And I invited you here.

I thought I made myself perfectly clear.

When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty.

And I said, no, guests, your own presence is presence enough.

And I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?

Welcome to I said, no gifts.

I'm Richard wine Ger.

We're here in the studio.

The recording has started, and now I'm in control.

There's nothing you can do, No one can stop me.

What's going on?

Well, first, I would just like to take a moment before we talk about anything else, to just speak to the woman who was in front of me in line and found coffee this morning.

Pick a muffin, for God's sake.

I'm parked illegally and I don't have time for you to inspect every pastry.

Look behind you, there are several people behind you in line.

Pick the muffin and get moving.

Okay, now that you're out of my way.

What else has been happening?

We're still watching Little House on the Prairie.

We got back into it.

We took a small break for no reason, but now powering through season two.

Last night's episode, what happened.

Let's see, Charles and the girls went on a fun camping trip and Carolyn stayed home and almost died on the floor.

She got a scratch and then it became infected.

And then she got some medical advice from the Bible and that helped her and so she did not have to amputate her foot.

And she also bakes some pies.

What an episode.

The show was terrifying last night.

That show can be very spooky.

A lot of close ups on this woman's eye.

Somebody was, you know, dabbling in horror on Little House on the Prairie.

And that's my entire life.

And now I have to remind you of Patreon.

Let me just take a moment and say, Patreon dot com slash I said, no gifts bonus episodes of the show in the backyard.

Why did I say it like that because I wanted to My body wanted to me recapping housewives, me recapping secret lives of Mormon wives, me recapping every single commercial I see during these shows.

What I mean, the value of all of this and whatever else nonsense I can think of, So go to Patreon dot com, slash I said no gifts if you want to support the show.

If you don't want to support the show, you're going to hell.

Okay, so now let's get into the show.

I simply adore today's guest.

Everybody does.

It's Nori read Noriri.

Welcome to saying gift you.

That's so nice.

I'm so happy you're here.

I'm so happy to be here.

The last time we were together, you it was kind of a complicated situation because you ordered what I will say, the most beautiful blt I've ever seen, Thank you, And then we quickly discovered that the bread was not stable.

It was it was a house of cards, was true.

It was too much.

It was beautiful, just like you said, heirloom.

It was like a cartoon sandwich.

But it was not practical, kind of like a fashion you know, like something gorgeous on the runway, but you try to put it on in real life.

You go, I can't do that.

Take it into the street and it falls apart.

Yeah, the bread was needed.

To be toasted.

Yes, it was like a beautiful white bread, but it was like, you've got to give this.

Some stability, give it something.

Yeah.

I felt so bad for you.

Oh, you didn't ever feel bad for me.

I still ate it, I ate it.

I deconstructed it.

You did deconstruct what you got to do.

You shouldn't have to deconstruct a BLT.

No, there are three ingredients.

Literally, it should just be able to hold together others a you know, a harty sandwich.

Can I go back to what you're talking about with a muffin?

Of course?

So I was a barista, like many know, what A what a You know, I'm not the first comedian who was a barista.

But what I quickly learned about that what you're talking about?

He said, it's a very sexual thing.

Yes, And there was a man who had always come in and ask about the cookies.

And it was one of my first jokes I ever wrote for stand up was about this guy because it was so fetishy what was happening.

He wants to know the ingredients, he wants to know where's it coming from, and where's it going?

What's in it?

And oh double chocolate?

Oh, and it gets so sensual weird, and you know, they never get it.

They don't get the pastry.

They just want you as the barista to talk about it.

Whoa, It's almost like ASMR for them, but more sex actual.

Yeah, and the sexual thing is between you and between him and you or between him and the cookie.

We're all involved.

Yeah, that's unfair to everybody.

To everyone, to the person behind, to the barista who's just trying to get through their day.

So yeah, it was cookie perfect, the cookie pervert.

So I think this woman is a big ass pervert.

I'm willing to believe that.

Yeah, she was a disaster for me.

I was so mad she was truly inspecting.

She had the cashier like holding the muffin up.

See it's weird, it's it's giving Bethany Frankle.

Let me breathe on the muff Yeah.

Like have you seen her videos where like it's like she's like, I'm a foodie and it's like, girl, you don't swallow any of the food she cuts.

She will edit and cut before that.

She never puts it and then she's a bucket.

Yes, you never see the swallow.

This is my problem with like, you know, fictional television where I send that are shooting a bunch of takes.

You can't eat every bite of the food, but if you're doing like a YouTube or an Instagram video, you should swallow the food.

Her videos are so upsetting to me, because like, I mean, they're just so fucked up.

Like she's like like she's making a big deal about it and like whatever, and then when she goes to eat it, she like barely like nibbles on it, but doesn't even like with her like gums.

She's like gross.

It's like, really, take a look sometime.

It's really fucked up.

Is she going to the places to eat or she like it's.

At home they send it to her at this point, okay, because she's like a food reviewer, reviewer, now, the only thing more fucked up?

Are you on metal Lane?

TikTok?

No, But I'm just seeing all the headlines about the raw chicken nuggets.

Yes, I'm going on.

I'm being fed all of these tiktoks, and I'm kind of raid commenting, and I'm I'm really good at commenting, so they're kind of always like the top comment because I'm really I'm.

Like really good at That's something to brag about.

I wish that was a job because I would get paid so much.

I'm so good at.

But I'm so angry at that demon twink who like opened up this luxury grocer in the middle of a food crisis.

Right and where is it.

It's in Manhattan.

It's in Tribeca, specifically Tribeca, Okay.

And he's like he famously said that food wasn't political, which is one of the most insane things.

It was like, food isn't political.

Like people are like hating on me because he's his parents are billionaires.

Of course, and he's I wish he came from nothing.

That's such a funny story.

Yeah, but like if you come from nothing, it's like you're going to do something good for people.

We imagine coming from nothing and still deciding to open the worst grocery store.

In the world.

Yes, no, literally, and it's one thing if it was like because I love luxury, so it's like I'm I contain multitudes.

I'm Boushie with the purpose.

I'm for the people, not of the people before, for the people.

I'm kidding, you're the top commenter.

Yes, yes, that's me.

So I love nice things.

But like it's not even good, like the interior design people are calling Ai design because it looks AI right, and it's literally like a Hilton corner eatery.

All it is is just like a corner Hilton grocery.

Okay, And they're like, oh, like it's so not to mention the chicken nuggets.

They're right, they were raw.

They're raw.

Oh in the middle they were pink o.

Chicken nuggets are already a thing that you really have to there's like a trust you have to have with a chicken nugget.

Yeah, if this could go wrong, yes, to be betrayed by to bite into raw whatever is happening in there, because it's not just chicken, it's frequently ground up or god knows what's happening in there.

So and why is this place serving chicken nuggets?

If I don't know.

People were like coming for him from the chicken nuggets.

He made like a front facing video where he's like when you want to do something thing, people will always trying to take it out.

And people were like, your chicken nuggets were raw, Like, don't make this Like he was like, homophobia is crazy right now.

It's like no, baby, I don't know, but like it's just like no, Like it's because your chicken nuggets were raw, not because it's not a social justice issue.

They were probably each nine dollars, you know, it's probably you know, forty dollars for a package of chicken nuggets.

Wow, and it's not like a full size like no, it's just like an all right.

It's because everyone it's like, look, airone is also gross.

A lot of flays, but at least it does what it's supposed to do, right, like you walk and go, Okay, I feel what this is giving.

They're like using expensive things to make expensive things.

But like his place, it's like it literally looks like he walked into like a Hyatt and it's like they're selling deli.

It's just so bizarre.

And then all the comments people defending him, they're all just like rich white girls being like believe he's gay, and it's like, no, it doesn't matter.

I don't care that he's gay, Like.

What what have you been commenting?

Just the F word?

No no, no, no no no no no no, I haven't like just kind of like one thing, Okay.

On his front facing video, I did top comment.

I did say something to the effect of like because in the video he says like screw me for pursuing my passion, like sorry that I left venture capitalism.

I'm not kidding.

This is this is what he said.

I left venture capitalism because I had a dream, and I guess like f me for like having a dream.

And I think I said, like if my parents were billionaires and my passion was food, because he said his passion was food, then I would make my passion about food about food access right, so people could have access to food, not create a hyper exclusive grocery that has literal bouncers hired bouncers in a time when the country people cannot eat.

What are the bouncers doing?

Are they checking id's, are they checking credit scores?

It's kind of like the legacy would be like Hollister.

They're oh god, he's taken every horrible thing about retail and just combined.

It's just a portal to hell.

It's also like dead in the eyes of course, there's like nothing there.

How old, Like he's probably in his early thirties, I'm guessing.

But listen, when you're that evil, you age really fast.

So he could be like twenty.

Thousands of years old.

Yeah, he could be thousands of years old.

Wow, what I need to dive more into this thing.

I feel like there have been a lot of food people recently talking about yeah, like their passionate food and then charging way too much.

Yes, it's Also, Hey, honey, I'm a human being.

My passion's food too, bitch, because I have to stay alive.

What are you talking about?

It's such an easy thing to be passionate about.

Yeah.

Yeah, my stomach is passionate about food.

I don't like being hungry.

My lungs are passionate about air.

Wow, I'm passionate about how like going to sleep at night?

Actually, I wonder how long that thing's going to stick around.

I hope it fucking shuts down.

Nothing has I've been trying.

I've been trying to do Buddhism.

Okay, trying to do Buddhism.

I'm like really bad Buddhists, but I'm really trying, and like, this has really rocked to me.

Nothing has made me this angry in a long time.

What are you doing to try to do Buddhism?

I went to a silent retreat?

Oh for how four days?

Ever?

You silent the whole time?

Silent, no phone, no computer, no books.

Wow, they said no books.

I didn't bring books.

Guess who's guess who's fucking reading everyone else?

What?

I'm like, that's fucked up.

That's a place that needs a bouncer, that takes your books away.

They were They were just like, no, I had nothing, nothing.

For four days, just their thoughts and nature and nature.

Where was it, big bear?

Wow?

It was beautiful And how was it overall?

Like?

The experience was it?

I loved it.

There was no element where you're like your brain felt like it was going to break the first two days so half of the time.

Was half of the time.

So the first two days, I'm like, it's this drug.

This is a drug.

It is like I didn't realize how much.

This story is holding up her phone right now.

This is well's there's methan here.

I'm sorry, cocaine.

Yes, this is in the air.

No, my phone.

It it is so fucked up.

I didn't realize how addicted I am just holding it to touching it because they take it, they take your phone, they lock it, okay, okay.

So the first two days I'm freaking out and all the things that I use phone to avoid are flooding of course, the system, traumas whatever, whatever.

And then we did get to talk because we did it.

We were in small groups.

The second day it was like fifteen minutes.

It was like fifteen minutes of a small group, and I had this idea in my head that everyone else was doing good because no one's talking, so all I can see is just what I can see, and they look like they're doing great because they're all meditating.

They're more I'm more of a beginner than everyone else.

We get into the small group, it's like five people.

Everybody's crying.

Everybody's crying, like immediately yes, and they're like, this is so hard.

I'm so much grief is coming up.

And it was such a beautiful moment of like, I'm not alone.

Every you know, the stories we make up in our head that were the only person struggling.

Everyone was struggling.

That helps me so much.

And then after the second day it kind of went away and I just enjoyed it.

Wow, and what are you doing throughout the day?

I had a backup phone, so I kind of notice something I back up no, Like, So the schedule is you wake up at like six six.

Thirty, Okay, it's already difficult.

Yes, you meditate, then you eat breakfast and it's like vegetarian whole foods.

Then I had breakfast.

My duty was dish duty for breakfast, so I was doing all the dishes for breakfast with this wonderful woman, like in silence, and then you go shower whatever you need to do.

Then you have the first sit.

So we're alternating between sitting meditation and walking meditation because it's beauty.

We're on a mountain.

It's like gorgeous fall foliage.

And then before you know what, it's lunchtime, baby, so we're eating lunch, and then how's the food?

It was amazing.

Okay, that's nice to hear.

I've never I mean TM, I like, I mean that much fiber.

Oh my god, you're just you're going it's amazing.

So what's funny is so me and this woman named Kelly, we we would just like do dishes in silence and she was so sweet.

But what's so great is that you're not talking, but you can still feel old, the warmth of a tree, and which is so sweet.

The last day when we could actually talk altogether, she was like, I know who you are.

She's like, I love your comedy.

I was like, oh my god, what a reward this?

I know how I was.

She's like, my husband's an executive at Referee, which is like an LGBT stream platform.

She's like, so we got to get a meeting.

We gotta get a meeting.

And I'm just like, Big Beer is two hours away from LA, so you're still kind of in.

That and you went with a goal to network.

Well that's why I went, of course, why do we do anything these days?

It's to get a job.

It's to get a goddamn job.

Honey, Can I get a general?

Yes?

So she that that really tickled me because I was like, Wow, you can really be like out of LA.

But are you?

Are you ever out of LA?

You're never never.

I mean I think you have to leave the country.

You'd have to you have to get out of the country.

I feel like I'd be in Liken to bat and it's like, I love your work.

Were you on this podcast?

So?

I thought was really nice?

And is there do they give you a uniform to wear or do you get to just wear your clothes?

No, you just wear like comfy, comfy clothes.

I'm so curious about all of this.

Youth more cultult territory.

I'm like, when do you become imprisoned?

When is there no turning back?

When do you start to question?

Have I crossed a line that I can't tell anybody about.

Yeah, I feel like in this situation what felt.

So it's funny how you can immediately kind of feel if it's culty.

I feel like the difference is that we had so much autonomy, so like if you were too tired to go to a morning set, you don't.

No one's pressuring you to go.

Okay, Okay, So that's the difference, is you still have like control over yourself.

And how did you find out about it?

I can't remember who, but someone told me about this place called Big Bear Retreat Center.

Okay, Big Bear Retreat Center, reach out.

It's amazing.

Okay, that sounds so lovely.

Yeah, I'm already going to another one and addicted.

Okay, I'm addicted because it's a shitty time right now, obviously, like everyone knows that except the guy who opened the luxury Coasture and Tribeca.

And the people shopping there and all the people who shop there.

I just feel like, right now, my two things are Buddhism and shopping.

Right you're shopping a lot.

Oh my god, I'm shopping, and that's this is a thing that stresses me out.

I know, I know, what sort.

Of shopping are you doing?

Online?

In store?

It's online and I'm returning most of it, which that well, but that's how you know.

It's toxic as hell.

And I'm like giving myself.

What's funny is when you order things and you have to return them, you're kind of giving yourself a little tasks.

Oh yeah, you're creating a job for yourself to do.

Now you're a part of the shipping industry.

There's like some subconscious like giving yourself a job.

It's like animal crossing, like cutting down the trees.

He's like, oh, got to print ounce the shipp label, got to gotta take it to ups.

I have.

I have a purpose today.

It's weird.

It's the items that need to be returned that are just haunting me sitting on the kitchen counter.

You return to them, No I need I just take forever.

Okay.

They just sit there and sit there and sit there, and it's not that difficult to return them.

Uh it is, okay, it is.

I appreciate you.

I realized I have a printer solely for the purpose of printing shipping plates.

I think that's almost the only reason people use a printer anymore.

It's the only thing holding up the printer industry is shipping label.

And the fact that each pack of ink costs three hundred dollars.

Literally, I bet they could do QR codes for everything.

But the lobby, the printing lobby, is like, no, no, no, nose.

Make it as much as possible.

We need to print out the label.

Yeah, and printers, well, I'm not even going to get into the printer situation because I cannot.

Somebody's got it.

We've got to do a class action against these companys.

They make you buy all four colors.

We're not using the three other colors.

Yeah, and then it's always out.

I feel like I pronounce constantly three now, and it's like and I'm like when no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, bitch, I just bought a cartridge.

There's got to be a solution.

Something's going on.

There's something.

I think it's the printer lobby, the ink lobby.

Also, now my paper's not loading, you know how, It's like it's not you gotta it's kind of like sex.

It's like you gotta like or play, you gotta kind of like rustle it a little bit, kind of make sure the paper's coming.

Erotic.

It's everything's so erotic.

Now it's a lot of noise.

Yeah, clearly very horny.

And I'm like, cookies are sex, sprinters are sex.

It's like, okay, what.

Have you bought online?

Uh?

Clothes?

I bought my first fake?

Well, okay, it's a dupe.

Okay, it's not.

The bag is not claiming to be a Balenciaga.

There's no labels or anything.

But it's the same exact purse, right, just one hundred dollars from China compared to what five thousand.

It's the same bag, bridges, of course it is.

It must be the same factory because it's it's the same bag, of course, Like because I went to the Bone Saga stores, it's the exact same bag.

Wow, it's insane.

And how did you find the dupe?

TikTok TikTok?

I did a lot of digging around, went to some dark web places.

And did you find the real bag first?

And then searched for.

I was obsessed with the called the Rodeo, and I'm like, I became I mean, it's deff.

There there's something going on psychologically.

There's a little like, well maybe this will fix some problems.

Yeah, yes, and then it doesn't, and then you can keep buying things.

You have to keep buying stuff.

But I will say that this person has fixed all of my problems.

I'm in Like I literally the compliments I get when I'm just walking out in the world.

People are like, I love that, I love that bag.

Oh to have a bag compliment, nothing's better, nothing feels great.

Four honey, that's the four girls were all over the bag.

And I say, oh, it's a dupe.

So you're telling people, Yeah, I would feel I would.

It doesn't feel right to me.

I have to be like, it's a dupe.

You say it in a very cute way.

It's a dope.

I want to get my eyes on this thing.

It's called the Rodeod bag.

It's gorgeina.

Oh, it's like a beautiful black bag.

Beautiful.

Let's see.

It's kind of like their version of like a Kelly Okay, it's very Yeah.

See, I'm not in the bag world.

I spend about forty dollars on a bag.

That's beautiful.

True, it's what it is.

What it is.

Man bags are like so in right now, are they?

Yes, like a lot of there's a lot of TikTok kind of like man bag okay, fervor Oh interesting, Yeah, that's like a big I used to work in fashion, so I kind of I didn't know.

It makes me.

Yeah, I get really like excited.

About Okay, Yeah for me, I buy one bag every three to four years.

That's great.

You know they get a little dirty, and I think I should be maybe maybe every eighteen months, I should be buying a bank.

Yeah, because I'm taking it everywhere, I'm putting it on something.

I finally stopped putting it on the floor because somebody told me about the superstition that you never your money flies away if you.

Put on the floor.

I'd been putting my bag on every floor I could find, well, probably bathroom floors.

No, no, no, no, I'm filthy.

If I was a boy, I would get a love bag.

Oh what's that?

You're exposing me as just a classless person.

I'm so sorry.

And again, I am a Buddhist, so this is you know, Buddha.

I mean, you're really throwing it off.

I like when like the government took my.

Passport earlier this year, What a nightmare.

It was horrible, right, they took my birth certificate I had no doctor.

Disgusting, terrifying, right, So when I like when it happened.

I like, I took a gun class.

Good for you.

I took a gun class in AZUSA, and it's like I'm literally a Buddhist and I was just like why am I here?

And like by the end of it, I was like, you know what, I really am a pacifist and like I'd rather just die?

What sort of guns?

Did they have?

Your shooting clocks really really big blocks?

And I was and like by the end, I was like, I do not want a gun.

Maybe it's good I know how to use one, because now I just like know how to use.

One, right if we get to like a mad Max point.

Yeah, but I'm like, I'm like, I'd rather they shoot me.

That's how I feel.

I just want to die.

I just don't know that.

Yeah, like that, I want to be part of the world where I have to defend myself with a gun.

No, what's the point.

The guy was so weird.

He was like a weird guy.

He had like imagine like a skinny, skinny man with long braids and kind of like smelly, kind of like horder vibes, kind of like doomsday or.

I'm picturing that the people and children of men.

You ever see that movie.

Yeah, that's that's that's weir red block people.

Yeah, kind of a kind of a weird guy.

But he kept telling really overtly sexual jokes, and in any other context, like I would be like shut up.

But he had a gun, right of course, there's nothing you can do.

So I had to just like listen.

Like he was like, this gun's like my dick like that, and we're all just like ha ha, because he like fully has a gun.

Whatever you think, whatever your dick, Your dick is great, dare we love your dick?

It's like crazy, how were you as a shot?

Bad?

Was?

He got so angry at me because I just kept I couldn't understand the shot, the target to the well, there's on this gun itself.

There's like a thing that helped that You're supposed to like line up a little eyesight, right, I couldn't.

I couldn't understand.

My brain wasn't comprhanding the ice sight and so he was getting and he kept jerking my hand with a loaded fucking block and I was just like, what is opening right now?

It was so scary.

That's will you aim the gun down the barrel of this let's both.

See if you're watching a video right now.

We're both we have our guns trained on you.

There we go.

You went to your first silent retreat and a gun class in the same year.

I'm so unemployed.

I'm doing I am doing God only, No, I'm doing everything.

I'm doing everything.

I'm not working.

But good for you for actually using your time on something.

This is so much better than me.

I need to.

You have a gorgeous successful podcast.

That's very sweetly, come on, this is what this is an hour and a half a week.

I should be doing something.

Bags.

Let's get you.

Let's get you a gorgeous lueve and you're gonna love it.

Oh, spending money stresses me out.

Well, I'm really frugal.

So interesting, you're torturing yourself.

What I'm learning is that rewards as are actually so good for goals.

Okay, So, like I reached a goal and so I went shopping.

I'm trying to I'm learning rewards and I'm like ADHD.

This might listeners have diagnosed me with ADHD.

Okay, hello, hello brother.

This might actually be good for me because right now, basically, the only reward for me doing anything is that my life doesn't fall apart.

That's that's not good.

That's not a great reward.

No survival, No, You've.

Got to get out of survival mode.

And you got to like like when when you set a goal for yourself and you reach that goal, it's time to get a reward, honey.

And when you say the reward for yourself, do you say, and I can buy something that costs as much money or is it this purse?

Or I said, like a designer okay, okay, a designer item.

And for me it was I struggled with cleaning, which is a huge part of my ADHD.

And I said, if you deep clean your house and you do all of it, you get you go, you get to go shopping.

And I did.

I deep clean whole house and it was really hard for me.

My brain is I'm nerd, divirgin, and I was like, okay, bitch, it's time to get a fucking bag.

What does a deep clean involve for you?

Does it burn it down?

Just burn the whole thing down?

Can I match?

Do you clean for me?

Is like I my apartment was dirty, Like it was just like the floorboard, you know, what are the things on the side floorboard that's a floorboard?

Some credit you know what floorboard?

Yes, my floorboards were dusty, get dirty, dirty.

My bathtub was kind of groedy, so I was I bought one of those long scrubbers from TikTok motorized ones.

Motorized.

It gets electroc and it's long, so it's like you're holding up like a boom mic but it's a scrubber.

And I was, did you get it wet or is it just like a duster?

Oh no, no, you get you get that baby wet as hell, honey, and you put some soap in there, and you're just like.

I'm interested in this, yes, because I like a deep clean.

We finally like started having a cleaner come like once every six weeks.

I love that.

Yeah, it feels incredible because I'm just like, I keep thinking tidy, but I'm not good at like deep cleaning.

So yeah, it feels like that's a luxury where it's like it feels like the house is new again.

I My place was so disorganized that I felt weird about just even like inviting someone to clean it.

Right, because it's like, how is a stranger going to know?

How?

Its little weird with.

This, a little shameful.

So now that it's like at a great point, you know, ground zero if you will, which I always love to say zero famously no dust there no dustic ground zero.

I you know.

So anyways, I I'm ready to kind of maybe get a cleaner every month.

Yeah, it's a nice feeling some people have, like a cleaner once a week.

I don't know.

I feel like that ireson behavior.

What are that's in If you're making enough of a mess that you need a cleaner once a week, it's time to take it, just to evaluate what's going on in your life.

I would argue.

I feel the same about meal services.

Oh interesting, like cook, just cook, bitch.

I don't cook at all.

Big pot of beans, big pot of beans, Sonny.

It's not that hard, you know, like you really like every meal you need to have like delivery.

Oh, delivery is come.

That's a non starter for me.

I do not have things delivered.

If I'm going and I do go out to eat dinner every single night, I.

Go, oh, that's that's different to me.

Right.

So I'm saying, if you know those services where it's like a TV dinner, Yeah, hundreds of dollars for a TV dinner.

It's like, you know, chicken sauce.

It's like frozen, right, It's literally a TV dinner.

There's nothing how sad at least just.

To Trader Joe's and get there.

Come on, They're delicious, delicious.

Genuinely pretty good and so easy.

Yeah.

Also fry delivery, of course I've done.

Listen, I've done grocery delivery.

Sure, and yeah, like there are circumstances where you need things deliver.

I get that, but I will argue that the experience sucks, like the person, the trust you have to put into the stranger who doesn't give one fuck about getting.

You, and they probably shouldn't because they're making about thirty cents.

Why would they.

It's a really oppressive system.

Oh my god, just go to Sprouts, Go to sprouts, get your blueberries.

I don't know, and I'm being crazy.

No, I'm so unemployed.

The moment I start working, honey, it's gonna be like I don't have everything deliver.

I don't have time.

I don't have time deliver everything.

Every meal and a designer first deliver to your dog.

I'm just in a weird place where like I have the time to just like do everything right.

Yeah I do.

I mean I guess that is my current luxury that I just have endless.

T What a luxury to just to lose your minds, to lose your god damn mind.

Lose your mind, lose all sense of time and place.

It's just like I never know what I am, or what time it is, what day it is.

Forget it.

I tweeted the other day, I was like, like, I'll always remember that incredible time were when artists were allowed to work.

I'm like, like, we were, we were, we used to be allowed to work the golden years.

Isn't it amazing?

And now we we're not allowed to work anymore?

No, no, no, forget.

How dare you think about working?

It's insane.

It's ridiculous.

It is insane.

What a fantasy that would be.

Ah, well, look, I think there's something else we need to talk about.

I've been trying to avoid the subject the entire time.

Okay, Nori.

I was excited to have you here today.

Thank you.

I thought, Norie'll come by, we'll have a lovely conversation, talk guns.

Guns, ground zero, all that stuff.

And then we'll move on with our days.

So it was a little surprised when you showed up holding a gift.

What I mean, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna come here or not have a gift.

I wouldn't even talking with the podcast is called I said, no gifts, Nori.

It feels like you're throwing something.

You're just throwing it in my face.

I was raised, right.

If I'm going to go somewhere for the first time, I'm going to bring the gift.

Okay, Well this time it didn't work out in your favor.

But I mean you're here.

It's in kind of a gorgeous bag.

Well, okay, talking about shopping.

Should we open it here on the show?

Yeah, okay, I guess I went a little bit shopping for you.

It's in this beautiful Gucci bag.

Yeah, very high quality gift bag.

I'll say yes.

So I'm going to reach in here, okay, pulling out something and it looks like it's a so far, it looks like it's a used COVID test.

Is it?

Is there a COVID test?

Well, they do too too, So there's one.

Yeah, I can't believe you're giving me one of these.

When I get two of these and I use, I feel like I'll use one and then I get a little treat for later the next time I.

Have, but I wanted to give you the treat.

Why did you bring this?

Well, you know, even though we never were talking about COVID, still is real still that you can get this year.

But more than that, it just was kind of in my house.

And I don't I don't believe in COVID.

Oh, you're right, you're kind of famously sorry.

I forgot to say that.

I don't believe in cook I never did.

No, you never did, never did got it four times.

Don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

Oh, it's the Chinese curse, the Chinese curse.

So sorry, I'm koreating so I can say that, but uh, you know, I just don't believe in it.

And I kind of I used one as a as a gag.

I had a dinner.

Yeah, I at a dinner party.

It's like put the swap in my nose and everyone was laughing.

So I used one.

But then I have one laughed.

The joke is over for you.

I don't want to.

Yeah, novelty is no longer there.

Yeah, when was the last time you had COVID?

I had, I did get cooked.

Well, the test came back negative.

But I got something bad.

I did a stand up tour, not to brag seven cities, honey, thank you, thank you.

It was really hard, actually hate to sell tickets.

The economy is collapsing.

So I got something on the plane because from Chicago to LA specifically Burbank, we're so close okay to the airport.

Uh.

The woman in front of me looked like absolute death, and I was just kind of like, oh, this feels weird.

The flight takes off, she keeps going to the bathroom over and over again, and I have my headphones on, I'm not really paying attention.

But soon they tape off the bathroom and I'm like, oh, that's kind of weird.

She's ghost white.

They start go doing the is there a doctor on We would like a doctor on board.

Literally they had to give her an IVY one.

They're a doctor on board.

The Wow, she's actually sitting next to me, which is crazy.

That's a miracle for the city.

And she was a woman.

I don't Bridger, Sorry, COVID spake to you women doctors never seen one never will.

I'm so upset.

I'm cofing you're getting COVID.

But she it's what's I didn't realize that you have to prove you're a doctor.

Did you know that?

Becausebody, it's my moment.

So she had to show them her there's a they all have doctor cards.

I had no idea there was a doctor's license.

Yes, and it has a serial number that they type into a computer that.

Makes perfect sense that I've never thought about.

Never thought about that.

So she proves she's a doctor.

She administers an ivy because at this point, this woman has vomited so many times that she's like, right, yeah, And so it was so scary.

I'm not really articulating how scary it was, because it looked like she was to die.

Yeah.

You were almost like flying through the air with a dead body basically.

And it's like a part of me was like, how selfish drift toodle be that sick and still.

Weird going to that's so important?

And I will say the guy next to her was pretty ungracious and and kind of angry, and him and the flight attendant, a male flight attendant, caught to a huge fight over what.

He was like, she's dying, and you're pissed.

You're pissed she's dying.

He's like, I want to move, I want to move and he's like, there's no other seats.

He's like, I want to move.

I don't want to sit here.

I mean, I kind of can't blame.

Everyone's a victim because this woman had to get to on her vacation.

Yeah, and so like the whole thing was so dramatic.

I'm just like, this is crazy.

And then when I got home, I was sicker than I have ever been.

I think she gave me whatever she had and I was so sick it took me months to recover.

Oh, it was long COVID vibes where a nervous system was fucked up.

Like I was dizzy.

I was like tired all the time.

And but it was but I don't believe in COVID son it was something.

I think it was something depression, something you.

Were going through a rough patch.

It was a rough patch.

But this woman, I don't know.

And whenever we got off the plane, there was a you know, ambulance.

What was going And I assume no one on the plane got to use the bathroom the whole time.

No so bladders were damaged.

I'm sure somebody walked away with the UTI.

Yeah.

I mean the damage that this woman did will be felt for centuries.

I felt bad for her, and I also was annoyed that she got on that plane.

That's very sweet of you.

I think I'll just annoyed unless maybe the sickness really just crept up on this lady might be like you usually have.

She looked before the plane took off.

She looked really bad, and I could tell that she was one of those things where she's like, I just want to get to like wherever I'm trying to get to right.

And you know, I'm sure.

I'm sure she had some sort of pageant or something she had to do.

She's now missed Chicago.

She was Miss Chicago.

Let's get okay, not to name drop.

This was crowned miss.

This was Miss Chicago.

And she was going to Burbank.

Yes, she was going to Burbank.

Yes, yeah, well like famously crown Miss Chicago in the Burbank area.

And it's a beautiful affair.

Oh, I mean it's a pat, It's a true pat.

It's at the Guy Ferrari restaurant and it's beautiful.

It's is that a restaurant hour?

Is it still a cart?

They they have seeds?

Good for him?

Good for him?

Does he still have the show.

I feel like he spent to every diner, dive and drive in.

He's got like billions of dollars, right, he's so I think he's like a multi millionaire.

Is Dump's part of the diver diners, drive ins and dives.

He had dumb diners, dive in, diners, drive ins, dives, and dumps.

You should start going to dumps.

Pitch that pitch that that's really good.

The dumpsy goes to will just replaces bad food, bad atmosphere, fix them up.

Oh interesting, right, it becomes one of those renovation shows.

Oh yeah, I like those shows.

What is it Restaurant Impossible or something.

I watched one where they were serving muskrat.

This restaurant in Pennsylvania was serving muskrat on the menu.

What is a muskrat?

It's like a beaver.

It's like a beaver mixed with the rat.

They're terrifying looking and they're like, swimming was delicious.

They didn't say it was delicious.

I think that was it was probably one of the problems at the restaurant.

Serving the road and that's been in a freezer.

Was you say a Pennsylvania, Yeah, this is Pennsylvania.

I think one of my favorite stops was for the tour was Pittsburgh.

Oh, I've never performed before.

It was so amazing.

What about it was so amazing, The crowd was.

It was at a comedy bar.

That's like people who go there love comedy.

The bottle rocket, shout out bottle Rocket.

They started by two comedians.

It's just like a comedy lover's kind of like place.

So they were so gracious or whatever.

But something funny that happened is on stage I was I started doing this bit that started happening during the tour.

This might have been my fourth stop or something where I make fun of Billy Porter.

Okay, because I talked about Cabaret and this was the time when Billy Porter was doing the MC character like really bad, like like have you seen clips?

No, it's bad.

I need to look this up.

It's Billy imagined Billy Porter and then talking about the Holocaust like that's kind of what's happening.

So I'm making fun and the crowd, which previously had been like really into it, they go silent.

They turned on you, and I'm I'm like, this is weird.

Finally someone's like he's from here.

Oh, no.

Oh yeah, they were like, we have Billy Boyd, Like he not only is our hometown hero, he comes back all the time and hangs out with people.

So they were like kind of pissed off a family member.

They were pissed.

That's understand How can I have ever anticipated that?

Did you come back from him?

Yeah?

I came back from that.

I talked about because they have beautiful bridges, bridges.

The funicular thing, the thing from mister Rogers neighborhood.

Did you ride that thing?

I passed it in my car on the left.

I rode that thing.

What a thrill.

That was the highlight of my entire trip.

Kind of goes to nowhere.

Yeah, Pittsburgh is really pretty.

I was obsessed.

It's kind of picturesque as far as like a like.

A medieval town.

That's what I was giving to me.

It feels very uh heavy, you know, like the building substantial, I would say.

Yes, and a lot of green.

I mean, anytime I get out of LA and I see trees, like wow, this.

Is I didn't I don't know what I anticipated, but it wasn't like these gorgeous like hills and mountains and right, it was just really beautiful don't make fun Billy Porter, because they will come for you.

Yeah, I mean and rightfully, So you got to stand up for your guy.

I guess, do you remember the first time you had COVID?

I I don't.

I've never tested positive for COVID.

Wow.

Yeah, I I feel like I'm one of those people who claims that they had it very early on.

Like patient zero.

Yeah, I am that person who claims I am the first person who get h I put it in a briefcase, carried it here.

No, I like February of twenty twenty.

I have never been sicker, and you know, like fever where I'm like lying on the shower floor, every sickness possible, and I had no idea and I had been traveling, so I think, you know, I might as well claim it.

Why not.

Yeah, I was an early Yeah, very cheap.

You're like one of the first people.

I'm strong, I'm able to power through.

These things and helped it mutate.

Yes, I helped it mut Yes, and I've probably spread it to a lot of people.

Yes, yes, No, I can't believe I never tested positive because over the past couple of few years, of course I've been sick, but I think it's in the flu or like.

But I was pretty really, I was pretty intense about COVID shots.

Okay, yes, and I got a little gloraphobic for a minute, which helps, which helps a lot helps, I mean in some ways another way that hurts a lot, of course, of course, but I generally I don't think I ever tested positive.

Maybe you're just very lucky.

I am Korean, so maybe there's a thing Korean luck.

Korean luck.

And also it's a Chinese virus.

It's kind of not right, it's not sticking.

I don't know.

There's something there that feels like science.

There's a science there that I'm not quite understanding yet.

But some if you're a scientist, will you call in and help me.

Fifty years from now, the research will prove whatever your.

Fly said that Korean people, for whatever reason didn't get COVID.

People will look back and say Nori was kind of a pioneer.

Yes, I think the Qrean barbecue is a part of this, because we eat a lot of Crean barbecue.

I think there's like the charcoal of the charcoal, there's something there.

I love that charcoal flavor.

Oh, why isn't it just applied to all meat.

Right, we should have charcoal in our home somehow.

Oh, to have a little charcoal, Yeah, because.

We just have our stupid fucking gasto.

Elect dangerous, that gas leaks, forget it, seriously, and the electric you're not getting any taste.

I bet somebody's got a charcoal grill.

I know.

I was watching the remember the Queen of Versailles lady, she had a reality show for a period, another one she had the document which was tastefully done, and then the family sprung for a reality show which was like TLC level quality, okay, And she was trying to get what she was calling a Benny Hannah kitchen in the Queen of Versailles, and apparently that's something you have to have a license for as kind of like if you're a doctor.

And she was never able to get that into her home.

But she's got the money to have a charcoal grill.

Yes, did you ever complete her home?

No, it's still still under construction.

Oh my god, that thing is.

I don't understand what's happening.

That's someone whose brain has broken, and what is the what's she trying to fix?

There's something that she'll never fix.

Her husband, is he alive?

Rip's I'm sure it's a very Florida Trump family that got so much money.

They do like time shares.

I'm sure there's some level of scam involved.

But he died pretty recently.

But she soldiers on.

How do you feel about Quiet Piggy, Quiet Piggy.

Well, you know what Trump said to the reporter.

Oh, that's just recent.

Yes, I've been seeing quiet Piggy.

I was wondering with it.

That was iconic.

I hate that.

He's so funny, he said to a reporter, Quiet Piggy, Quiet Piggy.

This guy is the devil.

And here's a twist.

She's skinny.

I saw photos not in his eyes, Quiet Piggy, Quiet Piggy, Where did he pull that from?

He's like, God, he's so good, he's so good.

I hate it.

It's horrible.

It's the worst.

I mean it's truly.

I mean like it's just a chaos machine.

So whatever's coming out of his brain.

She's like, well, that's something i've never heard before.

Yeah, never heard a person say to another person, quiet Piggy, Quiet, Just how did you respond?

I don't know, I've never saw her.

Part of this the.

Fact that nobody's ever like lunged at him.

Yes, you know, he says the craziest ship to people, and they just like are.

Silent, right, Like if you were to say that to someone in a bar, that would probably lead to some sort of altercation.

Yes, And the fact that he's never been at least publicly punched in the face.

It is crazy beyond somebody's got it private.

Someone's punched him for sure.

Yeah, but he probably paid for it or something.

I don't know.

I wow, quiet Piggy.

Interesting.

Also, all those guys have bad dicks.

Oh, it's all come out.

Epstein has a lemon dick or an egg an egg.

One of the victims said that it's like an egg.

Trump has the what did Stormy Daniel say?

I can't remember room.

Yes, And then who's the third guy?

There's a Diddy has a weird day?

Oh yeah, of course.

It's like it starts to add up where it's just like I have to force sex on people.

It's just like we never mind, never mind.

Now that every listener has gagged up their breakfast.

I guess, okay, if this isn't appropriate, cut this not to break the fourth wall.

I can't wait to hear, but like, if society made it a better place for guys to have weird dicks, do you think it would be less violence.

That's a great question that we'll never have answered, I guess, which is unfortunate.

It's a good thought exercise though, or like a great piece of speculative fiction.

Maybe that's your young adult novel.

Young adults, honey, m mmm.

You just find different words to kind of describe these things to make it more pg.

Thirteen.

And then you've got the next Hungry Hunger Games, Hungry.

Games, Hungry Games.

That another yeary show Hungry Games.

Did you see the trailer for the new Hunger Game?

There's another Hunger Game.

For it's a prequel about Hamage Hamage, Hamage Hamage.

Hey, I think Camadge, Amen, Mitch Image, Mitch.

I feel like the author of the Hunger Games and J.

K.

Ralling they went to the same raling was the author?

No?

No, Because the way they name their characters is so stupid.

They probably went to a workshop.

They went to the same workshop because it's like, yeah, snow bottom snow, It's like bird, sparrow man, It's like what the what.

They like to describe basically, what the character is.

Through, then it's like it's must that's that's the most lazy literary device ever in my life.

But look it's working.

It's working.

Cho Chang, I mean, j Ling is just a disaster.

One of the black characters in Harry Potters is like shackle shackle Oh boy, shackles shackle bought.

Yes, it's like Martin Luther King shackle Bot.

It's like, girl, if you don't like come up with this stuff, that's crazy work right there.

She's very creative.

If not Martin Luther King Shackles box like it's literally something I swear to God and something like that.

I well, someone look it up.

There are a lot of bad a lot of things within the Harry Botter novels.

You look back and you're like, wow, that's just she basically just took a Easley shackle Bolt Kingsley shackle Bolt, like you were not that far.

I was not that far off.

I was not that far off.

Maybe AI should be writing books.

I don't know.

Maybe do you think the bubble is gonna burst?

I think so.

I think so.

I think that it's because I and every time I start talking about AI start to feel like, oh, I'm taking AI's side, and I don't, but I do think it does some things well, things that don't require any level of creativity or human touch.

Basically being a calculator, because that's what that's what it is.

It's math, basically, but the elements all the other things.

Like I think that somebody is going to try to make movies and TV shows and whatever, but they're going to be bad, and like this whole what's her name, Nelly, Nelly tor would what's her name?

Tilly Norwood.

It's like part of the reason people love celebrities is because it's a human being.

They think they could be friends with.

Yeah, and the scandals and the scandals all of like.

She gotta have a scandal, Tilly.

Yeah, Tilly is not going to have any of those things because we know it's all fake.

So I just, I mean, maybe I could be wrong, but I think it's going to burst and it's going to ruin the United States economy.

And keeping that it's going to completely fuck up.

Everything right, and it's going to grow and grow and grow, and then all that money which doesn't exist will disappear, and then people like you and me will and everyone that's not literally one of a hundred billionaires will suffer for you don't know me.

I'm a lot of luxury shopping.

I'm I didn't disclose, but I'm a billionaire.

You brought this half a COVID kit in a Gucci bag.

Yeah, I don't listen.

I have a lot of Gucci bags.

But yeah, I do think that eventually then well it'll all like shrink down to oh well, we can use it for these things.

But even the things that I was supposed to be good at, I think it's terrible at.

Like I had to get a work repair done for my apartment.

Uh huh, and unbeknownst to me, my property management company switched to an AI bot.

It was horrible, of course.

It was like I was like, what was it?

I was like tub reglazing, it needs to be reglazed.

They're like, where is the leak?

There is no leak?

Show me where the leak is no leak?

Actually, hmmm, interesting, so leak And it's like it was.

A leak, right because like that's the one thing that's been programmed as far as glazing goes.

And it was just like leak, leak, leak, And I was like, there is no leak and it was psycho.

That's the only thing that apartment complex will solve.

They care about.

Yeah, it's just like, yeah, if.

The lights are out or whatever other problem, who cares.

If there's water damage, yeah, they want to take care of it.

So it's all designed, I guess on purpose to kind of frustrate you out of right of doing anything, to just break you and then just live.

And yes, and also cevs.

Now you can't get a person on the phone for the pharmacy.

It's all ai horrible.

This starts to make me feel like a total senior citizen when I start complaining about not being able to get anyone on the phone.

No, it's not because we're old.

It's because it's like, it's fucking horrible.

I want to be able to call a restaurant.

Yes, I want to say what time do you close?

I want to yell at it being.

I want to harass.

I want to sexually harass a human person.

I want to get a human being fired.

I don't want a computer shut down.

I don't want to talk about computer and a muffin.

I don't want to talk to a human girl and say, tell me about that muffin.

Bitch, tell you how round does the top of that muffin?

No, I really do, like, I really appreciate being able to call a place and just have because sometimes I have a question.

Yes, what are these questions?

Sometimes I know it's a holiday, you guys open to You didn't update your help which you shouldn't have to, of course, and you don't have it on your Instagram.

So I need to ask somebody.

Yeah, do you what's on the specials today?

I probably would never ask that, but I should be able to.

Has a Sydney Sweeney ever dined there?

Yes?

Question, I need to.

Know is she there right now?

Right now?

I'm on my way.

See, that's the thing that would be valuable for a phone call.

Have you ever been to uh?

It was close to where we got lunch.

It's an Eco rock.

It's a steakhouse place, duns.

More, Dunsmore's been.

I went just recently, a.

Couple of months ago.

I had a bat my last week there was really bad.

It was bad.

What happened.

The waiter was diabolically me like and to the point where I was so I was just like, he was horrible to us.

What was he doing?

So we ordered the corn bread.

Oh delicious, right.

Right now, let's just say, dunsmore, you owe both of us a meal.

Please, if you're listening, done more, do better.

So we don't reach out.

Okay, we ordered the corn brothers, three of us.

That's very good.

It's very good.

We get everything except of the corner.

Butd we go, that's whatever.

So we can't find We don't see our waiter anywhere.

So we you know, someone comes over.

We go, hi, so sorry you're not our server, but we did order the corner, but can you just checking on it?

She's like, oh, of course, of course.

She goes away, never comes back, right, never gone back.

So our server kind of comes over.

I see him, so I go and please tell is this tell me if this is rude?

Okay, yeah, this is a great I love to just get an objective viewpoint on this.

Sort of Okay, I'm gonna gonna do it, and you tell me.

Okay, okay, is that rude?

Oh oh your behavior?

Yeah, no that's not.

And so just if you're just listening, nor just like politely put up her hand like over here, which people frequently do at restaurants, just because sometimes the server gets too busy and you think oh, maybe I could catch with eye contact.

Yeah, not like a not a like finger.

I'm here servant.

No.

Immediately he rolls his eyes and I go, oh my god, he rolls his eyes and I'm sensitive.

I'm a sensitive sure.

So he comes over before I anything.

He goes, you didn't order it, oh, And I was like, oh, oh, oh, well, oh god.

I was like I thought we did, and he was he I would have written it down, and he and he pulls out his notepad and goes and whoa, and like, I guess I should back up.

He was not nice at any point of the night.

It's very expensive.

It's a very nice a.

Nice restaurant where you expect a decent experience because you're like, I'm paying a little extra, so hopefully it's been good.

A part of it.

And so he when he was taking our order, he wasn't really like engaged in any way.

And and so one of my friends very sweetly stood up for me and was like, no, we we did.

We we did order it, and he goes, no, you did it.

So at this point it's not even about it's like this this like argument of who.

He's breaking like a the most basic business rules of the customers.

And so so the third person and goes, oh, okay, well maybe say we didn't say we didn't, but do you mind if we could we could get we wanted the And he's like, well you didn't order it, and we're like, okay, okay, okay, you win, you win.

Sir, you didn't make a mistake today that.

You didn't make a mistake.

And for the rest of the night he was so passive aggressive.

Oh God, would technically do his job, but in a way that was so ungracious.

Would and then would talk to the people around us graciously as a way to like to like kind of show our face that he can be nice, that he can be nice.

And it was so weird.

He's only making more work for himself.

It was strange, and it clearly had nothing to do with us.

He must have had a bad day.

It had nothing to do with us.

But but he kind of targeted you.

Yes, he took this table is a table I'm going to make a horrible evening.

Yeah, wow, how fascinating.

I think he was gay.

Oh he must have been.

We hate him.

We're trying to get rid of the gays, I keep saying.

In this political environment, to still be that mean as a gay person.

It's so funny.

It's like the government's trying to kill you and you still are like, no, no, no, I'm.

Gonna I'm gonna be horrible to be a bad person.

Yeah, yeah, there's did you get the corn bread?

We did, but.

But it was probably after all it was before the.

Whole thing was so stressful that it was just like this is.

Dumb, right, the corn bread should come as an appetizer, yeah, and be a little nice, little treat before and.

Then like I went on verbal because.

I was like so like yeah, it's like, well I tried.

Its gross and it's kind of ruined the vibe.

That's I'm in that territory of being sensitive where it's like I start to choke up.

I tried to talk and now I'm like, oh, now I'm being bullied.

And I felt bullied and I felt so unwelcome at restaurant.

And you still know at the end of the meal you're gonna have to pay for so expensive.

So anyways, if you're duns More, make it right.

It's time for Dunsmore to make it right.

It's an excellent restaurant.

It's so good.

I was going to try to chili.

I heard that the beef stew chili.

Yes, it's so good.

Chili vernet, Yes, and I apparently they have great tortillas.

Have a new bean based its.

Oh see, if we don't get me out of this, what are we doing?

Any of this we got I'd be able to go back to dunsmore.

Apparently I heard some tea is not tea.

I don't know why I framed it so salaciously.

The neighbors hate them because they now there's no one to park.

Oh that makes sense.

They used to be able to park anywhere, and now there's no parking.

It's a hard place to park.

Yeah.

I feel like that about so many LA neighborhoods, where it's just like the planning doesn't make any sense, which is like, this is a house next to the most popular restaurant in town, what was anyone thinking?

But at least I mean, I think all parking should be free.

I don't think there should ever be a zone, but I think in certain situations it's like, well, this should be for the people who live here.

Yes, you should run for office.

I'm starting today.

Yeah.

I started with we should get rid of all gay people and second, we'll have some different parking rules.

And COVID was never real.

Okay, and Trump is good.

Trump good, You're the new like gay for Trump with those oh my god, I got George Santos.

All the worst people alive.

It kind of worked out for him though, because he got out of prison.

It did.

Yeah, he kind of played his cards really well.

Actually, the only thing that's bad for him is that everyone thinks he's a national joke.

Oh but in America, you can really capitalize on that being a national joke.

That's one reality show.

It's good.

He'll probably be hosting like America's Got Talent or something, or To Catch a Predator?

What would be the new host of To Catch a Predator?

Maybe there's like a show about scammers and like he's like a.

Oh, don't give these people any ideas.

I mean, that is probably the last place we can make money in the TV industry, reality shoes.

After the show, we'll pitch some idea, we'll figure it out.

We'll find something.

Well, I think we should play a game.

Okay, We're gonna play a game called Gift to a Curse.

But I need a number between one and ten from you.

Oh my god, six Okay, I have to do.

Some light calculating to get our game pieces.

So right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want.

Oh, thank you.

My show with my dear friend Hayden Johnson.

It's called Transit Girls.

We are in New York City at Bellhouse January sixteenth.

You gotta get tickets.

The lineup is so good.

It's our favorite comedians in New York.

It's gonna be such a good show.

And then Transit Girls we're also at SF sketch Fest, so get your tickets at Sfsketchfest dot com.

I'm not even sure that's the website, but it sounds right.

And yeah that those are some shows coming up.

Yeah, beautiful and this will actually come out in time.

Frequently people like I've got a show tonight.

Tonight, Well, somehow work that.

Unfortunately, right now, everybody goes see Noria the Bellhouse.

Thank you.

That'll be a fun time and a nice warm place to be in Coxact.

It's going to both literally and also emotionally emotionally.

Yeah, and uh and then Sketch Fest when is that?

Ooh, that's also in January.

I forget the date, but it's all the info is on ssketchfest dot com, which I'm not quite sure if.

That's the actual Go support live comedy, so please if you like something supported live, because.

We need it.

We need it, honey, we got bags to buy.

Okay, this is how we play Gift or a Curse.

I'm going to name three things.

You'll tell me if there are a gift or a curse and why, and then i'll tell you if you're right or wrong.

Because there are correct answers, you can lose the game, Nori.

Oh okay, be careful, all right.

These are all from our Patreon listeners today.

This first one is from Noah Gift or a Curse.

Tornado siren test during sunny weather.

Oh curse.

Oh my god, they're so stressful.

Have you experienced one before?

Yeah, I'm from Kentucky.

Oh that's right, so they would.

I'm not sure if it was tornado, but it was a storm, some sort of storm sert alert, and that immediately gave me stress and anxiety because I just remember that noise right, right, and noise sensitive.

So so, but I guess you could argue blessing because it's like they're trying to see if it works, and like if it's good for us.

Right, you're wrong.

It's a gift.

It is a gift to do a tornado siren test during stormy weather.

That's really screwing with people's minds because then it's like, well, is there a tornado?

No, we want the air clear.

And it's a nice it'll get your heart moving in the morning you think there's a tornado.

I will.

Actually I've never experienced tornado weather, so maybe it could still be during sunny weather.

I don't know, but they should just that's private.

They need to do that private.

They why involve all of us?

Do it private?

Go underground?

But don't people?

Doesn't everybody have to participate in the test?

No, they're testing to make work.

Oh yeah, I guess it's not like everybody.

I'm picturing school drill.

It's like a fire drill where you would have to.

Because based on my experience growing up, it's more just like a siren that's that's on a.

Tower and that noise is terrible, horrible, It's horrible.

You need to think of a more pleasant noise for that.

Yeah, some jingle bells.

Also, it's gonna work.

What are you what are you testing?

Like?

You in charge?

Of torto.

It doesn't work now, just randomly doesn't work.

Yeah, it works, bitch, come on, grow up.

But you got it wrong.

You got it wrong, all right.

The second one is from Tatiana gift to a curse pick your own fruit or vegetable outing.

What the fuck is that?

You know?

Like, you go to an apple orchard, you go to a strawberry feel this kind of thing, pumpkin.

Come on, that's fun.

That's fun as hell.

Yes, there's like you're paying what six thousand dollars for four apples?

Like, yeah, that's weird, right, But like there's the gift store, there's appleside er donuts, there's all these really fun things.

You're with your friends, you're dressing up warm and sweaters.

It's a gift.

Correct, correct?

I think this is a gift.

I think these things get a lot of flak people.

It's the same type of thing of like, oh, I don't want to go camping, I don't like to sleep on the ground.

It's like, no, that that's the experience.

It's a fun time.

It's I want to get I don't normally pick apples.

Yeah, let me let people pick an apple.

Let people go pick a pumpkin or whatever.

It's the last thing, you know I ex did before we broke up.

What what were you picking apples?

Oh?

In Boston?

Were you fighting the whole time?

No?

Oh, so it was a pleasant memory.

Yeah, oh what a shame?

Were the apples good?

I can't remember.

I've never had the experience of doing any of these.

How long are you gone for?

What do you mean you like go out the orchard and they just afternoon?

And is it like a time limit?

They fire a gun.

And you get picked, you get tired.

Okay, interesting, will you pay for the by weight?

Oh?

Wait?

Oh yeah, that makes more sense.

Imagine how stressful it would be if it was a timer.

Yeah, because you would have bad faith actors who are going to like like a tractor.

Yeah, it's like, all right, let's get in there take all the apples.

I should try it at some point.

That seems like a nice active it.

Said, bad faith actors and relationship to what we just talked about.

That's such a crazy thing to apple bad faith actors.

There's Yeah.

I was thinking about January sixth this morning.

Weirdly, it's just like I can't believe that that happened.

That happened, and everybody who's just cited a kind of wasn't that big of a deal.

It's like it was.

One of the craziest things that's ever happened in our life.

One.

It's like America.

Like one thing you can count on about America is we will never admit to a coup, like like we will not like we it's like like other countries.

Yeah, our country never noney.

That we have class.

We don't.

Yeah, it was fully fully coup.

It was people breaking into yes, like wow, the things we've seen.

Oh god, I'm sorry for stressing everyone out.

That feels like a tornado siren test.

All right, you've gotten one right so far.

This is the final one.

This is from Darcy.

Gift or a curse watching a Christmas episode of a show nowhere near Christmas.

I'm gonna go gift because it can make you excited for what's to come.

It's like, Okay, it's might not be Christmas right now, but it's coming and it's gonna be really nice and'll be gifts and Christmas tree and that's nice.

Correct.

I think this is a gift.

I absolutely I see no problem with this, And I also feel like it fixes a problem.

Let's say your favorite fictional character is Santa Claus and you want to see him in a TV show.

You're not going to You're not going to wait all year to see him.

No, fire it up in August, watch Santa do his thing?

Why not?

What color do you think Santa's hair was before he went white?

Has anybody ever gotten to the bottom of that.

M Based on how white it is, it's going to be blonde.

You think he was like a platinum blonde.

Yeah, because if it was, if it was black, it'd be kind of something grayish, right, So it is going to be platinum blonde.

Right, That makes sense to me.

Gorgeous like twink.

Yeah, they watch blonde.

Yeah, well, based on the cartoons, the stop motion cartoons from the sixties and seventies, it's actually red.

Oh no, no, no, no.

That's crazy.

That's not that's really crazy.

Thinking of another group of people.

But I don't like yeah, no, no, no, I'm sorry, take and make as much offense.

That's disgusting.

That is red hair.

Have a genetic problem.

You're telling me Santa has a fire crotch.

No, honey, he doesn't have a fire crotch.

That's crazy.

Okay, it was blonde, shimmering blonde.

Was a redhead.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I love it.

This has been a problematic episode for you.

I love redhead so much.

It's so hot.

That's very sweet.

I appreciate the support because, you know, public school education is not an easy place for a redhead.

You know, going through growing up as a redheaded person, it's not fun.

Okay, I read a headline.

I did not read the article that why that redheads are genetically black?

Oh something this I tried to figure out, and I I was like, Okay, now we've crossed some sort of line here.

Of course, it started on TikTok and don't I don't know enough about it to really speak factually, but I feel like, basically a red headed person said something about it being genetic.

I don't know that there's actual science there.

But then suddenly there are all these red headed people saying I know what it feels like to be black.

I was like, no, you don't.

That's different.

That's crazy.

I can say, you know how it feels to be bullied and have people treat you unfairly as a white person with but you just simply don't get to claim whatever, that's crazy, but it was very It took off on TikTok in a positive way.

I think it kind of did have probably a net positive ish result where people were just like, let's be nice to each other.

Yeah, but it was a little like I saw a few tiktoks where it's like, this feels real stupid.

I'll look it up.

I'm gonna look it up.

I want to know the science what's happening.

Yes, yeah, I unless we're like, yeah, I don't know what the science it is.

But if you see something scientific on TikTok, it is true, and just believe everything is.

Okay, that's what I thought.

Yes, that's what I thought though.

Okay, right, I should have just said that from the beginning.

Okay, so you got two out of three.

Not too bad.

I won, you won.

You won a D plus.

Or a D.

Well, there's three, okay, if there were like six, yeah, if you did the work, maybe I don't have a higher.

Now yeah, there's three chances.

Well, Honalse has one for us, aalz And now we both have to speak to this and then Honalise will give us their answer, which will probably be wrong, but we'll see what they say.

Okay, all right, cool it all right?

Gift or a curse?

Shared calendars?

Shared calendars?

Do you want to speak to it?

Oh?

Who are you sharing?

Who's like a couple or roommate or like.

That's the only information you get is shared calendars.

I'm gonna go with curse.

I think that's private.

I think it's private, and I think that other people should not be seeing what you're up to.

Also, it's a curse because it gets really confusing, because like I have a calendar with my manager and his assistant.

Sometimes we'll add stuff, but sometimes doesn't, so then it gets really confusing, and then you can't really bank on it being there, so then you just do it.

But then sometimes there's then a double right event.

Yes, I'm gonna go with curse.

I think curse as well.

The thing for me I have I share a calendar with my boyfriend.

He finally forced me to do it, and first of all, it was an enormous hassle, took my phone everything, sinking it all up was such a pain for me.

And then finally when it happened anything, anytime he puts one in, I just I don't even see it, you know, I only see the color that I put in, And so these other things that I'm supposed to suddenly remember or beware of are just They might as well be bank holidays, you know, or you see it on the phone, You're like, well that means nothing.

So I think it's a curse.

It doesn't really change anything other than the fact that now I am supposed to know more than I still don't.

Yeah, on Elise, of course it's a curse.

Oh thank god, it's my business.

What are you doing trying to know what I'm doing?

And also like I put stuff in there like the days I meant straight, Like people shouldn't be seeing that, right, nobody, especially not Google.

Yeah, I think that that's yeah.

We should.

Calendars should be our nice little private places, and share calendars are a disaster.

I agree.

Well, we all came together on that one, and that feels good.

We've got a few Patreon questions from Patreon listeners.

We hope me answer so absolutely all right.

This first one I think is good for both of us.

This is from Carla.

It says, who is your favorite real housewife of Salt Lake City.

I used to be very annoyed with Mary, but this season she is really becoming the voice of reason.

Well, before I answer, can I tell a little sense story?

So this Halloween, I went to New York.

I went to Julio Taurus's party.

Very fun.

I had a great time, Like it was truly like the best energy ever.

Bronwin was there.

Oh was she dressed as.

She It was a very complicated It was very clear to me that she just wanted to wear mosquito like it.

It wasn't really put together.

I think it was like like it was a tour dress that was very costume me.

Okay, which it's like no surprise there.

I mean, that's her entire life.

It wasn't a clear concept.

It was confusing.

No no one knew.

But uh but you know when she was walking around, me and my friends did go hi, like you know, we're we're huge fans.

We love you so much.

I mean, it wasn't a mere like seven hours probably that we were talking crazy shit about her after the episode.

So it's like we were fatah.

And we do love her, we do love her, come on, and so we were we love you, We're such a big fans.

She's like, thank you so much, And I don't know.

I was kinding a flow state.

So I was kind of talking and I said why are you here, which is like such a crazy thing to say.

I was like, why are you here because it's like I know, because I'm like, you're wrong.

You don't have to, like, you know, we're in the middle of Bushwick in like a warehouse.

Like it was just crazy that she was there.

And what she said was, oh, you know, I have to like show my face.

I got to get ahead of next week's episode, which I thought was so interesting.

In the next episode, nothing really happened.

But then why what I am theorizing what I think she meant is the episode after that is when it came out about Todd potentially cheating.

Looking at pictures of another gal on the air.

Yes, and so I think that is what she was referencing.

But she's she didn't do anything wrong.

Yeah, yeah, I think she meant like being out and about and like.

I'm not quite sure what she drama free, maybe.

Not quite I'm not one hundred percent sure what she was what she was saying or wearing, But she looks.

Like she had been like like blindfolded and taken to this warehouse and was just trying to figure out in the moment what she was doing there.

Yes, yes, but she was so warm and so friendly, and I will say that that is huge.

I get that from her.

I think, like as.

Far as and she supports trans people, Yeah great, it's huge.

As far as the women on the show go, like as far as like if I had to spend time with them, like as a human being, I would probably say brown win in.

Heather, Okay, you're sleeping on Angie.

Hell true, Angie, and I'd love to hang out with Angie.

She's so cool, that's true, Angie, and I just found her.

And Angie's dad owns a chain of hamburger restaurants in Utah.

That's very Greek slash Hamburger restaurants that I love Crown Burgers.

And you take me on a date.

Oh my god.

So she it's kind of a dynasty.

She's got the uh what's it called.

It's like heroine, It's like something like that.

It's a very Oh.

I can't believe I'm forgetting this.

I grew up.

It's like delusional bangs something like that.

Something it's called a lunatic fringe.

I said, delusional bangs, And that is literally lunatic fringe.

Right, if you like made a fictional take on her life.

Yes, that's what the character would start up.

And I did say that that black character was Martin Luther King chuckle Bots, which is what's kind of close.

Well, you're working on a new Ya novel.

Yes, so my brain is kind of halfway there this thing in your head, right, I feel like, did you watch Wife Swap?

No, she goes to Idaho, but she's so warm and so beautiful to that family that you're like, oh, wait, this is an a genuinely good person.

Okay, okay, I'll put on that list.

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

There's a and then Heather.

No.

I disagree.

Really, I don't think.

I think that she is obsessed with fame, sure, and I think that it's maybe a little fake.

Her niceness interesting.

I think she uh is somebody who likes to have a good time, and I know, I like know people who have interacted with her and said, oh, she was very fun.

So yeah, I do.

I think.

I mean, let's be honest, every one of these women wants to be famous.

Why else would you basically ruin your life on the show.

I'm obsessed with Mary Cosbys as is everyone in America.

I would be terrified to hang out with her because of the things that she would say to me.

Oh, she would cruise, she would say the craziest shit to me.

She does not She's not afraid of saying anything to anyone.

That's why she's so fun to watch on the show is because I've never seen somebody on a reality show just basically say no, I'm not doing that.

Yes, And I love it.

It's beautiful to utch.

Oh, it's incredible because I obviously the the show has gotten used to it.

But I'm sure initially producers were like, this lady's a nightmare.

She won't do anything we ask her to do.

But now she's like, I'm going to eat a fully fish in a van and I cannot do anything about it.

And the other ladies are obviously so jealous that they don't have the fortitude to do right.

They've created these other characters that they now have to keep it to shoot.

It up, and so it's like they won't eat fulley fish on a bus.

Right, Yeah, Lisa don't know that I would have.

She and I could get a diet soda together and that would be the end of the road doesn't seem entirely pleasant to be around.

Meredith could be could be fun.

I mean just depending on what she's on.

Yes, you're right up or down?

Yeah, because she's Yeah.

Sometimes it's like is she there?

That's true, but yeah, it's a good group of alves.

What was the question?

I forget?

Who's your favorite?

M Angie?

Angie's your favorite.

She's down to earth.

She she reminds me of this woman I worked with, Like I used to work at a hospital and there is this woman who was much older than me, and like, in no universe should we be friends, like she like, we're so different, but we just got along so well because she was just so nice and warm and didn't give a fuck about like who you were or identity or anything.

Just was like just kind of saw everyone as like as like she I feel like Andy just sees everyone.

She's not she's never looking over you, She's never She's just.

Kind of love the full psychological profile.

We could never have you meet her.

She's so she's such a bit.

The first thing she says is training.

It's like she tackles.

She tackles me, she sets me on fire, she looks over me.

She's like she's like, I'm sorry Sidney Sweeney here, like who are you?

One time?

Okay, I guess hosted a radio andy show, and one time Jessel Tank what's her name from New York?

Oh, I'm the wrong person to ask.

She her name is Jessel.

She's on the Roney reboot.

Okay.

She was on scheduled to call in, and I was like, I'm depressed that week.

So I looked like shit, Like I looked so bad and we had not you know, when she zoomed in.

That was the first time she's seeing me, meeting me.

The way that woman looked at me, like who the like, she was just like startled.

Oh my, she was like she was like confused, startled, like who is that like?

And rightfully so she's like who is this person?

She wasn't expecting you at all?

Yes, Because like in that if there's the manosphere, the bravosphere, whatever you call the bravo verses, probably what people say, like the people who are interviewing her, they're going to be like skinny cis, women who've spent three hours getting ready, you know.

A man who just opened expensive groceries.

Yes, or a gay demon gay.

And so when I pop up, and I'm like, I look like I haven't showered in four days.

I look insane, my hair is greasy.

She's literally like, why the fuck?

Like I could just tell that she was like, why am I here?

How did it go?

Terribly?

We talked.

I tried so hard to like we talked about her husband, because her husband's like a foodie and like kind of so I was like trying so hard, but I could tell that she was kind of just like, why am I here?

Get me out of here?

Who is this person?

Wow?

Wow?

Yeah, but you're saying, Angie, Andy, I would probably say to watch for me Mary, And then I already said the people I would want to actually spend time with.

I would like to go to Mary's church at some point.

Yeah.

I feel so complicated because it's so clearly a scam.

It's so clearly like fucked up.

Yeah, there have been reports about it.

Yeah, you know she's literally coming in and wearing like head to toe, like you know, gucci much expensive clothes.

Her congregation they don't look very wealthy, right, and they're tithing like what fifty percent of their income.

You're kind of just.

Like, oh, she is a gold microphone.

She has a gold microphone, and you can see that there's some also.

She was like, this is my first time back.

So what was her congregation doing for three years?

I don't know.

I tried to go there the last time I was in Utah and it was during the renovation, so it was just all closed up where they were scattered.

But she she's like she was she was like she wasn't she was not pasture rasterizing.

For three years to be the shepherd of the flock.

So who was the guest?

Who was the guest host?

I guess these people just stayed home on Sundays waiting for this place to get what is arguably not a great renovation.

That's crazy.

They didn't even get.

Ac people are fanning themselves, they're sweating.

That's crazy.

Well, I I feel like we just answered that enough that we don't to even answer another question today, and actually kind of accidentally answered a casiest question.

What's the best frozen meal you've ever had?

Oh?

I mean the butter chicken.

Yeah, I love the tekamasala.

So yeah, we've answered some nice questions.

What I'm doing right now, though, I will just give I'd love to offer this is I make a big thing of chicken stock from anytime.

I like peel a vegetable, chicken bone, whatever, I put it in the freezer bag.

Okay, I put in the freezer, so it's like onion peels, kale, ginger knobs, chicken bones like whatever.

Then I'd make a stock out of it, right, and then you freeze that.

And then you just got a bunch of fucking stock that you just put in the fridge and then your soups.

Right, beans, and you've created a trash island in the ocean.

And it's a full it's like a full circle because you're like, then the scraps, it's like it's all self contained.

What are you talking about?

A garbage all these plastic bags.

You're putting garbage in the freezer.

How these plastic bags go?

I don't want to think about that.

All I know is that I have delicious chicken stock to use for my beans and my stews.

Sir, I don't know what's happening with the plastic bag.

That's not my business.

That's not my business.

Okay, Then put the scraps, put them in a glass tubleware.

Yes, get it reusable usable?

Who am I to speak?

Who cares the world, it's all.

We're all doomed.

It doesn't matter.

You've landed as a COVID denying classic love Trump.

Come on, who cares?

Who cares?

Cares?

Well?

No, this is gonna be very convenient for me in the future.

You're gonna be begging for this one.

There's one full test, right and do they expire?

I don't think they expire.

I think it takes a while for him to expire.

So just use that to myself.

Treat yourself.

I'm very excited about this.

I've had such a nice time with this was so fun.

Thank you for being here.

I loved it.

Thank you listener.

The podcast is over, the tape will soon end, and I'd love for you to have a at least a fine day.

So go out and do something moderately, I don't know, moderately enjoyable.

Who cares?

I love you?

Goodbye?

I said.

No.

Gifts is an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday.

The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner.

You must follow the show on Instagram.

At I said, no gifts.

That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting.

And don't you want to see the gifts?

Lie?

Did you hear?

Fun?

A man myself perfectly clear to my home.

You gotta come to me empty?

And I said, no, guest, your own presences presents enough.

I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me