And I invited you here.

I thought I made myself perfectly clear.

When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty.

And I said, no, guests, your own presences presence enough.

And I already had too much stuff.

So how do you dare to surbey me?

Welcome to I said, no.

Gift temperature Wineger.

We're here in the studio, very early recording.

I think maybe the earliest recording of this podcast ever ten thirty Well it's ten forty three, but that's seventeen minutes before our usual early type of recording.

So I'm in a mood.

I'm in a real mood.

What's going on?

Let's see, last night I saw the new Frankenstein movie, and as you might assume, the monster does go down a water slide, you get to see the Frankenstein's monster go down a water slide.

I think we need to land on a name for Frankenstein's Monster.

I don't know there's enough, it's enough with all the confusion.

What else?

I guess we're kind of in the holidays now, so I hope you're enjoying yourself.

If you're the sort of person who enjoys themselves.

What else.

I mean, speaking of big events, I spent a good deal of the weekend dry heaving.

I unfortunately, our poor little Bonnie got sick, and I assume a lot of people, you know, there's a chance you may be eating right now, but there's only a few things a sick dog can do.

And she went all out at three am.

The level of dry heaving I was doing was Olympic level.

I dry heaved myself into another century.

But that's all in the past, and hopefully we'll leave it in the past.

And I think that's let's see, document wise, Do I have any business, Let's see.

No, we have the Patreon.

Just a reminder that there's the Patreon, which you go to patreon dot com slash I said, no gifts.

I mean, just it's an ocean of content over there.

I've become a real producer of content.

Bonus episodes of the show, episodes of me recapping a variety of reality televisions, Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, Secret lives of Mormon wives.

I do a little, you know, I glance at Dancing with the Stars in order to keep up with Whitney Levitt.

But by the time this comes out, that's probably over And I just have to say, Whitney Levitt, Lever or hater what a dancer.

The woman can move.

She's a star.

They need to just put her on that show.

I had never seen the show before, but I assume she's the best dancer they've ever had.

But go to patreon dot com slash I said no gifts today.

We just released the episode with my mom.

I mean, she's speaking of stars.

Debbie Wineger can move.

As a podcast guest, she's really got it.

Okay, I think we've covered all of the business I've I mean, I'm you know, I've sleep deprivation and coffee and ten thirty record puts me in a new place.

But I think we should get into it.

I love today's guest.

She's just fantastic.

It's Amy Silverberg.

Amy, welcome to I said no gifts.

Thank you for having me.

I'm so sorry about the heaving.

Oh when was the last time you were dry heaving?

Well, I had bad chicken.

Oh no, on a barbecue chicken pizza.

Oh, I was heaving.

I was eaving all right.

Wow, it's that's kind of a hard for them to get the raw chicken on the pizza.

What was tough to.

It was a pizza party and I was the only one to have ventured into that particular pizza.

So he was texting everybody the next day.

It was like a girl's birthday.

It was like all girl pizza party, right, And I was like, is anyone driving?

I didn't say driving.

I was like, is anyone losing it?

You know?

And Everyone's like no, no, like which, And then I thought to myself, I'm the only one who experimented with the barbecue chicken.

The chicken on a barbecue chicken pizza should be cooked before the pizza, then with the pizza.

And I don't know, maybe it had sat out for too long, but I haven't had barbecue chicken pizza since then.

I might never.

Again before that experience.

How did you feel about barbecue chicken?

Leave it?

I can leave.

It's really kind of weird that I went for it that day, because I feel like people are either they absolutely hate or love a barbecue chicken pizza.

It's very divisive.

One other thing I didn't lead with is it was my pizza party.

You said it was.

I don't know why, my pizza party birthday with all girls.

Wow, so you ordered the girls and the girl was me.

I don't know why I to separate myself.

I thought maybe that was the day you became a woman.

That's the day I became a woman.

You left.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, So you ordered that pizza for your for the party.

A friend did it, like ordered all the different pizza, you know.

I think that's why I sort of tried to separate myself.

It wasn't my pizza ordering.

I don't want anybody in the audience who wants to invite me to a pizza party.

I want them to know they can trust me.

You're not going to give it away.

No, I'm not going to do anything weird.

Can you say where the pizza came from?

We can beep it out.

I don't know why.

I know Culver City.

A friend ordered it.

She said it was a good pizza.

It was also expensive.

Oh boy, wow, I'd like to put that place.

I'm putting all of Culver City on notice, the whole.

City until we narrow it down to this pizza parlor.

The whole city is should beware poison Central take pizza.

That's a long way to travel a pizza from Culver City to wherever.

We did it in Culver City.

Oh you did it?

You know a friend lives in Clover City.

I don't have a big enough apartment.

Let's have the pizza party in Clover City.

I feel that already I've established myself as an unreliable narrator, and the whole crowd.

Is like, what what can we trust for this one?

Ten thirty is early to get to Burbank's.

Ten thirty is a hard time to have a conversation.

Let's be honest.

Everybody at home is like, fuck you, guys, I'm up at work at eight am.

Well, even if I'm up at six am.

From six until eleven am, I'm not someone that should be approached.

What are you doing between six and eight am?

Disassociating, regretting my life, thinking, oh, I can't believe I woke up at all, bickering with my boyfriend or telling him to be quiet.

Are you a person who tries to like stay off their phone in the morning?

A little bit?

This is my morning.

I wake up, turn off the alarm, and now I turn off the white noise or the dark noise I think is what it is?

Noise?

And because you're a demon, I'm a demon.

You're listening to dark noise.

I turn that off, get my phone, get my coffee and protein bar, and go into the backyard and read.

Okay.

Once I'm done with my coffee, I go in and get my phone okay, and then go back out and then just start ruining.

My day okay, because that's a healthy way to start the day, I feel.

But it doesn't prevent you from So it doesn't prevent you from coming in and ruining things.

Right if I have if the phone is next to my book that I'm just not reading the book.

Yeah, you know, you got to leave.

I got one of those apps that makes it hard to get on social media.

You have to.

It's called screen Zen okay, is the one that I'm using, and you have to You're only allowed three times on ten minutes at a time, okay, and then you have to wait a full minute for it to let you on.

But as it's I'm like, well, just annoying when I have to wait them of course.

Yeah, but it has prevented me from like mindlessly sort of scrolling because if I go to mindlessly scroll and then I see that I have to wait a full minute, I'm like fuck.

This, right, it just like snaps you out of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but is there's no.

Work around, I feel like I would get around the worker.

I'm so bad at technology.

If there is, I don't know.

So for a computer whiz like myself, I mean I.

Should be named Debbie or Nancy.

Nancy is my mom's name, Linda Kathy.

I'm like I have a boomer level of technology.

Yeah, I feel like any of those things I would just it has to physically be locked away from me, which is unfortunate.

How much longer do you think we're all going to be trapped?

And like, at some point there has to be a breaking point when we start leaving at least Instagram for another new thing.

You know.

I'm teaching this semester, so I'm with gen Z and how are they doing?

And they are unwell but they're kind of like funny, but yeah, they do they you know how people talk about the gen Z stare and stuff.

Yes, they do have kind of like zombie eyes that I think is from staring at their screen.

Right, But I also think everybody's been worried about the youth.

Since since the beginning of time.

I think they are like chillin you know, they make me laugh.

They talk about their like boyfriends, ex boyfriends, facetiming them.

In creative writing, we spend forty five minutes out of the hour talking about people's ex boyfriends, facetiming them.

That's what creative writing is all about.

That's the beginning of a story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Exactly so.

But otherwise they seem pretty normal.

Yeah, they're shy.

They seem really shy, at least the students in my class like people like but once they start talking, then they but they seem to have a little bit more like no one.

They're no like class clowns that are like constantly interest kind of chatting.

I'm like begging them to talk, you know, I'm telling them I'll injure myself in front of them if they don't speak.

I feel I feel like shy is a good place to start.

I don't mind it.

Yeah, shy teen better than the opposite.

Oh yeah, an annoying teen.

I forget it.

Come on, nineteen twenty twenty one.

You know, they're in college.

They're shy, and it feels like gen Z is now getting to you know, Jen Alpha's now they in charge.

Yeah, I can't, I don't can't tell the distinct.

How old is the oldest Gen Alpha at this point?

Is that like a I'm turning to the booth.

How old is like fifteen eighteen?

Where are we with Gen Alpha at this point?

They're born between twenty ten and twenty twenty four.

Okay, fifteen years old.

So they're just they're not yeah, they're still in there.

They haven't gotten to me yet.

Right, They're not driving, They're not They're not a yeah yeah, but they're the advertisers are starting to turn the gaze towards Jen Alpha and where the rest of us are just continually losing power and sliding towards death.

Wow.

I was going to ask you how you start your mornings.

Oh, I try to do the thing where I stay off my phone and I also try to read.

I gotta get a coffee.

Like the moment you know, I'm I'm like crawling out of my I can't do anything without I'm so addicted to kaffee.

Right, I get a migraine if I don't have coffee.

Coffee, are you doing a whole pot in the morning.

I open a can of cold brew, a can that I get from bulk from Costco.

Okay, well, huge, I got to show you it.

Okay, I think I have early onset dementia.

I can't pull it.

Absolutely, I can't pull anything from my brain.

It's so scary when someone else something.

This is something I look at every day in order.

But it's one of those that's it was the highest milligrams of caffeine.

I could find choice like three hundred and.

That's a good one.

Yeah, it's yeah, yeah, And I drink it, and I feel that I feel the same, but I at least don't have I'm not getting like a splitting headache, right, and then as I drink it, I try to read a book.

Okay, I think that's nice.

I think I make my own cold brew, but I'm even that the idea of just being able to open a can.

You make your own cold brew, that's like trad husband of you.

I am you make it.

I don't even know what that entails or is that just like pouring concentrated and.

You get this thing called a cold brew toddy, which is a plastic like thing, and then you put the coffee grounds and then water, then coffee grounds in water.

Then you let it sit for twenty four hours.

All very sexy.

I feel to hear that you're making and do you make it for your husband boyfriend?

Yes, yes, I make the.

Whole ring and I can't remember which rain goes on.

That's a good day.

I forget all the time.

I was like, I'm going to go for it.

It's my husband.

I'm going the tickets.

Wife excuses me.

Yes, yes, yes.

You make the concentrate and then it sits in the fridge and then you make it in the morning.

But I make it for.

Both of us because he can't complain never.

But I mean the sky complains non stop.

You're making him cold brew.

The amount of complaints it's ridiculous, none of them too much.

That's like if I buy my boyfriend dinner, I'm like, then for the next two weeks, I'm like, remember when I got you dinner.

It's so annoying.

I'm like, shut them over the same thing.

And I'm getting him like two for one.

It'll poil loco And I'm like remember that, I'll how good it was?

You usually go out to dinner?

Do you just split?

No?

He always pays for me.

He always pays.

That's what's so crazy for me to be like, remember, I think it's me being like, you know, the one time.

But we have really different schedules because he works a normal job and I'm, you know, a kookie, right working ten working ten various jobs.

So I'm often bringing over like taco ball at like ten thirty d.

That's very nice, and we don't live that kind of I have some kookie beliefs, like what like religious.

No, my kookie beliefs are that I need a lot of privacy.

Yeah, yeah, no, I just I've never lived with anyone, and I have a great apartment that I love, right, But I don't want to tell you how long we've been dating because then it seems really creepy.

Though we don't live I don't think that that's creepy at all.

I think that that's very healthy, get.

On great, right, And he keeps moving closer to me, so I'm hoping that eventually he'll just live next door.

He's slowly creeping up.

He's creeping up on me because I won't leave my apartment.

You know.

Oh, I think that that's totally fine, and especially I think in a big city where it's just like hard to find a good apartment.

I'm like, we don't fight, you know, of course, how could you possibly your time is more valuable when you're together.

Yes, And and I feel like a lot of the things that people fight about are like someone breathing.

Of course, you know, hearing the other person.

Yeah, they don't.

And I'm just like, listen, am I in therapy.

Yeah, shout out to doctor Barbara.

She's doctor Barbara.

Reach out.

Yeah.

Oh she calls in.

She's like, I'd like to talk more about Amy's issues.

Listen.

I grew up in a house where, like, my dad was talking to me through the bathroom door.

Not a lot of private too much.

You can't talk to someone in there.

Larry's Larry's calling me ten times a day.

You know, he's on the toilet, He's calling me.

His name's Larry.

So I'm just like, I need I got to live alone, got a alone.

No, I totally understand that we've started.

We sleep in separate beds almost every night of the week.

See that's and that sounds good to me.

Oh it's lovely.

And then do you sorry?

I'm sorry to bring this up on the pod.

Whose bed do you have sex in?

Oh that's a great question.

I'm okay, And that's fair enough.

I thought i'd take a stab, you know, just sometimes I got to take a big swing, and if it's a strikeout, I don't mind.

That's that's part of doing stand up comedy.

Sometimes you get on stage and you whiff.

You know, you didn't whiff, you just didn't get an.

Get an answer.

That's like my crowd work.

I'm like, so what bed do you guys?

Fucking I hate when comedians ask people in the crowd like vulgar questions.

What I was going to say about calling is do you forget this when you call somebody on speaker and they ask, am I on speaker?

But people get really sensitive about being on speaker phone.

Yeah, Like what they're really asking is can someone here?

Can someone else hear me?

I feel like I get a lot of the time.

It's just like, why don't you have Why are you using your like some of your strengths to hold the phone?

I think that's weird.

It's like, what do they care?

You know, I'm doing you a big favorite just by even talking.

I always assumed it was is someone else in the room and can hear me?

You know?

Right that person's paranoid?

Yeah?

Yeah, and I will let somebody know if there's somebody else in the room in the car.

I would hope I'm not just gonna blurt out right something private like I blurt out on this podcast.

Are you a big phone person?

Yeah, I'm a big talk to my girlfriends every time I get in the I drive a lot, as many LA people do.

But I got a lot of jobs on every side of the city, right, but I'm crossing.

I'm in the car.

I feel for four hours a day.

And so every time I get in the car, I call a friend and I listen to her problems.

And do you just do you schedule the call or you just randomly call?

I just randomly call.

And I got a lot of girlfriends with problems, and you're a girl thirties in LA, and I'm somebody who doesn't mind hearing them.

I find people's problems to be and they're always problems with as many girls problems are women's.

There are problems with no solutions.

So you're just kind of just listening, but you're not offering solutions.

I mean, the solution is like we have to get you to like see yourself as lovable.

And I also think people don't want to hear solutions, And what.

Sort of solution is you need to see yourself as lovable.

Yeah, they know right, you know, so when it becomes advice, the people tune that out.

They just want to Sometimes the solution is like we got to you gotta get a job, but like there are no one wants to hear that either, or they're already trying to get a job.

Of course they're trying to get a job.

That's not helpful, right exactly.

Or like they're sad about a breakup, and what are you going to say to that.

You're just like, yeah, I'm sad too that you had that happen.

And you have to be careful about talking about a breakup because if you insult the X too much, then they get back together.

That becomes you can't be fully honest.

There was a minute when I was doing surprise phone calls, and I've kind of shied away from that.

I think I need to get back into that.

Why did you start trying away?

I don't know.

I think that during the pandemic it became a thing that felt good to just give somebody a phone call, and then we all got kind of back into our lives as much as you possibly could.

And now it feels a little bit like, am I scaring people?

Like it?

And I was doing a lot of surprise face times, which I think, Yeah, that I've stopped.

Now I'm only doing surprise phone call.

Yeah, I would text before, and I don't really care to see a friend's face.

Yeah, I don't need to FaceTime a friend.

I will.

Uh, maybe I should start randomly calling people again.

I get into habits with certain people where I'm talking to them constantly, and then I've like one of my best friends lives in Australia and I don't call her because I feel like when I call her, we need a lot of time to catch up.

Right.

The people I'm calling are people who I really know what's going on in their lives minute to minute too much, I know.

You know.

I was just wondering about this, Like, what's the longest amount of time you haven't spoken to somebody, like to a good friend, to a good friend that you feel like you could still give them a phone call.

Let's say you haven't spoken to somebody in two years?

Is it?

Do you need to text first?

Two years?

That's tough.

I don't think I've ever gone alarming to get a phone call from somebody you haven't heard from in two years.

I feel like it's either like a person from like high school that is coming out of the blue, you know, right, or a person Yeah it would be alarming to me, would it be alarming to you?

I'm trying to decide.

I mean, like, let's say that you're kind of in contact through social media, so you're aware of each other.

Okay, Okay, that's different.

Yeah.

You know, I'm an optimist and I always think someone is calling to get give me something.

Does that happen?

Well, even if it's just like a like you know, like we need you to do a Q and A for twucks.

Right right, I don't know.

That's what I'm always.

I'm always I'm like a person who answers unknown numbers, thinking that it's going to be someone like, hey, we read a short story of yours.

We want to turn it into a movie.

I used to ground down for me, that's totally filed.

It's just like my dad finding new numbers to call me from.

Like for some reason, I now just think it's either scam or medical call.

Yeah, urgent care.

Call, cold calls.

I'm getting a lot of I thought I have health insurance from a certain company and I keep getting phone calls being like, this is your health insurance, but it's a different company.

I never know if it's a scame.

Got to be very careful.

I probably don't have health insurance now.

I'm probably like, accidentally.

You have to I think, what did they say?

If you think that, if it seems like they're calling you don't answer, then you call them from a different phone number.

It seems too good to be true.

If it seems too good.

I know something about if it seems too good to be true, if.

Someone's calling me being like, Hi, yeah, Steven Spielberg, can you come over?

Like we read a short story of yours in the Indiana Review and we need to have you.

We want to make it into a movie.

All my short stories are like a girl walks into a bar and has a conversation.

I'd like health insurance to call with an offer that's.

Too good to be and Hi, we have a kidney in case you ever need one.

We're just gonna keep it on You're gonna put it on ice.

Let us know if you ever need one.

It's waiting for you.

Well.

Look, speaking of disappointment and things that were too good to be true, I think that having you on the podcast may have been too good to be true, because I was looking forward to having you here.

It's something that can happen to me.

Something bad has happened to me, Amy.

I was excited to have you here.

I thought, amy'l combie, we'll have a nice time.

We'll just chat, see what's up with each other's lives that then move on with our days.

The podcast is called I said no gifts, so my day was immediately ruined.

And it's as I said, it's very early.

So now I have to live through the rest of my day in a mood because you showed up holding a gift.

I'm sorry, doesn't seem like you are.

I just wanted to bring you a gift badly.

Okay, well should we open it here on the podcast?

I mean, I'm embarrassed for people to see, but I guess I have no other choice.

Well, as long as you're embarrassed.

I know you like to embarrass me, of course.

Let's open it here.

You've totally lost a kid.

It's in this beautiful brown bag.

This is a yes, I'm going to reach in here.

Okay, Oh, it's an interesting feeling.

Let's pull this on I'm pulling something else.

Oh okay, I'm just making sure there's nothing else here.

It's a dense bag.

Sorry, by the way.

Wow, okay, oh this is whoa Oh wait did you this is a van Go printed on it.

Where did you get this?

This is my dad's paint by number.

My dad has become a painter, and uh, every painting he does is worse than the last.

This one's actually one of his better ones.

This one's pretty good.

Yeah, and I talked to you know.

What I really wanted to find, which I wasn't able to get, was he did a portrait of me.

Oh, let's see this.

Can you show the camera that.

Put this on Instagram?

If it's not great?

Has daughter Amy?

You know, you can flip through.

He's got some other really kind of awful painting.

Who's this?

That's my mom at her at her birthday.

That's pretty I love this.

The waiter in the background.

This is when he was still doing pain by numbers my dad.

Larry Silverberg, who read the caption on that.

One, says lots to criticize about this water color of a girl swimmer assignment, especially the mouth.

He's so he's just getting ahead of the viewers of criticize.

When I read that caption on a painting lots to criticize, I thought, this is this makes me understand myself and original.

Yeah yeah, so now he's no longer doing paint by numbers, but.

I think he's a good painter.

Don't lie.

Coy some coy with masking fluid, which I failed so hard hard.

Oh yeah, his daughter is here criticizing him on see this.

He doesn't have Instagram.

I thought, maybe you could do something with that paint by number?

Do you have any interest in art or van go?

I do?

I and in I'm a doodler.

My mom's a great painter.

Oh, really, really good letter letter, give it a critique.

I feel like if I didn't know this was paint by numbers, I would just think it was a like a you know print that you ordered online.

Okay, so you like it?

Well, I think that's like is a strong Will you put it up somewhere.

I'll put it up here in the studio.

Okay, we'll have a space so it'll be out of the camera.

My dad will feel honored.

He is a painting.

Well, I'm not going to pay for a frame.

No, please, this could.

Probably dangle somewhere, or let it dangle.

Yeah, we'll let it dangle from a shell.

Honestly, you could put it on the ground as a mat, as a doormat.

Yeah, what's your problem with this thing?

No?

I I just think actually that it's really beautiful to start a hobby late in life.

Yes, Oh so he started this how long ago?

He's about to turn eighty?

Wow, he started it recently.

And it's all he does every day is and then he calls me to tell me kind of about the paintings.

That's what I want you to know.

I also have a lot.

He's got a lot of paintings to give away, so he won't miss this.

You know.

Does he mail these see or do you get them when you go home?

No?

When I go home.

He's also trying to get me to give them away to friends.

He's like, please give people my paintings.

You know.

So when he gives you this one, for example, what was your reaction.

I said, van go and he said, yeah, I fucked it up.

You know, immediately he was criticizing it.

Is he proud of any of his paintings.

One or two?

But then he'll look at which I also relate to, you know, as a writer a comedian.

The next day he'll look at it again and decide he doesn't like it, right, And who among us is.

Is which ones was he kind of proud of?

Um, he likes the one that he did of my mom do that?

Oh okay, that's a nice one, which is Yeah, he captured the waiter who seems kind of frustrated.

He captures an essence and it even if he captures sort of nothing else.

Does he have any goals?

Does he want to be shown in a gallery?

No, he just wants to have fun.

And did this come out of nowhere?

He's like, well, I got to do something with my time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think he wanted like an artistic outlet, and honestly reminded me that I don't.

I don't really have a single hobby.

Oh I have one hobby.

I actually almost brought you poker chips.

I play poker.

Oh hobby.

Yeah, it is a good hobby, but like I have no I think if you're in the arts as a job.

Right, it kind of ruins that your hobbies.

Yeah, then you have no sort of artistic hobby.

But poker, you know, like and it's unhealthy.

How long have you been playing poker?

Probably like three or four years now?

And did you teach yourself or Christine Madrano?

I bet a friend of the poll former former guests at the post.

Okay, shout out to Christine Mitrano.

She was sort of my mentor.

She play excellent poker.

Yes, and so we go to the casino together.

We don't even play.

I play homegme.

But where we really shine is at the casino.

What casino do you go to?

You name it.

I've been there commerce the bike Hollywood Park.

If you look in my wallet, I'm like trying to take out a credit card.

I have casino cards like flying out.

You've been to the Marongo?

Oh that I haven't been.

You haven't been to the Mango.

I haven't been to the Marongo.

Wow, that's shocking.

I'm meeting a lot of weird old men at the casino and they are close friends of mine.

How much It's so embarrassing how many people I recognize when I go in all these Every Filipino older man is my best friend.

That's great.

What a community is a community?

Have you won big before?

Yes, I've won big and I've lost big.

How much have you won.

Like seven hundred, that seems okay.

I'm not gonna say that's big.

I mean that would be.

For me low stakes, and I'm very we call it nitty.

I'm in nitty, meaning I'm like a conservative player.

I'm not going in.

I'm not trying to gamble.

Or you're healthy, you're not a gambling addict.

Yes, I'm not trying to gamble.

I'm trying to play sort of strategically.

What's the most you've lost.

In one sitting?

Yeah, like six.

Hundreds, See that would be you know, oh, and I feel terrible about myself after, but it goes up and down, so like overall, I'm pretty even, right, That's why it is like a stupid hobby that's just sort of like stress relief.

If I lost six hundred dollars, I would have to get a second job.

I mean when I lose six hundred dollars, it's always because I'm like really stressed out, and it's like healthy, Like I got to play poker as a stress reliever.

So like my boyfriend would take a long walk and I'm like going all in on pocket tooths.

You know, it's like not a good do.

You think you'll ever try competitive poker.

You mean like a tournament.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you need a lot of time for a tournament.

I like cash games because you can just go and cash games are still competitive you're playing against the team, right, But cash games just mean.

You go in and out a tournament.

You have to just and can anybody show up to a tournament?

I'd like to bring you.

I am the last person who will The idea of even playing one game of poker is horrified.

I mean, I love it so much.

I am smiling minightly the entire time.

I'm smiling even when I'm losing money.

That probably works in your favor, I think, so, yeah, because no one, no one can really tell what's going on in your mind.

Yeah.

Oh, and I like I have like I think one of my better qualities is I have a deep curiosity about other people.

Okay, sometimes you know, curiosity kills the.

Cat, right.

So I meet really sort of interesting people at the poker table.

And I met a guy whose job was to clean up after dead get rid of.

Dead bodies, oh at crime scene clean.

Up or just if I were to pass away here.

Oh so he works for the morgue or something.

I guess he just he was like, if the cops come, they're not the ones who come to take away the body, right.

They have some guy in a suit.

And did you learn anything about that whole situation?

What did he have any tips?

I asked him?

You know, actually, I was like, do you like the job?

And he said something sort of moving about like I like to treat, like really honor a body's last moments on earth, like I treat it with.

A lot of care.

So it was and then I loved dream seventy dollars and left.

Was he a good poker player?

No, not particularly.

I think I was a little you know, I've met some guys on parole.

I'm meeting a lot of interest.

Wow.

Yeah, I I don't mind black jack, but not playing for money.

How do you play blackjack for no money?

Just like my boyfriend and I will just play, you know, just this is very rare.

But okay, okay, here's just kind of a thrill.

Yeah, no, I like, do you play blackjack at all?

Yeah?

I like blackjack.

I like craps.

I'm a gambler.

It's my worst quality in best quality.

What's your favorite casino?

Well, I love Vegas.

Okay, and but if we're talking about l A, well, this is when things are going to get real freaky.

Like I like the food at the bicycle, I like the Kung pow chicken at Hollywood Park.

This is a much time I'm spending at these because see those and in commerce, I like the action.

Oh interesting, that seems like the most important thing for Are you eating kungkout chicken while playing poker?

Yeah, so there's like a plate of it.

Well yeah, and yeah, I'm eating it.

I never eat anything you got any for knife.

You can't eat anything with your hands, obviously because you're touching the carts chips.

I didn't know you were allowed to eat during poker.

Yeah, that's actually one of my favorite parts.

It's like getting the casino food and eat eating.

People don't think that I can be a degenerate gambler because I'm five feet tall.

They think something about that.

I think I can't see over the chips.

I feel like short people are more likely to be degenerate gamblers.

I feel like tall people don't need to they've got it all.

Tall people don't need to get or short people are like, well maybe this.

Will fix everything to hell?

Yeah, like close to the ground.

Do you like Las Vegas?

Uh?

No, absolutely.

I'm trying to be more careful about how I talk about because I feel like, no, not so much that I just feel like I grew up in a city that was the butt of every joke, you know, and I remember being like, well, there are good things about the city.

I will say, there's so many awful things about Las Vegas that maybe maybe they're for other people.

It's not my cup of tea.

I will say, you do see the bottom of humanity there, sure.

And I only ever spend like two or three days right time.

Anyone who's in Las Vegas for more than three days, their life is ruined.

Yah.

Yeah, going there?

And how long you were there?

For?

Three days?

Two days?

Two days?

And we went to a high end strip club, oh, which I'd never been to disturbing.

I thought that there would be way more like joy and laughter.

I don't know what I like.

I was thinking it was going to be like maybe more burlesque type like room.

But I think because it was high end, the men were so grimly horny.

I didn't I was like I was waiting for like some like, but they felt like.

They were owed something grim grimly.

But I did see a woman take off her thong to reveal a smaller thong, and then she did of that song and there was an even smaller thng, So that made it all That made it all worth that a thong on a thong.

No Vegas has there's an apocalyptic prison city feel to it that just doesn't really work for me.

Yeah, there's a you know, there's a great Thai restaurant I like there that Like I wish it wasn't in that city because I would go there.

What do you ever think about what you how you would do in an apocalypse?

I would kill myself immediately.

Yeah, I don't like that question.

And some people really take joy in being like, oh, I'll like grow cabbage and all.

Why I'm a Type one diabetic.

I'm like I need insulin, Like just eat me first.

The absolute nightmare for you.

I mean, I'm not interested in Also the It's like every boyfriend I've ever had is always like I'll get you insulin.

It's like, you know, like what are you going to grind up the pain greass of a pig?

Like you're not confidence, You're not gonna be helpful to me, Like eat me if I don't like to imagine the in apocalypse.

I know it's getting closer and closer.

But I'm no, I just feel like at that point, why bother?

I like to camp for one night Max.

Yeah, I'm not a big camper, so I'd rather be in Vegas than on a campground.

Like on the downhill slide towards like the end of the world.

I would probably enjoy myself with some looting, et cetera.

You think you're gonna loot, I would loot, absolutely, I would loot now, Okay.

See, and I think I would be like I would be like, come, let's play a game.

I'm dealing cards.

No, I would be throwing a cinder block through a best By window, getting a new washing machine.

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

I feel like that that level of freedom, that anarchy would be fun for a minute.

Yeah, one minute, and then it's like, okay, now it's all over.

Throw me in a river.

I'm a bit of a minus the gambling, a bit of a goodie two shoes.

Oh interesting, Well, but see that as am I'm a I follow rules but like to suddenly be like, well who cares?

Yeah, you might be turn out to be the most evil man in the apocalypse, like after having followed all these rules.

Yeah, exactly, it's all pent topic, like I'm the ruler of Earth.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm such an evil.

Yeah, you've been demonic and no.

I'd love to be in the grocery store just eating the food while I'm walking around.

Yeah, I mean that was my dream as a kid, to be like left alone at like pavilions.

What's sad?

There's something satisfying about the idea of like drinking a drink before you get to the checkout and then just paying for the ka something like that.

You know, they got mad at my grandma, my booboo.

May she rest in peace.

She was like in her eighties nineties for going through like the nuts and taking a few break.

The grocery store guy came over and said, you can't do that.

It's like this woman's like eighty eight.

You're not gonna let her eat a pistachio.

Jordan Allman, what your sample of cash?

Who let her sample of cashew?

It was so crazy, Wow, that's really I think after your hand in, she was like taking it out with the even if she was putting her hand in come.

On out of the bulk bins.

Out of the bulk bins.

I think that's for anyone of any age.

They should be able to do that.

One little fresh.

It may have been there for a long time.

Everything if the TVs, you know, is under lock and key, so you got to be like, excuse me, like I need this dealready.

I mean, if the item is under seven dollars, they should not be behind glass.

Just let let people steal it.

Turns out we're ready to loot right now, you and I.

The CVS.

I feel like that must cost them more money than they have to hire more employees or something to go let people into the glass, one would think.

And they have to pay for all of the glass.

Yeah, and it just makes it a missing It was already such a miserable experience.

Let us in charge pharmacy should be doing something to make them more appealing.

AE own forget it.

Well, do you have any other hobbies planned?

Do I have any other hobbies plan?

You know?

I used to paint grand Yeah, and I would like to take it up again.

I went to one pottery class, but the instructor like did it all?

Oh?

So my bowl turned out so good that I was to like the left of the instructor, and she kept coming and putting her hands on my bowl.

But people get really into pottery.

Oh yeah, some people are very good at it.

I'm not.

Do you have any hobbies?

No, I mean I guess video games is kind of a hobby.

I'm like the worst kind of gamer because I played games on my phone such a fucking's kind of gambling.

Well, well, I mean the games I'm playing are like Bubble Spinner.

I'm not like spending money on them, but I'm on level three and fifty seven.

It's like so creepy and they're very slot machine coded.

They're just fun to like play.

Well, Like, you know, TLC poly Family is on in the background.

I was telling you, I.

Like, we were talking about TLC poly Family.

You haven't watched TLZ poll Family.

I beg your listeners, and I beg you.

I haven't watched it yet.

TLC at some point there's going to be a reckoning for their producers.

Oh.

I think already they're having trouble sleeping at night.

I think that they are.

I haven't seen yet.

They need it worse a dark.

Soul when you start pitching TLC reality shows they're at Carnival Barkers.

Oh, I'm back on Marriati First Sight, which is also kind of an interesting.

We we o died on ninety Day Fiance during the pandemic.

I was watching that during the pandemic and something happens where it gets too dark.

Yeah, and you've just had so much of it.

You're just like and then you're just like, the people are coming over to America to be with the scariest, ugliest man you've ever seen, and they have so much to lose and so little to gain that it becomes too difficult, too yeah to continue watching.

But I like when the women take advantage of the men.

Oh, of course.

When I love when there's somebody coming from another country and it's just some oaf uh of course, like, yeah, you should be taking advantage.

Yes, yes, yeah, I have the money.

She knows what she's doing.

Yeah, Or like when it's like some dumb guy and like a Russian woman is like, you have to give me all my all your money.

I feel like we're probably talking about the same one, and I feel like they lived in Park l Brea.

Do you remember that couple?

Yes, yes, I think that guy Bobs I can't do a Russian accent, but.

That was pretty good.

Thank you boobs.

I need boos, I need more purse.

She absolutely juiced that.

Guy, and he was just kind of like is this a normal relationship?

Like you see him on Reddit being like is this is it normal for your wife to yell at you?

I need boobs, I need persons.

I think he was eventually arrested for something else.

Uh oh well that makes it like fraud.

Yeah, I'm sure it was fraud.

Fraud, something gonna vague fraud.

But I was.

I was rooting for that mean Russian the entire time.

Come on, It's like, yeah, he him, squish him.

I wonder where she is now.

I feel like I'm somebody who might accidentally commit fraud just in my tax is really that's scary estimating and my taxes are really confusing because I have to file a thing for everywhere I've done stand up.

Oh if that's real, I've definitely.

Done some kind of fraud.

Hopefully no one's This show has a big IRS listenership, so that sort of thing when you're freelancing is so scared.

My tax I'm just like, please be on top of this.

A mere tax guy, you know, he's in Chatsworth.

He's like, she gambles too much.

That's oh yeah, gambling.

Do you have to report your I don't know if I don't.

Do enough that I report it, like you know, and I'm pretty kind of I.

Wonder how much you have to win gambling in order to report it.

I bet the casino tells you.

You right, they're probably kind of on the.

Watch me right now getting into trouble, like realizing that I've been I'm supposed to be reporting and I haven't.

I yeah, definitely, if you win a big tournament, like Christine placed in a big tournament and she won like eight K, I assume, yes, that's a big Maybe it's like ten.

I don't know.

Christine's going to eventually win the world.

We're going to bring you to the casino and see.

And I will be an absolute killed joy.

You will be.

You will regret every second I'm there.

I can guarantee I was in the casino a couple of months ago and it was a miserable experience for me.

Which casino the one in Palm Springs that it's not wrong?

Yes, yes, my boyfriend was playing black jack and he enjoys gambling, and he since we had met, I think he had gambled once, like ten years ago, and I said, never again.

And then this you want to go with him?

The cam that he could because I was like, you have to stop throwing them up.

Wait, and not that he was like now that he had, Boyfriend's.

Just simply afraid of me too.

I'm sure he wishes he could say, I need you to.

Stop, but this time you convinced me.

He gave me twenty dollars and I went and used the slot machines realized very quickly I don't even know how to use a slot machine, and then lost off the money.

I told my boyfriend because he had lost money, and he was like in a like he was upset about it, like, and I got you can't be around me if you're upset about losing money like this.

That vibe is not of course, so do not bring me.

Yeah.

No, I'm like, I need I'm losing money.

I'm smiling, Okay.

Because you're treating it as a game, not as a money making sure.

Sure, yeah, because I would go into it thinking I have to make money.

Now, this is my job for the next two hours.

And have I occasionally told people I was going to the library and then went to the casino instead.

Yeah, and that's something again, Doctor Barbara listening, we can circle back to that.

I don't think you're supposed to be lying about where you are.

Wait, what's your favorite casino in Vegas?

I like where I like to play poker.

Is the Encore or the Win?

Never heard of the Core?

Yeah, that's nicely familiar with the use a free drink, So I like that.

You see that appeals to me, but a free drink appeal, But for me, it's a diet coke.

Just spend the two dollars.

Fun though, you know that free diet coke.

I'm like, keep them coming, swell.

Should you have to gamble for them to start offering you free drinks?

You if you just sit down at the table with any money, they I noticed they kind of take a long time to bring you a drink.

Oh, of course they want more money.

I mean the psychology that they're using.

I bet they have a whole team of psychologists working.

And the amount of verbal abuse that these women, I mean, like sexual harassment.

These women taken at the table were like, sweetie, come on, sweetie, whatever I don't know why I made them from like New Jersey.

That's me too.

When I sit at the table, I'm like, sweetie, it's sweet sweetie.

Can you hurry up?

That Bailey's on ice like ordering the weirdest.

Oh that you are living my hell.

I don't know how you do it, but yeah, hobbies.

I was rock climbing for a minute.

I need to get back into that is that scary indoors?

Not for me at least.

I think you have a cord.

No, I was bouldering, so you don't have a cord, but you're only at max like twenty five feet in the air.

At one point, I was like I had gotten to like a maybe mid to high level, and I decided to film it on my phone and I filmed it like me.

Getting to the top, like you put it on a propped it.

Up against my water bottle.

I filmed the whole thing and it was difficult.

I got to the top and got down and then I watched out my phone.

It's like this is I can't I can never show anyone this.

This is so embarrassing.

What was embarrassing about it?

Because it's like I climbed like fifteen feet into the air, you're it, You're like, yeah, while doing it, it's like, this is so difficult, this is so impressive.

And then you watch it, You're like, this is maybe two and a half times my height.

If I were to fall to the ground, I might be sore.

The next thing, No, I pull vaulted in high school.

Wow, Yes, And I was so bad at it.

I was not allowed to participate in any of the meats.

Who told you you weren't allowed to participate, they were just like.

You're like, you're not even gonna make it.

Like I could only make it over the first thing, which is five feet, so I could essentially vault over myself if I was like coming to attack myself, and I had a stick and au But I remember thinking when when you're in the air flying over, you.

Feel like you're of course you're staring.

And then someone had taken a video of me, and you're it looks so small compared to what other people are doing, because they're vaulting over like six feet and seven feet.

And eve, and how does that I've never really, I've never tried it.

You stick the thing in the grounder than it kind of.

And then you but it really is like your form.

So like the best girl on the team was like tiny and didn't have big upper body strike, but she had the right form.

But if you're like a strong guy, you can kind of just vault yourself.

I could do neither.

I was just like poking people in the butts with the sticks, like having fun.

What drew you to it?

Then you didn't have to try out and I needed to finish a pee credit.

I can't believe you didn't have to try out for that.

That's is like one that's kind of dangerous.

No track, they were like at my high school, they were just kind of like what do you want to do in track?

Originally I wanted to throw the discus?

Oh, and they told me I was too weak.

They were like you got a way more than the discus, you know, five five feet.

So then I was like what else can I do when I don't have to run?

And they were like, how wanted you try to pull vaulted?

Do you think you could pull vault now?

At any level?

You know?

That's a friend just was like do you still pull vault?

And I was like, it's not only something you do like as a leisure activity.

You have to go buy what is this thing called a stick?

The pole?

But yeah, like you get the pole, you need the you need some pads, you need to find the Yeah.

I feel like that would be a practical skill to have in some regard if you're running away from someone trying to Yeah, exactly pull vaulting away from like a horde of people.

Yeah.

Should we take that up as a hobby.

I wouldn't mind trying.

Do you have any other hobbies besides rock climbing?

No, I play three chords on the guitar.

I was thinking about buying a bass guitar.

I think I could probably handle it.

The three chords that can get you far.

No, because I'm not good enough at even forming the chords.

I was trying to learn to play this song see of Heartbreak.

Do you know that song?

But Don Gibson, wonderful song.

I believe you, and I think I kind of began getting there, then got frustrated and gave it up.

I have a really stupid question.

How many chords are there?

Oh?

There?

I mean there's so many chords.

There's one for each note.

You know, each note has multiple chords around it, Major, minor, all sorts of chords.

So honestly, you have any idea how many chords are?

I added this out I sound like.

Honestly, I think the limit does not exist because you have like you not only have major and minor, you also have like dominant and like sus telling me.

There's infinity chords, I mean as many.

I mean I'd have to look up one of those like equations where you type in how many notes and then how many because you can put seven notes in a chord if you really wanted to, so like you think about how many notes there are, and then you combine those notes with other notes.

I don't know it just like it starts stacking who the rainbow?

Yes sound its.

Occurring to me.

Now I've never known what a chord is.

Have you never played any music?

I played piano growing up, but not well.

Right, and sometimes you put more than two notes?

No, I know, I guess I knew that those are chords.

But chords, yeah, I can play three, and technically I should be able to play a lot of songs.

But I'm just my finger.

The finger strength isn't there.

We got to work out your fingers.

But I think with a bass, I think I could probably figure that out.

One note at a time.

Can you do you need to be in a band to play the bass guitar or can you just kind of do it alone?

You could play it alone.

I think eventually you'd be like, I need some other things going on here.

That's like drummers.

I'm like a drummer's hard to like drum alone.

But a drum solo, when done well is kind of fun.

Sure.

But if you're like only ever drumming alone.

Just yeah, you're kind of there.

Solitary guitar, I feel like you can play a large chunk of a song.

I got a lot of questions about the drums, like.

What how do they decide how many are in a kit?

No, well, they decide like how to play it in one way?

To me, the drums seem really like you get to improvise.

Yeah you can really, I mean make up your own beat.

I guess yeah.

I'm realizing now I dated a drummer for a while and never really asked him a question about it.

It's occurring to me you had no interest in his life, Like I better call him up and say, why don't I ask you about how do you decide about the drumming?

I think eventually, if I gave it my all, I could play the drums.

But it requires a lot of because you're as I think.

I just listened to a lot of music, and I think I have a decent natural rhythm.

Okay, but that could be wrong.

You have to be on a desert island with one record that you were going to play over and over and over again.

Oh that's a that's such a difficult question to answer.

Oh my god, I don't know.

I guess I'll let you think about it and text me.

Uh, I would like to.

You have to have something that won't get old too quickly, that.

You can listen to over and over and over again.

Do you know what an album that I think is like between like a pop album and more experimental as David Bowie's Low and it's like it's I think there's enough there that it could probably sustain you for a while on what about you?

I have such a terrible taste in music.

I'm like, that's fine.

I only listened to like Joni Mitchell and.

Like not terrible rule.

I guess natural combinations.

No, I'm like, I guess maybe I like a Lorn.

Hill mis Education.

That's a good album.

Nineties and early two thousands, R and B and like folk music.

I'm all over the place.

I think that you could end up with a great Joni Mitchell album.

Would be good on a desert.

Yeah, maybe I take like Joni Mitchell.

Give me a break.

Yeah, come best of?

I don't think you could do best of.

I don't know.

You tell me.

That's like saying you just want to like a compilation of chapters from different books.

Okay, best of books, that's what I should have brought you.

Okay, I think we should play a game.

We're going to play a game called Gift to a Curse, but I need a number between one and ten from you.

Six.

Okay.

I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces.

So right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you want.

Tell me right back.

Okay.

My debut novel is out at every bookstore.

It's called First Time Long Time through Grand Central Publishing.

Slash hashet First Time Long Time.

It wasn't airports for a while.

It was on the airport bookshelves, but it's no longer a new release.

Now it's like a five month old release, but you can still find it.

That's great.

Everybody should get it.

I love that and Noble that's the bookstore, I say, I don't know why I would say that.

Support your barns and notes, go to your local bookstore.

I love to see it in bookstores, So send me a picture.

Can you see it?

I think that's such a beautiful title.

Thank you.

I'm a radio It has a radio component, so first time listener, first time that long time?

Oh wow, and here we are kind of on the radio.

Did it take you a long time to get to that title?

Yeah?

I like sent a bunch of titles to the editors and my agents as we were trying to sell it, and to my agents first before we sold it, and this was the one we all liked the best.

I also said, you know what interesting is the cover?

They sent me a lot of really ugly covers.

It's got a great cover, and we said something kind of fun and graupd stands out because there's a lot of book cover design that kind of just blurs together.

Yeah, yeah, I like.

I like a graphic cover and uh, you just hope that someone will walk by and like pick it up.

All right, what's your favorite book?

Oh god, the book that made me want to be a writer when I was in college.

Middle March by Elliot.

I've never read it.

Really, it's long and it's sort of a study and what it means to be alive.

My favorite book of the month, I would say, is Beauty Land.

Okay, my favorite book of this month.

That's been it, all right.

This is how I play Gift or a Curse.

I'm going to name three things.

You're going to tell me if there're a gift or a curse and why?

Then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answers, and there's a good chance you'll lose the game if you're not careful.

All right.

This first one is from Patreon listener Caitlin Gift or a Curse, posting a photo of all of your Christmas gifts.

Curse Why because, like we've seen on so many reality TV shows, if you show all the stuff you have, someone will break in and steal them.

Does this happen on a reality show before?

I don't know, like Dori Et you know, we also saw it recently on Selling Sunset someone broke into Mary's house and store stuff.

So you're you're asking for it if you're showing like look at all this stuff I have.

Why not someone break in and take it?

And it might be you because you're a louter.

I am a future louder.

You're a future louter.

Yeah wrong, Okay.

That's a gift.

That's a and you're kind of illustrating that by you should let me know what you have in your house.

Everyone should know what everyone has in each other's houses in case you need to take it or steal it.

I don't want to break into a house with no knowledge of what's in there.

Sure, I'm not just going to break into any strangers.

I'm going to find somebody that trusts me.

You break into my house, you see my dad's paint by numbers.

No, I want to know what's in your house.

I will.

It'll be a friend or a family member.

I'll break into their home.

I've seen their Christmas hall on Instagram.

I've got my Santa's bag.

We're reverse Santa.

I've never seen anyone post what they've gotten.

I have to imagine I have that feels like something that's that's some of the someone.

I don't people posting like them and their whole family all in the matching pajamas.

That's actually a very layered thing because I feel like there was probably a point when it wasn't done ironically m and that was fun to look at because it was like, what's going on in this family?

Sure?

And now but now there's like family, every family trying to go viral.

Yeah.

Do you remember the Pajama family that was like on YouTube?

I know, but it's so wild to be known as the pajama family.

It was like this YouTube family that is everything they ever produced was the worst, just worse and worse and worse.

They were like rapping about I think they did parody songs about being in pajamas and the holidays.

It was excruciated.

Yea, maybe I'll break into their house.

Okay, take their pajamas.

Yeah, you've gotten one wrong so far, big deal.

This next one is from Patreon listener Alex Gift to a Curse, low or any other all instrumental versions of hit songs.

I'm gonna say gift why I like that kind of stuff to write too, Like I like no lyrics, and now do I write to it?

Maybe I've done it once, but I like the idea of it of like a low fi no lyrics thing.

Is that means I'm realizing I'd not that.

I know.

I don't want to correct listener Alex, but I feel like unless this is just kind of one of those words that's now just taken on new meaning, lo Fi, I would assume is just like the recording is not as high quality, you know.

But I think what Alex is saying here is just purely instrumental.

Yes, that I like, but bad quality.

No, I don't like that.

That's a curse.

But we have to choose one or the other.

Okay, I'll still go with gift.

Okay, wrong, Okay, this is a curse.

This for me, I like to hear instrumental music, but I don't.

This is gonna drive me insane because often it's just me thinking what song is this?

What is the lyric?

It's it's something that just is taking up brain power for me, and I think it's a waste of everyone.

So you couldn't name that tune?

I'm pretty good at it.

That's a game I hate.

And when I when someone wants to play name that tune, I want to take out a weapon, like I'm not going to be able to name a single tune.

So I do hear that that's frustrating.

How do you play?

Name that tune?

Do you play?

Did they play the actual song or do they play They did.

It like a wedding shower recently where they only played a little bit of the instrumental and then everybody had to kind of write down what the song was.

And I just eventually sat down my pen.

I was like, I'm not I'm like, I can't get a single one.

I don't seem to know what's going on.

I get so competitive, Okay, okay, and I well, I haven't played it in a long time, but I think I would be pretty good at it.

They did the whole Jane Krakowski was hosting something like they had it but they like on the piano, and I don't think I could do that that way.

I'm going to bring you to a cassine know where they have named that not casino doesn't exist.

That casino will ruin me.

All of my money will be gone.

Oh okay, so you've gone too wrong so far everyone's rooting against you.

This final one is from Patreon listener Casey Gift or a Cursed Cake with black slash Dark icing.

Gift Why I like chocolate and I think it'll make me think that it's gonna be a chocolate cake.

I also I enjoyed the time on the internet that was is it cake?

Oh?

Sure?

Thirty five seconds?

Yeah, And I think it would be cool to wonder like is this a block of coal or is it like a cake?

So I'm gonna go gift.

No HEMI you've completely lost the game.

Wrong, No, no, no, And this is purely I need a cake just to be good.

I don't need it to look good.

I don't need it to look stylish or interesting.

Okay, what is the black element doing?

Just making it look dramatic?

Who cares?

And it's like, what are we putting?

Is that ash?

What is the thing you ask you question?

I've actually really been wondering what what is red velvet?

Red velvet is a waste of everyone's time.

It's a lot of coke.

I mean, it's cocoa, but then a ton of red dye.

But does it taste Is it supposed to taste like chocolate cake?

Well?

Is it a different place?

That's a good question, because I think it doesn't taste enough like chocolate, And yet does something weird to your brain where you're like, I don't know what this is supposed to taste like?

Is this supposed to take tasting red?

Yeah, and then then it has cream cheese frosting, which I think is more of the flavor.

I'm glad we've put that.

Left that in twenty twelve.

Yeah, you know, and I haven't seen a lot of red velvet.

Yeah.

Sometime it took over for a period.

Of people were chomping down on red velvet and nobody it was no one's favorite cake.

No, no, it's not just a ton.

Of red dye.

Yeah.

It feels like something RFK would have a real issue.

I mean, if he could do one useful thing, it's an outlaw red velvet cake because you and I don't understand that do one thing that's nice for us.

Well, you got none, correct, and that's fine.

And what will happen to me?

You're just gonna live with that shame?

Okay, at it to the pile.

Guilty as shamed, thoughtful talented.

That's the acronym I say to my therapist that I think about myself guilty as shamed, thoughtful talented.

You can definitely take that gat.

Analise now has their own gift or a curse and we're going to speak to this.

Analise will name a thing and we each have to say it and then they have their answer.

Analise gift or a curse.

When someone replaces your toilet paper but puts it the wrong side up?

Do you want to go?

Or should I go?

You go?

I think that's a gift.

I don't understand this.

I truly don't understand that anyone has a preference about where the toilet paper should which direction it should go.

Yeah, I have never noticed, oh this is the wrong way.

It just doesn't.

It's a role and I it can go one or the other way.

It's not that confusing.

Yeah, So I think it's a gift.

I think, ever, anyone that has an issue with this finds something else to complain about.

Yeah, you think they're all sort of walking curses everyone who has a problem.

Yes, I just think this is it's an invented issue.

Okay, Well you said gift.

I think it's a gift, and I think that people need to.

Quit complain it the gift because they can find out why they're so uptight.

Yeah, and that's a gift to take with them.

Right, I'm have to go.

Curse, So I can say the opposite from my competitive spirit, and I think it's a curse because how have we not in twenty twenty five found just a different way of toilet papering, like a different sort of maybe dispenser, a different like less.

I don't know.

There have been a lot of innovations in a lot of different industries, and toilet paper is one of those that is really I think stayed.

It's a perfect product.

Oh you think it hasn't because it's perfect, and I think it needs to evolve.

I'm not sure what.

I don't have any suggestions, but I think some of the greatest minds in our in our world can maybe think about toilet paper.

And I know in other countries they do the bidet.

Oh yeah, every other country basically on the planet.

So maybe that maybe kind of coming back.

Into the United States, I think coming back.

I think it's used to occur in it.

Or maybe not coming back or finally, I read an article about it recently, like why Americans have a problem with bidets.

And see, now that's kind of an issue with where journalism is that someone's like I got to read an article.

On a lease.

What do you think it's a curse.

Okay, I'm sorry, it's a curse.

Cut their mic.

Their no, I'm in control now, okay, cut your own mic.

So, first of all, there is a correct way.

There is a correct way, but that's not that That isn't the issue here.

The issue here for me is that if you have the access to my toilet paper and you're replacing it, either you've had to like walk out of the bathroom without pants on and grab toilet paper from my cupboard or something, right, you're like rifling through my thing.

Sure, or now you've replaced the toilet Maybe I had toilet paper in the bathroom ready to go like backups, and you've replaced it the wrong way.

Now I have more work to do.

What is the correct way?

Top?

It's on the top.

Who cares?

Do you agree with me that there could be innovation?

There should be innovation?

I think that you know.

I agree in the sense that one.

I think that you know it's one of those untapped markets that clearly has more room to grow and to I agree with you just so that I can disagree with Bridger.

So there you go.

We've got to get something for me to pull the plug in here.

Put that on your list anyway.

Okay, we need to answer a listener question people are writing in to answer or sending voicemail voice notes to I said no gifts at gmail dot com.

The voice note listener has to be sixty seconds or under and has to be in a quiet place.

I believe you can do that.

What are we going to do?

On aali sore?

Were listening to a voice note?

Hello Bridger and disrespectful guest.

My name is Sarah.

I'm hoping for some advice.

My sibling and I both work in professional theater across the country from each other, and my sibling is about to embark on their first national tour as part of the crew, and the whole family is literally buzzing.

I'm so excited for them.

I work as a local and wardrobe crew at a theater where touring companies come through, so I know from meeting those folks that most of them don't want to schlep an unnecessary amount of stuff with them from city to city.

My sibling show is going to be in my area around Christmas, though, so I'm trying to come up with the perfect tour appropriate gift for them.

Bridger, I know that Jim is a performer, so you might have some insight into what kinds of experiences or things that a person on tour might want or need.

My best thoughts so far is just to take them to a nice dinner while they're in my area.

But I'd love to know if you have any better ideas, and I thank you so much.

Love the show by Okay, but an interesting family that everyone's.

Yeah, it's in their genes, it's in the blood to tour.

They're all running from something, not a not a great family.

You know, they hate each other.

They're all dodging cities and they've got.

To be on stage or behind the stage, something with wardrobe and.

Control issues or attention.

Sure, sure, interesting And now they're having this confrontation during the holiday.

Beth situation is not the one.

Where one Macbeth is with the evil wife, right.

You think about evil wives?

Do you think all women in theater are evil?

I think women in general are church sure, yeah, yeah.

But lady Macbeth is very oh yeah, she's pulling the strings little.

But these two siblings are running into each other during the holidays.

They probably don't want to.

And now this sibling is saying, maybe I'll take the sibling out to burger king, but might want some other ideas.

What do you give someone who's traveling all the time, who might have to pick up in the middle of the night and.

Go a boomerang because it always comes back.

Some sort of weapon, yes, I think, yeah, maybe the siblings out on the road, the open road, and they might have to defend themselves at some point, some sort of knife, hunting knife, sure, switch blade they can hide in their back pocket.

Yeah.

Actually, now I'm thinking one of those multi.

Tools, like a Swiss Army knife.

Swiss Army knife autho.

They always have, like a nail clipper and.

A knife is very gay, isn't it.

I'm just getting too that it's like a manicure kid.

Well, in the Boy Scouts in my neighborhood, Boy did they love showing their manicured kids around.

Yeah, we're just we're getting into something there with the Swiss army knife.

Interesting.

You can aisle your nails, you can clip your.

Nails, you can open your sprite.

You can open your sprite.

Yeah, yeah, weapon would be nice.

A canteen a canteen.

Interesting, you're really picturing this person kind of in a Mad Max situation.

You're just like going like you go on tour, you know when you have those like a stick and then your pillowcase tied and that's.

Where you'd a bindle.

That's what that's called.

Somebody needs to disrupt the bindle industry.

Yeah, I mean, why have we not seen like purses on the on the designer runways as bindle.

That feels like something that that's an untapped cat.

I just keep thinking of this, like they're they're touring there on the open.

Road, right, They're like essentially on the back of a Harley.

Yeah.

And therefore, you know.

You ever try to run away when you're a kid, and you always got just like down to the end of the street.

Oh yeah.

I would get up the hill and then I would open and then realize I had brought like one cupcake.

I had to open get to the top of thehill waiting for someone to come find me.

Painting.

Yeah, So without a passive aggressive attention, instead of being like you hurt my feelings, you didn't pay attention to.

Me, It's like I'll show, I'll show you.

And I still do that in my day to day.

Several people think you're missing, right, there's a search party.

Looking for because my students won't answer questions.

I'm like, I'm leaving.

They're like, good, well, yeah, I think a weapon and a bindle that'll get this sibling on a new path certainly.

Yeah, because you heard the competitive spirit between them, the sibling rivalry, Like the two of us can't be touring theater company people.

So you're kind of suggesting a knife fight perhaps, interesting, a Christmas knife fight perhaps, Yeah, a succession type sort of.

I think I could bring them together ultimately.

Yeah, Okay, I think that's you've got your question.

I don't know what more you could ask for.

Do not send any more voice notes to me and tell your sibling they're welcome.

We answered the question perfectly.

Of course.

I now have this gorgeous piece of art you are just throwing away.

Larry did such a great trip.

I wish that he had signed it.

I have a Larry Silverberg sort of original.

And the next time I see you, I will be giving you a book to read.

Okay, I'll get a book, maybe two, maybe some poker chips.

Poker chips.

While you're enriching my life in a way that no one else has ever done.

I want you to be coming to Jenner Gambler.

Good luck, yeah, yeah, well, thank you for being here, thank you for having me listener.

The podcast is over.

I have I think I've said everything I need to say to you for today, So get moving.

I love you, goodbye.

I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Tolladay.

The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Man, and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner.

You must follow the show on Instagram at I said no Gifts, That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting.

And don't you want to see the gifts?

The lie in why did you hear?

Thought?

I made myself perfectly clear.

But you're a guest to me.

You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests, you're our presences, presents enough I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me