[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to Sexology, a podcast that untangles the science of sex and pleasure.

[SPEAKER_01]: And now, with this week's episode, your host, Clinical Psychologist, Dr.

Nazaneen Mawali.

[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to another episode of the Sexology Podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm your host, Dr.

Nazaneen Mawali.

[SPEAKER_02]: And today's episode is one I've been really excited to share.

[SPEAKER_02]: My guest today is Ita O'Brien, an intimacy coordinator, and movement director who has completely changed how intimacy is created on film, television and theater.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you watch shows like normal people, sex education, or I made a show you, you've seen her work.

[SPEAKER_02]: Even if you didn't realize it at the time, a lot of people think intimacy coordinators are just there to make sure everyone feels safe, and that's part of it, but it has work goes much deeper.

[SPEAKER_02]: She helps shape scenes that feel genuinely erotic and emotionally real, while making sure performers are supported every step of the way.

[SPEAKER_02]: In our conversation, we talk about [SPEAKER_02]: Often feels anything, but sexy for the people involved, and what the psychological experience of performing intimacy is actually like.

[SPEAKER_02]: We also explore something that shows up all the time in my therapy practice.

[SPEAKER_02]: How myths we learn from movies and TV quietly shaped our expectation of sex in real life, and this is where it gets specially relevant for couples.

[SPEAKER_02]: It assures how the same principle she uses on sets, especially around emotional safety, can be applied in long-term relationships.

[SPEAKER_02]: We talk about what emotional safety looks like, while the spark can fade even in loving partnerships, and one simple exercise couples can try this week to start rebuilding erotic connection.

[SPEAKER_02]: If you love your partner, but feel like this higher has gone quiet, this episode offers a really refreshing and practical way to think about intimacy.

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[SPEAKER_02]: Hello and welcome back to another episode of The Sexology podcast.

[SPEAKER_02]: I am so excited to welcome Eta, a Brian Torsha, Eta, welcome to our show.

[SPEAKER_02]: Dr.

[SPEAKER_00]: Nose, thank you so much.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm delighted to be here.

[SPEAKER_02]: I got your book.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love that.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's filled with lots of wonderful exercises and I chose [SPEAKER_02]: part of the content for us to talk about, but I'm very, very excited to learn more from you and about the work that you do.

[SPEAKER_02]: We had intimacy coordinators in the show in the past, but it's interesting that people often not quite sure about what does that Intel.

[SPEAKER_02]: So click curious about how did you got interested in becoming an intimacy coordinator and for our audience that they don't know what intimacy coordinator is?

[SPEAKER_02]: Can you give them a little bit of an information about that?

[SPEAKER_00]: So an interesting coordinator is a practitioner who brings a professional structure processes and a way to delve into the intimate content that allows everybody on a production be at the producer, the director, the cast, the cinematographer, the sound, the focus puller to work with that intimate content in an open and professional way and it allows everybody to consider that intimate content creatively artistically to make sure that it serves [SPEAKER_02]: the character serves as storytelling serves the director's vision and we can all journey to conduct to create the best intimate content that is beautiful and so important part of it as you mentioned is making sure that things look good, sound good, feel good for audience, that talent they can shine and also they feel safe.

[SPEAKER_02]: I have heard about kind of this role in last decade or so [SPEAKER_02]: Can you tell us a little bit about how did you get interested into this field and how your career evolved?

[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, so I feel very blessed.

[SPEAKER_00]: The creation of the intimacy on set guidelines in the way that I got into this was an incredibly organic journey.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I was creating a piece of work about a family story, actually called April's Fall in 2019, which I put on.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a theatre piece and then I was taking that piece further.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was looking at the dynamic of the perpetration of victim.

[SPEAKER_00]: and doing what's called an R&D which is instead of having a script you bring a subject matter and you invite all your cast to come.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had got a whole lot of different, you know, provocations ready to give to the cast in order to be able to explore this could be challenging subject matter of the perpetrator and the victim.

[SPEAKER_00]: And in that process I was looking at how do I [SPEAKER_00]: as the direct from the holder of this production hold a really good space that allows my actors to be centered in themselves with each other and in the space so they can start more beautiful center place in order to be able to explore this challenging dynamic of someone who's taking and someone who's been taken from.

[SPEAKER_00]: and then at the end of each day and then the end of the whole process how to come back to send to how to let go.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that was my intention and that was what I explored.

[SPEAKER_00]: My first round of R&D 2014 and then into 2015 and then one of my colleagues, one of the drama schools that I was working at said, you are creating a professional structure in order to be able to work with intimate content in a really professional and safe way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Please come and teach what you were developing.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I started teaching the work and then gradually developed a really clear process.

[SPEAKER_00]: The student said to me, this is brilliant here.

[SPEAKER_00]: What is happening in the industry?

[SPEAKER_00]: So I started sharing it with the industry in 2017 and you know, created the intimacy on set guidelines.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then of course, in October of 2017, the Wednesday allegations came to the fore and the subsequent meet-to-end times that movement.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the industry saying, we cannot turn a blind eye.

[SPEAKER_00]: We have to do better and in that [SPEAKER_00]: place that codes of conduct were written and I was there ready to say in here, within your intention to work with best practice and with respect, here's now how we can work with the intimate content within that and incredibly the atmosphere was then ready for the industry to hear that and to pick up and start working, you know, inviting me in.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the first production I worked on [SPEAKER_00]: was 25th of April 2018 was the first day that I ran the whole day's workshop with the amazing cast of sex education and then gentleman Jack in May of 2018 and then in September of 2018 I worked on the American production [SPEAKER_00]: Watchman that was absolutely incredible, but I worked on all the scenes in the UK.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that was 2018, and then it went from there.

[SPEAKER_00]: So truly, truly an incredible journey, and I'm really proud to, you know, have been one of the pioneers of creating the intimacy guidelines, and then subsequently just bringing in a professional way to engage with this part of our physical story telling.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love that and thank you for providing that space and that skills and creating safety for people involved.

[SPEAKER_02]: Is it now required for the production to have an intimacy coordinator like for example Europe and the US or that's something that the production decides and add-al with a bonus for them to decide to hire or hire coordinators.

[SPEAKER_00]: So there are different production companies who have stated that they commit to work within to be secured and noters both in the US and in the UK and across the globe, however, it's not required by legislation, but that's something that myself and I'll run to be secured and now it is a working fall.

[SPEAKER_00]: but also what we need to be really mindful of and this is an area that I still think is rather concerning is in order to really make sure that the practitioners who are presenting themselves to the industry are the top of the game.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to make sure that the training is robust and while, you know, if you think of 2018 to now, you know, not that much time and also COVID happened in the middle there.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I feel there still needs to be a standardization, not just of training people, that there's many training providers that give a training and then give people an accreditation after they say, done one or two days on set.

[SPEAKER_00]: For me, you know, I feel this is an embodied art.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is an embodied practice and just like any embodied practice, once someone is taught techniques, they then need to go away and practice that embodied art.

[SPEAKER_00]: And of course things, you know, you don't actually learn really how to do things until you have find those challenges, perhaps make mistakes and under that time to be mentored.

[SPEAKER_00]: So my training has my practitioners then being mentored over, you know, those first days, they have to do a minimum of 50 days of work over a minimum or five productions with a maximum of 25 days and any one [SPEAKER_00]: can they present themselves for their accreditation?

[SPEAKER_00]: They have to contemplate and write or reflect their essay on who they are as an intimacy practitioner and then come and be fully assessed.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel that's really robust and I'm really calling that the industry asks for that, producers ask for that, you know, the big producing houses ask for that.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, so that practitioners who come and present themselves, you know, really are, you know, embodied and have a really good [SPEAKER_00]: and then can really present themselves as professionals.

[SPEAKER_02]: I agree with the end.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's wonderful you have the program, but I'm curious by it, simply like it requires two different sets of skills, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: With helping people with boundaries, kind of like exploring their comfort, all of that important part, it sounds like more of a...

[SPEAKER_02]: their past role and with coordination.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's something like an opportunity of the core intimacy coordinator.

[SPEAKER_02]: I've met, they've been, they are actresses, actors themselves.

[SPEAKER_02]: So it's definitely a different path in a way.

[SPEAKER_02]: So it requires lots of integration.

[SPEAKER_02]: When someone that's in your role, which I'm sure that that's part of your experience, that to be able to support people with the kind of [SPEAKER_02]: amplifying their voice, the setting boundaries, and also helped them to really shine when it comes to these scenes.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's right, so that's where the fundamental of the intimacy guidelines are open communication and transparency.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's from the get go and that's what wasn't there in the past before the intimacy onset guidelines.

[SPEAKER_00]: As in our lives and that's a large part of what my realization was and what I bring to the book is that it's an area in our life that we tend to [SPEAKER_00]: something that we don't want to actually shine a light on, explicitly, and talk about in actual and practical ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then in that place of being embarrassed and that being the elephant in the room, and a sense of guilt and shame, and that thing of we'll just keep our eye shut.

[SPEAKER_00]: We'll just like not breathe around this, we won't consider it, and then we'll come to it, then we'll just do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: and that's where in the past so many questionable practices happened and actors ending up being asked to just do something in the moment that actually was outside their boundaries but there wasn't this time in space given for them to be able to call their boundaries.

[SPEAKER_00]: So a big part as I say or the first shift is open communication transparency.

[SPEAKER_00]: inviting a producer, a production director to think about the intimate scenes right from the get go and then to support that open communication right from what gets sent out on the audition so that an actor knows what they're signing up for and then in the process that open communication and that agreement and consent is absolutely implicit and part of the process.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then in that, in the past, it used to be, you know, if an actor said no, in any way, shape or form, that that was considered, they were either considered a troublemaker, a devil, and would possibly be fear of losing their job.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that really was the case.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the huge aspect is about shifting that, by turning around and saying, your consent is absolutely a gift, you know, [SPEAKER_00]: You will know is a gift.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, so that we can trust your yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's a big part of what we bring that agreement and consent and helping an actor to trust that to go really kind of really tell you what, what I'm what is good for me regarding nudity, similar to sexual content and touch.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so yes, as you're recognizing, so those skills are really when you're checking you [SPEAKER_00]: but how they say it, what's happening in the voice, what language they use, and then what's happening in the body.

[SPEAKER_00]: So all of that is part of the skill of the intimacy coordinator.

[SPEAKER_00]: In navigating that and then perhaps reflecting back are, I noticed that you're saying yes, that's fine, but I'm seeing there's tension in your lips.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm seeing why you're saying yes, you're shaking your head and I feel that your shoulders are all tight.

[SPEAKER_00]: Is that really a yes?

[SPEAKER_00]: And they go, actually no.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_00]: So yes, so that's a big part of it, but then for me also then when you bring that through into then helping to support create the physical choreography of the scene, it is actually an embodied art for me.

[SPEAKER_00]: My practitioners fundamentally need to be movement practitioners [SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes I've had actors come to me and say, I want to be an interdisciplinary noted, but they haven't actually got an embodied practice themselves and I said great, you have that desire, I can try to train you with some skills, but now you need to go away and you need to develop your embodied practice, you know, explore love and explore fibredums, explore animal studies.

[SPEAKER_00]: so that you can really bring in and body of practice, bring detailed choreography, and then of course, not only just that, but fundamentals is and physical anatomy, the anatomy of a rousal, you know, so that, and the anatomy of dysfunction, if things are going wrong, so that, again, we're bringing that physical language, [SPEAKER_00]: to translate what the physical storytelling might be in choreography that's repeatable, you know that's understandable by you know the actors so that then they can have a piece of choreography that they can put up in front of the camera that the anchors them that's repeatable and allows them to be free as character within that choreography.

[SPEAKER_02]: And the choreography part is so sensual, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: Like when you're watching a movie or a scene or a series, if it's not well done, I can't, it's like, person can lose me.

[SPEAKER_02]: I was like, oh my god, this just doesn't, that feels awkward.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's just like something about watching a bad intimate scene.

[SPEAKER_02]: and that didn't ruin the whole script for you, and I know it requires lots of support and coordination for many, many of the talents and sets.

[SPEAKER_02]: So, can you tell us what actually goes into coordinating the scene that's supposed to feel erotic and screen?

[SPEAKER_02]: Because as you talk in the book, in reality, it doesn't feel as erotic, like the environment's completely different.

[SPEAKER_02]: So, [SPEAKER_00]: So, as you say, sort of like the reality of the environment that actors having to step into is it might be sort of like, you know, on a set, so it's a huge set where the room is being built in it, they're very often quite cold and then you've got, you know, the, you know, where the camera's going to go, where the focus pillar is, perhaps if they're naked and they can't wear mics, you've got the sound engineer with a big boom.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then you've got the director, you've got the script supervisor, you'll have myself, you'll have the costume department, and you'll have the director possibly all in the space together.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's what the actors are dealing with.

[SPEAKER_00]: So within all of that, for me, what's absolutely essential and what we're looking at.

[SPEAKER_00]: with supporting them to feeling as sure and up as possible is really serving character serving storytelling.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the process always starts with serving the actor-directed process, so first of all, sitting down the script and going, okay, what's happening here?

[SPEAKER_00]: Who are these characters?

[SPEAKER_00]: What's the power play?

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, who are them?

[SPEAKER_00]: Who are they individually?

[SPEAKER_00]: And what does this [SPEAKER_00]: about these characters.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then the director and director will have their ideas really important to invite the actors to also bring their ideas.

[SPEAKER_00]: So there's a shared creative excitement about what the physical storytelling is.

[SPEAKER_00]: And once that's been spoken about, then a clear idea will emerge of what [SPEAKER_00]: the physicality should be and then that's where as an intimacy coordinator then we'll step up and we'll go great so we've agreed that it's going to be sort of like kissing, taking clothes offline on the bed, getting a condom, whatever it might be so that's the bare bones and then I will sort of support going great okay let's have a hug so you know you'll understand sort of as a third piece of person that sense of that first touch so a hug to connect and very often [SPEAKER_00]: you've hugged the friends and now we're putting in place a template of asking and doing and breathing into it and checking out if it's still okay so then we're setting up that as a process that then we take on and perhaps more challenging things like is it like lying on the bed is okay if I place myself between your legs is okay if I place my hand on your breasts so all of those things so again checking out agreement and consent [SPEAKER_00]: And again, in that place, it's so important that the actor has confidence and that's where I early days, I've shifted the language rather than saying, what are your boundaries?

[SPEAKER_00]: I say, what are your requirements?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so it's a positive, what do you require?

[SPEAKER_00]: So I require that the hand goes down to the small of my back and that as far as it goes and that's where go, okay, great, take your partner's hands, take him on that journey, Daniel back and show the boundary of where [SPEAKER_00]: So those kinds of things that we're doing.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we're checking out touch and again giving confidence.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we're checking out and that's always we're checking out then the person as the who they are and themselves.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then once we were agreed all of the places that they can touch then we step into character and then that's where we explore and then we find the shape of the [SPEAKER_00]: and we repeat it a few times so that gives them a frame within which there's real there's real clarity and then there we've done all that tablework so then when they perform that scene they're absolutely free they know the boundaries of what they're performing but also you give that shape but also it's not rigid we're also still inviting impulse and and freedom within every within every tape and then the director can can notice like, ah okay you were quite serious at that time [SPEAKER_00]: So those kind of notes can happen because the shape of the intimate content is really clearly known and then again it's just like any other scene but it's just going to include possibly nakedness and the intimate touch but again it brings joy and ease because the actors know what they're doing and know how the serving character and then they can get on and do the best of themselves and I love it knows what you said about, I'm the same as an audience.

[SPEAKER_00]: and the choreography are supposed to be taking, taking clothes off, taking nickers off into penetration and then finishing orgasm and then finishing and you go hold on a minute there's I haven't seen the point of penetration and I haven't seen the point of withdrawal when the guy just rolls off, I'm out of here.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't believe this any longer.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, when the anatomically isn't correct and then when the anatomically is correct, the interesting thing for me is actually that as an audience, you can stay, you're almost just, oh, yes, that's a given, just unconsciously, you stay by into it and then you can stay enjoying because of course it's a drama, where being told character storytelling, we can stay engaged in these character storytelling when the anatomy of the choreography is correct, [SPEAKER_02]: thousand percent.

[SPEAKER_02]: I even have my husband.

[SPEAKER_02]: I've watched things that like I was like playfully washing.

[SPEAKER_02]: It didn't take it seriously, but then when I saw the good intimate moments.

[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, I'm hooked now.

[SPEAKER_02]: Like something inside you move because there's a sister-in-law reaction.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's just so so important.

[SPEAKER_02]: And you're right that it is very similar to any other part of acting.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I wonder there is something more vulnerable when it comes to getting feedback about how you do sex or be intimate, how do people get more defensive and you give them notes on things like intimate or sexual or they're usually well receptive of those.

[SPEAKER_00]: But you see, that's again, it's so important that the conversation is absolutely all about these characters and storytelling and the power play.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then also, you know, I say to people, you know, really make strong choices for this character.

[SPEAKER_00]: How is this character in their intimate expression?

[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're worried about feeling that you're going to expose some of your self and then really choose a way of being a rhythm, a quality of touch that is so completely, you know, outside of who you are and that's what keeps them safe.

[SPEAKER_00]: So actually when we have that, you know, when we've journey through, there really doesn't tend to be that kind of embarrassment because they're like I say they're full of character and and that's where sometimes, you know, people might say, oh, they're a married couple.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, it's the opposite.

[SPEAKER_00]: If they're married couple, they don't want to, suddenly, you don't expose, well, all just that thing of you, you'd be seeing those married couples of character character.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then if they weren't supported, then suddenly there's a schism of, whoa, this is coming from somewhere else.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, no, it's actually even more important that you're going and let's keep who these characters are in their instrument expression that [SPEAKER_00]: that really is that and it also protects that married couple from not exposing the beauty of who the pinnacle of their loving and what they who they are together in the privacy of their own bedroom on in a production does that to not the right form or not the right place for that physicality to be exposed.

[SPEAKER_02]: That is so wonderful to know because there's something horrible about showing for people who are not into exhibitionism or like being public to show that part of yourself.

[SPEAKER_02]: So that's that's wonderful that you're highlighting that part of it and also in the book.

[SPEAKER_02]: like it's partly talks about your work and your role as intimacy coordinator.

[SPEAKER_02]: Also what I love is you have tips and information for people who would like to have this embodied sexual experience.

[SPEAKER_02]: And one of the chapters we talk about couples in long-term relationship.

[SPEAKER_02]: And you talk about how emotional safety is important and you have tools and strategies for people to create emotional safety.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I would like us to, I would like our listeners to hear a little bit about that.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's, that's what has been an absolute joy to write about and to share through this book.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like I say, my realization is that just as the intimacy on set guidelines have just lifted the lives and the loud, that's all on all the productions.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, instead of it being this elephant in the room and to be fearful, it just lifts the lid and then we can all be joyous, creative, detailed, exciting in the creation of the intimate content and that that's what I'm offering through this book is going, ah, we can bring this into our own lives.

[SPEAKER_00]: you know, instead of it being this shameful thing, let's lift the lid and actually, that's what I'm inviting you is if you want to make intimacy an important part of your life, then engage with it as a really beautiful and important part of what you want to continue exploring and discovering.

[SPEAKER_00]: So then as you're saying with, you know, if you've been in a relationship for a long period of time, [SPEAKER_00]: And for me, it's that acknowledgement that we change and shift throughout our lives.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's an energy of like, you know, when you're a teenager, you might like eating certain kinds of food and you might cook certain things, but then as you grow in life, you might sort of be given a Chinese cookbooking.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I haven't tried this kind of food or you might be given, you know, not a lengthy cookbook.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's wonderful, wonderful food.

[SPEAKER_00]: So again, you're going to try that and you explore the recipes and go, [SPEAKER_00]: You know, so you're going to continue growing and learning and expanding and trying things out.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that was my realization, you know, with that sense of to stay curious, to stay open, and to stay exploring.

[SPEAKER_00]: So one of the techniques first of all is just in order to consider that.

[SPEAKER_00]: a really good thing to do that starting place is actually pausing and listening and going, you know, actually, where am I with my centralising my sexuality?

[SPEAKER_00]: Say you're a couple that has just had a baby, you're three, you know, six months down the line, you've been breastfeeding your baby, perhaps you had an episiotomy, say, you know, when you gave birth, you know, so you've got scars and you're in your vagina and [SPEAKER_00]: and those shift and change how you might feel.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's why I'm inviting is I'm inviting is listening to yourself.

[SPEAKER_00]: What works for you still?

[SPEAKER_00]: What perhaps you're a bit nervous about?

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what might you like, but explore and then another what a beautiful way of bringing to your partner then perhaps something [SPEAKER_00]: is what do you, what are your fantasies and what are your desires to share in those?

[SPEAKER_00]: And then also asking your partner.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, so pausing, listening, checking in what's still working from me, what's not working, what might I want, and then asking your partner that.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's a starting place, you know, sort of like one of the first things that take a step back.

[SPEAKER_00]: The next thing that I really invite is self pleasure.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think a lovely way of staying connected and finding out how your body is as you shipped and changed is you exploring yourself.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then, you know, I'm a menopausal woman, perhaps you might say, actually you've never used lubrication before, but actually let's let's bring that into our play.

[SPEAKER_00]: perhaps you haven't used toys before, let's bring that into our plate, also listening to what your partner feels.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, so those firsts are so talking, and then one of the next things is, and again akin to the realization of you know asking the industry to make time a space to rehearse.

[SPEAKER_00]: that realization that in our live tickles we get older and the expectation that this should just happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: I should just suddenly feel sexy.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like go, actually, live lives are busy and you know we have so many pressures of work on family and another really good tool is to make time and space.

[SPEAKER_00]: So honor yourself and your partner in your intimate lives.

[SPEAKER_00]: To make a date, make [SPEAKER_00]: and then the next thing is a no big part of what I'm offering is as you notice through my book is that then that sense of you if you listen to your body and asking what you want actually takes us you know so many of us to get disconnected from my bodies in how we live and particularly you know through our screens I mean here we are connecting across the globe isn't it and it's magic and it's wonderful and it's [SPEAKER_00]: you know, half past 10 at night with you and I don't know what time it is in the daytime with you.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's magic and that's gorgeous.

[SPEAKER_00]: But let's also get real about what the facts about so much of our lives on screen and so many of the exercises are to help us connect into our bodies, to be grounded and then to have a central body.

[SPEAKER_00]: So one of the beautiful exercises are called the eight silicon movements.

[SPEAKER_00]: that are a lovely just an amazing sequence of movements that are actually two and a half thousand years old.

[SPEAKER_00]: So they're really ancient and they connect with a different energy lines through the body.

[SPEAKER_00]: So things like that just to wake up the body and then just exercise is of just connecting and how to ask with your partner.

[SPEAKER_00]: So all of those kind of exercises are different techniques that I offer so that then you can bring that into and how you engage in how you bring all that juiciness and sensuality into your relationship into an intimate expression.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love that we were just talking right before recording, that what I, how much I enjoyed your book and you were talking about what parts was more interesting for me, that what I loved was the exercises because I think like with [SPEAKER_02]: therapy with lots of like talk, talk approaches is like you're more in your head, but the sex is a big part of it is somatic experience and what I love that this wonderful interesting stories and at the end of the chapter you had this somatic exercise as that people can do, they can get into their body because great sex is about being in your body.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's like it's not something that there's a psychological arousal component, but I think what's the missing [SPEAKER_02]: or that kind of embodiment, that which you'd use to teach them to cultivate that skill.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's lovely.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like one of the first ones is what's called body pleasureing, which isn't even centuries, not central.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not sex was actually just literally that invitation to lie on the floor and just listen to the impulses of your body and separate it out, so lying in the floor and personal listening to playtime for the hips and legs.

[SPEAKER_00]: sort of getting out of your mind just listening to what the imposers there are in your legs and your hips and playing there first and then coming to see us and then play time for the upper body and the arms and releasing.

[SPEAKER_00]: And just that just practicing like, oh, how is it?

[SPEAKER_00]: If I just follow, you know, what my neck needs stretching, my arm needs stretching out and and then also just inviting not just the movement, but then, oh, the sound or if you're going to shake things and because again, our expression, you know, our body breath and sound connection is so inherent and so something like that, just getting used to going, oh, [SPEAKER_00]: actually just getting on the floor and just tuning into my body and listening, it's a glorious thing and it gives you freedom, it gives you connection and again that centrality that you discover in your own body through just allowing it to express you.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then another one that I absolutely love that is part of by it.

[SPEAKER_00]: daily practice is to take you choose and socks off and going walking barefoot, be it on the grass or if you live near a beach, go more concerned or you know if you ask my partner for everyone near a stream or the sea I just have to take you choose and socks off and go for a paddle.

[SPEAKER_00]: So again just those such simple exercises or just things to do that keep us connected with our centrality and with our visceralness of our experience of life through our bodies.

[SPEAKER_02]: So for our listeners that now they're curious, they want to check out the book, they want to learn from you what are some of the places they can access those resources.

[SPEAKER_00]: So first of all, if anybody's interested in my work as an intimacy coordinator, if you go to intimacyonset.com and also the guidelines, though I absolutely written the intimacy on set guidelines.

[SPEAKER_00]: So they're accessible for everyone.

[SPEAKER_00]: and also they're translated into several different languages.

[SPEAKER_00]: The only thing I ask is that whenever you take them, you make sure you print them out with the acknowledgments because I, you know, that thing of acknowledging the key people who were there to support in creation of the work.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that's the work and if anybody's interested in the training as an intersecret [SPEAKER_00]: can go to Amazon.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a penguin book.

[SPEAKER_00]: So if you go to the penguin website and yes or or you hopefully your good booksellers, it is out in the US on the 10th of February, 2026.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just in time for Valentine's Day, I hope it will make a a beautiful present if you are inspired to buy it either for yourself or for your loved one.

[SPEAKER_02]: I love it.

[SPEAKER_02]: I truly enjoyed the book.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for sharing all of this wonderful tips and practical activities and exercises with our listeners and I hope that people get the book and check it out and start having passionate connection with themselves on others.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for your time.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.

[SPEAKER_00]: Dr.

[SPEAKER_00]: Nose has been an absolute pleasure to speak with you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Likewise.

[SPEAKER_02]: Before we wrap up, I just want to say how much I truly appreciate it as book.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's one of those books that stays with you and quietly changes how you think about intimacy.

[SPEAKER_02]: And since this episode is going live right after New Year, I want to invite you to think a little differently about resolutions, especially when it comes to your sex life.

[SPEAKER_02]: Instead of pressure or performance goals, what if this year was about curiosity, play and connection?

[SPEAKER_02]: If that resonates, I have a free sex bucket list you can use as an inspiration.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can explore it with a partner, create one on your own, or just use it as a starting point to reflect on what you want more of.

[SPEAKER_02]: If that resonates, I have a free sex bucket list you can use as inspiration.

[SPEAKER_02]: You can explore it with a partner, [SPEAKER_02]: create one on your own or just use it as a starting point to reflect on what you want more of in your intimate life this year.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's completely free and the link is in the show notes.

[SPEAKER_02]: Wishing you a gentle, connected start to the new year and I'll see you in the next episode of the [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks for listening to Sixology Podcasts for more great content visit www.sixologypodcast.com Please be advised that information presented on this podcast is not a substitute for seeking help from a licensed mental health provider