Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.

Okay, this week's adult education.

I mean, tis the season.

We're in the holidays.

Oh, we are fully in the holiday.

Here we go.

We got some debates, topical debates, which actually is funny because of what leads into what kind of was happening.

Because I'm a room mom the first and only time.

You're a room mom, the first and only time I will ever be a room mom.

I am so proud of you.

I have declined room on two years in a row.

Well, I've declined it kindergarten for second third.

So this was, you know, obviously, Julie's in fourth grade, and so she's like, Mom, will you please be a room mom?

And I was just like, sure, I'll email and put my name in the hat.

And then when I got picked, I was like, oh my goodness, Luckily there's two moms to the room and bless my sweet room mom counterpart, yes, because she I would be like totally failing.

I'm about.

I'm about I'd give myself a D.

Okay, but would others give you a D?

Because we're kind of hard on ourselves.

I will say, though, I will say this I did crush the elf ornament making in the classroom like I was hot glue gun.

Just I had those kids on the line.

I'm like glue like here, pampas and the things.

I mean, I had those.

Even the teachers like, wow, we finished earlier than any other groups.

And I'm like Papa with my little gun, well like hot glue gun thing at school, which I should have taken home to use for the gingerbread houses, but I didn't.

So that was so I did good there.

I think it's the what kills me is the group me.

I cannot's death by group me.

So that's why, said I sago Michelle as the room mom, I said, I can't do the group me, I said, I went on, I downloaded it.

I did, and then when I saw like forty text, I was like, I'm out, Like if it's not our dear Amy chat no, I can't, or our other girls chat like I can't, agreed, I can't.

You know what it takes one rogue mom to go?

Does anybody have a recipe for that homemade apple sauce?

And I'm like, no, Barbara, No, no one does, and this is not the time or the place for that.

Yeah, because then you get fifty more messages.

Oh, try this one.

I found this one.

I'm pinterest like, no, what do we I need to like be able to scan get to the point efficiency.

Yeah.

So but this kind of leads into like my next thing, So I to this heated article.

So there we have to decorate for the hallways right for their for their Christmas season.

So and it was the day.

I'm like, yes, perfect, I'm there, So I say, of course I will be there to help decorate on that Thursday.

Well it got changed and we're going to New York for Alan's birthday.

So does he know about that?

He does know?

Okay, great, great, Okay.

So I'm like, hey, sorry, I can't make it Friday.

I'll be gone and there's a few other moms that that can't make it.

But they had asked if I can find someone to fill in my spot, and I'm like, listen, like, I don't even really.

One of them, or am I going to.

Ask Pam Be like, hey, Pam, can you fill in for me?

Like I don't, no one's I I chose to be this.

I'm not gonna then make somebody else do that because I can't show up to decorate and I was just like no, But what I can do is I will have Jolie bring home the snowflakes, and I will get some fishing wire and I will have them pre so it's they're easy.

Yeah, So that part is already prepped and ready to go.

So thank you.

Next, in our situation at school, we've never asked for a fill in.

They will just ask that you send into core or whatever, and then the mom that's there can kind of like cant.

And I get not putting it on everybody, but at the same time, like I don't the day anybody else in that class first and foremost yeah, but secondly, yeah, they switched the date, and third of all, like I'm not going to ask someone else, like it is, it's not my jam.

I don't love being there.

I don't like it, and I am in charge of like the finance piece of it.

Oh this is which by the way, like you know, because not every parent has put it so for the class party, She's like, how much is?

I was like, what, let me just buy it?

Like you know what I mean, because it's I know we're going through this because I'm cheer booster president.

Why did I do it to myself and make a difference and score a fast pass into heaven is my only reasoning.

But it's so frustrating because I even said today, I was like, I can buy one hundred dollars worth of hot cocoa, or I could just give you guys one hundred dollars towards the program, you know, like I'd rather what's efficient here?

What are we doing here?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's a lot.

And moms are very fully packed in December as is.

Yes, And I will say what I do like about it is that, you know, for her, I get to be there for her Christmas party and no other like parent besides a room, mom gets to be there.

So like that kind of stuff is fun.

And I love like she's so excited when it came to you know, help with the ornaments and then you.

Know, her exclusive access.

Yeah, like it's and it makes her happy.

So that's great.

But this mom basically in the article said she won't be volunteering for her child's holiday school events, prompting a heated debate which she talked about on Instagram.

So she was basically saying between the labor intensive donation drives the parties requiring a bajillion different snacks and decorations, and the festive field trips that need several chaperones.

Conjuring up holiday magic is exhausting work for everyone involved.

In a video that went viral, the creator known as hay Empowered Mama, shared that she plans to decline every holiday request from her child's school this year.

No donations, no volunteering, no party planning, no field trips.

Her message was clear, she'd rather she'd reached her limit and made a decision to step back.

And this became a really heated topic because so what's tricky?

I hate to be the ic both sides.

I felt like I when I first read it was like yes and amen, Like when you know your limit, you know your limit, But then who does it fall on is the tricky part.

And the teachers already are so underpaid.

They are also typically have families of their own as well, and even if they don't have children, they still have family and friends to plug into, or they have to do their own shopping, their own magic.

And so I kind of it's weird because I'm the boundary girl and I'm saying a lot more knows this year than I have in years past.

But it's because then when I say yes, it can mean something different.

Well, basically the comment to uh was one of the other people said to this video.

Don't worry.

Teachers like me are accustomed to picking up the slack and working even more unpaid when we don't get enough parental support because we don't want to let our kids in our classroom down right, yeah, tricky and.

Listen, there's also years.

I know, like I've had years right after the baby, right like especially for you, you had a baby in November.

But I remember like not picking to volunteer for the Christmas party.

We have to volunteer for one of our parties or two of our parties each year, so I usually like Easter, nothing makes me happier than a major made out of string cheese.

But I purposefully this year, knowing how much we had with ballet and cheer and all of the things, and how busy looking ahead at preston schedule, I did not volunteer for Christmas this year, So like, does it have to be a hard No?

Is my question.

I feel like you could.

I feel like if we were less all or nothing, we could we would all feel better.

Like if you can do one thing.

If everybody was just doing one thing, well, then it doesn't feel like it all falls on one person, even the teacher.

Yeah, but I don't disagree with her hard nose either, because I've had those Decembers where I'm like, actually, that's a pass for me.

Well, and it's the thing too, where it's you know, we have to make sure because now that the kids are getting older, they've got more teachers too, so it's not just getting one.

It's like, okay, so Jolie's got four or five teachers, because I have to count on her IEP teacher and speech teacher and then you know romans.

I want to make sure they're set.

And then they also have said things like that they're having with their kids, so I'm like, okay, and there's that, and then so it's just checking off, you know.

And obviously we want to be able to help and to give and to give gifts, but we start to lose the meaning of all of it too.

We are fully I so Love started ballet in September and they offered her to be part.

She's in a she's in between levels, so she has like a younger kid level at night and an older kid level during the day, and so the studio owner said, would you like to be part of the big sister program or Little sister program or do you want to do both?

And I said, well, she's new to this environment, so it might be helpful for her to tie into both tracks.

So I said, we will take an older sister and we'll take a younger sister.

We also have a cheer sister.

Okay, so we are fully sistering, and I gave her an actual, real life bloodline sister as well.

Right, okay, so we get our ballet sister and friend.

We have a ballet family.

We have five sisters in the PM program and two sisters in the AM program.

So now I have seven sisters and the gift exchanges are coming, and the Christmas parties are coming for ballet and cheer, and I am overwhelmed.

I'm also wondering how do families afford to do this, because you know, there's not a price limit set, at least for cheer.

We do that pretty diligently, but like for ballet, it's whatever we want to spend.

Well, I came in with a sweet little journal and some pens, and the next thing I know, Loves on an episode of Oprah, like you get a bin and you get a bin and she's like she comes out with this like laundry basket full of items, and she's like, can you believe it?

Magnolia spoiled.

Man, I'm like, holy mackerel, Like, I don't know, it's just a really a lot of layers on moms this time of year.

Well, and I think too, it's about again in the season like I would have never been able to say yes to being a room mom two years ago when Roman was a baby, right, you know.

And it's so it's finding when you can go, Okay, I'm going to step up hard this year, you know, because yeah, a because you know, my child wants me to.

But also like I can show up because I don't even remember what I gave that year, you know, or what I helped with that year, probably nothing, right, you.

Know what I mean?

Well, that's it, right, If we all were like recognizing everyone's in different capacities and seasons and we all just chipped in a little bit, then maybe like it wouldn't all fall on one.

Yeah, But I mean there are things like we didn't want the when we were doing the elf ornaments.

It's like even because if I was a parent being like, hey, can you send in a picture, I'm like, God, I gotta go to the store and like so print out like Walgreens and print out a photo to fit this elf ornament.

Like I'm like, the moms aren't I was like, no, I will go to the school and I will take my camera and take a picture of all the kids behind a whiteboard, you know that a girl, and then I'll go to Walgreens and get it printed out.

And it means so much more as a mom to get gifts like that when you didn't have to participate, which I know sounds ugly, but it's like it's true.

What I mean, Like, when we've gotten these little sweet picture ornaments home, I'm blown away because I didn't know it was happening and it's so sweet.

Yeah, so listen, do what you need to do.

But I think if it's yeah, it's all different seasons, I don't I just think we don't have to be such a harsh no.

Yeah yeah, yeah, you know, like I think it's a more admirable approach to just say I'm at capacity and I'm sending in a hundred bucks or anybodyizing that the teacher who it falls on, of course, Yeah, yeah, that's hard.

Man asks his mother in law not to give his kids any Christmas gifts after years of awful presence, and Mann requested that his mother in law refrain from getting his kids Christmas presents this year after years of awful presence and now he's not sure he's in the wrong when she loses it on him and his wife.

The man said that each year his mother in law asks for giftless from the family and then ignores them.

He said she thinks she knows them best and can do better than when they explicitly asked for.

He said that two years ago, his son couldn't wait to show his grandparents his new favorite toy from Santa.

However, his mother in law immediately got jealous and started trying to distract him from it with their own gifts.

Throughout the day, he saw his mother in law hiding her grandson's gift from Santa in the house.

Last year, he saw his son hiding his new toys away before his grandmother got to their home.

When he asked his son why he was doing that, his son replied that he didn't want his grandmother taking them.

When she finally gave him her gifts, the mother in law began complaining that he wasn't excited enough.

When they went to their house for Thanksgiving this year, he and his wife sat her parents down and explained their issue.

He said his mother in law lost it on us and ranted that they were ruining her few Christmases left with her grandbabies.

She told them she wasn't sure they were going to come to Christmas and proceeded to ignore them for the rest of the night.

Wow, I mean, where do we even start to dissect the situation.

We've all been there.

We've all been in the really awkward place where the gift that was given seems like an epic idea to the gift giver and the recipient, usually our children, is going, yeah, but have you seen this?

You know so?

And also you don't want to Sometimes they're too young to even give them like the law book, you know, like okaydoki, yeah, but all I mean, what are we gonna do here?

I also have had to We've had to reroute a little in our family system.

My mother in law is so good at picking out kids' gifts.

She's incredible because she's a kid herself, so she's really really good at that.

We also have so many items in our home that we don't need more gifts, and I know that money is not is easy to come by for them, and I don't want her spending money on things that will potentially not be super played with or asked on.

So I've started gifting her experiences with the kids and helping her navigate, so like it's her gift to the kids to give them like cheekwood or whatever when they're in town, so they get the memories with her instead to alleviate the financial stress and so that there's something that they all have together, because really what they want is just time with her.

Anyways, we don't get to see them very often.

Yeah, so can I say something that is probably I don't know, I guess maybe this is gonna make me probably sound bad, but here I go and unafraid.

Yeah, so you know, both parents, everybody is asking like, hey, what do the kids want?

And it's like, again that same thing.

It's like they want you, you know what I mean, they would love your time.

It's like, but my thing with it is they're just gonna send an Amazon thing, which then I will have to wrap.

Oh so that's what happened last year.

And I basically said in an a roundabout way, like don't worry about like like do something when they're here, because there's so many presents and they don't need they don't need the extra and I also don't want the extra hassle of having to wrap the presence.

Of course you don't.

That makes sense, Yeah, I don't think that sounds ugly.

Also, why are they not picking the gift wrapped option?

I don't know, it's a great idea.

Maybe just screenshot where they could click that box and then they can write a sweet messago.

Yeah, but yeah, it's a really difficult.

This situation, particularly though, feels a little narcissistic undertone to me, like with the grandmother.

Yeah, so I'm not sure you're dealing with like the average grandparent here, but hiding someone's toy to make your own agenda.

And we are really parenting ourselves in the generations before us, aren't we.

Yeah that's wild.

Times that just seems like she just wants it to be all about her, her yeah, and her success.

Yes, Yeah, there's a lot of things that you can do, grandma, if this is you.

If you ever this lands in your earbuds, we'd love for you to know that.

I get you wanting to be excited about your kids, your grandkids and this is but it's also you have to remind you, like again like the last few Christmases and it's not about you.

Yeah.

And also like kids are kids, and so they're gonna like maybe love that toy a day from now and never stop playing with it.

So just sit tight and wait for the picture to come, right, you know, like lie to me.

If I'm a grandparent, just lie to me, send me a picture two days later of them holding it.

Can't little timmy can't stop playing with this, and you can feel the success.

Yeah, Like when it was Jace's birthday and he was opening He's like, oh clothes, and I'm like, say thank you right right right, I mean, because we're so appreciated.

So it's like then I take a photo with him in his clothes and then playing with the toy, you know, because I do want them to like we do appreciate, of course, and I want him to also appreciate.

And listen, I would say this too as a grandparent.

I can't imagine how out of touch, I'll be with That's why I had to like give kudos to my mother in law because she actually does have a pulse on what's interesting to them at the right ages.

But like I wouldn't know.

I have a really hard time buying gifts.

I mean, I'm thankful for like your family because they align so well age wise, and I'm like, oh, we could easily buy something for Jase that is fun for him, But thirty forty years from now, who knows.

I'm probably like, you love this playto and they're like this is ancient.

What are you doing?

I'm twelve, right, why do I want playdo?

So?

Yeah, listen, Just we're all in it together, friends.

I think that is the biggest issue for Christmas.

We just have to remember everyone's doing their best.

Everyone's a little spent literally and figuratively, and we're all just doing our very best, so to say, sweet guess is where you can and alleviate some of the stress from other moms.

Do you remember when you.

Were a kid and you'd get like that really ugly sweater from your grandparent and you had to be like, I love it.

Yeah, what happened to that?

What happened to that sweet people pleasing.

Did we just not pass that along in this generation?

I think they got a lot somewhere.

I'm going to start giving my kids a sign or a word.

Yeah, I love it, I love it.

Oh anyways, well tis the season?

Just a season for chaos and meeting with your girlfriends on a couch to complain about it.

And go sign up for something at school to help that teacher of yours the love of all you.

They can