Hi, guys, it is your celebrity mentor, Jen Fessler, and guess what I am bringing back my dear friend Jen Pedantry and Ryan from Housewives of Orange County.

Let's dive back into our convo with them.

So give me a couple tips guys for people going through divorce or separation right now.

You know, I'll give you a little bit of a nugget that I don't think anyone on the show knows, and I don't think it's made its way onto the show about Jen nine jenas don't know what I'm going to say here.

I applaud Jen, and I'll speak through my limits.

I was not faithful in my marriage and there was infidelity the minute Jen.

This is really cool and makes me emotional.

The minute Jen and I went past, Hi, how are you nice to meet you?

You know what Jen did?

She went home and told her husband, Yeah, yeah, there was no like.

We held hands first, we kissed first, we had sex first, and she got caught.

That's what you would think by.

Watching the show Jen, where's the scarlet letter A?

But none of that is what happened.

Their marriage was three years failed.

At this point, I would say, you know, just hanging on because of situational COVID.

Well, I was scared and I had kids, and so when I when I knew this man, was like, I just looked forward to a conversation that I knew I shouldn't look forward to, right, I'm like, why am I excited to run into him at the gym?

Why do I love like texting with him?

I am looking forward to this.

I remember I went home and I just told Will like I told him about Ryan.

He's like, who is this guy?

I'm like, I don't know, Like I really don't know, but something is waking up and something is so wrong here.

Well, yeah, I get that.

Well, two things first, Jennifer, I don't see any scarlet letter anywhere near you, So let's get there's a scarlet letter on you.

There's a scarletletter on pretty much all of us.

Okay, So that's the first thing.

But the second thing is, Ryan, would you suggest that as a tip to tell people that are going through Yes, we share that.

I mean, I mean that realistic though.

You wouldn't have said that at forty.

But where I sit today with what my kids have had to experience, and you know, I can't blame their mom at the time for using that against me, and Will has done that again to an extent, so I could have avoided that.

I can help protect my kids.

Have to say before even if you're thinking outside the box, you're saying be a bigger person.

Yes, have the hard conversation because it makes the road way less Monty.

Yeah, it does it Just not only that, not only for the sake of the process that a divorce takes from separation to divorce, but there's so much the emotional draggage and baggage that you get along the way.

Where Jen was able to what I would say, do it the right way, mine was probably the more instinctive just do it and face the consequences later.

And looking back now, I just wish I was a more stand up guy.

I knew I wasn't happy in the relationship.

I knew it wasn't long term.

We had tried therapy, counseling.

At the end of the day, and like I started with, it was still on me and I wish I would have been a better partner, a better father, a better human being, and I expected more of myself so today.

Would be different, because doing what you want to do and apologizing later is very painful, even whenever it's ending.

So you're saying your advice to men, I'm assuming or I guess women too, is if you're going down the path and you think there's something else out there to have the hard conversation, first, let that person respectfully know and go before you selfishly fulfill.

Right, Yes, but before all of that, I'd say, turn over every stone at home.

And if you feel like there is not another option and something else is peaking your interest and or just playing the field is speaking your interest, or not being married is peaking your interest, take care of that step before the other door opens, whatever that door looks like.

Yeah, no, I think that's great advice.

I think that our listeners probably do know this because not all of them, but a lot of them are have been through divorce, and not just divorce.

A lot of our listeners have been widowed but divorced.

They say, is you leave, you finally get divorced when you can't do anything else where the money doesn't matter, and not that the kids don't matter, but you know there is no other alternative here, Like, you can't live like this anymore because divorce is hard, right, Yeah, you know.

I always say something, Jen, I'm what nine years divorce now, I know my ex Heather still has emotional scarring and emotional pain.

Even though I would say our marriage was like done, how would you not?

That's why, if you asked me, the number one reason why I do it different is that I've still left some carnage emotionally, some baggage for her that ten years later, to a level one out of ten or a level two or twenty out of ten, she still carries all because of my selfish actions or my inability to be face my own conflict and be an adult.

So that's why I would change it.

There's a multitude of other reasons beneath that, but to know I can look back and say, Heather and I are nine years divorced, and I know she still has pain for the way it ended, because of the way I chose to do it.

That is the reason why.

I change it.

And listen, Jen, with as admirable as it is that you went to Will and said this is what's going on with me, and listen, there's so many many things about you that I find admirable.

I'm sure he has some scarring.

I mean, it's still early on and.

So when I went to Will and I said, I got to tell you something, and I told him about this guy named Ryan at the gin.

Will did this thing where he would kind of laugh at me, and he did it.

He laughed, and I remember thinking, like, that's funny to you, Like I'm actually telling you something that should be like you should be on the grip you love me, Like what are you telling me right now?

And then it just it was validating for me, Jen, because from that point on, it wasn't even about Will and I he wanted to.

It was all just about who he was.

So you know, I tried, I kind of did the right thing, kind of didn't.

I still did what I wanted to do.

I will.

Do you have any tips specifically, Jen, besides so anything that you would suggest to I would just.

Say, for people going through a divorce, what are my tips?

Just one?

Just one?

If you can stay friends and co parent, it's the best thing for the kids because the one person that the people that lose out and divorce, like Will and I are better off, but are kids lost out?

So I would do anything to co parent.

And I think if I could give any tips or advice for anybody going through a divorce, put yourself a side, and do the best you can to co parent for your kids.

I mean, I think that is everything.

I think that one of the reasons Jeff and I will be able were able to get back together is because for both of us with our kids.

Like there's one specific time, remember my daughter called me.

I was in the car.

I think I feel like I've told this on the on the pod before, but she called me and she was complaining about Jeff and daddy, you know, for whatever it was.

And I was like, honey, you called the wrong number.

I have no interest in like hearing you be disrespectful about your father and so sorry, and you know he was great about that as well.

And I would that if you have kids, to me, that is such great advice.

That great advice, And even if you don't want.

To because you know, hate your ex's guts, it comes back to you because you see your kids happier and healthier and all of that.

Yeah, I agree with that.

Jen.

All right, so quick, some some specifics you guys that I have to ask you know that.

So you don't have a date yet at all?

Do we have any idea?

Okay, I'm dying.

We were at Bravo Klan Bravo Kan, and everybody is like, when are you getting married?

When you're getting married day two of Bravo Kan, everybody was coming up.

I'm so excited about March.

I can't wait for March.

And I'm like, what is happening in March?

He goes, I'm so sick of being asked about the date.

I'm just telling everybody it's March, okay, Ryan, so apparently Mark, yeah, no.

But in all seriousness, you guys, don't you seem casual about the actual Like you're together, there's no doubt that you have committed to each other.

Which a lot of getting married for the kids.

True, I mean, we want to be married, but we're home.

We're in this home together with all of our children.

We're doing life together.

But I just want my kids and his kids to know, like my step parents are together and it's not just some like, hey, mom and I maybe moving in six months if something happens with her and Ryan.

So we've been saying Jen like we need all these kids around, and we're finding like it's impossible.

I like literally cannot get a time with Dawson and Thes and the two boys graduating college.

And your job possibly in Georgia, going across the country for We're going to figure it.

Out, and I promise, I'm sorry, excuse me, where are you going?

You have a job George Joyed Housewives of Atlanta.

No no, no, no, no, my oldest, my oldest, you said, in your job in Georgia.

I'm like, what I'm missing?

Okay, no, no no.

But when we know, we obviously, Jen, we will, you will know for sure.

Yeah.

M a couple more specifics and you can choose to answer or not.

But I have to ask questions.

Do you guys believe in prenups?

Yeah?

We do, we do.

I won't ever be in the position I've been left in, and I'm just grateful that Ryan sees that for what it is.

And so.

We we actually talked about it very openly, very often.

I mean not very often, but when we're when we're like, we if we're going to get married, we need to get these things in place, and we talk about it.

Listen, I was we didn't have a prenup.

I was, you know, I was young, but I would only tell you know, people our age, especially on part two, get that in writing it not because you're not going to be together forever.

It's just I feel like it's.

Just what he says.

Yeah.

Sometimes I'm the female and I'm like, but what are you saying?

He' said, Oh my god, stop, I'm not saying that.

But we are going to be smart about this.

I think women is different to somebody.

I think we look at things as for me, this is a dotting the ice crossing the t's.

There's zero emotion involved in it.

For me, it's just a simple function of finance finances, and those usually don't bring emotional side.

I think for you, that's where we differ.

Right, it brings when Jen here's prena specific get that.

It makes her say, are you is there a plan to the end, because then why would we be talking about this?

And I say that now you've added an element that we're just simply talking about a legal document, that's it.

And then I give her this example.

I'm forty nine and I've had life.

Insurance for years, and I tell her what you should be saying to me, do you plan on dying?

I'd say, well, no, not for thirty plus years, but I still have to do the financial piece of the puzzle, right, So It's like same thing with a prenup.

Why are you doing your prenup if you're not planning to get divorced?

Well, the same reason I get life insurance.

I'm not planning on dying tomorrow, you know, but I still have to do the financial piece.

And I think you can structure a prenup so that Jen you don't feel insecure about it.

So, I mean, because you've spoke, You've spoken very openly about finances, you know, on the show, and I know that you are you have struggled, and I'm not telling you both what to do, but I think that prenups can be formatted so that, you know, everyone feels more comfortable.

Right.

So that's that's just my two cents.

But I get how you would feel that way.

I just would tell all of my friends, no matter what the differences were in terms of finances to people going in, we're too old.

Yeah.

Opinion to deal with.

That answer is yes, we believe in Yeah.

All right, So now, just some cheesy questions that I can't help myself.

Also asking, so if the wedding is March, who from the cast is invited?

Well, obviously if we did it on the show, I think i'd have to have everybody.

I mean, the only person I ever sit in a weird spot with, unfortunately, is Tamra.

It's I haven't talked to Katie so long that I don't know how.

Actually Katie reached out to me after Bravo con to you, she did.

She texted me after Bravo Kan and just said, you know what, I thought we would connect at Bravo Khan and I would like to get together and talk.

And I can see at some point Katie and I possibly needing a conversation.

I've known Tama so long that I neither at this spot Jen where I'm really ready to have that conversation where both of us are going to show up and be very brutally honest about what the hell has happened within this friendship or just loving her from afar and that being fun.

So who would come to the wedding if it was just Ryan and I on our own Right now, I'd say everybody but Tamra and Katie.

And that's not a isolate them, that's just because I don't have a relationship with them, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, now I get it.

Listen, You're gonna I am I am thinking that you're going to have to resolve things because you're going to be working together again soon.

But don't comment on that, not not looking for anything about that, about those specifics.

That is my guess.

So funny and this is off subject, but being at Bravacon now and getting to know, you know, women from other franchises and just liking them, like, you know, I got to know Katie a little bit.

Tam and I have been friends for so long, and it's so it's it's not that sticky because I feel like people are we're grown ups and we understand that and loving you so much and you know, but it's it's weird because you see what goes down on the show and you love your friends and you hate to see it, but you do sort of develop these other relationships they go, you know, in and out and but whatever.

That's what I love about women like you, Jen, because I don't.

I could walk into a room and see you, Katie and Tamar all at a table together and I'm not like, oh gosh, is Jen going to change the way she feels about me?

Because I know You're not that kind of ever, and you know what, I would still sit here today and say, I'm so happy that you have a friendship with Tamar and Katie because guess what, I saw the best of Katie for almost two years.

I loved that.

I know you did.

Heartedly, and I would tell you before I was ever on this show, I thought Tamar and Eddie were like one of the best couples I ever knew.

And so you're seeing a side of these women that I saw, and how could you not be drawn to them?

So I also I also see the show and I see, you know, everybody and what goes down, and women can be mean, and I see the awful things that happen.

And that's not just I'm not just talking about Tamaron Katie.

I'm talking about all the franchises, all the women.

So you know, you're watching that and you see a friend of yours get hurt and you're not, you know, immune to that.

But yeah, I'm not on the show.

So I do see the really good, sweet, warm sides when I'm with these people now.

And again, I'm not just talking about Tammer and Katie anyway, That's not what this is about.

This is about, uh part two, your part two.

I really am happy for you, guys.

I really hope that you get to show more of this and it's so it's so impressive and heartwarming, and I mean that truly.

You know, I don't feel like everybody, you know, it's everything is salacious on the show.

And that's why I was a viewer of you know, since the beginning, because I love this.

Can't help it, just do right.

It's like I I watched every Every Housewives episode on every franchise, you know, forever.

But I just think that this is so it just hasn't been shown, showcased, and it's special.

That's that's the way I feel about it.

Yeah, it's interesting from my side.

You know, Jeff Pessler knows this.

Yes, the men and Jeff's different, right because your guys show the men are more involved and engaged.

For us, we're like an ancillary piece in the back and should stay that way.

I learned my lesson we should see in the back.

Yeah, I would.

Say it's a bummer because we'll still get comments of, oh, he's gonna this, Jen, Jen, be careful, Jen, watch out for Ryan.

It's like we've been together five years, seven kids, we all live under one roof, going on year three.

We're the sole financial emotional support system for Jen's five kids.

Yeah, so it's you know, it's it's some It's funny because the commentary comes in like we're a brand new relationship and Jen be be careful, there's red flags.

Yet we're you know, nearing year six.

Yeah, all of us integrated.

We look at each other saying like I should.

So it's a bummer selfishly.

That I should get more love.

Though now I feel like I.

Feel like.

The bummer that I think if they were to show our real relationship.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think there's a lot more to offer on that side than the you know, I think it's that they.

Don't show our real relationship.

I think it's more fun to show Ryan like trying to get me in a bikini and slapping my ass whatever.

You know, they don't know that we're actually just very boring and on the couch.

Watching right right right right.

I love you guys, Thank you for doing this.

I really appreciate it.

Yeah.

I hope we get a lot of listeners.

I really do.

I mean we do, we do pretty well, but this one is this is a good one.

So I've had like a few questions.

Yeh, next time, all right, remember what you wish, carefully you wish.

Okay, listen, you had this was not I don't think this was like a walk in the park.

I don't think it was.

You guys were very honest.

So I don't know how much harder it could be, but I'll work on it.

No, just yeah, we're grate YEA love you okaye, thank.

You, bye you guys, So thank you guys for being so open.

Chapter two is not always perfect, but you guys are a great example that you can find love after a difficult situation.

Are you ready to find love in your chapter two?

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