Are you called to ministry but not sure where to start?

Apostolic Covenant, theological seminary, is here for you.

Not your average seminary.

Acts is a seminary experience designed for leadership in our modern world.

Merge ancient faith with modern times, with online classes designed to inspire a love of scripture, educate in ministry, form, and protocol, and prepare you to serve God and God's people today.

Tuition is offering based, and most books are included in your monthly tuition payment.

Ready to enroll?

Visit Acts176.org Apostolic Covenant Theological Seminary.

The Revolution starts here.

Welcome to Kingdom Now, the podcast featuring faith with an edge, as we recognize the Kingdom of God within you.

I am your host, Dr.

Lee Ann Marino, apostle overseer, author, podcaster, blogger, professor, and theologian, and founder of Safe Ministries and all the works that go along with it.

I am excited to share this program with you.

As we explore the ins and outs of Counterculture Christianity, present as you live out the kingdom of God in your everyday life.

Want to learn more?

Visit KingdomPowerNow.org.

And now our program, which features a variety of formats, here, just for you.

Interviews on a variety of relevant topics, teaching and preaching taught everywhere from our ministry studios to sanctuary and beyond.

And powerful insights here for today as we turn the world upside down, everywhere we go.

[Applause] Well, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, happy whatever time of day it is wherever you are.

And to our listeners in India, we say namaste.

We hope that whatever time of day it is when you were listening that you were having a good one.

And I welcome you to this edition of the Kingdom Now podcast.

And I am your host, Apostle Dr.

Lee Ann Marino here as the Spitfire serving as the voice of Counterculture Christianity where we feature the theme of faith with an edge.

And if you'd like to learn more about the world of Counterculture Christianity, feel free to visit my website at kingdompowernow.org.

This latest rewind episode is from season one, episode 29.

And it is entitled When Belonging Hurts: A Testimony.

This is the reading of a three installment series that I did on my blog Kingdom Lessons several years ago about my involvement with the Christian sorority movement.

If you would like to keep up with my blog, which we're actually going to be transforming in the next few months, Kingdom Lessons, feel free to visit me over there at kingdompowernow.wordpress.com.

Not long ago, I spoke with someone who made the joke that there are 80,000 women's ministries out there.

I laughed because I couldn't help but believe she was right, especially when I look around the church today.

It seems like everywhere we look, there are women who seek to join together because they are looking for a bond, a connection with other women.

We want our relationships and interactions with other women to work, to produce fruit, to bring about a change in our lives.

While we might step back and wonder about how many women's ministries there are, there are specific types of women's ministries that often refer to themselves in more secular terms, those who are looking for sisters.

Some of those organizations are great and positive and uplifting.

Others not so much so, which means we must operate with caution when deciding where and what we desire to join.

In 2012, I was approached by a member of one of the so-called Christian sisterhood sorority organizations.

Most, if not all of them, considered themselves to be women's ministries, just with Greek identification.

For those who are unfamiliar with the Christian sorority movement, it is a movement within Christian women's ministries to provide a more traditional sorority environment for modern day Christian women.

Most are unaware that the sorority movement emerged out of female seminaries and all female colleges with strong Christian themes, as the modern day sorority movement is often a far cry from such roots.

As a result, many young Christian women and even older Christian women found the sorority seemed to be incompatible with their beliefs and values.

They still desired sisterhood, however, so there was a rush to create organizations that offered sorority culture without issues such as exclusion and hazing.

The first one showed up in the late 1980s and more and more started within the past 10 to 15 years.

Some have been very successful, grew very large very quickly, some remain small, and some have ceased to exist, but all sought to solve an existing problem within the larger sorority issue.

All of these organizations vary, although they do hold to certain universal sorority identifiers such as being under Greek letters, governing handbooks, founding members, national boards, local chapters, organizational colors, models, crests, chants, poems, and sometimes step lines.

Membership drives known as rushes.

Group orientation periods known as pledging, and an emphasis on community service and involvement.

All prohibit hazing and sometimes use different terminology for their rushes and pledge processes to avoid association with more traditional sorority organizations.

Many are not on college campuses and do not have a sorority house.

They also often accept older women who are past college age, who were traditionally from graduate chapters or honorary members rather than serving as the main body.

The Christian sorority movement is controversial for many obvious reasons.

The traditional sorority movement does not acknowledge the legitimacy of many Christian sororities, and some groups go as far as to consider their existence and position as completely counterfeit.

Very exactly they fit on the sorority scene, has yet to be determined, and because many of the groups have not proven themselves sufficient in structure and accountability.

Such has hurt the credibility of the Christian sorority movement.

Some are not legally structured through the IRS for sorority purposes, and many others do not have the proper paperwork for whatever their reasons.

At that time there was one in particular that seemed to be front and center on the women's Christian sorority scene, and that was the one that approached me about membership.

When the vice president of the organization came and asked me about it, I didn't know anything about a sorority.

When I would have been the typical age to seek one of these organizations out myself, back in the mid to late 90s and early 2000s, I was a part of a denomination that forbid membership of any sort with sororities and fraternities.

Even though I questioned many things my denomination taught, and did eventually disassociate from that particular group, this rule wasn't one of them.

I knew nothing about them, admittedly made many judgments, and never considered possible membership.

So when I was approached about honorary membership, I wasn't sure what to make of it.

Having an honorary member meant that I did not have to pay annual dues, which was a huge plus, and that I did not have to go through the normal membership pledge process.

It also meant that at local group meetings I did not have a vote, and was not able to do many things the other members were able to do.

Always being one who was up for something different, I decided to give the organization a try, resolving that if I wasn't comfortable with things, I wouldn't stay with them.

With all my previous experiences with Christian sororities, my best experience was with this first one.

Even though I wasn't a formal member, I was given the opportunity to serve as a regional spiritual director, kind of akin to a chaplain.

The group had a local branch, and I was able to meet with them in fellowship.

I was even invited to preach at a church, one of the women attended.

They were receptive and welcoming, and I genuinely enjoyed being around them.

I became a trusted member of the local chapter, and as the only one of the locals who was an ordained minister, I also quickly became a confidant and advisor.

I was used to having this position everywhere I went, so I adopted it, and rolled with things.

After a few months of membership, the president of our local chapter began to express extreme dissatisfaction with the way things were handled on the national level.

He raised issues of disrespect, mismanagement, and mistreatment, and after much soul searching brought the matter to me.

I advised her she needed to do what she felt was necessary, and if she desired to leave, she needed to pose her issues on the national group with the local sisters, so we could decide, accordingly, what to do as a group.

She did, and it was decided one December afternoon that the entire local chapter would dissolve and leave the larger organization.

We all pledged to stay in contact, but given life has a way of taking over, we never did.

As much as we all were connected through that organization when we decided to leave, our bond quickly faded.

After leaving that sorority, I was informed things took a particularly negative turn on the national level, and there was a huge divide within the entire organization.

I am not exactly sure what it was all over, as once I left, I wasn't that interested in what happened later.

There were numerous rumors, including where to financial misconduct and threats to the organization's charitable status, but I can't vouch for personal knowledge of any of that.

All the women in that organization were always kind to me, and I never had any disagreement with any of them, except to say our local group disbanded, and I did not see much reason to remain.

So imagine my shock when I was listed by name, along with the rest of the women who left in a nasty posting on the organization's national website, making a public mocking of the fact we were no longer part of it.

The moves seemed like nothing more than stereotypical female bitchiness, and I knew with time it would be removed.

It was.

Yet I remember feeling deeply offended that it was ever considered I was a part of some sort of anti-movement against them, and wondered if leaving was the right thing to do.

In hindsight, I believe I did the right thing, but at the time it seemed like nothing more than a stereotypical female mess, with a fence and hurt feelings everywhere, and many left to pick up the pieces.

From this sorority's division came several other smaller organizations launched, and some of the women who had been a part of the local group I'd belong to joined other organizations.

None of these groups appealed to me as they were very traditional in their values, and I didn't think I would fit in.

While having been an honorary, I was accustomed to having that status, especially as a chaplain type role, and I wasn't sure how I would do if I had to go through the entire membership pledge process.

I just figured maybe the Christian sorority scene wasn't for me, and let the entire thing go.

In late 2013, I was approached again by the same vice president who came to me before about joining a sorority.

She had since left the former group and was now starting her own, along with four other women.

She asked me if I wanted to service the covering or spiritual mentor of the new sorority, being part of it from the ground up, and also serving as its first honorary member.

This would put me over the other honorary members who would join the sorority, and also stand as the spiritual leadership of the group on a national level.

At the time I was asked, I considered the offer carefully.

I was slowly moving away from active identity in women's ministry, but was still interested in working with women and doing work with other women.

The reason I was moving away from women's ministry was simple.

I had tried to do it presenting something that was different from the norm, and the vast majority seemed unable to get past themselves long enough to do anything.

Every time we'd have an event that was some reason why someone couldn't come or didn't want to come, and I was tired of disruptions from women who wanted a forum, but didn't want to follow the guidelines that were laid out.

In October of 2013, my women's ministry held its final ministry event, and in 2014 I shut that branch of my ministry down, feeling like it wasn't producing any fruit and was costing too much to operate.

I was tired of trying to do the work myself.

I was ready to move on to something else.

The request to be part of this new sorority came at just the right or maybe wrong time for me.

I thought maybe being a part of the organization from the beginning would make a difference in my experience, and given most of these women had come from this other organization, they would have the foresight and purpose to know what they should and shouldn't do.

This new group was governed differently than the old one.

For one, mostly everyone was part of one big national group with only two local groups in existence, one in Alabama and one where I lived in North Carolina.

Even with the two local groups, more emphasis was placed on the national group, and most meetings, announcements and events were done through the internet or via phone conferencing.

As the spiritual leader over the organization, I wasn't consulted much.

There was another woman in the organization, one who was part of its founding, who was supposed to execute much of the ministerial nature of the group, such as hosting Bible studies, so I was pretty much there in the role of an honorary member again, just sort of doing whatever it was I always did.

I watched new people come in and went to a few meetings with a local group.

I was there for consultation, prayer and local ceremonies.

At first things seemed to go relatively well.

The national organization seemed to have what it needed in terms of governance, and the organization experienced an intense and rapid growth.

In less than a year, we'd gone from about seven members to over 30.

Many of our new sisters were also old sisters.

They came from the organization we'd all started with, or from other Christian sororities and sisterhoods that were of similar structure.

In promoting the organization, two of my friends also joined as honorary members.

It seemed as if we were all good with one another, and we started to plan for our first ever in-person national event.

People paid their annual membership fees and their fees to attend the national event, and all seemed fine.

Let me underline.

Seemed fine.

Unlike the former group I belonged to, I was never very personal with the majority of the women who were part of this new organization.

Even though I was seen as a senior advisor and placed in a position to serve as a spiritual counselor, very few of the women ever came to me with any matters.

This was due in part to the fact that most of them being Christian women all had churches and pastors over them.

I feel in hindsight it was also due to the lack of clarity of my position within the organization.

I'd been formally introduced to the membership I know whenever provided a summary of what I was there to do.

Given there were some notable differences between me and most of the other women, I think some of them weren't sure what to make of me or my place in the organization.

Overall, however, there was no notable strife or discord, and even though I wasn't particularly fuzzy or personally friendly with most of the women, most were respectable, and we all appeared to get along.

I even led national Bible and book studies, and anyone who was available was there when it was time to get on the calls.

This waned over time, but whether or not my presence was clearly understood, the position was respected.

The first thing that happened is an entirely new group of women came into the organization in the early 2015, most of whom just didn't seem like a right fit.

In contrast with the other women already part of the work, they seemed to have a lot of complaints, the primary one being they felt they were being treated badly.

The biggest complainers were a group of four women spearheaded by a woman well into her 70s who was well known as a drama queen from the former sorority I'd come from, and a hairdresser and vicious gossip in her early 40s who somehow teamed up and became friends.

The only problem with their complaints was upon inspection, their pledge line wasn't being handled according to typical form in accordance with our membership guidelines.

In other words, their complaints were somewhat valid.

It was the national president's job to work with these women to prepare them for membership via teleconference, and for whatever the reason she didn't follow through with her responsibilities.

The women came to me with their concerns and complaints, and because I worked to set up a relationship with the women on this line, I stepped up to help with the new membership process.

This was particularly ironic as being an honorary, I had never gone through this process and had no idea what was involved.

I'd asked, but no one ever seemed to have time nor interest in my questions, and because we were supposed to be a Christian organization, we weren't doing everything in the same way that secular sororities might have done them.

I did my best, and the new members completed their requirements to become official, but whatever discord and dissension existed still remained.

After they became members, the complaints continued as they were supposed to receive certain membership items, which they never received.

The blame went once again to the national president, who was becoming more and more questionable in her respective role within the organization.

She stated all the organization's money went into preparing for our national event as a deposit of somewhere in the cost of $6,000 was required to reserve the location.

This started to raise questions, as members desired to receive information about room reservations, our banquet dinner and confirmation of payment for different costs.

The more we all asked for different things, we still wound up without them.

The more matters were pressed, the more things came out that were increasingly problematic.

It turned out the president of the organization embezzled at least $6,000 of the organization's finances.

The vice president, who was the one who came to me about membership, announced she would be taking over as president.

She would figure out a way to handle this matter, as it became increasingly messy the more we discovered.

One member, a self-proclaimed attorney, pushed the organization to take the now-former president to court, in an effort to recover the funds she'd taken.

The problem was taking her to court would cost the sorority money, and because she'd embezzled the organization's funds, we now didn't have anything to file a motion against her and have her served.

It was decided that matter would be handled in-house, crediting any money paid into the organization that had been stolen, introduced for any applicable years to come until the amount expired, and that we should try to hold fast to gather as sisters and move forward.

One thing that continued to be an issue was the few complainers among the new members.

The hairdresser ran rampant with a story about another member causing internal strife and embitterment.

No one ever expected her to be accountable, and as people drew alliances, they insisted she didn't do anything wrong.

This caused more strife and turmoil among different women.

One woman in particular took a horrible hit.

She was blamed for the entire course of a story when the president knew fully well the story didn't come from her, as I had already brought the issue of the other's gossip to her months earlier.

I never questioned that it wasn't right for the one member to discuss the story with anyone else, but she was not the originator of that mess, and did not deserve the blame while the one who started and spread the story ran free.

This left the other member hurt and wounded, and no matter how much I protested about how the matter was being handled, no one did anything to resolve it.

They continued to complain about belonging to the sorority, and their complaints moved from the former president to the current one, feeling she was not handling things property.

We had to dismiss an honorary member for being contrary and complaining publicly when nothing unfair had been done to her, and she was particularly unkind toward me when I had to be the one to handle her.

The one local group in Alabama was dismissed from association with the national organization, and the local group were all lived, dissolved, due to women leaving the organization in droves.

There was also great discord among the original board members, as they weren't participating in the help or structure of the organization's governance.

It seemed as if things were falling apart quickly, and the organization didn't have a chance to survive.

In December of 2015, several members announced they were leaving.

They were angry about what happened with the former president, and felt the organization was no longer something to which they desired to belong.

Then I was informed one of the board members raised a complaint about my presence in the organization.

She felt that I was exerting too much control over the new president, and things were being run my way, rather than including the board in matters.

To be honest, the accusation came as a huge shock.

I'd never had a problem with this particular woman, and we always seemed to get along, even if we weren't the closest of friends.

I would admit to thinking that some of what she said was off theologically at times, and I did not have a generally good sense or opinion of her spiritual leadership, but I never voiced these opinions or spoke badly of her two others in the group.

I kept my observations to myself and minded my own business, because we never seemed to have a problem.

Even more than one occasion, she was quick to back me up when something came up, and we tag teamed on some spiritual teachings and discussions.

Outside of this, we'd never had a private conversation, and she had never known me in any capacity other than what she'd experienced through the sorority.

It wasn't long before I started hearing other board members were making similar complaints, and all desired to be out of the organization.

They were all blaming me for it.

Like the initial board member, I didn't know any of these other women personally.

I had less contact with them than I had with her, and I could vouch whenever it was time for something administrative, work responsibility, or accountability, none of them were there to be found.

I also learned a male fraternal organization had considered working with ours, but their leaders specifically raised my presence in the sorority as an issue, due to his feelings about my race.

He was, yet again, someone I did not know.

He was making a huge judgment about my racial identity, and was incorrect at that, and all of a sudden it seemed like everyone had a problem with me.

The new president of the organization claimed she defended me to everyone, but now given events that would happen later, I'm not sure of how much I believe her story.

She was the one who would come bearing the stories of whoever it was that had problems with me, and even when she came and told me about many of them, something didn't feel quite right.

I wonder if some of the complaints were fabricated, or maybe some of what was said was exaggerated.

If it is true, we went from being someone all right to not overnight, or there was discord of which I was unaware of for a mighty long time.

I find it hard to believe it didn't come out sooner if that was the case, but as I said, I'm not sure how I feel about the whole story now.

It sounds an awful lot like a situation, where a middleman runs stories to both sides of the fence, causing everyone to feel hurt and offended.

I'm sure whatever she said to them was different than what she said to me, and vice versa.

I didn't think about this, however, until much later in time.

The organization now had no board, membership had declined by more than half, and the current president was ready to call things quits.

It was obvious she wasn't interested in dealing with the intense discord, and something had to be done.

She hadn't wanted to assume the presidency of the organization to begin with, and now she was sitting at the helm of a group that had all these problems.

It would be one of the first times she declared she was shutting things down, only to turn around a few days later and formulate a new plan.

I didn't consider leaving myself because to do so felt like a betrayal.

The president and a few of the remaining members who had known me stood up for me, at least they led me to believe they did, and at the time I did believe the president's word, and my presence within the organization.

A few of the remaining members in myself gathered around this woman who was also personally spiritually covered by me at the time, and we committed ourselves to persevere through this with her, encouraging the vision to continue.

Within a few days she announced a reorganization plan.

We would become an entirely new organization with a new name, new founding members, and a new board.

Everything would change, including our main theme and our identity and identifying factors.

Instead of just being an honorary member, I would remain the spiritual covering of the organization.

But this time I would be one of the founding members.

This was the spirit with which we entered 2016.

Things were going to be different.

We were setting out on a new course, a more honest one, with new people and new ideas.

I was friends with most of the new founding members who also formed the new organizational board.

There was one woman I didn't feel quite right about, but as I didn't know her and didn't want to falsely judge her, I resolved to give her a chance.

Meetings were scheduled.

A new handbook was to be issued.

We were ready for our new.

And though we set ourselves for a new start, old haunts continued to rear their ugly heads.

We were founders now, not just honorary or ordinary members.

We also lived, ate, and breathed the organization and its goals.

This came at times to the detriment of our own ministries and lives.

Much of our time was spent trying to organize and encourage those who remained within the sorority, especially the president, who seemed to be on the fence with maintaining the organization.

She was constantly too tired or too busy, too uninterested, or having too many problems.

I started to feel like a babysitter more than a leader, always being the one the people came to when they had issues.

This was often because people didn't find the satisfaction they sought for their complaints elsewhere.

Some of it was also because they knew I would listen if they were upset, whereas someone else most likely wouldn't have taken the time or interest to hear them out.

This listening ear started to cause issues with me, as I was tired of hearing people's problems with everyone else.

It was hurting how I was able to handle the people I led in my own ministry, and I was generally sick of so much gripping and complaining.

Over time it became clear what our problem was.

No matter how much new we might have desired to pursue, we still had the same president, the one who'd been the visionary of the former work, who quickly proved herself unstable.

While we'd blamed everything on our former president, it was evident this one had played a role in what had happened previously.

She seemed to descend into spirals of depression and personal fits when things didn't go the way she hoped, and was threatening to shut down the organization at least once every month.

The put-off started, she was unable to make meetings or hold down her role as president.

There were four of us on the board who did our part to step up and step up, we did.

Those of us who were involved worked over time to try and keep the organization together, handling fundraisers and merchandising, reaching out to women in the group, taking care of new member groups, and maintaining calls and projects for us to participate.

Time and time again we wound up doing nothing, usually because we didn't have our handbook finished or the president wasn't interested in taking care of something.

The major thing she seemed interested in producing was a large three-day national event to take place in her hometown in June of 2016.

By this time more women had left the organization and one had joined, who was a close friend of hers.

For months she worked to put this event together, but didn't do much to keep the organization together.

By the time the event rolled around, only a few women showed up.

Those of us who did show up went through much to be there, and then much to remain as the event turned into a huge disorganized mess.

The leader of the church that hosted us wound up in conflict over my presence and my unwillingness to break the leadership protocol to her satisfaction, and she locked us out of the building because she was angry she was not the focus of our group event.

And she was not a member and probably really shouldn't have been there seemed of no consequence.

She still behaved unseemly and improperly, and such was of great hurt and offense to the president of our group.

I came to find out after the fact that part of the reason for this woman's behavior was because our organizational president had been attending her church and doing extensive advertising work for her.

Well, I have nothing against seeing people I cover fellowship with other leaders.

Her behavior gave the impression she was either looking for new leadership or was becoming a part of this woman's church.

My obvious demeanor that I was the spiritual leader of this organization, not to mention our president's leader, was not in alignment with the messages she'd been given, and the result was conflict, even though I didn't do anything to be disrespectful of her and her church.

I simply followed leadership protocol and expected the same.

Yet I went home from this conference and started praying about my role within the sorority.

It seemed like no matter what I did, belonging just wasn't ever something beneficial to me, and my presence seemed to be a great source of conflict.

I was tired of being complained about and picked on by people who didn't know me, didn't make the effort to meet me halfway, and who were standing by and making judgments.

I joined these groups with the intent that such would be good for my ministry, that it would introduce me to a different side of covering and possibly bring people to participate in our work.

That happened a total of two times, and both individuals wound up dismissed or departing from my ministry.

Of all the people who came into the organization with me, I was now only speaking to one of them.

The handful of people I met who I felt any connection to through the organization, I could stay in contact with them afterwards, if that is what I desired to do.

When there was talk of racing up my mom and another young woman I covered as honoraries in this new organization, I discouraged them from joining, something just wasn't feeling right, even though I didn't know what it was.

I felt called to disassociate one step at a time.

I was also at a crux in my ministry, as we were evicted from our church building due to a mold infestation, and I had just undergone a dismissal of one of the major leaders in training I was working with at a local level.

This local leader had been a tremendous burden to me and had taken much of my time, and I was tired of dealing with people who had this knack for taking my time and attention and misusing it for their own purposes.

I felt like nothing was working, most especially this organization, and I decided I would be leaving it in January.

It was time for me to start to reconstruct my own work in life, and I knew I couldn't do that with the pressure of this women's group hanging over my head.

I knew leaving would change my relationship with the president of the organization, and that if I left, she would probably leave my ministry charge and care as well.

I was willing to risk that, because she was not eating my advice or guidance, and seemed to require too much of my time.

Everything I asked her to do, she was never able to do, and no matter how much I tried to talk to her reason with her or reach her, she was always at the center of drama.

And after bringing me yet another story that involved the complaint related to me, from another complete stranger, I started to wonder about her role in some of these stories and incidents.

Deciding to leave in January gave me peace, something I hadn't had in a long while.

I started to believe that maybe these groups were just a bad idea, and that maybe it wasn't possible for women to operate an efficient ministry together.

The same issues that people always argue against women and women in leadership were not notably present, and couple these were supposed to be Christian women, made the issues more problematic and appalling.

I decided to back off with some involvements and wait out my remaining time, which would only be a few more months.

The roller coaster of events did not end there, however.

Women continued to leave, and it felt like we were never able to find a level footing.

As soon as we worked one thing out with one woman, there was someone else coming up at the helm who had a complainer problem with the way things were handled or how she'd been treated.

Women pressured and bullied the organization for return membership costs and fees, even though such issues had already been resolved.

Things never seemed to be calmer peaceful, and the never ending list of disgruntled women seemed too much forward.

In late August of 2016, I received a call from the bank about our sorority bank account.

The call encouraged me to call the bank and find out what was going on.

For them to contact me directly meant something was wrong, so I went to the president to find out what it was.

She confessed to taking a series of several small withdrawals from the organizational money for her own private uses, and now the account was overdrawn.

She assured me she would take care of things and the money would be returned, and I resolved my last action as part of this organization would be to ensure that happened.

30 days went by, 60 days went by, and then 90 days went by, and she still hadn't taken care of it.

The account was ready to go to collections within days, and the money we were overdrawn still hadn't been returned.

The reality was the overdrawn account threatened the status of my own nonprofit organization, and the jobs and lives of other board members, one of whom was buying a house and had a government job.

I went to another board member as at that point I hadn't said anything to anyone about it, and informed her of what I was going to do.

Since such could hurt my work as well as the lives of the others on the board, I was to pay the overdraft amount, bring the account to a zero balance, and close the account.

And that was just what I did.

I think my actions hurt the president, but truth be told, there were hurt feelings all around.

In hindsight, I don't think hurt feelings were avoidable.

Too much had happened, and it wasn't reasonable to think a fence wouldn't come.

The board member I confided in for verification purposes felt as if we were no further along them we'd been a year ago.

The treasurer of the organization took the time to figure out the president had stolen over $600, and she no longer wanted to be treasurer.

There was tension all around, especially because the president still hadn't come clean to the board about what she'd done.

More of us knew about it because we had to figure out what to do, and because she wasn't being honest it forced my hand to consider ousting her from her presidential position.

She finally went to the board, told them what she did, and pledged to return the money.

She didn't seem to embrace the full impact of what she did, and the true level of hurt she'd caused.

We were all so raw and so offended, and three of us were talking about leaving the sorority.

I encouraged them all to stay, at least until the finances were sorted out.

But we could know what was going on in foster good communication.

As we started to pull away, however, the board started to split, with one member posing up with the president, and it was evident this woman was schooling the president in what to do.

This other board member was not a minister or a church leader, but a singer, which made her position as a spiritual guide, both inappropriate and questionable.

This was the same woman I had questions about when she was first announced to be a founding member of the new organization, and something about her just didn't seem to fit right.

She seemed to validate my leadership, but at the same time something in her manner felt disrespectful, almost non-shelon and too comfortable with me.

Of all the new board members I knew her the least, and I knew enough to keep my distance from history's lessons if I felt something about her was off.

I stepped back and watched, and maintained enough of my position to say I was doing something, but nothing more.

January 2017 came, and as much as I was prepared to leave, the stolen money still hadn't been returned.

We were first told it would be returned in increments, then as a lump sum, then in increments again, and so on and so forth.

Not a dime had been returned, and the president promised to return the money in a lump sum when she received her tax refund.

She cited too many expenses and being a single parent with a young daughter, she always had to spend money somewhere, and had none left over.

I was getting notably impatient with her, which I do believe she sensed, because she hadn't paid back what was owed, I didn't feel comfortable leaving the organization.

I was angry about having to stay longer than I planned.

I resolved I was not going to remain in this organization long enough to have to pay any membership dues for 2017, especially after three women were still in the organization who didn't pay for the previous year.

Even though such was against the rules, one of them was a board member.

And after everything that had happened with the financial mismanagement, I waited for the money to be returned, all the while more drama of closing down the organization and handling disgruntled members continued.

I thought after one particularly bad spell around this time the organization would in fact terminate, but that was wishful thinking on my part.

The president gathered herself, albeit temporarily, and resolved to continue things.

She started pursuing the idea of honorary members and decided to start a leadership institute named in my honor that I would oversee and operate.

I wasn't as flattered as I should have been and grew so uncomfortable with the whole thing I put it out of my mind, focusing exclusively on trying to maintain whatever ground was left for me to cover.

The money was paid back in March of 2017 in a lump sum with new banking rules discussed but never implemented.

We still, after all these years, did not have a handbook, and the president of the organization was still up to her old ups and downs.

We had a pledge line just starting, and since it was my responsibility to take care of their business, I decided I would remain through until their process was complete.

That would put me at about eight more weeks total, and then I could leave knowing I had left no responsibilities undone.

Fate, however, had other plans.

It was now April, and between endless delays and reasons why things weren't coming together, we still hadn't started the pledge line with the new members.

It was the group's long-term behavioral pattern to grab about everyone in private small groups and to never address general problems that existed within the organization.

This general backbiting in Gossip continued to cause strife and issues within the group as a whole.

And our membership had dwindled to about 13 members.

Since we were supposedly trying to turn over a new leaf with these new members, I resolved to be different with these women than I'd been in the past.

We had a new system of mentoring, and I got along great with the woman I was assigned with which to work.

And she expressed particular interest in having me as her mentor.

I found out later she dropped out shortly after I left the organization.

I was also given total liberty to handle the new members as I saw fit and to address any matters as they arose.

The only problem was I just couldn't picture myself working with the new members.

I was teaching a seminary class one night per week and considering a second night, and things were going incredibly well with that program.

Whether or not I was still a part of this organization, I resolved to make things work better for ministry, and I was putting that first instead of this group.

I'd recently met some new people, and we had some great new people under the ministry.

I couldn't picture myself taking another night out of the week to work with this new group, even though I resolved I would do it.

From my history with things like that, I knew it meant something was going to happen, but I wasn't sure what.

Rumors and gossip had already killed one group of new members in this organization's history, and now the board group inbox was a flood with complaints about one particular new member, who had already voiced numerous complaints, had a bad attitude, and seemed annoyed anytime anyone said anything to her.

She was assigned to be mentored by the board member I distrusted, which meant I had no idea what was really going on with her or what she was being told.

When it came time to set up our pledge schedule, I set it for Mondays.

It was the day when most people were available, including myself.

I was busy Tuesday and Thursday, most had Bible study on Wednesday nights, and Friday nights were generally not good for people scheduling.

I specifically stated I would make allowances if someone was unable to be present, and I would do whatever I could to accommodate such a situation.

The one pledge threw a fit, as it was a day she was unavailable.

She got inflammatory and downright rude, and displayed her thorough attitude problem before me in the presence of the entire group.

I wasn't having it.

I told her I really hoped I wasn't hearing an attitude, and that all the information she needed was present in the aforementioned posting.

I would make allowances for her situation, but that there was no reason to be rude.

Instead of coming to me, she went running to the president and her board member mentor, saying I was mean to her, and that she didn't have an attitude.

After all we'd been through, and after all that had happened, the president of the organization felt that she didn't have an attitude, and that I was wrong in how I addressed her.

They presented the issue to the board, which now only had five members, including me, instead of the original seven.

Two of the board members agreed the new member was an error, and two of the board members, the president and this other woman, felt I was wrong, and that the pledge was hurting due to other problems in her life.

It was then stated I should apologize and recant what I did.

I refused, stating we seemed to be just fine talking about people behind their backs, but we never are upfront and address their behavior.

It was decided I would no longer work with the new members, which at that point I didn't care about anyway.

A few days went by, and the matter seemed to be resolved.

Its passing didn't stop me from drafting my letter, announcing my resignation, and the president's dismissal from my ministerial covering.

I talked with a few trusted people I knew, and they all told me the same thing.

It is wrong for us to be mistreated by our own people.

A door would open for me to leave, and when that door opened, I needed to walk through it.

Thing was, I didn't know how it would open or when, and I hoped that, for at least that present time, things would settle down.

I no longer wanted to be a part of things, and I found myself increasingly upset over how matters had been left unresolved, and without accountability, no matter what I did.

I wrote my letter, and I waited.

On the afternoon of April 20, 2017, four days later, I returned home after attending a local conference.

My inbox was a flood with more of the same drama, more of the same crisis creating mentality, as other individuals who were considering membership were now threatening to drop out on account of what happened.

I was disgusted beyond belief as I was attacked by the president and her allied friend, and was appalled the president would allow this other board member to lecture and tell me how to handle people.

I was supposed to be her leader.

I had done everything I knew to help her and keep this organization together, and now I was being spoken down to by a woman who wasn't even a minister or in leadership herself.

I wasn't having it.

The door opened, and I walked through it.

Within an hour I sent my notification and removed myself from any connection to that organization.

I was done.

I knew there would be hurt feelings and backlash and braced for those.

Within twelve hours the president of the organization gave little defense for her behavior, did not account nor apologize, and had blocked me on all social media.

It wasn't my desire for such offense to be created over my departure, but it is evident to me that such offense was already primed to be in place.

I was angry and offended by the fact that I'd spent years trying to pour into someone who wouldn't receive it.

I couldn't believe I'd given so much time to something that went nowhere except to be treated badly.

Well it wasn't how I'd hoped to leave.

I don't know there was much choice.

The president's continual bad and immature behavior clearly speaks something that is within her, and there wasn't anything I could do to change it.

Some people want the accolades without the work, and I was not going to service their spiritual and emotional acneul any longer.

You would think the story would end there, but it didn't.

Having been in leadership over the spiritual oversight of the organization, people who were members and members planning to leave came in inform me of the continual mess present in the organization.

When I left, I honestly didn't hold any ill will for the organization itself, and I did hope that removing myself would eliminate some of the conflict that seemed to hold itself rampant over its members.

I knew it wouldn't matter, but there was still my own hope that maybe, just maybe, it could be salvaged.

The one thing I did say was if I left, and two of the remaining board members left, the organization would have no chance of survival.

This was just an observation, based on the patterns of behavior that were present.

If all the doers left, nothing would get done.

This was exactly what happened, especially as time went on.

The board members left within four months of my departure, and the organization continued to experience its instabilities.

Even the potential new member that I had reprimanded for being rude left about six months later, saying she couldn't believe the behavior of the president and the lack of activity in the organization.

There were also big surprise, new rumors about theft.

From what I know of the organization, it now no longer exists.

It was down to about seven members.

One of those was an honorary, the former leader in training I dismissed from our ministry for her deplorable conduct and behavior, about a year earlier.

She had a not-so-distant criminal past, and left my ministry with particular anger and hatred in her heart, all because she didn't get her way on matters.

I'm not stupid, I know the president of the organization sought her out, in an effort to get back at me for whatever wrong she felt was done to her.

Their alliance sister did not last, and Kahlil Gibran once pointed out, "Trickery sometimes succeeds, but it always commits suicide." You can't make an organization work trying to prove someone else wrong, and by making bitter and hateful alliances.

It must have also become obvious to others as well that something was just off here, as the organization continued to dissolve until it was no longer in existence.

Despite its negativity, my experience with these organizations helped to enhance my ministry greatly, as well as my own identity as a person.

Leaving caused me to realize I had a history of becoming the overduer in organizations, because I wanted them to work, not just for organization's sake, but for my own sake as well.

They became part of who I was to the point where I was disrespected and downplayed for them.

That's not God's will for us, and it was certainly not ever appropriate to be a part of something that had such obvious disdain for my presence.

We need to have appropriate paperwork and formal documentation of our governance in place, and we must uphold equal rules for everyone at all times.

When we start making exceptions here and there, we create an atmosphere that is both uncomfortable and partial, causing people to desire to leave.

While it isn't the most fun thing in the world to formulate handbooks or Godbooks by laws and other essential governing documents, it is most necessary.

It's also important we have proper governance in our organizations, and as a minister, along those precepts to my ministry and continuing to do so, has made a huge difference in how I feel about ministering.

I ministered much of the way I belong to this organization, and while being a servant is fun, being a doormat is not.

Some things are just not for us.

They aren't the places where we can flourish and become who we are supposed to be.

They don't give us the opportunities to enhance our lives, our work, our ministries.

They might seem appealing, but when it comes to reality, they simply aren't good for us.

This chapter in my life is one that has closed, and I thank God for what I have learned from it, although I do have to say, if another messy, confused organization like these ever comes knocking, I think it's safe to say I'll keep the door shut until the invitation passes away.

Thank you for joining us on Kingdom Now.

I pray that it is proven to be a blessing in your life, offering an on-time word for you.

To learn more about this work, ask a question, submit feedback, advertise with us, order suggested items, be a guest, or donate to support this work.

As our podcast is supported by people like you, visit my website which contains essential information, projects, and other points of contact around the web.

A KingdomPowerNow.org Also, if you'd like to visit Sanctuary International Fellowship Tabernacle, sift in one of our North Carolina or South Carolina locations, check out welcomeinthisplace.org Until next time, this is Dr.

Lee Ann Marino, reminding you that the Kingdom of God is within you, and that means the Kingdom is Now.

[music fades out]