Hi Catherine, how are you Hi, Chelsea?

We're here for another minisode.

Minisod Welcome to a minisode.

So I have a follow up from Carly who called in way back on our Lauren Lapkus episode.

She was ready to move on from situationships was sleeping with a coworker and felt like she was kind of falling for him and wanted to tell him.

Our advice was to tell him how she was feeling.

So she says, hey, there, thanks for checking in.

I unfortunately don't have a success story to fill you in on.

I did take Chelsea's advice and it didn't pan out.

I started dating again and met some interesting guys.

This time around.

I felt like the ball was in my court and I had the power.

It took the pressure off of dating, and I just decided I want to have fun with it.

One guy showed promise, but then unfortunately I started getting the ick.

I actually started things up again with the guy I was sleeping with after a bunch of failed attempts at dating again.

Dating can get exhausting, and I'm unfortunately impatient.

I'm so hopeful that I'll meet the one, but for now I'm just focusing on making money.

Traveling and having my friends with benefits.

Thanks again for Carly.

That was with the boss or what not?

With the boss.

This was like a while ago.

She was like sleeping with a coworker and she was getting the feelings they were like friends with benefits.

Yeah right, and he wasn't out.

Okay, okay, copy of that.

Well right, you have your answer, and now you're happier.

So I was right, yeah, like you got your information.

You found out.

Yes, that's good.

This is progress.

And now she's enjoying her life.

I love this, like focusing on making money and traveling and having fun with my.

Friend, having good amazing.

And also let's all just get out of the idea of that there's one person out there for us.

Agree, it's just so silly.

That's impossible with there's nine billion people on the planet almost.

Now, Like there are better people and worse people.

I don't even know how many people are on the planet.

That's a lot.

It's too many.

It's too many, and there's not just one.

There are multiple people out there for you.

So it's like if it doesn't work out with what's not like you're meeting your there's no such thing.

I mean, like, yeah, I believe in you know, you can.

Have a connection with someone, but that can go for your mother, your sister, your daughter, your dog, you know, your neighbor.

Like, there's a lot of soulmates versions out there, so don't think of it as like there's one person.

There's more than one person that you can match with.

Just like like you said, more than one dog, right, Yeah, Mimsy turns ten tomorrow.

By the way, Oh, happy early birthday.

I'm I'm like excited for her to have a birthday, but I'm also like, please stay as young as possible, as long as possible.

Oh, you could just clone her, you know, it crosses my mind.

It crosses my mind.

She's like she is the dog.

I've always had very like a lot of anticipatory grief about, like even since she was a baby.

I'm like, never die with the other two.

I'm like, I love you, but you know, eventually the beer.

Yeah exactly.

So Alexis wrote in and says, Dear Chelsea, my mom has been in a bit of a dilemma for quite some time.

All of my mom's friends honestly suck their total drains, and she has met women like this over and over.

It makes no sense because my mom is a total badass, super fun, outgoing, loyal, and funny as hell.

I don't understand how crap women keep seeking out my mother and befriending her.

She's had friends become stalkers, single white female type situations, or just trauma dump on her.

They never ask how she's doing.

And Chelsea, it really pisses me off.

I wish you guys were friends.

I would love to do a video call with my mom and gain advice on what to do moving forward.

It makes me sad my mom's best friend and all of her friends are just a selfish af I have a lovely group of girlfriends myself, so it makes me sad that this is the hand my mom has been dealt.

Please help, Alexis Hi, Alexis we have mom too?

Right?

It is Shaka Hi.

How are you good?

How are you?

I'm good?

Thanks?

Your mom is Shaka Khan?

Yes she is.

That's great.

I love a mother daughter duo dynamic.

That's my favorite.

And Shaka said they're best friends.

She said, my daughter's my best friend.

I think that's very sweet.

Yes, you are here.

I am hi, Shaka Khan?

How are you good?

How are you so?

Nice to meet you.

You're so cute.

Look at this two cutie pies.

I love it.

I love it.

Your daughters, to all of your friends or assholes.

They are, they've been pretty, they've been pretty crappy to be honest.

Really, what do you think the problem?

What do you think, alexis?

What do you think the problem is?

I don't know if it's because like her personality is so like magnetic in a way that people are jealous, kind of like maybe they don't know who they are, so they just cling on to her.

Yeah, the same way she is.

Yeah, Well people are attracted to like happy, positive people, so that makes sense.

Yeah, I mean it's a compliment, really, I know.

And you know, And here's what I'll say.

A lot of people say I should take it as a compliment, and I do one hundred percent.

I do, But at some point it becomes violating.

Give me some examples.

So I had one gal and I knew her, she was a family member by marriage, and she went crazy on me and like bought my car, would drive by my house in my car.

I planned a trip to go to Tula, Mexico.

She bought her entire family a trip to Tulam, including a female.

It was severe.

She would drive by my house consistently.

You know, I feared going in my yard, so you know, at some point I am worried for my safety.

To clarify something, did she buy the car from you or she bought the same.

Model of car you have?

No, she just bought and.

She would leave me notes on what I can read you one and it was pretty severe.

She just said because at some point I blocked her on every social media account, I'm like, okay, I need to distance myself.

This is becoming unsafe.

And then she started sending me messages via Pinterest.

She would call my god and she would say things, you may have blocked me on every social media platform, but if you don't think that I know what you're doing, you're fucking delusional.

I will spend eternity plotting your just rewards.

Ceunt.

This doesn't sound like a friend.

This sounds like that's a different level.

That's a stalker, psycho y.

She wouldn't let me go.

She wouldn't let me go like I tried to disconnect several times throughout our relationship, and she sunk her teeth in deeper to me.

So you know at some point these women, I think that they do have a love for me.

In the beginning, I think that they want to find the strength that I maybe have.

I'm pretty strong gal, and I'm very much an individual, and so I don't think that these women are and they are seeking that.

But at some point it becomes I'm no longer talking to them, I'm talking to me.

I don't even know what to say next because they've taken the words like literally right out of my mouth.

And is this situation because this is an extreme situation, this has happened to multiple friends of yours that they want to mimic your behavior and kind of emulate your whole life.

It is, it is, and it's it's become to the point now where when I meet a woman, I actually will go right into that conversation to kind of feel.

Out, Yeah, that's smart.

If this is gonna happen again to me, I'm like, this cannot be happening again and again Like this, there is something that I'm maybe putting out there that I don't know.

I don't know that attracting this kind of person over and over again, So.

What do you say when you meet friends?

Now?

Like how do you explain this?

What do you say, like, Hey, listen, I get a lot a lot of my friends turn into stalkers.

I have to make sure you're not fucking crazy.

Pretty much, pretty much, maybe in a little gentler way, right right?

Do I do just come right out and say, hey, you know what, I've had some issues in the past, you know, with women, And I don't necessarily, you know, hey, are you one of these women?

But I almost have like a spidy sense for it now because it's happened so frequently, so I'm super hyper sensitive to it, which kind of deters me from wanting to move forward with any women.

Yeah, I understand what you mean.

I think you probably are.

First of all, do you trust.

Your judgment at this point to be able to kind of suss out who is going to be like stable and who's going to be unstable?

Absolutely.

I'm fifty three now, so I feel like fifties are a whole new ball game.

Yeah, for mind, and I do feel like I've got it pretty well dialed where I can feel out if I'm going to be a supply source to the right.

So that's that's kind of where I'm at now.

But I know I need women in my life.

I know I need a good group of women.

I would love a good group of women, like a posse.

You know, it feels like you should hang out with your daughter and her friends.

They sound more normal.

We'll be I do.

Okay, Well, that's good.

Listen.

I think you're on the right track.

Like if identified the issue, you've made changes in how you're approaching your friendships.

Your daughter's aware, you're on the same page.

It's not like you and your daughter are in conflict on this matter where she's saying one thing and you're saying that that doesn't happen.

You're admitting it's true.

It's a compliment that people are attracted to you.

It's a compliment that people want to like mimic your lifestyle and emulate the way that you live.

That's a compliment.

Obviously, you don't want people driving by your house and copying everything you do.

So it sounds like you're on the case already.

You just have to have a little bit more discernment about who you let into your circle.

And that's great because you have to set up boundaries, and like you said, when you're in your fifties, those boundaries are much easier to set because it's not like an option.

It's almost like a mandate.

True true, very true, very true.

So I feel like between the two of you, guys, you're on the case already and you're not going to allow any more fruitcakes into your life.

You know, like you have to be very clear at the beginning, at the outset which you just said, you were like, I'm not dealing with any dependance.

I don't need any more dependence.

I don't need anyone who's so interested in living my life that they want to actually live my life.

You know.

I'm looking for.

Strong women that have strong boundaries of their own in place, And those are the only types of relationships I'm looking for.

Are they out there?

Yes?

They are, of course they are.

It's like discounting men.

You can't discount all men.

You can only discount most of them, you know what I mean?

Yeah, like ninety percent.

But no, there are women out there that are like that.

You know there are.

You've had normal friends.

Look at your daughter, look at her friends.

You're look at me.

Like, I have normal friends.

I don't have psychos like that in my life.

I mean, I do have one girlfriend that I absolutely love her, name is Burnette, and she's been a solid rock for sure.

I mean she's a little crazy too, but you know.

Yeah, that's okay.

A little crazy is fine.

Cool crazy cool.

And I just think, like, don't panic about it.

It's not like you need a gaggle of girlfriends, like you need five girlfriends right away.

It's not a fucking emergency.

I know, I know, but gosh, I just have had really no solids, you know, and so I at some point you just kind of lose some hope, I guess, I know.

But it's like dating, you know what I mean, everyone loses hope dating.

They go on a website and the like they go on five dates and they're like fucking forget it.

You know, everyone's disgusting or everyone's a loser, or that everyone wants to split a check.

Like you have to treat it like dating, like you're going to audition some new girlfriends in the next few months.

There are places at sites where, I mean, if you really want to go and like meet friends on like friend websites, you could do that, but I really don't think that's necessary for you.

It's sound like you're desperate, right And no, by the way, let me just rephrase that.

Anyone who's on a site to meet friends, well, that is a level tes friend.

So sorry, I can't rephrase it.

But if you're on a dating site to meet guys, that is not desperate.

I understand that, and I support that for all women.

But if you're only in a situation where you have to meet people online, then yeah, that's like that's a different situation.

You're not in that situation.

So one thing that might be helpful too is, rather than going out for like individual women, if there's like someone you know who has like say a book club or like a friend group already where they all kind of know each other and you can insert yourself, that might be a nice way to like, they've all got their stuff going on, they've all got their own lives and their own relationships.

Kind of like sneak on in there and have some extra friends and like see if there's somebody vibe with.

I recently did do that, and I'm kind of notorious for calling people lovey, lovey or show people usually get a pet name from me.

So we go out to dinner and all of a sudden, all these girls at the table are calling each other lovey and I'm going, what the hell's going on right now?

So it's just weird, you know, it's kind of weird behavior.

I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

You know, maybe I listen.

I am a strong personality, and I'm like, you know, I have that vibe, right.

I love to just latch onto other groups of girls, like I'm always on the periphery of lots of different friend groups because I don't like to be too enmeshed in groups of women, Like I have probably ten different groups of girlfriends, and I go in and out when I please.

I don't you know, I'm not a jealous person, so I'm not worried that I'm not the center of the universe.

But I like to be like I'll show up on a vacation, or I'll show up at you know, their Thursday night dinner that they do every week, and then I show up.

I like to be the kind of outsider of friend groups because I like to float.

Around me too.

So I think that's the attitude you should take.

You should find groups like what Catherine suggested, whether that be a book club or whether you find existing groups to just kind of float in and out of it and if you see them, like you know, you can you can gather enough information to know whether or not it's a group you want to revisit or not.

For sure.

Absolutely, that's absolutely right.

Yes, yes, I agree with that.

Says you're going to help her out with us.

Yeah.

I think the universe knew I was gonna get some dogshit women, and they gave me a daughter, you know.

Yeah, well that's good.

So weird women stalking other women?

It is.

And I was like, you know, if it was I it was a guy, I'm like, yeah, you know, I kind of wouldn't be like, oh right, this guy.

But it's women driving by me.

I'm like, what do you think you're gonna see me in my robe outside?

So weird word, I don't know.

It's just it's very bizarre behavior.

And I don't know what to do with those women either, Like how do I manage that?

I can't?

You know, I feel anxiety.

Am I gonna have to be ready to rumble?

Yeah?

I feel like you just have to ignore them unless it does get to the point with this other woman like that might be time for like a restraining order.

Well, I mean it's just a very weird pattern.

Like yeah, I mean, yeah, she's an administrator at a school.

What do you think, Alexis, what do you think this situation is?

I again, I think it's just her, unfortunately meeting people that don't know who they are, and so then they or they're unhappy in their lives and they see my mom and she's just so you know, her personality is very big.

We're kind of opposite that way.

I'm a little more quiet.

But I think they're just really like attracted to that, and they don't they just cling on and want to do that.

They start just like wearing the same clothes, doing their hair the same like all of a sudden, they've never done that before.

And at first I thought it was a compliment.

And then the more times I noticed this is happening, I'm like, Okay, something is up, Like this is.

Not normal behavior.

Oh that's so strange.

Yeah, some people are a little bit that way.

Like I have one of those faces where people come up to me at the grocery store and like tell me their life story.

So, I mean, some people just have like a certain vibe and it's not anything I don't think that you can control, you know.

I know, and I know and then I think, you know, do I need to be you know less, do I need to like, you know, be I don't know.

I don't know.

But at some point now in my fifties, though, I will say I'm embracing who I am and I don't give two shits about what people are thinking or doing.

I'm just saying, I mean, you're embracing who you are.

You shouldn't change who you are.

You should just be like what we've already discussed, which is more discerning about letting people get close to you.

You have to figure out who's crazy and who's not crazy, and then make those decisions.

Don't start, don't go all in right away.

Yeah, I agree, I do that.

I do that.

I'm like, oh, I love this person, and then three days later I'm like, never mind.

I think you just have to detach a little bit from what their expectations of the friendship are and like if it doesn't.

Feel good for you, then it doesn't.

It's not good, and you don't have to.

Take that on like if they are feeling.

No, no, no, just yeah, I think we've covered it.

I think you guys got the message.

Yeah, yeah, all right, guys.

Okay, okay, ladies.

Thank you for calling in.

Hey, thank you so much.

Un thanks bye.

Okay, well that's a wrap up.

Our little minisod a couple's counseling.

Okay, well, well that's I don't know what to say now, goodbye, We'll.

See you next time.

Goodbye.

So I added a couple of new dates.

I'm not on tour yet, but I added a.

Couple of dates just because I felt like we need a little bit more laughter and a little bit more medicine for the end of the year.

And I was wrapping things up, but I thought, maybe let me do a couple more.

So I'm adding three more dates in addition to my Vegas residency.

I'm headlining the Rochester.

Fringe Comedy Festival September thirteenth, and I will be in Napa on.

October third, So those will be my last.

Dates of the year.

Do you want advice from Chelsea?

Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.

Find full video episode of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.

Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com.