You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

Brenna Hicks, your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

Hi, I'm Dr.

Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered play therapy and practical support and application for your work with children and their families.

In today's episode, I am answering a couple of questions from Chloe in Georgia.

And one is about how we explain or present something about ourselves that needs to be communicated to child clients when it's related to our health or our needs and our ability to engage in child-centered play therapy and then the second is how do we address.

Kids that are struggling and the nuances of parents and teachers and pediatricians and all of the pressure from every which way.

So we're going to dive into both of those questions.

Chloe, thank you so much for the email.

So let's start with the first question.

What do you recommend when a therapist is experiencing a health change that the child may not know about or needs to be shared, for example, early pregnancy, chronic illness, pain, etc.

that leads the therapist going through change and potentially setting limits that they weren't able to set before or not being able to engage and play in the same way.

I'm actually really glad to answer this question on an episode because we've talked about this quite a bit in coaching and in the collective, but I don't think we've specifically done anything about it on the podcast yet.

So more often than not, therapists tend to avoid having these conversations for a variety of reasons, the predominant one being we're not supposed to make sessions about ourselves and we try not to self-disclose a whole lot.

So obviously if we're dealing with something personally, Then we try to just kind of keep that independent of the sessions.

Second consideration is we don't want to bring something into the session that might derail or disrupt what the child needs to do and so for those reasons and several others I suppose we tend to be a little bit closed lipped about things that probably should be addressed.

So one of the most helpful things we can do.

For any scenario is age appropriate truth.

This is what we advocate for parents.

This is what we advocate for the well-being of kids in general.

Kids need to be given truth at an age appropriate level.

And if we're going to have any changes, any limitations, any difficulty in session.

That's something that impacts kids.

So it's something that needs to be discussed, and there are neutral, calm, factual ways to do that.

And here's the beauty of humans, but also kids specifically.

When they have a why.

They're very gracious, they're very understanding, they're very accommodating.

I've had therapists with chronic conditions.

I've had therapists with flare ups from pervasive conditions.

I've had therapists that have had surgery.

I've had therapists that have been sick.

I've had therapists that have been in car accidents.

I've had therapists that are pregnant.

I've had, I mean, you name it, we, we are going to have stuff happen in our life.

And because we're human, those things impact our ability to function.

CCPT is a physical job.

We were talking about this on a Collective call a couple of weeks ago.

It is a physical job.

I mean, if you want to just sit and do nothing all day, CCPT is not for you.

This requires a lot of movement and engagement and and physicality.

It's just the nature of what we're doing.

So, therefore, if we have anything that is going to be prohibitive.

Kids need to know if it's temporary or permanent.

These are my limitations.

It's not that we can't engage, we just engage differently, but kids need to understand what the boundaries are and the why.

So Chloe, to answer your question with specific wording, one of the things that I encourage therapists to say, and I've even said this to my own clients.

You really want me to.

We're always going to lead with a validation, reflection of need, desire, wish, feeling, whatever.

You really want me to run and chase you.

Or you really want me to sword fight with you, or you really want me to lay on the floor, or you really want me to whatever.

So we're always going to validate and acknowledge what the need is.

And then we set a neutral limit.

But my back is actually really sore right now, and I'm not able to do that today.

Or I'm pregnant and it's gonna be too hard for me to stand up if I sit on the floor, or I have something in my body that makes it really hard for me to run.

It's neutral age appropriate truth, but it's a why.

We're not saying no, I won't play with you.

We're not saying no, I can't do that.

We're not saying I won't do that.

We're setting a limit on what it is that is going to be too difficult for us.

And one of two things is going to happen.

The kid's going to wait for you to go on and that's when you're going to provide alternatives that are mutually acceptable to you and the child or the child is going to immediately problem solve.

This actually happens more often than not because when a child realizes that there's something going on with you, look, kids have a relationship with you, kids care about you, kids love you.

They're not going to want you to get hurt.

They're not going to want you to do something that's going to be hard or difficult or painful for you.

So many times they'll go, oh, OK, well you don't have to chase me then, you just have to.

And they're going to give you an alternative and as long as that is appropriate for your limitations, then you're gonna say you figured out a way for me to do that.

You solved the problem.

If they don't jump in with that, you're going to provide alternatives.

You can choose for me to.

Chase you while I'm in my rolly chair or you can choose for me to.

Touch you with the sword and tag you that way.

OK, so now what you're doing is you're meeting the child's original need.

If they wanna play tag.

It's not that you're not willing or able to play tag.

There just has to be a different way in which you play tag.

So I can either roll in the chair and try to get you, or I can try to touch you with the sword.

Which do you choose?

It becomes an empowerment choice.

Because you're communicating, I want to meet your need.

There are just specific ways that this has to be done for my health or my pain or my condition.

So that's the way that I have handled that and I've encouraged many therapists to handle that.

Kids are very understanding and very gracious.

When you make it clear what's going on.

OK, so that's first question.

Second question is about kids that are really dealing with a lot and all of the things that come with that.

So let's dive into that.

I absolutely adore working with little ones, and a good bit of my caseload is kids who have either been abused at daycare or preschool and or kicked out or on the verge of being kicked out of their daycare and preschool.

I also have many kids who are struggling behaviorally and academically in kindergarten.

They're COVID babies.

Parents are overwhelmed, but the kids are so overwhelmed.

I find myself feeling really frustrated and protective of the children and often feel defeated in having so many of these conversations about child development.

Educating on why it's not ODD.

Then she says, parenthetically, seriously, I have a disdain for this diagnosis, as do I, Chloe, I'm, I'm on your side on that one.

After schools have placed labels on the child, the impact of full daycare and preschool and kindergarten, and so many other things, I constantly feel like I'm one of the only people who see the child for the child and have worked very hard on helping the parents see those things too.

However, I find that they're jumping too fast into getting so many services in place, getting formal diagnoses, etc.

they panic.

While there are children I work with that I do recommend doing this, most of the children present as children who have had negative relationships with adults and are needing to rebuild their self-concept and self-esteem, attachment, and are dealing with power and control issues through aggressive behaviors.

Sometimes I feel the information goes in one ear and out the other, whether it's parents, teachers, etc.

I guess because this has been so prevalent within my case load, I've become overwhelmed and a little defeated about the impact of these school environments that are so negatively impacting kids and not developmentally responsive.

OK.

So there's a lot there, but really, if we boil it all down, I always like to funnel things down to a singular point.

Really what everything that you're talking about in that question, it comes down to we have to advocate.

In the academic environments.

In our communities, in our towns, in our cities, in our states, in our provinces, in our countries, in the world at large, we need to be a voice of advocacy for kids in the academic scenarios.

Preschools, daycares, elementary schools, middle schools, private schools, charter schools, public schools, you name it.

They are not designed.

They are not equipped.

And they are not developmentally appropriately governed.

And it's not through the school's fault, it's not through administration's fault.

But we have a very unique opportunity.

To partner with schools, to partner with teachers.

To go in and do psycho education, to have conversations, to introduce CCPT concepts to them.

Many of you are, and here's your high five and your hug.

I am so excited about the movement that is taking place.

CCPTs are all in about partnering with schools.

Many of you have actually started integrating child teacher relationship training in your local schools.

That is so exciting.

Many of you are running CCPT classrooms in schools.

Many of you are running CCPT private schools.

I know what is taking place all over the world and CCPT is at the forefront of it.

It's exciting.

This is something that we are called to do.

Kids spend more time at school than with anyone else.

So when teachers do not understand kids and their needs and their development and relationship principles and be with attitudes.

It's creating lasting impact.

They're with teachers and in the school environment more than they're with their parents, far more than they're with us.

This is a huge opportunity and yes it's frustrating to see it unfold but we have the opportunity and the responsibility to get involved and to create change.

So yes, 100% CCPT needs to be in schools and that's what we're fighting for, that's what we're working toward, that should be absolutely a focus for us.

To address some of the other things that you mentioned.

Almost always when parents are overwhelmed.

They panic, absolutely, I agree with that wording, and many times parents are just grasping at straws thinking, well, if I just do like 6 things, one of them will maybe work.

So that's a very common process when parents are like, oh my goodness, these things are going haywire real fast.

Well, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this, and it's throw the spaghetti at the wall and hope that it sticks.

So in that scenario, one of the things that we have to do for parents is help them understand that we need to change one thing at a time.

And if they're pursuing CCPT, that is the one change.

In other words, we can't change everything all at once because then we're never going to know what's working and or not working and then causality goes out the window and then there's no way for us to prove efficacy of anything if you introduce 4 new things all at once and things get better or worse.

How do we know which one is creating the, the change in either direction?

We don't.

So one of the things that we have to advocate is let's just focus on therapy for now.

And if we feel like down the road we still wanna pursue diagnosis, we can talk about it.

If down the road we feel like we still need to pursue OT or speech or PT.

Then sorry, outside of the states people physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, if we still need to pursue those things we can talk about it.

If we still wanna pursue medication, we can talk about it, but right now, let's just change one thing we know CCPT works, let's give it time to do what it does and we'll reevaluate.

That's another point of advocacy.

We have to slow the pace down for parents.

They are panicking, which means they're gonna do as many things as they can fast and furiously.

And our job is to say, hang on, we're gonna trust the process here.

We're going to let this play out.

I'm going to support you along the whole way.

I am a part of this journey with you.

As your family continues through therapy.

Let's just see what happens.

We have to advocate for that, and yes, absolutely.

There's a sense of.

If we're gonna do this and this and this and this and this, and we know differently, people don't know what they don't know.

So as frustrating as it is, as defeating as it can be.

I am constantly bringing myself back to people don't know what they don't know.

So I'm going to do everything I can.

To meet this child where he or she is, I'm going to do everything I can to be with this child.

I'm going to be CCPT with this child.

We know that regardless of what's going on in other relationships and other environments, CCPT changes the child they build coping, they build resilience they build self concept, they build self regulation in spite of everything else, they still heal they still self-actualize, and so I'm constantly saying people don't know what they don't know.

If I'm given the platform, I'm absolutely going to try to help them know.

But in the midst of all of that, my role, my number one priority.

is to pour into this child so that the child can build the skills and the tools and the awareness that he or she needs.

To address all of these environments and relationships and situations more appropriately.

That is the catalyst.

We can't control environment, we can't control people, we can't control circumstances.

We only have control over our engagement and investment with that child.

So we fall back on that.

I know this model works.

I know this model will equip this child to handle situations.

And then as much as possible, we use opportunities to plant seeds and to have conversations and to psycho-educate and to do what we need to do to advocate on behalf of that child.

So Chloe, I hope that that is helpful.

I hope that's helpful for all of you.

Certainly things that we face consistently across our work with children in CCPT.

So I'm very grateful for the email.

If y'all want to email me, please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

I love you all.

We'll talk again soon.

Bye.

Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

Brenna Hicks.

For more episodes and resources, please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.