My argument was always I'm born this way until Jesus hit me with a flex, we'll be born again.

My whole attitude was if this God didn't make me like this, then let him change me.

And I went to church as a practical joke, and I play a lot.

All my practical jokes led to my breakthroughs.

I got Hoby Wilson and Sophia Rough and Wilson are on the Yellow Cops Welcome and Welcome.

I was preaching, I was traveling.

I wasn't really single and lonely like I was single and cool because I was doing a lot of things.

I just kept geting these prophecies like your husband coming.

And one day I had some mentees prophesied to me and say, the Lord said this the last season that you're gonna be by yourself.

Take a picture and it was like three O the married couples.

Fast forward.

I was at the next meeting and I had a date set up and everything after what she preached, I laid it all out, went to a five star restaurant and had the menus printed out.

I had her initials, the date and everything.

The next day we talked and I said, I love you.

Said that after two weeks prior to him saying he was in love with me, I had dreamed that I met this man.

We fell in love so fast that it was like we were best friends.

That in the dream the guy said to me, I'm in love with you, and I said, we might as well go together.

And I think God had to show me previously because out, yeah, that's too fast.

So people dont understand the power in what you're saying.

Right now, where's your testimony?

I just aggressively lived my life as a homosexual female that was masculine presenting.

I can go all the way back to third grade.

Really, I can recall having a crush on a teacher, and this teacher spent a lot of time affirming.

Me, so feel you, so pretty, you such a good girl.

The rejection, the abandonment, the trauma, and because the enemy don't.

Play fair is what I always say.

It unlocked a perversion in the affirmation that I was receiving from a woman.

Tommy, how did you accept her testimony?

The Dear Future WiFi podcast has global impact from Texas.

I have been on this journey of healing and self discovery, and this podcast has been a vital part of my process.

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I'm Laterra Saar Whitfield and this is season ten of the Dear Future Wifie Podcast.

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On November twenty second, it will be live stream for all of y'all who have been rocking with.

Me on this journey.

You know, since the inception of this podcast, I've been wanting to have this conversation.

I've been waiting for the right guests to have this conversation with Welcome to a Differ to Wifey podcast.

My homie, Tommy Wilson and Sophia Ruff and Wilson are on the yellow couch.

Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, how y'all doing it?

Thank you me?

Slide to microphone up.

I want to close close to as possible.

That's great, so listen.

Now, let me tell the people how this interview came to pass.

I was on the phone with.

My old youth pastor, Joy Hill, and we were chopping up and talking, and she said, you know what, you know what you should have on the podcast?

I said who?

She said, Sophia Ruffing Wilson And I said okay, and I was talking.

I said, send me a link.

She sent me a link.

While she was sending me a link, I get a DM on What's app from Arlen from the Bahamas and said.

You know what you have on your podcast?

I just got fished interviewing her.

I said, hold on, I'm on the phone right now, and you're you're what's apping me right now?

I said, whoever, this woman is clearly God wants her to be on this yellow couch, so make it happen.

So I know that you're going to do something, say something, release something in this episode that it was by God's design and orchestrated by him for you to be here for such a time as this.

Isn't that real churchy?

For such that is that is to preach.

Very churchy, and that's very good, and that's very.

God for such a time as it's indeed.

So let me ask y'all how long y'all been married?

Almost three years?

Almost three years?

And how did y'all meet?

Well, how long did y'all know each other before y'all got married.

Well, we knew.

I knew of him in twenty seventeen.

I inquired about him when I went to a church to preach.

He was just so nice servant and I saw this handsome man.

I just like, oh wow, who is that?

And she was like, oh, he married, and that was it.

I had never seen him again.

Two years later, that was twenty seventeen, and then y'all read y'all met again in twenty twenty two.

Yeah, yeah, twenty two?

Which one is is a describe.

Twenty two twenty two.

I want to make sure this line up because your divorce might be on Wednesday, and it'd be got to make sure he receives.

People be like, uh they mad in twenty twenty two.

I looked at divorce was final in March or twenty twenty two?

You right, I know how people are to get a real message.

Uh.

So the reality was you said, Hey, I saw him, he's married, off limits And what happened in that journey?

What was your life like from twenty seventeen to twenty twenty two.

Well, I lived in Chicago, Uh, and I was going to preach at his church that he was serving.

That and that was twenty seventeen.

I saw him or whatever, and then uh, you know, I went back and forth to the church to minister and have you know, just was a relationship with the church there, and I never saw him again, Like I just never saw him.

And then in twenty one I went through like a very challenging season where I lost my grandmother and my mom back to bag and so that was just like a very hard season for me.

And that was just I was preaching, I was traveling, I was, you know, just kind of like just living my life.

I wasn't really single and lonely, like I was single and cool because I was doing a lot of things.

And it just kept getting me.

I just kept getting these prophecies like your husband coming, woman to guy, you're about to get married.

Les get so irritated because I'm like, not every time it's a woman that's single.

Everybody on a prophesy, you know, that a husband coming.

I used to honestly, I used to kind of reject those prophecies because I kind of felt like where he at, you know, it's impossible, and kind of probably had a little doubt that God could do that.

For me, if I'm being honest.

And one day in late like early twenty two, I had some mentees prophesied me and said, coach, listen, the Lord said, this is the last season that you're going to be by yourself.

Take a picture.

And it was like three three of the married couples take a picture.

I got in the picture.

I took a picture with them, and they said, this is the last time you've been the picture by yourself.

And fast forward like I.

Was at the next meeting, he was.

At the next meeting.

And so what was going on in your life at the time?

When when's the divorce final?

Twenty one, twenty one?

And so after meeting her, did she ever come across your mind or did you even know that she inquired about you?

Back then, I didn't had no idea.

It was just walking past and that was it and kept it moving.

You know, I'm serving, I'm doing I supposed to do.

But in twenty one, when I went through my divorce, you know, it was tough for a guy to start over at the age of forty six, and you try to get back on a dating feel and it's like, why in the world would you ever do that?

You know why.

I mean literally, I mean mentally you got to let go and physically and all that good stuff.

But I had to seek therapy first to get my mind right good because it was it was messed up.

Explain to people.

See a lot of women feel like you a single man, you having fun, it's a field day out there.

Why was it challenging for you in these Dayton streets?

Because I know what type of person I am.

I just I didn't want just anything.

I knew I've been married for twenty and a half years, so I'm not just out there just to be doing anything.

And I'm just not that type of person.

I was raised, right, I know what I'm what I am, I know who I am, I know who's God made me to be.

And it was just tough and it's just like, man, nah, I can't do this.

So I just asked God.

I said I want to be married again, and I inquired and it was the rest of history.

I mean, it happened fast, and I felt hard, real real quick.

So you said happened fast.

Give reference.

So like we talk on the phone about in June.

In June, so we had we talked on in the phone in June then she came preach like two weeks later, and I had a date set up and everything after what she preached, I did it.

I laid it all out, went to a five star restaurant and had the menus printed out.

I had her initials, the date and everything.

Had some rose petals in a bag I knew she like once.

I had a little canvas with some ones on it, a little picture.

Yeah.

I had all that set up, and the next day we talked.

She went back because she had to preach, and I said I got something to tell you, And I was like, I don't know what.

I don't know.

I want you to think I'm just so you know, you know, Yeah.

Yeah, thirsty little part.

He was a little party, was in love.

Yeah, but I said, I love you.

You said that after two weeks.

Yeah, But here's the thing, ain't can I tell you that?

The thing?

So, so when he inquired about me and we talked on the phone, mind you, I had already knew like of him that he was married before and he had three young adult kids.

So honestly, at that point when I was thinking about it, I'm like, nah, like I don't want nobody even that's been married and all this, but then I'm also thinking I'm older in age.

Okay, let me just give it a shot.

And so with talking to him, I did tell him I was like, he was married twenty one and a half years, that's almost all your life.

Go store your were you old?

Like to be outside.

Because you know, because I'm like, you've been, you know, married so long.

And we just kept on talking, but we were like really connecting.

And then when he ended up.

But prior to him saying he was in love with me, I had dreamed and I dreamed a few months ago that I share with two people, I'm like, man, I just.

Had a prophetic dream that I met this man.

Oh wow.

And I tried not to do those dreams because they get spooky.

And I said, we fell in love so fast that it was like we were best friends.

In the dream.

The guy said to me, I'm in love with you, and I said, we might as well go together.

Yeah.

And literally, when I tell you when he said that in two weeks, when he said that, it just rolled off my tongue.

I was like, we might as well go together.

You said that to him.

In real life, and I said, it was like prophecy from when I dreamed, and I think God had to show me previously because.

Yeah, that's too fast.

And we was we was going together and like we were just going together.

He said, we go together real bad?

Ye together?

So as it is, so people got understand the power and what you're saying right now.

What is your your background?

Where's your testimony?

Well, I come out of the lifestyle of gender dysphoria, which I felt like like extreme masculinity and identity issues homosexuality just out.

When I say outside, like outside outside, I wasn't really.

I was brought up in missionary Baptist church, but like not really having a relationship with God like that.

I played college basketball, an athlete.

And just just hard, just just strong, you know, independent, dominant type female.

And and I lived that life, I mean from like.

Grade school really yeah, little just yeah, So you.

Tell me you were living which life you're.

Talking about homosexuality?

Not in grade school?

Listen, grade school?

You know, you know, grade school.

I knew like I was having these attractions, in these interactions.

I could go all the way back to third grade really and that's yeah.

In third grade, I can recall having a crush on a teacher and knowing watch this that I don't know if it's right or this wrong.

But that teacher, when I look at it now, that teacher was literally just affirming me because I was a bag, a trouble kid, father in and out, you know, poverty, looking like a bomb, pretty much hairbuck wow, not put together and hard working mom, worked hard, single, hardworking mom.

And this teacher spent a lot of time affirming me.

Sofiel, you so pretty, you such a good girl.

Get over here, let me fix your hair, Let me you stay inside, and let me make sure you.

To keep me good.

And because us, the enemy don't play fair, is what I always say.

Those perversions and the rejection, the abandonment, the trauma that I had, it unlocked the perversion in the affirmation that I was receiving from a woman.

Why can you see that as mothering?

Why can you see that as extension of what did your mom do the same thing?

Did she affirm you back then?

Yeah?

My mom she did, she affirmed, she loved.

But I always say this, the enemy don't play fair.

I'm gonna fail abortion too.

Okay, So when you look at the spirit of homosexuality, a lot of times you're not just dealing with the perversion side of it.

You're actually dealing with rejection, abandonment, trauma.

The rejection was already sown in the womb, you know.

So I came out my mother's belly already rejected.

And so the.

Enemy don't say, oh, I'm gonna just wait until she turned seventeen or eighteen.

See, he starts to pervert and rewire your thoughts as a child.

And I also dealt with already being bullied about adults in the family calling me that's a little man.

Yeah.

Yeah, So you've always been more on the tomboys side, as they were saying, right, and so they would speak that you're talking about.

Third, I had a faithful cousin that did it relentlessly.

Mm hmmm.

So would you always like the girl that would play with the boys, be out there playing the football with him, and.

I'm gonna play football, basketball and I'm gonna fight you, you know so yeah you So that's why I also say you have to be careful, you know what is speaking over a child because those very words that were spoken at that time.

Of course, you don't know that this homosexuality, this being you know gay, No, you you just trying to understand what you're feeling, what you're thinking, And like I said, because the enemy don't play fair.

He just took advantage of those moments and kept creating opportunities that caused me to spiral down into the lifestyle.

And then with basketball, you know, gifted, extremely talented, so always playing on the basketball team with older girls because of my ability, which also exposed me more to the language and to the dark side of that lifestyle.

So we hear that a lot in women's basketball.

So you're saying that's truth.

Now, I would say it's a different culture.

You know, you got more effemininity in basketball, in sports, which is amazing, and you have the visibility of the basketball community promoting more feminine women.

But back then it was really more dominant masculine.

You know, it was a stick but that was also attached to that.

So and so from that.

Third grade crush on your teacher, did how did you reconcile that in your mind?

Was it just that all my teacher is pretty or I want my teacher to kiss.

Me, Like.

No, no, no, it was more so I can remember feeling that.

You know, I think every person get this old feeling like you just feel it.

I don't have so much knowledge into that back then, but when I had to recall, I can recall that moment, and so I'm just even that my story around that I didn't even entertain the sexual part of homosexuality until I started to really get into like high school.

So it was more mental.

It was more changing me inwardly, giving me this the stigma of it.

Before ever manifested into like the activity, I had already started to lose the identity.

So my situation, I tell people in this for all of y'all, everybody's story and journey is different, but mine was I lost my identity before I even started entertaining anything sexually.

I lost my identity.

Can you help me understand?

What do you mean by that?

You lost your identity.

Because I was born a woman and.

God had a specific call and a purpose for me.

You know, I'm talking.

Before you started experimenting with women.

Where you start Now you're dressing like a boy, well.

Dressing like a boy, you know.

But at that time I lived at home with my mom, So I can only go so far as.

You know, that's.

My mom, and she was more so like.

She she really she kind of knew, but she did it because I used this ex hues fleet I played basketball.

I'm don't judge me.

Everybody judging me.

So I already was defensive and already fighting against it.

But I was casually just more tomboy.

But when I went off to college, that was a whole another city that that.

When I went off to college my freshman year, it was cut my hair in the fade, it was get the tattoos.

Everything I thought that would make me more.

Masculine, it was, you know, just it was just saggy clothes, baggy back then.

It wasn't you know, it was just a different type of fashion.

It was just hard and I just, uh, slowly, the drinking the smoking came with that, and in that process it was like, now I'm becoming more knowledgeable of the lifestyle of me in then I started at that point feeling like, oh, I was born gay, I was born this way, and this is my life and nobody can say to me about it.

And I just aggressively lived my life as a homosexual female that was masculine presenting.

And then you know, people was talking to me about.

You know you need God, you know you need God, and I'm like, what was this God?

Were you raising church?

Missionary Baptist?

You know you just go you know you see everybody, they're smoking cigarettes.

They the deacons committed adultree you know, So why I'm seeing all listen you why got to be the one going to hell?

If God?

And my whole attitude was if this God didn't make me like this, then let him change me.

You couldn't tell me back then I would be who I am completely, not just a married woman.

And so many people think because you being married means nothing like my conversion and the truth of what God did for me was the day I knew when I gave my life to Jesus and he started the process of.

Giving me a new one.

Because my argument was always this, I'm born this way until Jesus hit me with a flex We'll be born again.

Jus, I gotta let this.

I got to sell them.

He said, what.

Be born again?

And I'm gonna tell you, I've never really heard the voice of God because.

Prophet is always you know, they be weird.

Be born again.

I had to hear God for myself, and I'm I'm like, how, how, how this is gonna happen?

And I went to church as a practical joke, and I play a lot.

My practical jokes led to my breakthroughs.

Every prank, every prank I got invited because I would get invited to church because I was always people's project, like everybody wanted to because you know, like if I could just help change her.

God had such a unique way the way he did it.

And I went to church and I heard the gospel preach I would say so profoundly, and experienced the prophetic all.

In one encounter.

And the pastor he was preaching, and he was talking about God can forgive you for your sins, and he preached about the blood of Jesus, and I mean that man told that service of apostle to him.

He just ran all through that church with it.

And a song came on Martha MUNIZI come let your burdens down, the burdens you have carried, They singing that.

He Yeah, God was really loud.

Range right there.

I came and yeah, it was altar call.

I went to the altar and I said, Lord, whatever you do, just don't embarrass me.

Whatever you do, please, like I'll fall for a maskuline.

You don't want to fall out, No, I.

Didn't want to fall out at all, like, no, I'm too cool.

And I'm laughing at them speaking in tongues.

I'm like, what are these people doing?

And shouting?

And the more I'm walking down, the more they just speaking in them tongues.

And I get down there in the apostle, he moves the microphone and he prophesied to me my entire life of childhood, upbringing.

I'm not even from that town.

So it's Mount Vernon, Illinois, you know, which is like three and a half hours from Chicago.

He prophesied to me, prophesied who I would become even now in the days that I'm in now he spoke it.

He says, you're gonna be preaching God's world.

You're gonna be preaching God's gonna make you.

You're gonna be like a butterfly and all this, and I'm like, you're gonna be married.

I don't know if he gave me that part.

I ain't gonna lie.

I don't think.

I don't think I ain't get that one.

But so when you're hearing him saying, what are you thinking, I'm just.

Really I think before I got to him talking about the future version of me, I was so overwhelmed.

This is like real talk, like with the guy who was revealing my secrets to a man.

Like I went on this pursuit.

I didn't even realize like that was a prophetic gilt or prophecy.

I just was in us saying, God, who are you to reveal all of my secrets to this man?

And how can I find you?

And that actually led me on my personal journey of searching for God.

And in that He just kind of just walked me through my deliverance.

I got discipled, I got you know, I went through a process like from two thousand and three to two thousand and eight, I still was masculine presenting, but God transformed me inside out.

So it was actually like miraculous.

So you're talking about from what period of time you go down to the altar?

When did you stop quote unquote being masculine presenting?

Two thousand and eight?

So how I mean, how long is that?

Like a five year period?

So five years?

So you're still in church, you saved, sanctified, uh shouting I'm a Christian, but then you were still masculine presenting, and then what would you hear from the.

People in church?

You still gay.

Ain't none changed?

You still gay?

That girl gay?

Yeah, you still look like a dude.

Put on the skirt, put on makeup, put on this, and I'm like, I ain't putting on.

None of that.

Why do you want to put it on?

Because I didn't.

I felt like I'm saved because the Bible.

Listen, all I do is I'm born again.

I gave my life to Jesus.

I can't.

I didn't want to force it.

You don't want to be fake?

Yeah I wasn't.

How do I live out the closet that loan to get saved?

And y'all try to put me in the closet.

Then you try to make me be fake.

I'm like, oh hecky, no, Like I only no freedom.

So you would go to Churchill So as you you still dating.

Women from two thousand and three to that, I really wasn't dating a bunch of women like.

One still stay gay?

You know what?

But I did have to walk through the process.

But then in two thousand here's what happened.

I didn't realize how much at that point my sexuality was connected to my identity.

Now I had no idea.

Now if I'm still presenting it looking like a dude, I'm sending off to people they don't know.

So it was still luring this attraction and the women was confused, right, and so I'm like, man, it's hard.

So what would you say to them?

I ain't gat no more.

Listen, I'm in church.

I'm like this, No, I'm in church.

Like I'm trying to live my life like I'm in church.

But I was still in that process, like going to the club.

I was letting my apostle know this.

My whole story is like this girl has been transparent.

I'm on my way to the club.

I be got to mar with my little five dollar tide and offer it.

But I'm at the club.

But in two thousand and eight, though, seriously, when I when God another practical joke, I'm like, let me do this girl thing one time for my mom because she hadn't seen me in a state of any femininity for years.

I'm in Malvern, I'm like, I'm gonna go to Chicago.

I'm a surpriser for Mother's Day.

At that time.

For those five years span I did grow my hair out, my hair like corn rows.

I was like, I'm gonna go to the shop.

I'm gonna let the girl flat out of my hair.

I'ma I didn't know what broadsize.

I didn't know what I said.

Listen, I need help finding something to wear.

At that time, Capriz was popular cute little brocafrieze.

When it got this outfit from Mauris put it in a duffel bag with the rest of my masculine clothes right my boxes and this and that.

Bab I love that you're just gonna do this story.

He's a chappier.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I literally take my backpack.

I go to surprise my mom.

I stay at her friend's house and I get dressed, and you know, I'm in the room.

I'm just putting it and I'm saying to myself, I'm only doing this one time, like I'm not.

I don't have to change how I look.

This is me arguing with them myself.

And so even when the girl flotting out of my hair, she shut her shop down.

Shout out to Breshanta.

She shut us shop down, closed the windows because I'm like, I don't want nobody seeing me looking embarrassed of what I could possibly look like because I didn't know this.

Are you hearing me?

I look like a dude, so long and you about to try to help me look like a girl.

I was scared, like what am I gonna look like?

Real?

And so she was like, just trust me.

So she did my hair, turn me away from the mirror, wrap my hair up, put a.

Do rag on, and I get to Chicago.

I'm in the room, I'm doing my hair, putting my clothes on, and it just felt different, like I don't know, it was just like it felt right, and I'm.

Trying to figure it out.

And I'm like and so my friend on the phone, she's like, how you look, Sofia, how you look?

I said, I don't know.

I was like, I'm only doing this one time.

I'm just not about to be an everyday thing.

This is one scenario.

The lady downstairs saying, Sophia, you ready.

I walk out the door.

She has a huge, beautiful mirror in the hallway.

As I'm walking out the door, I'm looking, I see myself in the mirror.

I hit the flow, I fall out to myself.

You need.

You know that's powerful.

I couldn't believe what I saw.

I looked at me, looked at you.

You know what, she looks good, But you know what that is hilarious.

I was no, seriously I felt.

I was like, oh my god, I was this me.

I was, and I'm weeping and I hear the voice of the Lord say, well done.

My good and faithful service is look at my daughter Sophia, and hom on will please.

I was affirmed by God right privately.

The people always still call you Sophia even when you.

Were so you're trying.

Nobody knows my street name.

Come on, I was.

Just asking because it, I mean, it's kind of awkward to look at it like a hard little thud talking about Sophia, like you don't get no street cred like that.

You really don't.

But I was no matter how hard I.

Was, people can always say you're so sweet, like you're shut up, I'm smoking a blood.

I'm trying to be hard.

He's so sweet.

My voice always been.

So I wasn't trying to change my voice and stuff like you know, so I was.

My street name.

You're not getting in the end, and that not getting the street name.

I've never leaved it, like I don't know.

I might later, but.

There's some charges on that name.

Jesus following him right.

So, so when you saw yourself what did and you heard God speak to you, Sophia, I am will please.

When you looked at that, then what happened?

I weeped.

I just weeped.

I felt I was just overwhelmed, like I just couldn't believe.

That's why, no matter what, I don't care what nobody ever say about me, because my own testimony is my truth.

This ain't for this, ain't for church.

I didn't grow up for this the church.

And so when I get in the car, come down the stairs, the lady, she like, yo, mama gonna just be so woo woo.

Even though my mom loved her baby girl, period, let's put that there.

She except what she always did.

She always accept you for.

Yes, she did, because she kept saying the fruit of her woman was blessed, she said.

She kept saying, you're a prophet.

You you called you are damned.

She always saw you in your future sense.

Yeah, And I'm like, I ain't gonna tell you.

I'm like, stop believing that.

I don't want to.

I really don't.

Want none of that.

Like I'm sorry.

And I go on to church, and my nieces and nephews, I go sit with them, my mom in the choir staying and my nephew on the drums.

He looking and he pulled like that's on tea, Like everybody just it's.

A big deal because it's like wow, So my mom she's asking who is that lady with my with my grandkids because.

It was such a chaotic scene.

The lady said, that's your daughter.

My mom weeps, she weeps, she the pastor stop the service.

I go to get my mom a hug, and like, yo, like it just.

You can't even yeah, you can't explain, Like I can't explain what that moment did for her, but most of all, what it did for me, Like I don't know, like it was just an embrace that just felt like whatever I never got, I got on the one and her love like validating me on a level that I didn't know I needed.

And she she just kept saying, look at my baby.

She was just in awe because imagine like when when people do choose to live certain lifestyles and they transform, that parent kind of.

Lose to grieve the loss of that daughter so to speak, or that sonnig I never saw all the memories that they had saying, oh, I can't wait for my daughter to go to prime.

I'm gonna get a prime dress.

I'm gonna get this, and then daughter shows up in succeed them.

Yeah, it's like and then the whispers at the church like oh, so and so and so fiel there.

I mean, you know, God is working.

We just praying for her deliverance.

So now you gotta now your Their speech has to change in order to say I still love my daughter, I still love my son, but I recognize that the lifestyle that they're living is adverse to what God has called in their life.

But I'm in juxtaposition between covering my child and also not conforming to what this lifestyle is.

It's a it's an interesting conundrum.

Yeah, and that's how it was.

And uh, when we got home after service, I went to go open my Duffel bag to put back on my other clothes.

I could not fit that stuff.

It was it was like I couldn't put it on.

It was like supernaturally, that was it.

That was whatever I was outwardly, that chapter had came to a supernatural close.

It was over.

I had never went back to forms of masculinity.

And you know, in my process from eight to even all the way now, like I was always mindful of like because you have to learn people don't understand, like you have to learn new mannerisms, like you have to learn femininity.

You got to learn how to us and how to love, how to be.

Loved like like before it ever was.

So it wasn't like getting married to cover up or get married.

No.

I literally went through years of like being processed and prepared to be a wife and to be who I am today, like gentle, calm but still strong and you know, secure but also know how to submit it, come under and be led.

And it's just only God could do that.

And the reason why my process I think was inside out first was so that I can know that I can trust God every season.

So even in your elementary, middle school, high school, did you ever have crushes on boys that you ever have a boyfriend at all?

Yeah, I had a boyfriend and I had I liked all of like some of the cute boys.

They never liked me.

They was just and this the thing, They're like, you are friend, come play basketball with us?

Like I was the cool, Like I was every I was cool with every dude.

I'm homie.

We dabbing and we cool.

And even in seventh grade and then high school, I had a boyfriend and when I started getting kind of masculine, he like, what's wrong?

Like what's going on?

He questioned it?

You know, yeah, what happened to your bank?

I want a boyfriend.

I want a girlfriend.

We switching before.

About very eyes, Yeah he did.

He has a question with my homeboys, that's you.

But we stayed locked the end, and then I think that at that point when I I think, the more I lost me because I never I was never didn't think men was attractive.

That's the thing that's interesting.

That's why I wanted to go back to your attraction to the to males.

It has always been there.

Yeah, like he looked good.

I knew how to acknowledge, like I was like, he fine.

But the more I lost me, though, the more I couldn't see a man though, I couldn't see him no more like he looked good, because it.

Didn't to me.

It just didn't feel right, see how, it's just dysfunctional in my mind.

So the harder I became, the more my eyes was closed to be able to see the the you know, the depth of a man.

But then when my eyes was open, it was like you see again, whoa Okay, all right.

That's crazy, ain't it.

We don't talk about the spiritual ramifications that the Bible says in the last days, good would be called evil and evil be called good.

Physically, she said, physically, I couldn't even look.

I started out looking at men and saying, oh, yeah, they are tractor looked nice.

Yeah.

And then the more she started losing herself, she started coming into agreement to this spirit that's teaching her that, no, you ain't even supposed to even like that.

No more so she's like, all right, well, I guess I'm supposed to like this.

And then as she's liking that, and that became to be that's normalized even her appearance.

The way she thought was like, hey, this, this is this, this is me.

She's taken on, uh, this spirit of masculinity.

And then when God began to start healing her from the inside out, he started healing the way that she thought, the way that she sees and now, oh men are attractive now like that is that.

I just never heard anybody break it down like that, because most of the time they will always say I just never been attracted to guys.

Yeah, God made me like this.

I've always been attracted to women, even back when I was in the third grade.

My teacher from that moment, I've always been attracted to women, and.

I've never been attracted not my story.

And that's why they come for me and say, well, you was never gay.

I'm like, you know what, I'm tired of y'all.

Y'all buddy, get me.

You wasn't gay.

You was just you know, just yeah.

This one dude said, this is so funny telling about That's why the commie said she just understood it herself.

It's no, I got delivered.

Brother, unstudied.

I don't it don't even bother me because it's like, man, you know a person.

That's what I respect.

Everybody's journey, everybody's process, everybody's walk with God.

I didn't think to read.

Your comments about what people say.

So people think that you wasn't gay enough.

Just a couple of them.

Yeah, I'm like, how what what?

What?

What you want me to do?

Got and that said thing as a gay leader.

You wasn't get If you're really gay, you wouldn't be looking like this right now.

It's like, you know what, forget y'all, and so let's.

Talk to you Tommy thank you for your patience because I stull want to unpack this journey.

So I know what your journey was.

So what's your backstory.

I've been in church all my life, good parents, raised, raised, good middle class, went to a private school, never went to a public school.

She she always give him his badge.

It's just she always gives me that that private school.

Yeah, I'm that private school dude.

And I just I thank God because that's who.

I just.

I'm very honored and privileged, you know, to have gone to a school like that.

What you grow up in.

He was in Texas, but he was always always in Houston, Okay, and you growing up in the in the town area.

I'm from the hood Chicago.

Yeah, and then you.

All right, so this is interesting how God brought these two worlds together.

All right, And so here you go, p K.

You grew up in the hood.

Uh, continue, Yeah, it was just you know, I played sports basketball.

You know, I was a good kid.

You know, I didn't mean I wasn't bad.

I mean because my dad, Yeah, my dad was in the army, right.

Yeah, but we haven't played each other the journey.

Yeah, we haven't played each other.

She played my.

Son and don't put yeah, ready for you?

Ready for telling me?

She want the daddy?

I told her?

Where do you think they got it from?

He said, you ain't ready for him?

You heard that's Sophia.

So you ain't ready for him?

Yeah, I'm allow him.

I love him, shine, Let him shine.

So you played basketball in high school, yes, sir?

And then private school and then what you had a really good upbringing?

What did your parents instilled in you?

Wait till marriage to have sex with They instilled it within you marriage, marriage, marriage?

And uh you got married at what age three?

Where your virguin when you got married?

Yes, sir.

So you waited to you waited for marriage, Sophia, the first time you know that it is.

Jesus him.

That's cute, man.

Proud, that's good.

Let me tell you something I am.

I interview two three people today and the other guy, Jimmy Rawlins, was a virtue when he got married.

Wow.

And so I love this because that's very rare, and that Sophia said, oh that's cute, that's powerful, that's actually powerful, and that you had a family that instilled that in you, because like I shared with them, With most men, we shared the opposite it's saying, hey, listen, go smash as many women as possible.

And you were taught right to say, honor your body, that your parents valued marriage and said get married and save yourself a marriage.

I never had that conversation my mom and dad, and so I honored that.

And so you got married.

And was it one of those marriages where it was it's better to married than to burn with less type of things in the church.

How to meet your ex wife?

I met through school through a friend.

Actually, her friend likeded me, but I didn't want to get to the friend because she was promiscuous and I would try and do the thing, and she said, you'd be greatful my friend.

So we talked and hit it off and got married, had three children, and got divorced at twenty one.

At that twenty one, twenty one years.

Oh, twenty one years.

I No, that was a quick marriage.

I had three kids.

Yeah, man, that was a quick was added.

We got three kids about twenty one and got divorced.

Lord, that's hilarious.

So y'all married for twenty one years.

And when I talk to people about their past marriage, I don't even ask them to uncover stuff that's protected under the Covenant.

My question always asks is this, what did you learn?

What did you learn about yourself coming through that marriage.

I learned that I'm an overcomer and that you can't I can't dwell on the failure and how it made you feel and what you what you didn't do.

Yeah, and because you'll get well, you didn't do this, you didn't do it, but all the things that you did right, that means you're still a good person.

Just because I didn't do a couple of things wrong, then I got to be defeated.

No, I'm not.

I'm still a good man, and that's why I was able to bounce back, you know.

But I'm gonna tell this as well that as going through a divorce, I sought help.

We can pray that's good, but I had to seek a therapist.

Yes, that's good.

I went to therapy to got my mind right because I wanted to hurt some folks and you know, to protect myself.

Yeah.

I'm feeling the spirit around that you done been through some stuff in your marriage.

Yeah, that's what I'm hearing.

I'm here.

Yeah, because it was it was yeah, not this one now.

Now.

It was tough because in twenty one, I went through COVID and pneumonia, and at that same time, you know, I get a call and saying that I don't want to do this no more.

And it was tough, like I'm fighting for my life.

I'm not gonna try to fight for this.

I know who I am.

You.

I told my kids that this is the lowest you'll ever see your father.

That's good, the lowest.

And I thank God for bounce back.

And you know, just to be able to marry, to be married again is a blessing.

Yeah, you know.

And at the time, I didn't want to do that again, but I said, you try to date and do all this, and it's just like, nah, man, I got time for this.

This, this is for the birds.

This ain't for me.

I'm forty six years old trying to run the streets.

I'm too old.

I can't.

I'm trying to get back on my feet.

I literally started over at forty six.

I'm working two jobs and then trying to date.

Nah, I ain't got time for this.

No, we're not doing this.

So when you meet her, y'all communicate, y'all going to date two weeks.

I have to have phone conversation two weeks later, y'all go on your first date and then you say, I love you.

Sure did, And that didn't scare you, you said.

Because I knew right then, because I knew.

I talk about this in my book.

I said, God know what I needed, and you know what I wanted was wrapped up in Sophia.

And when we was talking on the phone, she was what I needed and wanted I talk about she was my missing peace because when we started talking on the phone, you know, a guy at forty six years old starting over, you give that resume.

I told her she would have pop my balloon back in the day.

Yeah, related, because you're not talking what a woman would want to hear.

But when I'm telling my story, she's affirming me, even in my lowest part of my life.

Wow, So explain that why you feel I should have popped your balloon?

Divorce, three kids, starting all over?

Who wants a guy like that?

But you think about that, Sofia, because you said you don't want a man that was married right right.

And didn't want one starting all over because I was getting started.

You know, said were both at the same pot, the great the starting line that actually started out.

It is interesting this is interesting because I love to hear couples talk about what they didn't want and then you realize that what they really needed was each other.

For sure, Sophia doesn't been in the streets male presenting.

You know what nerve to say, I want a man they ain't been married, because I'm gonna keep it one thousands.

So so here, Tommy, save thisself a marriage, got married, did things the right way.

She over talking about you ain't good enough for me.

That is terrible because we do be having all these listens.

We've been just like Reglars.

But by the time hold on, let.

Me go, get on Tommy.

And then Tommy said the other girl that he wanted you too promiscuous, marry you.

You sit there say that.

Yeah, geez, I'd be like God, I thank.

You, wake up the shouting with this man like God, because.

That's how God is.

God can sit back and say you don't know what you need?

You know, God look at you and be like, so how that work out for you?

Because you can go You did it.

You did it the way that it was quote unquote supposed to be done.

You chose who you were quote unquote supposed to chooser the best choice.

How that work out for you.

Then you choose somebody that's totally surrendered, submitted to God.

Somebody that's walking in the full authority that God has placed on them.

Somebody has a story to tell to say, that's cute that you were raised like that.

I'm from the hood.

I was raised like this.

I didn't have all this.

These are my experiences.

But what she brings to the table, what she brings it to the marriage is a level of grace, also a level of anointing that.

Your ex wife may have not carried.

She carries something because she's been through the fire, and she will cherish this marriage even greater because she knows what God has done for her in her life.

She never even saw this take place in her life, so that means that she didn't even see it.

So now she knows it's totally she's walking in the v of God.

So she says, this is God's vision for my life.

So I show can't just sit back and think I know better than him.

What I thought best for myself was to choose the lifestyle that I chose.

I couldn't even see this.

The prophet couldn't even see this.

The prophet spoke over my life, but didn't see this.

This is I'm in my God place, this is my blessed place, and so she'll be more surrendered and submitted to it.

Where she talks about submission, she's more surrendered and submitted to it because you first had to submit to God.

She submitted to God and then said, okay, God, you told me what submission.

You showed me what submission looks like before you even bless me to meet this man.

I had to have a strong relationship with you.

I had to have a one on one relationship with you where you begin to show me, you begin to change me.

You begin to start speaking to my heart, speaking to my mind, showing me how to show up from.

A feminine perspective.

You did that guy.

So now when you bless me with this man in my life, I'm an honored because I know that's.

Your gift to me.

You neled it, Yes, sir, because I see it.

That's that's God, because.

I see it.

Because we make up these ideals in our mind thinking we can choose what's best.

Yep, if you could, you wouldn't need God.

I remember telling God that my single season.

God changed my prescription because what I think I desire and what I think what I want is not working out.

It's not working.

I've been divorced, I was married two weeks shot ten years.

I chose what I thought was best for me.

It didn't work out.

So I said, God, I'm tired of choosing.

I need you to choose and make it plain.

Wow, make it where I know it's you and only you.

Make it where I know that you had to navigate these hearts to converge in these moments together in order for us to see each other.

Because it was nobody but God that could make this happen.

Nobody but God can take you from Chicago, you from Houston, Texas and allowing encounter to take place in one season of your life that you revisit another season.

That's nobody but God.

You ain't smart enough to make that happen.

So you can't network yourself into that.

You can't make him go through divorce at the precise time he had to go through a divorce in order to meet you in another season.

Man, leave me alone.

You can't make it happen.

So let me get back to the interviewing.

Y'all stop and shout glory to God, don't play with it.

That's good because you couldn't make that happen.

That's good.

And so when y'all met.

Each other two weeks later, then how did this marriage come to come to pass?

Well, when I saw when when he was at his loan, right, I knew of him.

So I also knew that he came from a very you.

Know, a really good background, like in his previous relationship, right, And so I saw a man that was working two jobs.

He was working around the clock.

So I just saw a hard worker.

And I also admired his walk with God, like he was getting up going to church and you know, when I was traveling, he was on the phone making sure I made it and you know, just doing things.

And I was like, man, this is a good dude.

And so I'm gonna be honest.

Like when he say like he was at a low place, God didn't let me see that.

I just I saw a very hard work and successful man.

And so when I was affirming him, it was out of truth because that's what I saw.

I saw him fight to get back up.

And then I also saw the integrity of he never ever bashed his previous and if you could be in twenty one and a half years of a marriage, and I don't know anything that shows that you have you're healed, and you have integrity.

So I felt very safe with him.

And then the fact that he served for twenty one and a half years in the local church, a man who serves, and I'm like, man.

This is just this is awesome.

So I saw who I'll see every like this is a very powerful.

Wise good man.

And so I was just blessed when he ended up saying he loved me, and I said, let's we might as well go together.

Uh, And I knew that it also was God confirmation.

It was like we just hit it off and then you proposed, like at my conference later.

Three months later, he went to a conference in front of everybody.

Yeah yeah.

And I had to get all that stuff taken care of behind the scenes without her knowing, going through a family, going through apostle.

It was a nerve wack and getting the ring and all that, it was just but God worked it all out.

The day that I got her ring, her favorite song started playing in the in the jury shot I love that and it was just I said, God, you you, yeah, you here you thank you.

I'm literally As soon as the lady came back, she said, you've been approved because I mean, like I said, I'm trying to get back.

On my feet, trying to get a ring.

Yeah, it got a.

Nice one, you know.

And she came back, she said, sir, you've been approved.

And the first one I saw, I was like, that's the one.

And the song started playing.

I was like, thank you Lord.

I called my best friend.

I said, man, I'm about to do it.

He said, what are you about to do?

What?

He said, boy?

You just He said, man, you're serious, aren't you.

I said yeah.

He said, man, you know I'm down.

I'm with you.

With you that was the.

Best proposal situation.

I mean, to do it on a public platform.

To me, I just saw God and then my spiritual father was there, my natural father was there, you know, and it was just it was happening and I'm seeing my life and say, God like me, like and to give me what I mean, I said all the time, like you gave me such a good like the way he loved me.

And know I had a capacity to you know, that take a good strong man to even be able to carry somebody's story like that, you know, and not make me feel weird off.

And it's just I was blown away that day that he proposed.

And even after the proposal, we talked, so.

I'm thinking maybe next year we're gonna get married, you know, a year later, and just enjoying it.

We were talking and I think I said about when what we were talking about.

The day, and he was like, what like December.

I'm like, I told.

Yeah, And I was like, wow, okay, whoa.

And we decided on January seventh, as been some significant numbers of the new beginning of the year and all of that.

And we had a beautiful, fairy tale wedding.

It was on a state tom ball.

It was just immaculate.

It was just it was a fairy tale.

And but only God can give me what he gave me to be a bride, a beautiful bride and have my husband and all.

It was just it was told.

My mom passed in twenty one.

Oh wow, but my dad was there.

But I know my mom, she always saw this.

She would always say this, and I didn't think I could have a husband.

That reminded me of my granddaddy.

Like my granddaddy was the best man I ever known, and I tell him all the time, your nature, so I know, like my mom her prayers and what she put in the earth and decreed it was established, it had to come to pass.

So what was your relationship with your life with your dad?

We liked best friends like my dad.

You know, he went through his own things in life in and out of prison.

You know, had some substance use.

He was consistent with when he was around.

He was around, and so even now, like we talk all the time, were very close, got a very very close relationship.

And for him to come and be a part of the wedding and walk me down the aisle, you can't make this stuff up.

So what did he think when he saw you in one season masculine presenting and now you're feminine?

So I don't think he really understood as much as my mom like my dad just you.

Know, it's like did he even know?

Honestly, I don't even know if my dad like put like I don't like he wasn't like that, like to even pay attention.

I never thought of that.

Wow, I gotta ask him, like.

You know, he just didn't say no.

He just seen me always seen me as like Sophia, like never it was never nothing, No, that's I gotta ponder.

On you said that.

Did you know I used to missed up?

What's the stud construcchie?

What's that?

Jesus?

Oh God?

And so let me ask you this, Tommy, how did you accept her testimony?

It was easy because that's her past and that's what people get it misconstrued and just like, oh, you gotta remember she went through that.

Okay, we all done went through something.

We all have a past.

Why should I have to bring that up?

Why should I have to look at her differently because she lived that lifestyle.

We got to stop doing that as people, because we do that too much.

We want to focus on what they did in the past.

But look at her now, like Chris Brown's he said, look at me now.

Yeah, yeah, Mike Jones back then, y'all on me.

That was in the that was in the Bible.

I think that was an Exodus three up, the message the hood version.

Let me ask you this real quick.

So were you able to see yourself as redeemed as easily as he was able to?

Like?

Were you nervous to be like, Okay, I got to tell him about my past?

Are you just like yeah?

No?

And the best thing was I was already on social media.

I've always been very transparent and sharing my story and and talking about it and pretty candid about it.

So he had already went through like he went through the old tiktoks.

I'm talking about that man was at the bottom like and stuff.

When I'm like, my.

God, everything, see what I'm getting myself into?

He said, I saw all your videos.

He saw it all.

You ain't surprised about nothing.

Your friend didn't get your hard time.

They actually and that's the crazy thing.

That is the part that everybody that's in my circle, in a circle, even from my even from my exis family, they said, Tommy, you deserve what you're getting right now.

It was crazy because the day that let's come on now, sorry, don't give me so we're talking.

You know, we're before we know social medialy.

You make it known, right, uh My Axes aunt called me and she said, who you dating?

I'm saying.

It was funny because we had just talked about this, and I said, well, you know, let me get so I called her and I talked to you know, hey, aunt evil.

She was asking you know about this and that, and she said, you can tell that I said, I mean, I don't know how these phones work before I can even get it.

Since she's screaming calling me, I'm so happy for you.

You deserve it.

That is perfect.

She is perfect.

Y'all are perk for each other.

She said, Tommy, you're so deserving of this.

And it was just like my best.

Your ex wife's aunt.

Yeah, she but here is went right.

So, and this is another thing.

I knew that she really loved me and she loved the situation was dating.

And she said, since that's happening, you need to go see her.

And I said I don't have I said, I don't have no money.

She said, don't worry about that.

She says, all me.

She said, pay me when you get a chance.

She brought your plane ticket.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

Yeah, Lord Jesus, because he needed to be catching flights and feelings.

If you call them feeling and say I love you, you're probably gonna be my wife like Tody recent baby boy, I love you, you probably gonna be my wife.

So so you wasn't wasting no time, you.

Know, I'm saying.

And that's another thing I didn't want her to.

You know, Listen, I'm me and I preference this.

I'm forty nine years old, I'm a grown man.

Yeah, we're not doing this lead no five year relationships.

I don't hey to each his own.

I had to let her know that I'm serious.

I'm not just out here all willy nilly just trying to say, oh you my fiance and then string you along for three years.

Now we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna get this done, and we're gonna put a ring on it, and we're gonna set a date and we got to do it right.

What have you heard, Sophia from maybe women that you've dealt with in the past when you posted on social media I'm married Now, what kind of feedback were you getting from them?

Oh?

So many people was excited, like the support because people knew my story and just you know, saw my life and they were excited for me.

And then.

And then I thought, wow, you know the excitement.

Nobody prepares me for the transitions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you know, one of the things I think that was very important for me, Like because when I was single and you know, traveling preaching and having some amazing opportunities or being seen as a leader, it was just everybody loved that.

Version of Sophia.

You know, I was available.

I'm a girls girl.

You hit me up, I got you, you know.

But then when I got married, I was very intentional, especially the first year, to make sure that he knew he was first like and that meant even when relationships with traveling, I made sure like he was a part of like, hey, you know how you feel about this, and including him because it was important for him to know that even though I am the strong leader, I want to be submitted.

Can you lead?

And so I've done that.

In that it was a lot of transitions and a lot of challenges, and then there was you know, you post your man and it's your man.

Listen, I'm happy and I'm excited, and hey, oh man, they're getting mad, Like it started getting real weird for a minute.

You know, it's starting to bring a balance in.

But what I tell people is I was posting when I was at my mom house, on the floor up bed ugly green carpet in the hood.

So if you really follow me, go watch some oh you faithful videos.

This ain't like I'm showing out now.

I was doing this when I was saying going long and lonely for a minute.

Hey, he's a part of my life.

Why the people I don't understand.

Why are people like that?

Though?

So you all got something to say, it's like, so you ain't supposed to post, and if you didn't post, it be like, well that that relationship ain't real.

Yeah, what's going on?

She won't post them.

I guess they're on the outs.

I guess they ain't gonna make it.

You like, well, I'm trying to keep this private.

What she keeping private?

What she hiding for?

What they They always speculate so much because people that are that want to breed toxicity.

That always you can never do too much for the wrong people.

It's like they'll just they'll just keep trying to find fault in whatever you try to do.

But then you've been private.

How do you feel about that about her posting you?

I don't mind.

I'm happy, you know, and I'm happy with her.

And if you don't have a problem with it.

If you do have problem, that's fine.

What I have today.

What I say today is your opinion of me, doesn't pay my bills sucks.

Whatever you do however you think.

That's fine.

But we we're happy.

We're doing our thing.

We're gonna post.

I know she does it.

I'm getting into it and I love it.

Yeah, listen, this is fun.

I like that fun conversation.

I like the trip out.

I don't want nothing all heavywhere we're talking about this heavy subject matter and everybody feels sad and all that.

No, this is this is a happy thing.

It's delivers Uh do you gonna get people like you said?

This is an episode I've never done before, and so I don't know what people are gonna say.

You know, people be like like you said, saying that you wasn't truly gay, what they say about the stud.

Thing that was so funny.

I don't think that guy thought I was gonna love that comment the way I did.

He thought he hit with that one, and I'm like, boy, that's crazy.

That's hilarious.

Shared as a story myself, Raise the Lord.

That is funny though, But like those conversations.

I like conversations that spark conversation and dialogue.

Has your transformation deliverance sparked deliverance in people that used to deal.

With in the past.

Oh man, it is somonies.

Yeah, it's so beautiful.

Like I have mentees who I've helped disciple through the process in such a way that I think that I've had the grace to tell them, like if God began to go work in you, He's gonna complete it.

To help take some of that false pressure off of people, because when you give your life to the Lord and it's dealing with you know, coming out of homosexuality, especially if your identity, you know, was somehow compromised.

I just really.

Try to be a source to tell them, you know, trust God leading by example, giving them books.

I have books, I have courses and just really help people.

And then I'm actually helping a young lady right now who's through a process and you know, you got questions, you know.

Hit me up.

I'll help you navigate through those challenging spaces because I didn't have that, you know.

And so I just make myself available without judgment.

I don't judge anybody.

I don't, you know, speak down.

I don't condemn people to hell.

I don't make people feel bad.

I really have the heart of God.

To say, trust God, you give your life to Jesus, trust that the help are gonna help you.

He'll leading guide into all truth.

So how I tell people is they'd be like, well, this is my truth.

I'm living my truth.

When you give your life to Jesus, one of the promises is holy Spirit leads you into truth.

So whatever deception you have in your process, that truth will be revealed.

And so we gotta be more patient with giving people grace to journey well, to journey with God, not interrupt the person process, like people trying to put me prematurely outwardly to look delivered for their comfort, for their confirmation.

That's good, she said, for their comfort.

Yeah, And it was like, no, I'm going to follow God because my appearance wasn't the confirmation of my freedom.

My marriage isn't the confirmation.

They have a lot of.

People that's married and still struggle.

So that's that's just he doesn't confirm my freedom.

My relationship with Jesus is the confirmation, and you can't question that.

I met a woman who was married and her husband didn't know.

I remember I met her and I told her first conversation, I said, I think your friend that you keep saying is your friend, that's your seat, that's your private lover.

She said, in the world did you know that?

I said, God just told me that, and she said, nobody knows that.

She said, if my husband knew that, he would lose it.

But here it is married and has a one I'm in that nobody would affect feminine woman all that, and no one would suspect that that's her lover, her her close friend.

And so, like you're saying, to your point, that makes all the sense in the world.

I can.

I can play this facade.

You can put your dress on, put makeup on, look all like this and still be struggling internally and still be doing uh messing with women still.

But for the church, it looks like, oh, she didn't look at what God did.

She's so changed to delivered, so that when you really walk through your deliverance, it's one hundred percent for real, you know fully, So I hear what you're saying, which gave me a different level of knowledge, because I would assume the same thing if I start seeing you still walking around like that, and I'd be like, she saved still like this, she need to get dipped in the pool a little bit more, you know.

A couple of times, you know what I'm saying, I'd be wondering.

I'd be like, why is she still doing that?

But now you've given me even more understanding, so that even when I see men coming out there lifestyle, then the maneurisms, you know, they still be holding onto those manorysms.

And then you go like and then you speak something like, he still gave.

Yeah, you know what that person is.

You know what I'm saying.

And then if you're if that person hears you say that, and they go, but God, I'm not anymore.

What are they seeing?

Well, I guess it's easier for me to go back into his lifestyle because I'm not accepted by the church.

And so I love what you're saying.

So I want this to be a challenge for Christians out there that when you're seeing people walking through their deliverance in any and everything they're walking through.

You may have somebody that comes straight straight from the streets.

They come to the church.

They still smell like we but they just gave their life the Christ two weeks ago.

You know, talk to that person.

Still show them love.

Hey, listen, you know, Ron wasn't built overnight.

And my journey when God was delivered me from stuff, it happened in process.

It wasn't like I just came up and I just walked around and I'm just saved, sanctified field, the Holy Ghost speaking in tongues.

On the day I accept the Jesus Christ is my personal Lord and savior.

It was processed, and that process took long.

Some of these processes.

Even God delivered me from pre marital sex and fornication.

That took years.

I even know to even pray that prayer, you know what I'm saying.

I prayed that prayer for the first time in twenty twenty in December.

I was like, my body got value, I'm supposed to Wait.

I never heard that conversation.

Had I never knew that at all.

So I was like, Okay, my body has value.

You ain't supposed to be fornicating.

Wow, how am I supposed to do that?

You know what I'm saying?

Why would I stop doing that?

That was the first question.

Why would I stop doing that?

I'm a grown man, I have needs, and God began to start changing me from the inside out.

And then when I started sharing that story about hey, I've been asking for seven eight months and then if I fall off, I'll share that story.

My pastor told me something so wise, which I don't talk about anymore.

Of my absence journey or whatever.

But I stopped saying that for a year.

For the last year, he said, I want you to heal privately and grow publicly.

He said, everybody don't need to hear that journey.

He said, you said it enough.

You showed your vulnerability, you showed your transparency.

I want you to heal privately and grow publicly.

That's amazing.

And so when when now, when you share your testimony, you'd be like, oh, yeah, and I'm married and God did this and we were able to do this in our marriage, and you share that after the fact, but don't share people that you know you've done that enough.

Don't share why you're in process.

That was the greatest advice you ever shared with me.

Shout out to Pastor Evan Connor where you shared that.

Past Evan Connor, you know that is ye oh yeah, that's And so when he shared that, I was like, Okay, it makes a lot of sense.

I'll walk in that on of that.

But again, because a lot of people don't give grace for what you're talking about, they'd be like, she's still yeah, and.

It's a sanctification process.

But I and I also can I just speak to I want to speak to any young lady or young man that have given a life to Jesus and you still trying to figure out how to walk out the process of the identity, part of whether it's the masculine femininity.

And sometimes it's often that you want to hold on to the image because of the fear of what you're going to look like and the shame that's connected to.

But I've always lived my life this way.

I want you to.

I get you, I see you, and I understand.

But I do want to encourage you.

Trust God, obey God, leaning too God, don't stop the process, continue to walk this thing out and stand on.

If he began a good working youth, he's going to complete it.

God never start nothing that he don't intend, don't finish it.

And I want to just encourage you to enjoy the process because on the other side of that total transformation of you surrendering and yielding your entire being to God is a whole new life.

And so I just want to encourage you that God got you well.

Sophia, wy don't you just keep cooking.

Go ahead and bring him to Christ, Go ahead and do it at cast.

Yeah.

So, and also if you don't know Jesus as your personal saving.

Let me tell you one of the greatest things that I could have ever done in my life was made the confession and give my life to Jesus.

I simply just ask him coming to my life, coming to my heart.

I want to be born again.

And I kept on acknowledging to God.

I feel like a mess, Like what could you do with my life?

I'm terrible.

I felt so far from God.

And God told me that before he formed me and my mother's womb, he knew me.

Many of you you've been known, You've been preordained for new Before God formed you and place you on your mother's womb, he had already sanctified you, set you apart.

There is an ancient word that I've been spoken over your life.

There's a destiny for you.

And I just declare that as you give your life to Jesus, He's going to send you help, which is the Holy Spirit.

And Holy Spirit is going to lead you.

He's going to guide you.

He'll never leave you or forsake you.

And I want you to just.

Hold on to God.

And every time you feel like God is far from you, for you to just say God, you said in your word, you'll never leave me or forsake me.

The benefit of salvation is not just eternal life.

The benefit of salvation is so that you can maximize the fullness of your potential, your purpose, and your assignment in which God has sent you into the earth.

And so I want to invite you to ask Jesus to come into your life and your heart be born again.

Once you walk out of the kingdom of darkness into the Kingdom of light, God is going.

I'm telling you it's gonna be such such a new life that's gonna come upon you.

And I'm telling you gonna look at yourself.

You're gonna say I never even imagined this for me.

I didn't even know that this could be my life.

I never saw this version of me unfolding.

Trust God.

I just released the grace and the faith over you, and I declared that as you come to Jesus, many of you gonna be testifying, and God's gonna use your story now and in the days to come.

Amen, Amen, and Amen again.

How can we support y'all what y'all got going on social media accounts?

Drop that what you got going on.

I just dropped the new book which I'm very excited about.

My new book just dropped caught.

It will be God.

It will be God.

And I saw a little funny real that you kept saying he'll be God.

Yeah, if somebody says to me, what does that mean?

It simply will be God, because I feel like God has already declared a purpose over all of us before time and anything you're going through that when you trust God, he gonna see you through any situation.

And I saw how me just declaring I just.

Made that decree it will be God or it will be God during the time that I lost my mom, and that meant I just trust God.

Either way it go, it will be God.

Concerning if I'll ever get married and hear that, brother King, it would be God as a powerful decree that you don't got to worry about nothing.

It will be God.

So please get the book.

It will be God.

What about you, Tommy, I know you said you about to get more active on social media.

Yes, follow you.

I'm pretty active on TikTok okay, yes, sir, do you want people to follow you?

Yeah?

All right, what's your IG?

Tell them?

TDA fourteen fourteen TA.

T fourteen fourteen.

Yes, sir, and what's your Sophia?

Your girl?

Sof on Ig and Sophia roughing on everything.

It would be links in the description for y'all to easily click on it, follow them, support them, pray over this amazing couple.

Y'all go ahead and just give it up for my homemis the Wilsons.

Stay tuned to the end for a letter to my future wife.

Right in these love letters.

Ladarium thrust it suddenly into child protective services.

In twenty fifteen, my nephew, black a boy.

The likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship slim to none?

Rmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with five years in the Falster care system before I even knew his name.

The likelihood have ever been adopted?

Yep, you guessed it.

Slim to none.

While Laderian and our MONI were trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system, I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been a single father with a daughter who at that point was doing well in college.

It was my time to live my life right wrong.

I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

There are just.

Two many of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falster care system.

In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

I had no ties to this other young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt.

Him also in al Babe.

Starting over with parenting should have been enough.

Right, Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the foster care system should have decreased my agitation.

Right.

Joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in Falter care should have led to some type of resolve.

Right, No, not at all.

None of it felt like I had done enough.

I now realized that every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

Kingdom Royal.

Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art home for foster boys.

Our first location will be in the Dallas Fort Work Metroplex.

We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity empowers them to advocate for themselves.

And enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible.

Though the young Kings will attend the local public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal our at home correct will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals on our form and on site stables.

We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.

Now why two point eight million dollars?

Well?

In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

One of the most notable successes was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views.

However, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community.

So throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment I knew if at that time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at least two point eight million dollars that could have really established long term support for the homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative to do so.

This is my do over, this is our new beginning.

Together, we can attack this at the route by specifically helping our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system.

I'm a Terisarwickfield.

I've been nominated for three Regional Emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life.

Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details Crown of king and make a donation today.

Wasn't this episode absolutely amazing?

I love when I can just chop it up and have conversations add a wrinkle to my own brain.

Never had a conversation on Dear Future WIFEI podcasts of that subject matter, so it's very refreshing to have that conversation.

Shout out to Sophia for being willing to have that conversation, and Tommy for giving her the space and grace to have that conversation in front of him.

Well, here's my favorite part of the podcast, where I speak to my future wifey.

Dear future Wifey, The world will always have something to say.

Some will cheer us on, Others will criticize what they don't understand.

But I promise you this, I.

Will never let the noise of public opinion drown out the melody of our love.

You and I are.

Team bound by covenant, not by commentary.

My job isn't to defend us to the world, is to protect us from the world.

I'll cover you in prayer, shield you with my words, and hold you steady when outside voices grow loud.

You'll never have to wonder whose side I'm on.

It'll all be ours, our love, our union, our journey.

We will build a fortress of trust so strong that no opinion can penetrate it.

Our intimacy will be our safe place, our bond, the proof that truth outweighs gossip, and when the pressure mounts, will stand back to back, knowing that together we are unshakable.

To let them talk, let them, speculate, let them judge from afar.

As long as we keep protecting each other, their words will never hold power over us.

What God ordains.

No man can counsel your future Hooby.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future Wifey podcast.

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