You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

Brenna Hicks, your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

Hi, I'm Dr.

Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered play therapy and practical support and application for your work with children and their families.

In today's episode, We are continuing with the CCPT Game Changers series, and we are going to discuss what to do when a child comes into the playroom and says, Mom said that I'm supposed to, or something along those same lines.

So, we're gonna dive into that in a second.

However, oh my gosh, y'all, huge, exciting announcement.

Pause what you're doing and pay attention, please.

We are hosting the first annual CCPT conference.

We hope to do this annually.

This is the inaugural conference.

It is going to be the final weekend in January, which actually February 1st is that Sunday.

So, January 30th, 31st, and February 1st in Tampa at Steinbrenner Field, baseball-themed CCPT training, 12 CEs APT approved.

In-person conference.

There are other options as well.

There's a webinar option.

There's on-demand option, but Florida's awesome in January.

I would love to hang out with you.

Come have a weekend filled with baseball and CCPT and fun and camaraderie and community and meet my team and the whole thing.

So, I would love to have you playtherapynow.com is where you're going to find out information about it.

And there's early bird pricing all through the month of December.

So, if you get your tickets in December, you'll save money, and I'm all about saving money.

So, please hang out.

It is going to be so much fun and it is going to inspire you and excite you and send you home with a lot of passion for doing this work.

So, playtherapynow.com.

Please check it out.

Please hang out with me.

We would love to have you.

We're partnering with Corwell.

So, hopefully, we can do this at least once a year.

I'm actually speaking in Jersey in April, so we're trying to get quarterly live events going.

And I would love to have you in Florida come see my stomping grounds.

All right.

So, let's talk through what to do when a child comes in and says, I'm supposed to tell you.

Or mom said I'm here too.

Or the reason why I come here is because, and whatever they've been told is absolutely not A, what they needed to have been told, and B doesn't align with CCPT.

So how do we navigate that?

I think we need to start with navigating the root of the issue, which is giving parents scripts.

So when we first meet with parents in our initial parent consult, and they decide to move forward, sometimes a parent will say, what should I tell my child about coming to see you, but you can't count on them to ask that question.

It needs to be part of your template and your framework for your initial parent consult that you provide them with a script.

And the script goes something like this.

I met with someone named Miss Brenna.

I really like her.

I think you'll like her too.

And you're gonna get to go and play with her for an hour each week.

She has a huge playroom full of toys, and you get to be in charge when you're there.

That is the script that parents need to be provided.

Now, there is no guarantee, I wish, gosh, I wish there were, but there is no guarantee that they are going to say what you ask them to say.

They like to sometimes go completely off script and very rogue conversations ensue.

However, we are trying as much as possible to nip this in the bud.

Parents need to know what to say.

And so if you've given them a script, if they still don't say that, then that's, that's where we're going.

But we're trying to address this long before it happens because you can't expect a parent to know how to explain child-centered play therapy to a child.

You can't expect a parent to understand what to say to a child about why they're going to therapy in the first place.

And let's be frank and clear and real because that's how we roll.

We know that parents have an agenda.

They want to fill in the blank, right?

So they want this behavior to stop.

They want to not get calls from schools anymore.

They want life to be peaceful at home again.

They want their kid to fix their anxiety.

So although we are agendaless and although we are unconditionally accepting and we trust the process, even when we explain that to parents, they're not often there yet.

And so in their minds, yeah, yeah, yeah, you told me to say you get to go and play in a, in a playroom, and I'll say that, but then I'm also going to say you're going to deal with your big feelings, and this is like a feelings doctor, and this feelings doctor is going to help you.

And then we're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what, what happened right here?

So, What we're going to say if that happens in a session.

Is, oh, mom mentioned.

Reflect content But when you're here, you're in charge.

You might follow up with, when you're here, you get to decide what you do and don't do.

When you're here, you get to decide what you say and don't say.

And we are reinforcing child-centeredness.

And what that will do is help the child feel that you really do not have an agenda.

Because if the child thinks even in the smallest amount that you are in cahoots with parents, or you have an allegiance with mom or dad or grandma, grandpa, whomever, all of a sudden now, trust is Undermined, we do not want ever.

Even if it's perceived fracture in relationship to take place because of what parents are saying.

And often this will happen in the lobby.

So sometimes it's not that it happens in our absence, it happens right in front of us.

So parent and child walk in, you're ready to go back and you say, OK, I'm ready if you are.

And then mom says, dad says, whomever.

Make sure you tell Miss Brenna about what happened at school today.

OK.

First of all, that's a violation on a whole bunch of boxes.

So, we're gonna nip that in the bud too.

We don't talk about kids in front of kids.

We don't have lobby conversations about what's going on with the child, and we don't give off the impression that we want child to tell us anything.

And we also don't give off the impression that that's why the child is here.

So here's my strategy.

I tend to try to make the conversation toward the child because I think that preserves relationship.

So, I'll typically get down on the child's level, eye to eye, and I'll lean in a little bit close and I kind of like talk gently and softly, not really whisper, but kind of in that conspiratorial tone.

And I'll say, hm, Mom says that you should tell me about school, but you know you get to decide what we do.

And here's what that does.

Mom hears a very gentle call out, first of all.

Second of all, mom hears me reinforce that the child does not have to tell me anything.

And mom hears me adhere to CCPT.

And if that happens several times, usually parents start to take the hint.

If they don't take the hint, I have a follow-up email or phone call where I reinstate the expectations of child-centeredness and the policies.

We're not going to talk, talk about the child in front of the child.

We're not going to have lobby discussions.

We're not going to give off the impression that the child has to talk to me about anything.

And here's, if that's all you say.

That often does not satisfy a parent.

So, here's how you take this to the next level.

Here's one of the additional game changers of this episode.

Bonus freebie, y'all.

I'm not even on script anymore, but this is in my head, so it's worth sharing.

You need to give parents the why.

In other words, it's not enough for them for you to say, oh, child gets to talk about whatever they want to talk about.

They get to do whatever they want to do, and if they don't want to address what happened at school, then that's their prerogative.

That feels dismissive to a parent, and it feels like they're not getting their needs met.

I mean, let's be real, the child's getting his or her needs met, but the parents don't feel their needs are getting met, and they're paying for it.

So the way that you work around that.

is you explain to the parent the why and you explain how it will get addressed.

So, if I were to sit down and force a child to talk about what happened at school, They get confused about what they're to do here because I told them they're in charge, and now all of a sudden I'm in charge again, and now they don't know what the expectations are that undermines the therapeutic process.

A child has to be fully aware of how things are going to go before they get comfortable enough to do their work.

And so if I say you're in charge, you get to decide what happens.

You're the boss, and then all of a sudden I'm like, actually, let's sit down and talk about school.

That completely interferes with therapeutic process.

So that's the why.

And then here's how you reassure them.

Kids know their struggles.

Kids know what they need to work on.

And your child will inevitably bring this up in his or her way.

Sometimes they're going to play it out.

Sometimes they're going to talk about it.

Sometimes they're going to just think about it through their play and sort it out.

They're going to develop self-regulation.

They're going to develop a higher self-esteem.

It will naturally get worked on.

I don't have to bring it up.

The child does not have to bring it up.

It will naturally get addressed.

That's the whole premise of CCPT.

You have to reassure parents, just because I'm not conceding to your request, it doesn't mean that it will be ignored.

That is their greatest fear.

I'm putting my kid in therapy and I'm paying this money and I'm investing this time and energy and nothing's going to get worked on because the kid just gets to do whatever they want.

You have to help them understand if your child's struggling at school, it's going to come up in sessions.

If your child needs to conquer aggressive behavior, it's going to come up in sessions.

If your child has high levels of anxiety, we don't have to talk about it, it's going to work its way into sessions.

And then in subsequent 5 week PCs, you're going to help them see that it's coming up in sessions.

And then they're going to be reassured and then they're going to feel like, OK, maybe this is going to work after all, and they'll back off the push to have their agenda met.

That's all it is, y'all.

It seems like it's pushy and they're not adhering to policy and whatever, but it's fear-based behavior.

I'm so scared that this is not going to work.

I'm so scared that we're not going to get this stuff addressed.

So do it.

But they have to know that it will get addressed.

We just need to quote, trust the process, you know, hence we say it all the time.

All right, y'all, I hope this is encouraging to you.

I'm really liking this Game Changer series.

These are all the little things that over time, you know, they come up and I'm like, oh man, we really need to know how to address that.

So, hopefully, you're finding it helpful.

Reminder, please go to playtherapynow.com, check out the conference.

I would love to see you there.

It's gonna be so much fun at a baseball field in January in Florida.

What better thing can you think of, really?

All of y'all that are up there freezing, you need to come down to Florida and hang out with me.

All right, love y'all.

Talk soon.

Bye.

Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

Brenna Hicks.

For more episodes and resources, please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.