[SPEAKER_00]: grief is going to be demanding your attention.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be demanding that it's felt and seen and witnessed.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to share with you a little bit of the behind the scenes of how I navigate grief while running a multimillion dollar business.

[SPEAKER_00]: When it comes to grief, it's not just the grief of losing someone in our lives, which a lot of us have experienced and it also comes down to grief of losing parts of ourselves, having to say goodbye to parts of ourselves and also maybe loss of relationships and in this process, I think one of the most challenging things is not being able to recognize in the moments of grief how much it actually requires of you.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when you're in business and you're doing all of the pieces right managing the vision in the actual process of marketing and all the pieces grief is going to come up and it's going to say hi I want space now I want you now in the process of.

[SPEAKER_00]: trying to run your business.

[SPEAKER_00]: And for me personally, the grief has actually been really, really interesting.

[SPEAKER_00]: I recently lost my brother-in-law very unexpectedly.

[SPEAKER_00]: He was 44 years old and witnessing my entire family go through one of, again, another traumatic experience of losing someone.

[SPEAKER_00]: The process of actually going through this grief, [SPEAKER_00]: was tremendously different than going through the grief of when I lost my brother who was in his forties when we lost him.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when we lost my brother Scott, I was not necessarily running my own business, but I was working for another person.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was getting up doing my job going in there, doing the marketing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was still operating in some [SPEAKER_00]: capacity with clients, sitting next to them, doing their hair, listening to everything that they had to bring to the table, consuming all of this, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: I did not know how to feel feelings for a very, very large part of my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when grief happens, it's going to require you to sit with it.

[SPEAKER_00]: more than you think.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when you are going through these devastating seasons of your life, whether it's saying goodbye to a person, loss, walking away, becoming a new version of yourself, [SPEAKER_00]: There is so much space and emotional holding and capacity that needs to happen in those seasons.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the difference I would say like clear as day difference is I just got back to work when my brother died.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just went and I did not feel like I even had a moment to breathe.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just said I [SPEAKER_00]: I'm just gonna move and honestly enough, it's actually really surprising with the way that my body responded to grief then versus now.

[SPEAKER_00]: I remember when we were going through it and navigating, I actually honestly didn't cry for, I think, like a solid month at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was just, I watched everyone around me experiencing things and I just stood there and I was like, okay, I don't know what I'll say do except.

[SPEAKER_00]: to stand here or go back to work.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I went back to work.

[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I thought I was like successful in like navigating grief, but it couldn't have been further from the tree because it manifested in all different kinds of ways, which was feeling [SPEAKER_00]: anxious depressed.

[SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, it felt like I was a ghost in my life, if that made sense.

[SPEAKER_00]: On the topic of grief and losing somebody, but I truly felt like I was barely functioning, just moving through the motions.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the moment I started to process my feelings, [SPEAKER_00]: the depth of my emotions, giving myself space and compassion to actually take a break, take a beat, cry, all of the pieces that I actually needed to do in the moment.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to start actually processing through the things that needed to happen, so my body could build resiliency to the depth of loss.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when my brother-in-law passed away, it was a very, very vast difference because at this point, I had [SPEAKER_00]: Every single day, given myself time to check in with how I'm feeling, to check in with, if I needed rest, if I was feeling okay, I was never forcing myself to do things when I needed a nap or when I needed rest or when I needed to cry, I gave myself all of the space to handle the emotions that were coming up.

[SPEAKER_00]: Immediately it was actually really interesting.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to tell you this story.

[SPEAKER_00]: When we found out it was a normal work day and I remember coming out of my office and my husband was on the phone and he goes, oh my god.

[SPEAKER_00]: And my daughter, my oldest daughter who's almost 12 goes, oh my god, I think somebody died.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it was, I was like, everything's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't worry about it.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I go into my room, talks to my husband.

[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, she was spot on.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember being able to witness the shock of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then, immediately, it was like, okay, I need to make sure number one that the people in my life were taken care of and that [SPEAKER_00]: The experience that had happened directly to my sister, I immediately felt this care taking like I have to I have to care for her and immediately when I said that I go okay, but I need to check in with myself am I okay, what do I need like how can I possibly show up for other people or handle anything if I'm not processing anything.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I remember taking about 10, 15 minutes before I drove to my sister's house, checking in with myself, giving myself very, very honest, it was, I'm gonna tell you exactly what it sounded like.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had my hand on my heart, and I had the other hand, like on my solar plexus area, and I just remember being like, [SPEAKER_00]: this is going to be very challenging, but I know you can handle this.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is going to be scary.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is going to be hard.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is going to be, you're going to have to protect yourself right now, but you can handle this.

[SPEAKER_00]: I got you, you're okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I got you.

[SPEAKER_00]: In that moment, I was like, [SPEAKER_00]: And at this point, I had built so much trust with myself to know that that was true, to know that if I need to take a pause, if I need to take a break, if I need a moment, I will give that to myself without shame or judgment or pressure to have to perform or continue to go and do things and that week.

[SPEAKER_00]: actually was I think it was the first two weeks.

[SPEAKER_00]: I had just reposted content in my business.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think I was direct camera or anything like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's very interesting because I talk about creating content a lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: I talk about marketing a lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's interesting because I've been creating content since I went out of my own in 2013.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I will say that it's become something that is very neutral.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not emotionally charged.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have any, I get to ask to perform well or I have to do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there's no pressure.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's just something I do.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's like as neutral as brushing my teeth or taking a shower.

[SPEAKER_00]: It just do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And to me, it's always been really important to stay consistent with the things that build momentum.

[SPEAKER_00]: just like I continue to brush my teeth.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is like the business hygiene, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: The things that I just commit to, but this is also my suggestion to you is that if there are moments when you are handling things in your business and you are going through specific moments in time, give yourself the permission just to not do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Ask for support.

[SPEAKER_00]: do the low lift or do nothing, because at the end of the day, the most important thing is not just posting the thing, having the conversations or doing whatever the pieces are in your business, it's you.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are the most important thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are the only thing that matters.

[SPEAKER_00]: Your heart, your health, your mental health, your ability to heal and take space and time for yourself is the [SPEAKER_00]: And another thing that I will mention is in that process, I have always been one who is very open about what is happening in my life to my community.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I'm chronically crying on the internet.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it's just like that's just what I do.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I personally feel as a personal brand that I'm not just this person who's selling something.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's not how I...

[SPEAKER_00]: see my brand.

[SPEAKER_00]: I see a community of people.

[SPEAKER_00]: I see me showing up in real-life time, sharing what I'm navigating, and being really honest and not having to be perfect.

[SPEAKER_00]: Showing up with visit patches in my hair undone or crying or grieving or [SPEAKER_00]: In my luteal phase and truthfully I've been met with nothing but love and I think that's the beauty of running a business as a personal brand is that you don't have to be perfect all the time you don't have to get it right all the time you get to take a beat if you need to you can take a pause and you can show up as all aspects of you if you decide to if you feel it's supported for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: What's really important to me as a business owner and part of the biggest reason why I teach us to my clients is creating a business that's not only sustainable but feels nurturing and feel supportive and fun is actually creating a business that works with you as a real life human.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe as a mother or as a person who [SPEAKER_00]: wants to take a vacation and not be on all the time.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have created a business where I am not reliant on once-a-one work.

[SPEAKER_00]: I used to be and I decided that this doesn't feel supportive for the type of business I want to run, the type of mother I want to be, I want to be able to impact people and create education and supportive assets that are available at any time of day and it doesn't rely on me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Essentially, when I post when I do any kind of marketing, the rest does it for me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have built passive funnels where people are able to get access to my education any time of day.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can make sales anytime of day.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have created an infrastructure that is something that truly believe in.

[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I feel more and more people are leaning into, which I'm so excited to see.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because at a certain point, when you are a heartless leader, and you're doing this work, and you're doing maybe service work, or you're doing any kind of once-a-one direct work, where it requires your time.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to get to a place where number one, you might be tapped out of time, and especially if you're working in your business all the time, you might not have space to work on it and for me, I really, really love being able to have a system that works in the background, it just feels like my business feels like a warm hug, honestly, it really does and to be able to see my clients do the same as incredible.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've had a lot, a lot of clients who have said, I was able to tuck my daughter into bed.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to take the vacation.

[SPEAKER_00]: I was able to have the space to say needed because of what I've built.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't think that there's any, honestly, I can't, I can't think of anything.

[SPEAKER_00]: More nourishing for a human being.

[SPEAKER_00]: then being able to create a business that supports them when they need the most support themselves, you know.

[SPEAKER_00]: So let's just say that you are experiencing very, very large emotions, very, very normal large emotions and you're going through something either devastating or something that requires a lot of emotional processing.

[SPEAKER_00]: One of the most beautiful things that you can do for yourself is being able to create grief containers grief containers are essentially specific parts of your day that are built out where you are able to sit with the emotions sit with the feelings process the feelings so that if you have a meeting at 1130 that you can't cancel.

[SPEAKER_00]: You've given yourself time to process, you've given yourself time to experience a full sequence of emotions because a lot of times when it's happening is grief is going to be demanding your attention it's going to be demanding that it's felt and seen and witnessed and when you can create.

[SPEAKER_00]: and carve out specific times.

[SPEAKER_00]: Even if it's 15 minutes, grief knows.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's really, it's a really interesting process because when you say I see you, I know you're here and I'm going to give you space and I'm going to witness you and I'm going to feel and I'm going to process and I'm going to give myself what I need.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then you take one action after that that feels low lift, you're able to navigate it in a completely different energetic space.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I would highly, highly suggest to anybody carve out those times carve out the containers that you can feel safe, where you can share how you're feeling, whether this is letting a candle putting on music, whether this is you said a timer for 30 minutes.

[SPEAKER_00]: and you journal, you call the friend, you sit with everything that's coming up for you and you allow it to process.

[SPEAKER_00]: One thing that I will say is growing up emotions were actually something that weren't talked about very much and I had a lot of shame around feeling feelings, a lot, honestly, even when I would cry, be like, [SPEAKER_00]: Don't say me, or feel just embarrassed for crying, apologizing for having normal human emotions.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are a human being.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are going to feel feelings.

[SPEAKER_00]: And they deserve to be felt without you punishing yourself for having them or feeling embarrassed.

[SPEAKER_00]: So even if it's just you having that container on your own, [SPEAKER_00]: and processing through that and then picking back up and being very, very gentle with yourself, asking for support if you need it.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you have a team, ask your team for more support.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you need to cancel a few things, that's okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're a human and you deserve to have the space to process and create the space that you need.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I promise, within that time frame, [SPEAKER_00]: Your body is going to recognize that you are holding space for it, your body will recognize that now is the time to feel and that you will witness it and see it and you'll find the energy levels come up just a bit once the pressure has released a bit from one grieving human being to potentially another.

[SPEAKER_00]: I just want you to know that I love you, and I see you, and everything that you're feeling is valid and important.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you're not alone in this process.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am here for you, our community is here for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay to not be okay right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I love you.