Because I want to offer them three options.

One is to move out, which means we're gonna pay your rent and help you transition out.

Hold on, Hold on, You can't just throw that out there.

If y'all gonna pay two months of the couple's rent.

What made you envision during the grand wedding?

It really became out of division of how popular cohabitation became.

I wanted to preach about.

It, but I said, I never want to preach about something.

We're not giving people a pathway to restoration.

We give them three options.

One move out, we're gonna help you with to rent.

Two move away from doing relationship this way, find another pathway.

And then the third one is marrying now what we call a ninety day cohabitation challenge, and at the end of that, we'll give you free wedding, free dress.

We're gonna take care of everything.

You just wor up on the relationships.

We married over one hundred and twenty couples, and we've seen how it's been redemptive in their lives.

We were shacking up for seven months and then Pastor Carter issued the call for the cohabitation challenge.

We looked at each other and we said that he is talking to us at this is what we need to do.

For a woman to submit.

It's not just the man that she's trusting, it's really the Jesus she sees behind him.

My wife trusted that Jesus she saw behind me more than I did.

At some point.

The number one question I got when she was pregnant with Ethan was are you ready?

And my counteractive question would be, how could I be ready for something that I've never done before?

And that's the same thing when it comes to marriage.

I want heard someone say find someone who you can have a bad time with, And it's easy to have a good time with someone, and there's no one else that I would rather go through those bad times with.

So just take that leap of faith.

God was real loud in that moment.

You know, it was something that had been pulling in my heart.

I knew that I wanted to marry her, and I knew that with how both of us were raised, with how both of us operate, we wanted to do it the right way.

It talks about the cohabitation challenge and he just introduced to pay your rent part and I was.

Like, look, there you go.

You can moving out.

We were literally visiting.

They said they was visiting them, but God visited them.

That's what I'm talking about.

And how many years are been married going on sixteen sixteen years of marriage.

That's absolutely beautiful.

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Now listen, this is a special edition of the Dear Future Wifie Podcast.

We are at Concord Church in Dallas, Texas, and this special episode is titled The Grand Wedding.

And so first we're going to just chop it up with the leaders of this ministry, Pastor Brian Carter and Stephanie Carter.

Welcome to the Dear Future Wifie Podcast Again.

Y'all were a feature on the podcast before, So let me ask you this real quick.

Pastor Carter, what made you envision doing the Grand Wedding?

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So it really became out of division of how popular cohabitation became sixteen years ago.

It was so incredibly popular.

It's even more popular today.

And then we begin to realize how many people were impacted by it.

I wanted to preach about it, but I said, I never want to preach about something.

I'm not giving people a pathway really to restoration.

And so I remember the Sunday or I remember our team getting together, I said, I'm a preach about it.

By said, I need y'all help to try to pull this off, because I want to offer them three options.

Really, one is to move out, right, we talk about a biblical case for cohabitation.

One is to move out, which means we're gonna pay your rent two months rent and help you transition out.

Hold on hold, you can't just throw that out there, so you said, as I hurt, y'all gonna pay two months of the couple's rent.

Right.

So, so, so here's what we know about cohabitation.

You never many times you slide.

You don't decide, so you drift in.

The one night becomes a week.

The duffel bag becomes a few boxes, you know what.

He moves from a drawer to to to all the cosmetics.

So all those things begin to happen.

So what often happens is couples get stuck, right, they get stuck.

So we felt like, when we give a biblical perspective about it cohabitation versus covenant, let's help people to figure out the difference.

And if they're there and don't want to be there, but are stuck financially, we want to pay too much rent to help you move out.

The reason we do that is because my wife and I we were shocking before we got married, and my brother actually paid my rent to help me kind of get to a different place.

Really, that's where it came from.

So shacking.

Yes.

Now, listen, I was living my best life in my apartment, doing my student teaching.

I was minding my own business.

And then he.

Showed up at my apartment.

I'll never forget.

The other had just come off and there was a knock on my door and I was like, what are you doing here?

You're gonna get in so much trouble and he was like I decided to leave.

I was like, leave where you're home?

Oh, okay, all right.

And then I was kind of excited because this was like in what January and we were getting married in June.

Also, you already had plan on getting married.

We did.

I got put out of the house.

That's a that's another episode but but but but yeah, So I just needed a place and I went over there, but I just couldn't get I was a preacher to I just I just didn't get comfortable.

I couldn't.

So my brother paid my rent helped me get to a place until we were able to get married.

And so the program is kind of based on our own.

Story, right that we know what it's like for a couple of be in that situation, and so we want to help them.

So for us, we give them three options.

One move out we'll go help you with your rent.

Two, move away from doing relationship this way, right, find another pathway because oftentimes coapitation doesn't lead to long sustaining relationships, right.

And then the third one is mayor now, which is if we want to put you through what we call a ninety day cohabitation challenge, which we're gonna give you ninety days.

We're gonna put you through twelve weeks of classes, teach you all about the foundation of a relationship, how they work, how to deal with conflict, how to manage money, how to deal with in law, all the things that are important.

And at the end of that, while you work on the relationship, we'll take care of the wedding.

And at the end of that, we'll give you free wedding, free dress, free tuxedo, free reception, free rings, invitations, cake, We're gonna take care of everything.

You just work on the relationship because we want to help you move from cohabitation to company.

I'm trying not to cry.

Let me tell you something.

I don't know why it's making me emotional.

Listen, you know why this is so emotional to me.

It's because, as I expressed with you, it's back in the day pastors would beat people over the head and be like, stop shacking, you're going to hell.

And you said, you know, you got a little boogie.

You call it cohabitation, but you know where we come from, they call the shacking, right, But you didn't beat people over the head.

You said, I'm coming from a place of what I experienced myself, and we're going to give people a hand up and help them have the tools necessary in order to have healthy relationships.

And because we know statistically that those who cohabitate their marriages, you know the statistics based on that, they don't really make it.

And so you said, let's go ahead and be a part of the solution and give tools.

But the fact that y'all went all in as a ministry to say no, we're not just going to give you counseling, but we're gonna pay for everything.

And people don't understand a lot of churches struggle financially, and y'all saying y'all gonna go a step further and not just make it about, you know, making sure the lights stay on, but we're going to help people do that.

Where did that come from?

I mean that had to be a huge undertaken from a ministry.

I think the church is a place of restoration.

I mean that's what the gospel teaches.

The gospel is redemptive, and the church is a place where people get restored.

It's not just a place along where we call out certain things.

It's a place where we can help build pathways.

And so for us, it just fits what that's what the gospel looks like.

And so we've had so many individuals over these sixteen years.

We've married over one hundred and twenty couples, and we've seen how it's been redemptive in their lives.

We've seen people come to faith and accept Jesus Christ, the Lord Savior.

We've seen people that have said nobody in my family's married, I've never seen it before.

I'm going to be the first one to break the cycle.

We've seen children that now have their mom and dad together.

I mean, we've seen healing and we've watched people get restored to their faith in God.

You know they weren't.

We have couples in this church right now.

They've been a part of this journey.

There are some of our most faithful couples, most involved couples.

Then when their families come to celebrate that they're now stepping in the marriage.

It's a lot of work to get through couple as they walk through those relationship.

But the end goal of celebrating that the Gospel is redemped and restorative.

And we have an amazing church they love sponsoring couples.

This weekend when we have our wedding, we've got about one hundred and fifty volunteers, stylists, barbers, makeup artists, seamstress.

They show up and say, we want to help love on people and make it happen we grow people.

Man, that's powerful.

What we're gonna do, We're gonna go around and allow the couples to introduce themselves and the year that y'all got married.

Matter of fact, let's makes it for fun.

I want the date and see I hope y'all ain't debating over the dates, because the man may I remember it was sometime in the year of two thousand and nine.

So I want you to introduce yourself and the y'all's a wedding date.

Yes, my name is Otis and my beautiful wife Monique Seaberry, and we've been married since October twenty fifth in two thousand and.

Nine, two thousand and nine.

And then we're gonna go with y'all.

My name is Kelvin Evans.

This is my wife Pshua Evans, and we were married August twenty seventh, twenty sixteen.

Yeah, my name is Van Mary.

This is my beautiful bride, the Asian Mary, and we got married September tenth, twenty twenty two, and.

We were part of the Grand Wedding twenty twenty two.

My name is Damon Gillery.

This is Hillary soon to be Hillary Gillery, and on September twenty, twenty twenty five, we will be married.

That is beautiful, man.

So when you look back, so I'm gonna go ahead and start with the OG's over here.

When you look back, let me ask you what made you decide to participate in the Grand Wedding before it became the Grand Wedding.

Well, we were actually doing because I think the if I'm stating right, I think the week prior to that, oh sorry, probably a week or so prior to that.

We started CSI, And this was prior to us actually even being members here.

We were always people to understand what us.

Basically, it's a couple seriously interested, right, and we were cohabitating, so we were closer, sorry, and so we were realizing the importance of us doing the counseling and you know, just learning about what this would look like as far as the marriage.

Yes, we were in a relationship, but looks a little bit different when you step into that commitment.

So carteris, I remember how many people were a part of that.

The first one was maybe like fourteen fourteen.

How many people made it through that one was?

I mean at the very end, yes, so it may have.

Typically they start out with about thirty they start out committed.

By the time that counseling gets.

Done, you know, you end up with the with the faithful few, right that have made it through that, the remnant, and they were part of that piece.

And also we learned a lot.

That was the first one, so it wasn't a ninety day challenge.

It was a thirty day challenge, and so we we were a little ambitious and.

It was still falling off a live bit.

Had y'all just moved to Dallas.

So, yeah, I'm originally from New Orleans and I recently moved.

And actually I was going to church at Frenchill West and we came here and heard your message, and I just felt the genuine of your heart and how he was preaching, and it was tugging on my heart.

And we heard the message.

We came, we listened and from there, Yeah, we was here not too long.

Hold on.

So you came to church and visited and that's when you heard the message about the cohabitation challenge.

It was so this is something that my wife has been nudging me, and you know how women they throw the nuggets like hey, And I was like, you.

Know, be specific.

What was she saying?

She was like, we need to I need to man up.

I need to man up.

How long y'all living together?

How long we're going on to going on?

Yeah, we were going about two years.

So what actually actually happened so we didn't even know about the thirty days challenge.

He actually got a call from one of the people over the counseling.

And we had missed that that Sunday and he.

Was like OI, and he was like yeah, what did he actually like, are you ready or somebody?

He was like what, you know, Yeah, we're gonna come.

We're coming to the council.

He's like, oh, so you weren't there and he was like what And anyway, so that's how that happened.

He called him and said get here to the church.

You know.

Basically Pastor made.

This announcement and that's how that happened.

So that's why we fell in love with Concord because we were literally visiting.

And that's the.

Yes, they said they was visiting them, but God visited them and so y'all came and then that was in two thousand and nine.

Two.

How do you feel knowing that God was so intentional that he by design set you up to come visit for you to hear that, and now this is your home?

How do you feel about that?

Looking back?

I mean you look back, He orchestrated everything.

You know.

It's like God plays chess while we're kind of play checkers, right, you know, he knows everything and how he's manipulating things and putting things into place, and looking back at it, I mean we've learned so much from the church, been involved with the ministries, and there's just a lot of growth.

Our kids are involved and everything.

So it's just been a blessing to have and kind of set us up for success.

So why did you decide?

Because every man has a choice, every woman has a choice?

What made you submit to what?

Pastor Carter was preaching the call to a man up as your as your wife said?

What made you submit to that?

I mean, personally, I know better, We all know better.

It's just a matter of if you want to continue to do what you want to do and beat hard headed.

My parents have married, They've been married for forty eight years, really, so so I've seen what a marriage, good marriage look like, and I knew better.

And it's just again, you're being selfish.

You want to do what you want to do.

But guy's been tucking on my heart and finally it just had to submit.

So let me ask you this.

You saw a healthy marriage for all those years.

What made you decide the cohabitation route.

Was it due to finances?

Was it?

Were you afraid of commit looks?

She was shaking her head.

She answered for it, he had money, That wasn't the reason that ain't the reason.

So what what was the reason?

King?

Well from again, I had just moved here from New Orleans, so I came out here because of Hurricane k Katrina.

So I was part of that little.

And we were on a fast track with our relationship.

That's what happened, meaning we met and within a year we were living together and having a baby coming on the way.

So we were on a fast track.

And we just wanted to make sure because I learned very early on children do not make you stay okay, So we wanted to make sure that we really liked each other and we could actually raise our family.

We did it out of order, but that's the truth.

That's what happened.

And being you know, in an environment that was willing to invest and just willing to show you the way, not just like you said, scorn you were you know, you know, show you.

It was just amazing and we did not look back since then.

It's just like, that's amazing.

So what was holding you up?

For me?

I it was just a matter of me making that decision.

I had to to finally kind of like I was doing everything else right.

I was going to church, I was tithing, I was praying, I study, and I'm doing all these things right.

But yet there's one part of my life that I know I am doing wrong.

And I didn't want to lose out on a blessing because I wanted to be hardheaded and do what would I wanted to do.

So I just had to finally submit.

And he's been constantly on my heart.

And you know, even my dad, my mom would make comments and everything, and.

I know right right.

So it's just a matter of me getting out my own way.

So what did you think looking back when after you you've done it the first time and then when you saw the other couples come through the next time they did it, was that an emotional moment for you to know that they were about to embark on what was afford it to you.

Yes, it is definitely emotional.

It's again a blessing to have a church that is willing to stand by what they preach exactly.

I say one thing, but I'm gonna also show you the path and then and I just show you once, but to continue to continue to do it over and over and over again and again.

Just the genuinity of Pastor Carda and his wife and the heart that they have for their members.

It's just a match.

And how many years have been married?

Yeah, I'm going on sixteen, going on sixteen, y'all got to give it up.

And that's sixteen years of mayriage.

That's absolutely beautiful.

And I'm gonna have to ask y'all, is has it gotten hard to where y'all was about to throw in the towel.

Every I'm saying, No, I don't know what he's saying.

I mean, we've had, I'm sure moments where it's tough.

But I told him I don't, well, at least in my mindset.

I didn't.

I don't and I still don't believe in separation.

I feel like, either you're gonna be together you're not.

So either we're gonna.

Do it or we're not.

Like we're gonna work at this, you know what I mean.

And that kind of changes your mindset as far as like Sand of Wars, because you know how some people like, oh, oh, let's have a time apart.

We will give three months, Like no, either we go do this, you know, and work this out through all our differences because we're not the same person.

But no, I've never been like I'm leaving him, so.

Yeah, what's your testimony.

Now, My testimony is the same.

I was just gonna say, every relationship, no matter what it is, is always you have to work at it.

Right.

One of the things I learned in our brotherhood that you have to be intentional.

That's the word that we used right with to be intentional in making time.

And I remember.

I had was having a problems because I was working a lot of hours.

I remember I called passed a carter and I was asking, like, man, like she tripping, I'm working these long hours.

I'm the only one working right right now.

She needs to you know whatever.

And he's like, man, you need to say something for home, Like yes, you are to bread when but at the same time, you still need to save something for home.

It's not fair for your job to get the best of you and get all of you and then when you come home there's not left in the tank.

And when he said that, I was like, I have to look at a different way.

Let me ask you this car is either one of y'all can answer this.

Studies showed that the marriage rates in the black community are decreasing.

It's in like in the thirty percent time.

And they said by thirty.

Every bout twenty thirty is going to be in the teens.

Why do you think is so important for marriages to in our community.

I think marriages is the foundation for the home right.

It is that commitment between the husband and wife that then builds a home for the children.

I mean, it's there is something so significant about marriage being the cornerstone or the family.

And not only that, but even in scripture, it's the foundation that scriptured when God begins that he marries Adam and Eve and then they begin to build from there.

And so marriage is incredibly important.

Jesus first miracles that will way.

I mean it's consistently the bride of Christ the church, I mean it's consistently the marriage is crucial.

But the Black families are dealing with so many challenges, the cohabitations on the rise, so we really have a lot of work to do.

I think the church has to be a champion for marriage, right.

I think the church has to champion and help men to understand our role because the truth be told, we talk about cohabitation.

At the end of the day, is not the woman that doesn't want to get married or delaying oftentime to assist at our feet where men are not taking that step, not take in that responsibility, and so you end up where we are today.

And so I think those are issues one, helping men to understand marriage is a good thing.

Right, It's a valuable thing.

It's not something you want to wait and delay it till you know I've done all I can do and now I'm gonna get married.

No, it's a beautiful institution.

It's a beautiful relationship and the blessings that come with it are significant.

But we got to learn to value it, hold.

It high, and then you gotta I mean to be honest, right, the whole sexual temptation people, Men are often taught to enjoy as much as they can and delay it.

We got to teach men that marriage is important.

When you find something good, make sure you commit to her and stay with her, not delay it.

Well, passor Carter, let's talk.

You know where are we taught as men?

Like we're taught stuff like you know a man is about to walk down the aisle in two hours and back in the groom suite.

It was like, Ah, if you've been able to get that old ball and change, you know, why why is it spoken of like we're about to have a you know, a death walk or something.

Why why why is it so?

And they're like, yeah, you're gonna leave all these women to me.

You got the same one woman for the rest of your life.

We just make it so bad.

Why do you think that is?

The world has taught us that, right.

It's not a biblical perspective.

The political perspective says marriage is valuable, that it's your opportunity to serve christis you serve your wife.

But the world tells us that sex as our men have a high sexist ride, and the world tells us, get as much as you can from as many as you can, and so many spend a lot of years living that out, enjoying the enjoying the opportunities that they have, and then later on settle down.

So we have to read they right now.

Holding it hold up.

This is the fact that she has said, this is what men do.

We get as much as we can, and we don't until we realize that doesn't work.

Right.

At some point that gets old?

Right, at some point, hopefully it gets old?

Man, does it get old?

I mean, y'all better answer right right.

There, you answer quick.

Let me go to the couple of twenty sixteen.

Listen, Kelvin and Pashua.

So what made y'all decide to take the call and participate in the grand wedding?

But we both come from two parent households, so we have seen very up close what that looks like.

To say that we had challenges in our relationship up until the point of me moving down here would be a would be an understatement.

And a lot of it was me.

I had been married before, and some of the baggage that I carried from being divorce I allowed to show up in our current relationship.

So we moved down here.

Move from where where'd y'all move from?

From Milwaukee?

He ran away?

He ran away?

Run, he ran away from drove?

I drove.

He drove here.

Run You got a car and drove.

You came all the way from Milwaukee?

Yes?

And what year was this?

This is in twenty fourteen, So twenty fourteen.

Yes, and uh uh.

To back up what ODIs said about just feeling a draw here, I came to Concord.

I heard past the car to preach one time, and I knew I was going to join Concord.

I thought I was gonna gonna visit other ministries and and and find a place.

But I heard him preach one time and I was like, yeah, this is I don't know what else we're gonna figure out.

But we got a church when I came to Concord.

But but it was something we had been talking.

About for a while.

We knew we wanted to and I will say, as Pastor Carter just just mentioned, I still had cold feet because when we first met, I had sworn off getting married again.

I didn't want to have children.

I was like the pain of that was still very, very fresh.

But something about her, even in the way that that we met, it was different.

She was special the way that she kind of called me to as Odas said, stepped fully into my manhood and treat her as the blessing that God had sent me.

And just again here.

In the call that that met, you know, we didn't know that was going to be what the message was that day, but here and it we kind of looked at each other and I told her, I said, you know, he's talking to us as Pastor Carter was issuing that challenge, and he absolutely was.

And it wasn't even really a decision, So we just kind of looked at each other and shook our head and and said, whatever, this has got to look like we're gonna do it.

So hold on.

How many times had y'all visited prior to that call?

Oh?

Yeah, we had, she had.

She moved down in twenty fifteen, so we were already attending Concord.

We had been in Concord for probably seven months together before the cohabitation challenge, So y'all were dating for.

How long before y'all took part in the grand winding?

For four and a half years.

Four and a half years.

So we actually met in twenty eleven, and so we were dating and then he moved here in twenty fourteen.

We had a long distance, a long.

Mistess relationship for one year and we picked a date November fifteenth, and so one year from now, I'm going to move down and then we're just going to live together.

So we were shacking up for seven or you know, seven months, and then Pastor Carter issued the call for the cohabitation challenge, and like my husband said, we looked at each other and we said, he is talking to us, and this is what we need to do, and we have to trust and have faith, and we.

Did, so did you have any fear?

So were you putting pressure on him to get married in those four years?

No?

None, So I was not.

So he was okay with living together.

I was okay.

I trusted him.

So you trusted that he will do what because I didn't want to get married?

Did he tell you he wasn't gonna get married and what he is and you trusted what he was going to try?

He told me that he did not want to get married and he did not want to have kids.

And I said, it's okay, I trust you.

What did you trust?

I trust that he would, you.

Know, like he said, step into his manhood and just really listen to what God was saying to him.

And when we first attended Concord together, was that first Sunday that I moved down in twenty fifteen in November, and he told me, he said, we could stay at Concord or we could go to another church.

And it felt like home when we stepped to Concord, when we sat down in our seats, I said, this feels like our home.

And I trust and believe that we will grow together because I know that like this is where we're meant to be.

So hold on for sure.

So listen because this is interesting.

It's so good because it's women like I don't trust to me and told me what it is.

I should listen what he said at the first time.

You're betting on futures, so you're saying that he told you straight up, he does not believe in marriage.

He's not gonna get married anymore, get married again, didn't even want to have kids all that, and you trusted his leadership to lead you.

Where did you desire marriage?

I did desire marriage, and we had talked about marriage, and we talked about what he was afraid of, you know, trying to get married again.

And I understood why he was afraid.

And so I just believe that, you know, if I wanted to get married, if he wanted to get married, you know, God could turn that around.

I didn't want to force it.

I didn't, you know, nag him every single day saying what else is there?

I just believe that, you know.

This was going to happen if we just did what we were supposed to do.

Which is good.

That's why that's why you felt the importance of being in a in a church like this where you could trust the leadership of the pastor to lead your your boas.

So so okay, so I see what you're saying.

So you're saying basically, you trusted his leadership.

You understood that he had some pain that he had to work through, and so he would just trusted that he would submit to leadership to be able to overcome those ideosecrecies so that he could become the man that you saw in him.

Absolutely.

You know, I believe that everybody has skeletons in their closet, you know, and he was able to reveal those to me, and so knowing that he was able to reveal those secrets to me and me not judge him for any of it me understanding that you know, everybody has a relationship PTSD.

Yes, and so I trust and believe that, you know, we can overcome whatever it is that we're going through.

If there's no judgment.

I'm not judging you for the things that you you know, have been through.

I'm not judging you for the things that you have done.

But I'm building on the promise of you know, tomorrow, I'm building on the promise that you know, we're going to be in the word, We're going to be you know, having a relationship with God.

We're going to be having a relationship with each other.

We're building our relationship based on this foundation that God said, Hey, let me be at the center of your relationship and I will cover all of you.

Now see why I changed my mind?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was about to ask you.

I was about to ask you.

So did you feel the responsibility at that point?

When you have a woman that's rocking with you like that, that's saying hey, you can reveal you know your flaws and all whoever you are.

I'm not gonna judge you.

Did that make you or inspire you to rise up to the challenge?

It absolutely did.

Something we talk about in CSI Couple Seriously Interested is when a woman when when they enter into the marriage relationship, it's seeing the God, seeing Jesus standing next to and behind the man.

One thing I'm very very thankful to say it again for the people in the back you said, you said, now say that again.

Yeah, you have to for a woman, a wife to submit to a husband.

First of all, that's that's often a four letter word, right right, that that that evil word of submission.

But for her to do so, it's not just the man that she's trusting.

It really the Jesus she sees behind him, guiding his decision, working on his heart, working on his mind, working on his decision making process.

And one thing I'm very very thankful for is my my wife trusted the Jesus she saw behind me more than I did at some point because I thought my baggage, the things that I had been through, the scars I brought into our relationship, would be too much for us to overcome.

She didn't.

So so in that way, she she trusted Jesus behind me more than I did.

For a period.

Got a quest, shoot, how long do you think you would have waited?

Yes?

Because I was like, you trust him, but when you're a way like tena.

You know, we actually talked about marriage, and so it's been you know, like conversations that we've had in the past, and so, I mean, I felt like he was leaning towards that direction.

But you know, if you push too hard, he'll pull away.

So my my job back you know, I'm encouraging him and not pushing him.

So you found the balance between encouragement and not pushing.

Yes, isn't that interesting balance?

It is?

Ain't it?

And so so explain to people who's hearing this terminology CSI is that something that people just explain what CSI is.

So CSIS are kind of our pre marital class.

It's called Couples Seriously Interests, a twelve week class, but it's designed for couples that are serious about their relationship and for the help them decide are we moving toward the pathway to a marriage or maybe we are not as compatible as we think.

And so have y'all had that the beginning of the inception when you took over administry here.

So we've always had some type of premarital it's evolved over time to strengthen it.

And that's the same tool we use for any couples, whether they're coabtain or not.

We offer it three times a year and it's designed to help couples to learn the basics and the foundational principles for relationships and then it helps them to take, you know, a next step.

Some end up marrying at it and some find out halfway through this we're not where we need yeah.

Yeah, And you don't have to be a member to take it or you don't.

No, So while y'all have it like that, we always want to reach people.

I mean, our goal is to reach people, whether they're in the church in the community.

We just love people and to reach them.

So we're always open to anybody.

See y'all do stuff that's just like y'all think is normal.

That's not normal.

I'm telling you that it's not normal for churches to open up the doors actually to the community.

And so every time you say something like that that y'all think is just because it's the culture of y'all church, I'm going to amplify the fact that that's not normal.

And so the fact that y'all do that to say, hey, you know, and I'll share this, it's been churches.

I was trying to find a church in Los Angeles, Like I said, I'm getting married to even you know, rent the church to actually get married to.

And they're like, well, if you're not a member here, you can't, you can't rent the church.

I'm like, well, my money as good as y'all members money money, Why can I do it?

And we don't do that.

I was like, man, I said, it's so hard to find churches that say we're all the body of Christ.

And so what I love about Concord is y'all not playing with that with the with the slogan we grow people.

And the reason why I keep echoing it because that's one of the things that touched me the most.

I said, we grow people.

That's what I'm talking about.

That's what churches should be about.

What you want to say, No, we appreciate that.

I mean, that's that's just that's our DNA, right.

We just believe our mission is people growing people by connecting them to their next step with Christ.

And so we just believe that we're in the city for the city, and we believe the more we can impact and serve our community, the more we can spread the gospel, and the more people can experience the wholeness and the potential and the power to which God has called them lived their lives through relationship with Him and in the community.

So we're grateful.

Love it, love it, love it all.

Right, y'all A little behind me, But twenty twenty two, y'all got married, Yes, sir, go and explain your story.

Evan and the Asian.

Uh So, we have quite a unique story.

We've been knowing each other a very long time.

We are high school classmates.

We graduated high school together.

We never for y'all go to Washingt Chapel High School in Palmblo, Arkansas.

A lot of y'all be coming from other states.

Y'all got anybody from Dallas around here, y'all y'all from Dallas.

See everybody, just everybody, just everywhere, y'all, y'all take people from all.

Across the word unit Dallace is it.

He's transplanted city, I know it.

But everybody just keep popping up from everywhere.

All right.

It's a little here, part of little ministry.

Yeah.

So, like I said, graduated high school together and never had any relation.

Did I want her?

Yes?

Did I get her to know?

But you know that's another story for another day because I joke with all the time and I just I just tell her, I was just like, you know, if I would have gotten you in high school, we wouldn't be here today because I was a boy, not a man, and I had a lot of growing to during that time.

And of course she agreed, so you know, matriculated on, I went to my university, she went to her university, and she moved to Dallas.

I don't quote me.

On the year.

Seventeen and I was still in Arkansas getting my bachelors, and I went directly back for my master.

So I stayed there to twenty nineteen.

Matriculated to the professional world, you know, after I got my masters.

Of course, she was still in Dallas.

Had my first stint at at Grahama State.

So I was down in Louisiana for you and have pandemic hit.

And then I took another position down at Jackson State while Dean Sanders was there in athletics, and so during during my time, we were doing distance as you as you hear all of that, we're doing distance at this point.

So we this was like when was this?

This was like in May Memorial Day of twenty twenty May twenty I came down to Dallas, just visiting and you know, you know how you post on the ground, you know, we grilling this weekend, you know how, come.

Pull up or whatever.

And so she slid up and she said, me and my girls in town.

You know where are y'all?

What's the moving or whatever?

And I was like, okay, you know, y'all can come over over whatever.

And I got to see you the address fast forward.

I stood her up.

I didn't send her that and you didn't stand up.

It was going well, and you done stood the woman up.

Yeah, so, cause, like I said, I've been wanting in high school having her from her since probably, so I'm like, I just know she probably didn't mean to slide up on my story, you know, So I was an accident.

Yeah, yeah, So so fast forward, I stood up.

I was talking to one of my guys and I felt bad the next day and I was just like, man, I think I missed out on an ample opportunity on my forever and.

He went on, hold on, you didn't say mine forever?

Did Yes?

I said, I think I missed out on the opportunity on my forever and he was like, what are you saying?

I was just like, I remember I told you the Asia girls are here and now just a new day, and you know that may not be the same today.

So I said, you know what, I'm still gonna shoot for I'm still gonna go for it.

And so I had hit her up.

I said, hey, sorry, things transferred the way they did.

You know yesterday?

Are your girls still here?

You know?

Some more your day?

You all of a sudden, you know, you off Monday, so you still kicking it on Sunday?

So I told her, all your girls still here, and she was just like, unfortunately they're gone home.

And so I'm just like I'm telling my God, I'm like, I'm devastated.

I don't know what to do.

And I just sat in thought and I actually prayed.

I actually prayed, and I said, God, just for me, let it before me.

And this is what I text her, and she can quote me if I lied.

I text her, I said what's your plans for today?

And she was like, I don't have any plans.

This is my My exact message was razus three pm.

Be ready?

Is that okay?

She tests back and she said, yes, it is pouring down rain, and I was like, the devil is working over time.

It is pouring down right.

And I'm like, I just know she was about the counselor she is about the counsel on me.

But I still saddled up.

You know, when it got her went to Razuls.

Y'all know today good when you don't really eat the food and you know you gotta take the entire place to go.

But just the fast forward.

We stayed in Rezuls probably three and a half hours, just just just talking.

And so they begin kind of our journey because after that, I basically kidnapped her that day and told her, you're gonna be with me all day.

You know, we're gonna we're gonna enjoy this because I don't know if I'm making another opportunity, I'm gonna make the I'm gonna make.

The most of it.

So that was that we started having conversation.

After that started.

You know, the more you talk, the feelings growing things like that.

Keep in mind, we're still doing distance at this time, and so I'm down in Mississippi at this point, she's here at the six hour hike.

It was every other weekend.

I was doing it, coming back and forth, you know, just because I really wanted.

This to work.

And if she had to come to me, you know, I would fly her to Mississippi, but we kind of made it and I would drive so fast forward November she got she gets pregnant.

November of twenty one.

November, yeah, yeah, yeah, November twenty one, she gets pregnant, and we're still doing distance at the time.

She's here.

I'm there, and so I told her I she was like, she's crying.

She's like because we were actively trying, I will say, but she was like, what am I trying to get pregnant?

Yeah?

We were okay.

Yeah.

She was like, what are we what are we going to that's the very first question.

What are we going to do?

And I was just like, what do you mean what we're going to do?

We don't have a joy is you know, it's time to figure out what we're gonna do.

And so I told her, I said, I'm gonna tell you something, and I know it's gonna sound crazy.

This is in November.

I said, when it gets to a point of where it's too much like me, know, I'm gonna quit my job.

I don't care if nothing else is lined up because I trusted him.

That's exactly what I told her.

And I said, please, I'm telling you voice that to me.

When it gets too hard, I'm open voice it to me, and I promise you I'm gonna do exactly what I said.

So February fast forward to February comes around.

You know, you get to Valentine's Day cheers.

We did that and it was tough going back the several ways that last time.

So maybe a couple weeks after that, she finally boy, she was like, hey, you remember what you told me back in November.

I think it's time I didn't put into two weeks notice or nothing.

I left that exact weekend, packed everything up, and I came here.

And the very first thing I did it was on a weekend Sunday, I got up and I came to Concord.

I don't know, it was just like I was sitting there and I was just like.

I'm home.

You know what I did?

You know about the church prior?

Yeah, So I had a backtrack.

So twenty nineteen, after after I moved from Arkansas, I actually came to Dallas.

This is the place that I always wanted to reside.

So I came to Dallas trying to try to find my way.

The opportunity came in Gremlind that I could kind of pass up, so I moved away, and that's how all of that started.

But in twenty nineteen, similatory Kevin's story, I said I was gonna date churches, you know, get here, kind of figure out what I heard.

Past the Carter preach twice and I joined the third Sunday.

I didn't even have to go anywhere else, and so I joined.

And then once I joined, like I said, everything else the rest was history.

I knew I watched Live when I was in Louisiana, miss you know, Mississippi.

I still watched Live every single Sunday.

And then that's when when I moved back in February, I introduced her to Concord and so once she interested her to come court.

Keep in mind she's pregnant still throughout this, so you know she's pressing away coming to church.

She didn't really know anything about Concord and never attended, and so I, you know, kind of told her about it or whatever, and we fast forward and now were in April, and now we're in May, and we studied going Oh.

I joined the worship team in the parts and the choir in March.

So March April May we're steady, you know, transitioning and going on.

And so that's when boom he starts the Coavitation series.

It was like, I think n of May like June, because we got made tim Sut was jun So every Sunday.

Was kind of like a toss up.

You throw the ball up, you don't know she's gonna feel like, you know, she's pragningant.

So it was like Sunday, are you gonna livestream.

I'm going, I'm in the church, you know, regardless of what it is, and in the day is that I had to sing, we have to be a pretty early so she's always you know, live streaming is two and it was two service at the time.

So that particular Sunday he started the Cohabitation series.

I was here, she was home, and.

I just it was just I was just sitting there and you know when you get that burning sensation like I'm like, god, you like stepping on all ten of my toes, like I'm.

Curling them back, like oh, he caught his on me.

He on my toes.

He talking directly to me, and so I text, I said, I don't know if you watched the sermon today yet, but Pastor Carmen, I mean Pastor Carter is talking about this cohabitation series that I don't I don't ren know it about it, you know anything about but I think it may be a good opportunity.

Her absolutely not.

I don't know, all right, So you said absolutely not?

Why did?

I don't think It was a hard note for me, but it was a why listen And even towards.

The end, I still was unsure if I'm just being honest, like I hadn't really made my decision.

It was probably the end of August where.

I was like the microphone clothes under everybody hit.

It, where I was like, Okay, we're gonna do this.

After going through the whole ninety day challenge and just praying and fasting.

I literally remember coming up to the church again.

Nobody and my family knew that we were going through this challenge.

None of my friends knew because it was something that I felt like was personal to us, in between us and God.

So I didn't even know that we would be here.

Like I remember coming and I think that's when they were showing the dresses, and I think that's when I heard God like speak to me and was like, you know you're doing this, like it's time.

And I remember texting my mom in that room and telling her like me and Evan are gonna get married.

Mind you, this is like a couple of weeks.

This is the first time you told.

Them yes, yes, yes.

So I was unsure literally the whole time during the challenge.

I was going showing up to the sessions and I'm like, I don't know.

I still don't.

Know, but so what was bringing your apprehension, I think what.

Was bringing my apprehension.

Of course, like me and him had been together for like a year and a half, so I also felt like we were still kind of getting to know one another, we were still growing in our relationship, we still had things that we needed to work on individually, and so I feel like that was a lot of my apprehension.

But I saw how serious he was about it.

I literally saw the changes that God was doing through him, and that's really what made me come to that decision.

So days I'm gonna put a bookmark right here.

Now, listen to this passing.

She said, I don't think we knew each other enough, but they knew each other enough to have a whole kids.

And I'm gonna say it.

I'm gonna say, that's what you think of Stephanie.

I'm gonna say what you was thinking.

But that's what people do.

They say, I don't think we know each other well enough to get married, but we can live together, we can have kids together, we can share bank accounts together.

What do you think that is?

I think it's just a fear of commitment at times, right, we just sometimes we have our own wounds.

We've been hurt.

Right, We got our own baggage, and so sometimes we come in saying, I mean I but I don't know how far I'm gonna go?

Can I really trust you?

Right?

It's these trust issues and this fear of can I really trust you?

Are you gonna really accept me?

Are you gonna love?

Are you be committed to me?

All of these things are in your head, and so you just keep waiting.

You keep putting it off, you keep putting on.

So you have to ask a question, at what point is it gonna be enough for us to say we know each other, we know enough about each other, we trust who you are, and we're gonna take this step.

I think marriage is a risk period.

It's always a risk.

There's never a sure thing.

You never know what's going to happen on the other side.

Their health, all kinds of challenges.

But it's a faith journey.

It's us spit doing the work together, learning each other, working on our relationship.

But at some point we got to say, you know what I love you for?

Who you are?

You love me for whore I am.

We've learned this together, We've got the skills.

Let's take a step of faith together.

But it's not easy.

I mean, particularly at their age.

I mean, you're young.

People keep the laying marriage more and more because they're continually trying to rattle through these trust issues as opposed to working through them.

Well, Stephanie, I want you to speak to that.

What do you think that is?

Your sisters?

Your sister right here just said I don't think I know them that?

Well, what do you think that is?

I know you mentor a lot of women.

I think sometimes it might be past hurts because you know, growing up, I grew up and God bless my dad, it just wasn't he just wasn't a great husband.

And so I saw that.

So there was kind of like a hardness on me and any boy who interacted with me.

God bless you, you're so patient.

But there was just a wall.

I had a serious wall.

And so it's already kind of like a distrust.

And so for me like to cemit, I can't even go, let me, don't do submit yet, but just to let Brian in.

It just started with trust.

So it'd be little things.

So when he would say he would call and he called, or if he said, hey we're going to we're going out or whatever, and we actually did that.

It was those little things that kind of tore down that wall.

But it's a process because you just you carry that baggage and you kind of are like, I don't know, I'll give you this much, so maybe I'll live with you for a season or maybe I'll do this.

But really God is saying, girl, you're more than that, and I've sent you somebody that loves you, and he show owing you that he loves you.

So I need you to I need you to kind of let go of that past to be fair.

I mean, you are sitting in church and you get this challenge and in that very day, so the service happens, you're supposed to be in the meeting at two o'clock right after surface already.

That's yeah, you call it.

You ain't got no time to talk to say, we're gonna meet you at two o'clock and let's get this program started together.

So I can understand a little bit of the you know, you need a little time.

To pass a car and you say meet there at two o'clock.

They're like, I was going to watch a cowboy game and now you got me.

And the funny thing is it's funny when he does the challenge.

You see people in the audience, they'd be like, are you see him?

Like after church, and you'll see them like talking to each other in the parking, like.

It goes down.

One lady watched it at eight and then brought her husband at eleven.

Didn't tell him boyfriend, you do set the brother out.

And so they sitting there like because because we after after service, after service, we greet in the four year so they'll you know, to be like, oh, this is mine and they'd be looking like like, we'll see you at too.

Know.

The girl will be like we'll see you at two, and he'll be like, oh yeah.

And see for us, we didn't even much know about the challenge because we I think the series was called the Flavor of Love.

That's the series called.

So we're going with the flavor of the Flavor of Love.

And when so he had to you know, we came to church that Sunday, we got a good message, and then the next Sunday we went back to fresh Or West and then I get a phone call like hey, you ready.

To make this move.

I'm like what he had passed the issue?

You know what, just come to church too.

I'm like okay, cool, So I told her we came and then again not knowing what was going to happen, it was like, okay, standing up, raised your hand high, and I'm doing all this and not knowing what's going on.

I'm like, set me up for aout knowing and then we just went through it and like, okay, we got bullied into it.

But I guess that is what God want to know.

Is what I want?

She say sixteen years later, and now I realized that you just said I got bullied in this, So let's let's go back to you.

So what did your mama say when you called your mama after looking at the dress and say, hey, in two weeks I'm about to get married.

It did not go well, I know it.

She was very upset, she was hurt.

Yeah, and she of course didn't try to talk me out of it.

But I just wanted to make sure that it was something that I really wanted.

This is what we really wanted to do.

Of course, if it was her way, it would have been different.

But again, I feel like it was about us, and so.

So Danja, one of the vows is forsaken all others.

Why was it so important to forsake all others and go forward with this rather than submit to what your mom was saying.

Like I said, in that moment, God he spoke to me, and he was he was very clear.

Like I said, I was pregnant, we had a baby on the way.

We had been cohabitating at that point since February, and he was, he was crystal clear, And so I knew it was something that I needed to do.

Again, I was extremely nervous about it.

Again, I don't know what was you nervous about.

It's a huge commitment.

It's a huge lifetime commitment.

And I'm one I don't know.

I don't Once I get married, that's it for me.

Like I don't really believe in divorce.

I just said, I don't really believe in divorce.

So I knew that this was something if we were going to do it, we were in it for a lifetime.

We were gonna have to work at it.

And so I think that's where my nervousness kind of I came from, kind of stem from.

I knew how big of a commitment this really was.

But that's good.

I'm glad that you decided to harken to the voice of God.

Because you said, hey, God told me do this.

How did you feel let me just turn here because then I'm gonna get off y'all a little bit.

But I want to ask you, how did you feel knowing her apprehension towards marrying Did you internalize it as feeling unsure about marrying you or just being nervous about getting married period?

So honestly, she never came directly to me and said like I'm having second thoughts or anything like that.

Pastor talked about, you know, he makes announcement meet me in the multi purpose I got the luxury of being here by myself.

So I was going to that multipurpose room regardless.

You know.

So even when she sent.

The text like absolutely no, I'm not doing that, I still went in there.

I went in the car and I sat for a second, and I'm just like, I can't leave.

I'm not leaving.

I'm going back in there.

And so I went back in there.

And then that next Sunday, he preached about it to get he preached a serious So he preached again and she was able to come that Sunday.

I never mentioned anything about it.

I waited kind of like, you know, you got a deadline to kind of like register.

Whatever, don't let me go back.

You went to the orientation by yourself the first time.

I absolutely did, Yes, sir, I went by myself.

I went directly.

But that's leadership.

Yeah, that's leadership.

Yeah, that's leadership.

Yeah, I went by myself.

So she came like I said that.

Following Sunday after service, I never got in the car, you know.

So, hey, what we're gonna do?

You know, are we going to check the box?

Yes or no?

You know, so I just I let it be what it was, and I said, I'm just gonna wait until the deadline, you know, close to the deadline, give her time.

And so I told her, you know, I voiced it kind of towards the end.

I was just like, hey, I think it's time for us to take that next step.

And she was just like That's when she finally was just like, Okay, let's do it.

I'll do it, but no, I'm not participating in anything outside of the council.

She wanted the wedding with the bells and the whistles and you know how that goes.

But as we that counselor is literally so intense, like even some of the small groups that we were in, some of them really didn't make it and they found out that they weren't compatible.

Like Pasta talked about, you.

Find out so much about a partner that that's not your partner, that's your friend and you should keep them as a friend.

And so, you know, as we matriculated on the thirteen weeks, she really found she really looked into the bigger picture was you and I, you know, being together.

It's not about the bells and the whistles in the winding.

And so once we got to the end, that's when she was just like, you know, I don't know what the production is going to be like, but I.

Want to participate it and I'm willing to do it.

And after this, we don't have to have a wedding, and so, you know, your mindset changes after you go.

And then I think she learned more about me and found out that, you know, like she said, the changes because I changed tremendously.

I had, like I said, a lot of girl to do.

And I'm okay with admitting that, you know, but with our guy, I wouldn't be here.

And I'm just, you know, very grateful to be beside her today.

How long y'all been married?

We've been made three years.

We just celebrated our three congratulations, three years given up for them.

Yeah, I got a quick question.

Were you pregnant when you had the wedding?

We had him literally one month before he was born Arcust fourth, and we got married September tenth.

Okay, cause you looked amazing.

Thank you?

I remember you, Because yes I remember y'all.

Something was different.

So Damon Gillery and Hillary Hobson, y'all getting married this Saturday.

Hearing these stories, what are y'all thinking?

Well, how do you feel just hearing these testimons?

I really think, I mean, this whole process with us has been a confirmation after confirmation after confirmation, listening, listening to everybody's story, Like every time somebody said something, sitting right here, we're looking at each other like, dang, that's our story, Dange, that's our story.

Where we went to rival high schools.

We knew we did something wrong, but we did it anyway.

We like there was trials and we were long distance at a point like everything that somebody has said, we've kind of lived and experienced it.

And so I think for us, even getting into this process we were like everybody else.

We we shopped churches too.

We were going to we were actually going back and forth between Concord and Embassy, and we were at Embassy and.

They had ah.

The pastor preached about taking communion and what that meant, and literally, and like I said, we knew us living together was wrong.

We had at that time.

At that point, it was probably about nine months.

So officially we have been living At the end of this, we had been living together for a year, but at that point it was about nine months.

And when it came down to it, we it.

It was a we trusted ourselves in this moment instead of trusting God.

We both grew up in the church, and so when he preached.

About communion and what that meant and being and taking communion, rejoining the body of Christ, he literally looked at me in that service and said, Hey, I don't know how we're gonna do it, but we need to separate.

So then it was.

Concord's church week, because like I said, we were going one week and see one week Concord.

He said, y'all need to separate.

Separate like living situations, and not separate separate.

I put communion.

It just.

Uh.

And so we literally after church the day we talked about it and we were like, okay, what we don't know how it's gonna happen, but we we're gonna get the ball rolling.

So then that next Sunday, we weren't at Concord, we were watching it uh online and Pastor Carter introduces the cohabitation Challenge.

Let me tell you something.

When I tell you, I'm telling you our story.

So you said you was at one church.

That's why.

I mean, God is just bigger than the than the church.

He can speak to you in one moment, connect you divilely to the other moment.

But go ahead, go ahead and tell your story.

And so he does.

He talks about the cohabitation challenge, and at that point he just introduced the like, hey we'll pay they'll pay your rent part.

And I was like, look there you go.

You can move it up.

Your time is up.

The Lord has confirmed, look at God.

And so then that next week that's when uh, he re announced the cohabitation challenge.

But then he threw a little twist in there and said, oh hey, we're actually going to do the ninety day UH at the Grand Wedding addition to it, and we had already signed up for Uh, we had been looking to sign up for CSI because one of the ladies that I work with, she's Angela.

She gives she's like, she gives your ant viv viv vibes.

She when she.

Found out that we were cohabitating, she was like, no man, and so she was she told us about CSI.

So literally, up until that embassy Sunday on the website, it was it said, oh, it's coming registered.

So I mean every week every week we were refreshing, going to the couple side on the website, refreshing it is it open yet?

And so uh, literally she texted it to us.

Uh, she texted the screenshot of it on the screen and was like, it's open.

Y'all need to do this.

Literally while we're talking to each other saying hey, we're gonna we're gonna do this.

And so that was that.

I mean, it was literally step by step by step.

Damon, what made you turn to her and say we need to separate, move out?

Which would have been a better word, is we need to move out?

Uh?

God was real loud in that moment.

You know.

It was something that had been pulling in my heart of wanting to I knew that I wanted to marry her, but I knew that with how both of us were raised, with how both of us operate, we wanted to do it the right way because I've been married before when I was I got married in college.

Divorced for about four or five years now, But I knew that I wanted to marry her, but I knew I wanted it to last.

I knew I wanted to do it the right way.

And part of that was us not living together and us operating righteously with God, putting him at the center of our relationship with something that we hadn't really done.

We were kind of, like she said earlier, we were trusting ourselves instead of God a lot of the moments.

So in that moment when he was talking about communion and we were listening to and he was talking about what it actually meant to do it, it was just a tug in my heart to take that step to do something the right way.

Who now, when y'all get married, Hillary, what's your name gonna be?

My new name.

Will be Hillary Ghillory.

Doc the mouse went up the clock, Hillary Gillery.

You know another confirmation in its name.

You know, I guess, So how do your parents?

How does your family feel about this?

I just.

I just got her dad's blessing this week.

I'll just say that you just got and I asked for it six months ago.

So what did he say this week?

So it's been a long process with him.

Uh, he's very old school and how he.

Victorian Puritans is what I call them.

Yes, I was raised by Victorian Puritans.

I'm gonna look that up and see what that means.

But you know, he was already angry at us for living together, and you know, so for him, it was he wanted us to rectify that situation before he could give his blessing or he even talked about us getting married.

And you know, they already have a history with their relationship.

And I've known him for years just from being around her, from around her, and you know, the dating.

So we had somewhat of a semblance of a relationship.

We've had some conversations, but it was never actually anything fruitful of those conversations.

So throughout this process, you know, we have been talking back and forth, a.

Few arguments in there.

But last week on Thursday, her niece had a volleyball game in Baytown, which is where we're from, right outside of Houston, and the night before we had a conversation with her dad, and you know, it was she had sorry, she had a conversation with her dad and her uncle and they were able to have some things out.

And when she got off the.

Phone, I was like, Hey, we need to go down there.

We need to go down there.

And so a part of it was a part of it was my dad.

My like I said, I I jokingly say, I was raised by Victorian Puritans, but for him, he was he was He's a p K kid, and so we were always taught there are no gray areas.

And because we moved in together, we were living in that gray area.

Yes quite yes, we were living in the sin And uh, my dad, he's old, he's very old school.

And for because we had dishonored that for him, it was we needed to come come to him in a sense of I we we scept we moved out and and apologized.

Then we you know, ask God for forgiveness.

But like he said, they didn't have a relationship, and so he didn't get to see the damon that I knew.

And for him, it was always, hey, there is a blessing that come that a father when he gives his daughter away, like it means something.

And I had a little apprehension as well, because not over any of the superficial stuff, but we were always taught about a covering, and I had a moment where I was like, what if I got this far over my daddy's covering, is he gonna be able to cover me like him?

That's real?

And so.

Because how important it was to him and how the biblical ramification uh benefits and ramifications for giving that consent, he needed us to come down and we were pick at it.

We were like, no, you had all of this time to get to know him.

You need to be the one you're you're retired, you need to come to us like it's I have to take off, we have to take off work to go down there.

And da dah da da da da da da.

And that conversation that me uh me and my dad started having a conversation, and it was starting to get where we weren't even listening to each other.

So I was like, you know what, let me call uncle Matt and that's his brother, and we were able to have a conversation where there was a mediator of sorts in it that had no had no weight in the game in it, oh, of sorts.

And so after that conversation we talked and was like, okay, you know, let's just submit in this moment because a part another part of what our journey has been is I've never been afraid of submission.

Always my thing was always are you going to be somebody I can submit too?

And in that moment, God told me, you're asking this man to be somebody submittable too, But submit to your father, submit to the guy that has raised you your covering.

Like we ain't married yet, so that umbrella hasn't switched over.

Yeah, And so in that moment, we had to get rid of our pride, and I took off.

I used one of them good old state days and we made the trip.

And let me ask you, is what did it mean to you?

We look at threesome.

You're submitting to the father, then submitting to the father, your biological father, and then you're submitting one to another when y'all get married.

How important was it to get your father's blessing?

It was very important, and.

I truly thank God for him because it had gotten to a point where I was like, I don't care if he doesn't come, I will I I got I got an uncle's, I got a brother.

They'll walk me down like it had it had gotten to that point.

And throughout it all he was all he always said, he didn't understand us having those us me and my dad having those conversations that got nowhere.

But what he did always say is, hey, this is I know you're saying that right now, but this is important to you.

You're gonna get to that day.

And you right now you're upset.

Right now, you're mad.

So it doesn't you don't you don't feel the hurt yet, you're just feeling your anger.

And so when he said, hey, I told when I told him about the conversation and he said, hey, let's go down, we went down.

Because at the end of the day, I mean, they may not have the best best relationship, but that's my father and he has a he has a daughter.

And it not only like we're learning from all of there's we're downloading so much information and so many things, and it's like, hey, at the end of the day, what if what if?

Hayden was it was Hillary how would you want her to rectify that?

I mean, I just, uh, what does her father's say that gave you the blessing to Mary's daughter?

It was actually we were sitting at the dinner table having a three way conversation and they started their back and forth and not listening to each other at the table, and I stopped them both and I was like, so what they were doing was rehashing the past.

And that was literally the president of the conversation say hey, we're not going to talk about anything from the past.

We're going to talk about moving forward.

And somehow, some way, they still got to the past.

And I was like, hey, like this is this.

We've been sitting here for an hour and a half, two hours, and we've accomplished nothing.

And so at this moment, like what are we going to do from here?

Where are we going to go from here?

And he was like, well, why didn't you say something earlier?

I was like, I was waiting on the right moment when God told me to step in this conversation.

I did.

I was like, I was sitting there, I was praying, I was reading her body language, seeing how checking her temperature because I can At this point I can look at her and know where she's at.

And she was getting to that point where she was about to take it to another level.

She said, lift the tables in the temple.

And it was in that moment I told him.

I was like, I've been sitting here praying and I didn't have anything to say until now.

And he was like, you know, I was praying to my brothers and I was talking to my brothers, and I was telling him that I was waiting on you to show leadership and show that you can leave my daughter.

And you don't even know what she just did in that moment, but that was it right there.

That's what I was looking for.

So that's what I was saying right there in that moment.

I was waiting for him to say that the very covering that you wanting to know.

You said, my daddy has covered me up to this point.

I'm not sure if he could cover me from this point on.

God is so intentional, God is so divine, God is so I'm not present.

He's omnipotent, and he needed that moment to take place.

So you can see your husband not stand up to your father, but cover you.

And men, we understand real men see the act of giving your daughter away.

That is a powerful thing to do.

I had to do it three years ago when I gave my daughter to her husband, and I knew I made a good choice because even through health things that my daughter went through, he was covering her.

Even when they brought my granddaughter into this world last month.

I'm a grandfather.

I'm a grandfather.

Yes, I'm a Papaula.

I told I'm gonna tell my little granddaughter, say GP, are you with men?

I say, call me GP.

So he was covering her in the hospital when my granddaughter, Claire was born a month early.

But I knew that I made a great decision when I gave her away to him, and he needed to stand up exactly like he did in order for your father to say, now you have my blessing, because it's so unfortunate that there's just a lot of weak men leading women nowadays, and so it's powerful to know that he had to go through that.

And the father was like, why don't you speak up early?

But he was submitted to his heavenly father to wait for the opportune time to speak into that situation.

So salute you, king, I'm proud of you.

For stepping up and doing that.

And as you take this bride, when you take this woman, to carry her and to comfort her, you said some very very powerful things.

You said, I was reading her body language.

I was reading her body language to see if it's getting past that threshold for her to go tear up the whole temple, because she was about to tear up the whole temple in there, flipping over tables in there, pull everything, act a complete food a week before y'all got married.

You know what I'm saying.

You know you need all that energy all in that and you said, let me watch this, let me step into it.

What did it mean to you to watch your husband step into that situation.

Everything?

Because not only did he do that he likes to leave out things in the story, but he also uh, he was like, hey, I think y'all need a time out.

We had my niece's volleyball game to go to.

It is getting time for that.

He said, if you will allow her to leave this conversation, let her go get the stuff out the car, get dressed, and then come back once she's given time to You didn't.

Step up like no husband did you You been a husband and.

In that moment.

It then also allowed them to have a one on one conversation without me.

And what pastor looks like right there, and you know they and they had that conversation.

But the amount of growth that I have seen this man go through, he said, it, CSI is intense.

When we got.

When we got the information, and I downloaded the book that we're supposed to.

Read and.

I got to maybe I skipped the introduction, but got to went to chapter one, read the first couple of pages.

I called him.

I said, uh, oh, they.

Are chapter one.

They already hidden this in chapter one.

But I mean through CSI, this man has gone through.

Everything.

I mean he's had to address issues of forgiveness of all types of things and seeing those things unlocked in him and seeing the type of man he is now, Like I loved him before this, you know, like it it hits different because he is different.

Because literally every week it was something else, it was something it was another.

We talked about trust and accountability, and I mean our relationship by far is was has been and is not anywhere near perfect.

But I mean he's doing the work and like it's showing up in his life, and that in turn, I was I'm the middle child, and so I was the child that you didn't have to worry about.

Now that first and that third one I don't know, but but I was the one that you didn't have to worry about.

And in turn I turned into somebody that I I like control, I like an order, I like a plan.

I will that type of but seeing him and trusting in the fact that he can lead me.

My south girl Aaron has has a ride like I I before.

Before this, you know, I was concerned with I needed to as soon as the problem came.

Up, I needed to fix it.

I needed to.

I could tell Okay, we're not even gonna think about it.

We're just gonna go straight into fixing it.

Hey, this is it?

That?

Or the third?

You know, I changed my own tires, I do, did all of that, and now we have a joke.

I said, aren't you gonna lead?

Today?

Is your turn to go get the gas?

Go ahead, be that leader and go up.

Yeah.

And being able to release some of all of that responsibility or control has freed it all up.

Freed it all up.

Last question, what are you looking forward to the most in the wedding?

I mean, when you get.

Married waking up to her every day.

She's a blessing.

Like she's the outside of my kids.

She is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

So and I know what we have been through, what I've been through, so to have somebody like her to it, that's a blessing.

So that's the reason to thank God every day just by looking at her.

What about you, what are you looking forward to the most?

I'm looking forward to.

I'm looking forward to seeing the next things that God is going to do in our lives because, like I said at the beginning, our whole relationship or since this process is sorted, has been a confirmation after confirmation after confirmation.

Getting them in.

I mean even as today right now, you know, and the miracles that happen and that God does and things like that, I can't wait to see what else is going that He got in store.

Yes, Yes, that's amazing, Carteris I want y'all talk about that.

Y'all just heard a dynamic testimony of the stuff that happens behind the scenes, behind the scenes, when God has spoken to y'all to make a call like this, this clarion call to the congregation to step up.

But not realizing what's going on behind the scenes for them to take that stand to forsake all others, to walk through this beautiful thing that y'all are affording people.

What do you think and what were you thinking when you were hearing their journey.

I'll start with y'all.

I was thinking of just the maturity that you had with handling the situation with your future father in law and where your future father in love and just yeah, just the maturity and the wisdom that you had with that, because I don't think I would have had that.

I think I would have flipped that table quick.

I know I would have, and he knows I would have absolutely absolutely.

This has been uh.

You know, it's been really rich, you know, because I hadn't heard the behind the scenes and some of and so the here you know, how God works in relationships, right and how we get put we in a setting, We issue a challenge, We invite you into the process, but you have to walk, you have to walk with God, you have to grow, you have to submit, you have to watch learn.

So I'm so proud of you guys.

I mean, just to hear the journeys that you've been on and how you've grown and the challenges, right, that's the tension.

I mean, we related.

We were in counseling ourselves and the council.

He said, man, y'all having sex.

He said, something is wrong with your relationships.

Y'all are all over the place.

We were just were we were all out of order.

So we remember, we were mad, we're all out of order, and we were like, man, like, how does he knows this about us?

We were like wait when he was like the counselor lily looked at us.

He's like, are y'all having sex?

And we're like, why do you Why do you say that?

What were y'all at?

Because he said we were fighting like an actual he was like, we were fighting.

Like now he makes this claim that I told him I was going to buy the space off, don't.

I don't know why I believe.

I don't know why I believe that.

I don't even know, But but there is something about that.

I think the Lord uses those struggles during the dating season, the premarital time, to get us ready.

Like I just so hearing those struggles just helps us know that.

I think that's a little how he prepare us what you had to go through what you had to face, what y'all had.

I mean, I think the Lord has does all that to prepare us for marriage, to give us the skills to help us and know how to pray together, how to work through stuff, to learn each other's triggers and what to say, what not to say, and all those things.

And then you got extended family.

I mean, so you're not just marrying the person.

You got their family, blended families, all of that.

So I just think the Lord uses all of that.

So I'm just I'm blown away and grateful for how the Lord uses it.

And I think you need to take these experiences that you're having and realize every day that you spend together, and whether you've been married ten years look like an or day or someone you have to use these experiences to build upon because you are going to have challenges.

And I mean, I would love to sit here and say our first year marriage was just so grade.

It wasn't.

But we learned how to We learned how to love each other, we learned how to fight, and you know that was the reason why we joined Concord.

Like our story was, we graduated in May, got married in June, moved to Dallas and then joined Concord in July.

And I remember the reason why we were drawn to Concord.

We were doing the church tour like everybody else because we weren't Pastor and Lady Carter.

Then we were just Brian and Stephanie, third grade teacher and a middle school teacher, and we were just trying to make it.

And what drew us a Concord was our founding pastor.

And his wife.

We looked at them on Sunday morning, We're kind of like, you know what, they.

Look like they love each other.

We need to be around something like that so we can.

Love each other.

And it just looked like it looked like love and it looked like family.

And then remember we went to they had a marriage conference, and we went to the marriage conference.

We won like all the awards because we were like the youngest couple.

There were everything.

Man.

And then you know, Kevin should not lead the whole suicide.

They lead the whole process.

So they went through it and now they're helping them lead that.

And we're super priud of how you guys using you guys as well.

I'm gonna go around real quick, and I want y'all to share.

Starting with y'all, what would you say to people that may be watching this episode that are cohabitating or shocking whichever word you want to use.

Uh, what would you say to encourage them to go from y'all worded it best?

What you say not commitment to cohabitation to covenant?

So what would you say to encourage them to go from cohabitation to covenant?

I would say the world put marriage as if it's like a bad thing.

People always downplaying marriage.

They're always having sly words that they would say, and it's never to this.

I know when I'm at work, people may come up, I'm never getting married, like, well, you just haven't found a great wife because I have one, right, So once you know you have one, once God has put your special bride in your life, It's a beautiful thing.

Manage is such a beautiful thing, and I'm grateful for it and I'm a promoter of it, like I tell everyone, like, if you have an opportunity, man up the men, take the champions and man up.

Monique Sea Bear, I'm just.

Agreeing with him on one hundred percent because, like we mentioned earlier, most of the time it is the mill.

You know, we're just waiting for our night in shin in or to come on.

Not really not really, not a shadown, but you know what I mean, our husbands to come and take the lead, and you have to submit.

Good the Evans, what would you say to speak to those that are cohabitating to go from cohabitation to covenant?

What would you say to encourage them?

A few thirteen seconds all the way around?

Yep?

A few things first.

Understand, as Otis said, there's a lot of professional single people who are trying to tell you about what marriage should look like and have never done it.

Don't understand the covenant, don't understand the real work that goes into it.

I find somebody who is living and earnestly submitting to what God has called them to do in their own marriage, to take advice from and pattern your relationship with.

And don't think day one you're gonna have the blueprint.

All right.

There is a understanding of who you are as a husband, who your partner is as a wife, and who you are together that you have to get before you even start understanding how we do this thing together.

Good, Thank you, Kevin.

For sure, I would say that you know, if you've heard the testimony from some.

Of the other couples.

They talked about CSI being an experience and how it challenged them to be honest and faithful and you know, transparents about all the things that they've gone through.

And so if you honor your relationship and if you put value in that relationship, trust God and he'll give you that valuable thing.

He'll honor that, you know, relationship, he'll bless that relationship.

And so just you know, give him that trust and know that you know, God delivers everything.

Let's move on to the Murrays.

Evan.

Yes, I would think for me, specifically for our generation, we tend to I don't know, it's just all about the next and not the now.

So when people bring to you, like just for example, I remember when the number one question I got when she was pregnant with Ethan was are you ready?

And my counteractive question would be, how could I be ready for something that I've never done before?

And that's the same thing when it comes to marriage.

You never going to be ready for anything in your life, just like you took.

Marriage is not a risk, but it kind of falls in the same umbrella where hey, wherever you are on your life or now.

I guarantee you, if you didn't take that leap, you wouldn't be there today.

So if you took that leap to move.

To Dallas from your hometown, why not take the leap to be with your forever and then reap all of the benefits and the blessings that God has for your life.

That's good, that's good.

The Asian.

I would say, just take that leap of faith.

This has literally been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And I feel like with life there will always be ups and downs.

And I once heard someone say, find someone who you can have a bad time with, you know, because.

You find people and it's easy to have.

A good time with someone, and there's no one else that I would rather go through those bad times with.

So just take that leap of faith.

Good good future.

Hillary Ghillary getting married this Saturday.

There it is, there, it is You'll become a left hand ring will And so what would you say fifteen seconds to encourage people who are coming out the same situation that you are coming out of, to go from cohabitation to covenant.

How would you encourage them.

Trusting God at the end of the day.

Even if you're cohabitating with somebody, you're not going you're not.

Going to officially know if you can trust them.

But what you can do is trust in God because he said he will never leave or for sake, no matter the good, the bad, the ugly, the worst.

Taking the time and just making the decision to trust in God and to let him lead your decisions, let him lead your life.

What Because at the end of the day, Damon may not have been the one for me.

Like Pastor Carter said, they give us three choices, and if that choice could have been it g no.

But had we not trusted in God and trust that whatever he wanted to happen would happen, we wouldn't be here.

So stop trying to trust yourself because one day you like it, one day you don't.

And trusting the one who never changes, that's good.

Damon, speaking as someone who had who brought kids into the situation.

If you have kids, you want to show them an example that they can follow.

That's good.

And not only are you showing them a godly example of a marriage and a covenant, you're also showing them taking the easy way out doesn't.

Always work out for you.

So make the hard decision, do it the right way, and you'll reap the benefits.

After the Carter's any closing remarks.

Man, thank you for hosting this, thank you for giving us a conversation to talk.

We just believe that covenant right.

We believe that dating to date is one thing day the marriage an entirely different thing.

And we think it's a fall of Christ.

As God grows you, you want to be growing to a committed relationship.

And marriage is a good thing.

The culture says, anybody else says, God says is a good thing, and good things happen when we commit to God and commit to one other person.

I think the Lord just does something in that act.

He honors that, He blesses that in so many ways.

So we just want to encourage couples to choose covenant, not just to settle for cohabitation.

That's good, Stephanie, got anything in your spirit?

I would just say that I would challenge any couple who's been married ten plus years to just pour into other couples, not only pour into other couples, but pour into singles, mentor of women, mentor men.

Encourage them be transparent about how relationships are and just to be that support system and so on, because I think sometimes it's so hard that whether you're in your forties, fifties, I'm in my fifties, forties, fifties and sixties, that sometimes we gatekeep and we don't need to gatekeep on relationships.

We need to we need to make.

Sure that we're encouraging we also, if we have young children, setting the model for them and modeling for them healthy godly relationships, that's good.

Listen.

Again, I can't thank y'all enough for doing what y'all do in the body of Christ.

Again, I don't take it lightly.

I know that y'all inspired me a lot watching the ministry that y'all have.

I love the fact that y'all let each other be each other.

You know, you let stephanieed be a redeemed thug and you know what I'm saying, she's a born again thug.

And you let you let my boy be who he is.

Yeah, be Pastory.

Yeah, it's to worry Pastory, that's what you say, Pastory.

So so I just love that and I believe that that's so important in order to, you know, have a thriving relationship.

So often we get in relationships, trying to change that person to be who we are instead of saying no, you know, Paula Abdul said, when I was growing up, opposites of track.

You know what I'm saying, I'm telling my age and telling my age.

It was, wasn't it?

She said, opposite a track?

And so he said, I ain't never heard it.

You know, I told your age.

That's on American Idol?

Is that the lady?

Yeah, look at up, look at up?

You know.

So she said, opposites a track and I and I respect that.

And so what I love about y'all is that y'all unapologetically who y'all are.

And that's the reason why people can come one service and say I'm supposed to be here.

That's why they can pop up one service and say God spoke to me, I'm supposed to be here, because that's so foreign, unfortunate.

Unfortunately, is to see leadership model what they preach and also be a place in the safe space for people to say hold on.

Not one person said.

Not one person said they felt judged because they were cohabitating.

They felt challenged, but they didn't feel judged.

And so keep leading like you're doing y'all about to what it's gonna be.

Twenty six couples.

Yes, we'll married twenty four couples.

Twenty four couples are going to say I do together, and we're so excited for them.

They've completed all their classes.

I'm gonna start off with this year.

We started out with probably close to forty.

I think they close to forty.

And as we went through the journey and twenty four an hour have made it through, made it through the optical course.

On other side.

So is it really that hard, y'all?

It is so you understand when people drop off.

Any game, Oh that week was real hard.

We lost a couple.

So y'all know when the week is about to approach where you say it's about to get really tough and they're about to fall off.

Yeah, we challenge, Yeah, we challenge them every week, letting them know this is gonna be something more difficult than you've done.

It's going to challenge you in ways you didn't think you could be challenged.

We tell them in the orientation you're gonna have conversations you have never had before.

And they look at us and they're like, okay, yeah, whatever.

And then week one comes and they're looking at us as we're discussing the homework, and they've had these conversations.

And I'm going to say one word to all of you'all heart talk.

Heart talk, man.

It has you deal with the things that you've tried to pack down and bury and hide in the closet and take the light off of, and it brings them to light, so that not only you are aware of what's influencing your decisions, what your partner is and and letting someone in that takes trust, That takes you being transparent, and it's difficult.

And the conversations that happened during the session and during the week for the session are transformational.

So they also sorry also hit you when you first get into the challenge with the Purity Company.

No sex for ninety days, everybody just drop.

I guess that's I came at least I showed up.

I showed up.

And we never try to force it.

So although it's a nine to day challenge, if we feel like a couple's not ready, we make those decisions right and say, well, let's let's give them more time before we prepare for that.

So we've learned a lot of lessons over the years in terms of happened to to care for couples and share pul them well.

Through the process.

So y'all make the decisions for yes, sir, yes, sir, And we don't think this is where God is leading you in this season of your life.

We're gonna need a little bit more time.

We're gonna be doing this in another three years, and we're gonna invite you how to come back.

That is actually the case.

We had three couples this session do CUSI for a second time because they knew, you know, we had hominous conversation, either us or other facilitators said, you know, y'all been through the class, but you haven't gotten what God has for you here.

So take time, continue to work on the relationship.

CSI will be here again.

And three couples came back and did the whole process, and to all three of them said, we are so thankful that we did it again because we didn't get what we were supposed to do.

Sometimes it's individual growth we needed, or a collective growth, or maybe there was something going on at the time we tried to go through class that was a distraction and we couldn't really focus and hear directly from God.

There was white noise that was clogging our ears, so we couldn't be quiet, we couldn't hear exactly what God was saying to us.

And so we're thankful that CSI isn't a you know, a one time, one shot.

If you don't get it right.

We can't take you back through the program.

And I think all three of them got what they needed this time, and the relationships were better for it.

Do you know how powerful that is?

Though?

I hear a great testimony of the fact that they actually went through it, because a lot of times like this is showing us that we don't need to be together period, and then they'll tap out and just end.

But the fact that they coming through another time, I'm telling you that those couples are going to have a powerful testimony because they're going to be able to share that they went through it both times and what they've learned the second time around.

And so again, shout out to the whole ministry for building strong marriages, not just getting people married, but providing tools so that they can have lasting marriages.

Listen, man, thank y'all so much for tuning in to the dear future.

WIFEI podcast.

This was a powerful, powerful episode, y'all know.

At the beginning of this year, I said that my goal, my mission, my band aid is to increase marriage race in the Black community and decrease divorced statistics while providing tools so that we can have stronger, healthier marriages.

And Concord Church is leading the charge in that.

So thank y'all.

Make sure that y'all follow Concord Church, make sure that y'all support the ministry.

There will be a link in the discret And they also have a powerful podcast.

Yourself talk about y'all's podcast.

And so yeah, so we got a we got a book called Made to Last that's available on our all platforms.

You can follow myself and my wife.

And then we also have a podcast that's called the Whole Podcast to It Right and Made.

And we have a conference that will be coming next year called Mad the Left.

We've been on the.

Tour this fall going to several churches across the city teaching marriage conferences.

So we we love pouring in the couples.

We've made a lot of mistakes, We've learned a whole lot of lessons and so and so and so it uh it brings us a lot of joy to be able to pour and invest in couse, we'll be in Houston and Tulsa.

We just left Saint Louis, and so we just enjoy pouring in the couples, investing in them and help them to have the tools that they need, because all of us needed.

I mean, we've been married twenty seven years now, and so we're still learning.

We're in a new season.

Or oldest is about to graduate, so we're learning how to navigate.

She has graduate that so our oldest is about our son.

Baby, you said our oldest is about to graduate.

I'm in our youngest.

So we're gonna have a We're gonna have a tension right here.

There's some tension rights everything.

I know how my kid is.

Yeah yeah, well anyway, you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Wait, we're still trying to figure this thing out.

But uh, but yes, we learn from each other.

We never arrived.

I think that's the thing about couples, right, You never land, but you're always growing together so that you can be healthy in every season of your relationship.

So yeah, we made the last made the last live as our Instagram and as well as our website.

Y'all know when the Mayor's conference is gonna be next year, It'll.

Be the last weekend of August, last week of August, right here in Dallas, Texas at Concord Church.

And so they can find out about all this.

How can they steal breast?

They can stay at breast at Brian Carter uh dot dot com.

They can go there and get the information as well, but primarily our instagram made the last live.

That's where they can get the information.

How old are y'all thirty and they've been married?

How mucht as long as y'all be on this earthwa thirty?

A couple of weeks ago, way they said twenty seven?

I said about around y'all age, it's been mayors as long as you've been living.

Listen, y'all give it for this dynamic panel.

Thank y'all so much for having me here.

Thank y'all for being transparent and vulnerable.

Y'all give it up from y'all.

Stay tuned to the end for a letter to my future wife.

You writing these love letters.

Ladarium thrust it suddenly into child protective services.

In twenty fifteen, my nephew black a boy the likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship.

Slim to none.

Rmione, sixteen years old, black, a boy with five years in the foster care system before I even knew his name.

Likelihood have ever been adopted?

Yep, you guessed it.

Slim to none.

While Laderian and our money were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system, I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been a single father with a daughter who at that point was doing well in college.

It was my time to live my life right wrong.

I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

There are just too many of our Black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falter care system.

In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

I had no ties to this other young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt them.

Also.

In all, Babe, starting over with parenting should have been enough.

Right, working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the Falter care system should have decreased my agitation.

Right, Joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in falsil care should have led to some type of resolve.

Right, No, not at all.

None of it felt like I had done enough.

I now realized that every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

Kingdom Royal.

Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art home for foster boys.

Our first location will be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex.

We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible.

Though the young Kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal.

Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and engage and multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts.

Introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals on our form and on site stables.

We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.

Now why two point eight million dollars?

Well, In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

One of the most notable successes was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views.

However, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community.

So throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

I knew if at that time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at least two point eight million dollars that could have really established long term support for the homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative to do so.

This is my do over, this is our new beginning.

Together, we can attack this at the root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys, who are already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system.

I'm a terisar Wickfield.

I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life.

Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details Crown of King and make a donation today.

Listen.

I hope y'all enjoyed.

This episode is a special episode.

Hey, make sure that y'all go and pre order the book Student of Love.

The book is going to be released January the thirteenth, but pre orders are so important if you're really looking to learn to become a student so that we can do relationships better.

So and I mean all type of relationships, not just romantic relationships, but those relationships with our family members, the relationships with our kids, relationships with our coworkers.

Student of Love will get you there.

It's a powerful, powerful read.

Trust me.

Well, here's my favorite part of the podcast where I speak to my future wifey.

Dear future wifey, Commitment is strong, but covenant is sacred.

Commitment says I choose you until I change my mind.

Covenant says I choose you because God joined us, and nothing can sever what he sealed.

Commitment is built on feelings, on passion, convenience, and timing.

It thrives when the sun is shining, but often falters when storms arrive.

Covenant, however, it's built on valve.

It is an alter where two life become one, not because they merely decided to move in together, but because Heaven or witness when they spoke I do.

When couples live together before mayors, they taste the fruit of partnership without the soil of promise.

But in the grand wedding at Concord Church, these couples stepped from commitment into covenant.

They cross the invisible line between us and forever us.

Covenant doesn't just bind two people, it binds two destinies.

It's not about cohabitation, It's about consecration.

Commitment is a contract between two parties.

Covenant is a union with God as a third strand that keeps us from unraveling.

So do you, my future wife.

I don't want to just commit to you.

I want to have a covenant with you.

I don't want my love to be held together by moods or circumstances, but by the eternal glue of God's design.

When we stand before Him, our families, and our community.

I want Heaven to red that we didn't just choose each other.

We entered into covenant where love is no longer temporary but timeless.

Your future Hugging, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast.

Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.

Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and YouTube channel.

We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

Be welcome your support.

Simply share our podcasts with your friends and family.