And I invited you here.

I've gotta made myself perfectly clear.

When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty.

And I said, no, guest, you're o presences presence enough.

I already had too much stuff, So.

How do you dare to surbey me?

Listener?

Before the show begins, just letting you know that we are doing a live show at Dynasty Typewriter here in Los Angeles, August twenty second, at seven thirty pm.

You were going to have wonderful guests.

We're going to you know the drill.

It's going to be a fantastic time.

All kinds of exciting things will be happening.

Maybe I'll debut a new outfit.

It's hard to say.

You never know what I'm going to be wearing and what's going to be happening.

But go to dynastytypewriter dot com to get tickets.

There's also going to be a live stream, which you can also get at Dynasty typewriter dot com.

I expect everyone to be there or to be there on the internet, whichever you prefer.

It's going to be the time of our lives.

I'll see you August twenty second, welcome to I said, no gifts.

I'm Bridger Winegger.

We are here in the studio.

I made it here safely without for the first time, without using the map.

I did it all through muscle memory.

Didn't think of whatever happened.

But I got here, and I know the two freeways and how to get onto the second freeway.

Hopefully I'm not jinxing myself now.

But that was a big accomplishment for me this morning.

What else is going on?

Let's see, I was alerted this morning by my fridge that I need to order a new water filter.

Everybody wants something from me, but I we'll see how long it takes me to actually order it.

I'll probably go six weeks with the water not being filtered.

Who's going to be hurt by that?

My body can handle a little few extra minerals.

Other than that, I think that's about it.

I have a very busy day, so let's don't get in my way.

I'm doing this.

I'm getting a haircut.

Next time you see the show, i'll have a different hairstyle.

Well it'll be the same one but shorter, So look forward to that.

I want to get into the show.

Today's guest is absolutely fantastic.

It's Kimia Bapornia.

Kimia, welcome to I said no gifts.

Oh thank you so much.

How are you?

I'm pretty good?

You know.

I was wondering about your haircut because you're here pretty short.

This is a new thing where I've like, I think i've my barber.

Then I love him.

Caesar gives me a great haircut.

I finally found someone I can count on in Los Angeles for not too much money.

Sure close to my house.

Oh yeah, but he's The haircuts he's are giving me now are slightly shorter than I used to get.

Okay, So when it gets to what is typically what would be a normal short haircut for me, I think, now it's too long.

M Now, I don't follow that, but I hear you.

Good for you let me.

He does a fade starting with a point five, and so right now I think I'm probably at a one.

Okay, And so we got to get.

Back to how I found okay cool, how.

Often should I be getting a haircut?

I don't know, boy, hair's crazy, right, You got to like really keep it going.

Girl, You can, like you can go a couple extra weeks.

Yeah, I do like a year.

Oh yeah, I.

Mean I could get to that point have like shoulder length cool.

I think frightening.

Really, you're not down.

I don't think it would curl.

It gets really wavy.

That's what I'm imagining for you, And I think awesome.

Honestly, I wonder.

Yeah, I feel like you, like men are allowed to kind of experiment with their hair from age like thirteen to twenty two.

Oh that's a big window.

But after that it's like you you pick the haircut, you're going to have poor the rest of your life.

Otherwise it's like a giant change.

We're like.

Women can get like, oh I've got I'm trying a new thing.

People are like, yeah, of course you're trying a new thing.

Men when they're trying a new thing, I don't know, it's like a little bit shakier.

Maybe it's because of the shortness of it.

It's hard to like you.

Really have to go through a lot of time to get it long, right, Yeah, and it looks very much different.

Oh yeah, and everybody has the stage of between short and long.

That's the bad one.

Yeah, they just have to lock themselves.

For fabio hair stage.

I wouldn't mind, just like disappearing for six months and reappearing with a new hair stuff.

That's kind of fun.

Maybe that's what I do.

Yeah, people are like, oh, so that's what you were working on.

Yeah, just changing your look.

That's that's huge these days.

You're getting your haircut twice a year.

But the thing is a lot.

That's the thing.

That's a big secret.

Men pay think they're paying less once a month, but evens out.

Yeah, I'm paying I guess I could say this.

I think it's as cheap at that you can get in Los Angeles without really being cheap.

Forty five dollars, Oh my god.

Yeah that's great.

I pay like two hundred something my two times.

I go.

Yeah.

But see now we're thinking about me doing it twelve times a year.

Okay, I'm paying about five hundred dollars a year in haircuts.

We're even, we're even.

It all evens out, it all comes out in the wash.

And that's in quality.

That's true.

That's quality.

We're not talking about that.

But we're not talking about Well, I'm an electric car, but I still have to pay for the electricity, the gas, money.

Of it all.

Oh yeah, use paying more, but my haircuts farther.

Oh interest, Yeah, see I'm on.

The east side and I'm driving down to Beverly Hills.

Okay, so again, men and women are even.

No one has anything to complain about.

Everything is totally equal in and.

That's what I came here to speak on.

Did you have you been with your hair person for a long time?

I have, actually our our mutual friend Patrick also goes to this hair person and any curly hair person I run into.

That's like I'm looking for someone.

I go, you go find Maria she.

Rocks carea Rea.

Maybe I should see I have a weird thing where my hair is not straight or curly, and when wet it's straighter.

And so like barbers, I think frequently overestimate how short they should cut my hair because when it curls, it gets shorter.

Oh okay, yeah, that's that's how it goes.

So sometimes if they're not aware, they'll go too short, and then when it dries out, when it's completely dry, now it's a disaster.

But you can't how do you communicate that to them?

You know, you should know hair is their job.

Hair is their They should kind of know that that, yes, Like how to get to that point?

Yeah, you just got less because when it dries, it shrinks up.

And I think I've gotten to that place with my guy, but finding him was a huge challenge.

Oh yeah, I bet yes.

And you know the challenge.

You're going to a place that cut your hair bad.

Yeah, and then you go to another place to cut your hairbad, and then you go to a place where the guy has political opinions where you're not entirely sure it stands.

I mean, it's a whole experience that stuff.

My guy doesn't really.

Talk to me, okay, and we like that.

I well, see, I do like that, but my boyfriend has started going to him, and I found out that he talks to my boyfriend.

So I'm like, uh, is my personally so off putting?

What about me is putting off?

Don't talk?

Well, I mean I'm getting what I want, you prefer, but now of course i want something.

Else because you heard that.

Mister popular.

Okay, yeah, but of course if he started talking to me, I'm.

Sure I'd be like, please listen, let's not know.

So there's no winning for this poor barber.

Yeah, I don't know.

Just talk like I just talk like twice maybe in.

This what are you talking about during a haircut.

You know.

Sometimes she'll initiate and be like, so, what's going on you?

Sure?

Yeah, very open, and then I'll kind of just tell her two things I'm up to, right, and she doesn't respond.

She doesn't divulge anything.

No.

I mean, then I'll ask her like going on any vacation soon, and she'll tell me in one sentence she's not very chatty.

I think that's kind of the place you need to be.

I want them focusing on my hair.

Yeah, I don't know.

My personal life is extremely boring.

I don't need to be dull, you know, putting them to sleep while they're snipping, and.

I don't not boring, by the way.

Well apparently Caesar thinks so.

Well, no, Caesar's just feeling that you don't want to chat.

Yeah, maybe go in there today, chat it up, ruin the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, be so chatty today.

My other is when you get to an area of taste where it's like, oh, what TV are you watching?

What movies?

And then they start telling you things that and then you have to agree with whatever they're saying.

You don't have to.

I feel like I've got If there's anyone in the world that I need to just be on a level.

I don't want to be debating.

It's the person that's fair.

That's fair because when I I unfortunately am nothing makes me happy in the world of entertainment, and so I don't know how to have a normal conversation with a person without stepping on toes sure, without being like, well you have been like.

That sucks, and that sucks.

Okay, but it's kind of nice because like, to be fair, they said they liked anything you would have said it sucks, so true, that's kind of comforting.

This is what I end up saying, is I just lie about especially I say I've never seen anything.

Oh I haven't seen that.

Oh that's good, I haven't seen that covers your basis.

Yeah, I'll have to see that.

I'll have to see that.

Oh I do that a lot.

I go, oh, I'll check that out, never never gonna.

Or I've already checked it out and think it's despicable, and just I'm like, well, I can't break.

It to you that yeah you're wrong, Yeah.

Well so you've I'm hoping that I get to I'm hoping this is the barber for the rest of my life.

Yeah, so we'll keep them silent, kill them tat today.

Sorry I pushed you that way, you know, don't don't mess up a good thing.

But then there's always this temptation for me of do I want to go to just once, go to a really expensive place and have them be like you've been doing it wrong all along.

No, they can't.

I don't think.

Click.

Maybe I'm just being dumb, but I don't think with short hair, boy hair, there can be much that you've biffed.

You know, Okay, they can't be like this is what you should be doing.

I don't know.

Your hair looks great like I think you're do.

You know I'm not fishing for complimentation.

You got them and it worked, it's looking good.

Don't cut it?

Actually canceled today?

What do you do?

They have a policy, they've got a twelve hour policy.

You're twenty dollars.

That would ruin the weekend.

I'll get your twenty dollars for you to care.

So make it long.

I've got headphones on right now.

I take them off, my hair could be a disaster.

Then you've committed twenty dollars.

That's fine.

I'll take that gamble.

Twenty bucks.

I'm actually hoping you take the headphones off and like luscious.

Oh my god, it just rolls to my ankles.

Oh, that would be my dream.

That would rock.

I wish I could get to that length of hair in a month, just to dry it out.

Yeah, I guess I could buy a wig.

But that would be an expensive wig.

Yeah, that's too much.

Do they make wigs that long?

Yeah, of course they make wigs.

They make all length wigs.

Yeah.

Man, that you can get a kind of wig you like.

That would be as much as a car the cost Yeah, probably, you think.

Yeah, I mean if you were getting a good one, a good one, that would I imagine that would probably be fifteen thousand dollars.

That's crazy.

And I don't know anything about wig costs.

You're just kind of saying, and I'm like, yeah, that sounds right.

Well, if we think about we go to a let's say, a spirit Halloween a party city to buy a wig, that's where you're going.

But like one of those is probably.

One hundred dollars for a long wig there.

Yeah, they're one hundred dollars because a short one is probably fifteen to thirty.

Sure, So then if we're talking about real human hair.

Then ankle length, that has to be fifteen thousand.

Yeah, what if it's like horsetail hair?

Oh?

Is that more or less expensive than human hair?

Gotta be less, right, No, it's a novelty.

No no, no, it's god.

Yeah, but it's got to be less because it'll look not like human hair.

Yeah, it'll look unbelievably gorgeous.

It'll look so conditioned.

Not horse head hair, horsetail hair.

Of course, the.

Main, No, the back, mane, the butt, main.

That's the technical term.

But I can tell you're a cowgirl.

Yeah.

Actually horse is my least favorite animal.

So is that true?

Yeah?

Why, I don't know.

I think it's like wrapped up in horse girl stuff.

Oh where I was like growing up and that was like the thing to be if you were like cool and in the binary you were like horse girl cool.

And I was sitting there in my tech deck T shirt.

And then what was your animal?

Uh?

What was my Oh?

I like giraffes.

Okay, monkeys, those were my childhood favorite.

Those are good animals, fun to draw, Yeah, and to see it certainly more fun to see at the oo than a horse.

Yeah.

If you see a horse at the oo.

You're like, I have been ripped off.

I could see this a meally in other places.

I might be able to see it on the street.

Yeah, don't put that in a oo.

You're so right, and I don't think that they do.

Well.

If I do, I'm gonna that oo will be hearing from me.

You help review online campaign change dot org.

Petition get the horses out of the Zoo No close.

The oo down.

Yes, I mean horses are not my favorite, but there those and dogs, to me are kind of like, well, they've just been with human beings for such a long time.

Sure, they're not even you know, they're almost a different category.

It's not really an animal.

They're a friend.

They're a companion or a partner team m Yes, whereas a monkey or a giraffe, they've had a longer way to go to being.

You know, we can count on them.

Yeah, I don't think he can count on those guys.

I mean, especially monkeys.

I think actually we have to be aware that they could eventually turn on us.

Yes, Planet of the Apes, Planet of the Apes or chimp crazy?

Oh I didn't see either of those.

Okay, which one should you?

See first.

Yeah, you tell me.

I think if you see Chimp Crazy first, the fear of Planet of the Apes will become even more horror because you'll say, you'll see, oh, this is what they're capable of.

Oh, okay, the chimp you know, the apes might rip every person's face off.

And uh, that's what happens in that.

That's part of us.

It's just a small part of Chimp Crazy.

That's just a small part.

That's not the whole.

That's a small part of the freaking.

Way, that's what.

That's a small part.

I mean, that's how familiar are you with that show?

People were like talking about it being crazy.

I know about the face ripping off thing.

I thought that was all of it.

Though, that's no small.

Lady's like friend or something.

I mean, that's the only I think that's kind of well, there might be other faces or people who get hurt.

Yeah, but that's probably the most brutal of all of them.

Oh man, it's a tough I don't I don't know if it's good that we're watching this thing.

Or probably not, but I got to see it, and I'm not just saying that, like how I tell Maria, I'm gonna watch this.

Yeah, I know this one.

I'm gonna you'll get in there, and it's impossible not to finish it.

It's it's like no moment of it is normal, okay, And that lady is I won't give anything.

We don't tell me anything.

But there's some good things that happen in some horrible things that happen, and just a woman who needed to find another path in life.

A lot of people who needed to find another path in life, and unfortunately they found a legal exotic animal.

Shoot, yeah, that's tough.

Do you have a pet?

I do I have a dog?

Oh?

He's got one eye and he said mix.

So he's a nightmare.

It's really it's really bad because she already awful anxious dogs.

They are so anxious.

This one has one eye.

Somebody wronged him and we don't even know who, what happened to him, We don't know how he lost his eyes.

So he's just very like screams at all strangers, stranger, danger, all over the place.

How old was he when you got him?

He was two and that's also when he lost his eyes, So he's like spent two years of life with two hours.

So he knows the difference.

He knows, he knows that he is.

Something happened, something happened to him, all the poor little things.

His name is chef.

Oh that's a good, sweet little And how old does he know?

He's?

Oh my god.

Okay, so we got him in the end of twenty nineteen and he was two.

Then okay, so math it up?

Yeah, off masks you on this podcast and you did you did our haircut math, you did my dog age math.

I'm gunning for the world of style and math, and I think I've nailed it so far.

In this episode.

It's working.

Haircutters reach out, Mathematicians reach out.

I haven't done a times table in a long time.

Times table.

I'm a big math kid, are you actually?

I love math.

I'm letting you do the math here today.

You could have shown math.

How were you into like the mathletes and all of this.

We didn't have math.

That feels more like a TV thing, right.

But I was in the math robotics academy at my middle school.

Oh my god.

Yeah, we programmed Lego robots.

Wow, that's incredible.

Yeah, we made them do little missions and what were they doing?

And so okay, so Lego like the company puts on this robotics competition for middle school high schoolers.

Every year has a different theme.

One of the years, I remember, the theme was like Mars Exploration or something, and every school or every classroom that's participating gets the same like big map that your tiny lego robot has to navigate and do missions on.

And so it's just about building and programming the most efficient robot.

And then you go to competitions and you like run the wow like programs that you build in.

So I was doing the creative part.

Okay, I was doing.

The creative part, even though I was good at maths.

I was I was like, okay, let somebody else do the programming.

But there was a second part where it was like, uh, you also are solving some sort of social issue with.

Robotics through it going on a map.

Yeah, well that's just the robot part.

Then there's like a because the theme was Mars, I forget like what we were trying to better with robots in space travel.

So whatever the issue was did not mean anything.

No, I did not pierce my brain.

I did write a sketch where we were like do we were like news anchors on Mars, Like Mars Weather, Mars Sports like just like Mars News.

So that's what I did for like a competition, and we won second place because we were so charming, but truly did not give any information I was supposed to be sent.

So it was very much a personality, very the robots.

Yeah, yeah, I thought we should get first, but I mean we certainly didn't do the assignment.

We were just goofing with the sketch.

I wrote, what was the last time, What was the last time you did something robotic?

Oh my gosh, middle school, you gave it up.

I mean then I joined theater.

Oh god, the arts have ruined you.

I dare I know.

I could have cured something.

Take your pick.

There's so many things secure.

Yeah, this is actually what my mom said when I was like, I'm going to be an actress.

She's like, you're too smart, though.

Do you have siblings?

That's just me?

Oh so they can't even carry on the importance.

Also, I think she was wrong.

I'm not that smart because I can work out some numbers.

I'm pretty stupid.

You could have probably been like mid level at a company.

Yeah, and that sounds sad, kind of that.

Way, completely unsatisfying life where you thought, oh I could have done I could have been one of those people on TV.

Yeah, but I'm sitting at a desk doing someone's taxes or something.

Right, Well, do you think if somebody like put these pieces in front of you now, you'd be able to program something?

No?

Nothing, definitely not.

I mean women in stem fuck off shoot.

I'm a bad example.

Well, it's just because the tech has changed and I haven't looked at it since middle school.

I'm not gonna know about the flow charts and the way Lego is programming the r c X and all this stuff.

Now, wow, it's very impressive.

That's very impressive.

This is the sort of situation where you do end up shipwrecked and you're still the most qualified person on the island, and you're like, well, I'm using the middle school Lego things.

There's probably enough things, not enough things on the island to program.

So you can say, nah, I can do puzzles, like I could help logic us off the ieor.

Do you find like a tomb hidden behind puzzles?

If it was Survivor, we'd be okay, do you think.

You would do Survivor?

I can't, I can't, I don't think even banned from CBS.

I sort of.

I always say my wife won't let me.

That's and then she goes, I didn't say anything, but I go, no, she wouldn't let me.

She wouldn't let me.

What is it about survivor that scares you?

I don't know.

Oh, I guess the bugs.

That to me, the bugs, the general like fear of sunburn.

Yeah, you would burn.

I would die.

Although I don't want to do it, but I looked into it just in case I accidentally did it, I guess.

And they do have to supply something.

They give you.

You don't see a lot of that on screen.

I guess you go out in the woods and put on your sunscreen before you get on camera.

Yeah, otherwise I would be a disaster.

I would be a hospital case, you know, like they would have to fly me off the island.

Yeah, they won't.

I also don't want to poop in the ocean.

Do they?

Is that really part of it?

They don't have toilets for you.

Yeah, they poop in the ocean.

That feels irresponsible on their part.

Yeah, it feels like we're putting I mean, I guess other animals poop in the ocean.

Yeah, but we don't need human sewage flowing through the ocean.

Because of there's like a section of the island that's like where they poop.

Oh interesting, net it off.

Where I looked at.

Yeah, somebody can fact check.

Oh that's terrible.

So it's everyone has to kind of walk into a big toilet kind of.

It sort of like flows away.

But also flows, I mean as the ocean does.

Yeah, that's unpleasant, terrible.

That's all I can think of when they do the reward challenges, or like when they go on reward and they get to eat like Applebee's and then I'm like, shoot, now they all have to go poop in the ocean.

I can't enjoy it.

Apple Is Applebee still sponsoring Survivor?

I think so.

I feel like maybe out Back Steakhouse is probably occasionally getting in there.

Who else?

Those are probably the two remaining.

I don't think tgif TGF Fridays exists.

Anymore, just generally they're gone.

I think did the whole company go under?

I hope not.

I had a surprise birthday there once.

Yes, on the LEASTGI Friday still exist, please hell.

I think it does.

One second, let me just confirm Okay, I'm.

Going to get confirmation.

We need to get confirmation on Fridays.

I need all the places I've had birthdays to still exist.

Oh yeah, they're they're open.

They're still open.

My apologies to Fridays.

Yea.

I feel like maybe the ones in the greater LA area are gone.

So are the chilis.

You know you can't get to a Chili's within fifty miles of LA.

I'm pretty sure it's hard to get to a Chili's here.

I would go to a Chili's if there was one in Silver.

Like, Yeah, definitely that's the market.

Yeah, everyone in Silver Like wants to head to a Chili's.

The Echo Park chilis.

I think that it would actually do Bonker's business.

I think the Like people would be like, I can't believe this is ironic, and then they'd say, oh, Chili's is great.

Yeah, they would get it on the bottomless chips.

I think all the chilies, even in my hometown are closed.

What I think they turned the one that was there into like.

A spirit Halloween.

Spirit Halloween to go.

Oh yeah, it's like a furniture store or something.

Now, so that's a shame.

Where else have you had birthdays.

Let's see Trucky Cheese, which I guess still around.

Yeah, there's still I mean, the fact that they were hanging in there continues to be absolutely baffling, especially considering the fact that they got rid of the robots.

I can't believe it.

Why do they exist?

Do they have holograms?

They probably did projections or something.

Right, then it's just bad pizza and dirty carpeting.

Yeah, well there's games.

There's games.

Games they used.

I used to go to Chucky Cheese because they had this thing where if you got straight a's that you get free tokens.

Oh every report card to try.

Of course, how many tokens would they give you?

I don't remember.

That is such a trick to I mean, parents hate that.

They're like, and I know this is gonna end up costing.

Thought about that.

That's predatory, predatory practice.

They are going to elementary schools, tricking children into dragging their parents to their horrible rest.

Well then I got good grades, that's true, but I was gonna anyways, you know.

You're headed towards robotics me.

Yeah, but maybe not.

Maybe you were saved by chuck E Cheese.

Maybe that's what got education, cheese that and Pizza Hut and they're reading Challenge.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, book it, yes, book book it.

Of course I did have book It and my mom.

I guess I take after my mom because she wouldn't buy anything out.

You know, we would go and get the free little pizza.

That's all we got out of the restaurant and left.

That's good.

Took advantage of Pizza Hut.

They weren't getting any more of the family money.

Yeah, family, the family money, the family fortune.

Of course.

You know you can.

You can get Costco if you just go in there and then buy a chicken and walk out Rochestere chicken.

They like lose money on that, banking on you going in and get you of shit Costco.

I mean, I shouldn't say publicly that I'm doing this because they'll kick me out of the club, let's hear it.

But you know, I am Costco's worst nightmare.

I go in and get the chicken and maybe two other items, sometimes just the chicken.

Which is then you're doing it.

The chicken.

It's five dollars.

That doesn't make any at this point, but for me it makes sense.

Wallet sense, yes, make sense.

Okay, keep that family money.

That makes sense.

Yeah, to save you have to.

But now I'm probably gonna be barred from Costco.

I don't know.

No, Okay, let me have the chicken.

Yeah, you know you they want me to.

They're they're putting it there.

Yeah, you pay annual or something.

I fight with all the other ladies in line.

We all descend on the chickens.

It's like me and seven grandmothers are all.

There's enough?

Are you really just like elbowing grabs out the way.

You go there?

And there's like I think there are people who really know about the chickens.

They like they know what time to be there and like which ones are best, and so if you get there when they're kind of crowding around, yeah, if you're like you'll we'll see a chicken, you're like, why, we'll just take that one.

But then you're like, oh did I take the wrong chicken?

Oh my god, you're really thinking so hard.

I guess you're paying Emotionally, you're getting a five dollars.

You're sitting there like, why do they know more than me?

Why should I know more about this?

Costco has absolutely devastated me emotionally.

Dang, But the mental toll is worth it.

I have chicken for a week five bucks.

That's crazy.

We could ask for more.

Are you a costco shopper?

I go not so often, but we are members.

Our household goes for you know, paper towels, pilet paper, spin drift.

Best dealin oh, I should get spin drift.

There you only get grapefruit, lime and lemon.

But like you're crazy.

No, no, no, no, no crazy, What are you talking about it?

It's juicy, too much juice in that.

Oh.

I love the grapefruit, okay, for so many reasons.

Wow, you should come to our house.

We just drink the other two and have all the grapefruit.

I'll stop by and skim off the top.

I'll take all the grapefruits from you.

The grapefruit is the one that you could have with breakfast.

I would say if.

People used to have half a grapefruit with breakfast, be having a half.

A grapefruit every morning.

The work that you would have to put in.

To do that.

Yeah, you have to have a butler to have a half a grapefruit every morning.

Who else has the time?

Yeah, or the energy to be like the cutting all of that nonsense.

And I love a gpruit.

Yeah, but they interact with my medication, with my well butrin, so I can't have them too often.

You can't have a grapefruit spin drift, or you can.

I can?

I think who cares?

Interact?

All you want get in there and mix up with it.

I can't remember if it makes it worse or like amplifies it or deadens it.

Oh no, but you know, the occasional grapefruit can't be that harmful.

I can't believe, like modern medicine is so intense and so like progressive, but it can be taken down by a great grapefruit.

A mere citrus.

What grapefruit is a very strong flavor.

Yeah.

So I guess there's something happening in there that's doing all kinds of things in your body.

I guess.

But I feel like the spin drift it's only ten percent.

Uh, the grapefruit one is mostly juice?

Is that true?

No?

No, no, okay, it's it's less than ten though.

Actually, so you're fine.

They should make extra pulp spin drift.

No, what are you doing?

Can you imagine?

Oh, someone's going to hear this and go that's a good idea.

Now, with more poles spin.

Drift now with more pulp.

Yeah, there was ero and now there is and now with pulp.

It feels like something dyed in the can.

Yuck.

No, I don't want spin Drift to reach out, dunde it.

What's your favorite spin Drift flavor?

M If you don't, if you're not going to Costco.

You just get to pick any of mojito no hito.

Oh it's called no hito.

Yeah, yeah, it's just call it mohito.

Hey, but there's no uh rum.

There's no rum in it, you know.

I like the mohito flavor.

Do like that flavor?

No heato?

Is there a raspberry flavor?

Probably?

But I'm not into that.

Okay, I think I like that one too.

Okay, there's like a berry ish.

I know we'll have to do like spin Drift exchanges.

Yeah, that would be nice.

Oh I've got this crappy flavor, come take it.

I like the lemon tea flavor.

Oh, I like that one too.

That's a good one.

The half and half.

It feels like the like single parent flavor.

Oh, I don't know.

Like if I'm a single dad, I want the tea and lemonade.

The kids won't drink it.

It's my little spin little thing.

The kids don't like it.

When I have the kids for the weekend, I'm drinking my lemon tea spin.

Keeping you happy that weekend.

You're like, oh, the kids are here, Thank God, I've got my half and half tea.

Spin Drift absolutely, spinder free trout, We've got an ad free.

We have a so long about your drink.

If we don't each get a palette of our favorite flavor, please, Also, we should get to consult on the next flavor.

I'm talking to you spin Drift.

Oh yeah, I feel like there should be we should be behind the next flavor of spin Drift.

Call us.

I have ideas.

I'm not going to say them on air because then I'll just steal my ideas.

Reach out and we'll tell you what we're thinking.

Take us to spin Drift Labs wherever the hell those are.

You know, I'll say one idea on air so they can have a bad okay, little bubblegum gross.

And that's the type of ideas you want receive.

If you call us, you're going to get the opposite good one perfect ideas.

There's something else we have to talk about.

Now that we've each received our fifty thousand dollars payment from spin Drift, which we were promised at the beginning of the episode.

I have to talk to you about something else, which I don't want to.

I don't want to approach this in any way, but unfortunately, how could I not.

I was excited to have you here today.

I was thinking, we'll have a nice conversation, nothing could possibly go wrong, and then we'll move on with our days.

I'll get my haircut and be on Cloud nine.

It's Cloud nine.

It's just for general happiness, right when you get a good haircut.

Little surprise the podcast is called I said no gifts, and you came walking in holding what I would describe as something that looks like a gift.

Yeah, it's as neatly wrapped.

Oh, actually pretty heavy.

Yeah.

I'm lifting it for the first time on the episode in kind of a long rectangle gift.

Yes, is this for me?

I I'm so sorry.

I thought you were being coy.

I said no gifts, and I said, oh, come on, my mom raised me better than that, right, I can't throw up to a new place I've never been.

You know, it's kind of like a housewarming.

This is your house, you live here.

This is my home you live.

It's leaving bag in the corner.

I see it.

I'm looking at it smells terrible.

No, no, you're okay.

And so yeah, unfortunately I did bring a gift.

I allow that.

We'll show I opening hair on the podcast.

Ye please, all right.

It's wrapped in the La Times newspaper, which I support.

I support wrapping in the La Times.

Politically, the La Times is in a difficult place.

Yeah.

Their food section is good.

I follow their food editor.

Oh yeah, I checked that on that.

I can't remember her name, but she's always posting good things.

Uh.

And you got the sports section.

I should probably check in with my boys.

You check them out like sports, not at all.

But it's all sports.

Great, it's and entertainment, entertainment.

Uh okay, so open it right now?

Yeah, okay.

We rarely get to rip a newspaper.

Look at that.

Oh queer.

For you.

There you go, that's me.

Check that out, okay, ripping Chris.

Oh and I just yelled the word queer.

If someone's not watching the episode.

Just driving in their cars, yell queer.

It's part of the wrapping paper.

Everyone, it's part of the newspaper.

It's the queer lens, a history of photography and add for that.

It's oh my god, what's happening?

What do you think it is?

You probably still don't know, or do you?

Okay, so so far, it's a little briefcase, silish briefcase that almost looks like it's from the set of a Wes Anderson film or something.

It's navy blue with red trim.

Yes, gorgeous.

Check that out.

And we're opening careful with the insides.

Okay, gonna be very it's it full of marbles maybe kind of Oh huh, I just like that opening.

Yeah, sounds it's a good sound.

Hopefully the listener likes that.

Oh, it's almost like a bubbly Okay, we're opening.

Opening is a gorgeous is a Backgammon.

Kit to travel Backgammon set set?

Just the kit?

This is beautiful.

Wow.

Have I've never played Backgammon?

And even like saying I was hoping hopefully this is what it is?

It is, I was correct.

I'm a gamer gamer at heart.

Let's see.

Let me spread this.

I'll close my laptop for a minute.

Play that use.

I actually haven't seen the inside.

Oh it's pretty good, so beautiful.

I'm glad.

It's from the seventies, so it's actually just like a vintage backmage.

Where did this come from?

I found it on I think on Ittsy because there's so many like new factory made backgam in sets.

But part of I think the specialness of a backgammon board is that it is of old times.

It's such an old game that I wanted to bring you like a cool old set.

This is Do you know how to play backgammon?

Yes?

So backgammon is like kind of huge.

I'm Persian and I'm not sure if we invented this game.

I certainly do not check me how we invented it any ron.

It came from us ancient nobody look into it.

Nobody check that that could be correct.

It's part of the culture though, Like my parents play, my grandparents play.

When like you go to a Persian party, sort of toward the end of the night, everyone's sitting around drinking black tea and just kind of like playing some backgammon.

My grandpa taught me how to play and just brings me peace and reminds me of my family, and I wanted to share that with that.

It's so sweet.

Where where does the word backgammon come from.

Don't ask me questions like this come on.

At least help help educate.

This is a utility podcast.

Ultimately, when people learn this is this is the one show people come to to learn.

So if we can find out where the words backgammon.

Is from, yeah, and we just want to know that, and don't tell me who made this game.

And avoid any other fact about the game.

It's I wonder what, like the first games of backgammon even looked like yeah, because this is obviously an evolved version.

Although I love the idea of this, like this is an ancient Persian design.

Yeah, brief case seventies coloring, it's.

From the Middle English forms of game and back, so it's back and like gommon basically gommona game.

I didn't learn anything from that.

I don't know.

That's a bad name for a game that tells you nothing about Yeah, it sounds good, but it's like, well, what game are we playing here?

Yeah?

Let me try to think of it has anything to do with the gameplay, back, end game, no.

Bactly game?

So how do you play this?

Let's do a quick tutorial.

Oh boy, this is such a visual look at it.

I'll commentate on you.

Let's let's you put these dice.

There are two dice, three.

There's three dice.

Well, I don't start in my family.

I don't use the third one.

That's just sort of like if you want to double your wins.

Or you can chew on it.

Yeah, you can chew on it.

That's this is your board.

You do you chew on that if you like.

It has multipliers of two.

I guess you can multiply.

If you're like certain you're going to win, you can roll the multiplier.

Okay, because when you play back game and you play like a best of five for a best of three, if you want a shorter game.

Uh, but yeah, you set up the board in a specific way.

You can google the picture.

I'm not going to see five go three.

Go here?

Right and then so basically your side you have a home and on my side, I have a home, and we're just trying to get all of our colored pieces all the way into our home and then remove them all and put them back into the safe.

Looks.

See, I don't even know what these words the words for the game are.

So it's a little checkersy kind of.

Yeah, it's a little bit like sorry too, because you're trying to get pieces back into your home.

I think i've ever played Sorry.

Okay, well sorry, I brought it up par cheesy then never.

I've certainly never played.

Party just sorry, but a different name, unbranded?

Yeah, well par cheesy?

Branded?

Is parteesy?

A brand name?

Is it?

Par cheesy?

Seems to me like the real name of Sorry.

Then, like Milton Bradley Hopkins and picked it out.

Let's put some branding on this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, make people apologize to each other.

Yes, I like this game.

It's pretty peaceful.

It's like a logic counting game.

It like speaks to my math brain and my grandpa.

Okay, so you make bets?

Okay, damn.

So it's kind of fun that way.

Like anytime I played with my mom, We're like, okay, so what are we betting on?

And how much are you betting?

Usually just like a round of coffee or who buys ice cream?

Now, oh that's a good bets, like Cudi stack.

Okay, that's the sort of thing I could get into where I'm not stressing out about losing money.

Yes, But when I was like I think I was like nine, and I was playing with my grandpa who's like a master.

And I was like so confident.

I said, I bet you twenty dollars, which I had from my allowance, right that I'll beat you.

And this man was like, okay, he fully beat me.

He took my twenty oh, and he would yeah, well, And I respect the hell out of this because he was like, you learn now, learn now, you learned.

I had an opposite thing that happened to me as a kid is our parents were trying to teach us that you shouldn't gamble.

And I think we like played a game of poker or whatever and something much easier for children, and I won big and not my parents thinking oh, they'll all lose and they'll lose their money, and they refuse to give me the money.

So I guess that is also a game about gambling.

You know, the casino people, the mobsters charge about the money.

You're not going to give you all the money.

Hey, if you actually want to know that, you'd get the money.

But when you start winning too much, then Robert de Niro shows off and curbs you or whatever.

That's true.

So you've got to be careful with gambling.

Yeah, So but to start, you just kind of I want to.

Yeah, you can use those.

We just use our hands in my family.

But they give you a little roller.

There is more hygienic.

You don't have to wash your hands after totally listen to that.

You roll it.

I can just do that for twenty minutes for the listener.

That's truly quiet.

And so you do this, and then I roll them into my thing.

You roll them into any spot.

You can roll them anywhere wherever you like, as long as it's on the board, off or you reroll.

So you got a five and a two, so you can either move one piece seven or one piece five and one piece two.

So and listener, I know you're so engaged with this, but I do want to do this, and you have that patience.

This is what a podcast is.

It's listening to a man learn how to play a complicated How.

Dare I do this?

I should have foreseen that you were just going to be like, now, how do you play this game?

No?

I want to just so you say I can roll, I can move two or five.

Yes, but we haven't set up the board, so you can't do anything.

Oh, so how do you set up the Are you serious?

I just want to see how it.

I'll do it.

Really, the listener has to be patient.

This is how the gate I mean, last episode they listened to me open like maybe one or two episodes ago, open like nineteen layers of a gift.

So I think that two minutes.

Of set it up.

She's taking out the blue pieces, the kind of uh they're probably the size of like a thin mint, and they do look like something I would want to know on their dark I don't want to eat all game that has hard plastic like this makes me hungry.

It looks like a satisfying snap.

Okay, that's not that's up here.

Okay, so she's put the blue ones in on different things, but she left one blue one in the little holder.

I don't know what's an extra one.

That's it's just an extra piece.

So I'm spoiled.

It's just for you.

You can on that one deep in backgammon coins?

Is that what they're called.

I actually don't know what the pieces are called.

Look at you asking me all this stuff.

I don't know.

I'm like, I just play with my grandpa.

Reminds you of my family, and I love you, Ron.

And now it's been set up, and.

Okay, so this is my home.

This is your home.

Okay.

So you're you're you are white, I'm white, and I'm blue, okay, and so you would be trying to take your white pieces and put them all in here, all right.

But this is my home.

Oh and I'm on this, So you move.

Like if you wanted to.

Yeah, you're going this way and I'm going this way into my home.

Okay.

So now considering my two and five right now, I do want to at least move one piece.

Where what can I do?

So a good move for five.

Here's the other thing.

You never want to leave one of your little puck pieces alone because then if I roll something, I could crush you and then you're killed.

Ultimately, it's a game about community, ultimately, community and home.

Hey, for me, that's what it is.

But we're really getting that's kind of what you want to know about.

Someone's hairs are in this vintage board.

That's probably a dead person.

And I'm so sorry.

This could be a haunted Uh.

You'd be so lucky to be haunted by someone backgammon.

It actually would be a nice experience.

The ghost makes you tea every day.

Yeah, you just hear diet there in the background and the satisfying little thing rolling around.

Yeah, you smoke cucka with a ghost.

Oh that sounds great, not bad.

Okay, So now there's a piece in the middle of the board.

That's what I'm showing you.

If you got killed, this is where there's a little bit of violence, and then to get this piece back in play, you would roll and then you have to sit it back in your home.

Okay.

So like if you roll the two, you could sit it in the two spot.

So that's why I wouldn't want to take a two.

Right now, That's why you wouldn't want to leave them by themselves.

I want to.

I would want to take a five.

You could do five.

Five is good because it friends with other friends, and then you could actually take the two play the same thing too.

That far already you're.

A little bit safe.

Yeah you got one guy back home.

I love this.

I feel like I can really get to This is a game that I It's in the same category as badminton, sure, where it's pleasant listening, no one gets hurt.

Gay, that is what I'm saying.

This feels a gay friendly.

Oh yeah, it's stylish, it's got everything you need.

And I could play this while eating a grapefruit and you do from my butler.

You just yes, your butler comes over.

You snack, yes, eat sweets, you drink tea.

There's actually a Silver Lake backgam and club of it.

I've been to.

I've been twice.

I'm banned and actually, let's let's not talk about it.

They have very inconsistent events.

You just kind of like have to check the Instagram to see, uh, right, when they're when they're playing.

But it's really nice.

It's just a bunch of people playing back agad.

I need to join a club.

I should I should join a club.

Okay, are you part of any clubs?

No?

No, No, I think we have enough community where we don't need to like join clubs.

Right, there's just so much within comedy that we're all just trapped with each other.

None.

No, maybe there's no out of this community.

Essentially, what like, it's a cult, that's what you're saying.

Basically a very unhealthy cult.

Hey, but all my friends are in this club.

Wait, how often that's been.

Said about colts generally?

How could it possibly be a cult?

I love all of these people.

Well, no one's harming me.

They're all so nice to me.

Look I write you a game.

They want to be around me all the time.

Yeah, they won't let me go.

Oh these people care about me.

Okay, shoot, I can't think about that too hard.

Not thanks, Okay, Well, I'm excited to actually learn how to play this.

Yeah, I mean I could teach you more in depth.

I just sort of like, this is not the place for me to.

Give you the yeah, to be like mildly conscious of a listener falling asleep at the wheel.

They're clear, I welcome up now they're over correcting the cars rolling across the freeway, whipple ash event.

Okay, I'm very excited about this.

Are there any other games like this you play like this?

I mean, yeah, I'm not too into board games, but if anyone's got a board game night going on, I'm happy to join.

I'm very competitive, so it's kind of bad you kind of don't want me there if you're just trying.

I can okay, but I'm like pretty harmless, and uh, when I get angry, people usually laugh at me, so it's kind of fun.

Actually scared of me.

I'm just started sitting there going like the roses, that's so non threatening.

That's the person you want someone who's competitive but not an asshole.

Yeah, I'm sort of like a jigglypuff when when she gets mad when everyone falls asleep at her singing that's intended to make people fall asleep, and then she's.

Like, poor character, that poor character has been cursed.

All she can do is kind of is puff she.

I would say they they probably ultimately we've talked about Kirby on this podcast before and kind of I think we decided.

They they them for Kirby.

But uh, Yeahglypuff I think is a she?

They yeah, yeah, yeah, And her life is a living hell.

I can't believe it.

Poor.

All she wants to do is be a star.

It's very Greek, very Greek tragedy, like yeah, like the gods say you can, you'll be able to sing, but it'll put everyone to sleep.

Yeah, and they'll never know, they'll never know how good you.

Are, the poor little thing.

And she's gorgeous she is, but they are, they are.

Yes, she's such a fun character and Smash Brothers almost worthless, but she gets to float around and put everyone to sleep or what have you?

These pink Nintendo characters everybody loves someone.

I know, they're the best ones.

They look like Marshmallows.

Yeah, and Kirby's a little more powerful.

I will say.

Yeah, I play Kirby for Super Smash.

Right, and I make everyone mad because I just do the slam.

That's the only move I do.

We're the same, I'm just slamming from this guy, right.

Yeah.

Anyone that's actually good at the game is mad at me.

They're saying you're cheating, and I'm saying, well, then they shouldn't have put the move in.

Yeah, it's not cheating.

I'm using the power of the character.

Right.

I'm sorry that I know how to play the game and you're being fancy.

You're vindicated.

It's a game of brute force, and ultimately Kirby can become an anvil or a rock a rock.

They should do a heavy backgammon piece, that'll be.

That's sure, they should.

Why not?

They should be a little more creative.

Things they could do, for like a piano, grand piano.

Yeah, grand piano is a great idea.

Yeah, I think heavy backgam in board.

Would require a lot of explaining.

There would have to be like a notification that popped up on the screen.

That's a bad idea for you, Nintendo.

But if you want good ones again.

We can come by.

We can come by after our stopped spin Drift.

It'll be a busy day for us pitching idea.

Yeah, but we're happy to.

We're ultimately drinkers and gamers, and so these companies reach out.

Please.

Is there any I feel like Smash Brothers got all the characters they need.

I'm wondering if there's any other character I would like them to put in the game.

It'd be fun if you could put yourself sort of in the game.

I don't like when people put that, like the me character.

Character an Ai scam copy of Just You Bridgery.

In the game fully motion captured.

It might be be on board for that.

Yeah, you're like power you grow hair and then it chokes the other character long wavy locks.

Oh that's great.

Have you ever played the game Bayonetta.

There's a video game called Bayonetta where the woman's like a witch kind of looks like Sarah Palin and her hair like strangles people and it's incredible, And she's a character in Smash Brothers.

Oh, okay, so I believe somebody already.

Has are they're ahead of us of those stuff things?

Get back to me.

Yeah, I wonder what my Smash Brothers has.

Those gloves, you know, the white gloves, and this podcast has a very glove forward theme.

I do a lot, or I used to do a lot more of these, but I would do demos with the gifts and I would be wearing a pair of opera gloves now pepper.

Gloves for my viage seventies.

I think that they're probably going to come into play.

I will have to do a video with these.

They show up at the live shows more often, which I think is becoming continually confusing for listeners who hadn't seen those videos, and they're like, why is he wearing these filthy opera gloves?

That makes sense, I'd be confused.

But then you say, well, look, I'll just go along with it because I'm a good sport.

I'm a good audience member.

Of course, and we trust you.

Everyone trusts me inherently for some reason.

After listening to this show, Well, is there anything left you you'd like to say about Backgaming?

I don't know.

I think I've said it all.

It's just pretty special.

I grew up with this game, and it took a weird time with Iran right now, So I was really thinking about my fan.

All the wonderful things that Iran has done.

Yes, it's actually got like a cool, extremely beautiful, artistic culture, and I was reflecting on all that, and I wanted to bring you back.

I think that's so lovely.

I think that's really wonderful.

Not to mention all of the wonderful food that's coming out of it.

Oh yeah, I mean, come.

On, there's just so much people need to be talking.

I think more about the good things coming out of Iran.

Yeah, we do a lot of sweet savory in the food, oh, which I love.

I sneak in something sweet in kind of every day sweet delicious.

Yeah.

Well, I think we should now play another game, okay, game of my own design.

We're gonna play a game called Gift mess sure, okay, and maybe we should.

I'm gonna just kind of cough.

I usually ask for the guests to pick a number, but I want you to roll a number.

Why not?

I have rolled a three?

Three?

Okay.

I hope that nice satisfying dice got roll got on mic guys from today.

I know this is maybe our best episode.

Those are the coins or the backgammon cookies following on each other.

Can I just bite one.

Go for it now.

That sound was good, but I bet not great in your mouth right?

Terrible?

Okay, at least my teeth didn't dissolve, would crumb?

Okay?

You roll a three?

Yep?

Okay.

I have to do some like calculating to get our game pieces, so math for you.

I mean, that's what the show is that today, Ridgerd the math whiz reach out for me to calculate anything right now, you can do some promotion, recommendation, whatever you want to do with the mikeel be right back.

Oh okay, promotion, I guess I'll self promo me if you want to follow me at child Clown on Instagram.

That's just kind of a name I chose years ago and I'm freaking sticking to it, you know, yeah, if you just follow me all I'm doing shows around La all the time, improv sketch and oh.

We do this show called Mama Mia but different.

It's pretty good.

We do a different jukebox musical with eight abba songs.

The story is different every time though, So that's a really fun show to check out if you want.

We've done one where it's taken place in the nick you It was formula babies verus breastfeeding babies.

We'd done one in like old timey renaissance town about a love triangle with a baker and two ladies from the woods.

Anyway, it gets weird.

So that's a good show.

Just follow me.

You can see shows like that.

That's my promo.

Excellent promo.

Thank you Mama and Mia, but different.

It seems so wild every single time, and it sure is.

And it's our and Patrick McDonald one of the busiest man's in the city, he demands, one of the busiest men.

The busiest man's I ever met.

He does it all.

Love that guy.

This is how we play gift Master.

I'm going to name three things, three items gifts that you can give away.

I'm name three celebrities and you can tell me which celebrity you would give which gift and why.

Oh shoot, okay, oh shoot, oh shoot.

I'm just like I hope I know these celebrities.

We'll all the celebrities hopefully, Okay, we'll see Okay.

The gifts you'll be giving today are number one, a trip to the hospital, Number two of Vegas residency, and number three inescapable debt.

Now, the celebrities you'll be giving them too.

Are number one Tim Allen rough Rough I don't know how to make the actual noise he makes, but who cares.

Number two is Et the Extra Terrestrial love Et.

That's some pitch from our producer on.

At least that's perfect.

And number three is Javier Bardam Oh okay, handsome as ever.

Yeah, great guy.

Lovely Bond villain.

Oh yeah, very scary Bond villain.

He's willing to look scary despite being very good looking.

Right.

You think about No Country for Old Men, one of the weirdest looking people in movies.

Yeah, then you see him outside of it and you think, wow, what a transform.

That's a transformation.

That's right.

You put a bad haircut on a good looking man, it'll ruin.

That's kind of it.

Okay, so I've named everything.

I guess, Okay, great, Shoot, this is tough because I'm trying to Like, I had an instinct to give somebody a certain gift, and then I was like, well that falls poorly on my The other guys, right, I really figure this out.

It's amaze.

I guess if I give Tim Allen inescapable debt, I feel like he can outrun that.

Well, here's what I'm going to say, and don't let this sway you.

That's just going to give him more of a reason to work, Yeah, and make more.

To really look at him a lot longer.

Right.

Do you see some of these ultra rich celebrities that don't stop working, You think they must have gambling debt?

Sure, so that could be the situation where we would never got it.

Right.

Here's where I'm struggling because Et is my favorite in those three, right, and I want to give Et kind of the best one.

But so I think Et is getting a residency in Vegas, okay, And and we're putting Et on a visa, so the government can't can't.

I mean, it doesn't matter rules the laws.

I could to protect Et, because if I send Et to the hospital, the government's going to come for him.

If I send Et to inescapable debt, the government's going to chase him even more than they already chasing him, you know.

And then if you give him a residency, I hope he's stayed protected.

I just want Et to be okay, And my parents live in Vegas.

They can go check out show.

I can stay with them and go watch ET's show.

What do you think et would do live on drag totally.

Yeah, he's already done dress the sinking.

Such danger in today's political environment.

Or a guy, God, he's an alien.

He's doing drag.

The only protection is giving him Vegas connections.

That's the only thing that will protect you from Donald Trump is somehow being attached to gambling.

Yes, so I'm putting eat there in Vegas.

It's a safe spot.

Yes, oh mm hmm.

I'm giving Javier Bardem the debt because if he keeps working, I'm happy about it.

Love to see him keep working.

That would be fantastic.

It'd be lovely.

Get this guy on a career treadmill, sure, put.

Him on Broadway, put him on a TV show.

I'll watch a multicam somebody else gam he's.

The scariest guy with a big heart in something.

It's just a guy from no country for old man.

It just like works at a convenience store.

He's the same guy, but it's a multicamp.

Now he's the new stepdad in the family.

They're like, there's something wrong with Dad's not gonna be the name of the new Chuck Lori show.

There's something wrong with Dad.

It would be Chuck lory too that you would put the put Javier Bardem in there.

Dad has a history, Yes, and then Tim headed to the hospital.

Sorry, buddy.

The only thing I will say about a trip to the hospital, I do think ET a trip to the hospital more as a service animal.

Mmm.

So you think it is visiting the hosp.

He's visiting the hospital visiting sick children.

I think that would be very It's kind of nice thinking selfies with sick kids.

But if you put him in the hospital, that's like where they're gonna cut him open to see what alien is case.

That's kind of part of ET where he goes through the scary tunnel.

Yeah, you don't want that Elliott screaming.

That was very hard for me to watch as a child.

But maybe ET needs that exposure to a good hospital setting.

So you're trying to pitch me send an ET to the hospital.

I think ET is at home in the hospital or on stage in Vegas.

I'm settled in Vegas, in Vegas.

ET phone hospital.

Now I don't know.

Well, I think you played very well.

Thank you, very thoughtful, very thoughtful.

Okay, now we on Alyse has a we're playing.

We also play a game called gift or a curse.

We're doing the mini to go version with Honalise today, So Honale is gonna name something and we're each going to say if it's a gift or a curse and why.

Then Analise will tell us if we're a right or wrong because they have the correct answer.

Answer, there's a right answer.

Okay, Honalise, what are we doing today?

Gift or a curse?

Group discounts, group discounts?

Do you want to go or do you want me to go?

Uh?

You go ahead?

Okay.

I think group discounts.

Group discounts are a curse, an absolute curse.

I don't like any discount that has a qualification.

I want to be able to show up without my family, without my friends.

Maybe I'm a drifter.

We're not thinking about drifters when we're talking about group discounts.

They come in from out of town, they murder someone, they want to go to an escape room.

Sure the group discount is not offered to them.

They murdered someone, they've murdered.

Someone, They want to have some fun, and they're like, well, I don't have anybody in this town.

I don't know anybody, and now I don't get the discount.

You have to ultimately any discount.

Shoot, if you're going to give a percentage off, you should be able to give it to a family of fifteen or someone who just pulled up in a rickety old car covered in blood.

Do you want equality for drifters drifters?

Yes, ultimately for drifters.

Okay, I think it's a curse.

I was also going to say curse, but not for your reason where you want murderers to have a nice time at the escape room.

I sort of was thinking that it's it's a nice idea, but organizing a group to go do something sucks.

And then you have the person one or two people dropping out the day of and you had exactly the right number, and now you're like, now we don't put the discountbard And then you have to hang out in a large, large group.

I don't love that, right, I love smaller group hangs.

Oh me too.

So I'd pay any money to not have the emotional labor of putting together a group.

Are hanging out in a large large group setting just for a discount.

All right, I agree with you.

Let's see, Honalise, what is the answer.

You both win the games.

It's a curse.

It's a curse for all of the reasons mentioned above.

It is a nightmare trying to organize people.

And also what, I'm single, so I don't get a discount.

There's already enough things that are going against me in this world.

Like you're a drifter to.

Think about the murder thing.

We don't know where Honaly is from.

They refuse to give any information to us.

We've never seen an ID or home address.

All right, cool, so we don't know.

Uh, we're just always on edge around onlyse no.

I mean I do frequent escape rooms.

So just saying, do not give this person a reason to kill.

Well, we won.

We all won today.

We did.

And now this is the final segment of the podcast.

It's called I Said No Emails.

People are writing into I Said No Gifts at gmail dot com desperate for answers.

They're also sending in voice notes, Onaliz, will you please drag us through the voice notes qualifications so people know how to do this.

If you'd like to send us a voice note, please make sure that you record it in a quiet space, have it be under sixty seconds, and you send it to I Said No Gifts at.

Gmail dot com.

Make it a question.

Make it a question, yes, beautiful.

Ok, we're gonna read one today despite all of this talk about voice notes.

Cool.

I'll help me answer you a question.

Yeah, of course.

Okay, this is Hello Bridger.

A question for you and your guest.

I am a high school teacher and I'm having a hard time dealing with students using AI for their writing assignments.

I can pick it out easily on my own, as any good English teacher can, or with AI detection tools if needed, but I'd like some advice for the next time I find let's say, text evidence in the form of a quote that isn't even in our class novel parentheses.

That's called an AI hallucination.

I know what an AI hallucination is.

Sure, don't talk down to me.

How should I let the student know that I have caught them played rising so that they understand that I know this partly because they're riding is garbage, But without me saying that they're riding is garbage.

Any advice would be helpful doing the Lord's work.

And that's from mad Vintage.

That's a I hope that's the teacher's name, mister or missus or ms or what have you mad vintage cool name, cool, very cool name.

Yeah, you pull up on a motorcycle, kid, sir, not gonna be doing any AI anymore.

Yeah, that's our advice.

Actually, I think buy a motorcycle.

Become the ultimate badass.

That's right, carry some sort of sword or knife on your hip.

Feel like a threat to.

The student and they will respect.

Yes, are you in a leather vest?

That could be the problem already.

If you're not wearing a leather vest every.

Day, just kind of buy a leather vest, then you're good.

The students feel like they can run over you with their AI tools.

Yeah, but not if you're in a leather vest.

No way.

They want to be cool.

They want to feel like somebody else at the bar.

Yeah, teach with sunglasses on.

There you go.

I think that that's a perfectly fine idea.

I mean there's also you know, I feel like this teacher is blaming the AI here instead of blaming themselves.

Maybe they're a horrible teacher, and so the student doesn't know how to write, So now they're turning to a robot computer to spew out some slop and learning nothing.

And the education system is in jeopardy because of mad vintage.

Well, I would say, maybe they could be a good teacher, and it's just that just just to play that as advocating you could be a great teacher.

And then still kids would be like, Oh, it takes effort to do good writing.

I actually don't want to put in effort today.

I want to go to the mall.

What do you kids do?

I want to skateboard at the mall.

I skate at the mall.

So I'm gonna let the robot do the effort.

I'm just hoping they're return retaining information in class.

Like right, I didn't love doing essays, but I loved learning in class.

Right, I can measure that.

They're very different things.

They are.

Yeah, some I enjoyed writing an essay, but essentially can't pay attention to anything.

I've been diagnosed by listeners as having ADHD.

Then jury still out.

On that listeners.

The listeners are reaching out.

Don't reach out to me if you're trying to diagnose me with anything.

Let me just put that out there right now.

I will say, I've been watching Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

Apparently the viewers of the show reached out last season to one of the one of the cast mates and said, it looks like you've got an alloyed enlarged thyroid.

Check it out.

She had an enlarged thyroil.

And that's okay, and let my doctor do that.

Okay.

I don't want to come and.

Swing to reach out to a stranger and like something's enlarged on your body.

Yeah, don't tell me nothing.

I know I have bad pasture.

Let me alone.

But chiropractors just won't leave you alone.

Now, don't you dare get in there?

How did we get here?

Oh?

Yeah, essays versus learning in class, I do think that the teacher should just be as brutal as possible.

I think, yeah, if you notice it, you don't have to be gentle about it.

You'd be like, guys, I know you're using AI for this.

Right, you're bad writers?

Yeah, you could be good writers.

Maybe that's a spin you could give it.

It's like, I know you're better writers than what you're turning in because you're turning in AI.

To me, right, this is a new dangerous minds.

Do you remember that movie with Michelle Feiffer, Oh yes, maybe we do an AI version of that where a toughest nails teacher shows up to tell the students don't use AI yeah, you know, in a leather vest, probably to be like I've got street cred.

I don't use a computer to write my essays.

I use the word processor, but I don't use I don't go any further than that.

I use the spell check, but I don't go any further than that.

Or you could assign handwritten essays.

They must be doing that now, right.

Yeah, which you could still have the effort, the effort to write it all out.

It's sort of just like a dunk on the kid, you know.

It's like, if you're to do that, go ahead and do that.

It kind of is a little bit easier to just put your thoughts down.

If you make the essay shorter too, I feel like it incentivizes someone to actually use their brain, right, Like I can get through three pages handwritten.

I can write a four sentence essay that too.

Yeah, why not?

Maybe we're just building confidence.

You assign a one paragraph thing and build from there sure that they are writing it, because like one paragraph, I could do that and still go skate at them all.

I could write a paragraph and then you just and then they prove to themselves that it's more fun and easy to write.

It It's like training a dog.

Yeah, got a clicker, spray them in the face.

Hey, what was I going to say?

I think that.

I guess that's all of my thoughts on AI and I want a nightmare to be a teacher.

Nowson was always a thing.

We'd have to run our essays through this program that would like check if we copied either another student's essay in the database or like an academic paper.

Yes, I what.

Was it called?

Recognized this during college?

I think this was happening.

Yeah, it had a name.

But I guess that.

I guess they have to have something even more complicated now, Yeah, I don't know.

I heard AI uses dashes a lot, and like humans don't oh interesting like the dash when.

I write dash A good m dash.

Yeah, but I almost use those more, you know, like corny ways, like I think it looks funny sometimes.

Okay, like texting.

I've seen it used.

Interesting, But if I was writing a paper right from like.

A fourteen year old's like yeah, dash is no, you didn't do that.

You would have used a period or a comma incorrectly.

Yes, wow, mad Vintage, we've saved your career you're welcome, and so many students' minds.

Yeah, so many students' minds.

Okay, well, I've got my backgammon set kit, set kit.

Yeah, briefcase, my backgammon briefcase, and I can't wait to learn to play.

I'm this is such a nice thing.

Yeah, what a gift.

You know, occasionally there's a gift on here.

I'm like, wow, now that I get to have that.

Yeah, I mean, I unfortunately prefer to be Ernest there.

Well, thank you for being here.

That's such a nice time.

Thank you so much for having me listener.

The podcast is over.

We'll do some clicking, some last minute Ooh doesn't that sound nice?

We'll send you off.

I love you, goodbye.

I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolliday.

The theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner.

You must follow the show on Instagram, and I said, No Gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting.

And don't you want to see the gifts.

Here.

I thought, I made myself perfectly clear.

But you're, I guess to my home.

You gotta come to me empty.

And I said, no, guess, you're a presences presents enough I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me