Taina Brown she/hers (00:01.393) Hi, good morning, everyone. Good morning. Today, actually, I'm a little bit starstruck, but we have two of our favorite podcasters, Nins and Arns from BRB Crying, joining us. They're gonna co-host with us today, so we're just gonna have a conversation, do what we do, see where it takes us, and... Becky Mollenkamp (00:03.833) Good morning. Arns (00:04.099) Good morning. Angela (brb Crying0 (00:04.576) Good morning. Taina Brown she/hers (00:31.438) I came across their podcast earlier this year. Yeah, yeah, because late last year maybe. Angela (brb Crying0 (00:36.864) think it was last year. Well, was gonna kind of recount that story. We'll get into it. But I'm pretty sure it was the end of last year when you had commented on one of our episodes, which I honestly, I didn't even know you could do. I didn't know you could do that. yes, yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (00:43.141) Yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah. I. Arns (00:52.61) What? Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (00:53.687) Was that on Spotify? Yeah. I only learned about that more recently than I should admit, so yes. Arns (01:00.749) you Taina Brown she/hers (01:02.704) again, technology, age, whatever. But yeah, I can't keep track of linear time. Like everything is just a jumble in my brain. it's a construct. Arns (01:06.264) Mm-hmm. No. Mm-hmm. Time is not linear. It is a construct. Yes! Yes! Sorry. Sorry. Continue. Becky Mollenkamp (01:11.265) What is time anymore? In this... Becky Mollenkamp (01:17.421) No, we love you're excited. I just want to quickly say I was I'm a later arrival to your show. Tanya had talked about it a lot and I saw kind of videos, but never really listened in preparation as I did listen. And I will admit in the sake of vulnerability, because you guys like to show very vulnerable in your show. I was so jealous. One, because I feel like your production value if you watch it anyway, maybe the listening might be although your production value for the audio is great, too. But like You have this beautiful studio, which I just learned is maybe, you know, in a home somewhere that's not as fancy as it seems. But it looks amazing, right? It looks amazing. Right, no secrets. Just it may not be what I thought it was, but it looks amazing. And you guys are together, which Taina and I never are. And so I'm very jealous in that way. And I really like the the conceit of your show, the way you each kind of come with like an essay or a thing you've written. And then that. Taina Brown she/hers (01:47.438) Yeah Arns (01:51.137) Maybe. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:52.064) You Taina Brown she/hers (01:52.176) Don't give away other trade secrets! Taina Brown she/hers (02:05.093) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (02:12.567) leads to discussions around it. And it's even had Taina and I talking a little bit about like, maybe our show needs a little more like, yeah, yeah. So anyway, just very jealous. I think you guys are doing great. Taina Brown she/hers (02:18.276) a little more structure. Arns (02:19.359) Hahaha Arns (02:23.768) Thank you. Taina Brown she/hers (02:24.271) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (02:24.319) that's, I'm gonna cry. Is that you on brand? Thank you so much. Taina Brown she/hers (02:27.504) That was the goal. Now at least two of us need to cry. Becky Mollenkamp (02:27.681) No, that's perfectly on brand, please cry. If you don't cry, if you don't cry, then we have failed today, I think. Arns (02:29.677) You Angela (brb Crying0 (02:36.646) Yeah, well, again, thank you so much for just the opportunity to even one, meet you, but then to two, be on this show. You know, we are listeners of Messy Liberation as well, and we're just really excited to be here and learn a little bit more about our new besties on the internet. So hi to everyone listening. I'm Angela, also known as Minns on our podcast, and I'll hand it off to Arns to kind of explain what BRB crying is all about. Arns (03:04.703) Yes. Yes. So I'm Ariana also known as Arnz and Be or Be Crying is a comedy podcast where we talk about things that make us cry. So it could be books, movies, shows, personal stories. And the reason why we do this is we want to help the world remember that crying is not something you have to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. It's actually so powerful because if you can feel your feelings without any judgment, you can transform your relationship with yourself. You can show up more authentically and vulnerably in your relationships with other people. And I think what makes our, the space, the space feels so special to us is our, our friendship and You know, the chemistry that we have being best friends of 25 years, which is kind of a long time. Um, you kind of become the same person after like maybe 15 years, but, um, yeah, it's just the way that we, in our own relationship and our own friendship and also on air, we, we really have, we feel perfected that balance between vulnerability and humor. And. Angela (brb Crying0 (04:26.335) Mm-hmm. Arns (04:26.956) because it really is easy to undercut like a moment of a heavier moment with a joke, but we have learned how sacred it is to, you know, allow each other that space to share and then like throw in the joke later. Angela (brb Crying0 (04:40.573) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (04:40.909) Did you become friends in the womb? Because neither of you look much older than 25. Taina Brown she/hers (04:46.254) Right. Arns (04:46.379) my god, it's because we're even. Angela (brb Crying0 (04:48.639) Very closely. I think I met Arnz when I was like six and she was seven. We had gone to the same very small elementary school and kind of never left each other's side after that. So. Becky Mollenkamp (04:50.755) Seriously though. Okay. Becky Mollenkamp (04:58.349) Okay, so your early 30s. Arns (05:00.329) Yes. Becky Mollenkamp (05:04.481) Nice. What, so that would be, what is your generation? you millennial, young millennials or older? Okay. And Tyene is pretty solidly millennial and I'm sort of, okay, fine. And I'm... Taina Brown she/hers (05:05.815) sweet. Arns (05:10.151) Young millennials, yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (05:11.679) Young millennials, yeah. Arns (05:15.755) Hmm. You don't look it! Taina Brown she/hers (05:15.912) Older millennial. I'm like in between millennials and Gen Xers. There's that five year or three year gap and that's where I'm at. Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (05:22.083) Well, I'm, yeah. Well, we both kind of are. think we're both zennials. mean, technically, I think I'm Gen X, but I relate more as a zennial, I would say. But it's interesting because you're talking about this relationship with crying. I hope it's OK if I just go in, because that is one of the things that I find aspirational in a way about your show is how, like, easily you both cry. And I don't mean that like... Angela (brb Crying0 (05:24.605) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (05:33.523) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (05:38.195) Yeah, please. Becky Mollenkamp (05:49.045) It's just like you both like whether it's laughing or sad or whatever, you're just really quick to the tears and like and there's doesn't you can feel like there's no weirdness about it. And I wonder how much of that is more of a generational age thing. Or if you're also having to defy your own generational programming, because I know for me as a Ziniel slash young Gen X or I have a lot of discomfort with crying around people like all of that. Yeah. Right. Where I feel like I need to apologize for it or stop it or whatever. Angela (brb Crying0 (06:02.367) Mmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (06:08.028) Yeah Taina Brown she/hers (06:11.234) for sure. Angela (brb Crying0 (06:12.415) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Becky Mollenkamp (06:16.897) So is that true for you? Does this feel generational or you're just trying to break that? Okay. Angela (brb Crying0 (06:20.063) No, no, we are trying to break that. And actually, I think it's interesting to note that Arnz and I both have older sisters, so that are, you know, several years older. So I think that for at least part of our childhood, we really kind of took after them, you know, tried to embody their behavior because they're so much cooler than we are, right? But there was this, yeah, still are there, but there is this... Arns (06:41.256) Still now. Angela (brb Crying0 (06:45.395) there is this hesitation and there is this resistance that I think spans all of these different generations. really, doesn't have to do with millennials versus Gen Z versus the Lenny or what have you. I think that we just recognized that even just, would say five years ago, Arnz and I were not this comfortable being this vulnerable to ourselves, but like, don't even think about posting things online because that is such a scary place to be. But I think Taina Brown she/hers (06:59.19) Hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (07:15.515) In one of our recent conversations, arms had phrased it as just like a muscle that you just exercise. It just becomes something that gets easier over time. And I feel that the more that I do that, the more that I realize, my gosh, those conversations where I do get vulnerable are the ones that I walk away from feeling the most fulfilled. And so it was kind of this... moment where I was like, well, why then why do I hesitate to do that? Because that is what brings so much more color and so much more meaning in my life when I allow myself to be vulnerable. So that's kind of the message that we try to really, really emphasize on our show. But we also totally recognize, as you said, Becky, that it is really scary to do that. There is this huge, my gosh, I don't even want to open that door and I don't want to cry in front of the stranger or whatever it would have you. And I think that's totally relatable. But I love that when we are together, it's as if you're just, you're safe in the comfort of your best friend, right? And that's kind of the energy that we try to portray and embody in all of our episodes. Taina Brown she/hers (08:29.628) Yeah, I remember when we were going back and forth on Instagram messages and we were like, my God, we're both Capricorns. And so that's always been like a question for me because like I have a lot of earth energy. I have like four planets in Capricorn. Becky Mollenkamp (08:29.709) Yeah, I it. Angela (brb Crying0 (08:38.789) Yes, yes, yes. Arns (08:47.081) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (08:47.091) Mm-hmm. Taina Brown she/hers (08:51.916) plus I'm like a Virgo rising. So like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were like, we're almost the same person. We're almost the same person. And so... Angela (brb Crying0 (08:53.17) Yes, that's true. Yeah. Did I tell you that I'm also a Virgo-risey? I think we talked about this. And then Arnz is a Virgo-sun. Yeah. Arns (09:02.174) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (09:05.241) I'm the odd one out because I'm like all water signs. So I should be comfortable with crying, right? Taina Brown she/hers (09:08.301) Yeah Angela (brb Crying0 (09:08.894) Oh really? Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Arns (09:11.769) Interesting. Taina Brown she/hers (09:14.348) So, so like any kind of vulnerability is like really hard for me. And so like, like it's like really like, it's like having to break through the literally the earth, right? To like get there. And so I'm just like, how do you, how do you, how do you do that? Like, how do you, mean, years of therapy have helped, right? And also like, okay, so I know you were going to get into the story, Nins about how Angela (brb Crying0 (09:20.765) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (09:29.086) breath. Arns (09:30.048) my god, that's beautiful! Angela (brb Crying0 (09:31.966) That's such a poetic way to place it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (09:42.812) Yeah, yeah, Taina Brown she/hers (09:43.574) how we connected, but I will say since we've connected and since I have been reading to Becky's dismay so much fanfic, I probably have never cried so much in my life. So, yeah, so it's been, I feel like I've been a lot more vulnerable over the past year than I normally am, so. Becky Mollenkamp (09:52.707) great, it's great, it's great. Arns (09:58.985) you Angela (brb Crying0 (09:59.391) No! Angela (brb Crying0 (10:07.378) And yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, that's wonderful to hear, which is weird to say, right? But well, first of all, just to bring it back to astrology, there is, and I totally get that people who are listening have no freaking clue what I'm talking about, but there is all these different elements in your, yeah, there are all these different planets in your birth chart, right? But one of the ones that Arndt and I are, we are, Becky Mollenkamp (10:26.701) Somme. Angela (brb Crying0 (10:34.258) both cancer moons, which is a water sign. And moons are kind of like, how do you, how do you, how are you in private or how are you in your own self? And so I felt like for a long time, because I have so much earth on my like, my sun and my, my rising, which are kind of like your general slash like how your outgoing personality is in my own alone time, I would feel really emotional. Like I would kind of overthink things, I would be really reflective and just kind of keep that inside. so, Arnz is the same exact way, again, through the same person. but in all of our conversations, which again comes with knowing someone for as long as we have, there was just like a, I feel safe to share this with her because, you know, she's my lifelong friend. And so I think it's really interesting that Arns (11:11.304) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (11:13.532) You Arns (11:14.088) Thank Taina Brown she/hers (11:24.388) Thank Angela (brb Crying0 (11:33.758) Again, it's like the more that you do something and the more that you feel safe to do it, it becomes easier, right? yeah, go ahead, Ernst. Taina Brown she/hers (11:34.859) You. Yeah. Arns (11:42.62) Yeah, really like, I really resonated with, because, you know, my whole life I'm reading the back of like 17, not my whole life. I'm reading like the back of 17 magazine, you know, and I'm like, my God, Virgo, this is me. I'm uptight, you know, like that's just, that's who I am. And I really resonated with that. I really internalized that. And I was like, that is my identity. And so I really suppressed. Angela (brb Crying0 (11:51.099) Hahaha Arns (12:06.832) the emotions. used to laugh at my sister and my mom for being so weepy. was like, that's not me. I don't cry. I'm just like really strong, whatever. But yeah, it really was back to what Nin said that that muscle that you know, once and and Taina you said it so beautifully, the breakthrough that really was breaking through the earth and letting you know, letting the water seep in and letting it flood me. Taina Brown she/hers (12:20.479) you you Arns (12:33.216) And letting the emotions overwhelm me to the point where I can't hold them in anymore. it really has been, especially doing it on the internet, really has been something that I've had to practice and hone. But what Nin said about feeling safe to do so is really, really our goal. And we hope that our listeners, when they tune in, they start to feel safe first with themselves, because that's the most important, right? That's the first step for all this, feeling safe with themselves to feel those emotions. then... Taina Brown she/hers (12:49.867) Yeah. Okay. Arns (13:01.766) letting that enter the conversation with the people around them. Becky Mollenkamp (13:06.519) Yeah, I think the safety is a big part of that. And that's where that best friendship thing, you know, with my best friend, sure, I'll cry. Tears of joy, laughter, and all of that. And then also sadness, because you do feel that safety. But it's that putting it out for display that feels. And even going beyond that, like there's only a couple of relationships that I feel that kind of safety. And otherwise, I can feel the suppression, the pulling back, even when it's like laughing until you cry. And it seems so silly. Why wouldn't? Arns (13:14.021) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (13:14.236) Right, right. Taina Brown she/hers (13:19.946) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (13:30.6) Yeah. Arns (13:33.702) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (13:35.482) That feels like why wouldn't you want to laugh until you cry? But even that can feel strange. But I will tell you something else that helps for those of you everyone else in the room who doesn't know yet, which is menopause, paramenopause. I'm going, I'm in paramenopause. And I think it's like being a teenager again, where your emotions are so almost out of your control, right? Because that's what this phase of life is like. It's like going through that another round of these wild things. And in pregnancy is a similar place where your hormones are so out of control. Taina Brown she/hers (13:37.246) You Arns (13:46.598) You Taina Brown she/hers (13:49.002) you Becky Mollenkamp (14:04.675) where during pregnancy I would cry at commercials and I'm like, this is not who I am. And now going through this, I find myself again, tears come so easily and I still can feel that urge to pull them back. But I just feel like, clearly my body is saying like, you need this, right? Like I just feel it, and so then why do I fight it? It's just such a, but I know so much of that is our conditioning, right? Like the conditioning that we, because we are told that that is weakness. Like you even mentioned like, I'm strong, I don't cry. Arns (14:19.396) Yes, yes. Taina Brown she/hers (14:20.094) Yeah, yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (14:26.001) Right, 100%. Arns (14:30.95) Hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (14:32.461) that it's weakness when in fact it takes so much more strength to go against that and allow people to see your vulnerability. But yeah, it's that and I guess part of it too is the fear of like this is where I can be hurt. Right. Because if I start to let that guard down and allow you to see the truth of who I am, it's easier for you to hurt me. It's like when a dog lays on its back. Right. And because that's where a dog is saying, I feel safe with you because that's when you can cause it the most harm. All of its vital organs are there. Right. So Arns (14:45.061) Yeah. Arns (14:53.935) Taina Brown she/hers (14:54.504) Mmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (14:57.615) Right. Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (15:01.601) It feels kind of like that. It's like that dropping of the armor and saying, I'm laying myself bare here and I'm going to trust that you won't harm me. But in the world of social media and YouTube and podcasting and putting things out on the internet, that feels scary because we know how cruel people can be. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (15:12.126) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (15:15.325) 100%. 100%. But here's the thing. It's like when we're talking about these really hard phases in our life, puberty, paramedic pods, you all of these things that, you my mom was mean to me, right? It's like you feel these really intense emotions, but the inclination is that, I have to deal with this privately. And even when Arnz and I had first come up with the idea to like really set out on this project, we were like, Taina Brown she/hers (15:24.809) you you Angela (brb Crying0 (15:43.644) You know, obviously doing our research is someone doing the same thing. And the answer was no. There was no podcast that was really focused on the balance between vulnerability and comedy and friendship. And so we thought it took it was a moment for me where I was like, wow, it's so scary to do this. What if I had a podcast that made it less scary? What if there was someone else on the Internet that, you know, made me feel like I wasn't crazy or I wasn't weird for being? Taina Brown she/hers (15:54.566) you Angela (brb Crying0 (16:13.479) super emotional. And so we kind of just decided to be a little brave and be the ones to do it ourselves. So I totally hear you. And it is something that was so, so intimidating to do because honestly, like Arnz and I did not have a huge social media presence before this. And so it was a huge hurdle just to even feel safe to like post my face online and post all these thoughts and then promote something without feeling foolish. But it just gets easier over time, you know? Becky Mollenkamp (16:21.912) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (16:33.057) Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's not practice. It's yeah, it's like y'all said it's it's practice and I think. Angela (brb Crying0 (16:42.341) I'm sure you feel that you guys feel the same way with with your podcast as well. Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (16:46.297) Well, but- Taina Brown she/hers (16:49.639) You know, one of the things that obviously on our podcast, Mercy Liberation, we talk about the horrors that persist in the world. Right. And so the world itself just feels unsafe most of the time, especially if you're a woman, if you're a woman of color, if you're like not a straight person, you know, like there's so many layers to how unsafe a person can feel in the world these days. And I think what y'all were saying about like feeling safe at home, like in yourself, like There's really no way to guarantee safety in the world these days. I don't know if there was ever a way to really guarantee safety in the world. And in order to like tap into that emotional side and that vulnerable side, right? And letting yourself feel your feelings and just kind of process all of that, like you have to be able to find that safety within, right? There's no external source that's going to give you the sense of safety you need in order to Arns (17:43.353) Yes. Taina Brown she/hers (17:49.33) feel okay with feeling your feelings. And so it's a sort of like embodiment process that just kind of brings you back home to yourself so that you can just settle in, you know, and not feel like you're on guard all the time and you're having to like protect yourself all the time. And obviously like the world is going to do what it's going to do. Like, you know, like people in the world are going to be assholes because that's... Some people are just determined to be assholes, you know? so, but it's been, it's practice, it's practice. And I am so thankful that I came across your podcasts, especially it was at a time in my life where I... Arns (18:20.388) Mm-hmm. Arns (18:27.544) Mm-hmm. Taina Brown she/hers (18:39.144) had recently, and I talk about this a lot on the podcast, but just gone through some really severe medical trauma. so feeling safe in my body and feeling embodied and feeling safe in the world felt really, really far away from me. And so in my journey to just kind of coming back to myself and feeling more embodied, your podcast was a part of that and it was part of that process. And I'm so thankful that you guys are in my ears. And when you took a break, I was like, no. Arns (18:47.268) you Taina Brown she/hers (19:09.831) But you're back now and I'm also thankful for the introduction to fan fiction. I don't know, Vince, do you want to talk about how we met? Arns (19:10.468) Hahaha Becky Mollenkamp (19:19.883) you're respo- I didn't realize you saying you're responsible for what has happened to Taina. Angela (brb Crying0 (19:22.183) I am, I am, I am, yeah. Okay, let's take it back. I know, so actually the episode that Tayuna first commented on was our episode entitled, Election Reflection. And so the normal structure of our show is Arns and I will both come in with something on our own that made us cry and we tell each other about it. Taina Brown she/hers (19:25.105) Yes, yes, they're responsible. They're the responsible party. Becky Mollenkamp (19:29.759) no. Angela (brb Crying0 (19:49.061) And oftentimes we have no idea what the other person is going to say. So it is, it is the kind of this free organic conversation about I'm telling her something and it's really exciting. But we knew that after the election results had come in, everyone was just feeling devastation. And so we needed to make space for that. And we needed to just have a really candid conversation about how we were both feeling. And so we posted that it was, it was all over the place. It was, it was messy. And Taina actually commented on that and I was like, well, I didn't know that I could get a notification like this and I read it and I was like so touched and anyway, she followed us on socials afterwards. And then I think shortly after that, I had during one of our later episodes, I had talked about a Jermaini fan fiction that had made me cry. And so I'm sure that Taina, your listeners know what Jermaini is, but it's basically Draco Malfoy and Hermione Arns (20:17.251) you Arns (20:22.579) Ha! Taina Brown she/hers (20:23.078) Hahahaha Angela (brb Crying0 (20:47.142) Hermione fan fiction, right? And so I talked about it and I was, Arnz and I had both read it, so we were gushing about it, which I think is kind of the appeal, right? It's like when your two best friends are like, my God, this thing is so good, it makes you want to check it out, right? So, Taina messages us on Instagram after, and she's like, okay, I downloaded it. I'll see if I have time to read it, but I'll let you know. Arns (21:09.923) You Angela (brb Crying0 (21:11.632) And I was like, okay, have the best time of your life. And it was one of those things where she would get to a chapter and she would write us like, my God, this just happened. Or like, my God, I finally got to this part. And it was just so cool to like watch it happen, right? Her getting really excited about this world. And I'm a little sorry, that it like ended up taking over your life, but I'm not really sorry because it really has been such a joy to. Arns (21:25.952) you Angela (brb Crying0 (21:39.629) One, read myself and then see you get so excited about it. But I will say that one of the things that really made me super emotional was, you started this Instagram account dedicated to all these things that you love to read. And during one of your posts, you had talked about how entering this world or like exploring this world of fan fiction actually inspired you to start writing again and found your way back to the joy of writing. And I just... Taina Brown she/hers (21:43.494) you you Angela (brb Crying0 (22:07.344) I'm just so honored to be even a small part of that journey because again, it's like when you allow yourself to feel your feelings, it guides you to all of these things that make life so much more meaningful. I'm just, I'm just overjoyed and I'm just so, so grateful that the internet brought us together in that way. Taina Brown she/hers (22:12.806) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (22:25.546) So when she comes to an episode tired because she got no sleep, she was up all night reading fanfic, I will be messaging you to say thanks a lot. But when she finishes writing stuff and puts it out, and hopefully maybe even someday puts it out in the world, or maybe not, then I can also message you and say thanks for that. Because it is exciting to see Taina excited about what she's writing, even if it does mean sometimes it comes at the expense of no sleep. Taina Brown she/hers (22:30.522) Because I was up till 6 a.m. reading. Arns (22:33.827) No. Angela (brb Crying0 (22:41.67) Naming up. Angela (brb Crying0 (22:47.482) No. Taina Brown she/hers (22:49.189) Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I hadn't written, I used to write a lot when I was younger and I'm officially crying. So, so one down, one down, three to go. yeah, I used to write a lot when I was like younger. I think pre-prevessant teenager, all the angst, right? Like when you're a teenager, especially a teenage girl growing up in the nineties. and so I, Arns (22:52.332) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (22:57.976) Yay! You did it! Arns (22:58.474) Yes! Taina Brown she/hers (23:19.247) would write a lot. I took a lot of creative writing classes in college. And then I got to like heavy college writing, which is like essays and like all of that. And it just kind of took the joy out of all of it. And then through, you know, just life and trauma and all of that, like, again, that sense of embodiment, just that sense of detachment, it's so, as someone with a lot of earth energy, it's very easy to be in my head and not in my body. And, And just going through this journey of just recovering from the medical trauma, letting myself really attach to these characters through all these fanfics. Two, also the dismay of my wife. She's never seen me cry so much. So every time I cry, she's like, my God, are you okay? She's very concerned. But it opened up that sense of creativity that had been lacking for so long. And I actually have... I just, I have been writing a lot and one of the things that I wrote is for like a fanfic fest for Halloween. So it'll be, yeah, so it'll be out and available for people to read. my God. This is like a different level of vulnerability, like people reading your writing. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it'll be available to read in a few short weeks. So I'm excited. I'm excited to. Arns (24:26.337) Cool. Angela (brb Crying0 (24:32.249) my gosh. Practicing that muscle, right? Exercising that muscle. Arns (24:34.505) Yeah. Arns (24:46.047) Yeah, no. Taina Brown she/hers (24:46.212) So just kind of explore this side of me that's been dormant for so long. Arns (24:50.198) I love that. that's so like what Nin said too, kind of opening that back up and what you were saying, Tayin, about it being something that you loved when you were younger. I feel like that's so much of what so many of our life paths look like that, right? You are, you're entrenched in these worlds and you're flooded with creativity when you're younger. And then, you know, the life happens. and things get hard. Things start to get hard and you just, kind of lose your way. You forget the things that bring you joy, but to rediscover that and to feel safe in doing that, I'm so proud of you. I haven't read it yet, but I'm so proud of you for finding your way back to yourself and, you know, being brave enough to share that with the world. Taina Brown she/hers (25:42.148) Thank you. Arns (25:49.205) That's really beautiful. Becky Mollenkamp (25:53.038) boy, it's a weeping fest. Angela (brb Crying0 (25:55.067) haha Arns (25:55.495) Two down! Taina Brown she/hers (25:55.844) We're coming for y'all! Becky Mollenkamp (25:57.221) You haven't got me on board yet. We'll see. It is beautiful. I think that's amazing. the no like I could see nins where that's to know you have a part of that because I think Tain and I are both coaches and get to be a part of watching some of this unfold for our clients and feel like just that small piece of like I had a part of that journey. And that is such a special sacred thing. And like, I think those are the things. that when it feels really hard to put yourself out there and to be vulnerable and to do that, to fail publicly, to cry publicly, to share, to be vulnerable publicly, it's the remembering that there's somebody out there that needs that. And that could be the thing that even, and we don't always get to hear back. I'm sure you guys experienced this too where you're like, hello, is anybody out there? Yeah, exactly. Arns (26:45.824) Yeah. Is anyone listening? Yeah. Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (26:46.583) Yeah, me last night spiraling, yes, 100%. Becky Mollenkamp (26:51.746) And so sometimes we have to hold on to that faith without even getting the feedback. But remembering like what we're putting out in the world, maybe it does make a difference. Maybe it does do that. And if it's if it was just this one thing of like the domino effect of getting Taina to this place of being able to share and do all of that, like that's so worth the fear and the discomfort and all the stuff. So I don't know if because you guys took a break for a while. Was that also because of like I'd love to hear a little bit about it, if it had anything to do with just that like challenge of putting things out there or if it was something else. Because I know you both said it was like becoming a lot and so you needed a break. So what was the what was your break about? Was it related to some of this like vulnerability hangover stuff or no? Arns (27:28.702) Mm-hmm. Taina Brown she/hers (27:29.174) Mm. Arns (27:35.168) I honestly, we were just taught it takes a lot as you both know, making a podcast is no easy feat. And because we take it so seriously, Earth energy, it's so, you we put we pour ourselves into it and then having a nine to five and having our lives outside of it. we both were just we were turning out the episodes every week and Nins, God bless her. Taina Brown she/hers (27:36.162) Okay. Okay. Arns (28:04.384) taught herself how to edit on Adobe Premiere Pro. And so she is meticulously editing every single episode, like by hand watching through this episode, you know, it's taking her like, I don't know, at least 10 plus hours. And this is on top of, you know, a regular corporate job and doing that week after week for when I get on socials is really tiring. And we both just felt burnt out. And it was, it had gone to the point where, yes, we're Taina Brown she/hers (28:06.895) Wow. Okay. Arns (28:35.114) we're putting this beautiful thing out into the world that is hopefully having that domino effect on people. And at the same time, how is it affecting us? At what cost? And there came a point in the spring where we had turned out another 10 episodes and we were like, okay, like spring break, bye. Six months later, we're finally like, okay, I'm rested. But it really did take that much time of just having... Taina Brown she/hers (28:43.297) No. you Arns (29:03.495) our lives back to kind of rest and rejuvenate and to get in the position of, we want to be back in that room sharing. It's not a chore anymore because it started to feel like that towards the end, right? When you're really burnt out, but, you know, finally getting to the point of, and we did it very much based on how we were intuitively feeling. okay, we are feeling that we missed community. We miss the engagement. We miss. Taina Brown she/hers (29:03.554) Mm-hmm. Arns (29:32.958) coming to the space together and sharing together. Now we are ready to record. And so also not putting a timeline on that felt really good. I know everyone was kind of like, but it felt worth it for us. And that is a big piece of, think what we learned during that break. really has to, it has to come from a place of us being willing and ready to share and having the energy and capacity to do so. Taina Brown she/hers (29:33.153) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (30:02.094) Did you, when you were on that break, were you guys wrestling with any of the like capitalist conditioning that's like telling you, God, people are gonna forget us or no one's, know, how dare we step away or, know, whatever, like we're being lazy or whatever the, yeah, were you grappling with that stuff at all during that break or were you able to really allow yourself to just rest? Taina Brown she/hers (30:03.649) you That urgency. Angela (brb Crying0 (30:14.458) Yeah. Arns (30:15.068) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (30:21.178) I think it was the latter, but I will have to say that yes, I do edit the pod, but Arnz does so much work herself. I just have to give her credit too. I every single social post, every single like branding element of BRB crying has been her genius. And so it really does take so much effort to put out a project like this. And I think that we had kind of... put this pressure on ourselves to meet these deadlines that we made up ourselves, right? We have to put out an episode once a week. We have to record and then edit by this time. And it's like, there's really no rule. And I think that as we've embarked on this whole project and this whole idea of like, learn more about yourself, what are your feelings telling us? whole point is to understand yourself more. And I think that we just recognized Taina Brown she/hers (30:54.304) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (31:15.992) when we needed to give ourselves some space, when we needed to step back and say like, okay, it's becoming too much, let's be honest with ourselves and not force it. Because that was always the goal is be as authentic as we can. if the truth is that we just don't have the capacity to do it, then we can take a step back. But I think, Becky, to go back to your original question, like, did we feel pressure or did we feel fear about not being in people's... Taina Brown she/hers (31:21.873) Okay. Angela (brb Crying0 (31:43.661) screens all day long. I don't think so because I think that we have always been staunch believers that the people that need to find our podcast will find our podcast when they need to. And so yes, we can try to keep up with the algorithms. Yes, we can try to stick to a posting schedule and whatnot. But at the end of the day, if you want to find that for yourself, you'll find it. So I think that just puts out, that takes out a lot of the stress from it. Taina Brown she/hers (32:08.365) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the algorithms change all the time. Like, how do you... Arns (32:17.35) is what I'm saying. You can't, no you don't. Nope. Taina Brown she/hers (32:18.401) How do you keep up with algorithms? Like they're constantly changing. They're constantly changing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like unique to each individual. It's not like, like your, my algorithm is different from yours based on how I engage with like content. And so there's really no way to like finagle that, you know? And so, yeah, absolutely. Angela (brb Crying0 (32:18.874) You don't. You don't. You just have to like let go and be like whatever. It'll be what it'll be, you know? Arns (32:34.814) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (32:45.102) Can I yes and and just say yes, yes and it's really frustrating because like my favorite kind of podcasts are banter shows, right, ultimately, right? Where it's just a couple of people having conversations about things that they find interesting. It gives you a little glimpse into their lives and whatever, right? But finding those shows I have found has been really hard. So like, yes and I hope people find those shows, but it can be challenging because... Arns (32:45.426) No. Becky Mollenkamp (33:10.682) the algorithms, the places that most of us go to look, they deliver the results and I get all the reasons they do it, but it's all the celebrity driven, corporate funded, and it's so hard to find. And some of those shows are fine and they're great, but also I wanna listen to real people and it's so challenging to find those shows. So I totally hear what you're saying. I wanna hold onto that belief, but there is that part of me that's like. Arns (33:19.367) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (33:36.362) And I just know there's good content out there I'm missing. Like I'm not getting to see it because it's not being dished out to me. And it becomes really, it's like a needle in a haystack trying to find stuff. So I am glad we found your show and I want to find more shows like that. And it's hard, it's really hard. Taina Brown she/hers (33:43.454) Yeah. Arns (33:50.543) Mm hmm. Yeah. No, that's totally like what Nins was saying. Why part of why we started this podcast? Because we literally could not find the podcast that we were looking for. I mean, you should have seen like my Google search results like funny friends podcast, like crying. And it was like, it was all over the like, I was even posting on Reddit, like, can someone give me recommendations? And like, I, you know, I wasn't I wasn't finding what I, what I wanted. But yeah, Becky, I totally get that because it's fun to feel like I'm brought back to growing up with radio shows where you really get to know those hosts. tune in every morning at the same time and you have like that consistency. You know a bit about their lives and you it feels really good. But yeah, it is a challenge to find that because a lot of, I think a lot of people will try and make that podcast. Taina Brown she/hers (34:26.74) Mm. Becky Mollenkamp (34:41.922) I Arns (34:47.248) because they're like, well, me and my friend, we just talk anyway, so let's just record ourselves. And then they put the content out there and it's also like, well, I don't know anything about you. You know, don't really know enough about your life to latch on. So it is a process. Taina Brown she/hers (35:00.863) How hard? Yeah. Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (35:01.358) Yeah. Well, and they realize how, like you mentioned, how challenging it is to do a podcast and then they quit because also like, I don't know how you guys deal with this. The balance of people will find the right people who need it will find it. We have the belief that, you know, and we're doing this because we love it. And all of those like really good reasons to be podcasting and detaching yourself from results. And you're putting a lot of hours in. It is a lot of work. And at some point you're just like you do feel this need. Arns (35:05.41) Yeah, and it's hard. Yeah. Arns (35:26.918) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (35:30.991) I don't know about you, but like I'm the one of the two of us who's looking at metrics. Taina is much better at just being able to be a little more detached. I share news with her when we have it, like we hit, you know, 5,000 downloads, we hit 7,000, whatever. She's better at detaching from that stuff, but I don't know. find a hard, like there is this part of me that's like, I'm spending all this time editing and the time of uploading all this stuff. I kind of want to see something like I don't, I don't want to be Joe Rogan. I don't want that, but you do want to know like that, like tap tap is anyone listening? You do want that. Arns (35:35.609) Hmm Arns (35:50.917) Mm-hmm. Taina Brown she/hers (35:53.215) Mm-hmm. Arns (35:53.507) Yes! Angela (brb Crying0 (35:56.058) Right. Arns (35:59.802) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (36:00.218) And getting people to engage is really, know, like, and you'll see, oh, there are people listening. I see some numbers, but then, like, how do I get them to engage? So I don't know how you guys deal with all of that, like balancing the detachment with the also, I'm putting a lot of effort into this. Well, yeah, there are a way on my energy. It's not about money, but just like I'm doing all this and what's happening for it. Arns (36:02.543) Mm-hmm. Arns (36:06.139) Uh-huh. Arns (36:13.039) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (36:14.041) ROI. Angela (brb Crying0 (36:15.244) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (36:18.143) Yeah. Arns (36:18.457) Yes. Angela (brb Crying0 (36:20.023) Yeah. Becky, literally, these were all the thoughts that were running through my mind yesterday. So thank you for the reminder. And I don't think I have an answer really. I mean, it literally is day by day, right? Where I am glued to, know, buzzsprout, how many downloads did we get, you know? But then on those hard days, immediately after that, I'll have... Becky Mollenkamp (36:26.412) Yeah, here we go. Taina Brown she/hers (36:26.751) You Angela (brb Crying0 (36:48.971) a conversation from someone that I just happen to run into who will tell me, you know, your podcast on this episode was so great. It made me feel this way, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, if I hadn't run into that person, then they would never have messaged me or whatever. it's like, aren't that I will talk about all the time. Like you leave me one, you give me one comment like that. I'm fueled for like two weeks, you know? So I mean, it really, just goes day by day. The, the, Arns (37:05.253) Mm. Angela (brb Crying0 (37:18.945) The mood is volatile. The attitude towards it is volatile, how quickly it changes. Taina Brown she/hers (37:20.398) Yeah. Yeah. Arns (37:21.357) Yeah. No, I get that. I get that energetic exchange. It's like, is at what point is it not worth it? And I think maybe I'm more like tiny. I don't know if this is correct, but I just don't look at it. like, I really, truly, truly detached. And this is something that I wanted to touch a little bit on because setting those types of boundaries for myself has been so, so crucial for me. Angela (brb Crying0 (37:34.489) haha Arns (37:48.699) in terms of my mental health, because if I, just, can't even let myself go on that spiral because well, one, everything's fake, you know, like, truly I come back to that so often, like all of this is fake, everything's a construct, you know, all these metrics, like everyone telling you to do this and that, like, it's just not real. But yeah, I totally have to like step away and ground myself in whatever it is, you know, like, Taina Brown she/hers (37:55.645) Okay. Okay. Angela (brb Crying0 (37:57.933) you Arns (38:16.997) putting on my essential oil diffuser, lighting some incense. Like I literally have to be like, no, of that matters. back to what Tanya was saying, I need to just come back to feeling safe in my body. So I think the difference there is that I catch myself now before I can even go down the spiral. And then I find a way to ground myself. And then I'm like, you know what? The rest, it's all going to happen as it's meant to happen. Like I just, I can't be bothered with it. Taina Brown she/hers (38:23.389) Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm. Yeah, my god. Becky Mollenkamp (38:28.834) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (38:43.93) hearing the whisper before it becomes a scream, which is so important. Yeah. I think for me, oh, sorry, Tina, just really quickly, because I think the biggest thing is in partnership. think that's why I think for both of these shows, probably it's the partnership that makes such a difference. Because if I was on my own, particularly me, maybe me and Angela, then we'd be the ones who'd be like, if we're doing it on our own, we'd be left to spiral and just be like, forget it, it's not worth it. You two might be able to do it on your own and be okay. But like, that partnership helps, I always come back to, ultimately, Arns (38:46.372) Yes. Taina Brown she/hers (38:55.014) Hmm Arns (38:57.978) Mm-hmm. Arns (39:03.962) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (39:13.582) The reason I even like I originally reached out to Taina to do our show because I was like, I just like having conversations with you. Every time we have a conversation, it leaves me with that feeling Angela mentioned earlier where you just feel refreshed or you feel better. You just like, yeah, that felt really good. And so I'm like, I want to have an excuse to have more of those conversations and a podcast creates this excuse where it's like every week we're gonna get together and have conversations. I try like even this week, we were having a conversation about growth and stuff. it was like coming back to, but wait a minute. Taina Brown she/hers (39:29.98) . Becky Mollenkamp (39:38.49) The thing I really want is just to have conversations with you. Like I just enjoy that. And so I try when I start to spiral to get back to that. So I just think the partnership thing helps, but I interrupted you, Taina, sorry. Taina Brown she/hers (39:47.124) Yeah. No, no, it's totally fine. Yeah, I know how obsessive I can get with things. Like I will fixate on something forever until one day I'm like, I don't care about that anymore. And so I'm like you, Arnzware, I'm just like, I... Arns (39:53.882) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Taina Brown she/hers (40:05.852) I have to set that strict boundary for myself. And knowing that Becky is there looking at the metrics allows me to do that. It allows me to be like, she's got it. I will take care of the other things. And one of the things that Becky and I discussed about doing this podcast, it's like doing my celebration, it's like, it has to be fun. Once it stops being fun, we're just not going to do it anymore. Arns (40:27.064) Yes. Becky Mollenkamp (40:31.12) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (40:31.364) And so whether that means taking a break or just like stopping it altogether. And so that has been my boundary. Like once it starts to feel like it's not fun anymore, I'm like not doing that, right? And so like we used to do a lot of social media content, right? And we still have it available and like I'm in charge of the social media content. And so, Becky posts or files it and then I post, yeah, yeah, just like short clips and. Becky Mollenkamp (40:55.779) I just do YouTube shorts, but you do the rest. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (40:59.885) a few graphics and so I'm just like, okay, when it feels like it's gonna be fun, I will post it, right? If we have guests, we definitely post it, right? But if it's just the two of us and it's like, and I'm having a hard week or some unexpected emergency came up or some unexpected things or whatever, I'm just like, okay, we're just not gonna post this week and that's fine. Because I have to... Arns (41:22.723) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (41:26.565) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (41:28.003) It has to be fun and I have to believe that like the people who will find us will find us. And so regardless of what that journey looks like. Angela (brb Crying0 (41:33.505) Yeah. I think, but even then, it's like, obviously in my deepest, most spirally moments, I will be tied to the metrics. But at the end of the day, I come out of that and I'm like, but what am I really doing this for? Yes, it's for connection. Yes, it's for community, but it's also for myself, right? You're doing this because you find it fun. I'm doing this because I find it fulfilling. I find it healing. And it's so important for me personally to do this. I think that kind of helps me get out of that when I'm so focused on how are other people receiving it, how are other people downloading it, whatever. Because for me, like, no, but I love this. This is making me happy. So that should be the guiding light. Taina Brown she/hers (42:10.619) Mm. Becky Mollenkamp (42:23.214) when we can remember, gotta say, being in partnership with Taina on this, I have another partner on my other podcast and the, Taina and actually we not only just have the podcast, but we have a bit of a business and support that this helps to support doing a community for coaches. And then I have a business that's for just entrepreneurs with Faith Clark and both are black women. And I've been so privileged to be in space with more and more black women as I've been doing more and more work and hopefully becoming Taina Brown she/hers (42:28.54) you Taina Brown she/hers (42:44.747) you you Becky Mollenkamp (42:50.902) a safer person to be in space with those folks, knowing that I'll probably never be fully a safe person, but that I'm able to be a safer person and being allowed in spaces. And I will say that I notice that I am, that's helping me being in space with these women who have a different relationship with white supremacy and the white supremacist ideas around urgency and, growth for growth sake and capitalism, the more and more and more, that they are really helping me being able to release some of that and be able to be like, Taina, if you don't feel like doing social media, cool. Where in the past, I think I would have been like, but then no one's gonna find the show and how are we gonna get the growth and the blah, blah? I get into that and I can be now in these spaces with people, it's like, yeah, who the fuck cares? It's all manufactured, like you said, Arnz. None of it's real anyway. Arns (43:40.258) Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (43:43.195) Sure, growth is nice, but also at what cost? And I want to remember that and being able to be in space with people who are able to embody that more has really begun to help me. Like I was, I still have a little bit of a throaty thing going on because I've been sick for like a month with this darn virus I can't shake. And Faith and Taina have been exceptional at helping me say, it's okay, rest, your body needs rest. Everything's going to be okay. We're here to help pick up some pieces. We can also let go of things while during this time and it's Arns (43:44.152) You Mm-hmm. Arns (44:07.468) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (44:12.856) Nothing's going to sacrifice. If I was left on my own during that time, I know I would have shown up differently. Taina kept sending me little GIFs like, I'm watching you. Like she said, and like, I know what you're up to. Be careful. Don't overwork. So I just feel so lucky to be able to be in space with people who are helping me deconstruct some of that because it's tough, man. We're all conditioned to say we got to go, go, produce, produce, produce. And it's nice to be to see that you're both like you gave yourself six months. Without it sounds like even without a lot of guilt. Arns (44:20.536) Hahaha Taina Brown she/hers (44:20.713) No. Arns (44:32.12) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (44:42.436) That's what a beautiful gift. Like that you can do that, right? Like I think that's important though, because, you laugh it off like it's not a big deal, but I tell you from a lot of people, that is deeply challenging to be able to say, I'll set this down and it's gonna be okay. It'll be there when I get back. It's really hard in a world that tells us we can't do that. I think it's really like give yourself a little more credit for being able to do that. Arns (44:42.52) No. Arns (44:52.567) Hmm. Arns (45:02.485) Yeah, I totally, thank you. I totally get that. And I think there was a part of me that would have felt and who used to feel a lot of guilt. But then kind of Becky, like what you're saying, I finding the language that resonated with me, like rest is resistance, like Trisha Hersey, right? And, you know, joy as an act of rebellion, like those are the, those are the statements, those affirmations that made me feel safe. to let go of and to truly be anti-capitalist in how we approach this. But as Nin said, there is still the occasional spiral, that's human. Angela (brb Crying0 (45:47.704) No. Becky Mollenkamp (45:47.834) Sure. Well yeah, because you don't... Right, well you don't just stop breathing the air of capitalism. It's everywhere, all the... Taina Brown she/hers (45:51.224) Yeah, yeah. It's everywhere. Becky, every once in a while will be like, I have this idea for a new podcast. And I'm just like, stop. Stop. You already have two podcasts. At one point you had three. Like, just stop. Angela (brb Crying0 (46:01.303) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (46:07.982) Well, I don't know about y'all, I mean, it is also fun. Like, so we talk about all the hard work and there is all of that. But then there's also like, it's really fun having a platform, a place to talk about whatever the hell you want to talk about. Like lately I've been like, I want to start some sort of like reality show podcast. I'm not going to do it, but like I love all the love islands. I was thinking I just want like a... See? I want a love island podcast. For sure. Taina Brown she/hers (46:24.002) my god. Arns (46:24.476) Angela (brb Crying0 (46:27.637) Becky, may I be a guest on that podcast? Arns (46:32.786) Hahaha Taina Brown she/hers (46:33.657) You Becky Mollenkamp (46:34.796) Speaking of, as we're recording this, Wednesday, so the last batch of the new Love Island series is, I mean, Love is Blind. I also love Love Island. I was meant Love is Blind, but Love Island, shoot. Well, Love is Blind is dropping today. Anyway, I love reality shows because I need an escape and it's my escape. But yes, I don't need another podcast, but it is fun. Do you guys get ideas for other things and like have to stop yourselves? Angela (brb Crying0 (46:44.318) Okay Arns (46:46.685) Hahaha. Angela (brb Crying0 (46:57.559) Well, I think that's kind of the genius behind our premise, which is that we can just talk about anything, right? We're not necessarily tied to a particular topic. I can't say, I mean, I think it's been, you know, us brainstorming, like the things that we want to do with BRB crying, I think, but not, definitely not taking on another podcast project. It's all tied to this thing. Taina Brown she/hers (47:07.016) You You Arns (47:19.222) No, I'm tired. I'm tired just imagining it. Becky Mollenkamp (47:25.55) Maybe, I don't know, I'm a manifesting generator. don't really, I don't know a ton about human design, but I do. what are you, Tyena? I wonder. Maybe you all are projectors and I'm the man Jen in the room and that's why, many Jen, like, we're the people who are like, it's constant and it's hard. Like, I have this fire hose of ideas and they all excite me. My problem is usually sustaining things, no surprise, because I do too many. But like, Arns (47:28.084) I was going to say, are you a manifesting generator? Because you sound like one. We're projectors. So yeah, we're tired always. Angela (brb Crying0 (47:30.283) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (47:36.268) No idea what I am. Arns (47:40.244) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (47:51.351) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (47:52.825) I get excited about the newness of something. That's what really gets me going. And it's like, after a while I'm like, ooh, this is like, I've been doing this. So I have to be careful too with, like, I want to keep doing the show with Taina. I think what keeps it interesting is we're not talking every week. I don't know what we're going to talk about. It's going to be something different. So it does feel a little different, but yeah, it's challenging. we lost. there she is. It's challenging for me to sustain things, but it sounds like you all don't have that issue. Projectors are just, what are you all? Taina Brown she/hers (47:55.736) Mm-hmm. Taina Brown she/hers (48:13.58) Thank Arns (48:18.229) Okay. So, okay. It means we're always tired. We can only work for like three hours a day and then we need to tap out. that is like learning that was huge for me because I was trying to operate off the energy as if I, because my sister is a manifesting generator. Becky, I swear to God, feel like everything you just said, I felt like I was talking to my sister. It's like every day a new idea. She has like five businesses and it's just like, I want to do this. And then she's like, actually I'm tired of this. Taina Brown she/hers (48:19.87) What is a protector? Becky Mollenkamp (48:41.506) Arns (48:47.709) I don't want to do that anymore. And it's just like, it's, I'm so tired when I listened to her talk about it, because I don't have that energy in me and realizing I don't have that energy and being able to honor that the way I operate and the way NINS operates too, is to just really having to be relaxed and let the, you know, the opportunities come to us, right? Let the invitations, you know, wait for the invitation and All of that has just been, it's been so transformative in how I approach my work. Because again, now I realize it's not work if I love it and everything else, right? It's drawing too much energy for me, so. Angela (brb Crying0 (49:27.478) Yeah, and I Becky Mollenkamp (49:27.502) Well, that feels like the energy you both bring to your show, by the way, is like super calming. And I am so manic that I'm like, I don't know how I could ever be that way, but I love it and I'm jealous of it. Arns (49:30.237) Yeah. Yes. Angela (brb Crying0 (49:37.917) No, but here's the thing. think it's so, again, going back to like the importance of feeling your feelings because it brings you to these truths about yourself. And Becky, it's like, it's wonderful that you recognize this about you and you're not trying to fight it. You just let it happen. Right? So I think... Arns (49:52.21) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (49:53.731) I do try, I do some amount of resisting. Like I get, can easily have that envy, jealousy sort of thing. Seriously, like, cause watching your show, I'm like, they're so calm and serene. And like, there's just all these things about where I'm like, why can't I be more like that? Cause I, I respond to that. Like, I love the energy. I love listening. I like being in space with it. Then when I try to show up that way, it's just not who I am. And I have to confront that because it's like, if I like it in others, Arns (50:05.042) You Arns (50:09.972) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (50:22.104) and I'm not able to give it, like I can sometimes get a little upset with myself. I try not to, but like it is easy for me to sort of resist the natural way I show up or judge it as being not the right way or the best way. Arns (50:25.459) Mm. Arns (50:33.864) Yes. Taina Brown she/hers (50:34.292) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (50:34.549) Right, right. But that's all unlearning, right? That's something that we have to tackle every day. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (50:39.916) Yeah, it's like you were saying earlier, Nins, like everything is made up. It's made up. The rules are made up either by ourselves or someone else. And so if you're trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do and what you're passionate about or whatever, you get to make up the rules any time you want. You get to change them any time you want. That's the beauty of creating the kind of life you want to live is that you get to change the rules. Angela (brb Crying0 (50:44.832) I'm Angela (brb Crying0 (51:07.594) Yes. Taina Brown she/hers (51:09.894) any single time you want to accommodate who you are and your journey and your growth and your personhood. And so I think... I just think back to how many years I wasted not knowing that or just like forgetting that. and, but I'm glad that I've, you know, I'm unlearning that, you know, and that I'm able to like be in spaces with people who are also unlearning that. and if there's anything I want my life to like, or this podcast or these conversations or whatever, to like remind people of is that like, you, you get to be who you want to be and you get to change what that means. Angela (brb Crying0 (51:27.543) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (51:53.459) at any given point. Angela (brb Crying0 (51:55.253) Yeah. Those are truths that I am just very recently learning. And I have to give credit to Arrens because she was like, you know what, it really doesn't matter. And I'm like, it doesn't. You know, it's like those thoughts had not come across my brain either, where I was really like, wait, we don't have to upload an episode today if we don't want to. You know, it's just, it's so scary to think that we have the freedom to do that. And then you... Arns (52:05.415) you Taina Brown she/hers (52:23.624) Yeah, yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (52:24.402) you do it and you're like, this is great actually. Yeah. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (52:27.134) Yeah, it's like the world didn't end. I didn't implode. I'm still here. People still care about me. Arns (52:27.293) Yeah. Yes. Angela (brb Crying0 (52:33.16) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (52:35.684) But it's funny that, yeah, and being afraid of freedom, which sounds counterintuitive in the same way that many people are afraid of success. I, for a long time, I had a hard time understanding that because I'm like, what? Because my fear is failure. But I also get, the idea of freedom, of success, it's so expansive that I think it can be scary, right? Because it goes so far outside of the bounds. There's no, it's endless. And when something's so vast and endless, that can feel scary. I can see where people feel afraid of those things. Arns (52:35.987) It really is a freedom. Taina Brown she/hers (53:01.194) you Becky Mollenkamp (53:04.248) and not just the fear of failure or of losing freedom. like, yeah, there's something to be said for having constraints. When we're in it, we think it's painful, but the truth is sometimes it's like, keeps us feeling safe. And so losing that can feel like a lack of safety. That's interesting. Arns (53:16.723) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (53:17.802) Yes. Taina Brown she/hers (53:20.062) Yeah, yeah. What? you... No, go ahead, go ahead, Ness. Angela (brb Crying0 (53:20.372) Yeah, yeah, one of the things that I'm, sorry, go ahead. I was just gonna say in terms of like wanting to aspire for freedom or success, the things that I'm like really grappling with like right now when I tried to unpack the fear, why am I afraid of that? I'm starting to realize that a lot of my childhood has kind of shaped me into thinking, do I deserve that level of freedom? Do I deserve that level of success? Arns (53:49.318) worthiness. Angela (brb Crying0 (53:50.683) You're so, you're so taught to believe that life is meant to be a struggle. Life is meant to be really hard. And so when I see that things could be easy, I'm like, that doesn't feel safe. I don't trust that. I don't feel that that is what my life is supposed to look like. So yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's a challenge. But again, it's like the, yes, yeah, yeah. But that's why it's so important to follow your feelings because I wouldn't have come to that realization until I Becky Mollenkamp (54:07.311) Yeah. or that we have to earn it. Right, yeah. Arns (54:12.487) Yes. Angela (brb Crying0 (54:18.922) thought to myself, why am I so afraid? What is there to be afraid of? Becky Mollenkamp (54:23.8) Yeah, I love that. you all, I'm not going to take credit, suggested and I think it's great to kind of wrap things up because I know we're getting close to an hour, wrap things up with something that is a cozy comfort because I think we've touched a lot about some of the crazy world on fire feelings and all of that right now. So when you're feeling that like I just need to get away from that, what is that cozy comfort for you? And I'll kick it off since I asked the question. Taina Brown she/hers (54:24.237) Yeah, yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (54:49.344) Yes, yes. Becky Mollenkamp (54:52.246) And I'll tell you right now what I've been thinking. And it's interesting because in 2020, I had previously watched all of The Wire, okay, from start to finish, back, I know, years ago. y'all, it's so good. This first season in particular, not to mention a young and very fine Idris Elba, but beyond that, it's just really, see, that'll sell ya, see? Taina Brown she/hers (55:02.314) Which is about Baltimore where I live, which I've never seen. Angela (brb Crying0 (55:04.246) I haven't seen it either. Arns (55:06.383) you Angela (brb Crying0 (55:11.369) Okay, okay. Arns (55:16.721) God, my attention. Okay. Becky Mollenkamp (55:21.146) Quality, quality writing. The first season is just unbelievably good. But anyway, and then there's other seasons that are also good, but the first one is just like incredible. So I watched it long ago. And then in 2020, my husband and I just felt this need to watch it again. And I think it was like, you during the COVID lockdowns and stuff, was like this, there's something about it just felt like familiar, familiar. And I don't know, this year suddenly, I'm feeling the desire to watch it again. I think I'm starting to realize there's something about that show that feels, even though it's like about drugs and violence and all sorts of things. It feels like a warm blanket because I know it well. It's really good. It just feels like that for me. So I think that's the thing I'm going to be digging into again and that I'm realizing might be sort of my cozy blanket. Arns (55:51.697) you Mmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (55:55.519) Right. Angela (brb Crying0 (56:03.677) Yeah, I love that. Like familiarity is such a comforting place when you don't have to be on edge of what's going to happen. But I find myself rereading books that I've read before, which I don't usually do. But this year, I've been really compelled to pick up books that I've read years ago. And even though I know exactly what's going to happen, it is also still interesting for me to note like, I'm understanding this differently because I'm a little bit different. So I'm excited to Taina Brown she/hers (56:06.92) Okay. Okay. Angela (brb Crying0 (56:33.461) hear more about what this new rewatch is going to be like for you. Becky Mollenkamp (56:38.05) Yeah, I think that's part of it. It's the contextualizing it in the moment you're in. And because the show is very layered, it allows for that. And probably some of those books that you're talking about are layered in a way that allows for that, experiencing your own growth or your own changes or helping make sense of the world around you. I love that. Who else? Arns (56:41.809) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (56:41.831) Yes, yes. Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (56:52.936) Yeah, yeah. I can go. I don't reread a lot of things, but I do re-watch a lot of the same things because of that familiarity. It just feels like I just don't have the emotional bandwidth for new TV, like new things. Especially things that are drama-filled. That's why I can't really watch a lot of reality TV. mean, Golden Girls is my go-to show. Angela (brb Crying0 (56:53.557) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (57:05.545) Yeah. Arns (57:09.617) Mm-hmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (57:09.781) Yeah. Arns (57:16.858) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (57:20.89) Yes! Taina Brown she/hers (57:22.82) you know, when I need something on. But one thing that I am looking forward to that is new, that's really cozy, is the Hallmark holiday season. Arns (57:32.977) No. Angela (brb Crying0 (57:33.973) I've you talk about this on your episode before, where you just kind of have it on your TV. Taina Brown she/hers (57:38.69) Yes, yeah, like when we were moving from, when we were getting ready to move back to Atlanta from LA in 2018 and we were like packing up our apartment, our tiny LA apartment, we just had it on in the background just to have noise on because my wife needs like constant stimulation and ever since then we've just been like hooked. And so every year it starts like a week or two earlier. like, Arns (58:01.521) You Taina Brown she/hers (58:05.8) So like last week, last weekend, they ended like the Halloween fall season. This coming weekend, it starts their new holiday movies. it's like one new movie, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, every night. And then they play reruns of like older movies 24 seven outside of that. So there are certain. Arns (58:21.843) my god. Whoa! Angela (brb Crying0 (58:27.183) What a vibe. Taina Brown she/hers (58:29.991) There are certain movies that we really, really liked that we always look forward to rewatching and then we look forward to rewatching or watching some of the new ones to see what they're about. There are certain actors that we really like. if you're into Mean Girls, Aaron Samuels, the actor who plays Aaron Samuels is on Hallmark. so he's still doing things. He's still doing things. He's on Hallmark. Angela (brb Crying0 (58:38.323) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (58:45.24) yes, yes, Yeah. Arns (58:45.294) yeah. Still doing things? Dang, okay. Angela (brb Crying0 (58:49.318) Becky Mollenkamp (58:52.206) Hallmark's a great place to find people that you're like, they're still doing things. Taina Brown she/hers (58:56.243) Yes, Gretchen Wieners is on Hallmark. Yeah, yeah, Gretchen Wieners. She's like, she's like one of the like, go to Hallmark actresses, especially for the holidays. Yeah, Lacey Shebert. Yeah, yeah. So, so we like their movies for sure. And then there are a couple other actors and actresses that that we really like to see in their films too. So that's, that's coming up and we're really looking forward to it. And that's, that's the cozy thing. Angela (brb Crying0 (58:56.725) Does his hair look sexy pushed back or? Angela (brb Crying0 (59:05.459) Really? Arns (59:08.016) Becky Mollenkamp (59:08.25) They see she embarrasses, she's the... Angela (brb Crying0 (59:22.537) Yeah, I love that. Becky Mollenkamp (59:24.474) Well, you mentioned Golden Girls, so just really wanna quickly do a show and tell of my little, if you're watching on YouTube, my little Golden Girls figurines. I have a Golden Girls game, a Golden Girls puzzle, Golden Girls coloring book. People know how much I love the Golden Girls, so anyway. I could've used them, but just, yeah. All right. Harns? Arns (59:28.248) my god. Angela (brb Crying0 (59:31.601) my god, adorable. Arns (59:31.659) my god. Arns (59:39.673) my god! Angela (brb Crying0 (59:39.797) Aww, I love that. Arns (59:45.308) Oh, okay. This one's kind of weird, but I have been putting milk in my tea because I, for some reason I thought that I had to be, you my whole life I've been like, oh, you know, I drink tea and, but I drink it, you know, with no milk. You know, I just, it's just the tea bag and it's like really pure and Angela (brb Crying0 (59:54.165) You Arns (01:00:09.443) That's just, I'm appreciating it the way it's meant to be appreciated. And then, you know, I started putting, had milk in my tea, you know, a month ago and I was like, wait, this is so good. Why do I deny myself the simple pleasure of adding oat milk? Not dairy, we're a little lactose intolerant. But you know, just like, why not, right? And so every night, so Nin's gifted me, I think maybe last Christmas, it was like a bag of Cannamil loose leaf tea. Taina Brown she/hers (01:00:21.652) You Angela (brb Crying0 (01:00:27.785) If you Arns (01:00:37.529) So every night I do the chamomile and then I add milk. This morning I did a little matcha and then I added milk and I was like, look at her. that's, yes, yeah. Yeah, and that's what I think that's why I was judging myself so hard for like wanting to do it. But then I was like, no, no, no, you know. Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:00:40.725) haha Taina Brown she/hers (01:00:40.855) You Becky Mollenkamp (01:00:46.724) So breadish, so breadish I feel. Taina Brown she/hers (01:00:48.237) Yes. Taina Brown she/hers (01:00:53.325) Yeah, don't be like the colonizer. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:00:56.381) No, you know what it is. I know Arne so well. She probably heard somewhere like 12 years ago, you know, you shouldn't put milk in your tea. And she was like, my God, I can't. But now we're unlearning that fear. Arns (01:01:07.499) Yes, yeah. That's my cozy thing. Milk and tea. Taina Brown she/hers (01:01:09.455) Yeah. Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (01:01:11.372) And Angela, you mentioned books. Was there a specific book or was there something else that you were thinking about for this? Angela (brb Crying0 (01:01:17.009) I read several books a year, but I think that when the podcast, does become kind of like a, my God, can I make a story out of it? So there is a little bit of pressure there, but I think what I was actually going to say is that I really enjoy baking. I love to bake. so I love to bake mainly because, you know, obviously there's a sweet treat at the end and that's something I can share with the people I love. But honestly, the process of baking. Arns (01:01:26.787) No. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:01:45.233) is actually really calming to me, mainly because there's explicit instructions on what to do. And I realized I'm like, every day I'm just winging it. I have to freaking figure it out myself all day long. And I just love, I'm not a creative baker at all. I definitely will like scour the internet for recipe. And I'm like, I love that I can just follow this and I can just turn my brain off and just do it. It's just like a quiet time to myself where. Taina Brown she/hers (01:01:54.721) You Arns (01:01:54.958) Yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:02:12.148) I'll have a podcast going or whatever and I'm just sitting there in silence. I'm doing something with my hands and I'm actually creating like this physical wonderful thing. So turning my brain off. Becky Mollenkamp (01:02:20.955) I'm so the same, I would rather bake than cook any day. Because I love like, if I do these things, I will get this thing instead of it being like, well, a dash of something or a splash of something. I don't know what that is. Tell me, I don't know how to do a dash or a splash. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:02:24.208) Yeah, I don't know why. Yeah. Right. Arns (01:02:31.598) Mmm. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:02:34.63) You know what, you know what it is? I feel like cooking is like, I have to do this because I need to eat something. Whereas like a bakery or baked good is more of like an indulgent thing. You don't have to do it. You just kind of, you do it because you want to do it. Whereas cooking is like, my God, it's Tuesday. What am I going to do tonight? You know? So maybe that's it. Arns (01:02:42.702) Hmm. Arns (01:02:50.583) Yeah. Taina Brown she/hers (01:02:53.008) Yeah. Becky Mollenkamp (01:02:54.275) And isn't that the case? my God, it's Tuesday. What am I gonna do tonight? Every day of my life, feels like every... Taina Brown she/hers (01:02:59.973) I have to cook again? I have to do laundry again? Angela (brb Crying0 (01:03:02.032) Yes, yes, it's a chore, it's a chore. Yeah. Arns (01:03:04.557) Mm-hmm. Becky Mollenkamp (01:03:04.858) It's the Groundhog Day of Life and that is so true. Yes, adulting. Cooking feels like adulting and baking doesn't. You're right. I think that's totally it. Yeah, love that. Yeah. This was so fun. Thank you. Arns (01:03:07.724) Hahaha! Angela (brb Crying0 (01:03:11.996) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, it was, this was wonderful. Thank you so much for having us. Arns (01:03:12.014) Mmmmm I know. Taina Brown she/hers (01:03:19.001) Yeah, thank you. Becky Mollenkamp (01:03:19.237) Thank you for having us. Yeah. Well, keep it messy and go cry. I didn't cry, but I did really enjoy myself and I'm going to keep working on crying. I'm going to see if I can get there. All right. Thank you. you got close-ish. Does that count? You got close-ish. All right. Thank you all. Bye. and for our listeners, make sure you listen to their show. Go subscribe. We'll put all the stuff on the show notes. Taina Brown she/hers (01:03:24.875) And keep it crying, keep it vulnerable. Arns (01:03:26.134) You keep it? Ooh, yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:03:30.548) I'm Arns (01:03:32.302) You Angela (brb Crying0 (01:03:33.286) Yes, yeah. I didn't cry either. Something okay? Am I okay? I did close, I did good close. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you so much. Arns (01:03:38.862) No. Arns (01:03:42.754) Thank you. Taina Brown she/hers (01:03:46.903) Yes, yes. Spotify, Apple. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:03:47.772) yeah, yes. Arns is really good at plugging all of our socials, so I'll give her the chance. Arns (01:03:47.886) Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes, yes, we are at we are at beer be crying podcast on our socials finance on Tiktok, YouTube, Instagram, send us a little email Hello at beer be crying. Hello at beer be crying podcast.com the pressure. Yeah, just retouch us. Thank you so much. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:04:03.284) Becky Mollenkamp (01:04:07.589) You did it great. Perfect. Well, we'll put it all in the show notes too so that people can find y'all and hopefully this is a way for them to find another show without Apple having to tell them which shows to get to listen to. So, all right, thanks. Bye y'all. Taina Brown she/hers (01:04:18.54) Yeah, yeah. Angela (brb Crying0 (01:04:18.997) Exactly. Thank you so much. This was great. Thank you. Arns (01:04:20.824) Thank you.