Scrubbing in with Bea Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.

Hello everyone, we are scrubbing it.

Yes we are.

Well, now that's the new thing.

What, Yes we are?

You've said that like three weeks in a row.

Now, which the new thing?

The thing?

You're going to review it as the new thing on the Facebook group.

So you really just have to change it every week or commit to something.

Yes we are, Yes, we are, indeed, in fact we are.

We are.

You know what we should have back on the show?

Tell me Jessica Capsule because she's on a new TV show.

It airs after Grea's Anatomy.

Yes, let's have her back on I would I.

Love her.

Right?

Yeah, But she posted a video the other day of like her.

It was a sorry we're late.

Jessico'stone a fit you know that, and she's in a dress like walking and people in the comments.

Are like, wow, your leg grew back nicely.

Anyways, we have a Dear Bonia episode today, just like I'm feeling inspired to give advice today.

Me too, So I'm excited to see what they have for us.

I'm I'm so my advice is gonna be like, what would Taylor Swift do?

Oh wow, so you're still kind of on a high.

Oh yeah, that high?

This high is going to be singing for a while.

All right, Well, let's start with this one from anonymous Day one scrubber.

Here, I'm meeting some advice.

My best friend, let's call her Kelly, is dating a girl that I don't like.

The girl herself actually seems to be a good match for Kelly.

They have similar interests from what I've seen.

She doesn't seem to be a bad person.

She's supportive and communicative and treats her well.

But her and I just don't vibe.

She's made some move comments toward me, and she's really compared with me, and as a personality, I don't like her get along with.

I've tried to get closer to her, and I'm always kind and friendly to her when we hang out, but we just don't connect.

The issue is it's upsetting Kelly and making things weird between us.

So what do I do?

Try to fake it more, pretend I do want to be friends with her.

If I bring up how she's acted towards me.

I also think you don't have to be best friends with the best friend's partner, do you.

I'd appreciate your intake intake is that the right word?

Their input anyway?

And tell perhaps I think any thoughts you have on this situation.

Love you all anxiously await every episode every week.

Thanks for being the best podcast and creating the most loving and supportive community.

Gosh, yeah, this is hard because like, you don't have to be best friends with your with your best friend's partner.

No, you don't.

You don't, There's there's no requirement for that.

However, you don't want your best friend to be with someone who treats their best.

Friends in a negative way.

Correct, there's a fine line.

Because then to me, that speaks to their character, which you know how important character.

Is character over chemistry.

Like I would have a very hard time if Robbie was like not nice to me and then I but it wasn't being.

So weird he wasn't nice to you.

But it wouldn't be something that.

Was like like, oh, you shouldn't be with him, but like I don't vibe with him.

It would be weird because it wouldn't.

Be like I have space to say you shouldn't be with this person, but it would make me go like, why does he feel comfortable not being nice to me?

Right?

So, well, how would you handle that?

Like, if Helen didn't mean to I would be so sad, I would say something to you.

I'd be like, Haley's mean to me?

I would I think I would approach it.

Let's like, I wouldn't do that because I think that comes across accusatory and then that opens the line of feeling defensive.

But I think I would be like, does Robbie not like does?

Do you know if Robbie like doesn't like me?

Did I do something that upset him?

Or him?

Because I just feel this vibe that he like doesn't I don't know.

I get the feeling that he doesn't like me, and I don't know if I'm being sensitive.

Yeah, I would maybe approach her from that way, because maybe it can open the conversation for your best friend to have a conversation with her, to say, hey, did she do something that upset you because she feels a type of way yeah, because then maybe there's some open dialogue.

But I think the worst thing you can do is be like accusatory of like.

She's m Yeah, Heley's mean to me?

Becca do something.

Yeah.

I think it's more of like, hey, I I can't tell if I'm being sensitive, but I just get this vibe from is Kelly the.

Person, Kelly's the friend?

Oh, hey Kelly.

Can we name the other person?

Sarah?

Sarah?

Hey, Kelly.

I don't know if I'm feeling sensitive, but I feel like Sarah.

There's this like energy and feeling of like I can't tell if I've done something to upset her, but it just feels like there's this competitiveness.

And I can't really tell if it's it's something I've done or if it's just we don't click.

But I didn't know if she's said anything to you.

And I would love to be able to make it right so.

You could do that.

Or oh gosh, no, this might be this might be some bad advice, but it's advice that my husband gives me all the time.

And I do feel like, no, no, no, It's very different when it's like your best friend's partner.

But I'm somebody that can get very sensitive about several things, and Robbie's been very good about just telling me just.

To who cares.

Let it roll off your shoulders.

It is what it is.

You.

Saying something might not change the situation.

It's just going to make it more uncomfortable for everybody.

So just it is what it is.

You be you, they be them, and we move on.

And it's such a freeing way to live if you think about it.

Do you take that?

I try?

Do you live that advice?

I do?

Like there's one situation currently where I was like upset by something that happened and Robbie was just like why, Like, yeah, it does not matter, Like it's literally nothing, And I was like, you're so right.

What am I gonna do go to them and say that hurt my feelings?

And then they're gonna be weird and then it's just like who cares?

I mean, I think the thing is that I'm so grateful that when I do spend time with both of you and Robbie, I feel very comfortable and I never feel like any negative feelings.

At all, Like, but I also.

Don't hang out with y'all so much that it if he was that way to me that I would feel right like I really need to say something, unless it got to a point where we were spending so much time together and I was like I can't take it.

Anymore, I have to say something correct.

But if you're spending this much time, if they're spending that much time together, because sometimes.

Woola wah hashtag wlw relationships.

I don't know if anonymous, I don't know if Anonymous is in a relationship, but if you're spending a lot of time I'm together, if it's your best friend and you're seeing their partner all the time, it might be something where it's like I would rather just not even hang out with my best friend if I'm gonna have to be around this person who makes me feel.

Horrible, that's so sad.

So another part of me is like, do you just go straight to Sarah and say, hey, I know that we both love Kelly, and I don't know if I've done something to upset you, but I just want to like clear the air because there might be that direct communication that just opens up the door of comfortability.

And maybe Sarah doesn't even realize she's being that way.

Well maybe you just wait it out until they break up.

My god, you're back in.

Several directions here.

I don't know your relationship with Kelly.

So if you feel comfortable just going to Kelly and kind of making it your own thing of like have I done something, has she said anything?

I just want to make it right or just going straight to Sarah.

Yeah, all right.

This is from anonymous The starting Over conversation with my boyfriend.

Do you re Becca Easton Marcantania alphabetical order didn't want to play favorites day one scrubber here.

My question is mainly for Tanya, but I love anyone's input.

Input.

There you go.

My boyfriend is thirty eight and I am thirty six.

We've been dating for a year and a half, and we've had lots of conversations about next steps, engagement, marriage, and growing our family.

He has two kids from my previous marriage, thirteen and eleven.

He has majority custody.

I sometimes feel a little guilty that he's just getting to a stage of more freedom in his life, and I'm hoping we'll be starting over with a newborn soon.

My last relationship ended because my party didn't want kids, which I told my current boyfriend about.

I'm curious if you and Robbie ever had conversations about that dynamic.

Was Robbie always excited about the idea or did it take deeper discussion.

Do you ever feel any guilt about how a new baby might change things with the older kids.

I think my biggest fear is the older we get, the more my boyfriend will be willing to will be less willing to have another child.

Thanks to the endless laughs every week, you guys are the best.

I think that your last the last thing you said about the longer or whatever was the last line that you said the longer.

My biggest fear is the older we get, the more my boyfriend will be less willing to have another child.

That's problematic just because I feel like once you guys get on the same page of wanting to have kids, you can't worry about him changing his mind because that like you have to trust that if he's giving you his word that he wants to have more kids, that that he really means that.

That's character to me.

So no, it wasn't something that Robin I always saw eye toe on.

I was always very honest about my intentions and what I wanted moving on in the future.

And I think that.

When you're when you're dating somebody that does that has previously had kids, I think the hardest thing is they've already had this experience, right, whether it was positive negative, whatever it was for him.

I think for us, the changing point was when we got our dog, Sonny.

Because we got her, we were like joint.

It wasn't like my dog and it or wasn't his dog.

It was we got Sonny together.

And I think Robbie seeing the way that I was as like a co parent in that situation really changed things for him.

And he was always very honest with me.

Again, he was not closed off to the idea.

He was always open to the idea, but he was never committed yes or no to either way.

And I think once we got our dog and he saw the dynamic that we had with that, he became very excited to quote unquote start over and do that with me.

And so that was like a very eye opening experience for us.

But I was patient with him.

I didn't make Robbie make that decision right away.

I understand it's a very big decision and it shouldn't be taken lightly.

So I do think you have to give them some time and some grace to kind of figure that out, navigate it and see what your relationship is like.

But you also have to do it in a time frame that makes sense for you.

That's my advice.

So get a puppy.

I mean, no, you don't have to get a puppy, but I think like understanding your dynamic of how you would parent together and kind of what that looks like.

But yeah, he yes, he then did commit to me about wanting that and being very excited about that, and so that's when we took the next steps of getting engaged.

And if your boyfriend knows your last relationship ended.

Because of this, yeah, I'm very well aware that's the whole thing.

Yeahah, I think it's fine.

Well, why don't we take a break, and when we come back, we're going to talk about living close to your parents or not living close to your parents and how that makes you feel.

All Right, we're back another hard hitter.

Hello, Becka, Tanya market Easton.

This email's mostly from Mark and Becca, but happy to hear from Tanya and Easton.

Eight years ago, I got a great job opportunity a five hour drive from my hometown.

I was thirty at the time and very single, so I'd decided to go for it.

I originally thought i'd be there two to three years and move back home, but life had other plans, and I met my now husband.

He's an amazing guy, and so I stayed.

We Now I have two amazing daughters and everything I ever wanted as a kid.

The only thing missing is my family.

We go back to visit my parents every six to eight weeks, and my parents come visit quite a bit too, so that's nice.

My parents are in their late sixties, and I feel so guilty being far from them.

We have a great relationship.

I never thought I wouldn't be close by when they get older.

I think all the time, but what happens If they get sick, I won't be around to help out.

But if as they get older they need more support, I won't be around to be there for them the way they've been there for me.

My husband doesn't want to move.

He's close to his family and my in laws are great people.

I moved away, never thinking I wouldn't come back.

But with my husband, he understands where I'm coming from.

He says, we'll do whatever it needs to be done when and if something happens.

So my question to Mark and Becka do you ever feel guilty for being far from your parents?

And if so, how do you deal with it?

I know I just need to live with this, but some days it's so hard.

I don't know.

I don't feel guilty, so I'm not sure i'm the right person this question.

I do go through feelings of guilt, especially because I remember I'm not the only one getting older, Like they're getting older too, but they live in a place that I don't want to live, and my life is out here and they don't want to live out here either, So I think we just have to try and find the balance of like mostly me like going to visit whenever I can.

But yeah, it's hard.

It's like a weird thing as you get older, recognizing that time is going by.

And I especially think when you have your own family, you want them to be around and like see your kids.

So I'm not navigating that part of it, but yeah, I think the thing is that you're worried about you get to see them pretty often considering how far you live, Like every six eight weeks is pretty I feel like, pretty good.

Yeah.

And I also think like you're worried about things that aren't happening yet, so you're giving yourself anxiety with guilt of like future thinking instead of just being present now.

And I also think that when the time comes, if you feel ready to be closer to them, and you want to have the closeness that you have with your current your in laws currently, your husband's going to need to make that compromise that you've made being away from your family when that time comes.

So and it seems it sounds like he's willing to do that when it comes.

But I would just say, like, let go of the guilt of it.

If they're not they're not wanting to move to where you live.

It goes both ways, and you make an effort to see them, and they make an effort, I'm sure to see you when they can.

So I would say, live your life.

Don't think of like what happens if they get sick, if that happens, which is just anxiety thinking.

If it happens, you will figure it out and you will have a clear answer of what you need to do.

And I think you're worrying, Like sometimes guilt.

And anxiety gets in our head and we like overanalyze it and just let yourself be present and enjoy the moment you have with them currently.

Yeah, I mean the other way to look at that from my perspective is my own kids because they're nineteen and sixteen, and so at some point they're going to start families and who knows where they'll end up.

And so my wife and I have decided we are going to where they go.

If we have to live in a studio apartment somewhere in some random city, that's what we're going to do, because we want to be close to our grandkids and we want to make that work.

So yeah, it goes both ways.

I see my parents two three times a year.

I call them every Friday, and I think that's good.

Yeah, I mean, it's so true, though, like they there's a two way street.

If my parents we're are my family's all over the place, and they have five kids that are not in the same space anywhere, so they're in a position where either way they wouldn't be close to all their kids.

So they're close ish to two of my siblings.

That have the kids.

So I think that's important to be around for the grandkids and have those relationships.

So I know that moving out was being out here is a sacrifice and having closeness with my family, But you know, I try, I just try my best to see them when I can, but I have these feelings I don't think you're abnormal for having these thoughts.

There you go.

This is from this is a quickie anonymous.

How soon is too soon to become exclusive with your boyfriend or girlfriend we've met?

The answer does not the limit.

That's what I think.

We met two weeks ago.

We've been on four dates, including an overnight at his place, and we slept together.

I really like him.

I know the feeling is mutual.

He's in his early forties.

I'm in my mid thirties.

I'm meeting his best friend this weekend.

I'm not trying to rush it, but also realizing the saying when you know you know maybe very true.

And I think I found my person and that's really exciting.

I think if you're on the same page, I think it's I mean, Haley and I said I love you after like three weeks, so I one thousand percent know that it happens fast.

But you know, I'm also.

Like, protect your heart and make sure that you're the person that you're feeling this with is aligned with like the same timeframe and timeline, because you don't want to get blindsided.

But I think if you're on the same page, like you know, I was shy.

I wasn't shy about my feelings.

You waited a while, though not by my choice.

Yeah, but I'm saying I wasn't shy about telling him like I want to be exclusive.

I'm ready to like lock this in, let's go, baby.

That was months though I think it was like one month in a month in yeah, month in all right.

I had to wait two more months till he wanted to lock it in.

That's some pick me right there.

I just have a car.

I would be honest and be like, I really like you.

I don't want to rush this, but you know, I'm I'm happy being like exclusive and you know, I don't know if.

You, but you have to be prepared.

He might say I'm not ready for that, and that's also fine.

Totally, it totally is fine.

And if you're fine with him dating other people and dating you, then that's great.

If you're not, then you tell him and you you know what I mean, Like, it's all fine, It's.

All fine, everything's fine, Everything's fine fine.

Krystain Alley, this is an interesting question, Cristel and Allie, you're scrubbing and fam Day one listener.

Here, my twenty year old daughter joined later, but we both look forward to two podcasts a week with Taylor swift new album coming out this week.

I wanted to write it with a challenge for Tanya Well.

I mostly agree with you that Taylor's songs with the one named title are not her best.

I think you have undervalued the masterpiece that is Peter.

No.

Taylor brilliantly compares to Peter in this song, to Peter Pan a boy who refuses to grow up but instead is lost to the loft Boys chapter of his life.

The singer's like Wendy, who loves him and believes it eventually the timing will be right for them to be together, but realizes that she can't wait for him forever and has to move on.

I challenge you to listen to the song again with this in mind, and I believe you'll feel differently about it.

No, okay question.

Do you have someone in your past that is your Peter, someone that you believe you could have spent your life with if only the timing had been right, or do you believe there's only one person who has meant for you?

I look forward to hearing your answers.

Thank you for keeping us entertained.

You are our favorite podcast, and it isn't even close.

Much love Crystal and Alley so nice.

I don't believe I have a Peter.

I don't have a Peter.

I think the people, the men from my past that weren't ready for me were not meant for me, like I truly believe.

Like, let's say the timing was right with some of them in the past, I'd probably be divorced by now.

Yeah, stan it own business.

I'm stan it Own business.

I'm gonna protect my man.

But I don't love Peter.

I don't either.

I agree, Peter Pietra whatever I agree.

I don't think there's no one I dated, even once in the past that I think would have worked long term.

Tell amorous.

All right.

We got some fun random questions from Jesse, but first a brave oh yeah, I mean this.

All right the finale of the episode.

Let's make it grand from Jesse.

Hey, everyone, I absolutely love the podcast.

I wanted to send it some fun, dear Bonia questions that maybe you could ask since the tackle bell order question might have been some of my favorite contents so far.

What's your death row meal?

Really?

Yeah?

Nice?

Big heaping pile with not gluten free pasta, feta chini and a bunch of parmesan cheese.

I would go whipped eggplant from Elafonte with the red Yeah, and then maybe like that's it.

Oh, I think it was my last meal.

I meaning a lot.

Okay, okay, yeah, it says drink, appetizer, entree, dessert, drink big fresh icy doctor pepper, whipped eggplant.

And then for my entree, I might go like my mom's roast.

I love my mom's roast.

I think about it a lot.

And then dessert, I'm going like ice cream, something ice cream, like a Sunday with like chocolate syrup, caramel, peanuts, cherries, all the things, or like a really I think I'm gonna go like gooey homemade chocolate chip cookie.

Yes, what are you doing for your dessert?

Well, my drink would be a leachy martini and if it was going, I'm gonna go out toasty tipsy, and my dessert I'd say either a churo with chocolate dipping sauce or some sort of ice cream.

Pie with like an oreo crust.

And close by the way, she's thinking, she's.

Daydream Baskin Robbins makes like this, like ice cream pie yea, like an oreo crust, and then they put like mint chip ice cream in it, and then they do this like hard fudge like chocolate on top.

I don't know what it is, but it is a delicacy.

It's like thirty four ninety nine wow for the whole pie.

The price and everything she's given to us generous.

That's what That's what it would be, all right, Mark.

Oh, what my drink would be.

I'd probably go for like a beer wa Yeah, that would be crazy.

That would be crazy appetizer.

I probably like a boneless chicken wing kind of a thing, dipping sauces, not broth, No, I think I do like a wing.

I do like that.

I think traditional buffalo with cheese ranch.

But I wouldn't mind an assortment of dipping sauces.

Okay, you get that.

Tough.

I've mentioned my wife's panini on here before.

That's great.

I also love a deep dish pizza, like a really it's almost like a casserole that's so damn thick.

But that's what I like.

A pie, like a pizza pie, a thick one like they have a to Carlos in Milwaukee.

It's phenomenal.

Tony's gonna vomit really loaded up because all just it's all cheese and sauce and pepperoni in there.

Yeah, and dessert.

You know, I thought of the different radio station I worked at.

They brought in up pineapple cheesecake and I was like, eh, and I tried it and it was life changing.

And then my wife tracked down the woman who made that and got it for my birthday that year.

It is a life changing dessert.

It was a pineapple cheesecake and it was heaven.

That or my my wife's that.

Mickey makes a pretzel cherry torte.

That's pretty phenomenal.

So I'm going on, yeah, that's really great.

There you go.

Any weird food combos you secretly love.

Her example is peeb and Jay dipped in chicken noodle soup.

I could see that being a feeling.

Really yeah.

I normally can get those like mine mine, that's crazy.

My craziest is probably butter on a pop tart, which you've had.

It's a delicacy.

Nothing that's that weird, though.

It's like putting toast on butter on a toast pop tart was like, it's like a sweet piece of toast.

Some find it odd that I put butter on my peanut butter and jelly.

That I butter my peanut butter and jelly.

Gross.

Haley butters her bagel before or cream cheese?

Is that normal?

Yeah?

That sounds great to me.

It's delicious.

It does make an impact, it.

Does, and buttery butter on a peb and j makes it that much creamier.

M hm, you have a weird one.

No, everything, I don't.

Say your eggs and bone broth is kind of like.

It's like it's like people, It's like egg drop soup.

It's literally like egg drop soup.

Wait a minute, which is bone broth?

And what do you put into it?

Smbled scrambled eggs, but you don't scramble the eggs.

You like put them in and then they cook in the like egg drop soup.

Oh I thought you'd put scrambled eggs.

Okay, I feel better.

One all right?

If you had to live in one TV show universe, what would it be?

Friends?

I was thinking friends too, second City, so we'd all be in New York.

Cute?

What animal matches your personality the best?

Sonny?

I was gonna say koala bear interesting or kangaroo?

Just hopping along, wanting everybody to get in my belly.

Ye know, I'm asking Chatchy beut, knowing what you know about me, what animal would you say I am most similar to?

I could do that soon because I really don't know how to answer this question, and I feel like Chatchi BENSI better than I think.

Really, Uh, let's see a wolf.

Oh, I don't actually have memory on in this chat, so I don't know how much about you.

Yes about Tanya rad that just asked to say, what animal would you compare to?

Tanya?

Famous celebrity Tanya rab Mine said, I'd compare Becca Tilly to a golden retriever.

Here's why.

Warm and approachable, playful but loyal, relatable, comforting presence.

WHOA I would say, you're a golden retriever.

That's nice, thanks, all.

Right, Tanya.

A humming bird that's good?

Just what's wrong with that?

I love?

They're so annoying.

I'm so excited to see a hummingbird.

Energetic and passionate, bright and vibrant presence, adaptable and resilient, delicate but strong.

Oh.

The thing about hummingbirds that's not quite like you is you have you almost you have to like work to get them to come to you.

You don't have to.

You don't have to work.

Yeah you do.

You have to.

You gotta put it work, work, work work.

That was fun.

Yeah, great, great episode, guys.

Banger banger, banger after banger.

It's what we do.

But we will be back next week.

Oh, next time we're back, we will all have listened to the Tailor album.

Oh it's already a new month.

Dang, it's October.

Welcome to it, beck birthday month.

Hey oh yeah.

I'm not wanting to celebrate my birthday month, but my birthday is the last, not the last.

But we hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Yes we do, and we love you so much.

Love you, b