Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.

She couldn't She cleaned, cared for her children and the man of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.

She was both obedient and soft by nature.

She was a good woman who always made good choices.

That we're good Mom's bad choices.

Who's single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all their bad choices and sound out they were so bad.

After all, we're expert overshares and your new besties.

Sit back and enjoy the ride.

I can do it.

That.

Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

I'm Erica and I'm Mela, and it's Wednesday.

It is welcome back to the Good Mom Show.

How are you feeling?

I'm good.

We're doing this episode from home today, which is very rare.

We decided to honor our energy and keep it in the crib, so I feel good.

I put makeup on, and shit, I got lipliner overdrawn on my lips and stuff like I'm going somewhere.

But if you saw what I was wearing under below this shirt, I'm still in my pajamas, not below the shirt.

But I do have my I do have our merch on which I do too.

Oh look, see if we' even mean to do this.

I think that one's sold out, but this one is not.

I wear our merch a lot, and you should too.

You should check out our merchant goot Mom's Bad Choices dot com.

We make a lot of cute shit, a lot of can of mom shit, a lot of bold statements, a lot of things that you want to say, but sometimes you don't say it.

This one says goddess spiritual sorority, because where a god is spiritual sorority?

Black as fuck, mom as fuck, fine as fuck?

Yep, do you wear that one?

Me?

Do you wear that one?

When you pick up Iri from school?

I wear all of our I think I talked to you about this on the few episodes ago.

I don't not wear our merch.

I don't spare my child's feelings when it comes to my merch because I created this.

This is my shit, and I want and I know when other moms, and it happens every time I wear it and I go to the school, they're like, oh my God, where suld I'm like, I need it.

So I think that we should normalize wearing statement pieces.

Just schools to school pick up.

These parents know who we are and don't add me to the group text bitch.

Maybe I'll prevent her about unless you're with the shits.

Maybe I'll present them from asking for sleepovers and play dates.

That's fine, I hate and Lona's like, can you get some and seose mom's numbers if you have a play date?

And no, at this point, I know I don't.

I don't do that anymore, and say, if you want me to have the you get her mom's number.

I'm not going to go search the databases of the onlines of the log into the school portal that I can't remember to try and find this bitch's phone number and also text her randomly like hey, this is ives.

I've done that, and I will.

But also like, I think our kids are old enough to be like, hey, what's your phone number?

Write it on a piece of paper and get yeah, literal will bring home the paper.

I'm like, Okay, I'll do what I gotta do.

Yeah.

But honestly, this summer, like Iri hasn't really been like hanging out so much with her friends from school.

This is the first summer that I haven't put her in camp at her school, and it was by design because I really wanted her to like branch out and like have other experiences, go to the sleep away camp that we had sent our kids to, and also like I wanted to have more flexibility, And I think that she's actually enjoyed it more like she's still fucking sleeping right now.

First of all, if she was in camp, she would be on her tenth activity, which is great too, But I just feel like I just needed this summer to like not feel like I had to adhere to a strict pickup, drop off schedule, even though those hours away do help, but I think it's also helped me slow down to like in parenting and like having to like figure things out with her, be more present with her, and like I'm really focused on just like deepening our relationship, and I felt like summer camp was actually like hindering that because she was gone most of the day.

It was like she was in school, and so like she spends all year away from me in school, so me not putting her in camp this summer, I feel like it has been a really good thing for our relationship.

I've seen how our relationship has like deepened and there's more trust and she's sharing more, and I think a lot of the worry that I had is starting to dissipate because I felt like, oh my god, she.

Doesn't talk to me.

What am I doing?

Like I felt like I'm doing everything my mom didn't do on purpose because I didn't want to talk to her about shit.

And here I am, like, you can tell me anything, nothing will get you in trouble, and she's like not saying shit.

So I think it was just like a matter of just spending more time together.

So I actually advocate for not sending your kid to some camp all fucking summer.

I know parents are like.

But I need the break.

I mean, and you have if you have multiple kids, like I get it, Like I only got one, and she's like self sufficient and mature.

I'm lucky, So yeah, I the summer break is for me too, Like I'm not waking up at eight am to take you to camp.

In fact, when she did do school camp with Irate, it was actually in my benefit because her grandmother lives closer to the school, so in a lot of times we'd be not here, so I that was my like, here, she's going to camp from your house.

But yeah, I don't know if this is acceptable to say, but I fucking despise waking up in the morning and making lunch and picking up like pick up school drop off, some pickups.

I would really like Luna.

I would really like me to get my shit together so she'd be homeschooled, so I could get rich and have a twenty four hour tutor or whatever eight hour day tutor.

Because as a child I hated waking up in the morning to go to school all all all the way to high school.

So when I turned around and had a kid and I had to start fucking taking her, I was like, I didn't even get a good break.

Twenty years is not enough.

I mean how many years did I get, Like eighteen?

I mean yeah, it just wasn't enough.

And so I'm just like, I like not having a schedule, and I like along with the flow.

I mean, I'm maybe irin.

Me and Luna and Orlando just came back from a camping trip, which I really felt was like an extension of their overnight camp.

She was like, this is basically what we did at camp.

I was like, perfect, it's family camp and it was really really fun and really nice.

She had had a bucket list for the camp like for summer, and one of the things was like, I want to going camping, and I really wanted to go camping too since that last time Adventure Bay took us one hundred years ago.

But I have no equipment.

So finally, my friend, my best friend, who I've known for like fifteen years, she moved up north and she was like, I'm gonna come down and busit you guys.

And then she was like I'm gonna go back on Tuesday, and I was like why and because we're going camping And I was like, well, can we go?

And She's like sure, we could drive back up together.

So we did meet her her sister Luna.

We all drove back up together and we had the best time.

We're just like playing games in the car, doing tiktoks, just being silly and it was really fun and like packed the whole car up with fucking tents and sleeping bags and food.

Orlando of course seasoned Jamaican chicken to travel eight hours off the coast so we could go camping.

And like you take a boat, you take a boat from the dock, you took all your shit on there.

You go to this little island across from the dock.

There's no bathrooms.

There's like a floating bathroom that you have to go to a huge, beautiful lake.

And we were there for like five days.

We were only supposed to be there for three, but every time it was time to go, it was just like impossible to get out of there.

Luna's like they caught a fish, they skinned it, they saw the whole process.

She was really intrigued by that, and like we saw a bear.

Like it was just really fun and all day long we just sat in the sun.

We get to go paddle boarding and swim and went on like boats and like rafting.

It was really really fun.

She met like she met two new friends.

And I don't know how I managed to have host sleepovers on a campsite cause some people were just coming for the day.

And I met this mom and she had two girls around in the same age as Luna, and she was like can they do I was like, they can stay, and she's like really, And I was like, yeah, I don't really get a break offten I was like, go girl, just let them let her stay.

Let them stay.

Me and Lando on this like tiny, literally one person tent, but it was really fun.

We didn't bathe really for like five days.

We went down once to the house to go like take showers and come back.

Can you like bathe in the lake or something.

Yeah, I just drink a natural soapy bathed in the lake.

But we just like the parents partied at night.

We barely slept and then we just like everybody communal like communal, cooked, barbecued, made breakfast for the kids.

Was hell of kids.

It had to be at least like seventy people, a lot of teenagers.

My friend who host the whole thing has like four kids of all different ages, so they're all her friends, all her kids friends from school.

I was like, I feel like I'm in a high school party.

I was like, Kat, we're outnumbered, bitch, I need you to have less high schoolers.

And they're like Hippi high schoolers, so they smoke weed.

It was very interesting, but it was like family camp.

And I really enjoyed that time with Luna and like that experience because none of us have ever camped for that long.

Orlando has never camped at all, so it was really fun and beautiful to just like and I realized I don't have like as adults, you know, me and Shawnie were friends when I was in like college ish, but you don't have a lot of responsibilities, so I mean we were neighbors, but like since then, every time I've been in Atlanta, it's been for like a show, we're for a speaking event, and we haven't like we'll have like a couple hours or a day to shoot the shit, but then everybody has shit to do, so it's just nice to be like, let's just chill for a week and talk and hang out and part Like it's like, I think that we don't give our adult friendships enough like downtime.

You have a lunch for two hours.

You might visit for a weekend or whatever, but like overall, I hadn't just like chilled with my friend for a week.

So it was like really nice to just oh, yeah, hey, like there's no rush, I don't have to get everything out in two hours.

I don't have to hear everything that's happened I missed.

So it was just nice to just be able to chill.

And I just I recommend that I think a lot of times in adulthood, old friends are long distance friends.

We don't get a chance to just block out a certain amount of time, because there's no time for that, but like it's necessary to shoot the shit and just like chill.

So I really we had a really good time.

That's great.

Yeah, I love that.

Yeah, I went camping years ago.

I haven't done that kind of camping since I was like in high school.

I went to Montana with a boyfriend and we canoed down the river for days.

Like oh yeah, I thought about you.

And we bathed in the lake or the river and all that.

But yeah, after that experience, like it was beauty.

Floyd loved it.

But the fucking moment I got to civilization, I was like, Okay, yeah, I need a real fucking shower, I need a real bed and air conditioning.

Yeah, like yeah, you take you realize like the things you like, the little things you take for granted.

Like even though you enjoyed it, like you come back and you're like, thank god, this is it.

Every day it was so hot.

There was like we're like on an incline, so like every like going up the hill was a lot.

Sleeping on the floor, I mean that hot water shit and also taking a shit, Like we had a toilet set up in the back of the forest and it was fine, but like I almost had to train my body, like you don't have to shit right now.

You don't have to unless did you have any forest tories forest tories?

I didn't.

I'm camping hories.

We fucked every day we were there on the ground in the tent.

So yeah, at first, I was just like paranoid, that can people hear us?

It's like not as loud as the jungle, you know, it's quiet.

There's literally fifty people camping out.

It's a long spanning like of a little area, but still there's people all around.

But it was great.

And then we could like lift the tent thing up so you could see the stars and the moon, and I'm like, this is sexy outside sexy, you know what it feels.

It feels very primal.

I was like, this makes sense.

Sleeping on the ground, fucking under the stars, this is what God intended.

That felt very uh tribal.

So it was nice.

It was really fun.

It's nice, you know.

Speaking of friends, I had a friend come to stay with me last week.

I've been like renting out my room in my house to very select people and like a few months, like a month ago, I had a friend from Abu Dabi she stayed with me for like two months, and then my friend Anishka she came and stayed for a week.

And it's true, like I have actually met Anishka on the internet like years ago, and so much of our lives has changed since then.

Like she was not married at the time, no kids, I was.

I was still with Friday at the time, and we just like connected.

I don't even know how I think.

I just like thought she was pretty and I just commented on her picture.

I was looky, probably trying to flirt with her or something, You're so pretty, Yeah, because I don't know how to flirt with women, and what the fuck?

I don't know how to do that.

That's not my forte.

This is why I'm not a lesbian.

Maybe if I could get my flirting with women confidence that I could be, it could be a real lesso.

Anyway, it evolved past that, and.

Yeah, I realized, like we've never really hung out like for more than like two apps, maybe an hour and a half for lunch and stuff.

And so you know, she came and she stayed for a week, and we got to like really like spend time together, really understand each other.

She's like a piscy she's super into astrology, So like I learned so much about myself and astrology and all the stars and every person in my fucking life and why they do this and why they do that and why I'm doing this and da da da da, And yeah, it was really just nice to like connect with a woman that like I don't really know that well and like create a new bond in that way in my home.

And so I was like, I really actually enjoy these like little short like stints at my house with people.

I know I do know.

Like there's a woman that's interested in staying in my house right now, but she wants to stay for six months.

I was like, bitch, I don't know about that.

Maybe I don't know.

I saw her Instagram and she's doing a lot of tiktoks and I was like, I'm gonna get annoyed.

Not a lot of ticks.

You might get inspired, you might get some of tiktoks.

And she's making a lot of Jamaican tiktoks.

What is a Jamaican TikTok?

She's like playing Jamaican aunties.

And all types of shit.

But like the acting, like the funny acting.

I don't like those.

Yeah, she's like, she's sweet.

I don't want to talk shit, she's great.

I just don't know if like six months is like my steeze when it comes to this.

I'm but I like the little short, cute stint skill a little information, we get something out a little bit, then you get the fucked out of my home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think you could do six months.

I mean, granted I'm not home a lot, but I just I don't know.

I don't know, but I did enjoy our time together and and now like we like we're checking in with each other.

So it's like making like adult friends, like late in life adult friends.

I mean obviously like we we made friends as adults as well, but we made like I dont want to say, but we made we made friends that we became friends though because we literally were going through the exact same thing at the exact same time.

So we had this like who you and I, Yeah, like we have this like glue that bonded us together where it's like different when you like meet someone and it's like not necessarily going through the same thing at the same time, and like, but like maintaining those friendships can sometimes feel challenging if there's not necessarily a parallel thing happening in your life that you guys can relate to or like alond together.

Also, we started we started a business in like ten minutes, and so I know, yeah, you're like, we're going to hang out once a week.

Okay, Yeah, it's true.

I know it's true.

Though, Like as adults, we prioritize.

I mean, a lot of times we have to to the responsibilities of life and our children, and it's very rare that we get time to spend time with other people the way we did like in high school or in college when there wasn't as much responsibility that I realized it's like it's super important.

Even my friend who I'm talking about, who I hung out with, who I haven't hung out with in this way in a while, Like her kids now are like eighteen.

She has twins that are eighteen and a third daughter that is sixteen.

And I grew like they grew up with me when they were like I met them when they were two and three and getting to see them as women.

And I'm like, damn, I haven't even really spent time with your kids because I've been moving around and like getting to see them as women.

One of them brought their boyfriend.

Have they like they live in Atlanta, they go to Georgia State, but they were they're visiting for the summer.

Their boyfriend was there.

I'm like, what the fuck do you think you are with this boyfriend?

But it's just like they used to call me mommy, used to pick them up from school.

That was like my first experience being with kids to that capacity, and my first mom friend for real, for real, because I was really young.

We're eight years apart.

But like, yeah, like spend times with your spend time with your friends kids, like be the auntie and like spend time with your friends and without having anything to do.

And I know that seems like such a hard thing because we have bills and shit, but like it's necessary and it was really nice and it's different.

It's sorry, go ahead.

I was just like and also even with her friends, like at first, I was like telling Orlando, like, Okay, I'm gonna warn you this is a very interesting group of hippie whites and just be prepared.

But like even getting to know them and hang out with them, like it was a nice It was a nice time.

Yeah, sometimes the brunch is not enough.

Sometimes the brunch is very surface.

You're literally just glazing over, like you're just checking off check boxes.

That has the kids.

So how's your relationship?

Ooh that sucks?

He did?

What?

Oh crazy?

So how's work?

Like it's just so there's no there's really no it's not even your fault.

There's just no time for depth, you know.

So like when you're waking up in the morning with people and like like I'm waking up making coffee.

She's coming down, We're having our coffee, we're drinking.

We're drinking our coffee, having a joint hula hooping outside I gave I showed her my hula.

Hoops, and now I feel like I feel like that's my calling.

Like I need to like really lead the women to hula late hula hula hooping has like become such a like literally like a spiritual practice for me, and I realize how it how it translates to other women anyway, But just.

Sorry, my brother's texting me.

Look, my brother wants to come by, like people want to come by.

Anyway.

We it was just nice to like get in a rhythm with her, and then I like missed like she left, and I'm like, sad, I missed her and I just called her like this morning, like what are you doing?

What's going on?

So yeah, I think it is important to like spend consecutive days with your friends and the people that are the people that you want to build relationships with, even if it's like a new friend, like have her come spend the weekend at your house, like you know.

I think a lot of the women too, Like I know, for our retreats, some of the women that come, like that's what they end up doing.

They're like, oh, they send us pictures like they went to go hang out like with their like Ariel, and that was the other girl's name.

I can't remember right now, Sam Samantha is that her name?

Redhead?

Yeah, I know?

And Emily, No, that's a different that's a different white girl, but like two different types of people, right, Like Ariel's a black woman from Texas, Like she's black as hell.

The other girl she white as hale.

Redhead went over to Ariel's house, spent the night, had Ariel cook her dinner, had a girl's night talk like that's what it's about.

And I think like as we get older, we forget to do that.

We like have these like very designated moments of like connection with our friends.

We're just like we'll go.

To lunch, get coffee, and then and then we're wondering, like, damn, we're not We're not like I don't really know her anymore, We're not close anymore.

And it's like, no, you just haven't like really carved out any time to really see what's going on with them and check in with them and vice versa.

Like you guys are having very surface surface experiences, but we're having like we're scheduling sleepovers for our for our daughters and our kids, but never really like prioritizing I guess sleepover as adults.

Adults, sleepovers are necessary to cultivate adult friendships.

Like that's how that's why the retreat works the way it does, because we're literally waking up and going to sleep with people every day, and like you have a day in and day out, day in and day out, there's like you get to cultivate a particular type of relationship because you get that all day like all day experience on a multiple days.

We're doing the same things, we're going on the same adventures, and so it's fun to just like I realized this too, Like adults will do fun things and then we'll talk about them for the next day.

We did like all these fun things, like oh my god, remember last tonight when we jumped up about naked and then you know, like we were all there, but just to reminisce on the things that were fun, even like, oh, that's what kids do too, exactly, and that's what we like.

That's the human experience that we like think that we grow out of, but we don't.

A lot of my adult friendships have been cultivated because of sleepovers and because of extended stays, like even me and Aaron, She's come and stayed with us a bunch of times.

He's gone on trips.

I think trips can be trips can go either way, but you can you'll find out quickly if it's someone who needs to be your friend or not, because I've gone on fucking terrible trips with people that are no longer my friends because they didn't need to be.

And that's good too, because then I get to figure it out quickly.

But I think that trips and sleepovers really help cultivate adult friendships and it's necessary.

You mentioned high school like feeling like high school.

And I just finally got the invitation to my high school reunion.

What is it?

Twenty years?

Twenty fucking year high school reunion?

Bitch?

Did you go to your tenure?

I did?

You did?

Yeah?

And was it?

It was great?

No?

It was fucking stupid.

Oh see, I love it.

I love to see all the fucking guys that were so rude and dick dick holes just to be trash.

It was like, I couldn't wait to go, and it really validated my feelings the first time.

So I'm really looking forward to round two of my twenty year high school re union.

I become my kids like Ruby and Michell's high school reunion, Come.

On, come, And honestly, I'm very disappointed in this reunion because first of all, they were like, there's this a two part reunion.

Part one, come to the football game and hang out at the football game, and I'm like, no, of the high school yes, I was like no.

So then I was like I don't want to go to no, fucking I don't want to go on to a high school fucking football game and see y'all No, no, no.

So then the next day is then we'll have a barbecue on campus.

I was like, you.

Guys are fucking cheap.

You want to have a barbecue on campus.

I'm like, I was like, can we really reminist bring back?

Can we bring back the throwback?

Like?

Can we bring back the kickback?

And someone does someone have a home in Sherman Oaks that we can have a kickback?

Somebody does?

Can we do a throwback?

Like?

We need kegstands, we need, we need these things.

We need to run it back like we used to party back in the day.

Stop acting like fucking grown ups and run this shit back.

It's twenty years.

We haven't done this shit in twenty fucking years.

I think that every twenty year in high school, ring and beyond needs to be like we need to throw it.

We need to be like the ultimate kickback.

So I was like, I literally thought.

I was like, are you gonna do You're gonna be my house?

No?

Oh god no.

I was like, too many people.

There's so many people.

I know, some people probably die.

You be acting like you're so with the ships, and then you'd be like no, you be like, yeah, everybody in my house, why did I do this?

I don't like any of these people I just, well, no, not with our friends.

But I don't really ever have parties like that where I feel like that at my house.

But that particularly thing might happen because a I don't know these people anymore, like they could be serial killers and now they know where I live and be I just like I don't know who's like an alcoholic and it's going to overstay their welcome and just be stupid or you know, just like I don't want to deal with any sort of dramas that might come up.

I just but I do think that somebody needs to volunteer their home, and I'm like, someone has to have a house near our high school that we can make this happen, because a barbecue on campus sounds like some bullshit.

But anyway, I'm going to go either way because I have to.

I have to come I have to come through.

I have to come through with all this beauty.

Just part two, not part one.

I said, you just gonna go to part two, not part one.

Yeah, show all these white boys what they missed out on because they were too busy looking at Cali And.

They're probably still looking at Callie and Jessica Booth.

I know, but they I'm even at my last reunion, one of the white boys came by to me.

He's like, Erica, I always had a thing for you, And I was like really, because you didn't say shit.

I was like, here, I am the fucking only other black.

There was like two black girls and my whole fucking grade, throughout my whole high school experience, and I'm thinking, like, Wow, nobody likes black girls.

Huh.

I just want the fucking white girls with the fucking franky bees on and the fucking parcels whatever the fuck those jack parcel shoes and the high socks and anyway I know a parcel.

They are like these shoes with like there's like these like shoes that have a little platform on them that everyone was wearing at a certain time, and at least at my high school.

I don't know if it was at your high school.

But I am just.

Looking forward to connecting with some people that I haven't seen in a while, and also shitting on these nicks.

That's my goal.

That was my goal round one.

My goal round two is to them Yep, I'm still that bitch, and you guys look old and I do not, oh my god, speaking because they do I've seen some of them on Facebook and I'm like, yo, sunscreen, sunscreen, water speaking, no more cigarettes speaking.

Yeah, like the aging thing.

I have never been so thankful to be black, like because I was on that trip and it was predominantly white people.

First of all, I realized a lot of like and I can't send this to my day friends, but whatever, a lot of those women, white women had black babies.

I didn't see the dad anywhere.

Me and Orlando were the only black couple.

There's only my friend's family was only black family.

The kids, lots of mixed children, but there was one.

There's a couple of women and I was just like, how old are you?

And they were like, first of all, I think a lot of them thought we were high school students.

One person one high school speaking, but this was like the this I felt like I was in high school.

There's bongs everywhere.

I was like, who's they were like just sitting there not helping.

I was like, whose fucking kids are these?

Get the fuck up.

One kid asked Orlando about Luna, Is that your sister?

Ask Orlando if Luna was his sister, and I was I almost was like whoa.

I almost was like who am I?

Then who do you think I am?

But then you know what I contained myself.

I said, I'm going to shut the fuck up because you're his sister too.

I was like, I think maybe that was his girlfriend and see that was his sister or whatever, but like, there's no way you can think I'm both their moms.

And I didn't even I didn't even entertain that conversation, but I realized, like, yeah, the aging is totally different, Like it's totally different.

A lot of those women were the same or close to the same age as me, or like older.

But looked like old older, And I was like, whoa, And I think, like in certain role, it's the sun and I want to say the son.

And this is not a kind statement, and I'm just going to just keep it on a hundred.

Okay, a lot of those women have black baby daddies and they're single moms now.

But sometimes I think and then they, like my friend was telling me, a lot of the black guys will like leave them, steal from them.

I have an announcement for white women that date outside of their race.

Okay, let them know.

Okay, And this is already I already support this message.

Don't even know what it is yet, I'm you just take it for me.

I'm your black friend online.

Okay, maybe I'm your black friend in real life.

But I just need to I just need to be realistic with yourself when a black guy approaches and maybe you guys are in the dating phase and you really you know they're great, and everything feels like it's going well.

As a white woman who dates black men, there are certain things you have to be aware of.

Does he really like me?

Or is he using me?

Am I a place to stay?

Does he have a home?

Does he have a vehicle?

Does he have a job?

Am I putting my name down on anything?

Okay?

These are the credit because that's a big one.

If you think you're in love and he has none of the above or two of the above, and he doesn't and he asks you to co sign, or you notice that he's spending more than three days when week at your house and then it turns into four, then terms into five, and then he's moved in and the words of Ken the man that is not your nigga for real, Like, I don't want to be the bitch, but I'm like, and then this is what happens.

White women get with the black men, they're like, we're in love, they get babies, they put their name on things, and then those niggas leave them and take some shit with them, and then they're like black guys blah blah blah, I don't date black guys.

Nah, bitch, you dated the worst black guy that there was, and you got got because you weren't.

You didn't have a black friend to tell you, no, he doesn't like you, he's using you, and not to say that this is the this is the happens to all white women.

No, there's definitely genuine love is love, and there are people fall in love.

But a lot of times, unfortunately, black men see white women and they take advantage of you.

Okay, they take advantage because they think you're really nice, and you probably are, but there's such thing as being too nice.

So I think that there's a level of I noticed in this group of friends there's literally very little black women, but there's a bunch of white women with black kids.

And I think that sometimes you think that they're choosing you over us, and this is just I think that there's a level of ignorance that you guys have that you have to be aware of when dating outside of your race.

There's a stereo you do just like me as black women have to be.

There's a level of ignorance that I think black women have when dating white men too.

So there's like rules and regulations around Unfortunately, because we live in a society that has created these fucking these steps operations between us and distrust between us and fetishizing between us.

Not all the time.

I do believe obviously people love.

Love is love, but I think that there's things that we both, we all parties, need to be aware of and as blastifically, I have seen this a lot.

As your black friend, Toney, I love you, I do, I really do.

This is a safe space for you too.

It is tell me the truth.

Yes, it's time for you to know.

And if you feel triggered by this, then you need to maybe go write the pros and cons down, Go get your journal, write it out.

Maybe maybe dm us let us know what's going on.

Let us know what's going on.

If you join Patreon, then we can really have a full conversation.

Because my time does cost a little bit.

It's cost ten dollars.

My time costs ten dollars so I can deep dive with you on this in our Patreon chat.

And I'm sure there's gonna be other women too that can give you perspective.

There's a lot of women that there's a lot of white women, brown women, black women in Patreon that have experienced all the all of the above.

And I just want to be clear, Black women, we are not and we are not what it's called excluded from the fuckery of our of our of our men as well.

We also can be dumb bitches.

Also, we can also be dumb.

But I do think we also are dumb bitches, like historically.

Let's be clear because there's a lot.

Of black single baby mom my baby mamas.

But yeah, baby mom is out here too.

So I want to be clear, but I want to be clear.

But we but we have a different sort of discernment.

We are we are choosing, we are not actually choosing to be dumb bites.

It doesn't mean that the most important message is you're not exempt, Stacy, Kelly, Katie, You're not exempt.

This is just this doesn't mean that this is not going to happen to you.

So don't get up, get your black jamal and think that you're high and mighty, and you've done the damn thing.

And he and also another thing.

Please don't tell your black friends, Oh I got a new guy.

His name is Jamal.

He's so fine and he is a big dick.

Don't do that.

That is sheep.

It's going, it's taking its way back.

This is how you get cut off from your friends.

This is how you don't get help.

This is how you don't get advice.

When we are silent while we're listening to your tragic story, and.

We're like, we're gonna let you see how that plays out.

When you start saying shit like that, we're gonna let you see how it plays out without putting in our two cents.

But for real, you guys, you have to date more more warely, because it's real.

It's real right here.

People are predators and of all different people, and the stereotypes do exist, and I just want you, guys, everyone to be aware of it.

Like, you know, what I think is like a tip for white women who want to date black men.

What the first step in this is you need black girlfriends first.

You can't be a white woman that's dating black men and only have white friends.

Like that's just it's not gonna work.

I have to just to get black girlfriends.

Actually, then you're more like that.

You're more likely to be a target if you have no black friends, because Jamal is going to be like oh perfect, no one to Warner.

He's gonna be like sh ballin because you don't have one Jamala or Erica to be like knock or no, no, no, no, no no, Please don't do this because let me tell you what Jamal's thinking.

He's thinking you're stupid, bith Okay, So that's my announcement about interracial dating for the day.

I just think that, yeah, don't think that.

Just be on your just be on your toes, keep your eyes peeled because a lot of times, stereotypically, I think you think that you're like, oh, yeah, I'm the winner and you're It doesn't necessarily work that way.

You have to have discernment when it comes to interracial dating because sometimes there are stereotypes that make you targets.

And because we're your friends and we love you, we want you to know about these things.

Do we need an affirmation that supports this?

Like, what is the affirmation?

I'm pretty sure we've already done.

Don't be a dumb bitch.

So we're gonna have to do You're not exempt, Yeah, you're not exempt.

White friends need white friends that date black guys need black friends too.

Honestly, if if you have a black boyfriend and you have no black friends and he doesn't think anything's wrong with that, that's a red flag.

I think it's a red flag.

I think, why do you not have any black friends and you'll have one black boyfriend.

There's just certain things.

But yeah, I think what's the affirmation.

White women who date black men need friends, White women who date black men need black friends.

Very simple, simple.

I can't wait to see that written out on Instagram and see if anyone shares it.

I've got to see the shares hate it.

You don't have to start with the baseline is get a black girlfriend, you know, and you know what, maybe that goes the other way too.

Black women that want to date white men get some white friends.

But do you think, but do you think white friends are gonna be like, hey, babe, Dan is using you to flaunt you around as white friends, like he's he's fetishizing you.

I think you do need white friends.

I don't know if white friends are going to warn you the same way, but I think you need There's questions that you asked when I dated white guys five times I went on dates.

There's questions that I asked, have you ever dated a black girl before?

What would your family think if you brought me home?

These are like two very important questions.

I never even got that got that far.

No, I I've never ever brought a white man home in my whole life.

Wow.

Never I've made in college, like in my early twenties.

But even like, I don't be cause I think I've only ever been on like two dates with the white like what the same white man ever, I've never it's never gone past that.

And even like the white like model homeless man that I had sex with, like very early on in our podcast.

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Oh my god, was this name like Peacock or something online or like Pete.

I don't know.

He was like he was targeting black women because remember he was in my DMS too, Yeah, he was targeting he was on America's Next Top Model or some shit.

And then he picks me up in like this hoop de I've never seen a hoopdie this hoop deing.

I've never been in a hoopdie that hoopedy to this hard and he didn't even live here, he lived in.

Like where the fuck was he living?

Who knows?

He was homeless?

Anyway, we didn't even go on a date.

We just got drunk and had sex.

But we never got past that.

And yeah, I don't I don't even know.

I don't even know.

I can't even give real advice.

I think that you maybe be more well versed in this space for this conversation.

But I've retired from my pink meat days, but I've never like brought him home to my family.

My dad, Oh my god, I could only see your dad just clowning the fuck out of.

You back in the day, Like in like elementary junior high, I had a white boyfriend and he clowned me.

But the most recent time he dropped actually me and this white boy off, Remember the one I was just so head over heels.

For the locks.

Yeah, yeah, he ended up cutting his hair, but he dropped me and him off at the Hollywood Bowl for a concert.

Like maybe this is more recently, I don't know, hollewhid No, it can't be that recent.

It was like four years ago, Okay, yeah, four or five years ago.

That seems so recent.

It seems like yesterday.

But he didn't talk.

He was I don't know, he was just actually nuts.

But I was just he didn't say anything about him being white.

I was just embarrassed with my dad that day.

He was just like talking shit to me and I was like, okay.

But that was like the first time he's ever like as an adult.

I've even brought someone around him that it wasn't black.

But yeah, interesting, these are these are This wasn't supposed to be the topic.

Guys.

I just want to be clear.

This is just this is the divine just telling us what to say.

This is important, This is what needed to be said today.

This is on my heart today, this was on my spirit.

Just came through.

I just channeled this.

I just got a Dowtler's talk.

I just got a download.

I just channeled.

I had to let these white bitches know the etiquette for dating a black man.

I just had to come through.

Thank you most high.

I mean because they'll stress.

I mean, you'll be stressed out and confused thinking you're in loudly stressed out and then hate black people.

You will, and this is my problem.

Then they're like I hate black guys and I don't date black guys.

Like, no, bitch, because you dated all the wrong black guys and they aged you and now you look fifty and you're twenty seven, and that's your fault.

Okay, what we got here, the aging into dating black men.

No, No, but I do think if you, if you date the wrong black guy, or any guy for that matter, they will, they will stress you.

And I'm pretty sure that my ex boyfriend gave me all the gray hairs on my head that I had.

You and if you're white, you could have looked fifty right now.

Luckily you have God.

Thank you.

I'm just saying, like you, it would be like the presidency, you know, how you see the president before and after the term.

If you pick honestly, ay, that will happen.

Honestly, let's just say a prayer.

Thank you God for making us black, because the amount of niggas that have stressed me the fuck out.

I should look four hundred years old, honestly, but I don't because melanin, even if I don't have the most of it, it still came through for me.

So thank you God, amen.

I mean, and luckily, because sometimes it does it, you know, it just you have to be at this age.

You have to be weary because if you let them stress you and age you, it could go really wrong.

And then at this point in this at this specifically at this age, we can't allow men to stress us out because if you're vain like me, it's dire.

It's just not an option.

Like you really got to think about your looks.

You got to think about your neck and your under eyes and those frown lines that are constantly being activated because you're crying at night letting these men stress you out.

If you are above the age of thirty five and dating, you cannot allow the men to stress you out, especially if you're white.

Especially and also, and this is going to not sound that kind too, but like, are you also like the same level of fine or is he using you?

You know, we can't just we can't just say if you're if this is the first fine nigg you've ever been here, I'm not saying because because even Ken the Man said she was that Nigga's first bad bitch, Like I don't know if.

That's the six that's my favorite line in all of her music, because I am that Nigga's first bad bitch.

He's gonna edit this.

I mean I would agree a so with she can.

I think I'm his first bad I mean, like, come on, maybe make a little timid and scared.

Maybe me and Erica are just delusionally conceded confident.

I mean when I go If I go out and a guy who's like very not attractive talks to me or tries to I get offended, like, come on, come on you, why'd you come over here?

I'm nice, I'm always right.

But I think also, because yes we're beautiful women, we're going to hell.

I think, yes, we're both beautiful women.

But I think also our personalities make us bad bitches, and we know that.

So that adds to the bad.

Bitchness, which is why we're secure saying we're that niggas first bad bitch, because not only do we look good, but we're smart and we're fun and we do have shit going on, and we're funding just the looks.

There's like there's like a foundation to this bad bitchery.

It's a package.

It's a foundation to bad bitchery.

And it's not just it looks.

It's confident, it's substance.

You have to have some substance.

There a substance, like you said, the con confidence.

Yeah, the confidence, and you know.

You're if you can call yourself a bad bitch confidently, because that's actually I mean, it's it is pretty like conceited and pathological to.

Say that about yourself.

But also like I don't think that it's I mean I'm a bad bitch.

I'm just I'm just saying, yes, yes, yes, I mean I call myself bad bitch all the time.

I'm just saying for most people that feel really uncomfortable saying that even though they are.

There's a lot of bad bitches that have all the things that we have, right, but they lack the confidence.

Like they have the success, they have the looks, they have the personality, but they would never feel comfortable even saying that about themselves.

And I understand that.

I think I've just gotten to a place where I'm confident about saying it because I always thought that it meant like I'm I thought I confuse it of being conceited, and I realized that that's the that's the trick that they tell women, you know what I mean, Like men are more allowed to be more like both boastful and like confident about who they are.

But women, Yeah, but women are supposed to be modest and humble, And you can be modest and humble, but you can still know what the fuck it is.

And what it is is that I'm a bad bitch.

And I think that is important and that goes far.

And I think that we've been given this lie that we're supposed to be like I'm all right, I'm okay now, bitch, get the fuck out my way.

I look good, you know what I mean?

And I and I think that I think that we should all possess that feeling about ourselves, even if I mean, even me, I'm not like the most I'm not the video model version of beautiful.

There's every there's only a very small slither of what society tells you it's beautiful.

We're all gonna veer outside of that.

I'm not the most beautiful women in the world.

However, I think that that's all that matters.

It's about like the how you feel about yourself, how you present, and the confidence that makes it go far.

And I think everyone should feel that way about themselves period.

Maybe the affirmation is, oh, it's not, it's not.

It can't be white part affirmation in case the first one doesn't go as well.

It goes so well.

Take a deep breath, Take a deep breath, and repeat after me.

I am a bit, I am a bad bitch.

I'm a bad bitch.

I'm that bitch.

And if you don't know it, move out my way like Luda.

Well before we get out of here, bad bitch member two.

Uh, we have a hory.

It's a short one.

It's not really a hooy.

It's kind of like an.

Advice question slash share in our discord.

Okay, someone wrote in our discord.

And if you haven't joined Patreon, once you join Patreon, you get access to our discord, which is if you don't know what discord is, because I think a lot of people don't really understand what discord is.

It's like an online chat community.

So once you join Patreon, you get access to Discord, which you have to download the app Discord, and then you get into our server and there's all these conversations happening, so many conversations, different channels, different channels where you can find people in your city.

There's people sharing their whore stories, there's people sharing their titties, there's people sharing they're venting.

So there's this whole channel just for venting.

If you just need to.

Get some shit off your chest that like you can't text or say to anybody, or maybe you feel even embarrassed that you need to say, that's the.

Place to do it.

Yeah, it's just it's a place.

Where you can be free with your fingers.

But anyway, I just got this today from somebody in our hoary section and it said, hey, y'all, I started having sex with this man and I plan on doing it again as often as possible.

But he's bigger than what I'm used to.

This happened on Saturday.

My neck still ain't right today, lots of deep throating.

Well, my neck get used to this question, Mark, I.

Might to say, No, I don't think so.

I don't think my neck has it.

But why is it because you're doing this?

Is he pushing your head a lot?

Or like what you got to relax, relax your neck, relax your shoulders.

You gotta get to be in a comfortable position.

Yeah, make sure you're make sure that you're checking in with your comfort while you're I think as women like we make ourselves very will like sit in a very we'll put our bodies in such uncomfortable positions during sex to please the person, to please the other person because like they're close, bit, nigga, you better we gotta start over then because I'm uncomfortable.

That doesn't make for good sex.

No, because they because now your neck hurts.

If one person is uncomfortable, it's just not it's not the move.

I also think if you haven't tapped into our girl, Smaya's classes on Patreon, I don't know if she still has them up and going, but she has a dick sucking class on Patreon and I me and Mila took it and it was very informative.

Okay, like you you you need every woman I think needs a dick sucking class.

And you have to relax.

You have to like do a yawn that's really a ship to open up your to open up your throat so that you can take more in.

And it's like a like.

An ah, I'm gonna make my own class dick sucking for the throat chakra.

It's gonna be is it gonna be mixing healing of holing, healing and hoeing.

Look out for my digital class Healing and Hoeing dick sucking for the throat chakra.

It's gonna make you speak your mind and open your mouth.

Okay, Well when.

That well that until that debut is go check out her or go look it up on YouTube.

Honestly, there's probably YouTube videos about this at this point.

But I do think that it could get better.

But some sometimes a niggas dick is just big, and it's just big, and it's not meant to fit.

It's not meant to fit all the way in.

And that's okay, there's that's why you have hands.

Yeah, used a hand.

Yeah, thank you for the question.

I was a good one.

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

If you did, and make sure you go rate and review us on Apple, Go subscribe to our YouTube channel.

Oh what what was he?

Osborne died?

I mean, I know, I mean, I it's horrible.

I feel sorry.

I just got an alert on my phone right now.

God, you know what's so crazy?

Rest in peace, Ozzy Osbourne?

Because I watched that show growing up, but recently.

Literally just had his last he just had his last Black Sabbath concert.

Ever.

This was literally like a week and a half ago.

Because I saw a bunch of like like like rock artists currently right now basically do the concert for him.

And he was like wheelchaired out there was he a wheelchair for real?

Yeah?

Like he's not he the drugs he was going ever on the reality show, he was barely like barming words.

That's why I was surprised he was still alive.

I reached I recently literally said, wow, he's still alive.

Seventy six.

Oh wow, he's like he's pretty.

I mean, it's old young.

I don't know what's the average rate of death these days.

I mean with all the food and the fucking heavy metals, it's probably fucking sixty.

But also I think that it was like preserving him.

He was like, no, no, no, for sure, the drugs preserve preserve people.

Like when I look at what's his name, Mick Jagger, he has like his face is old as fuck, but his body is like a twenty two year old really yeah, girl, go look it up.

I'm like, how fuck you got?

How is your body looked twenty five and your face looks one hundred and two.

He's probably working out and doing drugs.

It's almost like you can't stop doing the drugs because if you do, you might you might actually really die anyway.

Rest in peace, Ozzy Osboorren, Rest in peace.

Yeah, and rest in peace, Malcolm Jamal Warner.

I know, yeah, that was really and and it breaks my ant because it happened in our town of Costa Rica, where we bring the ladies for the retreats.

When I heard when when they said Costa Rica, I was like, God, please not please, not.

Important, so please I had I had a feeling because that's where the black people go, I know.

And yeah, Troy told me it wasn't Cochalis, it was pli A Chaquitha.

Really.

Yeah, I don't know what's what it's what's true or not, but both those places the tide can get strong.

Someone told me was pl Okay we go.

There's a lot of rumors going.

We're gonna, we're gonna have We're gonna when we get there, we'll be there in two days.

We're gonna be on the ground.

We'll figure this out.

We'll tell you we're gonna leave an offering in the ocean for him because he's God.

He was like, he's excellen.

It's a black legend icon like people grew up with him.

Yeah, it's just really sad.

So anyway, I hug the people you love, Tell the people you love that you love them even when you're mad at them.

And yeah, just take take advantage of just appreciate every morning that God wakes you up because it's just literally not guaranteed.

Like you just don't know.

You think you're on a family vacation and then you like the first beach you go to, like I can only imagine, like when you're in that scenario, you're like, this is.

How I'm gonna go.

This is it.

That was his first day, the first day there, like this is how, this is it, this is God, this is this is how I'm going.

Fuck, you just don't know, So appreciate, appreciate the present absolutely, and and I love you and we'll see you next week.

Bye.

Yeah, I'm Lina, been so good, can't you tell?

I went through a drought.

That's until I found out where may my have been known?

Art that used to be broken tail now got the blue dance And like Beyonceasell.

Throat shot with pop and it's cowering our voices.

Patriarchy kept it in the box to exploited women put the p and power.

So what's pointless.

They want me to be good, So I made that sad mom.

Not a bad mom, but a bad mom.

It's in on for cannabis in her bath.

Bon walked in Boston's cap and I blew his cat boss hot Dog.

Now I'm immune to the.

Cat called Herbie in the waisted straight to it like a dollar sign.

Mother, rent the lover, when to it.

It's like a water simmer where you rent the winter essential will when the summertime.

I do it all.

Ain't know one that needs to run it by