Welcome to the Thankful Homemaker podcast, a podcast to be an encouragement and blessing to each other in the role God has called us to as women.

I'm so thankful you stopped by, so grab yourself a coffee or tea and sit with me a bit as we talk about how God's Word impacts every area of our lives as Christian women.

Hello, friend.

I'm Marci Farrell from Thankful Homemaker, and I'm so glad to be with you today.

Today we're talking about something that really pertains to all of us who are raising children or have raised children, and it's how we communicate with them.

Because if we're honest, so many of our everyday conversations at times can feel one-sided or frustrating or maybe even at times exhausting.

But biblical communication isn't just about getting our children to listen or obey.

It's about shepherding their hearts.

It's discipleship.

So today we're on episode 181, and it's titled Biblically Communicating with Our Children.

So God has entrusted us with the ministry of pointing our children to Christ.

And one of the most powerful tools that he's given us to do that is our words, right?

And that also entails our tone, our timing, our patience, our presence.

So whether you're in the season of young ones at home or early elementary age or navigating adult children or teenagers or just wanting to grow in how you speak truth and love, I do pray today's episode brings encouragement and some clarity from God's word.

And if your children are grown, like mine are now, or you're in a season where you're investing in grandchildren and nieces and nephews, or maybe you've never had children of your own, this message still applies because wherever the Lord has placed you, your words can be used for His glory.

And these truths, they extend beyond parenting into all our relationships, and especially those where God gives us influence and opportunities to speak truth and love.

And alongside this episode, if you've not listened in, I have an episode titled Gently Correct, Gently Correcting Our Children.

I believe that's the title.

I'm doing this from memory.

And I think it's episode 60.

It's one that gets referred to quite often, but it really pairs well with today's topic.

So I'll link to it in the show notes for you.

So today, what we're focusing on is how we can grow in communicating with grace and truth.

What does it look like to shepherd our children's hearts and not just manage their behavior?

And how do we speak with wisdom and listen with patience and point them to Jesus?

So let's walk through this together.

Do you ever just dream of the moment when every time you speak to your child, they respond so joyfully with like, yes, mom, I totally agree with you.

Or you are so wise, mom.

Most of our real life moments probably look more like, is she ever going to stop talking?

as they're thinking this, and they have this dazed look at you that confirms that we've probably lost their attention before we even began speaking.

So how can we effectively and biblically communicate with our kiddos in order to lead them in wisdom and instruction?

Proverbs 19.20 tells us, listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future.

So God has given us a weighty and beautiful calling to shepherd the hearts of our children.

You can see that in Deuteronomy chapter 6, verses 6 through 7 and Ephesians 6, 4.

And again, this episode is pretty much in full over at the blog at thankfulhomemaker.com.

So you could find all these verse references there too.

But as parents, we've been placed in their lives to instruct them in His ways, to point them to Christ and to model lives of humble obedience to the Word of God.

And that all begins with meaningful, intentional communication that's rooted in love and guided by truth.

That's very important that it's rooted in love and guided by truth.

We would all love for our children to be cheerful listeners who gladly follow our instruction, but cultivating that kind of heart in a child is a slow, patient work.

It's a work that requires grace and prayer and the daily pursuit of strong relationships with them that are built on open, honest, and biblical communication.

So we're going to look at some areas that can help us grow as moms or grandmothers or aunts and uncles or children's youth workers, right, at church, and really to grow in communicating clearly and biblically with our children.

So the first is to be a good listener.

Proverbs 25 tells us, the purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.

So I used to think I was this really good communicator until I realized that just talking doesn't make me a good communicator.

Real communication requires listening, and we need to listen attentively and humbly and prayerfully.

Am I taking the time to listen well to my children, or am I too quick to just offer advice or correction or instruction?

and I never really hear their hearts.

We know that we don't appreciate when others do that to us, but when we listen, truly listen to them, we model the very grace that God has shown us.

He hears our cries, he knows our frame and he welcomes our burdens.

Psalm 34, 15 and Hebrews 4, 16 are two areas to take a peek there.

But as our children open up, we can gently ask questions that guide their thinking back to God's word.

some simple questions that really we need to be asking ourselves at times too.

How can you honor the Lord in this situation?

What do you think your response showed about your heart?

What could you have done differently?

What did you learn from this?

These aren't meant to shame or to correct harshly, but they're to invite reflection and repentance where it's needed maybe.

And our role is to help them to evaluate their own hearts in light of scripture, right?

And to point them again and again to the grace of the gospel.

Look them in the eye.

This is another one that, especially when they're young, that eye contact is key to helping our children know that we're serious and we're present.

Maybe get down on their level if you need to and look them in the eye when you're speaking and ask them to look at you too, not to intimidate, but to lovingly help them focus.

We're building a habit there of attentiveness in both directions.

When we train our children to listen with their eyes and hearts, we're also preparing them to one day listen well to God's word and to others in their lives.

Think there are James 1.19.

All right, this is a big one for us sometimes, at least for me it used to be, no one to stop talking.

So I want to share just something from my own life with my kiddos.

As they got to be teenagers and a little bit older children, I could find myself lecturing and going on and on, and it was not necessary anymore.

And this was not meant to be disrespectful when I did this with them, or them towards me, I should say.

But I would just stop and just look at them and go, am I doing it again?

You know, basically asking them, am I going on and on?

And I probably needed to stop.

And they would say, yeah, mom, you are.

Like very kindly.

We need to say what needs to be said and we need to say it clearly and kindly and concisely.

But it's easy to let these conversations turn into these long lectures, especially when our hearts are frustrated.

And then we're gonna quickly lose our child's attention if we start bringing in unrelated issues, which we can tend to do too, right?

Stick to the moment or that issue at hand that you're dealing with.

Save the other concerns for later.

Too many words, they just cloud up the point and they stir up discouragement instead of clarity.

Okay, here's a big one.

Avoid speaking harshly.

Proverbs 15.4 reminds us, A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness and it breaks the spirit.

If your tone is angry or it's frustrated or it's unkind, that's not the time to correct.

Step away pray ask the lord to quiet your heart and renew a spirit of gentleness and self-control before you speak the goal here it's not just behavior change it's heart transformation and hearts are much more likely to soften under gentleness than under wrath thinking proverbs 15 1 there are tone it matters as much as our words okay here's a big one don't embarrass your children, correct in private whenever possible.

And this even, I'm meaning this within the home itself, if you know, with other siblings, correct in private.

Public humiliation doesn't cultivate a teachable heart.

It wounds and it shames.

Our aim is not to win a power struggle.

I always think as I'm going through these, think about your own self.

Would you love someone to just correct you in a way in public that is embarrassing?

You probably would not like that.

So again, our aim, it's not to win a power struggle, but it's to lead our children to repentance and restoration, thinking they're Matthew 18, 15.

But even as we exercise authority, we do so as those under authority.

We are called to reflect the heart of Christ, who is gentle and lowly in heart, Matthew 11, 29.

So good communication, it's built over time, and it's in those small daily moments.

So just some simple ways to begin to foster good communication with your kids.

Give them your full attention.

Put that phone down, right?

Make eye contact.

Be fully present with them.

Spend one-on-one time with them.

Not to lecture them all the time.

Just getting time with your kids to play with them, to take errands, to take walks, to cook together, to fold laundry.

All of those moments are good to just build relationships with them.

Keep a back and forth journal with older children.

At times, my kids and I did this.

Sometimes it's easier for them to write than speak.

Share about your own day.

Be real.

Let them see your struggles.

Let them see your areas that you need help with and you're seeking the Lord on.

Just really let them see your walk with the Lord.

Ask open-ended questions.

Give them room then to share honestly.

Like don't ask those simple yes or no questions.

Ask a question where they need to give a little bit more.

Respect their opinions even when you disagree and gently and when you need to gently guide them back to truth.

Show affection.

Write daily hugs and smiles and I love yous.

Those are so important and they go such a long way.

And this is really a big one.

Pray with them.

Pray for them.

Pray often.

Let them hear you praying for them.

And the most important truth we need to communicate to them, at the heart of all our parenting, it's the gospel, right?

More than anything else, our children need to know that they are sinners in need of a Savior.

They need to hear again and again that Jesus came to save, that grace is real, that salvation is by faith alone and Christ alone.

Your top, John MacArthur said, and I really appreciate this quote, your top priority job as a parent then is to be an evangelist in your home.

You need to teach your children the law of God, teach them the gospel of divine grace, show them their need for a savior, and point them to Jesus as the only one who can save them.

If they grow up without a keen awareness of their need for salvation, you as a parent will have failed in your primary task as their spiritual leader.

I cannot control their outcome right, but I can be the one to control if I have told them about their need of salvation.

So, Let every conversation, right, every correction, every moment of instruction be shaped by this purpose to glorify God in our homes and to lead our children to know and treasure Christ.

And then what about, I think about, this is the section I thought about because I have adult children.

What about communicating with our adult children, right?

How do we do that biblically and gently?

These biblical communicate, these principles that we've just walked through, they apply to more than just our younger children.

Because if you're in a season now, like I am of parenting adult children, the way we communicate, it shifts, right?

We're no longer correcting in the same way, but that doesn't mean we stop shepherding.

We may see sin patterns in their life or areas of concern in their lives that we wanna address.

And especially more so sometimes when they're believers.

And because we love them, and when I say that, I'm not saying we don't in our children maybe who aren't walking with the Lord, but areas especially of sin that we want to address with our believing children, if we see that.

But because we love them, there may be moments when we are called to gently speak truth.

But we speak now, not from authority, but from relationship with them.

And that requires a lot of wisdom.

This is probably a whole episode in itself, right?

So we need to ask ourselves some questions with our kiddos.

Like, is this truly a sin issue?

Or is this just a difference of opinion or a personal preference?

Is this the right time?

Am I the right person to say it?

are my words going to build up or are they going to close their heart to what I'm saying?

And sometimes the most faithful response is to speak, all right?

But other times, maybe it's just to be quiet and to pray and entrust the Lord with what only He can do.

Because communicating with adult children often means fewer words and more listening, fewer corrections, and I think here more intercessions.

Prayer is a big one.

And always grace and truth together always.

And again, I'm stating this, but these same principles, they really apply in all our relationships with our spouse, our extended family, our church family, our friends.

God's word calls us to speak the truth in love, seasoned with grace, rooted in love, and led by the spirit.

Because biblical communication with our children, it's not a formula.

It's a ministry.

It flows from our own walk with the Lord.

And as we abide in him, he's going to equip us to shepherd our children's hearts with patience, love, truth, and grace.

We don't need to grow weary.

Our labor in the Lord is not in vain.

And as we're starting to close down here, I want to remind you, communicating with our children, it's not about saying everything perfectly.

It's about faithfully walking with the Lord and leaning on his grace as we guide the hearts of those he's entrusted to us.

So whether you're having daily conversations with toddlers, you're guiding your teens, or you're speaking carefully with your adult children, your words matter, and they can be used by the Lord to build up and encourage and train, and most of all, to point them to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So wherever the Lord has placed you, your words are a ministry.

I don't know that we always think about that, but they are, whether it's, again, your own children or grown sons and daughters or grandchildren or your church family.

Us biblically communicating is about reflecting Christ.

And again, we're gonna speak truth and love with grace and humility, and we're gonna point others to him.

I feel like if I could just remember that every time before I speak, right?

So we press on in grace, right?

We keep praying, we keep listening, and we keep pointing the hearts around us to the only one who can truly transform them.

And we need to remember, my friend, our labor in the Lord is not in vain, right?

My reminder, I leave us all with, right?

Jesus truly is enough always.

So again, if today's episode encouraged you, would you consider sharing it with a friend or leaving a review wherever you listen in?

You can find the full show notes and other resources over at thankfulhomemaker.com and anything I link to the bible verses really Pretty much this whole post is over there So you can find it or this whole episode is a post over at the blog and there's much more there to encourage you in your role in the home But that's it.

I'm grateful.

I'm thank you for thank you so much for being here with me today And I do pray my friend that you have a very blessed week.

Music.