Many couples deeply love each other.

But their sex life has completely died.

They sleep next to each other.

They share a life together, but the passion is gone or seemingly gone.

And this is one of the most painful secrets in relationships because the love is there, but the desire isn't.

Why does this happen to strong couples?

To a strong relationship to, to very conscious people, even?

Why is this so common and what can we do about it?

This is what today's episode is going to be about.

I'm going to talk about the root causes of why this happens and the root solution to it.

At the end of this episode, you've got the possibility and opportunity to completely turn this around, if you will, and not just reignite, but deepen intimacy at a profound level, deepen your sex life at a profound level.

Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.

My name is Lorin Krenn and I'm a coach, author and hypnotherapist.

I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics at the deepest level.

Let's dive in.

Maybe you feel this in your current relationship or you felt it in a past relationship.

You feel more like roommates and not lovers.

You became a good teammate surviving life, but you don't feel that you are thriving in your relationship.

There's no romances there.

There's no sexual charge in the, in the moments together.

And often there are very small moments.

But in those small moments, you get drowned in the daily whirlwind.

Maybe kids, maybe a stressful job, endless responsibilities.

And sometimes it almost seems like minor things get more attention than the bedroom.

This is a truth in many relationships.

Couples are so drowned in day-to-day responsibilities that seemingly there is no time for any intimacy, whether emotional or physical in the bedroom.

And of course, without any emotional intimacy there usually it usually doesn't lead to deeper physical intimacy to great sex.

Here is a really challenging truth.

It's extremely easy for years to pass in your life and for you to realize one day that you have lost yourself, that sexual disconnect.

You thought, well, we'll have time, it will come, this is just a phase, but eventually, weeks turn into months and months turn into years, and that sexual disconnect is no longer feels like sexual disconnect.

It actually feels normal because our system, our body is a master at adapting.

So we, we just adapt to that reality that, well, there is love, but there's no passion.

There's no erotic connection, there's no sexual polarity.

So there's this most likely a part inside you that has even normalized that.

Not because you chose to consciously do that, but that part just went well.

We haven't done anything, there's nothing happening really, so this is just how it is, right?

But it's not how it has to be.

And years can pass and suddenly you realize, wow.

I feel like we've drifted apart from one another.

And we love each other.

We care about each other deeply, but we feel so far away.

Where's the attraction?

Where's the desire?

Where's the passion?

Then there is this shame and this frustration around this topic, this quiet yearning in the background, this, this, hoping that something will happen and, and maybe spontaneity will come back and, and then when there is time and in this moment, and maybe in the vacation or when this happens, when the job ends, when the kids grow older, but no one really brings up the elephant in the room.

Both are hoping and not taking full ownership, and this kind of erotic disconnect really starts to set in.

If you are experiencing this or you have experienced this, you're not alone.

And it's not because you are not conscious enough or awakened enough, or there's something wrong with you.

And also, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with the relationship because there can be so much love, but they're most likely key things that you are not aware of.

Key areas where you're disconnected and where you lost yourself.

So let's now go into the core root and the core solution.

I have identified them into three core roots that cause this and three core solutions to them.

Root cause number one, a total collapse of polarity.

The masculine stops being present.

The feminine no longer feels him.

She feels alone and unseen, unsupported in the relationship.

Many women feel alone in a relationship because they feel their man is physically present with them.

But emotionally and spiritually, his energy is elsewhere.

The feminine wants to feel the weight of a man's presence.

I wanna share an anecdote with you.

Recently, my wife and I had a challenging week because of external challenges, not challenges between each other.

And she told me after this week, I'm so grateful for you.

I, I, I really felt you there with me.

And, and what you were saying is I really felt you being present, you being fully there as a sense of anchor, as a sense of rock, as a sense of mountain, and that presence creates perhaps the deepest emotional intimacy, and that emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy.

So often the masculine just disconnects from that sense of presence at the beginning, in the, in the honeymoon phase and all of that, there is presence, but then that presence drifts away and get scattered, and he's no longer fully there.

There is no container, there is no anchor.

She doesn't feel him anymore.

She feels lonely.

And that loneliness doesn't make for a strong erotic charge.

Now, we talked here about the masculine, or what does the feminine do here as well, where often a collapse of polarity happens, the feminine closes Her heart goes into hyper protection.

She starts to shut him out.

Now, of course, there might be very real reasons for this, and if cheating has happened, a betrayal of trust, it makes perfect sense.

And I'm not saying then you have to be vulnerable and open your heart and go against your nature and body, but what I'm talking about here is a, is a collapse of polarity where often maybe there was a moment of challenge or the masculine didn't show up fully, and then the feminine goes into this kind of sense of hyper protection, this hyper protective mechanism.

It's almost like shutting him out entirely.

And it becomes almost impossible for him to, to, to show up in these moments for, for a masculine to try to repair because he's just shut out entirely, which leads to a sense of deep frustration and then and resentment and hopelessness on his end, feeling abandoned.

You are shutting out love entirely.

Also, the love inside yourself because when you shut down, you might protect yourself, but you are.

Isolating yourself from love in general, from the energy of love.

What is the way forward?

What is the solution to this one?

At least one has to take a step forward.

Ideally, both.

And the way it usually happens is one takes a step forward, the other responds, and then both are in the same playing field.

So for instance here, the masculine might return to full presence, both feet on the ground.

This won't be perfect, but we make an active effort to really be fully there in those moments together, to breathe deeply, to feel her, to attune to her, to really be there in the moment.

Because that presence is what makes love to the feminine heart before lovemaking even happens in the bedroom.

It creates sexual polarity, it creates an erotic charge without even doing anything specific.

It's a state of being presence.

Our energy does much more to what happens in the bedroom than any doing.

Or perhaps the feminine goes from hyper protective mechanism to showing her hurt, but also having a boundary there if necessary.

So I'm not saying just exposing your heart rawly and getting hurt.

But I'm saying vulnerability with boundaries is far more powerful than shutting down altogether.

For instance, I really feel that I've lost you.

I really feel that you're no longer here with me.

I really wanted to be here with me.

I'm in pain.

That's very different than shutting the door, closing off entirely.

So you can still have that boundary, you still have your truth in it.

You don't have to override your intuition.

Your body, which the feminine has done for too long.

The collective trauma of the feminine.

It's this, I don't feel you anymore, baby.

I don't feel connected to you.

I love you, but I, I really wanna feel connected to you, but it's been going on for a while.

I really need to feel you.

I really want to feel you.

That's very different, and it doesn't mean something is going to change, but the likelihood of this activating or planting a seed is so much higher.

And then ideally both take ownership of that.

The feminine doesn't go into hyper protective mechanism anymore and is actually able to reveal her naked heart, and the masculine returns again, to the relationship emotionally.

It's again available for the relationship.

His presence is there.

His presence is saying, I'm here with you.

We're in this together.

You're not alone.

We're facing life together.

We're moving for life as one.

Which leads us to root cause number two.

I've briefly talked about this one already, which is you don't make time.

What happens is here, most couples don't actively create time for passion.

The calendar fills with everything else, walking the dog, and I love dogs.

My wife and I have got a wonderful dog.

Buying conditioner.

Some are more committed to buying conditioner than to intimacy in their relationship.

It's wild, but if you think about it, you are filling your calendar with, with so many things and you're making them a priority, but then we don't make time with one another for intimacy, a priority.

So am I saying here you should schedule six?

No.

From my experience and all the couples I've guided.

All the many people I've helped work through really deep challenges and heal at the root and transformative the root, from all my experience, I can tell you I'm not a fan of scheduling sex.

You know, eight o'clock bam sexy time.

No, doesn't feel very aligned, because you don't know where you'll be emotionally at that time.

However, that doesn't mean you don't schedule time together.

And that's the beauty of this, because if you say, let's have, let's have sex at eight o'clock, it's not very sexy, specifically not for the feminine.

So what I always recommend to couples is schedule time together with no agenda, except that this is your time together.

Put the fucking phone away, put it on flight mode.

No talking about responsibilities and things that need to be do and stressful things, stress out, distractions out.

Going to your sanctuary, your bedroom needs to be sacred.

And then, you know, you've got these check-ins.

These moments where no matter how wild the week is, at least once a week or ideally more often, you've got one or two hours for yourselves where you're just present.

You might be massaging each other, you might just be holding each other, and that is intimacy.

And by just doing that, you will already feel much more connected because that physical touch is extremely important to feel seen, to feel loved.

And then what usually happens is people have great sex because the spontaneity comes back because the environment has been created to support that spontaneity.

The challenge is that your current environment most likely does not support any spontaneity.

You are drowning in all kinds of things and there is never space and time for anything.

But this time together allows time for spontaneity.

It allows if sex wants to come through, if the desire is there in that moment, it'll naturally erupt and move through you, and the passion will flow again.

You don't make passion flow by scheduling sex.

You do it by creating an environment where sex can naturally unfold.

It's safe, there's space, and there's adequate time for it.

So it's basically scheduling time for closeness, for being together, and passion will naturally emerge.

It doesn't always mean there is sex, but it means passion and erotic connection comes back and can flow through you both.

If you don't actively make time, if there is nothing in your calendar that allows for it, then we often have a childish belief that sex will take care of itself later, but that later never comes.

It's a bit wild if you think about it.

I mean, people's scan is so full and they feel so disconnected sexually and.

And all it really takes is to say, Hey baby, we haven't connected lately in the bedroom.

Let's take some time for us tonight or at this time to be together.

And ideally you start that time with, with just holding each other.

This is usually we're also deeper vulnerable conversations unfold.

The other person is able to share.

You're able to be really stay present with them.

Rather than being stressed or being in a hurry, because that sense of hurry is also putting a pressure on the other person.

And out of that vulnerability, out of that emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is naturally born because the environment has been created for it.

So you have to reclaim your couples time.

You have to reclaim closeness.

You have to reclaim your time together, and if you don't, you'll one day wake up after years and realize you are so utterly disconnected that the road now to connection feels much harder.

Still absolutely possible.

I've seen everything.

I've guided people who were ready to file divorce short before and everything turned around.

But it makes it harder.

The longer they disconnect, the harder the journey to reconnect.

'Cause once a feeling of pain, okay, but again, and again, and again, and again and again?

It feels a bit challenge.

More challenging to work through it.

Root cause number three, a loss of erotic expression.

This happens so often.

Many people lose touch with their own sexual energy.

They become numb and disconnected from their body, and this disconnection makes sex really undesirable, because if you are so disconnected and shut down emotionally, then sex will feel like pressure and something you want to avoid.

Because great sex requires you to become fully present and to open your heart.

And when you do that, you get in touch with all the emotions you are overwhelmed by and shutting down from and escaping and avoiding.

So now you avoid sex as well.

This can happen for women as well, of course, but this is so often happening for men.

It's not that men no longer desire sex, it's that they are numbed out and shut down because the emotional trauma and challenges feel too overwhelming, so they shut down, they avoid the escape, and then they also unconsciously want to avoid sex.

Sex feels like a burden.

Here is where also a challenge with porn can come into play because porn doesn't feel like a burden.

You're just getting off.

But sex is deeply emotional and deeply intimate, so there can be a deep disconnect from that.

But for women as well, of course.

So when we are disconnected from our own sexual energy, then we will no longer express our sexual energy.

The lack of sexual expression will lead to a lack of feeling desired, and that will lead to a erotic disconnect.

So that the way forward is, is to reconnect to your body.

Reconnecting to your body is not just because of your healing, your trauma and, and healing in general.

It's also about sex, great sex, specifically.

Not numbed out, disconnected, disconnected sex, but great, passionate, deeply intimate love making.

You need to reconnect to your body.

You need to make time to move your body, to breathe, to feel, because otherwise you're not in touch with what's truly going on inside you.

So, literally there is the biological aspect also.

For great sex life, you gotta move your body, you gotta move, you gotta breathe.

Whatever it is that you do.

I, it doesn't matter what sports you do and what movement you do and what somatic healing and what breath work, well it does, but do what your intuition feels called to and what really supports your nervous system and your journey in the best optimal way.

But you really have to actively make time to reconnect with your body for many, many other reasons, including having great sex.

Because when you are truly in touch with your body, you are truly in touch with your sexual energy, and then that sexual energy is able to flow freely, so then you're able to express openly your sexual desires, that sexual flow comes back, becomes reignited in the relationship.

And even if nothing happens, it doesn't mean just because you express something sexually that you need to have sex immediately, but that rebuilds the polarity just by expressing desire.

That in itself already shifts the energy.

The other feels that, and, and this energy is kind of working inside them, the energy of arousal, the energy of attraction.

Just that no one can say they don't have time for that.

It only takes a few seconds.

When they say they don't have time for that, what they're really saying is, I'm afraid to reconnect with my body 'cause I feel so overwhelmed and in pain.

Because then during the day, even when life gets crazy, you just express your sexual desire so freely, so grounded, so from your heart and so primal as well.

And it doesn't mean anything will happen, but energetically a lot happens when you do that, that flow returns.

Because here is the deepest truth in all of this episodes.

Life itself is the foreplay for great sex.

Lovemaking only is the concert, but there is a lot before that leads to, for this concert to take play The real secret.

Is to make life so alive, to bring so much consciousness to life, that life becomes the foreplay and sex is a natural byproduct of the way you live, the way you breathe, the way you move, and the way you speak.

How many people are truly alive in this way, in this conscious way?

How many people have an open heart that is really dropped into this?

Few people really treat life as the sacred foreplay, but here's the truth.

Sex is just a natural expression of two people in a relationship who live from their true essence.

Life is not a foreplay if you are disconnected from your true essence, because what you're playing out is unconscious programming.

Mother, father wounds, abandonment, wounds, conditioning, afraid of getting hurt, that's not your true essence.

Your sex life.

And the vitality of it becomes a mirror, so to speak, a mirror into your evolution, into your ownership, into your introspection and awakening.

You cannot embody your highest self and there being no sex in a relationship unless there is a real tangible reason why sex can't happen.

I mean, obviously that can happen.

We have a body and we need to own it, but with two healthy people who love each other when they're embodying their highest self, sex is a natural byproduct.

Deep love making is a natural byproduct because you've got constant foreplay and then the concert starts to happen.

When life becomes the foreplay, when you bring so much consciousness, so much presence, so much hard openness to the day-to-day life, then sex is no longer something you have to think about, you have to try to create, you have to put an effort in.

It is something that naturally happens.

And don't get me wrong.

This is very different, what I said before, because when you don't put an effort in, in living from your true essence and bringing that level of consciousness and awareness, then you have to actively make time.

But when you bring that, and this is what all these solutions I share with today eventually bring you to, then it naturally is born from that.

Thank you for listening to this episode.

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