Podcast starts now.

This is George Severs, co host of Stradio Lab, and my debut comedy special is now officially out on all platforms.

It is called George Severs A Sense of Urgency.

It was filmed in New York City and you can watch it now on Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV, YouTube, Google Play, Vimeo, literally anywhere you can rent or buy movies.

And you can also listen to the album and audio form starting Friday, December fifth, on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music and title.

It would mean so much to me if you watched it or if you listen to it.

If you're a listener of this podcast, I hope you love it.

Please rent it, by it, post about it, tag me.

It all makes a huge difference in this amazing media environment we find ourselves in.

And I just want to say thank you for listening to this podcast over the years.

It is the only reason I was able to record a special in the first place, and your support means the world and I love you.

Enjoy the app.

Oh, also, there are like twenty tickets left to my Bell House show tomorrow Wednesday, December third, at the Bell House featuring Mary Beth Burne, Sabrina Wu and Britney Carney.

So see it there.

Podcast starts now breaking news.

George is in a good mood.

Yeah, I'd love to hear about why.

Well, I just am excited to like finally be sitting down on a chair and talking to friends.

I would I can't help but wonder, uh huh you that is sort of ninety percent of your life totally.

Why does now feel different?

Well, because I've been listen.

I'm in LA I'm staying in a hotel and it's a lot of like laptop work in my hotel.

There's something that Boutik hotels are doing now which is so cool, which is that they look like prison cells, kind of like if you pay extra, it can look like you're Natalie Portman and v for Vendetta and we'll even and actually shave your head.

Yeah.

And speaking of shaved heads, I actually had something I wanted to show you, so I will.

Now this is going to come out after I'm away from LA, so I can dox myself and Sam staying at the Line hotel, The Line Los Angeles, Okay, and I enter there's a QR code.

It says there's a barber shop on site.

I say, perfect, beause I've actually been meaning to clean up my neck a little bit.

I click the QR code and I look at the offerings at the barber shop, and I want you to read to me.

So we're we have haircut, buzz cut, back of neck, razor cleanup.

Start sort of scrolling and see what you see.

I'm so scared.

What if I don't see it?

This is we're going to see it?

Is it the signature bespoke?

No?

No, okay, I'm so scared.

Therapy therapy.

Would you like to read?

What that is?

A zoom call with our therapist, an exploration of your internal limitations that will help shape the new you.

The barbershop offers zoozoom therapy.

What the hell?

And by the way, I don't know if you noticed, cheaper than a haircut.

A therapy session is one hundred dollars for thirty minutes.

A haircut is one twenty What the Line Hotel in Los Angeles barbershop offers the cheapest therapy and the most expensive haircut you can find in the Stay of Los Angeles.

That is so shocking.

A bus cut is eighty dollars I paid.

I've never heard of that.

Thirty six dollars for a fade.

In New York City, a bus cut is eighty dollars one length all over.

If we begin to fade, that is considered a haircut and not a bus cut.

A fad is one hundred and twenty dollars at the line A that's in the description.

Yes, there's no need to be that.

Litigious therapy session is one hundred dollars.

What are these people doing?

Also?

Also, who in Los Angeles is coming?

It's like they came here for the big meeting and it's not going their way, and they're like, I'm like, on my last let I need a therapy, a zoom therapy session at the barber shop right now.

A therapist at the barbershop pus no concept of my history, like has no idea what I've been up to, and basically I have to be like so basically my mom was like this, my dad was like this, and my meeting went like this, please help.

You are walking in with a knife pointed to your wrist and you're saying, if I don't get the zoom therapy session at the barber shop, line la right now, I'm gonna do it.

Why the barbershop I mean, let's start here.

I think therapy from the hotel is of course insane, but why put it in the barber shop.

It's kind of like, you know, they have various offerings and there's like food, room service, whatever, and therapy is kind of miscellaneous.

So they're like, well, it's kind of wellness.

It's kind of wellness.

You should add it to the spa.

You need to make a spa.

That's true.

Yeah, it should be.

Part of the spa.

I don't know there's a spot even.

Honestly, part of the gym would make more sense in the barber shop.

That's true.

Is it therapy?

Like are they just leaving out the word massage?

Like nope, it is.

It's like a better help type thing.

And by the way, it's a better health type thing where like there are there I actually know someone I know her father is doing this kind of in an almost post retirement age.

He's he's just like at home doing thirty minute zoom sessions and it's sort of like he doesn't have any real consistent clients.

They just pop in for a sign of yeah, just be like I have to.

He's probably a partner with the Line Hotel Los Angeles.

They're like, I called my friends, she didn't answer some not too.

Yeah, he's like, girl, let's talk about it.

Well, you know what it is.

It's that thing from like five years ago, when it would be like are you in a place where you can hear my negative energy?

Like that?

People have really internalized that and they're like, okay, so I'm not on to talk to anyone unless they are technically a therapist.

No one else can give me consent properly for me to complain to them.

You know what I was thinking though, And after this we will bring in our guest.

Okay.

Obviously I don't love that the barbershop offers therapy.

Okay, but imagine a world where you could simply combine getting a haircut and going to therapy.

You have the barber there.

They I don't know, maybe the sign an NDA.

They don't they they are not allowed to like talk about anything they've heard.

But you kill two birds with one stone.

They both take sort of approximately like forty five minutes.

You get a haircut while doing therapy.

You're also in a more vulnerable place off when you're on the barber's chair.

Not to I'm like, the thing is you can have this if you just pick the right barber.

No, no, I mean, okay, you're saying your barber is your therapy.

I'm saying, like the reason we I'm sort of stuck on this, like we need therapy now because everyone is like, I have no time to talk to you.

Like whereas if you had a community and a sense of place and you could talk to your barber and be like, you've known me since I was fourteen, what do you think about this thing that's happening to me, then you could sort of grow and he would be like, oh, you know, it's like this, this, this, and it would you'd be like, oh, I love my trusted community.

I don't need a therapist anymore.

I just talked to my barber for thirty minutes.

Well, you know, it's interesting as someone who comes from you know, a small village in Greece, a couple of generations like Athens and so before that, it's one of the largest.

My great grandparents came from villages, and you know, I visited those villages and in those villages, actually, everyone you encounter is a therapist of some sort, and each different modality, like one of them is a little more accepting one of them will just call you fat.

One of them will be like, your your mother was a slut.

Your grandmother was a slut when she was in the village, not my mother.

She grew up in Athens.

Your grandmother was a slut when she was in the village, And then that's kind of it.

One of them will take their teeth out, and so you kind of get it's like shopping for therapists but for free, and you got all these different modalities.

Some of them are more LGBTQ plus friendly, some of them actually violently homophobic.

Which is valid, which is valid.

I mean that's their training, that's their training, and that's valid.

I mean my barber currently is so helpful to really yes more to him.

Well, he is like kind of just like a like imagine like a crazy guy that lives in Silver Lake and who's like straight.

But then we'll be like yeah guys.

Like and you're like that's kind of best case scenario forst.

Case scenario, and like he's like this person where you're just like okay, so I can say anything to you and you'll like double ith like if I sound insane, you'll just say something more insane.

So I feel no self consciousness is talking to him at all.

So I had I know, we're edging our guests and we will bring her.

And I had the opposite experience when I lived in Boston in twenty sixteen and my barber was a Trump supporter, and where I kind of found myself, yes, anding too much, like I was trying to not express my beliefs, but also not like be combative, because what is the point of that, too would be like, you know.

The Democrats and Republicans are both bullshit.

I'm like, yeah, honestly, like for sure, like I definitely think they both have their issues.

But then it's like we would get comfortable, comfortable, comfortable.

He has a knife to my throat and and it's like okay.

Then he's telling me that he's voting for Trump, and I have to be like I get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, No, that's tough.

You gotta find the right barber.

I know.

I know.

They have to write barber.

They have to be sort of in the DA say and voting for Zoran.

Yeah, to get that barber.

Let's pring our guest.

Our guest is, wow, you got this.

I believe in you.

Illuminary.

Oh okay, illuminary of the LGBTQ plus scene, especially if that scene is in Los Angeles, California.

Okay, she's local, I've toured the world.

Okay, local queen, And where would you go?

North Hollywood?

Please give it up for me?

Ba?

How are you so good?

How are you?

I'm sad because you guys keep talking about the barber, and my barber literally just sent me a text message being like, I'm moving to West Adams.

I know this means nothing to you.

What's West Adams.

It's like on the it's like Century City.

It's just it's just too far from me to go.

That's really.

It's like in my neighborhood.

And he was my therapist and he was he gay.

I mean, well he has a wife and daughter, but but he hooked up with you guys.

No, he is cool and like would let me like rant to him all the time.

Yeah, and bright pink hair.

I'm giving too much away.

I shouldn't keep telling you.

But he's like moving and I don't know how to break up with him.

I guess that's the problem.

Maybe.

And also with the line Hotel best Martini I've ever really you go down by the pool, there's a bar that's in a greenhouse.

Have you explored the hotel open air?

I don't know.

I just know where it is when I'm in a blackout totally.

And so then I go up there and I drink my martinis.

And that's where the therapist should be.

That's the martini and there.

They should just add a therapy option to their various amenities.

Okay, I got a therapist, and the jamming and therapist, and the restaurant can get therapists.

The bar is The problem with the therapists in a barbershop is I don't want to look at myself when I'm talking about myself.

That's very like.

That's like me on every Zoom meeting where I have to then remember you should be paying attention rather than just looking at like how your facial line are forming when you're saying.

Watching my reactions, being like that's a good reaction.

Yeah, that was really natural.

Good job to stop Zoom therapy because I was just staring totally south and then I was like, I need to meet a person in person.

He also would get mad at me because he'd be like, are you making a cocktail during this?

When I was like, we're halfway through.

What what are you going to do?

Would be like at six at night?

Yeah, that's cocktail.

You're doing that thing where you're mixing up yours like a SMR.

Yeah exactly.

I currently have a therapist, which is so interesting.

The hell, yeah, I didn't tell you.

You don't tell what you have to tell you?

How you is this like three weeks?

I love you did not tell me.

We talk every single day like pretty much nons.

Yeah, about business, a personal thing about business and work and deals.

We talk big deals.

We're here, I do read detail about this motherfucker sex life.

We talk deals.

Yeah, we talk sex.

We talk deals.

We talk sex and deals and MARTINIZ and Martiniz.

And then we hate.

We hate in the comedy scene, which is everyone, which is everyone, by the.

Way, Well that's like normal comedy, right, or you have to.

Have enemies and many I think because I hate.

Sorry, I will let you finish.

Because we hate so many people than the people we do love.

We've become like overly like supportive of like I would die for her, yeah, and literally.

I had, but I was sort of like, I'm sort of disappointed in therapy as a premise.

Totally, which we both of us always have that.

No, I hate it.

I'm kind of like, let's fix it.

Well, and like my guy is fine, he's like whatever, But every he's just sort of like you're doing amazing, Like, oh, drop him him.

You need someone that challenges you.

Know, it's true.

How do you get a tough what if no one can challenge me because I am doing amazing totally?

Well, you know we're hitting on something real right now.

You know, when you have a friend who's like super difficult and like impossible to deal with, and people are like, she needs to go sorry to gender her female, she needs to go to therapy, I'm like, but what if the therapist just tells her she's right?

Yeah, I had a friend that had that.

Yeah, it was like many peoples.

Yes, they always get worse and then they start using therapy speak on you well, and you're just like I can't deal with you right now.

Yeah.

Yeah, well I'm just waiting.

I'm not going to stop until I get him to quit.

I'm gonna I wanted to be like I wanted to be like fuck, like you're such an amazing client that like it's unethical for me to continue.

So if you feel comfortable talking about it more like what don't kinds of things?

Is?

Are you thinking?

Like?

Is this a problem you tell us of?

What of that?

He has a therapist that he tells me?

Are you worried that I'm talking about you?

But no, I wanted to like, what kinds of things you're being affirmed too much on?

Literally?

Is it like family stuff?

Yeah, but i'll literally that details her.

Yeah, I'll just sort of like figure better than I'll explain the situation and sort of how I handled it.

Yeah, he'll sort of be like, No, that sounds like the appropriate way to handle it.

But I do actually think you did handle all of that stuff appropriately having insight into it.

Good for you.

I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds like you did great.

Sam.

It was very good at conflict resolution.

It's true, but it's but I guess it was like, okay, but other than handling it, like how do you not get stressed out by it?

And like the way that they don't have an answer to that is frustrated.

Well, the answer is stand therapy indefinitely.

Yeah, with shots, get out of there, Get out of there.

Sometimes you just gotta go wild.

I was doing therapy for like three years.

Now I quit.

I've never been crazier and I'm living my best life.

But you you put people through how No, I'm not.

I'm just living life.

You seem like you're actually just living life positive.

You actually do seem like in.

Mind my business.

But I also like took the tools from therapy.

There's a point where you have to stop for a while and see like how you are in the world out all of that, and so now like I will step back and be like, how did I handle that?

Well, that probably wasn't good.

Should I send an apology text?

And then that's when the therapy steps in and goes, girl, just do your life.

Don't send an apology?

Who cares?

Never apologize.

Therapy, Yeah, never apologize.

Do not take responsibility for anything?

Yeah, steal?

Don't you think that like more than fifty percent of apologies are actually a manipulative.

Yes, Like, what are we going to do about that?

I have no idea.

Well, there's like a next level that we haven't reached yet, which is what of like I don't know what it will be, but like of sort of recklessness that will like recklessness with knowing all the rules that'll be like better.

Oh like and you kind of.

Like how like people sort of how liberal people now?

Like there can be like dirt bag left.

You can like use bad.

Words or Dirk woke darklow.

We need dark woke.

But for manners.

Yes, literally, that's genius to be a what is the word I'm looking for?

You know what is it called when someone writes a book about manners?

Etiquete etiquet.

Yes, there needs to be Jesus, there needs to be an etiquette book.

It's barely early.

To be honest, there needs to be an etiquette book for people who are real as fuck.

Oh yeah, you know what I mean?

Yeah?

Absolutely, I do you listen to Delta Works podcast.

Everything is so real.

Delta Work should write this book.

She needs to write the book because it really.

It's like you, yes you should bring a gift.

Yes you should apologize, yes you, yes you should say please and thank you, but in a way that isn't centering yourself and like placing the like being emotionally ma manipulative.

I do not consent to needing to bring a gift.

Oh, this is one of Sam's things.

Do you bring a gift?

Uh?

What's the scenario I would say, going to a dinner party, like, do would you bring back a bottle of wine?

Well, okay, okay, it's something that you like swing by a step.

Would you bring a gift to a wedding?

Yes?

Would you you like just send money?

Okay?

What if you're like staying with friends for one night, do you bring something?

I mean, do they stay with you sometimes?

Is it like a trade off situation?

Sure?

Then now love that?

Okay, here's if you don't.

I think if you don't bring a gift, then you treat them to dinner.

Oh yeah, I always pay for their dinner or like drinks if we go out, because they're letting me.

I always do that as well.

I have a Okay, here's one that I thought was funny.

Yeah.

So I was at a comedian's small house gathering last week and it was sort of this this type of comedian where everyone is like everyone's cool, and I was like, I.

Was like Amy.

Schumer uh and my and my husband Misha was like, well, should I should be bring something?

And I was like, we're coming from something.

I actually think we shouldn't bring something because this is like the type of thing where it's almost better not to show up without anything.

Yeah.

Yeah, And then we show up without everything, and everyone else also didn't bring anything, and I was sort of like, I was like, it's actually kind of good, Like we would have looked like cooks if we if we had brought something.

So funny is my mind, I would have been like wow, I would have been the star of the party.

If I had been the one to bring a bottle of wine.

I think it would have felt like you were like not you didn't feel comfortable coming with nothing.

But then I would have made a joke about it, and I would have been like, wow, looks like everyone else is like.

Everyone else would have drank it, and you would have sat there being like.

Well, me one time a very similar thing happened, but I did bring a bottle, like I.

It was celebrity house, Amy Shimmer, it was Amy Summer.

Everyone was like invited over.

It was for her birthday, and I was like, let me grab a bottle of tequila because I didn't know, And so I just go and buy like Espolo twenty five dollars Trader Joe's.

I thought this will be fine.

I get there everyone it's dressed up like almost black tie, I mean a t shirt and jeans.

I go, oh, I brought you this, and she looked at it and she went ah, kind of like put it in the garage, like didn't even put it on the liquor table because there was like four hundred dollars bottles of whatever, like the craziest booze I've ever seen.

And I was like, great, okay, cool, cool, cool, and then I just left.

No, that can be really hurtful.

I haven't heard a word from her.

She didn't thank me, So that's fine.

You expect to thank you note for your esplonor fucking bitch.

No.

I yeah, but it was very embarrassing.

So now I'm like always trying to like read the room because like I've been to another pool party where she was like, please bring white claw and I was like, that is something I can do.

And then at the end of the party she was like, please take your white claw with you, and she like, let us all take her out in a home.

That's nice now that to take it back to your home.

To me, I don't like, there's something very I went crazy.

Something wass me about that?

To me, she doesn't drink.

She was like, I don't want to.

There was too much, okay, And then I stole a bottle of tequila off the liquor tabemark because I was like, well, she said.

Well she's sober, it'd be dangerous for her.

And it seems like, you know, half the bottle is just going to go bad if you leave it out.

I've seen that episode of in just like Real has a bottle of it was gin throw it down the shoot.

Yeah, I've heard the Lily Allen song Relapse.

I get it.

I get it.

I'm scared lapse.

So Meetball and I were having an interesting realization before you got here, which is the you know we both you know, Meetball was like, aren't you always at the Eagle?

And I was like, totally, I'm always.

At Eagle, That's what he says, but I never and we've.

Never seen each other there.

I mean, somebody's lying one time, maybe one time in all of two years.

Yeah, which is are you going night?

I know that's when Sam like I.

Have been on Thursday nights.

But I think that we're two ships passing because I'll get there like, I mean they open it four, so I'll get there like five to eight.

Oh you're doing cocktail afo.

Yeah, And like, what's happening after eight?

Well, that's when I think it starts the sign.

Guess what's happening with you after eight?

Yeah?

What do you do after eight?

Oh?

At home with the cats?

Los Angeles?

You guys need you guys need a consultant.

There needs to be a McKinsey consultant that comes to Los Angeles and teaches everyone what to do after eight pm?

What what should I be doing?

More drinks?

That's a problem.

And you've seen me in a blackout that's it's dark.

Go to a dinner if I've already been drinking for three hours.

I'm not the type of don't talk down to me.

I'm not the type of girl that can have like two or three drinks and be like I'm fine.

I'm like, like, it's like three double tequila.

So it is an hour, an hour, an hour because I need to I need something in my mouth if I'm not vaping, if I don't have something like my mouth needs tequila, and I will go full blown crazy and no one will know that I'm blackout because my eyes don't go like totally loud.

I will say it's hard to tell with don't you think people do know no, because I don't know George, do they because I know I haven't.

You're kind of like a like a like you kind of blackout energy in general.

Okay, we're like really good coming for her.

No, this is not I accept it.

Okay, this is just like a like it's a truth.

Maybe that's my body protecting itself.

It's like if you always act crazy, no one will know when you're in full blackout.

Because there's been times like I'm hosting a show and then two nights later someone's like, oh, that was so funny when this happened, and I look him in the eye and I'm like, yeah, ma'mba.

Because I'm always like, is this part of the performance of Meatball or is this like or is this like a feeling.

Thank you for calling it a performance?

Thank you?

So I feel like you have there's something controlled.

Even now talking to you, I'm like, there are times and you're like, I'm now gonna like I'm now gonna do what she's reading.

I'm just kidding.

I came here and I am being.

I'm literally doing the opposite.

I'm saying, you have very The performance is very controlled.

It doesn't seem chaotic and messy.

So you're saying, well, also, New York is open until for you.

Well, but less and less.

You'd be surprised.

I know Bushwick and it was closing it too.

It happened to the city I actually.

Would like to call I would like to name some names please.

Is recently at the nine Orchard Hotel with two dear friends of mine and their hotel bar closed at one am.

Disgusting, okay.

And they turned on the lights and they also had this the thing they did with lights.

They turned them on and then every two minutes they would get brighter, which is the most passive like.

And this happened like there were six levels of brightness.

They turned them on and then they got brighter and brighter and brighter until they were like blinding and you had to leave.

I'm like, we're in the Lower east Side.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Lost seven has walked these streets.

That's where I used to live.

We were out until four or in the morning, I'm telling you.

And then paint.

Did you ever go to painkillers?

No?

It was like a tekee bar that was like down.

It was amazing, but you could only they woud always be like, you can only have one of each cocktail because they were so strong.

But they would stay open until five or six in the morning.

Wow, and we would just.

Stay out drinking.

But they never turned the lights on.

But recently I was just in Peetown and I was in a dark room at a bar and they did no at one am.

They but it was a flicker at first, and I was like, well, okay, that's like I'm going to get to work.

And then it was like on for a while and then I like saw who I was blowing and then like kind of looked around the room and I was like and they were like closing up shop, and I was like, just come in and clap and say we're closing.

Yeah, I don't want to see what I'm up to.

That I don't need to see it in the light.

That's rude.

That is really rude.

And I would say almost like non consensual, Like you signed up for a very particular sexual experience and it is being alternated without your consent.

Yeah, red light.

I don't want to look over and see leis of a queen fucking some guy's face.

Queen all love, but she knows what she did.

She does, and so does everyone in that room.

Because it was so bright.

It was so bright and it was yeah, it was like just like multiple multiple fluorescent like yeah, it wasn't just like one light bulb coming on.

It was just like full brightness like this.

There was a podcast recorded.

Better how I speaking of controlled performance.

One time we were at a pool party together and the way that you were holding court was really so black out.

I got a text about it afterwards.

It was like, we have to have me on the pods.

I was like, I've never seen anything like this I had come from.

Were you actually drunk?

Yeah?

I was.

It's so impossible to tell because we just great.

Great, hey guys, I like to drink.

I I had was drunk the night before because I think it was like fat Slut was the night before or something.

And then it was hat slut.

It's my party that I throw up precinct.

Oh my god.

Also, we've had sold out shows in Japan, Austin, New York, Wow, Boston.

I'm gonna name other places because I've been places.

Okay, okay, from Boston to Japan.

Yeah, Japan was crazy.

Now, talk about a place the bars don't even open until midnight and until five am, and it's all because the train schedules, the trains close at midnight and they open back up at four, so people just party all night and then go home.

That's nice.

But yeah, I had was hungover and then I went out to get drinks with my friend who I had brought beforehand, and then I was like I'm gonna being skinny in front of hem.

So I ordered a salad and then like three martinis and then I was like, I gotta wake up.

And I was like, we gotta go, we gotta go this pool far, we gotta wake up.

So I had like two espresso martinis.

Wow, it showed up.

And then was like by that guys, who's writing a party?

That is so interesting.

The way that I was stone cold sober that whole event, I know that hurt.

And honestly I was like you wereally holding corre and doing such a good job, and there was like a point where you tried to be like almost like throw to me, be like he knows and like I was supposed to then like rare crack under the pressure.

I have nothing to say.

Well, it's not hard to entertain, like fag k.

A bear yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know.

I mean they were eating all the palm in your hands, and this was your pool party.

No, this was someone else in the else's house.

This was and it was a bear party.

That's the house edition.

Bears.

Bears were in the pool displacing the water, and then all the skinny people were like up on a picnic bench.

Oh got it.

Yeah, so it was interesting.

I didn't realize that until I was in the pool.

Then, well, you subvert the bear, not bear.

I want to be over where the bears.

Yeah, while you're at the Eagle every Thursday, how does how sad does it get as the night goes on?

Thursdays are fun.

Thursday is the best night of the Eagle.

Quote me on this everyone Thursday.

If you get there at nine thirty.

By ten pm, you will see everyone you've ever met pass and they're all like mixy, mingly and sort of being like, oh, it's like it's a fun squad.

And then by midnight against everyone gets a little loopy and you're sort of like, I'm kind of scared now, but not in a bad way.

Well, it's like I'm scared.

Have you been to the Exley in Brooklyn?

It's it's after it it's open during the pandemic.

But all of there's something that happens after like eleven PM more people get exley eyes.

Yes, I've been, and that's when they are they turned into It's twenty eight days later.

Uh fat sled edition.

Because we walk from Metro over there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

It was we were like in that back booth and there's something about just being in that dark little leg yeah trailer and just drinking.

Those drinks are very strong, are very strong.

But it's like everyone it's like tables of you know, little friend groups.

And then there is a few solo performers that just like are literally like Zomba five going from table to table being like, have you guys seen Bogonia?

They really want to talk.

They really want to talk.

You just have to beg they don't come to you.

Okay, well that's kind of the vibe.

Where was I Sunday at the Eagle?

Yeah?

I was there at like four or five o'clock because I had just come from Chili's.

I don't know if you know this about Chili's, but they have Wicked Martini Margarita's.

Now like wicked branded, so wicked.

This season of branding isn't about Cynthia and Ariana crying and holding hands.

It's about it's.

About product place.

Yes, yes, because of course the first press store was so tasteful and minimalist, and now they're like, you know what, like let's go.

I'm like, I fear for them because I was watching Project Runway and you know.

They was there a wicked challenge.

There was a wicked challenge, and they like show up on a you know, pre filmed thing and like they must be in a studio for hours on end doing pre filmed things like they do Drag Race, they do Project Runway.

Were like, here's the thing is, these are two theater kids that this is what they want.

It's true.

They every day they wake up more excited.

I bet they're not complaining about anything.

That the brand sponsorships.

I think have gotten to a level where I wouldn't be surprised if it was announced that the city of Cleveland is now wicked.

Like I honestly think the next step is they choose a full American city, not New York, reli, but like a sort of second tier American city, and they're like Denver is now wicked.

It's weeks we're calling it Wicked Wicked Colorado.

I just got an email from Airbnb being like, would you like to meet Cynthia Evo at the Wicked Experience And it's like a three hour thing where you I think you just go into the Antelas forest and they've built like a wicked hut.

You haven't even replied.

They're like, you're on the list.

I would go and I would be walking in with my Chili's margarita one pink, one green.

They're disgusting, by the way.

I don't drink though, I.

Well, I can't believe it.

Ordered why I drove to Ensino to get them.

I made a group of people come with me.

Everyone's like, what's the point And they were all trying to order lunch and I was like, I'm drinking me.

This is my lunch.

And they wouldn't let me order two at a time.

So I made my friends order once so I could bring them together.

Please wouldn't let you order a Glinda and no one drink at a time?

Wow, you really have to choose whiwe Glinda police, They're like, just order as many as you can.

Please take take takes your take.

I mean, I think it's it is an It is inspired branding to be like like normally would be like now fruit loops are wicked theme, but to be like, no, this adult.

We're like marketing to adults as if they are children.

Know they're literally like the London Review of Books is pink and green for the month of October, so it's going they've done all the like kids stuff and now they're going up to like the Department of Defense is going.

Yeah, yeah, this when you pay your taxes, do you want them to be green or pink?

Greed?

Should we do our first segment?

We should do our first segment.

So our first segment is called straight Shooters, And in this segment, we're going to ask you a series of rapid fire questions to gauge you're familiarity with and complicity and straight culture.

It's basically this thing or this other thing.

It's basically this thing or this other thing.

You don't give him notes.

And the only rule is you can't ask any follow up questions or we will get.

So yes, yes, okay to infinity and beyond or losing your virginity to James Bond, losing.

My virginity to James Bond.

Okay, I think you should leave, or so you think you can dance.

I think you should leave.

Cards against Humanity or barbs against Scissa and jay.

Z cards against humanity, and I hate that game.

Lump sum and residuals or shampoo and conditioner.

Viva Revolution or Diva.

I'm aniela Loz.

Diva j lo j law jpeg.

Oh j.

Oh jpeg.

Love a picture, send them.

Lave a picture, Love a picture, pictures, love those can't get enough.

Of rage against the machine, Hannick at the disco or out on the shelf, Out on.

The shelf, Love that little faggot.

Two broke girls or two woke queens.

Queen.

Wow, it's crazy that you decided not to do to do.

This was a There was a time which which Jim's bond was It definitely not Sean Connery.

Why not?

Wait, you don't like Sean Connery.

Do you know who seems like he would smell.

Which James bond of in history?

Would you really?

Can I tell you something?

What I think Daniel.

Greg is like, Oh I forgotten.

I think he's like so good in bed that it would like actually ruin your life for the most of time.

Oh wait, imagine him and Rachel Ice having sex.

Sorry, it's final.

You get pairs and I get Daniel.

Sorry, I am coming out of the water in that little speed out.

Oh my god, it's only getting hotter, sy Ages.

Yeah, well it's it's it's really beautiful.

And the rumor that like they're both gay and that they just like it's like a marriage.

I have to believe it.

Like, if I don't believe, that's like my believing in God.

If I don't believe in that, I have no purpose.

Jeremy Renner is gay, Right, that's the rumor, right when I that's crazy that you said that.

Is there any straight actor that doesn't have gay rumors?

Jacob or Diesel?

You think he is?

No?

I think so too might be gay?

Yeah, legit?

Oh well that's fine.

Yeah.

Have you seen the videos of him singing alone to.

Oh sure, sure, okay, fine?

Then who am I thinking of?

I don't know, Sylvester Stallone.

I just don't think of like a big action that guy straight.

Yeah, he's straight.

Is just you know, sometimes, and I say this with a lot of love to the lesbian community, sometimes when an actress plays a lesbian on a film, lesbians forget that it's not real life, and so and if that happens twice or three times potentially, they're like, oh, that's proof.

To be fair.

Gay guys do that too, Like gay guys, I think a lot of gay.

I still think like Darren Chris is.

Gay totally totally, but I think I think men be No, he's straighter than Sylvester Stallone because he like is in the gayest possible communities and is still like, I love my wife, I love gay guys will kiss as a bit like he has no problems with his own sexuality, but he simply cannot help that he's straight?

Who straighter Darren Chris?

Matthew Morrison because he'd be in the community.

What's he up to?

What do you mean he's got a solo show right now and it's wonderful.

You go to look up clips on I'm sure change your mind.

I'm sure you can get tickets at Citywinery dot com.

They were free.

Do you remember when Beyonce did that performance where she was like and then did that to Matthew Morrison?

Oh yeah, it was really iconic and he was like, yeah, that was probably try to kiss her.

Yeah, maybe he is gay.

Well, we rate our guests on Skills zero two one thousand doves.

You don't want to be rated, you're opting out of the ratio.

I it's your show.

I'm sorry.

I mean it's important to get feedback.

I guess now that was a manipulative apology show.

I'm sorry.

You need Delta Works Book of et again.

She scares me.

She scares me, I know.

So what's the tea?

Do you know her?

Yeah?

We work at the same podcast studio.

So podcast Slappy Seconds with Big DIPPERA is on the Mom Network with Race Chaser with willm in Alaska and Delta.

Works and thank you, thank you, thank you for it.

Because if you're not going to promote yourself, you're gone.

Yeah we forgot.

I'll kill myself.

I will show yourself myself.

Right yere, hell yourself on vertical video.

Well, then they can edit it.

It's gotta be live.

Okay, everyone come to precinct this Saturday.

I'm gonna kill myself.

I'm gonna kill myself a fat slot.

I'm gonna call myself that.

Slast Manila Ludan is performing nowhere.

What so your score out of a thousand doves is.

I'm gonna go nine hundred and fifteen doves.

I agree, thank you, thank you.

I felt like that was a really amazing performance.

Confident, fun, put a lot, even put a lot of personality in those answers.

I almost hit a girl on the way here too.

That's true.

And I was almost with you.

I was.

I was rolling down my window to screen faggot at you out the window, and this girl walks out of the building, doesn't look left, just starts to walk into the street, and I was like.

Oh, so this building we're in sometimes has like casting calls, like I've been in this building before when everyone is six foot three and ten pounds, and.

Why is it that they like a model?

Because I used to live in New York and I would be like in casting rooms and stuff, the models come in and they've never looked scarier, Like they look like they were at the Eagle until two o'clock in the morning.

But then their body is like no, they just look like I know, have to be like sculpted out.

Yeah, but it's like.

You have to look like an alien.

And then the camera it's like how the camera adds ten pounds?

It also like does what.

Add you have to look like?

Even crazier in real life, and then the camera makes you look slightly more normal if you're like alien looking, like if you're on your tailor Joy I feel like if you met her in her life, you'd probably be like, ah.

But then sometimes that's the opposite, where you like see an actor and you're like they're gorgeous, and you see him in person and you're like, they're magnificent.

Camera doesn't even pick up their beauty.

That's true.

No, that's true.

That's had that experience with Olivia Wilde.

I had experience with Ryan Gosling.

Really even post sorry no, this was.

Like ten years ago.

Almost what his face looks insane.

I just saw a picture.

Yeah, what are they?

Why are they all plumping up?

And that household, you know, the two of them get together, they say, we have sixteen procedures today, we'll split them.

They say, let's get childcare because it's going to be two full days.

What mommy and daddy are leaving.

And because as a man in Hollywood, it's one of the great luxuries is that you're like sort of allowed to almost age, especially.

Ryan Gosling, who could have aged just for like a rugged.

Yeah, he could be in Yellowstone right now.

Or it's like when you think about like Ethan Hawk or Kevin Bacon, like they age into like just like you know, kind of like slightly gray hair, rugged, like flannel, living on a farm, holding a goat.

It's like Timothy all of that.

Oh my god, Yeah, he did it perfect.

I mean, there's of course botox on a love but he's not like, of course he's not a farmer skin, but he's not like plumping up his cheeks like the chipmunk cheeks is crazy.

It's crazy.

No, it's not appealing.

I don't know who's doing we're going to look back on the era.

They should just be doing like the I mean I have some friends that like, just get the face lift at forty, Well.

That's what you have to do, and then you.

Like age back down to fifty and then you do it again at sixty.

But he looks like he did filler and like a bunch of crazy shit.

Here's a lot of yes men, a lot of yes men, a lot of yes men.

He doesn't have a good therapist.

His therapist is like, Ryan, you are diva.

If you want to get that face plumping, well he gets.

He goes to the line for therapy.

He goes to the line for therapy.

He says, it's cheap and I get to get my hair cut.

Yeah, I get to look at my new face the whole time.

I did.

Wow, he's running his lines for Barbie.

He was.

I hated him in that movie.

Oh, I'll say this.

Ken is not forty years old.

Okay, Ken is not forty years old.

It should have all been like.

It should have been like Hollywood.

Yeah, why am I looking at great?

He did great work.

He's a great actor, a titan in our industry.

Why is he playing Ken?

Ken should be twenty seven and it should be like a new twink they found that kind of looks like Ken, like honestly kind of maybe like it could be a discovery of like someone who did porn and now this is their film debut.

Barbie would never have that with them.

They're not Wicked.

They're not putting their name on porn stars.

Who's a porn star in Wicked?

Well, on the original Wicked, barbiees the website on the back was Wicked dot com, which is actually a porn They had to rip all the dolls off the shelves.

So if you have one of those, it's worth a lot of money.

Oh, I had no idea.

Yeah, should get into our topic like Wicked.

Nah, yeah, what's the question?

There is no such thing as like you're not liking it.

We're in it.

This podcast recording is part of Wicked.

Well, it's like do you like America?

Like it's like that's not really the question.

It's like like like you're just you exist within it and you like can choose how you want to deal with that.

Yeah.

It's like when people are like during Thanksgiving, they're like Thanksgiving actually has really like violent history, Like no, I know, but where's the turkey?

Can we have some drinks and like talk?

Yeah?

Yeah, the game is on, so how about you shut the hell up?

Well, there needs to be we need to we need to have like a like like a work like complete, like we understand the history complete because I'm like, we keep rehashing.

You know, you're so right, slavery, We get it complete.

No, no, no, no, no, we're just saying make textbooks less.

Whoa.

It's just it reminds me of like honestly, millennials speak of being like obviously what I'm saying isn't perfect.

Obviously, and it's like, Okay, if it's so obvious, maybe you don't have to say it right exactly.

Yeah.

I love when straight guys learn It's like a straight I will learn about the phrase women and fems or something, and then you'll have like just a straight guy being like, these are my favorite bands that are mostly women in non binary folks, You're like, okay, you can just say paramore.

Let's get into our top.

Okay, so meet Paul.

What is your straight topic today and what is straight about it?

Motorcycle culture?

Motorcycle culture.

Yes, someone that spends a long time in the Eagle, I find that to be that sort of interesting.

I know someone who has seen the cover of Lady God I was born this way.

I also find it to be interesting.

Oh okay, well, let's get into it.

I have a motorcycle.

You do work.

Yes, there's a very famous clip of me being called trans while riding it at the opening of the Pride Parade.

I've seen this clip in the years past.

We've known this contingent as dikes on bikes, But a few years ago you changed.

That, didn't you.

Yes, Because when we started, our rights started being taken away from us.

We needed to start really fighting for our rights.

So I felt we shouldn't separate the men from the women anymore.

And actually, it's not for.

Me to decide to stay who is a man and a woman.

So I switched the name from Dikes on Bikes to Motorcycle Contingent for Equality.

We still are Dikes on Bikes, but we still are men, we still are women, We're still trends, we are everything under this umbrella title.

But this year also we.

Want to give focus to our trans community because they are really being targeted.

So I want to give focus to our trans members because they really are heart and soul.

All right, Okay, with that said, h riders, start your engines.

My opinion, you actually explained it.

Can you explain the club.

I'm on ABC News and the leader of Dykes on Bikes says, we're here to support our trans commune and then pointing to yestures over at me and I'm waving and I'm like, but I'm not trans, and uh, that's the clip and it's really embarrassing.

But you're just in drag.

I'm in full drag on my motorcycle to open the parade, and she meant to say drag queen.

Yeah, and all day while we were planning it, she was saying drag queen.

And then there was a lot of trans motorcyclists behind me, but I was leading it because it was like when drag queens were under the most attack, like four or five years ago.

Now everything's fine.

Yeah, No, drag queens are great.

I mean, should we ban all drag queens?

Absolutely, I'm tired of putting on wigs.

You can barely wear a heel fifteen.

And you're a lot being Congress for this.

Ye you're saying no more.

I know a lot of the girls are in there fighting for it.

I'm saying, let's kill brunch.

Let's end in a twelve o'clock brunch.

Brunches at two thirty.

That's what time they should start at.

Sorry, I'm not completely that's a New York brunch is two o'clock, la, They're like eleven in the morning.

They he's done a hike and gone to the gym.

It's I'm still drunk from the night before.

I finished drinking at eight pm.

I'm on the motorcycle all the way here.

Sorry, the motorcycle into Okay, so you own a motorcycle.

I own a motorcycle and I'm trying to fix it up right now.

I've like changed the brakes on it and done all this stuff.

I'm so mad.

This is so different than what I could have ever imagined.

To keep going okay, but I love fixing things and like it's fun.

Like I have a sewing machine and I know how to fix it too, but I was like, this is just a bigger sewing machine, except for it could kill you.

So I like, I hate taking it to the shop because I feel like I have to be like overly masculine when I'm in there.

And then when I had bought my first motorcycle, it was like me and my exo together and I always be like, well, my boyfriend was riding it and he said he heard this, and it would be like on their face.

And all I really want is like YouTube tutorials from a queen.

All I'm getting is like guys being like, so you take it off here and you do this, and I want like, hey, sister, if you don't put your chain on right, you're gonna fucking die bit or like don't put oil in the whatever, It's gonna end up messier than a Chipotle bowl on a Tuesday night, like I just want gay ship.

I fully assume you mean you want James Charles being like, hey dives, so like, get ready with me while I fix my motorcycle.

Ye, but it's like using the grease or like show me how to do it without it being like so overly masculine.

And I know there are gay motorcycle leaves here of course, and the Eagle for example.

Sorry, but some bikes your your friends.

Even so yeah, loved the Dykes, love that kind of thing, but even those, it's like it feels so masculine.

I want Queen's.

Well that's about game strait.

It's more about mask and fen like you're wanting like Queenie.

I think it's the straight culture that they're trying to like squeeze themselves into instead of being like we're gay.

So what if I want to put a thirty inch ponytail on my helmet when I whip it when I'm riding it, like I want it to be so faggy And I just can't find that because I read my motorcycle in full drag.

It's been wonderful, but the looks are like it's it's they're like, what do we what's that There's so many things to add up.

Hairy body, lady face, lady face, motorcycle.

Like, I'm just it shouldn't be so confusing.

I want to see like twinks.

Totally yeah, wearing like like the rainbow Smirnoff tank, not Smirnoff absolutely absolute tank.

Yeah.

Okay, So I like the and and Deke Some bikes.

You know, we obviously love Deke Some Bikes.

To me, my first pride ever I was I found myself at the Dike some Bikes March and I was the only one not a dike and not on a bike.

It was kind of one of those iconic experiences of my life.

So we love deck Some bikes.

But I do love the idea of just like Hohorror twinks.

Yes, yeah, Harley's I've never seen it.

Yeah, long.

His name is Tory.

I mean, you're supposed to be in full leather for your protection, but who cares.

We're there's no leather.

It's it's literally like American apparel, mesh American apparel, cut off shorts and like a little rainbow armband that says CHROMATICA tour.

Just came to me because I was like, I had taken my bike out.

I was testing the brakes and I was like, well, I'll swing by the Eagle because I know it's like biker day or whatever.

And I showed up in my little short shorts on my motorcycle on like a shirt.

They're all looking at me like I was crazy because they were in like full leather chaps and all this stuff.

Yeah, to go ride around in Los Angeles in the summer, totally.

So this is what does confuse me.

So like, practically, are you supposed to wear leather when you ride a bike or is that just decord.

You're supposed to like keep all of your I mean it's you don't.

You can wear whatever you want.

Baby, you can hear whatever you want.

You can wear whatever you want.

It's in case of an accident, you could, like if you fall off the bike, you can get road rash and stuff by skidding on the cement.

So it's more like, but that's a baby that's thinking in the future.

I'm not looking to have an accident.

Maybe a dressed like a slat and ride my bike.

Well, I'm also like, well, aren't we dealing with like bigger issues If I get into a motorcycle accident, Like, aren't my limbs falling off?

I don't really care.

If they're like yeah, but you're looking cunt.

You're like the hospital and they're like Russia and all the gay nurses now what.

It was like the chaps hold stop if from happening.

I'm like, well, you know, I mean, most accidents I think on a motorcycle aren't like lethal.

I think, oh, that's nice.

You're mostly just kind of riding around a neighborhood and someone you heard it here first, motorcycles pretty safe?

Yeah, okay, hey, non lethal.

It's fascinating.

Okay, I'm in motorcycles versus cars, you're I I obviously motorcycles are straight in the sense that there's something very like lone rider, lone wolf about it, Like there's no sense of a yeah, no sense of on the back exactly.

That's the thing.

Either either you have a like a hot woman behind you and then that's like super cool because she's like holding your strong torso and you're like going to you know, the big the big event, or.

You're thinking of that episode of sex.

So basically there's one way to look at it, where like a motorcycle is like lone Wolf, straight Eye, and a car is like dumb cuck.

But there's also the other way.

Car is family values.

It is like having the kids in the back.

It's having a baby seat.

And motorcycle is like you're you're on your own, you're rejecting the family structure.

You're also there's something about how like decked out it can be that's very gay, like you're adding your little personality to it.

Yeah, you know, a helmet on.

It's anti surveillance because people can't see your face look at you go, you take it off, you have it here suddenly or Drew Barymore and Charlie's Angel.

So it's like it is what you make of it.

Like a motorcycle is kind of a blank a blank slate, and you can make it again, you can.

It's straight.

But I think what you're describing is like the myth of the motorcycle rather than like what actually happens on a motor.

Going from A to B, because.

Like the myth of a motorcycle is so LGBTQ plus, but then like in practice it's it's not at all.

And I wish like that myth.

All I've ever want is to take a helmet off, whip my hair around.

But that you take the helmet off, you look bad.

Yeah, your hair is a mass.

You look horrible.

Yeah you have so.

Then the other thing is they'll put a bandana on so that protects their hair.

But then you're walking around with a bandana on your head.

And now who are you serving?

Are you flagging?

What colors should I wear?

It's too many options.

It's too many options.

And also one time a little twin did ask to get on the back of my bike and I literally said, I'm not gay.

So maybe this is a personal.

Interesting wow interesting?

So you you know, maybe it's because you have so many spaces to be comfortable being gay in your life that you say not here, not on the.

Bike, not here, and not on the bike, not on the bike shop.

When my ass is on this seat, I'm fucking I'm a man.

Don't look at my thong.

I'm a dude up here.

Wow, And you can't.

You can't sit behind me unless you are my little brother or you have a gun.

A little brother.

Get out of here with that.

Wow.

What are you up to?

Yeah?

What's going on?

What are you talking about in therapy?

Nothing?

I just think that motorcycles could be gayer and it's not that.

Okay, so how.

Rainbow period.

Literally this is actually an interesting point.

Get But I think that there's a lot of people it's like, you know, jeep culture, like hand out ducks to each other and it's like this whole thing and it doesn't seem weird.

And men can do it to men.

Men do it to men all the time.

Yeah, but no, not like that.

I'm just giving the dogs.

So but I think on motorcycle culture, it's more about, like you're saying, being like a lone wolf and like stuck in your ways and like you and your motorcycle gang all wear matching vests.

But that's about it.

You don't like give each other trinket.

That's true.

Motorcycle gang does give it a sense of community.

And it is true that when you see like a big like a sort of what is the word flotilla motorcycle.

What do you call that?

I don't know, a school of.

Motorcycles, school of motorcycles.

You know, you're like, okay, wow, you guys really did find murder.

Maybe what you're craving and sorry to saycmanalyze you is like no, no, no, no, no.

You have, you have plenty about fats.

Let us sold out.

Sorry, it is every third Friday.

Let us hold out.

Well let's say Japan.

Okay, that's fine.

Yeah, it's an island country.

So I think what you're pointing to is like so much.

That's a really good time too.

So what happens is it's a drag show.

And then at the end that's what we call a sexy food eating competition, where all the food is encased in jello and it doesn't have to be eaten, but you do have to fuck it.

I did want to sold that food.

Yeah, so what kind of food am I fucking?

So?

Chocolate cake is a big favorite.

That was my mom was like, don't get chocolate gi vanilla next time because it looks like poop.

Yeah yeah, but we do it.

We do like three pounds of shrimp, oh cooked tail on and then.

We think it for clarifying.

Yeah, well I just want them to like have something docktail sauce.

Yeah, it's it's in the top layer of the blood.

Is so much more tasteful than poop.

And then well someone did put a shrimp up there, but well I'm not really that impressed.

It's not big.

Okay, I will say I am impressed because it's kind of soft is.

Oh yeah, that's true.

And then someone did do a hot dog up there butt and then when they shot it out at the audience, a little chili came out with it, which was crazy so gross.

I'm going to say that.

Nasty thing.

I'm ringing the nasty alarm.

So sorry, what were you saying about?

Basically motors?

So much of game motorcycle culture is like ironically adopting straight motorcycle culture.

That's what I hate, right, So and I and I'm now getting like what your sort of desire is, which is you on homegrown gay motorcycle culture, Like rather than taking these signifiers like references from you know, Harley Davidson Rugged guys and being like, what if we did this but with that, if we did this but with leather daddies, which of course we love.

What if we like came up with our own set of visual signifiers for motorcycles, Like what if it was just like.

I think it starts with media.

I think we need a movie franchise that is like gay motorcyclists and then they're like pop.

Stars, you know, we need like they this is what they did need.

We need, like we need the spirit of roller Derby, but for motorcycles.

You know how roller Derby is just like they really did did the thing.

They did the thing, like they created a new thing, They created a new vibe, and it's like each other girls beating each other up.

But they're all like they have like funny names, and they have little patches on their vests, and they're like half lesbians and half straight but also lesbians, and and it's like they actually.

Kind of out of locker room.

It's none of our, none of our.

And I'm not going to be there.

So I do think we need that for the motorcycles.

Yeah, yeah, so I'm thinking movie franchise game.

I mean, honestly, we could just take the Charlie's Angels thing and make it three twins or one twink, one bear, one I don't know.

One twink, one bear, and one like one herd, like one gay nerd with like oh yeah, one Sam.

One Sam right, smart guy, just right in mid Okay.

I think that sounds really beautiful and I can't I think the original soundtrack will be amazing.

Charlie is actually doing it.

I heard I heard about that Yeah, it's actually huge because she's going from Withering Heights to this.

Yeah, because Wuthering Heights is like her, like she's going all So expectations are low.

Well, you know that the trailer is going to be a room.

Room might be too gay?

Wait hold on, so room room.

But it's like one of those things where they take the song and make it spooky.

Yeah.

Yeah, Children's and Squire and you see the twins and the Bear getting into a big accident on their motorcycle.

Let's ride, yes, and then mustache smart guy comes in weaving through traffic real.

Fast not and doesn't that Maybe I'm trying to think of, like what sort of violence they commit?

Yeah, because they have to commit violence obviously that's the ultimate sign of empowerment.

So we're after like, is it like Twink Bear Sam, what violence do they commit in the big movie?

Like what's their weapon?

Like if they're like mot motorcycles.

They're like ninja turtles, the you should have their own way exactly.

You're a whip okay whip, and.

You're always in a cat suit and it's so crazy that I don't.

Know if that's the Twink has a laptop in his coating cyber attacks and cyber bullying.

And then the bear.

Whoa, that's crazy.

The bear has a gun.

Yes, the bear has a gun.

I have a gun.

Oh my god, my god, oh my god, a gun and a cowboy hat.

No, then we're going back.

You have a gun toutch it?

Would you say your pro gun violence?

Uh?

Not the violence, but definitely pro like I don't know having one totally.

I want to gun so bad.

We've been over this.

Remind me.

I want a gun so bad just as an accessory.

Yeah, I don't think i'd buy the bullets.

Okay.

Good, that's actually like county guns and like there's one that's pink and glittery.

Okay.

So I work over in North Hollywood, so it's right next to Burbank and that's where all the gun stores are.

So I get the itch every now and then and then instead just get impanadus next door.

Yeah, calm myself down.

It's sort of a gun for your day.

So the bear has a gun, and I think the end is they all just shoot off the top of a building.

So it's like very like you don't know if they liver or eye and their bikes have parachutes on them and they all hold hands on the way down.

I mean bike, wait, bike with a paarachute.

That's like genuinely like unique original imagery, Like that's on the poster, like people, you know what I mean, Like I just did it.

Yeah, I think it's been done.

I think it has been done.

And he actually did the stunt, which I think is so crazy.

Okay, so you're just literally like ripping off Tom Cruise.

We're plagiarizing.

Oh cool, just a little wow.

But I thought you were on my side from him.

What if it's the three motorcycles holding each other's hands, and then there's and then they're in a hot air balloon on the I'm trying to find unique industry.

Here's what happens.

The big stunt is that they actually have to go into orbit and save Katy Perry.

So they're like taking one of those balloons right up to the edge and then they ride their motorcycles into space.

So it's really get on the motorcycles in space and then okay, and and they and then it's Katie Perry's come back.

That would be nice.

Section talk about slience fiction, which is to fireworks to fireworks work.

Yeah.

Have you met Katy Perry?

Yeah?

Yeah, wait, you were in the music video.

I was in one of her music videos for a split second, and then I met her at some like celebrity birthday party.

What was she like in the music video?

I think that was when she was in her dark place.

Oh so.

Well, it was no remember like short blonde hair was Swiss, Swish, Swish Swish.

That's a great song, to be honest, it was.

Yeah, it was so fun to be a part of.

If you squit really hard, you can see me in the background as a cheerleader and one portion of it.

And she was like really friendly.

But in between takes, I think she was doing like small animal therapy and they would like wrap her in a blanket and she would lay down.

They would just put a dog on her and she would sit there until they were like, okay, Katie, we need you, and then someone would come and take the dog and she'd stand up like a robot.

It was kind of weird, But then she did come over and say hi to all of us, and she was really sweet.

And then at the birthday party I saw her at I mean, I'm not even supposed to talk about but I think she was really drunk.

Oh, I mean that's more relatable than doing small dog therapy in the middle of your shoot.

I've seen celebrities do weirder things.

What's the weirdest thing you've seen a celebrity do?

Yeah, you don't have to say who, or we can bleep the name, yeah, or or if you don't want to, if you're chea chicken.

If you're scared.

At one event, there was a celebrity whose husband literally would not let her speak to people, and that was weird to me.

That is weird.

And then she like took her shoes off and he yelled at her, and that was like, literally like okay, but no one else.

Who there's and he's he's famous too, or he's well, we're her feet stank, nasty, they were beautiful.

Oh, that's worse.

But it was really strange, and I was like, Oh, I guess everything about them is kind of true.

The fuck you'll have.

To tell her?

Is it Amy Schumer?

It was Amy Schumer and her husband really tough, Oh tall chef, let's if.

I was like, yeah, no, we have four minutes.

Who cares take away?

It's big dipper and some gay porn star.

I thought it was second.

That's but if the first one goes over, then you have Bruce Valanchi trible.

I will not let it go over.

Can I say something?

He's a gay porn star.

What does he gotta talk about his ball?

Probably?

I've seen his work.

I'm not impressed.

Was this a dipper booking?

Yes?

Who do you think would book a gay porn I don't know.

You guys have like obsessed with sex.

He throws a sex party.

Have you been?

No?

Did you get that invite?

It's the way you said no makes me feel like you did go.

No, I haven't been.

I haven't been.

He throws it.

He throws a sex party.

Drain your nut.

That's fun, very literal.

It's a bit literal.

It's no, you know what is more literal?

Drain your nut or fat slot?

Do you think that's like it could really be any that's true?

I mean, is the fat slot so you know you're getting it?

Yeah?

Or yeah it's like okay the host, or it's like the suggestion for how to present yourself, or it's like the crowd.

Yeah, it could be the girls do come slutty.

Yeah.

Drain your nut is kind of like you.

The nuts.

This is sometimes when sex talk gets like very literal, it grosses me out, like maybe not literal or like it like it can become unsexy and like removed from a body, like drain your nut is kind of like that.

And when do you remember people were saying this is so gross, sorry to everyone in the recording.

Your listeners are too smart for this.

Do you remember people were saying, like cummies, Oh, I hate it.

But that's cute.

That's different than literal cummies is.

But it was like I gotta go out and get my cumming.

That is forgotten, like a message from someone where they're being so forward like yeah, where they're like come in me, and you're just like whatever happened to hide?

And you're also like you're like, yeah, I know that's where it's we know, like.

That's kind of like also it's like Thanksgiving.

We don't need to say exactly, we don't need to we need to bring it up.

We know, we know we're going to.

Commit some acts.

Yeah, some unspeakable.

Acts, unspeakable acts, and let's let's have it stay that way.

Yeah, you can't speak about the unspeakable.

Acts and speak about the unspeakable as.

So no, I haven't been invited to Dipper's sex party.

I'll make sure you get on that.

Thank you?

Is it you ever?

He does want in New York too?

Isn't that his house perfect?

No, it's like in a warehouse.

So you you say that he is the one that brings all the sex people on because you have like porn stars on with somebody.

Anytime we have a porn star on, it's always being like, these guys are so mad?

Who cares?

And it's like, oh, no, okay, what's your dream guest?

Oprah Winfrey?

What would you say to her?

I'd be like, do I get a car?

Yeah?

Because you know what I would say to her.

Say to her?

I would say, so, what's the deal with all these books you're promoting lately?

Because they are all evil?

Here's what I say.

I'd say, Oprah, I have a question that everyone's been asking top or Bottle.

When you do your harvest videos, are you really pulling those plants?

Right?

Right?

She's like, this is my harvest And I was like, yeas are so clean.

So completely.

They're manicured to the gods, and their nails match your glasses.

Were stedman you know, if she's on property with like five houses and he lives in his own house, like she doesn't see him anymore.

I like in America, I know he really won.

It's so crazy and I'm honestly so happy for him, genuinely.

Yeah.

Well, our thoughts go out to Oprah.

Our thoughts about to Oprah and Steadman and Kale and everyone in the family.

And one day Oprah will read a book that isn't by a murderous white mom who discovered a form of therapy that is also being funded by the deep state of It's crazy, like it.

Really, I know she's not okay because she's like always hanging out with Jeff Bezos and that's well, that's part of it too.

Yeah, it's like and then Chris Jenner is like the other node in this kind of map.

Now already at Jeff Bezos's house.

That's insane.

It's like part of the oligarchy.

Chris Jenner, she's like as much a part of it as you know, Mark Zuckerberg.

That's tough.

It's tough stuff.

Anyway, let's to a final segment.

Okay, Yeah, I'm like like enough, Okay.

Our final segment want us to have fun I do.

It's just like a therapist.

You wanted to keep me a secret from you.

Sometimes I'm like, you know what that thing where you're like when I say like, let's wrap it up, then it's impossible for me to get back into it.

No I know, Oh sorry, hey, let's wrap it up, Sam, And it's like it's I'm I wish I could bounce back, but it's like in my mind already it's.

Called cummies.

And we share what you get to your cummies?

Ye, what got your cummies?

Oh that's the most disgusting thing.

I can't ever.

I hate it.

One time on stage, I tried to be like, you guys know how gay guys are saying commies now?

And everyone was like no, They're like, we don't know about this.

And I was like they want a gay audience.

No, it was not a gay audience.

And I and everyone they were mad at me.

They were like, why did you make us learn about cummies?

People?

Straight people have.

Like accepted gay people, and they don't like it when you remind them there are things they haven't excepted.

Well.

So here's the worst thing is the one time I was opening for Nicole Buyer at the improv and I decided to like, I don't know, I felt like some people in fans I know, but I didn't really.

It just wasn't everyone.

And so I started talking about cruising and they didn't know, and so then I had to explain cruising.

And then I had to explain the story about how one time I was cruising and I was wearing like a I was in drag and I was like in a dirty baby diaper because the guy cruised me from the from fu Bar.

I was coming out of a gig and he was like, get in.

The car and I was like, oh wow.

And so I had to tell that story and it was like it was like that it was coming us to a straight audience.

There are so many layers.

So powerful to like be there and just like Alienator room full of straight people.

You're like, that's right, I have a more interesting life than you do.

Well, then I went crazy and I said the R word.

Really you got an actually won the man?

Yeah.

They're like, yeah, let's.

Use it again.

I love this one.

It was just awful.

It was so bad.

That's tough.

So it was this last segment we've were talking about what are these springs?

So those are Web awards.

Don't worry, they're not ours.

Not ours we never won, so our finals.

Like what it was called shout outs, and in the segment we pay homage to the grand straight tradition of the radio shout out and shout out anything that we are enjoying, people, places, things, ideas.

Imagine in twousand and one you're at TRL shouting out to your squad back home, but about anything you like, I can go, oh, please, what's up?

Freaks on measures.

I want to give a shout out to ordering room service at the hotel.

This is something that at some point I stopped doing.

I don't know why.

I guess because room service is often disgusting, and I like the idea of actually like leaving and going to a place and meeting friends and going to a normal restaurant.

But there is nothing more glamorous than having your little RoboN ordering room service.

The number does not count, cash does not count.

You can order up to one hundred dollars and it actually doesn't really count because you've put it on the room and you can even tip like fifty percent.

You're like, oh, of course, I basically hear for a big conference, so order room service, have your little robe on, eat it in your hotel, than be completely disgusting and watch like a true crime documentary or something.

Thank me later, ladies, you're gonna love it.

WHOA, Okay, what's up freaks, losers and perverts around the globe?

I want to give a shout out to the specific intelligentsia that is a block and a half away from our recording studio in Hollywood, California.

Whenever we do a recording, I go to this intelligentsia.

I get here fifteen minutes early and I walk on over there.

I get a coffee, and everyone there I don't know.

I feel like they've never had the same employee twice, but they always have some LGBTQ plus twenty three year old who is doing something that is not making coffee.

And I'm like, they make them do that too.

I say this, Maarisa also has to wash the windows.

Now I've seen everything this intelligency that's.

So terrible, it's literally crazy.

I should not be the jo.

When the barista today put down the wet wipes and walked over to the counter to say, do you know what you want?

I said, this is crazy.

I want you to wash your hands before you touch my coffee.

I said, this is I feel so I feel like a father to you.

And I love coming here and seeing some of the most insane people you can find in the world.

Sitting in the boots and drinking a coffee and screaming and being upset about who knows what.

It makes me feel like La is a real city and that one day you know we're all going to be a crazy person screaming an intelligencia xoxo Sam.

What up?

Bitches?

Hey, I want to give a shout out to ambientb house that don't charge extra to use their pool.

You, lily say, well, pussy bitch, I had a wonderful time.

I thought it was going to be an extra eighty to one hundred dollars to heat up that pool, and you send me a message and said go ahead, I don't care.

I hated that pull up to ninety to creez it's crazy.

Your gas bill is gonna be nuts.

But I love you for it.

Jen, you get your big one on that one.

And definitely we'left all the towels clean too.

We left it cleaner than you left it.

I think you might have mice.

Jen.

Love you, Baby, that is incredible.

It's incredible.

Sloppy seconds every third Friday Friday, and then you know sty.

Seconds is twice a week Tuesday and Fridays.

Fat Sloat every third Friday.

Precinct Global Global Entry, Baby, I was high for my Global interview.

Everything else you want to promote Global gd fat slut guns.

Get a gun, Get a gun.

Things are getting crazy.

Get a gun for the mice GUYE Goodbye podcast ends Now want more?

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Stradia Lab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

Created and hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart.

Executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sony and Olivia Aguilar.

Co produced by Bei Wang, Edited.

And engineered by Adam Avalos.

Artwork by Michael Failes and Matt Grugg.

Theme music by Ben Kling