Don't burn me.

Okay, Hi everybody, Okay.

I don't know what exactly is going to come out because there are flames very close to my face.

Oh my god, Oh my god, flames.

Oh my god.

Hold on, oh my god.

Listen.

I just want to make a cute little set for you all.

And I last week, you remember, I brought out this pansy ceramics jock Jock young Man on all fours and it's a candle holder, and I didn't think it really popped on the set.

So tonight I have actual candles in them so you can see how nice it looks when it is all done up.

But I am close to these flames, and if I spontaneously combust, call nine one one.

But by the time you're watching this, well, I guess you won't watch this because I won't be able to upload it anyway.

Welcome to this week's show.

Things are chaotic.

I don't know if this is even going to happen because I flew to New York.

Yes, I was in first class.

Not to brag, I went to the first class lounge.

My friends, who already know the story, just fast forward.

As I sat in the first class lounge, enjoying my steak free.

The gentleman approached.

The gentleman being the waiter, and he set down a little bottle of pell agrino for me because I had a diet coke as well.

I like to have two drinks.

Okay, kill me.

By the way, I'm wearing too much bronzer right now, and that is how I am hoping with the stress of life.

It's making me look like honey booboo if honey Booboo was a f to m trans gentleman.

Anyway, welcome to the show.

I was in the first class lounge.

I was enjoying my steak free, and then I look at my watch.

Oh it's time for my flight, and I haven't enjoyed the pelogrino.

So I put the pellegrino in my bag, just thinking, oh, I'll enjoy it on the plane.

Bitch, I'm in first class.

They give you water when you sit.

You gotta whatever you want.

I don't have to bring the little bottle of pellegrino to the plane, but it was such a cute little bottle, and so I did.

I put in my backpack.

Now here's how the backpack was packed.

Sweater, you know, hoodie, pull over, something for warmth in case the flight gets cold, red light mask in the back pocket, and then in a separate container, a separate, zipped, separate container in the backpack was my laptop.

On this lablaptop I have made an EP with the music software.

I have edited now twenty episodes of this podcast on final cut.

I use that laptop for everything, and I use it in my live shows.

I'm going to The reason I had it, and the reason the story is important is because I was on my way to New York to do a show and I need my laptop for you know, it's like a presentation.

Long story short.

I get to New York, I Land and I notice, hmm, my sweater is fucking damp.

The bottle had spilled.

It was a very tiny, little baby bottle of pellegrino, but even one drop could be disastrous around electronics, and girl, fucking it fried my entire laptop.

So I panicked.

I went to the Max store.

I bought a twenty five hundred dollars iPad pro because they promised that it would work at the sound system of the venue where my show was.

It didn't work, so I returned it got the money back, and now I am sitting in front of this relic, this ancient stone tablet that I got from my friend David in twenty eighteen.

This is a MacBook what used to be a MacBook Pro.

This is I cannot believe that I even got it to turn on, but it looks like it's on.

I have some notes on my phone, so we'll see if I can even edit this together.

But welcome to the show.

We're on episode four of season three of Workout.

We're almost done with the series, and I am pretty I'm pretty excited about that.

I can't wait to be done.

I got Lauren Ashley Smith from Smith's Sisters Live to do a little interview with me and to kind of go over the episode.

She didn't watch the episode, but that's okay.

She didn't have to.

People don't have to watch Workout to be able to enjoy what I am bringing to you.

I feel like the closer I get to these flames, the closer I feel like my bronzer is going to start melting down like the guy from Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark.

You know at the end when the nazis, when the Ark of the Covenant explodes.

How does the wow?

What an insane plot?

They find the Arc of the Covenant and the Nazis want it, and then the Arc of the Covenant gets touched and then ghosts squirt out of it and then melt everyone's face.

Who thought of that?

That's pretty it's pretty lit.

Love that movie.

Indiana Jones was like my inspiration to being in show business.

And look where it's brought me.

Sitting in front of an anus candle holder and a neon sign.

Okay, I'm also using my iPhone twelve for notes.

Can you see how crack that is?

It's gorgeous.

I think it's it's very artistic.

Some couple notes on the airport.

The people movers at JFK they don't work, so they're down, so you have to walk ten miles to your gate.

Here's the thing.

I thought we were at a place in life where we all understood that you stand on the right and you walk on the left.

We are at an airport.

People do have to make connections.

People can be in a hurry.

It's not because they're assholes.

They like to get from point A to point B and they don't When I have to walk behind someone on one of those people movers.

I want to get out a little teeny tiny razor blade and slice out my own eyeballs, put them in a nutra bullet, make a smoothie, drink it, throw it up, and then take a shit like it.

Learn how to fucking walk.

The other thing is when families come to the airport of little kids, you know, they have an hour or two to kill, and the kids get restless because they've then got to sit down on the plane for hours an hour.

So the parents all, I look around and I see it happening.

They go, wow, we really need to burn off some of this energy.

What could we do?

And they look at the people mover and it looks like what some sort of fucking ride at Disneyland.

So that's the other thing I have to battle on these things is not just slow ass people who don't know how to stand or walk, you know, and on the right, walk on the left.

There's also signs to say stand on the right.

I also have to battle these children who are playing as if it is mister Toad's wild goddamn fucking ride.

But that's okay, that's not going to change.

I'm going to live an acceptance because people they're not stopping having children, although the birthrate in this country is down.

Talking to Okay, the other thing that parents are doing.

I've noticed they're talking to their kids.

Here's what I think has happened.

There must be some parenting book out there that says, talk to your kid.

Just be overly verbal with them to make sure they're learning how to fucking talk.

These kids can't talk.

These kids are they're not speaking yet.

They're too young.

They're infants, they're baby, there's zygotes, there's spermatozoa.

They're very fresh out of the pussy, and these parents are talking to them.

There was a woman they try to explain what a revolving door was to a six month old, and she was like, do you know how this works?

Have you ever seen a revolving door before?

No, you fucking bitch, And if you had, you would have known that.

I'm actually fine with it.

Oh my god, I spilled wax on my desk.

Ugh.

Anyway, here's some annoying things that happened.

Besides all those children white men, why are they cutting in front of white straight men.

It's not that they're just screaming on their phones.

They're also just they have no problem cutting.

And I want to ask everyone that I mean this honestly, am I invisible?

I'm very large, I'm six two, I'm two hundred and fifteen pounds.

For some reason, just straight old white men just want to cut in front of me like I'm not even there, and I can't say anything because then I'm going to be an asshole.

So I'm just giving lots of dirty looks, which is hard when you have botox.

See I'm giving one right now.

JK.

I went to the Love Island watch party for Threads.

This is a whole thing.

I was so flattered this.

I mean, listen, no shade or offence to Threads sucks.

Threads is insane.

What is it?

It's Facebook moms in like a meat spanking circle.

I don't know what they're doing.

It's rage bait and I get into trouble on there.

But I was so flattered that I got invited to the Love Island reunion watch parties so sponsored by Threads.

I wanted the free merch they always give out a Stanley cup or something like that, so I said yes, got the Smith's sisters invited.

That was really fun.

I show up and they go, okay, you need to thread all night long.

Meanwhile, I don't thread, but I reply to maga conservative Christian types because the algorithm has learned that I like rage bait on there.

I'm in the process of changing that, and I will bring a couple of these up with Lauren because we talked about it a lot.

I am so sick of chatting with drivers and ubers.

I put quiet ride every single time, and I don't know what it is about me.

I'm not giving off, let's chat.

I'm not.

I know I'm not.

But these guys, these these straight guy drivers driving the ubers, they just want to chat me up, like we're going to be homies.

I hate the word homies home what is who?

When somebody calls me a homie, I want to run for the hills.

I want to put my head in a people mover at the airport and then just like just get trampled over by a bunch of fucking kids to death.

That's why I am transitioning to Waimo.

I think I'm my God, I'm sweating through the shirt.

These candles are also very hot.

This better look cute because I'm risking my life and limb I'm literally staring at this little statue's ballsack.

I'm looking at his ballsack and his buttthole.

But it's a really nice piece.

Oh my god, I forgot the Bananare we go?

It's a banana too.

I love pansy as ceramics.

I'm trying to pee less.

I was reading this article about how if you train your bladder to not pee all the time, you won't have to pee all the time.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Which came first?

The piss or the having to piss?

You know what I mean?

Like, it's basically I always I am afraid that I'm gonna have to pee, like during a play or a movie or something, so I make sure to go so many times before I get in there.

But that's training your bladder to go anytime you have any p in there.

And like when I'm at the gym, I even if it's one drop, I get it out.

I don't want to have any pe in me.

But I was reading this article about how if you just spread it out a few times, your bladder will learn to I guess expand.

I don't know where even is the bladder, Is it under the balls or is it behind the dick?

It's like in between, right, it's like up the ass.

God, it's amazing to get to this age and not know exactly where one of my body parts is.

I don't know where a lot of my body parts are.

Where's my gall bladder?

Is that up my ass too?

I know I was gonna say prostate, but I don't know if I have a prostate, because what these gay guys are out here describing as feeling amazing does not feel good to me.

Some guy was like, I'm gonna give you a prostate massage, and I said, you know what, go for it, have at it.

Be my fucking guest, you're not going to find it, and he couldn't.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe I am intersects, maybe I am maybe I'm maybe I'm a woman, maybe I am trans I don't know.

Fuck all right, I'm practicing peeing less.

That's great.

I started watching The Gilded Age.

Do you say pamphlets or pamphlets?

That is a red flag.

That is a lyon in the sand that I have with certain people.

And if you're someone who says pamphlets and not pamphlets, you and I will need to be parting ways as acquaintances.

I won't if you are someone who says pamphlets and you know me, block me now.

It's kind of like coupon and coupon.

See.

I can kind of look the other way because I kind of say both, but I would never say pamphlet.

Pamphlet is an unfortunate word.

Is Trump dead?

I mean, I'm trying to like not look at the news while me and Andy are off.

He is not dead.

I'm so sick of hearing this.

And that's the other thing.

It was all over threads.

Everyone on the threads is like, oh my god, yeah, here's the proof that he and that and like he maybe he is dead, but just I want us all to kind of try to find some other stuff to talk about.

I'm also trying these sleep patches.

It's called the Good Patch, and I had to look pretty closely because everything that I ingest or you know, especially like a sleep bait or anything like that, I have to really scour the back because I have to make sure they're sobriety safe, because I would hate to take a sleep aid like a skin patch just to sleep and then wake up with my sobriety compromise.

But in here it's melowtonin hops.

What's hops?

Is that like beer?

Maybe it is a relapse.

Oh my god, maybe I shouldn't wear it.

Valerian root black pepper extract.

I think that's pretty safe.

And adhesim adhe'sum adhesive and ten milligrams of melowtonin per patch.

I really love a patch.

I was addicted to fentanyl patches, but these are not.

Excuse me, oh my god, look at how strong these candles are.

They didn't even blow out.

These are not triggering fentanyl patches were, God, they were scary.

You know, when I first got sober, my my main frame of reference for sobriety was the show intervention on Annie.

I'm gonna put the patch on right now.

Watch if all of a sudden fall asleep intervention.

And I thought that That's how when I knew I had a problem.

I didn't think, Oh, I should just go to an AA meeting or I should ask a friend.

I was like, Okay, well, the way this is going to go down is I need to cause a huge mess and I need my friends and family to sit me down, send me to rehab for fifty thousand dollars or more, and then I can have a life beyond my wildest dreams.

I could have saved myself a lot of time and money if I would have just, you know, gone to a meeting or talked to a friend.

But I, when it was time for me to get sober, I did all that.

I had caused such a such chaos that I had an intervention, and I had watched the show so many times.

I have a tattoo of an intervention quote on my arm.

Oh my god, I put a lotion on another fucking patches, just like thirteen fucking dollars.

Put it up your ass.

Now I have to go anyway.

Whatever, Maybe I'll just like count sheep.

Was they saying, oh yeah, fentanyl patches.

Let's just get into it.

Let's just move on to the episode.

We are almost done.

This is a quickie.

It's labor day, it's a holiday.

No one's even to listen to this.

This is just kind of a freebie.

We're moving forward.

I don't want to skip a week.

Uh, and then we only have three more episodes left and the whole thing's done, and then I'll move on to antonicole or maybe basic.

I'll do some movies Basic Instinct two and such and such as.

So thank you for joining.

Enjoy Lauren Ashley Smith.

We'll be right back you just love you know I've done this before, and the whole interview head to be scrapped.

Yeah, when I when I spare time, my little bo.

Boo, am I clipping it or holding it?

Okay, gotta hold it, Okay, gotta hold it?

Happy too, she has to be kind of close.

Okay, wow a couch chat.

Yes, you look so beautiful.

Thank you.

To be honest, I tested out a little bit of free skincare before I left, and some of it is even tended.

That's why I said he's looking a little dork through the door.

Well you don't have addicted disprays hands, Yes you are, and such.

Laura Ashley Smith, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Just to catch everybody up, my laptop has water damage, so I'm in between laptops, so I don't know how much of this is gonna I don't know if I'm going to be able to edit angles.

Okay, so this might be the angle you're all watching.

But well, you're a professional, you're a radio superstar, so if you're listening to this, you won't know the.

Difference, right, it'll be none the wiser.

Because these are powerful little MIC's.

I love them.

They're very cute.

They look like little La boo boos.

Oh look like black l boo boos.

Do they have those natural hair?

No they don't, because it's racist racism.

I would love an African American La boo boo.

Actually, okay, you know that British girl that says I have the will, Yeah, she posted a black La Boo boo and she got in so much trouble for it.

But it was it was a rapper made of lot Boo boo of himself, like they made.

Oh it was like a so it didn't.

She was just saying, I love this La Boo boo.

It's my favorite rapper.

But it looked terror It looked like she.

Put it in le face de bla.

Yeah, it looked like those dolls that my mom used to decorate the house.

Before we started recording, which was just five seconds ago, we were talking a little about a little bit about Betty who there's been a lot of controversy.

She was on a podcast and she was basically responding to people saying that she had come out as by or whatever, like that she was pandering or something.

Is that right?

So she was responding to that by saying the gay community.

Maybe I'm getting her confused.

As Jojo honestly don't even remember what I don't remember what the question was, and I only half remember the answer.

I remember the Yeah, I guess I have rememory.

You know what I'm saying, I'm getting it.

I'm compound confounding them, compounding them, conflating, conflating it with Jojo c us saying I felt like the gay community put bullied me into coming.

Out, right.

I don't think Betty said that.

She didn't say that, but it had the same vibe to me.

It was kind of like, you feel pressure to come out because you're a public figure and you want to be an ally and you want to support, but at twenty one, you may not know your full sexuality.

Now, when someone says something like that, the only option you have is to insert your own experience into Really, so, as someone who is only gay a little bye, a little bye, but gay gay, gay, it's hard to wrap your head around that because you're like and also this is also it came across bad because she's been someone who has been with a man, married to a man for fifteen years or something.

Which I you know, I when I saw again only half remember you.

I'll speak to my own experience, I for my whole life really identified as by now I would say I'm pan sexual, but I really do not feel one gay, and I can see how, like you just said, it's a confusing thing to wrap your head around if you don't feel that way.

Right, And I know, as someone who has a lot of I try to be open to everyone else's experience.

I always check myself saying, okay, well that's the filter I'm looking at this through, so I don't really know.

But then I'll also say that there are I have noticed the only really only girls, young girls who want to be cool.

They say they're queer, but they have no they've maybe kissed one girl like drunk, and then they're like, I'm queer because they want to be in the cool crowd, which.

Is funny because, as you and I both know, being gay was very much not the cool crowd as far as like you know, like I would not categorize having my family not acknowledge my relationship and not show up to my wedding as as being cool, you know what I'm saying.

So it is a weird thing to mentally be like, oh, that's your way of like clout chasing is like saying your day.

It's like, be careful what you wish for.

Also, I'm so happy that you are not having the same traumatic experience that I had exactly.

And you're like my friends who have teenage kids, they are not gay.

There.

I have a lot of head of heterosexual friends who have teenage kids, and they all are going through the same thing.

They're like, the teens are gay, yeah, and then they get to college and they go, actually, I'm just straight.

Yeah.

And so it's easy for people to say, oh, it's just a fad to say you're queer, and it's just a different experience from what we had growing up.

And I also think, to be honest, like, were I born fifty years prior, I would have one just married a man.

I would have married a woman like and been like, yeah.

I would have been like, well, I mean, I guess you just everyone thinks women are attractive and hate their husband, Like I just would think that's how it was.

I think that the teenagers are the exact same as the teenagers were ten years ago, one hundred years ago, two hundred years ago.

But the culture has shifted where they feel safer being like, oh yeah, I'll kiss a girl I don't like my little gay and then maybe I'm not anymore or whatever, and it's so it's just less dangerous and less judged.

Slightly so.

But I think that everyone.

I don't think that our insides have changed.

I think the culture has changed.

Well perfectly said.

I wonder if I were born today, if I wouldn't be just fully full last trans, Yeah, because I was.

There's I mean, every picture of me as a kid is just with dress and heels on.

And if I had looked around and thought that that was like maybe I would have.

If it was the possibility.

Yeah, I am, Like, I just got chills.

I don't think I'm trans, you know, but like my environment was my environment, you know, and you coulde switch.

However, An the reason I asked you that is because you said you saw Betty who.

Last Yes, phenomenal.

I've never heard her seeing like her Broadway stuff.

Okay, I forgot she was in Hadestown, which I never heard it.

I've never seen hades town either.

Oh you would love it.

That's what I heard.

I don't know anything about it.

I've never seen it.

I've never heard a note of beauty music.

And I hate steampunk bullshit like that.

I can't stand up steam pump.

I hate that aesthetic.

I hate it.

It cannot it can't cross my eyes.

This was beautiful music.

Okay, I am excited.

No, she was phenomenal.

It was such a great show because I've only ever seen Betty do like her upbeat show with like her dancers and stuff, and this was her with the La phil So it was like it was stripped down.

She was in like heels and address and a tucks and all these things.

She did.

The first set just turned the piano and hearn the guitar and she did all of her hits acoustic stripped back.

And then the second half the La Philharmonic came out and they sang the rest of her hits with the full might of an orchestra.

It was spectacular.

Damn.

It was so cool.

And also the crowd was the coolest crowd, Like Vincent was in the crowd, like it was like all musicians and like just like the chicest, coolest people.

Yeah, I mean, listen, the power of a straight white woman.

Good for her.

Yeah, I'm kidding.

I love her, I will always love her.

I love she was very important to me during twenty twelve and today.

Yeah, I'm such I'm so hookreu.

It's crazy, totally so you weren't able to watch this episode.

No, I'm so sorry.

Do not apologize.

I literally said, you don't have to, and you don't because I can tell you what happened.

Please, I'm four episodes away from being done with this entire series.

And while I love Jackie and I love Bravo and I love all the shows, I cannot wait.

To be off the ride, wait to be done.

You can tell why it was canceled after season three.

They've lost.

They're trying to catch a dragon of Biggest Loser, and they're trying to basically, did you ever watch Workout?

I think I saw maybe six episodes back in the day, Like I can remember it in my mind's eye, like the gym.

I can remember her outfits, her her haircut, I can remember the visual.

I don't have any other frame of reference in that put.

Well, maybe just talk to me a little bit about being a queer or a pan or whatever woman looking at because for me looking at it, it's incredible to see someone just ate lesbian out here having sex with women in the El Coyvite bathroom, like tonguing down.

I mean, there's no it was.

You wouldn't see that today.

That's what was happening on a workout.

Season one, she talks to her on the El Comedy bathroom, cameras rolling, they go in there, they do it.

What year was season one?

Two thousand and six?

Okay, because I think that is in it's before.

But my frame of reference for a show like that, did you ever watch The Real l word?

Okay?

Everyone brings that up this show because everyone loves that show.

My friend Alexandra produced it.

The show is giving that, but it it was like full on pornography.

Did you watch that?

Loved it?

Everyone loves that.

She loves that show because it was la It was basically like gay bander pump rules.

That's what works with cameras in their houses, like mounted to the ceiling.

That's what this is too, and that's why I like it.

I also think not so much in the third season, but at the beginning, I think they may have They might have thought this may not end up on TV.

Let's do whatever film it, which you never get anymore.

No, it's so curated and like people are just people on reality and I love reality.

I love reality.

But I miss the old days of shows when people didn't know what they could get out of being on reality TV.

Like I miss like season one of Love is Blind.

I miss the old like Bachelor shows where people were just going on there for the premise of the show.

They were like, Oh, I'm getting my blue check.

Oh, I'm getting my influencer.

I'm not.

Yeah, I'm getting my you know mc mansion in you know Studio City.

Yes, like that that time, like this time, where people were just doing it for the love of being absolutely unhinged.

I miss it.

I do too.

Jackie was a little ahead of the game because she at least figured out, oh, I need to do I'll do a clothing line of ath leisure were that you can wear from the gym to cocktails, which nobody wants to know.

No, not damp clothes.

Hell no.

Uh but this episode, so we're winding down, I don't know.

Let me just look through my notes.

Lesbian travel Dynamics.

I'm going to ask you about this.

They were now in the Lesbian Cruz aftermath, she takes all her employees on a lesbian all the girls a lesbian Cruz and gets them all wasted.

And I say this lovingly portrayed as somewhat of a predators, you know, trying to get the straight one to make out with her and things like that.

And are reduced her employees or her clients.

Honey.

Last last season she had an affair with one of her employees.

Oh, they dated, and I think they dated for the show, but we'll say they dated for real because Jackie.

Yeah, because Rebecca wasn't gays.

Going back to our original conversation, Rebecca the first season had a boyfriend.

She was showing Jody Wattley a did pick at the gym?

You know Jodie what lee name sounds familiar.

Pop star from the eighties.

Oh yes, yes, uh.

And then the second season she was like you can tell that.

Rebecca was like, oh, I'll get more camera time if I date Jackie.

I'll just be fluid.

But it was kind of cute.

Okay, Well, anyway, so they do that.

Okay, but lesbian traveling?

Have you ever been on a lesbian cruise?

I have not.

I okay, I used to aspire to, but I hate the idea of a cruise period.

I think will never go are nursty okay.

Nursty the poop cruise.

Poop cruise, will not do it.

However, back in the day, I was semi willing to break that rule for a lesbian cruise because I think that does sound fun.

I want to go to lesbian cruise.

I do not want to go on a homosexual man crew.

No, no, no, no no, you couldn't pay me.

My music director, Brian Nash is the entertainment director for Atlantis Cruise Lines, and nothing is packed jam packed.

He's there every few months and he plays piano.

They do the piano bart Natalie Joy Johnson performs a lot on there, and big comedians, yes, huge booster, yes, you know whoever.

And it is eight days and Natalie says, the first it's also international water, so you can kind of bring drugs and it's all fine.

So they're all by the time they reach the eighth day, none of them have slept.

They're all bleary eyed, and they're just whoever they can get.

It just turns into a zombie apocalypse.

And then Brian he showed me screenshots of that.

There is a discord for the ship, Oh my god, and it's basically just people being like, I'm in room twelve, come fuck me.

And there is one screenshot that I look at whenever I need to brighten my day, and it is some twink.

You're gonna love this.

There's some twink.

It's like five in the morning, it's like the fifth day, and he just says, I'm in room five twenty.

I need someone to come.

Bing bang bong my inside, bing bang bong my insights, bing bang.

Bong my insides is crazy.

Sometimes I just will write that to Brian and oh my god, hey, bing bang bing.

Bang bong my insides, sweetheart, Oh my.

God, that is so funny poetry.

That's beautiful poetry in motion.

And for that, I would go on Atlanta's cruise.

And if I could perform from money, yes, And if I could go from the state to my room, back to this stage then to like a private overlook where I could look at the mess but not be it.

I don't want to interact.

I don't want to catch yes, their COVID.

Every single person in the LGBTWOQI plus community is my sibling, my relative, my loved one.

But I would need the coast Guard to come get me and free me from that environment.

After twenty minutes of being a.

Board, I know that the next morning, after one day, I would panic, Yeah, get me.

Off this, get me off the ship.

I need a place to I have to escape.

I can't be trapped.

No.

And like the idea of looking out of a window and seeing the open water and like not seeing any land and just being like, Okay, we're out here basically alone.

No, thank you.

I like it's making my heart race a little.

Well.

They went on the list on Olivia Olivia yeah, and I mean whatever.

They played pool games and Rebecca, who is not but dated Jackie all last season, was like bouncing on these big butch lesbian's laps with a balloon, trying to pop a balloon on their twats and these are just that sounds fun.

I would love that too.

So they get back.

There is no real fallout.

This is the crux of the episode, which is boring to the last five minutes, so let's skip through.

They you can tell that they are trying to chase the big o'sloser thing, and she says, okay, we need to try to sell Skysport and Spot as a program because that it was we were starting to learn that diet and exercise or just going to the gym you need to have a life overhaul, which now we've learned more.

But it started as a bougie gym.

Now she's like, no, it's a program.

They don't crack it, and they're really trying hard to sell it, but at the end of the day, they're just at a bougie gym, which is she's she claims four hundred dollars an hour, and it is the beginning of the Bravo aspirational You can't have this lifestyle unless your bougie which go off.

It turned into the Housewives whatever, But it doesn't work when you're a severely overweight person whose life is in the hanging.

They're trying to make it like their life is in the balance.

And did you watch the Biggest Loser documentary?

Yes?

How upsetting was that?

It made me sad because I did watch some of the later seasons.

I think I was not aware of the the first season, like Temptations where they were making them carrying food with their mouth from point A to point or you can see your family if you eat this pizza, those types of things.

When that woman, I forgot her name.

I think I want to say, is Susan or something, But the lady, it was like they she thought that they were just going to the hotel, and then they dropped them off at the beach for the first episode and made them run to a finish line and only if you cross the finish line did you get on the show.

And she basically died during that challenge, but she really want to be on the show.

And then they were Bob and that woman were so mean to her.

Woman needs to go.

She's going to cruise and sink.

I hate her.

I hate her and I've said he I've hate her on two episodes of this so far.

JILLIANE michaels She's a rotten witch.

She's a rotten witch.

She's a fucking yes.

And what does it feel like to see a lesbian with an African American adopted child saying gay pride is bad and that slavery was Yeah, white people, there were so many white people who didn't have slaves.

Yeah.

That pisses me off.

To yes, it pisses me off and sends me to another dimension.

I hate her so much, and I think there's somebody to be said for the fact that ten years ago, more than that, she was the only person that Andy ever named as the worst person on Watch Rappens.

So hateful, She's a hateful person.

A hateful person.

I can't and I have actually really liked hearing from people dissecting what she had said, because when you hear it, you're like, oh, well, maybe there are only two percent and then but no, no, like Toure, I know that Ray had a moment where he was problematic or whatever, but I happened to, like Terrey hit him breaking it down, I thought was really nice, Yeah, really thorough and kind of like put it back, just kind of brought us back to reality a little bit.

I personally, and I don't want to get like too academic or nerdy, but I personally think that a lot of people could stand to read because slavery was so recent that there are many, many, many first hand written accounts by people who were enslaved.

You can think of incidents of the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs, Frederick Douglas's autobiography.

People need to stop getting their information from Instagram or talking heads TikTok, whoever read actual narratives from enslaved people so you can understand and draw do your own research by reading a book.

Well, the whole critical race theory thing that happened in twenty twenty or whenever they started calling it critical race theory, but that whole New York Times project, what.

Was it, the sixteen nineteen project.

I was reading those and I was like, Wow, this is history we weren't taught, correct and for some instead of that landing for the rest of the country, for the majority of us going oh, this should have been taught.

Aren't we glad we're reading it now?

The fact that it was so villainized as they are trying, I still am in shocked that that happened.

Why not just read it as supplemental history.

It's unbelievable.

And it that the reaction was so defensive and it's an outlaw.

Yes, no one is.

No one is saying anything about you.

All there saying is this is what happened?

Yes, that's it.

It's crazy to me, it's wild.

Okay, anyway, back.

To work out talking about Jillian Michaels, Yeah, I.

Mean okay, and you know that Jackie and Jillian Michaels were ex girlfriends, and that Jillian Michaels started the gym together, and then she threatened to sue Jackie if she didn't pay her out, and then she got Jillian a job as a writer's assistant at ICM.

They have a whole pasted Okay, yeah, lesbian drama.

Wow, that proves every lesbian knows each other.

Right.

Uh?

There is this uh B storyline that Erica, who you don't know, is going to model with this guy Greg who has since passed r E P.

I tell the story every time to the guest.

Greg passed away when he was shooting fitness content and some railroad tracks over here and got right over by a train.

It was near your house.

Again, I'm not laughing at it, but it is always shocking to see someone hear that for the first time.

Are you serious?

Wait?

Why was I may he rest?

Why was he filming fitness content on an active railroad?

I think they thought it was a sexy setup.

Oh, that's so sad.

He was hot.

That's so that's a horrible way to pass away.

He died doing what he loved, is what we've been saying.

That's fair, you know.

And there was a film crew, so we were wondering, does the footage of this, And of course Laura was saying a couple of weeks ago, wouldn't you know the train even if you have headphones in, even if you're not that you would you.

Feel like, oh my god, oh no, oh my god.

So Greg invites he's alive on the show.

She invites Erica to be a model at this modeling shoe.

And this is the second time in a couple of weeks that she's been invited to go.

She's stunningly gorgeous, and every time someone's like, hey, will you be in this modeling shoe, She's like, what one of them was somebody said, hey, we need an Angelina Jolie look alike.

Shut up.

She's like, that's me.

See it's crazy.

I do not look like She looks exactly like she's a supermodel.

That's hilarious.

Does she genuinely believe that?

I think she's just a nice person, and who doesn't she is so gorgeous.

But I think she's genuinely a sweet girl who doesn't want to seem like a bitch and stuck up her own ass.

But I think she knows.

I'm sure she she has to know.

She's pretty.

The girls go to catch up.

This is before your Time.

I love seeing this show.

I forget that all these places even existed.

That sounds familiar.

It was on sunset and the only reason I know where it was because it looks down onto Mel's dry Mel's diner.

They're sitting there talking someone.

Okay, So they added a woman of color this season named Lisa, who is an office administrator, and she's this beautiful statue us like stunningly TV ready woman.

But she doesn't have anything to do because there is I don't think there was a lot of bookkeeping, although it was before lots of everything was in our phone.

So she is carrying a lot of files around.

It fun, but you can tell that her her function there is to stir up drama because by this by this point in the show, the Bravo had learned that no one wants to see actually people working out or even losing weight for them matter.

They want to see the Yeah, they want to see fights.

So she also seems like she's on klonipin.

So she's just like low asleep.

Lisa kind of reminds me of like Megan in suits, Megan Markle and oh interesting looking around, looking pretty, doing business.

She's like a She's like a power bookkeeper, bookkeeper.

Love that.

I appreciate that.

Greg was the one person that when we see their photos with you know, their fitness photo shoot and he's eating dumb dumbs from Craftyed, I always wonder who's eating the dumb dumbs.

I've never seen someone take dumb.

The dumb dumb.

I thought they were purely ornamental.

Yeah, because like.

Who's eating the dumb dumb he is?

He said that he's starved.

His technique before going to a photo shoot is to not drink any water for like forty eight hours and then carb deprive yourself so that when you get there you look super extra ripped, which is probably why he needed the dumb dumpty to live.

Yes, yeah, he was fading away.

Greg and Erica go to the same place that Jesse talked to the gay porn star who served in the Iraq War after their modeling shoot.

Okay, now we'll end with this.

The big blow up happens.

Brian Peeler gets fired at the end of this episode, and he's one of the main characters from the get go.

Okay, he's now very maga apparently and like a Georgia like good old boy.

I find him hot.

No one else does.

Just exactly the picture you could imagine.

Es like a football league jock from school.

He has a friend who comes and works out with him in the like late in the day, and Jackie and Lisa are in the office looking through the window and then working out, and Lisa makes a comment about her tits and she's that she does they're so fake looking.

She does like her tits, and the woman's boyfriend is overhearing it and comes in and says she had cancer.

Oh no, oh my god, I can't believe he heard that.

And then that was the response.

So then what happens is if I were Jackie, and I think her greatest achievement is that she knows how to be professional, even though she's making out with her employees and stuff, when someone like this happens, she protects her business.

Well.

I feel like she would have said, oh my god, let's make this right.

She would have gone to Brian and said this was such a horrible situation, or I'll fire Lisa because Lisa said it, like do something instead he comes and confronts her Jackie the next day, and he's like, something was said about my friend and she was like, I'm not discussing it, and they blow up at each other.

He calls her a bitch and she fires him on the spot and he leaves and that's like the end of the episode, which is a huge deal, like, no one's been fired yet.

Is she someone?

Okay?

Okay.

I think she didn't know production wise what had been captured on camera yet, and when he did that, I thought.

I think she was like, if I don't talk about it, maybe it won't be on the show.

And so that's why she shut it down.

If she knew that it had been captured it was going to be in the cut, she would have taken the opportunity to go, wow, I must apologize.

Yeah, I mean, but didn't she think that firing someone would ensure it would go in the cut?

I don't know if they knew this yet.

Honestly, I don't think they were savvy yet about the edit.

Like they got a new showrunner this season.

When I was producing shows at this time, I was literally producing shows at the exact same time, and we were shooting just everything.

You would ship it off to Post and then eight months later it would become something.

And you were done the wiser of what was going to be the story, the arc, any of it.

Yeah, A Smith, you know that you might have you might have thought that, Yeah, I don't think you know a basic gist.

But you also didn't know when things were going to end up.

All the time.

They were like, oh, actually that thing we plan on episode two is going to be the finale of episode nine post just it was its own world, yes, and it was months and months and months apart in a different team, And then they would do pickups and go, oh, we want to cheat this scene as something else, Like it's very creative, interesting.

So that's the episode four more and then I'm going to move on to something else.

Yeah, do you know what the something else is?

Have you announced it?

I'm going to start doing some one offs of movies.

I'm gonna do Basic Instinct to the sequel to Basicainstinct.

Have you seen that film?

I haven't seen either.

What I know, I didn't see a lot of movies like you.

We've talked about this because.

We didn't have the movie theater money, so we like did Blockbuster and stuff, but that's not one.

I don't think we would have been allowed to like rent.

No.

Yeah, so I haven't seen a lot of movies.

I need you to watch bas againstink I will.

I would love to.

It's great.

I bet it is.

I mean it's culturally like it's a cornerstone.

Have you seen Showgirls?

Yes, okay, yes I have, and that is truly that piece of shit.

It is, but it's amazing, it's great.

I saw that in the theater with my dad.

I think I saw it like on TCM or something like or like on TNT or TBS.

Oh tut, that's true.

Maybe I've only seen the cable version.

It was in c seventeen and my dad drove me to the mall and we watched it in the theater together the day it came out.

And what did he say after I don't remember, but we had he and I went to go see the I think he was trying to like sexualize me into Yeah.

He was like, we can't let this keep going done this.

It was like, my son is not going the way I want him to go.

We're gonna sit here and look at these girls.

Yea, yeah, but it didn't work.

It didn't work.

It didn't work.

I'm gonna do that.

I think I might do Anna Nicole.

Yes, I loved that show.

That was like I was, I really want to do that first, But I'm glad I did this.

The thing about Antonacole is I think it was on for a billion episodes and it was.

I remember being really short.

But I think you are right that it was on a lot.

It was all maybe they just re ran it a lot.

It just feels like there's the volume of it, and I have such bad attention span.

I think what I might do is watch season one and do a season one special and then maybe season two.

But I can't do every single episode an episode of this show.

Can I give you a suggestion for down the line?

Yes?

Being Bobby Brown.

Oh, I have a history with that show.

What is it?

Andy was sent the raw footage before it aired on Bravo.

I don't know if he even worked at He might have just worked at Trio.

I don't even know if he was at Bravo yet.

It was early, like two thousand and three or four, something like that, maybe five, I don't know, but just it was a lot.

It was early, and he goes you won't believe this.

They sent all this footage and we got together, me and him, his friend Lynn, I think Hickey, and we smoked pot and we just watched this raw footage and our jaws dropped.

And he was like, well, no one will.

This will never air, like no one will.

And maybe it did.

It did, like two years later or a year later.

They figured out how to cut smartly.

And then I remember the conversation was like, whoa, they signed over they signed releases so stupidly they sign for me.

It was so chaotic, but it humanized totally Whitney Houston in such an amazing way.

To me.

I was like, Oh, she's a regular person who like just likes hanging out, like because her whole image was so sanitized and so like, you know, she's just this and but it's like she married Bobby Brown for a reason, like they were two peas in a pod.

I love seeing how much they love each other.

I love seeing how much fun they had.

That show was so good and so funny.

It's so major.

I think Erica from Bravo mentioned that on the show that was a pivotal one for her too.

I remember it, and I remember, yeah, the picture of her became more clear once you saw that.

And she's so likable.

She's the most I.

Just love she honestly is in a lot of ways, like a similar to Cardi b like just a naturally care is mad.

It's the way that she speaks and sees the world.

So smart and also and so famous, but also so down to earth.

It's like that similar in like a Kiki Palmer, where it's just like this person, everything they do is so compelling because they are so authentically like real all the time.

And that's not even to say anything about the voice exactly.

It's like all of a sudden, she also has this Barber streissand level.

Yes, singing voice is she has my favorite voice of all time.

Beautiful.

Her voice can do things that no one's voice can.

I literally she's my number one.

And then we work our way down the line.

I would I would agree with you.

It's my favorite voice, yes, because it can do so many things.

Yeah, any other lesbian tea are revelations What other shows were big for you at this time?

So this is two thousand and.

Eight, Okay, other shows that were big for me at this time?

I think this might be a couple of years ahead, I mean earlier, but Sorority Life on MTV.

Wow.

I really loved shows from this time.

I was deep in a teen mom and sixteen and pregnant.

Ever watched it?

Oh, never watched.

It, Teen Mom Ogre, It's Farah Amber and Macy it would and Caitlin and Tyler it would blow your mind, unbelievable stuff.

I did not miss an episode.

Those were like my seminal shows, but especially Sorority Life too, because that was like I was like, Oh, I want to go to college and like be like a semi adult.

You know, Smith's Sister's Live this week?

What will be covered?

What will be covered?

We are having Jeff Lewis on Fun on Tuesday.

No, I'm sorry on Wednesday.

No, we pre taped it.

It was really fun.

Sure we are going to probably talk about I think there's like the VMA's are coming up.

That's next week.

We're probably going to get into the Last Drop of Love is Blind UK, probably check in with our Love Island alums that are having a lot of.

Drugs fun that that was so fun.

I loved it because I love being with you.

I loved being with you and Lindsay and Rachel and Maryan Brooke, and I liked the food once I got over my brain worms and decided to just eat rather than feel starved.

I love those tendies.

The Tendy's were so good.

I went through and deleted all my problematic threads before that party.

It was a party thrown by threads, so I thought, if they're going to be looking at my threads, I should clean up my ass because I have been going to maga people and really going on and.

I love when I say that actually bad.

I don't want to be putting that out there.

You inspired me because I rarely was on threads until like maybe the past like three months, and I got into it, and I kind of didn't realize that anyone that I knew, but I.

Didn't I can't know Andrew Cmo a fat fun.

Well and I told and the same one after I saw you said that.

I responded him and I said, shut the fuck up.

And so now, but I didn't realize that my sister's and my sister in law and my family were on threads.

So yesterday my sister in law said a text to the family.

She just said, in the words of Lauren, shut the fuck up, because she was like, I didn't know you were out here on threads just telling people to shut the fuck up.

When I am truly fed up.

The only thing that I can think to say is shut.

Shut the fuck up.

That's all I can.

I don't even want to get into it with you, but my sentiment is shut the.

Fuck up me too.

I usually I checked threads once every other day, and it's at like eight in the morning, and I'm just like, okay, just checking the things, clearing the messages, whatever, and it just knows to serve me rage bait.

Yes, And I can't take that bait anymore.

I'm I'm better than that.

And mine, you need to just go to following because mine doesn't show me a rage bait.

Mine shows me loving that, It shows me Nicolandria edits from Love Island.

It shows me things from shows that I like.

It shows me women's sports things, it shows me breaking news, and it shows me and it shows me your responses, which then I piggyback on yours and I say, shut the fuck up, and then I move on with.

And I guess I said something else.

Andrew Cuomo, he is talking about Mom, Donnie Mandannie.

Yes, and oh he's gonna do this that, And I said, take your fucking dusty ass to the nearest carvel and shove a whale cake up your pussy.

Brilliant.

No, but it's messy.

Brilliant, Matt, Listen, we need voices like that because while I my shut the fuck up is like it's so rote, it like just bounces off of people like that.

But his social media manager is reading all their plies and just going like through like you suck, you suck, you suck.

It's not landing.

Shove a whale cake up your pussy is that's moving the needle.

I'm dying.

We need to get in a writer's room from those.

Yes, we need you the Okay, I'm gonna stop doing that though, I'm gonna Although I did say the other day in response to the Snoop Dogg thing, I.

That's another shut the fuck.

Up, shut the fuck up.

It was.

It was the day after the Threads party where I had cleaned up my act and I couldn't resist.

I just put a thread out that said I think every newborn baby should be taught about homosexuality.

Every baby's first word should be faggot or Lauren, do you have you seen what people said to me after that.

No, what it's people from our side saying you like that.

I'm you're part of the problemating like, don't ever say those like they and they a lot of.

People people don't understand SATAI didn't, and.

I and I had.

I wrote to one person, I was like, I'm sorry, this was just like a joke about the Snoop Dogg.

Yeah, like, I don't imagine me really thinking that.

Are you fucking stupid?

You're stupid?

They're critical thinking has gone out the window.

And this guy said something like derogatory, like what And I said it was meant to be a joke, and he goes, not funny, And then I said something along lines or shut the fuck up.

I don't know.

This is the thing.

I'm already I'm like sweat anything about threads.

Threads is poison.

I love it, though, I'm gonna I'm gonna do your thing.

So I go to following, Yeah, following, don't do.

Don't let threads curate for you because you've given it too much information that you like the rage bait.

I'm engaging, You're engaging with it, so you have to or you have to start riding the ship in the sense that you have to find things that you do like, engage with that and then your thing will will decrease your rage bait.

Postkay one more question.

Have you seen the Jesse Smollett documentary?

Not yet.

I'm gonna watch it tonight.

I'm gonna watch it.

I had a couple requests to watch it.

I think that might make me upset to watch.

I think I might get mad at him probably, uh and I but I will be watching it.

I'm gonna watch it too.

And there's another there's another Netflix docing may that need to watch.

Okay Smith's Sister's Live Lauren Ashley Smith ms LAS on Instagram and.

Everywhere else and TikTok and threads.

Yeah, anything else you want to tell the people before we go about our day.

Oh, listen to our podcast, which is the podcast version of our radio show, Smith's Sisters Live Deep Dive.

We drop new episodes every month, So, uh, Monday, September first, we have another episode coming out with Jake Shane Amazing TikToker.

We talk about Taylor Swift's engagement, We talk about Selena Gomez's engagement, her bachelorette party, and It's a nice way to get a taste of Smith's Sisters Live.

But you can get that wherever you get your podcasts.

And if you like it, leave us a five star review.

Yes, do it.

And of course six am on the West Coast every morning, sisas live on radio and EA channel one or two.

And you know people are listening to the Spotify versions of our Seria shows.

I know a lot of people who only know me from that.

I'm sure people are.

This is a good thing for you to be promoting, for sure.

I'm so I'm so happy that people have the chance to listen to it.

And I also I am so grateful to you that you I said I missed it, but you were on our show a couple weeks back when I was out of town, and it was such a good episode.

It was so fun.

And I love my sisters and I love John so much.

We love you so much.

I love you too.

I really appreciate you doing this.

Of course, my pleasure.

Okay, bye bye.

Thanks for the use of your phone of course, easy.

Yeah, thank you so much.

Any I'll be able to edit it, I hope.

Thank you Lauren Ashley Smith for being the guest this week.

Everybody.

Thank you for tuning in, Thank you for sharing this, Thank you for listening if you're listening on audio and watching, if you're watching on YouTube show Pony is Me, John Hill.

I do the whole thing, even the editing and the posting and even asking the chat GBT what the description should be, because we want things to be SEO optimized.

I'm so sick of that too, Like, just here's what it's about.

Why does the Why do I need to go out of my way to make the robots understand?

Like figure it out?

But that's the way it goes.

Once again, thanks to Pansyass Ceramics for this gorgeous young man on all fours with his hole in the air.

These candles are really lit in so many ways.

Join us next week.

Andy and I are off all week and then we're back next week.

I will be live on Tuesday with Pete Zeis.

Oh my god, I have to sneeze again.

Oh it went away?

Follow me at John Arthur Hill on Instagram.

Oh my god, I do have to sneeze.

Why can't I just sneeze?

Ugh?

I know, wheah?

What is going on with my body?

Was it the patch?

Am I allergic?

To the patch.

I'm like sneezing yanning at the same time, I'm having a meltdown.

Okay, I think I'm okay.

I think it's past.

That was so weird.

Half sneeze, half yawn.

Maybe I'm going through menopause.

All right, thanks for joining us.

We'll see you next week.

Bye.

Oh yeah