Hello, Welcome to the Therapy Gecko podcast.

My name is Lyle.

Thank you for joining me here.

Today.

There will be no phone calls and instead we are going to do gek mail.

For those of you who don't know what gek mail is, gek mail is a thing where people send me emails and then I read them, and sometimes I say completely insane things in response that are not helpful at all.

Sometimes I say things that are that are really helpful.

Sometimes I tap into that part of myself, and then sometimes I'm like, oh, I don't really have anything to say to that at all, and I just read it aloud for you to absorb without my commentary, because I have respect for you as a listener that I don't think you need my commentary on everything you know.

I'm honored, I'm happy to deliver you the words of the email, but I don't you don't always need to know what I think about it, because sometimes I don't think about something about everything.

You know.

I think you're insane if you have an opinion about every single thing.

Right, So I'm going to read a few emails that people have sent me, and some of them I'll have opinions about and when I do.

I'll voice those opinions and some of them I won't have opinions about.

And when I don't, I'll just go, oh, that was pretty crazy, and then I'll move on to something else.

I just drank some coffee and I'm ready.

I'm excited to talk to you for however long we do this segment for.

If you want to be one of these emails, if you want to, I mean, send one.

I think being an email would be horrible, or actually being an email would be exactly the same as being dead, because you would be unsentient.

Okay, if you want to send an email to me to read on this show, you can do.

You can send one to Therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com and I might read them.

Some of these emails are old.

Some of these emails are like sometimes someone will send me an email and I'll read it like a year later.

So that might happen to you.

But anyway, okay, let's read some emails.

Is that cool with you, guys?

I hope it's cool with you, guys, because it's what I'm about to do.

All right.

This is from I'm I think I might stop saying, uh, who they're from, because a lot of the times I say who they're from, and then the first line of the email is don't read my name, so you know I have fuck it?

Who cares?

Okay, this is from Ali subject line I like, what's wrong with me?

Hi Gek.

While listening to this podcast and hearing people talk in real life, it seems like so many people are upset or depressed about wanting human connection.

I agree with that sentiment.

It sounds like everyone is sad about not having friends or not having a romantic partner, and some of the people who do have friends or partners are upset because they're not getting what they want or need out of those people.

Basically, it seems like a common theme is that everyone is looking for more or better quality connections.

I agree with that sentiment.

After hearing so many people express these same feelings, I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me because I have never felt these feelings.

I also thought back through my life and realized I've never felt any sort of attachment or deep connection to anyone else.

Out of curiosity, I started seeing a therapist this year to figure out if something is going on with me, and to put it simple in non technical terms ter.

My brain just does not form emotional attachments to other people.

One effect of this is that I have basically no desire to interact with other people.

People have expressed feeling pity for me because of this, but I actually love it.

I feel so free.

I voluntarily spend the vast majority of my time alone, and I am so happy and content.

I do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to consider anyone else.

My emotional state is not dictated by other people.

It's self sufficient, which means I'm happy almost all the time.

That's crazy.

Hearing that most other people's emotional and mental states are highly reliant upon other people makes me feel sad for them.

I just wish other people could feel as free and happy and unburdened as I do.

I could go into more detail, but I feel like this email is already pretty long, so I'll leave it at that.

I love this podcast because I get to learn about other people's experiences of life without having to personally interact with them.

It's great.

Thanks for everything you do for us listeners, callers, and emailers.

Ali interesting, very interesting.

Yeah, I mean everyone's wired really differently.

It's kind of it's all this is kind of like the equivalent of like, you know those people who they their body has been designed to not feel pain.

You know, I don't know.

I feel like there's been like a TLC show about someone like that, where like their body is just designed to like you can punch them and you know, you can fucking take a stapler to their head and they don't care.

This is kind of like an emotional version of that.

I guess I get why.

Here's a thing is I get why people say that they're they feel sorry for you, but uh well, not wanting is the same thing as having, So if you are, like I feel bad for the people who like they are, you know, like they long for things and they don't have them.

The whole desiring is the root of suffering type thing.

But for you, I mean, if you don't even want it, it's like, wow, that's amazing.

I know.

I'm I I might.

I don't.

I'm not gonna say I envy you because I I I enjoy I don't.

I don't I enjoy wanting the things I want, and I don't feel I'm okay with accepting the pain and suffering that comes with the desire.

Like I'm okay with that, But I'm happy for you that you don't have to do that because you don't have the desire.

There's a lot of freedom in that.

There's a lot of freedom in not wanting fucking anything.

It is so much freedom if you because that's what I guess, that's what the Buddha's shit is all about.

Right as he sat under a tree and I didn't do anything, I don't don't say in the comments, don't correct me on the story of the Buddha.

I don't know.

I don't know, and I'm making my own up.

But he sits under a tree and he doesn't want anything, and he's pretty chill, and then he dies, and for him that was a great life.

For me, I would kill myself.

That'd be a horrible life to sit under a tree forever and not do anything.

But that's because I'm me, and the buddhas the Buddha, and Ali is Ali, and I don't know what it is that goes into making some people want things and making other people not want the things.

And I also, I'm not sold on the idea.

Some people would disagree with me on this and I and this I would welcome in the comments this.

I this is something I welcome a discussion about.

But I don't know if desire is like a choice, you know what I mean?

I think I think it may Maybe it's maybe it's like a choice within reason, right, because you could, Yeah, maybe it's a choice within reason, right, because like I don't know.

Maybe, like like if if you want like twenty boyfriends or girlfriends, you're like, all right, that's a lot of desire.

That's a little too much.

If you want to get your asshole eaten and eat McDonald's all day, that's a lot that's too much desire.

Scale it back.

But if you want, like, if your wants are reasonable, you want a friend, I don't know if you can choose to not want a friend.

I guess you could.

I guess you could shut it out and pretend to be the Buddha.

But then how much of you is pretending versus like, I actually don't want a thing, you know what I mean.

I'm happy for you, Ali, It's it's interesting your emotion.

You said, my emotional state is not dictated by other people.

That's very stoic.

That's very stoicism vibes.

I used to be really into stoicism.

I maybe still am to some degree.

There's parts of it that I like.

It's a strong protective veil.

I think.

Desiring nothing, Yeah, that's a big stoicism thing, Like to desire nothing.

It's a strong protective veil that you can use to protect yourself.

But then I don't know.

If you want nothing, you just kind of vaguely floats.

You're like the boot the buddh had a shitty life just sitting under a tree all day.

It's a bad life.

You know, you want to be also desiring too much?

You know, you do heroin and you die, that's a bad life.

You know you have sex with a dog, that's a bad life.

You don't want to desire too much stuff?

Uh So you know what was I gonna say?

Yeah?

Yeah, you you you you wanna you wanta do you want to be?

You want to be okay with taking it all in and being like I'm understanding that because I desire to have connections with other people and because I want whatever material thing outside of myself, I'm okay with the suffer that comes with that desire, and you just take it versus the stoic thing of like I'm just gonna not want anything, but maybe it is sto Maybe actually there's an interpretation of stoicism that goes something like, I'll I'm okay with the suffering.

I think that makes sense.

I think everything I just said made a lot of sense and was really and was really smart.

Maybe Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Ali, I think you're doing good.

I'm gonna I'm gonna read another email.

This is from David, subject line life and movies.

Hi GEK.

Recently, I started an IT internship as a twenty four year old and an office where I sit for forty hours a week.

I've listened to you sporadically for years now, but these first few weeks you've become my go to to help pass the time.

I appreciate you.

I'm writing while sitting at my desk.

Thank you, David.

I appreciate you.

Besides the internship, I enjoy smoking weed, walking around, and watching movies pretty good.

This past year, I actually lost about thirteen kilograms mostly because of this.

I would walk around until late at night while smoking, and by the time I got home again, it would be time for bed, so that would help me avoid the munchies.

You've talked about losing weight often, so if I could give any wisdom, it would be that I'm listen, David.

I know, I'm aware of the fact.

I'm aware of the fact that you're supposed to go to bed hungry or just like be too tired to eat.

Trust me, I've tried that before.

I've tried that before, But then I've also had a thing where I'm like, fuck, you know what helped me fall asleep is three thousand calories.

Another thing you have mentioned often is movies.

Have I I feel like I don't talk about I feel like I never talked about movies.

Okay, I love movies, but can honestly only watch them in a cinema because at home I tend to go on my phone because I have TikTok brain.

So I go to the cinema once a week, either alone or with a friend, to scratch that itch.

What are some of your favorite movies?

Do you have any recommendations or good recent releases.

I live close to Amsterdam, so if you ever go on tour here again, I'll try to attend.

Keep geking, David.

I love Amsterdam.

It's one of my favorite cities on the planet.

Yeah.

Oh, I'd get high if I lived in Scorgish board gin Blurgen, Netherlands.

Like this person does.

I would also get high and walk around all the time.

I'm not a movie guy.

I don't know.

I don't know where you get the movie thing from.

Uh do I recommend any movies?

What did I just watch?

I just watched the Lego movie.

That was good.

I watched the Super Mario Brothers movie.

I like cartoons.

I feel like a little boy most of the time.

I don't have the tension span for anything except cartoons.

No, I'm not a movie guy.

I don't know any movies.

If you asked me to sit here and name a hundred movies, I don't think I could do it.

Actually that no, I could probably do it.

I'm not gonna do it because I think that, uh that that maybe I'll do it at the very end.

Maybe I'll do it at the very end, so that way I can be like, Okay, this podcast is over, and I've have delivered you the hour of podcast that I somewhat promised you by you clicking on this, and then this next part of me trying to name a hundred movies is like is like it's all, It's like nothing list there's no, that's not anything.

So that's I wouldn't feel like I was wasting your time.

I would I wouldn't feel, but I feel it because if I did it, if I try to do that right now, I'd be wasting your time.

But if I put it at the very end, I'd be like, it's this is on you that you're doing this.

Okay, maybe I'll do that, or or I absolutely won't.

Okay.

This is from john subject line Christian Mingle story.

I don't know if you're familiar with Ray William Johnson.

I am, but he does a true crime podcast and he featured a Christian Mingle story on his true crime podcast.

And this lady talked to a guy for a short while on Christian Mingle.

He agreed to fly out.

She agreed to fly out and stay with him for four days.

The guy apparently said this isn't working within a few hours of her being there and said she had to leave.

So now she's stuck for four days with no place to live, and the guy has to call the cops to come make her leave.

This is all, by the way, By the way, this is a complete run on sentence.

The way that this guy's typing this.

The cops get there, she strips down naked and starts walking around the neighborhood nude.

They eventually get rid of her.

But that's my funny Christian Mingles story.

This is the worst email I've ever been sent in my life.

No offense, John, but a little bit offense.

It's a run This is a run on sentence of a story that happens to somebody else, that someone else said on their podcast.

John.

Next time, John, if you're reading this, if you're listening to this right now, next time, I swear, I swear my life.

John, Next time, just send me an email that's like today.

I went to the store and I bought a cookie and I went home and I ate it and I watched TV.

And I would appreciate that email so much more than this one, because at least that's something that happened to you, and it's nobody's and somebody's already.

This is not only do the story not happen to you, you're telling it from a podcast that already covered it.

I'd rather hear I would rather be the first podcast to cover a boring day in your life than the third one to read a run on sentence that you wrote about a thing that didn't happen to you.

So send me another E John, with just whatever happened to your day?

Because this I don't.

I try that to be mean in my in this show, but this and I don't, and I'm actually not.

I'm trying to be constructive.

But this is the worst email I've ever been sent in my entire life.

No offense, John, send me another one.

I'll read that.

Just tell me something that happened to you, all right?

This is from Dalton subject line If you read this, that'd be cool.

Hey, Gek, I've been putting off writing you for a while, but now there's no time like the present.

My name is Dalton and this is no joke.

I was literally named after Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse.

I've never seen Roadhouse?

Is it good?

And I don't only know it from like family guy.

I've always thought that's kind of funny in a Squidbillies kind of way.

Does anyone knows Squidbillies?

Squidbillies is an adult swim show that ran for about thirteen years without a single person that I've ever met in real life having also seen it.

Let me know if anyone says, I've ever seen this show.

I always wondered how it was always on when nobody seems like they watched it.

Okay, anyway, I'm going to transition phase right now, coming out of a pretty serious drug addiction, and I'm rebuilding my life from the ground up.

I just discovered you maybe a year ago, but I listened to your show a lot while I'm at work, and it makes the day more enjoyable.

Thank you, Delton.

Right now, I work at a fast food place that you said you go to semi frequently.

Really, I wish that that narrowed it down up until this week.

We sold popcorn shrimp and you said you'd never tried.

Can you guess where I work?

Oh?

Fuck?

Okay, popcorn shrimp.

It's gotta be like one of the fried chicken places Popeyes.

Does Popeyes sell popcorn shrimp?

I'm gonna guess Popeyes, dude, Okay, I went to fucking I went to Popeyes the other day.

They have a Freddy faz Bear five nights at Freddy's promotion, and I went to Popeyes at like two am, and I was like, do you have any And they have a what's the name?

What's the name of that bird character from Five Nights at Freddy's.

What's her name, Cheetah, Cherita whatever, the bird, the yellow bird lady.

They have a thing with her and it's like she it's like a cupcake.

It's fucking it's disgusting.

It's strawberry frosting on one of their biscuits and it's like a cupcake bowl cup thing.

And I was there at three am, and I was like, do you guys have one of those?

And he's like, let me check, and he goes deep in the back of the restaurant and he pulls out the last one from like a freezer and he gives it to me.

I go home, my microwave it and it was the most delicious depression meal I've ever had in my entire life.

That Chickorita is a Chickorita.

What's her fucking name?

Anyway, this anyway, I don't think it's still out.

I don't think you can still get it unless if you can't still get a fresh one by the time this airs, but maybe you can get one that they're not supposed to sell you.

I recommend it.

Okay.

I'm about to be starting school at the local tech school.

Here on January fifth for industrial maintenance, so I'm pretty excited about that.

I'm also trying to teach myself how to repair laptops.

I play guitar, and I sing in a band, and I'm preparing to grow a vegetable garden when the season arrives.

So I got a lot going on, and I'm trying to find a balance so I don't burn myself out.

I guess because I'm thirty one now and I spent so long in addiction, I feel like I'm trying to catch up, catch up to what though, right I don't know.

Ultimately, this is the best I've ever done, and I'm glad to have you in my year as part of it.

Maybe one day I'll find the courage to call in PS.

I've been listening to a lot of your old episodes and I don't know if you realize this, but your accent has changed a lot in five years.

Happy Hanukkah.

This's a nice email, Dalton.

That makes sense to me, the whole thing of trying to catch up because you feel like you lost a lot of time.

But look at you, man, Goddamn build in a fucking vegetable garden.

You're in a band, you're at a text school, you're a real guy, dude.

I love that so much.

And we get a lot of stories like this on the podcast that I love so much.

I really don't.

I really I appreciate you, Dalton.

I love it so much.

It's like that woman who went insane.

I think I called her or something.

She went in saying she was like drunk, like like cradling a bottle of vodka in the park at like two am.

And then and now her life is normal because I know what I really do feel like, I know what it's like to I've never like done like hardcore drugs or anything, but I kind of know what it's like to have a long period of your like a like a like a bender of some kind where you're like, I don't feel like a normal person, like the kind of day where like you try to save it by like talking to someone and then you're like I can't pretend like I'm not an insane person.

But then this is great.

I love it.

I really I the idea that you can be like addicted to heroin and then not be and be in like a band and have a vegetable garden that's one of the coolest I'm dead serious, it's one of the coolest things I've ever heard in my life.

And I don't know if you're dated to heroin, but whatever it was, it's called neuroplasticity is the word.

I'm gonna google this.

Let's make this a sign.

It's podcast neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is the brain's amazing, lifelong ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections, allowing it to adapt, learn new skills, recoverment from injury, and change its structure and function in response to experiences, environment and challenges.

So that's exciting.

It means there's hope.

It means biologically, our brains were designed so that if even if we fucked up a lot, we can we can get back there.

So good on you, Delton.

I'm inspired by this.

Okay.

This is from uh what the fuck?

Okay?

This is from Okay.

The heading of the email says call me Josh.

The email title is binky Fish.

Okay, Hi gak, I'm Josh.

I feel like more people should know about what I'm about to tell you.

On Sundays, I make sure to text all my family and friends that it's Binkie Fish Sunday and either an I message sticker of a fish sucking on a binkie or an entire video that is a collage of binkie fish Sunday.

I wish more people participated in Binkie Fish Sunday.

Happy Binkie Fish Sunday.

That fish is a baby?

What the fuck is this?

Okay, there's a YouTube video attached to this.

Oh, okay, Okay, that's a lot of music.

He sent me a YouTube video of a collage of fish with binkies.

And these appear to be real images they just see.

These appear to be ai manipulated or even photoshopped.

You guys remember, oh man, you guys remember on the Internet when you would see something fake and be like, is this photo shopped?

That's gone now?

Okay, he's he sent me a bunch of stickers of fish with binkies in them, and he did send this to me on a Sunday.

This is from December fourteenth.

Okay, I sent you a p I sent you a bunch of pictures of binkie fish and my dog and an airline pilot named Joe that I know irl who was featured on the hit show.

The rehearsal, shout out the rehearsal.

Okay, I remember this anyway.

I'll try to call in next time.

Only answer if you want to know more about Binkie Fish regards, Josh.

Okay, you know what that was.

I don't know how long it took me to read that email.

I think it was about three minutes.

But I don't know about you, guys.

I'm perfectly at peace with how I just spent the last three minutes of my life.

I think that was a nice thing to now know about.

It's from Maggie.

Subject line, I've moved to a small island for a job I don't want.

Hello, Gecko, my name is Maggie and I need some career advice.

Longtime listener, first time emailer.

I was wondering how to build a career in something stable that I'll enjoy all my life.

I have worked in hospitality and tourism, and coming up to the holidays, it reminds me how much I hate working in hospitality and tourism because I never get Christmas off work.

My schedules are never st and I've never stayed in a job longer than two years.

I do have a degree in art history and try to do some volunteer work in various museums to get my foot in the door, but nothing is panned out.

My brother is a manager in an office at twenty five, and I'm twenty three and never had a proper job.

I know most people hate office work, but I would like to have a steady schedule and reliable hours.

I've moved to a small island for a job in tourism that has turned out to have really inconsistent hours.

Do I go back to school?

Do I move to the city where there's more regular work?

Do I try to make this job work?

I would love to hear your thoughts about this, Okay, I'm gonna I'll be honest with you, Maggie.

I think I'm not I don't feel I really don't feel that qualified to talk about this stuff because I think that the job market in general h sucks ass that I know.

So do you go back to school?

Do you move to a city where there's more regular work?

Why did you move to an island so you want Okay, it sounds like your goal, your dream, it sounds is to just like have a normal ass job.

You just want a normal ass nine to five job, Like, that's what you want?

You want a normal ass nine to five ass job you can reliably clock in at nine, clock out at five, holidays and weekends off, live your fucking life.

You want a normal ass, middle class, white collar job.

How how does one get that?

How did your brother do it?

Ask your brother for advice?

Not me.

I don't have a I don't ask your brother for advice.

He seems like he's doing a pretty good job at it.

Do you go back to school you have a degree in art history?

I don't know.

I don't know how do people get those like regular ass jobs?

You probably want to go to a city where that hat, where that's a thing you could work out, Like a college.

They probably have a lot of shit like that.

Why don't you wait, Okay, well you have it?

Okay, I mean, I'm just gonna throw some shit at the wall here.

You haven't you have a degree in art history, Why don't you go to the alumni thing?

Like, go to go to your college's alumni network and be like, yo, how do I get a regular ass job?

And they might be able to help you.

That's what that actually is what I would do if I were you.

I would go to the alumni network and be like, Yo, what's going on in the regular ass job universe?

Ask your brother you moved to a small island.

Why did you move to a small island?

Do you like the small island?

All my life I have worked in hospitality and tourism.

I hate working in hospitality tourism because I never get Christmas off work.

Okay, yeah, sorry, I feel like I don't I feel like I didn't say anything useful about this, but uh, you know you could always you could, Uh you could become a fish.

I'm gonna stop looking at this email.

I don't think I think.

I don't think I've given I think I don't think.

I don't think I'm good at advice.

Right now, let's let's do Let's read more emails.

Subject line I just had a baby.

My dad was supposed to help with childcare but relapsed.

Hi, Gek, you can call me Polly.

Sorry if this is kind of long, but I am interested to hear your thoughts on this situation.

My dad has struggled with alcoholism for the past decade.

I'm thirty five, so this didn't fuck up my childhood or anything.

In fact, he gave me a great life, was generally supportive and involved, and even funded my higher education.

He just seemed to lose his way in his mid fifties.

His addiction affected me in a big way.

I had periods of no contact with him and have been to therapy about this issue a few times.

One of the boundaries I set with him was that if slash when I had children, he couldn't be around them if he wasn't sober.

He actually went to rehab in early twenty twenty four, at the behest of my mom and his best friend.

I was no contact with him for a good chunk of twenty twenty four, but reconnected with him later that year as he had maintained sobriety and I felt that I could let him into my life without detriment to my life.

Things were going great with our family for a while.

I got pregnant in early twenty twenty five, and my parents were overjoyed and so excited to meet our baby.

Late in my pregnancy, my dad unfortunately lost his job.

He never really admitted it, basically said he was unexpectedly starting retirement, but I suspect he was fired.

He had this job for twenty five years.

I don't really know the specifics of why he lost his job, but my mom doesn't think he was drinking on the job or anything.

My dad tried to spin it into a positive by saying that now he'd be more available to help me take care of my daughter once she arrived.

I was pretty happy about this because my dad is good with kids, and honestly, my husband and I could use all the help I can get.

I just had my kid a month ago.

She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and my husband.

My parents fell in love with her too, and they were coming to our house two to three times per week with tons of food and helped us care for the baby so we could do other work or nap.

It was awesome, and I was super happy that our family had gotten so close.

It all came crashing down last week, though.

My dad it actually outed himself and called me late at night, mumbling about his granddaughter and slurring his words.

I immediately told him he's cut off from seeing my daughter.

I told my mom, who I guess wasn't with him when he was drinking, and she searched our house and found an empty wine bottle.

I haven't talked to him since, but this shit has been pretty devastating, especially with me and my husband being in the newborn trenches and dealing with tons of sleep deprivation on top of it.

I don't really know how to proceed.

On one hand, I'm most concerned with my kid's well being in safety, and I don't want him here right now, and moving forward wouldn't allow him to be around my daughter alone.

I'm also so pissed that he relapsed in the time that I needed his help the most.

On the other hand, I'm heartbroken that our family has been so bonded for these few weeks that I didn't even know he was drinking, and I know being away from the baby is probably painful for him too.

He and my mom really love her.

Your thoughts are appreciated.

Love Polly.

Sorry this is really inappropriate to say, but this is This reminds me, maybe it's not inappropriate to say.

This reminds me of that Rick and Morty episode where you guys know exactly if you okay, do you know what I'm talking about?

Where like, uh, it's like Christmas, and like all of a sudden, like Rick starts like be He's like sober and everything, and he starts like being really nice to everyone, and then the family starts becoming like a more cohesive unit and everyone's like, wow, Rick, you really changed, and he's like, yeah, you know, I just I just realized that I love my family and I'm trying to finally do what's right and whatnot and all this stuff, and it's a great thing.

And then the family realizes that Rick has actually just been down in the basement like like doing science and drinking, and he created a clone of himself to like be a good cool guy with the family, and then the family's all pissed off.

You guys watch Rick and Morty know, Okay, Anyway, this reminded me of that.

Um yeah, that's tough.

I'm really sorry to hear that, because the well, I you know whatever.

To continue my Brick and Morty analogy, the bummer is the is that it is almost like your dad created a clone or something like that, you know, because like he he you have all this family bonding time where you think everything is okay and great and amazing, and then you fucking realize the whole time that he was still drinking.

That's tough.

That's really tough.

Hmmm, hmmm, yeah, shit, I don't know.

I mean, ah mmm, I mean it's hard to get listen.

Look, because like it's your dad's because here's the thing.

You're thirty five years old and you have a kid, and you have you have a lot to do, right, You got so much to fuck do, right, you got so much to do.

And though it hurts that your father cannot be with your kid right now, it's kind of on him, dude.

It's kind of on him.

He kind of has to get his ship together if he wants to be part of the family.

And I respect you, Polly, I do.

I respect you for holding firm yeah, not re enforcing boundaries like that.

It is fucking it's it's tough.

It's not easy.

It's emotionally difficult.

That's why that's why people don't do it.

You know, it's hard.

But yeah, it's on him, dude, because you don't want your daughter being around him while he's fucking drunk.

And it's painful that, uh, he can't, he can't be in the family, and so pay also fucking painful for you that like that almost that like the few weeks where everything was beautiful was like a lie, you know, like that episode of Rick and Morty.

But it's all he's a fucking on him dude.

Ugh, this is a bummer.

It's one of the one of the one of the one of the main bummers of life is that you're just having to accept that you can't really change the behavior of other people as much as you can just like reinforce your own boundaries around it and speak your pieces and whatnot, and then everything else is just kind of with him, you know.

So thank thanks for thanks for sharing this email.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with all this crap, but it is on him.

So don't burn yourself too much because you got ship to do.

You know, you got a family to be with.

You got a husband and a baby, and you know, tell you tell your dad he's welcome back anytime, because I'm sure that's how you feel.

He's welcome back anytime.

But he's gotta he's got to just get his shit together, you know.

And and and that unfortunately is on him as much as it sucks.

This is from Kaya.

Subject line is weed causing my anxiety?

Yes?

Okay, next email, No, I'm just kidding, Hi, Liyah, I hope you're well, I've been wondering for a while now whether my anxiety is general anxiety or weed induced.

I'm not.

I'm gonna preface this by saying I am not a therapist or a psychiatrist.

I am a I am a guy who smokes weed and is a little crazy, and so I will and so I will answer this email from that particular perspective, not the perspective of a medical professional.

Okay, I've been wondering for a while now whether my anxiety is general anxiety or weed induced.

For context, I have suffered with anxiety since before I started smoking, and I currently only smoke one gram a week.

I get spells of overthinking, crippling self doubt when I'm sober.

When I smoke, it goes away and I feel like I think more rationally once the high dies off and the anxiety returns.

I don't know whether it's the weed come down or the general anxiety returning.

Luckily, I have found that when that time of the month comes around, smoking spins me so spins me out so completely.

So in that instance, I know it's not good for me.

As a fellow overthinker and pot smoker.

What do you think, I fully reap the benefits of weed, but are they causing long term issues?

PS.

I've been listening to you for five years.

Love your content.

Thank you for the help.

Please come back to England and do a show in Bristol.

Ooh maybe I have heard Bristol's cool.

Uh well, there's nothing listen kaya.

There's nothing I can say about this email that's not gonna make me just a giant hypocrite.

There's not I can't.

I really can't answer this email without being a giant hypocrite.

If I were to answer this email by giving you advice, I would be implying that I have solved my own issues with marijuana, and I would it would it would be at my strong best to imply that by responding by giving you advice on this email.

But I guess I'll just tell you like, yeah, you know, yeah, I smoke weed and that makes me anxious and then yeah it's yes, it's a cycle, of course, it's this fucking cycle.

Yeah, you get anxious and then you spoke weed and then it comes down and then the anxiety like bounces back.

That's that's that's the whole thing with drugs.

That's why people say that like doing drugs is like borrowing happiness from the future, and then you go into like happiness debt or like a calmness debt.

Right, So that's all that's all I got for you.

I think you should go see a real psychiatrist about this.

But yeah, I mean it causes issues for me.

Sometimes it causes issues for me.

Sometimes it's nice and fun and awesome.

Would I rather be like a cool guy who meditates and takes cold showers every morning instead of getting high?

Uh?

Probably, But I'll let you know how that feels when I start doing it.

But good luck.

Kaya.

This is from Meta Hi Ghek.

My name is Meta.

It's Greek for beyond.

I'm a longtime listener of the show.

Started in twenty twenty.

I've been struggling with substance abuse, fueling it with an abundance of poor relationship related decisions.

I feel helpless and like I'm nothing more than a loser with a weird personality.

Okay, I spent two years getting to know a girl online, which was a poor decision to begin with.

I don't know if it was how I hate feeling alone or what, but the whole deal left me distraught.

Following our our repeated breaks in communication, especially since I invested so much of myself into getting to know this girl.

Okay, I'm gonna read this whole email, but I'm gonna quickly put a pin and being like, don't you know, I'll read the holy email first.

I was gonna say, I was gonna say, this sounds like it's going into a sunk cost fallacy mindset thing, but let's read the whole email.

Following this, I got into a sexual relationship with a different girl.

This time she had a boyfriend.

I had been friends with her for about a year leading up.

I knew that she was using me for the emotional and physical attention or diversity she wasn't getting from her boyfriend, which was immediately a red flag.

Time and time again reiterating that she was ruining her own relationship to retain whatever weird shit we had going on.

But all she would say is that she felt bad for me for putting me in this situation, and that her boyfriend would never know about us unless I told This left me pissed and broken, knowing that I loved this girl, but that I was the second choice, someone she could throw aside at any moment.

And that she was the one putting me in that situation, not the other way around.

However, I could see that being the case.

Ever since these relationships, if you could even call them that, I've struggled to connect with people on an intimate level, feeling like my soul has left me, which again wasn't being helped by the stupor of drugs and alcohol.

I was and still am in I've beat death time and time again, sometimes wishing I haven't, sometimes wishing I could just finish my time on this earth.

My life has been nothing but suffering.

I don't remember the last time I was happy.

From an abusive stepfather to the loss of loved ones to the loss of friends, I feel like I have nothing left.

I rely on music when I'm not high to feel in some sense complete, and other times staring at my ceiling contemplating my time on this earth.

I've come to hope death is like revisiting a childhood memory, a happy one, being in that moment.

Maybe it's a park, maybe it's just being in the living room after dinner, being happy in a moment, and then that moment passes and the next moment comes.

But that next moment is a mystery, and we can't discover that moment until we travel across that barrier holding us to this place we call home.

I've been in more relationships beyond the ones I've mentioned, However, those are the ones that stuck with me.

I feel stupid, I feel like I'm nothing, like I have nothing, and that people use me but don't really care about me.

GHEK.

I know it's a lot, and I know you don't have the answer.

I know you don't have the answers to fix my issues, but damn it, man, I love listening to your podcast and being reassured that I'm not the only fucked up, bitch made person on this face of the planet.

Thank you.

This is really random following all that tough shit.

But there was a guy a couple of years back talking about how he asks everyone he meets if they would eat his amputated leg with him if he could get a five star chef to cook it for him.

I do remember that guy.

For some reason, that stuck with me, and I sort of used it as a base philosophy for finding people like me, authentic people that can vibe with my weirdness.

Sometimes I'll ask people that question and every time I'll get hit back with some comment on how I'm fucking insane.

But whatever.

I guess maybe I just haven't found someone out there who would hypothetically eat my amputated leg with me.

Hopefully that day comes.

I'm grateful for every day I'm given because I know I should be part of a statistic right now.

Even if life is bitter, and even if I drown my problems out with shit that's gonna kill me someday, I'm happy I get to experience that one more time.

Every morning I wake up, GEK be with you.

Meta.

That was a lot.

That was a lot, But I have thoughts.

I just have to think about what my thoughts were.

I wish I could actually I wish I could actually like talk to this guy I do.

I wish I could actually talk to this guy, but I can't because it's just an email.

Hm hm hm hmmmmmm mmmmm.

Well, a lot of the I'm gonna I'm gonna pretend like I know anything right now, but the a lot of this stuff is classic meta.

I'm just gonna talk as if I'm talking to you.

A lot of this stuff is classic of like this is a guy who seems like his life is just like devoid of meaning or friendship or like just the the classic things that give life meaning, and uh, when life is devoid of meaning, Uh, it's kind of it's it's a classic because like, building meaning in your life takes a lot of fucking uh work and a lot of knowledge.

And whether you want to admit or not, uh, not a sprinkle of luck a sprinkle of luck, but also luck.

Is something that I think can be created in some ways.

So it's the classic because it's like, if your life has no fucking meaning, you can fill it easily with the giant majority, the giant swath of short term dopamine distractions that exist to us in uh twenty twenty five anywhere from you know, porn and jacking off and smoking weed to scrolling on the whatever, to you know, alcohol to heroin to whatever the fuck right because it's easier, so of course you're gonna do it.

It makes perfect sense.

But this, I mean, yeah, but this is this is a guy who's just having trouble finding like, like clearly he wants just to like what everyone else fucking wants is to be seen, to to feel like they fucking exist, to be like to be not but like not even to be chosen or maybe to be chosen, Yeah, to be chosen.

I think this guy wants to be chosen, but even before that, just to be acknowledged, you know, like yeah, when you're like a fucking weirdo and you're like, I just want to be I just want to I feel I feel so insane.

I just want to be acknowledged that exist outside of my own you know, as this person calls himself a fucked up, bitch made person on the face of this planet.

But I think if I were a meta or if I were talking to meta, and obviously this is a loaded thing, but like again, this strikes me as a guy with not a strong amount of meaning in his life, which, by the witch, is not in which it doesn't make you a loser.

It really doesn't.

It doesn't make you a loser if you feel like, oh, my life has no meaning, Like you're not a loser, like you like you really can't.

Like if you're listening to me talk right now, meta, like, it's it's okay if you don't have a meeting in your life.

I mean it's not it it's okay in the sense of like like, don't freak out.

You know, it's not it's not a reason to freak out, like when you look at your life, like when you like when you look at your life and you're like, uh shit, I don't have really that many meaningful relationships, are meaningful things to do with my life and this and that other thing.

It's really easy to freak out and then from freaking out spiral into I'm a giant piece of shit.

I should be dead, and I should I'm just gonna do a bunch of drugs and die.

It's easy to do it, but you could, but you could also meta if you're listening to me right now, you could also just like be like, Okay, I don't really have any meaning in my life, but like where am I at?

Uh?

I'm you know, like look down at your body for a second.

I have hands.

Okay, I assume you have hands.

That's pretty good.

I don't know how old you are.

I'm gonna assume you're not that old.

I'm assume you're in your twenties probably, Okay, I'm in my twenties.

I'm young.

I have a mouth, I have legs, okay, all right, where like where like where are we at, like just taking inventory for a second, take a dict, like like quit freaking out for like a second.

Just take some inventory, you know what I mean?

And be like, Okay, I have hands, I know how to write an email, I have access to the internet.

I I have an idea of what I want.

I like music, I don't and I don't.

I don't.

I only know you from this email.

But like what I like?

What you know?

I know Microsoft Excel, I like the sky.

My brain has some ability to feel happiness in some way sometimes like just take in.

So just like take take a second, take a day, take a write it down a piece of paper.

Just take inventory.

I mean like okay, uh, now that I've taken inventory of like where I'm at, who's there?

What can I?

What do I?

What can I do?

Be like all right, what can I?

What can I do with this inventory that I've that I possess something little?

Even you know, what's the Okay?

And then the part of taking inventory is like all right, well, what's out what's outside of myself that I can take inventory in?

What am I?

Am?

I am I near?

Uh?

I don't know?

Can I Can I go see a therapist?

Or can I go, Yeah, they just take a little inventory.

That's that's my main takeaway from your things.

Take a ticket instead of freaking out and and like letting your like letting yourself like a drown in your in trying to cure the fight or flight of your existence with and by the way, it's not a one and done that.

You don't you don't beat addiction by taking your inventory and then realizing you're suddenly amazingly cured because you had an epiphany.

But you just day by day, you're just taking even if I don't know what you're doing, while even when you're drunk, just take a little inventory, be like, Okay, where can I go from here?

And maybe after take it, maybe if maybe, if you for a second you stop freaking out and you take it.

I know I keep repeating it, but you're taking an inventory could potentially lead you into places where you find more meaning in life.

And then once you're finding more meaning in life, you kind of naturally gravitate more people around you, and then all of a sudden you're like, hey, I actually don't even want to do all this crap because I'm busy, So this kuy, I think that's what I got for you, man, just don't like, don't don't settle for the idea that you already know everything, because you don't.

But that's good because if you if you want to like die, and and if you both A want to die and B feel like you know everything, then yeah, that kind of sort of takes you there.

But if you want to die but you're like you, you surrender to the fact that you don't know everything, you might not want to die.

You might be like, oh, the guy could know things that make me not want to die, but I just have to surrender to the fact that I don't fucking know everything.

So takes some inventory, surrendered fact you don't know everything that you feel like you need to know to determine that you want to die.

And this, you know, calm down, hope, I hope.

I hope what I said just made sense.

I hope it made sense.

It made a lot, It made sense to me, I guess.

But I'm rooting for you, meta, I am.

Don't worry this Also this girl that you met on discord or whatever, like, it's okay, it'll be all right.

There's more people.

And also by the way, you'll find by the way, you know why I know that you you know why.

I'm sorry, I'm still on this, but you know why Meta?

You know why I think you feel like you know everything is because you're gonna find people who you can ask if they would eat uh, your amputated leg that will that would say yes, I've met I.

And if you believe that you're never gonna find those people, you think you know everything.

And you should stop thinking you know everything because it will reinforce your nihilism and that's bad.

So just so go ahead and ask one hundred thousand to more people if they would eat your leg, and someone will be down.

I guess that's what I mean.

Okay, that was meta.

We are rooting for Meta.

This is from Alejandra subject line just life, Hey, gek, things are just life And right now I'm a very wanderlust person who likes to travel and see varying ways of life and nature.

Currently, I have moved away from all of my family to a smallish town that is foggy in the mornings and the winter sun is purple red.

My husband and I moved here a year ago and it felt like we have been waiting our entire lives to be in the position we are in.

We don't have much money, but we have a place slightly bigger than the small studio we lived in four six years prior.

He is able to fulfill his dream of getting work as an artist, and I am able to fulfill mine of living in the forest.

Things have now turned for something unexpected.

My mother in law got evicted and she had to move in with us.

It was a very difficult decision for me, as my parents take very good care of themselves and always told me that I wouldn't have to worry about them when they age.

I did not even think twice that if they were ever unhoused I would take them in.

Now I'm here with my mother in law, who has lived the majority of her life in unsafe housing situations.

Her children and now myself have been paying for her rent during that time, so she has never really been entirely independent.

It has been a real strain to have her living with us because of her coping behaviors.

Our expense have increased immensely since she has moved in, and my savings have been slowly depleting because of this change.

I'm really concerned because I'm also a student, and I have always had to work full time while going to school.

This past year, I had the privilege to not only work this past year, I have had the privilege too.

I'm sorry not work and only focus on school, But now I am back to working a job I don't like, just to stay afloat.

It is really unfortunate because I mostly made this decision and hopes that my husband would be able to form a better bond with his mother ultimately help her get healthier and have an opportunity to have stable housing.

She has many mental health issues, and it is really scary to hear her say she wouldn't mind being on the streets again if she were able to have a dog or a cat with her.

She is obsessed with dogs and feels most safe with dogs because she says they protect her more than anything in the world.

Now I'm not sure what to do because she has been doing things but also not telling us the whole truth about her situation of getting medical help and stable housing opportunities.

She has a whole idea in her head that she is going to bring her dog from out of state, even if that means she ends up being homeless again again.

We live in a small space and pets are not allowed.

We have been helping her call and get her benefits and connected to a social worker, but we have little time on our hands to do much else.

We work full time, have many side gigs, and are going to school.

Anyway, just felt like sharing.

Feel free to ponder or whatever you may, Ala, Andre, this felt like the Rick and Morty lady.

I you know what some bummers the Rick and Morty lady in her email.

She wasn't the Rick and Morty lady.

I may.

I just in my head started talking about Rick and Morty, and now I have That's how I remember her.

Just the general thing of like having an older relative be you know, what's the appropriate word, a conflict in your life.

You know what I'm gonna be really, I'm gonna be honest with you.

I promised at the beginning of this email.

I promise at the beginning of reading this that I wouldn't try to give advice or ponder on things that I don't have the thing for, and I think this might be one of them.

But I appreciate you sharing this, Alejandra, and I wish you good luck, and I don't know, maybe sharing your story will be helpful to the people who are listening.

Sorry, I know it's a cop out, but I don't want to say a bunch of about some shit that I don't I don't have an answer to.

This is from Nathaniel, subject line I committed unholy actions in church.

Hello therapy Gecko.

My name is Nathaniel, and I'm wondering what you think about these actions I committed.

When I was around fifteen, I got kicked out of the house by my dad.

I wandered around and made my way to a church that was pretty close by.

I walked around and tried to open up the doors to see if one was unlocked, and it was.

I snooked around and found the main office where they probably used it as a conference room, and there was a computer hooked up to a TV.

So at this point I gave into my intrusive thoughts and I looked up porn on porn Hub, and I jacked off and busted all over the chair, did not clean it up, left the tab open on the computer, and turned the TV off.

Then I went into the church kitchen and took food and a cookie.

That's absolutely something I would have done when I was fourteen.

I'm not gonna I can't.

I can't say that wasn't that.

I can't.

I really can't say that.

That's not something I would have done when I was fourteen.

I'm twice that age now.

I wouldn't do that now.

I would not break into a church at the age of twenty eight and jack off.

I think fortunate enough fourteen year old me.

If me at fourteen years old would have definitely like broken into a church and jacked off.

But I would have cleaned it up.

I think that's my thing.

Yeah, I wouldn't have just like left come on a church chair when I was fourteen.

I would have cleaned it up at least.

But yeah, you know, it's stories like these where I'm like, yeah, I guess we all have the same existence, or or I guess fucking crazy people did.

But I mean, I hope, yeah, I hope you don't do that now.

That's probably not a good idea.

What kind of sweet treat?

He actually didn't say he took a cookie.

He said he took a sweet treat.

What kind of sweet treat was it?

Was it a cookie?

Yeah?

When I was Yeah, when I was fourteen, we would like I would like go into the fucking you know, what never mind.

Anyway, we'll save that for another episode.

Yeah, you should have cleaned up the chair.

I think cleaning up.

You gotta clean up.

It's one thing to like jerk off at church, but you gotta clean it up.

I think is important.

Leaving the tab open on the computer is pretty funny, but you gotta you should clean up the com Okay, this is from Clark.

Hello, you can call me Clark.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the amount of sexual partners a person has had and how other people view that.

I am in a relationship with an amazing woman and have been for the past two and a half years.

She is my first girlfriend and I plan to marry her.

The engagement ring is being created as you read this for her.

I am her fourth long lasting relationship.

The other guys were all pieces of shit, abusers, cheaters.

Not going to dive into those stories.

But that's her biz.

Yeah yeah, yeah, I hate even thinking about it.

This woman, the love of my life, has had sex with sexes and old caps, has had sex with and kissed these other men, these scum.

Who is to blame?

What?

Probably not important.

She's with me now and in comparison to them, I am much more attractive, more intelligent, and better off.

Why do I resent this part of her past so vehemently?

She was young, her parents never modeled what a good relationship should be like.

When I run mental simulations to see how I would have acted in the same situations, I understand why and how she made the decisions that led her to these places, and yet feelings of repulsion creep in reflexively anytime I hear or think about these things.

Why I am not an idiot, I am not shallow.

I know that these experiences she has had made her the woman I love today.

If we are to assume that all things are faded to happen, to be said, it was necessary for her to do these things, to learn and to grow.

Okay, I, okay, you know what I'm gonna I have a lot of thoughts.

I guess I'll keep reading this email because maybe I have a lot of thoughts on what the things that this guy's saying.

But I guess I will finish reading this email because maybe it will address some of my thoughts.

Okay, Am I jealous?

Maybe?

But in which way?

Jealous over the difference in sexual partners?

That sounds right, But When I dissect it, it just sounds stupid.

I don't want to go fuck other women now.

I don't really regret not having a previous girlfriend either, perhaps a little, but not enough to matter.

Is the difference in sexual partners intimidating?

Yes, to elaborate, I'll go caveman mode.

Sex is power, status, power, emotional power, experience power.

Me want to be big, strong man, strong like shield, strong like tree casting shade for a smaller plant.

Fuck, there's more than Okay, all right, I'm gonna all right, I'm gonna read the rest of this email just so I have a clear picture before I give any thoughts upon it.

Okay, it feels patronizing in a way.

Oh wait, hold on, but how can a tree be strong for a plant if the plant is bigger than the tree.

To be a man is to be powerful if your power.

If your partner is more powerful, you fail as a man.

Okay, it feels patronizing in a way.

That's just my own head doing that to me, though not real enough to be valid.

I don't even agree with this viewpoint.

The Western portrayal of manhood.

What it means to be a man lies in your actions and heart putting others before yourself, tolerating stresses and difficulty without complaint, being empathetic, But subconsciously, I think I still subscribe to society's portrayal of a man.

Okay, by that in public, I stifle actions or words that might appear unmanly.

In these scenarios, I am simply trying to maintain public image.

However inconsequential it may be, it is an inevitable act of ego to protect myself from scrutiny.

I think Heaven lies beyond this ego, a place unconforming to any individual view or ideology.

Only truth.

But truth is so subjective it's impossible to capture.

Okay, you're okay, we need this be over.

The point is I am actually jealous of my girlfriend?

Forget the point?

Is am I actually jealous of my girlfriend forgetting more play than me?

Maybe a little, But at its core, I believe it stems from how I think other people would view my situation, which I do agree is dumb, but I can't help it.

However dumb or unreasonable.

The reason emotions persist is it then wrong to feel these things?

It is wrong to act on them, but to simply thinking these things make me a bad person?

Why do I care if you think I'm a bad person?

The crux of humanity ego.

In time, I pray I do not feel these things or think these things.

I pray for my ego to cease to unbuckle me from this carousel of fate, faded to always return to the same spot, the same conclusions, no matter how far away from them you try to travel.

Uh, Clark, all right, we did it.

We got through it.

We read the whole email, we got through it.

I'm still here, you know what, Clark A, I'm really I'm not.

I'm Here's the thing about.

Here's the thing.

I'm not in the business of calling people crazy, because I'm just I'm not.

I'm not in the business of it.

Uh.

It's not my preferred way to approach people and situations.

And also, I am willing to give you this benefit of the doubts, of this kind of natural thing of being, like having a crazy thought or feeling and then going, wait, what the fuck?

Why why did I think or feel that that was fucking crazy?

I don't like this, and you're acknowledging that, and I'm hoping that these weird Okay, So let me.

All right, all right, let me let me get all this straight.

So your ex girlfriend had sex with other people before she met you, because she's h her her own human being with a life that is not inherently tied to yours.

Yeah, somethings up, man, because listen, because whatever, here's the thing, right is like this thing of like her ex boyfriends were pieces of ship or whatever, whether or not they were pieces of ship, Like why do you why do you?

Why do you care who she had sex with before you?

If you like you said I you said, brother, you said, I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman for the past two and a half years and I plan to marry her.

Why do you give a fuck?

I'm I want to I'm of course, why do you give a fuck who she slept with before you, regardless of whether they were fucking Nelson Mandela or a piece of shit?

You know, like, why do you care?

But I'm also look, I can yell, I can yell these things, but I you agree.

You've demonstrated in this email that you agree with me, So it's irrelevant for me to say these things because you're like, why do I you?

Why don't even fuck?

Why do I even fucking feel this way?

I shouldn't feel this way.

That's that's what you're telling me.

Bro, I don't know.

This is a bit, this is this is a dense one.

You you, first of all, you absolutely need to go talk to a real therapist.

Uh you talk one hundred percent heed to talk to a real therapist.

You wrote a few that you wrote who is to blame?

And it's like there's no blame.

That is not I wouldn't even ask that question.

Why does it matter?

Clark?

Clark?

Clark Clark?

Why does it matter?

Clark?

You like this lady?

You want to marry her?

Why does any Why does any like?

It's like she's cheating on you.

You know, why do the relationships that she had before you matter?

If she's fucking with you now, she is with you now.

Live in the president, Clark, live in the pre live in the present, because if you don't, you're you're gonna you But okay, all right, you know what, you know what Clark?

Okay, I figured it out.

I figured it out.

I figured it out because I figured it out, Clark, here's my answer to this.

Okay, when you have a thought, oh my god, I'm I'm about to go real therapist mode on you, Clark right now.

I think this is my solution to your ship.

Sometimes in life it's actually I agree with you, Clark.

It's perfectly natural and normal and not insane to have an insane thought or an insane feeling and then look at yourself and go, that was a crazy thought or feeling.

What the fuck?

I don't want to be thinking that.

Right, Perfectly fine, perfectly normal, happens all the time, happens to me all the time, happens to everyone listening to this all the time, no matter how hard they'll judge you.

This is a perfect and normal thing.

From there, I think the goal becomes Okay, I recognize I have this thought that I don't like, So I guess what would be within your agency is deciding whether or not you want to feed it.

Right, So you have this weird rabbit hole that you're going down where you're like like resentful and obsessed with like your ex girlfriend having sex with like these people that she says are bad and all these things right, and it doesn't matter.

It's like not remotely relevant to your individual relationship with her, and you're aware of that, so you can kind of you can decide, like it might be so okay, So it might be out of your wheelhouse to just have that thought pop up in your brain, but it's within your wheelhouse to like kind of side like, I'm just gonna not feed that, and I'm gonna take the emotional energy that I would be feeding that and direct it towards just being in this relationship with this girl in the present, right fucking now, instead of feeding the weird part of your brain that's fixated on the past.

You get what I'm saying.

So that's my that's my Gecko therapy to you is just take your brain and start feeding the present instead of the past.

I would say, uh, in time, you said in time, I pray I do not feel these things or think these things.

I pray for my ego decease.

And I get you, man, it's hard.

I'm by the way I'm the things I'm saying.

I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, because it's hard when you have a thoughts and feelings that you don't like having to not feed them.

It's reads hard the way I'm talking about it, and I'm making it sound like it's easy, but it's Uh, it's a really difficult thing.

But I think that's the only kind of fighting chance that you have against those thoughts and feelings that you don't like, is to just not feed them and and and direct your energy into something better deserving, such as your actual current experience with your relationship in the presence.

So that's what I would do, Clark.

I appreciate your honesty, but uh, yeah, try to try to feed the the good wolf, if you know what I mean.

You know that, Uh, you know that?

Fucking what's that?

What's the wolf?

You know?

The wolf?

Parable?

Hold on the parable of the two wolves.

I think about this a lot.

I think about the parable of the two wolves.

We know the parable of the two Wolves.

I'm gonna read it.

I'm gonna read the Parable of the two Wolves.

I'm gonna read the Parable of the two Wolves.

And then I'm gonna name a hundred movies.

No, I'm not gonna do that.

I'm gonna read the parable the two Wolves.

Though a young boy comes to his grandfather filled with anger at another boy who has done him an injustice.

The grandfather says to his grandson, let me tell you a story.

I too, at times have felt great hatred for those that have taken so much with no sorrow for what they do.

The grandfather says something like, I too feel hatred.

Blah blah blah.

It is as if there are two wolves inside of me.

One wolf is good and does no harm.

He lives in harmony with all those around him.

He does not take offense when offense was not intended.

He will fight when it is right to do so and in the right way.

And he is filled with love and light and all that other I'm just gonna paraphrase this.

He's filled it.

So there's a good wolf.

He has two wolves in his brain.

One wolf is like a good person and all the gain has good stuff and his understanding and empathetic and all that whatever, Okay.

And then the other wolf is filled with anger, contempt, resentment, fear, loathing, bad stuff, the stuff you're talking about in this email.

Sometimes that wolf comes out at you, okay.

And so the grandfather is talking about these two wolves to the boy, and he's like, because the wolf, the wolves are going at each other in the grandfather's brain, right, And and the Grandfather's like, it's hard to live with these two wolves inside of me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit.

And the boy asks his grandfather which wolf will win, and the grandfather says, the one that I feed.

I think I read that like ten fucking years ago or something like that, and that really it hit me.

It hit me, Clark.

So so, yeah, you have a dark wolf within you, but you have a nice wolf within you have a loving wolf within you that loves your girlfriend, wants to marry her, all these things, So pick which one you want to feed, I suppose.

And that was gek Male and that was therapy Gecko.

And I hope you enjoyed this podcast.

I hope that this was helpful or entertaining or some I hope it was.

I hope you enjoyed being I hope you enjoyed listening to this.

Thank you, Thank you for being here.

I'm trying my best in this crazy world to make podcasts and do stuff and live life and you know, just to be so thanks for listening, thanks for joining me on this journey across the email universe.

And I think that's it.

I think that's all I have to say.

I go, I go watch my I'm gonna post it on Spotify at some point.

I don't know when, but yeah, go watch my Iraq video.

I don't know by the time I released this podcast, maybe it'll already be on Spotify.

I have no idea.

Go to therapy geckotour dot com because I'm uh going on tour again.

I'm excited about that.

If you want to be if you want to be in gek mail, if you want to be in one of these emails you can go to you can email me at therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com.

I'm sorry if I was mean.

I feel like I feel like when i'm I feel like when I'm just alone in a room, it's easier for me to just be me.

I don't think I was mean.

I don't know.

I think I think I think this was good.

I think this was a good gek mail session.

I think it was I don't know.

I'm trying my best to do to do this good.

So yeah, send me an email Therapy Gecko mail at gmail dot com.

Ghak bless you all have a good rest of your entire life, and I'll see you guys around the universe.

By everyone there, repeat cant goes on the line taking your phone calls every night.

The repeat can goes doing his eye.

He's teaching you about and the liver your life, but he's not really an expert.