness, you're right.

I said, that's a really good observation.

And I mean, we're talking, they're ten nine and like, you know, five at the time.

And so they're noticing that mom's wine glass isn't full of wine anymore.

Or actually it was non-existent.

Right.

And so then, February, 2022 comes around.

I have been on and off mindfully drinking days, weeks, months without it.

And then.

February, 2022 comes around and I, it's Super Bowl party and here in the States, man, it should be a holiday, honestly.

that's when we just like all watch football and, drink.

had.

And I had, I had wine with my girlfriend and my son and I had, had wine in weeks and my son comes around the corner and, you know, he just said to me, mom, I didn't think you were doing that anymore.

Or, and I was like.

Drop.

Like mouth drop, right?

Like for those that are listening and my mouth just dropped.

and I thought, wow, my daughter was right there.

And it's like, what's mom gonna say?

And you know, I just said, you know what?

I, I'm gonna make this choice tonight.

I decided that this is okay, we can make choices in life.

Like I made it very,

An adult

as an adult we can make choices.

And they understood.

And there really wasn't any question about it, but I knew in that moment.

And then my girlfriend told me we drank.

bottle

couple bottles that night, which I hadn't done in months, maybe even like a year.

and I said, I remember thinking, I'm never gonna do this again.

And so I had a terrible hangover.

I got my home kids home safely, had a terrible hangover.

And, I said to myself, this is my day.

This is when I'm, this is my alcohol freedom.

This is my journey.

I'm, it's gonna be my lifestyle, you know?

so yeah.

Yes.

And the most surprising thing.

Yeah, go ahead.

say that that's such

I was gonna say that that's such a, a,

journey, that to,

journey out that

sort of, you know, just through curiosity

curiosity.

just

Have have

yourself and

it, the

and,

breaks and not.

the way that we're, we're

Done it the way that we we're

sort of programmed, or I,

sort of programmed or

sort of

the way that we sort of think we ought

you know, White knuckle

to

and,

knuckle it,

no.

And then fail and then

fail.

just be curious and, and try and, out, you know.

work out, you know,

is that it's doing

what it is that it's doing.

you're trying to get from it, and are you

Get from it and

kind of stuff is, is, is, is much more productive and you, you start to sort of take away the, the, the illusion of, of of benefits that, that, are, that we, you know, give it credit for.

credit.

would, how would you, what would you say to someone?

'cause

What would you say to someone, because it's quite a very scary moment when you

I need to do

sort of something

and the traditional thing is, you know.

Take a break and, bury your head in the sand

head of the sand.

and hope for the best kind of thing.

What would you say is a better

What would you say is a better way to rephrase things?

if you are, you know, thinking to yourself, you know, I, I need to do something.

Yeah,

Yeah.

would say.

I would say start with pausing and getting curious.

So

So

up the,

of white knuckling it and saying, I'm gonna do this forever, or I'm gonna take a break for

days.

50 days.

'cause sometimes.

Already.

I think to myself, fear creeps into people's minds.

Like you get a little fearful of that.

So let's just start with curiosity.

You know, we're talking about a tree and it has a base and it has a bunch of roots, right?

And one of the roots and foundations in my life is curiosity.

It's, it's a, it's a root.

And in that curiosity, things are going to grow.

And then what is gonna stick and grow and produce fruit and what's gonna die?

Right.

So why don't we just start there with curiosity and so just pause

that

before you have that drink and say, how am I feeling?

Why am I feeling, why?

Why am I feeling this way?

Okay.

Is alcohol gonna feed this feeling?

Like, is alcohol gonna feed it?

Okay.

And can I find another way to.

Feel, is there another way to outside of alcohol that I can find stress relief?

So for me it was anxiety, right?

I would feel anxiety, get really curious.

And so start, have, start with curiosity, friends, everybody that's listening, start there and have it lead you and pause and write it down in a journal.

You know, write it in your phone or talk to yourself in a voice memo.

That's what I tell my clients.

Tell you know, talk to yourself.

Pause and just get curious and figure out how am I feeling?

How can I, will alcohol feed this feeling and can I find another way?

So

And if not, okay, drink it.

You don't have the glass.

there that you

Yeah.

Just thinking

your best friend earlier being toxic friend, making you feel to, and,

cream,

that that, I mean, that is actually not you, that is

that is actually not

is the

that an outside source.

So I was gonna ask you what you'd

That's right.

toxic friend with, and I can now see clearly that you've, you've now got this, curious friend.

So you, you have a direct replacement.

Instead of having toxicity, you have curiosity.

I.

That's beautiful, Justine.

I love how you said that.

Yeah.

Great connection.

So.

Sure.

Talk to that curious friend.

you know,

you know, talk to her.

is

What is, what is she saying back to you that she's gonna take away your pain?

Is she gonna take away your anxiety?

Yeah.

She wants you to believe that.

And is that true?

yeah.

Is it is, is it gonna take away my anxiety if I have this drink?

Is is it going to help me?

Will it make me a better person and help me have more fun?

Is it gonna make me a better mom?

Wait a minute, that Curiosity girl, best friend over there is, it, is, is liquid.

See how it, it just sort of takes you into a state of like, Curiosity that almost feel it is very an illusion that we've created and it's that cognitive dissonance.

I know it's a big word for listeners, but we have two voices going on in our head.

So for me, it's my voice and it's the curiosity voice.

And what, and were you able to use that curiosity in.

the tough times.

You know, I, I imagine there must have been moments where

imagine must

and you had a drink and you weren't intending to, or, you know, did you have those sort of moments and you could you curiosity and, and,

curiosity.

it lighter than, than, than, than maybe some people do and beat yourself up or, or, were you able to sort of

Analyze

analyze it more or.

Yeah.

Or,

really

I think what's really cool about curiosity is you can allow yourself whatever choice you would like,

I

and so I'm gonna allow myself to have the drink because I do believe in this moment it's going to feed my anxiety and help me feel less stress.

see

So let me just see what, what's that like?

And what happened for me, Barry, was when I was able to do that, the next day, I would have raging anxiety.

Like,

I just had

okay, I just had two, three glasses of wine.

The next day my curiosity friend is still there going, so how do you feel?

Did it help you?

Did it give you what it did?

I did I give you what you wanted?

You know, it's like you talk to, it's like, well, best friend.

Curiosity, Carrie, over there, you did not give me what I wanted.

I feel terrible.

I hung

am hung over.

I'm super anxious and I yelled at my kids today.

That was my thing.

I, my anxiety did not help me become a better mom.

And there was a question you guys had asked in your notes about like, what was your biggest struggle and my biggest struggle, in my curiosity phase and before.

I stepped into alcohol freedom was, I believed I was a bad mom

that I

and that I wasn't a very good mom

I yelled at

because I yelled at my kids, well, why was I yelling at my kids?

I mean, I think it's pretty human of us.

I still have my moments.

Trust me, I raised my voice and you know, we are still parents and to this day.

Right.

I check myself, okay.

When I do raise my voice, is this legit?

Carrie, it's curiosity again.

Is this legit?

Do my kids need this?

This right now?

Oh, yep.

Okay.

It's all right.

You know?

Whereas before it was just off the handle.

I'm right away.

My anxiety is raging.

I am more irritable and I'm gonna, you know.

Raise my voice at them.

And that just honestly just dug at my heart and it created this belief that I was a terrible mom.

And so the curiosity and even that moment that I had shared where my son was like, mom, I didn't think you were doing that anymore.

That that spoke to my struggle.

He spoke to my struggle.

It's my beautiful son looking in my face, right saying, saying this to me.

And I'm thinking, I've been a really good mom for the past year and a half.

I have been drinking less alcohol.

My anxiety has decreased.

Like, Carrie, isn't that the life that you want?

Because alcohol doesn't need to be the front and center anymore.

And so, I just decided, you know, in that moment I'm like, you know, I'm, I'm gonna believe that I am a good mom and I'm gonna start stepping into alcohol freedom.

And that's, I.

My freedom finder story was I found myself, I found out that I was a really good mom and I

a lot to offer.

have a lot to offer the world and my self-esteem increased too.

So there's so many benefits.

Now,

Are you still gonna struggle?

you still gonna struggle with being a mom?

Yes.

are you still

are you still gonna have bad days?

Yes.

are

are you going to, you know, have low self-esteem days, guys?

Yeah.

Because it's not the magic pill, honestly.

And Justine, we talked about that.

once you step into alcohol freedom, and it isn't a magic pill, but what is magic is you have tools and strategies that when you are feeling anxious, you can go in and say, okay, why am I feeling this way?

What's happening right now?

And so everything that led you into alcohol freedom, you now have the tools and strategies to even cope with your own life.

love that so much, and I think that's,

Love it.

where the gold is for me in this work.

It's not that we are kind of,

we're

different to others.

How come they have managed to stop drinking?

how.

just way too hard for me.

You know, people think that there's either the, the people that are, are going to dark basements and have to stop drinking.

Or this crazy breed of people that are making a choice not to drink and, and how do they do that?

And that's strange.

And they goody goodies or are they boring?

you know, all those sort of other labels that get used to describe us.

And I am literally, I'm, I'm a

Literally,

that has not changed.

I still love to go dance.

I still love all the stuff.

I just get to make different choices.

So tell us about some of the different choices.

You've been making for yourself now that you are an alcohol freedom finder carry.

Oh my goodness.

oh my goodness.

That's a good question.

I

well, I, I am a super fun person.

I thought that alcohol,

was making

was what was making me fun.

I

And now I realize, my authenticity is what's fun and so completely embracing who I am.

And I, I love my faith, who God's created me to be.

Like I'm fully her and present.

And when tough times come up, I know exactly.

How to lean into it and how to have these tools.

But I, I love to go out for coffee.

I love to go out with my friends.

for dinner, I like to go to parties as well, super Bowl parties.

my.

Bowling is a.

foing is a thing here in the States.

It's a new thing.

I don't know if you have it by you guys, but it's called Foing.

I went Foing with friends and I'd say, Hey, what are you guys drinking?

And I get'em their alcohol like it works for me because I am not attached to it.

It brings me, it.

I'm fully detached from it.

So I'm able to be in a room with alcohol and say, Hey, what are you guys drinking?

What do you wanna do?

Let's take a selfie together.

I post on social media the other day with them.

it was great.

I'm doing all the things I would do with alcohol.

I just get to choose to do it without and live in my authenticity.

Yeah.

I love that.

I love that.

It, it's, it's such a, a great thing to realize, you know, when

thing to realize.

good

Out with good friends and having,

you realize, oh, I'm not drinking.

They're all

well, I'm not

thinking,

drinking never

Need to have that drink to be able to have the good time.

And I

to have

it

time and I don't need,

you know, and you know, I wish that, I wish they knew, I wish they

I wish they knew, I wish they understood, you know, I don't wanna lecture them,

is

but you know, it

you know, you know, if everybody knew

knew

like, you

what it was really like.

You know,

at you

they're looking at you.

she, she must be on something because she's not, she's having a great time and you know, she's not drinking.

You know, and or, you know, and, and people sort of

You know, and, and people sort of look at

for you and.

Laurie for you.

Actually,

well, you need to feel sorry for me.

I'm, I'm

sorry for me.

I'm, I'm really well done with it.

You know,

and, and,

I'm,

surprising

yeah, that was a really surprising thing for me.

What, what, what, what

you since,

surprised you sooner

than that, perhaps the,

than that, perhaps?

found, freedom.

it's been

it's been surprising how, accepted.

I've been, it's been surprising that I, you know, I've been accepted in my communities and my friends.

And then what's been surprising is

friends in

are friends in my life that

I did,

I did say goodbye to, and I think that's to be noted.

when I was getting curious and I was sober curious, I went out with a group of friends and I wasn't having fun, alcohol free, it wasn't bringing me joy.

And I'm like, I don't think these are my people.

Has nothing to do with them.

It's everything to do with me.

for the,

I was here for the booze.

I wasn't here for the friends.

it's been

And so it's been surprising that how fluid that is and how freeing that is in my alcohol and freedom finder story.

It's like I found myself and I also found my people.

Yeah.

yeah, I, I I, I really, what you're saying there it's like, a lot of the reason that why friend alcohol was fear,

Hole was

place.

Fear of not fitting in, fear of not being enough, fear of

enough,

What did it bring?

It's kind of, we, we tagged along with it.

kind of we, we tad along with it

you know, free and feeling really good about being free, it doesn't mean

throughout there.

is full of

Doesn't mean that life itself is

fear, fearful challenges.

Like,

challenges.

how am I gonna make a this

how, how am I gonna make it

gonna work?

How, how am I gonna make a

go?

My

am I.

with people that are, that are still drinking and, and going home early.

'cause to go out, but I certainly like to go home early.

What I certainly like

I guess what I'm saying is just because we are free doesn't mean life is some kind of walk

doesn't mean

swinging our daisies.

lot up

means that we are more capable and clear and intentional with our work.

Would you say, what would you say

when say

around.

being free from

being free.

Fear still comes.

It still exists, right?

Like we have fear.

That's what I heard you saying.

So I was processing that.

there's still fear, fear of can I run a successful business?

Fear of, Can I,

A

you know, reach a six figure income coaching, right?

There's lots of fear.

There's fear of my kids and what they're experiencing in this world.

I mean, I think fear is all around us, honestly.

Right?

And it's really learning to recognize it and say to myself, what's, what's the thought behind this?

Like, what am I afraid of?

Right?

And oh, I'm afraid that this won't.

Be able to support my family, you know?

Okay, where does that come from?

And instead of like looking at fear and saying, I can't deal with you right now, come here, alcohol,

Come here.

come here.

It's like, okay, fear, bring it on.

here.

It's here.

allow

I'm gonna allow this to come.

This is a hard moment.

I'm gonna sit with it and I'm gonna get curious with this fear and think, okay, now I'm feeling this way.

What's something to help me feel a little less po, a little less fear?

I.

It's like a, how we talk about in code, we're turning around our thoughts.

so it's a process of almost like recognizing the fear and knowing that I'm still safe, I'm still okay, nothing else has changed.

Everything is still here.

And being able to see also the positive within the fear, well, you're having this for a reason because you love.

What you get to do, which is coaching.

You want to help change other people's lives.

You want to, have your children be these successful, beautiful citizens, in this world, and you want them to have good character.

So there's fear here for a reason.

And so what do I need to do?

I need to loosen up my control.

You know?

And whereas before alcohol would just, I would, I would feel fear and I would numb it.

I'd be like, oh, I do not like how that feels.

So I am just gonna, I'm gonna drink this away and that deal with it.

And we build those patterns in our life.

And the coolest thing about our alcohol Freedom Finder story is now that we found freedom, we now found the freedom to think.

We now have the freedom to think.

We have the freedom to feel.

We have the freedom to reframe.

We have the freedom to move forward and and be okay and still say, I'm safe and I'm okay, even though I'm feeling uncomfortable.

That's really good.

I mean, for me it was, it was similarly.

It, it, it felt, once I away from it and, and, and got some space and realized, I realized, you know, the, the time and, and the opportunity that was I was getting back kind of thing.

It

Back thing

was robbing me of that chance to deal with the things that were coming up and, you know, you immediately reach for the drink

you immediately reached,

them away rather than.

Okay.

I am anxious and I have had

I'm anxious.

You know, why was that?

So why was.

different about it?

Or do I drink something?

Something,

about it for, for,

forget about it

or two and

for, for an hour or two.

with even higher levels of,

Higher levels of,

And, and, yeah.

No, that's, that's, yeah.

That's really, really powerful.

we have a

uh, we.

we ask, as the last question, you know, what are the three words

What are the three words that you would find?

finding of alcohol freedom?

You know, do you have three words for us?

one

I have one word.

Okay.

and

and that's, authenticity.

Just living, I guess three words, living in authenticity.

So for me, it's just been able to live in my authentic self, whether myself is afraid.

has

myself has fear, whether myself has joy, whether myself,

empowered.

feels empowered, that I'm gonna show up authentically and lead myself in that.

And that's been the greatest blessing in my life.

I would say.

love that so much.

And, and I'm

Love it so much.

people are

I'm

you as a coach.

you as a coach,

be

you.

them find their

Looking to help them

alcohol

their own, alcohol.

Food.

yeah, so people can find me on social media platforms, of course, which is, on Instagram.

Sober Curious Life on Facebook is my name, Kerry Walters, and also my website, sober Curious life coaching.com.

you can

A call there

book a call there and just we can have a chat.

where again, so obviously we are all over the world.

As you said at the beginning, Barry in Amsterdam, I'm in New Zealand and you are

in Michigan?

so

I'm in East yeah, Eastern time.

Do you

is there a certain type of person that you would resonate most with or, just open to

Yes.

So I, yeah, I love to work with high achieving women that are in a professional setting.

They're, in corporate world, or their business owners and entrepreneurs, and they have control over their entire life except for.

When it comes to alcohol, they're not able to control alcohol for some reason, and they find themselves unwinding with wine every single night, and they're tired and they want a different way.

And so I work with women like that.

gonna be short of women like that

Well, you're not gonna.

I know a lot of them myself, Kerry, thank you.

I just wanna thank you so much for being with us today.

I,

Much

I always

being with

time with

us.

and, you know, you speak, you speak to, to my heart and vulnerability and authenticity.

that's what gets me high, you know, it really does.

It makes me feel so good.

It makes me feel good.

Same, same.

I'm gonna be, we're gonna have a great evening tonight, aren't we?

Right?

We'll go high on our authenticity together.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thanks so much,

Thanks so much.

you're looking great.

and you're looking great.

I

before

seeing some of those four and a half photos

about

when

younger than you

you look about 20 years younger than you did in some of those photos.

of very short hair and

Very short hair.

you know, a much older

You know how much

know, you're looking fantastic.

It's, it's really suiting

Oh,

thank you Barry.

oh.

Thank you Barry.

Justine, thank you for that.

I really appreciate that.

it's, it's time, it's time for people to find their freedom finder story, you know.

Brilliant.