It's spooky month.

It's spooky month or at least it will be when this releases and well so this is releasing if my math is correct one week before Halloween it's the Saturday before Halloween even though you know the Saturday after Halloween would be closer to Halloween that's not the point we're staying on schedule damn it.

Happy spooky time.

It's a spooky month.

Spooky month or spooky month whatever you like to call it.

Happy spookiness.

Happy episode 13 and yeah it just happened to fall that way.

We didn't plan this.

We didn't plan episode 13 around Halloween.

Around Halloween it just worked out that way.

You really think that we're gonna plan that much for this show?

We're too lazy.

Yeah no that's not gonna happen.

We aren't paid enough for this.

But if you do want to pay us go to

http://ko-fi.com/nontopical And then maybe you'd be paying us enough for this.

Yeah maybe.

Maybe.

So we're coming upon the spooky season.

Time for me to take out all of my favorite horror films and watch them back to back back.

We got the Evil Dead series.

Well and we've got the Alien series.

We've got Friday the 13th.

We've got Nightmare on Elm Street.

We've got Hellraiser.

Of course none of these films are films you could watch so we'll have to stick with Tremors and Tremors 2.

And I guess The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie.

Well we can watch that too.

And Corpse Ride.

Witches Night Out which is an animated feature that we have a strange amusement with.

Meh.

But yeah.

So however you choose to enjoy spooky season or if you are practicing of the the the arts hopefully you'll have a great Samhain if if you are in fact practicing.

Or if you're Christian or Catholic All Hallows Eve All Saints Day All Souls Day and all that.

Or if you're in Mexico or Hispanic Dia de los Muertos.

Dia de los Muertos.

Oh.

Coco and Book of Life.

Those are other movies we could watch.

Anyway.

So yes.

No matter how you celebrate the spooky time of year we hope that you do celebrate and have a great time.

Yep.

Hey.

I thought of a great way that we could celebrate.

Oh no.

With your favorite food.

Cheese case.

There we go.

I knew I wanted to shoehorn that in.

So.

Does that mean that we have to shoehorn inflation in now?

Well that just happens naturally.

Yeah.

Anyway.

I had a collection of Dr.

Seuss classic animated features on DVD.

Yep.

And.

Kit.

In the past and you know more recently has brought up the fact that there there is a great evil in Dr.

Seuss stuff.

Shockingly.

And it's it's not the Grinch.

It's not the humans that kidnap Horton.

It's not the Lorax who speaks for the trees.

Nor the one slur who cut down those trees.

It's not the dogs who have parties up in the trees.

What?

Go all go yeah it's not the green eggs and ham although those are suspicious because they they they're probably out of date it's not the box and socks either but the very mascot of dr seuss himself the cat in the hat the cat in the hat he's evil all right now shall we explain i i think we need to explain this i i want to i want people to understand where you're coming from so i did at one point first of all i have not to my knowledge shown kit the live action cat in the hat starring mike myers at this point in time at this point in time we're recording this last month which is which is even more evil let's be honest the mike myers cat in the hat is disturbing yeah and he only did it because he was mandated to by the courts yeah so we're talking about the original animated cat in the hat yep and even the book yep so the premise is kids are home by themselves yep on a rainy day yep nothing better to do yep bored out of their friggin mind they also have a talking fish i think the talking fix is more featured in the animated feature but i think it's mentioned in the book yes yeah but and cat in the hat shows up they have hijinks cat in the hat cleans everything up and leaves before mom gets home that's basically the story yep now how do we get from that to he's evil well you see first of all the cat in the hat comes in uninvited which uh trespassing second uh he's a cat i mean how can you say no to such a cute cat cute uh for all we know he's a skinwalker i mean he is kind of terrifying if you think about it you have like a six-foot cat walking up to your door uh what did they teach kids back in the 60s or 70s i think it was the 70s when that well yeah 60s when the book was written yeah i think they they they unfortunately like smart children even though they open the door for him or he let himself in they they have them leave and then he comes in saying hey i left my three-pronged family grudanza or whatever it's called your your three-hand of moss covered family grudanza yeah yes which by the way we may get mixed up between the the animated feature and the book i don't think it matters yeah so he he says i left it in there and obviously no one knows what that is and they all think that that's ridiculous and he still comes right in he's not really breaking and entering but he is still trespassing but how does that make him evil like that's that's criminal i mean and property damage i mean that's that's also criminal he does guilt trip the children that's manipulative but he also tortures the fish i mean who hasn't tortured a fish in time to time he also brings in uh two stowaways and we can presume that they are not citizens of the united states so look you don't know if they have a green card or not i mean they are called things yeah but they're good things i mean that's debatable they cause chaos they deface property so they'd be perfect for the government okay now seriously why these these things not just the things of the of in terms of the characters of things but the things you are mentioning the actions that the cat in the hat took do not necessarily prove evil so where do you get where is the line that demonstrates true evality or evilness or ev validity murder murder yeah all this took a turn i smell a movie coming so you see judging by the new cat in the hat movie trailer at least it's newer at this time yeah if you're listening to this five years you know the movie's been off for like three years already or four years already either that or they ran out of budget and got bought off by disney yeah it's possible oh my gosh it's a cyber truck no talk about evil uh yeah that's true evil oh we've seen things that should not be seen you know i i bet you anything that the cat in the hat was driving that cyber truck yeah i wouldn't doubt it not for a moment all right continue though now uh based on this new movie trailer the not only is the cat in the hat clearly part of his own nation i mean i mean he has his own world he has his own own world that he's part of so clearly he's part of some other nation so but that doesn't mean he's here deleted i mean what do go on let's let's get let's get to the real cat in the hat as in the cat in the hat when the cat in the hat say for example goes out of copyright well you see it's very simple like cat in the hat runs an underground gang gang yes okay but what does this gang do well they spread how did he turn to this this life of cram well you see he was all teaching his kids their abc's and one two threes and how to rhyme and have fun in the the rain where do things go so horribly wrong i mean first of all he's teaching the kids how to be manipulated but you see obviously the cat in the hat has tons of things and he spreads those things to all the houses that he trespasses upon and those things spy from and if there's anyone anyone that dare do anything to say no to their child the things go and they tear out their throats but then the cat the cat in the hat doesn't really do his own dirty work despite having you know a magical hat that he could pull stuff out of magical crates to store things in well i mean that's just for all all the ordinary children but you see the the children that the cat has visited personally oh he keeps special eye on those you see not only that's that's not creepy sounding at all not only does he send as many things as there are people in that house but should the parents do anything should the parents leave the child alone for too long or should they leave them alone for not long enough should they say no to the child should they say yes to the child under certain circumstances you see the cat has his ways to make people disappear no evidence you see the things are too dirty they leave too much evidence behind so for those cases the cat must make them disappear okay you know i like the premise but obviously he does this all over the world after all he he speaks many languages wait this is this is not subtle enough let's let's get into us how hollywood we know that you already love this hot property we love that it's uh you know something that you're already making another movie about so we're gonna start the rate at a hundred thousand minimum and you know the our standard five percent of the gross proceeds from the film of course that's going to go up as we continue to discuss this you already got the free premise now we're going to dive in of course all right i think your premise has merit first of all can that is evil because i mean he can connect to all these different extra-dimensional things he clearly can you know shrink things and grow things and do all this crazy stuff and there's there this this is something that is of another realm yeah all right either that or it's some kind of crazy government experiment right one of those two that's always the explanation i say what we do is we look at the two original kids yeah but they're teenagers now yeah all right so it's uh sally and i forgot what's his face i think it's sally sally and what's his face i forgot his name but anyway nothing bad has happened to their parents or anything should we call them sam and sally uh it's easier to find bobby and sally i don't know but you know they're of an age where they're 16 17 you know they're starting to experience life they might have boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever they're they're getting on that sweet social media they're having some issues at school they're having some issues fitting in bobby and sally i'm not sure but the point is that they've they've always kind of felt unease since the cats visit when they were young you know they question whether or not they just made it up as a fun game when mom was out they trashed the house and put it back together themselves and there's really been no real indicator that it happened except for like just the strange sense of being watched when their parents aren't at home and you have to cut to you know the the cat somewhere in like some kind of nerve center having either cameras or like you said the things sneaking into this house yeah and there's one weekend where mother and father say hey kids you're old enough where we can leave you home alone don't go crazy and throw a party or anything we're gonna go out of town and we're gonna have a good time and that is when the real action starts i would also like to add something to the cat's character go ahead so first of all he's sound british most of the time okay uh he also he also will look friendly he'll have like a kind of like it will look like he has a mustache like he's covered in fur but like a sticker he has to he has to look friendly and evil yeah no no you see he looks evil he looks friendly to begin with and then and then and then if we make him angry enough then then he changes he becomes more evil well in this case yeah what we do is so because this is cliche parents say you know be good while we're out yeah what's the first thing they do don't be good they call all their friends yeah and their friends all show up maybe there's some alcohol and some some weed you know that shows up you know and this is this is going to be a rager of a party they might not get along with everybody at school or it might be slightly outsiders because they're a little bit off but nobody's going to turn down a good party and they do have some friends so the party's raging and all of a sudden sally's cell phone rings hey you know they're all bopping and jiving and drinking and drinking and you know maybe she's grinding against a guy who knows but her phone rings and she picks it up and it says unknown number but she picks it up anyway hello why didn't you invite me a party oh this will be fun a party you know some kind of rhyme yeah i'll be there shortly now sally's a little bit freaked out and she uh you know goes to her brother and you know his her brother's probably like in a bedroom like starting to get on with a with a girl and she's banging on his door he's like what i'm busy no we need to talk now i got this phone call he goes come on it's somebody from school playing a prank you know you know it's easy to spoof or block your caller id it's easy to you know do a call like that it's somebody from school just being dumb yeah and then at that point you know it started raining at some point because this is cliche yeah she's like no you don't understand it was him him who the cat what do you the cat the cat in the hat thunder lightning power goes out everybody kind of like does a quick scream and then like they they turn on their cell phone cameras uh everybody starts like kind of laughing how they freaked out and stuff and the lights come back on yeah but the front door is open and somebody's like well that's weird and at this point as people are doing naughty-ish things they're slowly starting to get picked off one by one so this is where we we take the freddie krueger corny campy line approach every time the cat in the hat kills somebody he has to make some kind of rhyme about it yeah so if they're they're doing drugs he has to be he has to make a a rhyme about how drugs will kill you look if it's somebody who is stealing jewelry from sally's parents bedroom it's a rhyme about thieves and and such and some of the deaths have to obviously be supernatural like maybe somebody eats like half of a pizza by themselves and then he makes them like get huge and then blow along yeah stuff like that and obviously he uses the things to go around and knock people over also also the things should look like dolls yes creepy dolls yeah but they move yeah they just don't move when people are looking directly at them except like as you're getting later in the film where there's only like three people left or four people left yeah then then you start having like the dark hallways where you see them running across and stuff but the point is people get picked off one by one and sally and my brother slowly start to realize that the cat in the hat is in fact back and that he wants to have all sorts of fun with them he he wants to play yeah for keeps i i i i i kind of imagine that uh referencing for now he would have kind of like a sun and moon thing where like there's there's the good side and then like if something happens that triggers him then he'll turn all evil i don't know i i think it's more that when the cat in hat was dealing with young children you know they were young they were innocent and the world that taught the world over time has become more corrupt yeah and so therefore the the kindness or the forces that created him or brought him into being and so therefore the people that have twisted have corrupted with the change of people and their cruelty and social media and all of that but i think at one point there has to be a phone call like they're trying desperately to reach their parents at the resort or whatever because everything's going on so like there's several times they try to reach their parents all they're not here or we can't you know and they call at one point it's like your parents your parents unfortunately died in a fiery car wreck there were no survivors no one else will get that yeah that's fine that's fine they don't need to but and i think the fish should the fish come in play now the fish is long dead you know but it was a talking fish it could live on top yeah it it lived long enough but what's what's the fish gonna do so how do you defeat the cat in the hat let's think about this so we obviously i mean obviously the most obvious way to do it is to take off his hat but he's taking off his hat without being i'm saying forcefully take off his hat and tie you have to take off his hat and destroy it yeah it's not just remove the hat you have to get the hat and destroy it so you can't destroy it through fire it's gonna be it's gonna be moving to that okay that would be too easy they have to what do they do to destroy the hat then if you can't burn it hmm if you can't burn it maybe acid but where are you gonna get acid in the house chemical reactions i mean we don't know what our mom did for a living we don't know what our parents did for a living i think burning should still be acceptable yeah i just feel like it's easy i mean like if they have cigarettes and stuff though they're gonna have lighters ah but like maybe again maybe it's not that simple maybe you have to burn it but you have to burn it in a really cliche way like they have to make some kind of a rhyme some kind of a rhyme in order to do it or like they and how do they figure out that though do they overhear the cat talking about the hat like somebody knocks the hat off at one point and like well here's an idea if if all the things are dolls maybe you could find something on their tags that hints to it okay like caution not fling do not put near open flame but it will have to rhyme it somehow if if if you wish for things to tame place us near an open or place us in an open flame or something like that yeah but it's also not it's just you have to find a way to write them about the rhyming right so we'd have to we'd have to do that but eventually they end up you know they get the cat's hat the cat is tracking them down he kills like the next last person so now it's just sally and so now it's just sally and her brother and they're desperately trying to like get the hat i had an idea on how they could learn it yeah maybe it's not amazing but like they they start trying to burn it okay and it's it's not working and then one of the things comes along and it's humming a little rhyme and that's when the hat starts catch on fire oh okay before the thing rushes them and then they kick it into the fire as well yeah so you have so you have but you have the cat and you have the cat and he's coming after sally she's getting trying to get the hat going and her brother is gonna do what's necessary to like save her so he's getting in the way yeah he doesn't get killed um and then the hat burns and the cat's like no you know typical i'm melting yeah i don't know about that and there also has to be a fake out at one point too where they think they've beaten him but they haven't and it has nothing to do with the hat at that point.

It's just they think they've beaten him.

They've, you know, shot him or they've poisoned him.

Also a cocktail.

Yeah, maybe they burned him.

And then from that point forward, his fur is just, like, singed.

Yeah.

Maybe he loses his whiskers.

Yeah.

He loses his whiskers.

His fur is, like, singed.

But, yeah, it's that story of you get that fake-out moment where you think, oh, yeah, we've defeated him.

He's like, nah, I'm back, you know.

And that's really where you get into that stuff.

So what happens after that is obviously the hat burns, the cat disappears or catches on fire, like, properly this time from the inside.

And there's a bright flash and everything goes back to normal.

Yep.

So nobody is dead.

Their parents didn't die.

There was no party.

The parents come back early.

And it's actually the same night.

They come back and they say, oh, yeah, look, we forgot our phones.

No, you've got to make it.

You've got to make it.

We forgot our mouse covered.

Three handles.

Family grandunzel.

Ah.

That would be funny.

That would be funny.

But I think it would be too much of an in-joke.

Yeah.

But, you know, it's just one of those typical, oh, yeah, like, we forgot our phones.

But then, and Sally and her brother look at each other, kind of breathe a deep sigh of relief.

And the camera pans over and there, sitting on the couch, is a little stuffed animal that looks like one of the things.

And you hear the cats laugh.

The end.

Or you could just have, or you could have them say, I'll be back.

I'll be back.

Yeah.

It has to be.

More subtle.

Something more clever.

We don't want to.

But, yeah, I think, I think that's a viable, you know.

So now we've answered the question.

How is the cat in the hat evil?

Well, first of all.

I mean, aside from all of his pre-existing crimes.

Aside from everything else, the cat in the hat definitely could be evil.

We could turn this into a horror movie.

Easy.

Easy money as well.

Great idea, Kit.

This is a grand idea.

In Hollywood, this grand idea could be yours.

For the low, low price, what is it?

$500,000?

I would say at least $275,000.

Yeah.

At least $275,000 and 70% of the gross?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's what we're up to at this point.

So, Hollywood, if you like this idea, you know how to reach us the same way that anybody else can reach us.

feedback@nontopical.com.

And if you like what you're hearing, we do believe in value for value.

What that means is if you get value out of what we're hearing.

You can show us some value out of what you're hearing by going to Ko.

What is it, Dash Fi?

Ko-Fi.com/nontopical Ko-Fi.com/nontopical ko-fi.com/Nontopical.

Yes.

And any number is fine.

A one, a two, a five, or a hypothetical.

That's eight.

$1,000.

We would take either.

Or whatever you want to give us.

We appreciate it.

We really do when people give us a little bit of something because it does take time and energy to put this together.

And as you've heard in previous episodes, sometimes technical issues mean long, long editing sessions trying to figure out how to clean up the audio.

So, anyway.

Well.

Happy spooky month.

What?

Happy spooky month.

Happy spooky month.

This is spooky season.

We hope that you have a good time.

If you're not allergic to peanut butter and you are able to have chocolate, we wish you all peanut butter cups and no dum-dums.

And if you can't have peanut butter, then we wish you all of the candy that is your favorite.

And hopefully no raisins.

Yes.

Or dum-dums.

Or dum-dums.

I feel like raisins are worse than dum-dums.

This is true.

Anyway.

That's all we have for this episode.

Bye, everyone.

Bye.

Bye.