Hey everyone, this is Yvette Hampton.

Welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rocked podcast.

I am so excited that you are back with me this week.

So if you missed last week's episode, I told you that we were doing a two-part series.

This is actually a a best of series from 2021.

And last week we talked about those who maybe hate homeschooling and some of the reasons for that.

And today we are going to talk about the love of homeschooling and just walk through some of the the things things that we can do to show love to our families and to love them well and to even fall in love with homeschooling.

So I know this is going to be a great encouragement to you.

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Now enjoy this episode.

I am back with none other than Avenella.

Hi, Abby.

Hey, how's it going?

Good, this is good.

It's so funny.

Didn't someone ask you recently if I actually thought your name was ABBA Abby Nella?

Yeah, somebody said, does she, does she really think your name is Abenella?

Does she know your name is Abby Rinella?

And I was.

That was hilarious.

I said she does.

We're actually quite good friends and we do know each other.

I love that though.

So funny.

I like that other people are starting to actually call you Abenella because.

They do.

I get people reaching out to me and they're like, hey Abenella, it's it's a riot.

It's hilarious.

I love it.

We're making you famous for it.

Oh, that's so much so.

I am so glad to be back with you today.

It's been a few weeks since we've recorded together.

It has been a while.

It's been, it has been a while.

Yeah, yeah.

'Cause we've we haven't.

Recorded since Since the new Year, Have we?

Yes, we have.

Yeah, we have, We have.

We have.

We have.

We have.

It's all gone by so fast.

We've got a lot going on.

It's.

Already February.

What year is it?

What I know.

Oh my goodness.

Anyway, it's good to be back.

It is good to be back.

It is very, very good to be back with you and you.

Know what I notice if people are watching this, Did you guys know you can watch this?

You have a new back.

You're you have a whole new studio.

We do, we it.

Looks incredible.

Thank you.

Watch.

OK, if you're watching, I'm gonna go to full screen here so people can actually see the whole thing.

So this is our whole studio.

Amazing.

So tell us, a new studio, a new house, a new town.

What's new?

A new state?

Yes, Our family has had a huge transition in the past few weeks.

3 weeks ago we moved from Georgia to Oklahoma.

Oklahoma Abbey.

And it's amazing.

Which is 1300 miles closer to me 15.

Oh, I I haven't mounted it.

I don't know.

I I know it's a lot closer.

It is closer to you than we were before, yes, Yeah.

We through a whole series of events.

And for those who know kind of our story, we have been kind of transient for the past 4 1/2 years.

No matter.

We've we've been in Georgia with family, but that hasn't actually been home.

Like, we knew that wasn't permanent home.

So we have been praying and praying that the Lord would show us where home was supposed to be and where we were supposed to settle.

Because when we left California 4 1/2 years ago, we left just trusting that the Lord was going to take us home.

And we had no idea that it was going to take this long, but He made it so abundantly and perfectly clear that Broken Arrow, OK or right outside of Tulsa was where we were supposed to go.

And so we are here.

We've been here for three weeks and it's so funny because Oklahoma is never a state that we had considered.

As a matter of fact, we have traveled to, I don't know, we've been to more than half of the states in, in the United States.

And I, I, I've probably mentioned this before, but I seriously thought that we were going to drive into a state and we would just know, like, you know, angels would sing and rays of sunshine would come down from the clouds.

And, you know, there would be like people with welcome signs on the street saying welcome Hampton family, like, you know, this is where you're supposed to be.

And we would just know like, that was where we were supposed to be.

And so we went to all these places thinking, OK, well, maybe this is it.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe this is it.

And not a single place did we have peace about.

And then a few months ago, the Lord started opening the doors for Oklahoma.

And like I said, he just made it so clear.

So now we're here and we had never and.

Isn't it a state you had never ever even been to?

Right, that's what I was going to say.

So crazy we we had never even set foot on Oklahoma land until we moved here 3 weeks ago and and God is good.

It is such an exciting time for our family.

It's been a big transition, of course, but it's been very exciting and we have so much peace about being here and we love it here.

It's like this like little secret gem that nobody really knows about except for those who have been here or live here.

And, And so, yeah, so if anybody's in the Oklahoma or Tulsa area, we would love for you to reach out to us and we would love to meet you because we're here and it's exciting.

That is so exciting.

I'm so excited and I hear nothing but good about Oklahoma.

Well, yes, except that today, Abby, it's so cold.

No, you don't understand.

We woke up and it was 19° this morning and the forecast is it's supposed to be in the next few days.

It's supposed to get down to a low of -2 and a high of 9°.

And I'm like, that's just insane 'cause this Southern California girl does not do weather like this.

And so it is so cold.

But the locals keep telling us this is not normal.

It doesn't normally cold and I'm like, I don't know if I believe you.

Oh my goodness.

It's OK.

It's OK.

I.

Like it cold, but I don't like it that cold.

Well, I know you, and I always joke about that because you're in Idaho where it's freezing cold.

But it's a different kind of cold because it's the sun's always shining and we have snow.

This is what I've always said.

I don't like cold without snow and we don't get that bitter.

Well, you're going to have what did you say the wind chill is going to make it?

What?

They they said that the wind chill is coming up in the next few days is supposed to be like -20 to -30°.

That's horrible.

We're not in Montana.

We're not in Chicago.

Oh my goodness, that's crazy.

You'll survive and you have a beautiful new home to snuggle into.

And home school isn't that great.

You don't have to put your kids on the bus.

Yes, we have a fireplace.

It's amazing.

We didn't have a fireplace.

Well, I mean, we haven't had a place and years and years and so anyway.

Oh, I'm excited.

For you it's great yes and we so it's been a fun few weeks for our family just a big time of change and we've had some exciting things happen with schoolhouse rocked.

So with the podcast last week, there was a, it was the content 2020 festival.

It's a media festival.

So they have awards for all sorts of different things.

Well, somehow we got nominated for best video podcast in the homeschooling category because there are quite a lot of homeschool podcast, you know, video podcast and that people find on YouTube.

And so somehow we were nominated for this and we won this award and we were so surprised and it was such a blessing.

And I, and I, I even hesitated to share that because I didn't want it to sound like we're, you know, we're so amazing, like this amazing podcast that we do, but I only share it because it's all for God's glory.

And, and by his grace, I mean, he has allowed us to do this, you and I together and all of the amazing guests that we have on.

And and Garrett, my husband who does all of the behind the scenes things that nobody I'm, he does way more work on this podcast than you and I ever do.

Oh, I know you and I just get to just get to talk and point people to Jesus.

He does all the heavy lifting, yes.

Yes, but God is so good.

So that was really exciting and we were so honored to get that award.

And then January, I don't know if I even told you this, Abby, but January was our biggest month of podcast downloads that we've had ever.

And.

So that was really exciting.

I mean, more and more people are starting to listen to the podcast and, and, and that's exciting again, because that just means that's all the more people we get to encourage.

Yes, and that means all the more families, they're bringing their kids home and raising them up in the Lord and being encouraged by his word.

And that's the part that's exciting to me is it's a, it's just building a big community of, of those of us that are answering the call.

Yeah, yeah, it is exciting.

It is so exciting and and well.

Thank you to the listeners, like we can't thank you guys enough to be a part of our community.

Yes, it's so exciting.

And more and more we're starting to hear from listeners and getting questions from them and just comments.

And so that is so encouraging to us.

We love hearing from you guys.

It's, it's just an exciting ministry to be part of.

We are so grateful for that.

And and then the last part of our exciting week has been that Garrett and I just celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary.

Wow.

I.

Know, I know, isn't that?

Amazing.

We look 26 years old because you got married when you were like.

I was 10.

It was an arranged marriage.

She's joking.

Oh my goodness.

Congratulations.

Thank you again.

Again, trust me when I say all by God's grace I mean it is just, it is the Lord that took us through the 1st 10 years of our marriage and the the first.

I say the 1st 10 because the first decade was really hard and we got married very young and we had a lot of growing up to do and God is faithful and we stuck with it and we were we.

I can say that there were many times where I think we would have given up had it been up to us.

But because we had made a covenant with the Lord and said we will never give up on this, He honored that.

And we struggled and pushed through.

And I don't know what it was, but something at that kind of 10 year mark just kind of pushed us over that that difficult time.

And so, you know, not that we have the perfect marriage.

I mean that doesn't exist, but God has done amazing things and we have a really good marriage now 26 years later and we still have our ups and downs, but we have way more UPS than we have downs.

And and so I am so grateful for my husband who leads our family well and who is faithful to me and my girls and who who God has just blessed me with a great husband and so.

That is so encouraging.

And we were just talking before we got on about how our younger, our younger selves in marriage and how we handled things in in such a different ways and funny, funny marriage stories.

But that that's such an encouragement.

And with with Valentine's Day having just been, there's so much love in the air.

And as we talk about marriage, there are those that, that love the, the tickly feelings, all that stuff, stuff.

But after 26 years, you probably realize that love is, is a whole lot deeper and it's a whole lot more of a choice and there's a lot more to it than just those those feelings.

So I think that we're going to talk a little bit about that today of love.

Yep, Yep.

We are going to talk about First Corinthians 13.

I'm kind of focused on that and then just some other parts of how to show love to our our families.

But before we do that, let's take a quick break and we won't be right back.

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We are back and we are talking about love.

And what's really fun is talking about love.

Love this week because last week, if you remember, our topic was I hate homeschooling.

And so we're going from I hate homeschooling to for the love of homeschooling.

And you know, there's no better way to start off talking about love than to read straight from God's Word.

And I know those listening, I'm sure are all very familiar with this passage, but I'm just going to read a little piece of it just to refresh your memories.

And I'm, I'm going to read First Corinthians 13 verses 1 and then I'm going to skip down to verse 4 through probably 4 through 7 or 4 through 8.

So First Corinthians 13 verse one says if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels that have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

I love that verse.

I love.

That.

Verse How many how many of us moms just noisy gongs and clanging symbols?

And and they're the word nag, right?

Can you think nag?

I just think that's the sound of a noisy Dong and a clanging symbol when we nag at our Kids without love.

Yeah, I I think so too.

And so we're going to talk about that.

And then skipping down to verse 4, it says love is patient and kind.

Love does not envy or boast.

It is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way, It is not irritable or resentful.

It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

And I love this passage.

I love it.

And Ambi, this was actually your, your idea.

This is what the Lord put on your heart was to talk about this someone that you know as you read this and as you were thinking about this, what, what was the Lord telling you and teaching you in regards to our families and homeschooling and parenting and all of the things?

I, I was just thinking like I love my kids with a passion.

I feel like God's call to homeschool and to be a mom, a stay at home mom from the beginning.

It has always been my passion and I, I, I just, I love the, the call that God has given to us moms and I, I love my kids.

I was just thinking, I have a daughter who's about to turn 13 and I'm like the love that I have for my children.

And then the morning to know that someday they're going to be gone.

It was just so overwhelming.

And then as I was reflecting on that that morning, the kids got into an argument a little bit later and I started nagging at them and, and very frustratedly with not a lot of gentleness.

And you were a.

Noisy gong or a clinging symbol?

And all of a sudden I just felt like the Holy Spirit going, you're not loving your children the way that I have called you to love them in this moment.

I mean, and it just, I just, I could hear myself just being annoyed and frustrated that they were fighting.

And, and this is the hilarious part is I was frustrated that they weren't loving each other and that they were yelling at each other as I'm yelling at them for not yelling for yelling at each other.

And it just hit me and I'm like, OK, love is patient and love is kind.

And I need the Bible talks about having kindness on our tongue, right?

And that that is what teaches and and trains is, is that kindness on our tongue?

And, and then I thought, wouldn't it be great to go through this verse and really look at as moms are we, I know that every mom listening to this loves their kids without a doubt, no question.

Why in the world else would you be listening to a homeschool podcast?

And there was other things you could be doing.

So clearly you love your children, but what does God want that love to look like as a homeschool mom?

And so I thought we could just kind of break it down and encourage moms to say, are we loving our families?

Well, are we loving our families with more than just an emotional I love you?

Yeah, yeah.

One of the things that someone did with me years and years ago was, excuse me, was they said put your name in front of the word love.

So as you're reading, you know, love is patient.

So mine would read, of course, Yvette is patient and kind.

Yvette does not envy or boast.

Yvette is not arrogant or rude.

I do not insist on my own way.

Yvette is not irritable or resentful and so on.

And that really was striking to me because I was like, well, shoot, now it's personal.

OK, so now let's take it a a step further and let me ask you this.

And this is where the conviction comes in.

Put put it in your child's voice.

And would your child say mom is patient, Mom is kind out of through your child's eyes.

You know, mom is not rude.

Mom is not irritable or quick to anger.

And I think I want my children to be able to say that.

I want my children to be able to say all of those things with my name in front of it.

And, and I know that that's not always the case.

And that's why we need to get in God's word constantly and, and allow, and you know, we're going to talk about a little bit later, but love is a fruit of the Spirit.

And so when we allow the Holy Spirit to work through us, that's the only way we're going to become patient.

Because let me tell you, I've heard so many homeschool moms say, Oh, I don't have enough patience to homeschool.

And it's like, well, that doesn't come naturally to any of us.

That is a fruit of the Spirit because love is a fruit of the Spirit.

So that's so good to put your name and then look it through your kids eyes when your kids are are struggling through life and they're on the journey.

We're reading Pilgrim's Progress.

I think I talked about that before and and about how our walk with God is a journey and our walk with our children is a journey.

And are we being patient in they have their own walk and their own journey, and are we being patient with them or do we have the bar for our kids a little bit higher than we set the bar for ourselves?

I think so often, like I expect my children never to have a meltdown and never to be this and never to be that, even though I'm human and I struggle with that.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, taking it one step further is say these in the voice of our husbands.

You know, when our husbands say these things about us and we kind because often times our husbands kind of get, you know, they get what's left at the end of the day.

And could they say my wife is patient and kind.

She's not rude.

She does not insist on her own way.

I mean, I would say that was probably one of the things, you know, I I talked about the first decade of our marriage and that this is so funny.

I'll tell you a funny story.

When it was like our first few months of marriage, I literally remember asking Garrett one night to take out the trash and he didn't just jump up and do it when I wanted him to.

And this is how incredibly immature I was.

I remember actually saying to him, I mean, I don't even know how much time had passed.

And maybe it was 10 minutes, maybe it was an hour.

I don't remember.

But for for my, it was too long.

For me, it was longer.

I like I wanted him to do it right then and I literally said to him I want you to do it in my time, not yours.

Oh my goodness, right.

Oh my goodness is right hilarious and I talk about having a difficult, you know, 1st 10 years.

No wonder why I was such a stinking.

Brat.

But that was me.

I mean, I insisted on having my own way always.

And I have a pretty strong will naturally.

I really want to have my way all the all the time.

I mean, everybody kind of does.

But like I will, I will fight for my way and and the Lord has has had to do a whole lot of heart work in my life.

You know, I'm not usually real irritable.

I'm I'm overall a patient person, I mean more patient than than I think some but man, I read some of these things and and I think that's The thing is that every one of us has some of these things that we struggle with.

Not I mean, if you struggle with all of them, you need real help.

But but it's unlikely that someone struggles with all of them.

But we all have certain pieces of this.

And so I love that the Lord has listed out all of the things he hasn't just said.

Love is patient and kind.

The end.

Well, because people can.

You can have someone who's patient and pretty kind.

All the time mentally, they are patient people, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And they don't have a a sharp tongue just, you know, personality wise.

But then he goes on and on and on and and I love I got I hit this one of love bears all things.

And I think sometimes we want our kids to have arrived now, you know, sometimes I want my 5 year old to be at the end of her walk with God where she's just right, nearly perfect and ready to, you know, and, and it's hard to bear with our children as they go through hard things.

Or another thing is we don't want to see our kids struggle or go through hard things and love bears with them.

We, we stand by them.

We, you know, and, and there's so many things in here and and back to marriage.

It our kids learn, you know, our marriage is an example to our children of Christ in the church.

And so often when they're little, they don't fully they don't fully wrap their head around who God is.

That's why God told kids obey your parents because it is a training for them to obey him, right.

And and so when our kids watch our marriages, they're learning love, they're learning how to love.

When we treat our kids in love, they're seeing, they're seeing God's love through their parent.

And so we need to really make sure that we know what God's love is and that we are loving our children, not just, oh, I love you so I'm gonna make you cookies or oh, I love you.

Which is it?

That service is part of love, but, or just that we emotionally love them, but that we are really loving according to God's word.

So we, we do want to challenge everybody to go through each one of those things and, and ask yourselves what are what your kids say?

Mom, is this and, or are you just a noisy gong?

Pick up your room, get your work done.

Did you do your math?

You know, stop yelling at your brother.

And sometimes I think we fall into that, that noisy gong.

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Anyone that the Lord has put in our lives, He gives us the recipe for how to love them well.

And you know what it's not?

It's not optional because God said what are the 2 greatest commandments, right?

Love God and love others.

And then he tells us, how do you love God?

Well, if you love me, you'll obey my commands.

That's right.

And then how do we love others?

Well, it like you said, he literally gives us the blueprint on how to do it.

He, God doesn't tell us to do something and then not equip us to do it or not tell us how to do it.

He always gives us what we need to do it.

So, so we're talking, talking about today the the peace of this love God love others.

We're talking about loving others and that includes our children, it includes our spouses, and it includes loving other homeschool moms, those other moms that might rub us the wrong way or those other moms that we might struggle being envious of.

Well, guess what?

That's not love according to God's Word.

Yeah, that's right.

You know, it's interesting that you talk about other homeschool moms because as I was reading this, I was reading in First Corinthians 13 verse heaven says love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

And as I read the endures all things, I was thinking about kind of back to what we talked about last week about I hate homeschooling and those moms who really struggle with homeschooling and all of us struggle with a part of homeschooling.

All of us struggle with a part of parenting and of marriage because, you know, we live with sinful people and we are sinful people.

And so there's always going to be a piece of our lives that we really, really genuinely struggle with.

But because God has called us to this.

And like you said, he's, he has said to us in his word, if you love me, you will obey.

Well, he has called us to raise up our children and godliness so we can obey him there.

And then he tells us that love endures all things.

And if we love him and we love our kids, then we will endure these things and he's going to get us through it.

And one of the things that I have realized and, and I realized, you know, early on in my marriage is that love is a choice.

It is a choice we make.

It is not an emotion.

It is not a feeling.

Because if we base our love on emotions and feelings, we're going to feel often times like we don't love the people in our lives.

There have been times where I have felt like I don't love my husband because he's made me really mad because he hasn't given me my way 'cause, you know, if we go back to First Corinthians 13 verse 5, it says love does not insist on its own way.

And as I shared before, I really like having my own way, right?

Right.

And so when he doesn't give it to me, sometimes he makes me mad.

Well, I still will choose to love him.

And now I've chosen to trust him.

And over 26 years of marriage, I have learned to trust my husband.

It doesn't mean that he's always right about everything, but honestly, he's usually right about stuff, darn it.

But I choose to love him.

I choose to love my children when they frustrate me, when they disobey.

It's not always a feeling, but it's a choice.

Right, and I think the same goes with choosing to obey God and homeschooling because God and, and I, I believe with my whole heart that it, that God calls us and there's so much in the Bible that tells us, and you can go back and listen to the why homeschool to hear it, but God calls us to homeschool, period.

God calls us to educate our own children.

And when we don't feel like it, we need to remember that God says the heart is wicked and deceitful above all things.

And that's really, that's our feelings.

Like sometimes I feel like, you know, just smashing into that car that's trying to merge in front of me when they shouldn't.

And thank goodness I don't follow those feelings.

The heart is wicked and deceitful, but but God's word doesn't return void.

God's word is what we need to base everything off of.

And so when we choose to be obedient despite our feelings, when we choose to love, even when we don't feel like it, when we choose to forgive, even when we don't think the other person deserves it, then it says then in a love never fails it.

It will work because God's God's way works.

I mean, it just does does because it's he's got and he created it to work perfectly.

And so that is where we can find the strength to do something even when we don't feel like it, to be patient with our kids one more time when they've forgotten to, you know, finish their work before they went out and played or whatever.

And or, you know, when we're just, we're tired of home school, so we want to kick him out the door to the bus.

We've got to to take those feelings captive and remember that that love is a choice.

Like you said, love is thing.

We have to choose.

It's an action that we have to choose to make, even when we don't feel like it.

Yeah, that's right.

And it really is a reflection of who God is.

And what's so interesting is that, you know, you grow up thinking you love and and love is an interesting word because then I say that on the podcast a lot.

I love that.

I love this.

I love.

This.

I like that.

But obviously it's a different kind of love.

And growing up, you know, you love your parents, you love your friends, you love your husband once you get married and then you have kids.

And I don't know if it was like this for you, Abby, but I remember literally the exact moment that God's love for me became, started to become so real, like more real than it had ever been.

And it was when Brooklyn was probably, she was just a couple months old, maybe two or three months old.

And you know, I've told the story, of course, on the podcast.

And we, we had waited almost 11 years to have this child.

I mean, just prayed for her.

I, I desperately wanted to be a mom.

And I finally, finally, the Lord chose to bless us with this amazing gift.

And so I was holding her and I was nursing her.

And, you know, newborns just kind of are like la, la, la, la, la.

They, they don't focus on anything.

They just, you know, kind of wander their eyes all over the place while I was nursing her this one day and I, you know, was just snuggling with her and she looked at me and she stopped nursing.

And I remember her just looking at me and like, she locked eyes with me.

And there was something about that moment where it I was like, Oh my goodness, I love this child beyond words.

Like almost to the point where it was almost painful and.

It's something that that I always remember my mom saying you'll never understand until you become a mom.

And I was always like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I love my dog.

I totally get it right.

And then saying thing I had a child and it, it, it, it is something that every, every mom that hears this knows what we're saying.

And everybody that's not yet a mom cannot possibly understand until you've experienced it.

Right.

Yeah, it is a different kind of love.

And and what was so beautiful about that is I remember thinking, oh, the Lord waits for us and when we finally become his and not that he doesn't love us before that, but it's a different connection we have with our Savior once we finally become his.

It's the.

Locking of the eyes.

It's the locking of the eyes, and He loves us beyond measure, beyond words.

And so we get to take the love of the Father, and we get to pass that on to our children through loving Him, through this blueprint that He's given to us in First Corinthians 13.

Love is patient and kind.

It does not envy or boast.

It's not rude, It's not irritable.

It doesn't insist on its own way.

It's not resentful.

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

It never.

And I love that it ends that way.

Love never ends because this love for us is never going to end in our love for our kids are never going to end.

And I like how you said, OK, so put God in that because the Bible tells us that we love because why he first loved us, right?

And so then you can't say God is patient, God is kind, God does not envy or boast.

God is not arrogant.

And so because he is that, and we have that experience with him, we have that love with him, then we can experience that with our children.

And, and it's so powerful.

And, and in those moments, yeah, it's easy when the baby's just a little tiny baby gazing at you in the eyes, you know?

But then when you go through those hard moments, like say, for example, puberty, then then that love is so solidified and our love with Christ that it gets, that's the kind of love that gets us through those hard things.

That's the kind of love that allows me to be patient when my kids don't even know what's going on in their own bodies and they're going, you know, it or all the, all the things that cause us to be like, I could never get through that.

And it, it is that kind of love that gets us through it.

It is that kind of love that perseveres.

Right, right.

And at the same time, we have to remember that just like we love our kids, God loves us and he cares as much about us, and he is our Father.

He is the one who's standing above us and saying, OK, let me help you through this, just like we want to help our kids through these different seasons of life and through their tantrums and through their disobedience and, and through, you know, the good times.

God comes alongside us and he not even alongside us.

He goes before us and he leads us through his word.

He leads us through, you know, other people, you know, other people in our lives.

Might you know, I, I said earlier, God has been faithful to give me a husband who leads our family well.

And so he's given me a husband who lead who who spiritually leads us, but he also leads in love and helps me to see what it looks like to truly love sacrificially.

As we were planning for this and, and praying through this and stuff.

One of the passages, Abby, that I shared with you that the Lord really brought to my heart was Galatians 5616 through 24.

And Garrett actually came across this the other day and we read it together as a family and it's so powerful.

I'm going to actually read a little bit of it to you because it's just such a good verse.

We we often times jump to Galatians chapter 5, verse 22 and we'll get to that.

But if we read starting at verse 16, it's, it's such a great passage, the whole thing all together.

And it says, but I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh, 'cause you know, we're a bunch of stinking selfish people who again want to have our own way.

But if we walk by the Spirit, we will not gratify the desires of our flesh.

For the desires of the flesh are against the spirit and the desires of the spirit are against the flesh.

For those are for these are opposed to each other to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

And then if you jump down to verse 19, it says now the works of the flesh are evident.

And, and it's so interesting to read through the works of the flesh.

These are our sin.

This is our sinful nature.

And I won't read all of them, but but a few of them that really stood out to me were enmity, strife, fits of anger, dissensions and divisions.

Those were the things that I was like, oh man, those that I, I can be those things.

And that's the opposite of what God tells us in First Corinthians 13.

I was just going to say that is not easily angered or the opposite, it's just the exact opposite.

It's the exact opposite and it and he says the works of the flesh are evident.

These are the things that you want to do.

And then he follows that up with but the fruit of the Spirit is and what's the first one?

Love.

And then it's followed with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

And so not only does he give his First Corinthians 13 as a recipe, but then he goes on in Galatians and he's like, let me just give you a little bit more.

Totally.

And let me tell you what I can do through you.

And that's what I like is these are the things I require of you.

However, I will give you the power to do it.

And that's what is so reassuring as a mom, 'cause when I read that love list, I'm like, well, that sounds fabulous.

And then I read the flesh list and I'm like, well, that's more like me.

And then I read that God says, I, I'm gonna give, I am going to do this in you and through you.

And so, so there's really no excuse because if we're walking with God, he will give us the power to do that.

And, and then the last thing on love that I really wanted to hit that my husband told me right after we had a, a baby.

Well, my story real quick with the love, loving your child like that just kind of overtakes you.

I remember after we had our first, I was like, I will never, ever, ever, ever be able to love like I love this baby.

And then we got pregnant with our 2nd.

And I will be honest, I don't know if a lot of moms have ever went through this because most people are elated.

And I was really, really terrified during my whole second pregnancy that I would not be able to love that child the way I loved my first because I'd never experienced a love like that.

And I'm like, there's no way that I have the capacity to love that deeply more than one person.

And it was just something that really scared me.

And so many moms said, you know what, we get it.

But let me tell you something.

It will happen.

It will just happen.

And they kept saying that I'm like, yeah, sure.

It'll just happen and I tell you what, the minute they put that little boy in my arms, it just happened and it was like that love all over again.

And that's what is so amazing to me about a mother's love is there is no limit to it.

There is no end.

There is no I can love one child better than six because because it is a love of Christ who who like you read love never ends.

You don't run out of it.

It doesn't it doesn't quit.

And so we have the ability to love of, you know, all of our children with with our whole heart through the Holy Spirit.

And then So what I was saying is the last thing about love is I remember my husband said to me, I I tended to be, I would just struggle with, oh, my goodness, what if my kids go through hard times?

What if this, what if that?

What if they end up sick?

What if they end up, you know, what moms do with new babies?

And he looked me in the eyes one time and he said, think about how much you love this child.

And I said, well, yeah, with everything in me.

And he said, God loves them more.

And that to me has gotten me through pretty much every hard part of parenthood that I've ever experienced is as much as I love this child and want to protect them from every possible thing that could go wrong, God loves them more.

And he's never going to leave them and he's never going to forsake them.

And he's going to walk with those children through everything they can do.

And I can rest in God's love for my child, you know, and, and that brings great comfort as a mom who goes through fearful times, you know, how are my kids going to live through what's coming?

And, well, I'll tell you why.

Because God loves them even more than I do.

Yeah.

That's right.

Well, I love that you say that we're talking about love.

You know, one thing I do want to say, though, really quickly, is you and I are telling our stories about how much we love our kids.

And I know that the majority of moms listening to this genuinely obviously love their kids because like you said, they wouldn't be listening if they didn't care.

If they didn't give a hoot about their kids and their family, they would not be listening to a podcast about homeschooling and parenting and marriage and all the things that we talk about.

But I have, I have been around the block a few times.

And I know for a fact that there are moms who don't necessarily feel that deep, passionate love for their kids.

Or maybe they feel that way for some kids or, you know, one of their children but not another.

And it could be a variety of reasons.

Maybe it's because they just have conflict, you know, their personalities with one another or.

Yeah.

Or I mean, there could be so many reasons.

That you feel like there's some kind of divide there between you and your children or you and a.

Child or seasons of divide where your kid could be a certain age going through a through a certain thing and you're like, I'm not feel, I'm not feeling it, not feeling it.

Or maybe you're going through a certain thing, you know, maybe you're going through some, you know, crazy hormone changes.

You know, I, I, I went through, I mean, this didn't have anything to do with feeling love for my child, but I had a pregnancy that I lost years ago and went through the wackiest hormones that I've ever been through my whole life.

I mean, I, I wasn't even myself.

It was awful.

It was a terrible, horrible time, Literally the worst time of my life.

Like Garrett can't even talk about it without tearing up.

It was horrible and the Lord got us through that.

So there are times where mom is just off, you know, or the child is off or you just for some reason you don't feel like you have a deep connection with that child.

And then if that's the case with you, let me say, put more effort into it.

Put, put, pray about it.

Ask for the Lord to give you his heart for that child.

Trust that he will.

And then again, going back to love is a choice.

Sometimes you have to go back to, I don't feel like I like you right now, child, or I don't feel like I even love you, but I'm going to choose to love you the way that God has told me to.

Go back to first Corinthians 13, make a necklace out of it, put around your neck if you need to, remind yourself of it every day and, and literally be on your knees and pray that the Lord would give you a love for your child like he has.

And I God hears your prayers.

I I can't imagine that God's gonna be like, sorry, not this one, you know?

Well, and He tells us in His Word over and over that He will answer our prayers, that He will give us what we ask for in prayer if it aligns with His will, Right?

And clearly God's will is that a parent loves their child, so He is not going to deny you the love of a child.

But what we have to remember is God's idea of love and our idea of love, the world's idea of love.

I mean, don't always look the same.

So you might not be feeling what we're talking about feeling.

But guess what?

In First Corinthians 13, like you said, you can be patient, right?

You can be, even if you don't feel it.

Like we're also called to love our enemy.

So if we can love our enemy, then for goodness sake, we can love a child we don't necessarily connect with, right?

So you can still act in God's love towards your child, whether you feel it or not.

And then I promise you, because I've seen it in marriage, I have seen many, I'll be honest, because this is what we do here.

There have been times in the, in the 20 years I've been with, with Jesse that I didn't feel left towards him.

But when I chose to act on God's love towards him, all the sudden the feelings came.

God honored my obedience.

And he's going to do that with your child.

You're going to He's going to bless you for choosing love even when you don't feel it so.

And and look for those things in your child that are lovely because there are some and you can find them.

You know what, what whatever it might be, anything.

And I it's.

There because they were creating the image of God.

So it is there.

That's right.

And you know, as I'm saying this, I'm thinking about the movie Fireproof with Kurt Cameron.

Have you seen that one?

Yes, and you know, that's a great movie that he does the love dare you know, with his wife and his dad sets him up with it and and it it's such a if you haven't seen that movie and especially if you're struggling with loving someone in your family, whether it's a child or your husband, watch that movie because it will really open your eyes up.

And basically, he started just doing these acts of love for his wife in the movie and he had zero feelings for her, no passion in their marriage at all, either of them.

And they and you know, after months and months and months of him just basically choosing to love her even though he didn't feel like he loved her, they fell in love all over again.

No, I know it's a movie, but it's still, I mean, that's legit.

I mean it.

It's.

A biblical principle, you know what we're obedient.

There is blessing with obedience.

That's that is a biblical principle.

That's not a movie script.

And so when we're obedient to God in in what he wants us to do to love, then he is going to bless us in that.

And, you know, on the flip side, we need to to think of for ourselves as wives, are we being lovable?

You know, when my husband gets home from work, am I being lovable?

Am I, am I an easy person to love?

You know, or when he gets home from work, the minute he walks in the door, am I, you know, this is what the kids did today.

And then I need you to do this and then the garbage knee.

And so we also need to not make it difficult for our family to love us because they're also called to love.

So, so we need to moms, you know, sometimes we can make that a little more challenging and then we need to.

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I wish that we had a camera on the other side of our camera to look at everybody who's watching.

Like I literally, it would be the greatest thing.

And you know what?

We're all going to get to meet in heaven one day, but I wish that we could just all get together in one big conference room and have coffee together and snacks and yummy sugary snacks.

Not the healthy stuff and just, well, we could have some healthy stuff, but there has to be sugar in there too anyway.

And just have a fun time of just fellowship and getting to know one another on a personal basis.

I love, love, love, love 'cause we're talking about love.

I love hearing from our listeners.

I love it when we get emails from you when you respond to us on social media.

We get messages sometimes through our Facebook page.

It is such a God blessing to get to hear from you guys and know how the Schoolhouse Rock to ministry is impacting your family.

Because again, this is just all by God's grace and we are so grateful for what he has called us to.

And so continue sending in your letters.

I do my very best to answer them when you know as quickly as I can.

And we want to help you.

We want to encourage you, and we want to know how we can pray for you.

So thank you for those of you who do that.

And I want to say thank you too, to those of you who have given financially to the Schoolhouse Rock to ministry.

I like literally, words cannot explain what an incredible blessing that is to us.

I've said this so many times and I won't stop saying that we were never meant to do this alone and we haven't done this alone.

Whether you are a person who prays for us, which many of you do, if you give financially, if you, you know, tell others about the podcast or about the ministry, whatever role it is that you're playing in this ministry, just know that you are an incredible blessing to us and you are part of an amazing work of the Lord.

So thank you for all that you do.

Thank you for being part of this ministry because you are part of it as well.

And thank you, Abby, for all that you do and for being part of this.

I love doing this with you.

Oh.

Well, this is an unbelievable, unbelievable blessing.

And it's it's fun because it's, I know that they're everybody listening.

Like we're raising up a generation of kids that know truth.

And I can't tell you how encouraging.

And like you said, I'll, I'll get messages on social media from the listeners.

And so often they start with, I'm sorry to bug you or like they feel weird to reach.

And it's like you guys have no idea what a blessing that is to, to just do life with you guys and to know that that you're on the other end, you're on the other side, 'cause we're, we're all in it together and we're, we're raising kids and the Lord.

And so we're, we're sisters in Christ.

And so please continue to reach out because honestly, it is, it's a huge blessing and encouragement to us.

So we love it.

And so we're back talking about love.

You are all about talking about one of my favorite things to talk which are the five love languages.

I I love the five love languages.

I love figuring out who my what my friends love languages are.

I have my husband pretty much dialed in what my kids love languages are people I meet and what are the biggest things we do.

That's a mistake is is we love people according to our love language and we can't do that.

We have to figure out what theirs is.

So tell us about the left languages.

Well, since since you're jumping into this so enthusiastically, I'm going to let you do this because I'm like picturing you in the grocery store, you know, talking to the lady behind you and sizing her up and being like, so your love language clearly must be.

Really.

Gift Giving Would you like to give me a gift?

Because you just gave me a pack again.

OK, but first guess what mine is.

Can you guess what my?

OK.

Will you just say what they are real quick?

OK.

Yes, yes.

Some people are like what are you guys talking about?

Like Spanish and English and like some people think that they love language is what French?

Portuguese, I know.

Portuguese.

So years ago when Garrett and I were very first married, which as I said in episode #1 on Monday, we just celebrated 26 years of marriage on February 11th.

I know it's amazing.

Past 1/4 century.

I know isn't that crazy and we still actually we are owed a serious anniversary celebration because of stupid COVID.

We were supposed to we, we had this big plan for our 25th anniversary and we were going to go spend a weekend away together.

We were going to go see Shane and Shane in concert, who Let me just tell you guys, if you have not heard Shane and Shane, they.

Are amazing.

Amazing.

They are like hands down my favorite Christian.

Like I, I could listen to them.

I do, I listen to them all day long.

They are just fantastic.

So if you have not heard Shane and Shane go listen to them.

They are they will fill your heart and your spirit with all kinds of scripture and God's love.

Anyway, so we were supposed to go see them in concert and then COVID ruined it all.

So we still, a year later have done.

Nothing.

Nothing.

This is really funny too.

OK, I'm getting totally sidetracked right here, but this is a really funny thing.

So right after, so right after anniversary last year we had the Homegrown Generation Family Expo, which was our online conference.

So we knew we couldn't celebrate until after that.

Well, right after that, it was a year ago.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And as a matter of fact, it was a year ago this week.

Oh, that's crazy.

Yes, Yeah, you're right.

It was a year ago this week.

So right after that we took our family had to take a two week sabbatical because we needed to just rest.

And we have some very gracious friends who allowed us to stay in their lake house up in this little, a town called Alexander City in Alabama.

And it's a small, small town.

And so we went to this little Cafe 1 morning and, and Garrett and I said to the waitress who was so sweet, and we said, you know, we would like to celebrate our anniversary and, and just go have a nice dinner.

And I said, what?

You know what is the nicest restaurant in town?

Now, again, this is a really small town in Alabama.

No, it's better than that.

And she goes, well, there's a Ruby Tuesdays down the road.

Oh, my.

And it was so funny because we were like, oh, Ruby Tuesdays did.

You go.

No, we didn't go to Ruby Tuesdays.

I think we ended up going to Mexican restaurant, which was really good too.

We did.

We went to Mexican restaurant.

But anyway, all that to say, a year later we still have not really celebrated our 25th.

COVID.

COVID and so now we're at 26 and hopefully we'll get to do something soon.

But you know what?

That happened to me, my 40th.

Anniversary.

You're not that old, no.

No, my 40th birthday.

So now you do know how old I am it it got it didn't exist.

But here's the deal.

They cancelled everything in this nation and so I cancelled my 40th, which means I got to be 39 another year.

So in April of this year I've decided I will be turning 40 instead of.

Nice, so really what you're saying is this is my 25th anniversary instead of my 26th anniversary 5th?

Anniversary you want to claim every year of marriage that you can.

It's true.

It's true.

I'm claiming 26.

OK, but what are your love?

Languages Well, well, OK, so going back to this, when we first got married, someone gave us this book called the Five Love Languages.

And I was like, what in the world is this?

And it's a book that's by Gary Chapman.

And I will put a link to this in the show notes because if you have never read the Five Love Languages, it is one of those must reads.

Just like for parenting, some of the must reads books are shepherding a child's heart and don't make me count to three like those two books.

If you don't read any other parenting book like those are the two that I think every parent should read for marriage.

I think the five Love languages is one of the books.

And so basically it goes through that every one of us has a, we, we show love in a specific way and we'd like to be shown love in a specific way.

I'll run through them really quickly.

So we've got words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifts or gift giving or gift receiving and quality time.

Those are the five things.

And so everybody likes to show love and everyone kind of has their degrees of how they want to show love and how they like to be shown love.

So you can probably label these one through 5 and you have your primary and then all the way down to 1 where you're like, I don't really have that and you can't have a mix of a couple, but usually you have a primary and a secondary love language.

Yeah, so Abby, you said that you like to basically like play the love language game with people because.

I want to know how do you how I like to ask, how do you like, how do you feel loved?

Because I want to love you that way.

Because what I learned in that book is I, we tend to show love in a specific way and not everybody receives it in that way.

So we have to learn and this goes with our children.

How do they feel loved?

And then we have to be intentional about showing love in that way.

And I've never, I have yet to meet a couple who have the same love language.

God likes to match people with different love languages.

I think it's to stretch us and help us to love that person better.

But I do, I love to.

I love to find out what people's love languages are so I can I love them better.

Right.

Yeah, it's, you know, it's so interesting because as I'm looking at these, I think of my girls and we're talking about this in regards to our children and home schooling and, and building good relationships with our kids and with our husbands.

And I have one who's, I mean, from the time she was teeny tiny, my oldest daughter, quality time is by far her love language.

She would sit down.

I'm I, she was so little, like I can still picture it my mind.

And she would pat the floor next to her and, and but it was before she could even speak, she would just pat the floor next to her.

And that meant she wanted me to come sit next to her and play with her.

And can I tell you, she's 15 and she still does that.

She will.

Literally, she'll sit on the couch or she'll go lay on her bed and she'll pat it next to her.

I don't even know if she realizes that she does that.

And it always means come sit with me.

Come, like, just just come be with me.

That's what she wants.

But her least favorite love language is physical touch.

So she wants me to be with her, but she does not though she is more touchy with me, like she likes cuddles with me and stuff.

But even as a baby, she didn't really like that very much.

But she just kind of wants her own space.

Like she'll give me quick hugs, but you know, she's not the one who's going to cuddle up next to me.

I have one of those, my youngest.

Hers is physical touch.

She loves hugs and snuggles and, and she's the one who, you know, just at any point of the day, like she just will come up and give you a big huge hug.

And, and she craves it.

Like she needs hugs from mommy and daddy and her sister.

And that has often times caused conflict between my 2 girls because I have one who loves hugs and physical touch and one who does not.

And so Brooklyn is learning to love her sister by giving up herself and hugging her sister, even though it's not natural to her.

And at the same time, Laci's having to learn her boundaries, like her sister's boundaries and saying, can I hug you?

Or can, you know, like Brooklyn, I really need a hug from you right now.

And, and it's fun to watch them figuring this out together as sisters.

So what?

What are your kids?

Have you figured them all out yet?

Well, it it's pretty easy with some of them, like physical touch.

Kids are very easy to tell that that's their love language, you know, And I, my son is very physical touch where my oldest daughter that is like the least of hers, like she when she was a baby, she would like nurse and the second she was done, she is, she was like naturally just pushing herself away from me at a brand new baby.

It was such an interesting thing.

And then he now that he's older and he's he's a boy.

It's so funny because Jesse will walk in the door and he'll just like take him out, like just punch and wrestle.

And because for him that his love language is physical touch and everything.

He's just always there's a hand on you or there's A and so that so that's him very much.

They also, I feel like with kids and, and tell me if this is right, you can tell what they are, but they can change a little.

Like all my kids gave gifts when they were little.

They all like to leave things on our bed, you know, but as they've gotten older, you can tell.

So I, I think I've pretty much figured it out.

The kids book, the five love language for kids have tests in there.

So you know, they kind of they help you to know mine.

My love language is so it's like the only thing it is.

And what's funny about Jesse and I is my number one is his number 50.

Yeah.

Like I am a words of affirmation through and through.

Like, I don't, I'm just, that's 100% me.

And he, he does not need a single word of affirmation ever, ever, ever, ever.

Like I never told him I loved him.

Like, I'll tell him I'm like, I love you.

And he's like, oh, OK.

Like he doesn't know what to do with it.

He's like, clearly you love me.

We're married so it's so funny but he is a quality time.

He just wants me with him 24/7 but not talking made that clear.

Be with me but don't.

You don't need to talk, just be near me.

Because he's not a words of affirmation.

Because he's not words, he just wants your presents, you know, So the too much talking.

That's why I talk to you.

But you know what, it's so good to understand that because you realize that even though words of affirmation is not his love language, that that's like way low.

I mean, that's the end of his list.

You know, through other things, through him wanting to spend time with you, you know that he loves you even though he doesn't.

He doesn't need to say in his mind, he's like, and and let me tell you, it's funny you say that.

OK, I am not, I'm not putting down anyone who renews their wedding vows.

But from the beginning of our marriage, Garrett has always said I will never, we will never renew our wedding vows because I meant him the first time, right?

Why would I need to say him again?

Like I said, he's.

Not a word affirmation person is he then?

You know, he, he, he is I, it's, it's not the top of his list.

Quality time is actually the top of his list.

He loves to be with his family.

He is not the man cave kind of guy.

He does not want a man cave.

As a matter of fact, he has his studio that he works in and he doesn't like, he loves working in there because it's, it's set up for him to be able to work really effectively.

But he can only be in there for such a short time before he has to get up and just come and be with us.

Just see us, you know, he loves quality time.

And so, you know, I, I, I, I love that about him.

I like that he likes to spend time with us.

And so so the reason this is important is because each of our kids, it's different.

Just like just like it took me a long time to learn with Jesse, like just sit in the garage with me while I'm working on things.

But I don't need you to talk.

I just went near.

So that helps me to know that because that helps me to love my husband well.

And that's what God wants us to do is sacrificially.

And he knows now about with me that I'm a words of affirmation.

So he has to intentionally, you know, shoot me a text that says I love you.

And so with our kids, it's so important to learn these things because sometimes we assume that our kids are feeling loved because I will tell my child 800 times a day, I love you.

Because to me, if someone did that to me, I would feel so loved.

I, my cup would be full.

But then all of a sudden I'm like, they there's something, there's a disconnect between my child and I, which is weird because I just told them how much I love them and I showered them with words for an hour and they glazed over.

How can they not feel loved?

And then you learn, well, that isn't how they feel loved.

They they don't need to hear that.

They don't want to hear that.

But if I would just go sit and and color for 20 minutes with that child, it is UN or if I would just buy them, not even buy them.

But if I'm out on a walk and I find a cool Little Rock and I bring it home to one of my children, it's like that.

Then they feel loved.

Yes.

And it's important as a mom not to assume that our children are feeling loved because we are showing it our way, but that we really discover who God made them and and how how we can show them love so that they feel loved.

Because isn't that the goal is that they are feeling love, not that I think I'm giving them love.

Right, right, right, right.

And this goes back to what we were talking about in the last episode of that If, especially if you have a child and there's a disconnect between you and that child, really work on trying to figure out what that child's love language is and work really hard to meet their love language that way.

And so I'm going to give a few different things before we end because we're almost out of time.

I'm just going to kind of rattle off a few things.

And, and I found a printable chart.

Most of these are from that chart and I will put a link to it.

It's actually just a, a printable chart that I found on Etsy and it's really cute.

It's like 3 bucks.

And so most of these are taken from there.

I added a couple myself, but I'm going to kind of go through each love language.

And then just rattle off some things that you can do for your child, if that is their love language or or for your husband.

So words of affirmation, here are some things that you can do for that child.

Compliment them, encourage them, express appreciation, give a card or send a text.

Tell them that you love them like Abby.

Tell them that you're proud of them.

This is a big one.

Actively listen to them.

So words of affirmation don't have to be you speaking, but often times it's letting them speak, just listening to them, giving them your undivided attention.

Put a note under their pillow.

It could be just a simple I love you.

I appreciate you.

You did a great job today on, you know, dishes or you know, thank you for loving your sister today, whatever.

And then notice their efforts and acknowledge them in front of others.

So those are for those whose words of affirmation is their love language.

So.

Can I interject really quick?

So, so mom, so that you know this, how, how are you going to know we'll do these things?

And if you see that your child is lighting up and that they are pressing into you, that they are drawing near to you, that your relationship is growing closer.

If you do the list that Yvette just gave, then chances are you're getting the clues that this is their love language.

If you're doing all those things and you're kind of getting like no respond.

A blank.

Stare like then and I I get that then then move on to the next one and and you will know.

But you might have to be consistent.

You it's probably not just a one time deal, but you will know because their demeanor will change.

You will see them feel loved and and you'll notice that you will grow closer with your child when you do these things.

Yeah, for sure.

The next one is Acts of Service.

So if this is your child's love language or your husband's love language, here are some things you can help.

Show them love by doing.

Help them clean their room, make them meals.

I love that one.

Help them get out the door on time.

So if you guys are rushing off to Co-op or to church or to a friend's house or whatever, you know, help them instead of saying, hey, you know, get this done, get that done.

Help them.

Help them with their school work, bring them a drink of water or a snack, help them with their chores.

And then I love this last one.

Tuck them in at night.

That's just a sweet one.

That's just something that you know, those acts of service kids, they need Mama at the end of the day to just go tuck them in.

The next one is physical touch.

If physical touch is their love language, physical touch is high on on my one daughter's list.

I told you and and all of these things she would love.

Comb their hair, scratch their back, rub their feet, cuddle and read a story, tickle them, pat them on the back, sit near them, welcome their hugs and kisses, do group hugs, high fives and hold hands with them.

And I love the holding hands.

I my my 10 year old still holds my hand and I love it.

I love that and you know, for dads and boys, 'cause I have a son that's a physical touch and and I'm starting to think my 6 year old daughter really likes to any anyway what what you'll see is often with sons wrestling for a dad or like fake box, I don't even know.

I'm such a mom.

Like that doesn't even occur to me like 'cause I'm not going to do that with my son 'cause he's going to learn he doesn't do that with mom.

But as a dad, that does fill their physical touch need because especially as they get older, you know, your 14 year old son might not feel comfortable snuggling.

Yeah, and some of them do because that is their love language.

But but don't think that their love language isn't physical touch because they're punching you, dad, because sometimes that is how a boy's physical touch, you know, just so you know, it looks, it looks different with boys and fathers than it does with mothers.

And sometimes it could with brothers, with brother against brother, if it's not in, if it's not being done in anger.

Yeah, if they're just having fun wrestling, that's just is getting that, you know, And then there is that boundary of like, no, you, you can't wrestle your sister.

You're gonna have to you.

You just have to hold her hand.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Fulfill that need.

That's a great.

Anyway, yeah, so the next one is gifts.

So here are some ideas for that.

Make their favorite treat.

Give a thoughtful gift on an ordinary day.

Plan presents that fit their interests.

Send the mail when you're away.

That one's fun.

You know, go on a weekend away or mom's retreat or a home school conference, whatever, you know, send send them.

I mean, or leave them in little gift it.

It's so funny you said this because it's on the on the list.

Abby, give them a flower or pretty rock.

From your walk, yeah.

Yeah, just take, take, take a walk.

And if you find a pretty seashell or a pretty rock, or, you know, pretty flowers along the side of the road, whatever.

I have a friend that did that, she came home from a walk and she brought her child a flower and she goes 20 seconds went by and it was in the garbage and she goes well I guess gifts isn't their love language.

Well, that's.

Safe to say.

Safe to say.

You know what the kid said, Mama, can I please go with you next time?

And I said, you know what?

Quality time.

They.

'D rather go with you than have you bring them something home.

Yeah, remember special occasions and celebrate them and then appreciate their gifts because how often do our kids make us, you know, little things And.

And they're so proud of it and they bring it to us and we're like, oh.

I'm going to file that in the old file cabinet.

Right, right.

So appreciate their gifts.

And then the last one is quality time.

Quality time I think is an easy one because it's kind of just self-explanatory.

But give your undivided attention.

And that's hard, especially in our day and age with cell phones and the Internet and social media and all the stuff that clutters our time in our brains.

But put your phone down, put your computer down, and give your child your undivided attention.

Yeah, you say it's easy, but you know what, as moms running households, we have 1000 things to do.

It's easy to figure out it it is easy, but you know what?

We don't make the time to do it.

And that is really that screams basically for someone that's quality time.

If you don't spend it to with them, you're saying I don't love you.

I mean, honestly, that's what they're hearing.

I don't love you enough to put down my To Do List and sit with you.

Yes and play play DoH or whatever.

Do chores together, bake together, ask them about their day, make eye contact, play with them or do a craft with them, Go on dates.

This one is a great one.

We really try to do that with our kids individually, play board games with them.

Another thing that we love to do.

As a matter of fact, we're going to be doing an episode pretty soon here airing an episode about game schooling.

So we're going to talk all about playing games, bike rides together, go for walks together.

And then I love this one, especially for teenagers.

Stay up late at night with them and let them talk.

I heard that this was a thing before my girls were teens or before my oldest was a teen and it's true.

Like 11:00 at night is the time that she wants.

To talk.

About all the things and I'm like, OK, this is what we're doing, but.

It's and you've got to be there and show up like my oldest.

It's just that again, that circadian rhythm shifts in those years and she wants to play

cards at like 10:00 at night and I'm like, I don't want I did this isn't.

But then I have to stop and go, this is this for her is loving her like this is telling her I love you.

And so we have to do it.

We have to slow down and do it.

And the quality time people too, we have to make sure we do it one-on-one because the quality time people tend to like the not quality time in a big group, but quality time with you and just them.

Yes, yes.

And I know that these things are hard to do if you have multiple kids, you know, I have two, so it's not as hard for me.

But I have a lot of friends who have, you know, 5678 kids.

And so I know it would be hard to do these things.

So it doesn't mean you have to do them every single day for every single kid.

I mean, that's impossible, but maybe write it down, keep a chart.

Connie Albers is one who is really good at stuff like this with her kids.

Like she had journals for each of her kids and she would write down.

The.

Things that made her kids tick, she would write down, you know, just special things about her kids because she's like, I had five kids.

I had to remember like, who loves spaghetti the most and who loves brownies the most and who love language is quality time and who's this acts of service?

And so she don't think that you have to be super mom and remember every single person's love language and special needs.

Write it down and keep it, you know, in your top drawer of your dress or wherever.

And you know, maybe once a week find time to meet the needs of that child.

You know, maybe like Monday you could have one kid and do something it it can be 10 minutes or 5 minutes and on the.

One hand, you said, well, it's hard with a lot of kids to do this, but I think actually when you learn their love language, it saves time because you're not pouring a lot of stuff into a kid who doesn't care.

Like I don't need to do all the things for the same for all three kids.

You know it.

So it saves me time because that kid really doesn't care if I make them a neat craft or if I help them clean their room.

So you kind of are saving time by narrowing it down to how does this kid feel loved and then get rid of everything that they don't feel loved from.

Right, right, exactly.

Well, we are out of time.

We have gone way over.

But I hope that this has been encouraging to you guys if you have not read the five love languages book books actually.

So there's the original one that's called the five Love languages.

And then there's the five love languages for children.

And then there's another one that's the Five love languages for teenagers.

And actually there's more than that.

I mean, it goes on and on and on.

But those would be the three main ones.

I will put the links to those three books in the show notes.

And for those of you who may not know, whenever we put links for books or you know, DVDs or anything like that in the show notes, those go to our Amazon affiliate account page and you pay the same amount.

But we actually that helps to support the school house walk ministry.

So if you buy things with those links that we leave in the show notes, that actually helps, helps us financially.

I mean, we don't get rich off of it, but you know.

You'll get another episode of us out of it, right?

It does help pay for the gear and all the things that it takes to make this podcast.

So we would love it if you do that and just help support us in that way.

So anyway, I will link to all of these things in the show notes so that you have easy access to them and check them out for sure.

So thank you guys again for listening today.

Please share this podcast with a friend or a family member who you think would be encouraged by it.

And again, we love you guys.

Thank you for listening today.

Thank you Abby for being with me again.

Thanks and for goodness sake, go love on your family now everybody.

Go love them, have a great rest of your week and we will see you back here on Monday.

Bye.

You're listening to the Biblical Family Network.

Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will and we're the Co host of the Culture Proof podcast.

We want to invite you to join us every week as we discuss what's happening in the world and then filter those happenings through a decidedly biblical lens.

There are many questions, especially when we see what's happening in our culture today, but the answers are found within the word of God.

So that's where we want to look.

Amen.

When we resist those cultural trends that rival the truth, we remain culture proof.