Sarah Robertson-Barnes (00:00.384)
If you're feeling scattered or overstimulated right now, you are not alone. The season asks a lot of us and most of us are carrying more than we realize. There are just too many tabs open. It's no wonder we're feeling so exhausted when the holidays are over. But winter offers us a different rhythm, a quieter one, a chance to slow down, to pause when everything in us wants to rush and to remember that enough really is plenty.

Welcome to Sustainable in the Suburbs, a podcast for the eco-curious who want to live a greener life and are looking for a place to start. I'm your host, Sarah Robertson Barnes, a soccer mom with a station wagon and a passion for sustainable living. Each week, I'll bring you practical tips and honest conversations to help you waste less, save money, and make small, doable shifts that actually fit your real life. Because sustainable living doesn't have to be perfect to matter, and you don't have to do it all to make a difference.

Hello and welcome back to Sustainable in the Suburbs, the podcast where we start where we are, use what we have and live a little greener, one small shift at a time. My name is Sarah and I'm glad to be spending time with you today. And if this podcast has become a part of your week, I'd be so grateful if you followed the show wherever you're listening today and leave a rating and a review. It makes a big difference in helping new listeners find us.

And if we're not already connected on Instagram, you can find me over there at Sarah Robertson Barnes, and you can find links to the newsletter, blog, and how to get in touch with me down in the show notes. And truly, if something in today's episode resonates with you, send me an email. So today we are in the weird week between Christmas and New Year's, the happy Lord of the Rings week to all who celebrate.

And today we'll be talking about something that feels especially timely right now, which is what it means to slow down after a season that asks so much of us. December tends to sweep us along with its expectations, the events, the plans, the gifts, all the stuff that seems to multiply overnight. It's a lot. And even when it's joyful, it can leave us starting January feeling scattered and overstimulated and honestly, pretty disconnected from ourselves.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (02:19.076)
But winter has its own rhythm, a quieter one. It is a season that invites us to soften and rest and turn inward. I've been thinking a lot about how different our homes and our daily lives might feel if we followed that rhythm instead of the pace that the world sets for us. And I've noticed that when people slow down and reconnect with what actually matters to them, they often start wanting less, buying less.

and choosing in ways that feel more intentional and supportive, almost without trying. So today's conversation is really about that, reconnecting with what matters, peeling back the layers of what we should be doing, and noticing how much relief there is in choosing a slower, simpler, and more intentional way of moving through this season. My guest today is someone who speaks beautifully to all of this.

Jillian Gabraluk is the founder of Soleil Health and Wellness and the host of the Be Still and Live podcast. Her work centers on the idea that stillness is a strength, a way back to ourselves in a world that constantly pulls us outward. Through her Five to Thrive framework, she helps individuals, families, and communities slow down, reconnect, and live with more peace, purpose, and presence. Jillian's own path has taken her where she grew up wild and free with four siblings,

to a career in teaching and eventually building a life and practice rooted in simplicity, intuition, and balance. She brings a blend of science, story, and soul to everything she does. And she has such a grounding, generous way of reminding people that the life they want is often a few small shifts away. Here's my conversation with Jillian.

Hey Jillian, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me, Sarah. So we actually met through our mutual podcast editor. Hello, Mike. Hi Mike. And yeah, I've been listening to your show and everyone should. Can you tell us what it's called? My show is called Be Still and Live. It's fantastic if you are looking for a way to slow down over this winter break, give it a binge. But I'd love to give listeners a chance to get to know you.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (04:32.018)
and the heart behind your work as well. So for folks who just meeting you, can you tell us about yourself and the work that you do? Absolutely. So I was an educator. I was in high school and I ended up choosing to stay home with my kids. We have four little kids. And throughout that time, I was certified in health and wellness coaching because I always had this desire to help students if I was going back to the high school system to learn more about their mind, body and spirit.

and how all of it is connected because I felt like they needed that foundation earlier than when we were taught because a lot of adults don't have that information. I feel like it's something that should be the foundation of our education system. So that was my motivation. But as I went through parenthood as a stay at home mom, I had all of the moms in mind who were trying to do it all, who were trying to raise the kids and do the career. They pretty well had two full-time jobs and I knew that.

So I started taking notes of ways that I could do this more efficiently, ways that I can share the efficiencies of parenthood so that I can offer that information to these moms, especially who are trying to balance it all. So I had this motivation to help working moms and to help people to just simply be still because life has become so incredibly complicated. And with all of my clients that I ran through the health coaching process,

might be still in the process that I have, it always came down to stillness as being the answer to their problems. The power of the pause, the power of taking that step back, giving themselves the space to really understand that they knew the way, they had that intuition. There's just too much noise that's competing for their attention to be able to listen to themselves. So that is what I do today. The business that I run is Soleil Health and Wellness. Soleil is the Latin word for be still.

And it's the foundation of everything that I do. And that's what I do. That's my message. That's what I try to share with the world. And I really try to empower people through stillness. And you mentioned stillness as strength as a core part of your approach. So how do you define that? Stillness as strength. It's empowering yourself. It's reminding yourself that you know the way. We live in a culture of over saturation of information.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (06:58.726)
Now that we have chat GPT has become even more complicated because we stopped trusting ourselves. Anytime we have a question, anytime we're dealing with something, anytime that we want to do something creative, now we're going to AI to get the answers. And then we are flooded with all of this information. And we're more overwhelmed than we were when we started. The same thing with social media, the same thing with the internet. Whenever we go

to an external source like that to receive information and we don't trust ourselves first, we just end up being more overwhelmed and more confused. So that's how I see it as strength. Instead of going down that path, I teach people to take that pause first. To just simply pause, take a breath and remind themselves that they probably know the answers and that they are going to benefit so much more from being a creator.

rather than a consumer. I was just thinking that as you were talking that when we trust ourselves, there's no ads in here. We aren't constantly bombarded with messages to consume when we look inward. Absolutely. Can you also walk us through your five to thrive framework and how that helps people move from overwhelm into a more grounded and slow and intentional way of living? I would love to. So my

My program is a 12 pillar program and it walks my clients through a mind, body, spirit progression. It starts with understanding your values and your personal values become your compass for the rest of the program. We work on your mind first. So we're talking about things like stillness, mindset, gratitude, intention. And then we move into your body. We speak about simplicity, nourishment, movement.

and connection, and then we move into spirituality. So that's your creative side, your hobbies, your relationships and your purpose. That is a pretty condensed program. There's a lot of details. It's like literally turning every stone and going through every area of your life and trying to simplify. Five to Thrive is a simpler version of that program.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (09:18.173)
So I took that larger program and I wanted to make it easier for people to wrap their head around. Five to Thrive comes down to the five non-negotiables of daily life. So when I thought about it I did the research about how to prevent disease, how to prevent mental health issues, it always comes back to these five areas of life. So they include number one, stillness. Of course, that's what I teach. So stillness looks like carving out time in your day.

to be able to take that pause. It's waking up just a little bit earlier to just be still. Maybe do some stretching. Maybe you're doing some devotionals, meditation, yoga. Maybe you're reading a book that you love, right? It's just that space that you're taking for yourself before you pull your phone out and get bombarded by the news and social media and everything that's thrown at us, creating that space for stillness.

Number two is nourishment. So this is true nourishment. So we're aiming at eating mostly fruits and vegetables and whole grains. And we're aiming at eating that 80 % of the time. That sounds like a high number, but once you start practicing this and you see that 20 % as some leeway to have a little fun, then it actually becomes a really easy way to live your life. Next is movement. Just try to move your body in a way that brings you joy for at least 30 minutes a day, especially on these long winter days.

Get outside if possible, get that sunlight. Move your body for 30 minutes in a way that brings you joy. And then we have quality rest. This is something that's overlooked, especially by our youth. We need our sleep. That's when our DNA actually recovers. We need to take that break. We need to allow ourselves to rest. It's a part of who we are. So making sure we get the seven to nine hours of sleep a night. And that means that we're unwinding before we go to bed. We're not.

scrolling on our phones right before we go to sleep and getting that blue light that prevents us from having a high quality rest. We want to be able to create an environment where we're going into that deep REM sleep every night. So we're waking up feeling rested and relaxed. And number five, which is so important is connection, human connection. You want to make sure you're connecting with people every day. And this doesn't mean virtually, this means actually picking up the phone.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (11:41.025)
Having meetings set in your schedule, where you're meeting with friends for a coffee or for a walk and doing something with somebody else. Because the loneliness epidemic is real right now. One in three people feel alone, even when they're around other people. So it's really important to be intentional about spending time with other people and connecting on that level. Yeah, we talk about real life community on this show a lot as climate action, and it just really does come down to the human connection.

As you're talking about our phones, you can see my face. I'm just like, oh gosh, it's me. I put my phone in my face the second I wake up and it's just news, news, news, news, you know, ads. It's, and especially at this time of year. So this will be coming out the week between Christmas and New Year's. really, we've been living in this like heightened baseline of overstimulation, just like the pressure and the sheer amount of noise.

and you know, buy now and the stuff around us. So I'd love to explore what overstimulation looks like and why it feels so hard to step out of that. So you've said the overstimulation crisis. Can you talk about that a little bit? I talked about the, yes, the overstimulation crisis. Everywhere we look, we are being bombarded. We're being bombarded. It doesn't matter where we are walking through stores, driving, we see it on the billboards.

We see it on our phones. It's in our mailbox through the junk mail. We are being bombarded constantly. And the way I describe this is these become open tabs in our head, right? If you were living in the middle of the woods, you would have the tabs of daily life to survive. And you know what things you need to do every day to survive. And that would probably be very enjoyable. If you know what you have to do and you have the basic needs of life, your life would be quite enjoyable because

Everything that you're doing is creating this natural dopamine hit that you're getting from doing real things in your life, from accomplishing real things in your life that allows you to survive. There's- With your hands. With your hands. Yes. So you have this natural reward that you're receiving. But in the culture that we live in today, we are constantly bombarded. And I think about moms all the time because we have endless tabs in our head.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (14:03.539)
just trying to get through daily life, right? We're just surviving. But then every time we pick up our phone or we open the mailbox and we have all of that junk mail or we scroll social media, that has an exponential difference in the number of tabs that we're opening in our head. All of a sudden we're like, my gosh, Susie's doing this for her kids. I should do that too. my gosh, Ben has gotten really fit. I should be doing that too.

this person, look what they got for their kid for Christmas. Do I have enough gifts for Christmas? I need to schedule this. I need to have that decoration. The tabs are numerous and it is endless. So this is something I teach people to be mindful of. Be intentional about how you spend your time and what you're bringing into your life and what you're exposing yourself to because every time you jump on the internet and you start doom scrolling, you are multiplying those tabs that you already are dealing with in your head.

Yeah. How do you, it's interesting because when we do feel overwhelmed, like I know I tend to just look, jump on my phone, like I just need a minute and then I'll jump on my phone, which is not taking a minute. but what it is, is it's adding to, I'm just wondering how you think about like clutter and consumption and the pressure to buy as we see it as like soothing our overwhelm, but it isn't. How do you think about that? We get stuck in these patterns, right? And

As humans, we're kind of lazy. We were created to do things that are easy and our brain works that way, our body works that way. So we want to fall back into the patterns that we know, patterns that we think soothe us. So that could look like doom scrolling. It could look like shopping and buying a bunch of things you don't need. It could be opening the fridge and eating a bunch of food that you don't need to eat. This is what we do when we're experiencing that nervous system.

dysregulation. When we're feeling dysregulated, we're in a state of fight or flight. We're in a state of survival. So we're going to look for things that make us feel safe and comfortable. So that's what we do. We fall into those old patterns. What stillness does is we take a pause. We recognize through awareness, which is the first step of my program, just be aware of your patterns. Allow yourself to understand these patterns that you fall into.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (16:24.373)
And then the next step is your mindset. You want to disrupt those patterns. You want to be intentional about disrupting the patterns that you know are not going to serve you. The patterns that you know are going to make you feel even more overwhelmed or even worse about yourself because you just ate a pint of ice cream. Disrupt them and then what you want to do is find something that's positive to replace those habits. So it could be as simple as having a paint set.

set up on your table or on the counter somewhere where you can access it. Instead of going to your phone and doom scrolling, you go over and you continue this beautiful painting that you're creating. And then you're no longer consuming. You're actually shifting over to creative mode, which creates this natural dopamine hit in your body that you feel good about because you are creating something beautiful.

rather than just consuming and then, like I'm very aware of my phone habit, but what I do fall into is that trap of thinking it's a personal failing and not something that I've been conditioned into doing and interrupting that pattern. So I'm thinking about now what I can leave out to create. And it could just be as simple as leaving my knitting project on the table instead of in the bag, tucked beside the couch, just picked up and knit a row instead of firing.

horrible news into my brain because that's not going to help. you want to regulate in some way. And a lot of times we regulate through creativity, through having a hobby, through having a conversation with somebody we care about and actually pursuing that connection that we're actually yearning for. So as we're moving through this quieter stretch of the holidays, that weird week in between.

This is when people really start thinking about what they want life to feel like going forward into the new year, whether you call that resolutions or setting intentions or what have you. But at least for me, the winter naturally brings a different rhythm. It sort of forces you to slow down and hibernate and there is more stillness and that space to really rest and reflect. And that can really be in conflict with what our culture expects from us.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (18:41.435)
But I think like getting outside and into the natural world and all of that. So when people allow themselves to lean into this space, what shifts do you notice? When they're like, you know what, it's winter. I'm going to get cozy. I'm going to go to bed earlier. What do you start to notice about the way the folks you work with move through their days? First off, I absolutely agree with you. mean, winter teaches us something our culture often ignores, that rest is not a luxury. It's a biological rhythm.

It's a part of who we are. Everything in nature slows down and almost pulls inward to conserve energy. are. Yeah. Like the trees lose their leaves because the trees are trying to conserve energy. This is not the season of blossoming and renewal. This is a season of rest. But a lot of times we are programmed to believe that it's different, right? New Year's resolutions. How are you getting your workout in every day? How are you doing this? We got to get on.

you know, goal treadmill and keep it all going. A lot of people aren't successful because everything in their body is saying, I need rest. I need to regulate. I just had a very busy season and now it's time to rest and reflect. So this is what I encourage people to do and the importance of this stage of life is embracing that. Give yourself some grace. You're feeling these things for a reason. This is your physiology pointing to

what it needs to feel a sense of balance, to feel like you're thriving and not just surviving. So I encourage people to tune into that, to take this opportunity as a break. And that doesn't mean throwing everything out the window. You still need to go back to the five to thrive, right? Where you're building in the stillness, you're building in the nourishment, but you may be making more homemade soups. You may be spending more time in the kitchen, creating these meals that are, you know, have these scent memories for your family.

that take a long time to cook on the stove because it just feels so rewarding to do that. That's the most, one of my favorite memories is coming home from a long hike and having the smell of like a roast beef or a soup or a chili that's slowly cooking on the stove. So spending more time doing things like this because we are inside and we want to make the best of that time. So it's really an opportunity to hone in on that and to allow ourselves to rest.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (21:06.917)
Take that book that's collecting dust on yourself that you've been wanting to read forever to get a hot cup of tea and that cozy blanket and enjoy this time to relax and recover and reflect. This may not be the time to start those goals. It may be the time to reflect on the year past and how you want to slowly make shifts in your life to work towards something or the person that you want to be in 2026.

And because we are at home, think this is a good place for like reflecting on our habits, as you said, but when you were talking about soup, I was just like, yeah, this is where we can get creative with leftovers in our fridge. And this is where we can read the books we already have on our shelves or watch the movies we still have on DVD. So these sort of build into like quote sustainable habits, but it's really just noticing what's around you and using what you already have. It's a really good opportunity to do that because

I think that we're just so conditioned that if we could just add one more thing, add another habit, add something else to the routine or buy the right products that like will finally feel like we have our shit together. And that message is so loud right now as we head into January, just do more, buy more, improve more. But you really challenge that idea by showing us like how much clarity and guess relief.

There is in doing less and choosing less and creating more space instead of adding more pressure. So can we talk about that myth of more that for more people who feel like they just need to do that one more thing, what's, what's underneath that impulse to do more rather than less? Well, this is how we're programmed, right? And this is what keeps our economy alive. We, we are programmed to believe that we need more to be happy.

that there's something wrong with making do with what we have. I had this conversation with my daughters this morning. They both want new backpacks. And one of my daughters said, can we at least get a new backpack every two years? And I said, you should be celebrating the fact that you still have this backpack every year that this backpack doesn't have a broken zipper. We should be celebrating because it means one last backpack in the landfill, but they are conditioned to believe that they need something new every year.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (23:31.941)
They need the latest fashion. They need the latest style, their new favorite color, right? And there's something to be said about just being at peace with what is, being at peace with what is around us. I love what you said about using what you have in your space, especially through January. That's a beautiful time to let go of the things that no longer serve you. So if you have a cupboard full of board games, like you never play, maybe start pulling them out one by one.

and play them with your family and ask yourselves, do we actually enjoy this? Did we enjoy that game guys? And if you didn't, maybe pass it along to another family. It gives you the opportunity to spend time with each other and let go of the things that no longer serve you that may serve somebody else. This is the same with our wardrobe, right? Let's use these long days to rest and slowly go through the space around us to be more in alignment with the things that we have in our space and the life that we want to live.

Right. So rather than just purging your closet and just, I have to get rid of everything. I have to get all new things. Just really spend some time reflecting on, I like this sweater? Let me wear it today. Let me see how it feels. If I'm not going to keep it, how can I pass it on? Rather than just chucking everything into a garbage bag and getting rid of it. Because I think that's part of that hamster wheel of just like, okay, so now I have to replace everything. You don't have to replace everything.

No, you to get a new backpack. You don't need a new sweater. Probably. Yes. Let go of the fads because there's going to be two different jeans styles that go through every winter season. If you just let go of that and choose what feels good on your body, choose the style that you love and just stick with it. You're going to be a lot happier for it because you're not going to be chasing the next fad that comes up. Right. I can't do the wide leg jeans. I can't do it. I

Well, how are we putting our winter boots on? yeah, I know all these boots. Well, that's a part of it, right? Those boots don't look cute with the wide leg jeans. So now you need to get the different pair of stylish boots that go with the new wide leg jeans. It's all kind of, it's all kind of pulled together. You know all of this Sarah and your audience does as well. just like, I'm going to shove my legs into my big like snow shoveling boots. So I will be my skinny jeans that still fit me. That I've repaired multiple times. Thank you very much.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (25:56.493)
it's really difficult to let go of all of these external voices. So I know we just keep coming back to this, but like why does stillness rather than more, how is it creating that space? I'm just really trying to wrap my head around this because I need to practice this too. And I feel good about how I do it in some regards and not in others. Yeah, just, I don't even really know what my question is here.

It's again, it's just about disengaging from the noise. it's awareness, which is why it's the first pillar of my program. We have to be aware and we can't be aware unless we're still. I call it the power of the pause. When you're feeling triggered in some way, you want to go back to something that makes you feel comfortable, a pattern that you already know. But if that pattern no longer serves you, or maybe it never did,

The awareness helps you to acknowledge that. The awareness helps you to understand, next time that happens, next time I'm pulled into that thought loop and I'm cycling through it and I'm tempted to go back to that pattern that I know doesn't serve me, this next time I'm gonna disrupt it. And the way you disrupt it is with the pause, the power of the pause, it's stillness. It's just stopping, taking a breath, maybe five, maybe 50.

And allowing yourself to breathe, reminding yourself that you're safe, that you are enough, that you have enough. And that is enough. And when you breathe that truth in, when you understand that we are motivated by connection, we're motivated by, yes, a sense of safety, making sure we have those basic needs. But once we have those basic needs, if we're yearning for something else,

It's important to take that pause and understand why. Why am I craving this? Why am I desiring this? What is the root of what I'm feeling? You could be lonely. You could be overwhelmed. You could be frustrated. So name the emotion you're feeling. Take the opportunity to breathe. That allows you to regulate your nervous system. There's a lot of practices for nervous system regulation. Yoga is one of them. Breathing is a huge one.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (28:18.969)
which is so accessible because you can do it anywhere. I talk about this in the first three episodes of my podcast, the importance of taking that pause, the importance of giving yourself the space to remind yourself of who you are and that you are enough. you're not going to fill that void with external things. You need to fill that void inside first. So that's the work that needs to be done. that's the root. So once you understand what you are truly seeking,

then you can go to that place first and respond in a way that's actually going to fill that void rather than make it a greater void. Enough is plenty. Enough is plenty. Absolutely. And I talk about like pausing before you add things to your Amazon cart and you know, because we're, we're not going to fill the void, but we will fill the landfill. So your work around connecting with your values really aligns with

and how I approach the world through the sustainability lens, because when we become clear on what really matters to us and what we really value, then we start wanting less, we stop buying stuff, just stuff, and we choose what we use in our lives in a way that supports our actual values and a little bit less on cultural expectations.

I'd love to explore a little bit how clarifying your values can shape the everyday choices that we make as well, especially in this season where we feel a lot of pressure to reinvent ourselves. So how can we start to get really clear and reconnect with our values? And then how will that show up in our everyday decisions? Absolutely. I'm happy to talk about this because I feel like it's everything. It's everything when you pause to reflect on what you truly value.

A lot of people have never done this, not once in their life, because they've been living off the values of the external world. They may have been aligned with their parents values, which is important when you're young, but at some point you need to understand what you value. may be the values of, you know, some type of community that you're a part of. It may be the values of your friends, but you've got, we all have to get to this point in our life where we understand what we truly value. And that may shift.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (30:38.777)
as you go through life. But when you do that, it allows you to be super clear and focused on the things that you are aligned with. And when you align yourself with your personal values rather than the values of the external world, that's where you start to feel the sense of fulfillment and happiness because so many times we are seeking to fill the voids in our life by seeking it what other people told us would fill those voids.

but it's simply not true. You have to understand what works for you as an individual. When you do this, it gets rid of the decision fatigue that we all experience, right? Once you know what you value, you're able to say yes or no. And your yes should mean yes, your no means no. And that's so easy to do that when you understand what you value. So when you open social media and you're bombarded by all of those things, or your friends are saying, hey, we're...

signing our kids up for this, this, this, and this this year, you say to yourself, sorry, that doesn't align with our values, right? Maybe, you know, our family doesn't like to do sports on Sundays. We'd like to keep that a day of rest where our family is just hanging out. We're making good food. We're visiting with friends and family. So for a long time, we've been able to stay notice sports that practice on Sundays or that had regular tournaments on the weekends. This has been tricky for us.

is going to get more difficult. Our oldest is 11. I know it's going to get more complicated, but up to this point, it's made that decision-making process so much easier because we clearly understood our values. And you have a boundary around that, right? That hard boundary. I'm just nodding along like, yes, I definitely have soccer on Sunday. But you have different values than me, Sarah. And that's okay. And that's what we need to appreciate about each other is everybody has different values.

Hopefully because we all have, we're all serving a different purpose in the world around us. So it's all connected. I think value can be a bit of a loaded word depending on how you're using it. But I think it's just like, well, what's important to me versus what's important to you. And it doesn't mean that one is more than the other. And those things really guide our decisions. Like you said, about how we spend our time and our energy and our money and.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (32:54.498)
I think a lot of the sustainable habits that I've built up over the years and that I talk about really come from that same place. Like choosing what actually supports your life and what you value and what are you voting for with your dollar. Using what I already have, I buy so much less now because that is a place I can do the pause. I'm still working on doom scrolling, but... And I choose to repair and I choose to borrow things or buy things secondhand and that those are all aligned.

decisions rather than things that I think make my life more difficult because I don't because I can say no confidently to so many other things. So all of this gets a lot more complicated when we add our kids into the mix. Family life moves at a rapid pace and there's always something to manage or something that's broken or somebody's got to go here. And especially this time of year, there's so much pressure to create like.

perfect experiences, it gets really intense. And at the same time though, our home should be the place where we're making these shifts to be calm and invite simplicity to make these bigger differences. So I'd really love to talk about what all this looks like in like real, real life. Spinning all these plates and how we can create rhythms that feel supportive instead of stressful. Like, I gotta get a better routine. But so you have four kids, which is double.

my kids. So what does slowing down in your household look like, especially in a season like this when it's so busy and so overstimulating? Really, it's that's why I share the five to thrive because that's that's what it comes down to for us. I try to I try to protect that morning time, that slow morning where we're kind of just creating this gentle space for everybody to just wake up and get into their day. That's big for our family. We try to sit down for breakfast for

Our son's in middle school now, so he's off an hour before the other three. So we spend time with him before he goes, and then we try to make space for the other kids. it's just creating an environment that feels peaceful, purposeful and present, creating more space for that to happen. So family meals is a big one for us. Creating those opportunities to sit down around the table and to share life, just to chat about the day, you know, what was your high? What was your low?

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (35:21.476)
What did you learn today that you want to share with the family? Creating space for that is really important. And then, you know, we try to get outside every day. Our kids don't always go out for recess in the district that we're in, which really gets to me sometimes. same area, weather and all of that. I'm not into it. I'm a no bad weather my goodness. I spent two years in the Arctic in the Northwest Territories teaching up there. So I really just

I say to my kids, you know, there's no bad weather, only bad clothing. So put on another layer. So we try to get outside every day after school. And that's why I love running the business that I do, because I have flexibility to be able to do that. We'll take the dog for a walk, we'll go play at the park, we'll go do something where we're moving our body and kind of connecting in that way. And then, like I said, creating that space to shop for.

healthy groceries to make those nourishing meals, especially during this season, invite your kids into that process. The nice thing is if you invite them into the process, which could be stressful when they're younger, but it can train them to actually take over that process when they're older. So it's nice to be able to start that and give them a sense of contribution to the family. And one for us is Sundays. Like Sundays are...

The day that we have, the kids know they don't have to do chores. They know that they can relax. We try to get to church on Sunday mornings just to have that spiritual outlet and that community aspect to our life. And then we do something outdoors typically, or we pull out those board games, we hang out together, we have friends over, we go hang out with family. So really it's creating these natural rhythms in your day and in your week and making that five to thrive a non-negotiable.

How are we baking this into our daily life? How are we scheduling this into our week to make sure, to ensure that it happens, that connection, right? And then making sure that your kids understand what five to three means, that they're taking responsibility for their own balance. Because this is a balance that they're not necessarily learning about in school. That's so important and that will serve them for the rest of their life. If you are...

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (37:39.46)
negotiating on one of those things in five to thrive, then it means you have too much on your plate. You need to start letting something go because you're giving up something that is going to allow you to feel like you're thriving. These things are what make you feel human. It makes you feel balanced and like you can take on the world around you and really enjoy your life. So teaching our kids at a young age, what that balance looks like is really important, but they need to see us do it first. They're going to mirror what we do. Yeah.

And I'm trying to be like, try to be really honest with my kids. Like I'm freaking out right now. can't, just give me a minute. not, you know, I can't, I sometimes I just can't manage myself either and that's okay. And that's what we're doing. And then we come back and we talk about it after. And, you know, so you talk about like mirroring and that, also like, how can we honor, how can, as parents, how can we honor our own capacity while also providing that.

stability and connection for our kids. I'm glad you said that because there's a lot of times where I say, mommy needs to go for a walk. And that walk is a mental health walk. And my husband knows that it is. I put on my shoes. That's hilarious. I love that you call it that. It's a, you know, when I say to the husband, Chris, I'm going to go for a walk and I give them the wink and I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be a better person when I return. So, then all the kids compiling out, can I come? I come? I'm like, nope, this is a mommy walk.

See you later. And I like run away as fast as I can. And it works every time. Yes. It's so annoying, it works. Yes. Yes. I think that's so important. It's important for our kids to see that we are creating that space. You know, I'll wake up my son and then he knows I go and sit in my chair and that's when I do my readings and I try to center myself and I try to, you know, get the day started on a positive note where I'm taking care of my mind, body and soul first so that

I can have a cup that's overflowing for my family. If you're starting the day with an empty cup and then you're going on social media and you're scrolling and you're comparing and you're bombarded by all of that noise from the get-go, it's going to be really difficult to have a cup that's overflowing for your family, for yourself and your family throughout the day. Yeah. And I find for myself, even when I feel really overwhelmed and overstimulated, that's when I tend to want to

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (40:01.22)
at least scroll or shop or look for a convenience item that's going to quote, make my life better or what have you. Instead of, cause I'm not going through the thought process anymore. I'm just, I want to take the shortcut, right? So I think that's part of it too, is that the more we feel out of control, the more we want to purchase and yeah. So I really can't recommend a free stupid mental health box. Absolutely. All you need is a pair of shoes and some really warm clothing where we are right now.

It was negative 10 this morning. It's minus 15 with wind chills and Celsius right now. just like, what? So I looked at my dog this morning and I was like, we're going to go around new. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're not doing this at 6 a.m. today with the wind. No, thank you. And that's good. We need to be flexible. Exactly. Just like, it's still going to happen, girl. But yeah, I just, need to, yeah, I'm sitting here with my mug and I'm chatting with you because I just need to center a little bit before.

I faced the Canadian winter. So, I usually like to do it in the mornings just because that's like you said, it's my time. And then some mornings it's just not going to happen. I'm solo parenting all week. I've got to get two kids off to two different schools and it is what it is. And I'll just make it through that hour and a half and then I'll work on myself later. But it has become a non-negotiable. We're going for the walk.

no matter what it's like outside. Yeah. So I usually like to end each episode by asking guests to share one small shift that listeners can try in their everyday lives. But because that idea is so central to your work and how these small shifts can really reshape how we move through the world, I'd like to spend a little more time and unpack what these changes can actually look like. So what would it like in your work? What does a meaningful small shift look like?

especially for someone like me who's overstimulated. Absolutely. A slow shift. Lean into that awareness. When everything in your body wants to be like, no, don't look, don't look deeper. Don't drop in, drop in. That's when you have to. When you're feeling uncomfortable, when you're feeling that disorder, that chaos, that overwhelm, it's the power of the pause. Take that pause. Be still. Take those five breaths.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (42:28.968)
and be courageous enough to look at where it's actually coming from. Because you may think that it's coming from a desire to see the latest trends or to check on all your friends on social media, but it's likely coming from a deeper need, something that's easier to fill. And sometimes we want to avoid that truth, right? We don't want to get to the root of what we're actually feeling, but that's where the transformation happens.

That's what I do with my work. That's where the coaching comes in, where you help people understand, okay, drop into that. No, drop deeper. That's not it. No, go a little bit. yeah, I think we're there. I think we're there. That's what you want to start creating the awareness around so that you can actually find a solution that's going to shift you into a different perspective, a different way of living, because you understand what's actually going on there.

So where there's nothing I can add to cart that's going to fix that. Absolutely not. Yes. Awareness is key. Another one that's, that's a part of my, the first week of my program is drinking water, drinking water. mean, make sure you're staying hydrated, especially through these winter months. We're not drinking as much water because we're not hot, right? But keeping ourselves hydrated, keeping ourselves, you know, feeling good. That's the first step, the first easiest step to do that.

And another one is, I might have to have. just interject here and say, please drink your water out of the reusable bottle you already have. You do not need a new reusable bottle. you. have my tested and true Nalgene here, Sarah. They're an OG Nalgene. Okay. Yes. I love that. I love this thing. It comes everywhere with me. Old school and it works. I the job done. We love to see it.

I just saw a video on that the other day where a gentleman was talking about, he's like, come on now, Jean gang, rise up. We've resisted all of the insulated tumblers. It made me laugh because I still have mine from university in the nineties as well. Yeah. Yeah. It's perfect. I'm proud of this thing. It's the best. It's the best. It's a little faded, but the last one that I wanted to mention, Sarah was unplugged. Unplugged to connect.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (44:51.966)
Right? We can't connect with our creator, with ourselves, with each other, if we're plugged in to the constant noise of the news, social media, all of the external expectations that are being imposed on us. We aren't going to be able to connect on a deeper level, like we're all craving, if we're constantly exposing ourselves to that. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, maybe take

start by taking a day off of screens. We try to do screen free Sundays. And that's a day where our kids know we're not gonna be on our phones, we're not gonna be scrolling, we're going to be truly present. And just taking that one day to do that has been transformative. But it may be just in the morning, you're not going to have your phone beside your bed anymore. I keep mine plugged in in the base or in the kitchen when my husband's traveling and I need it for safety, I plug it in in.

the bathroom in our master bedroom so that it's not right beside me. I'm not grabbing it first thing to check and to start scrolling. It's just too tempting, right? If it's beside me, I'm gonna start scrolling. If I'm not sleeping well that night, I'm gonna pick it up and I'm gonna get back into that bad habit. those little things. I know you can see my face right now. I'm like, yep, I need to do that. Yes. Because I'm very guilty of that. I do look at my phone first thing in the morning and I know it doesn't serve me and I know it.

just makes me unhappy. And I think that's where a lot of our consumption crisis is coming from. I am noticing, maybe it's just in my algorithm, which I'm aware I'm being served what I want to see, but I am noticing people shifting away from buying stuff and starting to, I'm not going to buy as much this year. I'm going to do more secondhand gifts.

I can't stand being on this social platform, whatever it is anymore, I am starting to notice a shift. So I hope that we can all bring that forward with us into the new year and find a little more stillness. So yeah, thank you so much for this conversation. It's been lovely and grounding, especially for this time of year. And I know that listeners are going to take a lot from the way you talk about slowing down and tuning in and making changes that support.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (47:14.54)
your real life. So if folks want to find you and learn more about your work, where should they go? Well, one thing I wanted to recommend, I'm actually doing a workshop on this on Sunday evening, it's called Fog to Freedom. And it's my freebie on my website. This is this is an exercise that I did in college when I was I was a division one athlete. And I was, you full time student, I had a part time job. And I had a boyfriend and friends, I just had a lot on my plate.

Back then I called it a royal brain dump, but I continued to use it throughout my life anytime that I felt overwhelmed just to get everything out of my head. So it's an exercise where I start with a meditation and then you have your royal brain dump. There's a worksheet that you print out and then the worksheets, the directions guide you through this process of getting rid of all the things that no longer serve you, categorizing things into what I can take care of in the next 48 hours.

And then what I can put on a regular to-do list, it's basically just getting rid of the mental load, offloading that mental load, all of those countless things that are in our heads, especially around this time of year, getting it onto paper so that we're not carrying that stress and anxiety. We're actually doing something with it. So I would lead your audience to the Fog to Freedom exercise on my website, soleocoaching.com. And I also am on...

Instagram at Soleil coaching. Soleil is S I L E O and coaching. So I'd love to see you there. Give me a shout out, check out my website. There's a message there. And I also have my podcast be still and live and the first three episodes are really short and it gives you an idea of what the story of Soleil is. And there's an episode on five to thrive there. So if you're looking to learn a little bit more about Soleil health and wellness, then I direct you there. please check out Jillian's podcast. It's lovely. Well, for

When you're out on your walk. Sarah was actually on one of my episodes a couple of weeks ago. So yeah, that was so much fun. Yeah. I think there's just so much overlap in what we do and really getting down to brass tacks about, you know, why we behave the way that we do. And so much of that is in what we buy and what we value and what we, what we discard. And why we feel the way we do. That's my message to people. It's not, it's not your fault that you're feeling anxious, stressed out, overwhelmed.

Sarah Robertson-Barnes (49:36.042)
This is, know, we are not disordered. We are ordered. There's something disordered about the culture that we live in. So when you acknowledge that and give yourself a grace, it allows you to start moving in the right direction and allowing yourself to heal and change those mindsets and perspectives. Yeah. And knowing that enough is plenty. I love it. Enough is plenty. It's as simple as you again so much for being here. You're just...

You're great. Thank you so much. are you. I'm excited to do this. I don't even call it work. I'm excited to have this mission with you to help people understand, you know, what's really going on and to make simple actions towards living a happier, healthier life. Yeah. So thank you so much, Sarah. Thank you, Jillian.

And to everyone listening, thank you so much for joining us today. You can find everything you want to know about Jillian down in the show notes. And if you enjoyed this episode, you can find more conversations like this, along with practical tips and simple shifts over on my blog, that's sustainable in the suburbs.com or down in the show notes for this episode. Until next time, start where you are, use what you have and live a little greener.

Thanks for tuning in to Sustainable in the Suburbs. Every small step adds up and I'm so glad we're doing this together. If you enjoyed this episode, please make sure to follow the show, share it with a friend and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. You can find me at sustainableinthesuburbs.com or at Sarah Robertson Barnes on all the things. Until next time, start where you are, use what you have and live a little greener. This podcast is produced, mixed and edited by Cardinal Studio.

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