Welcome to the Thankful Homemaker podcast, a podcast to be an encouragement and blessing to each other in the role God has called us to as women.

I'm so thankful you stopped by, so grab yourself a coffee or tea and sit with me a bit as we talk about how God's Word impacts every area of our lives as Christian women.

Hello, friend.

I'm Marci Farrell from Thankful Homemaker, and I'm so glad to be with you today.

We are on episode 179, and I've titled this one Encouraging Your Husband, Biblical Wisdom for Building Him Up with Grace.

So we're obviously going to spend some time today talking about how we as wives can encourage and build up our husbands.

And I'm also excited to share with you there's a brand new free resource I've created to help us take small, intentional steps in this area, because I know sometimes it can be hard.

Maybe we were not used to encouraging our husband.

And what I created is it's a 40-week husband encouragement challenge.

So little bites, you can download this for free at thankfulhomemaker.com in my free library.

So it's in that free library of resources.

If you're already a blog subscriber, when you get an email from me at the very bottom, I always put the password for the free library.

You can find it there.

So it's already there and up for you.

But I'm gonna share a little bit more about it at the end of the episode here.

But as wives, God's word gives us such a beautiful and purposeful calling to come alongside our husbands as their helper, their supporter, their encourager.

But I know even for me, I have a wonderful husband.

Let me tell you, I am so grateful to the Lord for him.

But in the busyness of life sometimes, it can be really easy to overlook just how much our words, our tone, even our simple attitudes can either build up or slowly chip away at our husband's heart.

And I don't want to do that.

And I know you don't want to do that.

So just a quick reminder before we dive into here, I just want to share that if you haven't visited ThankfulHomemaker.com, I would say my little home on the web lately, I'd love for you to step by.

There are many other articles and resources on the blog that don't make it to the podcast.

And I have all kinds of posts, some new ones up even, including things on homemaking, marriage, spiritual growth.

It's really, I'm desiring it to be a really sweet space for encouragement, and I pray that it will be a help to you in your walk with the Lord.

So take a peek over there when you can.

So as I've pondered this topic about encouraging our husbands, there's a quote that I've returned to many times, and I used to have it in a standalone post on the blog.

It probably is somewhere way back in the archives, but it's still there.

But it's just a quote that so simply and practically captures this truth.

And I'm going to start out this episode and our time together with this quote, because it really sets the tone for our topic today.

So the quote was from Bob Barnes, and the book it was from is What Makes a Man Feel Loved.

And I didn't read the book, but many years ago somewhere, I came across this quote.

So he stated, he said, a man is a sponge for admiration from his wife.

In all of the healthy marriages I have ever seen, the wife sincerely admires her husband, and she doesn't keep it a secret from him or anyone else.

We have all heard that behind every great man is a great woman.

A loving, admiring, and godly woman will indeed cause a man to gain greater stature than he would on his own.

A wife's encouragement can make her husband a better man.

Your man wants you, his wife, to be his most enthusiastic fan.

He becomes stronger and more confident from your support and encouragement.

He continues, he says, treat me as I am and that's just where I will stay.

Treat me as if I were what I could be And that's what I'll become.

I love that quote.

That's such a good reminder for us.

As wives, we really hold a unique place in our husband's life that no one else can fill.

The world that he walks into each day, it can be demanding and critical and very unkind.

I get little glimpses into my husband's world when he shares about issues with customers or suppliers.

I've traveled with him, so I've been out to dinners or things with various customers or suppliers, and I've spent time around some of the people he works with.

And while I only see a portion of that, it's enough to remind me that I don't carry the full weight of what he deals with day in and day out.

And the truth is, for me, I don't live my daily life surrounded by people who are far from Christ.

Most of my time is spent with fellow believers, my husband, our church family, my immediate family, people in the community as I go about on errands or ministry.

And I know not all those people are believers, But my husband, he's out there in the workplace, often engaging with people who don't know or love the Lord.

And even if your husband is in ministry, maybe he's a pastor or an elder, he's still bearing a heavy load.

Ministry means walking through hard situations, dealing with criticism.

Shepherding hurt people, faithfully preaching the truth in a world that doesn't always want to hear it.

So whether our husbands are in the workforce or they're in full-time ministry, they are likely carrying burdens that we may never fully understand.

And that's why I believe so deeply that our homes, and especially our hearts, should be a place where they find encouragement, support, and admiration.

They need a safe place to land.

A wife who is for them.

I say that so often to women we counsel.

You need to be for each other.

He needs to know you're for him.

A home that breeds life and grace into weary hearts.

That quote from Bob Barnes, and I'll have that whole quote over on the post for this one too, but that quote from Bob Barnes from the very first time I read it many years ago, it has stayed with me because it's been a gentle reminder throughout the seasons of my marriage because it reflects something we see so clearly in God's word.

Our words and our attitudes toward our husbands carry tremendous influence.

Proverbs 14, one reminds us, the wisest of women builds her house, but with folly, with her own hands, tears it down.

The words we speak or fail to speak, they're either building up our husbands or they're quietly chipping away at them.

We don't want to be those wives that are chipping away, that are that nagging, dripping faucet.

So when God created Eve to be a helper suitable for Adam.

It wasn't a position of weakness, but it was one of strength and partnership.

My line I heard somewhere, and I don't even know who to give credit for this for.

I'm not the original person for it, but somebody said this once.

They said, we are his helpmate, not his helpless mate.

And part of being a helper is coming alongside our husbands with life-giving encouragement.

Our words can strengthen him to walk faithfully in the role God has called him to.

When a wife admires and encourages her husband, she often sees him flourish in ways that he may not have without that support.

He feels safe to lead and to grow and even to fail, knowing that his wife is standing with him, praying for him and cheering him on.

Proverbs 18.21 tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue.

It's really easy to forget how much our words affect our husbands.

Simple words of affirmation that we take for granted and neglect to say at times, like, I'm so thankful for how hard you work for our family.

I love how you lead us spiritually.

You are such a steady and faithful father to our children.

Those simple things to just state what you see can strengthen his heart more often than we realize.

Sometimes we assume that our husbands know how much we appreciate them, but they need to hear it.

Don't assume.

Say it.

Speak it often and speak it sincerely.

If you're finding yourself nodding along, but you're wondering, how do I stay consistent with this?

I want to remind you that that 40-week encouragement challenge, that free PDF I have in the library, it's there to walk with you.

It's one small step a week.

It's really building a habit or a pattern in our lives, making us aware of how we're speaking to our husbands and if we're encouraging them.

There's just a scripture, a short devotional, a prayer.

It's not overwhelming, but it helps keep our hearts focused and intentional.

And again, I'll link that, how to access it in the show notes.

Our other reminders, true encouragement, it's not flattery.

It's not pretending he has no faults, but it's choosing to see the good and speak to it.

It's expressing gratitude for his efforts, even when life isn't perfect, because it's being quick to affirm you're going to be slow to criticize, because I know for me, I can be too quick to see the negative and the critical, and I don't like that in myself, and that's an area I continue to pray for the Lord to grow me in.

I don't want to be that one, and you don't either, where we're continually pointing out every weakness.

Like, nobody wants to be around people like that.

That's not very fun.

Okay, I'm saying that, but of course, there are times when gentle correction may be needed.

But far too often, we can default to instructing, correcting, or critiquing.

And over time, that can discourage the man who longs to lead with confidence.

Encouragement fuels leadership.

I'm going to say that again.

Encouragement fuels leadership.

It gives him courage.

It reminds him that you are for him.

I'm going to share this little 80-20 rule from Elizabeth Elliot.

And it's not really a rule.

People have said that to me, but I don't know why I called it a rule.

Or maybe I saw it somewhere.

But again, this was something I heard years ago at a women's retreat that I went to.

But it was really Elizabeth Elliot who helped me understand it in the context of marriage.

And she shared this from her husband.

He stated this, Lars Grunt.

He stated this to her.

He said a wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps 80% of her expectations.

There's always the other 20% that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.

She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the 80%, and both of them will be happy.

For me, that wisdom, it's been such a gift in my own marriage.

It's so easy to fixate on that 20%, the things we wish were different.

But what a joy it is to focus on the 80%.

I'll tell you, when I heard that, I just started doing that.

And I cannot tell you, I don't see the flaws in my husband.

I see the good.

I see the beautiful things about him, the things that I would have taken for granted.

So I know there is truth to that.

An example, is that a pragmatic?

Like, I'm not sure.

But anyways, I know for me personally, it made a difference in my marriage, and I'm grateful for that.

So I was really thankful to hear that.

And I was really thankful to put it into practice because it did make a difference.

I think about our children, right?

Because if you have children, they are always listening.

And they are not just listening to our words, but to our tone, our posture, and the heart behind them.

How we speak to and about our husbands teaches them more than we realize.

When they hear us speak with admiration and gratitude and respect, they're going to learn to do the same.

They're going to begin to see their father through a lens of honor.

We are modeling for our sons what it looks like to cherish a wife and for our daughters how to honor and build up a husband one day.

Our marriages are a picture of that to our children.

And even more, we're pointing them to the kind of Christ-centered love and respect that undergirds a godly marriage.

It's not built on perfection, but on grace and faithfulness.

Ephesians 5.33 tells us plainly, let the wife see that she respects her husband.

And so often that respect, I have a whole marriage series and I have a whole podcast on respect, so I'll try to remember to link to the marriage series in this episode too.

But so often that respect is most clearly seen in our everyday words.

The way we speak in the kitchen, in the car, in front of the kids, when something goes wrong, and in those ordinary moments, sometimes when no one else is watching but the Lord, it's a high calling, but it's also a gift.

It's an opportunity to shape the hearts of our children by the way we love and honor their father.

Okay, what about when there are seasons when encouragement doesn't come easily?

Because maybe you're walking through a hard trial and disappointments or unmet expectations, and maybe your husband is distant or he's struggling in his faith or overwhelmed with pressures of life.

Maybe he's not even a believer.

Maybe you're carrying hurts that haven't yet healed.

These are real struggles, and they're not unseen by the Lord.

Okay.

But even in those hard seasons, God is still at work in your heart and in your marriage.

We can ask him to help us see our husbands through eyes of grace.

This is an area where we need to pray, my friend, for the Lord to give us wisdom in our words, to soften any bitterness that may have crept in.

Encouragement might look different during those times.

It may be quieter, more prayerful, or maybe expressed through small acts of kindness.

Sometimes it's simply saying, I see you're trying.

I know this is hard, but I'm thankful you're leading us through it.

And when words don't come easily, we can still bring our husbands before the Lord in prayer because prayer is one of the most powerful ways we can encourage them, entrusting their hearts to the only one, capital O there, who can truly change, convict, and strengthen them.

Again, the Lord is the one who can change them.

Our words are powerful, but we need those backed with prayer because God's the one who changes hearts.

Our encouragement, it's not based on our husband's perfection.

It's rooted in obedience to the Lord and faith.

That he is at work even in the unseen and in a desire to build up our home for his glory.

So as we walk through this together still, I wanna pause and speak to a few situations.

Maybe some of you are facing, this is not exhaustive by any means, okay?

If you need more help, there are some good resources out there.

I always share to go to your church elders, your pastor, your elders, and seek them out.

Seek out biblical counseling, solid biblical counseling.

But for some of you, encouraging your husband, it may feel very natural.

You see his leadership.

You see his love for the Lord.

And you're simply looking for more ways to build him up.

But for others, this could feel hard because maybe your husband, maybe he's not leading spiritually right now, or maybe he doesn't know the Lord at all.

And you may be wondering, like Marcy, what is there to even encourage?

But even in those situations, there's always some place to begin.

You can thank him for how he provides for your family, how he cares for the children, how he serves in practical ways.

You can look for any small evidences of God's common grace in his life.

And most importantly, you can pray faithfully for him, asking the Lord to do the work in his heart that only he can do.

1 Peter 3.1 reminds us that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

So your quiet, faithful encouragement, it's not wasted in God's hands, my friend.

Some of you may be thinking, I've tried to encourage, but it doesn't seem to change anything.

Well, usually we don't stick with things very long.

You can't tell me you did it for like a week or a month and nothing happened.

This needs to be a pattern for the rest of your marriage.

Our encouragement isn't about controlling outcomes.

It's an act of obedience, trusting that the Lord is at work even when we can't see immediate freedom.

And I want to gently say, too, this isn't meant to become another heavy burden for you.

Encouragement, it's not complicated.

It's just found in small, sincere words.

Again, the simple things, again, I appreciate how hard you work.

I'm grateful for how you care for our family.

These simple words that just expressing thanks in the everyday things of life, they may seem small to us, but they can really refresh your husband's heart far more than you realize.

And finally, again, I need to state this.

I need to put this out there all the time.

If you're in a situation where there is a serious sin or abuse in your marriage, please know that this message is not calling you to remain silent.

The Lord does not ask us to endure harm without seeking help.

If you are in that place, reach out to your church leadership or trusted biblical counselor who can walk with you in wisdom and care.

And if you need be, get in a safe place, please.

So some closing thoughts here.

As you work through these encouragements, again, if you'd like some simple weekly guidance to just help you be intentional and remind you to encourage your husband, download my free resource.

It's there for you.

My free library of resources, if you've not subscribed to the blog yet, it's for blog subscribers.

Again, you just get my monthly newsletter.

I'm not like this over email person, but I'd love you to be part of it because you get some extra benefits and you get some insights that you don't get if you're just a podcast listener.

You get a little more insight into what's going on here and a little more encouragement.

But the encouraging your husband, and it's really just a 40-week journey to build him up.

Each week includes a scripture, a short encouragement, a simple action step, and a prayer prompt to gently guide you.

And again, it's free.

It's in the library of resources.

It'll be linked in the show notes.

But.

My friend, God has entrusted us with a role that carries great influence.

Don't underestimate how much your encouragement means to your husband.

He needs to know that you're for him, that you admire him, and that you are his biggest cheerleader.

As Bob Barnes puts it so well, your man wants you, his wife, to be his most enthusiastic fan.

So pray the Lord would help us to use our words to strengthen our husbands and to build up our homes and to bring glory to Christ.

Ask the Lord to help you speak words that build up and not tear down.

Words that reflect Christ and strengthen your marriage.

Proverbs 31, 26 reminds as she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

My friend, Jesus truly is enough always.

I'm so grateful for your time with me today.

Again, you can find the full show notes over at the blog at thankfulhomemaker.com and any of the links I mentioned.

And while you're there, take a visit, look around.

There's a lot of articles, again, that never make it into podcast episodes, especially if you're looking for encouragement in your walk with the Lord or help in your homemaking.

And if you're looking for something specific, I use it all the time, the search bar.

It's a great place to start.

Or you can browse by categories.

I have a bunch of different categories on the homepage and maybe you can find something that meets you right to where you are.

So I am so grateful for you, my friend.

And I do pray you have a very blessed.

Music.