Hey, y'all, it's doctor Joy and you're listening to Therapy for Black Girls.

Today's episode kicks off a special three part series presented by our partners at Chase Saphire Reserve, focused on travel, mental health, and the power of putting your joy at the center of your life.

Throughout this series, we'll explore how travel can be a tool for healing.

We'll talk about what it looks like to travel with friends and how to navigate the dynamics that come with that.

We'll also dive into how wellness trips can boost self esteem and help you reconnect with yourself in meaningful ways.

But first, we're starting with something that often goes unspoken, the idea that rest is something black women have to earn, and this episode will unpack where that belief comes from and how choosing joy and rest can actually be a radical act of self care.

So, whether you're planning your next trip or simply need a moment to breathe, this one's for you.

If you have been listening to Therapy for Black Girls long enough, you have likely heard us talk about the idea of the strong black woman trope.

So this idea that everybody else's needs have to be prioritized over our own and we know that there is historical context to this right, like much of the survival of our community, our families, our churches, our spiritual homes has been grounded in Black women being of service to other people, and there will always be a space for us to be of service to other people.

I think what is really important for us to interrogate at this moment is how much of our service to other people negates our care for ourselves.

And so if we only exist to take care of other people, what then happens to us?

And so we know enough about the research and the information about what happens when we are not paying attention to our own needs.

We know that we see increases in maybe things like depression and anxiety.

We notice increases in things like blood pressure, increased heart conditions.

There is no shortage in the toll that it takes on both our mental and our physical health when we are being in service of other people at the expense of ourselves.

And so when we talk about the importance of centering things like joy and rest, it is not frivolous.

It is not something that just happens when we can get to it.

It is something that's actually critical for us to both be of service to other people, but more importantly for us to be of service to ourselves and for us to be connected and grounded to ourselves.

And so I often talk about this guilt that will happen.

I definitely experience it myself when I'm planning to take a trip somewhere, especially if I'm not bringing the family, or if I am thinking about wanting to do something for myself, there is often a twinge of like, oh, but you know, the kids have a game, or I really need to be doing this other thing, and I know that I'm not alone in that feeling, and so I encourage you, like I encourage myself to really get still with this idea that rest and joy is something that I have to earn because like I worked really hard or because I accomplished X y Z, as opposed to it being something that I actually deserve and am worthy of simply because I am a human and I deserve joy and excitement and pleasurable experiences that both fill my cup but also allow me to continue to do the work and be the person that I am in the world.

And so I think anytime we are setting out to do a new thing, which this might be for many of us, right like the idea of centering joy and being really intentional about prioritizing rest, about prioritizing joy.

We know that it can be a little bit of a shift, and it takes some work to get more intentional about doing these things.

And so when I'm thinking about some of the practical strategies that really can help me, that may help you as well, to get better at centering my joy, I often think about my colleague Kenya Crawford, who I recently had a chance to see again at the Holding Stakes Her Healer Summit last year.

At the summit, she was our keynote speaker and talked about how she is very intentional about quarterly vacations.

So Kenya has a private practice, but also does lots of continuing education classes for other therapists, and so her work is largely service based, right like, she is a service provider, and I think, especially when you're a service provider, but also regardless of what your work is, it is really important for you to be paying attention to how you are removing yourself from work so that you can kind of get refilled to continue doing that work, and so Kenya is strategic and very intentional about her quarterly vacations, and every since she mentioned that, that is something that I have been endeavoring to do.

Now I will admit I am not there yet.

Though this year we did have a week long break here at Therapy for Black Girls, So that was my step into getting a little bit more like Keny in terms of being intentional about my breaks and my vacations.

But it is something that I want to continue to be intentional about.

And I want you for twenty twenty six and invite you to also look at your calendar, to actually put myself on the calendar, because we know that if it is not on the calendar, at least for me, if it's not on the calendar, it's not happening.

And so I want to be just as intentional about prioritizing my rest as I am about the kids' doctor's appointments, the kids' games, family visits, like all of those things that go on the calendar, Because it is important enough that I don't want to double book or forget that this thing is happening.

I also want to put me on the calendar.

I invite you to put yourself on the calendar.

So let's open the books.

If I really look at twenty twenty six and figure out where can we take some time off, whether that is a staycation, whether you just want to stay in bed and watch whatever you want to watch on TV, whether you're going to travel.

What is the time for you going to look like in twenty twenty six.

I will also be participating in this and would love to hear where are you putting yourself on your calendar for twenty twenty six, because I think that is a very important part about being more intentional about creating joy is to make sure that we're putting it on the calendar.

While that is the first step, I think that sometimes like weekends away or like staycations can sometimes feel too big, and so I also want to invite you to consider, like what other small rituals for joy can you put into your schedule.

So something that I really enjoy is like a walk at the end of my day.

It really helps me to kind of separate work from the rest of the day.

Also gives me some movement I love, especially when the weather is nice and it's getting nice here in Georgia, so not too hot anymore, and so a nice walk at the end of the day feels like a joy filled moment for me.

I also really enjoy hula hooping.

I think I've talked about that here on the podcast before, but sometimes I will just hula hoop in the middle of my kitchen floor or dance to whatever Beyonce's song I'm feeling at the moment, and those are all joy filled moments for me.

And so yes, putting yourself on your calendar for like bigger things like trips and vacations is important, but also what tiny moments of joy are you also making a ritual for yourself so that you have some things to look forward to you and there are things that you can do for yourself to make you smile.

We recently interviewed doctor Judith Joseph, who is a psychiatrist and the author of the book High Functioning on the podcast, and she talked about joy being something that we have to actively and in tensionly create and cultivate for ourselves.

It's not something that happens passively.

It is not a passive activity.

And so what kinds of things can you actively do to create joy in your life?

So as we close I want to offer you something for your journal.

You know we love a journaling exercise here, and I want you to think about where in your life are you waiting for permission to rest?

Is it with the kids?

Is it at work?

Is it with your partner?

Where are you waiting for permission to rest?

And what do you need to give yourself permission to do so?

Very soon?

This week, this month, I invite you to choose joy first, not later, not when it's convenient, not when you get around to it, but right now, because you deserve it.

I hope today's conversation reminded you that rest is not a reward, it's your right.

You don't have to wait until you're burned out or overwhelmed to choose yourself.

Your joy, your peace, and your rest are all worthy of being prioritized right now.

A big thank you to Chase Fire Reserve for supporting this important conversation.

And if this episode resonated with you, take a moment to share with a friend who might need the same reminder.

We'll be back next week with part two of our special series, where we'll talk about how to navigate travel with friends, the expectations, the boundaries, and the beauty of shared experiences.

Until then, take good care