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Well, welcome to the Men After God podcast. My name is Luke Sorensen and I'll be your host for today. Happy Friday for those of you that are catching this on the Friday release and for the rest of you, happy whatever day it is. I don't have Dustin with me today, so bear with me and we'll be back on schedule here shortly. We are in a unique season. I think we've mentioned it before just with schedules and trying to figure out.

different things when it comes to really aligning our schedule. And the reason that he's on on the podcast is my fault.

We scheduled it for recording at this time and we're an hour apart. I'm in Dallas and Dustin's back East and I am dyslexic when it comes to time zones. We've done this. I think I've done this five or six times where we have scheduled it. We have a time set and I am opposite of the hour. So meaning I he said 7 PM or he said 6 PM. I told him great. That means I should be ready at 5 PM. 6 PM his time 5 PM my time and I was thinking I'm starting at 7 PM. I even told my wife that I was starting

starting this recording at 7 p.m. And then on my drive home at about 5.25, I realized that Dustin's been waiting for me. That being said, worked out. I'll cover the podcast for today. He graciously let me cover it today with everything going on. And so we're gonna be talking about something today. Welcome, welcome, welcome. We're gonna continue the conversation on trauma. And I wanna give a shout out to a few. We've had several people who have messaged.

Either either just to comment and comment about the appreciation for the conversation that we're having I have had a couple of tech messages From individuals that I know across the states and I have a friend shout out to Nathan Who just he just mentioned? Hey, you know, obviously he's listening along is following along But also just mentioned his appreciation for the discussion on trauma because it's not something That a lot of us grew up talking about or hearing about now There's a part of it is culture part of it is where we grew up

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grew up in an independent Bible-led Baptist Church and to be honest we didn't call trauma trauma. I think we probably labeled it something different and I don't fault us for that but I would say it's good to have a conversation now. So now that we know we need to talk about some things statistics say that about three and a half

I'm gonna make sure I got the time right. are three and a half times more likely to die by suicide than women. And that's a heavy weight. And obviously there's different reasons for that. You could come up with any number of things you pin on that. Could be the fact that men handle things on their own and don't actually seek out help. It could be any number of reasons. But one of the reasons that came up in the study as unresolved a shame is the root...

predictor of depression, addiction, and suicide.

unresolved shame. And today we're going to be talking about lies that men believe. And I know that I've got a lot of good people out here that you're listening. Some of you are in the ministry. Some of you are faithfully serving and you walk with the Lord. And some of you are starting your walk with the Lord. And it's something that this this might be new to you. And I just want to talk to each of you. I know all of us are in different places. But I want to say this, that there are a lot of lies that I have believed.

in my life as a man of God, as someone that loves the Lord and wants to do right and wants to please the Lord in everything I say and do, there has been several times in my life where I've looked at the lies that I've told myself and realized that my behaviors were impacted by the lie. Now obviously we know that, but I want to really focus on this as we get in there. What are the lies? And from a biblical perspective, I know that we've already talked before

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I think the intro probably says something effective. Hey, we're Dustin. I are not, you know licensed Therapist or psychologist or something like that. I want to make sure it's real clear We're just we're just men after God talking to men after God and I want to talk today about shame and I know that Dustin I are going to record a different podcast on shame and how it shows up in trauma But I wanted to really talk about a different framework of shame tonight and come from a very biblical perspective On how we handle our shame and I want to talk about what shame is

I want to make sure it's real clear. Just the concept of shame, a lot of people think shame is an emotion. You think about shame and the moment I say that word you think about almost maybe fear or hiding or like if you really think what shame is, it's not an emotion.

Shame is where a lot of negative emotions come from, but shame in and of itself is not an emotion. A lot of it comes down to, like, people think of, like, guilt, and we'll talk about the concept of guilt and shame, and they think, like, hey, what is shame versus guilt? Well, guilt says I made a mistake.

And that can bring shame. You made a mistake. Like, hey, there probably should be some shame, some remorse, right? But shame says, I am the mistake. So you understand the framework. Guilt is like, I messed up. And shame says, I am a mess up. Notice how you could totally reframe and be living a life that God did not design for you based on the shame that you're going through. Now I want to talk about

where shame might come from. Like shame could be because of the guilt of what you've done. We'll talk about one of the lies. The lie number one that we'll talk about in a minute here is I am what I've done. Where we attribute our identity to what we've done. And typically in a man it's based on what I have done wrong or what I have not done right. Now not saying you can't have a life based on an identity of what you've done. There's a concept there that most people are in their minds the summation of what they have done

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Therefore, when something falls apart in their life, it becomes the identity that slays them if they don't put that on the altar of sacrifice when it comes to God.

If you've read some books, she wrote some great books on leadership. But she says that shame corrodes every part of us that believes we are capable of change. And so we're looking at shame and we might be dealing with someone who is living the day to day life as a dad, as a father, as a husband. And by the way, I know we're talking to single men. I know we're talking to maybe widowers. I know we're talking to different individuals who are listening and you don't have this framework of like, well, some people will say this is perfect family. I've got, you know, wife and and a couple of kids and I'm working.

day job. Some of us have, you you're dealing with divorce, you're dealing with the heavy weight of life.

And we look at shame and you as your individual, you get up and you start to go through your day. And what we see is the individual who gets up and they go to work and they do their work and they get paid and they provide and maybe they're taking care of their wife and they're doing the best they can in that relationship. And they're serving faithfully in church and they're giving faithfully in church and they're being a good family member, a good sibling or whatever the case are. They're doing the best. They go out to play catch with their kids and they are doing the actions, the behaviors of what they have been told is a

good father. But shame sneaks in and we don't often talk about this, hence the reason we're talking about this. Shame sneaks in is while we see this individual who's just kind of going through life and doing what they should be doing, shame comes in and shows up very differently because most of the time you think about like what are the thoughts in that man's head? What are the thoughts in your head? I think about thoughts in my head where I come home from work and I'm tired.

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And I want to take care of the needs of the family and the needs of my wife. And need to go play ball with the kids and even in the process of trying to be a good dad.

there's that little sneaky voice in the back of our heads that says, hey, I'm not the father that my kids need. I'm not enough to meet the needs of my family. I'm having to work extra hard to pay the bills, to keep up with the things that are weighing me down. I'm struggling balancing the schedule and the priorities and the date nights that were supposed to be happening. You think about these different channels that we watch where people are just...

They're just, they just have these life tips like, you schedule a date night once a month and you make a plan or once every other week, whatever it is. And some of them just, they sound really amazing. And I'm like, man, I really struggle to schedule any date nights. And it's not because I don't love my wife and want to go on a date. just, that's not my love language is scheduling things. I schedule things all day for work. I don't like schedules right now. I actually love calendars and scheduling. And I think it's important, but in my shame, oftentimes I walk in and think, man, I forgot to make my wife a priority or my kids a priority.

and I got four kids, I need to have some one-on-one time with each of them, and each of them speak different love languages, and I gotta connect with them, and by the time we're done beating ourselves up over it, shame has won because of the lies that we believe. Now I wanna make sure it's real clear, shame is not an emotion. It is the engine behind many of our negative emotions, especially for those of us that have...

complex trauma, deep trauma, deep hurt, unresolved trauma from some things in our past and most of the time it's in our upbringing where there's been times where we have been, we've been told things that we've made a truth that aren't based on truth. Let me talk about this, like we got conversations with us as a kid where you're crying because of something that hurt you deeply and someone tells you like, you're gonna be just fine. By the way, that's a truth, you are gonna be fine.

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But in the process of it, we perceived it as, need to stop crying because it's gonna be just fine. don't have a, you know, some of you have dealt with the loss of a parent or a grandparent or somebody very close to you and someone told you that it was gonna be okay. Like you're gonna be, you should be happy because that person's in heaven.

Well, I want to deal with like, yes, you should be grateful that person's in heaven and you get to see them again and that gives us hope. But that does not say that we're not supposed to grieve. But you took that as a child as no, can't show my emotions. I'm not allowed to grieve because I'm supposed to be happy. And so we swap it out and try to plug and play different things in our life that really make it complicated in how we deal with things. And eventually,

years later we haven't dealt with things appropriately and we've come to these conclusions that are not based on truth, they're based on the influence of whoever told us something. Adam and Eve in the Bible, we look at the shame in the garden. So let's talk about these lies real quick. I just want to make sure that we're on the same page. We're going to cover a couple of lies that men believe. And by the way, they're lies that every Christian believes. They're lies that non-Christians believe. Let's throw that out there. They're not of God.

And they are from the accuser of the brother and the devil is very very good at trying to make sure that you Consistently feel shame and guilt because if he can keep you in that place of shame and guilt It's very difficult to find victory when you constantly live in shame and guilt by the way all of us have shame All of us have guilt and by the way, even those narcissists who don't think they do anything wrong

part of the, that is a wall, is a coping mechanism, it is not the truth, it is still based on the shame. There's a knowledge that narcissists have, they're just very good at denying, not denying it to themselves. So, let's talk about this. Lies that we believe.

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Number one, I am what I have done. And let's talk about this in two contexts. We even go to, know, Philippians chapter three. I don't have it open with me, but Philippians chapter three and Paul, Paul or Paul the Apostle talk about his past. He's like, was this. I was awesome at all the success. And by the way, I was the persecutor of the church. He's covering two things. One is the pride in his successes and his absolute past sins. Both are not of God when it comes to both have allowed him to come to the place he's at. But both of them, both the past successes, which like, hey, of the trust.

Benjamin, was, you know, Hebrew of Hebrews. This guy was well versed in religion and had a lot of good on his, he had a stacked deck. On the flip side, he was a bad person because he was persecuting the church, he was killing Christians, he was dragging them to prison, he was consenting unto the death. Paul was not a good guy and in the end he says, hey, but all things I lost for the excellence and knowledge of Christ, and he says,

I I probably should look this up because I'm quoting the passage here and I want to make sure I get it right. And it's a really good passage that isn't in my notes in front of me. So I'm going to pull this up here because it's too good not to share. Philippians chapter three. Bear with me for just one second here. He says, Hey, brethren, I count not number verse 13 says, brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended. He's like, I have not arrived yet. I'm not there yet. But I but this one thing I do for getting those things which are behind and reaching forth to those things which are before I pressed with a mark for the prize of the high calling.

of God in Christ Jesus. Paul is very keenly pulling in the real message here and that is this, is that my identity is based on the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and who he says I am. So let's watch this, right? Adam and Eve in the garden, the Bible in Genesis chapter 3 verse 7 and 10 talks about how they cover themselves with fig leaves. We know the story. They were told not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The devil lies to them, deceives them.

The snake deceives them and ultimately Eve eats, then Adam eats, and immediately they realize they are ashamed because they're naked.

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They're realizing that, whoa, something's happened. What you notice is Adam didn't hide because God changed. He hid because shame changed how he saw himself. They immediately sew fig leaf together, but sewing fig leaves together doesn't fix shame. You're covering your shame doesn't change the fact that it's there.

And so we're talking about, hey, I am what I've done. And ultimately, because of Adam's sin, we have a need for a savior. So let's go forward, right? Shame always drives men into the trees. God always comes walking into the garden, right? So when it comes down to it, God's always gonna come looking for you. God's not done with you just because you are ashamed of what you've done. Now understand this, Adam and Eve felt shame because of their identity change. no, we.

are not the same. realize there was a tremendous change in who they were based on that they had broke.

God's commandment, God's one rule, right? Now they walk out in guilt and watch how guilt feeds into shame. Guilt says this, guilt says, made a mistake and then feeds into the shame of I am the mistake. So as we look at this, a lot of us are going to have shame in our life. And some people, some of us have shame in our life, not because of what we have done or decisions that we made. It's not like we broke, we sinned. We have shame in our life because of things that happened to us through the sin or horrible things of other people.

And some of you are walking in that being very aware of some extreme shame that has changed your identity where you say, I'm I am what I've done. And that's a lie because that's not who you are. In fact, God says this to always look for Adam. The Lord's called an atom and said unto him, where are they? God is going to come looking at the same voice that called and said, we're out there. And Eden is calling men out of hiding today. Ninety percent of men report holding on to.

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at least one failure, they believe disqualifies them from a leadership or ministry. You see, and I want to make sure you talk about this. If you're disqualified from ministry, from pastoral ministry based on different qualifications, obviously we're not talking about that today. If you're disqualified from ministry, you're disqualified from ministry. But I know a lot of great men of God who are not qualified to be the pastor of a church, but they are absolutely qualified and commanded to be a part of the church. They're commanded to be a servant

And by the way, if you look at leadership, you'll find that you cannot have leadership without service, right? Servant leadership is the only kind of leadership. So when you are going to serve in church, you say, well, I'm not qualified to lead the ministry. Well, don't lead the ministry then. But don't leave the ministry just because you're not qualified to lead it. And so step into the identity of God has provided. If you look at the story of Adam and Eve, God kills a lamb or kills an animal, right? Covers them in the clothes.

And obviously we know the story and obviously we know the rest of story. But I want to give you something here when it comes to this lie of I am what I've done. There is therefore no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. Let me say it again for those of you that are maybe in the back seat of your vehicle. don't know. Romans 8.1. There is now.

At this time, there is now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. Your identity in Christ is not your identity outside of Christ. And that's why it is crucial to make sure that your identity is in Christ. You're not like, oh, my identity is in Christ. No, are you in Christ? It is not your identity. It is Christ's identity for you. What does what does you being in him make him? I want to make sure it's real quick. We look at Micah 7 19. That will that will will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.

As far as Psalm 10312, as far as the east is from the west, what you have done in your past successes or past sins, past things that your guilt is pulling you down, God is not done with you and I promise he has forgiven those sins as well. And obviously we go back to repentance, confession of repentance, 1 John 1.9. I want to just lean into that. That verse talks about like, we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and

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lends us from all unrighteousness. We look at our lives, right? The confession of our sins brings us into a relationship with God. But there's a really cool line there. we confess our sins, he is faithful and just. Faithful says he's consistent and it's never going to stop. And the just part is implying that he can't not forgive our sins. Why? Because Jesus died on the cross for our sins and we are covered. He has paid the price. So when it talks about the just, like we talk, you know, an attribute of God, like, well, he's just, so he's going to forgive us our sins. No,

Just because Jesus died for our sins, would be unjust for him not to forgive us for our sins. Not because of us, but because of who Jesus is in our life where he has paid the price. So I want to just lean into this. Adam's shame did not stop God from seeking him. It only stopped Adam from seeking God. Your sin may explain you, but it does not define you. Meaning that there are things in our life that might, that's been there that we have to deal with, but that doesn't mean it defines who we are.

Listen, I want to make sure it's real clear. The cross doesn't cancel sinners. It cancels sin. Your identity in Christ is not based on what you've done. It's based on what he's done. Number two. Line number two. I am what others say I am. I want to make sure it's real clear. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And you have a tongue and you need to be mindful that when you're telling people who they are, when you're describing them and making it clear what you believe about them, understand that death and life are in the power of the tongue. And the Bible says, as many have received him, them gave he the power, I'm sorry, to them gave he the power to become the sons of God. I'm a child of the king. Stop hiding, child of a king.

You are a child of God, you're a son of God. Like, hey, there's so much more here. And I wanna make sure we understand in the fatherhood aspect, right? As much as we might be dealing with the echoing of what our parents poured into us. I was a very, I feel like a very blessed individual. don't have a lot of.

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when it comes to what I believe my parents may have caused me. know that there maybe there are others that would disagree with me, but for me I really feel like my parents poured a lot of love into me and I don't have negative voices of what they said to me echoing in my head. So there is, there's an aspect to this one I want dig out. So some of you have something in your head where literally everything your parents said to you that made you believe different things, whether they were true or not, when your parents stopped speaking into your life, whether they passed away or you just, they're not in your circle,

anymore, whatever the case, you still have that inner voice in your head that is basically exactly what your parents spoke into your life. Sometimes good, mostly bad.

mostly, you know, get it, get it, get it, stop crying and I'm going to give you something to cry about or guilt that they put on you for wanting or asking for things that you were asking for. And they made you feel bad about asking for it because how dare you be a selfish individual. want to play baseball and now and now you're selfish. And in your mind, you said, well, baseball is bad and doing anything for myself is bad. Well, that's a lie. That's not from the father in heaven. Right. So I want to make sure we understand this. Children with affirming fathers are 80 percent less likely to experience depression as adults. That's Barna 2021.

children with affirming fathers. Affirming father is someone who is pouring positivity and anything well you know I'm not a positive person. Well learn to be a positive person when it comes to how you speak to your kids because the voice in which you speak to your kids the voice you use with your son today will become the voice he hears when he's 40 and some of you are dealing with the voice of your parents or your guardians in your life and you're doing the same thing to your kids that your parents did to you and God bless your parents.

but your responsibility is to take responsibility for how you speak to your kids and not blame it on how your parents or guardians spoke to you. You don't get to use that as an excuse. You get to be the chain breaker.

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But you can only do that if you can identify and say, I need to change my tone. I need change my verbiage. I'm not saying we don't correct and don't hold accountable. We do that in our house. We have hard conversations. But in the process of having a hard conversation, I'm not going to make my children pick up an identity of what they did wrong versus an identity if Jesus loves them and what he's done for them and I love them and I'm there for them. I can still hold the discipline. I can still discipline accordingly and hold them accountable. But I can do that.

where I'm not using what they did or our life or my past as what identifies who they are and that voice in their head.

We're gonna talk about this, know, what others say. I want you to get this, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Hey, we talked about this, Romans 12, too, like, hey, you need to present your body as a living sacrifice. We understand this, a changed mind, a changed heart, you're dealing with trauma that's related to the mind and the heart. They're connected, right? But you have to understand, you can renew your mind. You're like, what are you talking about? Hey, well, we look in the Bible and it says, if any man be in Christ, he's a new creature. Old things are passed away, behold, all things become new. We look at,

Joshua 1-8 talking about meditation, talking about like, this book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate there in day and night that you may become prosperous, you may have good success. Some of us need success in our mind, and yet we're not meditating on the word of the Lord to get there. We're so busy distracted by every reel and podcast.

other podcast, not ours, ours is good, Real and YouTube video and different things that we're meditating on exactly what we feed our brain with, but it's not the Bible. By the way, great. I'm going to encourage you if you have not looked up and you don't know Pastor Keith Bird's song, he's down in.

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I want to say Henrietta, Texas. could be wrong there. Texas City, maybe. don't know. He's in Texas somewhere. He does a great podcast. put on actually back in 2024. It's called Side by Side and he goes through verse by verse in the Bible. Really some just just beautiful. does a great job. I listened to several of them. He's very it's very entertaining to listen to, but it's also very solid Bible stuff. So if you're needing another podcast to pick up and pick up like a Bible reading, maybe a through the year concept, I would

encourage you to go listen to Keith Birdsong podcast side by side really great thing love him dearly grew up in a circle where he came and sing in our church he's a godly godly individual in same college and just just want to recommend him my my wife and in-laws listen to him consistently and I hear all sorts of good stuff and they send me stuff all the time on on stuff I should be picking up from him so I'm gonna say that like if you need you you need another outside pouring from someone in your ears and something that you're gonna consume and meditate on

That would be a good one. But a lot of us are so aware that we need to change our thought process, but not changing what we're feeding our mind. I want to understand this when it comes to shame. you're like, hey, am I what others say I am? What do my parents say I am? What do my school teachers say I am? What do people that I respected say I am? None of that matters. Who does God say you are? Who does God say you are? We get so...

we get, let me say this, I get so, and have in the past, so distracted by what others say about me. I've been very deeply hurt because of things that have been said about me. People have lied about me and I found out about it. I've been deeply hurt. The fact that they did lie about me, what hurt deeper was that people believed it at one point and then they find out the truth. They're like, well, I didn't really believe it, but I didn't know what to believe. Well, why'd you believe that, right? Let me make sure you understand, hey, the enemy calls you by name, but God, I'm sorry, the enemy calls you by your shame.

God calls you by your name. And so just be mindful that what others spoke over you is not as powerful as what Jesus speaks to you. And your children are not going to live under the weight of your words or rise to the wings of them. You get to lift your children up in prayer and in communication. It's crucial. number three, line number three, and this is really up, man, this is really important for many of you.

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Lie number three is I am beyond repair. These are three most common lies. The lie of I am what I've done, the lie I am what others say I am, but number three is I am beyond repair. Some of you are broken and you are living broken and you are so convinced that you are broken, you're convinced that you're not enough, another lie that you're telling yourself because you are beyond repair. I wanna lean into this a little bit.

You're not too far for God to love you. God loves you in the realist version of you. A lot of times we do this thing where we have this identity of who we actually are, but over time we then put this circle around us that is the critic of who we are and who we think we should be.

And this little controller is like this little wall between our actual person of who we are, our heart and our heart, right? And then this little wall that controls and speaks to us and tells us what we should be. And it's like this constant critic of who we actually are versus the facade, the persona of who we believe we're supposed to be. And when that comes out, it comes out in shame.

And in shame, we start to try to block away different areas of us that we believe are unapproachable or are not enough or that make us failures or make us unsuccessful or make us unappealing or unlovable. A lot of shame comes from the root of the fact that you believe that you are not lovable. Not because people don't love you, but because you...

You don't know how much Jesus loves you. And if I could just say this, if you had, if you had an inkling of how much Jesus loves you and thinks about you and knows your name and knows how many hairs are on your head, whether you have a lot or a few, he knows if you had any idea of what Jesus thinks of you, your love for him and your appreciation for who God made you to be would walk out of that shame.

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in absolute confidence, not because who you are is awesome, but because who you are and him is incredible.

Let's walk to Peter real quick. Peter's in the garden at Gethsemane and the soldiers come to take away Jesus and immediately Peter pulls out his sword and cuts off the ear of a soldier. Peter is rash, confident. He is going to be the savior of the day and immediately Jesus rebukes Peter and says, stay thy sword. Those that live by the sword die by the sword. He basically was correcting all of this identity that Peter had created that there was going to be an insurrection, they were going to lead it and Jesus was going to be there.

ruler of the of the new government. He was come to be the Messiah and the Savior and his concept of the Messiah and the Savior was that Jesus was going to show up and just be the strong, strong leader and there was going to be a big war and Peter is carrying his sword because he's ready for battle and Jesus stops that whole identity. He says, no, no, no, this is not a fight for the sword. He who's going to live by the sword is going to die by the sword. Then he reaches out and heals the soldier's ear. I want you to imagine being the soldier for just a minute. Like, who is this guy that I'm arresting? Like I'm

I probably shouldn't be arresting this guy. He just healed my ear. That's a miracle and that we don't really give it credit because it's the middle of him being portrayed in the guard and getting ready to go to the cross. And we watched just earlier that night, Peter was like, Jesus, I'm never gonna deny you. I would never leave you. That's wild. And Jesus is like, hey, before the morning, before the rooster crows in the morning, you're gonna deny me three times. I'd imagine Peter's like, what? There's just no way. You gotta be kidding me. I've been here with you for three years, Jesus. And that's what you think of me? Watch this. Watch this.

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Peter denies Jesus three times.

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The Bible says that Peter wept bitterly because shame tells us tears can't change our story. Watch this. Peter denies Luke chapter 22, 61, 62. Peter denies Jesus three times. And the Bible says he wept bitterly.

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want you to watch this. Peter followed close enough to see Jesus, but far enough to stay safe. And shame thrives in half distance. You're not getting close to Jesus. And you need to be close to Jesus. Watch this. Mark chapter 16 verse 7, after the fact. Jesus is rose from the dead. He's having a conversation. He's talking to Mary and Martha in the garden.

because they've seen him alive and there's just this awe and he says, go tell the disciples and Peter. Why would he do that? Like why would Jesus specifically say, go tell the disciples and Peter? Peter was a disciple. Why wouldn't he just be included in the lump sum? And I believe Jesus was doing something.

Jesus was giving a opportunity for calling out Peter of who he was to him because Jesus wasn't done with Peter. And some of us are in a place where we've got so much guilt and you're beyond repairing. You're like, I just denied my Jesus three times. I have failed him so many times. And hold on a second. Watch this. Watch this. The enemy whispered, you denied him three times and Jesus restored him three times because Jesus asked Peter three times, do you love me?

And he changes the vernacular of, do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me, Peter? And that third time, Peter gets it. Now we watch this, we go over literally a couple chapters. Jesus is there, he goes on into heaven. Peter stands in Acts chapter two verse 14 and boldly preaches Jesus and 3,000 people get saved. The same mouth that cursed and denied Christ preached the gospel and 3,000 were saved. Shame may have silenced Peter in the courtyard, but grace gave him a microphone on the day of Pentecost.

And I want to make sure you understand the coward of the fire becomes the preacher of the fire. Meaning that hey, a lot of times we're going to be transformed in the fire of who God says we are. And Peter felt that his identity was in Christ because when Jesus came back he said, tell the disciples and Peter that I'm alive. And all that guilt and all that shame and all that remorse and all that weeping.

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didn't change the fact that when Jesus is not done with you, he's not done with you. And by the way, he's not done with you until he returns. The Bible says if any man be in Christ, he's a new creature. Old things are passed away, behold, all things become new. The Bible says in Philippians chapter one verse six, he which hath begun a good work in him, good work in you will perform it unto the day of salvation. If it doesn't feel good, then he is not done. I want to make sure you understand in Jeremiah 18 verse four, says the vessel.

It says it was marred, so he made another vessel. Hey, there's gonna be times where you're on the anvil, you're in the fire, you're being pounded out to be made into his workmanship, his art. But you're gonna have to stop lying to yourself that you're beyond repair.

I know so many individuals who I've talked to over the years that are convinced that they are broken too much, that they have too much stuff in their past. And some of it's real trauma, real, real heavy trauma, real embarrassed shame, like absolute shame of what's happened to them or maybe what they've done. And I just want to, you're not too broken for Jesus. Literally, God's attracted to a broken heart.

And you say, well, I've had a broken heart. It doesn't feel like God's there. No, no, God's there. I want to get this. Here's some things that are crucial. Shame says you're disqualified, but Jesus says you're still chosen. That was the message to Peter. Peter's like, I'm done. Jesus is done with me. Yeah, that's going to hurt so bad. By the way, Jesus knows you're here. He well, I've been stabbed in the back with my friends. And so has Jesus. His very closest friends left him to die on the cross alone.

Only his mother and John were there. Brokenness isn't the end of your story. It's the beginning of God's story. Your brokenness is not what defines you. Sometimes your message is where you've been broken. So look at your trauma. Look at your shame.

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And we'll talk about this real quick. Very quickly here, framework for breaking the lies. Identify the lie. You've got to start naming it. And I'm not going to be, it's not like name it to claim it, but think of name it to tame it. Like, hey, if I am feeling shame, a lot of it shows up in emotion. Why do I feel the shame or the guilt? What am I feeling here? I feel afraid. I feel fear. I feel sorrow. I feel anger. I feel frustration. Those are all emotions that are, that are rude.

in the shame of what happened to you or what you did. Again, guilt is based on what you did, but shame does come from guilt, right?

What you did does should make you ashamed if you've done things that are wrong, right? So make sure you get this right. Hey, the couple couple Bible verses you can't fight an enemy. This is not a Bible verse. This is just a thought here. You can't fight an enemy that you won't name. If you can't name the enemy, you can't fight the enemy. And sometimes we take our frustrations out on our kids, our relationships, on our on on all sorts of different things. might do it. Take a real vigorous walk and you're going take it out on yourself. Right. The shame does show up sometimes in self-harm and stuff like that. You say, well, I would never do that. Some of you do it in your own schedule.

self-harm. It's just not cutting yourself, right? The volume of truth must be louder than the whispers of shame. You've got to plant your feet in the truth of the Bible. So number one, identify the lie. Just really get into what is the lie. Label it, write it down, journal it, write it out. Grief needs a witness. Sometimes that witness is just you writing out saying, I feel absolute guilt and shame over ABC. I need to confess this. Not because God doesn't know what I did.

or doesn't know what I'm dealing with or doesn't know what I've labeled myself as, but because I need to put it down there to confess these things of, some of you are believing lies and it's a sin because you've re-identified yourself with those lies and that is not of God and you keep on lying to yourself and lying is a sin. That shall not lie. So you're lying to yourself because you're believing the lie and you're not changing when you know you can and you know you should. Some of you know your identity in Christ and you've denied your identity in Christ because you want to

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you know, sleep with the pigs a couple more days. Well, when you come to yourself, say, hey, I'm a child of the king.

I'm a child looking that's for every lie find two verses of truth the truth is in the word of God one identify the line number two replace with truth number three confide in a brother James five six talks about

Brotherhood, concept of being together, secrecy feeds shame, confession kills it. When you can come to a place where you can confess your shame. Now confessing shame does not mean necessarily just confessing the sin that you've committed. That's a part of it. If you've committed sin, then need to confess one to another. You need to do that, right? And confess it to God, you need to get out there. But some of you have got some shame that you need to share, not because you need to share someone else's dirty secrets, but because some of the healing that you need is going to be in bringing

to the surface. Secrecy feeds shame. Listen, listen, this is a concept here. Secrecy is shame's oxygen. Confession suffocates it. Confession brings it up. So whatever it is you're dealing with, might be time for a conversation with a biblical counselor, with a spiritual leader. Walk in new identity. Hey, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things are passed away. All things become new. You need to be able to walk out and say, hey, I am a new man in Christ. Live from your identity.

not for your identity. If I live for my identity in Christ, I'm going to walk in newness of life. I'm going to walk with the confidence of what Jesus has done for me, who he says I am, and ultimately how that's gonna show up is number four or five here, modeling it for your children. Speak life, not labels.

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Often times we label you're you're lazy. You're stupid. You're childish. You're immature. Well, they're a child. They're gonna be childish They need to be taught work ethic, but then you be modeled it. So the words you plant today become the voice your children hears tomorrow You get that you they're going to hear these things these labels if you're not careful They'll believe the labels you put on them the verses the labels that God has already put on them

so put God's label onto them. are forgiven, they are loved, they are supported, they are able to do exceeding abundance. That's God. God is able to do exceeding abundance, right? They are able to do all things through Christ which strengtheneth them. Their identity matters, but a lot of times as a parent, you give them the identity they believe. You're not necessarily giving them the identity they are, but you do give them the identity they believe because your voice is the one echoing in their ears. As we get through this, shame imprisons men, but God resurrects them.

God reconciles men irrelevant of the shame that they've been through. Whosoever believes in him shall not be ashamed. Romans 10, 11. He said, but I'm ashamed. Hey, do you believe in Jesus? Do you believe when he's done for you? Do you believe in the shed blood of Jesus Christ, in the burial, in the resurrection, the fact that Jesus walked out of that tomb knowing who you are in every sin?

that you would ever commit and every shame that you would ever carry and everything that would ever change your identity outside of him and that you would pick up instead of him and that you would choose instead of who he is. He knew that and still died for you and lives for you now. So I want to make this you say this will be done. Confess, speak truth, share with a brother and model identity to your kids because we're walking through this. There's lines that we believe.

but those lies are not of God. God has not given us the spirit of fear or the spirit of confusion. So if you say, I'm, man, I'm confused. I've got all this stuff going on I don't know what to believe. Believe what God said about you and what God said, who God said you are, because that is where we're going to find that freedom in Christ. I was talking recently to an individual who is part of the Mormon church and they're in the midst of coming out of it and I really love it. It's been kind of a beautiful transition and they're working their way through it.

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But I mentioned the freedom, I said the freedom in Christ phrase, freedom in Christ, but what we do in our behaviors, in our choices, and what was really beautiful was that stopped and they're like, wait, I've never heard that, freedom in Christ, what do mean by that?

and was able to explain the absolute freedom that we have in our identity in Christ that is based on who he is and not what we do. It's not of our works, right? For all of us in the coming short of the glory of God talking about like, for by grace you save through faith and that not of yourselves. It's a gift of God, not of works that any man should boast. And it was a beautiful thing for the light bulb moment to be like, wait, we have as a Christian, we have freedom in Christ, not bondage in Christ. And so many of us.

We have the ability to walk free, and yet every single day when we get up, we go to our handcuffs and we put them on, we put these chains on, and we carry the shame that was meant to be left at the foot of the cross. It doesn't mean we forget what happened to us. It doesn't mean that we forget what we did, but there is beauty in being able to say, I am a child of the King, and I'm going to live that way today and for the rest of my life because I have freedom.

in what Jesus has done for me and who Jesus is to me even now.

Thanks guys for listening. I appreciate you guys tuning in today. We'll be back here shortly talking about continuing our conversation on trauma and really about the behaviors that show up because of it and what we can do to really conquer the bondage of shame and trauma and some of the stuff that we've been through. So great conversation. If you have insight, we'd love to hear from you. Reach out to us on Facebook. We have the Men After God Network. We have the Men After God Podcast. I certainly would absolutely love if you guys are up for it. If you could go to the reviews and review our

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podcast. We appreciate that. really do need a few to kind of keep up and ensure that we're relevant. Get our voice out to more people, not because we want to hear our voices heard, but because we have a message that we believe is from the Lord to encourage men to walk as men after God consistently. Share this with a friend. Please reach out if you have questions. Thanks so much for your time. We'll see you next week.