And since got hello right side split back.

Now to do the sen to one, that's still going to require a little bit of work, but I'm saying that to say that has come in very handy as of late in the bedroom because it's been like he's just like, like, yo, your hips be a little more open, you know, even him too.

It's just like, you know, it's giddy.

That's that's.

That's too young and.

All about the Malvie.

What's up y'all?

Is show girl lex p and it's sure girl dreading a call and you are tuned in to another episode of Poor Mind.

Where a drunk mind speaks sober thought.

We got some guest sity, we got some guess saday now highly highly requested.

First off, okay, what highly requested?

Okay.

Second of all, this is the first time because we have never had a couple on the show.

Okay, you.

Not us making history history.

And third of all, it is a small when I say small list of people who have been on the show.

But episode went so crazy we had to have him back asap.

Okay, So we have authors, entrepreneurs, hacked tours, family oriented that let you know that black love is still alive.

We have our face in the building and.

Flapping up.

I am so happy to be here.

Come on intro, Yeah, intro here hyping me up.

And you know I love that girl when I say, they have been blowing us up to get you on the couch.

No press sure.

You know, ever since we had the voil on the show, they was like, where's Kaden?

You know what's funny.

I look at a lot of his you know, press stops and stuff when he's going solo, and I'll be like, oh, babe, that was cute.

I'll watch it like a couple of minutes.

But y'all, this episode was really good.

Y'all had so many highlight moments.

I was like, oh, I have to come back here.

I got with him.

Yeah, I love that.

Every clip that we had to.

Even a preview of the episode, like it evenund showed what we were talking about.

And the preview.

Hit a million views, like everybody was sorry.

Episode went crazy.

Love y'all for being Yeah.

No, we're so yes with y'all.

So I couldn't wait to get you on the couch.

You know we finna get.

That's like yeah, yeah, I know.

We love to get into the teeth.

Yeah, you're so close.

We had to separate, y'all because so y'all couldn't ta because that's what me andre I be doing.

We do interviews.

We'd be tapping each other like child is and we.

Just cut up.

Whenever we sitting by each other, we just start making it about us, like.

That's not you know, we gotta.

We gotta separate.

Yeah.

So, so last time you were on the show, you were telling us, you know, how y'all got together, and you were saying that, you know, you was like not playing.

He was like you my man, and we love going.

Together real bad, you know, And we went together real bad.

Okay.

You know it was one of those things where you know, boy meets girl, girl meets boy.

It was elementary school that I first had eyes on this man.

Okay, this given like seven and eight years old.

Wow, Okay, I was a little his senior.

I was one year older.

You know, that's neither here nor there.

But you know, I remembered him in elementary school, and I feel like it was really just divine because our entire life thereon after, we just kept crossing paths over and over again.

I mean we went to rival high schools.

I would see him at football games, I was cheerleading for the other team.

Like, there were so many moments that I was just like, oh, nah, he keeps coming up, he keeps appearing, he keeps you know, circling in my orbit.

So when the opportunity presented itself, when I was hosting, well, I was com seeing this banquet, a scholarship banquet.

I looked at the list of honorees, and when I looked at the list of hono, his name was on the list.

So, baby, I was planting, I love a good plot.

I don't know what you want.

That's exactly what it was.

And I said in that moment, I'm gonna shoot my shot at the banquet.

So you know, sis got a little dressed together.

Okay, I had just want a pageant that summer, so I would want my crown and banner because that ready brings a lot of attention, right, But I just didn't so that would bring a little attention.

But either way, I knew I was going to approach him, like already in my mind had said that because there were so many opportunities that I had over the years to you know, talk to him, start conversation.

Though, but I was a little too shy, but not in that moment, Honey.

I said, we're going to be in close proximity.

And I walked right over to him, and I was like, daval ellis.

Yep, And I feel like that beautiful because it's so many women that are afraid to shoot their shot at me and look at y'all's little He ended up working out, like and what would have happened if you would have never walked up to him and said something?

You know, what do y'all think?

Do y'all think?

It's that this day and age, people are just so wrapped up in like social media and the appearance of things that you feel like as a woman, like I can't shoot my shot because I'm not supposed to or I'm not supposed to be the one to make the approach, or is it corny to do that?

Because I like, back then there was nothing to really lose other than maybe my ego getting hurt.

But I was like, no, I'm fly like he's gonna that's crazy.

That because I was just gonna say that because I could never shoot my shot to somebody like this right now, like right now, I could never do it because I feel like just I don't know.

I feel like somebody might get on there and be like, yeah.

XP, won't it me Let me show y'all, you know, because that's what.

People do for attention now.

But I feel like dating, you know, whenever y'all probably met, was a lot different.

Than because social media wasn't a thing.

It was like, I'm really trying to get to know this person versus you know, oh let me post this and post Oh girl, he took me out to get lobster.

He done took me.

It's not like a show like y'all are probably like, Okay, let's see what's going on.

Like people used to really go outside and just know each other.

Is that extu And.

There were no real major expectations, Like when I think about it, at eighteen and nineteen years old, we both knew that we was broken, but I ain't had no money, right, you know, so you had to be creative with dates and going out and doing things together, spending quality time.

And it wasn't about instagrammable moments.

It was really about getting to know each other.

But of course getting together that young being twenty three years and it comes with his fair share of you know that to you worked through it so well.

I was just gonna say, for me, it's not even about social media.

It's more so about gender roles and being conditioned.

I think from like a young age that like, oh, the man is supposed to approach you if he wants you.

That's more so what it is for me.

But I think as I've gotten older, I've become more comfortable with the idea of like letting somebody know that I have entries?

Right?

How you do that?

You know?

I don't double tapped a few pictures from ago, right, I'll be like that.

I'm a.

Come on, that's what you're talking about.

Come on, that's all I'm doing.

It's a little hard to the Yeah, what do you have advice outs of women to shoot their shot?

Like in today's society?

You know, it's difficult.

I'm conflicted with that because I feel like I don't have much dating advice because I haven't been on the scene and it's so different now, you know.

But my sister, for example, who's ten years younger than me, she's now newly single after breaking off an engagement, and she tells me how difficult it is to be in that space.

But I have been encouraging her to be the one to make the approach if she's interested to shoot her shot.

For example, she says, she was out to dinner one night, you know, with a group of friends.

I believe it was her birthday, and I forget where she was in the city, but it was a cute little spot, very exclusive, so she knew that the people coming in there were like, Okay, they're about something, they're doing something.

You know, that's all right.

I don't judge.

I don't judge, but we don't get so I said, I said, go ahead and do that.

So apparently there was a dude that walked in the call her eye and she was like, ooh, I want to shoot my shot.

Her friends at the table was like, no, you gotta wait for him to notice you and go to the bathroom and walk past and see if you could make eye contact.

This, this, that and the third.

So she said her gut was telling her, you know what, I'm gonna send him a drink, because usually when you sit back at a restaurant or whatever, or a bar, it'll be the guy to initial ain't sending a drink to a woman.

So she said, I should have hit you in that moment because they were all like sending a drink.

I said, all your single friends, he's telling you not to send a drink, all right?

Now, come on, now you're preaching a word.

So I said, what made you feel like you had to listen to that?

If your gut was telling you that no one who your sister is, she shot her shot and found her.

Man, you know, why would you not do it?

She?

I knew I should have called you in that moment to just because sometimes you need somebody to hype you up, a friend, you need some advice, you need somebody to be like, nah, I do it, because what's the worst that could happen?

Drink?

Yeah, you and your single friends could drink drink?

No see, But I do agree with that.

I don't think there's nothing wrong because that was actually a debate on Twitter the other day on Twitter drink.

Always like is that a bad thing?

And like they were tearing people apart.

I mean I got ripped to shreds because I said, man, I remember back in the day when men would buy a bottle and you know, make sure the girls had a good time.

But now it's like it's just a little different.

But people are arguing about like if a woman should send a man a drink, like if she's interested, how would you feel about that?

Yeah, how would you feel?

I'm glad you asked the question because to me, I think that's the biggest issue here, right.

Men have questions about women, So you know who they asked?

They friends?

Why don't you ask a woman and then just be willing to deal with whatever the truth is that she tells you?

Yea and vice versa.

If you're a woman and you have issues or interested questions about men, why don't you ask men?

And rather than judgment for the answers they give you, you say, well, I want to be with men, let me just accept the truth they give me.

And that's why I think we have this issue.

Women and men both want their gender to quantify and validate all of their feelings individually, and that's just not gonna happen because all women ain't the same and all men ain't the same.

So when you go to your friends and say I want to try this and then a group of your friends say no, a lot of times it's men.

We do the immature thing and say, well, my boys say I shouldn't do it, and they don't.

We should start doing more of this.

Yeah, right, open conversation where when I answer, please don't judge me.

You know what I'm saying, and I'm giving you that before I give my answer.

This is my thing.

In this day and age, the world has changed.

Back in the day, men never looked at women as a source of revenue.

That just wasn't what it was.

You know what I'm saying.

If we're going to be realistic, all the ogs told us based on the way the world was when they were growing up, it's not the same, right, So let's put that out of it.

We can't go back to the way things were as a man.

Now.

If I was single and a young lady sent me a drink, the first thing that shows me is that she's not looking to make money off of me.

She has room because she sent me a drink.

It also shows me she has the confidence to step out there in this faux pas type of feeling, to do something that's outside of what the norm is, which means that that's the type of person I might want to build with.

Right, So, to me, the gesture tells me a lot about the woman more than the drink.

It shows she's not afraid.

Oh, I ain't gonna lie.

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

It could be her last ten dollars.

Happy she's like, I'm gonna show me.

Fifteen dollars drink.

Let's do it.

But me, you know.

Yo, you got moxy.

Though.

As a man, I'm like, even if she spent her last ten dollars, I was worth her last ten dollars.

But here's the thing too.

As a woman, you send that drink.

If he's not accepting of the drink, you can't take that on yourself and say what's wrong with me?

He ain't accept my drink.

You can then say, hey, that wasn't the man to accept my drink and just leave it as that.

It could be.

That could have been a thing to yes.

Relationship.

That's why you never personalized when you send someone to drink.

If they don't accept it, you don't know what they've been going through.

What if he found out the worst news of his life that day and there's no drink that's gonna accept like change that.

It doesn't matter that you said.

You know what I'm saying, But now what do we do?

We personalized that life.

I would tell you to send a drink send the drink, use it as discernment, true, because.

I'm not gonna lie.

I feel like, have I personally ever sent a man to drink?

No, But at this age, like if I was like single and still like nating around, like I wouldn't be against it because whatever I've been doing obviously it ain't worked.

And if he sends it back, then that's clearly the kind of man you may not want to.

Are gonna get drunk anywhere?

That's it you got.

You don't lose anything, right, really?

Do so?

Being the connection that y'all have, and I know we talked about this last time, do you feel like sometimes and you know we're gonna be honest, that's why we separated, y'all, do you ever feel like you got married too young or like you missed out on anything?

Like I know at this age now you probably feel like, you know, this is where I'm supposed to be.

Yeah, there's no regrets.

But was there ever a moment like in your twenties that you felt like, man, this.

Is a lot.

Yeah?

Oh absolutely, I had had several Yeah, yeah, what's my camera?

As I'm on five, I've had several moments like that because it's it's difficult.

You you think you're so in love at eighteen and nineteen, you got no responsibilities.

You going to school, you got your little job.

You're doing your little road trips during spring break.

Like for me in that moment, I was in this utopia essentially, and I didn't realize until I was like moving into our twenties, mid twenties, late thirties.

I feel like I missed out, not necessarily on dating other people, but just having my own space.

Yeah, you know, I look at My favorite example is like sex in the city.

You know, you got your little apartment, the shit is all white.

You got your furry bug, like, you have all the things.

You come home.

You know, you have your little drinks after work, key keys with the friends.

Like that's what I didn't have.

So a part of me used to mourn that and be like damn, Like I never had a chance to just be a single woman who was in control of everything that she had going on.

I had essentially a crutch in my husband, because if things didn't work out for me in like a certain job, atmosphere or something, I had somebody to fall back on, which I realize now was a blessing in disguise.

It's so much easier to do things, but doing something strange change.

Yeah, you know, so I just you.

You might have saved me from myself.

You never know, because I promise, y'all.

When I went to college, okay, this was twenty twenty twenty two, aging myself lord, but yeah, I was ready to get out of my you know, very sheltered, over protective, very Caribbean household.

Okay, and I'm not gonna lie.

I was ready to wildifuck out, you know what I'm saying.

I was like, I'm going to college.

I'm gonna be on campus.

You know, I'm gonna be at all the parties.

I'm gonna be doing all the things right.

So I was looking forward to that and then literally going into my first semester transferring to Hafstra.

Is when I met him at this banquet, and we both fought the idea of being together so much because I didn't want no man like.

I didn't want to be locked down.

I wanted to experience life.

I wanted to see who Kadeen was.

I wanted to know me as an individual, What do you like, what don't you like?

Without being impacted by anyone else right.

So when we met each other, there were so many moments where we were just like, we don't want this.

It's as much as so many times we tried not to be together, and it's like everything it's just pulling that song every time I try to leave something.

It was literally that was the soundtrack for us.

I'm gonna embarrass you right now.

So there was this one particular moment in college is when I was in grad school, right, first year of grad school, and he was my second year of grad school.

When did you go to the league?

That my second year?

Okay, so that was my second year of grad school, right, so you know, he's over in Detroit doing his thing in the NFL.

I still have one more year of grad school to finish.

So it was just hard at this point because we had this codependency after being together all those years of college where we were together every day, we were to you know, was sharing an apartment together, like we were together, inseparable.

We were missed them Asus Hofstra, and then it went to him essentially now being away in Detroit, the distance was one added layer of stress on the relationship.

And then when he came back home, we were at odds about a couple of things.

So I was just like, you know, it's about like at this point, I feel like I'm done.

Everything that needed to be done is done.

We're clearly not seeing eye to eye.

She was moving with her hands like this too, that you see York.

Very giving, giving much, Brooklyn very much.

What the deal is?

So I said, I'm done that We've done everything there was to do in this space.

I said, maybe this was God's way of saying, you know what, you go to Detroit, do your thing.

I'm a finished grad school here wherever, because I went to school for broadcasting and performance.

So I'm like, wherever, theater, news, whatever takes me.

That's it.

So he was like, you know, what's fine, whatever whatever, you know.

So we going back and forth, and you know, so he packing his suitcase up, shoving stuff in the suitcase, and I'm helping him pack.

I'm going in there, touch my stuff, don't touch myself.

I'm give you a head, you know.

You know, he going to the fridge.

Time to take leave the groceries.

Boney, the baloney, honey.

She got cold cuts.

I didn't get cold I gotta leave this.

I'm leaving something.

I'm leaving here.

So it was dead winter.

It was like late January February in New York, so it was blizzard out in Long Island, right, you know, I'll go with this last.

So so yeah, it's like blizzard outside or whatever.

So I'm thinking to myself to be honest because there's always that party that's just like I really want him to just stay.

Yeah, you know, I like, you need you to fight.

As you hear the mind games this way, the psychological psychological tolls for.

Me, please, you know.

So he packet and stuff up.

I'm helping him whatever, and I'm like, oh, he's really trying to get the fuck up.

Out of here.

I'm like, I'm not.

I'm around then, so the facts of suitcase.

He opens the door and then I see the moment of doubt because it's like this much snow outside, right, So I'm just like m that waiting to see what he's gonna do.

So he leaves with his suitcase.

He's trucking it through the snow.

Episode playing the door so bad I closed it.

You know, he trusted through the snow with his suitcase or whatever.

So I was like, you're fine, I'm fine.

I'm gonna be fine.

Yeah.

I sat down with him, maybe like twenty minutes later.

I'm so.

But before that, he's leaving, right, and he put the scarf over his head and then he like flung it around, and he was so joady.

You know, he looks like I'm going, you know, Mary J Blish, I was your love, It your working every day.

Come on now, the job.

I mean it was given, not going crivat it, okay, drama.

It was the okay say that, y'all know that's the tree.

Okay, so and he would oh yeah.

This was like twenty one two wish year older.

Absolutely I remember all of this, and.

I'm looking at him because the contemplation before he trucks through the snow with this thing over his head is like the snow is blowing in his eye, and you know, I'm dying to myself inside because I'm just like, he's look at you, look at your fool.

Twenty minutes later, he circles back and he was like, I think we should talk.

I said, you had nowhere to go because where were you going?

It was a blizzard, fucking blizzard.

Do you remember?

Do you remember what happened?

Where'd you go?

I was too strong for on.

So I got my car right and I got on the belt Parkway and I was like, I can't drive back to Brooklyn all the way there.

So I'm like, fine, I'm gonna go stay with one of my young boys.

Right.

I went in the dorm.

I got the dorm, I pulled out the meat.

Then I stole from cake and I was I.

Pulled out a cannabeans in a minute's full it out.

I was laughing because she wasn't lying.

Man.

I was hungry as a motherfucker, and I was gonna get something and she was.

Like, nah, those is my I can't eat that.

I can't eat the fine.

So I was like, I'm not taking the cold cuts with all the frozen ship.

I was just like that ship I bought, so I store, I took the frozen ship.

I'm with at my young boys room.

I was like, yo, with a microwave or we don't got a microwave.

I'm like, all right with the formy grille, and it was like, we don't got no formal girls.

Like y'all here all my.

All my frustration that I had, ok, I let out on all of them, and.

I'm like, y'all don't got nothing in this house.

Y'all don't got no fucking microwave.

Y'all got no George before me and girl, this is the problem.

And also this is a Michael crosm of your grades.

Look at you.

You've been below a P average since I've known you.

I'm screaming on them out everything.

You not starting your work, ethic, pits, everything, and I'm just going in on them.

Then I get my scarf and I throw my scarf from around my neck.

I did.

That's why I.

Comes out.

Y'all, you don't have a George farn.

I blacked out.

A black out isn't gonna his peas.

That's what it was.

I was trying to fraust my stolen goods.

Oh my god.

And then that was the first lesson I learned about having a woman though, because we all athletes.

I ran back to my homies and I was like, yo, I'm gonna stay on my young boys, and they ain't have nothing that I needed.

So I took my ass back to the crib, had my little roll away.

I was like, look, we're gonna have to talk because I don't want to leave you and here bout yourself.

It's not safe.

I'm worried.

I'm worried about you, because, yeah, I would have been fine.

Yeah, I definitely stood at the door, like I know you was happy though about this.

I just didn't wait.

No, I didn't stand there long.

It was it was like knock, knock, the door was open.

So you still came back though.

I did come back.

But I knew she was ready.

He knew she was waiting.

He was ready to give his spiel, and I just turned around and I walked inside, and then you know, one thing led to another, tell.

Him what you had on.

When I came back, I looked my action for you, maybe like a right random nephew ready.

Yeah, y'all got a bunch of right and his cousin and best friend.

Everybody y'all alone and like the boys was coming out.

It was like one, I thought, like God.

After the other after the other.

We always joked that they looked like the Wi Fi signals.

They really really do.

I was gonna say, I think that's one of the beautiful things about meeting your person so young, because y'all are willing to go through things together and work through it together.

Because it's like, I'm really in love with this person, and I was with him when they didn't have anything.

Yeah, versus I.

Think when you get older you always feel like it's something better, especially once you get established.

It's like, Okay, I don't got to deal with this ship because I can find somebody else.

I think you're right, because the fact that we both had nothing at the time, it didn't matter.

That's why when people ask me, I have to be honest and say I can't give you my perspective until you it's going to be the same tay you guys, for example, you guys have worked your asses off and been able to build something on your own right, So whenever you meet someone now you have to have something in the back of your mind just that says I hope this person is here for.

Me and not what they have access to.

When you eighteen and you don't got shited, and you eighteen and you on gotsh I didn't have to think about that with.

Him, So it's so very different.

That's why I don't judge people when they come to us with relationship issues and they're like, I know we're not perfect.

I said, first of all, we're not perfect neither, so you can throw that shit out the window.

But we're not gonna judge you because we also understand that we were eighteen with nothing when we met, which was so.

Funny because there was I guess this is like one of the earliest forms of like a shade room.

But when Daval first made it to the league, there was this website called talk sports or something that net and it pretty much was like a gosspep site.

It was like a site where people was airing out people laundry, you know who in what league they had it, they had it broken down according to sport, according to the league, according to team, and there was an NFL, the NBA.

All that so under de vos tab because somebody sent it to me one day.

There was definitely people from my face.

Yeah, look, no, I don't even know what the website until somebody that it.

Lets me tell the truth.

What used to use spot wrack because the spot wreck was the site where you see how much they made.

I don't know how many baby Bam you got.

Spot Wreck was the website.

It's like what you say his name was, girl, I've never heard of that.

The active ro.

The deal young young kings, y'all see what's out their young Kings, Hi.

Young Kings, the girls.

It's probably even worse now with Ai Young Kings, pay attention, listen, work on yourself.

Bank account, that one thing that you the coin.

But yeah, somebody, so what people being messy?

Of course, in my Facebook inbox one day was this website and I was like, oh, that's from the random you know, Spara page I guess at that time, and it was the website and then they put Devals link in my in the message and it pretty much was like Kadena is only with Devo because of the money.

At the time, I was like, what money, honey, Like there was no money at the time.

There really was no money.

Yeah, but he just started to get some notoriety trying to like make it onto the team.

So Kadena has only been here with them.

And then he used to be sleeping with this person on campus, and I used to be with that person on campus.

So the messiness still existed back when we were like twenty one years old too.

So saying that to say, like, you really just can't listen to the noise because the minute you start to feed into that shit, you know, it's like a it's like a deep hole that you go into and you just can't do that.

So I do want to ask y'all that a little bit because you know, people probably you know, knew him first because of his career and everything.

So but how did y'all handle that like dynamic?

Because obviously you know, she's a star too in her own right.

So whenever y'all started doing, like, you know, the the videos and stuff, people started gravitating towards her.

And now you're you're acting and you're like really becoming like people are like, okay.

Where your wife back?

We love you?

Eat that, you know, So how do y'all balance that as well?

Too?

I think KaDee would tell you too.

This was always the plan.

I told I'm on record of saying this from before and I'll say it now.

I told everybody I was like, my wife can be bigger than Kim Kardashian.

Period.

I've been saying that, and it was just like it was like for real.

I was like, Yo, she's super talented, she's educated, she's a family woman, like she she has all of the things and the work ethic.

So when people used to come up to us in the airport and they'd be like, I know you on TV but I love your wife.

I'm like, you want me.

To take the picture period, because to me, that's also part of the process.

Understand that my wife during that time when I was building, everything sacrificed.

So since she sacrificed, I'm not gonna let her just fall back by the wayside and nobody know her.

I'm like, come, come let them see so that when you get the opportunity.

They were like, this is what he's been saying, and that's all that's happening now.

So even even coming here, I was like, watch, and it's funny that y'all separated us.

She'll tell you, I said, both of these two young ladies of super dynamic, they' Hilary, it's just like you.

I told them that they reminded me of you.

You did say that, and I said, the three of y'all gonna end up having a conversation and I'm gonna be on the outside.

And I'm enjoy it.

Yeah, but not for nothing though.

This is this is what has always been.

It was my turn for a minute, it's her turn, you know what I'm saying, like.

Do this right?

No, he's absolutely right, And to piggyback off of what he said like, how weird would it be if you have a married couple that were like it was in competition with each other, you know, because that exists, especially that we're in It's just like, oh, like my wife and my husband got a gig and I ain't get a gig in a minute, and it's like comparing notes.

I think that's super weird.

Like he and I since the moment we sat together for our first day and talked about what we wanted to do, and he was like, y'all want to do that?

It was on TV And I was like, oh, you want to be act They're like, and he's like absolutely.

I'm like yeah.

So when he said that, I was like, oh, so me, you know, trying to trying to flirt, put myself playing, you know what I'm saying, put the nail in it.

I was like.

I was just like, so, how we gonna do that?

Like, how how are we going to help you get that?

You know what I'm saying?

Because I want to do the same thing.

I just thought a little a little agency, but no, in that moment, it saw that from that moment on, we were so invested in each other's dreams and goals and we just talked about all the things that we could do, all the things that were possible.

So when I sit here on this couch, in this moment, in the present, because I'm trying to be more mindful of being in the moment and being present, I'm just like, damn, that's just the ship that we talked about a years ago.

And I do and I just want to give you your flowers because, like I said, we've been doing this a while so a lot of times, and I know they are gonna be like, let's stop being a hater.

I'm a hater, y'all, notice what I do.

But a lot of times when I meet people in person, I'm like, oh my gosh, they were like this online and I get upset when I meet them in person because it does so but just seeing you and seeing how like, well, how well spoken you are, Like I see that star that he's talking about, because a lot of people can say, oh, this person is a star because you see them on social media, but that presence in persons, it's a different energy.

So I see you girls can tell you, I say, I appreciate that because y'all do have an audience of young women, right and there's this narrative going around that men are intimidated by women who have their own right, I can tell you.

That's far from the truth.

Really, I'm gonna tell you right, any man worth having right.

When I first saw her at eighteen, right, I was like, Okay, she won pageants, like how your grades or you graduated magnum coolaude.

It was valedictorian.

To me, it was like, yo, I found the female version of myself.

So when I'm going to do my things, she's not going to be like, oh, you're going to practice again.

Oh.

And it was like that all of college.

Right when all of.

Our friends was going on spring break and was taking extra vacations.

I was like, Y're gonna stay and take another class.

She said, fine, since you're gonna stay here and take another class, I don't got to pay for housing.

I'm gonna take another class.

And it was just the partnership.

There are so many men who are looking for women who want to be a part of the partnership.

That's the reason why I wanted to tell his stories because it never intimidated me that she could be a bigger start in me.

It was just like, we're doing life together.

So it's like, if I'm growing and I'm trying to be the best version of myself, and I found a woman who wants to do that, why not do that shit together?

And it's just been that way.

So for me, I think that you just have to find the right guy.

If you're dating guys and those guys are intimidated, say that those guys are intimidated by women.

Because let's be real, If I date a thousand women, a thousand women, I date a woman three different women every day, that's a lot of women.

For any other men, right, that's still less than one thousandth of a percent of the population.

What do I know about women?

That's true?

So my perspective just tells you because.

Yeah, carried one.

Well.

The reason I say that because while I do agree with you, I guess I feel like, of course I can't date all the men.

I'm a grotto, but I can't date all the men.

I'm through you, you know what I'm try.

But I will say, though, just my experience, I'm surrounded by successful women, right, and I feel like the conversations that we do have, though, like men are intimidated men like we tend to experience more men that aren't supportive of what we have going on.

And not just like us, but I mean just like I have friends who work high in tech.

Change your environment, different men.

Yeah, that shows you.

How that tells you a lot about the type of men you choose.

Okay, I said the same thing to my young boys.

I got a lot of young athletes.

All these bitches want money, all these but I said, that tells me that you keep choosing the type of women who are chasing money.

You how many girlfriends you don't have your life?

I had over ten, Oh you had over ten girls.

So you know so much about women now and then they thinking about it.

Women do the same thing just because you choose the same type of.

Guy over and over and over.

That don't mean all guys are like that.

But I will say true though.

You know, men like to put on that job interview.

When you go into a job interview, Yeah they have three months later they showing.

Up late, have not come.

Yeah they love that represented.

So how long do y'all wait before y'all say, you know what, I'm gonna move on?

Because I think that in the era that Deval and I started dating, right there were moments where I might have discovered something about him that I've been like, you know what, I'm not dealing with this.

It could be a red flag, right like I'm maybe maybe this is how he is and I can't deal with that or whatever.

So what is it that people are doing nowadays to know when is a time frame to say, you know what, I'm throwing the towel with this person because I'm over it.

To be honest, I'm always throwing in the tower.

And that's probably got damn problem because as soon as you have a red flag.

I'm gone immediately, like stage left.

That's a question to his question.

Yeah, do y'all want to be wives?

Y'all want to be brides?

I want to be a wife.

I definitely want to be a wife.

Y'all know what it takes to be a wife.

Where I'm at in life right now, I'm like, I don't know if I'm ready to be a wife right now.

Conversations that people are not having, and that's how you get to marriage.

That's why when people hit see the valley of the airport, they'll be like, man, you missed it up for all of us and be out here pressed, you know, making bad for all of us.

He gets that, and you.

Know what I say, But you like, I'm just me and myself.

No, I say, well, you need to ask yourself what you're not doing for your lady and she's looking outside.

First, I'm gonna just be honest, bro.

I ain't no pussy bro.

So you could approach me if you want to.

You can let the nice guy shit fool you.

I'm mostly a human and I will protect my family with my life.

So if you ever approach me on something negative, I'm gonna give you the same energy.

But y'all know I leave with love.

You know what I'm saying.

But a lot of time these dudes do come up yo while you're doing that and we have a real conversation.

And then once we have a real conversation, they be like, you know what, I can't do better?

And I said, that's really why you mad?

You mad because you know you can do better.

And then I asked him, I said, why do you not do better?

And they often say because she don't do better?

And I said, well, let me ask you a question.

You say, you're the man, right, You're the leader, You're the leader, right, Yeah, so lead first?

You do better first?

And they be like that.

That's fair and to be honest, I think that needs to be the conversation.

Right if we as gentlemen want to say that we're the leaders of our community, and we're going to be the ones that say we're going to take control of our community.

Sometimes you're gonna have to deal with the fact that your lady may be a little bit more emotional than you, right she she may need you to break the ice.

That's how it works in our house.

I don't do I do not.

She will tell you I don't do that.

We're gonna be mad at each other for days and you're giving me the silent treatment.

I don't do that.

I'm grabbing you.

I'm grabbing that ass, I'm lifting you up, I'm letting you.

Let me tell you some of that blue light, the mood.

Look, look.

Look at her face, flattening her face.

Can I be honest before nobody know?

Yes, there was an episode.

Yes, it was the Teama shout out to my girl Crystal friend love her to death.

So yeah, I seen this episode that I was like, no, we did the sex scene and whatever with the blue light, and I was like, oh, tell me more, you know, like because the actor in me as well, be like, you know what it is like.

You know, you're stimulating sex and whatnot, but when it looks real, it be looking real.

So he he was in quarantine filming at TPS, so he was locked down for like three weeks or something.

I moved our other boys with my mom cross country from our place in California.

It's Georgia.

But the second time, so the Sis was stressed.

Okay, she was stressed.

I didn't have no man.

I had no day for like three weeks.

It was a lie, you know what I'm saying, no reliever or nothing.

So it was around Valentine's Day and he was like, damn, babe, iut some bad news.

We're gonna have to film an extra two days.

So I was hoping not make it home on the thirteenth.

But I'm not gonna make it home till the fifteenth.

So I was like, damn.

I was hoping you could be here for Valentin's Day.

We could christen this house, honey, you know, do all the things new house.

But I'm like, it's fine, I'll see you when you when you get out.

So I'm walking to the room one night, it's late, the kids are in bed.

It's February thirteenth, about to be fourteenth.

It's almost midnight, and I see this shadow and doorway.

So first of all, went for my gun because I was like, oh, yeah, who I wasn't I did, and I was like, let me, let me stop, let me And it was the val Oh, he's surprised.

Men came home early.

So when I had plans already, I went on Amazon a couple of days before because I was preparing fans to come home for Mountains, and they got me some blue light bulbs because I had.

Seen the episode.

Trusty Dusty Amazon, and I got these lamps and I got these blue lights.

When he come home, I'm gonna do a blue light special here in the house for him after seeing that episode, because I was like, that was good.

I had Chris.

I was like, girl, he had you picked up.

He did the tricks.

She was like yeah, girl.

So he walks in and I had the air mattress blown up on the floor in the room because we didn't have our bed set up.

Nothing was there yet.

And he came home, honey, and it was like three weeks and we hadn't seen each other.

This was our new home.

It was just so much to celebrate in that moment.

Sweet fast forward numbers later, Dakota Ellis is here and he's our blue light special baby.

Oh yeah, time I see a blue light, I'm like, it's another one.

He told us he gotta missex me.

So I wanted to transition a little bit and talk about your career.

So I wanted to ask you how hard was it or was it not hard at all?

To not get lost in being a mom and being a wife.

And then also how surreal is it for you right now that you have a TV show that your especially with you always being in the arts, it always being something you were interested in, having your degree in it, dance pageants, all of the things.

So how does it feel right now?

You know?

I I often tow the line between I can't believe this is happening and it's about damn time, you know, because I feel like I have spent the past my oldest is what fourteen, So fifteen years of my life dedicated to my family, dedicated to having my children, to being an active mom, and that will never change.

That's r his first and foremost for me, active mom and wife.

But I feel like all of the years, all of the sacrifices, all of the things that we've done.

You know, devoal having the vision to even start social media.

Because at first, when he came to me and approached me with this, Babe, I think we should start putting videos up on Instagram, I said, hell the fuck.

No.

Well, I remember when y'all was in the apartment, you girls, the media.

The apartment in Brooklyn.

I said, why would I want to put our life on social media?

Like I am a West Indian girl, Like we keep our shit close, We keep our cards close to the chest.

We don't be telling people our business and airing out no laundry.

But he was like, no, I think this would be a good approach and a way to use social media to like get ourselves out there as actors and actresses.

Like we'll do these skits.

We'll kind of start this like battle of the sexist thing and it'll be fun.

And I was like m But then that one little video went viral.

I think it was Dura Cell came to us with a bag.

They was like, we'll give you three k to come to this event.

I said, oh, we can make money here.

I said, oh, this is like becoming a thing.

So in using social media and you know, the videos turned into a podcast, podcast, into a book, the YouTube channel, like everything started to rupt.

So when the opportunity came my way, I'll never forget it.

For the show at least January sixth, Tyler Perry hit my phone, shout out to shout out to mister Perry, hit my phone.

And I'll be honest and say I was at a moment two weeks prior in my life where I was just kind of feeling a bit lost.

Yeah.

I was like, you know, we've been doing the social media thing for a while.

The podcast I felt like, in my opinion, had run its course.

I felt like we did all we had to do in that space.

So I said, maybe, like I'm onto something new, Like there has to be something next for me.

He was already on two number one shows, you know, BT BT plus, So yeah, so I'm like, you know, you're doing your thing.

Maybe.

My conversation with God.

I was actually in Jamaica at the end of the year twenty twenty four, and my conversation with God one more as we were approaching the new year was you know, I don't know what's next.

I usually tend to be very type A and like want to plan for that, I said, but I'm really feeling stuck, and I said, I feel like I need to be still in this moment and allow you to move.

So I'm not gonna make any plans.

I'm gonna be content with just being at home with my kids.

If that's where you need me to be at home with my kids and assisting my husband with whatever he has going on, I'm cool with that.

But if you have something for me, I'm game.

And baby.

When TV hit my phone and was like, hey, I may have something for you, oh my goodness, and it was literally like days later.

This was December thirty first, okay, days later, and I already know that God was working because he was just preparing me for this moment.

Devala said to me the other day, he was like, Yo, do you realize that here you are forty one, pretty much moving like a girl in your twenties, because forty they keep me young, they kill but he said, you are literally a woman who has all the things, like you have your family, you have your husband, you are you know, essentially taking care of your parents.

You know, like we're at that age now where it's like we're parents to our parents and you know, so I feel like it's about time.

And I fight imposter syndrome every day.

I do.

Yeah that before we bitch to look at I don't want to see that.

It should be contagious because that's what I want to everyone.

You feel like that.

So even going through the process of filming, so I went from my chemistry reading, my audition in la and January, finally got the call that I booked the role early February, and then baby, I went back into the lab because it's been a it's been a minute since school and you know, having an acting gig, consistently acting in this capacity, acting in the TPS universe, which is a big deal, which is.

Spent off of talking about that, and you show me, let me tell you at.

Sixteen episodes in nine days.

So if I said that two weeks, yeah, well that's sixteen episode.

Sixteen episodes in nine days weekens off.

Yeah, okay.

So for me, I felt an immense amount of pressure first because I'm like, all right, God, you gave me this opportunity because you felt like I was ready.

So me hav an impostum syndrome was crazy because I'm like he would have never put me in this position, in this moment in time if he didn't think I could.

That's the first thing.

Then t P thought I could because he gave me the opportunity.

Right.

So there's the pressure of feeling like, okay, can you got to deliver because this man is giving you an opportunity, and in this industry all you hope and pray for is somebody gives you a shot you could show what you could do.

Then I have my husband, who I don't want to disappoint because he's pretty much missed the TPS.

But yeah, I like going out looked like going in there and be like, yeah, it's been terrible.

Come on.

That partisum, she just got the job because my husband is on the show.

Who he asked for a favor, you know right, So that throwing through my head.

Then I have my sons who are looking at me like damn, mom, like you really locked in.

You back in here studying with your acting coach.

You gone three, four or five hours a day, you know.

I had to fly my in laws in at one point because I'm like, guys, I need help, like all hands on deck so I could just focus.

So there were so many things happening at one time because I just wanted to do a damn good job.

I was doing my nails shortly after I wrapped, and she was like, do you have any like regrets or like you could have done differently?

And I sat and thought for a second, and I was like, I don't, Like I really feel like in that moment, I put everything out there.

I was so prepared for it.

And not to say that there's nothing I have to learn, you know.

I can't wait to like watch and like dissect myself and my character and see what more I could do.

But I really genuinely feel like, damn I gave it all, yeah, because I know I could not fumble the opportunity.

So I'm grateful to answer your question.

I feel like all of the things right now has been for this moment, you know.

And having my husband who has just been like rooting for me and telling me that I could on days that I felt like I couldn't, and you know, taking the kids away so I could do what I gotta do, and vice versa on moments when he needed that.

Like the best moment for me most recently after everything was maybe about two or three weeks after rapping my oldest son, when I was watching dishes after dinner one night, came up to me and just threw his arm around me and he was like, mom, man, I'm just so proud of you all.

And I was like, I stopped and I looked at him and I was like, damn, Jackson.

I said, thank you.

I said, I appreciate that.

I said, I always feel like you guys are proud of me.

But hearing it, you know, it's reinforcement for me.

He was like, nah, I honestly feel like yo, between you and dad, like I have no reason not to be great, right, And that was so so.

Because that's the goal with raising kids, like you want them to want to be like you.

Yeah, and being.

To the fact that you had to go and film all that and everybody was just ready to surround you and help you and.

It's your turn.

Go do what you gotta do it all hands on.

Zacha Deval was literally like, don't buy the mother.

I'm gonna take care of this.

It's like.

It was like, that's the grandparents because my parents lived with us.

I had lost flew in so it's like you get a kid, you get a kid.

Kid, y'all rotate and then he had to film two weeks after me.

So then the minute I wrapped, it was like the role reversal.

But this is what we've been doing our whole live a whole village hand Thank God for the village.

So I can't wait.

I can't wait the show because I love sisters.

I love I am, I am a stand So I have a.

Question, h which sister's character would you compare your character on this new show to we had good?

What shit?

Because I'm so I hate.

Oh, okay, here in my least favorite.

She really he's the worst.

You don't like her character?

Why no?

Because she just can't let it go, girl, let it go, let it go, Like I just feel like you gotta move on with Grace, I could see.

I think I think Geneva might have well, she's a tinge of and Andy because you're learning that she's an attorney.

Okay, she got a little she got a little gangster in us, so she might have a little fatima when she's okay, you know, But other than that, I think she might be her own new entity.

And which is the amazing thing about mister Perry is that he finds ways to find representation in everyone.

Right, So there's an ensemble cast of us.

Shout out to my castmates, five sisters who all are coming from different walks of life, and they're battling different things where that they're divorced, in the middle of a divorce, on their way to divorce, divorce, and they don't even know what any a marriage.

You know, there's a lot of things happening.

But I do feel like there's gonna be a woman out there who can relate to somebody.

Yes, and if you can't relate directly, you'd be like, Yeah, that's my girl, that's my Hong girl right there, you know.

So I'm expected for them to be a lot of group chat conversation after the episode to see who relates to who and how they deal with their situations and their circumstances.

But yeah, yeah, I think Geneva's gonna be a very interesting person.

I love that the show actually is Divorces.

It's because it's so far from what I am.

That's what I was going to ask you next.

I'm like, how did you prepare for the role considering you're in such a happy marriage and happy relationship.

It was like the best challenge for me as an actor because it made me have to develop Geneva as a character.

Like that's the first thing I did, you know, going back to my acting school days and trying to like work on my instrument, but also, you know, developing a character something very very important, especially a new character who's going to be introduced to people for the first time.

So it was interesting when I worked with my coach, She's like figure out the nuances that made Geneva who she was and how different she was from Kadeen.

But there were also moments where I felt like a little bit of Kadeen could probably surface here, you know, and it was amazing to me.

I said, we had to dispel the miss LaToya Porscha and I.

We were on the Sherry Shepherd Show Press of New York, and we were just like, let's just clear the air.

When people first saw the poster and it said Divorced Sisters and I was front and center on.

I was like, it was.

Because I thought it was a reality Who getting.

What I did it first?

Though?

How you know.

Yourself, queen, yourself king.

Insert my head.

When everybody calmed down, everybody calmed down, it is not a reality show the scripted show where we're acting.

But I think that's just the beauty and it I can just place someone who's so far from yeah, and you know, it's fun to do that.

It's fun to show the representation of.

You're gonna tell them what we did the other night was all playing looks.

Biting his lip.

Y'all had to be doing it on freaking.

He read that it was.

It was a little Zach meets Geneva.

Okay, a little like intersection of worlds.

If you will, you can't produce this one.

Come on now, this one.

Because this is the ultimate universe never follows.

Ain't Nobody was worried about moment.

You know, I traveled it, I traveled in time to a completely different alternate.

That's what happened.

Said, that would be funny if like one day, like on Systems for example, like you know, he works in the airport, Zach, so Geneva's like going through the airport and they bump into each other and it's just like, oh, that was quickly know.

All a sudday day.

I think I would be so cute.

Was there ever a moment where you were like reading the script and you were like, oh, my man can never do.

This to me.

Absolutely, He was like absolutely, or maybe my man would never put up with this m because some of them was the one.

How y'all automatically assume the man was in the wrong.

I'm saying Fels I'm representing for.

To watch.

Was the one to watch?

Might be me?

He sounds like she cuts up.

I am contrastingly obligated not to give you any details.

You didn't have to watch on be et plus y'all every time we.

Can't wait, I'm.

Gonna be tuned in.

I cannot wait.

Thank y'all for the support.

What are we because we already yeah, very so, because we have the two love birds, and I'm glad you know what I'm spot on with the blue Lights special Okay it is so we have two different drinks.

We have a his and a hers is what we're gonna call it today.

For the Hers, she has some spiced rum in there.

We have some peach snaps.

We have some blue cure soyle floated at the bottom, some lime juice, and we have some coconut syrup.

So that's what you're taking.

Coconde.

Yeah, you like that little tropical and then we garnish that one with a blue orchid, so we're getting.

More floral, little tropical in there.

And then for Deval, we have a it's kind of like a play on an old fashion.

You know, he loves his whiskey, so we have some whiskey in there.

We have some eighteen twenty one old fashion.

It's a barrel old fashioned syrup.

And then I made my own bitters, so yes, you do like a store.

It has like a little bit of a spice to it, a little bit more so, you know, I got crafty.

A little bit.

So we have some of that homemade bitters, and then we garnish it with a dehydrated orange and a cherry.

So we have the his and we have the herds.

Cheers, y'all.

Now your skin is glowing today.

Thank you very I love ne and the orange giving sun kills.

I have been in the gym, you know, making me feel like I'm on the beach in Jamaica.

That's what I said, walk on.

I won, but I already.

You should name it.

Yeah one, it was all honorary Jamaic.

She hit us with the bumble clock.

It's like, you know, whenever you learn a new languages, like how do I say, Chinese, don't you know you want to learn all the curse words, push the clo.

So I do want to touch on this because the show, again, y'all are our first couple, so we really we get into it.

Okay, couples, Yes, let's get into it.

So we wanted to talk about serving each other in.

A relationship, because y'all talked about this, you know in the in the book that yeah, you know what I'm saying.

We over meet New York Times bestseller period, counter intuitive approach, you get everything.

Relationship now, Yes, So I want to talk about the importance of that.

And I think with serving someone, you really have to know how to let go of your ego, yes, and understand I'm not serving them how I think I should serve somebody.

I'm serving them how they want to be served.

That's okay.

So how do you get in the mindset to really do that and not get aggravated?

And then also on the other end, when you're receiving this service, how do you properly correct someone like, hey, this is not.

Exactly how I like it.

Because you have to be able to receive that information, but you also have to understand how to give that information as well.

Is this not perfect timing?

Is this not perfect timing?

And it's I'm glad you asked that question because here, fifteen years of marriage going in twenty two we still have these conversations, and we want to say that so that people don't feel like, oh, it's been six months.

I already told his nigga.

I didn't told this bitch, I ain't.

No, it's twenty two years.

Yeah, we continue to evolve, So it's the ever going conversation.

It really is.

And I mean you think about it being with someone in our circumstance.

For example, from eighteen nineteen years old to now, there have been several iterations of the valancadee.

Right, So I'm not the same person I was at eighteen or twenty something thirty, I'm not forty one.

Like I've grown as an individual within this relationship, so the things that I require may also be different now than they were then.

So that's why it has to be a constant conversation.

In terms of the ego portion of it, that's something I particularly had a hard time letting go of, and I think it's because me wanting to do things in my mind which I thought was the perfect way was not always received by him as the perfect way.

He'll be like, yo, I asked for this very specifically, and you chose to give me that.

And then in my mind I'm like, well, ni, guy gave him.

Something because this is better than you.

Know, yes, And He's just like, while I appreciate what you did.

You asked me what I wanted, I gave you specifics, and you still chose to do something else.

Just give me what I want.

And recently on one of our podcast episodes, we were speaking with the young men who are on our panel as well too, and he said, men are pretty simple.

They asked for what they want.

Give them what they want.

It doesn't have to be the theatric surround it.

Because the reason the question came up, I said, you know, as a woman, sometimes you like a grand gesture.

You want the balloons and the flowers when you check into the hotel, and those are some things that you would deem romantic, right, So if I'm doing something for my man, it's like, well, what do I do?

That's the grand gesture that you can feel like damn, like she really put all this thought into it, And I was like, I don't want no flowers.

I don't want no balloons I asked for, but I want it in a cheerleading uniform.

You know what I'm saying.

What you're hearing pigtails and some you know, the sake the glasses and some ship and.

No excuse, no day amazon, that's.

It doing seven pm.

Them shorts go on at seven pm.

Sure, And I'm gonna.

Show you something here.

I'm gonna show you something.

What you got you put since you tried, since you tried doing embarrassed me.

I'm going because people people like to say people going podcast and be talking about lives they don't live.

This is randomly in the morning mood queen.

I yeah, I want to take my son.

To basketball on the workout, yo, I want to take.

Thank you, thank you.

I want to take my son to basketball practice.

I get a text message with this picture.

I'm doing a buck thirty on my weight back home.

That's what she says.

A way is not in the morning.

That's my song shout out on my.

It was.

But yeah, you got to put your ego aside, just like if you can't be real with your with your partner, like what are we doing?

What are we doing here?

You know, and.

For the man, it's the same thing.

Like I asked men to do.

You want to be a husband, you want to be a groom.

They're like, what's the difference?

If you want to be a groom, you want to take pictures with your wife, y'all want to look good on social media.

You want to go on vacations and do that.

If you want to be a husband, be ready to sacrifice.

Be ready that when she's in the worst mood ever she don't want to have sex, be ready to say, yo, that's okay, because I know you're going through something.

That's the leadership part of marriage that most people don't want to talk about, but I'm willing to talk about because me and this woman right here, I no longer perform for my gender.

That's why people say all the time, like why why this nigga here talking all this other shit?

Because I don't go to to y'all niggas.

Then I'm a real nigga.

I have a person I'm building a life with.

So the only person I'm pledging allegiance to is my wife.

So with that being said, I'm gonna always be ready to serve her.

What do you need in this season.

Okay, in this season, you don't want to be a boss no more.

In this season you want to be flown down on vacations and doing all this other stuff.

Since I'm your husband and I chose that.

No one told me I had to be a husband.

Since I chose to do that, fly wherever you want to go.

Baby, Wait, you tired of doing that shit.

You want to be a boss, you want to be on TV.

I'm your husband.

That's my job to do that.

So let me make sure I can curate that space for you.

So when you're ready in that position with someone and you use discernment to find someone who's going to reciprocate that the same way, it's easy to be of service because the same way I'm ready to do all of that.

When I come home, I drop all of my issues that I've come through the door with on the day, I drop them at the front door, and my wife is there, bathtub chicken, my weed, the kids, this and this is why I'm gonna name those things because that may not be the same for your men or your men.

So for me to tell any other woman, in order to keep your man, you gotta do a k Dude, no, in order to keep your man, find out what your man needs, and once you find out what he needs, focused on that.

Fuck the world.

You don't got to prove to everybody else you're a good wife.

And nobody is a mind reader exactly what you want?

Like, be deliberate and say what it is that you want.

So many of our issues were alleviated when we started having those just very raw, candid congradations.

What do you need in the space to be successful?

How can I make your day easier today?

What do you have going on that you want to achieve that?

Because if that was a mastermind of coming up with ideas, every other day's idea and I'm like, well, how are we going to you know, bring this to fruition?

You know.

But whatever it is that you know your partner is interested in and they want to do, it's like you got to ask those questions, yah, and you have to genuinely be interested in finding ways to deliver that, but also being comfortable knowing that I can do this because it's going to be reciprocated.

Like Deval and I, I think we move like a well oiled machine most of the times because whoever is equipped in that moment to deal with whatever it is, deals with it.

Whoever is on the forefront right now because their career is on the way up, we rally behind that problem, you know, like there doesn't have to be the internal battle.

However, I could serve you to make your life easier in this moment.

I'm going to do it because I want to do it.

That's a that word.

But I want to go back to something that you said earlier, because you were saying how like sometimes that she doesn't want to be intimate.

You have to be as a man understanding and be like, okay, well let me figure out what's wrong.

Because it was an old episode I was looking at because somebody had.

Commented on it on our YouTube.

It was a long time.

Ago when I was saying something like, oh when ya man, wont it you gotta give it to him, You gotta give it to it.

This was when we was in the red and black background.

I was cutting up.

But as i I've grown old, I'm like, that is so wrong because if you have a person, yeah who can understand like, hey, you know what, I'm not in the mood right now.

I don't, So as a man, you should be understanding like, hey, she doesn't want to have sex right now, let me figure out what's wrong with her, what's going on versus Because women we're taught like, oh, you gotta cook clean, give him some coochie drain is balled, and it's like, sometimes that's not that's not what's going to keep the home.

Happy, you know what I mean.

The bottom line is nobody can give you a number of how many times you're gonna have sex for your men.

It all depends on the men, right, So stop asking your friends how many times is enough?

Speak to your man and say, look, how many times is it enough for you?

Once he gives you that, then tell him this is what we have done in our relationship.

I'm the type of person she knows my sex job is super high.

I can have sex multiple times a day.

That's just me.

I also know my wife and I also know that if once she orgasms, she's good, I like it up.

Times.

But that goes back to serving.

Right.

If you're a husband, you know I'm in this to serve.

So since I'm in this to serve is big?

What do you need in this moment to make us get to this point?

And I'm not gonna lie to you.

It is reciprocated a lot in our relationship because since I'm always serving, I don't have to worry about not getting it.

She gonna rain check me once in a while.

You know she's tired, all right?

You you was with the kids all day.

And here's the here's the truth though, the fact that she said that it's fair right, just because someone gives you the ability to rain check, don't mean that you're always gonna throw it out.

I'm not ready, I'm not right.

Because there's also responsibility for women.

You want this man to only be with you and not give any attention sexually to anybody else.

So since you ask for that, how about you be a partartner and helping him develop what y'all sexual plan looks like.

So for us what we do now, it's like sometimes there's days that I'm just like, you know what, I just I just don't want to be penetrated, Like she just don't want it in her today.

But I know he might need you know, I see the I see the tossing and the turning happening.

You're the attitude of slightly funky.

You might need a little something.

So that's when Sis is like, you know what, let me just pull this hair back from Okay, but situations the bad, honey, and to right, you know it's giving thousand.

It's just because he gets what he wants.

I essentially get what I want, you know, because it's like it's a fifty fifty situation in that moment.

You know it's so I agree, Oh, go head, go ahead.

Well, I just wanted to ask y'all because I wanted to ask a question for the single people.

Do you feel like you need to serve your partner before marriage?

That's a good because sometimes I think people off and feel like, Okay, if I'm giving everything before I get the.

Ring, what's gonna make him want to give me the ring?

You can get the milk for free, the car first, to see if the car has everything you need.

That's that's that's a good point.

But I will say this, if you're looking for someone who's looking to be of service in purpotue, it's not gonna matter whether you're married or not.

That person just wants to be in service.

I was of service to Kadeen before we were married when I covered all of her bills, I paid all of her stuff.

That way, I protected her with my life before she was my wife.

Before she was my wife, she made my meal, she cooked, she took care of my mental health, she made sure that my dar was correct.

All the things that will consider red flags for women these days she was doing.

But that showed me was like, this woman is preparing to be a wife, not just a bride.

Because now now I think about it, back in the day, if we're using terms like we use nowadays, I probably would have been like the.

P you'd been, I would and I'd have been a simple.

Absolutely, And to me in that moment, now that I look at it, it's like him.

I wouldn't think that I'm not doing this because I want him to like me or I wanted him to pick me.

It was innate in me to want to nurture and take care of someone, and I met somebody who wanted to be taken care of.

You know, that may not work for everybody, but that was just who I was and he received it.

Now, if you are of service to somebody that you feel like it's being not reciprocated or it's not respected, or you feel like you're the only one doing it and things are lopsided, then that might be the red flag to say, you know what, this person is not deserving of that kind of treatment.

Made me feel this is what because it just made me think about my last relationship that I was in.

He was definitely doing all of that stuff before we were eating.

Well know, were you withholding because you feel like we weren't married?

Yeses and for nothing.

That's fair though, yeah, because even if you look at today's conversation right, a lot of these conversations, I like to say, are being held by the loud minority.

Most of the married people who are in successful relationships aren't on social media, they're not doing podcasts.

So we're listening to the people who aren't in successful relationships tell a whole generation of people how to exist, and that's down there.

I don't know.

I don't apologize because devoal years ago was not the Devo now had.

I had a lot of poor, toxic behavior that I can look back on, and to be honest, I love the fact when people call me on that you know why you said this then?

And I said that's what I felt then, So this is this is an example of maturity and growth.

I was wrong then.

I didn't know I didn't have life experience.

So I'm willing to openly and honestly say I fucked up, and I'm willing to fail in front of everybody and say I didn't do that right then.

But look at the difference.

That's why you should never hold yourself to the fire and say, damn, I'm doing something wrong.

No, speak your truth because your truth has value, because your truth teaches us of history.

Right bottom line, What is the history of black women in America over the last fifty years.

If you start from the nineteen sixties, when the Civil rights movement started, there was an approach on the government to separate the black family.

There was that was the agenda, and what we're looking at is the byproduct of that.

So when you ask yourself, why do I feel this way, rather than guilty yourself and saying I shouldn't feel this way, say let me understand history, and now that I understand why this I feel this way, let me correct it so I can change the behavior so the next generation don't got to feel the way I feel.

That's why I don't mind openly and honestly loving on and empowering my wife in public.

People could call me a simp, don't give a fuck.

Why don't mind crying because I'm going through shit in public?

Is because so many young boys watch niggas stand online and act tough and they kill themselves later, and they say why because he was going through something and he wasn't trying to be vulnerable.

I no longer want to play into the dogmas that society have created through this social media.

I don't I want to be myself.

It's exhausting, and I want.

To show people that there's no one way to live.

Figure it out.

You're gonna make mistakes, Oh well, people gonna judge you.

Oh well, they're gonna talk shit about you.

Oh well, they're gonna do that anyway.

Exactly right.

And to piggyback of something that you said here when you talk about how history has impacted us as a people, right, one thing de Val and I have learned even through our podcast ELSs ever After and just learning how to have these open dialogues, because essentially the podcast started with us having these internal conversations and then bringing them to the forefront, like Okay, lord, let's let's have the conversation with everybody and see does anybody else feel like this?

Or is this just us?

Right?

The first thing that we got from that was Okay, we're not the only ones yep.

So it makes you feel like a little bit of a reprieve because it's like, oh, other people are experiencing the things that I'm experiencing.

So our relationship and the issues that we make that we may have, it's not in a lot anomaly, right.

But then there's also the conversations that he and I have had that trickle back to our family life, meaning when we grew up with our mother and our father and our sibling, and the roles and the dynamics that pretty much shaped who we are to this day.

Being the first born or you know, being the first of your family to do something or realize him damn, because my mom and dad dealt with these traumas within their life growing up that that has pretty much directly impacted how I am as a person today.

And we've learned to give each other a lot more grace by learning our parents, by me learning my in laws, by then seeing, Okay, these are the things that have shaped who we are, These are our triggers because of those things, and then how do we not pass that down to our children, Like, how can we be very deliberate about how we're raising our boys now or how we even interact with each other because some things that you know, the way I may react to a disagreement, He'll be like, man, that's just like your mom.

And then I sometimes say that as.

A trigger, like I'm not like my mom, you know, because I had my own.

Triggers about my mom or dad or whatever.

But it just really allows us to have those conversations and you give your partner or grace knowing that between history and between your family history, this is how we arrived at where we are.

That's beautiful, Okay.

I like that.

I take a lot of times people don't look at that though they now you don't look at their like trauma from growing up or seeing how our parents grew up and stuff.

So I think that is important though, to like break the generational curses, you know what our parents went through.

And then also, like you said, not giving in to what people expect you to do, because I think that's something that we kind of deal with.

Like if we get a man.

And we say, God forbid, we cook a man some eggs and bacon, They're like, you cook what.

You cook them some egg.

Oh like he was hungry.

Yeah.

They just want us to be so much.

And I know you probably deal with that a lot of them being like, oh my gosh, you do.

So much and do the doing the most.

I've heard that before.

Lock that out.

You have to, because who am I laying down at night with?

As long as he happy?

As long as he's happy, like we're doing this life together.

That is it's not a good.

Marriage is not a group project, honey.

So I have the group chats, you know, but marriage is just not a group project.

Your relationship is not a group project.

And it's not to say you shouldn't have areas, but you con vent sometimes like you both have people who trust it should be trusted people who you go to to vents.

Right.

I was watching an interview recent, I think it was Kerry Washington said it in one interview and then will set it in another, and it's like essentially what they were both saying was like, why would you take advice from somebody who has not done something that you aspire to do.

You've always always that any people love to say like you can get advice from anyone, which.

I mean I can.

You can't what should you.

Take a life that I want to live or if it's not conducive to what I want, why should.

I listen to you?

Absolutely so that's how we feel like.

If I'm not seeing other successful marriages within their scope of marriage, you know why am I then listening to anybody else who's not married, who hasn't been in it, who doesn't aspire to be married?

Because that's okay too.

You might realize today, you know what I heard about all this marriagehit.

I read y'all book Marriages not for me.

I'm about myself.

I'm selfish in a sense.

I don't want to have to worry about nobody else.

I don't want to have to serve nobody else.

That's okay, But you gotta be honest about that and not drag people into these relationships that you know is not going nowhere because you don't want to be in a relationship.

But it's okay to not want to be married.

It is.

It is, And I think it's really refreshing what you just said, as far as you can talk to other people, people that you trust, because I think we've all been taught growing up like marriage is something it's supposed to just be.

Between you and your partner.

You shouldn't let.

Anybody outside of that know what's going on.

But sometimes you do need that insight.

And that's why I think even in our generation, and it's really good that people are opening themselves up to going to the couple.

Of couples, therapy and individual because you said earlier on that I realized I might have been the problem with something, right.

You know that that self awareness when you reach that point where you're like, damn, I might have contributed to the issue here, or you say, damn, I might have dropped the ball in my last relationship because I didn't do X y Z Like.

That's something that's very big girl, very grown.

Yeah, I.

Open the floodgates.

I do want to say this though, to our community just watching right, we oftentimes are asking for equality while women are saying and waiting for men to lead, and Black men are saying, let us lead.

I will honestly say this, black men, for us, if we want to lead, deal with the fact that our women have.

Been hurt and hurting for generation.

So you may come across a Black woman that may be hurt and she may not have found a way to let her hurt, go, but don't just give up, you know what I'm saying, once you realize that, Like I realized that this woman right here was my woman when we were nineteen years eighteen years old.

I didn't know if I was the right person for her at that time.

I didn't think I was.

I didn't know if she was the right person for me.

But I just knew that that was mine.

And because I knew that that was mine, that God had decided that that was gonna be my woman for me.

It didn't matter what changes I had to go through, what changes she had to go through, we were gonna go through it together, and not for nothing.

That's what a husband does, right, Nobody a husband isn't it.

There's no cash value, there's no amount of six packs, there's no height there's a husband knows that once he picks a wife, whatever that wife is going through, I'm gonna deal with it.

And a wife does the same thing.

And it's important that we say that because it's the same way where I'm asking for these men to give credence, but those will give grace to black women.

I'm asking black women please give grace and credits to black men because we're hurting too.

You know what I'm saying, give us some grace.

You know what I'm saying.

We all come on, yeah, we do, we do.

Come on, baby, see where you brought me every time you take me to the Bosoman.

So I want to get into topic number two.

So for the second topic, I wanted to talk to you all about how young it's too young to have your kids in the entertainment industry.

So I'm sure y'all have probably seen.

It's a little girl named it surely who she's been going viral a lot lately because she does the boots on the ground then, and so her parents have been getting a lot of backlash, like even somebody calls CPS on her parents.

And I know y'all involved.

Y'all's kids a lot in y'all, And one of your kids is actually acting now, well two of them.

And yeah, Cairo is going to be in a feature film that I just did.

Okay, Yeah, and he's been young Zach, right, y'all need.

One of them the team.

But yeah, so like one of your kids, well, two of your kids are acting now.

So how do y'all feel about that or do y'all feel like these my goddamn kids.

Worry about shorts, don't worry about what I got going on.

I feel like, first and foremost, get your eyes out of other people's house, right, Right, That's that's my first thing.

Right until your house is in order.

Don't throw stones because everybody got their own issues.

I do understand that people are concerned because social media, to me, realistically, is the devil, right, Kadeen and I have learned to utilize social media.

And when I say that, I don't want people to take it to be like, well, y'all on social media.

Yeah, we all social media, but we're also on the phone.

I think the phone is the devil.

You know what I'm say.

I think there's a lot of things that can be utilized for even the biggest thing with me and Cato, our kids have options.

Right, So, Jackson, were about to post this video?

How you feel about it?

Okay, this is a realistic conversation.

Let me see it.

This is Jackson, now, he's fourteen.

What are we trying to teach in this video?

Well, I think that by showing this video, we can show blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

I think my friends can learn something from that, let's post it, or I don't really feel comfortable because I don't know how I feel about it, We're not posting it.

It's that simple, and we go through that with all of our kids.

Because although this was a partnership and this was my idea, I went through that with my wife.

To this day, I don't post anything unless she approves or my kids approve, because that's their likeness that they have to deal with for the rest of their life.

I hope the parents are all doing the same thing.

Some parents aren't because, let's be honest, you know what I'm saying, it's an easy way to get attention, and every parent feels like if I get my kid attention, my kid is the greatest I can make a million dollars, you know what I'm saying.

And that's why people probably felt like, let me call CPS.

But to be honest, I hope that their parents are doing the right thing with checking in with these kids' mental health because these kids would then start to get addicted to the adrenaline rush that comes with likes that we do as adults, but they don't have the ability to maintain it.

You know, imagine a thirteen year old looking at their Instagram and they want likes and want likes, and in a minute they don't get likes.

They feel like nobody likes them.

That's what parents need to be you know, understand that that really happens.

So I hope that those parents are doing it.

And if they're doing it that way, kudos to them, because you may be able to break another great child actor.

If they're not, I hope they realize sooner than later they're creating more damage.

I saw me that saying social media has us in a chow called because they really have us thinking two thousand likes ain't lifted.

Imagine getting jumped by two thousand people for real though.

I mean I'm for real.

Yeah, with kids on social media too.

I think it's also like the type of content that you're putting out there, because I think the issue with the Miss Shirley situation was like she's doing meet and greets with grown people.

Yeah, that little girl should be at meet and greets for kids, Like you know what I'm saying, Like, I'm pretty sure if y'all son's books of meeting greet or something, it's gonna be like a Nickelodeon or something something like that.

Age appropriate appropriate, So I think it's like that great.

And I don't have kids, so I really you know, I tread lightly when I speed, but it's at the same time I have nephews, and I could never imagine somebody like a grown woman being like, oh, because my nephew's name is Jackson.

Oh, I want to meet Jackson.

But what, bitch.

Are people like that?

There was videos of like the little Shirley like me and grown men, yeah, picking her up, picking her up and put them boots on the ground, the booths back on the motherfucking ground.

She's too young.

That was great though, put on boom that.

Was because all engagement is not good engagement exactly, it's not.

But what that and I do too with the boys, like we learn, we've learned also to respect them as as individuals and us.

Like our third son, Katz, he could give a fuck about the camera, okay, don't he don't.

He's very much like his mom.

Very Sagittary is very moody, very simish.

I love Sattariy my Jamaican Best Friends Day, November twenty eight.

I love it.

So cats is the twenty seven.

My husband, remember said to December nine.

She's December nine.

On the fifth dandwich.

Okay, come on, I told y'all I'm that y'all that I was like, okay, yeah.

I love it.

Fireside, we know each other.

You're close enough to Gemini because I love me a Gemini too, but you're close.

I'm on the cusp.

But Aries, okay, so I like him, So we I like we could hear aries, but no, like, for example, so Kaz don't really be care about the camera.

So what we do We respect that you don't want to be in the video.

Yeah, in the video, Like we do that all the time, but there are really like random times and they're farm froom between because people will meet us.

And for the most part, I would say ninety eight percent of the time, super sweet.

We always show love and public give love back and all that divide.

Had an encounter in the airport one time where this man well out.

You can tell the story because I I've.

Told the story a bunch of times.

Long story, short dude thought I meant the dude dude looked a little off.

He's like, y'all from South Carolina.

I'm like, yo, South Carolina, we could be family.

Blah blah blah.

That can we take a picture?

I was like yeah.

It was me Cayrol and Kas.

I say, yo, y'all want to take a picture, and it was me, Jackson and Caro.

They was like, now we're tired of six in the morning.

So I was like, cool, step aside.

So I go to take the picture.

He's like, yo, they're not taking the picture and I was like yeah.

And I was like nah.

He's like yo, but those are like my cousins.

I said no.

I said we could be cousins because you from South Carolina.

And then he was just like nah.

And I was like, if it's going to be a problem, you won't get no fucking picture because then that's when daddy.

Yeah, this is another thing I learned.

There's nothing I learned.

I want you to learn too.

When you get to a certain level, there's people air marshals follow you in the airport to make sure that you're okay.

And during that encounter, when the dude started to get hostile and I put my bag.

Now, dude rolled up and said, yo, mister ellis you good?

And I was like, who the fuck are you?

And he was just like I'm just making sure you're good.

And then afterwards he told me he was an air marshal and whenever my name comes up to come to Heartsville, Atlanta, they know someone used to be there.

Protect mind.

I wish, I wish I could do it, But I will say this though, for parents who don't know every person you meet on social media isn't sane, right.

There are people who live on social media who think it's a real place.

So be careful with your children.

I'm gonna look at the camera and say this because you don't know the person that's going to say I know that child because I've seen them on social media.

Then goes to your child's school because you've made your child so accessible to the public that now it's okay for regular people to walk up to them.

And this is what happens.

You teach your child to be nice to everybody because you want your child to be accepting so that we all can get the money.

So now your child sees the person they don't know and they say your child's name, and they say, oh, yeah, that's so and so, and now you child is going I'm just saying, as a parent who thinks about everything you have to be very aware of the fact that not everybody on social media is a good person.

I'm always not like if they were, if they were to walk past me and you call their names, they're not even addressing you.

Kids.

We don't play that.

We've been going through drills since they was real, real little kids, and sometimes my kids.

People will think that our kids are rude on purpose.

I'm like, if you don't know who that is, don't say anything.

If they're trying to be nice, Hey Jackson, Hey Cairo, don't nah, then get on your phone call me because I'm.

There in our heart themselves.

But if they are, I will I will say this publicly too.

Kadean got a little bit of a bad rap because she's Mama Beer all the time and when we're around the kids, especially at sporting events, she's only focused on the kids.

So sometimes people will be like, oh, Deva was nice, but Kadeen was a little And I just want people to understand, like, these are really our kids, and that's really my wife and be really a family.

Somebody always has to be watching the kids.

So when you see all of us, if I was happy with you that nice that day, and she wasn't.

It's because she was focusing on what it's for one second.

Yes, you happened, that's truly one second.

Yeah.

So while I try to be like personal and say hey, what's up real quick, but like my focus is on where them kids is at all the time, where we at track, meet basketball, whatever, I'm focused because in that moment, I'm in my hold, you know.

So it's hard sometimes because you want people to meet you in public and have a good experience.

Like you said, yeah, someone and you watch them online for so long and you meet them in person, it's like damn.

But if they ain't pass the vibe checking person, sometimes it's just not even personal.

It's like you might have caught me in a saying flight and it's four am and you want to picture at four am, and I'm like, damn, I have to, you know.

It's to that point though, he's not like we're still at a point where I'd be like, okay, yeah, but I need to start saying oh, come okay with saying oh, so let me.

Say this to y'all though, just think about this.

People have been watching y'all for hours and hours every every day.

Yeah, and now finally for the first time they get to see you in person.

That's what I always It's like.

This is the only time they may never see you, and they you don't know how you've changed their life because y'all probably don't even realize this.

The fact that you have a platform means that you have something to say that millions of people want to hear.

Right, So you're doing something.

But I will agree with you on a moment because I had a moment with my nephew as well, because I used to post my oldest nephew all the time and we were out to eat one day and somebody was like, oh my gosh, Jackson, you got so big.

Yeah, the fact they said the name.

Yeah, I never post him anymore because.

He's he doesn't like to be on he doesn't he don't like pictures.

He don't like that's my family.

Yeah, So I mean.

I'll post my little one and the oldest one in the close friend, but oh my story, I don't even post him no more.

So I can only imagine with you, you know, like you said, me and a mama bear mo because like I said, I don't have children.

It freaked me out.

So it's true.

And even with our children or with someone who we trust, like a trusted friend, go ahead.

So even if our kids are sometimes with like a trusted you know, friend or family member, we have to kind of give them the for one one and be like, okay, listen, if y'all going somewhere public, like if someone were to approach to kids, because it happened one time where our oldest went to a baseball game with some friends and at the time when we met them, we really just met them on the surface of they connected as friends, so we're the parents, let's get the kids together for a playdate, whatever.

So when they had gone to this ball game, a couple individuals might have recognized Jackson and they were like we had adults being like, oh my god, that's Jackson Ellis.

So I said, you know what, that was our bad.

We didn't even think about the fact that run down, you know, giving them the rundown.

So they were like, we just felt like, all right, let's just protect him because he's are strangers and Jackson knew not to engage either.

But you have to be mindful of that because you know, essentially our kids didn't ask for this.

And to be honest, when I look back on it now, doing the family content waste when we had like three thousand followers, and at the time I had no idea of the trajectory of where this was gonna go, right, I didn't think that we would have combined almost five million people five I didn't think that this was gonna happen.

Yeah, So when Dval was like, yo, let's do the social media thing, I thought it was cute in the beginning, but now I guess if I can go back in time, I would have probably been more mindful about how much we engage the children in the content.

But for us, we were just like, yo, we just want to show what it's like to be a millennial couple married raising kids.

Like, you don't see those stories often too many times, the narrative around the black family was always something that was super heavy and the father was absent and all this turmoil and you know, the one kid that made it out of the hood, Like there's always those stories.

So we're like, you know, no, we also know several families who were just like us, Like, we're not an anomaly.

So by sharing these stories as a couple, as a family, we felt like it was necessary for our culture.

And I will say again, ninety eight percent of the time when we meet our people, it's always love.

It is absolutely, yeah.

Absolutely.

Do you ever feel like I was just gonna say, I feel like it's like that across the board, though, because I know, like even for me my mom, she still lives in Houston and she lives by herself, so like, for a really, really long time, I never used to want to post her online, and then I recently started posting her and then it's crazy because we were at our premiere for the r b T Show.

We were at our premiere and somebody saw her in the restroom and she was like, yeah.

They was like, can we take a picture with.

My mom right in the restaurroom.

I ever feel that like that way about your whole family, it's always absolutely because they didn't sign up for this.

Yeah, like us being in the entertainment industry, this is something that we wanted to do, we elected to do, right, So we have to respect the fact that sometimes our family just doesn't want to be involved.

Like my brother said recently, he's like, you know, I'm mindful of how I even conduct myself in public, going to to a bar or going to a lounge or whatever, because I know I'm a reflection of you.

The last thing you want is the headline to say Candialyus's brother is doing x y Z.

You know.

So it kind of forces them to be in a position that it didn't necessarily sla for.

So we tried to be very understanding of how much we involve them in our content because this is what we wanted to do.

We didn't ask them for this, right.

You know.

That also brings up a point about the kids too, because the kids don't always want to be online, And sometimes people be like, oh, I liked it when the kids were online, and I'm like, I appreciate that my kids entertain you, But my kids don't want to entertain you right now, right like, they just don't.

And Jackson's going to high school.

He wanted to focus on his sports and his stuff.

He don't want to deal with that.

Yeah, But I also think it's a good point that y'all still realize that y'all are the parents and it's y'all's responsibility to take care of the household.

Yes, because a lot of these parents are depending on their kids to pay their bills, true, And I think.

That's where it's like, yeah.

I don't care that there's weirdos out here and you're making this child do things because you don't want to work.

There is a contention of people to do this, That's true, there are, and you know that's just not our ministry.

You know, we just we protect our kids at all costs.

And before social media, it was stage moms.

You know, they said this about all the Disney moms and all the moms who wanted their kids to be on.

Broadway, Nickelodeon and all that easy way for them.

To get paid without having to do the work.

Or it's the parents trying to live through their children right now, that's.

Right now, right on that.

Brit is always a reminder of me not to put pressure on your kids.

When she spoke honestly about how her parents feel, and I know we make a jokes since she's entertainer, but seriously, it's a serious issue and nothing.

I appreciate her being honest about it because how would how would we know if she wasn't honest about it?

Right her?

Even justin Bieber recently with Sis that they had a moment on stage together, and it's just like, man, I think so many people were just like wow, but they just we feel sadly you go through a lot.

Yeah documentary on Hulu, it is she recently forgot about like the pressure from her dad.

And then it's like a documentary about the Carters.

Yeah, all the Carter documentary.

I know, the Carnaron Carter Backtreet boy O.

Their documentary is crazy.

But and I want to say something about Raving Simon too, because everybody was like calling her a weird alo.

She is a success story.

Yeah, hell yeah, she is the success story because she's still you know, she's aware, she's very you know, maybe her story didn't end up like you thought she should end up.

But she's healthy, right, she's healthy.

But truth I love that for her.

This is an issue.

We do this all the time as people.

Right, we'll call somebody like Raving someone to say she's a widom.

You point out she's a success story, look at what she's accomplished in her life.

But to most of people that is weird though, because they've never accomplished it.

That's why when you look at the vernacular that you use, I hate, I hate using this, but I'm going to use it.

Right.

Remember when we were all in middle school.

We weren't all in the same class, right, We weren't on the same class.

Some of us were in regular class, some of us were in astral alert, and some of us was in special A give the talented, give and talented.

Social media for everybody the same app.

So now time you look, you're looking at people who's just like, dang, what the fuck are they talking about?

Who's like vernacular?

I got.

It's like the playing fieldings level, but it really ain't.

They aren't supposed to be.

We are supposed to be talking.

To y'all, right, but we also talking to people who don't know how to spell y'all and don't know where to put.

The who don't know the difference between there, there and there and two.

As much as we think we educated, there's people watching us thinking like them niggas don't know what the and you were rare enough to realize that, you start to realize like that.

But you know what, I think we do a good job.

Well, I can't say we.

I'll speak for me.

I'll do a good job of staying in my place though when somebody is talking and then and then I know where to correct them because I know the facts I'll be like okay, but when somebody is talking, I'm like, okay, I let them talk because I'm not educated on it.

I'm glad you said that, you know why to Valini.

Just like once we rebranded the podcast, we started a new segment called op or no I opinion or no Opinions, And what we were trying to get going was exactly what it's okay to not have an opinion on something just because there's a story that went out about I was you know, anyone did anything.

I guess he's a bad example because these in the news now a lot, but.

Just sat example, I was like, I got some sad.

But just there's random things that pop up sometimes and be like, well what do you think about this?

Is that and the third and it's like I'm not equipped to even have an opinion because I don't know all the facts.

I don't know these people personally.

I don't know what has been infiltrated into the story that's just not true.

Right now, there is a story going around about me that I have breast cancer.

Yes, seriously, I've had people calling my father from Saint Vincent, my aunts and uncle's like oh my god, what's going on, nobody said anything.

Someone literally just falsified an entire article and it's all over faceing.

And created a whole page.

A whole story.

This is why I said, social.

Media people are in my DM sending me healing prayers, remedies, all sorts of stuff, doctor savvy books, go alkaline, go to Honduras, and I'm like, it's not even true.

So first of all, I rebuke that, yes, you know, in Jesus name, And there's also people who are really dealing with this nasty illness, like why would you make something else like that?

So that just goes to show that there's just people making.

It up right, And and that's why I said, we talked about like Mark lamont Hill one other week.

But if I'm sitting here talking to like Angela RAI, I want cook let her do a thing because there's a certain there's a field that she is education and she knows you don't have to debate and argue down with everybody.

Now I'm not saying that, you know, educated people can't be wrong, but there I think there's just a certain level of there's certain things that she's probably ignorant too, that I know about.

You know, that, of course, but I just think sometimes we gotta stand in our lane.

That's the fact, you know, we gotta stand our lane on a certain fact.

I agree that was a good That was a good point that now, okay, you're ready to move on because it's time.

Been waiting on.

Okay, now.

It's a little big bow wait bow about.

Okay having the ball.

He said that we were gonna love you, Down.

I don't love you too.

Having a time go ahead, okay, I wanted to I love what.

You said that like, okay, so I wanted to talk about having a six injury.

Have you ever got too freaky like too freaking somewhere you hurt yourself?

Right?

Because I have you have absolutely.

Stretch before the cramp?

Yes, I did.

I caught a cram crab.

I think you usually pulled a muscle for real, like needed like needed to have.

Oh god, uh see, I will say to Down, I.

More recently have been working on our flexibility and movement because you know, sometimes when you reach a certain age, you need to have a little more oil in your coil.

As you would say back in the Islands.

You know, you remember the ten man or you had to go with the little the oil and you had to go and look.

So we definitely have been working on that.

And the funny thing is we were on tour last year for our podcast.

We did this big Love against the World tour and a bunch of different cities, sold out shows and whatnot, and Deval came up with the idea of us dancing and performing doing a spoof off of Usher's tour and Beyonce's tour because maybe I was on tour with Sist like I went to Sweden, I went to Atlanta, I went to all the shows rightwhere I was everywhere.

Honey, I was on tour with be she could say, know it.

But so after being so inspired by those shows, we went and saw Chris Brown.

We saw a bunch of He was like, yo, I think we could do it, Like you have dancing background and I can dance.

Like we should just do a whole choreography routine.

So in doing that, the choreographer shout out to our boy Brian Jordan Junior.

He said, hey, you think you could do a split again.

I said, my nigga, mon nigga, I ain't gonna slit since I was like not a teen.

Yeah, so I said, I did it.

I said, let me see if I could get this joint back right.

So I started doing like my dance stretches again and all of that, and since got hell little right side split back.

Now to do the cent to one, that's still gonna require a little bit of work, but I'm saying that to say that has coming very handy as of late in the bedroom because it's.

Been like he's just like like, yo, your hips be a little more open.

You know, even him too, it's just like, you know, its just allow gy Gindy.

That's that's.

That's too young.

And about the Malvin, oh my god.

You know what I'm saying.

You gotta head, as I know it, and it's stamina, Oh my god.

But we definitely had moments.

Burd's just like, damn bait, you gotta let the lake down, honey, because you're catching a little cramp.

Oh.

I had to learn it the hard way.

And I actually started stretching to like about two years ago.

I downloaded this app.

I don'm gonna say the name of the app because they paid for it, but I downloaded this app and you do like ten fifteen minute stretches every morning, and you can even decide like, Okay, I want to be able to do the front slits again, I want to be able to do the side or I just want to do full body stretches.

So I started back doing that after I injured myself.

And then for my thirty second birthday, remember I decided to bust the slid.

My god, I was feeling real copedy.

You No, we was at the pool.

Nobody was at the pool.

We was at the club for my birthday.

Remember that long you're talking about.

We was in the club.

I remember I didn't again the pearl dress.

I went to Florida.

Remember we went to Florida because we went to Universal Studios and we were splitting that.

Yes, we both did it, splitting the pool.

We both both double.

Wow on a Thursday afternoon.

Now, but I ain't good.

But I'm my whole dress up, y'all, But I need to sleep.

Okay, now I'm in good company, honey.

I like y'all's injuries are cute, Like, oh, I'm been stressed to see my injury.

Was not you injured yourself.

I definitely injured myself because I was like, okay, so me and the dude at the time, I was day you know.

It was like a passionate night.

Yeah, oysters, I'm trinking wine.

It was about that time.

So you know how you just have a moment where y'all just start like passionately kissing.

You know, we're just doing all this, so we're like.

Tossing and turning and kissing, and then he like turns me around, like throws me on the bed.

But when I he threw me on the bed, I stub my toe.

That's who now lifted.

And I'm still trying to throw it back.

Was it the ton No, it was it was my second.

The second.

On top of that, my feet already up in the bit, so I'm already trying to hide them.

He didn't care.

He didn't They had already seen them.

Shut my back, and I'm like, that's art.

It was a bad You said, what did you get inded on time?

Like I was literally like hobbling the next day.

If you need a workers compensation, all the things, Paul at y'all.

It was so bad, y'all.

I was so embarrassed.

But like the whole time, because have y'all well, obviously y'all have it because y'all have been comfortable each other, but when you're having sex with somebody and you are in that at beginning stage is the first time y'all messing around.

You're trying to turn it up, and you don't show out like neither my toenail it all.

He wouldn't have cared that had been rough.

He wouldn't and I'm sure he wasn't concerned about no to.

He wouldn't be started about my toe.

He was not give a damn you did.

You were doing what needed to be done on my back.

I'm just looking at my toe.

I'm like, please, don't fallow head, just dangling.

He wouldn't feel like, oh I am so sis trying to get that toenail up out of out.

He wouldn't.

Your feet up and your tonail follows in his eyes like whoa, what was that that fell in my wig?

Gus, Let me tell you something.

He wouldn't have cared that toenail could have felt on his eye.

He'd have been like, what is this?

Made no difference they take me to the It was you know, I give out.

I get a crylic on my toe.

So at the time it hurt, But it was the acrylic that I wasn't But the whole time my legs there, I think that is falling off.

They're still worried about the ton nail.

You didn't you didn't even have feet.

I was in pain.

That was the point.

Don't not that you don't even have to have the I'm gonna be honest.

We had a friend that had an amputee.

They got porn.

We had a fight with an amputee, and he was just like Yo, I didn't care about the ampute I took the ship off.

It was just like porn.

Unbuckled the joint.

Leg on the side of the too.

Realize man chicks me throwing it back with one leg.

Okay, imagine you imagine you only got one leg and you could throw it back on the nigga make him.

I'm matter that you're talking about.

I didn't know.

It's just a casual true.

True, they don't even have but that don't have the sugars.

No topic.

We got to talk about black hell.

I know what.

I know that ain't stopping letting.

That's a fact.

Don't stop.

Is she eating good?

To ask fat?

True as fact, she could throw it back.

Is the booty still fat?

Is the question?

So y'all let us know in the comments.

What sex injuries, y'all.

I don't want to hear that sex injuries.

I want to hear that.

Yeah, we haven't had anything to major.

We just need.

Movement.

Little plotis yoga, so now you don't end up in the e R.

Have y'all ever seen that?

Used to be a show on t o C.

Sex in the e R.

Y'all, y'all they have a little couple of movie night or series.

Hey, I'm down in the e R.

People was doing wild ship like people would end up in the e R for having.

Like right, yeah, like I think I didn't know.

It was always show around it.

But I'm.

Used to work in the ear and she used to have some crazy stories.

Let me ask a question.

It's like, damn, I hope I don't never be there, horny.

How many black people was on that show?

You know what?

Not a lot of us.

We know who was on the show.

It was something though you would be surprised it was probably more of us, you know who was.

The main star.

So now it's time to get into the bout woot the week.

It's the music that we've been listening to, Okay, So it doesn't have to be new.

It can be the old school classes that you like something new or artist that you love, anything whatever you've been jamming this week.

So I'll go first.

Okay, I need to tell y'all how pleasantly I was surprised at this artist.

She's an amazing artist.

She's got Grammy's under her belt.

She's a superstar.

Lizzo came out with a freestyle to whim women, and when I tell you, she ate it up.

And people forget that Lizo can really wrap right because Lizzo, I mean, if we're being honest, makes the music like I'm free.

I'm good right, I know her for it the music playing.

Sorry, yeah, that's aw.

Lizzo will be right period, Liz I know you're finna take that.

Let's go to the studio and collab it.

That's what Lizzo does on the trash.

But Lizzo Jesus swammy remix and rapped her asshof that she god to remind you, I'm an h Town queen.

She is from Hugh I love she was really RAPPI she was doing what needs to be done.

We gotta do this.

Listen, listen like.

When we're whammy remix them.

Okay, the list of remix.

Yes, okay, okay, this girl, we love you.

Now, come on, poor mind, sit on the couch.

Come on, period, Come on girl, listen to trail And that's so that's so crazy because my bob was gonna be this the Beato song, but I'm gonna save it for the next episode.

Okay, I've ben't listening to whim women too.

But the one with Sexy REGs, there's versions of it.

It's versions of version.

Don't let me go.

He shall being on the same accord, the one with Sexy reg I love this song.

Can't get no.

Coochie out of the queen.

You cain't get no koochie out the corner.

This on my but.

It's yeah with the TikToker.

Yeah, oh my god.

I like to remax, like, yeah, we're right here, right here.

Yeah, you gotta get we gotta get with it.

To the val.

I'm about to be so old.

If I'm being honest, I know Joey Badass represents Shout out Joey bad New York.

Yeah he did a verse because they were having these ciphers against the West Coast.

Shout out to Joey Badass for representing New York.

Baby that's what we do.

He's a lyricist man, he said.

He came in everybody and it was all it was all good, like wholesome but old school hip hop bars like no whole bars.

He did his thing.

So shout out to Kendrick.

Gonna listen to that right now.

Kill.

I was about to age myself.

No don't born.

No, no, no, not to beat.

I gonna age myself because it's crazy when I be in the gym, depending on what mood I'm in, I will put on some old school like Keith Washington and whatnot.

But what I will say, I've been bopping too lately.

And this is because it's kind of when is this gonna air after the BT Awards?

Ye?

Yeah, okay, so when you see my looks for the BET Awards, okay.

She was a fairy.

Yes, that's my And then I let it out.

Hear the song and he was just like, what the fuck is the lyrics?

I said, don't worry about it.

A fairy.

You got me, I know, because I was like, this is just stupid.

About it's a whole bob And I was like, this is my theme song the BC Awards.

So it was after I got my dress.

I had like a whole dress fiasco, but finally found this dress and I was like, oh, this is cute.

Might be a little moment.

So I said to my sister and I was like, yeah, your name.

She's like it's giving, she's a fairy.

So I'm like my whole look was inspired pretty much around that song love It's cute.

It's you know bet or you know you have a little fun, a little fun.

Yes, for sure, I love that.

Okay, So as usual Autumn of the week mused beauty collection.

What you got for because I know you got something today from us beauty.

Oh, it's about it for me.

Yes, look at you knowing my love language some mused beauty products.

Oh I love everything.

We just can't it's my skin gonna look like yours because I've been over here in my grain here you look very good.

But this is what happens.

You're like, what my amused beauty.

I'm aware they're coming away, you know, I'm I'm working on some beard oil.

Come on, beard oil.

I wear this for dress of road play nights so you'll get to experience music beauty.

Thank you so much.

Lipstuff, honey, About to go home and pack two.

She's coming with us.

She is coming with love it some blushy some jelly blushes.

Email mask Era inlight.

You know I love to support our phone, so I appreciate you.

Thank you.

Yeah, y'all.

Make sure y'all go to amuse Beauty Collection dot com absolutely and get all the things.

That you need.

So now we are going to our favorite segment of the week, Pour your heart out.

Now.

I usually ask the guests, do y'all give a good good advice?

I know, y'all, we know y'all give good advice.

Pour your Heart out is when the listeners can write in, give us a question and okay, answer it.

You know that.

If you want your questions answered on the show, make sure you email ask poor Minds at gmail dot com.

If you're a Patreon member, put that in the headline and you get to skip the line.

Okay, bro, you got the question right?

Or who got it right?

No?

Maybe maybe it's on the phone, my bad and that she did?

Did?

Go ahead?

You read you better than me?

Did you get nervous when you were in school if you had to read?

You know what?

Tom La Shawn?

Oh good because I could play characters, y'all fin to be the teachers used to be mad and whatnot?

Inflection else.

Else anybody?

Because she still do the voices and I'm not gonna stop.

So Sha, you said you made this shorter?

Okay?

Is it still?

And keep it?

Would be like keep it short, but I guess you know be short?

Okay?

Hey lex Andrea, I love y'all and how you always remind women not to settle.

I really need some big sister advice.

When my relationship started, I was still talking to another guy, not serious, but still wrong.

I owned up to it, blocked him, and have been all in ever since.

I even let my boyfriend go through my phone to prove I had nothing to hide.

I never snooped on him because I thought I could trust him.

Now I found out he's been talking to other women.

When I brought it up, he laughed, deflected, and through my past in my face.

I cried and he said I was being manipulative and needed to either leave or shut up about it.

I feel hurt, used and confused.

I've been trying to make things right and he's just been doing him with no accountability?

Is this emotional manipulation?

Should I have been left?

Thanks for always reminding us that love shouldn't mean accepting this.

Once blinded, now bothered.

I guess that's her name.

Look, the unmarried woman is not going to answer yes, go way, we'll go last.

But based off of how he responded, what would you think, bab this is.

My first thing.

We talked about this before, about ban boozling, she said.

I admit when I first started, I was talking to other people, but then I stopped.

But you stopped on your own terms.

Now she wants him to stop on her terms.

To be honest, I don't think that's fair.

You was able to stop banboozling him when you was ready.

You wasn't checking this.

You let him do all of that, all right, He may not be ready.

Here's the thing, though, if you're ready for a serious relationship and not deal with that, let him go.

If you want to keep playing games and keep playing with him.

But he just told you by his response that he's not serious about being in a relationship.

So why keep going back and forth?

Okay, you want to laugh, you want to do this, I'm gonna argue back and forth.

That's not what I'm looking for.

I showed you that I was ready to be in a committed a relationship.

I left everything, I gave you my phone, trying to give you an opportunity to do the same.

But since you don't, I'm moving on.

It's like I think she was literally like, step up to the plate.

If you're not gonna step up to the plate, then like what are we doing here?

Right?

I think too many times we just a lot of from what I'm hearing, because we have a lot of listening letters that write into us too.

And they asked the question, but I think ultimately know what the answer is.

It's like, you know what time it is, like what are you?

What's your intention?

Are you here to play games?

Or are you here to make moves?

And people tend to show you who they are.

I believe the first time.

Do you know what I'm saying?

So he bamboozling.

Since you know that and you don't want to bamboozle, move on?

I agree, you know.

And I also think if you make the decision to forgive somebody, like if somebody did something to you and you're like, Okay, I can forgive them, but we can get back together, or I cannot forgive them and I can move on with my life.

But if you choose to forgive them, you also have the responsibility.

Of not throwing that in their facts.

That is so like, oh but look what you did look like this, So why are we still talking about you know what I mean?

They throw out the receipts at that point, don't get killing.

That's a good point to me.

It sounds like he's ready to do whatever he wants to do, and he knows he has a joker.

Well, you did this first, so the men that I get caught, I could throw that, which shows you that's the type of person.

Who's playing games.

It's giving very much doing that.

Hey, I don't want to do that no more.

Yeah, I be.

Feeling like those the type of situations where he wants you to leave him alone, Like if you don't ever say nothing no more, you ain't never.

Gonna hear from him again.

So meaning like he wants you to make the decision he wants, he wants you to be the.

Want you to walk away the one because he doesn't really seem like he cared it much either way.

You know how I know he don't care because when she said I was talking to someone else, but then I stopped on show the phone and he said, Okay.

He said, game, I'm gonna show you.

Honestly, Yes, yeah, I'm saying he's gonna feel like you did it first.

So you know what it is and it's gonna be all right.

Let the people know where they can find y'all, what y'all got coming up and all.

The good stuff.

So, of course, Eli sever After is our new podcast, formerly known as dead Ass because you know, we keep it real Brooklyn, real thorough, real New York is, So Eli sever After you can find pretty much wherever you get your podcasts.

You can find me in all socials at kadeen k h A D double E N I A M so Kadeen I am and I.

Am Devo I A M D E v A l E.

And if you're listening on Apple podcast, that's where you're find absolutely.

And we have our New York Times best selling book We Over Me, that you can get pretty much wherever you get your books.

It's the counter intuitive approach to getting everything you want out of your relationship.

So we pretty much are telling our love story, not with the pillars of how you can have a successful relationship, but instead telling people about our story and how we were able to pretty much develop into the people we are today through our relationship.

So you can get that anywhere you get your books.

And I want to say I told y'all because I've been telling y'all for fucking fifteen years and my wife was a superstar.

Now you get a chance to see your first hand.

I appreciate what it looks like because you say, here, baby, you just did what I know.

Thank you personality.

I love that, and I mean, hype you up.

Don't forget to watch him on Sisters be et Zatima on b et Plus and of course Divorced Sisters coming really coming out all the baby, We're just getting started.

We love y'all down.

I'm so happy I came.

Through our first couple experience and hopefully not your last.

Like I said, like, we're not the only ones out here doing this life thing together.

You know what I'm saying.

So we select the picachus who you have on here.

But it's good to hear perspective.

Right, this was fun.

Time.

Bye, I love it and we'll see y'all next week.

Now what's our group name?

I don't know?

And the.

Have your baby period?

Baby, you don't know what you do to me between me and you a chemistry.

I don't want no one come and take your place, because the love you give can be replaced.

See no one else let me like you do.

That's why I'm out to spend my life with you.

I want to please you in any way I can.

I want to share my world.

Don't you understand?

Because your love is a one and a million, It goes on and on and on.

You give me a really good feeling.

All day long.

Your love is a one and a million.

It goes on and on and on.

You give me a really good.

Feeling all day long.

Turn me inside up, make my heart speak.

I need no one else your role I need you.

Ain't looking at me boy.

Let me love everything about you.

Your snack.

Your style is so fly.

I can't do that.

I got a question you in their shoe indeed, and.

You made me believe.

Sure, it goes on and on, and you give me a really good feeling.

Oh day, you know and all and all really fire, Oh day love.

Had a thing your bone from me?

Anything you want, and then you're so desire.

Now good.

Anything you won't from me?

Anything you want, anything unit anything you're so desired.

Yeah, we ain't that the Destiny's cousins on the on the daddy's side.

Last, my God, little worry