And I invited you here.

Gonta made myself perfectly clear.

When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty.

And I said, no, guest, you're our presences, presence in I already had too much stuff.

So how do you dare to surbey me?

Okay?

Before the show begins, a reminder of the live show coming up August twenty second, at seven thirty pm at Dynasty Typewriter.

That's here in Los Angeles.

If you're not in Los Angeles, book the flight, get in the car, or you can do We have a live stream all of these things.

The tickets, the live stream can be purchased on Dynasty typewriter dot com or you can google it or you know, become a web sleuth and find your way to a ticket.

It's going to be I mean, we're going to have a great time.

We had a great time at Dynasty Typewriter last year.

How could anything possibly go wrong?

And now I've cursed the whole thing, And but that's you know, will only be better for you if it's cursed.

So there will be something that happens on a stage, on camera, on microphone that you don't want to miss.

That's the live show Dynasty typewriter dot com.

I expect you to be there, or at least be there, you know, Cyber be there.

Okay, let's get into the show.

Welcome to I said, no gifts.

I'm Bridger, Weineger.

We're in the back.

What a lovely feeling this is.

We're so free, We're so loose.

It's not that hot.

I kind of expected to just be immediately sweating, but I guess that was kind of an illusion.

My car played on me a little trick because my car was about ninety seven degrees my entire ride to the coffee shop.

What's going on?

I'm back from Utah.

That was lovely.

I thought I had a cold sore ended up being a terrible ZiT.

I don't know which I'd rather have.

I just want to die the news in the backyard.

Is there some sort of creature.

There's some sort of creature that has been digging up the succulents, and one that looked almost looked like the circulant had exploded.

And I can't imagine what animal this is.

So I'm on the case.

And when I say I'm on the case, that just means I wait for something else to get ripped up and then wonder what it is.

I haven't bought an animal camera yet.

I think it's time to find out what is coming into the yard.

It's either a coyote, I raccoon, apossum, might be a mole.

It might be an underground job because this thing looks like it was shredded from underneath.

I'll post a picture to Instagram if I can find it.

Everyone loves looking at ripped up plants.

Oh, let's get into the episode.

I love today's guest.

It's Danny Ricker, Hi Bridger.

Danny, welcome to I said no gift.

Thank you.

I'm so happy to see you.

Oh it's been a while.

It has.

We were coworkers for many years.

Well, you were my boss.

Yeah, I don't.

I don't consider myself Danny.

I'm the cruel boss.

I feel like I'm the guy who has the most to do.

I don't.

I don't feel like I'm in charge of anyone.

Oh, poor Dan, No, you were.

You were kind of the boss, but also acted more like a coworker that way.

I try to, you know, I like to.

I like to force my friendship upon my underlings and make them pretend like they enjoy spending time with me.

No, I've never felt like, oh God, here comes Danny's going to demand something.

You were we work together for a year, only a year and a half to be is that it?

It's so crazy?

Can I tell you are one of the most beloved, like former members of our writing staff, Like we talk about you as if you're like a beloved cousin who passed away.

Well, yesterday I was at work and I was like, oh, I'm doing Bridges' podcast tomorrow, and everyone went you are, Like everyone was so excited and jealous that I got to see you.

Well, it's such a sweet place to work.

Whenever people ask me how it was to work at Jimmy Kimmel Live, I say it was like working at a family garage.

That's a very good analogy.

Yeah, just a lovely place run by a lovely person and just like slightly leaning straight attitude, you know.

But like if I can work there, then anybody can.

Yeah.

And you brought something so unique to the writing staff, which is I mean, everyone in the writing staff is nice, but you are I know, you put off this kind of bad boy persona of course, but on the inside you are just a genuinely sweet person.

I've got everyone fulled.

You can cut this out of the podcast.

I know.

Oh, this is going to ruin your reputation as a Hollywood bad boy.

I understand.

So I'm sorry to no.

I really I had a great time working there, but it was I started working there in twenty fourteen.

And and we won't get two.

We can't get too political because no one wants to think about this asshole.

What are you talking about?

Nanny Rick?

Right?

Donald Trump?

But his campaign, his early campaign started while I was working, Yes, And the mental toll it took on me just then, HM, for the early days was like, I can't imagine doing this thinking about this guy every day forever.

And the strength of the Jimmy Kimmelives staff to not only be thinking about this guy, but to actually have gotten under his skin.

It's unbelievable.

Yeah, I mean, we're not a healthy group of people insider out, but you know it.

The only benefit I think is we have something to talk about every day that everyone is already aware of.

And you know, as a comedy writer, if there's something you're trying to talk about and you have to explain it for a minute, or two before you start trying to tell jokes about it.

It it kind of hurts the jokes.

But everyone knows what this man is doing at all times.

They track him like some sort of farm animal with a tag in his ear.

Everyone knows his every move, and so we don't have to explain what's going on.

Everyone already knows.

You can get right to the punchline.

I think it's very unfair to compare farm animals to Donald Trumam.

Sorry, leave them all.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I remember the first time I met you was it was such a that I hadn't worked as a professional writer yet, and Jimmy brought me in and I met you too, and it was I had truly like memorized the show in a way, and then it was just a casual conversation that was threw me off in such a way.

It was basically like, what music do you listen to?

We just wanted to make sure you're not a psycho.

Yeah, that's mostly if you're coming in for a meeting like that, at least at a comedy show.

Usually we've read material and we go, okay, clearly this person is funny, and then we just want to make sure that like you don't have a like a.

Weird haircut or smell.

Yeah, yeah, you can get a vibe, but like within ten seconds we go, oh this, oh, this is a nice person.

And you spend a lot of time when you work on a TV show, you just spend a lot of time with these people, and so you need to make sure.

Yeah there's no sociopaths trying to.

Sneak in, right, So yeah, you basically just have to be friends.

That's a big surprise about getting writing jobs.

It's just like, oh, you're just a large part of it is being tolerable.

Yes, yeah, And you know, like if you consider it a computer and crank out some work, that's one thing.

But if you do that while you're being very unpleasant to those around you, it really ruins the experience.

And I mean we're there, you know.

It's like a sixty hour plus a week job, depending on the week and stuff, and so if you're doing it with miserable people, it makes it one hundred times worse.

Right, right, And are you off for the summer or what's going on?

No, Jimmy takes the summer off now and we have guest hosts all summer so we have a rotating band of the wonderful people who come in and host.

We just sit a week with Anthony Anderson, who we love and does it every year.

We did a week with Diego Luna Ofstic and Or fame, who is a fantastic guy, would be really.

Nice Star Wars person at all obsessed with that or.

You know, I've heard people say that.

It's like, I don't want to speak ill of my parent company, but I will say that, like, I'm a lifelong Star Wars sure, and I think, unfortunately for Disney, like and Or is the best Star Wars thing they have going right now.

And I say unfortunately because it's a very adult show.

Oh my god.

Yeah, there's no baby Yoda there, there's no there's no merchandise to be had of Nandor.

But he's just clothes exactly right, with no labels or anything.

Again, cool jackets, yeah, but they already kind of a lot.

Actually, I'm getting served ads on Instagram that look like things and Or would wear, and which is a very precise thing for my algorithm to be doing.

But they're not They're not marketed by the Walt Disney Company.

Right, of course, it's shipping out of somewhere and will probably smell like damp clothes or something falls apart as soon as you open the bag.

Yep, my algorithm has fallen apart.

I don't know that it knows me anymore, which is probably good.

But I feel like the ads I'm being served are nothing.

I'm I would like to eventually the algorithm to find one thing I actually want to buy.

Yeah, and then you'll be like, proud of it.

Yeah, I'll be like, you really broke through to a mentally ill person.

You were listening?

Yes, Because I feel like, like door to door sales people can eventually break people down, and when they come to my house, I'm like, there is no I won't spend money on things I need like desperately.

The fact the idea of a stranger showing up and convincing me what a waste of their time, although somebody did get me into the backyard once and had me signing all these contracts.

What solar panels?

I think, oh really, because they've started dressing up.

They wear like neon vasts, like city workers, or like a child's idea of what a city worker is.

Yes, and they show up and act like they're part they work with the state.

And the guy had me for a long time, to the point that I had wasted so much of his time that when I said, eventually, I'm not doing this, I was like, oh, no, he's going to come back in a bad way.

Yeah.

Well, I assume anyone who comes to my door, no matter what they say, is trying to start a home invasion robbery, and I treat them as such.

I mean, I'm not exaggerating.

People will say they're my neighbors, and I'm like, yeah, right, creep, get out of here.

And I anyone I've even I think you would, I hope would agree.

I'm a generally polite person.

Sure I will literally close the door in people's faces right now, I and only in certain situations.

But someone came literally I'm putting my kids to bed and someone comes claiming to be from AT and T.

This is it's nighttime, right, And this person's claim to me from AT and T and they want to sell me some service, and I just went I'm not interested, and he goes wait, and I literally just closed the door and locked it.

Because that's like getting a spam call.

Are you obligated to pick up a spam call and politely tell the person you're it's like, no, you just hit that button, you hang up.

I now do that.

I do a live in person version of that now.

Because they're relentless, they're trained to be like just never give up.

Yes, And so I think that that's just now their experience of people being like, Okay, I'm no longer talking to you because you won't leave me alone.

And I feel bad.

I know this, this is not this person's choice.

They're doing it for money, you know, and they're probably not getting paid too much.

But I I just I it's like I want to slam the door in the face of their corporation.

And and so that's that's the closest I can get to, right.

I mean, as someone who comes from door to door culture Utah Mormon culture at a lot of these door to door salesmen come from Utah because they're former Mormon missionaries.

And then these companies like the bug spraying or the alarm sales or what have you, are often out of Utah and they train these like teenagers basically who have already been through a relentless door to door experience.

They're like sleeper agents.

Yeah, totally.

So now I feel told.

I'm like, I know exactly what's going on.

You're not kidding me, but I just shouldn't open the door.

Who comes to the door.

Yeah, and usually I don't because I have a video door bell, so usually I can see.

But sometimes they're tricky if they're not wearing the vest.

That's kind of where they get you, because because I'm often like, maybe this person hit my car accidentally and they're coming to tell me, and if I just don't answer the door, they'll get away scott free.

So street close is actually a good way to trick me.

And I'm gonna give my address out on the podcast for all home and bakers.

Just everyone get your pen and paper out.

No, I feel like they just need to switch.

They need to start recruiting like women seventy five plus, Yes, older grandma's so it'd be like, wait, what's going on.

Then you open the door and then it's a really pushy old woman.

And they take a really long time to give you the sales pitch, and you feel like you have to invite them in time.

Yes, or very small children, yeah, one or the other.

You can't have just like a healthy thirty year old like, I'm like, no, this isn't working.

I mean, I have small children.

They would be terrible at this.

They would get easily distracted.

They would give up after the first house.

Oh right, yeah, right, No, I how did we get to hiring old women to go door to door?

It's always hard on this show.

Oh we were talking about the guest shows and an andor, but I'm just going to say something.

I was deeply jealous.

I think it was last year he had Martin Short and see.

Yes, that was a comedy writer fantasy camp of course situation he hosted for four nights, and he told us, he goes, I'm thinking about doing the last night as Jimmy.

Glick by Heart.

Oh my god, he goes, so is that okay?

We would that's yes, that's definitely okay.

And it was just like a magical week.

He put so much work into it, and you would think like, ah, maybe he just cruises in and you know, is just kind of phoning it in, right he I mean it was months of phone calls and then because I'm one of the head writers, he goes, can I have your phone number?

I was like yeah, and then yeah, and then I would be like I'd be with like my like take my son to a birthday party and be like Martin Short is calling me hold on and he just have an idea he'd want to talk to me about.

And it was so it was it was kind of like we were dating for like six weeks and Marty reach out.

Yeah, it was.

It was beautiful.

But then and then so Jimmy Glick was the you know, the the final We pretended like Marty was hosting three nights and then he needed Thursday off and Jimmy Glick was coming in.

And the writing I our writers have never come more alive than the assignment of going, Okay, Jimmy Glick's gonna interview Bill Hayter and Sean Hayes and we need to write questions.

And that was some of the most fun I've ever had writing comedy.

And Marty is really particular about like he's like Jimmy Glick isn't mean, He's like an idiot, and sometimes he's such an idiot that he is mean, and he had he has it so figured out and it was really fun.

So we did some pre tapes with Click and then Click hosted the live show too, and Melissa McCarthy and Kroll were the guests.

It was just it was such a chaotic, crazy day.

He it takes some kind of all day to get into the prosthetics and writers meetingthetic.

It really, it really was.

And we'd be doing writers meetings throughout the day where he had his like regular Martin short body, but the Jimmy glick head, and it was it was such a surreal day.

Oh my god.

Yeah, and that's something like it's such a risky thing to take a character like that and try that could have been a disaster.

It was so good.

And and he even kind of expressed to us, he goes, I don't know if a people remember the character or if it could still be kind of done today.

And I think he felt from us and everyone involved in those shows, the celebrities, they're just like there's such a love for him and that character that there's kind of a grandfathering in of things.

And there's also certain he goes, there's some things Jimminy Click used to do that he will of course no longer do.

And he was really good at finding the balance of still keeping it having its edge, but still fitting in with twenty twenty four.

Yeah, someone of his age, and like, I feel like a lot of guys at that age are like, oh, oh, you can't do anything anymore.

I can't believe.

And he just walks the line perfectly.

He's so funny.

Oh yeah, truly one of the all times.

So are you doing anything with a little bit of free time you have during the summer.

I'm trying to see my kids here and there.

I'm married, I have full custody out not one of those situations, but it's very bad.

But yeah, no, I we work such long hours at the show, and you know the summer guest hosts they are they require a lot of work too, So I when I'm at work, I'm very consumed.

But when I try to when I walk in the door, I try to be a full time dad and father.

I'm we're doing I took my kids camping for the first time.

Where did you go?

We were down at this place.

It's called Elmorro down in Orange County.

It's Orange County.

Yeah, it's by the beach.

I knew they would not sleep in a tent.

They kept telling me they were afraid of bears.

I said, there are no bears at the beach, But I rented, like, I found a company.

I will drop off an airstream trailer at your campsite.

So they, Oh my god, for them.

This was roughing it.

You know, for anyone who's actually been camping that it looked ridiculous.

Monsters.

Yeah, I know, I know, but it's I'm trying to ease them into like I feel like my son would maybe maybe camp in a tent after that experience.

So I'm trying.

To make an airstream on the beach.

That sounds lovely.

Yeah, I mean it was still like a state campsite, you know, but it was fun.

The we got so sunburned, we're so white, our family and I have a yeah, I have a I will not take off my shoe and show you, but I have a I have a sandal tan for the first time in my life, and I do not like it.

I am I am humiliated by it.

Are kids now?

Is there any like level of scouting for either of your kids in the future, boy girl, some other type of scouting?

So I was I was a boy scout, right, I forget it?

Were you full eagle scout?

Night right?

Personal nightmare for me?

What was your eagle Scout project?

It was we collected used clothes for and this is like the one thing that Scouts do, or it's like, okay, you did something that actually contributed to the world.

We collected to use clothes for the one of the local hospitals for people who like don't have clothes coming out of the hospital.

That's a great project, right.

If the rest of the boy Scout thing had gone away, if I had just gotten to collect to use clothes for this, great But.

What did you do?

So I did not get anywhere close to eagle Scout.

But here's my situation.

So my father, my grandfather, and my great grandfather all Eagle Scouts.

Oh no, family disappointment.

Yes, And then it got to me, and so I did club Scout and I did about I think it like two years of boy Scouts.

I think I got to like second class.

I think as a rank.

I forget where that is exactly.

But I had a like a bad boy Scout troop where.

And my dad was so understanding and he was not disappointed when I quit, because he goes.

When I was a boy Scout, we'd like hop in a jeep and we'd drive to Mexico, would camp and it was like amazing.

It was like something out of like a Norman Rockwell beautiful and like that meant a lot to him.

But he come to me, come with me to these meetings just in like a church, you know, rec center kind of thing.

And it was it was run by adult men who never really amounted to much in their lives, but they enjoyed yelling at a bunch of young kids and neckerchiefs, you know that that made them feel powerful.

And so it was just like lessons out of the handbook and like no, no real experiences.

So so I ended up bailing on it.

But it's I would love if my kids were interested in Scouts.

It is weirdly now it's old fashioned because boy Scouts are like nice and help their community, right like that, that's like that's like a unheard of today.

Yes, but the idea like if you went, if you showed up in a uniform going like I'd like to help the elderly, they think you were up to something.

Oh yeah, absolutely, what are you trying to take from us?

Yeah, so I there is a there's a boy Scout troop in our neighborhood.

I keep trying to like explain to my son that it's fun.

He seems very skeptical.

Is that dorks?

Well yeah, I mean I guess that goes that's part of the boy scout motto.

I think, uh right, but it's like it would be fun.

I'm lucky as a parent.

I'm lucky in a way that my kids have no interests and so right, my weekends are not I'm not at a soccer field, you know, they're really the birthday party stack up.

But that sounds awful.

It seems like the pressure of those has gotten way out of control.

Well yes, however, I to a bad one recently and that was enraging.

It was enraging.

So I feel like we, my wife and I have gotten decent at throwing a kid's birthday party and we don't go crazy.

We have friends who go crazy and it's months of planning and it's thousands of dollars and they build think got costumes out of Amazon box and like god, God bless them.

They're better parents than we have.

I don't know, but we we like.

The time is very important.

The only time you should have a kid's birthday party is Saturday from ten to noon.

Anything outside of that is a criminal offense because like it.

This one I went to started at five pm.

Okay, oh, that is unfair to everybody.

I don't know, I don't know.

I don't want it at that time.

No, And it was not explained why.

It wasn't like, oh, hey, like that's when we get off work.

This was five pm on a Saturday.

We're in dinner time all of a sudden, yes, yes, and so there's a lot of stuff we can't do because we got to be at this place at five.

And then we show up and there's kind of nothing for the kids to do.

We just show up and we're just in a backyard and the kids are just sort of milling about, and then it's me and these parents I've never met before, all lovely people.

And then there's like there's a cooler and the cooler has some sparkling water and it has like three beers in it, which was a kind of a mixed message, right, Like sometimes you show up one of these parties and the parents are kind of like, hey, there's juice boxes if you want sang grey We got saying like they kind of let you know what's going on, or you know, when we throw one and it's from ten to noon again the only appropriate time for a party.

We have ic coffee for the parents, reactice tacos.

You gotta kind of you gotta put the parents, yes, exactly, and because you know, the parents don't really want to be there, they're just coming so their kid can come.

So you got to kind of like set up a little kind of a lounge situation for them.

They have shade, they have drinks, all that kind of stuff.

But this it was just a weird situation.

And it went on for about three hours.

And then I was kind of the first one to be like, well, I'm gonna go.

And my was not upset that I told him it was time to go.

He goes all right.

Then we just we just got up and left.

You know, it seems like these were loser parents looking for adult friends, and they're using the child as an excuse to get people over.

They were sweet people, it was just they didn't think through the flow of the party.

You know, you when you throw a party.

I imagine I have them at ten to two with adults.

There are juice boxes and there are three beers.

But I imagine you think a lot about I think you and I similar in this way about Okay, when people show up, what do they see?

How are they greeted?

What is the journey they're going to have a party there?

Yeah, I send emails that are borderline rude to my guests, and I'm not kidding.

I say the party will be ending at eleven o'clock and I will tell you to leave because that's when I go to bed.

Yeah, yeah, that's like boundaries.

People do want this because then it also avoids the weird thing where the person drinks a little too much and they came out a little too long and they're not picking up on any social cues all the summer, and you probably come out and you're in you're matching pajamas and nightcap.

You're about to blow out the adult Yea.

The emails are like, I will tell you to leave my house, so just be prepared to go.

Good.

People are so refreshed by this, so like I I don't have to like be polite and stay around longer than I need to.

I just know it'll be time.

You should.

People leave ten minutes before the time I tell them they have to leave them Like, thank god, I.

See to the people stay at a party longer than they want to.

Of course I'm the only person who doesn't.

I'm again rude in those situations where I show up for fifteen to twenty minutes and then I leave.

When you leave, because you and I've been at a few parties together, like you know, work parties and cousins.

Sal would have a Halloween party, we'd be there.

What was your method for leaving?

Did you what they call an Irish goodbye, which is probably a kind of a racist term, you know, cultureless term.

I don't know, but do you Irish goodbye?

I do Irish or French exit Irish goodbye?

Although I actually will say I think I've kind of turned it on its head in a way of where I'm I'm loudly just saying I'm leaving without but I'm not saying goodbye.

You just yell it to the place.

I just decide it's time for me to leave, and then anyone I see on the way, I say I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

I'm leaving.

The host has no idea what's going on.

Good but there's no like, there's no formal anything for me.

I just I'm like, oh god, I've hit my end point.

I'm out of here.

Yeah, like you finish the most boring conversation you will have at the party, and you go, I'm good, I'm going to leave.

But actually not even the most boring.

I think this throws people off where they'll be like, oh, I thought we're having a good conversation and he decided to leave.

We were having a good conversation.

Yeah, I just didn't want to be there anymore.

I want to go out on top.

Yes, it's not going to get any better.

Than this, right, I'm done with my diet coke and it's eight fifteen.

Right, Yeah, I'm partied out.

Well, but part of it and you don't drink correct, No, And so that also I don't know that I've been at a lot of parties where I haven't had, you know, a glass of wine or something like that, and that it must be so annoying for you to be at parties I don't like.

I mean, I guess this is like the mystique and like the sort of the hook of alcohol right where you're like, I can stay at a place I don't want to be about ninety minutes longer.

Yes, Because I also imagine as people are getting drunk around who you're going like this is the last place on earth.

I want to be a zero tolerance for a drunk person.

Yeah, or even like a dear friend.

I'm not putting up with that.

Yeah, I'm moving away from the right.

I don't want to speak to you.

I don't want you draping over me.

You're not funny, you're not entertaining.

You're on my nerves.

I have caffeine in me.

Yeah, my anxiety is already too high.

That's right.

I'm surprised to drinking a diet coke at eight thirty.

I mean, that's like it's gonna Circadian raffeine.

That's my diet.

Coke is my night caffeine.

Coffee is my day caffeine.

You when do you cut it off?

Usually it's getting earlier and earlier.

I think I can drink a cold brew until about two thirty.

Now.

Oh see that that's even risky for me.

What's yours?

Well?

I read a book by doctor Sanjay Gupta.

Okay, sure, I don't know.

I don't know why I did that.

I just I just sort of read it.

I enjoyed it.

But one of the only thing I remember from the book is don't drink caffeine past noon.

Wrong, I forgot I'm talking to doctor Bridger Wineger, but I.

Could qualify at this point.

Well, I think so.

From what I understand, it stays in your system for about twelve hours.

So this is a new way of added anxiety into my life.

Where I'm doing math, I go, when will I be going to bed tonight?

Right?

And so if I go, wow, oh, I have movie tickets, so you know, maybe it'll be eleven thirty, then I will drink caffe until about eleven thirty.

I'm drinking coffee right now, and it's actively making nervous because it is Friday when we're taping this, Like, okay, I can be up a little late tonight.

Maybe maybe I'll be a little groggy in the morning.

But it's a it's a weird boundary I have put on myself.

What is it hot or cold brew or what is it?

This is cold?

And I'm embarrassed to tell you because this seems like the least like cool anything to say.

But my favorite iced coffee is the bottled Starbucks.

Oh that is airplane drink.

I know, I know.

I told you I was embarrassed, and I will still go to you know, I live in Burbank, and I have three great little coffee shops, and I frequent them all equally to keep them all in business.

I'm a good local business purveyor.

But if I'm being honest, when I my favorite and our coffee maker broke recently, and so I had so each for about a week, every morning I was going up and I was getting my wife and I coffee at Starbucks, and I told her, I go, I hate that I'm saying this.

I like this coffee we're drinking, and I wouldn't do it because I'm so cheap that I would never go to Starbucks every morning.

But also factoring into the cheap thing, you know, the cold werew you buy your favorite coffee shop?

How much is that?

It's?

How much is it?

Now?

It's five dollars.

A bottle of the Starbucks iced coffee, not even cold brew coffee.

I'm so humiliated.

I know, I know, but it costs five dollars and fifty cents for an entire bottle.

I'll drink it for a week and a half, and that's just a savings I cannot deny.

Well, I make my own cold brew at home.

Oh you do?

So?

I mean the caffeine consumption.

It is self medicating in a way.

But I will I make my own for my morning cold brew and then depending on like today, I half of mineus in the fridge now, but if I'm recording, I'll get it right before.

But I'll usually get a cold brew starting at one to one thirty at Found Coffee does not sponsor, but what we sponsor them.

Everyone go to Found Coffee and Eagle Rock.

We love them.

But I'll usually get one at one to two o'clock and then drink.

Now now that I'm on well Bututrin, I'm drinking about half a cup of cold brew in the afternoon.

Save it the psych what I'm doing right now, the way I expose myself on this podcast, it's insane.

But the cold brew, then it sits in my fridge overnight and I drink half of that in the morning with my homemade cold broom.

Now, do you make the cold brew, because it tastes better when you make it.

I make it.

It is better than like if I you know a lot of those bottled ones, there's something going on.

It tastes kind of dusty.

Yeah, they're a little acidic.

Yeah, I will say, like the who makes some good ones.

Some of the more expensive ones are good, but they are like they're actually very expensive to buy a huge thing of expensive cold brew.

Some of that if you go to like a little hipster grocery store, you like a little sick sounds like a oat milk latta thing is like six dollars.

That does not taste that good.

No, And look, I'm a suburban dad.

I'm looking.

I'm looking to pinch pennies wherever I can.

I'm not ashamed of that.

I Uh, my brother and I were making beer in my backyard for a few this is years ago now, and we were like, we're geniuses.

Think about how much we're gonna save on beer.

It turns out it costs ten times as much to make your own beer.

It tastes terrible, And I was getting food poisoning from because like you're you like sterile it.

You use old beer bottles, you sterilize them.

But I think there was a some sort of kink in our sterilization process.

And I would constantly get horrific food poisoning from drinking this beer.

And then my wife goes, she goes, you know, like beer is like really cheap to buy like at the store kind of notoriously the cheapest alcohol, and you and your brother are spending so much time.

We had like bubbling like cases of beer in like our in our bathroom.

My wife hated it, and she goes and you're you will potentially end up in the hospital from drinking and unsterilized, and they can explode.

Yes, I've not even on TV.

I've seen it on TV, but I know people whose beer has exploded in their garage.

Dangerous thing.

Yeah, and I was doing that all to say, to save money.

Oh, I'm bond with my brother, I guess.

But so all I'm saying is like if you're if you're making it because you make the best col brew in the.

World, I certainly don't.

I would support it.

Tolerable, Yeah, but I'm just in the I've been doing it for almost ten years now.

Oh really, I got a whole system, the Toddy system.

All right.

It's not a competition, Well it is actually, and I'm winning in a huge one.

Well, speaking of doing terrible things, there's something else I hate to talk to you about.

I hate to even bring it up.

I thought things were going okay.

I was excited to have you here on the podcast.

I thought, Danny and I've worked together.

I know he's professional, he's he's not going to try to stir up anything.

The podcast is called.

I said no gifts, so I was a little surprised when you showed up on my doorstep.

Would not supp ringing the doorbell, banging on the door.

There was some yelling.

Then you've tried to pull away, and I finally ran out and uh waved you down.

And you've stopped in the middle of the street.

It's your car is idling right now.

And stepped out of the car holding what's clearly a gift.

Yeah, I mean that's that's your response.

Look, I I miss you.

I hope that was clear and and I haven't seen you in probably a year, and I wanted you to know that I'm always thinking about you, okay, and so this was just a little way to let you know what you mean to me.

Okay, my heart has melted, Okay, my heart is a puddle.

Well, you've you've brought this gift.

It's an adorable little blue bag with anchors on it.

Are away.

Because you know you're you kind of anchor me.

You know, you've always kind of been my rock.

Right.

Since I've left the show, You've I've heard you've lost lost it?

Yeah you think was how you have us?

Said?

Yeah, well should I open it here on the podcast?

Yeah, if you want to.

Yeah, well, let's we've got some tissue.

I feel like we're not getting enough tissue on the podcast anymore.

It's not throwing enough car speaking air pods.

Okay.

Oh and I've thrown that into my garden.

We'll take that out where the mole will eat it later.

Yeah.

Okay, now we're reaching in.

Should I pull this all out at once?

Yeah?

Yeah, because it.

Feels like there's so yeah.

Yeah, there's three three items, three parts of it.

Yeah.

Oh, this is fantastic.

They're vintage TV guides.

Yeah.

And you know, you and I both are television writers, and everyone in our industry is happy to tell you that the television industry is dying.

And I was in a shop in my neighborhood and they were selling these vintage TV guides from the mid nineties, and I thought this might transport us back to a happier time in our industry.

When it felt like a financially stable future.

Yes, right, right, Well, I mean this is thrilling.

I mean, let's talk about these covers for We've got one with Kevin Sorbo, totally topless.

Yeah, and this was before he was a conspiracy theorist again, a nicer time, right, he was just an oily man who was on network television.

My friends, this is just a very small side.

My friends Brett Evans and Nick Ciarelli, two of the funniest people I've created.

I think during the pandemic a video about Kevin Sorbo saying that Kevin Sorbo had died, and I think it went kind of viral in a way that people started to wonder, had Kevin Sorbo died filming a commercial for an iPhone gambling?

I can't remember exactly, but if people type that into Google, they'll probably get to see the video.

So we've got Kevin, and we should circle back to Kevin.

Surely we have the years and cheers and jeers with Burt Reynolds and who's this one?

You know what I was hoping you would know.

I figured you might know more than me.

Oh, there are two women.

There's a Oh, this is Dave Letterman's mom right in the middle.

Oh, oh god, that's Dorothy Letterman.

How crazy.

But then there's a woman on top home.

Sorry, there's a woman with kind of renaissance curls red hair.

She's got a rose in her mouth.

And the real star of that one, though, is the ad on the back.

If you flip it over.

Oh my god, it's a cigarette cigarette ad with a you know, now when you see cigarette ad, if you see them, there's a very long disclaimer.

This has a very soft disclaimer about cigarettes on it.

Oh wow, it's like they it's like, maybe you don't smoke in a hospital.

It's basically what it's says.

The kind of is a cigarette smoke contains carbon monoxide.

But they don't like if somebody didn't know what that was, they'd be.

Like, okay, okay, sounds good.

Yeah, it tastes like you.

It's just like essentially a picture of your grave.

Yes, they just put corpses on there.

Now, Yes it's a mirror at that time magazine.

But this is a gorgeous come to Marlboro, maryl Bor Wait, I haven't said this, Marl Burrow.

I said Marlborough in such a long time.

Yeah, is that how we say the cigarette company?

Mark?

Whoa Marlborough is?

I would say that might be wrong.

There's and allan there.

I don't feel like you say like Carl.

I think you say Marlborough.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know that I've ever said the word alone.

With just a couple of just a couple of dudes talking about cigarettes.

One of my jobs was a secret shopper for cigarettes.

What when I was living in Utah, I would drive from gas station to gas station.

You know, I looked like you know, when I was like twenty, I looked like I was fourteen, sure, And so I would go to these places and ask to buy cigarettes and see if they would ask for my ID.

Ask for my ID every single time.

Of course, but the company who hired me had never seen me, so they didn't realize that they were essentially sending a child out.

And everyone, of course would ask for my I D right, But I was ordering camel lights, that was my brand.

Yeah, don't order something to believe?

What were you deputies to arrest the people on the spot.

They should have given me a gun gun in execution right there.

But yeah, I never ordered this brand.

And I've really exposed myself with someone who's never smoked.

Yeah, well, never been able to.

They wouldn't even let me purchase the cigarettes.

You know, I'd like to come back, you know, maybe in like a year, I'd like to come back and smoke.

I've never smoked a cigarette either, smoke our first cigarettes together.

Maybe it should be this brand.

I can't believe I have much advertising we've given a cigarette.

I know that is a big That is a big ad in the back of that too.

Yeah, hey, this could be a good sponsor though for this podcast.

A lot of cigarettes advertising.

At least mark that down.

I want to become a cigarette podcast.

We should probably put a disclaimer right now that cigarettes will give you lung cancer.

Yeah, sure, respons We have a lot of tweens listening.

Yeah sure, yes, yeah, I know, I know you're I know you're big in the K pop community, so yes.

Yes, yeah.

But Dorothy Letterman and then unknown woman.

That's a shame that TV Guide didn't feel like that you should put anyone's.

Name, although at the time I'm sure that was probably like I know, all of course, Yeah.

These were three of the nine people on TV at the time.

Yeah, you know, I I flipped through them briefly earlier, and I noticed a trend in there is that they give very literal descriptions of what will be happy on each episode of television.

Yeah, like there, let me grab this sect, let me go from this Regius one.

Yeah, speaking one with Regis phil but it says Regis rights and he has a giant pens big pencil.

That's how you know you're right.

That's kind of the professional look.

Yeah, let's see here, let's fine.

Some like they'll have uh oh, here's a bridge.

I'm just going to show this to you and not the camera.

But this this is.

God there's as a racist little rascals doll.

That's an ad from a different time.

Wow, I wonder what year that is to see this.

Is from August nineteenth, nineteen ninety five.

Okay, okay, like okay, Like, here's one.

It says, so it's got Grace underfire, Coach, the Drew Carey Show and Ellen, and it says tonight Drew will blow you away literally and they don't explain what that means.

What sort of teases that no information.

Tonight Grace is in for the fight of her life on Coach, Hayden gets a full time bodyguard, Tim Conway, Ellen All New Ellen Unplugged.

Special performances by Bonnie Raid, Aaron Neville and David Crosby.

Here's a good description.

A mouse leaves her rural digs to spend Christmas with her urbane cousin in his fancy New York residence.

Can you guess the show?

Say it again?

Let's see a mouse leaves her rural digs to spend Christmas with her urbane cousin in his fancy New York residence.

Sally Jesse Rafiel.

Now, HiT's a country mouse in the city mouse.

Of course, of course hit.

Let's see We've got Sammer or a Samurai cyber squad.

Was this a TV show or a movie?

God, what a different time it was.

See here's one for Chicago Hope.

An old friend comes home to die after an all new David Letterman.

Here's why Leno goes to Vegas?

Tonight show goes to Vegas.

I'd love to see his guests where Heather Locklear in respect the aforementioned Martin Short, Tracy Ulman, Tom Arnold, Chevy Chase and of course Wayne Newton.

Wow, this is I mean a treasure trove.

Here's an ad for Letterman's fifteenth anniversary.

And he's wearing a He's wearing a hat on a shoe.

That's how you know, shoe.

That's a comedy.

Shoe.

You know it's a comedy.

I'm sure he loved doing it.

Wow, this is my favorite.

This isn't in here, but it was from a cable description once of Predator, and I remember it referred to Predator as a sneaky alien.

Buckle up.

He's written by people have never seen any of the properties.

Tip toeing alien Predator.

Let's see.

Here's one.

Here's one for the Simpsons all month long.

It's homer Mania trapped Tonight, Homer and mister Burns are buried in an avalanche.

Who will make it out live?

Oh that's kind of dark, right, This is kind of a I don't know.

This is an art form that no longer exists.

Is they were, like and they were well paid people making these.

Yes, that's the craziest thing about this.

Like now anything close to this is a blogger who makes like ninety cents a post.

Reviewing the Masked Singer.

Oh yeah, exactly.

Let's see.

Oh my god, I'm going to just live in these for a while.

Do they still do TV Guide?

I don't think so.

I mean, they don't even have like a tv O Guide anymore really like shame.

Oh this is agoing in a Groundhog Day was airing at eight o'clock on ABC and it says Bill Murray is in love with Andy McDowell.

That's all.

The main hook of the thing is gone.

There we go.

That could be any movie.

It's like the easiest to describe.

Everyone knows the plot of that movie at this point, and it's so interesting.

But they were trying to I guess hook the people who read TV Guide at the time and were.

Just like, I don't want any of that science shit.

Let's see there are a lot of full house.

Yeah, it's a full house period.

Jesse's lack of privacy drives him out of the house for a break from the family, and he winds up missing the baby's eighteen month birthday party.

Who cares the baby?

Yeah, the baby who was the of the babies.

I think he has twins twins and Lri Laughlin right, they were like, well, we have the twins playing one person.

Now, let's get twins playing twins.

It was Quadruplet's playing twins.

No, I'm just making that up.

Now, that might be true.

It might have to be sense right.

With the tag rules.

Yeah.

Interesting, Wow, if those are four kids, what was going on in that family?

They had four kids and decided to make all of them actors.

Doesn't the premise of full House sound like a fucking nightmare if you were living in it?

Right?

Depressing?

Yeah, the whole thing.

It's like a guy's wife dies.

Yeah, that's before before you go.

And then his brothers end up living with him or something.

Yeah, I think, isn't I think Uncle Joey I think was the wife's brother.

I might be getting this totally wrong, right, and then Jesse Ane Lisa is nodding, she knows.

And then Jesse was not related by blood, I don't think, right.

He was like, he was a friend.

He was a drifter.

It's just a strange man.

He was.

He was the wife, the dead wife's uh husband boyfriend.

Yeah he was.

He was making love to the wife before she died.

Things are very tense in the tenor household and we're basically family.

Yeah, that house was not that big.

Think about all the the just the number of adults living in that house too much?

Yeah, too much, ones living the attic, ones in the basement.

One has a failing comedy career, One has failing music career.

That's the worst part living with a failed stand up comedian while you're trying to raise Both of.

Those guys are on coke.

Yeah, oh yes, heavy cokeys.

Yes, a failed rock and roll star and a failed stand up comedian.

Yes, they have so many issues.

I know you bring those into the house with your chill.

What sort of parent his dan?

Unbelievable?

Before the millennials come for me, it is swapped.

It is Uncle Joey was the friend and Uncle Jesse.

Oh interesting about Bridger and I are millennials, by the way, let's let's let's.

Give Jen alpha.

I'm eleven years old.

I am young Jen Alfie.

Yeah, yeah, Bridge and I are elderly millennials, is what it is.

But but uncle Joey was I'm sorry, he was the friend.

Yes, he was called the friend.

And alanis Morrissett's spurned lover.

Yes, that was his not only his real story, but also within the show.

I believe I've been to Jeff Franklin's house.

You have nightmarish experience.

One of the most bizarre things that's ever happened to me.

I was two weeks into dating Jim and he's like, oh, I do these things called living room shows that Ileana Douglas.

I don't know if you know who that is.

She's like, she was in a bunch of Scorsese movies and started doing these shows in people's living rooms, rich people's houses around la and as a benefit or whatever.

And I guess he was doing one about paper straws.

This was all before every allegation in the world came out against him.

But Jim was singing there in front of his shark tank, and he's like, I don't think you'd want to go to this.

I was like, of course I would want to go to It's built on shar and Tate's property.

Wow, the tackiest mansion in America.

And I got to go and sit through one of the weirdest things I've ever seen, several performers, Jim singing, sit down, you're rocking the boat in front of a shark tank.

Wayne Newton was there.

It was I mean, I'm not surprised you fell in love with Jim that bad night.

It was a very strange time.

And then Jeff Franklin, of course, was one of the slimiest people I've ever seen.

Wow, And again, oh yeah, we're talking about full house and now I think.

He did get you into the Hollywood illuminati, though, yeah, you owe them.

I think that house is probably still on the market.

It's like, why would you buy that?

There?

Is Like I live in Burbank and there's a house that has been in sale in the Hills of Burbank for many years now, and it was clearly owned and built and maintained by like someone who was a Hollywood producer who had a lot of money in like nineteen fifty seven, right, and it's so big, and the house is on sale for like eight million dollars.

But someone today who has eight million dollars wouldn't be caught dead living there.

So it's in this weird real estate sort of limbo where anyone who would actually maybe want to live in the house could never afford it because it's insanely priced.

Right.

Yeah, that's the thing with all those like super expensive mansions.

I always think, well, if I had that much money, I would just get the house I wanted.

Yeah, why would I buy somebody else's weird idea of a house?

Yeah, and someone who like built it, Yeah it was their dream house.

But like that changes so generationally so quick course.

Yeah, and anyone when it's specifically their dream house, they probably have something they will deeply annoy you because they haven't got a very specific idea of how to live.

Even just like like we we just got kitchen cabinets because the ones and we moved into the house.

You know, they were like handbuilt, but they're falling apart, and you know in the color is like kind of it looks very like kind of two thousands, and we were like, we need some new cabinets.

And my father was beside himself.

He was like, these are beautiful handmade oak cabinets and you're just gonna throw them in the trash And I go, Dad, They're they're literally falling out of the wall.

And he goes, what are you getting.

I go, I know cabinets dot Com and they're they're Shaker cabinets and he's his mind.

He was spinning in circles.

He couldn't believe it.

The Eagle Scout was like, I will some men built these with his own blood, sweat and tears, and you're throwing it away some man who's been dead for thirty years.

Probably, But yeah, have they been installed yet?

Yes?

Yeah, they just wanted to feel about them.

He said nothing when he came over and saw them.

So I feel like there was some sort of simmering baby boomer rage going on.

That happens to an old cabinet.

It doesn't get sent to goodwill, No, it's destroyed.

I feel like when you renovate your house, you just have to sort of have a little mental disconnect, going like, this is all just going right in a landfill.

Right, there's no recycling, there's no it's just it's going right in there.

Yeah.

Right, What is the website?

What's the Facebook thing?

Buy nothing?

Yeah?

I think you could put them on by nothing and they would be stripped out of your house within ten minutes.

We put one thing on buy nothing, and we got like fished, we got scammed.

You're kidding, Like it wins immediately, We wins in that situation we put we were getting rid of a couch is when we moved, and we're like, I wouldn't rot for this couch anymore.

And so my wife put it up there and it was like two hundred and fifty bucks and immediately someone responds, going, I would like it, and I can't.

I can't give you cash.

I want to like like send it you something on zell or like a PayPal and I can't pick it up, but I'm going to pay you and then I'm to secure the item and then I'm gonna come pick it up at a later date.

We're like, that's weird.

And then it was like I sent you a PayPal request, did you get it?

And the person got weirdly aggressive, and I was like, I think this is maybe some sort of scam.

And we looked it up and it was like that's very common.

Yeah, And that was the first thing we ever tried to like sell and buy nothing.

I guess is when you give it away for free, So that's different.

I guess this was a this was Facebook marketplace, but.

Oh yeah, that's a different whole other game than Yeah.

But then the buy nothing thing, that is good because it goes to a good place.

But then people are coming to your to your house, and that's sometimes they want to inspect the item.

If you're getting it for free, no question y, Yes I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, you were coming and you're taking it away.

Yeah, that's your garbage man, And as far as I'm concerned, I will leave it in the street for you.

Yeah, Because people will be like, I have half a jar of protein powder.

Yeah.

You can't ask questions about that sort of thing.

It's just come get it.

Yeah.

My sister in law lives in Manhattan and during COVID there there by nothing.

Group was like, very uh, very active.

And she said someone was giving away a half eaten cake and there were the number of people who wanted a half eaten cake during the height of the pandemic was believable.

Yeah, they were just experimenting.

They were having the time of their lives.

People a deal.

Well, is there anything left we should say about TV Guide?

I'm just so excited about these.

This is really like up my alley in a way that you have no idea.

I feel like we haven't.

Man, I really want to get in this one.

Let's see.

Uh.

I love Dylan's dilemma sends him back to the bottle.

That's tough to hear.

Sister sister appalled by lyrics to a rap song.

Lisa and Ray refuse to buy concert ticket for the Twins grow.

Up Weirdly, I'm seeing no Kevin Sorbo interview in this.

I did see.

I'll post a photo of this.

Let's mark this as a note to post.

It's just it's an ad for ABC Prime Time.

And there's a picture of Roseanne and it says ha ha.

There's a picture of Ellen, who we all love, and it says ha ha.

And then there's a picture of who are these two news anchors?

There is that Sam Donaldson and Diane Sawyer.

Oh of course Diane own six movies for twenty nine cents each.

Did you ever belong to one of those clubs like a Columbia House and you would order like fifty CDs for a dime and then your parents would get billed.

I think my parents were too cheap.

This is why I'm cheap.

Is my parents were too cheap to even even give me the penny.

Well, the thing is, you wouldn't get I think, Actually, what would happen with Columbia House.

I don't know how they stay in business because literally children would sign up and have no means of paying them, and then the kid, like I remember multiple times, just being like, well I don't have the money, and then they would just hang up and that was the end of the thing.

Oh, they must have been losing.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Oh God, so many cigarette ads do they still print cigarette ads.

I'll think.

So, I think legally you can't.

Now, yeah, I think you have to be in a country without those laws.

The watchful eye of the.

Wow, the gorgeous.

I got a real holiday issue.

Here.

Are you watching anything on TV?

I'm a real, just kind of basic television viewer.

I enjoy Marvel shows.

I watched Daredevil Born Again, which I was delighted by.

I watched the Ironheart series, which I was I'm kind of like a Marvel completist.

Even when I'm not as interested in the show, I still I still watch it, and I enjoy all those But you know, because we have kids, we have such limited television time, and so like I, you know, I like, on a workday, no, there's no question I will not be watching There's no there's no joy on it, of course, you know, free time on a workday.

And then like on the weekends, my daughter who's now eleven, is like, why can't I stay up until ten o'clock?

And there's not a good answer to why she can't until And she'll be like, well, what do you guys want to watch?

I want to watch it too, and we go, well, you can't watch it, and she's like why, and then I have to go, well, there might be like, you know, adults making love and and I can't say that to my daughter, of course, and she also does not Kids don't understand.

They can't compute the idea that you would maybe want to not be with them for like one hour, you know.

And we're trying to explain like, well, you know, like mom and I like we we have a relationship and you know that was even around before you guys, and you know, and we like to have a little time by ourselves.

And they're like, but like, what do you guys even do when we're here?

And the answer is like, we just kind of look at our phones while the show plays on television.

But like that's an important, of course saying parents need, but they really can't compute it.

So I for me, I have to sometimes I will get up.

This is so sad, I'm saying this outlied.

I will get up at like six am on Saturday, and I'll watch a show before the kids wake up, and I'm happy sleep.

Yeah, like this is my me and my sister's relationship where she has three kids, and I'll like have finished a series like three months ago and I'll be like, what do you mean you saw nine episodes left to watch?

It's like, well, because I get to watch ten minutes a day.

Yeah, well it's micro does the babysit?

Yeah, even like adolescents, we watch and we really liked that.

I go, oh, there's only three episodes.

We can knock this out on like like a Saturday night maybe, and then then we've watched the show.

Right, then we get the the dopamine hit.

If we finished a season.

Some completion of something.

Yeah, oh god, yeah, I can't do it.

I simply can't.

I'm just going to be a child for the rest of my life.

It's it's an easier way to go.

We love our children dearly.

But the logistical part of it is it's complicated.

It's fraught, to say the least.

Well, I feel like we should play a game.

I would love to on a least should.

What do you think gift her a cursor?

Gift master today, let's do.

Let's do gift a curse?

Okay, gorgeous, let me get it.

I have to get into the dock and do some light calculating, get our game pieces.

Great, here's some yardwork starting.

Let's all enjoy that.

Right now, I need a number between one and ten from you.

I'm gonna I feel like everyone says seven, so I'm gonna say four.

Okay.

I have to do some like calculating to get the game pieces.

So promote, recommend to whatever you want.

Okay, great, see promoting.

I have a book out.

I wrote a book this year called Wow, You Look Terrible.

It's a it's a parenting book.

It's a comedy book, but it's a self help book as well that helps parents get back the three things they lose when they have kids, which is their time, their money, and their mind.

I think that's out if you're somebody who's not opposed to gifts like bridge.

I think it makes a good gift for any parent out there, or you might enjoy it if you're a parent yourself.

I'm also a head writer and a producer on a television show called Jimmy Kimmelive.

That's on weekdays eleven thirty five pm on Channel seven ABC.

And that's all I got.

Gorgeous.

Yeah, everybody, consume, consume, consume, Go get the book, watch the show.

Do both at once.

Nobody.

I mean, that's a that's not a two screen experience.

Yeah, no, you feel like that could be a new hybrid of something.

I only read physical books now, Like I do not like reading on an iPad.

Oh sure, I lost my kindle on the plane source subject for me.

I'm sorry to hear that.

First of all, thank you, but I feel like reading on an iPad.

There's too many other like more exciting way can then read a book.

It's like there's a reason there's no library at Disneyland, right, no one would go in, right, So I feel like I need the physical book because no text messages can pop up, right, there's no Twitter.

I would say even the kindle is harder to focus on than with a regular book, because you can look up the meaning of any word.

Yeah, and like I'll find a word that's like kind of aware of and I'll still look up the definition and then I'm thrown off for a half hour.

Yeah, I need to get back into physical books.

And maybe the universe is trying well, Delta is.

I've reported it to the loss of thatut and I'm sure they're on it.

They've been up all night.

Yes, yes, okay, this is how we play Gift or a Curse.

I'm going to name three things.

You're gonna tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why?

And I don't tell if you're right a wrong, because there are a correct answers.

All right.

This first one is from a listener named Rick, and it says gift or a curse correcting someone's misuse of a word.

Curse for sure?

Why because the only reason okay, so I should ask of it's the perspective someone correcting you, Danny, or you correcting someone Danny.

I'm not giving you any more information.

Shoot, okay, all right, okay, well hold on, let me reassess here.

Now I'm gonna say curse because the only reason anyone is doing that.

You might say it's because, well, I don't want you to keep using the word incorrectly in the future.

The only reason you're doing it is to feel superior to the person, I guarantee.

And I will do this to my children sometimes because I feel responsible, like if I don't correct it, right, like who else is going to tell them?

And maybe I don't want them to be embarrassed at school.

But if this is an adult doing it to another adult, absolutely a curse.

Correct.

Yeah?

This one for me?

This I have to just say curse.

I mean, what what a rude behavior?

I mean, there's no good way to correct the way somebody pronounces a word.

Yeah, there's the one where you, uh, just repeat the word using the correct pronunciation.

So so condescending, so condescending.

Also pointing at ut out you're looking for a fight?

Yeah, yeah, what's wrong with you?

Just let it go?

Right?

And I guess this is a misuse, So I guess it could be pronunciation or someone.

It's just like, unless you're looking to start a fight.

And I support people picking fights all the time, but I have to say, you just don't do it.

And in your head you do that, and then you imagine that person going, oh my god, thank you for telling me.

That's not the emotion.

The person feels like, oh you asshole.

No, I mean, there's actually kind of nothing worse, no worse feeling than someone like, oh you misused that word.

Yeah, that should be done privately and in shame.

Later, if you realize you've been using a word incorrectly, that is a private moment between you and God.

Send it an anonymous letter letting them know, but don't get it in person.

Okay, you've gotten one right, so far good.

Thank you.

Number two.

This is from a listener named Zach Gift to a curse Toms Chewable Tablets.

Go Gift.

Why, well, I should say I've never used that.

This is funny you bring this something I've never used thumbs before.

In the last week and a half, I've had the thought, as a forty year old man, maybe I should start using toms right.

So, I'm not speaking from experience here.

I'm only imagining what using toms is like.

But I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, and perhaps I'm over idealizing the effect of tombs, but I do feel like it will be a positive change in my life should I ever work up the courage to begin using.

Them right right, wrong, augh, curse.

This is my thing with the tombs chewable tablet and I've I've had a few experiences in the past.

My stomach is essentially steel, but occasionally I push it too far and they work like a miracle.

They do.

The taste and texture of this product is one of the worst things you can possibly imagine.

Just make it a swallow mobile pill.

I don't like the age you need to be to have a tombs you should learn to have swallowed a pill.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, it's sort of like a Flintstone's chewable vitamin for grown adults.

Right, yeah, kid needs a thumbs.

Yeah, and look look we are.

It goes out to children who need tombs and their heartburn and they're spicy eating.

But I feel like for the the audience, the we should just swallow the pill.

Because you chew one of these things, it's necho level of disgusting.

Can you swallow a chewable tombs or is that.

Choke immediately all instant death?

At least tombs.

I'm talking to thumbs right now.

Gather the office around.

Make it a better flavor.

It's a candy.

Is artificial flavor?

Just do a better flavor.

Are there distinct flavors because there's different colors in the Again, I'm a I have never heard personally use about the product.

I'm a neophyte, but I want to know, like are different Like I've tried like those like fiber gummy things and they claim that some are peach and some are strawberry.

Or is there a singular Tombs flavor or do they kind of mix it up?

I want to say that they're different flavors on at least do you think they're like subtle and discuss?

They're all bad so it doesn't really matter.

But I think feel like there's like a banana strawberry, a.

Grape banana is a bad choice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just make them like like a sour candy.

I guess you all.

Then you run the risk of now I want to eat a ton of tons?

Yes, right, and then you'll get super powers.

Why I don't run a medication company.

What medication would you take to give you that effect that you would swallow?

Is there one on the market or has Tom's completely cornered this area?

There must be a pill form of a heartburn medic heartburn medication or nexium?

Or or is that the cult?

Nexium is some sort of breathing I think yeah, nextium is a cult.

There's another thing called Wait, there's nexium the cult.

And then there is a product that's very.

Cool next, because I maybe I've tried that.

It's next.

Next, No, not next, there's.

Something that's like for it's clear your breathing or something interesting.

Listener, it's nexium that is the pill?

What's the cult?

Or are they kind of under the same umbrellas, the cult name, the same parent company.

What's going on?

It's nexum, Yeah, they're both is also called next to them?

What poor branding on one of their parts.

I don't know which one came first, but someone should have googled it.

I cannot be true.

What is happening?

Well, you didn't get the point.

We've got everybody.

Look, do your research on medicine and cults.

We don't want you, you know, thinking you're taking a medication and ending up having being branded or something.

Okay, this is from a listener named Annie Gift.

He a curse.

Stay in your car, oil change places a curse.

Why you are trapped and there is nothing you can do.

And I I feel judged.

When my car's being worked on, I feel like they get in there and they go, oh boy, it's been the sky went h thirty five hundred miles instead of the three thousand miles.

And we can tell immediately whatever.

But when I'm in the waiting room and I'm drinking you know, instant coffee, your room temperature water, I feel like there's a there's a separation that's needed.

I kind of feel like you're I feel like i'm in like an aquarium, sort of being judged by these men.

Right, I are doing work I wouldn't even know how to start to know how to do on my own car.

And I feel like, for social reasons and just just good decorum, you need to separate the customer from the vehicle during these situations.

Correct, Yes, thank you.

Curse.

I mean there's so many things that could go wrong here.

First of all, I don't want to be in the car when the thing collapses on the person.

Oh yeah, Oh you are at least an accessory of crime.

If not directly responsible, life is ruined.

Yeah, you and your car is haunted horrible.

Also, what I mean that's them trying to cut costs on those gorgeous little paper cups that you get to drink the water out of.

That.

I like the taste of that you only ever see the only other places in the dentist's office.

Yes, and usually you're.

Getting the flora or the scope in those, so you get just the water on paper taste.

Yet, right, I love.

Being in a waiting room at an oil change.

Yeah.

Odd things on the television.

Tile that you'll see in no other building on the planet.

Yeah, usually a wall that's painted the most garish red you can imagine, or maroon.

Yeah.

I feel like you're.

Saying red or maroon walls and you're s getting to watch Judge Judy.

Yeah, and what is the benefit to them to staying in the I feel like the pitch is that's a benefit.

To you at the coom Union.

It's faster.

It can't be faster.

It's saving probably a total of thirty to sixty seconds.

Yeah, getting out of the car and walking into the place.

Yeah, there's no way it's actually faster for you.

It's they're cutting costs and making it seem like it's a better thing for it, like they're doing you a favor, right.

Yeah, I want my free water.

I want a few minutes of Judge Judy.

Yeah, I want the smell of the place, and I want I love when they come in and say your car's done.

It's like everything's okay.

You get to take your family member home.

They're not going to die here.

Yeah.

It's sort of like like how like babies used to be born.

It's like the father would sit out like smoking and they go congratulations, everything went great, and go wow, thank you, and you get to be.

On your ways.

Nice.

Exactly, Well, you've got two out of three, all right, absolutely a passing grade.

You could have really failed, and that would have been horrifying for everybody.

I feel like I wouldn't if I had run into you elsewhere after this, I would have absolutely.

I'm sorry, have we met?

Okay?

I didn't even have the final doc open, so let me get this open.

Okay, here we go.

This is the final segment of the podcast.

It's called I Said No Emails.

People write into I Said No gifts at gmail dot com.

They send voice notes that are sixty seconds long in a quiet area.

I think that's all you have to do, right, Honalise Onaliz is giving me the thumbs up about that.

Uh we you help me answer a question?

I would love to you.

Okay, this is Hello Bridger, an incredibly talented guest.

Thank you.

Jury's still out.

I live in a beautiful area where there's a lot of hiking and outdoor recreation.

With influencers being so prevalent, now we have we have had a hard time going anywhere without loads of people about no more secret spots.

I can't decide if it feels good to share the space and see people getting outside and moving their bodies pervert or wishing to keep it to ourselves, which feels selfish.

Is gate keeping a gift or a curse?

Oh?

This was a secret gift or a curse?

Interesting?

Come on, thank you.

And that's from Jenny from the Pacific Northwest PNW.

As Jenny puts it, okay, all right, I don't think I've ever heard pnd me.

I handled that really well.

Well.

Now, I guess we just have to discuss if this is if gatekeeping is a gift or a curse, especially I guess within the realm of outdoor spaces.

Yeah, I think people ruin everything that's nice in this world, and so I think it's you should be able to have your own little secret spot like I go, I go hiking in the in the hills of Burbank.

When I go hiking and there's like a moderate amount of people up there, you don't want to be totally alone, but you want to see someone every twenty minutes and you give them a little head nod and.

Right, yeah, when they can find your body.

Yes, exactly, there's a there's a last own whereabout situation?

Right, and maybe you still want to see some wildlife if there's too many people.

There's no wildlife all of a sudden, And the reason to go to a place like this is to try to find some peace in this fucking nightmare we live in right every day.

So if you're there and the word influencer was triggering to me here because I feel like if you are somewhere and there's people recording a TikTok video, that that is the most enraging thing I can run into in like a nature space.

In a just regular space.

Yes.

By the way, I my zero tolerance thing now is people doing that in like target, like reviewing a product or playing a hilarious little prank in a store.

I'm here to get mouthwashed, and I'm not part of your show of all time.

Yes, but no, I think you should if you have a spot you like, tell no one about it.

But do you agree?

Oh of course.

It's a weird.

Uh.

I feel like if something is a free thing, that is especially it's supposed to be peaceful, keep it to yourself.

Yes.

With restaurants and stuff, that's a trickier thing where it's like you don't want the restaurant to go out of business, Yeah, but you also don't want it to become so popular that.

It you've along the road there.

So I don't know how that part of gatekeeping I think.

Actually, I guess I think all gatekeeping is incredible.

I think every gate should be kept.

You would rather a restaurant go out of business and the owner their family is on the street, as long as you don't have to wait for a table.

Yeah, yes, that's ultimately I'm with the wake of dead restaurants just in my wake, but with the public space is that sort of thing?

I think actively keep it to yourself.

Don't even tell close friends, no family members, blindfold them.

Yes, I just thought of one random question to ask you.

Yes, and I'm sorry.

I know it's the end of the podcast, but it popped into my head and I cannot leave until I know the answer.

What is your favorite chain restaurant?

Oh?

Interesting, this is a great question.

Okay, i've recently.

It's complicated.

First of all, the one I go to regularly.

You're not going to say the name because you don't want people to go there.

Now, I'll name all of these because who cares.

They're all out to ruin each other.

And the one that I go to regularly has withstood the storm.

Is in and out.

Okay, they've managed to continue to expand and be popular and not be disgusting.

Yeah, I'll eat a hamburger there once a week.

My heart is going to fail.

A more controversial one in this household currently is I've started going to a place called the Habit or Habit Burke.

I'm familiar with Habit.

Yeah, Jim was away for a while.

He's working.

He was in a show on Broadway for about six months, and I needed a grilled chicken sand which I could not find one anywhere.

I found it at the Habit, and I was shocked.

I thought, this is pretty good.

This is the qualifier.

I kind of describe it as National park food.

Okay.

It feels like basically the quality of food that you would get at a like one of the little weird places is at a national park where you like, I'm hungry enough.

Yeah, or like or like like you might have it like a water park potentially, Yeah, the.

Water park is maybe one level bullet Okay, okay, okay, but yeah, like you know, it's like this is totally fun edible.

But I've been going there, and let's see if I.

Feel like I should have a third Well, I'm gonna say even those two you named are almost kind of indie in the grand scheme of chain restaurants.

There, I was hoping, okay, there was going you were going to be like I love Ruby Tuesdays.

I was hoping you had one deep inside.

And maybe you.

Don't like this.

I'm trying to think of one I never I haven't been to in probably fifteen years is Chili's.

Yeah, and I have good fond memories of Chili's me too.

Chili's was was mine.

Yeah, But they're not around LA anymore, so I can't really speak to the quality.

Yeah, I can't eat gluten anymore, which knocks out almost every chain restaurant there is.

But I will say this about chain restaurants.

My sister is Celiac, and I feel like a lot of chain restaurants.

I have such strict st that if you do find one that's like gluten frey friendly, they are pretty good about it.

They're almost too good about it.

I find restaurants that take it seriously.

I feel guilty and the manager comes out almost like scared to talk to me, and they go we hear there's a gluten allergy at the table.

I go, ah, yeah, yeah, we fired your service.

They ate bread within the last month and they are gone in case they breathe on you.

No, I don't have celiac and seag is very serious, like they have to treat it to So I they always ask me allergy or preference right now For me, it is an allergy, but it's not a serious allergy.

And I know if I say allergy, a whole thing has to have back there of course, So I say preference and then I feel like a Hollywood yeah exactly style, Yeah, yeah exactly.

And they look at me and they go, You're not that thin, Like what's you don't look healthy.

There's not a healthy glow about you.

I don't know what you think this is accomplishing.

Wait, so you would say Chili's.

Is there another?

Well Chili's?

We we only eat at one restaurant.

I never eat a restaurants.

It was a place called Don Kuco's and Burdbank.

Oh that's just you're like just a family style Mexican restaurant.

It is the only restaurant my kids will eat out.

We used to go there once a week, right, and it's horribly unhealthy and it's wonderful and they have Margarita's and my kids only eat chips, and then we order them an entre they do not eat, and my son orders the hamburger there, which he says is delicious, even though he never eats it.

And then when I cook him a hamburger at the house, he says, I don't like hamburgers.

Play yes, and I go, well, you order you always or don Cuco's, but that one's good.

And then I go crazy because I'm actually good at making hamburgers, of course, and it's it's really insulting.

I remember going through that period as a kid of being like I love hamburger's at McDonald's, but homemade ones like oh what is that?

Yes, even though they're easily better, yes, better taste, like.

The worst home hamburger is going to be way better than a McDonald's hamburger.

Maybe that's not entire Well whatever, I don't need to be fair to McDonald's.

Well, well, and you're now you have Marlborough as a sponsor.

You don't need McDonald's.

We'll reach out to them next week.

Just horrible Havergerson cigarettes.

I'll be eating them on podcasts, smoking in my guest face.

Well, I've got these gorgeous TV guys.

I'm going to pour through these.

And I hope you pass them down to your children.

Grand course, is Kevin Sorbo still alive as far as I know as of this recording is as of this recording, as of this release.

We'll see that there's a time difference, Kevin.

I don't know, if I don't know, if I care, Kevin, do whatever you want, live or die.

I'm so thrill that you could be here today.

Thank you for having me.

I all kidding aside, I we we love you and we miss you at the show and you're You're a great guy, and I'm very happy to see you.

Thank you, Thank you, and listener, the podcast is I'm hitting the brakes.

We're all going to well.

We all have our seat belts on, so we're fine.

The podcast is over.

I love you, goodbye, I said.

No Gifts is an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is on Alise Nelson and our episodes are beautifully mixed by Ben Toliday.

The theme song is by miracle Worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker, Patrick Cottner.

You must follow the show on Instagram.

At I said no gifts.

That's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting.

And don't you want to see the gifts I invit?

Did you hear?

Gonta man?

Myself perfectly clear?

But you're a guest to me.

You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests, your presences presence, and I already had too much stuff.

So how did you dan to survey me?