Sarah Mackenzie (00:00): What does having a happy homeschool mean to you? If I asked you to describe in a few words or sentences what a happy homeschool is like, how would you answer, what would you describe? What would be happening in your homeschool that would make you think it's a happy homeschool? See, I have a hunch that the answer to that question is remarkably similar for most of us. We all have very different homeschools, different kids, different spouses, different resources, different homes, different demands on our time and energy. All of our homeschools are very unique, but I think the answer to this question is very similar for most of us. Let's talk about it. (00:53): Hi, I'm Sarah Mackenzie. This is the Read-Aloud Revival, the show that helps you make meaningful and lasting connections with your kids through books. Today, I want to revisit something we've talked about before around here, but it's really worth revisiting, especially at the beginning of a new school year. Because we all really want to enjoy our homeschools this year. I would bet nobody watching this video or listening to this podcast are homeschooling to be miserable or overwhelmed or exhausted. We don't really aspire to be rushing around feeling like we have more to do than time to do it in. I know a lot of homeschooling families, and I do not know a single homeschooling parent who signed up for this thinking, I don't have very much to do. You know what would be fun? Homeschooling. (01:48): Now, to me personally, a happy homeschool is usually one where we're not feeling rushed around. We're not running from one thing to the next, feeling perpetually behind. I'm not yelling at my kids. I'm not snapping at my kids. I'm not feeling like I'm perpetually not living up to the expectations I've set for myself. We don't always have to love all the work all the time. It's not like all of our days are flowers and rainbows, but there's a general sense of peace. And that is what I bet is most similar about how all of us envision a happy homeschool. Peace. (02:31): There's no doubt we all have, like I said, different spouses, different kids, jobs, demands on our time and attention. We have different personalities. We have different strengths and weaknesses, so each of our homeschools is very unique from each other's. But I think, I would bet in fact, that what is similar among all of us, regardless of what we have in common or don't, is that we all want peace in our homes. We want our homeschools to be places of peace. (03:03): And usually when we're envisioning a happy homeschool or our ideal homeschool, or how we would feel if our homeschool was actually working, revolves around that word of peace. It revolves around this sense of peace. And let's be real. Peace is not exactly the word that describes most of our days. I don't know about you, beginning of a new school year, Tuesday morning by about 11:00 AM, I'm not usually feeling awash in peace. It depends on the ages of your kids, how many you're teaching, and what else do you have going on. I've homeschooled all six of my kids. The oldest ones are all graduated. Some of them have now graduated from grad school, college. They're all over the world doing interesting things. The older three are. The younger three are still at home. They're 12, 12, and 13. But when they were young, I had a 12 year old, a 10 year old, an eight year old, a two year old, and two one year olds, and there was not a minute in my house that I think you would use the word peace to describe. (04:05): I used to see mothers, more experienced moms who were further down the road, and they had that seasoned mom chill. You know what I'm talking about? They just sort of are way more relaxed than the rest of us. Usually they have kids that are older, sometimes they have a lot of kids, not always. Sometimes they just have one. But they've just got this seasoned mom chill that you really want as a young mom when you're a little bit anxious and worried and stressed and really wanting to do this well. We sort of crave the advice of those moms that have that seasoned mom chill. And I'm not talking about laziness. I'm just talking about an understanding of knowing what matters and what doesn't, what's in your control and what's not? I don't know that I would be described as having any seasoned mom chill ever, even though I am a seasoned mom now. (04:58): There's just a difference between the kind of mom you are at the early times and the kind of mom you are later on. I mean, just a picture of this from my own home is that I could not wait, Audrey, my oldest, now graduated from grad school. And anyway, when she was a baby, I couldn't wait to help her walk and I would practice her steps with her and it'd be so exciting. She took a step, look, look, look. She's learning how to walk. I had to show everybody every time I saw them, look, she can take a step. By the time our fifth and sixth came around, I mean I remember, here I have two babies not quite one or maybe around the age of one probably. And then Clara was two. And I had, let's see, I trying to do math now, eight, 10 and 12. (05:41): And I went to the other room and I came back and my two older girls were trying to prompt the twins to walk. Like, "Come on, you can take a step. Come on." And I was like, oh my gosh, "Why are you trying to ruin my life? Push the babies down. We do not want these twins walking. As soon as they walk, they're going to ruin our lives." That's not exactly the seasoned mom chill I'm talking about. The seasoned mom chill I'm talking about is sort of that just relaxing, understanding about what matters and what doesn't, what do we need to stress about and what we don't? And I actually think what it really is when we see somebody who has that kind of relaxed chill, what we were actually talking about is peace. They have a sense of peace. And that's really what we want in most of our homes. (06:27): So a couple years ago at Read-Aloud Revival, we surveyed homeschooling moms who had been homeschooling for at least 10 years. We said, "Do not answer this survey if you've been homeschooling for less than 10 years." So only moms who've been homeschooling for over 10 years. A good number of them had been homeschooling for over 20 years. So we are talking about very experienced moms who've been around the block, who've seen what works and what doesn't, who have gotten their stomach tied up in knots about things and then realized what mattered and what didn't, right? (06:57): We asked them these questions about what do they wish they had done more of? What do they wish they had done less of? What do they wish they'd never worried about, but they spent so much time worrying about? The answers to this survey were absolute gold. And one of the things I noticed is that there were five things that these moms brought up again and again and again as being the things that made the biggest impact on their own happiness and their own peace. (07:23): Now you're in your homeschool longer than anybody else. I didn't realize this exactly until my oldest daughter graduated. We homeschooled all the way through high school. So I'm doing all this SAT prep, and she's applying to colleges. And I'm thinking, I hope everybody was right when they said she'd get into college. And then she gets accepted, and you're like, whew, we're going to have a graduation party. This is going to be great. And then she graduates and I'm like I'm still here for a very long time. There are a lot of other children here who need to be educated. (07:57): You're in your homeschool the longest. And it's really, really helpful for you, as the one who's in your homeschool the longest, to have a sense of peace and joy and happiness in your work. Because more important than any curriculum that you might use, than what methodology you use, whether you do your history in a sequential order or by unit studies, what math program you use, whether you do school year round or follow a traditional schedule, whether you teach Latin, or never even think about teaching Latin, none of that matters even a fraction of as much as a peaceful content homeschooling mom. (08:36): That's it. That will go further in helping your kids learn and understand how to learn, that they can get information for themselves, and to regulate their own nervous systems, and manage their time and see this world as a big beautiful place that they get to learn from. That will take them so much farther than any of the other little details you can attend to. It's a lot more comfortable for us to stress about which math program to use, or when our kids are learning to read, how old they are when they're learning to read. And not that these things aren't important, but what matters even more is that can you do those things from a place of peace? Can you switch your math curriculum or assess how your child is doing learning how to read from a sense of peace, from a place of peace? (09:22): Well, what these survey moms told us, these experienced moms who've been homeschooling for over a decade, they all said pretty much the same five things. And that's what I want to share on today's show. If you're listening to this and you'd rather watch it on video, go to readalouderevival.com/video. That's where you can watch all of our video podcasts. And make sure that you subscribe to the YouTube channel there at readalouderevival.com/video, or subscribe in your podcast app so you don't miss any future episodes. (09:49): But today, let's talk about those five things that those moms said on the survey over and over and over again. These are the heart. These are the most important things. These are the things that are going to help you maintain your peace in your homeschool, which is going to, I'm telling you, make a bigger difference than everything else all put together. And I know at the beginning of a new school year, we've got kind of a lot of, well, I don't know, it depends on the year, what you've got going on, but a lot of times this is where the energy comes in. Like, okay, here we go. This is going to be our best school year yet. (10:19): But if we instead went like, hmm, I wonder how I could make this school year a little more peaceful than the last, I think we may get a little better results. I think we'll feel better, enjoy our homeschool better. And if we're enjoying our homeschool better, our kids will know that we enjoy being with them, and that is going to make a tremendous impact on them and their learning. (10:45): So what are those five things? Let's talk about them. The five things actually make up the word peace. Let's start with the P in peace, which is to prioritize relationships. Prioritize relationships. I would bet there is not a single person watching or listening to this show right now who would trade in their relationship with their child for any kind of academic results. If I said to you, all of your kids can be absolute cerebral geniuses, intellects of steel, can get into any school and have any career that they want, but in order to get that, you're going to have to trade in your relationship with them. Nobody would take that deal. None of us. Not one of us would do that. Why? Because we were not made for that. We were made for love, we were made for community, we were made for relationship. And so homeschooling is in fact about relationships. (11:42): The greatest commandment is that we love the Lord our God and we love others as ourselves. We were made to love. That means homeschooling, the whole point of it is to help us love God and love each other and love everyone more. That is the whole point. The point of homeschooling is to love. And so our relationships are the bedrock of that. So regardless of what you get done or don't get done, at the end of the day, you're going to want to make sure you have cultivated those relationships. (12:09): I can guarantee you, I mean I've told you my three oldest kids are all graduated, two are still in college as of right now. One has graduated from grad school. They do not remember what we learned in history their seventh grade year. I guarantee it. I guarantee if I texted them right now and said, "What did you learn in history your seventh grade year," they're going to be like, "I don't know." But if I asked them, "How did it feel in our homeschool in your seventh grade year," I bet they could answer it. They could answer some of the books we read. They could answer some of the field trips we took or outings we took. (12:41): Most of all, when they're describing our homeschool days, they will talk about the way they felt. The way it felt. Because our relationships are the bedrock. If your relationships are strained, there cannot really be good learning happening because there's way too much stress. It's too much of a primal need. This is the way God made us, to be in community and be in relationship. So when we say homeschooling is about relationships, it's not lip service. It's really about relationships. And there are a lot of other things that you're doing that are important, like math, but the math is couched in a relationship, and that's actually why it's such a beautiful thing, beautiful part of your homeschool. (13:22): One of my favorite examples of this is that my kids all have loved the Wingfeather Saga series by Andrew Peterson. Well, a couple years ago, my second oldest daughter, that was her very favorite series, by the way, growing up. She's absolutely loved the Wingfeather Saga. It starts, by the way, with On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness. We'll put it in the show notes because you want to know about these books. (13:43): But she had read them and we had actually read some of them aloud as well when she was younger. And when she went off to college, she would still say those were her favorite series. Well, fast forward now to now she's off at college and her younger siblings are starting to read the books. So Emerson reads the series and he gets to the end of the series and he puts the book down. He comes and finds me. He hands it to me and says, in the most homeschooled child way you can imagine, "I am a changed human." I was like, "I know." Because you can't read these books and not be a changed human. It's how they work. (14:21): So I said, "Oh, you should tell Alison, we should tell Alison that you read the series, that you finished it." So I text Alison, "Hey, your brother just finished the Wingfeather Saga." And she said, "Oh my goodness. Is he around on Saturday morning at 10:00?" Now mind you, this daughter at the time must have been maybe 20, maybe 19. She was going to art school across the country in Savannah, Georgia. We're in Washington State. So we're very far. We're different time zones. She says, "10:00 AM on Saturday, are you going to be around?" I said, "Yes." She said, "Tell Emerson I'll call. We're going to talk." (14:54): Sure enough, she FaceTimes me on Saturday morning at 10:00. I hand my phone to Emerson. And this 10 year old boy and his 19 year old sister, he goes in a room and shuts the door because he doesn't want anyone to hear any spoilers, and they talk for an hour about the Wingfeather Saga. Those are the relationships I'm talking about. These are the kind of relationships that we're fostering in our homes when we homeschool and give our kids all this rich abundant time together. That same rich, abundant time together that lends to a lot of bickering and sibling rivalry and frustrations and arguing, which is all just like this workshop for learning how to love each other well. And so even on the days it doesn't feel like it, you're cultivating relationships, and that is what we mean when we say homeschooling is about relationships. (15:40): One more thing about this before I move on to the next thing. Again, here's another relationship connection between one of my older kids and younger kids. Drew was six years old when Clara was born. So Drew's number three, Clara's number four. And he was not excited about me being pregnant or him having a sister. In fact, I remember he would say, "Maybe if we name her nothing, she won't come out." And I thought, okay, this is going to go well. We'd just be sitting there eating dinner, I'm pregnant, and he'd all of a sudden just stare off into space and go, "Is the baby going to slobber on my Legos?" And I was thinking, kid, slobber is the least gross thing this baby is going to do. Come on. Oh no, he did. He had a thing with slobber. Absolutely could not bear the idea of this baby was going to come out and slobber. (16:37): And I was very worried about how this is going to go. Well, things changed. Clara definitely had him wrapped around her finger. And they have the sweetest, sweetest, cutest relationship. They are, how many years apart are they, seven years? Six. Well six, I guess six and a half years apart. And they learned to do all kinds of things together. She taught him in fact how to make brownies. I remember he's in high school and he comes into the living room, and my oldest had just gone off to college not that long ago, and he's like, "Man, there's just nothing good to eat around here. You don't bake anything. Where's Audrey when you need her?" (17:20): And I was like, "Well, you could bake something." And he's like, "Yeah, did they make a Lego kit for brownies or cookies or anything?" I was like, "A Lego kit for... Okay, yes. Are you talking about a boxed mix maybe?" Clara, who's at the time, I don't know, nine maybe, is like, "I'll teach you." And sure enough, teaches him how to make brownies. This is what I'm talking about. This is the stuff that stays. This is the stuff that matters. (17:53): When your kids graduate and they leave your home, whether or not you did history in sequential form, whether you got to absolutely all of the continents in your geography studies, whether you remember to do any picture or composer study, or your kids learned any of that whatsoever, I guarantee you the things that matter are rooted in relationships. And so this is why this is very first. This is the first thing on our list when it comes to maintaining our peace and the habits that we need for our peace, prioritize relationships because it matters more than everything else. And it is not just lip service. (18:33): I lied because I said I was going to give you, that was the last example, but I actually do want to give you one more. The craziest years in my homeschool were when the twins were born because I had a 12, 10, eight, one year old. And Clara was only 17 months when the twins came along. Anyway. And those were some difficult homeschool years. I mean, we did very little what you would classify as traditional schooling, but the kids came away with riches. And it's really hard in the moment for me to convince you, I know if you're watching this or listening to this, and you have a bunch of babies, toddlers, or demands on your time, and you're like, I think I might actually not be doing a good job homeschooling because I simply can't. There's so much you're giving your kids that you don't even realize you're giving them. (19:20): So I asked my oldest daughter, who spent several years mostly helping me with babies, listening to audio books, doing some online math, but there wasn't a ton of school-y school school going on. And this is the child, by the way, who just graduated from grad school at a very prestigious university in Scotland with a master's in theology and the arts. So she should had several years where she did very little school. Just fine. We did just fine. (19:47): And I asked her a couple of years ago when she was in college, actually, I said, I got her on the podcast, this is episode 209, so if you haven't heard this one, you want to go back to readaloudrervival.com/209, and you want to listen to this whole interview because it is really beautiful where I'm asking Audrey, what should I have done more of? What should I have done less of? What was it like for you to be homeschooled with so many babies to help me take care of? And I asked her about these early crazy years that felt very stressful to me, and I just want you to hear what she says. Now you're going to hear my voice first and then you'll hear hers after me. (20:22): I'm curious what you remember about school those years. And I'm also curious about the impact of those very light years. We all in homeschooling have a year or two or five where we're like that was a struggle bus. That was a survival year. And so I'm curious about the impact of those struggle bus years on your education. Audrey (20:44): To be totally honest, I do not remember what school looked like during these days. Sarah Mackenzie (20:50): There because wasn't much of it. I don't remember much from those days either. It's all a little fuzzy. Audrey (20:55): I really have no particular memories of school or what we did at this time. But what I do remember is how much I loved having baby siblings, and how much fun it was to take naps with them asleep on my chest, to read books to Clara who was one at the time, to help you feed the twins and put them to bed. It was my favorite thing to come downstairs and to help you rock the twins to sleep. And while, yes, this was a couple of years, I really think I grew closer in relationship with my siblings and with you than I did educationally, and I found this to be just as valuable, if not more so, in the end. Sarah Mackenzie (21:29): Maybe I should have started there. Prioritize relationships. It is not just lip service. I promise you it is what matters most. (21:43): There are four other letters here in the word peace, so let's keep moving on. The second thing that these moms in the survey, these experienced homeschool moms, said again and again and again is to embrace simplicity. I would bet, if I just said right now, wherever you are, blink twice if you feel like you have more to do than time to do it in on most days. And everybody's blinking because that is just the truth. And then you hear these experienced homeschool moms say things like, "Just do less. You're trying to do too much." And that's helpful because you're like, okay, but what's the less? How do I do less? What thing is not important that I can do less of? (22:29): Because then you write down all the things you have in your homeschool, and you think, which one of these things doesn't matter because they all feel like they kind of matter. It reminds me a little bit of, I am a recipe person, not like a writing recipe, like a need a recipe to make something. And one of my least favorite things in a recipe is when they say add salt to taste. And I think how much salt? To taste? Add salt to taste like what? That's literally why I'm using the recipe so you can tell me how it's supposed to taste, and then I will follow your directions. (23:07): So we really do, we want those specific directions in our homeschool. And it's not that helpful when these experienced homeschool moms, like myself, say things like do less, and you're thinking how to do less. So here's my attempt to break down a little bit more of do less. The answer to that question of how do you do less or what matters less really varies in family to family, what matters most to you? So I can tell you that in my homeschool, I know my priorities are reading aloud, reading alone. So making sure my kids have time each day, most days, not each day, I said each day. Do you notice that? Every time you hear a homeschooling mom say every day she means most days. Okay. Let's just get that real clear. It's the beginning of a new school year, you need to have that in your head. No matter what you hear her say, if she says every day or each day, she means most days, that's what she really means. (23:58): So reading aloud most days, reading alone most days, math and writing. Those are the ones in my mind that are like, if we do those things, those are the skills that I think actually transcend most subjects. So regardless of what topics we cover in history or science, if my kids are reading, being read aloud to, if they're reading, if they can calculate and they can write, then they can get a lot of information for themselves. And there's so much you can cover. There's so much content that you can cover in all those other areas with those basic skills. (24:34): So for me, I know what my priorities are. If I have a day where I haven't read aloud yet, the kids haven't done their math, they haven't done their typing practice, they have co-op homework for science class due tomorrow and we have a dentist appointment, and I'm like, well, we're not going to get to all this. I got to make a choice. You can either try to steamroll through and get it all done. It won't work. Especially if you happen to have a toddler in the house. But you won't be able to get to it all. (25:01): So I just like to make my trade off intentionally. And if I know reading aloud for me is the number one thing and if you want to know why, you can keep listening to episodes of the podcast. There's so many riches that come from reading aloud specifically then I just know that we might not get to the co-op homework this week. We might not get to math today. Because today we're going to absolutely, the first thing we're going to get to is reading aloud. (25:23): If you can have your sort of priorities, the things that will make you feel like, well, at least we did read aloud, math, and the kids all had a reading time. To me that feels like a school day that I can hang my hat on, even if I can't get to all the other things. Even if the baby gets sick or you end up having to take a kid in with a broken arm, or the toilet's overflow, or just your entire day goes upside down. I don't need to give you examples. You probably had a day like this last week. So you know what this feels like. (25:50): So just knowing what your own priorities are. If you think everything, all of it's important, geography, history, science, foreign language, nature study, teaching my kids how to bake, reading aloud, reading, writing, spelling, grammar. Do you hear the impossibility of this? It can't all be equal. If you're prioritizing everything, you're not prioritizing anything actually. The whole idea of priority is it's one, one thing. The word even means one thing that surpasses them all. So just making sure you know what's the next right thing. And you're not going to be able to get to it all. (26:27): I have never met a homeschooling mom at the end of her homeschooling time that goes, we got to everything. I read all the books we wanted to read, we played all the games we wanted to play, we studied all the units, we got through... Most of us have a moment where we're cleaning off our school shelves and there is curriculum in plastic wrap that we were really excited about when we bought it. That's okay. It's all part of the process. It's like riches that we get to pick and choose from. And you don't even really know the things that are going to stand out to your kids more than others. (27:00): But if you are prioritizing relationships and embracing simplicity, you will have a more peaceful homeschool. There is no curriculum that's worth the cost of your relationship. So if you are finding your relationship with your kids is strained because of the curriculum you've chosen, the co-op you've joined, the program you're using, it's not worth it. There is nothing you can do in your homeschool that is worth the cost of your relationships with your kids. So prioritize relationships and do less. (27:28): Remember too that schools don't do all the subjects year round. I remember having this conversation with my mom who's a long time public school teacher, and she was talking about how they actually rotate. Sometimes they do would do a unit of science, and then they would do a unit of history, and then they would do a unit of geography or civics, or whatever the different thing is. But for some reason for homeschoolers, we think we have to do all the subjects all year. (27:50): And we buy curriculum, and the curriculum is usually laid out for us to do it all year because the people who are making the curriculum want you to get your money's worth. They don't want you to say like, ah, I bought geography and you only gave me enough to do 12 weeks when they're like I mean you can just do geography for 12 weeks. That's kind of great. So they want to give you your money's worth. So they give you 36 weeks of geography. And then we, as homeschooling moms, take that to mean I have to do all the subjects for all the weeks of all the homeschool. And that's just not how it works. (28:22): Did you go to school, like public school growing up? I did. How often did you do the entire math book? I can answer that for you. Never. You never did. Your math teacher picked and chose. You could have been in AP history, and I guarantee you, you did not go through that entire history book. But something about being a homeschool mom we're like, if you buy the curriculum, you got to do the whole dang thing, and that's just not how education works. It's not how children learn. And it's not how you have peace if you're prioritizing relationships and embracing simplicity. (28:54): So do I like to do a lot more things than just reading aloud, math, and reading alone, and writing? Of course, yes, and we do. But I do have a litmus in my own house. There is a rule, I'll only do as much as I can and keep smiling at my kids. Because more than math, more than whether they learn a certain scientific theory, I want them to know that I love being with them. So it doesn't mean I'm always smiling at my children. That would be creepy, very creepy. It's more like how can I make sure that I'm putting relationships first and if I start to prioritize the curriculum over the kid, I've gotten things a little mixed up. (29:38): Okay. The next word in our acronym for peace, P is prioritize relationships, E is embrace simplicity, A is avoid comparison. Listen, we all know that comparison is the thief of joy, but now we carry that little thief of joy around in our pockets in the form of our phone. I don't know about you, but I don't know that I have ever once, not ever even once felt better about my life and my kids and my day after I've been on Instagram. Now I still go on Instagram. I'm not going to hate on Instagram here, or whatever your own social media vice of choice is. I am just saying that it's easy for us to constantly compare ourselves. (30:26): It used to be that you compare yourself to your neighbors, like keeping up with the Joneses. We got a lot of Joneses to keep up with right now because they're all over our phones. And I do this thing, and I wonder if you do it too, where you're scrolling on Instagram, and I see a woman who's making themed cakes and another one who's doing these hands-on history projects, and another one who takes her kids on all these amazing nature walks, and somebody else who's homesteading. Everybody has chickens. And I have combined all of these women into one fictional composite woman that I'm now comparing myself against and I can never succeed. I can never look on Instagram and see this other person with her beeswax crayons and her beautifully natural looking house, and then look up at my own kids who are shooting each other with Nerf guns, and the baby's crying, and there's soup spilled all over the counter and the house is a mess. Laundry overflowing everywhere, and think I'm just so grateful for my children and my circumstances and my life. (31:27): It's not that, again, I don't want to tell you, oh, the solution to all of this is not to be on Instagram, but I do think the solution to this is to notice when you're comparing yourself against a fiction, which is usually what we're comparing ourselves when it's on social media or on the internet. It's not just comparing ourselves in that form either. Most of us who are homeschooling our kids, we have this tendency to compare them to kids who are in different learning environments. (31:56): So we have not put our children in public school, and yet we are comparing our kids against kids who are in a public school, which is not very fair. Because we're not using the public school curriculum, or the public school scope and sequence, or any of the metrics and standards that are used to choose our curriculum. How about we just compare our children to where they were before? I would guarantee that your child knows more math today than they did three weeks ago, unless you're just starting your school year, in which case they've forgotten everything from last year. But come back to this in a month. It happens to everyone and it'll be fine, I promise. (32:29): But imagine your child a year ago. They're way beyond that. They've gotten so far. And if we just were comparing them to themselves, look at all the ways that they've grown, we would celebrate them. We would not look at our kids like projects that need fixing. We would look at them like these miracles who are so exciting to help grow and develop. So it's all a matter in how we're looking at our kids. Are we comparing them to somebody, something, or someone, or a standard that's not even a reality, or are we comparing them to the reality? And the reality is where they were yesterday or last year or three years ago, and the way that they're growing and learning and developing Now. If we can prioritize relationships, embrace simplicity, and avoid comparison, we are well on our way to peace. (33:13): Here's another thing that these homeschool moms with over 10 years of experience said over and over again, you've got to chase joy. This goes back to the thing I said earlier. You're in your homeschool longer than anyone else. And so you want to figure out a way to enjoy it, not just to get through it, but what can you add or take away from your homeschool that would make you go, oh, I like this better than it was before. Right now, can you think of, is there one thing that you could either add or take away that would make you enjoy your homeschool a lot more based on the way you're made, your interests, your desires, your strengths, the things that light you up or get you excited? (33:53): I don't know if you've ever had a meal by somebody who was slamming around the kitchen. You might've been slamming around the kitchen. Don't think about yourself right now. Think of somebody else. This will be easier. Somebody who was cranky and irritated and finally calls everyone to dinner, and is like everybody just eat. And they're sweating and they're angry and they're frustrated. I mean, it's kind of a miserable experience. And in most cases, you probably would think I would rather eat cereal with somebody who is pleasant to be around than this feast with somebody who clearly is resentful of the work that they're doing. (34:27): Think about that. Because the way that we are encountering learning and doing homeschool, the way we're doing it, and by that I mean I don't mean the method, I mean what we bring to it and how much joy we show in our kids matters so much more than whether or not the results are like filet mignon or a bowl of cereal. Because the way your kids feel is tremendously important to how much they're going to learn and retain. A child who's under stress cannot learn well. Their brains cannot think and retain. We know this. We know that our kids can't learn when their bodies are in stress. (35:02): So if you are barking at your children, ordering them around, not being very kind, and listen, I am not pointing fingers. I've done all of these things more than my fair share of times, they absolutely cannot learn in that environment. It's just not possible. So remember that the way that you approach your homeschooling is as important, if not more important, than the results of your homeschooling teaching of the content. There's that old phrase, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And there is no place that's more true than in a homeschool where mom is there all the time. (35:42): The very last thing that these experienced moms said that they did, the habits that really helped them be joyful and peaceful in their homeschool is they eliminated hurry. I love watching The Chosen with my kids. And one of the things that strikes me every time in every episode is that Jesus is literally never in a hurry. We've read the story of the woman who pushes through the crowd to touch the garment of Christ. And there's people everywhere and he's stressed and he needs to get somewhere. And I can't remember where he was going, but it was important that he get there. And there was all these people. And this woman just touches his garment and he feels the power go out of him. You know what story I'm talking about? And he stops. He's not in a hurry. He was never in a hurry. He's raising people from the dead, he's healing the sick. He's looking all around him at all of these broken people around him, and yet he was never in a hurry. (36:45): And yet I usually feel like I'm in a hurry. I usually feel like I do not have enough time to do the things that I'm required to do. And that's just really kind of interesting. I chastised myself lovingly, gently, a few years ago because I had gotten in the habit of saying I just don't have enough time. There's just not enough time. And I would say it without even thinking about it. Until I realized that every time I was saying there's not enough time, basically what I was saying is God is not giving me everything I need. But I know that's not true, and I know it's not true for you as well. Most of the time, I'm taking on more than I've been called to, and that's why I feel like I don't have enough time, or that there's more to do than time to do it in. Because I'm not prioritizing relationships. I'm not embracing simplicity. I'm not avoiding comparison, chasing joy. I'm not eliminating hurry and realizing God is giving me everything I need to do the work he's called me to do. He always, always does. (37:50): And I guarantee you, you're at the beginning of a new school year, and you're like, this is going to be the best year. We're going to have a great year. And then you're going to get three days into this new school year. You're probably already there by the time you watch or listen to this. And you've probably already had that day where you're like, well, so much for that. Guess we'll try next year. So much for this being the most peaceful, wonderful homeschool year. (38:17): The truth is that you're going to make a bazillion mistakes, and it's going to be fine. I told you my oldest kids, there was a couple rough school years there. I was not getting hardly any sleep. We had babies all over the place. Just babies everywhere. It was so demanding. It was so tiring. There were so many things I didn't do that I felt like I was falling behind on. And it's so wonderful to hear my adult children now talk about those years as really beautiful, precious years, memories for them. They learned way more than I thought they did. Audiobooks do a lot of work for you by the way. So if you're in that season, do some online math, do some audiobooks. You'll be covering a lot more than you think you will. And the audiobook does all the reading for you. So when you fall asleep with the baby, it's just fine. It's no big deal. You don't have to do all the reading yourself. (39:03): But no matter what, you're going to, I guarantee, in the next week you're going to lose your patience with your kids. You're going to be like, ah, I didn't prioritize relationships. I know that's the most important thing and I didn't do it. You're going to say something unkind. You're going to lose your patience. It's how it works. That is what it's like to be alive in the world. That is what it's like to be homeschooling. You're going to make those mistakes. And you're going to think later on, what was I thinking? (39:29): A few years ago, it was a good number of years ago now, I took my six kids across the state. So I live on the east side of Washington. I took them all the way to the west side of Washington, which is about a five hour drive, to visit my parents. And we were supposed to get there in the evening. And I was going to stay at a hotel with my kids, and then the next morning I was going to meet at my dad's. My sisters were going to be there with their kids. We were all going to get together. It was going to be great. (39:58): Miraculously, we got there early, and I don't really know how that happened because I get nowhere early. But anyway, we got there early. And I thought, gosh, wouldn't it be fun to surprise grandpa and all the aunties by showing up early? They're not expecting us till tomorrow. And the kids think this is a great idea. So we drive to my dad's neighborhood. Now, it's very important for you to know that my dad's neighborhood has houses that look nearly identical. It's very important for you to know that, or you will discredit everything I say, this entire show when you hear the rest of this story. (40:33): So we pull into the neighborhood, and we pull up in front of my dad's house. And I think, oh, they painted the house. It's a different color now. And there's this huge Seattle Seahawks flag in the window. And I'm like, oh gosh, Dad is really into this Seahawks now. That's so interesting. I didn't know that. My son, who had to have been maybe 13 or 14 at the time, is in the back and he says, "This is not Grandpa's house." And I, who had been driving for five hours, five plus hours with six children by myself, just saying, said, "I know how to get to my dad's house, Drew." (41:13): We get out of the van, and I walk up to the front door with all my ducklings behind me. And I should say that I wanted to surprise my dad, but I don't mean knock, knock, knock surprise, we're here. I had a different idea. My idea was to burst into the house and be like, "We're here." Okay. So you know where this is going. We get up to the front door, and I think, gosh, they've really done a lot to the house. It's very different than it used to be. And I open the front door and I hear nothing. Well, no kids. My sister's kids are not that quiet. So I'm like, where are all the cousins? I don't know where they are. (41:55): I do hear a TV in the back room with the news on. And I'm like, interesting. Okay. All right, "Well, boys and the twins," who were all of, I don't know, I'm going to guess now like six or something, "go run up and say hi to Grandpa." Maybe they're a little younger than that. Anyway, they run into the back room. And all of a sudden I hear a man's voice, not my dad's, say, "Are we supposed to know these children?" My teenagers ran so fast out that door. And then you know what the little ones did because if you have bigs and littles, you know, the little ones were high tailing it after the teens. (42:34): And I'm standing there looking around, and I'm like, oh yeah, this is not my dad's house. I mean, it's the same as my dad's house, but it's definitely not my dad's house. So what do you do? I walk to the back room, bless these people. They were having dinner in their easy chairs, and they did not even get up out of their seats. And I said, "Sorry, I thought this was my dad's house." He asks me who my dad is. Same house, one street over. (43:07): The reason I'm telling you this horrifying story, which by the way, I got back out to the minivan, my teenagers were like, "Never tell anyone this happened." The reason I am telling you is because I was like, what was I thinking? Really? Really? What was I thinking? It was the wrong color. There was the Seahawks. I mean, my kid is telling me this isn't right. What was I thinking? In the moment it was like, we're just doing it. We've got stuff to do. We're here. We made it. Let's go. (43:36): And that's how you feel so much in your homeschool. You probably planned for this school year. And when you're in it, you're like, listen, I've got crock pot on the table. We have soccer practice at 5:00. I have to call that dentist back, pay that bill. We have math, science, geography, co-op homework. There's so much to do. And you're just doing... I'm just getting so excited I knocked my microphone. You're just doing your thing. You're just moving through. You're just doing it. (43:59): And later on, I mean you're going to, because of that, because it's so much work and there's so much on your plate, you are going to say something unkind. You are going to do something where later you're going to go, what was I thinking? What was I thinking? I knew better. And you do know better. So just know this is how it goes. That's what grace is for. (44:23): I mean, imagine with me that Jesus is on the hillside feeding the 5,000. All these hungry people on this hillside. And what Jesus could have done is he could have just instantly made everybody feel satisfied and not hungry. That would've been the easiest thing for him to do. Just make it so nobody's hungry. There, fixed. Or instantly make a meal appear in front of everybody. Okay, fixed. That's not what he did. What he did is he looked at his disciples and said, "Bring me what you have." And they find a child with a few loaves of bread and some fish. 5,000 people. It's like laughable. This is how much we don't have what we need, Lord. He says, "Bring it to me. Bring me what you have. I'll make it enough." (45:14): And that's what you're going to be doing in your home school all year long. You're going to be bringing your measly basket of bread and fish. And you're going to go, this is not enough, Lord, and he is going to make it enough. And if you can prioritize relationships and embrace simplicity and avoid comparison, chase joy and eliminate hurry, you will do it with so much more joy and peace, and your kids will feel that. And it doesn't mean you're not going to make mistakes, it doesn't mean you're not going to lose your cool, and it doesn't mean you're going to do the exact opposite of all of those things, and then you're going to have to go like, oh, wait.But that's okay because he's not asking you to do it perfectly with perfect peace. He's asking you to bring him what you have and he will make it enough. (46:10): I wanted to make sure when you went into this home school year, this year, you had all of these things top of mind because your relationships with your kids matter more than anything else in your homeschool. And the way to keep that top of mind is to do all the things that follow it, embracing simplicity, avoiding comparison, chasing joy, eliminating hurry, and then realizing you're going to go, what was I thinking? How did I mess up so big? And that's all okay. That's all how it works. (46:36): Every homeschooling mom I know, the ones who've been homeschooling 10 years, the ones who've been homeschooling 20, they have been in the same shoes where they go, I think I'm messing up, and it's still enough. And it has nothing to do with what we do and everything to do with what he does. I am praying for you this school year. I hope it's a peaceful year for you. I hope that on the days that are not peaceful, you remember that it's okay. Just bring your basket. He'll make it enough. Thank you so much for sticking with me for this episode. I hope you have a wonderful beginning of your new school year. And before we sign off for the day, I want to hear what the kids around here at Read-Aloud Revival are reading lately. Hazel (47:21): Hi, my name is Hazel, and I'm eight years old and I live in Idaho. My favorite books are The Dragon Masters because I like to learn about dragons. Elizabeth (47:31): Hi, I'm Elizabeth. I'm 18 years old, and I'm from Texas. And the book I'd like to recommend is Olga de Polga by Michael Bond and illustrated by Catherine Rayner. This book is about Olga de Polga, who's a little giddy pig with a big personality. She loves spinning tall tales and getting into mischief. And this book makes a really fun read aloud. The illustrations are also super fun and lively, and this book can always make me laugh. It's one of my comfort books. I do think it is out of print in most places, but if you can find a copy, it's definitely worth getting. Eloise (48:10): Hi, my name is Eloise. I am from Gisborne in New Zealand. I'm nine years old. And my favorite book is Black Beauty because I love horses. Charlie (48:22): I am Charlie. I'm six years old. I am from Gisborne in New Zealand. I like Geronimo Stilton because they're about mouses, ain't it? Amelia (48:28): My name [inaudible 00:48:41]. Speaker 8 (48:43): No, you're Amelia. Amelia (48:43): Amelia. Speaker 8 (48:43): And what's- Amelia (48:43): What's your favorite book? Speaker 8 (48:43): ... your favorite book? Amelia (48:43): Mousy books. Speaker 8 (48:50): Which Mousy book? The Little Mouse? [inaudible 00:48:54]. Amelia (48:54): Mom, they're not talking. Speaker 8 (48:56): We're leaving a message. And how old are you? Amelia (48:59): Five. Speaker 8 (49:01): Two. Two. Anna (49:01): My name is Anna, and I'm five, and I live in Illinois. And I like the Bad Kitty books because they're funny. Bridget (49:17): My name is Bridget. I'm eight years old. I'm from Illinois, and I like the Penderwicks because it's funny and they have adventures. Speaker 11 (49:27): What's your name? Speaker 12 (49:28): [inaudible 00:49:31]. Speaker 11 (49:32): Where do you live? Speaker 12 (49:32): Illinois. Speaker 11 (49:35): And what's your favorite book? Speaker 13 (49:36): [inaudible 00:49:37]. Speaker 12 (49:37): Two. Speaker 11 (49:42): And what's your favorite book? Speaker 12 (49:43): [inaudible 00:49:45] and the Mouse. Speaker 11 (49:51): And the Mouse. Why do you like that one? Speaker 12 (49:53): [inaudible 00:49:54] so funny. Speaker 11 (49:53): Thank you. Speaker 12 (49:53): [inaudible 00:50:02]. Sarah Mackenzie (50:03): Thank you so very much kids. Make sure you're subscribed to the podcast in your podcast app, or you can go subscribe on YouTube or do both, even better. Readaloudrevival.com/video is where you get to the YouTube page. I'll be back in two weeks with another episode for you. In the meantime, you know what to do. Go make meaningful and lasting connections with your kids through books.