Twenty twenty five was a lot.

My goodness, talk about a roller coaster of a year, starting out on a high and just all the way down, but still we're standing.

Thank God for that.

A man.

Wow.

It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight from the heart.

Since then we've gone on to become Webby award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us.

It was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable, be.

Wraw orse, but most apportly be us.

But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we, and through it all, one thing has never changed.

This a seth after Dead Ass.

Because we got a lot to talk about story time.

So to start off the new year, I figured, I want to take y'all back to my favorite moment of twenty twenty five.

Okay, is now twenty twenty.

Six, and I love a low recap.

We did have a lot of really really good moments we did last year, but there's one moment in particular that like really sticks with me, and it was in June, and it was at the BT Awards when I had the opportunity to watch you go on your press run for the four assistance.

It was my favorite moment of the year last year because you and I have talked about dreams.

Trouble man.

I thought, I do not let your.

Mind, do not let your mind Triple, But how she catched the U and I t watch so fast.

But we were trying to get you to understand pause for like four years.

You know what I'm saying, twenty six Triple gotta understand pause because you one of us.

Got it now she caught on last time.

I feel like she had a great She.

Had a great pause moment once, even her poor she was just like wait, pause, yes, but no, let me get back to focus because you got me distracted.

But I got a chance to watch you do what we talked about we wanted to do when we were eighteen years old, sat on that bed, told you my dreams before and four and full, and we were able to watch me fulfill everything I wanted to do, and while fighting and fighting for all of my dreams, we were simultaneously fighting for yours.

And last year June twenty twenty five, right before Divorced, Sisters was getting ready to stream and actually break the record for the most subscriptions in that month because it was a number one show.

I watched you walk in everything that you wanted to do.

I seen the pageant girl, I seen the actress, I seen the dancer, I seen the comedian, I seen the TV host.

I watched you that weekend at the BT Awards, and it was like amazing.

And I also got a chance to just be a fan.

Oh okay, so you were chilling that week instead of really while I was working.

It was definitely like the ultimate roll river so because typically I'm there just hanging you know, whatever you need babe, almost like your handler, making sure things are good in a way.

And then it was completely flipped.

It was and it was an amazing time.

That was a great, great highlight for twenty twenty five.

You know what mine was?

I know we didn't really give story time.

You normally do what I feel.

I want to tell.

Mine, it was actually the month of July.

The month of July was a really great highlight for me because that was the month that we kicked off our fifteenth year wedding anniversary.

But we were with the boys in Jacksonville, Florida for their track meet, and then after that picked them up from Florida after your family's reunion.

Yeah, and then we were just home, just.

The six of us, yeah, the first time for.

Like the first time in a minute, Like mom and Dad were in New York for about a month, and we just had the best time just the six of us between Florida and just being home.

And it just felt so good the six years stationary.

That the six of us have all been in this house with no one else the first time.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I think of it often, like, especially as twenty twenty five was on its way out, we needed family to rally around everything that was happening, so that was important.

Yeah.

But our house is like there's always somebody in it.

What you call it almshouse, arms house.

Yeahs a Jamaica term, but yeah, I just there's always somebody in it.

And you know me, I'm more of the introvert.

I just rather there be nobody in my house at any given time except for me, my husband, and my kids.

So that was that was just the highlight for me, like just the six of us, no traffic in and out this house, and that was the best time.

Karaoke.

Karaoke now all right, So just to start the year off, we've talked about this.

Let's let's be honest with the.

People with carry ok right, yeah, yeah, tell them.

Everybody who does karaoke have their favorite karaoke songs.

And if I'm being honest, this is about episode two hundred and sixty something trouble.

What episode is this to fifty nine?

Two hundred and fifty fifty nine.

And what we try to do is try to hit you out with an original song every single time.

But I'm gonna be honest, I don't have two hundred and fifty nine favorite songs that I love like that, dude, and they y'all think y'all have that many favorite songs.

I do.

You got two hundred and fifty nine favorite that you know the words?

Not that I know the words too, but like there's two hundred and fifty nine songs that I like easily between Soca Dancehall.

You know technically yeah you had it Soca.

And Yeah get It R and b Rap.

You know, they just know I get it.

But we try to typically do a karaoke song that's like pertinent to the topic.

So that's something that of course, like you know, dwindles down the numbers of songs that we can use.

I mean, this year, I'm gonna start doing songs that I like.

Like you don't have to do it, don't have anything to do with the topic, but like that might let's do that.

We'll just like, we'll take we'll rotate somebody's favorite song each time.

I like that.

You know what I'm saying.

But for this one, we figured it's the top of the year and we want to give.

Y'all a little you know, up at the high energy.

We still don't really know all the words, but we can all chime in together.

It'll be group care.

I'm doing the beat because I don't know the words, so I'll do the acoustics.

I was about to say something, but I pause it because in my mind it sounded crazy.

Sounded crazy to yourself.

Yeah, give it to yourself, all right.

Ready, when I wake.

Up in the sun, Oh, I had Josh in there.

There's heavy on my mind, and I do what.

Then I look at you, alright, you don't know to beat either, Just want to look at you, and I know it's gonna.

Be I love love love me, let me.

Love I love it on.

I heard you breathe and I realized it what about.

I was like, because you over here, choir directed to this guy, try to keep it together because so we sent.

The harmony was off the side.

You know, it's the first song.

It's first time we want, we want exactly.

All right, y'all, we're gonna pay some bills and we're gonna be back today.

We're doing a twenty twenty five recap and talking about what things are going to look like for us in this new year's so be right back, all right.

So yeah, twenty twenty five, Man, I'm a highlight for me.

Another one is getting that text message from TP.

Wait, that was a highlight for you.

Top of the year, baby, January.

Sixth has a different meaning for us.

Now, never forget it, you know what I'm saying?

For sure?

For sure?

All right, Trey, what you got for op or no op?

Today?

Yeah?

Baby.

So, since we're talking about goals twenty twenty five recap and our goals for the coming year, I know a lot of people's goal might be to buy a home.

And that got me to thinking about this fifty year mortgage proposal that the Trump administration made.

A fifty year you have heard of the years you have not.

Heard President Okay, so Ariam posts something quickly about it in her stories, but I didn't get the details, so give us the deets, trips.

Yeah, so, the idea is that it will lower monthly payments for home buyers, which at first glance like, okay, yeah, but what people aren't thinking about is that because it's fifty years, you're paying significantly more interest.

Somebody said, if you have five hundred thousand dollars home, you're gonna end up paying one point five million dollars.

That simple math.

Bro.

Not only that, you're not gonna have equity, no white, sometimes you.

Might as well rent.

Yeah, you might rent.

I'm so what somebody said is that, like banks are going to essentially turn homeowners into renters without having to do all of the maintenance, or rather private equity companies who really own these properties.

Yeah, that's what they're going to do.

And so they're going to turn homeowners into renters, but also passing off that upkeep of the home on to.

The rent as they should.

Oh no, what passes the upkeep on?

Oh yeah, I'm no, yes, oh no, absolutely no.

Opp is that hell no?

I would never never sign.

Up No no, no, no, like.

Who would sign up for a fifty year mortgage.

That's insanity.

So here's how people get caught up with it.

Right, five hundred thousand dollar house, you gotta put one hundred thousand down.

It's four hundred thousand.

You got a mortgage.

Your mortgage payment now will probably be about twenty five hundred dollars.

So what they're saying people is, like what you would normally pay twenty five hundred dollars for now, you only pay fifteen hundred dollars.

And then people say, yo, I'd rather have one thousand dollars less, thousand dollars more in my pocket.

That's twelve thousand dollars more every year.

That's a good investment.

What they don't realize is that interest rates are probably going to continue the skyrocket, and you're going to end up paying for that house for a longer period of time.

But the most important thing, like Triple said, is you have no equity.

And when you have no equity in a home, you have no asset.

And when you have no asset, you can't use that home to then fund other businesses exactly.

And that's what they don't want.

They don't want us to own homes or land because now you don't have an asset that you can utilize for our things.

So they want to keep you in that cycle of working.

If you have a mortgage that you have to pay for fifty years, you buy a home when you're thirty, that means until you're eighty, you're going to be working to pay off this mortgage.

Average lifespan of Americans is seventy three.

You're not getting that home.

And that's but's the thing that's the plan, because everything else always it keeps us on the hamster wheel.

This is why my other op is, and this is what I propose to people, especially young people.

If you're in your twenties and you're not married yet, and you have a group of friends and there's four or five of you, I propose this.

If it's four or five of you in your twenties and you're all working, save your money for two years, all put down on a house, put a huge down payment on that house, or you don't have those fifty year mortgages, and you all move in there and live together.

Rather than you living in an apartment building and paying rent.

You all pay what's considered rent for your room, but you're paying into an investment that you own.

Now the four of you have that house.

Now that you have the house, you also have the capital and the equity because if y'all four want to start a business, you can borrow against the house to start a business.

But also you're saving because you're not paying a high monthly mortgage payment that would.

Be my I actually know somebody who's doing this, but they it's not that her and these women who live with her purchase the house.

Someone purchased the house five bedrooms, and she's like, I'm considering moving out of my apartment into a house.

So the first thing I thought of is like, girl, you're trying to live in a house, an actual househouse with five other women that are strangers.

She said, well, yeah, these people have these room for rooms for rent, so I have to go through the whole process in order to be selected.

So she ended up getting a room and she's renting one room for five hundred dollars a month.

Wow.

There are some other young ladies who live they're all like minded work.

You know, she has her own business, so she's often out and she's like, I realized I don't spend any time in my apartment.

I'm literally just showering for the next day and then I'm you know, I'm working all day.

So she said, we all kind of have similar stories.

Ones in nursing school, ones doing this, that, and the third.

So they all pay five hundred dollars a month in rent, they share the common spaces, you know, of course, mutual respect.

It kind of reminds me of like dorms back in the day in college and stuff like that.

But I'm like, I didn't even think about, you know, adults, grown adults doing this.

So that's awesome if you had a group of friends that can do something similar.

Well, we have to start thinking like the companies.

The companies are getting smart.

All of these major companies that Tribble was talking about, they're buying up properties or building subdivisions, right, and then what they're doing is after they're building them, they have another company under a different name that buys the homes, which sets the sale price.

So now if you build these homes for say three hundred thousand dollars, you're a big company.

You build these homes for three hundred thousands, you now open up a shell company you buy those homes that you that you built for three hundred for nine hundred thousand, And what it does is it sets the price in the area that these houses are worth nine hundred thousand dollars.

You then take the equity that you got from that house that you built and you put it in your bank account.

But then you start renting to people who can forward to live in those areas.

So now you're making money again on top of the money that you already got after building these homes.

A lot more companies are putting together subdivisions like this, or buying out all of the homes in the subdivision so that they can create renters out of homeowners, like Triple that's talking about.

So we should use group economics to work together.

And it's easier to use group economics when you're in your twenties and your single.

We did it a little bit with my brother when we were married and my brother had his first child, and it's difficult for families.

Yeah, but we did it with Belaa as well.

But yeah, all you twenty year old twenty somethings use group economics man get together and buy properties early.

It's part of the sacrifice that can in turn not be that much of a sacrifice.

You can use it as an asset to borrow against or y'all sell and then split the split the proceeds.

Yeah, who where people you trust?

That's a fact that her homegirl was like living with four other grown ass women.

I'm like, what does that look like?

All I can think of, like, you know, worst case scenario personality clashing or somebody having a guest over not cleaning the kitchen and whatnot.

But she said, no, everybody gets along well does what they gotta do, So that was a good scenario for her.

I'm gonna be honest, if I was a single woman living in this time, knowing how so many women are end up being lost or get taken, I would feel comfortable living with a group of women who went through a process to know that we all live in this house and we have a shared space.

I think that's smart.

I think it would be even smarter if groups of women did that and start buying properties as opposed to just renting from someone who's already bought the property.

That's just a way to build an asset.

And for people who want to know how easy it is start an LLC.

All of your friends have y'all put the money in you have the LLC, y'all make yourselves equal partners in the LLC, and you all put down the same amount for the deposit, and y'all all have equal ownership.

And then when you sell a property, it sold to the LLC, and then the process go to the LLC and you split it evenly.

Because people ask like, how do you do that?

How do you buy a house with a group of four people?

Do an LLC and you buy it through the LLC and you have one entity purchased the home to.

That there you go smart.

I love it.

I think it's a good idea as well, because one of my biggest fears as a single person living alone is that I'm going to choke in there?

Oh my god, can you imagine?

I never thought about that because I'm never by myself.

Imagine.

I didn't even think about choking.

For me.

It was just like how the girls zip themselves into dresses like that would be my thing.

I haven't had.

Worried about death, You worried about fashion.

I can't wait now because myself upright?

Who does?

Yeah?

I didn't even think on a chair with the chair?

I do you good?

I don't.

You don't know either.

You just slam yourself against the table pretty.

Much your solar plexus.

That's that's where the air comes from.

I was thinking that just drop.

Most people do that and it's just the air comes out from.

Yeah, there is a group of white women men who have like a plot of land that they bought and they lived together there, which I thought, I think that's pretty cool communal living.

We got to get back to that.

But back to the financial talk.

I saw a video on I think it's called Diary of a CEO that podcast, and this woman was saying, if you don't have a million dollars, you shouldn't even think about passive income.

You should focus on making your first million dollars before you invest any money.

Or Noah, your business mastermind, what are you say?

No, I'm too broke.

We all gonna listen to.

Got I got about twenty two to fifty toward my first million, twenty two dollars and fifty cent.

Right there.

Trouble But no, it's only because because of that is part of the reason why I would say No, most people in their lifetime would never accrue a million dollars, so automatically you're eliminating like ninety percent of the population and telling them you can't be an entrepreneur.

I will never in my life do that because I didn't make a million dollars when I started my businesses.

The biggest thing you need when you start a business is capital, right, but most of the time you don't want to use your own capital anyway.

Also, if you are working and starting a business, you should also still continue to work.

So I would never just start a business and quit my job.

I would always have my job and do the business.

And I probably wouldn't quit my job until I was probably seven figures in the red, I mean in the green, you know, in the black.

That's like, I can't imagine myself saying, oh, I'm an entrepreneur.

I just made a million dollars.

Is just quitting my job.

I couldn't imagine that if I was making that type of money, because, as you all know, if a business is businesses need solvency, and there's ebbs and flows.

You can make a lot of money in six months, and then you hit a span where there's no money.

And now even if you tried to scale a business slowly, when you don't have money and money runs out, now your business is suffering and a lot of businesses fold because they don't have capital.

I wouldn't say work to make the million dollars.

I would say, try to raise the funds.

You raise the funds by creating pitches.

You have ideas ideas, take less time to show people than it does to actually do the idea itself.

That's gonna take you years to do.

For all entrepreneurs, man find some like minded people and raise funds.

And when I say raise funds, I don't mean ask them for money.

I mean create an investment plan where you plan on paying back the investors in time.

Focus the time when you're not working on building your strategy for your business rather than just throwing shit against the wall.

But I wouldn't put a number on a million dollars.

Is the only way you start like, we've made a crap ton of money.

When I only had thirty thousand dollars in the bank, we were able to survive when I had twenty two to fifty in the bank.

You know what I'm saying, Just manipulating funds right, doing stuff that's not always the best, like using an American Express card or you know what I'm saying.

But if I would waitload ourselves.

Some times you have to float just so.

But if I would have waited till I had a million dollars, I'd still be waiting.

So I just don't agree with that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree with Matt.

I'm too broke on a gam I don't do.

You know how hard it is to just make a million dollars and save a million dollars like that is extremely difficult.

Think about it.

If even if you make a million dollars in a year, say you live in a place like New York, they're taxing you forty eight percent, So now you've only made five hundred and twenty thousand and you have living expenses.

So I don't see it.

And this is important for people to understand.

I learned my first year in the NFL.

I made two hundred and seventy five thousand dollars, and I thought that I was going to be able to save it.

Remember, I made it in four months, and by the time February came, after living and trying, you know, after living from September through December and playing ball, February came, I only had seventy eight thousand dollars left and I was like I got to live from February all the way till September on seventy eight, when I just made two seventy five and four months, which shows you how much expenses and taxes are.

So mean you weren't even privileged and you were like bare minimum.

You know me, don't I don't spend a bad time.

It would have taken me, even making two seventy five and being frivolous, it would have taken me fifteen years if I never went on a vacation nothing to just save a million dollars.

Nobody got that type of time.

You know what I'm saying, and that's making two seventy five.

Most people don't make two seventy five.

So what are we telling people Exactly?

You make seventy thousand dollars ill you save money for forty years and they have a fifty year mortgage, and then you start a business.

There's no way in life.

But that's why Americans feel like the American dream has gone, because how do you tell people to start businesses in America If you're telling us we need a million dollars, but then you're also telling us that it takes thirty years to make a million dollars, so I start this dream when I'm twenty, and then when I'm fifty I can actually start.

Nah.

I think the struggle in America has to be the redistribution of wealth.

Right, I probably end up to watch this for saying this, But the fact that one percent of the population controls ninety nine percent of the world's wealth is a problem.

Like we all as people can't survive if that continues to be the trend.

And the truth is, it shouldn't be up to the working class people or poor people to figure the motherfucker out, you know what I'm saying.

I mean, there has to be a point where you realize living in abundance and opulence is not helping yourself neither, because if there's nothing left because you've taken everything, what have we really done?

You know what I'm saying, Like around you, I'm sorry that kind of just bothered me hearing that, because it's just so condescending to say to someone don't start till you get a million dollars.

Like everybody, not Donald Trump, who's dad can give him a million dollar loan.

You know what I'm saying, Some of us actually have to fucking work it does take chances.

People have plans, believe in yourself work.

I love group economics.

If you want to be an entrepreneur, don't do it by yourself, do it five to ten other people that you can invest in each other.

People in the room right now, I have a business.

So that business cannot be doing well.

If you counted four people in.

This room including me, okay, let me technically four people.

Excluding there's definitely five of us.

What business?

I mean?

If you count the good Lord, he's everywhere.

So what did y'all do well in twenty twenty five?

Anybody gave our highlights?

Anybody do anything spestacular?

So I started my llcler, but I have had to change it to LLC when I moved to Georgia and my business made more money than I ever expected this year.

Now because you started one question, is.

It still an LLC or is an LLC registered as an escorts an LLC?

So you have to and listen to this.

Change it to an escort because you get better tax breaks.

LLCs don't get tax breaks.

LLCs just protect you from getting sued, but that escorp will give you better tax exemption.

Yeah, it was.

It was a good year.

Yeah.

Now, do I have any money for taxes?

No, I don't, but we made it.

You know what I'm saying.

We made it in front of the other.

Yeah, you're not supposed to have money for taxes.

Twenty six.

My goal is tax evasion.

Sound like a Republican to me, but no.

I like the fact that you started.

Hope.

You know that most businesses don't end up in the black for the first three years.

So don't shame yourself.

Find out what you did right, find out what you did wrong.

Whatever you did right, repeat that, try to scale it a little bit larger, find out what you did wrong.

Avoid all of that.

But the biggest thing is you started, and you have something.

You know you have something on Friday trips because I'd be in trouble.

Yes, And I'm glad only I told you I didn't I say it.

I said it twenty twenty six.

If Triple don't start that fucking business, Triple gonna get fired.

Yes, and looks come.

On made haste, Yes it should make Yes.

I love that.

And then now this is sixty.

You know what I'm looking forward to from you?

What your t shirt line?

Oh?

Yes, I just pulled it up last night.

Because Josh and Matt both had a little benefit for Jamaica, and I was like, this is the time for me to make the Jamaica shirt that says if I wasn't Jamaican, why would I wear this shirt?

Period?

Like it's so simple, Yet it going and people gonna buy the hell out of it.

Get it going Jamaican.

That's so clever because people go, you don't get a lot of this.

Let me guess they don't think it's so funny.

They love it.

They love it.

This happens when I to Brooklyn.

Be everywhere, Brooklyn really be everywhere?

Yeah, yeah clever?

What about you?

Josh?

Twenty twenty five and you highlight any win?

What are we celebrating as we move into the new year?

Is that nothing I'm trying to like?

Five?

I don't know.

Twenty twenty five was pretty even killed.

I mean I did make some leaps and bounds in trying to like secure my future.

I think I think that's a lot of things that I put off, retirement funds, all that stuff for the past couple of years.

Not that I didn't haven't had full on k's and all that, but I sort of made like progressive intentional steps and getting that secured.

That's one which was great.

What else.

I don't know, we say overall just a solidy, Yeah.

This is it definitely was a salagy.

Yeah, I firmed up a lot of things that I needed to firm up.

You know, I think creative foundation was important for me to to do, and I certainly did that going into twenty twenty four and continue twenty twenty five.

So I'm really happy about that.

Yeah, if I got something else, but I got a question, I'm surprised.

All right, let's finish out with Matt and then we'll get your question.

Yeah, I think mine more so physical my fitness.

Yes, he was killing.

He was killing just what we do.

Well, I can't say you got skinny, you're you're leaning out?

Yeah, John build and muscle up, athletic Matt, all right, for real, I'm one to witness that Matt has literally been here bring here with.

De Val every literally every day working out and want to be Yeah, yep, days when the whole crew wasn't here and Matt was still showing up.

So yeah, that's that's the I.

Just remember saying I got rid of my man boobs this year.

Well, I love that you've been working out, working out your back.

Pause.

Uh, my back is still hurt man, Yeah, it still hurts you.

But but but I've done things to maintain good and to it was.

A point of ship in my back.

That was really the reason why I started working at My back was just killing me every single morning waking up.

So yeah, I got that taken care of.

See.

Well, last year we were talking about how I always got to be somebody big brother and friends.

Don't be wanting to hear that ship.

I was about to do that to Josh just now when I stopped myself because and then you finished it.

Because I would say, make sure this year you get your back strokes, you work out, and I said, I'm not gonna say it because I know, and then he said it, so it proves I didn't have to say it.

So I appreciate y'all for giving me some growth by telling me that about myself without telling me.

But y'all told me directly.

But I got a question for y'all.

You're welcome, Yes, a question for y'all.

This new year.

I don't want to hear nothing about no new year and new meat.

I want to hear some resolutions that have nothing to do with fitness, finances, or relationships.

Something that something that you want to do different about yourself will change or work on that has nothing to do with those three because those are always the three people.

So that will make more money this year.

I'm gonna get skinned this year.

Well I'm again I'm a fall in love this year.

No, I want to hear something different.

I got mine.

I've been saying for the last year.

I'm trying to work on intentionally putting this our gallery out and let people see my work more.

So creatively, creatively creating a space for yourself.

Okay, I like that.

Man.

That's a major thing for me, not even the finance part of it.

I just want people to see the art that I've been creating for years.

I'm gonna tell y'all why I'm asking this after I hear everybody's if you don't know what about you?

I guess this is kind of it.

Will it will impact relationships, I guess I'll put it that way.

But it's going to dial us back to the episode that I did we did where I was like, sometimes I won't text you back for three four weeks and you know it's okay.

Because friends understand that we'd be busy, and after losing a dear friend this past year, I don't want to wait anymore.

Like wow, we joke about like getting out the group chat or trying to be intentional with our time, and when you realize that time runs out, you know, it's unfortunate that losing a friend who's so dare to me made me realize that there's.

Harm in that.

There's harm in not being intentional about taking time to connect with people.

And that's not just in passing by, that's not just in the voice notes, but it's in physically getting in those spaces.

Because I also recall in twenty twenty five the times that I did take to meet with people, you know, friends, relationships that I hold dare.

That time and being intentional just felt so much better.

That are for my mental for my central nervous system, like everything just felt better when I'm in spaces with people who I love, in a door like that.

So I want to be more intentional about that this year.

I like it actually connecting and not using the excuse that I have all the things going on, because life is not going to stop.

It's always going to be something to do you know, but you have to be intentional with those relationships.

So that taught me, Okay, I like that one for me.

Something that I realized a boy myself this last well twenty twenty five is that I heard a woman say that she doesn't have imposter syndrome.

She doesn't think she's an imposter.

She has a worthiness wound and so sometimes she doesn't feel like worthy of doing things that she has to remind herself of why.

And so that's what I want to work on this year.

I think that a lot of what has kept me from going after the things that I want is just not feeling worthy, comparing myself to other people, not feeling like, you know, feeling like why would somebody want me to do this thing, and not remembering.

Who I am and what I'm good at the gift right.

Yeah, So recently I've been reminding myself of how I even got here.

I wrote it down, and I worked like tirelessly to become a podcast producer, to become an on air host, and I made those things happen, and I almost forgot.

You know, you know what I'm saying.

So that's what I'm working on this here, is just keeping in touch with how powerful, talented, creative, and capable I am and going after what I want.

I'm actually glad you said that trouble, because listening to that is part of the reason why I asked that question.

Being a trainer for so many years, you always get people's New Year's resolutions, and I noticed that being a trainer January first, I got a lot of new people in the door.

February first, half of them wasn't there.

And part of the reason why is because we tend to put a number, or we try to antiquate our success, and if you fail early, you quit and say next year is going to be what it is.

That's why I didn't want to say finances.

I didn't want to say relationships, and I didn't want to say what was the other one fitness because fitness often comes with a number, and if you say by February, I want to be down three pounds, and if you only lost two pounds, most people just say for it.

With finances, if you don't make that number by February, or if you haven't fallen in love by then, it's Valentine's Day, you buy yourself.

People quit.

So I wanted to ask this question because I've noticed when I've given people who are my clients a different goal that wasn't numeracle or couldn't be antiquated by the end of the month, there was a less chance they quit because all they see is progress.

You see what I'm saying.

So it doesn't matter if Okay, I've been working out all month, I didn't lose no weight, how many inches did you lose on your waist?

Because the goal was never wait?

You know what I'm saying.

And I think if more people took that approach with the top of the year, it wouldn't be about Okay, it's February first, Where am I from when I made this resolution?

And if I haven't gotten farther enough all the years over, I quit When you talked about working on something for the betterment of your mind, that's something you can't answer, quate.

So you only fail if you quit.

You see what I'm saying.

You see that's why it was actually perfect.

You only fail if you quit.

When you start to look at New Years like that and you just say, I'm not gonna quit.

I'm gonna keep going because I'm not gonna be a quitter at the end of the year, you can look back and see how far you've come.

That makes me think of the debate between motivation and discipline, you know, because with discipline, it's a practice that's put in place that you do all the time, regardless of what's happening, regardless of how you feel, regardless of the elements around you.

But then when you wait for motivation, motivation comes and goes.

It's fleeting.

So that kind of made me think of those two comparisons when you talked about quantifying it, because if you're existing more so in the space of discipline to try to do whatever it is you're seeking to do, then you don't have to worry about it coming and going.

Discipline is an act that you do over and over again.

How many times do they say you have to do something become habits.

It takes thousands of muscle movements to become.

Muscle, to become muscle memory, or for something to become a habit.

Yeah, so, yeah, that's interesting.

I think I'm trying to take that approach more when I go through life.

I have a question for you, do you think it requires more discipline to be motivated or more motivation to be disciplined.

Think about it for a second.

Think about it so again, do you think it requires more discipline to be motivated or it requires more motivation to be disciplined.

The reason why I ask that is because of this.

There's some days I get in that room and I got to go work out, and I'm not motivated at all, right, but I'm disciplined.

It's like yesterday, man, and we just kept doing before you did it, you know, before you got motivated to go, you just started doing it.

Right.

So for me, discipline is more and more important because discipline happens regardless of the motivation.

But if you require motivation for your discipline, if you're not motivated, nothing happens.

Absolutely.

The reason why I ask that that what goes into what I just talked about.

Numbers often give you what motivation, but numbers don't give you discipline.

That's why when you set a number and you're not motivated and you fail, it's easy to quit.

You always got to lead with this.

Discipline over desire determines your destination.

Did you make that up?

Or was that something I did?

I made it up twenty seventeen, like I heard it several times, said he made it up.

I made it up.

Find the guy.

Did it?

Go google it.

I put the phrase right now somewhere.

Discipline over desire determines your destination.

It probably don't have my name that come up because I put it in a post you did.

I was wondering, so it was like we talent when talent doesn't that's not my card.

I know that was yours, but I heard you say things often, so like I'm wondering, is.

Triple's looking it up?

It's said notes in Instagram posts on July twenty eight five.

Mm hmm, somebody else must have tagg it and tag me.

That's my quote.

Baby, put it on the shirt.

It was on the wall, and it was on the wall at Prototype.

Discipline it determines your like I know, I've seen it before you.

I know the ones that aren't mine.

Hard work the talent.

When talent doesn't work hard, that's not mine.

Right.

Those who say they can and those who say they can't are both usually right.

That's confucious, right, right, right.

You know what I'm saying, for every action, there's an equal in opposite reaction.

That's newton Thirs law.

Those are things I used to say all the time in prototype right, discipline over the determines your destination.

It's something I made up because I was trying to get these kids to be disciplined.

All they kept saying to me was I want, but I want.

I say, you sound like you want, you desire it, but you're not disciplined.

So can you teach discipline or are you born with it?

You can definitely teach this, Yeah, you can teach this.

I don't think you're born with discipline.

Oh.

You see some people, for example, are their work ethic or their drive seems to be higher than others.

So my thing is that is that a byproduct of discipline or is that just how people are.

There's a woman who did a TED talk who said that grit actually determines success more so than discipline does.

She says that, yeah, kids that have to actually like fight for their resource adversity.

Yeah, so the more the more.

Like challenges they face basically, the more challenges they overcome basically determines how well they're going to do more so then even she was like disproving Malcolm glad else twenty thousand hours or whatever.

Yes, the theory that if you do things for twenty thousand hours, you become an expert and you master that skill.

Yeah, she said, grit actually determines that more so so, I think that also grit helps with discipline.

It does, yeah, having to overcome things.

I'd be meeting these women who've had the worst childhood you could ever imagine, and they're like the most successful people I ever met in my life.

No, I definitely.

I mean, look at the most successful people in the world, all gone through like crazy, crazy things.

I think that grit is ultimately teaches you how to be disciplined when you don't when you're not motivated.

Right, or you have no choice.

Yeah, in your backs against the wall.

I remember when we first moved out here, I was just like, oh my god, Like, we got to find some adversity for Jackson.

Let them walk to the gate at the subdivision to get picked up from the bus.

I was like, it's not the same as like walking.

Down walking through flatus trying to get on the bus.

That's not what I bro less what I said, it was similar.

Yeah, But what happened was I was like, Yo, I'm gonna start letting Jackson take the bus.

She was like, he need adversity, you know.

What I'm saying.

We get up, we drive him to school every day.

And then Kate was kind to me talking about and yeah, let him get some adversity walking through these green trees dated community.

I was like, shut up right though, I'm not gonna.

I didn't say it like that, but made some squirrels are real tough tree.

Out here.

Yeah, okay, you got deer too, fan white Tail.

You know, I was a kid man.

I seen band be getting shot, I see baby walking down.

I was like, that's my.

Adversity, thinking the way discipline can't be talked like.

I even look at the boys right for example, and I can only speak to my children because they might but we are very deliberate about making sure that they have a routine, that they have a structure.

There's things they have to do.

Devao will say to them, as a man, there's things that you're going to have to do that you don't want to do, and you just have to do it.

And that's those are the things that are being ingrained in them now.

So they understand that in life there's going to be things that you don't want to do, but they have to get done.

And we have some children of ours who are just naturally, you know, workaholics, and they want.

To be better and they're going to push.

And then we have some that are just like, well, this is the structure and the discipline that's been put in place, this.

Is what's expected of me.

So when people see our children sometimes and they're successful in sports or academics, they're like, damn, like, how did you get your kids to focus?

How did you get them to And it's just because we're deliberate about being on them about it.

Devau takes them to the park and a lot of times people will stop and be like, wow, your kids, Like they listen and they follow instructions, and we get it from their teachers, and we're like, well, yeah, because it's what's practiced and expected at home that they now take out with them into the world.

And not everybody does that with their children, which is fine, you know, to each their own.

But I can see where all four of them are gonna have no choice but to be disciplined with whatever it is that they do, because they're not gonna fail.

Especially if they started, they're not gonna stop.

You're gonna see it through.

There's a process, even if it's something halfway through you realize this may not be for me.

You're gonna have to see it through till the end.

So let me ask a question.

I know you can teach discipline, can you teach great?

Because I would be the one to say no.

I've coached a bunch of kids, and I've watched kids come through the same you know how Brooklyn is East New York, Flatbush Crown Heights.

There's a lot going on.

I've watched kids who I've given the same speeches to get up and run to practice.

If the MTA wasn't working, then I've watched kids get up and their dad say they gonna be two minutes late.

So they say, I'm not going furtther type because I'm gonna have to run.

It's like, it doesn't it doesn't matter how much you try to force that aspect.

Great is something you just can't teach.

Where does that come from?

Just life?

Life, environment likes.

Just your Yeah, your the experiences that you have growing up.

So I feel like you can probably manufacture experiences that create grit, Like if you're hungry, you got to make yourself some food, you know what I'm saying, or whatever, you can probably manufacture those experiences, But I do think it comes from the experiences that you grow up in.

How much do you have to see a challenge and figure it out on your own?

How much do you have to like My favorite thing to say right now is me I was talking to my therapist about But.

I was talking to my therapists about this the.

Other day about just how to like make the things that you have to do the things that you want to do, because at the end of the day, they are things that you want for yourself, you know what I'm saying.

And people with great I feel like those things that they have to do are also things that they want to do because they want to change their circumstance.

Let me ask you a question for mentalities.

When you come across something that you don't want to do, what is your thought process?

Because my first thought process is, man, I really don't want to do this shit, But what a wonderful opportunity I have yes to prove to myself that I can do this.

Like we and Matt did not want to work out yesterday, and we was both in their life trying to give each other every excuse.

I went and took the kids to the park came back.

I was like, if Matt ain't here, I'm not going to work out.

I came back, Matt still here.

But it was just like, those are the things that I wonder too.

Can you coach a kid?

Because we have four children, they're all different, and they're all different for different reasons.

Some of it comes with your ability.

Jackson, to me, I think is the most talented naturally of all of them.

I give Jackson a soccer ball, I'll come back in ten minutes.

Jackson can juggle with both feet.

Cairo, I give him a soccer ball.

I come back in thirty minutes.

He's trying his hardest to do it, but he don't have it.

The next day, he's now perfected the fact that he can juggle.

Because Jackson got it in ten minutes and put it down.

Kirol's practiced it so many time and now he can juggle and backflip.

So to me, it's like when a kid struggles with something a lot, I've noticed that kid typically is the one to be like, I'm going to get it.

The kid that just comes natural.

Cazz, you see how lacks of aasical cas is.

But then Kaz goes out there and just scores a touchdown, no training.

Sometimes it's hard for me to enforce grit because he like, but that I can do this whenever I want.

So do you think ability?

It sounds like ability really enforces how much grit you need to be successful?

Ability, you know what I'm saying, because if you just good at stuff early and naturally you don't have to work, it's hard.

I guess.

It depends on what level you want to do certain things right, So you would hope that you would hope that, for example, Kaz if he did want to then eventually be a big time soccer player, that's going to require a certain level of hours put in.

It's not just to say I can do it and then do it.

It depends on how far you'd like to go in whatever subject or area that is.

You know, I understand too now when you say, for example, with Jackson, figure it out, you see figure it out, because I'm inclined as mom to be like, well, the the writing's on the wall.

For example, Jackson knows that he has two exams on a Thursday, so he does his notes or whatever.

He's like, Mom, can you test me on it?

Wednesday night?

Jay hits him and he's like, yo, we in five ams tomorrow morning, and then he has practice in the middle of the day, and then he has practice after school, so he's essentially gonna have three different workouts, two exams.

You gotta be up.

At five am.

So then you're talking to him, and Joshon's just like, damn, I got two tests.

I got this, I got that.

So devows like, well, what are you gonna do?

And I'm inclined to be like, well, you can't go to five ams because mentally, you have to be rested to do these exams because you know that that's a priority.

You're gonna do three workouts and then two exams and then not be able to focus because you haven't slept enough and you're gonna be tired.

That's my mind, and the DEVO is like, hey, let him figure it out, talk it through us, through it with us saying if you're if you're unsure about what you should do or where the priority lies, talk it through.

And then that's what Deval kind of coaxed them into doing.

And then he figured out, Okay, it's not in my best interest to be up Therefore thirty in the morning, I can go to practice midday in gym practice later, and then I can focus, get a good night's sleep on my exam.

So it's just really allowing the adversity and the critical thinking to find a way to match, way to work each other out.

Yes, And as a parent it's hard sometimes to let you ship your child do that because what need, what requires critical thinking for them is often very obvious for us because we've lived it before, right, So and think about how we quipple them as a parent.

It's like we take away all the critical thinking skills and then they become adults who never had to critically think.

We know some stuff like that.

Now you know they're making freaking New York's resolutions and don't have any grit to see it through, like this is really what.

Happened, or can't even make the decision.

We know some adults that are like I don't know what I should do, or you know, they're they're they're eventually not making a decision or missing an opportunity because they're indecisive and they want someone to make the decision for them.

So we've realized that by seeing even people around us, you know, even some of our family members who are a bit younger, but you know they're older now, and it's like, man, like your mom and dad used to do everything for you.

That how you know, So even with Jackson interacting with coaches, it's like, we're not going to talk to you, yea when it comes to your coach.

That's not my coach, that's your coach.

So you're gonna have to develop that relationship and figure out how to communicate effectively, to be an advocate for yourself, but also be respectful of what they're requiring of you.

You know.

Yeah, my mind is going right now.

That's why I'm coming quiet because now I'm thinking about ways to make my kids more gritty.

Like I'm over here just thinking about what I'm about.

To the obstacle course the door.

No more sneakers, it's got to be cold every day.

Like I'm gonna just find ways, you know, to make them do things they don't want to do.

Because the more I think about it, I don't know one successful person other than someone who's inherited millions of dollars who got successful without being gritty.

You can be as smart as you want, but there's gonna come the moments where nothing is happening.

Yeah, you gotta pivot and you got to make some shit shape.

You gotta be gretty.

I'm saying a little delusional, a little insane, A lot of delusional, have some audacity.

Some audacity that gotta have word.

To do stuff.

And I mean the stakes are low right now for our kids.

So for like Jackson, for example, like this morning is cold outside, right.

I ready told him, I sent my guy, if you get sick and I don't see if you get sick and I don't see you was wearing your jacket, your sweatshirt.

This that the third don't come to me over here, mouth.

I can't.

I don't want to hear it.

I don't want to hear it.

So this morning he comes out with short sleeve school shirt on.

I'm like, oh, where's your where's your black czar jacket?

I got you?

He don't know where it's at.

I said, okay, cool, where's your sweatshirt?

Let me check the laundry room.

He goes to the laundry room.

Did Jackson do his laundry Sunday?

Didn't?

So his laundry bag is in the laundry room, sacked and overflowing.

And he's just like, damn all my sweatshirts and dirty.

I said, oh, because you didn't do laundry like I told you should typically do on a Sunday.

So what you're gonna do now, You're gonna be cold, You're gonna get sick.

So he picks up this is such a boy thing, picks up the one sweatshirt that's on top.

And he goes straight to the armpit.

He's like, all.

Right on, and he was like, mission, I'm gonna be honest.

That's that's our like, that's our program.

And I'm like, all right, my pal by my bed.

I'll be like, it's still good.

You gotta do this checked.

Because then she goes you good, you know you're good?

Like you got one more thing?

You teetering, you teetering, Let me where this is outside?

You got a half a day.

Let me tell you the funniest thing broke watching k with her pink roll.

Right.

She'd be walking up in the morning a robey all the way up here, right right, Because you'll know any other time Kate gonna wear something that she let me know that she's ready.

Right, she got it up here in the morning, right, she walking around with this pink fluffy robe.

Right, it's old.

The belt got the pink and white polka dot.

It's not even.

The college y'all.

I've really only saved it because of the nostalgia of it.

That was my robe in college, so that's why she's still here.

So she got the robe with the different belt.

She's talking to Jackson, and I'm looking.

I'm like, damn, she thick even in that robe.

And all I hear from her talking to Jackson is just like this, Yo, my man, my man, if you come in here sick today, problems.

Then she walks away, like I'm looking at the most New York mom, because Jackson is standing there looking down at her, and she's like, yo, my man.

And I could see her face.

She's not playing pay look crazy.

He was, he was, And it's like, you know, it's like a domino effected here.

It's not just you that you affected.

When you run around here sneezing, It's gonna be you Pyra kaz coda.

You got your grandparents here.

I'm like, Mom and Dad gonna get you all flue shot.

Do.

What y'all gotta do is protect yourselves.

You know what I'm saying.

Protect you.

There'll be a lot of this in the morning, a lot of fist pushing the hand in the morning, Like it'd be a lot of don't do that.

You've never seen the thumb be up it, don't it.

Don't be like the thumb be up.

Cause my nail.

My nails a short night, but they typically be like long nails.

So I'd be like, I promise you that, I promise you.

If you walk up in this house and you doing that, it's gonna be a problem because I've been told you to wear the jackets, you go play bowl, you go outside, you're running from building to building, Your poors are open, your pours.

Nineteen nineties girl.

Hood, the hand be open, because it'd be like my man, then I tell you, and then me me and said, well I told him.

Mom, right, I'll be like, don't please, please, don't interject.

Does she look at me.

I'd be like.

To make an excuse for them, and I'm just like, no, first of all, of course, nobody.

Asked you, and I'll make excuses for me.

Thank you, but no, thanks.

You don't want to hear none of that, none of that.

Thanks, all right, this is a really cute question to run out the conversation that trip will put on the cards to the cards.

What do you hope for one other person in the crew to accomplish in twenty twenty six?

So I got mine somebody?

Yes, Okay, I.

Hope he wishes the same for me.

Okay, okay, I hold Matthew.

I wish Matthew gets his car.

I mean I guess his house.

Sorry, sorry, multiple.

I wanted the same thing because he said it when when when we were talking about the thing and he looked at me, I was thinking the same thing.

I don't make it any less a pretty guy that Matthew gets his house.

Yeah, I do too.

You better say that.

Yeah, I hope.

I'm praying now, Josh Man, you're gonna get your houses here, Bro, five bedrooms whereas six bedrooms A nice one in Georgia.

Yeah, definitely, George.

With us, we have better tax breaks down here, trust me, better tax break with us.

Mine is for Trible, Bro.

Okay, I hope you have a breakthrough this year financially and for for everything you've done for ask Trible.

Yes, I really do hope you have a breakthrough for that.

I'm I'm going for twenty clients this year.

That's that's what I'm talking.

Yeah, I wish free, oh, I wish a couple of things for only'll for Trible.

I wish and pray for your mental health that you have less panic attacks.

Do you feel less.

Alone, that you are able to exist down here in a happy space where you feel like you know that you got things happening for yourself.

Your business is flourishing, there's less things for you to have to worry about.

So I want that for you for sure, Matt.

In addition to the house, you know, I'm going to put in the atmosphere that baby's emotions, you know what I'm saying.

I just feel like you need to be secure in your house, settled, and then I just feel like that will just be an thing for you guys.

So that's my biggest prayer for you and Chris, the expansion of your home and your family, Josh.

I want to see you down here with us selfishly, like I hate that you have to come and go.

You know how much we love you your family to us so and I love your wife Anika, I love you, love to see and Tori.

I probably love her more than both of you.

So yeah, I would love to see you down here and then deval.

I want to see you take time for yourself.

I want to see you take time for yourself.

I want to see you more concerned about yourself and less concerned about.

Others.

Okay, I'm gonna piggyback on that.

The movie trajectory about to take off next year.

You've been putting a lot of time energy into it.

Appreciate it.

It's gonna happen, bro, appreciate that.

I appreciate that.

And I think that with yourself absolutely, and that focus on yourself will allow you to put it in the space that you needed to be, which is your career trajectory.

I appreciate that because you just received it.

I'll receive it after so many years of being worried about your body else.

You know I'm here.

I do know that, Amen.

And for Kadeen, definitely.

I'm looking forward to season two of Divorced Systems than your mouth the guys in Yeah, because you know there's been the train I've been on the whole time.

Yes, Manadeen's fan club, I already know, Amen.

The president all else fail back stuff, gay k we could take this show on the road.

That's right.

With the road.

Worst case scenario, no I appreciate that.

I do look forward to that as well too, And I'm also praying that things get squared away so we can get back to filming.

That would be amazing.

I love for y'all to at least you the second half of season one, honey.

Facts, very least.

Facts if I get another d M.

So that's awesome.

And I think, you know what.

We We have each other's back, we have you, We have a support system built in within ourselves.

Yeah, y'all know we're here.

We do, yeah, we do.

All right, y'all, let's take a quick break and we're going to come back and do our listener letter, the first one of the year, right, the first one of the year.

We'll be right back, all right, and we're back alone, jump right in.

Hey, Kadeen and Devour.

My name is Tamari, and I need some advice from all of you.

So my son just started school and his father and I, who's my boyfriend, doesn't have the same quote unquote system that works.

I get our son ready for bed, make sure he has eaten for the night, get up in the morning, get him ready for school, and then take him to school.

Recently, I asked him if we could try something new or different.

I wanted to see if he could at least get our son ready for bed and take him to school in the morning, since he only picks him up at the end of the day.

The answer he proceeded to say was that I'm working nights.

How can I do everything you're asking me, That's what he says, then proceeds to tell me that I'm selfish and unappreciative, that all I do is sit home and eat all day, all because I asked the question.

I don't feel like it's fair that I have more of the responsibility than when we had kids together.

I've repeatedly worked while pregnant without being pregnant.

I go above and beyond to make sure everyone in the house is straight.

I never have time to myself, let alone have anyone do anything for me.

But I'm selfish and unappreciative.

I don't want I don't know what to do, because, like y'all say, you shouldn't throw in the towel over stuff that you can work through.

I just want to know from y'all any advice you can give, you can offer, and I'm asking from both perspectives.

That's easy.

I love First of all, I love when it sounds like somebody wrote in right after the argument.

You know they got quote she had mad quotes.

Yes, this is easy, though, I'm gonna tell you exactly what it is.

They miss each other.

They got kids, she got stuff to do, he got stuff to do.

They both got work.

They haven't figured out yet how to balance the fact that they miss each other and got things to do.

So, you know what they often do.

They at what the other person is doing outside of work and kids and saying whatever that is isn't as difficult as what I gotta do or what you end up saying is I want you to walk in my shoes for the day.

So this is the thing I have to do.

So let me see if you could do what I have to do, so you can understand how I feel doing the things that I do that you don't do.

You know what I'm saying, That's exactly what it seems like is happening here.

I will say this though, if they both work, he works at nights and she works, right, it's always easy for you to realize what your partner isn't doing that you do, but it's not as easy for you to realize what they are doing that you don't do.

You know what I'm saying, And that goes both sides.

That's not gender specific.

It's everybody goes through this.

I do this, I do this, I do this, and the only thing you do is this.

Because she even said that, she said, all you do is pick him up from school, And his mind is like, what do you mean all I do is pick him up from school?

What if I said to you, all you do is get them ready for some it's the.

Whole sit at home and eat.

What you got a problem with eating?

That's what I'm saying, sit at home and eat.

It felt like a little jab.

I think does she work?

I don't think she works now.

She don't work now because she said during my pregnancy I.

Worked, so maybe she's not.

Don't work right now.

So in his mind, it's like, if I work at nights and you home all day.

Now you're telling me I got to get up and take him to school sometimes and go to work at night.

All you do is stay home all day.

That's what in his mind is what he's saying.

That doesn't mean it's fair, but that's exactly what he's saying.

And in her mind.

She's saying, I'm with the kids all day.

You get a reprieve, you get to go to work and be with adults.

I got to be home with the kids.

The least you can do is pick them up from school because I wake up early.

And you know what I'm saying.

What they have to do is learn how to communicate not only their needs, but also say, hey, this is what I'm doing on my end.

You might not be able to see what I'm doing, but there's a lot of work that goes over here.

And if they learn how to do that to each other, they'll they'll stop using those moments where they miss each other to pick at each other because we.

Used to do that.

About to say that, it's just.

Like I've been thinking to myself, I'm like, if I only knew everything that's happening in my brain, fact.

Who got what theme day?

Who got what teacher got me?

And who gotta be where?

When?

Who?

What?

Bill got paid last?

And like he doesn't know half of the stuff.

What's Katz's shoe size?

What shoe size?

I don't know.

I don't know all the stuff in my brain.

But then he'll be like, Okay, did you realize that this has to get done.

And I've been doing this and I've been talking to this person, that person, the liquors Throat and Sean, and I'm just like, well, damn, we both have our gamuts and things that have to get done.

Like to me, it's like, I don't know cash shoe sides, but if I die right, what happens?

You know, I'm saying, God forbid, I'm knock gonna what what?

Sometimes as a partner, you feel like that, it's like you've just belittled my purpose in this relationship by saying all you do is all they have to do is change their communication styles.

They'll realize that they love each other and it'll be over.

There really is no beef there, Like, that's not beef.

That's not beef, and you're just trying something different that they can try something different.

That probably was just something eating at her for a me and she's like, well, let me see if he'll do this, and it's like ultimately make a date night that usually try to solve everything.

Can we point out something, though, can we just point out something.

I understand that she's home, she's probably it's a newbornsorn child, but I think it's unfair though, sometimes when it's just like you do this, I do this, let's just switch.

It's unfair for anybody to do that to somebody because you no longer like the role in your relationship at the moment.

You know what I'm saying, it's just like I don't like this, so let's just change yourself to do that.

You can't do that to somebody when we have routines, because then what are you saying that you think my routine is easy?

You know what I'm saying.

If people learn how to not offend people by asking for a change, that's the biggest thing here.

That routine may get monotonous every day, I gotta do it.

What if she said, babe, how about you take them?

How about you get up in the morning, I'll pick them up from school, because then it doesn't seem like it's not like you just take on more things.

That's just you know what, morning routines are so fun taking our son.

You should experience what it's like to take him to schools onill mornings and it's not just pick up or something.

She don't got to lie, But I'm just saying, like.

If that's what she enjoyed.

Like, you're right, she may not enjoy it, but because.

If she enjoyed it, she wouldn't be asking for the swift.

That's true.

I'm just saying in a way point.

But even even if you're trying to prove the point, offer in a way where you don't dismiss your partner's role.

Because when you say something like I get up every morning and all you do is pick him up to school, then he's going to say something like we all you do is sit at home and eat while I work at night.

And then you say, well, why would he say that?

When he said that, because you diminished his role and then don't make it.

Eat his leftovers, it's given.

Something like that the whole sit at home and eat or like does he feel like you like aren't taking care of yourself and maybe gained a couple of pounds?

Like what, what's the whole follow up with the whole?

Why?

He was just like, you sit at home and eat all day?

I just told you why he said that.

I just told you he said that because she diminished his role.

All you do, he's the earner in the house, he works at nights.

All you do is pick him up.

That's all I do.

Now, he got a jab.

I'm not saying it's right, but he has to throw a jab and the jab ain't right.

But you gotta admit that she said something foul first.

We're not gonna get for her past.

You know what I'm saying, ladies, Because you know, Tripple ain't gonna ever point out when a woman do notthing wrong.

She never that's not gonna happen, you know what I'm saying.

He's like, Tripple is like, I still don't see what's wrong.

There's another note, another note from our therapist.

She says that anger is a secondary emotion, So we're talking about communicating better.

You get mad at your partner, you got to think about what am I really feeling.

Absolutely I agree with that.

I agree with that because he's not right for responding that way.

I'm not saying that, but we're not gonna make it seem like it wasn't.

Follow up a jab punch out.

All you do is eat as well.

But especially to your wife who had a baby, like damn bro like you a damn.

Have a job.

That's an upper covers.

Up.

There's probably some issues going on.

You're definitely there.

I talked about it.

I also assumed real quick.

I also assume that he's home seeing her because he works at night seeing her, he sees her probably doing.

It's a good point.

Yeah, it's a good point.

Yeah, he's probably just like, look ahead eating.

I judge, you said, you do what you.

Want, work.

Too much?

Too much?

Oh my god.

All right, y'all, email us at the top of the year.

Get those emails rolling in.

Let us know what's happening.

Even if it's post argument, fresh out the gate.

Tripple wants to hear what happened, you know, put the exclamation points in because this person definitely Tomorrow definitely had you know, all caps, all the quotations and stuff like that.

So we love to let me see tomorrow boyfriend ain't listening because.

That so we writings is now.

Hey, it's such and such Tomorrow's boyfriend with his listener letter.

Well, if that's the case, email us bro vllisadvice at gmail dot com.

That's t h E E L l I S A d v I c E at gmail dot com.

All right, time for the moment of truth twenty twenty six, y'all.

Anybody have a moment of truth.

I got a moment of truth.

Go ahead.

It's very simple, man, when you're starting your new year's resolution, don't put a nu miracle limit on what you're going to achieve.

Focus on the progress, not the finished product.

Yep.

For me, twenty twenty six, I think coming off of a heavy twenty twenty five that ended for me, I want to say, just find pockets of joy.

Find pockets of joy.

Just this entire world right now is like, oh my goodness, it's a new year.

Can we get a fresh start, a new outlook.

As we do that, though, you may have some trickle down effect from twenty twenty five that follows you into twenty twenty six, because it's hard to just think that we can completely lock off everything that's happened in the past year because it's a new day, but it approached the new day trying to find joy where you can mm hm h.

For me, I have the same one as a vow, but I got a little So what I do with my vision board at the end of the year, and I put it on my phone, so my phone's my lock screen is my vision board, and I followed I look at it all year long, you make it like, yeah, I created at the end of the year and keynote, just copy and paste pictures from Pinterests, shape it up how you want it, and then put it as my screen saver, and I make sure I see it every single day day and I don't change my like mid day midway through the year.

For that same reason, like you might forget the goal that you initially set in January, you could look at it daily and keep going through even though through December.

Yeah, my New Year's resolution is not resolution.

What are we talking about here?

The truth?

Not stealing that one?

Well, first, first and foremost, Happy New Years to all of you guys and our viewers, Peace and safety, love and laughter.

I want to say that I'm trying to buy my time here.

That's not helping.

I I'm sorry, I keep doing this.

I'm sorry.

Give grace Happy New Year.

I had a whole one I listened to man go through so I'm like, yeah, that's kind of cool, man, I want to do.

That vision boy, trust me, mastery bro.

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.

So while we were sitting here, I just I wrote something original.

That's my moment of truth and it's discipline.

Over desire determines your destination.

I just came up with that.

I'm glad you're thinking outside the box.

That's the fact.

Outside the email box.

I love it, not the email box.

All right, be sure to find.

Us actually get I hope everyone here in this room gets exactly what you guys want for the for the new year.

That's what's up.

That's really what my momentive truth is.

And then pick up yourself.

And then all right, y'all follow us and find us on Patreon, subscribe for the after show exclusive Ellis family content.

That's where it's all going down still in this new year.

And if you want to find us on social media, you can find us at Ellis ever After.

I'm Kadina, I am and I Am I'm Underscore, and I'm Joshua Underscore, Dwayne, I'm.

Trips the Cool, t R I b b Z the Cool on Everything.

And if you're listening on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

Happy New Year, everybody.

We love y'allass baby got.

Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast.

It's hosted by Kadeen and Deval Ellis.

It's produced by Triple Video Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis.

Video editing by Lashawan.

Rowe did.

To give, to give nothing, to very plenty,