Hello listeners and welcome back to The Science of Self, where you improve your life from the inside out.

Our guest today is Sonya Figueiredo.

Thanks Russell.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be here with you.

As Russell said, I'm Sonya Figueiredo and my company's name is Mindful Transitions and I am a coach predominantly for women, and I work with professional, uh, women in corporate, in the corporate world.

tell us about Mindful Transitions, a company that you started.

Yeah, mindful Transitions was born last year.

I had essentially been a mentor for, for many years, and I woke up one morning, well, actually it was about 18 months ago, I got sick.

You know, when you run on adrenaline for such a long time and at such a fast pace, eventually your body.

If you're not listening to it, gives you a wake up call.

And mine did.

I ended up in hospital, thought I was having a heart attack.

My husband drove me at 2:00 AM in the morning to the to emergency.

Don't do it.

Always call an ambulance, but we are only five minutes down the road.

So we got to hospital and it turned out that I have atrial fibrillation, So that was my wake up call.

I literally got out of hospital, did a lot of research, and within 48 hours I had signed up to an international coaching college that's accredited, not only here in Australia, but accreditation in, in the world.

And so the work that I do, we go deep and we.

Try to focus on what is stopping someone from breaking into, you know, breaking that glass ceiling or stopping them from being consistent.

And also teach them the language of rapport that goes deeper than what most tools will give somebody.

But that's what we do.

When you're working with someone and you find out it's not just an an, and I don't wanna minimize anxiety, but when it's more than just an anxiety or an unsettlement, but you realize there is a trauma that takes a completely different direction than in the treatment or in the therapy, does it Not?

100%, yes.

All the, all the tools go out the window and we, we, and you know, it's.

The interesting thing with, so the differences between coaching and psychology, one is obviously the degree, but it's also we don't just have one methodology that we use.

And when it comes to trauma.

You know, some people think that trauma is something terrible and something physical has happened to somebody, and that obviously is one thing that can have happened.

But when you're a child and you are around about four or six, all of a sudden the conditions that could have been used with you in your child rearing, for instance, I had a detached mother.

I was born premature and for my first seven months of my life, I was in a cold, sterile environment, uh, in a humidity crib.

And so I had the fight flight instinct wired into me from the day I was born.

My mother had detachment because she couldn't hold me, and she had.

What I believe now is would've been, you know, depression and postnatal depression with that.

And so my child bringing was upbringing was, even though she loved me, the connection was very different.

from your website you mentioned, and I'm just gonna read from the website, you're fostering, helping individuals or women specifically in fostering deeper connections in all facets of life.

Paving the way for improved relationships and purpose driven living.

Is purpose the.

The, the thing you start with or the thing you move to, or is it just they're, they're all equal and you work on them at the same, like, can you clear up some of that for me please?

Yes,

sure.

Absolutely.

Like when I start with a client, of course I'm going to ask them their why.

So at the base level, it, it is about their purpose, what their why is.

But 90% of the time I'll find that why when they first came is not their actual why.

And what I mean by that is people will come with safe problems.

People will come with their external, what they project to the world, because that feels safe to them, but they won't show up with their internal problems and what's really going on.

All the things that they, they push.

Deep down or to the background and they don't want to address them.

So what I like to do is work on their relationship with themselves first, and once their relationship with, they bring themselves to a place of trust because it's actually scary to think that a lot of people who do search out coaching or counseling.

Really do not have a relationship of trust with themselves.

Everything has been done on unconscious living and they're running on autopilot, and if they're dismissing something, it's because it's bringing something up on the in themselves and they're not trusting what they will do with that.

So that's what I bring them back.

Great.

Thank you.

Um, you, you talked about briefly, uh, anchoring, is it something that can be self-learn or, or are there some things that can be picked up?

Do you offer anything, a self-study course or a self-improvement information?

Sure, absolutely.

Um, there is a 10 week course that can be done and it's sent weekly, and it is a mixture of, uh, self-based, uh, exercises, meditation, a whole mixture of things.

The, what I normally do ask though is during those 10 weeks, I will have two, one-on-one sessions with the client just to check in, see how they're going, what they need.

But, uh, there is that, that option there.

But you know, it depends on what the.

Client is actually after some people go, well, I don't have time for one-on-ones, and I just gimme the course.

Like, yeah, I'll just give you the course and that works.

And it, you know, it's what somebody needs at that point in time.

Mm-hmm.

What, what I do find is ultimately after the one-on-ones, a lot, lot of them will come back and circle back around, particularly if they want to go a bit further because I do have a, uh, science based.

Assessment that will look at it.

It, it's a series of 72 questions, and it comes up with their prominent personality, but not only their personality, also their trait.

And when that assessment comes back and we work and go through what it's showing up, what you'll find there, or what I find there is that ultimately to get back into that balance state, it can take around three sessions of one-on-ones.

So really depends on what the client is after.

I'm not into a one thing fits all.

It's all tailored.

If an individual is really struggling, how, what kind of advice would you give them to determine whether they sh what path they should take to, to find a room for improvement in their lives?

Okay, firstly, let's, uh, change the stigma.

Call it a mentor, particularly for professional men and women mentors feels safe and it has a different perspective.

The difference between a mentor and as coaches, we won't just say, you know, do this, do that.

We are going to help you get to where you need to go by helping yourself first.

You'll wake up if you are staying waking up at 3:00 AM every morning and, and staying awake for several hours if you are finding that you are disconnecting from your relationships.

And what I mean by that is if you are sitting, um, across the table from your partner and you are on your phone or they ask a question and you are not.

Leaning in and listening to them intently and making it a reciprocal two-way conversation flow.

You're probably disconnected if something is coming up for you and you keep pushing it down or you make yourself busy.

The busiest people are generally the people.

Who are running from something, and I'm not talking about being busy at work.

I'm talking about being really busy in all aspects of your life.

I can't give you the golden answer for that, but you'll know if you are constantly fighting and avoiding something, the chances are.

It's time to address it.

And yes, you can read the books.

Yes, your YouTube is the most wonderful tool that you can get on and you can look at things.

And we all have Google Doctor.

Um, you've got those available to us.

Even chat, GTP.

It's a, it's amazing what chat GTP will come up with these days, but it will only address your problem so far.

Yeah, and I've gotta tell you, even coaches have coaches.

I have several coaches that I work with for myself.

Yeah.

So you can go so far without a coach, but there comes a point in your time that I'm going, Hey, what are you losing out on?

You know, what's it going to cost you?

Maybe one session to see if it's going to work for you.

You know what?

What is the cost of not trying it versus what is the cost for you?

If you try it and it works and you know you're seeing my energy, imagine bringing this energy in whatever aspect of your life each and every day, and it doesn't feel hard anymore.

Your first statement, I think, is very powerful There.

People brag about, yeah, I found a mentor.

I'm working with a mentor, or I have a, I hired a personal coach.

But very seldom would someone come out and say, I'm going to see a therapist.

And there's no reason for that, except for societal norms or whatever we wanna put onto it as a stigma.

What, what would be top of your list if someone was looking for further information about any of the topics that we've talked about?

Oh.

Now you've got me.

Let me just get out my audible it.

It's funny, you know, I do read a lot of books and if you saw my audible list, oh my goodness.

Um, but they're constantly changing.

I think the very first one that I always went back to was, um, or Atomic Habits.

Hmm.

Yes.

Yeah.

James Clearance

Clear?

Yes.

Yeah.

Um, that was, was the first book that I always did go to.

Um, I'm sorry.

You know, I should know this off by heart.

Diary of the CEO is always a good one.

In fact, I love those podcasts as well.

Um, I, I find those insightful and it transcends both male and female.

Um.

Unlocking your boundaries.

And that's by Faith Harper.

do you have a habit stacked during a day of things that you always adhere to?

Let me tell you my morning routine.

Firstly, don't reach for your phone when you wake up in the morning.

Make yourself, make it a ritual.

Make yourself a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, whatever it is that you would normally do.

But don't go on the devices because your body actually needs to come back to a place of center after rest.

It doesn't need to be wired and switched on straight away.

So get up and start your day intentionally, you know, be that as I said, you know, you walk into the kitchen, make yourself a cup of tea, be reflective, think about what your day's going to look like, then go maybe have, have your shower or, or do a workout.

I like to start with a somatic release and I'll, I'll do a somatic meditation.

And I will start my day off with that.

And whatever comes up in the morning during my meditation session, I will then sit and reflect on that.

Journaling is a beautiful practice, but I've gotta tell you, journaling has never worked for me.

Uh, it's just I don't have the.

The patience for it because I'm constantly talking to myself.

I'm so, you know, people who have problems with addressing things.

Journaling works the best, but, um, so I, it's something I will always tell my clients to do if it works for them.

What I find works for me actually is just using the notes on my phone if I really need to get something out.

I'll just, uh, speak it.

Verbalization for me is the best way to go, but that's how I normally start my morning.

And then throughout the day I have two beautiful standard poodles and they need walking.

So, uh, they are my exercise buddies and we'll take them out for about a 40 minute walk.

And again, that's just bringing me back to center because if.

Even when in my corporate life, I found that, uh, walking meetings or walking around the lake because I wasn't very far from the lake during my lunch hour is what I needed to bring myself back to self.

Yes.

And if I didn't do those things, I am man.

And I was ready to curl up into a fetal position by the end of the day.

So I've kept those practices going, you know, getting outside, doesn't matter how cold it is, you know, um, we've got family in, in, um.

Montreal.

And you know, even when it's been minus 35 when I've been visiting, that's called, I still need to get outside for a bit because, uh, we are not, we are not wired to be indoors all the time.

That's when you get sick.

So that's my, that's my ritual.

I'll let you give it a final closing thought here and then we'll sign off for our listeners.

All right.

Closing thought to me is, and this was based on a conversation I had yesterday with a male client.

Uh, he asked me.

How to talk to his partner because she would just feel the need to, what I call data dumping, where, you know, she just shows up and she'll, she'll just go, oh, I need to talk about this.

And he is like, well, it has no concept.

And he goes, do I need to fix it?

No, you don't need to fix it.

You just need to listen.

But at the same time, what women are looking for is for men to.

Speak to and isn't that what we're all looking for?

We are looking for the conversation at how whatever level it comes up at.

A lot of men, and I'm just generalizing here, because some women, when they don't feel safe, do it too, will get to an answer really quickly and then just be done with it.

Get uncomfortable.

Get uncomfortable with your conversations.

You know, it's not that the conversation's uncomfortable, but you might be feeling a little uncomfortable when you feel uncomfortable and you start allowing yourself to talk about the things that is really going on.

Mm-hmm.

That's when the magic happens, not only in your relationships, but in in yourself.

So get uncomfortable.