You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown.

I am your host, Dave, joined as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge.

How's it going, Sarge?

I'm doing fucking fantastic, everyone.

I talked about professional wrestling for the last two hours.

Hell yeah, dude.

Yeah, local neighborhood block party.

Though I am separated from my spouse, we decided to...

co -parent the party i guess uh so the whole party to grill everyone um yeah good times good times i cooked uh talked to my neighbors about metal and professional wrestling i don't know a lot about professional wrestling i want to be clear i've got nothing against professional wrestling i just i'm a grown -up so i don't follow it but Which is weird because most people I know who are, it's mostly grownups I know that follow it.

I don't think I know any kids nowadays who are like fucking, well, I guess John Cena, but everyone loves John Cena.

The thing is for me, like, I appreciate what it is.

I know it's hard fucking work.

I know, although it's like staged and all that shit, like it still does horrible things to your body, which explains why so many professional wrestlers pass away long before their time.

I was actually a big fan of Iron Sheik.

And he and I did communicate through DMs on Twitter, believe it or not.

And Sergeant Slaughter, who was my favorite.

I wouldn't say that wrestling is staged.

I would say the outcomes are predetermined.

Yeah, that's a better way to say it.

You're right.

Because these dudes still get hurt.

They still get fucked up.

And things do change in the middle of a match.

So it's not fair to say it's staged.

Anyway, long story short, we talked a lot about the Montreal Screwjob and how much all of us hated Hulk Hogan, and that was about it.

And then I came down to record this lovely episode.

Hell yeah, dude.

Dave, how are you?

I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm good.

We spent most of this weekend, we're going to Japan, so we spent most of this weekend just trying to get our affairs in order.

I'm so goddamn jealous.

I like that you're treating a trip to Japan as if you're probably going to die.

Well, I mean...

I need to get my affairs in order.

There's been a lot of plain news this year.

Are you going to Japan to fight the Yakuza?

I'm just trying to figure out what your concerns might be.

I didn't mean like affairs in order.

We're not writing up our will.

I just meant like...

Like, I had to get, like, fucking toiletries and shit like that.

Oh, yeah.

No.

Honestly, kind of the same thing when you think about it.

Yeah, yeah.

No, but I'm good.

I'm good.

It's been, you know, I got nothing going on this week.

I mean, that is exciting, though.

Packing for a trip is fun.

Yeah, I mean, I still got, like, three weeks, but, you know, better get it out of the way now.

I've already been searching for co -hosts, so.

Hell yeah, dude.

I expect nothing but great things.

Well, yeah.

I got to do it big if you're going to be gone for two weeks.

I got to come up with a two -parter.

I'm excited to see what you come up with.

It's probably going to disappoint you, but I'm going to try.

And that's the important thing.

You know what?

That's all anyone can ever ask of you.

Exactly.

It's just that you try, man.

I'm going to ask for so much help.

there's gonna be so many people in my life they're gonna be like oh fuck dave's going away just just bring on talkers that's what i do people who can talk you know you just say your words and then they'll just keep it going for you it seems to work out just fine yeah all right so today sarge i have an episode for you and i'm not even gonna do what i normally do which is like say a bunch of words and then reveal what we're going to be talking about because this is going to be a little bit of a longer episode.

So I'm just going to tell you what we're talking about.

Okay.

Today, we are talking about something that you probably know a decent amount.

This seems like it'd be right up your alley.

Today, we're going to talk about the Georgia Guidestones.

Yes.

Fuck yeah.

Hard as a rock.

Let's go.

So you're familiar then, I take it.

I'm very familiar with the Georgia Guidestones.

Okay, so what do you know about them?

Okay, tell me.

Okay, yeah, no, that's good that you asked that question while I was shouting to interrupt you.

I am not 100 % familiar with their purpose.

I got much more familiar with the fact that people from QAnon didn't like them, and that made me endlessly happy.

Yeah, and QAnon pops up.

Once or twice in the story.

Not like anything crazy, but I do mention them because, as you said...

Well, that's because a QAnon person...

You know what?

Actually, I'm going to hold off just in case you cover this in the end.

I don't cover much in QAnon, just that they didn't care for whatever was happening here.

And then blew them up.

I do cover that.

Well, I mean, that's the best.

Please cut that part out.

No, I'm going to keep that in.

Well, that happened in 2020, 2022.

Everyone should know by now, if you even are remotely familiar with this, you know what happened in the end, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

So let's dive in.

So the story of the Guidestones begins in June of 1979, when a man using the obviously fake name of R .C.

Christian walked into the Elberton Granite Finishing Company.

With what some would call a rather batshit idea.

I like that he named himself after the off -brand version of cola and the off -brand version of Judaism.

So he walked into this granite company and he told the then company president, Joe Fenley, that he represented, quote, a small group of loyal Americans who wanted to commission a monument from them.

Just a simple multi -part granite structure that would act as a calendar, a compass, and a message to humanity in the event of some sort of looming global catastrophe.

Easy peasy.

Should take no time at all.

Lemon squeezy.

Yeah.

But after hearing RC's idea pitch, Joe immediately was like, this dude's fucking with me.

Like, he has to be fucking with me.

Like, he assumed RC was either crazy or this was some sort of prank.

So Joe was like, oh yeah dude we can totally do that and he just quoted him some ridiculously high price like just to like try and get this guy out of his shop but rc was like fucking done deal dude let's do this thing so to which i'm sure joe was like fuck like he's like i gotta do this now but at the same time he's probably like fucking this is gonna be a huge payday yeah so yeah So over the next year or so, Joe worked alongside RC on what would later come to be known as America's Stonehenge.

Christian provided detailed blueprints as well as a scale model of the monument.

At the same time, RC and his group quietly bought up a five acre plot of land on a hill just outside of town with the help of a local banker named Wyatt Martin, who handled all like the financial side of things for the quote unquote group that he was part of.

I have no idea.

Yeah.

So with the plan set and the location secured.

the constructions of the stone went on in secrecy.

No one knew that these were being built.

Even the people that were working on it just knew that something was being made.

It was like fucking how H .H.

Holmes built his murder castle.

He just kept firing people after they installed shit.

Yeah, I don't know if that's what happened, but even the workers didn't truly understand what was going on.

Gotcha.

When the construction of the Guidestones was completed, they held an unveiling ceremony on March 22nd, 1980.

A local congressman gave a speech.

A statement was read from the anonymous sponsors that said that their ideas should quote -unquote stand on their own merits.

It is mind -blowing to me that they managed to get a congressman to sign on to give a speech just based on the fact that these Guidestones make no fucking sense.

Are you sure they don't?

i'm 100 positive that they are not christian and that's what would scare away most congressmen like if it was a giant granite cross okay you're definitely getting a congressman from georgia to talk about it that's fair yeah um yeah i don't know how i mean it was the 80s i feel it must have been a campaign year yeah right so the dude's like i'll just show up any give me a hundred bucks and i'm there he's like i need the tinfoil hat vote so so with all that out of the way and with hundreds of people in attendance they unveiled the stones and the locals were shocked to say the least because because the georgia guy stones are pretty much unlike anything else anyone has ever seen before for one right The monument is massive.

It consists of four massive upright granite slabs that surrounded a central pillar with a huge capstone set right on top.

It stands nearly 20 feet tall and weighed all together at almost 240 ,000 pounds.

So almost a quarter million pounds of granite was used to make this fucking thing.

But it wasn't just like the massive size and scale of the guy's stones that had people a little sketched out.

I mean, Americans, we fucking love big things.

trucks you know like so i don't think that i don't think the size was the issue uh it was more what was carved into it the message that rc and his mysterious backers wanted to convey so carved into the face of the giant slabs were 10 rules written in eight different languages english spanish swahili hindi arabic chinese and russian And across the top capstone, another message was written in four ancient scripts, Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphics.

Now, the first rule that was written on it, and this one really kind of sets the tone.

And for some, it immediately raised some eyebrows.

And this rule was that, quote, maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature.

It's important to note that when the Guidestones went up in 1980, the world's population was 4 .4 billion.

So right out the gate, people were like, what the fuck does that mean?

They want us to kill off 90 % of the planet?

Wouldn't be the worst idea ever, you know?

But it's a bad idea.

Yeah, but don't worry.

The second rule...

That didn't help calm anyone's nerves either.

The second rule was don't talk about the Georgia Guidestones.

It said guide reproduction wisely, improving fitness and diversity.

So if you're smart and know a thing or two about history, that just kind of sounds like eugenics, but in fancier clothes.

It's nice.

It's nice to know that eugenics was never truly forgotten about.

Yeah, so not a great start to your list of rules, or any list, really.

Nope, kind of problematic.

Yeah.

The rest of the list, though, is a bit on the tamer side, I guess.

They read, Unite humanity with a living new language.

Rule passion, faith, tradition, and all things with tempered reason.

Protect people and nations with fair laws and courts.

Let all nations rule internally, resolving external disputes in a world court.

Avoid petty laws and useless officials.

Balance personal rights with social duties.

Prize truth, beauty, love, seeking harmony with the infinite.

And be not a cancer on the earth.

Leave room for nature.

Leave room for nature.

You gotta repeat the last bit for emphasis, I guess.

It's nice to know that everyone ignored these stones immediately.

And on the top of the monument, on the capstone, it read, let these be guidestones to an age of reason.

But even though the list started out pretty heavy handed, some of these ideas could be interpreted as environmentalism or like just global cooperation.

And some people thought that it sounded pretty utopian.

I mean, besides the first two, the rest are I kind of fuck with, you know?

Yeah.

But to most everyone else.

They didn't see this as a message of hope.

They saw this more as like a warning or even worse as a threat.

And at the unveiling, locals started to just openly speculate as to what the fuck this all meant.

People were asking out loud how you could possibly get down to 500 million people without something horrific happening.

Like, were these advocating for mass murder, genocide, forced sterilization?

Even a local preacher at the ceremony?

He declared that the stones were quote for sun worshipers, cult worship and devil worship at quotes.

Ah, gotcha.

Yeah.

I think they threw the devil and the sun together in the same group.

I mean, are they not one in the same?

I mean, depending on where you live.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the monument hadn't even been up for 24 hours and it was already causing trouble.

And it only gets worse from here because since day one.

The Georgia Guidestones were like fucking catnip for conspiracy theorists.

The anonymous sponsors, the cryptic messages about population control and global unity.

These things were basically like built to get into people's heads.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah.

So how are we feeling so far about the Georgia Guidestones?

I feel like if I was going to play a prank on morons, I would do the exact same thing just to watch them get all wound up.

That's fair.

Now.

The first thing that caught people's attention, besides all the New World Order stuff, was the name of the man who commissioned the stones, R .C.

Christian.

Again, it was obviously a fake name, and conspiracy theorists rather quickly decided it had to be a nod to Christian Rosencruz, the mythical founder of the Rosicrucians, a secret mystical society that dates all the way back to the 1600s.

And this quote -unquote discovery...

uh kicked off one of the earliest earliest theories about the stones and that is that the guy's stones weren't just some like eccentric art project but the work of a hidden occult brotherhood trying to steer humanity into a new age a new world order if you will uh yeah that that makes sense for conspiracy theorists so for me when i hear the name rc christian uh and that rc christian was responsible for a bunch of rocks with nonsense on them my first thought would be dickhead just total dickhead not like conspiracy theory from the rosicrucians just this guy's a dickhead that's that's what we're going with yeah that that's how i would feel gotcha gotcha uh yeah and then uh and then came the rumors about wealthy elites Because obviously, of course, for years, people were claiming that Ted Turner, the founder of Mary Jane Fonda, was the one who funded the Guidestones.

I mean, which if we're being honest, totally fair.

Ted Turner was very vocal about population control and environmental issues.

So to make this leap wasn't like super crazy.

You know what I mean?

He did.

He did obviously deny it.

And there was obviously no proof that he did it.

I get where they were coming from.

And as the years went on, the Guidestones became a key piece of New World Order lore.

That was a tongue twister.

Especially in the 1980s and 90s.

This is around the time that conspiracy legend and professional suicide by copper, Bill Cooper, got involved.

Now...

Bill Cooper, real bad at avoiding dying.

Now, Bill Cooper saw the Guidestones as a literal warning from the elites claiming that they wanted to cut the world population down to half a billion and rule over the survivors.

And how would they cut the population down by that much, you might be asking?

Fucking frogs?

Who knows, dude.

The hows and whys change almost...

constantly with these conspiracy types.

It's pretty much whatever the flavor of the day is, is how you're going to die or how the globalists are going to kill you.

And then this is the plan they're going to use.

It's never the how and why don't matter.

It's the end goal with these guys.

I love that their whole argument for most of the things that these secret societies do is, well, they have to tell you what they're doing.

Why?

If I was going to...

If I was going to come up with a plan to convince our entire society across the globe, across this flat earth of ours, some geniuses, to kill them all, you know, to stop making humanity a thing.

I'm not going to be like, but I'm going to leave a little clue just in case.

That's not how shit works, you morons.

But you got to signal to the other conspiracists.

around the world what you're up to so that way they know to follow online.

Gotcha.

I don't know, dude.

It doesn't really matter how or why.

Yeah, because they don't have phones.

The only way that they can signal the other group is to put up 20 -foot stones in Georgia.

Yeah.

No, that makes sense.

That makes way more sense than just calling somebody and being like, send a telegram.

Well, it's like that.

Are you writing down a criminal conspiracy?

yeah putting it on 20 foot stones yeah but but again with these types it doesn't really matter how or why they just know it's gonna happen uh bill cooper even claimed that he knew the deadline for this mass genocide may 5th 2000 so kind of missed the mark on that one missed the mark bill yeah but i don't think bill made it that far anyway so i don't think he did no um But it didn't matter that none of his predictions came true.

The narrative stuck and the Georgia Guidestones became the smoking gun for anyone who believed the world was secretly run by a shadowy cabal plotting global domination.

And as the 2000s rolled around and Bill Cooper's doomsday prophecy came and went, the internet had supercharged conspiracy culture and the Guidestones went from just like a weird roadside curiosity that you would take a picture of with a Kodak disposable camera to a full -blown symbol of evil.

This is also around the time that some of the loudest voices in conspiracy circles latched on and really spread this paranoia far and wide.

Most notably, Temu Bill Cooper and King Dipshit Alex Jones.

He became one of the Guidestones' biggest hype men.

In 2008, in his masterpiece of a documentary entitled Endgame, He went to the Guidestones and in typical Alex Jones fashion, just ranted and raved about how the monument was proof of a globalist plot to kill off most of humanity.

Can we all just agree that Alex Jones is like, what would happen if triglycerides were a person?

Yeah.

He is high cholesterol, the guy.

Yeah, that's why he's so red all the time.

His blood is just trying to break free from his veins at all times.

Now, for Alex, the first rule, the keeping the population under 500 million one, that wasn't just a metaphor.

He took that to heart.

And once COVID happened, he tied the pandemic to the Guidestones, claiming that the virus was part of a globalist depopulation scheme to bring in a new world order slash one world government.

whatever the fuck he was ranting about at the time.

Oh, Alex, I wish.

That's not what happened, though.

Now, after the bombing of the stones in 2022, which we'll get to in a bit, Jones went on air and said he didn't officially support bombing historical landmarks, but then added, quote, at an animal level, I like seeing this edifice to world government get bombed, end quote.

Basically saying, like, hey, don't blow it up, but also, blow it up, you guys.

Yeah, you fucking, you crushed it.

Now, let me eat this entire London broil by myself.

But Alex wasn't the only one talking shit on the stones.

There was also Alex's good friend, Mark Dice, who was another conspiracy theory shitbag who, fun fact, back in 2005 would write under the pseudonym John Connor because he's a massive fucking tool bag.

Back then, he demanded that the Guidestones be, quote, smashed into a million pieces.

And his reasoning for wanting this.

had done was because the stones had quote deep satanic origins oh okay okay yeah uh dice believed as many other conspiracy theorists did and still do that rc christian was part of a luciferian worshiping secret society hell -bent on global domination because you know how i know he's an idiot how luciferian was a word he used i mean you know well yeah they're not smart they see lucifer and it's like It's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my entire life.

Yeah.

We're not, we're not, we're not working with the top brass here.

All right.

No, we're not.

No, we're not working with rocket scientists.

We're working with like rocket smellers, like people who would find a rocket and then just sniff it to know where it came from.

It smells like hot dogs.

And by 2020, the rhetoric about the Stones had gone pretty much mainstream.

Georgia Congresswoman and Mickey Rourke look alike.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, someone who's never met a conspiracy theory that she didn't like, spoke to Alex Jones on his show about the Guidestones and said that they were a left wing plan for population control.

Okay.

And painted the fight about what the stones meant as a literal battle between good and evil.

You know what has nothing to do with population control?

The bill that she voted for that reduces Medicaid for like everyone.

That's fine.

That's going to have no effect on the population.

But these rocks, these five rocks that we found in Georgia, real bad.

They're not great.

They're not good rocks.

And then there was Candace Taylor, a Republican candidate for Georgia governor in 2022.

Oh, I love her.

I remember we got into it on Twitter.

We had some moments together.

She responded to me once.

Oh, God.

Well, she made the demolition of the Guidestones part of her official campaign platform.

She even drafted an executive order number 10.

promising to tear down what she referred to as, again, quote -unquote, a Luciferian monument.

I drafted an executive tweet suggesting that her family tree was actually just a wreath.

Well, luckily for her, she didn't really have to do shit because that same year they were blown up, and she was pretty stoked about it.

She said it was God himself who struck them down.

No, she didn't really say that.

Her actual words were, God is God all by himself.

That includes striking down satanic guidestones.

That's what she actually said, which is worse.

Yeah, it's as if drool actually became words.

Yeah, and she wasn't the only one super hyped on domestic terrorism.

QAnon groups and far -right forums went bonkers after the bombing.

Some of them saw it as a sign that the so -called cabal was losing power.

Others insisted that the destruction was divine justice, saying that the stones simply didn't fit into the new America that God was about to create.

And one of the more popular QAnon accounts declared that, quote, Babylon is literally falling, which I can't not read as, OMG, you guys, Babylon is literally falling.

So basically, the people who supported destroying the Guidestones are literally anyone who may have...

potentially spilled rockstar energy drink on a bible yeah anyone who could say that happened is probably someone who wants to blow the stones up yeah it's also the same people that probably stormed the capitol on january 6th yeah yeah america's worst but uh but the bombing wasn't the first time people had like attempted to deface the stones for years they were tagged and written on like any public piece of anything But it wasn't really until the New World Order paranoia among some of the dumber members of our society started boiling over in the late 2000s that it started to get uglier, weirder, and dumber.

In 2008, someone under the cover of darkness went all in and hit the stones to spray paint and wrote these scrawling, massive slogans across them.

The most infamous read, quote, Death to the New World Order.

And this was the first major defacement of the Guidestones.

that made national headlines.

And the timing wasn't a coincidence.

2008 was a time of peak financial chaos.

Alex Jones was really hitting his stride back then.

And anti -globalist paranoia, among certain circles, was pretty much everywhere.

Ironically, the person who did it was probably somebody who referred to themselves as a king and their girlfriend as a queen, but none of them owned any property.

It could be.

Or maybe they were just really big into WCW at the time.

I mean, just really big Sting fans.

Fuck you, Hunter Hearst Helmsley.

So after this, county officials responded by installing security cameras, but that didn't do shit.

In 2014, Vandal struck again, this time leaving cryptic messages like, quote, I am ISIS, goddess of love.

which nobody knew what that meant.

Were they talking about the actual Egyptian goddess or the terrorist group?

See, this is what happens when crazy meets crazy.

Yeah, either way, people didn't care for it.

You don't even know who to root for in that situation.

Do I root for the person who thinks that ISIS, the goddess, not the terrorist organization?

Do I root for the moron who spent this much money to write shit on four large rocks?

Yeah, I don't know.

But alongside the graffiti were occult symbols and bizarre markings that freaked everyone out enough that they got the FBI involved.

And around the same time, people noticed something even weirder happening with the guy's stones.

A perfectly cut granite cube mysteriously showed up on top of one of the stones engraved with the number 2014.

Nobody had any idea how it got there or what it meant.

One day it wasn't there, and then the next it was.

Some conspiracy theorists said it was a countdown to the apocalypse.

Others thought it was a clue to something put there by the group behind the monument.

Eventually, and I assume to avoid idiots being idiots, authorities just removed the cube.

I love that they found a number and went like, this is a countdown to the end.

I feel like there's other numbers involved.

No.

No.

Is it really a countdown or just a warning that the end is coming?

The end is coming on 2014 is very different from this is a countdown to the end.

Well, you know, with numerology, two plus zero plus one plus four equals seven.

There are seven deadly sins.

I almost had it going.

We'll get there.

But over the years, there were also endless rumors about this site.

People claim that witches held ceremonies there, that cults sacrificed animals under the full moon.

And at one point, someone claimed they found blood on the stones.

Now, I'm sure most of this was just like small town shit talking mixed with like internet creepypasta conspiracy nonsense.

But it made the Guidestones feel more sinister to those already primed by people like Cooper, Jones, and Green to see them as evil.

Still, for all the shit -talking going on, no one had ever seriously tried to damage the structure itself, or if they did, it wasn't good enough.

Because remember, this thing was made of nearly a quarter million pounds of solid granite, and it was built to survive, theoretically, an apocalyptic disaster.

But that all changed on July 6th, 2022, when someone decided to to take conspiracy brain -fueled action.

At about 4 a .m., security cameras at the site captured a flash of light and a car speeding away.

One of the massive slabs, the one inscribed in Swahili and Hindi, was completely obliterated by a massive explosion.

The capstone was blown completely off the top and the remaining pillars remained standing, but now dangerously unstable.

The explosion was so large and powerful that people miles away reported feeling the ground shake.

Yeah.

Later that same day, officials decided the whole thing has to come down for like safety reasons.

And by that evening, heavy machinery reduced what was left to rubble.

A monument that had survived 40 years was just gone in a single day.

The Georgia Bureau of Investigation said whoever did this act of vandalism used a pretty heavy duty IED.

And security footage at the site showed a suspect approaching the stones, leaving the bomb, and then leaving in a silver sedan.

Despite there being video evidence, no one has ever been arrested and the bomber's identity remains a mystery.

So now, the local officials are pissed.

The DA promised that if they ever found the person responsible, he was going to throw the book at them and reminded whoever did this that because the county owned the monument, it was gifted to them, the destruction technically counted as destroying public property, which is a felony with the potential for a 20 -year sentence.

And it wasn't just the authorities that were pissed.

The locals were too.

The Guidestones were a major tourist attraction.

It brought in tens of thousands of people to this little rural area every year.

And even people who may not have loved the message were still kind of proud of it in a way.

It's craftsmanship.

It's mystery.

Now they're just left with an empty field and a pile of rubble.

But like I mentioned earlier, not everyone was pissed.

Of course not.

My retail agreement is probably doing fucking weird pull -ups to celebrate.

Yeah.

And to no one's surprise, because we're dealing with lunatics, not everyone agreed on what had really happened.

Some conspiracy theorists said it was a false.

Before you continue on, Dave, I just got to say, I don't know that I'm sad that the Guidestones were destroyed, but I'm sad that the morons won't be satisfied that they were destroyed.

That makes me more sad, I think.

Because they're going to be like, oh, it was an inside job.

The government did it to tell us that we should not have more babies.

These morons.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, pretty much.

Some conspiracy theorists said it was a false flag that the elitists.

I hate that I'm right.

That the elites destroyed their own monument to hide evidence.

Again, it had been there for over 40 years.

What evidence, you fucking idiots?

What evidence are we hiding?

They're five granite stones.

They're 20 feet tall.

What evidence were we trying to hide, you fucking morons?

We'll never know because it was destroyed.

Sorry.

That's where the Epstein tapes went.

Now we know.

The files were in the stones, dude.

Fuck.

Damn, maybe it is a cover -up.

Fuck, are they right?

Shit.

You know what happened is underneath the capstone, Ghislaine Maxwell's name.

Well, so they said, so there was a conspiracy.

I didn't leave it in here because it was just too much, but there's theories that there was a time capsule under the stones that held something.

I don't know fucking what it was, but obviously when they dug it up, they didn't find one because obviously.

Because the Jews.

Surprisingly, I tried to keep out the Jewish stuff for this one.

I feel like they have a hard enough time as it is.

Were they included, though?

Of course, dude.

Of course.

Come on.

Just wanted to make sure.

What do you mean?

It's a fucking conspiracy theory fueled by Bill Cooper and Alex Jones, obviously.

Of course.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Globalists.

oh yeah sorry um but yeah so they said it was a uh a false flag to destroy evidence again they've been there for 40 years they also said it was it was uh done to frame conspiracy theorists to make them look crazy and dangerous so you know guys you don't need any help yeah you don't need any help so so with them finally being gone and the idiots mostly satisfied What were the Guidestones really?

We know they aren't what dipshits like Alex say, and when you strip away all the satanic panic, internet diatribes, and Bill Cooper predictions, the truth about the stones is pretty tame.

Everything anyone has been able to figure out about the stones point to this being a passion project of a very small group of private citizens.

R .C.

came to Alberton in 1979 with a vision for a monument that was rooted in the very real fears of the time.

This was the tail end of the Cold War.

It was a time when people were very genuinely worried about nuclear annihilation, population, environmental collapse, basically just society crumbling into chaos.

This was like the beginning of acid rain, too, I think, when they were talking about acid rain and like the effect it was going to have on society.

Hmm.

I do remember feeling like that was going to be a bigger problem.

Yeah.

But the Guidestones were meant to be more of a message to whoever survived this hypothetical doomsday.

The infamous keep humanity under 500 million wasn't meant as like, hey, let's kill off 90 % of the population.

It was more like, hey, if civilization collapses, maybe don't rebuild to the point of 8 billion people and destroy the planet again.

Stop making so many.

But to be fair.

That is a wild thing to put on a monument with no context, so I get why people might have been a little freaked out.

Yeah.

As for the rest of the rules, honestly pretty reasonable when read plainly.

Protect people with fair laws, avoid useless officials, balance rights with responsibility, live in harmony with nature, and don't be a cancer on the earth.

And the line about a living new language is saying, like, hey, if we start over, maybe it would help if we could...

Talk to each other.

Either that or it's just somebody who was really mad about Telemundo.

Sure.

Yeah, like, why is there, why do I gotta press one for Spanish?

I don't think that's what, I don't think that's what it is.

But I mean, I get where you're coming from.

Frankly, as just a human being, I would be perfectly okay with abandoning English and just accepting a new language.

If everyone spoke it so we could just all talk to each other.

Yeah, that's pretty much what they're saying.

They just want one living language.

Exactly.

Yeah, if society collapses.

It makes things so much easier.

Like a normal good idea.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Of course, that's against Jesus.

Well, yeah, he wouldn't want that.

There's also zero proof of any secret society involvement.

Law enforcement researchers and groups like the ADL have repeatedly said that there's nothing connecting the stones to Satanists, Freemasons, the Illuminati, nothing like that.

In reality, the Georgia Guidestones are more like a philosophical art project, just like a weird, expensive piece of social commentary.

Unfortunately, by being vague and them being anonymous, they pretty much invited this type of stuff to happen because in the end, a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah, because in the end, the monument didn't fall to natural decay or a changing world.

It was destroyed by the very paranoia that it inspired.

A creation that was meant to guide humanity through disaster instead became a symbol of mistrust, hatred, and conspiracy -fueled rage.

And that's kind of like the irony of the Guidestones.

A monument built to last for a millennia was destroyed by the one thing that it sought to save, which was humanity.

So, yeah.

Built by morons, taken down by morons.

Yeah, but there you go, Sarge.

That is the story of the Georgia Guidestones from conception to end.

How are we feeling?

I love this story because personally, I love that the Guidestones existed, not just because of the message, because frankly, like you said, really just like relatively good advice.

Yeah, it's nothing nefarious.

But I love that relatively good advice terrified stupid people so much that they had built entire political campaigns around destroying it.

Like, nothing says I'm a fucking moron more than when a stone says, hey, maybe next time we do civilization, we all just say the same words so we know what each other's talking about.

I don't think that was the one that really got them.

I think it was the other ones, but I get what you're saying.

Well, the other reason I think they're mad is because they're afraid that if we start culling the herd, we're going to start going after the dumb people.

And that is square in their demographic.

That's valid.

That's fair.

Yeah.

When we go around at the end of the world and we're like, okay, what can you do for society?

Well, I'm a nuclear physicist.

I think we could get a nuclear power plant going really soon.

Okay, what do you do?

Oh, I teach languages.

I can teach everybody the same language so that we can all communicate much more easily.

Okay, great.

You should stick around.

What do you do?

Well, I know the Bible.

I was reading it.

I know it.

Okay.

Do me a favor.

See that cliff over there?

You should just keep walking straight towards it and go over it.

Sarge, are you proposing death by Wile E.

Coyote?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

All right.

No, I'm not proposing death by Wile E.

Coyote.

I'm proposing life by Wile E.

Coyote and just allow whatever consequences happen.

to happen gotcha gotcha but anyways back to the actual i'm gonna paint roads on the sides of walls and ask dumb people to run towards those roads gotcha all right all right but you're good this is you're good with this story you know no notes i i honestly i have no notes it's a monument built by jackasses to i don't think it was built by jackasses i i I fuck with RC Christian and his group of weird anonymous people.

I think it's funny.

Here's my problem with the whole thing.

No, this is like the 1980s version of when, remember when all those mysterious monoliths just started popping up out of nowhere?

That's this, and I love this.

This is like 1980s conspiracy trolling.

No, I love it, dude.

It's great.

If it was done for trolling, then I respect it.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone involved in this project all the way down was just deadly serious about what they were doing.

This is going to save the world.

I mean, honestly, they could.

I mean, not save the world.

Obviously, the world would have to end for these rules to come into play.

Did you ever see the movie Deep Impact?

Yes.

Love that movie.

Remember at the end when the kid's just talking about how like, hey, maybe we should all live in like teepees and shit like that.

Yeah.

He's basically just talking about the Georgia Guidestones.

his his whole thing about how humanity should live after is the georgia guidestones is it not it pretty much no no i completely agree so here's my thing and and maybe i'm just not great at articulating this i recognize that the georgia guidestones are a great idea because the way you're articulating it is that you want to uh throw people off a cliff also that so i'll say this the guidestones are very cool Unfortunately, some people ruin cool things.

See, that's all you had to say.

Which is why we couldn't have great rock music in the 80s because of the satanic panic and morons.

That's why I proposed throwing them off a cliff.

I wasn't saying that because I didn't like them.

I was saying that because they were a problem.

To be fair, we still had awesome rock music in the 80s.

We did.

They just had parental advisory logos on them.

Which just made me buy more of it.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Exactly.

They're like, hey, this is scary and bad.

You shouldn't listen to it.

And I'm like, oh, okay, that's scary.

I'm going to get 10 of them.

All right, bud.

That's our story for today.

It was fun.

I enjoyed this one.

I like these conspiracy ones.

I really like them, too.

I'm actually very sad that the Guidestones.

were destroyed i've always wanted to see them i think regardless of the intent whether it was you know whatever reason the guidestones were there i think it was a really fascinating idea and it like kind of inspired a lot of like imaginative thought and people really like kind of either appreciated them or was scared of them but regardless That's kind of what art is, right?

So I would have loved to see the Guidestones.

Yeah, that would have been super rad.

And it makes me want to create something that scares dumb people so much that they want to blow that up too.

You know what I mean?

I mean, all art is meant to evoke emotion, so I mean...

getting your art blown up technically like the highest form of flattery it really is right i really think it is like my goal in life is to make something that stupid people want to blow up because they're scared of it because at its most basic form there was nothing terrifying about those rocks no not even close except for the words the people who read them didn't understand I don't even think it was the words themselves.

I think they just saw a bunch of different languages and their brain fucking fried.

Only one of these is in English.

They probably thought that the 10 were in English and then there was like 16 other sets of rules that they couldn't read.

In America, our rocks only speak in English.

What are they hiding behind that squiggly line?

Bullshit on this.

Alright.

we're getting close to an hour let's wrap this up uh all right uh thank you so much for listening everyone um i appreciate it if you want to follow us follow us on instagram cryptic cocktail tiktok cryptic cocktail party follow my tiktok i'm having a lot of fun over there oh my god dave your fucking tiktok is goddamn hilarious i think i found my niche my two favorite things about your tiktok is one you're picking on dumb people but two You're picking on the dumb people that are on our side that aren't smart enough to watch an entire video.

Dude, I basically just figured out the perfect form of engagement baiting.

Oh, God, it's so good.

It's so good.

Yeah, so it's occult underscore Lunchables.

I don't know where that came from.

I just made it up.

So follow me there.

Yeah, leave us a rating and review.

I keep thinking about your videos and I just can't I have told everyone at this block party to follow you just because how hilarious they are and dude you can make it's not even just like the right wing like MAGA folks you can do it with fucking the alpha wolf crowd like I got shit on lockdown the reactionaries just the people who will watch your video but not all the way to the end so they don't recognize that it's a joke Oh, it's so good.

It's amazing.

The amount of comment not found when I go to try to reply to something because they clearly finished the video after they commented.

It's so fucking funny to me.

It's so good.

All right.

So do you guys think you want to plug before we sign off?

No, I mean, follow my TikTok too.

It's not as good as Dave's, but I'm having a good time with it.

I'm starting to get back into making videos.

So Sarge the Destroyer on Instagram, TikTok, the whole nine yards.

whatever fucking social media you follow go to Sarge the Destroyer I apologize for showing up to this episode drunk but in my defense we started an hour late and I've been barbecuing for the last two hours straight so yeah alright also drink Narragansett drink Narragansett immediately or I'll fight you yeah and if you're a basic bitch like me And you love the taste of pumpkin.

Uh, they got their new, they got their, their pumpkin beer out now.

It's fucking great.

I better go get some.

Oh yeah.

And also, uh, the homie, uh, logo lore, uh, with DA, he sent me some of his, uh, non -alcoholic, uh, mixed beverages.

I'm drinking the grandma tonic right now.

This isn't like a sponsorship thing.

I've just let you know that it's pretty good.

Uh, yeah.

So yeah, check out no spirit.

They're pretty good.

If you're not an alcoholic like us, check out some no spirit.

But they got like a rum and coke one and a whiskey and coke one.

Like I said, I got the gin and tonic one.

It's pretty good.

It's kind of like Sprite -y instead of tonic -y, which I like because I already drink my gin and tonics with Sprite instead of tonic.

Anyways, whatever.

Yeah, tonic scrubs.

Don't drink it because there's no mosquitoes.

No, I mean, for real.

That's what quinine is in tonic for is to drive away mosquitoes.

It was a malaria defense.

I don't know, dude.

I didn't know that.

History with Saj.

All right.

Do you want to say goodbye and I love you to the audience?

Guys, I love you and I'll be sober next time.

I promise.