A big thing I want is a man to choose me.

Hey with man like, it wasn't who I wanted, but she was who I needed.

Ill I'm gonna throw up.

Yes he has to be a virgin.

He doesn't have to be a virgin, but he does have to have done the work to unpack his time.

He's going to bring into our marriage the things that he experienced outside of our marriage, and I don't feel like I should be responsible for them.

That's not fair for me, and you can't bring those expectations into our marriage.

Do you feel like man value your virginia?

Yes?

They fantasise it, and I think it's insulting in a way.

Men want to be able to do what they do.

And then when it's time to get a wife, it was like, I want that one because she's never been with But do I want you respectfully?

We walk to Dear Future Wife podcast My homie Shaquilla Secret what I've been knowing Shaquilla for a few years now.

She has this powerful platform called the sexist Tribe.

I'm glad that she's able to come now because at first she wasn't trying to date nobody that's not sexy to be talking about not having sex.

I remember when I first saw that on my page, I said, why do they call themselves down?

That is so lame.

But even in my opinion about it, it' still didn't stop God from causing the movements.

I could have changed the name, but I think it's provocative.

Oh they proud, they have a good time, They're confident, they're hunting out with their body.

When you look at the work that's being done, you can't deny it.

The past meet if I just had five hundred plus people.

I remember coming out on this stage was like a theater, and I remember I say, y'all got to give me a minute to take this in.

But all I can do is keep giving my yes and giving God the gorgious.

It was a stage in your life where you're a virgin but didn't even desire marriage.

Why there's no rhyme or reason.

I just didn't have the desire.

Before I built the sexless tribe, me being a virgion wasn't a big part of my life.

I was just living life normally.

It wasn't a thing I thought of, like, oh, I'm a virgin.

What was the switch?

That flip?

One is when I gave my yes to God.

My yes has been heavy, the darkest of the darkness, saddest of the sad, the low of the low.

And I do that by myself.

That's where like I need my person a.

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Make sure you pick up the book now today's guests.

Man, people have been dming me for about three years telling me to get this woman on the podcast.

Y'all absolutely love her.

She's been a change agent for our culture and doing something that is against culture.

Because matter of fact, I'm not gonna spoil it.

I'm gonna let her tell you her mission, her mandate, and her call.

Weloc to Dear Future Wife, your podcast, my homie, Shakiyah.

See.

Now we've been talking about this for a while.

Have you yes, yes, yes, And I finally made it to the old couch are you ready?

Yes?

Right?

Okay, okay.

And the fact that when we first started talking about this, you didn't even live in Dallas.

No, and now you actually live here.

I'm in the area, absolutely actually.

In the area.

And so.

Have you gotten as much d MS as I've gotten about your comments?

You should be on the Dear Future Wife podcast.

Well, I don't know how many you got, but I hope it was a lot.

Shout out to the people.

I love it for this.

To the tribe.

Shout out to the tribe all day, every day.

But I've definitely gotten tags right, inqueries like why have you been on Dear Future wifey?

You should be on Dear Future Wife?

At Literaria, you should get her on their future Wife.

But I truly believe it wasn't my time.

I don't feel like it aligned right because I just wasn't in that space yet.

And I was just like, you know, whenever he sees fit in space, because you know, what's it really in these streets or anything?

You know what I mean?

I feel like that's where we intersect in my mind at least, you know what.

And you hit the nail on the head because I was talking to my fiance about that.

You were talking to who my fiance?

I do want to make sure I say that the people in the back.

So I was talking about fiance this morning.

She was like, so who because I have four episodes a day, and uh, she said, who's your first guest?

And I said Shakia.

I said, I've been knowing Shaquilla for a few years now.

She has this powerful platform called the Sexist Tribe.

And I said, I'm glad that she's able to come now because at first she wasn't trying to date nobody.

She was.

She she was very open about her her purity, saying, I'm a virgin, but didn't really desire to be getting married and dating and knowing all this stuff.

And I said, so now, I believe that she's in a good heart posture to really talk about what people are really going through.

So it's perfect, man.

And let me just clarify.

I said I was in I wasn't in the streets.

I'm still not in the streets, the dating streets.

People could people know?

You know what the streets are.

You're on the streets of gold.

I was on the sidewalks.

I was on the sidewalk sidewalks.

He was on streets of gold.

That's now, But at one time beforehand was outside of your kid.

I was shak Shakia.

You wasn't doing nothing.

So so when you said, so, okay, what's the most you've ever done?

Hold on now?

No, no, you said I was doing something whole version of.

Amen, Amen, and hallelujah for that.

But I was still doing some things I have no business doing right, So yes, I cannot fully engage, and that's great, But I was entertaining like lust, right, sensuality, and I shouldn't have been doing that, right.

I shouldn't have been arousing a man and then going on about my business, right, because then what is he about to do?

Right?

My sister walking people, you said this, she said, what that's.

What you do?

But listen.

But but let me let me just say this all right, because I know it's key, key and funny.

And I remember thinking that recently where I was like, man, you know you hear all these stories from people like, oh I was.

I was out there just play being busting and open throwing it back, and that wasn't my story, right.

But one day God really had to convict me.

Was like, yeah, you wasn't doing the most, but you still wasn't living according to my standard.

Right.

So the world may pacify and say, oh, it's it's okay, you only did a little bit, but in God's eyes and God's standard, it's still not what he wants me to be doing being holy exactly, and that's what I'm striving for, right, So I can't be caught up in a role like girl, wasn't doing nothing to you to the world standard, right, But God was like, no, but that's not my standard.

And you're talking about way back when in college.

In college when I was doing them sleepovers with with some boys.

Boys, and you were doing sleepovers, but you never went all the way.

I never went all the way.

But we was rumbling and tumbling in the sheets, right, kissing, heavy pain, and we don't need to be doing that close on all right now?

They never okay never, but again, like you know, one of the big things I said was even with Well.

The reason why I asked that because some people they stay true that their option is ernie by not having sex, but then they've done oral sex.

And so that's the reason why I want to have that conversation because they can hear you say, you know, I was out there, I was doing this, and then they'll say, okay, so she never had actual full intercourse, but she.

Did oral sex or oral sex on her.

So I just want to make sure that we may none of that.

I'm glad.

Yeah, lets I love it.

So none of that, okay, right, all holes, yeah, clothes right, okay.

And so that's what I'm saying.

So when you say certain things, people be like, okay, so she didn't do that, but she did this.

So I was on the sidewalk, not actually just but that's what people may call the sidewalk Okay, well, now sidewalk is.

Not We didn't.

It wasn't penetration.

We touched, we fondal, we you know, fingered all conversation.

I talked to my daughter none of that.

And when she was in the seventh grade, I talked to I said, hey, Militaria, you're finna leave private school and go to public school.

I'm about to talk to you about everything.

That's what I told her at twelve years old about fingering.

She was like, what is that?

I want that.

I'm telling you this is the entry point.

This is how guys get to tell to see if they can do this.

Yeah.

I taught her about oral sex.

She was like, well, why would the boy You think about a twelve year old and you're telling them about a man, I mean a boy putting their mouth on their vagina, you know.

And she's like, wow, I'm telling you it's gonna be a time where you say, ooh that feels good.

So I never tried to scare my daughter on you're gonna get pregnant, you gonna get an STD.

I said, these things are going to feel good too, and you're gonna be like, oh, this ain't so bad.

I'm not having sex, you know.

And so I gave her a real encompassing view of what sexual immorality really looked like, sound like in this.

Right, informing her the holistic totality of it on then you make a decision.

I'm gonna give you a game at the beginning, and so and so I've created a safe space for where she did come talk to me when like years later and luckily the guy became a husband or whatever.

Shout out to them.

But we talked and she was always like, Dad, thank you for always having those real conversations with me.

And when she did give up her virginity in college, she talked to me about it and said that I did and everything you said happened.

You know, we'll start having arguments about unnecessary stuff.

And it was just it's a lot of tension.

I say, yeah, Penndora's box was just open.

Yeah, little taste.

Taste.

Oh that's why I knew.

Not okay, So tell me.

Why is that important to you?

Why?

Why is your purity important?

We'll I'll say this.

I wrote a book a couple of years ago called The Decision, A Conversation on the Tempting confusing yet rewarding absentence journey.

And in it I talked about like I didn't grow up in the church, right, you know, we went on Resurrection Sunday, Christmass, you know, peek here and there.

But I didn't get my first understanding of keeping myself until marriage from church.

It really was just my environment seeing how reckless and careless people were.

You know, we're talking about like high school, some middle school, right, so they're really reckless with just.

Like you know, their engagement with sex.

And I was just like, that's not what I want.

Right.

There was on the back side of that highways, I mean not highs.

Lord, there wasn't on the side of what side of houses and side of houses using plastic bags like crazy stuff.

And I was just like, nah, I just don't want that, right.

So it was more so just like self preservation, seeing like the emotional toll that it was taken on high school girls, right, and of course like being health conscious and so it really was just preserving myself.

I'm like, she, kid, you ain't built for that.

Went to college seemed to get worse and I was like, nope, still not built for that.

And then when I just started drawing closer to God and unpacking more of his word and you know.

Getting that relationship.

I was like, man, God, you wasn't really trying to out here being like a blocker or creating a barrier.

It really is a blessing, right, And you know something I don't.

So let me listen, let me take keys to where you say this is my design.

Let me trust that you know best.

And I'm a rock with it right, And I was already there.

Without even knowing God, you had that morality.

Hey, man, it's in me right.

I want to believe that like he put it in me, He created me.

So I may not have been a where where it came from, but it was in me right.

I had that wisdom and that discerned at a young age where like this ain't right.

So your parents never talked to me.

No, No, they didn't say yay your day, and you just.

Inside, Joseph, So were you the only person in your friend group that was practicing abstinence?

Really?

And that was just internal?

It was And I said stronger And I'm laughing because.

Just thinking back at that girl, you're like, I remember being thirteen and I was in computer class and this guy that had a crush on cute little brown skinned boy with little afro.

He turned to me and I remember he said something about sex, like some about having sex.

I said, oh, no, I don't do that.

I don't even know why.

I don't know where.

That's the furthest memory that I have, like explicitly saying it, and I don't know where it came from.

Nobody in my life was talking about it.

Nobody was abstaining.

I don't know.

And in my book I said, I was like, I wish I had if I know, like standing where I know I am now, I wish I had this beautiful store, this you know, like powerful story.

But it's like I really don't know.

But now I know.

Now I have a reason that I stand on, you know what I mean.

It is my relationship with God and trusting that He knows best for me.

And that's all that matters now, which is true because I believe that God reserves and preserves remnants, and so I believe that you are a remnant in this generation to speak what you are speaking in the world where we're so far away from that.

I mean, you sound foreign.

To a lot of people.

Yeah, it's like what she's there, she goes, she won them holy rollers.

She taking this thing too seriously, you know what I'm saying.

But then also, you don't have the testimonies of all the baggage and soul ties.

Yeah, and I was gonna say even I think what intrigues more is that I didn't come from purity culture.

I know it, right, So they're like, whird, where did you get there?

Make it makes sense?

Right?

And that also that people like, Okay, well you're choosing to be you don't got to be right.

We can see that you could you.

Could ask them why make it make sense?

R?

And it gives me an opportunity to share it.

And I'm very confident in it, right, I'm not shy about it.

I'm not embarrassed.

I'm not coy about it.

And that intrigues people too, like, Okay, maybe she onto something because I don't feel like I'm missing out.

Have you found guys taking it as a challenge?

Maybe I wasn't aware of it, but I think they not.

Think I know they found out sooner rather than later, like oh, okay, she she's serious.

Serious, she really ain't doing nothing nothing.

Yeah, right, So I don't know they might have, but I showed them soon soon.

You said, you said this, it was a stage in your life where you were you're a virgin but didn't even desire marriage.

Yeah.

Why, I don't know why.

I don't know.

This has been something that people ask me for years, like older people, and they try.

To unpack it, like is there trauma and like the household you grew up in.

There's no rhyme or reason.

I just didn't have the desire, right like this is most recently, right, like just most recently.

I'm opened in my mind in the last last year and a half.

So give people you're open about your age.

Yeah, I'm thirty seven, all right, So from all the way.

Up until thirty six, you didn't desire thirty five and a half, You didn't desire marriage nothing.

You just said, I'm gonna be a virgin.

I'm gonna do the will of the Lord until I take my last breadth by.

It wasn't.

It wasn't planned out like that though.

It wasn't because also before I built the sexless tribe, me being a virgion wasn't a big part of my life.

I was just living life normally.

It wasn't a thing I thought of like, oh, I'm a virgin, but I don't get married to be a virgin.

Forever.

I was just living life, right, I was single, I was going on dates.

I agree.

Then yeah, yeah, you was going on dates.

You just want the women that ain't not nothing God would have did, so this is even better.

So have you met intentional guys when you was in desiring marriage?

Yeah?

Absolutely.

My friend's like, you always get the good guys, and.

Like, you get the best guys and you it's so annoying because you don't want to get married.

And then they were getting the guys that weren't so good and they want to be married.

So yeah, I got awesome guys.

You saw some of those guys get gone to get married.

Absolutely, So you were literally the one.

So and I always say this is always interesting because a lot of guys get accused of not being intentional.

But here these guys were dating you being intentional and you like to get married.

Well not, let's let's define dating, right, So we weren't dating like in any exclusive relationship.

Did they want that?

Yes, but I didn't want a boyfriend, so tell them that.

Yeah, they knew from the beginning.

But I think that's where it came in, where they thought they could change my mind.

They thought it was a game, right, Oh, every woman wants.

Wants to be in a relationship.

Everybody.

Everyone wants to be married.

But when I would say, hey, like I just I don't want to be in a relationship.

I'm not looking for a boyfriend.

If you want to take me out, cool, we can hang out great, but I just don't want to be in a relationship.

But after time, first guys are cool, like oh yeah, cool, we're cool, right, and then you start catching a little feeling and it's like, hey, so you you really don't And I'm like mm mmm right.

I had one guy was even mad where he was like this girl about to come to my room.

This is in college, right, this girl about to come to my room.

I was like, okay, so are you gonna like head out?

And he was like what she can?

You don't even care.

I was like, do you want me to be jealous?

Like I'm trying to.

She liked him, she was a cute girl.

She liked it her.

I'm like, why, I didn't mean to.

I want to be honest.

I'm like, you should probably put more energy into her because.

She liked him.

She did.

I'm telling you.

I was like, like, I truly like, I'm not gonna be selfish.

Right, if you're seeking to be in a relationship, choose who's choosing you.

You said, yeah, yeah, she was a little crazy about it.

I think she flatt my tires.

I think she did.

He had to pay to get my tire a place because she didn't play about him.

But no, she didn't.

Okay, she knew where his heart was.

Okay, but yeah, yes, I was very honest.

But I think you know that ego was like, oh, well, now I'm gonna try.

You know, I like her.

She gotta be having some feelings me.

And I'm like, so that whole thing was just shut off, your whole all the way up until about thirty five.

It was what was the switch that flipped?

So I I'll say a couple things i'm aware of right cause it's still happening.

I'm not one hundred percent.

I'm trying.

I'm trying to, you know, put myself out there.

But I would say one is when I gave my yes to God, right and two thousand and twenty is when I really surrender.

It was like, okay, Lord, I'm gonna start building out this stuff with absinence.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll.

Start doing it now was the birth of the sexlest tribe.

That was the birth of the sexless tribe.

And as I was doing it, this is something I said right when, because over and over this will happen with guys.

If irish kid, well, what you gonna do?

I ain't playing that, And I'm like, okay, well me neither, right, I don't want to date.

And so I was like, manski, are you like cold blooded?

Like what are you?

Are you ever gonna like somebody enough to be like, okay, let's go forth.

And I was like the moment that a god says, you know, well, I'm gonna go ahead and head out and you feel away then like I know, I'm like, okay, let's try it, right, I feel like, oh man, it's going to be a loss.

Then I'll try it.

So it was like I had to feel like I would be I guess, like gaining something.

I don't want that that sounds selfish, but like it would be valuable right in an addition, and so when I started building out the sexist tribe, that was the first time I'll give a specific example.

So I just hosted my fifth meetup experience.

Right, This was the second meetup experience, the second experience for the people that don't know what to gathering for absent and Christians all around the world.

Right, So the second meetup experience I was doing.

It was like hundreds of people, and this guy basically crashed my event.

Now I know of him, he knows of me.

We've conversed, meaning I knew a little something, right, We've conversed in the DM.

So he wound up crashing my event.

Now he was aware of this because he told somebody like, yeah, n I just came on, I know, take you out and paid time, you know.

And he did.

And he pulled up and he walked in and I seen him, and it didn't sit with me, right, So I took a moment.

I went in the back room.

I was like, Lord, like, do you want him here?

Should I press it?

But even if I want, the presidice is a big guy, right, I'm a girl's girls, I'm a woman woman, right, I understand.

So I'm like, I'm not am I about to address this like man?

You know?

So anyways, I went to the back and talked about a prayer about and I kept it moving.

I was like, she had just let it be.

And I think it was later when I reflected on it, or even in that moment.

That was the first time I felt uncovered and I felt vulnerable right where I was like, man, would he have done the same thing if a man was hosting this event?

Absolutely not right, So I felt disrespected.

I felt taken advantage of because I was a woman overseeing this event, and I was like, man, if I had a husband, he would have checked that, because my man's gonna be a man's man.

Okay, okay, so he would have checked that.

So that was the first time where I was like, ooh, I felt that right, I can feel how what was what I was missing?

And then I will say two other things.

Is me just.

You know when you when you say yes to a calling, I'll just speak myself like my yes has been heavy, has been heavy?

Yes, you're fighting culture heavy.

Right, like the darkest of the darkest, saddest of the sad, the low of the low.

And I do that by myself, by myself, right and beforehand, I just I understood now because I'm doing a lot of unpacking It's like I was always there for me, and I was okay with that, like self soothing, self.

Talk, journaling, like I didn't need anyone.

I never And it wasn't like me being cognizant of oh I don't need anyone.

It was just like I just always was there for myself.

But with this, this is a whole nother beast, right.

And so in those moments where I'm feel heavy or sad or low, that's where like I need my person, right, that person I can confide in, that can console me, that can be my just you know, a person where I could just vent to or you know, cry with.

And so I was like, oh, I feel that void right.

See some women say they get that out of their girlfriends.

No, my girlfriends, we're getting older, they're dating, they got men, they got husbands, they got children, they have their life.

Right, So it's like in my twenties, right, maybe I could just call a friend app.

But now, no, you got a schedule a call with a friend.

So I'm aa schedule my vent Like I'm feeling down right now?

Can you fit me in Tuesday at two pm?

No?

I need my person who I am their concern right where they're like I called him and this is my person.

He's checking up, like, make you good, what's up?

The meetup is coming, what's going on with?

What are we fastening for?

What do we in prayer for?

That's a response of my partner, right So that's I was like, ooh, I feel it.

You're saying a lot of stuff.

You stepped in heavy right now, because the mindset is in some spheres of influence is that women don't need no man because they got their girlfriends that can do everything that a man can do, you know.

And we're not talking about homes sexuality, with just the fact of saying, if I need somebody to show the crowd, I got my girlfriend for me, I got this, I got somebody I can talk to.

I got this.

I don't really need that.

We can go on FRAN dates, we go FRAN vacations, we can go do all that, and they've replaced.

And I believe it's just such a demonic spirit that's infiltrated this world where that has been the norm that trying to be promoted.

And you're saying something it's the first time, the very first time I've ever heard a woman say that, and you're an actual virgencey in that, and you should be the one that has been living this lifestyle the longest by yourself, in with your girlfriends, that you should say, oh, yeah, I don't really need I've never really desired a man like that.

I've never And that's why I believe that this holy Spirit encounter that you've been having to unlock this mindset, it's all God.

And I believe that God called you for this to even share this story that you're sharing now, so that people don't keep accepting these lives at the to me has spoken, so keep cooking.

So the second one was that hey, I want my person to be able to check in on me.

And what's the third one?

So, like I said, I'm thirty seven.

I had posted on social media recently I got my first apartment ever recently, ever, ever, ever, thank you much.

I loved that for me, and so it was also a place of just stability.

Right.

So when I gave my God to yes, it was like seven years ago, woo lo, seven years ago, and he just uprooted every plan I had.

And I don't know if it sounds cliche, but when I say every desire, every plan I had laid out, snatched it, snatched it with no plan, and I was living my best life, loving, loving everything, your career.

You had job, great front.

Like little friend either, like everything was good and it was snatched.

And I even had like some people call like a ministry before that was doing good.

So it wasn't even like I was out here, you know, going crazy, he said.

The Lord was like Ashiki and you guys to come on.

I was still doing things for his kingdom, right, but still snatched me right, isolated me, had me steal Okay, savings account drained, right, and that's so crazy even looking at that, I had saved.

Lord.

We all got a story, but I had saved.

And I was like, you know what, this is my time because those that know I put my life on hold for people too many times, right, too many times.

And I got to a point where I was like, all right, I'm this is my time.

Right.

I had saved and I was like, okay, God, you line everything up.

I got my savings account.

I'm about to relocate.

And as soon as I left Connecticut where I'm from, everything fell apart.

And I truly believe in hindsight, I thought that savings account was for my new grand life.

And it was like, no, because this saves coin because youre about to be sat down for a little bit and you're not gonna be working.

I've always worked two jobs with the side business, like side hustle.

Right, He's like, oh no, no, this money is because you ain't gonna have no income.

You reve yees, so you gonna need it.

We're gonna put it on now, right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So for the last seven years, like my mother said, you know, just not having stability, not having my own yes, not having my footing.

Oh, it was like I was in the wilderness.

I'm telling you, I seven years, seven years, I'm telling you, Oh, but hallelujah.

Now with me getting my apartment, I finally feel a little more stable, right, So it it frees me up to be like, Okay, I can I can't just stay a little dating because baby, if you don't got a place to lay your head, what you're dating for, a place that you could call your own, what you're dating for?

The priorities are.

But even when you were dating, like, well, was you even dating during the season?

No?

Not the last seven years?

No?

No, So what do you feel like you were?

What you had?

No desire to even just date.

Maybe when I say low dark and a that what trying.

I'm I am crying and weeping every day.

I don't care about a man.

I'm in darkness trying to find my way.

You could have found your man to get you.

They tried, and I said, baby, I remember God that I really liked.

He said, what if I helped you?

I said, you can't help me.

I knew he couldn't.

He wasn't even a believer or baby with you.

This is spiritual, and God, let me see that for the first time Latians And I don't know if it sounded very you know, but it is what it is.

That was the first time that God was like, this is spiritual because I remember crying out to the Lord.

I was like, God, if you just tell me like what it is while I'm feeling this, I can I can, you know, like, hinder it.

I can stop it before it comes, like if it's I don't even know what it could be.

But if it's X, then when I see X coming out, I'll avoid it.

And it was like, no, this is spiritual, So why you think it is?

Hindsight twenty twenty, Why did God allowed you go through this wilderness season for seven years.

I don't know the number, but I know he snatched me because I was looking to relocate to Charlotte or Atlanta.

I would have been outside.

What outside is?

I would have been outside.

Where outside is?

It's a kid?

What do you mean by the club?

I had left clubs.

I was in a lounge and I thought that was very like you know, I was like, oh, clubs, I go.

I go to a lounge.

So I've been in lounges, day parties, a little bar.

Probably.

Look, I would have been outside.

Ghost.

I don't talk about that because it's shame.

I'm embarrassed.

How I was playing outside, playing in God's face.

Oh so you said, you feel like that's what ever been your life?

Had you moved?

No?

I know, because it was it was what living in New York every weekend?

What were we talking like?

I was outside and I know, even just with my friends, like when I was in that low point point, there was friends that had cut off like a year, I was talking to nobody.

They would call my phone.

I didn't want to answer because you didn't have nothing for me.

Like the state that I was in, it was literally I was like God, it's you or bus like it's nothing, literally words out of my mouth?

So what what?

What?

What shifted like that day day?

Y'all?

I'm not even this is my first time really staying out loud, so I'm like, I don't even know, but words.

It really was day by day.

I sit now, like my eyes will get wordy re now and I'll cry and be like, Lord, I can't believe I was there and I'm out of it.

I don't It was literally, and I remember just being like really sad, and I was like, Lord, I just feel like I'm in a wilderness, Like I feel like I'm just lost, can't find my way, and I've always been able to find my way.

That's what's tripping me out.

I couldn't even come up with like a week plan, like just nothing.

And I remember like remembering the Israelites being in the desert like they didn't know too.

Much, right, But I was like, well, let me go see what happened to them, Like what did they do?

I remember going to and reading and was reading that there was complaining a lot, and I said, what, Lord, maybe I just not complaining because then they lost longer and longer.

So during the time was you a Christian?

Yeah, okay, right, right?

But a right, see how you had to ask that?

Hey hey, hey, gotta think back now, but I knew enough to go through that word.

But I'm gonna tell you what I got from that to your question.

As I'm reading about them, like wandering in the desert, I eventually read that they was like crying out for like food, and like he sent manna.

Right every day he said, oh, just pick up enough for today and then tomorrow we'll reconvene.

Tomorrow worry about you know, tomorrow will reconvene, you'll get more.

And I remember just crying because that was one of my biggest hurdles where it was like worrying about like the future, right, and it was like girl day by day, right, And I took that from that.

I was like, okay, lord, just I remember waking up la terious.

I used to be so sad, wake up and I'm like, just get through today, right, just worry about today?

Did he provide for today?

She kid?

Did he?

And man?

The car had been repolld hallelujah paid off the car during this time?

Right?

Is the car?

No?

You got somewhere to lay amen?

Are you hungry now, Okay, so he provided then go to sleep and wake up tomorrow.

And it really is that when I just kept just focusing on today, I don't know.

So funny, right, So at one time I wasn't because I was just so sad, like I just couldn't.

But I got this, uh, this lady I had reached out to a job that I really really wanted to do, I was interested in.

She calls me where converser where is good?

She loves me?

And then I think I don't know what she asked me, cause again this is me real, like this my first time really sharing stuff.

But she asked me something.

I was like, yeah, well, you know, God just kind of has me still right now.

I don't know what he's doing something.

I'm just trying to figure it out.

But I need to work.

And she said something along the lines and I got to look back at my journal because I write a lot.

But she was like, sweetie, I'm gonna tell you something.

She was like, this job is a job, but what God has you doing is like for eternity, like some long I'm telling you.

Okay, I don't know this lady from nothing.

Wow.

So when we hang up, now, before that, she had told me send me your resume, and I sent her my resume emailed there, never heard back.

Call there, she didn't answer.

I never heard back from that lady again.

In my life.

So I don't know.

And she loved me.

I had the background, my master's in the social work, like it was good money, like good to go.

She just said, baby, I ain't gonna play with you like this.

You ain't belong here.

She said it.

She did like a little whisper, like girl sister, the sister listen, believe it or believe it.

That's how she did me.

I was like, okay, but I'm trying to like, did I get the job?

Now?

Thank you so much?

You know, while I get back on my feet right, but thank you?

But did I get hired or now?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Is the job coming right out?

You said?

The resumes sent to where's the email at Gmail?

What?

No?

But yeah, trying to do listen, listen nothing with open doors nothing what they live in Florida at some point, and so Florida was the last stop before you came here, and so you were able to move.

Well, what point are you make it?

Because I wonder I could touch on it talking.

About you had you had enough finances to make moves.

I had a finance with some gas in my car.

Oh that's what you did?

Just move?

Are you so you?

Like, yeah, it was in my trunk.

Yeah.

Also, you was really thugging it out.

Yeah, but I had a friend that I stayed with, So you was thugging it out for real.

Yeah listen, yeah, but you were still doing the sex and man.

And that's why I'm telling you.

People don't know.

People think they know.

You have no idea, and that's why.

Remember one time I cried so hard.

I keep myself very private, right because not even from like a prideful thing.

But it's like, when I'm crying real tears, I'm not thinking about turning on my camera.

I'm just not no shade to nobody.

But like the tears I was crying, the last thing I'm thinking about it is turning on my camera and to sharing.

And like one time I did share something with somebody that's in my trip and he's like, man, skid, like, why don't you tell the tribe?

I said, for what?

It's not their responsibility.

I asked you that before, and you was just like, nah, it's not the responsibility.

I said, these people want to bless you so much.

I said, you have no idea because they're on the journey sometimes been change agents.

You don't realize that you're sharing something with people that are that's unlocking something in them.

Read them that they just want to bless you and say thank you.

Yeah.

So it's like why you were in the wilderness struggle and they said, I got some matter why.

But listen, listen, There's been people that have blessed me right without asking, without knowing.

I'll share a story where, man, I'm telling you you like, I'm like, god, oh you really see me?

I don't care, but other people are like, dub but like.

You really see me.

I remember, right, just being real, I'll just say this.

So I put out too much business, but there was a bill that needed to be paid, right, five hundred dollars, Like lord, I ain't got it, but this bill does need to be paid.

And I remember a girl that I worked with years ago at a group home.

She reached out to me.

She's like, key, I love what you're doing.

This is you know, with merch.

She talked about the merch.

She was like, I love your T shirt.

So she was like, well, you know I'm married now she's a believer.

She's like, I love what you're doing.

I would love to.

Buy a shirt and like you could donate it or whatever.

And I was like, okay, Like she wants to buy a shirt.

So she's like, where can excuse me, where can I send the money?

And so we're going back for cash, apzel whatever.

We get it figured out how much did she send me?

She sent me five hundred dollars expensive T shirt?

Hello, what God is like?

I got you?

It makes no why would you send me five hundred dollars because you talk about you want to buy a shirt right when I needed it.

God, I'm telling you so listen, had enough.

To put some gas in my car, pack up what I could in the car and drive and stay with a friend.

And yeah, so when you started the sexless tribe?

What happened?

What did God say to you?

I know you didn't even you didn't start off even called the sexist trial.

It was just you was just doing what I want.

Listen, all right, It's funny because I wish I had like this this story, right, it really wasn't started off with sexless situations.

I would go live and interview people who were absident.

And I remember I was in Charlotte at the time and outside.

Okay, and I was outside, I was I was sorry, and so I had Oh my god, it's so much to hear.

So I had published my book.

Now let me tell people.

I'm a creative.

So when I put out this book, it was just another extension of me creating.

I wasn't trying to be like writing a lot of books.

It was like, ooh, what can I do tomorrow?

I write a book?

What can I write?

It?

Truly was what can I write at length?

On?

Oh my appsin this journey?

Right, That's all that was started promoting the book release, people started finding me.

I didn't really understand how social media work, and so I would go live promoting the book.

And then I don't know how, I started interviewing people, right, And it was sexless situations, right.

It was a platform ig Live.

Two thousand and like sixteen, all right, just fun here and there, and then people would come every Wednesday and listen to it, right, they would tune in.

You get to know the people.

And I was taking a road trip, actually, I was relocating to Florida, and I stopped at one of the girls I met on ig house and she took me around to these historical sites that I want to go to.

I go live.

I said, shout to the Sexless Tribe.

Didn't know where that came from.

It was shouting out the people that used to watch Sexless Situation on Wednesday.

So I was just like, oh, should I did a sexcess Tribe right, don't know where it came from, and then h it just snowballed from Then I did a merch line and then did the Sexis Tribe.

App, and then when that start twenty twenty.

The app was launched in twenty twenty, and so.

When you started saying this is what is going to be called?

That started in what year twenty twenty?

I officially gave my yes to guy.

What an attitude I tell people all time.

It's not I don't advise it, right, but I really did.

I gave my yes, and I was like, fine, I'm going to surrender right because.

I was fighting.

I was trying to look at look for the nine to five, and I would tell people live.

I'm like, oh, because when I find my job, I used to be going live every day.

I told you I would go live in and shut up the phone and be crying.

True because I'm like, Lord, what what am I doing?

I'm going live hours really every single day except the weekend.

Eventually, I said, y'all, I got to stop the week But it was just in that isolation, that solitude being steel.

That's why I said, I know God had to sit me still and isolate me, because if not, I'd have been outside.

So you had good friends then that said, hey, you can live with me, and you over here during this social media thing and ain't work, and then it looked like you were just sitting up here not trying to work.

Well, well, I'll say this, it's my best friend, right, And I called that for a reason.

I have one best friend, and I stand on that, right.

She's the best out of all of them, right.

And so same one who lives here.

Okay, So she went from Florida to here, no no, no, no, no, oh no no.

So I was stay with my mother in Florida.

What brought me to Florida was I lost my second brother in twenty eighteen and my mother was out there by herself, thank you so much, and just just having a tough time.

Put my life on hold, right, and I said, okay, and we're not there to be with her.

But also things just fell apart.

Right, but hey, it all worked together for God's good.

So when you came to DFW Metroplex, that's your best friend, okay, yeah, yeah, And I think.

I would hope she sees something in me right to be like, Okay, she's not some slouch because she I'm going to get things done right.

You could see me putting things in action and things.

Coming to fruition, right, So it's not I'm laying on the couch doing nothing and I'm getting out.

There and trying before right, we went to eat that time, did not meet her.

You ain't never met my friend people, you got me mixed up with somebody.

Out No, so so I ain't never talked to that girl.

No, you know, just no, no, no.

So you don't remember us going to eat and play all that time?

Yes, we did, me and you, Yes, my friend at come.

I could have sworn.

Are you making that stuff?

No?

I could have.

I don't know why I have this vision of this girl.

I don't know.

I don't know where it was, but I just remember you talking my best friend.

Don't like people.

She would have came out.

We went to her apartment and I dropped you off there you did.

I didn't see her, That's what it was, because I remember I said, why do I why do I have this?

Yees?

She wouldn't come downstairs.

Yeah, that's what it was, right, So yeah, I would hope that she was like, I see you trying.

I see the effort, right, But eventually somebody to get your God gotta come through.

And he did, and it was a glorious day.

And may he give her whatever it is she's she's made up apps without a shotow.

I told her, because my friends really do be believing in me.

I don't know, they see a.

Lot, right.

My friend don't like people.

She don't like people.

Ain't about no, not absolutely not.

But I told her, I said, you know, if ever they make a documentary about me, they're gonna talk good about you, right what They're gonna talk so good about her?

So she made it.

She made it into the Life Story interview.

The documentary.

No, not at all, not gonna happen.

She'll write something, maybe maybe record something.

Mm hmmm.

Nah, she ain't gonna be on a camera.

I'll give her shout out.

So when did it switch.

When did it change twenty twenty?

And when did you catch your air and get oxygen where you go?

I see it now, God, this is what it is.

The first meetup, man, I thought I didn't know the answer to that question.

The first meetup lataris, well, y're twenty twenty two?

Yeah, twenty and twenty two.

Officially, I guess like launched the sexistribe in twenty twenty, but had been doing like the live I think since twenty eighteen, right, so about four years after.

I remember Lord.

Sitting on not sitting but standing on like I guess you could say, for lack of a bed word, this stage, and I remember looking out in front of the crowd and I was like, God, we did it, like I see it now, right, Because one thing I tell people is on social media, the numbers like they're like not real, right, So people are, oh, you're an influencer, and I'm like, I'm not.

Wait you say you're not, though, because I think it's a it's a disrespect to like people who are like putting in the work as an influencer.

I haven't posted like a month and a half latarious influence well people, I feel like they show up.

I could say I have influence.

I can see they have influence.

But an influencer, I feel like one who.

One of influences.

That's all it is meaning that do I say something that influences people to change?

Can I say something to influence?

Somebody say?

Ooh, I'm gonna buy those shoes because so and so had those shoes.

Hey, I'm going to go buy this book because so and so wrote this book.

They said this is great.

And sometimes we minimize the impact that we have because we're comparing it to like you said, well, I'm not really because the other influence they do it every day.

They do this.

Whatever you ain't got do it every day.

You can sit there and call a meet up and get hundreds of people to show up, and you maybe post once every week or two weeks or whatever.

Does it mean you're not influencer?

It's a full time job.

Don't remind me.

I'm still struggling.

That's influencer.

It's a self employed person that is using social media to try to carve out, sketch out a living for themselves while creating impact and influencing people to do something for God.

See, you're not you're not just some influencer that's just saying, oh, y'all want to do this so you can buy this QTE top and do this this closet, overhauled things or whatever, like you ain't.

You ain't doing that.

You're saying, I want people to live right by God.

Yeah, it may be confident, I will say it may be it may be minimizing your impact by calling you an influencer.

It may be it may be minimizing it.

But you are I'm gonna make up a word an impactor, because you're causing impact to people, changing lives and so so okay, maybe not influencing.

And I stay with you.

I've said I've thought about that before.

I was like, I realize now right that I do have impact in the work, the work that God has allowed me to do.

Think about this.

I want to say this.

No, that's not sexy to be talking about not having sex like, that's not sexy to say the sexist trial.

I remember when I first saw that on my page, I said, why would they call themselves that?

That is so lame?

Why call yourself the sexless tribe?

Just say right right right, because there's something that just sounds cool.

It just sounds so lame to say that, but even in my opinion about it, it's still didn't stop God from causing the movement.

And let me say that, even with the name, people have pushed back.

And when I tell people you worried about the wrong thing, right you so focused on the name, go before God and ask what would you have me to do?

Right?

Because it doesn't matter, look what's coming from it.

And I think even with the name, because I could have changed the name, but I think it's provocative.

I think it people go, oh what is that?

Let me and then you you stumble, you google it and you look you but oh they lit, Oh they proud, they have a good time, they're confident, they're hunting out with their body.

So I think that.

I think even with that, I think if I would have sat on it too long, or if I wasn't in isolation, I could have been like maybe why don't know, I would said, like influence to change it, right, to make it perfect and cool and ah.

But now right in that isolation, right cause in consets.

Like I could have picked anything.

Where did that even come from?

Why?

Oh yeah?

Right?

Just literally it was like shout out to the sexist tribe know where they came from.

And then I was creating merch and the name was on the bag and you know all these But it is is provocative and it makes people inquisitive, right, like, wait, whomen is that?

But at the end of the day, when you look at the work that's being done for, you can't deny it right that God is in it.

And that's why I had to come up with one girl.

When she tried to say something, I was like, maybe you worried about.

The wrong thing.

She just say nothing because I said, go before God and ask him what he would have you to do.

That's all you worried about?

The name?

What right?

What can you say?

What can you say instead of you taking the time of saying, wow, Amen, shout out to the community that's shaking core, shouting to the work that you're doing.

That little corny comment you could have kept to yourself.

It was that was lame to me, right as a believer.

There was so many things you could have used with the characters that you type to encourage us.

That part, right part, So I'm like, no, you're cornyn.

How did you feel when y'all were I don't know which meet up this was but y'all just basically popped up at Philip Anthony Mitchell Love Love and he spoke a word.

Share that.

Let me tell you, okay, So shout out to twenty eight nineteen pastor Philip Anthony Mitchell the again.

I tell people, y'all see me in real time building something out right real time.

There was no blueprint.

I don't want to say there was nobody doing doing this because everybody was I don't know what everybody been doing.

I mean, you had stuff like Pinky Promise and all that, but that was more towards women.

There was never anything to my knowledge that was men and women.

Okay, because first of all, I was going to be hard as all get out to get men to even walk around and promote that.

So it's been hard.

It's something that I desired doing, but the lift was too heavy that I'll be honest with you, I was afraid to do it.

I said, why would I do that?

It doesn't even I.

Didn't want to do something that would be unsuccessful because it would be so hard to do that.

And honestly, I said, it's too hard.

Why would I do that?

Especially in the same season where God was telling me to do that.

I was struggling myself for one season and then falling off, and I said, I want to do this guy.

I remember it was December of twenty twenty, and this lady came on the podcast.

She's gonna be mad.

I just forgot the name.

I'm sorry, but she was.

I was about to say her name.

Anyway, she did that.

I did a whole live with her where it was an abstinence call to abstinence, and it was on a Sunday that we did this service right there in my other room there where women wore white and they took this vibe absence.

Then she said that on the episode.

She was like, yeah, you know, God is going to have you do the same thing.

I don't know, she said on episode afterwards.

And I said, no, you's not.

God is never going to ask me to be absent.

It's never going to happen.

It just doesn't make sense.

So in the thing, uh, in the service she had spoke about it or whatnot, and afterwards, God said I need you to take a vibe absence and I.

Said, I said, I won't say what I said.

Why would I Why would I do that?

Would I do that?

Just doesn't make sense because you was outside.

I was outside and I was outside for real.

Yeah, when I'm outside, I'm really outside and everything.

I don't need you over here to share my testimony the highways in the byways.

You was on the side of the highway, remember, earl.

But no please, because you say too much now you played it.

But so then, so then I had Pastor Conway coming to podcast for one community because I had visited his church.

And then God spoke to me then that God is calling me.

And that was that January of that year of twenty twenty.

And then the pandemic hit a few months later, and then by that December, guy said, I need you to take a vive abstinence and I want you to bring him on the on the podcast when you do it, And so he came on the podcast.

We did it.

Powerful moment and move of God.

So after that I started being loud with it.

I was I was on a clubhouse.

I was like, this is a lot of men we've been deceived.

I didn't know my body had value.

I felt like my body, I'm supposed to just do what they told me, which men go, so on, sow your royal olds all that nonsense and go smash as many women as possible.

Then you settle down.

But what you practicing your singleness, you're gonna perfect in your marriage to practice being a horn longer in your single season.

You're gonna struggle and faithfulness while you get married.

So I was like, I'm gonna go tell that, but I was just loud.

I was telling everybody, and then I said, I want a lot of men to join me on this.

Now it was men that DM me said.

Man, I watched the episode man that challenged me.

I'm gonna take this vow with you, and there was a handful of guys.

But then I said, I don't want to.

Really, I saw a vision of a whole lot of men doing this.

I was gonna do this whole ceremony thing with men, and I got scared.

I said, man, I'm gonna do that.

It's gonna be about two men on that live and it's gonna look very whack for me to do.

So you know better, you said for nobody, But I know you didn't know.

Oh, I meant that.

The food of it, I didn't do it.

So what I did do, though, Shakid.

What you don't know is I just kept praying for God to keep blessing your ministry, because every time I saw God pop up on the thing, I was like, Oh, that's cool, that's cool, all right.

And I was looking at the type of guys that you were tracked.

I said, are these guys that would be looked down upon as being lame?

Like they had no choice?

And I said, all right, there's some cool guys here.

That's this.

And so I just said, God, keep blessing her ministry.

And I said, even though I had a heart to do it, she already has the infant and that there and met.

I mean, don't keep it real.

I sat down and met with you and said, hey, is there any type of way I can partner with your app?

We can do this or whatever, because.

I still have the heart.

You remember when we met.

What's for that?

It's because I was like, I can't do this on my own.

I don't want to fail in something that people like he's doing too much.

So let me get somebody that's already doing it because I see the value of I see the heart of it, and help undergird that and support that and push people to that, and then it can be a co partnership situation.

And so that's why I believe firmly in what you're doing, is because if you can intercept the devil's lives early, they don't have to undo the Absolutely.

I was forty years old, forty two years old, finally hearing from God I'm talking about for the first time ever in my life.

I was forty two years old in twenty twenty saying, and God said, your body has value.

I said, my body has value?

Yeah, amen, I have never heard that.

In my time.

Life didn't teach it.

I'man be honest with you.

Church never taught men that their body had value.

Ye.

It was always telling women save yourself.

Say it is not a soul on this earth, not a pastor, not a youth pastor, not nobody that I've ever heard while I was grown and I grew up in church.

I grew up in church my entire life.

Never heard them say practice aptionist, not your body.

And I was forty two years old when I first heard God speak that to me.

And so here you are speaking that to the nation, saying save yourself.

Purity is cool, Purity is God's way back on Philip.

Oh, yeah, yeah, please yes, So again real time, given my yess, no blueprint, trying to figure it out.

And that's why always say shout out to the people that took that leap.

During the first meet up, Now mind you, I had been just going live.

I didn't know none of these people.

Okay, I don't know nobody.

I'm like, hey, we're gonna do a meet up in the land, and don't know who's gonna come, what's going to look like.

I don't got no.

Pictures, no videos to show you what.

I'm a visual I don't even know, right, And so I took the leap.

It took me a while, and my friend was like, girl, come on right, well he was, he's a guy.

He's like, Shakia, how many more things God have to show you?

Because I'm like, God, if you really want me to do this, than X, Y and Z.

And then it would happened and he was like all right now he was.

He was like all right because he want to go to the meeting.

He like, come on, were ready?

So launched the event.

The people you know, purchased real tickets, booked real flights from different states and countries, and flew in And that was the first one.

The second one I did here in Dallas, and I made a joke like, oh.

What if we took over church?

That would be so cool.

So we went to church.

And then so after I did that second one, we went to doctor Evans's church, right, and he came down and spoke with us, and it was amazing.

He gave us a word.

He was just newly widowed.

So he made a joke like I'm in the sexuiest drive too, right, and so we laughed.

We laughed, and so after that.

We was like, oh, we gotta go to church again.

So I'm like, oh, I'm bringing it back to Atlanta.

Where are we gonna go?

Because I'm very careful about but church, hey, right, because I believe it.

I got to give an account.

Okay, well I take people, hey.

That's right.

So somebody had shared a video of Pastor Philip, and I was like, well I like him cause I like a little conviction, right me make me comfortable.

I was like, ooh, and this is before he was the now the pastor phil the church was very small, maybe one hundred and something.

People reached out to that church and another church to the other church.

Okay, so wind up going with Pastor Phillips Church and uh it was like a couple hundred.

Of us, and I'm saying, they just how did you find out about him?

So when they oh, sorry did I skip that?

Sorry?

They only had one hundred people.

So somebody sent me a real sorry I had to skipped that.

I got too excited.

Somebody sent me a reel of him and I was like, well I like him, like a little conviction, little you know, hell by.

Uh So yeah, I was like, oh, okay, I like this.

So I prayed about it and I was like, I think this is the church.

I want to call me ask you why do you like that?

And you were unchurched.

Why would you?

It seemed like somebody that's un church would like something that's more comfortable, not somebody that was at Fire and Brimstone.

Back in the day that that's what's firing Brimstone because it's a reminder like one day you have to give an account, right, And like I said earlier, right the world would be like you wasn't really doing nothing.

Keep doing what you're doing.

And I thank god if I staid before me, he'd be like, no, that wasn't my standard.

I need somebody around me like No, you shouldn't be in that band.

You shouldn't be kissing and pitting and rolling around, right.

You shouldn't be getting that man aroused and then going about your business because then what is he about to do?

Right?

So I like that reminder.

All day people are pacifying and all God loves you, and he does, amen.

But I need the reminder that God is a god of rafts who he's a just god, and you're going to give an account.

So remind me if you love me.

Remind I know he loved me.

I know he did, right, He's taking care of me.

What I forget is that he's a just god because I don't feel those consequences right in the moment.

And I believe that Philip Anthony Mitchell had to be who he is, especially in the region that he has gotten authority over.

Yeah, because you can't go in Atlanta and be weak.

Those spirits in Atlanta is very I'm about saying being no punk.

I'm about to say be no punk and then they'll play what they were.

But you can't go to Atlanta and be weak.

You have to have somebody that that says I'm going to bombard the gates of Hell.

With authority and conviction.

So he has a divine anointing for that region.

It's just so happened that it's spreading across the world.

Yeah.

But so when somebody sent me the real and you know who's talking about that?

Oh, I like it.

And so I was praying about it.

I wasn't sure because we doctor Evans great teacher, he's not that right, and he's a known pastor, and I was like, man if I bring the tribe to this other church, he's not a known pastor, he's you know, a little more aggressive.

That may not be everyone's speed.

And I don't want, like that's just a responsibility.

They don't like it what they upset, And so anyways, I prayed about it.

I'd be like, God, if it ain't for me, stop it, let it, you know.

And it didn't.

It rolled out.

I have a contact person with twenty eight nineteen.

They welcomed us, they gave us, you know, it was like I said, I wanted to say it was one hundreds of us, to let you know that's how small the church was, that they could accommodate their people and our people, right, what's some wiggle room?

Right?

And I remember asked him.

I was like, hey, listen, you know doctor Evans had given them like a talk when we were in Dallas.

You think like Pastor Phillip could do that.

He' said, oh yeah, we got you, We got you, you know.

And so after he did, he took his time, and he was sick that day, like coughing and sick.

His family had stayed on because they were sick.

But he stood after he gave such a strong word, and I put on our YouTube page while I'm staying, yes, you hear me, and he said it like an end time tribe.

He said, you are you guys are called for a time such as this, And that's something I had said right before the first meeting.

I was like, what if we a remnant?

What if we are called for a time such as this?

What if we are to be the light in the saw?

And I was hYP right, just talking, just saying stuff.

Girl, you don't know if nobody canna show up talk about a remnant it before y'all being a amen.

God can do all things right.

But I was just so excited.

But to hear a man that I had a respect for and now reiterate that man.

People left to this dating by shiit because we an end time tried, we got a responsibility right.

So it was such a powerful word for us.

Oh okay, and then I want to say one more thing because then you know, I remember I like to be behind the scenes.

I truly do contrary to what people leave, I really do and like I said, not having someone right, and I remember him praying over me and I just cried.

In the vide you could see I was just crying and crying because I don't have that right.

He just he just prayed over me, and I remember after he gave the speech, he then said, you can see Navid he says.

I said, oh no, I'm good.

He said, you sure you want to say and I was like, all.

Right, I'm gonna say something, but Terri's you could see it on that YouTube video.

It took me about ford try to even get it out because I just kept crying because I just felt so like I guess light, you know what I mean.

I was just trying to tell people.

I was like, y'all, like I want you to know I try my best and I may not always get it right, but I want to know I really I'm trying my best with what God has given me, and I just asked that y'all give me grace because people will talk about you, people will talk about you.

I always say, I know everyone could do it better.

Everybody could do it better.

Right you be at the NBA game.

Can't believe Lebron missed that shot for the three.

If it was me, we know you would have made everyone we know right.

So you know you hear these talks about they said this and which I like telling people, please stop telling me right, because it doesn't it's not good for my spirits.

It is and this is what I want to tell people.

And even though is that you feel like God has called you to leadership in whatever sphere of influence that you have, you gotta have tunnel vision when it comes to God, because yes, we know that we are in process regardless of what is.

If I ever knew the weight of dear future wife when he called me to do it, I wouldn't made serious.

I would have done literious.

I'm gonna you hear me.

Listen to me.

I whoa hmm.

I remember being on the floor crying La Terras.

I was pressed down so hard that I was like trying to push you to the floor, like you're so death.

I was crying, and I remember, like, Lord, why am I being attacked so much?

I'm not even a pastor.

I'm not even a threat to the kingdom.

I said that because I really didn't like the baby, the way it was coming at me.

It was like, I'm not even doing it.

If there was no sexshit, there was none of that.

It was none of it right.

I would go live here and there.

And I remember I would not lie about this, y'all.

I remember then because I was doing a lot of researcher trying to figure things out, and I remember googling something, and I remember an article.

I clicked on this article and I read through the article verbatim.

It said, the problem with believers is, or the problems with believers is they don't understand that the enemy is attacking who they are right now, the enemy is attacking who God is preparing them to be.

La Terris, you listen to me.

I read that.

I said, Lord, I don't want it.

I cried.

I said, I don't care what you have in store for me.

If I have to keep going through this, if that's what maybe take it, take it, I would have never signed up for this.

I don't want that back when I said, God told me exact same thing.

That's why I'm trying to sit in this seat because the reality is that it and it keeps being told to me as the year's progressed.

Like even the editor of my book I'm signed the w publisher, HarperCollins, and she said this book is going to open up a whole other level of attack.

Told me and my fiance that and said, hey, listen, y'all, get ready for attack.

He said, if you think, she said, this book is so weighted, it has so much stuff that's going to free people, teach people how to love, how to have healthy relationships, stronger marriages.

She's been married for a couple of decades, and she said she learned so much in this book.

She said, but watch watch the attacks.

I said, Lord, I don't know.

I want to get married and be happy.

I don't need no more attacks.

I don't want no attacks.

But you know the beauty, she said, like it's the y'all and the weed, like you have your person now, like with this next one, you're gonna have your person.

And that's beautiful now that you get to go through that with.

But then that's the first thing that's attack is with the person because at the end of the day, the very thing you prayed for us a very thing that the devil is going to use to attack, and so you'll be sitting.

That's why a lot of fifty percent of marriages into divorce because they have been called to purpose a lot of them.

The Bible says, who God calls he qualifies, and what God has joined together that no man put asunder.

So he brings these couples together, some of them that surrendered their relationship to God, and then he brings together and the next thing, No, there's divorce.

Attistics are the same as people in the world.

That's because they will use each other to fight each other.

And by me knowing that, I'm going ah, Now, the other side of it is, oh, I know what the tack is going to be.

Now let's fight against it and prepare ourselves to fight against it.

That's the wisdom of it.

But the fact there's going to be attacked, Like I said, even over the last couple of years, last year or so, I can make a video and everything not doing Differuture Wivy podcast is my transparent journey in process as I learned as I evolved.

But what I'm inviting people to into is my evolution.

That I may say something in one season that someone said, I can't believe he said that, or whatever, and it's like, this is in process, Like you said for talking about outside outside.

Like I can't believe she's saying was she said that she.

Loved God and was at bars and she was she was clubbing.

She said that she she left New York.

She's gonna go to Atlanta and Charlotte and she's gonna be outside.

You know what I'm saying, be like, but had wisdom and know to know that when God sat me down to pivot, like, that's not it, right, And I love that I could look back and be like, kid, that just wasn't it.

And I give.

But this is this is what I tell her tears right because I'm so naive where I get shocked when people attack I do.

I'm like, people are mean in real life.

You don't swrike somebody Meani BETI He's like, but the people are mean in real life.

But this is what I say as a believer.

But I wish, and I say, I wish every person had to be called to a place of leadership where they built something from the ground up.

You would have so much great do you?

And especially for me, I was like, I didn't ask for this.

There's one thing I.

Look at people that like, God has given me this talent.

He allows you to operate in that space.

That's not my story.

God gave me something I didn't have a desire for.

Now.

I'm grateful.

I'm so grateful.

But it's like I.

Literally had to die to every desire and dream and career plan I had for myself.

It was something that was polar opposite.

What did you want to do?

I went to work with juvenile boys.

Yeah, so that's so.

I'm like, if I had any inkling that would go to why would I get my I've always worked with like youth, troubled youth, because I was a trouble youth.

They little misunderstood.

But I think I was tearing it up, tearing up classroom buses, fighting, biting all of it.

Yeah, I was fighting still a little high school.

I wasn't biting, and I knew nothing not to bite the teacher.

But high school listen, but college and oh yeah, and I always had something to say always to the teachers, yeah, yeah, so you would get into it the teachers, not the students.

No, I was fighting.

I was fighting the students.

You know, I'm fighting some people and the teachers and the teachers.

But it was a double untort because the teachers loved me, right, But I just I had something to say.

What do you think that was?

And you look back, Why was you so so aggressive?

I don't think it's so deep.

My my grad when I went, when I got to college, you said, I went to HBCU.

Shout out to Elizabeth City State University, those teachers.

I remember the first day I was there, right because I'm you know, I'm sitting up front, raised my hair, talking and I remember shout out to doctor Brackett.

She said, come here, after come here, she said, what's your name?

I said, she d She said where you from?

My said, Connecticut.

She said, don't change, don't change, stay just as you are.

So what was you doing there in the first day that she know?

Just vocal vocal and talking and she saw something in me?

And I say from I tell people at my HBCU they called greatness side of me and I amtswer her.

Before that I was not getting straight A's right, I did not have the high GPA in anything, right, but desire to go to college.

Oh, I was your HBCU because I was gonna be outside.

But went there and became a scholar, was going to South Africa doing research because they called it out of me.

That's good, that's good.

So you went at the party.

I went there to get that experience, right, all the stuff I seen on on you know TV.

What was college college here?

What was the not spring break but.

The BT spring bling?

I want a little Blane in the spring, right.

If I got some education along the way, what went out there?

And that's just to see that.

Right.

When I got my first A, I remember, no I was getting a's, and I remember I got my first B.

And I went to my next class and doctor Brackett came and knocked on the door.

She said, come here, and I want to class.

She said, what's this?

I said, that's my test I just took.

She said, but what is it?

I said, it's a B.

She said, yeah, we don't do B and she walked away.

Really yeah, I was like, oh that's me.

I'm a Yeah.

She said, we don't do.

We don't do bees.

But baby, I was doing c's and d's lash ye in high school.

You don't know, but you don't know, gotcha?

But yeah, you just so that's always been uh my desire, right just working with youth, specifically young boys, because I have just a lot of men in my life that want astray right at a young age.

And God said, I'm up here working with grown adels, talk about abstinence.

You know.

So I gave my yes, but I'm grateful.

I'm I truly literising here today and the past meet up, I just had like five hundred plus people and I look.

I remember coming out on the stage.

It was like a theater, and I remember I said, y'all got to give me a minute to take this in.

You can see numbers on you bright, you can see followers on I g but her coming from the Netherlands and Jamaica and and all these Netherlands, Jamaica, Turks and Cacos.

I know I'm missing a Virgin Islands, a lot of places.

You can't tell me.

That's not God.

No big name, no grand venue, no amazing promotion or pay you know what.

I'm I don't know.

And that's why when I be in shock and and just going through the process and trying to figure out.

But all I can do is keep giving my yes and giving God the glory, not even in this like, oh, I'm trying to be humble.

It's because I know.

Why are y'all coming from the Netherlands with Terians for what?

Why are you coming from Turks and Cacos?

Baby, We're trying to go to Turks and Caicos.

Why are you coming to all style Georgia?

What does he whoos?

And you're coming here?

That's something like y'all.

So I want people to sit back and just be like, man, if you just be obedient to God, he won't let it unfold as he sees fit.

And so I'm privilege.

I cried sometimes Lord that like you would choose me me to have an impact.

We've had marriages, people met on the app that are now, may I like about this?

How many people got married that you know?

Oh that I know of?

Maybe ten that I know of that many know?

What's more, because people have.

Emailed me and like I met my husband I'm a two years ago, right, so I would have never but they didn't.

They got an app did would need to doing?

Right?

So they've had babies so I'm like, we're a part of y'all story for absolutely, for average you know.

So it's like God that you would choose me, even with me giving an attitude, me saying yes because I truly want to get out of darkness.

I gave my yes where God was like, I keep telling you what you need to do if you want to shake this this is.

And I'm like, fine, fine, right, aggravated, but man, that you would still use it and my nasty attitude saying yes, my.

That you would still let my name to be attached to something like this.

You hit the nail on the hell when you said I wish God would allow everybody to have a leadership leadership role so they can see the attacked because you will stop attacking, attacking so many pastors, you'll stop attacking your boss.

He'll be like, what is it like?

I told this to my nephew son, my nephew adopted.

I said, how hard do you think it is to teacher you?

I said, it's a twenty five thirty something students in the classroom who y'are are very lackluster with ambition.

Y'all don't want to y'all hard headed.

Y'all try to fight the teachers.

Y'all don't listen.

Y'all don't care.

She's trying to motivate you to be your best self, and then you make it difficult.

I said, at least when you go, I said, this is what I'm gonna tell you right now, when you go to that school, I want the teacher to say the easiest student, I said, I don't want you to.

Yeah, ladern he does exactly what need.

He got some good some home training.

Because I'm tell him what to do, do it and it's done.

I said, I want the teacher saying that about you.

He said.

I I said, make your teacher's life easier.

Amen, And I said and also, and then as he got a little older, I said, now I'm gon put a little bit more responsibility on you.

When you watch another student getting out of pocket, disrespecting the teaching.

I won't you say, say, Brandon, we don't, we don't do that.

That's right, that's right.

Like like the teacher told you, we don't, we don't do bees.

I would just say, no, we don't, we don't.

We don't talk to teachers like that, we don't talk to does like that.

He said, No, man, that's gonna be a problem.

They're gonna be thinking.

I said, do it, and I said, he said, but then they're going to fight.

They're going to fight.

And I said, and if they hit, you fight him.

I said, at the time.

Down looking at them, appreciate you.

I said, if you stand up, I said, I want you to be a person that always stand up to injustice.

And I said, and it starts in the classroom with a young boy disrespecting the teacher or a young boy disrespecting girl in the class time.

And you ain't no, but the h or whatever said hold on, hold on, and he ended up starts seeing he started coming back get me reports Yeah, man, my homeboy.

I had to fall out with him because he was talking bad to this girl or whatever.

And I said, no, we' we don't disrespect.

That's right, that's what you better do.

So it's that mindset, so I can teach him what it looks like to cover not just our women, but people period.

And so it's not some situation where you grow up with this toxic masculinity where you think you're above people and all that nonsense.

We don't do that here.

How can we support your Shaquia as we.

Wrap with this episode, oh support me, yeah, you got, you got your social media, you got, you got your book, still available to be bald like talk to him?

Oh right, okay, so many things.

You got an app out there, so.

Amen.

So for me personally, you can find me on Instagram or TikTok at Shakiya Seabrook twenty two again Shakia Seabrook twenty two.

And then if you want to connect within the Sexless Tribe community, we have an app called This Sexless Tribe.

Also have a merch call called a Subtle Reminder.

So I create merchandise that helps you stay accountable to honor God with their body.

Let me jump in on this.

So your app, it was a season where I signed up for your app and it was convicted me too much.

So I'm gonna tell you what happened.

Is it's just funny.

That a look conviction because I care?

I said, sending conviction because I care.

So what happens is on Friday nights?

Is it time to do that on Friday nights and Saturday nights?

It's not I picked different nights.

Y'all convicted me.

On a Friday, I was on my way to see this girl.

It was in twenty twenty one, and it said, well, I wish I had the message, but it says, like, what is it?

Because you don't want to make the message.

Lord, it's like, what are you doing?

Who?

Where are you going?

Who are you with?

It's been so long since I wrote it.

Now it's just automated.

But it's like, and it was in the midst of me doing I said, what are you doing?

Where you going?

Who are you going with?

There's something It's like something like be mindful because you could be putting your self in it.

Oh when I say that thing, One time I didn't listen to it.

One time I did so.

One time I said, snooze, put this out by the way, log I'll stop giving me the notification.

Do whatever.

And at one time I just said, let me just go and turn around.

I ain't no matter you said.

Now I know who I'm going to link with, and I am putting myself in a position will so don't.

We just need that note?

I love that though.

When that came across, I said, I love what you're doing.

You know what I'm saying.

I loved that because it was a gentle reminder.

Yeah, just a gentle remind I'll say, that's what when I said a subtle reminder, Yeah, it made you think.

So yeah.

So the merch So I have the promise worth keeping ring on this is part no not probably the most popular, uh piece of merchandise on the store.

And then what was that ring saying a promise worth keeping?

A promise worth keeping because it is worth keeping and I want I want the men and women to be reminded that it is worth keeping.

And then I had the meet up experience once a year, so you could check that out, get on the newsletter.

And then I had the podcast.

You can check out some older videos while up standing, but listen.

It's a lot, right.

I was on the podcast, You was on the podcast.

Listen and Lateria, you know, I so happy for you, and I told you because it's been a journey and I'm so excited that now you get the crossover to the other side and do it without any conviction and asking for It's all good, good.

Thank you, thank you for my engagement gift that you brought the doole flowers.

After I'll put it in put in an episode for the next four episodes that I'm recording to day, I'm gon lead it up there.

Right, your congratulations, so super happy for you.

I just loved that I was able to even capture part of that journey, right, you were able to be on there talk about waiting long, right, and so we just said hallelujah and amen that your weight is going to be ending soon.

Second.

The reception gonna be over around ten o'clock.

And then what and then and then I'm going into the holies of ho Hey, holdest, Amen.

Maybe you wanna come out glowing?

Christ quiet somebody, Yeah, that's my sister Christian.

She don't know Jesus, you want to come out glowing and she probably can have a little glow dune.

She says she want to.

She says she want to have a kid as soon as possible.

Hey, hey, hey, what're we waiting on?

But again, I know I shared a lot.

But if you just go to www.

Dot the Sexless Tribe dot com, app, merch podcast events, all that is there or on the app.

Amen, ay, so support Shakida.

That's s h A k I A C brook s e A the way you spell c and brook b r o O k s No.

Maybe I do you want to ask?

I think about your.

Raise your finger about but twenty two so Cebrook without the s twenty two the number twenty two, Oh yeah, and so that's the numeral twenty two.

You professional man.

That's what I do for a living.

I've been doing this for five years and it's been a beautiful journey.

And the reason why I feel like this platform is so important because I want to expose the world to people that I feel are significant and relevant to the move of Christ.

And so I believe that this was so perfect for you because I want to amplify what you're doing to the masses, and so we're all in this together.

I don't look at anything as competition.

I want people to run over there and follow you and subscribe to your YouTube, challenge for it, and support your podcast and all that.

And that's that's always been the heart posture that I've had with dear future wife.

He is just putting people out there and amplifying them.

I just love to see him just take off.

It's necessary.

I want people because I get a lot of d ms from people who like, can you connect me to other people that are influential that can help me in my journey or whatnot?

And so and like I said, people have reached out to me and said, when are you gonna interview her?

Yeah?

They do.

They be like, we need to interview it.

Have you heard of this?

Like that's my own girl, you know what I'm saying?

Like I really that.

I said, it's coming, It's coming.

And so it was perfect.

But I did want exactly how we started off for the conversation to change, because at first I felt like you were so unrelatable, you know what I'm saying.

I felt like you've been.

A virgin never like it just seemed like you couldn't.

I didn't.

You and I have had conversations behind, you know, offline about certain stuff that I would say that you'd be like, I don't know it.

Just I was like, you don't stand this journey.

You don't understand this journey.

I've been married before.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's different from when you go and you go, you go to a restaurant, if your if your family.

I remember this.

One lady says she never ever gives her kid junk food.

She was they were raised with that, never eating junk food.

I said, the first time they decided to go eat some pizza when they go to college, or go wherever they're gonna be like this is good, or it could be a situation like this or something I said.

But if they like it, or if they like it, be like, oh my God.

All the time.

And it's the same thing that happened with church.

A lot of time people got church so much growing up that they don't want to go to church no more.

So it had an adverse effect by the way church culture was back then.

And so I said, at the end of the day, and we create healthy balance of understanding who God is and understanding people's personal journey because a lot of times we wouldn't have allowed Paul on our platforms in a certain season of his life.

He wouldn't have allowed him when he was killing could come to the door.

You'd be like, hold on this man, it come to kill me.

Bless me because I know Paul used to be crazy.

So it's like, that's that mindset.

And so I've always wanted to be a person that could take people through their journey while me going through my journey.

I always wanted to say, hey, listen.

As a Christian, I felt like a lot of stuff just wasn't talked about.

Stuff at the church everybody was struggling privately, but no one was bold enough to share it.

And so I said, God, I want to be what I wish was afforded to me.

And so what I love about where you're at now is that you said, now the Lord has awakened that desire to be married.

Now is calling a different level of responsibility, because if I don't want marriage, then I ain't dating.

I'm just chilling anyway.

And I'm just like, I'm good.

I'm happy being single.

When the Bible says he calls something to be eunuchs, it's like, I'm here, I'm good.

I dont understand with ya.

Why are y'all struggling being absent anybody?

Because I was having sex for twenty seven years and now I'm twenty eight years old or I'm forty something years old, and now here it is I'm trying to do something that my body has been so used to just say no, walk away from.

Why is it so hard?

And they're like, oh, she understand.

I got three kids, and you're telling me it's hard for it shouldn't be so hard for me to have sex to the woman who has three kids, one well, no, no, let me.

Let me interject with that that is the beauty.

I didn't want to clarify just case it gets lost.

One thing that the whole point of me in creating the tribe was secreating something outside of me, right, because if I really want to keep it as is, everybody was following my page right, gleaning from me, and I could have kept it like that.

But when they would find my page of like, oh I thought I was the last virgin, or I thought, no, actually, let me say this.

I actually didn't say I was a virgin.

My book talks about staining.

I don't know.

It's not from a stance of virgin And.

I asked you that one day.

I said, are your virgin apps that you said your virgion?

I said, okay, now that gets a different level to it.

Yes, And God had shown me it was like, if you speak of it from a virgion perspective, that you're going to exclude a lot of people.

Yes, so at think they I'm abstinent, just like anybody else.

So when I started, I would just talk about being abstinent.

But then that had made a video when I was like thirty one, and it went viral, and it was like, I'm a virgin.

It had like the people reacting on the left side of the screen.

It was like everybody was doing it, and so many people reached out.

I was like, I didn't know you were a virgin because it wasn't something I talked about.

I just said, what you mean?

People were saying I didn't know you were a virgin because they was like, oh, I just thought you were absent because you always just said you were abstinent, you know.

So with creating the tribe, I was like, Okay, I need to create a tribe that's reflective of all the people that are staining.

Because when men would come into my dmy, they be real right, they be real raw, And I'm like and I was like, I don't think he really want to talk to me about this.

But the desperation, right, it's like, well, no one's really talking about it.

I need help.

I'm at my WIT's end.

Help me, right, But they're just like laying everything out and there's certain things that I can't.

Relate to, right, just like a woman that's been married before, a man that's been married before, people with children.

But now with the tribe, even with the app we do men and women's checking right, every third Sunday.

I have a man that leads it, and the man checking with the man, the woman with the woman because we have things that we separately need to talk about while living this lifestyle.

And if a woman says, oh, can I be abstinent and I'm a mother, well absolutely right, absolutely, But guess why I have other people in the tribe that are in the same boat.

And let me connect you with this person, you know, permiskit.

I used to be promised kid, I was outside.

I'm like, okay, so was Tasha.

Let me connect you with Dasha, right, because then y'all can.

Relate on a different level.

So that is yet something like that.

Oh absolutely.

Now when the man come in with them, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, let me connect you to the coup.

Let me right shout out to Coop.

Let me connect you to Coop because I don't want to hear on it now.

I don't need to before I feel a little guilty.

I'm like, Lord, can you just gotta.

Guilty?

Yeah?

I know, because he didn't you know, they was seeking help and I was like, man, I'm gonna turn them away.

With no So how would you how would you deal with it.

I was just trying to talk through it because I weren't inappropriate.

It's a lot for you to yeah, the man said, well, I'm I'm waking up every morning hard.

I don't want to have that conversation, right.

But then it's like, also, this is a real.

Thing, you know, But I just I didn't prefer to Yeah, that's good, and that's what I'm saying, and this and this, and that's the reason why I said, it has to be very relatable to people in their different journeys.

You know what I'm saying.

And it's like, but I find great joy in knowing that.

Now you're at the stage because when I was talking to you about coming to the podcast, you said, now I see what what's so hard?

I said, these streets is before I couldn't relate, and not to say I wasn't.

I couldn't sympathize with it.

I was like, okay, just as a girl's so I can see it struggling.

I have friends that are not abstinent, and they're like, it's trash.

I hear you know, the be in the pool, So I get it.

But I just couldn't go like, oh me too, I'm so mad right.

I just couldn't.

Oh, I'm sad too.

It was like, okay, I didn't know.

It's like, come to the meet up.

I didn't know.

I did it?

Did it?

Come to the media, right, I didn't know.

I gave you what I could.

But now I was like, girl, I get it.

So how often do you go on dates?

So I don't go on no dates?

I've been on two dates since I've been here, and that's it.

And how does those come about?

Is it that people?

I was on the apps?

I was on the app, which I don't think anything's wrong with the d I don't think anything is wrong.

It's a little exhausting, taking a risk, exhausted, it's a tiring.

You got to read about them and then like the whole job.

Hey, it's like no, thank you?

So yeah, I was on the.

Apps and met to and what made you?

How does a person catch your attention enough for you to actually respond?

I know the bar got to be high.

Listen, don't do me.

This is what I'll say, right, I gotta do better, But I'm gonna do I gotta do better, right because.

You you find yourself and that's a member.

Someone told me.

Never make decisions when you're vulnerable or no, desperate, excuse me desperate, And I'm not gonna say I was in a place.

Of desperation, but it was kind of like, okay, can you have put this off so long?

Now you gotta come on right?

So you know you, oh he's cute and okay you killed nobody or you know what I mean, Okay, you a little talk, a little conversation and they asked you.

I'm like, okay, right, So it really wasn't a lie.

I know people are like, can you gotta have more back and forth conversation on the app?

I ain't time for all that.

Let's you meet up.

It's gonna wasted time like a little keiki and then it might not work out, but it's not wasted for me.

It's not wasting right right.

So yeah, it wasn't too much with neither one of those got good conversation.

How long goes it?

I think one was last year, one was last year, and the one was maybe twenty twenty three, and they were and they were believers, and they were of course like about one.

Yeah, pitufall tragic shame.

Once a year my yearly date.

Got that up to twenty five.

No, date, No, and I.

The first one, I did it.

I I liked him, I enjoyed him.

The second one, that's so much.

So you know it's one, you know, fifty to fifty.

I don't know what the twenty twenty five.

Remember I told okay, mamember, I told you about the man with the three kings.

Yeah, yeah, what happened?

What happened to the second date?

You know who?

Okay, So I'll tell you the two red flags.

One was he was a drinker.

I don't drink the liquor.

That's just me.

I don't.

But he was a drinker, like he was ordering them and he literally because I try to give grace, like, I'm like, okay, Ski, you have not my family, right, alcoholism.

I've seen like the consequences of it, right, So I'm like, shit, that's your personal thing.

That's not everybody.

Okay.

So I'm asking, I like, okay, so how often do you drink?

He's, ah, if I.

Come home, I'm gonna take a little drink.

If I my social settings, I'm ana drink.

I said, okay, So like if you go to the movies, She's like, I'm gonna.

Drink at the movies.

Yes, the movies.

I'm bowling you, I'm gonna drink.

So I'm like, okay, that's the thing.

But then, yeah, that's the thing.

He told me he gotta be doing one of the three kings, one of the three.

And this comes because the liquor.

He said, Oh yeah, I gotta be doing one of the three kings.

If I'm not drinking, I gotta do one in three.

So I'm like, what's the three kings?

He said, drinking, smoking, or effing?

And I should have got up and left.

I should have.

I should have, but I did it and that was it, and I respect well he told him.

Why.

I don't think we could.

I don't think he was happy about it.

And that was that sat me down.

Yet what he said down the first day, yes, baby, he was laying at bear.

And I appreciate it his honesty.

He was very complimentary, very you know, I love it, thank you.

But also he told on himself a lot.

I was just like, okay, drinking, smoking, and he didn't say he said the full word, all of it.

And I'm like, he came from choir rehearsal.

What's that same mouth?

Don't the Bible talk about that?

Eh?

That same mouth that was hallelujah.

A couple of hours ago, you would he just said, he just showed me he acquired rehears earlier.

He was coming from it before our date.

I said, no, it's we think we're safe out here, but we're not.

I sat now, I said, oh, how do we even know who you was?

No?

And I like that.

I don't want people I'm talking about.

So people don't go look at people social media's where to go on to date?

Hey, mine didn't, Holly, did you go look at his?

No?

I didn't.

I think I searched him.

Maybe he didn't have I because I do do the search.

Maybe nothing came up.

Maybe nothing came up because I do do this, so I saw you.

Sometimes they have that's what Sometimes they have like nicknames.

One guy I didn't know his full name, but sometimes they have like you know, rage, I'm the dating that just rage.

I can't do nothing rich and I don't be giving our phone numbers, so we can't do nothing with that.

So you don't give your phone naw.

So you go from talking to the d ms on the dating app and then meeting in person.

Yeah, okay, see I not be on a date app.

So I don't know.

Oh yeah, listen, everybody that can throw stones.

Okay, I'm new out here.

No people people, no people know that don't date now, I mean the people.

It's a part of our culture now, So it's nothing.

I never frowned upon that.

Yeah, it's a resource.

That's yeah, it's it's a it's a resource.

If you meet your spouse on that, you meet your spouse on that.

Uh, just don't forget to continue vedding.

You know, I installed uninstalled it now I'm not upon it.

You just gave up on it.

I just got a little scared.

People a little crazy here.

I said, oh, we're going on.

I believe in the killer and the rapist litarious.

I said, oh, I might get back on the later.

But I got a little scared, So I said, let me ask.

You this and then we're gonna conclude.

Is it possible to meet somebody on your app?

A lot of people always asked me this because I want to see if we can take if you can get your own supply hilarious, it's actually hilarious.

Or do you feel like as a leader right if it don't work out and it just looked tacky?

Exactly?

I feel like one.

A big thing I want is a man to choose me right, choose me, like if I'm in a crowd like you, you right need you and.

Want you because we feel like those can't like like, yeah, I hate I hate it.

They said, what do you want?

You want to be wanted or needed?

I hate?

No, I hate a man like my wife is.

It wasn't who I wanted, but she was who I needed.

I'm gonna throw up me me, I'm gonna throw up.

I'm gonna throw up.

I don't care.

I'm gonna throw up because like dangs.

I just benefited.

You really didn't want me.

But it's like I can't help you me me, this is me.

So I'm like, baby, you gotta know that they can be both right both, and so I want him to choose me and be good people.

People be giving, people be making those reels about some of the couples that's been on my podcast that have said that that's what I was laughing, Oh they saying.

I just hear men saying all the time, and I don't like that for me, So so men do say that.

But people have attacked certain couples on my podcasts who have honestly admitted that, but you But you've heard Gud say that a lot, people say.

Men say it all the time because it's like the biggest compliment to woman.

I don't know.

I'm like, I don't hear the compliment he didn't want you, hed or the Lord himself.

I'm like the Lord, They're removed the scales.

The Lord himself had to be like shakillah, you don't see it.

Look, look, look, look, look, I'm offend.

Dad.

Pray for me truly because I believe.

I believe it can happen.

I believe this, but not for me.

Don't you if that's hey, if he is pursuing me, don't you tell me that what you got to keep that to yourself?

So want in need, but choose me?

Right?

So with the APP, I just don't know, especially if he is we are a close knit community.

If he is in that community, has been in that community, he's made friendships with people, connections, and you know there's people in that app in the community to talk about me, A sess stuff, right, and it's like one day I may vent and be like, yeah, her, Sarah was talking about me.

I didn't like that to hurt my feelings.

I feel like she got like Onterio Mos and he'd be like, oh, Sarah's not like my sister.

I don't need that pick one.

Who are you for me or Sarah?

Right?

Because now I put you in that I don't want to put you in that position where you have to choose.

So I'm like, I'd rather somebody not in the tribe so that they don't feel like they have to choose.

Or if things don't go right now, you know, in my business, you might be telling the people.

So I would just prefer someone that's not in my community, or catching before he get up in there.

Snatch him right, snatch him right there.

But if you up in that thing, I don't know.

I don't know if you could choose me.

Well, see as what I'm saying, some of these men may have joined to get to know you more so that they can meet you at a meet up and try to isolate you in black.

Isolated me when they should have did it.

I like an asserted man, come get me.

So that's Hey, that's a call to action right now to meet up.

Shoot your shot, let her know where you're staying, let her know, let her know.

I didn't talked too much, didn't I just talking just saying too much?

Kid?

So yeah, she likes an asserted man, So let her know where you staying, let her know who side you are, right right, you have to try.

I ain't never like that anyway, stupid name.

I'm installing right now.

What they're gonna send you a video of us beginning the heim pursuing you be like, what's that?

That would be amazing?

I would love that.

Do y'all have y'all back on the podcast and then be right there.

I installed that after that day.

Immediately he is that that's my wife.

Ain't going into twenty twenty six without her?

The masses real quick before I wrap up, and it's my second wrap up like a pastor here is.

Are you afraid of time?

Meaning?

Would you say that it could be too soon?

A god meets you today, y'all hitting it off, y'all talk and getting to know each other.

What will be too soon?

Well?

If he proposed to you three months later, would that be too soon?

Yeah?

Six months later?

The paris.

Six months, six months?

And then well when do we get married?

We ain't got there?

You you weigh in on that?

See the woman weighs in on when y'all get married collectively, but you don't weigh in when.

He proposes, No, I'll say it's not too soon.

So six months not?

Why is your face contorting?

Because this is still new to me, right, I'm just.

Now getting to the mindset of yourself made married.

Right, So it's like I want to say that and mean it.

Right, So I really ship you met him six months from now?

You ready for that?

Like to I never you know, I've never had like a serious boyfriend, So this will be.

Serious relationship, committal commitment now.

And you know, my I'm always used to living life on my own terms.

And don't get me wrong, I love baby, I'm ready to submit.

I ain't got no issue.

Okay, what you want on your plate?

Let me bring sit down?

Say what I'm bringing to you?

Where are we talking about?

This is the man I like in love?

What are we talking about?

But just I want to be honest like which is real?

Because I forgot you said you've never been a serious relationships.

All of this will be new.

All of it will be new.

Literally, uh, responsible for another person out there being concerned about their day to day life and him being concerned learned about you and that whole thing.

It could be like giving me whip last.

She'd be like, what I would say, I do that with my friends just naturally, right, well, just like showing up and asking and checking in, Like my friends know if you call me, even if I'm not in the best mood, I'm like okay, and they're like, okay, I know you're about to call me back, right, I just I check you with my friends.

But to do life with someone that's different, like you're their person, person person and being ready to let them in and share with them and be vulnerable and open.

And so three months absolutely, not six months maybe.

Right?

Six months better?

All right?

So then the next step the marriage.

How long do you think y'all got to be with each other before y'all get married?

At least the year?

Okay, that's fair.

Yeah, so at least a year?

And why do you say that?

And I'm talking about do you believe in doing pre engagement counseling and pre marital counseling stuff?

All right?

So even with you say one.

Year minimum, everything's flexible.

Got to come in and mess up your whole plan.

I'm just talking about where you at now because I'm gonna see how this ages.

And so at the end of the day, this is what you're saying now, and I want to be able to go back to when God does it for you and see how it lines up.

Yeah, I would say it a year.

There's no rhyme or reason, honestly, and this is all new to me, right, I don't know what it's like.

People like, oh, I've been with somebody in you know, in six months.

I just knew they were to one and why waiting?

And I don't.

I don't know that, right, And I.

Think that's going to be a huge But I'm flexible and this is new to me too, right, So I'm going to be learning in real time with this person.

So give me time also to grow and figure out how this is.

And you know, so yeah, if I had like the blueprint, like oh, I know in a relationship that the thought I know somethings from you know, having some friends but never fully committed letting like my I remember this, God say like you have a wall up shikiya Like my friends say that too, right, only letting people in so little.

I don't mean you, I just when I'm supposed tell you want to know what you want to know, just tell all my business.

But just even being cognizant of that, like there's some things that I'm working on now that I don't know what that looks like.

I want you to invite somebody in.

That's good, right, So he may be like, you need a little more time, You need just a little more time, a little so, but I'm open, I'm flexible to see.

That's good.

That the fact that this is a different Shakia talking right now that I talked to a few years ago brings my heart joy.

Ah, it brings my heart joy because at the end of the day, that means that growth has occurred and we all have to be given the grace to grow.

And so you've given yourself enough grace to grow.

And like you said, I don't know what I'll do.

I want to I am submitted.

I ain't afraid to be submitted.

But this is just new.

And that's the beauty of whoever God brings your life that they have to be aware of that.

Does he have to be a virgin, No, but he has to be absent.

Amen.

He he doesn't have to be a virgin, but he does have to have done the work to unpack his past, right because I joke about it.

I've joked about it for years.

People have to understand.

I learn it the closer I get to my OHK, you one day you are going to be with somebody and see all you're hidden treasures and all that, right, And so I'm like, oh, it's real where you're going to be with the man that potentially has a past, and it could have been a fruitful and great past, right, real fun and right fun.

But he's going to bring in to our marriage the things that he experienced outside of our marriage.

And I don't feel like I should be.

Responsible for that, right, So when you're coming, you like, I like this that and the third okay, well you and Keisha, what's doing that?

She introduced you to that?

I didn't introduce you to that because I say, I think that's nasty.

I think that's IFO I have to do it.

That's not right to put that on me, right, And now you're frustrated and you should be wanting to do this with your husband, But he wouldn't even.

Known what that was exactly, and that's not fair.

That's not fair for me, And you can't bring those expectationstions into our marriage, right, so he will have to do that work unpacking and praying and all that deliverance.

Yeah amen, yeah, soul tar break.

Yes, right and like clear and renewing your mind of that and your desire.

God take that desire out right, Let my wife explore me that part.

Right, No, that's all.

God take the past the desires I have, and let me have new desires right that what Shakia can offer and what Shakia can do, I don't know what I could do, right, whatever she can do, give a grace to learn.

All right now right amen, But that it feels.

Like real that you share.

One day you said, hey, people think that you know you're gonna get married to a version and they just not gonna want to have sex.

They ain't gonna wanna do nothing.

It was just funny real that you said.

You made some little funny be like, no, I'm gonna be like, come on, let's let you know, let's get it in, yall have a good time.

But people will assume even when you're saying that, they're saying, oh, no, she ain't gonna want to do that, and they're not even hearing from a heels.

They're hearing from trauma saying oh so basically I'm gonna get married to Ushing.

Said, no, no, no, I want us to create things.

I want us to have our own experiences and our own tricks and flips and splits that we learn together, not not rehearsing, but.

Not regurgitating what happen you doing what Keisha did?

Well, Keisha used to do it like this.

I really like when Tanya used to what, well you need to write?

I don't who wants that?

Who wants that?

Right?

So yeah, I am open to explore and learn with my person and let's create experiences together, but not like performing what some of the girl done did.

That's do you feel like people that men value because I don't know how many guys you dated had conversations.

Do they value your virginity?

Yes?

They how you say, fantasize size it?

Yeah, they be like, oh I got somebody.

Nobody is And I think it's so insulting in a way because and this is no disrespect to nobody.

And I said this when I was on another podcast, like men want to be able to do that they.

Do or sow the row loads everywhere.

But then when it's time to get a wife, is like, oh, but I want that one because she's never been with But do I want you respectfully right, not even because of how many, but the lack of discipline that you had.

Why do you think I don't also desire someone?

Right?

Say, a man gonna be a man.

So you you got except a man to me has a is disciplined.

A young boy cannot discipline his body.

I think about like my little cousin the first time he feels so right, Like, right, that's a little boy.

Right, he's not disciplined yet.

But at what age as a man?

Still?

Do you not be swayed by anything that's walking past you?

Ready, the poking stroke, any chance you get like that's that's not a man?

To me, A man is disciplined, right, So it's like if you are, like, I want to wipe that untouching building, nobody, no man could.

Say he ain't never well what you think I would?

I mean, I'm a rock with you.

If you mind right, we're gonna we're gonna find a cute way to be like but you ain't never had.

But she because he was out side.

Now I gotta save face now, right because everybody saying, oh we know about tyrone?

Right now, I got to figure out a way to say face.

But right, you're having post Christ though you never want the other side, right, you didn't have the man of God, that is, you have that man of God relationship.

But yes, I'm like, what makes you think?

But yes they think.

It's just like oh, so oh you are white.

They immediately oh you are a white material.

Yeah you just nobody and then had you proud wife?

You didn't?

Yeah, ill ill like that.

We're trained to oh know, while we're trained like that, we're trained to that.

Well, I guess that's difficult.

I can't say that's wrong with it is to value a woman's virtue like that, and then in the in the in the opposite that we'd be like, she'sn't been around, but I don't want her.

But which is crazy?

And I said on another podcast, right, every man that is out here having sex is adding to the woman's body.

Counting, right, yeah, I remember the podcast said that on you Why.

It's like, okay, well, when we get married, we don't want a woman to hide body count.

But you're adding to it, like what do you?

But then when you're single, it's like, well you can't be not having sex because they no man gonna want you if you don't have sex.

Okay, So then when I'm single, because they won't be with me if I don't have sex, I gotta have sex.

So when I have sex, ask my body count.

But then when it's time to get it, it disqualifies you get married, right, Can it make sense that you're adding to the body count.

But then you're like, we don't want you to have a body count, Then stop having sex with them?

No, They saying, well, the woman that's my wife, she's gonna have to have disciplines, right right, you gonna have to.

Swarm off an now because somebody wasting here, like, ain't no man gonna want you, and.

She fell for it.

Leave somebody else's wife alone.

You poking somebody's wife.

Leave her alone.

Stop disqualifying her.

In y'all words, y'all be confused.

Y'all really do.

Fun?

I said, well, that's so true.

You get a little mad at me.

But they got mad.

They did get mad.

I don't know what I was.

I was genuinely confused.

I'm like, what they got mad?

He did?

Doug will holler, right, but now they cool, they're cool, they cool, they're cool.

But it because he didn't get mad.

They got mad.

They got mad that you like, because in their mind they're saying that don't mean we just want the woman.

That's what he're saying is I want the woman that said no to all the wolves.

I want the woman that the woman that rejected and turned down, the woman that doesn't have the quote unquote high body count.

But why because sish, it's very selfish.

It's for your ego, because like you.

Just said, don't you think I want the same thing.

I don't want a guy that's been out there and I gotta go ahead and repurpose the testimony you didn't.

Have any right girl.

Please look, I looking stupid, right, but I'm gonna do it for mine.

So a man's ego is attached to that even more that he go in the room and know different dudes and being with a woman, he'd be like, yep, he just But again, because they were taught.

Remember I go back to childhood.

Girls are taught typically not to be out there messing around little boys and boys are taught the opposite.

And so we know this as young men and young boys, that that's how they were taught.

Even at the school.

I talked to my nephew about this that the girls in they schooled.

Like, yeah, she messed with everybody.

I don't want her, she's for the streets, she's just or whatever.

And then and you're taught that real early, to minimize a woman's value due to her body count, and so we grow up thinking that, and then we become adults and we go, Okay, now it's all my sister.

Now I'm gonna choose my wife.

Listen, Yeah, I need.

The woman with Jaquia.

Ah, that's nice.

Oh you know, what's the number?

I don't know.

I got an argument with these guys.

So I had this big viral video, one of my first viral videos in twenty twenty two.

I said, I'm not concerned about a woman's past.

She could have been with twenty five thirty five men.

I said, I'm not intimidated by that.

I said, the version of her I'll have no other man has ever gone.

I said that on that reel.

I just said, me, man, the manuscript got a hold of that went crazy.

They kept saying, I can't believe you on a woman that's been for the streets and this, this, this, So I asked them, what is it?

Yeah, I was on a male platform on YouTube, because they was talking about me on YouTube and I and one of my supporters saw.

They said, they talking about you.

They showed that.

I got him the live.

I started talking to him.

They said about two or three at the most.

I said, so you take what age?

That's what I said.

I said, So you take a woman that's fun, I said, thirty seven.

I see, you take a woman thirty seven years old.

She'd have been through college, I said, been through high school, college, and all her twenties and almost all her thirties, and you want her to have been with a guy each decade?

And I said, he really?

They said, They said yeah, yeah, that's what I want.

And I said two or three.

I said, what's your story?

Yeah?

And then he said, I mean a man is supposed to be this or whatever.

And I said, but this is what God showed me a few months ago about my own thing.

Is my woman is gonna want a man of valor to a man of discipline.

I said, so, how do I blame her for running into a bunch of means on her way of finding me?

Right?

And he said.

Right?

He said, well, he said, I'm just saying a woman that's been with multiple people.

They have an inability to pair bond.

And he said that when a woman he likened it to wolves, that wolf packs joined together because they pair bond.

He said, for a woman is used to sleeping with a guy and sleep with another guy, sleep with another guy, you're going to have a problem dating that woman and clearly marrying that woman because she has an inability to pair bond.

She has an inability, he said.

Men are conditioned like that.

I guess that's why they be about to shoot up everybody when they find out their girlfriend and kiss a man.

But y'all can just detach, right, But you were about to lose your mind when you found out she got a text from a man.

That why testing you?

Why are you caring?

It doesn't make sense.

Why do we, he said, because women are meant not to ever do that, and men are programmed be like that.

Man of guy, because we are hoss the board and the tribe.

No, what is good for the woman is good for the man.

The Holy Spirit is residing in both.

Okay, God said, both of us.

Honor your body like what.

It's not our own.

Descripture talks about it's not our own.

Therefore, honor God with their body.

It holds true on both ends.

So I don't understand in the world they could say what they want back end of the day, and we all all men have feelings.

That stuff like that makes us think, oh, well, men don't bond and they don't have feelings and they don't care.

Then they get mad when women think like that instead of change that nearature like, no, we want to bond too, does the same?

What is it dopa?

Meaning yeah, that's that that bonding do may not release oxytocin do Okay, So it bonds us and it pairs us.

So why are we trying to act like it doesn't happen with men?

Like they don't be trying to cuddlem like I don't know the whole, but I heard maybe.

Cuddling all up to you.

That is beautiful, they said right after the men be y'all cuddled up beneath you.

Amen.

We love that.

We love that for y'all, So stop it's it's.

Silly, and that's why we have to mute the noise because the world will have us confused.

I want to, I want to, I want to make this a real and I'm gonna say this if you feel like men, do you believe it's a double standard, or you feel like this is how we were programmed as men and how women were programmed.

I'm gonna make this surreal.

I want y'all to talk, converse, not argue in the comments, have intelligent conversation.

I want you all to bring scientific stuff and biblical references and so we can heal some stuff in here.

We need to heal some stuff with these conversations.

Saquia, it was absolutely amazing to have you on Diffuture Wifey podcast.

Thank you so much.

I kept trying to end it, but we just kept bringing more conversation up and I love it.

I believe that you brought a lot of value.

Y'all.

Give it up for my homegrown Shaquiah seabrook Sea brooks.

Okay, Gomolition, God bless.

Stay tuned to the end for a letter to my future wife.

Writing these love letters, Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective services.

In twenty fifteen, my nephew Black a boy the likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship slim to none Ourmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with five years in the fossil care system before I even knew his name.

The likelihood have ever been adopted Yep, you guessed it, slim to none.

While Ladarian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely thrive in and overpopulated and underfun the Falster care system, I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been a single father with a daughter who at that point was doing well in college.

It was my time to live my life right.

Wrong.

I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

There are just too many of our Black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falter care system.

In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladaria.

Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

I had no ties to this other young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt them also in Il Babe, starting over with parenting should have been enough.

Right, Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young Black Kings and the Falster care system should have decreased my agitation.

Right joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false care should have led to some type of resolve.

Right, No, none of it felt like I had done enough.

I now realized that every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

Kingdom Royal.

Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art home for foster boys.

Our first location will be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex.

We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible.

Though.

The young Kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal.

Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts, introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals on our form and onsite stables.

We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.

Now why two point eight million dollars?

Well in twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

One of the most notable successes was.

That one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views.

However, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community.

So throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

I knew if at that time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at least two point eight million dollars that could have really established long term support for the homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative to do so.

This is my do over, this is our new beginning.

Together, we can attack this at the root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys, who are already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system.

I'm a Terisaarwick Phiel.

I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work with the homeless, as well as my personal adoption journey.

Despite those accolades.

The greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life.

Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details, Crown a king and make a donation today.

Well, here's my favorite part of the podcast where I speak to my future wife he dear future wifey.

In the world that treats sex like a casual handshake, I see it as a covenant handshake with Heaven.

Intimacy between us will not just be the merging of bodies.

It will be the merging of souls each time we come together.

It won't merely be for pleasure, though pleasure will be it's fruit.

It will be a renewal of vows without words, a reminder that our love is sacred, our union is set apart.

I don't want our intimacy to be reduced to moments of convenience or stress release.

I want it to be holy ground, a sanctuary where we both enter vulnerable, strip the ego, pride and fear, and find safety in each other's embrace.

The rhythm of our bodies will be a prayer.

The size we release will be worship, and the passion we share will be an offering to the God who authored our love.

When I hold you close, I will treasure not just your curves, but your trust.

When I kiss you deeply, I will honor not just your lips, but your spirit.

And when I enter into you, I vow never to take lightly the fact that I have been granted access to the most sacred chamber of your being.

That is not a right, It's a responsibility, a gift.

I will never mishandle so let our bed be undefouled, a place where laughter, passion, and reverence all coexist.

May our intimacy heal the cracks of the day, fuel the fires of our tomorrow, and continually remind us that sex is not common, it's consecrated.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast.

Remember belch, live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.

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