Hi, everyone, It's Sophia.

Welcome to work in Progress.

Welcome back to work in progress.

Whip smarties.

Today we are joined by one of my favorite women in my life.

I was a fan of hers before we became friends.

We became friends, and she's every bit as cool as I'd ever hoped she would be and more, and she just happens to be, like I don't know, a genre redefining genius who is changing comedy, storytelling, digital media, and transforming personal experiences for the better.

She has a humor that resonates across cultures and happens to be one of the most talented, audacious, and hardworking people that I know.

Today, we are joined by the inimitable Lily Singh.

Lily is here to talk about her new film Doing It, which hits theaters next week.

And the movie really exemplifies her mission for using her platform for global impact while amplifying underrepresented voices and somehow doing all of it with humor.

She's dismantling shame, she's challenging cultural taboos, she's empowering women to reclaim their stories, and she is making us laugh really fricking hard while she does it.

Let's dive in with Lily sing.

Hi, Hi, Hi, Savia, welcome.

I'm so excited.

This is also so funny.

I like, I got my you know, I always have all my nerdy prep stuff, and I was like, weird to have prep documents to sit with my homide correct, I know, But also that I was like, no, this is probably good because it'll remind me that we're working.

Yes, but also like how lovely for me that I have to like do this work.

Then I'm like, I'm just gonna go talk to Saviia, Yeah for an hour's I'm so happy to be here.

I am in my era of connection, girllypop.

I am just here.

I'm doing like a little bit of a press store for my movie.

But I'm committed to enjoying every single second of it.

And so my number one thing is just have good conversations and genuinely connect with people and like actually be present.

And that's what I'm doing.

I feel like that was the beginning of a journey you were starting when we went to Pace and had our like.

Essential that's actually well remembered, right, That's exactly correct.

So I told you that during that dinner that I go to a dinner every Thursday.

Yeah, in my whole.

Thing is like connecting with people because I feel like we're in this industry.

Even if you're not in this industry, I feel like we're really losing the art of connection.

I feel like we're just acquaintances with people.

We have a lot of small talk, we never get deep into.

We don't know things about other people.

Yeah, and I was like, I'm gonna take so Fie out for dinner and I just want like know things about her and be friends real friends.

Well, and I think when you have the experience we've always had together, which is like, oh, you're my people, and then all we do is text and it's like I'm in Toronto, I'm in New York, in LA, I'm in New Mexico, and I'm like, god.

Yeah, when are we ever going to event with like two hundred people?

And then you just say you're high and by and you don't really like actually connect.

So I'm just really my number one.

Priority in life is connected with people, regardless of what I'm doing.

So that's why I'm here here.

I'm fully present with you.

We're We're in it, baby, Okay, question for you answer free, especially because I feel like you have been such a public fixture figure, not even as characters, but you your identity, what you're passionate about, your writing, you're creating, you know, your early YouTube career, all of it.

Everybody knows or thinks at least maybe that's super parasocial and I should know better, But everyone thinks they know a lot about you, for like the woman you are, the business woman cash.

What about if we went back and like we got to bend space time a little bit for the nerds, and we got to walk onto a playground and like our eight or nine year old selves were playing.

Would you be able to sit down with your nine year old self and do you think you would see yourself in her?

Yes?

Absolutely so, I do think that To answer the first part of the question, I think people have a pretty good grasp before I am.

The good news about me is, yeah, I'm very grateful that my career started with me being me.

I did not start my career acting as a character.

I was myself in my YouTube videos, and I was myself for like a decade plus, and so sometimes when I'm hanging with my other actor friends, they're like, oh, I'm so comfortable on set with lines but the second I do an interview, I don't know how to answer.

I'm the opposite.

I'm so used to being myself all the time.

And so I feel really comfortable opening up, and I have very little filter, and I'm very honest and run pretty quickly honestly, So I think people have a pretty good grasp before I am.

Obviously there's some parts of my life I keep private, but I think what you see is what you get with me for the most part when you see me on screen.

Going back to the playground question.

I think I would see a lot of myself in that young girl, mostly because, and I'm speaking of going into some stuff, I do a lot.

Of inner child work.

So I talked to that nine year old version of Lily all the time, all the time.

Truly, there's a lot of differences between me and her, but there's a lot of similarities, and we talk a lot, and we're in constant communication, and so I would say that I'm talking to her and ask myself this question every day.

What do you think, because you do that work you see in her, Like, what would some of the takeaways be of that sort of inner child work you're talking about?

So I think This is funny you're asking me this because I've been like deep in it for the past couple months.

I mean, Sophia is my friend.

You know.

I've been through some.

Some thangs over the past little bit here, and I've been really in therapy, journaling, just really trying to master myself, master my mind, and grow a lot.

And so I think for most of my life, and I'll speak about this in a way where I feel like everybody has a moment in their life when they're a child where they have a vivid memory of, like that's where the abandonment issue happened, or like that's where the trauma started.

Exactly right there's right there.

We all this visual of like us as a kid in a space and time where we're like and that's where that like hurt happened, and maybe we didn't know what maybe we know it now, whatever it is.

And so I have very vivid memories of like exactly the room I was in where I was when that little girl, like her abandonment issue started, and where some of her trauma started.

And for most of my life, it's been so painful to look at that little girl and look at that moment because I.

I didn't give her grace.

I was like, you are so hurt.

And because you're hurt, now I'm an adult who has abandonment issues and I have to go to therapy, and I'm like this way in a relationship, and I'm like this way in friendships is because of you and because of this hurt.

And over the past couple of months, I have really switched that narrative to be like, actually, I have everything I have because of that little girl.

Because that little girl went through some stuff, was able to be super resilient, was able to learn and grow and just never give up.

Is the reason I am the way I am.

So I've completely flipped the narrative to be like, thank you, little girl, like thank you for being so strong, and now I'm gonna protect you and take care of you.

And now when I have that, this is like, look it's been five minutes.

We're already in deep trauma where this is why I am.

By the way, this is also why you and I bond because like we're not the people at the two hundred person event saying hellos, I'm always in the corner having a deep talk with someone and then like my agent yells at me and says, I didn't do my job, and I'm like, yeah, I didn't go meet eighteen producers because I was learning about someone's in a better job.

You were a human beings.

So here we are.

Ye, well say I got tips?

Yes, well all this to say, and I'm going to really reveal some nerdy things about me because I am a big believer of virtuals.

I do this thing where before an audition, before a chemistry read, before anything I do, I always take a moment for the inner child.

And I have a song that I played that I dance with her in.

That's how nerdy I am.

I actually go back to that room in that moment and I dance with that little girl and I protect her.

Now, I love that's my inner child work.

That's a really beautiful thing that's practicable, if you will.

My brain is quite pragmatic, actually.

I My therapist is always like, let me guess you want a list and you want instructions, And I'm like, absolutely, I would absolutely love a task and instructions.

Okay, question for you, do you think I'm going to be vulnerable here?

Tell me?

Do you think that's because as children who went through trauma, who then become this sort of classic classic eldest daughter syndrome or only daughter syndrome, or a successful daughter syndrome.

In a way, your your emotions can be so big, your sensitivity is so big, your empathy can be crippling that then you go, oh, if I'm going to get a handle on this, I gotta get real pragmatic.

Yes, it's the too long to read is control freak.

That's another way to say it.

I'm a massive control.

Freaking and the negative energy.

I fully own my control freaking.

I love it.

I love a list.

I love a practical task to the best of my ability.

If I'm working on anything that is spiritual mental, I try my best to come up with a pragmatic exercise that goes it's.

Not always possible.

I really like that it's not always possible, but I have found a lot that really do work.

Something I really admire about you too, though, is you figure it out and then you do it Like I'm the person who will get It's like a classic ADHD thing.

It's oh, is it new journal season?

Which is all the time.

It's like, oh, this workbook is going to be the one that I'm going to stick with and then it's going to change my life.

And I'm definitely in a moment where I'm like, no, I have to change my life no matter what journal.

I'm yeah, otherwise it's really.

And I feel for you.

I feel I do.

I do come up with the stuff, and I do do it.

But I have the opposite problem, whereas you might be like, oh, the journal's going, I'm so rigid.

This journal is the only journal I use, and I cannot be flexible at all.

I have to own so I'm rigid and I'm learning more flexibility, honest, Okay.

Do you think in that way?

Like you just wrote us a bit, you are a great writer, whether it's a joke or whether it's something comedic, or whether it's something serious.

Like you, you have always seemed since I've known you, and before we knew each other personally, but I knew your work, you've always seemed like a person who harnesses story for humor and for good.

Where do you think that came from?

That?

Was that a way to help kind of parent your inner child before you knew that's what you were doing.

I mean, I probably wouldn't have said it so eloquently because you said it absolutely that is what it is, you know.

It's a few things.

You know, I growing up loved TV, and I loved movies, and I grew up in the era of like movie stars and TV stars, you know, And so I feel like I learned so much about myself and how to treat myself and how to treat other people through through me and movies.

Yeah, I'll give you an example.

Like, I mean this not as a joke, very sincerely.

I was raised by the Simpsons.

A lot of my humor comes from the Simpsons.

One of the most common comments I get under my YouTube videos is you have the mannerisms, comedic timing, and facial expressions of Will Smith because I was raised with fresh Prints, so I have emulated these.

People that I grew up watching.

Yeah, and it's how I understood myself and the people around me.

And so I know that TV shows and movies are just entertaining, but there's.

So much more than that.

They actually really do impact our worldview.

And I remember vividly the first time I watched Pitch Perfect.

It's Anna Kendrick.

She makes a joke about just like her family trauma, and I remember being in a theater watching that, being like you can do that.

You can have trauma and just make a joke about it and like laugh.

And that was actually the thing that started me using comedy as like a vehicle to deal with some of my trauma.

And so I've just I've learned so much through story ries and I really really believe that if you see a character go through something, you can learn about yourself, you can feel inspired, you can have something to aspire to.

I feel like we don't talk about storytelling as being like the intervention enough.

I really do feel it's the medicine.

I totally And when you you know, because I really care about and I know you do too, gender and gender equity, and you talk about all this stuff like the patriarchy is just a story.

All these things of how we treat people is just a story.

Yes, And so if there's stories that exist, those stories can be changed and better stories can be told.

Everything is a story.

It's made up.

Everything is made up, and it's like everything, what are we What are we doing adhering to these stories instead of using the thing we see and know to be real, which is we learn, we grow, we do better.

There are people out here that are like I could grow and do better.

But I gotta adhere to.

This story exactly.

But that story is making you person.

New story why?

Absolutely so, I really do believe in the power of stories, and I first and foremost call myself a storyteller for that reason.

I love it.

I do too.

Yes, when people ask what I do, it's actor is a is a a title I find a lot of passion for.

But it also feels reductive to the full scope of what we do because I'm acting when the cameras rolling, but I am working on the story from sun up to sundown and in every moment on set in between.

Totally and I like that, yeah, absolutely, And I one part I love about acting is you need to learn so much about yourself.

I feel like every part of it is beautiful.

The actor gets to learn abo them selves, the viewers get to learn about themselves.

Totally a beautiful experience, mutually beneficial.

Well, and there's something really interesting.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, especially because like everything's in the phone, everything's flat, everything's a headline, everything is a clickbait something.

Everything is designed to enrage you or scare you or whatever.

And I've tried to think about why this is so bad for us.

But to your point, because we grew up at that same time, watching those great shows like being Raised by TV in the eighties and nineties was cool because we were learning about people and people were allowed to be human.

It wasn't you're perfect on a pedestal until we ruin you in the tabloids or the press or the paper.

It was every week, you're going to sit down and watch someone try and fail and sometimes succeed, and you'll love them through all of it.

And maybe you'll learn how to fail with grace, and maybe you'll learn how to succeed with humility, and maybe you'll learn how to be a good coworker or a better daughter or whatever.

And I realize we don't actually get to watch people grow a lot.

We don't get to watch people get knocked down and get back up in really in depth ways.

And that's why I think film and television are so powerful totally, because you get to see the stuff people often hide from the outside world, and then you get to practice grace and patience.

Right, that's a really good point.

I feel like it's far and few in between when we get to see that journey online these days.

Yeah, if you guys want to see people fail, you should follow me.

Let me just let.

I'm very open about all my failures and imperfections.

But yeah, I agree.

I think the phone listen.

I think everything is bittersweet.

I think there's a lot of great things the Internet has done and social media has done.

It has given us more information totally is in some ways made us more connected, in some ways made us more disconnected.

I think the number one problem with it is just the sheer amount of noise it is.

And I don't think the human brain is built to handle that by any means.

It's too much.

It's too much noise.

When you think about the fact that the first silent movie when the director had the great idea to put the camera right along the train track and the train came at camera and everyone jumped up, screaming and ran out of the theater because the human brain couldn't comprehend the train could be coming at you, but from inside a screen like that was it.

That was nineteen ten, nineteen twelve.

That's one hundred years now.

Now look what our brains and now we're.

We're we're consuming more media every day.

Then this is probably an old statistic.

It's probably more now.

This is ten years ago.

We consume more media every twenty four hours than had been made in the past ten thousand years combined.

Of course, everyone's losing their mouths, brain and the.

Train is soothing to me.

Yeah, fall asleep to that.

I'm like, oh, the subway literally.

We'll be back in just a minute.

But here's a word from our sponsors.

Okay, are we old.

Here's what's interesting.

That's a yes, it's a yes and no.

And this comes from loving things like quantum physics and philosophy, but also from the literal experience I'm living, which is I turned forty.

I had like a complete death and rebirth of the soul.

Talk about trauma.

I was like, oh, nothing in my reality is what I think it is?

Cool, Well, where do I start over if I'm starting from zero and things are better than they've ever been.

And I took off everybody else's book during that time and truly picked up what feels like it's mine and meant for me.

And I'm in my forties now and like I say this with no conceit, there's nobody meaner to me than me.

So whatever troll is listening to this, who's like, let me knock her down a peg, like nice, try to try living in my brain.

But honestly, I've never felt cuter.

My style has never been better.

I ever had better sex, I've never had better relationships.

I'm not even listening to you.

I'm just look at how hot you are.

Like, I'm like loving my life in a way I couldn't love it in my twenties as much as I hated it in my thirties.

And I'm like, oh, I sort of feel like I'm aging backwards.

Spiritually, absolutely, And I see that.

Talk to me about that desire, that strategy, because whether it's ACFC, whether it's the Toronto Tempo and you're in your hometown, Like, how are you building out of the traditional entertainment vertical for women and really bringing people into the conversation around gender equity in a way that feels frankly fun.

Yeah, because it can be pretty boring.

Yes, anytime we talk about the patriarch or gender quality, people are like, that's not sexy, and I get it.

So I try to make it really accessible.

You know, from the beginning of my career, I've always been someone that has had my toe different a lot of different things.

I think out of necessity, I never felt safe doing one thing, and I'm a multi hyphen it for that reason.

I think that comes from like.

Alsoma having immigrant parents, where it's like, what's the plan, what's the back of plan?

How do I make sure this is a fail safe?

And so you know, when I was a creator and I started to make money, I was like, Okay, and I'm going to write a book and I'll go on some tours and I'll have merged and I'll make sure I have a production company.

I'll start a charity.

I've always been a kind of three sixty approach type of person out of safety and necessity.

Once I start to have enough resources in miney to be like I can start investing into things and like having a little bit of fun.

I have just learned through my travels and through my charity work.

I'm a really good person my charity work.

That is through my charity work that the.

Greatest investment you can actually make is in girls and women.

There is no greater return on investment.

And I've seen it firsthand when I go to any corner of this world, if you invest in a girl, it will go above and beyond.

The ripple effect is wild.

When you invest in a girl, she goes to school and then her family benefits.

And to be clear, for everyone rolling their eyes being like, what about the boys, it's better for the boys too.

Yeah, oh, it's better for a center the girls and the investment.

Boys benefit.

Also, it is actually factually and statistically true that if you invest in girls, the whole world will benefit.

Correct.

Yes, so relax, we're doing this for you too.

Yeah.

But also, but also I will.

Also have to let you call you out and say that if you're response to that is what about the boys, then you need to check yourself because girls and women do not get the opportunities that boys get across the world.

So let's just call it what it is.

Let's get off your high on for first second.

Let's just have an honest conversation.

Back to.

Having said that the patriarchy does actually negatively, factually negatively impact boys and men as well, and that has been proven time and time again.

But yes, especially with sports.

You know, I've been I go to India once a year, and I've heard some amazing stories about how a simple small sports.

Team can change a girl's life.

The last village I went to in India, a simple soccer team that the girls were part of prevented like so many child marriages in that village because they were like part of a team, and they learned how to band together, and they learned that they could be a team and be outspoken.

And so one of the girls, their parents wanted them to get married, and the whole team showed about this girl's house.

To be like, no, we're all part of a team.

We're not letting you get her married, like curbed child marriage in that community.

You know, simple things like letting them learn how to build skills together taught them that, oh yeah, friendship is important and like banding together.

It's just it's crazy amount of things sports does for confidence, even teaching them like financial literacy.

It's across the board, a great investment.

And so going back to Angel City in Toronto, Tempo, I'm gonna keep it real.

I know nothing about soccer.

I don't know a single rule about soccer.

I never played sports.

If you asked me with a girl in the playground that was nine years old, she was probably crying because she was bad at running.

I was horrible at sports.

My whole life.

I know, I give as if I could be athletic, it's all a facad.

I give tomboy athletic.

I can aim, I can throw, I can catch, can't run fast or for a long periods of time, can't jump at all, can't get off the ground.

It can't happen.

It literally cannot happen.

And so I was like, those who do not play sports support sports, and that is what I do.

And so yes, exactly, and so for Angel City when it came across my desk, literally all they said was women's sports.

And my said, say, Las, I know nothing about soccer, but women I will invest in time and time again.

The Toronto Temple is really exciting because Toronto's my hometown.

I'm from Toronto.

I'm a massive Raptors fan, which is the NBA team you only have one in Canada.

Flew back and forth for the playoffs when they won the championship, and I would have been devastated if I wasn't a part of the ownership group for the Toronto Temple.

And I am.

It's the biggest investment I've ever made, and it's the most meaningful investment I've ever made.

And I have zero regrets about.

I would do it time and time again.

I love it.

I love it.

I get it because you know, La is my hometown.

Yeah, and my mom's whole side of my family's from here, like all over New York and New Jersey and obviously big sports culture here, Irony that my dad, who's also Canadian, is much like you.

You just love us, I do.

I mean I'm a duly yeah, you know, like I feel sort of like vaguely like I'm in the CIA when I travel with two passports, who what do you need?

Really feels fun for me.

But my dad has absolutely no sports skill.

He's an artist.

His biggest fear when my mom was pregnant with me was that I would be a boy and he would have to learn about hockey because he had avoided that his whole life.

And then outcomes this tomboy daughter who loves hockey, loves soccer, loves basketball, and really thought she was going to be like a baller soccer player.

And then I think I think I made it to like nine on an AYSO team.

Before I was that it's like a local kids soccer league thing that all my friends played in.

But I kept having to run off the field to grab my inhaler from my mom and like make sure I didn't die of an asthma attack, and run back on.

And I was like, this feels like a sign, but I'm not.

I'm not going to be like a collegiate athlete.

It's not meant for me.

So I became the asthmatic theater kid who also doesn't jump.

But I root very loudly for our time.

And you see me at the games.

I'm eating the most all the time, all the time, all the time.

You're very good.

You're a very good like sideline host.

I try.

I think give you that where you're like the host of the owners.

Oh thank you.

Yeah.

I do pride myself so for the Toronto Tempo.

My official title is chief Hype Officer.

I know, I really do pride myself and my ability to cheer people on.

I like to be people's cheerleaders because we're so I feel like we've become so vocal.

We've gotten such a habit of becoming so vocal.

But the things we don't like.

Everyone is shouting what they don't like.

Great, keep shouting about that's important too.

We should also shut about the things we do want more of and we do.

Like, there's got to be the good feedback.

Correct, it can't just be the negative feel What do we all do when we're scrolling online?

Let me take the comments to see what mean things are being said, Like, no, I want to like cheer people on and make people feel good about themselves.

Here's I'm not gonna tell you.

It's for selfish reasons.

Spiritually, I believe if everyone is just the best version of themselves, my life will also be better.

That's I believe that if I'm a good friend.

To you and you are the best version of yourself with you you're with me, that's a win for me totally also, and.

A win win is exactly what we should be aiming.

Correct.

Simple math, Simple math.

You know I like a little data set.

Yes, I'm like, you're the chief hype woman, and I'm like the chief nerd, and I like the chief science story and I like it.

I when I was little, I wanted to be Bill NY's assistant, like more than anything in my life.

I feel like that's very attainable.

I and then the crazy what an insane sentence?

I'm about to say.

I met him many years ago at the White House of all places, and I was like, Bill Night, I am your biggest fan, and he goes, I'm your biggest fan.

I said, I don't even think you know me, and it doesn't matter, and he started laughing and I was like, I don't know if the answer is yes or no, but we're gonna be friends.

I feel like that's very possible.

That would I would give me a lab code, you know what.

I'm going to make that happen.

Thank you never met him, but it's my mission.

Now.

Okay, that's I'm going to make that happen.

I appreciate that.

Has it been on the podcast not yet?

Well, now he will be.

Okay, I have a Canada question for you.

Hit me because obviously I do love it very much.

And one of the things I've loved about my time living in Toronto working is how incredibly diverse the city is and how much Toronto knows its diversity is the coolest thing about that.

Absolutely, it is the coolest thing I And people always ask me what my upbringing was like, like, was I mean everything, I'll be roth with you.

In high school.

I think in my high school there was ten white people.

Everyone else was a personal color and I also will say, living in Toronto, I don't have a single friend.

I'm not exaggerated, not a single friend whose parents are not immigrants.

Yeah, so all my friends speaking of their language.

I'll eat different foods where it's very normal.

The first movie I watched was Bollywood.

The first concert I went to his Bollywood.

First song I listened to his Bollywood.

I just I can speak a little tam while I understand Jamaican path why I grew up eating jerk chicken.

And but it's like, it's all very we love everyone's culture.

No one's hiding their culture.

It'd be weird to hyde your culture.

It's like you wear it on your sleep.

The only time I felt like that was when I moved to La a decade ago, in twenty fifteen.

That is when I had culture shock, because in twenty fifteen, almost no brown people lived in LA when I moved there, and I was like, oh, nobody actually understands any of the cultural references I'm making.

No one knows the food I'm talking about.

When I go into a meeting with an exec, this exec is trying to convince me that my culture is niche and not cool.

And I just got beaten down.

Over years and years and years of that, which is why I now so proactively go out of my way to be like, no, my culture is really cool, and I try to tell stories about my culture.

I throw my.

Annual the Vali Party, which you know, well, yeah, I just do everything to be like.

No, actually, this is amazing.

I want to bring a piece of the Toronto diversity because I know it's cool and I love my culture in this time for everyone else to catch up in the city.

So I'm very adamant on.

That I get white privilege.

Nobody talks about the privilege of exposure, and that's the thing I'm the most grateful for in my upbringing.

Yeah, is like my uncle Jeff's boyfriend did drag every Saturday night as Diana Ross.

That man looks insane in a red sequin gay.

Yes, let's talk like we.

Were homies with the Japanese family that lived at the end of our block, that owned the little sushi restaurant in the Strip Mall two blocks from our house, and like they taught me how to hand roll my own sushi when I was a kid, Like I was constantly eating Ethiopian food, Mexican food, me different people, right yeah.

And just watching the people my parents were friends with and gravitated towards, and how in our home made such an impact on me.

And I think about how weirdly lucky I was to grow up by seventh grade going to this like little private all girls school that for what you think that is, was like very diverse, and we didn't have religious celebrations.

We did cultural fairs, right yeah.

And my friend Mega's mom would come in and hannah all the girls' hands, And it's the thing I wish, like, I wish I could give that to more people that are afraid of their neighbors or afraid of the town next door.

I'm like, no, you're missing.

The best totally.

And I will say, I think what you're saying is so beautiful and it's so sentimental, but I need to be petty for one second.

You have another Indian friend.

My friends from high school that's not me.

Yeah, how dare you use?

Sorry?

Oh?

I love representation of diversity, but i'm're only in the infront of kidding, like I'm I'm.

I'm I'm kidding.

Mega.

I see you.

I would put respect on your name.

I see you.

You mentioned a Mega I like that.

Okay, very good.

Sorry, but what you're saying is very sentiential.

Okay, let's go.

Our parents were like, you guys are really going to live together?

Like you're going and we were like, yeah.

We're scared.

We're going from like fifty fifty five girls in our graduating class to a school with like thirty thousand kids in undergrad I was like, I'm not prepared for this.

Well, on a serious note to what you're saying, I think what you're saying is so important because I think there's something really sad and dangerous about anyone who feels like they don't.

Have to learn more.

I really feel like anyone who feels like I don't have to meet more people, I don't have to learn about other people's point of views, I don't have to have conversations, and because I just have it figured out, that's a very sad and dangerous place to live.

And I would say I'm very committed to being a student for life in every faceta.

Even if I think I have something figured out, I want to still have the conversation to be like, change my mind, show me perspective.

I don't know, but I think a lot of this like, I don't need to meet my neighbors, and I don't need to see another point of view, and I don't need to learn a different way of life or different culture.

I feel like that's very limiting to your life experience.

Absolutely, you should always want to learn more.

It's also, frankly, very limiting to your palate.

Correct you eat boring food?

Correct?

Absolutely, lady, this is boring music.

Thank you, thank you.

Yep, we'll be back in just a minute after a few words from our favorite sponsors.

When you think about how influenced you are by your culture, both you know, Indian and Canadian, and then the way that you came to be this woman telling stories in the way that you do, how does all of that coalesced to the moment where this movie is coming out?

Like, oh my tell me, tell me.

Okay, so the movie was shot in Toronto.

Yeah, so it has a lot of nods to my upbringing and my mom's upbringing.

So my mom is actually factually the culture consultant on the movie.

She is she worked on the movie.

Did she stay with a little script?

And she did?

She did because the class we shoot some scenes in India and they're mirrored off my mom's classroom and any there's a few scenes where we speak and Jabbi in Hindiana.

Mom's making sure we say it right, and she's making sure all the sparring is right.

Of all the things, she's exactly exactly.

You put respect on my name exactly.

So it is mirroring my mom's upbringing to a certain extent.

It is a lot of nods to my upbringing in Toronto, whether it's the school name, whether it's like the club name, whatever it may be.

But you know, I grew up in Toronto.

I did not grew up India.

My mom grew up India.

But I think one thing we have in common is that anything related to sex is taboo.

And this is true for a lot of cultures, not just Indian cultures, a lot every culture, i'd say in the world.

Catholic exactly.

And so I won't lie.

Like for most of my life, the topic of sex has been a major pain point.

It has been super stressful for me.

Everything from getting my period to like learning about my sexuality, everything has just been a major It has been a.

Huge burden for me.

I feel like I wish I had this movie growing up, and I probably would have been so much more comfortable in my body and so much more confident and so much just more knowledgeable.

And so when you say that.

Writing this film because for our audience, you star in it, you wrote it, you produced it.

I die for your mom with a notebook like standing at.

Video Village and it's a sex comedy.

But like, how do you think being able to reflect on what you wish you had known?

Both?

I think it's so on point culturally and also like we're the first generation who can look up therapy and stuff on Instagram.

So when you look back at yourself us pre having access to those things, were you also trying to write to answer some of the questions you had as a kid.

A little bit.

Yeah, I think more than anything though, I was writing from a place of how can I tell a story that makes people feel less alone and awkward?

Because I think for most of my life, I remember when I first moved to La and this is gonna be TMI, but you're gonna have to deal with it.

In Indian culture.

Yeah, there you go.

In Indian culture, you know, we're not taught how to use tampons.

That's like a big thing in a lot of cultures where they're like anti tampons, and so I remember when I have yes correct.

I remember when I first moved to LA I was like one of my.

Friends whenever was that, do you want a pat or tampon?

And she's like kind of made fun of me for even asking pat, and I felt so embarrassed as an adult.

I was like, I'm so embarrassed.

I don't know how to talk about sex.

It feels like everyone else knows this, everybody else knows what they're doing.

I'm the only person that doesn't understand this.

And it was a really lonely and stressful feeling.

And I wrote the movie from the point of view of like, I think everyone kind of feels like this at a time or another, and we don't talk about it, and we're all just doing the We're having sex but feeling really awkward and not knowing how to talk about it, which is really dangerous place to be.

And so I wrote the movie.

There's a lot of jokes and there there's a lot of references that I really had to fight for.

There's one about a tampa, and there's one about pubes.

There's one about a lot of things where I was like, no, I want to have this joke in there because there's gonna be a girl that watches that's like, oh my god, thank god.

I thought it was the only one, and.

Like, don't sanitize the sex talk literally the sex movie.

Right, And so I wrote it with one thing in mind, which was this is gonna be a completely unapologetic love letter to girls and women who have just felt shame around this subject their whole life.

And it's about a thirty year old virgin who finds herself teaching sex said, and I will say, the virgin is not the butt of the joke.

It is not a movie making fun of a woman who's a virgin.

Because we've seen that, We've seen Nike fun of the virgin.

We also have rarely ever seen sex comedies from the point of view of a woman that is also female forward, and this one is like, the women are the star of this movie.

Sure there's a man here or there, but like, the women are the star of this film, and it's about their point of view, and it's about unlearning the shame that we've all been taught through raunchy sex jokes.

And I think using comedy a vehicle to talk about some real.

Shit, and it's so important, And what excites me about it is the fact that, to your point, you're helping to surface real conversations because there's this really weird, sort of extreme spectrum where women and sex are concerned most of the time and you're either like a frigid bitch virgin, or you're if you're sexually active in any way, shape or form, then you're getting slut shamed.

It's like the world doesn't want women to be nuanced, but we're incredibly nuanced, and so we try to talk about those nuances in this film a lot.

But yeah, I just you know, it's crazy, and I'll be vulnerable and tell you I used to be so awkward even saying the word sex, saying the word penis, saying the words, saying any of this.

I would never grew up talking like this, And then I did the movie, and I never got the talk growing up.

Me and my mom had to talk for the first time during this movie.

She made sex jokes on set.

For the first time in my life, she made sex jokes on set.

So it has healed me and my mom in a way.

So I'm like, if that has happened for me.

I cannot wait for views, and I'll tell you when it premiered.

It south By Southwest two years ago, I did this thing where I handed out sex toys and vibrators at the screening.

I was like, you get a sex toy, and you get a sex toy.

And at the end of a screening, I kid you not.

An older uncle and auntie came up to me and I was like, oh my god, this is gonna be bad, and they were like.

Love the movie, thanks so much for our new sex toy.

And I was like, wow, you're sem But I was like, what I would have never thought that it would have been the case, But yeah, I think I at the very least, I really hope it just helps people have the conversation and feel more comfortable having the conversation and just being comfortable learning what they like and being giving themselves permission to be like I like this, I don't like this, and I'm allowed to feel this way, and I don't have to feel this way.

I don't have to feel shame around this.

Like for every girl or woman that has just been stressed about sex in any capacity, whether it's like oh my god, my boyfriend expects this or like, I don't know if I'm straight or I don't know.

This is a love letter to them for any woman who's been in the bathroom stressed the moments before, being like, I don't know what I'm doing.

This is for you.

Well, and by the way, I think that's everyone.

Yeah, I'm I'm.

Working on it.

I'm forty three years old.

And when I'm like, this is what's happening, forties are lit.

Everyone was right.

And when I'm listing off all the things that are great and I'm like, I'm having the best sex of my life, I feel myself blush and then I go, should I have said that?

And so I keep repeating it because I'm trying to get over the feeling of should I have said that?

Yeah?

And you absolutely should have said it again.

Sophia Bush is having the best sex of her life.

You heard it here.

Yeah, this is the.

Clip, editors, if you want the viral clip for the socials, Right, Sophia Bush is having the best sex of her life, and you heard it here.

And I'm trying to get like her and I'm trying to catch up to her.

One of us is having the best seas of her One of us is trying to catch him.

Listen, we're going to talk about.

That well FaceTime later.

Yes, yeah, But I like what you're saying, because, to be honest, it's easy to talk about.

But I do catch.

Myself throughout the day being like, ah, that's shame.

You're doing a shame thing.

You're feeling nervous that you said that.

You don't want to be picked up with the vibe or whatever it is.

And I think that's the challenge.

It's the mental gymnastics of catching ourselves to be like, I am operating from a place of shame, and how can I gently not be mad at myself?

Because there's a reason that's there.

We've been taught the shame totally to gracefully unlearn it and just make choices that are more liberating.

What's the journal prompt for that?

For liberation and unlearning shame?

Okay, for me, I'll tell you what it is for me.

Shame for me is associated with safety.

I think we are shamed to a place of like, if I operate in this way, I'll be safe, I'll be accepted, I'll be safe, I will not be shunned.

So I will let shame take me to a place of safety.

But if I can convince myself I'm safe and shameless at the same time, then that's a good place.

So I do a lot of journal prompts that I am safe.

I am safe in my body, I am safe in this relationship.

I am safe regardless of what this person thinks.

A lot of safety prompts because when you feel safe, I feel like you're less controlled by shame.

Yeah, you know, shame is just all about control, That's all it is.

Well and shame, fear, anxiety, all of it contracts.

And really what happens when you contract is you get smaller, right, And society teaches women that they are safe if they are small.

So one is safety.

I'll tell you another one, which is I do this often again, pragmatic, pragmatically.

In terms of liberation, I think another big thing to get rid of chamege is liberation just freedom of choice, to be able to.

Do whatever feels right for me.

And so very often when I'm making a choice about anything, it could be what I'm doing tonight.

Do I want to go on this trip?

Do I want to go to this friend's house?

Is it about sex?

Whatever?

I will be like, I want you to list tot literally every possible option you have, even if it's so far fetched.

So example, this morning, I was like, I'm really tired, what are all of my options?

Okay, you could go do Sophia's podcast.

You could completely cancel on her and go to Hawaii right now if you wanted to.

You could go to the club right now.

You could go smoke a j if you want to smoke a J.

You could do whatever.

List all the options, and then based on that, be like, and I'm deciding to do this, just to remind yourself that you actually have the freedom to do whatever the hell you want.

Yes, I have a challenge for all the listeners here.

Oh some days and pick a day.

Can't be every day, but some days I will journal in the morning, I'll say today, my only intention is you can operate from a lot of different places.

You can operate from a place of fear, you can operate from a place of stress.

You can operate from this anxiety on a select day, I challenge you, if you haven't done yet, to be like today.

My only goal is to operate out of a place of what do I actually want?

That is the only filter for the decisions you make that day.

Don't pick a Saturday, pick a Sunday.

Like today, I'm only doing the things I genuinely, and you're gonna find that you do things that have habited sometimes that you actually don't even want to do totally.

But if you just ask yourself, what do I actually want to do today?

You learn a lot about yourself, you really do, because most of the things we do in today are the things we think we have to do, not the things that actually fill us.

Yes, because we feel obligated.

This is therapy.

I cancel your session for after this.

You don't need it, Okay, And now for our sponsors.

Now, look, see this is where I'm like, I have questions for you, but those are for a FaceTime.

So I'm looking at my doc going, what would I like to discuss with you?

Okay?

This really, I think actually encapsulates the big conversation about how society does and doesn't make space for us, what we have to claim, what we have to fight for, how I think storytelling can help us do that.

We've talked a lot in so many arenas about representation, but the word almost feels trite to me now.

It feels kind of like a token rather than a shift, because it isn't enough to just get in the room.

It isn't enough to just get a seat at the table.

So when you think about that, when you think about not getting a seat at the table, building a new table, like, what does your ideal table look like?

Because you've built a pretty big one so far, but I'm curious what the journey of that looks like, what the expansion of that looks like for you.

Yeah.

So the reason I'm so proud of doing it is it's my production company's first film, actually, and that is my start.

Of building a table.

And so part of building the table is making sure that the stories that the world needs, that are actual, diverse stories, get to be told by those people in unfiltered ways.

Because I feel like one of the things that drives me crazy about Hollywood and probably all industries, but Hollywood in general, it's supposed to be creative industry, but behind the scenes it is the least creative space ever.

They want to put people in boxes.

People who aren't creatives are giving notes on creative projects because they are.

Their job is to give notes on creative projects.

It's we want unique points of view and unique characters but we're gonna give you all these notes.

To turn them into a generic, water down version of that.

Yes, so there's a lot of things that just do.

Not work for me, and so my table is throwing all that out the window.

Is I want stories to be told from the people experiencing those stories, and I want to create a system where just because it's how it's been done, I don't want to.

I don't want notes that make my stories more palatable for people because they don't have that experience.

Like that's not okay with me.

Like maybe you could learn something new if you see my point of view.

But also it doesn't even have to be that deep.

It's not like you're gonna learn something new.

It's it's a real point of view, and so you'll relate to it.

Also, But if it isn't your story, because it's specific, it will remind you of something you've seen or known or someone.

And if it becomes vanilla, it's gonna be the like peer one that you walk into and go I don't want any of this in my house and walk right back out right.

It has to have a point of view otherwise it isn't special.

And those point of views can vary.

We've seen one point of view for a real long time, and it's like we need to see other parade.

Yes, I will also just say forget spirituality, forget all the stuff.

Economically, diversity is profitable.

We've seen it time and time again.

And I feel like, what drives me crazy about the other table, the one that's sucks is that every time diversity does really well, it's an exception.

The Barbie movie, Black Panther, Sinners.

There's so many the exception exceptions.

They're like, no, wow, No, it's people want divers If you look at the box office numbers, people the people that go to a movie theater are mostly people of color.

They're the ones that are driving the box office.

So it's like, stop ignoring the stats, stop ignoring the data.

Stop even if.

You don't care about just being a good person that wants different.

Stories to exists, the business, look at the business of it alone.

And so that's what my table looks like.

And looking at the actual stats and business and letting stories be told from the people that experience those stories.

I don't believe in this filter of like our stories need to go through this system of people that think they know better they're.

Making it up.

Listen, I'm not saying replaced.

I'm saying there's room for all stories.

There's room for all.

So we got to stop playing ourselves.

It's so tired that part.

And that's the thing.

Much like we all nobody wants to go to the same restaurant every Friday night, nobody wants to see the same movie every Friday night.

Like, give us some variety so we can enjoy ourselves.

And to your point, even if you're not caught up on the on the moral core of equity, look at the math.

I talk about that in terms of like activism, in terms of investing in women's sports, in terms of things like making film and television.

When the math and the morals meet, it's literally undeniable.

There's only a very niche group of people trying to deny what's right in front of their vases.

So on that subject matter, this might be your first, uh, your first zone of the table for film, but you've been building big tables in sport, in content creation, as a writer, as a director, as an investor, like talk to us about the thesis of Unicorn Island.

And for listeners that hear this and say I want to be involved in something like that.

Where do they?

Unicorn Island is my company name because I'm an adult and I can call it whatever I want.

Yeah, Okay, I can call you akurrentline if I want, and that's why I do.

So it's called Unicorn Island.

It has two parts, you know, Caren Island Productions, which is again going back to my film, but then there's Unocurn Island Fund, which is the charitable part of it.

And the thesis is the same across both, which is the belief that storytelling can impact culture and more specifically, that you can use storytelling to change the way girls and women are valued.

So I'm all, my entire life mission is girls and women.

That is the chip on my shoulder.

That is the thing that keeps me up at night, that wakes me up in the morning.

Girls and women.

We have lots of.

Trauma to justify why that is.

But you can watch my ted talk if you want to have more on that.

But I just really believe that one of the greatest injustices is the fact that fifty percent of the world population doesn't get the opportunity, doesn't have the rights.

Isn't it the education It makes going back to math, not mathing.

The human race is literally discrediting fifty percent of their team.

And I don't know, if you checked, the world is in a pretty bad place.

Yeah, it turned out it is not working out.

But what I'm saying in terms of climate, in terms of poverty, of so many things, that makes no sense no matter how you look at it.

To not give girls and women the opportunities in education and rights and resources they need, it makes no sense.

It hurts everyone.

And so Island is all about how do we change the culture around our girls and women are treated.

And why I emphasize culture is because and we particularly do this through deweaponizing shame.

That's why I'm so big on shame, because it's easy to give money to causes.

And the best example I give is in so many places around the world.

It's not that the school doesn't exist, it's not that the road doesn't exist to the school.

It's not that the bus doesn't exist.

It's that a father believes his daughter should not be sent to school.

Yes, right, that is the problem.

You can't throw money at that particular problem.

You can throw it at all the other pieces of that equation.

But that problem gets changed by culture.

That problem gets changed by changing that dad's mind and empowering that young girl to be able to speak up and speak out and be safe in doing so.

And how do you do that?

Now?

I've gone across different villages in Indian, different cities in India, being.

Like, what do you watch?

Where do you get your stories from?

Where do you get your ideas from?

And it's always a story in some capacity.

There's actually a study done in one rule village in India which was really really cool.

There was an Indian soap opera that was like just two seasons long, and they tracked people's opinions about child marriage and that village of these two seasons of the soap opera, and the soap opera was very simple.

It just had a woman who got married later in life, like her parents want her to get married younger, and through the season you see her parents be okay with her getting married older.

And in that village, literally the rate of girls getting married got older just through that soap opera.

So you see the direct correlation between stories and movies and actors and actors and.

All these things.

Yeah, real life, and so that's what you know.

Crolean's all about you know, I have conversations with a lot of influential people about taboo subjects and hopes that people can watch it and be like, oh, I cannot open up about these subjects, whether it's sex, whether it's mental health, whether it's about abuse, domestic violence, whatever.

Maybe that's one way we do it, But doing it is just the tip of the iceberg of what we're trying to do in terms of, like, we want to change the way the world values girls and women.

Yes, in a really, really big, real way.

I love that.

Yeah, And to your point, telling people's stories and centering them is relevant to everyone.

I mean, you look at you look at the data around the way that in this country opinions about marriage equality change during the course of Will and Grace being on t because people went, oh.

I like that guy, Yeah, he's great, Totally.

He shouldn't be denied the right to be in a hospital with his spouse, or the right to have a spouse at all, Like why?

And I think it's a really important thing.

You know, even as we look around the country we live in now, men's rights don't vary from state to state, but women's do correct and they're trying to make queer people's rights vary from state to state.

And that's not America.

That's not freedom, that's not the founding Documents of equality.

That's that's a system that is at its core unjust.

And if we can tell stories that don't rile everybody up on the quick political factoid, but instead remind people that their neighbors are good people, whether they're sons or daughters, Getty here straight, like, it's incredibly important, I think, especially to be the antidote to some of this kind of poison for profit that we see in the clickbait and the rage bait.

Right now, what's you like, demo?

If people listen to this majority women, is it men?

Would you know?

I mean, it's definitely a majority women on this show.

But I do really like when I get when I get the boys that are like, oh, I just love the podcast.

And now it's also really cute because I we've been on long enough that I get dads that are like, my daughter started putting your podcast on in the car.

Now she gets mad when I listen to episodes before she's and it's like, I love that this sweet dad.

Tell you the reason I ask is because I feel like a lot of times, listen, I've been talking about gender equality and gender equity for a long time, and I know sometimes the immediate response from a lot of men is like an eye roll, to be like, oh my god, this again you use the gender card.

I really do feel like it's not known enough all the negative ways men are impacted by gender inequity and the patriarchy.

And as if you're a man listening to this, or if you're a woman and you're like, I know a man that could probably hear this, if you really think that the patriarchy and this stuff doesn't impact you, like I want you men to reflect on every moment you feel so stressed and anxious because you are just burdened with expectations of like can't talk about your mental health.

You're not allowed to cry.

You were expected to be the bread winner.

You expect it to be tough.

You probably didn't get to follow your passion.

Maybe when you were younger, you we told you couldn't do X, y Z because you were a boy.

Like, all of that is the patriarchy.

So when we talk about gender equity, we're also talking about liberating men and boys in a very very real way totally.

There was a study recently done in India where like, young boys were were surveyed to be like just about their mental health and about their family lives, and the amount of young boys that say, I don't remember the last time I was hugged, like hugged.

Now you tell me, do you think that garners a healthy adult man?

If you've never been exposed to affection and never been told you've done a good job where you're allowed to cry, your allowed to have emotions, you are also going through a mental health crisis a lot of men, right, and so like really truly, I mean some bottom of my heart.

When we talk about gender equity, we're talking about the betterment of every person, not just.

Girls and women.

And you should research this more because there's so many stats about this.

Yes, so many economies would flourish one percent, governments would be more peaceful, Like there's so many stats about this, and we know.

It to be true.

And that's the thing too, Like there's this misnomer right that for example, if we created gender equity in terms of pay parody, the men are like, then we'd be getting paid less And it's like no, but the GDP of this country.

If I snapped my and everyone was getting paid the same in America, the actual GDP of the country would increase by fourteen points.

So everyone would just have more money, which would also mean you wouldn't be so stressed about making so much money because our partner would also have money.

And then everyone would just be able to go on vacation.

And then we just have our yachts next to each other.

Sounds really nice.

It sounds like you're preventing us from having our yachts next to each other if you're in disagreement with us.

To be honest, I.

Don't even need a yacht.

I just need like a boat that can pull a wakeboard.

And there you go.

And you know what, if you believe in the patriarchy, you're preventing that from happening.

You heard it here first, you're denying absolutely absolutely, sir.

Well, not that you need anything more on your plate, but I know you love to have on your plate.

I do like you love you.

I think we're similar in this way that the more there is for us to touch and learn and focus on, the more kind of whole we feel absolutely more excited.

We feel so when you survey this big landscape of everything you have going on and everything coming up, what feels like your work in progress?

Hmm?

Okay, so I'm even I don't know if you're gonna like this answer, but this is my most honest answer.

Okay.

I've been very actively trying to learn that my these projects that I love so much, and the work that I do and I love so much, and my accolades and accomplishments are not actually my identity.

Okay, So what my real work in progress is, Lily, It's always going to be me.

It's gonna be the evolution of who I am.

It's I love this movie and I hope it does really well, and I do have of course, I naturally have expectations, but how I value those expectations very different from how I would have valued them a year, like a decade ago.

Honestly.

So, my work in progress is to be a student for life.

I'm a big That is my like life mission is to be It's my most recent tattoo.

It's like student for life.

I want to learn as much as possible.

I want to evolve as much as possible.

I don't want to stay the same.

I want to grow every single day, and that is my work in progress.

I want to master my mind the best of my ability.

I want to be as self aware as I possibly can be.

I want to learn about people, I want to learn about things.

I want to be proven wrong.

I want to fail a million more times.

I want to win a million more times.

My work in progress is always going to be my mind and my spirituality and my growth.

Always beautiful.

Yeah, I love it.

And hopefully along the way I can have some good box office numbers and I can have a successful movie also.

But yeah, those things are not who I am.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Yeah, if if your job had to change tomorrow, who you are stays with.

You exactly, because you know tomorrow.

I could just as easily be an event planner.

You know this, Oh my god, you're so good at it.

I could make a charcutery board at the drop of a hat, right here, you know it.

That is always my party, my party trick.

But I feel like you you could do the charcutery board and also the entire interior in the time it would probably take the rest of us to just do the board, So.

I could be an event But I thank you so much is the nicest thing I ever said to me.

Really, I see you, okay, see you, and I love you, and I thank you for coming.

I see you when I love you, and I thank you for having me.

Thank you, Proud of you.

You're so hot.

Hey,