You're listening to a mother Mer podcast, Muma Me your acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.

This podcast is recorded on first love.

Remember that, the innocent fun, the inseparability, the rush of emotions, and all those forgettable firsts.

For Susie and John, that was exactly what it was like.

They were just very similar, grew up in the same town, are the same friends and families.

Knew each other, which is easy.

He treated me so well does my high school sweetheart.

We loved each other so much.

Every day was blissed with him.

Yeah, we loved each other very much.

The thing about first love, though, is that one of the firsts is the breakup, a rite of passage, but never an easy one.

So what happens when you go through two breakups at once, one with your ex and another with someone you never imagine could or should break your heart?

I didn't anybody at all.

It's like I found them that night, and then they just continued on living their merry life, doing everything that me and him used to do.

And then no one sat me down, no one said anything, no one mentioned a theme.

It was just it was a weird, just a weird shock.

I don't know how anybody could do that.

I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex Come with me as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of the very people who lived them.

At sixteen, Susie was just your typical teenage girl.

She was the youngest of five kids.

There was her sister, Anne, who was fifteen years older, and her best friend, along with three brothers.

She had plenty of friends and enjoyed the simple life of a small town.

Things were good and right around there, boys started catching her eye, especially one in particular named John.

We went to the same high school in a small country town.

I always noticed him at school, but we never really spoke.

It wasn't until after.

It wasn'tuntil after we met at a party, a house party once.

Yeah, we just clicked instantly.

Basically, we never really spoke at school, but when we spoke at the party, we just got on so well.

From that point on, they were pretty much official.

John was a couple of years older, but they shared the same interest and their young love had all the right ingredients fun, adventure and plenty of loves.

We were inseparable.

So the minute he'd knock off from work or I'd finish work, he'd come over to my house.

I'd go to his house.

Itill summer.

We'd go to the beach, go to the movies, always out to dinners.

Back then in the small town, there was always parties on the weekend.

We just had a blast together.

I went on his family holidays, he'd come on mine.

Just every single minute when we're together, and we just cleaped like.

There was never any issues.

We never fought, We're never jealous, all the you know, the things would do when we're of teenagers.

We'd love to go to music festivals.

We'd go to all the same parties.

I think a small country town to everyone knew everybody, so you go to a party and just be the same, like fifty people.

Yeah, we just got on so well.

He was an apprentice and I worked in an office, and we would just spend every minute we went at work, we'd spend it together.

We'd go to all the parties together at the small town.

He'd take me out for dinners all the time, heaps of movies, anything fun.

Really, We'll just go on random road trips.

I mean, we were young.

I was sixteen, he might have been nineteen.

See, whenever we went at work, we were just together.

I didn't have my license, so he did.

He drove me everywhere.

We'd go to the city, just yeah, on the train, any adventure.

He was very adventurous.

He would go to Taife about twenty minute drive when he was an apprentice, and he took a backstreet one day by himself and he saw going left one way was the street with my name was the street name, and then going the opposite direction was the street name was his name.

Well, like, that is so wild, what are the chances of that?

He came home and showed me the photo on his phone and we all laughed about it, and we went to tape.

The next week when he came home, he had the two street signs in his car and he told them and we hung him up, like hung them up in the garden and it was like this big joke.

And they were just right next to each other, our two names.

It was just and they're still there.

I drive past them sometimes and see the signs of life.

They were good times, always having a laugh, It was always fun, always joking around.

Yeah, they were happy times.

Yeah, We're just very similar, grew up in the same town and the same friends and families, knew each other.

It was just easy.

He treated me so well.

John was definitely a part of our family.

I was a part of his family, and yeah, John was a part of mine, just my high school sweetheart.

We loved each other so much.

Every day was blissed with him.

Yeah, we loved each other very much.

Two years into their relationship, Susie caught a serious case of wonderlust.

Ready to spread it, she set his sights on the adventure of a lifetime, the solo Journey Overseas.

After I graduated high school, I had friends that live in Canada and America, so I decided that I'm going to go save up for a year and go traveling.

So I graduated school, saved up, and flew out.

We've been together two years by this point, and I was gone for nine months, which was a very long time.

There were times where I thought maybe I shouldn't go because I'm so inseparable, but he couldn't come because he was an apprentice.

I just I think I can wait around for like two or three years, so I thought I'll just go.

I think I was so naive.

I thought, nine months, you know, it won't be that hard.

But I remember the minute I flew out.

I landed in Singapore and I just had like a twelve hour layover and I just cried in the airport for twelve hours, thinking how am I going to do this?

I've made the biggest mistake.

I already missed him and missed my family.

And I was only day one out of nine months.

So out of that nine months, for five of those months, five or six months, I was in Canada.

I'd never seen snow, and they live in northern Canada where it's like minus fifty every day in winter.

We did skiing, snowboarding on Skoodoo, a lot of house parties very similar to hear, but the weather was just so extreme.

I'd never experienced anything like that, leaving here in summer and landing there in the middle of winter.

The highlight of the Canada trip was probably me and her flu and saw the Spice Scales and concert, which was so amazing.

After Canada, I flew to the US and I stayed with some of my dad's friends for a couple of months, and then I had a pen pal who had never met who lived in London.

Yeah, it was a great time.

So when I was away, unfortunately the phone I had didn't work where they lived.

It was they lived quite remote in northern Canada, so and I think Facebook was just becoming a thing.

So we were old school.

We'd have to email each other and I have to call like his parents' house and get a landline because it was twelve hours difference.

I have to make sure I'm calling at the right time, and he was at work, so contact was pretty minimal when I first got there, which I really struggled with not being able to just pick up the phone and text or call him.

One my phone didn't work and two there was no signal.

So I did struggle with that, just going from like twenty four seven contact or with him to really nothing and knowing him on the other side of the world.

Just if I wanted to fly home, it's going to take me three days to get home.

And when I was away for that nine months, thoughts to he crossed my mind, like maybe I should just fly home because I missed him and my family so much.

But then the other half of me it was like, they're so silly, You've got to just see this out I missed him so much and he missed me, and when I was away, it all seemed so normal.

He never we never had any issues.

Yeah, we just couldn't wait to be back together again.

We had plans to get married and have kids and just be together forever.

And when it was time to come home, the old saying rang true.

Absence really did make the heart grow fonder.

I remember crying on the plane from Singapore to Perth, just crying so long, sneaking I'm finely going to see him again because we're together NonStop for two years, and then to have a big, nine months long distance relationship was really hard.

He picked me up from the airport when I landed.

I remember being away for nine months.

That was just the best feeling of getting off the plane after nine months and seeing him again.

The joy to see him was just so overwhelming.

We both just cried at the airport, like we just it'd been such a long time, nine long, long months.

We just said we miss each other so much and that will never be a part for that long again.

I just got back into work.

He was still an apprentice, so he went back to work.

Everything was just so normal.

I sloted back in with my friends.

Everything was great.

The time of part at such a young age has a way of stirring questions and awakening new desires for life's possibilities.

Around four months after Susie's return, she found herself seeing her relationship with John in a different light.

I suppose being away for so long, not only did I miss him, but also realized, yes, you know so many more years ahead of me that I don't need to be settling down so young.

And yeah, I felt the same for him.

I thought we both needed just have fun.

I guess, have fun with our friends and have fun when we're young, not be so serious.

I was nineteen by this time, he was twenty one.

We're both just so young that I'd only never known him since I was like sixteen.

I only ever knew him as a boyfriend.

I didn't know anything else apart from him, So, yeah, it was an accumulation of feelings.

I think he was feeling the same, so I thought I'd just bring it up and just see how he feels.

And in the car we're just driving along, I just said, I think I think you feel the same.

I think we just need to have some time apart we're drifting apart.

We're not as close as we used to be.

And by this time, you know, all our friends had sort of moved away, and the town wasn't the same.

It wasn't fun.

See, I thought, we'll just spend some time apart.

I just put it out there to see what he could say, and he agreed.

He thought, yep, it makes sense what you're saying.

And being an apprentice, he was locked into that job, couldn't travel, didn't really want to travel.

But on me, on the other hand, I wanted to just see the whole world.

So we're just going in different directions.

He was very working, family based.

I just wanted to see the world and not really be tied down by anything, especially so young.

Yeah, from that day and we sort of just was just a mutual split, which after two and a half years it was sad, but I think we're both fine with them.

And I said, well, it's not forever.

We can just split for now and then see we might go back together later in the future, who knows.

So it was sad for both of us, but we definitely felt like it was the right thing to do at that time.

I suppose I didn't want to be hit with the reality that we might not get back together.

So I just always took it as, yeah, we'll just have a break and then we'll get back together.

And I guess he was the same.

He just thought, we'll see what happens.

The weeks after, I do remember that was really hard.

It was really sad.

I didn't know what to do with my life because I just I'd only known him for so long.

I've always had a big group of friends, like girlfriends, so I started spending more time with them.

But it was really hard.

It was really lonely trying and not pick up my phone and message him or call him.

He obviously felt the same.

There was a few texts back and forth, just like check with each other, But think that made it harder as well, which is like a reminder of what we weren't and we just, yeah, slowly, just over the weeks, I guess just grew apart even more.

It had been three months since Susie and John split.

While it was sad and difficult at times, she had no regrets.

She was embracing her freedom, spending time with her girlfriends, savoring unforgettable nights out, and on one of those nights, the word memorable was taken to a whole new level.

My friends and I were going out to the bars and the clubs, and we had to stop by my best friend's parents' house.

She lived in the same small town.

So we drove to her parents' house, pulled in the driveway, and my sister, she lived two doors down from my friend's parents house, And when we put up to her friend's parents house, I saw his car was parked in my sister's driveway, his being John's.

I thought, that's a bit strange.

It was a Friday night, I remember that clearly.

I don't know why is Carl would be at her house.

I mean, we're all close and were together, like if families are.

And my sister so she's fifteen years older than me at the time, I was nineteen.

Boyfriend or ex boyfriend at that time he was twenty one and she was thirty three.

So I just got out of the car and walked down to her house and inside the loundry and light was on, and I peered through the front door was like a frosted glass, and they were just having sex in the one hundred room, and I was just like, what the outside hell?

I just banged on the door so so hard right inside, just screaming like what are you guys doing?

It was such a shock.

I'd never expected anything like that in my life.

I was just screaming at them both, like what are you doing?

Like I had so many questions, how long has it been going on?

Like so many questions.

I was basically a mess, though, So I just ran out of the house, ran back to my friends.

We jumped in the car and they were like, what's wrong?

And I told them and they were just as mind blown as I was.

So my mind first went to I've just been away for nine months, out of the sear of what has been going on?

When I was ever seas And I ran back to the to my friends and we went out that night.

Needless to say, we had a very big night.

I was just such a mess all night, Like I was laughing about it, and then I was crying about it.

I just saw what was happening.

Didn't tell anyone else.

I didn't tell any other family or anything that night, because my sister and I were so close for my whole life.

It was just so unexpected.

I did come back to his house the next morning.

I hadn't slept all night, went out all night, come back the next morning to his house, and I was so angry.

I went around to his house, went into his bedroom and got a pair of scissors and cut up all of his clothes and threw them all over the room.

That felt good.

Break my heart in half.

I'll cut you close en half.

But after that fleeting moment of vindication, reality set in and Susie was left questioning what she'd seen without any answers.

I didn't reach out to them at all.

Not only did I not want to see them together, I wanted to hear what they had to say as to why they were doing this, But again I didn't.

It was so hurtful.

I didn't really care.

Like the damage had been done by that point, I didn't get in contact with them at all.

I thought they would get in contact with me and at least maybe sit me down and say that we're so sorry.

Any communication would have been good, but I just I just had nothing.

I text one of my older brothers and I was like, you're never gonna bleeve what's happened?

And I'm assuming word just got round.

I guess Mum and Dad found out.

Probably just snowboard from there, and yeah, being such a small country town, it didn't take long for everyone to find that out, probably the next day what had happened the night before.

They just carried on like normal, like they were together from that night on or maybe before, I don't know, they were just an ite.

She lost a lot of friends, especially all my friends.

But again being in a small town, yeah, she lost a lot of respect a lot of people in the town.

They just would see them together and just think, why are you guys together?

Like they used to be your little sister's boyfriend, and now you're together.

As words spread and with John and Susie's sister and now openly a couple, Susie found it increasingly difficult to live anything resembling a normal life.

I didn't hear anything from either of them for days, weeks, possibly months.

The weeks and the months after that were really hard.

I didn't view from anybody at all.

It's like I found them that night, and then they just continued on living their merry life, doing everything that me and him used to do with my niece and nephew.

And then no one sat me down, no one said anything, no one mentioned a thing.

It was just it was a weird, just a weird shock.

I don't know how anybody could do that.

I was in shock for like weeks and weeks, and then I was super sad.

It's used to cry like every day when I'd see them together or you know, pop up on Facebook.

I can to be a photo of them too.

I just went down this spiral of how could my sister, my oldest sister, do that to me?

I could never ever picture doing that to someone, not only a sister, but so much younger than you two, you know, fifteen years.

You're such a big age gap.

Not that that matters between those two.

I just went down this downward spiral of you know, why does he like her and not me?

And yeah, all those silly things like yeah, what's wrong with me?

And what's better about her?

And compared myself a lot with her, and just went back and forth for quite a long time.

I was depressed for so long.

I think people just you know, small town might to go so like, oh I saw I saw them at the shop, So I saw them at the movie.

He's like, how are you going?

Get it?

Be that whole like sympathy thing, which was also hard within me.

Finding them in that first seeing them together.

I don't think I saw them at all.

I think I just stayed.

I went to work and come home.

I didn't go anywhere, and that was part of the down was spiral.

I just really secluded myself.

I didn't want to see them.

I didn't want to bump into them at the shops because how awk would that be.

So I think I just stayed to myself, which was not healthy.

Well.

Susie bore the brunt of Anne and John's relationship.

The ripple effect on their tight knit family was undeniable.

It created confusion, especially for Anne's children, Susie's beloved niece and nephew, to whom she was incredibly close.

My niece was the older one, she's probably four.

She's to say, oh, you know, that was my Auntie's boyfriend and now he's mummy's boyfriend.

Very confusing for the poor kids.

And I didn't know what to say to them.

My brothers definitely rallied around me when it all happened.

This is on the youngest too.

It's like I'm the baby mom and dad was awkward for them.

Mom didn't really know where to stand, whether not that we took sides, but I think everyone just went along with it, because like, what else are they going to do.

Either they don't talk to her either, and then the whole family's divided, or we will just sort of go along with it, like to lunches and dinners and celebrations.

Everyone just sort of went along with it.

My oldest brother when it happened my birthday that year, he knew how much of a mess I was.

He took me to Barley on a holiday, just him and I, and we had such a good time, just the two of us, just one on one.

He he was just like, I don't know how she could do this to you.

It was so hard for everyone to watch.

They just knew how upset I was all the time, but then they were so happy together.

It was just really, really hard.

Should someone have stepped in and said, you know, you guys need to split up?

Whatever, I guess it wasn't anyone else's place to say, so we all just went along with it.

But it was so hard for everyone to watch.

Five months after Susie had caught her sister and John together, and after months of silence and deliberate avoidance, their first in person encounter came it what's meant to be the most wonderful time of the Christmas.

I wasn't sure if they were coming or not, and I was just in such a fragile staye in.

They walked and it was just like a big punch to the face, like this is still happening.

And I was just like, Oh, here we go.

And they sat down and then I think someone asked them, what do you guys been up to?

And I was at the other end of the table, and they said, oh, yeah, we've just got back from a holiday.

I think they went to Bali, you know, took the kids and they had a great time, and it was like so amazing.

The kids had such a fun time, and I just just sat there and started balling.

I was like that should be me.

But yeah.

Then I just got up and left and drove home.

I just couldn't handle hearing there.

I just couldn't sit there and be fake.

I just hearing their story was I was just like, I can't do this.

It really felt like a slip in the face.

Everything they said either him and I had been there before or we were planning to go there.

They just acted so normal, like, hey, everyone, merry Christmas, and I was just like, what on earth is happening with me in my life?

Just couldn't believe that I was sitting there looking across the table them to just chatting happily, and they were just they were just loving life, and I was just miserable.

I was so surprised.

I was completely blindsided.

I had no idea they were going to turn up.

No one warned me, probably because I didn't know how to warm me, I suppose.

I think probably ten seconds into the conversation, I just burst into tears, and it was quite obvious at the table.

Everyone was looking at me like hmmm.

No one really knew what to do, a way to look, and so I just got up and walked out.

I just thought, I can't be here.

Christmas is ruined.

I just drove home and just cried the whole way home.

Basically, I think that was at that point I was I can even have some boundaries.

It's upsetting me naturally too much, and I just need to stop going to these events or get them to not come because I just simply can't.

I can't handle it.

So yeah, I just put some boundaries up.

At that point, I just completely wiped him, like I just thought he was the biggest piece of shit.

I was just so angry at her because she's family, but him I didn't really care about, so I thought, well, he's just another ex now, But yeah, I was her.

I was really really angry, you upset at I just kept playing around in my head like who does that to their baby sister.

I definitely fast tracked that breakup is for sure.

We could have got back together.

We could have then breaken up again, and I could have been sad for another year.

But this definitely fast tracked it.

The dialogue between John and I when he was with my sister and when we'd see each other, he wouldn't look at me.

It's just like, deep down he knew what he was doing was wrong.

It was like I like I never existed, Like the two years we had together was just nothing, and now he's with her and we'd see each other, he wouldn't even look at me in the face.

It's like it was just a real Like what we had wasn't even real.

After that Christmas, I think I might have got off social media as well, because I couldn't handle just seeing the happy photos and everyone hanging out and being lovey dovey.

Yeah, I really just secluded myself.

I know, they went on multiple overseas holidays.

It's basically just everything that me and him were going to do and that we wanted to do, they did instead.

It really hurt with my niece and nephew got involved.

Like not only was it super confusing them because I was so young, but then they were having fun as a family, like I used to babysit them, and like me and him used to babysit them, and it was us four, and all of a sudden, it was them four, and I was like on the outer.

It had been the most traumatic year of Susie's life.

She hadn't just lost her boyfriend, she lost her sister, her best friend in the bond with her niece and nephew that meant everything.

Heartbroken, she knew she couldn't stay, so she left for the city, desperate to escape the pain, and it was here that she met Dave.

It was love at first sight, like when we locked eyes has done so like Cheezy, it locked eyes across the bar.

I was just like, yeah, I like love him.

It's just the weirdest feeling.

And I had my best friend was there at the time, and I said to her, that's my few jar husband.

I approached him at the bar.

He is super shy and doesn't like situations like big groups of people, so I approached him.

We just got talking.

I got his number, and he's very anti social media, so I couldn't stalk him on Facebook unfortunately.

Yeah, just text him the next day and we just started hanging out.

And our first day, he took me out to a really fancy restaurant in the city.

It was so beautiful, was like nothing had ever been on before.

And I feel like the more dates I went on with him and the long girls with him, he definitely healed me in a sense.

Just I felt so safe, like you feel like he saved me, which is also such a dark place.

It was such a dark place when I met him, and obviously I told him everything that happened.

I think, right place, right time, right person.

It was just meant to be.

There's the only way to describe that.

It's just when I met him, spent time with him, I just knew that that was my actual forever.

Everything just felt more in line once I met him.

It's like nothing before him really mattered.

Then it was just everything I thought with my ex.

I just thought everything I had with him was so amazing.

Well, this is like another level of amazing.

He just yeah, his next level amazing And I don't need to dwell on the past because everything with him is perfect.

And it seemed back home everything was just as perfect with Anne and John.

So Mum bless her.

I was always trying to get my sister and I back together, just on like a social level so it wasn't as awkward at family events, and so she invited me to lunch with my sister and my niece, and I thought, yeah, I'll go along.

And then soon as we sat down at the cafe, my niece turned to me and said, Mom's got to ring on her finger, and I just obviously knew exactly what that meant.

My whole body was like, oh, I just felt so sick, and like I think I went probably went really pale, and then it was out there then so then she put her hand on the table and said, yeah, like John and I are engaged, and I just burst into tears, like this is beyond ridiculous.

And then a small cafe, I think everyone was looking at me, and so I just got up, walked outside and that just could not stop sobbing.

I just like walking down the street.

I think Mum might have come after me and was like, you know, it's okay, blah blah blah.

I was like, it's not okay.

Mom was trying get us all back together.

I don't even think I went back to lunch.

I think I just went home.

I was just like, this can't be happening.

It was just so painful.

But not long after, Susie had some exciting years of her own.

About six months after that, I got engaged will only together for a year.

When my husband proposed and we backed the same restaurant.

They took me out for the first date and I had no idea it was going to happen.

We just sat down at dinner and he just pulled out a ring and I was like so shocked, and he just he had this big speel.

But at the time I was just like, I guess it's blacked out for a minute.

And at the end he said, will you be my wife?

And I was like, oh my god.

Yes.

So I had a big engagement party and they both came, and every family event or celebration was just so awkward.

And then when my husband and I got married, I thought I'd be the bigger person and invite the both of them.

I was still together.

I just thought, I've just got to for the sake of the family, I'll just invite him, you know.

And then the wedding rolls around and she didn't even bring him.

She told me that she didn't want her sister walk down the aisle and seeing her ex in the crowd, And to me, I'm like, well, isn't that a sign that you shouldn't be together?

You know, based on what had happened leading up to the wedding, I just thought she would have brought him along like every other event, And maybe that was a turning point for her, maybe thinking maybe she thought, why am I still with him if I feel awkward bringing him to bigger fans like this, Maybe she thought they should be together at that point.

Because for her to say that was I was a bit shocked.

I was like, oh, you've brought him to every other event, but and I did.

At that point, I didn't care walking down the aisle seeing him in the crowd.

That didn't bother me.

I was so passed her by that point.

It really wouldn't have bothered me, but the fact she didn't bring him to the wedding maybe she thought this is wrong.

Life went on, Susie was happily married and Anne was engaged to John until one day.

So I was on the phone to Mum one night.

It must have been about three years they've been together at this point.

I think, well, just chatting, chatting away, I think, and then just Mum just dropped it in there that they had split up.

I think Mum did that, so it wasn't such a big shock to me, and I was like, oh, hang on, but go back and tell me more.

And she just said they've broken up.

I wasn't relieved, I wasn't surprised.

I felt nothing.

Actually felt a little bit sad because then I knew, because he was such a great guy, I knew that when they broke up, she would then be going through what I went through.

So I felt a little bit sad for her, but not really.

I think I was so happy with my now husband.

I just didn't care.

I didn't care what they were doing.

I didn't care where they were or what they were up to.

When they broke up, I was like, oh, yeah, it just it didn't bother me.

I think that's probably like a lot of the reason why I'm so thankful I met mind our husband, because nothing in the past mattered.

Then when they broke up, I thought, all right, sucks for her, and the wedding obviously never went ahead.

They broke up before.

I'm not even sure if they had plans to actually go through with the wedding.

I mean, who would turn up.

Right after three years together.

Anne and John's break up barely stirred conversation within the family.

In fact, it brought a sense of relief, as though the strain of managing family dynamics had finally reached its peace, then lifted.

The awkwardness was gone and with any need to ever speak of it again.

Yes, Mom and Dad are the piece keepers, that is for sure.

I think once I'd split, everyone just looked at it and thought that was a big mistake.

Let's just all move on.

No point sort of rehashing it, because once I split everyone he wasn't spoken about it again, not to me or not to anyone that I know.

Everyone sort of just moved on.

It was just a really weird space in time, a couple of weird years that no one brings up again.

It was just like that happened, and that was weird, Like my niece and nephew haven't never bought it up.

My mom and dad never brought it up.

It was just like that happened, and now that's gone, and then let's just get over that, because that was really strange.

As for a reconciliation with her sister Anne.

So our relationship before this all went down was just like any other sister.

So when I was away for nine months, she'd send me constant photos of the kids.

I'd babysits, my niece and nephew.

We were so so close.

We're just a close knit family all round.

And that's probably why it was such a shock, because I just thought, where where is this come from?

We were just like any others is just yeah, close best friends.

Yeah, probably plays a big part in why it was so such a shock, And so I guess in a way, I lost him, But then I also lost her as well because I could never especially with no apology, I could never go back and be friends with her again.

So it was like a double whammy.

I lost him and I also lost her.

That was really hard to deal with as well, just one big loss.

She's a great person, very funny, lighthearder, just wants to have fun, always having fun with the kids, always dancing, laughing, singing.

Just yeah, I think that's probably why me and her are so similar.

That's clearly why I guess he fell in love with her too.

We're just, yeah, very similar because we're sisters.

You know, I do miss her a lot.

I do miss our fun times together back then, before this all happened, We've spoken on and off over the years, just like when it's to do with the kids or when it's a birthday or something.

Then we went through stages where we were friends, but it was just I guess I was like fake in obaby because the hurt.

It was just next level.

Now we're not too bad.

I would just text back and forth for a birthday or something.

But it never has been the same and it never will be the same.

She's never even properly apologized.

She never sat me down and was like, she just never sat me down and said she's so sorry for what she did with Suret's And I think, you know, a year or two up it happened that even then that's too little, too lay.

So I think I've just had so much hurt that I just I'm at the point now where I'm fine, like I'm over it.

But it's the words when I think about it, that was the downward spiral.

It was just a really tough probably a year after it happened to this day of seventeen years later or whatever it is, it's just no apology still.

So I'm fine with it now, but that took a long time to get over to, maybe like five or six years, to get past the fact that I haven't heard from anybody.

I do miss her and wish things were different, but unfortunately that's just yeah, I wish.

I just wish I had an apology.

Maybe might have been easier to get past, quicker to get past, but the fact that no one ever apologized or said anything to me just made it ten times harder.

Well, about a year and a half ago, our mom died suddenly and we had to come together for that, which was hard in many ways.

But she did say to me, look, I'd love to I'd love to be your sister again.

I'd love to let you know, get back together.

Because her son, my nephew, lives with my husband and I she does want to get back together, like just even just on a more communication level.

But I just text back and said, I just can't do that.

It just hurts me too much to think what you've put me through when I was so young.

I just can't get past that.

And maybe if there was an apology, maybe i'd be better, but yeah, I just can't get past it.

So she's tried, but I have been talking sixteen years later.

It's just far too late.

Now she's tried, but I just I can't.

I just can't do it.

And John, well, he's well and truly ancient history.

He popped up on my Facebook as people you may know.

Because it's been so long, it's been sixteen years.

I thought maybe we could just be adult friends on Facebook.

So I added him as a friend and he's now wife.

So he's now married with two kids.

His now wife sent me a message straight away on Facebook saying clear stay away from him.

And I thought, he has clearly told her things about what's happened in the past.

How does she even know who I am?

That was weird too.

I just thought you didn't know who I am, Like I've done nothing wrong again, I just yeah, deleted the friend requests and thought, nah, never ever going there again.

I do wonder, like when I added him on Facebook and his now wife messaged me that, I thought, I wonder what he's told her, what he's telling people, what happened.

Maybe he's told everyone that I'm the bad person and that's why we split.

I don't know, because surely the average person would regret that, right, But I don't know.

Maybe some people do things like that and don't regret it at all.

I'd like to think he regrets it and has some remorse, but certainly haven't heard anything.

Sixteen years after the shock and heartbreak, Susie still doesn't truly know when or how it all happened, nor received an apology, and while the hurt has never fully faded, her journey has also been marked with plenty of silver linings.

And never got to the answers to those questions.

And I don't think.

I don't think I want to know.

I never asked, so I guess I'm too scared of the answer.

What if they were together for those nine months when I was away, that would just be another devastating blow.

I think if I got an apology today, it was just it's just far too long gone.

Maybe a year after I would have been like, okay, but maybe two years.

But yeah, after ten fifteen years, I just think I think she clearly doesn't care.

Any normal person would apologize.

I would have thought, so, yeah, it's far too long.

Now it is a shame because I do miss her.

Probably the worst thing out of all of it is that my sister had two kids.

It's sad when I think about it.

My niece and nephew.

I missed them so much.

I didn't see them for like, well three years they were only young, or like one and four.

I didn't see my niece is nephew for so long.

That's probably that's part.

Now I look back, it's just not being able to see them because I wouldn't never go to their house because it was just horrible.

Like now I look back between him and her.

I'm over that, but I'm not over the fact that I missed out so much time with them.

I miss years with them, and that still hurts now.

I've definitely grown since this all happened, that's for sure.

It's character building it in a sense.

I've been through a lot of hard times.

That my older brother died in twenty seventeen suddenly, and then losing mum.

It's been like like I'm on in my early thirties, but it's just been like one thing after another.

And I'm just hoping that the next few years are next five or ten years just smith sailing, that's for sure.

The last ten years has been super, super tough.

But again, my now husband and the two kids, they keep me very busy.

So I feel like sometimes like I haven't thought about this story or him for so long because I've just been so busy, especially with the kids.

I think that's good.

I think if you're going through something tough, keeping busy is the number one keeping in mind.

Busy, keeping busy in the morning, waking up, have a purpose in the morning.

That's got me through for sure.

Probably the only thing I regret is not maybe saying to them but when it all happened, maybe saying like, what are you guys doing, Like maybe telling them how I felt like I'm so hurt by this, you know, severely depressed, like this is horrible for me.

I'm having to move away, move towns because I can't see you guys together.

Maybe if I'd said that to them, But then again, you know, maybe that would just be more hopeful for me rehashing things and not made any difference.

So probably the only regret would be maybe just not telling them how I feel.

To me, it was obvious how I felt, but maybe not to them.

My husband is the most amazing, patient, loving, caring person Like things that I've been through in life, He's just been there for me a thousand percent, and I think it all stems from when we met, you know, being through this trauma.

He is just yeah, so patient, kind, It's just nothing's the problem.

We've been together for sixteen years.

You know, I've never had a fight, We never argue.

It's just the cruisiest, easiest relationship I could have ever pitched.

And we have two beautiful little girls.

So yeah, life is life is fine.

Now, life is great.

I've landed my dream job where I've made some really amazing friends.

So I think just sticking at sticking at my dream job and just seeing where that takes me is the dream and hopefully the reality.

I'm very blessed.

Everyone has an Ex's a Minti Media production and proudly part of the Muma Mea Network.

This episode is written and produced by Linda Scott.

Interview conducted by Rafaela Chicarelli and narrated by me Georgia Love.

If you have a story you'd like to share, email podcast at momameia dot com dot au.

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We'll see you for the next episode.