Do you wonder how you can have more temperance in your daily life?

Do you struggle with forgiving yourself for past mistakes?

Do you find that the current environment in the world with politics and geopolitics to be overwhelming?

And how can stoicism help with that?

Well, this episode is a QA episode, and I'll be answering those questions.

Hello, friends.

My name is Eric Cloward, and welcome to the Stoic Coffee Break.

The Stoic Coffee Break is a weekly podcast where I take aspects of Stoicism and do my best to break them down to their most important points.

I share my thoughts on philosophy, pull from ancient and modern wisdom, psychology, neuroscience, anything that I can get my hands on to help you think better, because I believe when you think better, you can live better.

So this week's episode, like I said, is a QA episode, and we're going to be answering a few questions that I've gotten from some of my listeners, as well as address a comment that one of my concerned listeners sent to me.

So let's start off with that comment.

So this is a listener who sent me a note, and the app that they used it on, unfortunately, I can't respond directly, so I'm going to address it here.

Said, Hi, I'm enjoying your podcast.

I'm just wondering if you are having trouble with your voice.

It is often clear and then sometimes it bottoms out.

And they go on to mention that they're a singer and they've had instances of laryngitis and use a speech therapist to make sure that they weren't dealing with vocal notes and to have better vocal hygiene.

So then they go on to say, anyway, speaking of self-care, it's very important to take care of your voice.

Speech therapy can be very helpful, but it was also good to have an ENT look at the vocal cords and make a diagnosis.

Perhaps you've already done this.

I hope this is acceptable feedback based on caring and my own personal experience.

So, first off, I want to say thank you for sending me that.

And yes, I know that my voice cracks sometimes and it does have that bottoming out, but it's not due to vocal nodes.

So I actually took private voice lessons when I was in high school and college, and my voice teacher in high school was one of the best in the state and worked with singers who had vocal notes.

So I'm familiar with that and helped them recover from that.

Now, in my case, it's simply that I have chronic sinusitis.

So basically, it's like I have a light cold all the time.

I'm not sure where it comes from because I only have allergies to cats and I'm not near cats at all.

I've seen plenty of doctors to see what's going on.

And basically after a while, they just kind of throw up their hands and say, well, good luck with managing the symptoms.

So with sinusitis, basically, I like I said, it's like I have a cold all the time.

So my sinuses are often inflamed, which changes the way the air flows through my sinuses and down through my throat.

And I always have a little bit of congestion going on.

So unfortunately, that's where that comes from.

I wish it weren't the case because it's kind of annoying to me.

And it's hard for me to go back and when I'm editing my podcast to hear my voice crack on different things.

But yeah.

So fortunately, it's not vocal notes, it's just a chronic sinusitis.

But thank you so much for sending that.

I appreciate your concern and your advice.

All right.

On to the first question.

How do I practice temperance in daily life?

What would be some areas where I could apply this in a more philosophical way?

So, first I want to start off with a story.

When I was about five or six, we went to a party at uh some friends of my parents, and it was a really nice house.

I remember it was a pretty, it was a pretty extravagant party.

And it was the first time that I ever had cheesecake.

And after eating dinner, I saw the cheesecake over there and I was like, oh, I'll give this a try.

And it was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted.

And I was like, what is this?

And I asked my parents, they're like, oh, this is cheesecake.

And I was so in love with cheesecake at this point.

So a little bit later in the evening, maybe about half an hour afterwards, I snuck over to the dessert table and I took another piece of cheesecake.

And this is where something very interesting happened to me.

And it made such an impression, I still remember it to this day.

That second piece of cheesecake did not taste nearly as good as the first piece of cheesecake.

And that's when I had this insight at my young age that sometimes there is too much of a good thing.

So learning how to be temperate with the things that you eat, in this case, cheesecake, was something that I learned at a very young age, that some cheesecake is good, but then you reach a point of diminishing returns where it's not as good.

And this is a lesson that we can take into our daily lives.

A little bit of cheesecake is good, a little bit too much, not so much.

So temperance means discipline as well as moderation.

So there are plenty of ways in our life that we can practice temperance.

So obviously, in health, we can eat healthy, we can not eat too much or too little, because we need to have enough fuel for our body.

We can be sparing with how much dessert that we eat.

We can also be very conscientious about how much alcohol we drink.

And in this case, sometimes no alcohol is not a bad life choice either.

With physical fitness, you don't want to overexert yourself, but you need to push yourself enough that you're actually gaining fitness and building muscle.

With work, you do what needs to be done without becoming a workaholic or burning yourself out.

With media consumption, with social media, are you doom scrolling all the time, or are you just, you know, finding those things that uplift you and spending a minimal amount of time on those?

With family and personal time, are you spending enough time with your family or are you working too much on other things and you're limiting your time with them?

When it comes to finances, are you being, it's that balance between being generous to the point of not having enough money to take care of yourself or being too greedy that you're not generous with those around you and helping out your community?

So temperance is one of the four cardinal virtues of stoicism, the others being wisdom, courage, and justice.

And temperance is what helps us to live the other virtues better.

So when it comes to wisdom, you need to know what you're smart in.

You need to know where you actually have wisdom, but you have to be humble enough to know where you're ignorant and be able to admit that ignorance so that you can go make up for those deficiencies by finding others who can help you or gaining the wisdom where you lack wisdom.

When it comes to courage, it's about being willing to take the appropriate amount of risk without being foolish or doing something stupid or being a coward and not taking any action.

When it comes to justice, it's about fairness.

It's about understanding your biases towards people you like or your bias against those that you don't like.

Oftentimes we see in politics that a good idea will come up, but is simply dismissed because of who presented it, because there's so much animosity towards one side or the other.

But let's get a little bit deeper.

What can temperance temperance tell us about our lives?

So oftentimes when we're out of balance in our lives, then there's something internally that's disruptive to us.

Maybe we're distressed and we drink too much.

Maybe we're distressed and we eat the wrong things.

Oftentimes it's because we're somehow out of balance internally, and this expresses itself in external ways.

So one of the things that we can do is we can notice when our lives are physically out of balance.

And that can be a signal that there's something internally out of balance as well.

Now, one of the things that's interesting is that if we take the time to work on balancing the things that are external to us, it can be helpful for balancing the things that are internal and that we're struggling with.

For example, if your house is a mess, then your mood isn't going to be very good either.

So making sure that your your place is tidy, that you make your bed and do things like that can help to create an environment where you feel like you have a little more control and you can work on those internal things.

So one of the things that I noticed is that when I was having stress in my marriage was that I would overeat.

And it was a way to numb some of the uncomfortable feelings I was feeling.

As they say, I was eating my feelings at that point.

And unfortunately, then I put on a lot of weight, and it really didn't help me.

And but I didn't take that as a sign that I was having all the struggle internally.

I was trying to ignore those feelings and then I was compensating by eating too much.

When I was in Amsterdam and things weren't working out, I was drinking too much because I was feeling all this stress inside, and that was my way of coping with it.

So part of this comes from uh, believe it or not, acting.

So when you're trying to get in character and acting, there are two different ways you can do it.

You can put on a costume, and that helps you feel like you are part of that character.

Um, you know, you can grow a beard, you can put the costume on, and doing so helps you to kind of see yourself as that character.

And then also taking on the characteristics.

How does this character think?

How does this character speak?

All of those types of things go to create more of a holistic approach to acting rather than just it being all internal or just putting on a costume and saying lines.

So with our lives, it's the same way.

When we're out of balance internally and we're out of balance externally, they can often be reinforcing.

So working some on your external and also working some on your internal can help you find that balance and temperance in your life.

All right, next question.

How do I forgive myself for past mistakes?

So, first off, this is something that we all struggle with because we all feel regrets about the way that we handle things in the past.

And the thing is, is if you if you don't have regrets in your life, I think that you're kind of missing out on things.

Because when you have a regret, it means that you acted in a way that you aren't proud of, that you look back on and you think, I could have done that better.

Now, the thing is the past can't be changed.

And so punishing yourself over something that cannot be changed is really kind of pointless.

It limits you from becoming your best self because you feel like you don't deserve it.

And holding on to past mistakes makes it harder for you to actually move forward.

Now, when you work on forgiving yourself, it's not about letting yourself off the hook.

It's about accepting that that's who you were at that time and you made some mistakes.

So a few things you can do is you can ask yourself some questions.

Have I done everything in my power to make up for it?

Have I stepped up and taken responsibility for my actions and my choices back then?

Have I changed my behavior?

Am I still the same person that I was back then?

Because if you're no longer that same person, then why punish yourself when you've actually made efforts to grow?

And next is, are you still punishing yourself because you feel ashamed by it?

Shame is something that's very powerful.

But shame means that you think you are a bad person rather than you made a mistake.

So understand that you did something, and if you're working to change it, you can let go of that shame.

And lastly, what are you waiting for as a sign to be forgiven?

The thing is, is that you're the one who's punishing yourself and you can change that at any moment.

Now, oftentimes what complicates this is that we try to seek forgiveness from somebody else that we've wronged.

But the thing is, is we can do everything perfectly to make up for what we've done, and they can still choose not to forgive us.

And that's their choice.

And there's nothing that you can do about that because, as you know, we can't control other people.

So the most important thing about all of this is that you need to learn from your mistakes.

Learn from that regret.

The thing is, it's already happened.

So don't waste that failure.

Mine it for the gold that it can teach of the things that it can teach you and learn from it.

Think about what you would do differently next time and use that to guide you forward.

All right, last question.

For many of us, the news and current events can cause a spiraling of emotions.

How can stoicism guide us through this?

Welcome to the world.

The world is complex and it feels like it's getting more and more chaotic every day.

We see all kinds of issues in politics and world events and the economy, and it feels like things are spiraling out of control.

And part of this spiraling out of control feels like it's it's an internal judgment because we feel powerless not to that we can't do anything about these big events that are truly outside of our control.

So the first and most important thing is acceptance.

So the Stoics have this term called amorfati, which means that you love everything that happens to you.

You you love your fate.

And the thing is, some people struggle with this because they're like, why should I be happy about all of these things?

Well, first off, these things are gonna happen anyway.

The universe is not gonna change because you don't like it.

These things are going to happen.

So you can love it or hate it, and the universe honestly doesn't care.

So why not learn to love and appreciate all of those things?

Or at the very least, accept that these are the things that are happening.

Now, the thing is that a lot of this comes from expectations.

We expect the world to be a certain way, or we expect that things will somehow return back to normal, meaning the way that they were before.

But that's never going to happen.

Things get disrupted and change and go in different directions than we would wish.

So wishing that they would somehow return to how they were before is kind of pointless.

So work on accepting things as they are and then get to work on doing the things that you can actually do about it.

So one thing to keep in mind is that it's your judgment about these things that causes the distress in you.

As Epictetus tells us, it's not events that disturb people, it's their judgments concerning them.

And it often seems like things are a lot worse because we're exposed to a lot more than we used to be.

So when I was a little kid, we had newspapers, TV, and radio.

And we had four TV stations and, you know, a number of radio stations and two newspapers in our city.

That was it.

That's how we got our news.

So the amount of news that we were exposed to was actually quite limited.

And this, I think, in a way was a lot healthier because we did find out about the important things, but we didn't find out about everything that was wrong everywhere else that, you know, that were in places that we would probably never even visit or never even know about, except on today's world, we're exposed to everything all the time, 24-7.

So, first off, ask yourself what you're paying attention to.

So the Stoics advocated guarding our impressions, meaning what we allow into our minds.

So, modern news is designed to capture attention through outrage and fear.

Social media is just one outrage machine because they find that if you are outraged about something, then you are more engaged than if you are happy about something.

And this comes from just human psychology.

We need pay attention more to the things that are scary because we feel like we need to be prepared for when something bad might happen to us.

It's always more cautious to be scared about something than it is to be optimistic about something.

Meaning, if you think that might be a lion over there, it's better to treat it as if it were a lion than be optimistic and say it's not a lion until that lion comes and eats you.

So one of the things you need to be aware of is there's a difference between being informed and being consumed by all of this.

So you need to ask yourself, is this information actionable?

Meaning, is it going to actually impact my life in some way?

And is there something I can do about it?

Does it make me a better person?

Or am I just feeding my anxiety?

So, like I said, these platforms feed off of our anxiety, and that's what gets the most clicks.

So the next thing to consider is what you have control over.

So Epictetus reminds us, what should I have ready at hand in a situation like this?

The knowledge of what is mine and what is not mine and what I can and cannot do.

The news overwhelmingly reports things that are outside of our control.

Political decisions, natural disasters, economic things, the actions of others.

The stoic distinction between what we cannot control and what we can control is crucial here.

We can't control those events, but we can control our reactions and our judgments about them, and most importantly, our own actions and how we choose to respond.

The spiral happens when we fixate on the uncontrollable while neglecting what we actually can do.

And Epictetus reminds us: always act on the principle what lies within your power is your responsibility.

When you're not taking action, when you're not doing the things that you actually can do, you're allowing yourself to become a victim and you feel helpless.

If you want things to change, then step up and take responsibility and step into the chaos and forge your own path through it.

Because we all have this fear of things we have no control over.

And so stop trying to control those things.

And a lot of that fear because we comes because we have expectations about the way that things should be.

And we resist the changes that are happening even when we have no control over them.

So when we learn to just recognize these things are going to happen, and what can we do to best be prepared and make some changes for them?

Because taking action is probably one of the best things that you can do.

You should focus on where you actually have influence in the world.

Rather than spiraling out about global events, the Stoics ask themselves, what is my role here?

What can I actually do?

This might mean volunteering in your local community.

It might mean having difficult conversations and supporting causes, or simply being more kind and generous to the people around you.

So work on ways of building your community and strengthening your connections with others.

So we really need community support in chaotic times like this.

So one of the things to consider is that the reason why human beings are the dominant species on this planet is not necessarily because of our intelligence, even though that's what everybody claims.

It's actually because we can work together.

Our cities are built because we work together.

The homes that we live in are built by many hands.

And if you're not reaching out and connecting with the people around you and finding common cause with them, you're going to be, again, feeling more and more helpless.

It's when we work together that we actually can make and effect change.

A few other things to consider in this is that sometimes things fall apart to make room for something new.

And I know this is a hard thing to accept, but societies are always changing.

Governments and nations rise and fall over millennia.

We've seen this.

And so understanding that sometimes when things get taken down, when things are broken, that means they weren't strong enough to withstand the forces that came to bear on them.

So we should use our wisdom to figure out how we can help make something new.

Think about how you can be part of the solution of building something new and better.

The last point that I want to bring up is that challenging times are there for you to practice your principles.

Being virtuous is easy when things are easy, but it's more important to be virtuous and to hold to your principles when things are hard.

If your principles are only good when things are easy, I don't really consider them principles.

And the thing is, is that when things are hard, when there's a struggle, that's when you grow the most.

That's when you are putting these principles to the test and you're strengthening those principles.

This is when you step up and you practice courage and you speak out against injustice.

You're fair-minded to everyone around you.

I know that things seem scary for a lot of people, and there are a lot of large forces that are moving in the world, and we're seeing economic decline, we're seeing us on the edge of recession, we're seeing all kinds of things that are happening, and it feels very chaotic and calamitous.

But remember, by focusing on the things that you can control, by making sure that you are strengthening the connections with those that you love and those that want to build things and make things better, then I think that we can actually help turn things around and make our future better and brighter.

That's not to say that we're not going to have challenges because we're always going to have challenges, but it's to say that these things are happening, so let's make the best of them and let's be good to each other.

And that's the end of this week's Stoic Coffee Break.

As always, be kind to others, be kind to yourself, and thanks for listening.

Also, if you haven't purchased my book, Stoicism 101, I would really appreciate it if you would.

You can find more about it at stoic.coffee.

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Thanks again for listening.