Imagine, if you will, that you are in a.

Place of great beauty.

Some teenage boys walk past you, they yell out, they bitch tits.

The world you see is a place of paradox of beauty and cruelty.

It will cut you off.

Of the knees, then gift you a pair of easies.

And that, my friends, is why.

You always always need a buck up.

I bade it, beat beat beat, beat, bye, bet good bye.

I'm looking at David William Hughes.

Bye bye, ba bye bye b here.

Oh you.

He's a white touring living these other life.

I imagine, stop imagining what he's doing when he's not here.

Yeah, well he'd be sipping tea and then reflecting on what was a great stand up gid Where it is?

So, hey, can you take your glasses off before we go another second?

Because you're glass so dirty.

I can't keep him clean.

I don't know how to.

I don't know how to keep and clean.

Some of that is scratching that won't come off.

Some of it it's like spittles of food.

Look it doesn't look You're right, that's a bad look.

Yeah it's a bad.

But it's hard to How do people keep glasses clean.

I've got no idea how it's possible I go through.

So that's not going to work.

Sash.

Really with those tissues, we need the the wet one type.

I think you're hardly We need the wet one type.

By the way, when you are a guest on this podcast, you need to realize that the person that you just addressed with such casual, barking contempt is actually Sasha French, the greatest producer in.

The lad I was there.

She won the Actress.

We handed it to it, I did, and there was you know, it's a radio award.

I hadn't won it won ourselves since our first year.

We got voted best radio show in our first.

Year and we went, gee, these are easy to wein and that was it.

We were arrogant.

I remember that turning.

Do you remember what happened?

I just remember that the awards not with Dave and Alan Jones.

Yeah, I do remember.

And then we wrote a letter of apology and Dave O'Neil wouldn't sign.

And then I remember very stubborn people, the Irish, even though he's Australian.

Yeah, well I'm ninety five percent.

I so but you But I still wanted to win more accress, that's what the DNA test said from both sides of the family.

Well, yes, don't be like that.

We're not even Breider, so it's fine whatever if we are.

It was a good a thing on the ABC the other night about farmers who were trying to stand whatever they're putting through their land, bigger wind turbines or whatever.

No, it's a big highway for power or something because of the wind turbines and the solo.

So they want to get all that stuff into the cit which were.

They're pumping into us, and yet the electricity bills just keep going up and ar.

People should buy a solar battery from Ossi Solar Batteries.

Hang on, it's sponsored this pot.

Well what they've got ouzzy solar batteries.

I love.

But they put a photo up of me where they've seat eyed it.

Yeah, what they've improved.

Yes, my teeth improved.

My teeth are like like you know Warning's teeth.

We've got them off the warning and put them in my mouth.

You've got like George Washington's teep it's carved out of wood.

And I'm like, guys, someone just sent me a message saying, what's going on with that photo?

I should have said, because you're not going to know yourself.

Oh my, they're still dirty.

It's not your fault, not blaming it, your tone.

I'm not blaming you.

I'm just saying it's a really here.

I am for people who are playing along at home.

I am cleaning Hughes's glasses.

Hughs He now enters the room and constantly looks like an American lesbian because you know they're always wearing those tinted glasses and they wear them indoors.

Is it rose o'donald?

It just sounds like that, doesn't it.

And you always say the transition lenses, Well these are you are indeed transitioning, but your lenses.

But your lenses are not They're dark all the time.

They're going to come light.

I've been inside for a long time.

Well, these must be very bright studio lights you've got here, So if they weren't so bright, they would come lighter and it would look like just spectacles, not sunglasses.

And you know what, apparently we've got to get more light into our eyes.

Is you know I su gaze every morning?

Great will I say every morning?

See I get the cook a sound effect.

But finally, I'm sitting opposite someone who goes.

Great and you're meant to get it into your eyes as the sun's low over the horizon.

So I'm not up that early.

Well, whenever you get up, I'm not saying get up to early.

Well.

Once, no, I just have to issue this warning because once I did it at midday and it was it was not right, Bernie, and I was really like flat out.

Some people say three minutes of staring at the sun, but you say that's not right.

I think you're stared to the side of it a bit, but you've got to get it in your eyes.

Yes, And you know too, you're still not wearing spectacles.

Still not give me some small writing to read, show me something tiny.

Seriously, Okay, it's no need for standing ovation.

Sorry, I'm over excited.

So yeah, But so you're doing the right thing, and you know you're obviously still a very young woman.

But you'd be angering near record for no spectacles.

When we were doing radio together and you were so angry i'd come back from Italy.

You were so incensed, I think.

But in the period I was gone, you'd got like two other prescriptions in your glasses and I was still not wearing spectacles as you call them, and you were so enraged you made Sasha French this one and same call up an optometrist to come in and give me an eye test on the spot.

Do you remember that?

Not really?

No, but how to go?

Did you pass?

Yes?

I passed.

Your eyes are actually quite good.

Well, it's like someone who uses crutches but doesn't really need them, and then eventually they can't work.

Well, I think that's what it's like, isn't it.

When my husband got his glasses, I said to him, don't get glasses because I believe that the eyes are muscle and that the muscles get lazy.

Well, mine a gone.

I cannot read anything.

Something little.

Well, let's have a look at it.

I can't read that.

I can't at that bottom and all that.

What's it saying?

Okay, that's really tiny?

Read that one without glasses?

Yeah, have no hope?

What can you see?

I can see, I can see different lines.

I can make out each line, and I can make out the gap between each line, but I cannot read them make any way?

Any can you read those words?

Hi?

Cat?

Hope you're okay?

And enjoying some better weather.

I had a good day today.

David has begun the prep for the painting, and Lee came to measure up for the new front fence.

That's all systems go blah blah blah blah blah.

That is exceptional.

And there you go.

That's I think you should go on a current affair or something.

No, because where can you go these days.

You can't go on the project, go on the projects internet page, go on their socials.

Oh rip.

I don't know this part of it as well.

No, but I think your tone's not You've got to laugh at life, you know, Yeah, you gotta laugh.

I have to be laughing at what have you been laughing?

Debut?

Everything everything's funny.

Everything's funny.

I write that down every day.

Everything is funny.

That's one thing I write down every day.

I do you write that down so I remember that everything's funny.

You could have written down what time we were recording, and I thought.

It was ten forty five, and so when it was ten twenty eight, and then I had one more look at the text medicine, you said ten thirty.

Yeah, I love to ring here, and I did.

And I was only like three minutes late, and then you have flashed over to the other page of your not pattern.

City making is funny.

Everything is funny.

So yeah, and we've got to get rid of our ego.

So I was talking to a bloat last night who just got a a comedian.

No, no, he just got a watered the eighth.

His restaurants got a ward of the eighth most the eighth most popular restaurant in the world, or eighth the best restaurant in the world.

He was four hundred something.

The pizza four hundred.

It's a past to undred lasagna no four hundred, Grady or something.

Oh yeah, I googled because they're everywhere and apparently.

The most popular restaurant, very nice, most popular restaurant.

His name is Johnny anyway.

So and he was annoyed that the eighth No, no, he was annoyed that you've got no publicity for it in Australia because it's no longer the project.

We would have had him on.

He could have made us a pizza.

Well, what I said is I've been on radio mat I would have got you on today.

So I'm not on radio but your podcast.

So I'm here to pump up Johnny as the eighth best restaurant in the world.

You just go back from New York.

I think it's four hundred, Grandy, I think it's another It is four hundred.

Yeah, so they're everywhere anyway.

So he just got water and I said to him, Johnny, life's not fan, mate.

You know you're not going to get the respect you deserve, nor do I.

And I said, injuries, I've accepted that a while ago.

I accepted that you.

Don't get the respect you deserve.

Quite frankly, I don't think you do.

No, but I whether I do or not doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

That's what I write.

Everything's funny.

Nothing matters, all right, I know I nothing matters.

But the fact is that you've clocked the idea in the first place.

I know that, But I've clocked it, and I've clocked it for a long time.

Katie back to we hadding won an acres since the first year of the Apress or our first y.

I won one.

Well, you won one.

Maybe I'm the problem.

I'm not denying that.

But what you win an akro for for barb for the you won one for best Producer.

So yeah, have you never got a LOGI, I've never got a load, which is really busy.

It doesn't matter.

But the thing is, we can't have this conversation if you punctuate every observation with it doesn't matter.

It just establishes an umbrella that it doesn't matter.

And then within it we'll talk about all the awards you've never received, all of them.

All of them.

But what I'm saying is, once I truly stopped caring about that, all right, I'm truly in a better place.

I truly now could read.

I read comments about myself, which you're terrible on a daily basis, kill yourself.

You're the least funniest person in Australia for the least out of twenty million, n closer to thirty minute some of them.

Yeah right, so you're on the least out of thirty million, all that sort of stuff.

And I like every I like all the comments, and like generally I'm the only person to like them.

Not always, but on my page, I'm generally only page.

Lines that you like them.

Well, they I'm getting less of those comments because I like them, rather than fight with them so or block them, I don't block anymore.

They say, like it's threatened to kill your family.

Remember that doesn't happen very often.

It hasn't happened for years, not for years.

Probably some subjects I don't touch anymore.

Probably a good idea.

Yes, yes, because remember when we were doing radio together, you took the vow.

I remember you said I'm unoffendable.

Yeah, and I'm unoffendable.

And within what two phone calls?

No me, just you?

Yeah, And then we did.

We took phone calls.

We had people phoned up to insult you.

I thought I was ready, but I wasn't ready.

Well, that often happens in life.

I believe now I am ready, but I don't want to do it now.

But I know I wouldn't do it.

But I believe I'm ready now, I wouldn't.

But you know what, here's the extraordinary thing on this podcast.

I'm normally considered to be the mad one.

Yeah not today?

Yeah?

Right, So I'm not that mad.

You know, I never say not today, Josephine, Satan, not tonight joseph Yeah, not tonight Josephine.

Because Napoleon had a headache, and not today Satan, not today, Satan, yes today Satan.

Yeah right, Well, I have all those I mean I have been you know, I haven't had a drink since.

You know, there is a coincidence.

This is a true story which I did put on Instagram, but not everyone's on Instagram, So my people who are listening this won't have heard it.

I know that because stuff of it on Instagram.

I'll go on stage and say, and their whole audience laugh, So they're not on insacram.

I appreciate that.

But the other night, I'm doing a gig for Westpaco.

Good people as good as the Solar people.

Can I say this singer sliding scale?

Where are you putting?

Who's your favorite sponsor?

I'm ambassador ambassador for Ozzie's Solar Batteries.

I'm ambassador for that ambassador.

What does that mean?

Well, they're hopefully it's going to be an ongoing relationship.

The rebate's not going to be any more than it is now, So rush out and get your audi.

Some of those people who have got original rebates on their houses.

So when you first win those early adopters who first put solar in, yeah, I know Peter's nephew was one of them or whatever, and they were getting like that would get a check for one thousand dollars.

Yeah, because the money went back, so it's less now apparently, But let's not worry about that.

That's a feel like I'm doing an infomercial now, So well, I brought it up, so it's my fault.

So what was I going to say?

Yes, I was at a gig for West West Pak and what's the point of that story?

What were they?

Always follow the money, Always follow the money.

I'm not going to I'm not naming names here, but if you're going to swing at the local state government, make sure you know who you're talking to, and if they give you, they give you.

You know, saying, well, how you know the economy is run.

It's gone to right of the government.

Yeah.

And if that's your which is my anyway, that's.

A lot of people think who else are they going to blame?

If you think a billion blaming their neighbor.

If you think a billionaire is automatically going to be on your side, think again, what do you did you say something?

Now?

I'm just saying that you follow the money.

Why are you sweaking puzzles?

Because that billionaire might be getting money from the government for contracts, so they're not.

I'm not going to say, well, are you talking to a billionaire?

Yes?

And did you try and get him online with hating the government?

Yes?

And you he didn't hate the government.

And then I realize why, Okay, because.

Built the machete bins?

Was it that billionaires?

I don't know who built as we've only had a couple of days left in the machete bins and Victoria's so you shut up.

If you've got a machete and you were looking, you were to do it because I've always got it to do list and the machetes may have been well down the to do list.

I've got a lot of foliage at my house which could do with a machete, well to cut it.

Can you get those young people around just to do your garden?

So God, you can have my money, but can you just do the garden.

Yeah, don't machete, just have bamboo.

Don't come inside just the kids are sleeping, so you just stay outside and have all the cash and go for it.

Have all the cash, just just trim up that bamboo.

So you know, that's like, I'm not going to say who came up with this theory, but it's such a brilliant theory.

What is it, I can say it actually my husband, well, but he's a teacher now.

So the gray Army, yeah, the older people yeah, and you know they're always talking about the gray Army how they want work and a lot of people won't employ older people, so you're talking about why not why people are very ages.

That is them you're allowed to engage in.

Now it's only is am you're allowed to enjoy because say, on the older people, they're better work because they're much less likely to take mental health because it didn't exist in that day.

So they're still not onto the concept that you can say you're sad for no reason and then have a month off.

They literally never say they triggered by anything because they're not.

No, but there are some things I imagine.

I mean, if you were running by Bamby, I imagine why you don't want an eighty year old woman working for you.

I get it, even though that would be cool.

By the way, it's a very cute label Melbourne Girl that my daughter loves you.

She wears I've got a cat called Bamby.

You know you got from Michelle Laurie that you into how she tricked you into getting the cats.

She told me that they were what she say she said they were.

She had said they were like five week old kittens.

No older than that, weren't there?

They were full grown cats?

Yeah she was.

She told me they were juveniles.

Yeah, that should have been sentenced, like, which.

Is the opposite Normally it's the juveniles that will get you into trouble, yes, isn't it normally?

And old pussy's not getting you into I know.

But the cats, kittens are cute for those three months or whatever.

So and one of them and you do bond with them different Now, one of them got run over, which was terrible, gem.

Style and I look it was street yeah, but also dune when Melbourne had a lockdown when no one was allowed to drive.

So it was weird that you found a car.

Well, you know, cats, our.

New cats aren't allowed outside.

Why did you get new cats?

Because I don't know that we weren't.

It was it was an adoption fail or what like?

What did foster fail?

Oh?

But my but holy once.

So you were the second you got the We got them and we're going to look after until someone took them.

And no one would take fee Box, the legendary radio person in Melbourne.

She took them, but then she came back to me because she realized she didn't like cats.

They're smelling.

How many?

How many did you have?

She said?

She said her kid had allergies and maybe they did.

I don't know.

You know, I tasted Peter once with his allergy and have that go well when we first moved in together, and even before then, I knew that he was always like he loves cats.

You know.

They often say you love what you're allergic to?

Yeah, right, yeah, like how I love you?

I love alcohol?

Yeah, you love alcohol, but you're a dogic.

To I don't love alcohol.

No, I don't, very rarely.

But I love a kalure but we don't have a khalu one with you?

Carry on like you.

I know you like to socialize and you like to go to festivals and that's great, but you're not I'm going to one this weekend.

You're not a drinker.

She's not a drinker.

So if you think she's drunk, she's.

Not saying it in that tone because it's annoys me.

Yeah, why does it annoy you?

I get annoyed by people who can have half a glass of wine and then leave it that annoys me.

What would you have, Well, you have the bottle and then the would you drink wine if you want to get smash.

What did you used to drink?

Well, cask wine back in the did you Yeah?

Bad sweet stuff, just quick red.

It wasn't tasty.

I drink it for the taste red or where both?

How about your teeth?

Poorous enamel like mine?

Because often I'll have a red wine and then I'm like the life of them.

I'm having a great time.

Then I go to the bathroom and I've got the the gray teeth of a cadar.

I'm always disappointed, really terrible.

And you know, some lighting is bad for your teeth.

Look at the phone.

I can't put that up.

Teeth up, It's disgusting.

I've got good news for you about teeth though.

What about them?

It's from Japan?

What is it?

Have a listen, don't cut that out.

Leave that in you.

You don't win any awards, just you.

Know that is that's Captain Lee from below deck.

Oh yeah, he's always got a pithy little He's also much He'd rather sandpaper.

Listen to the full thing.

I'd rather sandpaper and tigers as in a phone booth than miss the charger.

Yeah, that's not going to happen.

He loves the charter sand papers in a phone.

But that would lead to trouble.

It would lead tiger.

I know.

It's like with one of my new cats.

Yes, bam Bamby.

Baby full circle, Bamby scratch, Bamby Bamby's a scratch.

We were talking about hiring old paper.

By Bamby, but Bamby, my new cat scratch is bad and I don't heal.

You know that you score me know yeah, mister scabmand.

You had scab Man.

Oh yeah, Scabman.

Because Scabman, Scabman.

I could sue all of you emotional dammage.

You can't.

You had a song saying scabman.

No, that was shocking things just say you were the cash man and we had to play that sting all the time.

Cash Man.

What was that thing that that guy scattering man?

Yeh, Scapman, scabman.

And then one day we surprised you with Scabman.

Yeah.

And he also fixed you by giving you Vitamin D for two months and then you stopped taking and didn't believe it worked.

I know, but it did work.

You still could take vitamin.

Your skin's fragile, it is paper thin.

No, we were talking about the Gray Army, right, hence Bamby By Bamby the company trail.

Yeah, well you could, it would be cool.

But Peter said, you know how they're always trying to get rid of asbestos and that terrible disease that takes like twenty to forty years.

My father had it.

Yeah, methi cilly, Yeah, yeah, really terrible, but it takes a long time to kick in.

And some guy famously said, you know, forty men walk down big Strong from the past walk down the gty carrying the blue asbestos on their shoulders, and ten of them would get it and thirty of them wouldn't get it right, So you just don't know.

But Peter said, if the Gray Army want to work, why don't they clean up the asbestos.

This is going to take so long.

It would take so long, yeah, to catch up with them that they will have given it the slip.

It's a good idea, is a good living longer than Yeah?

I know you'd have to, they'd have to.

That, isn't that a good idea?

Now?

I know that if you proposed it, there'd be a terrible outcry that if you want to work and you're in the Gray Army, but how fantastic.

So you keep paying good money.

I reckon they would do it because they know it will be the only way that their grandchildren will be able to afford a deposit for a house.

So Grandpa, there's basically one for the t He's lying over the bar bi fence so that grandkid can jump over with his gun and go.

I think, maybe will We'll just stop the analogies.

Now, I honestly that's what I say to myself when I do a corporate gig.

I don't need to do.

I think this is for my children's children.

Where are they going to get money from?

They're not because everything's AI.

AI has taken over.

Don't worry about it.

You know this podcast is called the buck Up.

Yeah, and here's our money back.

Guarantee that you feel better at the end of this podcast than you do at the start of.

It, not just more informed, more informed.

About the terrible things that are coming down the podcast.

What about me saying writing down every day everything's funny and nothing matters.

Yeah, perfect buck up?

Yeah, But you you were like dismissive.

When you come in.

You have nothing but bad news.

But I'll tell you.

What is very interesting about the future, I think is that people will return to essential things that the robots cannot do.

A robot can't cut your hair, a robot can't make your coffee.

A robot can't come in and do personal care or any of those things.

So it actually means that people who are doing the people skills, yeah, will rise to the top.

Yeah, I agree, you know what?

On the simple life.

I was in Newcastle the other day and I was in an Uber and my uber driver was Indian.

Young Indian bloke, twenty five.

He's been in here, I think for three years.

And I said, what's your long term mate?

What do you go to do?

Hey?

I said, he you're single?

He goes, I'm single and I said, oh yeah, well you want to get a wife.

One day, and then we went into the subject of arranged marriages.

She brought up Yeah, his parents will arrange.

Parents will arrange his marriage.

Does he want that?

Yes, he's happy with that.

He said, what happens now?

Where in his region?

Northern?

I'm not sure.

He wasn't a sek I think I love the seek?

Yeah, I seek and he said, what happens is your parents.

It's a cousin, but a distant cousin, so it's not a closet ant.

He said that you get a year.

You meet the girl, and you have a year to see whether you want to get married to her, and she wants to get married to you, and you both got to consent to it.

You know, it's not like and after the year, you get married.

And he's confident that his parents will choose well for him.

Does he know who the cousin might be?

Did he have an idea?

No, it's just a distance, a favorite cousin.

I didn't ask I have asked that question.

Yeah, but he's I'd tell I shoes, you got your one, he said, he did.

I didn't go to that tricks.

I'm not sure if he does.

But he said, and then you stay married for life.

He said that it's the family's family's reputation is on the line, and you stay married.

So you've got to be good husband.

You've got to be a good husband, and you're a good wife, and you're not getting divorced.

And he seemed really happy, and he's moving He's going to move back because he he loves Australia and everyone's friendly.

He's very happy with Australia, but he said he misses his community back in Well.

Most of the community will end up here if he just gives it long enough.

Well, he said, his community back in Northern India, they live on a farm.

They grow all their own vegetables, and they live simply, and.

They've got a cow in the cow and that's good for the area.

Think of this, can you no?

What did you say?

We were talking about Bambi driver?

Why did I bring that up?

Because you're talking about people living simply, that's right.

So he's looking forward to going home and growing his vegetables, milk and his cow and enjoying his line.

And that's what we will all want.

We'll all want a cow.

Good luck milking your cats.

That's like my favorite, you know, that's my favorite scene from Meat the Yeah does it meet the Fockers?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got nipples, greet Can you milk me?

Could you milk mee?

I love that.

That was a good movie.

It hasn't been any that Hollywood had probably a ten year period involving Will Ferrell for most of them and some some Ben Stellas and some others.

Obviously they were great, but that hasn't been a good comedy for a long time.

I don't know what's happened it because I think it's going to go back the other way.

Will you know what you choose to be offended?

And I'm more on language side than I used to be.

I used to think that you would say some stuff on air.

I thought you can't say that, okay, and now I realized you probably should have said more of that to be honest.

Correct, all right, So you know what I said on this podcast.

I'm normally the mad one, but today you, David William Hughes, are playing the part of Nate Valvo, so you're the mad one on the podcast.

Your theories are absolutely barngo, bananas cool cool.

Really dispute that, but purposes of moving us along, I'll go with it.

Anyway.

So I found someone more nutty than you or me.

And an actress.

You know, sometimes you're mystified by the career of an actor, and not for any particular, not disparaging their talents or whatever, but you just don't know why there's still so much in the public eye based on their body of work, which you can't doesn't seem to really amount to.

It's like Nicholas Cage.

Talking Kate Beckinsal or beckonsale she was in yeah exactly?

Was she in the one with pel Harbor?

Yes, yeah, that's all.

Now what was that?

Well?

Actually Pearl Harbor was, well, the incident was when was it nineteen?

Not in well for Japan, No, I didn't, but they started it.

I'm not confident around and find out fafo.

I don't know.

Now, I don't know.

I'm not confident enough about history.

So we're not even believing in Pearl Harbor.

I don't know that.

It's pretty well documented.

Again, you cannot believe in the moon landing and still believing Pearl Harbor.

I don't know.

But just when I'm in Japan, history is written by the victims.

Yes, correct, I'm struck by the loveliness of the Japanese.

That's all I know.

But there's a lot of prisoners of war.

No, no, it's shocking, A terrible things happened.

Why are we talking about that?

Oh, Kate Beckinsal So Pearl Harbor so exactly.

You prove of my point.

We don't know anything that she's been in since that movie with Ben Affleck that Ben Affleck made that it was still married to Jennifer Garner then I think, or maybe it was even.

Pre an like it was a long time ago.

But she's still always around.

She looks beautiful some while she had a really young boyfriend for some at some point.

Davidson, Oh yeah, she went out with Pete Davidson.

Fun guy.

When Pete Davidson was in that peak, that full he was brushed with the winds of Ariana Grande.

Yeah, that was really boy.

His father died.

He told them as he was that was a part of him flying a broken toy.

Yes, women love to fix me and he was young and that an amazing thing, by the way, his dad amazing man.

Brave people.

Anyway, So Kate Beacons, what about it?

Inexplicably is still front and center.

She was on Jimmy Kimmel.

He found something so straordinary that she sees on his show and she's talking about her daughter's boyfriend.

Two eggs in a week is what the bright spot was?

Who did the boyfriend?

Did he laid two eggs in a week?

Is that a British He's from New Jersey, He's a jew from New Jersey.

What does that mean he's laid two eggs.

In a week.

Well, he said, I've laid an egg, and of course I was like, okay, trying to pull focus on the cancer operation, you know, but it had a shell and a yolk.

Well on a second, Yeah, and the egg came out of his body.

Yes, I'm not out of his mouth or ears.

It came out the root that it would come out of a hen.

It came out of his egg hole, not his vagina.

Yeah, I mean he went to the bathroom and then was very surprised to find that he had he had laid an egg.

He was genuinely scared, and you know, he was like, it's got a full shell, it's got a yoke, and you know it's the size of a bird.

Well, yes, he crushed it.

It was inside he laid an egg.

What he laid two eggs?

Yeah, she sounds what is that?

That's she's overly medicated.

I reckon what's going on?

Said it in that voice?

You knowing that and that English voice.

I wasn't expecting her to have that voice.

She's off her head.

Make of that.

That's really strange.

Google is for a human, It's not you already, she's already done it.

You can't.

It might be there might be a condition that people have when they are eggs.

Oh my goodness.

Okay, Oh.

Oh no, what's happened?

Oh no, here becon Cell added she consulted with several doctors about the man's alleged condition, and they speculated the incident could have steamed from some sort of complicated masturbation.

What oh, he's put the.

Egg up in Oh, we put the egg up and be fine.

Look I told you what did we say earlier?

People love perversion and put an egg up the people if you talk, you know, the first time that anyone meets a nurse who's worked on light duty, the first thing that everybody asks, and they love to regale people with stories of who's come into emergency and what was where it shouldn't be?

Why was you putting pepper grinder's light bulbs.

I'll admit that people like putting things up themselves, and that's fine, But if you're doing that, why come up with some complicated story that you laid an egg when but surely he laid them in private.

He would have come to get her.

Did he put it in a bag and just just not talk about it.

Why did he have to Why didn't he just flush them exactly?

Or yeah she said he how did you get the mouse?

I don't know, but he didn't need to come up with that story that she told on TV.

And now we all think he's got weird fetishes.

We're not there's any problem with And also we think I think she's think as a plank.

She sounded like she was drunk.

Imagine going to a doctor and relaying that to a doctor.

That's very, very strange.

She's got issues.

Says more about her than him, and it doesn't say good things about him.

All right, because now you you know you have fallen into the traveling comedian trope, which is a lot of your stories involve traveling because you spend so much time traveling.

Yeah, but how much FaceTime is great?

I'll probably go on four flights a week, really, maybe more return I'm not returned, I'll go to return.

Okay, that's too much.

Yeah, but it's a lot of traveling.

It adds up over a year.

Points have you've got?

Must have?

Heaps?

Have to Can you give me some points?

I don't know how to do it.

I'll show you.

I don't do them anymore.

I have to give my daughter points the other day.

She wants to go to Japan.

Yeah right, so I don't.

Yeah, I should be.

I should know how to do that.

Yeah, you're sure anyway, So I generally don't pay for the flights that they're part of, Yeah, part of them.

Sometimes I do pay.

One of your own.

Charlotte pays.

Then you fly economic, fly economy, So I'm sorry, how do you say it economy?

I don't know how to pronounce it.

You should it's for foreign.

Com Yeah you don't.

Yeah, yeah, your you're first class.

I actually do.

Actually I flew to Japan economy with my girlfriend.

You're good and you survived its great, its possible and ten hours, but.

Also you save yourself ten grand, so think about it.

I love to fly, I don't love to all economy.

I don't like paying business class.

I don't like it.

I don't like paying more than other people to be on the same plane.

We're in the same tin can.

If it goes down, we're all going down.

I'm not going to paid more.

The pre fact that someone on the plane is actually getting paid to be on the plane, and you're normal, that would sit poorly with you with the pilot and.

They're just coming back.

Anyway.

So the other morning I had a you know, it was a solar batteries full circle back to the solar battery.

I had to film a solar batteries ad in Sydney.

Right, So I set my alarm, I believe for four fear fifty eight.

Have you got solar?

Yes?

I don't know whether it's connected though.

Okay, oh that's right.

When you moved in you didn't get his connected, but I don't remember you had to flick the switch.

Yeah, remember you called someone out and he flicked a switch.

Yeah.

So anyway, so I've got solar, but the battery helps because then if you can store a store and use it at night when you need it.

The battery has always been the problem with solar.

Yes, that's true.

So anyway, so four fifty am.

I was meant to be a six thirty am flight.

Get up at four fifty am.

So I'm lying in bed.

I'm think I just didn't hang it's a bit light.

What's going on?

Is it getting light really early?

Oh?

No?

Hang on?

Is my alarm go off?

Alarmed?

And Google's already six am?

So I've missed the flight.

You know, i'd set my arm for four fifty pm.

A rookie miss one.

Kind of smart one smartphone.

Go hang on because also would have had your phone your playing books is my smartphone?

And hang on?

Who sets an alarm for four fifty pm?

He's probably made a mistake here.

I'm going to alert him to that.

The phones aren't spying on us when they should exactly, only when they.

Don't exactly anyway, So I'm late, I'm like, f this, f this, f this s It wasn't relaxing in the car.

I got to get out of the airport.

First.

My car ke wouldn't work on something flat battery, yes, and eventually I don't know what, but anyway, so eventually it worked and I got in the car.

Probably six speeding fines coming my way.

I went through two red lights safely, but you know, there was no one coming.

I looked.

But yeah, so I got there.

I've missed the fly.

I know I missed the flight.

So but I go to the service desk where I think you can you know, get another flight or book a ticket for another flight?

I said, I've missed a flight.

Can I get to get on the next flight, and they checked my ticket status.

No, you have to buy a ticket, annoyed me for another reason, because every plane is late and you don't get a discount on your you know, I put that on my Instagram the other day and that's got I'll get an emails from Conscious about that.

But anyway, so so all right, I got to buy a ticket.

I've got to get a sit iny, So get the credit card out.

I'm someone else book the ticket.

Yeah, yeah, but I can buy a new ticket.

I'll buy a ticket with my money.

I've got to get you've got a film.

Well, if you miss a plane, they just give you you can get on another.

But they wouldn't let me.

This is at the front, so they're like, you got to buy another ticket.

So I'm like, get my credit card out to give to the guy.

This is not you know the desk.

Were you to be able to buy tickets?

Yeah, he said, we don't sell tickets to the airport anymore.

Really, Like, why I'm here, I want to buy a ticket.

Nah, can't do it.

So you can't buy a ticket, a physical ticket at the airport, but.

You could go online and buy you go online, he said, I've got I'm in a tears here, I'm in a tears.

Can I ring someone?

He gave me a number to ring to buy a ticket?

Over all the phone.

Oh no, you would have been waiting for mate.

When the guy eventually answered, he was was it sounded like a scam call?

You know when you get that phone call and you answer it and you get that gap and you know you're in a foreign country in a phone room.

And you just hang up.

Yeah, it was that.

But he's the number he gave me.

And this guy, you know, I don't know what country's in he was in, but he's meant to be.

A Quantus employee.

Right.

He said, what do you want?

I said, I need to buy want?

I said, I need to buy a ticket?

He goes oh.

He said, look, if I sell you the ticket, and this is the number the Quantus service desk gave me.

If I tell you the ticket, it costs you on extra fifty dollars for him to do it.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I said, I've got to get on a flight.

You do it.

And then he said it's going to take thirty minutes, right, I said what?

He said?

Yeah?

I need to use a computer.

This is the number.

The number the contous service desk gave me gets me to a guy.

And I don't know what country who apparently has to go.

I know, is it what I'm thinking?

Well, I don't know what you're thinking, but I know what I'm thinking.

Well, look, it was not he was not.

I felt like English was his second language.

Honestly, that's what I felt like.

But also he never used a computer before.

He's got to go buy a computer.

This is what the number contus gave me.

It was so enraged.

Why didn't you?

I hung up on him?

And what did you do?

Hung up?

I actually just went through anyway and just begged at the gate and someone let me on.

They let you on.

Yeah, because I begged.

I said, I need to get on a plane.

I just let you want a plan, Someone let me on a plane.

That's a great story.

I know that part.

But don't worry about that.

Worry about the other.

Yeah, just focus on the good pat.

But I'll tell if you go to the airport, don't try to buy a ticket.

So all those movies crazy, Well, I have actually never tried to buy a ticket at the airport, But you know, in all those movies, you always see people running to the gate.

I have bought a ticket at the airport overseas.

I bought a ticket in at the airport in Thailand.

I bought a ticket at the airport in India.

Yeah, are you're not doing it at Melbourne airport?

Not with conscious?

You're not?

Why not?

I don't know.

Well, they can't just have a phone.

It's got you know, one of those payWave things on it, you know, I mean, what is going on?

You can't buy a ticket at the airport and they send you give you a number and the guys.

But you know, my takeaway from that is that I can just go to the gate.

Well, just go to the gate and be big please.

A bat a bad better now tradition on this pod a text from mum from well now texts from mum as our regular buckwhits are buck knuckles are buckstickles.

No is always marked by eccentricity.

Yeah, often a collusion of facts, illness, day to day goings on, random interjections.

But today do we have.

Well look at this.

Beautiful caramel.

My husband and I once she lived in Warnable, in the country as you know, the country you're.

From, your your mother.

She Warnable caramel, You idiot.

You see your mother in law's from your mother.

Mother was from water, but she was yet order.

And I went and visited her.

And she grew up in an orphanage in ballaratte with her sister.

Very harsh, yes, but they you know she did she did life, yes, so she didn't have anywhere to run, and she did really well.

My brother and I, my husband and I went and visited her in Warnable and she gave us these stunning biscuits.

And she brought out a home baked of stunning corn flake biscuits.

Do you remember this?

And we had a cup of tea with her and a little visit, and when we left, we love the corn flake biscuits so much.

She gave us the rest of them to take with us.

Yeah, she's always baking rock cakes.

She used to make.

I did a lot over rock cakes.

Guess who didn't like that?

Your husband, your brother, I did that.

He gave you your brother Mick.

He was blained about you getting these.

About us eating the biscuit.

What sometimes it thinks particular things to get angry about.

Everybody, rang u Sash And then we're doing drive radio and said that I wanted mum dead.

Remember that, Yes, because I'm discussing with mum.

This was before she passed, a long time before she passed.

I'm saying, I said to her, Look, if I get to the point that, you know, I can't, I'm happy for someone to put a pillow out of my head talking about me, well, talking about her.

Somehow that ended up me wanting to kill my weird conversation.

It's also a weird time to ring a radio program and talking to Poducer, and so the guy on air, the guy on air wants to kill my mother.

He's also want to kill He does up sometimes, Yeah, he does.

He's getting a lot of cheese.

He's getting better, so I'm you know what I mean?

Yeah, but again what I don't.

Yeah.

Anyway, he's getting better and not arguing.

Hasn't accd up me for a while.

She's good, I said, Nick, who cares, mate, we're all dead one day, just relaxed.

You're also are the pair of you very aggressive together?

We would fight.

We fought a lot as kids, yes, a lot, like he will always make me cry.

He was very good to make me cry, older brother, and I was just I couldn't keep the tears in stop crying.

He shot me in the back with It was terrible because he had a rifle finished that he is going to shoot you, and I said, no, you're not.

He said, I am.

I started running and he shot me in the back.

Still got the scar.

I've still got the scar.

So your mother beautiful woman on the earth, very funny, dry, not not easily impressed.

Yeah.

Absolutely, always had an eye on you.

I think big soft spot for you being the youngest.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely, she had faith in you when nobody else did.

She did.

She thought I would be she could be a newsreader.

Yeah, because you've got that voice for.

I was a good reader, guys, I was I want to scripture reading competition whatever.

Under twelve you could have been a priest.

Three dollars it was my first cash gear.

Three bucks now notes then the notes or coins.

I feel like it would have been it would have been a mixture probably.

I think it's three fifty maybe than two fifty, but it was money.

I got to speaking.

It's a lot of money.

First, Okay, go on, So a text from your mom who's dearly departed.

Yeah, this is how low key she was.

This is the last months of her life.

To be honest, I sent her a text, we're coming down, mum to warnable because we're in the car, and she sent back, oh, that's good because I've fallen over and I can't get up.

We're three hours away.

I'm like, how long I rang it?

How long have you been on the ground?

She'd been on the ground for Like what did she say?

She just fell over and she couldn't get up and she's been on the brand for hours.

I'm like, mum, we're in Melbourne, right, You've got to ring your I rang my sister.

Yeah, who was closer?

Just live around the corner, want to be you, want to bother anything?

She didn't want to buy.

So that was the mind you.

You know what I take away from that.

She was happy to bother you.

Yeah, and she was like this will fut there trip.

The next two hours are going to be very unpleasing.

I wondered why she hadn't got back to me, and it was like Jesus Christ, my god.

So that was that woman.

That's a stoic woman who did not want to go to hospital, so just lie on the ground.

You know what happened though that that day I said, I said to my sister.

You've got to get around now she's on she can't mert she and she I think my smiling way.

But the ambulance turned up and my mother talked them into leaving.

She was not from the ground once they got it.

Once they got her up, but she talked them into leaving.

She should not have been.

And then she's back on the ground later on, Yeah, Mom, you've got to go to hospital.

And she went off.

Wants to go to a hospital.

I know she didn't want to go, you know what.

And also she was a nurse.

Yes, she'd be a nurse.

I tell you what if a nurse doesn't want to go to hospital.

Yeah, well yeah, some of the hospitals time rough.

Ye, they're rough Saturday night beeping.

It's all blood and bottle.

But to ignore beeping as beepings.

I've been with my rib injury a couple of times and it's recently, and they're just just beeping all around you, like, can someone just come and check?

Can you check on the beeping if the beeping's not needed, I'll.

Tell you why.

Because the nurses are subject to the same thing that we are in our daily life.

Everything beeps when it doesn't need to.

Now, I don't know, I'm no doctor, but I believe that probably a lot of that machinery is beeping when it doesn't need to.

Like my washing machine, my washing machine, my fridge, like every appliance is just constantly beeping and popplic.

I think that's why they don't have the same urgency for beeping that they once did.

In my fridge beeps too early, like it's open.

It's feels like ten seconds, it's anything much in that slimpy Do you even bother to open it?

Because there might be fos in there?

So this is a that's This is a photo I sent to my mom in the last see that photo, so I'm surrounded by all her some of her grandkids Internet.

That was the last time she got out of bed and I sent it to her.

And but she watched she see her socks football clause she loves mad and my brother Minck got Mom out of bed for the last time in her life to watch Collingwood win the two thousand and twenty three AFL Grand Final against the Brisbane Lines and they won by a couple of points.

So that was the last time Mum got out of bed.

That was probably what done her is.

She's a big time colling Would support and she she loves sport like I got my love of sport from my mum and not my dad.

Do you know how much I hate Collingwood.

Even though that was that was the last time she was going to watch a game, I still wanted Colinwood to lose.

That's a terrible am I a terrible person.

But when they won, I pretended to be happy before.

I hate Collingwood, but I love my mom, so yeah, good on your camel.

Funny when people passed and you think, what do you think about what happened?

I think energy never just moved.

To a different day to me, Yes, I remember you someone died.

Move somewhere else.

So yeah, I'm like, yeah, you'll never really would be up, and the dad would be up, had his moments he might be well, you know what, the Irish blood.

You know, I need to focus Sometimes I think maybe alcohol is not the right thing for me.

But you know that was the time where everyone drank.

Well, you know what, I'm going to have a color.

I have ala relax.

It's been a joy.

Thank you, David william Here.

I loved it, loved it.

We could do it for our and also a podcast.

We never did it, guys, No, we never did.

It, and you never did it, even though you followed me into the sauna once in in back in Yeah, but then we were driven out of the sauna because someone had been in earlier than us.

I'm assuming it wasn't you and urinated on the rock.

Yeah, don't you know.

There was an acrid It was really terrible.

Yeah, it was the backyard, but urinate on the grass, not the rocks, exactly.

We're on a lemon tree.

Lemon trees love.

Yeah, I love an outdoor way, don't get me wrong.

We will be back next year.

This is the last buck up for Wow, Christmas, great job everyone else.

Give us a word of wisdom to take into the new year.

If you want to live in the present, you can't hold a grudge.

I think it's my best saying.

I think I came up with it.

You can't hold a grudge if you live in the present.

And I want to live in the present because the presence where the joy is, So you can't hold a grudge.

What was it, yesterday's history, tomorrow's the mystery, Today's all you've got.

That's why they call it justice.

Isn't it the No, Today's a gift.

That's why they call it the President, Justice Crung.

Justice Crume, Justice Crow, Justice Cream.

The Buckup podcast is hosted by me, Kate Langbrook and him Nath Valvo.

It's produced by the brilliant Sasha French Audio and sound by the magnificent Yack Lawrence you might call him Jack and Dom Evans.

Oh we're lucky.