Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way you want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gaye ad.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about every scared her?

Was it fine?

Mal porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride.

With Karen and Chris.

Welcome to Do you need a ride?

My name is Chris Fairpeks.

My name is a bite full of protein bar kilgaro.

Boy, we really boned it on that.

I literally just screamed at Chris to start the podcast with a full mouthful of protein.

Let's get a dozen donuts and describe each bite to our listeners.

The only way you can truly get the flavor is if you smack the doughnut.

Well, it's in between your lips.

We are going to rename this podcast mouth sounds.

Sorry.

Sorry, the horn inspired us to think that all mouth noises are beautiful.

The only reason Time was so desperate for Chris to start, though, was because it seemed like we were really witnessing some intense whimsy on the streets of Los Angeles, and we wanted to share it with you.

We well, should we start with the last thing and move backwards?

Yeah, action, Pat, we already seen an episode of Highlight and the first five minutes it ended with the last thing.

We saw one man band, but he had no instruments.

Is that how you describe them?

Yeah?

There was an somebody they're redoing a gas station, and so there was a very loud, almost like a cement breaking machine noise, but it kind of clingy element to it.

Yeah, and a hell of a rhythm.

The guy had beat.

And I looked over to see what all the noise was about, and there was a man walking down the street who was wearing feathers in his hat.

Multiple feathers, Yeah, different birds each one, and lots.

Of different things hanging from his waist.

And so just as I glanced over, I was like, oh, it's a one man band.

Instead of he did.

He had the string tied around his pant leg.

It looked like it could have been reinforcing a knee symbol of some kind.

There was he had like electricians tape tied on a little rope like he was a gaffer and or best boy.

I can't remember which one belongs to which.

I think you're thinking a key grip, key grip?

Are the keys are keys with lighting?

Oh right?

I think you're right.

And maybe they all use electricians tape.

Yeah, or maybe that's the electricians department.

And that's a whole third thing.

You know, when you're a grip, you have to do whatever is needed, whether it be sound or audio, is it true or lighting?

It's always something I've completely made up.

But you know, I've been on set, So who's gonna I was just on set this weekend doing what Oh?

Oh, so glad you asked?

Out of the blue, without me setting you.

Up, without me screaming at you.

I was, oh, another one man band.

They should get together.

There's a lot of them.

It will be the next White Stripes because there's two of them.

I was doing a kind of revamp of my Paul Ryan character, but not really.

Yeah, that's how they contacted me though, making fun of people running for all types of office in Montana, most of them out of state people pretending to be from Montana, usually people with a lot of money, and someone tells them, hey, you should run for office up in Montana.

It's a giant state.

I don't know how they get looped into it, but our governor is from New Jersey and he's a millionaire, and he promised all these things about protecting public lands and is doing the opposite as far as I know.

And he's got elected I think because he punched a journalist.

Yes, So then all.

The Republicans were like, this is my kind of guy exactly.

My dad was mean to me too.

I like a straight shooter, the shoots you're right in the nose when you don't rake leaves.

And it was really fun to do that.

And then these video.

We made like for just videos that I think will play on between things on.

Hulu in that area.

Oh nice, and lead to information about what you're really voting for as far as public lands are concerned, and it's a big deal in Montana because it's still you can camp anywhere there.

There's a lot better examples of why public lands are important.

Well, but also it's a that's a really important thing because there's lots of people doing that where they're signing up and running for office on whole platforms that they don't they're insincere, and they're just trying to manipulate the people in that area.

That's how Marjorie Taylor grew got into audience.

She didn't live anywhere near there, she doesn't represent those people in that part of Georgia, but she went up there because no, she was gonna run uncompeted.

Whatever that term is called.

No, I think that's a perfect term.

And they showed me for inspiration, real campaign videos that are so hilarious of people, you know, pretending to hant or and I'm not afraid to drink a beer and it's spills.

So I was awkwardly fly fishing without knowing how to fly fish.

I was dressed like a cowboy in brand new clothes, yes yea with tags still on them.

Nice that you really have to look to see those.

But the fun one was the you know a lot of people think I'm not concerned about public lands, but I am, which is why I bought this land and built my own private dude ranch.

And there's like a dude ranch sign that says pay to play.

And I did a little illustration of me the thumb and they would fishing line moved the thumb so it looks.

Like a Vegas.

They're going to add lights to it later, but it's there are several of those, like city slicker type retreats for people that can pay for it, right in Montana, so you know, and then and then people like Justin Timberlake moved there.

Who I hear is a sweet man and.

Everybody loves Yeah, except for all the people that read the You know, Brittany Spears just came out with us, Oh really, all autobiography and she spills the full beings on Justin Timberlake.

Oh really, he's been suffering greatly over on TikTok.

Well, do know, I didn't know about that.

I seem to I seem to celebrate people just and then after we record something terrible comes out about them, and that's when our episode comes out and might sound like.

Hey, I really like.

Coachers, And then immediately he's like, I like my friend who was on that show with me?

We all know what I'm vaguely talking about.

You basically said the name of the show without saying seventies.

You know you knew I was talking about the ranch.

Oh wait, who's on the ranch with him?

Sam elliott Man is the dad.

Yeah, it was very upset about some he's Oh god, he's a piece of work.

God rest, yes he is.

We all love the bar Fight movie.

And I don't know who else there's a brother, it's Ashton Kutcher and somebody else plays the brother.

Oh.

I tried to watch that show one time.

I was like, Charlie, it's a it's.

A Charlie Sheen esque person, I think, or it's someone funny that I'm gonna regret saying that about.

All right, Yeah, there's always that risk.

We're right now.

First of all, breaking a strike rule of talking about TV shows.

Oh, these are old shows.

I don't acknowledge current shows and news shows, and I never will.

You don't make the rules of sagatra.

No, No, it's actually I think, Danny Masterson.

That's what I was talking about.

That's why I was talking around this whole time.

You just said it was cool.

Whoa, I mean, that's what I It's so funny.

We just talked about an example of what we were.

An elaborate trap I've set.

Oh, oh that is just ready for packaging.

That was good podcasting hilarity.

Yes, okay.

Neither of us claimed to be experts.

Neither of us claim to be an honest freeway that we're driving down right now.

It is an honest freeway.

It is.

It's doing it's goddamn best every day.

It has two kids, it's divorced.

No sorry, anonymous, is what I meant to say.

But doesn't it look like a storm is literally about to bust out any second to our left.

Yes, and I do.

I look excited because I am.

Are you I love it?

Are you a bit of a storm chaser?

Chris?

I'm a wheel watcher first?

And then as soon as I saw that puzzle, I once got Edie Gourmet just off.

The e No, yeah, to ease.

Yeah, well that said Steve Lawrence and already.

Oh it did someone thought all of Steve Lawrence's name and none of Edie Gordon May's name, but the ease.

A lot of my stories are based in truth, but there's holes in them.

I think it was my dad that knew off one letter, Steve Lawrence and Edie Gourmet.

And then from then on, I was like, my dad's a genius.

From then on, you're like, that's my victory.

I will claim this as much.

Yeah, well it's easier than it's easy.

I do that a lot sure I did this.

Now it's a friend of mine.

But that's a waste of words, that said story.

I want to hear those details of who had actually happened to.

But I being back home, I have not gone back to Montana in the fall in the autumn before in the last fifteen years.

I always go back for Christmas and sometime in the summer.

And it was so to experience the shortest, most I think, most beautiful season.

The trees were red and orange, and it was just at the perfect time and for some reason, seventy five degrees just well.

I took a picture of my dad's porch where he had a perfect little pumpkin and strawbal set up.

His wife mel night stepmom did a beautiful job on the porch, and then the next day is like what the difference a day makes, and it was covered in snow.

It went from seventy five to thirty at least thirty two.

Jesus, Yeah, it's and I really do think as you get older.

In general, I think life just that passes.

Fewer things are a new experience, so it just breathes by.

But also the fact that it's every day seventy five here, it really is a thing.

And I've talked about this, but I experienced the feeling of the reminder of what those seasons were as far as serving as a passing of time Mark yep each like we used to complain about how long winter was all the time, like it was so boring, you have to go bowling again now, And I'm not complaining about the beautiful weather here, but I do like there to be a slight other than my birthday not being celebrated.

Oh yeah, a year has passed.

Oh yeah, you know it's well also the point.

I know I can't I can't wait for it, and I hope that it It is like the vibe alone today.

Had to wear socks and shoes.

I couldn't wear my flip flops.

It was two quote unquote cold, which is what seventy two in LA.

But yeah, but it is like for us cold and cloudy and a little dark and maybe dreary and threatening to rain, although.

Maybe it will or won't.

But in like, I was just talking to my friend Bradford who lives in Wisconsin, and he was talking about the exact same thing where it's like all of a sudden, it'll be like the trees are gorgeous and then all the leaves drop and die and then you're in winter, right, and like how that is this passage of time feeling so that you just are adjusting.

It helps you adjust better.

Yeah, than this thing of the La dream.

We're all in kind of a sleep paralysis in LA where we're just like is it March or November?

Right?

Not sure?

Yeah, even my body would change.

Everyone in the wintertime would put on like with the animals, that we are a layer of extra weight to stay warm in the winter like like that.

That doesn't I think I've de acclimated and I don't do it as much, but I think I do.

Actually, I got a sweet tooth right now that you what?

Do you love it?

Right now?

All the times we've talked about candy, I sort of and I hate to say this, but I just played along.

I know.

I don't want to seem elitist like I'm above.

I've never had one anyway.

Now now I really am because of the not drinking thing, I'm like I am.

I was eating cookies.

You got to get that sugar.

I like a standard chocolate chip.

Hell, yes, and you know I can't find my organic mangoes, so I might as well have a pine ice cream.

That's right.

Yeah, I've my dad and I had ice cream.

We had a lot of cookies.

Was your stepmom making those cookies?

She doesn't make cookies sometimes other times they're store bought either way, right.

In the metoc hole, and I don't love them a lot.

Yeah, Yeah, that's great.

I've been well.

Also, that's the thing you do with your family too, right, because it's like kind of a hey.

Do you want a cup of tea?

Hey?

Do you want a cookie?

Hey?

Like that's a very parental kind of like what are we doing?

I watch golf with my dad all day and then I'm like, we're gonna eat lunch?

Are you gonna get me lunch?

Or do I have to get my own lunch?

What are you doing?

And my dad can't say, like he used to, hey do you want to pint a vodka?

What could go wrong?

He still does offer, but it's okay.

I just remind him I'm not doing that at what could go.

Might as well?

The rest of the family seems to like it.

Hey, we're very well adjusted to this system.

Yeah, but yeah, it's it was a beautiful time to be there shooting that and have the weather look like that and not be frigid.

I went back during a perfect time and got out right when the cold snapped.

Smart.

I also would love it if any listeners that live in Montana or nearby and see Chris's commercials or PSAs they're PSAs right, Yes, they please show us pictures and tell us about it.

Yes, yeah, that thank you.

That is a good idea because I won't be seeing them no.

And I am proud of the sign I helped make with my friend Carl, who's a sign maker, because.

I did it illustration of myself.

On the ranch sign, and then they found the exact shirt and hat that I drew on my little cowboy caricature.

So it's just me next to the caricature doing the same thing, brilliant with my hand.

I think visually it will really work as a joke.

I think next time, production wise, we need to communicate with the wardrobe department first and let them dictate so they don't have to.

You're right, it was haphazard of me to get them free artwork.

How selfish?

I just out of vision.

I'm just saying it's not that easy to get a cowboy shirt in Montana.

That's all I'm saying.

Right, there's not like there are a bunch of choices.

They set one foot, not even the other foot, into a goodwill and they managed to find the exact denimon denim ensemble I required.

And it reminds me I could send the belt back.

That was someone's actual belt.

Oh, a personal belt.

Yes, very personal belt that I've taken across the country for no reason.

Excuse me.

Do you have COVID.

No, for sure, one of this.

Yes, I think at testing it was negative.

That's as far as I take my investigative where it can.

That's as far as anyone can ask you.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I do believe during one of the videos, I was poorly fishing and I was in a cold, cold river.

And you caught a chill.

Yeah you always hear, Oh if you go out and it's cold, you're going to get sick.

And I think we've all decided that's.

An old tail from the Old Maids.

Yep, but.

It's actually happened.

I was very cold in a river for three hours, fumbling with a fake fish and hooking my hat.

Of course, Yes, all those.

Throwing your boot up into your hand to talk on the phone.

Yes, I did that.

I slipped a couple times in the water.

Actually hurt myself in real life when I put all my pressure on my little dainty wrist.

This is the thing casting directors, you need to know this about Chris Fairbanks case.

He will give one hundred and fifty percent every time.

I will hurt myself, I will get a bad tattoo.

I will do ever whatever you need to do.

The drive stick, even though he doesn't actually know how in Europe.

In Europe, I will grind gears in any part of this globe.

Don't even come at me.

I'll have you know that.

After shooting that commercial, the stunt driver who they didn't use much because he didn't look enough like me, I've already said this.

He said, I would hire you as a snunt driver.

That's how good you were doing.

No, yes, congratulations.

I don't think you have ever given that additional detail.

No, it's because I hate bragging.

Braggerts and people with confidence are offensive.

But that's a fact.

Though.

Yes, I think a brag is like I was amazing at that thing.

But the fact of a person saying that to you is a fact that you can share.

Well, they just kind of they never asked for my license, and they're like, Okay, when you pass the fence post with a piece of orange tape on it, don't look at it.

But when you see it peripherally, slam on the brakes about now because it's kind of wet out and you don't want to hit The director and the cameraman were in the road and I just stopped right in front of them, and I had to do that twenty times exactly the same with only a certain amount of space, and I had to reach a certain miles mileage per hour.

This is why we have to support the SAG after strike.

These are the kinds of exploitations on set, ridiculous non union, insane European demands on your average actor.

Yeah, I am not Tom Cruise.

I do not wish to do my own stunts, no, but there I kind of wanted to impress all the you're very older, older men that were still doing union like jobs like driving.

Everyone that worked on that commercial was in their eighties.

They do not retire currently in England.

I had the best interactions with the sweetest old guys that were tough on the outside.

You would have loved these guys.

Yeah, and then there are sweethearts.

And I cried with one.

Oh about wait on during the shoot.

Yeah, he was saying he was gone trip with his son.

I asked some more questions.

Turns out his wife had just passed, and it was very He was such a sweet man.

If he's still around, I think of him often.

But if not, if he's not around anymore, I've totally forgotten.

Yeah, you know what I meant.

That's how you are.

Yeah, you have to be here to get Chris's thoughts and prayers.

I do not waste my feelings on your lingering spirit.

Are you dead?

Get out of here?

Sorry.

It's fun to drive after not leaving my house for so long, so I'm finding it really exciting.

Yeah, yeah, it's you.

I mean you have me gripping onto the oh shit bar here.

You're driving very furiously.

Yeah.

I have to go very fast.

His car is very fast.

Have to but you're obeying all the laws and we are five hundred feet behind those amber lights, which I've memorized from me.

You have to be five hundred feet behind amber lights?

Is that true?

Like these guys I memorized.

I really was worried about not passing the written portion of my driver's test, and and you know I still drive with a wilful and wanton regard for other persons and property.

True, that's how.

It's worded, wilful and wanton regard.

Wilful and wanton.

I always thought wanton naturally was a negative.

Like usually it's wilful and wanton disregard.

Oh maybe you're right, well, but no, I like the idea that they're like, no, no, what we're asking for you is go buck wild with your regard.

I think you're right.

The law was if you're.

Driving in a wilful and wanton disregard for other people in property, that I think it is negative.

Oh like this guy, yep, like this teenager.

Oh didn't even look in the side view?

No, yeah, why why?

You better be?

You better work to the hospital.

You better work, girl, do your thing and make love to the camera.

You better merge, you better merge.

I'm not gonna let that goat.

I made coffee so badly, I almost want to get it before we pick up.

When you need When you need coffee, do you start coughing coffee?

I could use some too.

I don't know.

That I brought any of the cards.

However, Oh that's okay.

There's something in here and we may have used it up already, but I just.

Open it and it's unrelated.

It's just a parrot.

There's something in here.

I used it.

Hello, I figure from caffeine and you crack.

I work twenty five dollars.

What else happened in Montana?

I like, I like this fall quick fall Montana trip for you?

It was, it was, it was wonderful.

I just uh hung out with my dad.

I did get a cold, so I did rest for a couple of days, but a river cold.

Yeah.

But right before my flight, I'm like, okay, I feel great again, let's hang out dad.

And so I really smothered him in the last hours.

Nice good, he deserves it.

My friend got a new house, and I looked at his beautiful house and his new beautiful baby.

Oh did you bring him a present?

I should have?

Yeah, well, I brought his son, Jack's a little drum set.

Oh for kids.

I gave it to him for Christmas.

He was overwhelmed with gifts.

They saved it for his birthday and then saved it in a bag so I could get credit for it on it.

So you did it a full year ago.

Uh, yes, Chris.

All I'm saying is bring people a cinnamon broom when they move into a new house.

You're right.

I should have brought something like a little tiny scarecrow or something, or a knife with a penny, or a black cat with an arching back silhouetted in front of.

The moon, or a twenty foot skeleton.

I always say twenty foot they're only twelve, but he could a gigantic skeleton.

Yeah, front yard, I should I should have brought something.

But Jax's way into the drumas now, well.

I have to say I actually fully accept your your pass of I gave the baby.

A gift from last year.

I think that counts, right, because all you're doing is is basically bring in some good vibes with a stranger coming through the door of a baby in the house.

Right, So you nailed it, and I am buddy Chris, And he really likes me.

Oh it's important, important to get the approval of brand new people.

Yes for sure.

And did he like those drums?

Yeah, it's into the drums.

Yeah, that's what he wants to be a drummer?

Oh already?

Or because of the drums.

I'm gonna feel bad when he's on tour, you know, doing them with the drugs.

But hey, no, that'll never happen.

No, because I can tell he was playing with his legos and wanted made it play with his legos.

And there was a little spider on his shirt, which freaked me out because it wasn't that little and I don't know what kind of a spider it was, but it was brown and it looked fast and I was like, flicked it off, and I was like, there's a little spider on your shirt.

And then he was like, can we let it loose in the grass?

So yeah, I put it on a lego piece and he flung it in the grass.

It was really sweet.

So he is a kind hearted toddler.

I'm so sorry to cough like that.

That's right.

Yes, we're gonna mute out your mic.

It'll be like it never happened, right, it was, so what was are you even talking about?

Nothing?

I'm sorry I left that momentary block of silence there.

Well I was talking, so.

But yeah, it is.

I think it's very telling when you know, even little people don't want to squish a spider.

Yes, and especially because there are some children that you would have said, there's a spider on my shirt and then they would have been like, oh, here's my chance to freak the fuck out.

Oh have everybody kind of gather around.

Yeah, oh, welcome to my show.

I have feelings.

I'm a baby.

I there was this little kid.

There's a Brendan Burns as a comic from the UK, and he was he I met with him in Venice because he said his son was into skateboarding, and so I went with him to the to the Venice skatepark and tried to show him some Allie's and stuff, and there was a kid just losing his mind crying, and Brendan's on in his little English accent, was like, oh that's original.

To another kid his age that was throwing a fit, it was just the perfect dry ah, that dry British wit that.

Is hilarious and awesome.

And also it's like, yeah, because how irritating, Like that's a kid that hasn't been rewarded for being like emotional or right.

And it's of course any adult will be an armchair parent and comment on it.

But when it's another little.

Kid, that's funny, Oh that's original, I'm real good at accent.

I just turned him Australia.

Maybe he was Australia.

He could have been sometimes.

Brendan's from I don't know.

He's one of these comics that jet sets around.

Yeah, how could you know where he's from?

Right?

Well, I'm not a linguist.

I can't always tell, but.

You could always ask.

I could, but I don't want to do that either.

Hey, I need to know right off the bat before this goes any further.

Are you from Australia or New Zealand.

Either way, they're going to.

Be a petted so just just drop it.

Let them be a person.

Oh I could use a dog or some chili.

I mean, there's something also about this weather, like you were you were just saying this and I swaw, I was listening, But it is that kind of like Ooh I need chili, I need a grilled cheese sandwich.

I need soup like we need comfort via food.

Yes, in a weird like because there's clouds, right, I think, Okay, I.

Think there is.

I mean, I'm no meteorologist, you know, I gave up that game years ago.

Smart, but I think we're gonna see some weather.

Karen today oh yeah, or in general this clouds.

This is not a you know, postal inversion.

This is not a what do they call that?

Is it offshore flow?

Douch or flow?

Could be that.

It could be an atmospheric river.

They do a lot of that in northern California.

Yes, it is.

There's a churning and there's a site.

Some of these clouds there's like a side of diagonal.

You know that is.

Because he's on a skateboard.

Yes, no, I think, and no offense to him.

I think he has that for transportation and not for showmanship.

I can tell by the way he standing in the type of shoes he has a judgmental.

Those are joggers.

I really wanted you to be like, that's Eddie Fitzroy junior.

It was Eddie Fitzroy.

I would know right away just by a silhouette of how he.

Stands, because you have a little stickers.

There has been trivia skateboard trivia nights where I called useless wooden knowledge.

Follow them on Instagram, but.

They will have like a silhouetted who is this skateboarder?

And I will know, Wow, yeah.

And that is that because you read all the magazines.

I totally think that's why.

Yeah, it was.

You just were really paying attention.

I really was, and I still am now because our phones are Hey remember when you like this and possibly still do.

Yeah, so little nostalgia, a little hey child, Chris, I know you will probably buy something more like Okay, sorry, really quick.

We're driving toward a hillside and it.

Looks like Hawaii.

Gorilla's in the midst It's crazy.

Yeah, yeah, it really does.

We don't get a lot of this kind of demonstrable weather.

Especially that this mountain that we're looking at is unlike all the other mountains around Los Angeles.

It is that is rugged.

Yeah, serious, it means business.

It's got a substantial vertical drop, yes, in relation to its altitude.

Agree, which is what vertical drop means.

Again, I'm no meteorologist.

Now, was there a time where you thought that could be something I could do?

I know that.

That's how David Letterman got started.

Picture is Yeah, but you'd have to have a big two size gap in your teeth.

Yeah, and we know I got rid of that with some speech therapy in a cage installed to the roof of my mouth that would poke my tongue and say no no more tongue thrusting, gappy.

Really, yes, I had.

Oh, I'll show you pictures.

Okay.

I could floss with a climber's rope.

I had a huge one.

I could stick a quarter between my two front teeth.

Well that sounds dangerous.

Yeah, and I or cheese it more less dangerous, Yeah, show it.

Cheese it up there.

But then I got it covered when I was a senior in high school, and I was so excited because it bugged me so much, and I thought it was so bad and so ugly, and I had it covered up and I came back to school like hi, everybody, and not one person noticed.

Yeah, me too, No one noticed.

They didn't give a shit about it.

Yeah.

I think that mainly the speech therapy was because I talked with a lazy mouth, I believe.

Okay, they called it back then.

They weren't afraid to hurt your feelings.

No, No, they set out to hurt your feelings so you'd stop talking with the list.

Yeah, because as I talked with that lisp, people that sprayed and I spit.

I would get excited.

I had spit in the corners of my mouth.

I was a very liquid communicator and I think that had a lot to do with it, just showing a kid to just no matter what weird things like sucking on a button at the end of a string choking hazard by the way, well you.

Gotta hold that string.

I thought it was they really told me this, If you put this button behind your lips and pull on it, it will strengthen your lips and push your teeth back, and which is of course not.

I think it was just so I was paying attention to what my mouth was doing.

So you stop being such a fucking lazy mouth.

And start thrusting that tongue to the roof of my mouth to make s's instead of s's, like used to make forward instead of yes, got you like?

Uh, you know, like Sarah Paulson makes senses.

But she's part of her charm.

She's yes, she's won many Emmy Awards.

Yes, she's a great actress, really great with uh charming.

I think I kind of wish I still had it.

I wish I had my letterman gap in my this my old letterman jacket.

This is your new Oh my, thank god, you can start ANEW as a stand up comic who's from high school.

Yes, and uh yeah, I don't know, lisps.

Whatever you want, I don't know.

No, I do want.

I'll start anew.

It doesn't even matter what the plan is.

I am in high school.

If it's high school, you're there.

Look at this nice, beautiful neighborhood.

Yeah, that's it's gorgeous.

There are some lovely homes.

And I do like when there's little pockets of decoration.

So far, not that I've seen, but back there.

You your neighbor puts up a skeleton.

You put up a skeleton, right Those guys are doing it that.

They're putting up fake webs right now.

I don't like when people get the fake spider webs and they leave them as cottony clumps.

You gotta stretch that shit, cottony clumps.

Get the hell out of here.

What are you making a bunch of cocoons?

Oh?

Look there he is outside for us.

Wow, that's class.

Look it he looks great.

Look at that guy like it?

Yes, that's right, and turn our car.

Using clubs and colleges across this country, screw ships.

Put your ears together for Jordan Morit yay and his super chunk shirt.

Yeah, when I when I wear this super chunk shirt It's so fun to watch people's eyes bug out because they're like, this guy's into super Chunk.

This, What are the odd joey forty year old white guy with a beard isn't a super Chu.

Enigma?

Is this because he doesn't have reading glasses?

Even?

Yeah?

It's uh?

Is was that purchased?

Uh?

When we went to Super Chunk together?

Yeah, I feel like we've seen them together a couple of times.

I don't think you know, I think I went to this show.

I remember you weren't there because I went to this show by myself, which is one of the rare like solo.

Concerts I've been to.

I was gonna go with someone who had a family emergency, and I was like, well should I bail?

And I'm like, you know what, I'm just gonna go.

And I had a lovely time.

Yeah.

I don't go to see music by myself a lot, but this was like this kind of like proved to me that I could do it.

Yeah, anyway, And then I saw Chris there.

Yeah, and I did not have an excuse because I like going alone.

Jordan had anything to do with you.

Right, it's a it's a meditative thing for you.

Yeah, I didn't know the whole time.

I'm like, there's a guy standing next to me with his arms crossed, lightly tapping his foot, not expanding to it.

And then at the end of the show I looked over.

It's my friend Jordan.

Amazing.

Yeah, we were touching elbows the whole time, lovely.

I bought tickets to a Super Chunk concert that got canceled due to COVID.

Yes, was it that one?

And then she the drummer did have COVID so they we saw an acoustic set.

Oh is that right?

Yeah?

I mean I think this show that I went to where I got the shirt, it was the makeup show for that show, Karen.

I was supposed to go to that, but I never made the effort to get the makeup tickets.

Yeah, it's such like, Yeah, going to see a concert is such a like weird pain in the ass when you're older and have other things to do.

I imagine rescheduling one is like too much.

I mean I barely could buy tickets, much less show up.

Yeah.

I remember that show we saw where the drummer got COVID and they went acoustic.

Was kind of had a quad hacky sack vibe to it.

Yeah, which is a good thing or a bad thing?

Yeah, because super Chunk is a rock band.

Sure, I mean fire volume, the.

Every instrument is important, but I would say those drums crucial.

Yeah, sure they really are.

Hate to be that.

Way about it, no, no one, That's why everyone writes a song with a metro or no, you gotta have that tic tak.

Karen, Could you see a live band by yourself?

I don't think you know, I think I was.

I'm the kind of person that would say I would and get very haughty about it, and I would never actually do it because I get a that's a weird thing I have where of like doing things alone, where I want to be like above it all, but I have so much weird.

The internal monologue is so goddamn loud.

Sure, yeah, that there's a real like I would be standing there feeling fine and one variable and I would have to run away in tears or some shit like that.

Yeah that show.

I went alone and hid behind the sound booth to see a band called Roar.

Have you ever heard of them?

Jordan?

No, huh, I hadn't either, and I will admittedly I heard them on a TikTok video and I really like that song.

I listen to another song.

I really they liked that song too.

It's great soundtrack music for when someone's pointing to ADHD symptoms.

Yes, yes, I love to watch someone point in ADHD symptoms while they play.

Yeah, it seems I would never point out it was.

It's so melodic for reactions to motorcycle wrecks.

But sure I.

When I went there, I realized they probably hadn't played together in a while, and and they got on this They went on this tour because of the TikTok sudden attention.

And then I was almost embarrassed to be there when those two songs came on and everyone's phones came up, And then I realized I was surrounded by.

You know, influencer types rights.

All there to do their own version of the dance.

Yes, well immediately turned their cameras to face them and did right.

And I was the only guy with my arms crossed, wearing black and with trifocals.

That's how you see a show.

You wear black, you cross your arms, you slightly sway.

Don't people know anything.

Here's how I could do it if I stood in bet in the back of the room, arms crossed wearing all black, pretending that I was an.

A and R executive.

Right, then you're like, oh, no, I'm here differently, sure, and.

It explains my age.

That's so.

That's so funny.

It all works.

And I actually do think that when I'm at a show, I'm like, well I'm a little older, they'll think I work in the business.

Yeah, yeah, like periodically not insane.

This could go for quadrants and people.

Yeah, capital records.

Yeah, what you choose from?

What does four quadrant mean?

I don't know.

It just sounded like a thing, one of those you didn't make it up.

I did make it up.

I guess.

I think of it as like when like, oh, a movie is four court.

It's like Barbie, everybody sees it.

So I maybe imagine that there's a similar.

It hits all quadr right, Yes, there's four quadrants of life, and if you can hit all four with your content, yeah you're set.

That's the goal.

I just got to go for quadrant with it.

Off hand, Jordan, do you know of a drive through Starbucks that's nearby.

You are on a street?

Yeah, it has a drive through Starbucks.

Yes, a line might be a little long, but you know, never care.

Yeah, it's more time to spend with two of my favorites.

You know a lot of the conversation peaks while in the coffee line.

Yeah, because we start really digging for it.

Yeah right, and if.

You yeah, if you wait for Machiata long enough, Oh yeah, we got some We got some weirdos outside the plant part.

And that's Karen gave him a good thumbs down.

Oh, they won't forget that thumb down anytime I'm.

Looking in the mirror.

They're packing up.

They gave up.

They just tore apart up Bible.

They must be members of the power.

To you, you mean you want to get in your right lane and it'll be coming up pretty soon.

It's a pretty nice Starbucks right there.

I see the old green lady peeking above the Dell Taco right there.

Oh there she is.

Yeah, you know that logo that means I give up with my horse of hands.

No, I don't know the bathroom code.

She's saying, you.

Have to buy something first.

She's demanding my bottle of water.

I don't know.

I am royalty.

Does it look like I know where the restroom is?

I'm a double mermaid.

Go to hell.

It is a logo that has nothing to do.

We've just given it a pass.

What is up with a Starbucks logo?

What does it mean?

Sure?

Yeah, I bet, I bet if you searched he around on TikTok long enough, you'd find some explanation as to how it was an Illuminati symbol R yeah, or.

Some sort of you know, what's what's his name?

Is it?

Don Fisher, the CEO of Starbucks who also tried to run for president.

That's right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do remember his dumb presidential run, but so.

Bad this ship that he was saying, where I'm like, oh, you actually do believe you're normal persons.

I did ash comedy show in Boise He and I noticed from stage that in the audience was Doug Marsh of Built to Spill, which is one of my all time favorite bands, and I kind of got I nerded out a little bit.

Okay, order indeed, I don't want to miss any of those.

Jordan, you can get anything up to eight.

Dollars hell yeah, okay, let's do it small unsweetened herbal iced.

Tea, A passion for it.

The people don't don't know.

They'll get it.

Can we get a tall unsweetened passion fruit iced tea.

I would like a grande I am hot coffee and Grande drip with almond milk.

And a Grande drip with almond milk on lease?

Can we also get a decaf iced latte?

What do you want?

A grande with what you say?

With oat milk, and then the last one will be a double tall one pump mocha hot.

Thank you.

See if we can get them to read the Hello Fresh.

Ad, that's great.

Just give a first person thing of what you like about it.

Yeah, make it sound supernatural like you were just going to talk about Hello Fresh anyway.

Oh, make it sound supernatural like your ghost.

We just can't find time to come.

Convenience is indiscrible.

I was in the war.

I can do some alts of that remark.

If you're the sponsors, actually Hello Fresh for this episode, so I can do a Casper one.

Is Casper still in the game in the podcast advertising game?

Karen?

I haven't read a Casper adam forever?

I mean, what is it twenty eleven?

Yeah, right, Karen, Wait podcast used to be sponsored by the Friendly Ghost.

Sometimes when I think of it, I knew that you wouldn't like that it was because of the timing of it.

I looked what I liked.

I was proud of what I liked.

This is how Karen didn't like it, right, Oh she didn't.

She's like, okay, I and she's back now, so let's not say she anymore.

I Oh, I know now they make mattresses.

That's right, Okay, that's right.

Gotcha, Chris, you were saying you.

Did a say and Built the Spill was to your comedy show.

Yes, a friend of our podcast, Steph and Boise is friends with him, and she's told me she's friends with him, but she invited him and him and his girlfriend watched the show and enjoyed it, and then I was given a VIP passed to the show here and they are so good.

Jordan, You've got to listen to the new touring Built a Spill.

It's just a three person outfit, this amazing drummer.

She's uh, it's two women, the bass player and the drummer.

So it's just like a stripped down version of Built a Spill.

And they play faster because these women are really like aggressive rock musicians, and so he's doing like a fast It almost sounds like Old Tree people or yeah.

Like there I mean, and things that are a little punkier, but yeah built the spill when they're a little part yes, so youtony.

So his voice sounds the same, and it is more like a version of like super Chunk or slightly faster, more post punky.

I don't know a lot of the words when I talk about music, I just say the same.

Those are all the right words, alternative they some are alternatively.

By listening to pitchfork dot com, so fun.

I got to meet him afterwards, and he's super nice, and then I get to go, uh, why are you yelling because I'm wading up to the exciting part.

He said, you want to show it November.

I'll let me get your give.

You my phone number.

No, yeah, I got phone number, my phone text him right now.

Yeah, and he wouldn't even be annoyed.

Thank you.

So I know I've been bragging a lot this episode, but that one, and I've been very excited.

That's a good brag though.

Yeah, I mean that is the soundtrack to my first few years of college.

I mean I never stopped liking that band.

So they're band's band dudes, band dudes bands right, Ye, there's the there's the band everybody loves.

Yeah, they they and I really wow my pants for the listener at home.

The Karen's little copy sleeve fell dad and she said, my pants.

It's just magical.

On the cup underneath the sleeve, they should write.

My pants, my pants.

So what's the last concert, Jordan, besides this last one with Chris that you've been to.

Oh, I've got to one that I liked and one that I was a little bummed out by.

Oh yeah, the one that I loved X.

Guess who still got it?

Oh?

Wow, ex I saw himt Pappy and Harriet's where we saw Super Chunk, which, oh.

Yeah, out in uh you know, the high Desert.

It's under the stars.

Beautiful place to see a show.

Yeah, I feel like I love X, but like if I see a band, I like kind of like I will go see that Pappy and Harriots because it's like the greatest.

I like going there just just for a wide rimmed hat with some embroidery on it.

Yeah sure, yeah, So it's like kind of people going to do a full experience, not just see a band.

Yeah.

I think you could do a little uh, you could like thrift for some wolf shirts.

While you're there.

Yeah, you can go to a used bookstore and get some atlases.

Yeah, these are all fun high desert experience.

Yeah, they have a they have a Thomas Guide specific used bookstore, right cause you want to get an old Thomas Guide.

No.

No.

And then the one, uh, the one that that was underwhelming.

Uh, guys, I saw all this Costello and didn't love it.

Was he doing some sort of a different thing.

No, well kind of he was doing.

He seems to be bored of all of his songs, sure, and now wants.

To jam and riff on all of them and just make it impossible for you to like sing along or know what song it is until the very end when you kind of recognize some of the lyrics.

He's he's jamming, he's riff and he's throwing in new lyrics.

Yeah, I just you know, it's not what I want.

And now I went to see Elvis Costello with you, and I believe I was in Walker because i'd just done my hip surgery.

I was, Yeah, I was getting out there too early.

That was a very I have a poster from that that I look at fondly and remember that lovely night.

Yeah, we did have a good night.

I remember going in the little uh, the little access elevator that.

Took us own the That was the best part.

It took like ten minutes and it was like a scene from Austin Powers.

It just took us like four feet and we laughed the whole time, just so I didn't have to go up a SETI stairs.

But that those songs were piano accompaniment.

The guy playing was doing the bird backrack stuff.

Yeah, it was a little more chamber music eye and I like that stuff.

I like the soundtrack to Nodding Hill.

Play something from Notting.

Hillee to the Notting Hill Ship.

But most of it was yeah, his old Daities radio radio type.

Sure, I have a lot of trauma from my old roommates who were theater musical theater gals who used to love to sing along with Elvis Costello in full musical theater voice boy, And when I tell you, it drove me insane.

And then when later on I think you guys were talking about like the chamber music thing, was the was it that Juliette Letters or.

Sure, yes, I think it is called the Juliet.

Letters Write or something like that, where it it was so up their alley where they're like, it's the guy we love doing stuff we like like or I was like, I am absolutely gonna leave this house and never come back because it was so irritating and not fun.

Yeah, what if this was boring in noodle Lee and had nothing you could sing along to?

What if Elvis Costello it seemed like he had something to prove about violins.

Gives a shit.

You're good at it already, You're already good.

It's like when stand up comics are like, I'm a really serious actor, and.

It's like, no, you're fucking not at all.

You're not.

You're really good at the harder thing.

H you dumb ass?

Right right, I'm yelling at Elvis, still right.

Somebody tell you don't like cellos enough, so I wanted to prove them wrong by creating a boring all.

You're right, I've never given chamber music a chance, God damn it.

Yeah sure and and yes and that also uh that also lines up with the like.

A comedian who wants to explain a political thing to you now in an unfunny way.

YoY ye yes very much.

As of late, what is the last live music y'all saw.

I'm worried that it was that show where I pretended to be an influencer.

Oh yeah, because.

Prior to that, it was the with you and Brandy going to see Less than Jake, which I missed because I had fun.

Oh well you mentioning Brandy.

I with Brandy, Brian Cook, Kevin seseshow we went to see the Old ninety sevens.

I think that was my last one was that it.

Was good because it was at that club that's on Hollywood Boulevard that that I'd never heard of before, and it's this like it's a two room I think it's two showrooms, and.

It was really perfectly sized.

I think it was like five hundred people or eight hundred people, So it was like this really rock and small show cool compared to I've seen them a way bigger places or whatever.

But it's just like, I just love that band, right, They're so goddamn good.

Talk about guys who understand that you want them to play the songs.

You like shit the end.

They're just great at it.

Yeah, and that is it.

I feel like that has maybe something that that performers notice when you walk into somewhere, you're like, this room is the perfect size.

Yeah, Like I feel like I think that too, And I always get a little jenny when it feels like someone's playing a place that's too big or too small or.

Like sit down like I saw Patty Griffin play at the will Turn Okay, which I know is like a great place and like lots of people like it, but I was.

I had also seen her once at the House of Blues, like in the early two thousands, and it was like way cooler when everyone was standing up.

Like at a show.

Yeah, sitting down energy is not great for some kinds of music.

Yeah, it really.

Yeah, it can really torpedo something that demands standing.

It's like, we're not a church.

How am I supposed to cross my arms and tap my foot?

Come on, I want to talk quietly to someone and sing along.

I wonder, though, here's a theory that I just thought of when you were saying the thing about him noodling and doing versions.

Do you think that Elvis Costello hates this new trend of full audience singalongs because it is something that's really happening these days that I don't think that the majority of musicians love.

Right or like people clapping along.

I love when I see on a video some Oh please don't do that.

You all think you have rid them, but yeah.

You can't handle it.

That's throwing me off.

But the singing is like the audience is just doing takeover kind of drunk karaoke.

Singing, sure, which must drive some people batty.

It's funny because I was fully belting out, built to spill.

I'm was like singing it, but I was far away.

I knew they couldn't hear me, but I wanted the people sitting around me to hear me.

They're the ones that matter the most.

I just want them to be comforted that if something happened during the show, I could cover.

Yeah.

No, one's stressed out.

No, Yeah, I want to bring them when.

You go to the show when they're in LA.

Are you going to like go backstage and try and I smooze, yeah I did.

Oh you've done this already, yes, Oh my god.

And he was so cool and nice and appreciative that I recognized that, oh that you did a Halo Benders song.

You know, I made sure to say it, but I was such a nervous dork.

I blurted, I'm like, I don't even know what I'm saying I really became fifteen years old again, I was saying stupid things.

Is your mom let you have pineapples?

Yeah?

Yes?

Why do I always ask about fruit?

Your mom not let you have pine Some people think pineapples are an invitation for a threesome.

Swingers.

Actually specifically, I was.

Having dinner one night at the home of a married couple.

They were like cooking dinner, and I was like, I should bring a bottle of wine to this, so but you know, I was super late.

So I just pulled into seven.

Eleven and got Karen, do you hope this goes to a threesome?

My fingers?

And oh girls, now I feel pressure better lie and I, you know, grabbed the ten dollars bottle of wine, got to the car and noticed that the the brand that I got was Mona.

And then we actually had a threesome.

Asked it was great, not weird.

Everyone knew exactly what to do.

I love though that it wasn't.

I was to know it was going to be a label with like a little pineapple at the top, or it's just monogenous.

Let me bang your wife?

You watch wine?

What the.

That's great?

Francis that older yeah, dude's a nasty cock.

What these days, Jordan, is the thing that you're enjoying to do when you're looking for a distraction.

Oh, let's see distractions.

Yes, I love them.

You know what I've I've been enjoying lately a classic errand really post office we're.

Talking dry cleaners.

Ye, bank, I've been really enjoying.

I did even the bank today and I'm like, this is great.

I'm getting it done today.

Yeah.

Yeah, And it's there's these kind of things that.

You you know, these are these things you could be doing online, Like most of this stuff I should have replaced with its online version at this point.

Yeah, but I don't know.

I still like mail my bills and I'll like go into the post office.

Oh really Yeah, I don't know.

There's something soothing about it.

Also, ship goes down to the post office, like there's usually a an anecdote will come from having gone to the post office.

Yeah, my post office dude sings sometimes, will just like be singing behind the glass.

It's a nice nice Yeah.

There's something about running an error where it's like immediate because the things we all work on it it's like, well, I'm gonna put all my passion into this thing and hopefully there's a payoff in a few years, whereas being at home and helping my dad rake leaves was like such a therapeutic, like it was an errand and look at the progress.

And now I'm gonna quibble, Chris, that's a chore, that is and I also enjoy a good chore.

Let's let's let's fine.

Let's agree on the difference between a chore and an air.

Let's hold some boundaries.

I can't believe my uh my, oh, I forgot what the word is when your parents give you money because I.

Never got it.

Allowance, allowance.

My allowance hasn't gone up for helping my dad.

Oh god, I want to dive into traffic right now.

I'm with you and I'm present.

Do you feel Jordan, Can you think of something like that's a fun thing that happened because you went out and did an errand as opposed to you know, bill paying it or whatever that you can think of that's a recent one, an enjoyable moment.

Yeah, please, yes, I did.

Everyone knew what to do.

And on the topic of something weird happening at the post office, I uh, this is not an excuse for the for a plug.

The thing I was dealing with you can't get anymore.

But I had done this.

I had done this story in an issue of Archie, and I was like mailing out some like issues to people.

So I would like, you know, uh.

So because you authored a comic book issue I did.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, so tons of fun.

They're sold out.

But if folks want to get him, I could probably tell you some shop.

That we do the plugs at the end, but you probably like, I can't.

I can't pay attention because I don't know where to get this Archie comic.

In your notebook now, sure, Morris dot net, I that is.

My that's my website for thank you dot com to expensive Sir doesn't care relatively inexpensive lunch cheaper.

Some fan bought Jordan Morris dot pizza and had it rerouted to my website for a while, but he let it expire, so I'm kind of mad at him.

Yeah, let me get to know you against your will.

Yeah, it might have been a might have been something like that, but I thought it was a fun goof.

But anyway, Yeah.

I'm not mad at you.

Really, thank you for doing that.

Initially, but only because I don't understand.

You can get dot pizza for things.

It's like a suffix on a website.

And it's just a new part of the Internet.

I think, so, yes, yeah, the web is deep.

He's gonna talk about that time they rolled around and sauce.

Deep dish.

So there's a special rate at the post office if you mailing media media like.

Books, they always ask you is this a book or a CD?

I guess, but I was like, Oh, it's a book, get the media rate.

So he's like, but what it's like, But what kind of books?

I'm like, these are they're comics?

Like what kind of comics?

Like, Oh, they're they're Archie comics.

And he looks at me and he's like, there's a warehouse in New Mexico that has over a million Archie comics.

And then he just rang me up and I'm like, what are you talking about New Mexico?

What?

Yeah, it was like a weird code.

I still think about it.

Oh what was he He just it was it his way, uh to say, hey, I'm into comics too, and I think it's cool.

I think so yeah.

But also he's telling me about a secret bunker or something like that.

Oh wow, Yeah, I took it as he was trying to powerplay you to say, huh, do you think that's special because there's millions of them.

In a way.

I saw it with my own eyes, it's bringing the value of all Archie comics down some ship.

Why are you even mailing these mainly trashed people.

Yeah, I'm glad you didn't take it that way.

I bet you he didn't mean.

It, thought, Yeah, you know.

Do I think what threw me was the New Mexico thing.

To me, that's where like your secret shit goes down.

Yes, so I think I've been thinking this.

Is some sort of like survival bunker.

Or maybe they think that the comics will be valuable.

I guess that's what they cause as kids like, oh, these are valuable anyway.

Just somewhere else with Archie comics, an Alien Corpse and.

And Jeffrey Epstein Seamen, they got to keep it somewhere.

That's a good one.

This is what I tell myself because I so often use Instacart to grocery shop.

Yeah, because it's so can like, I love it so much that it's like beep boo boo boop, and then I just tip people good, So I don't feel guilty about it.

Yeah, sure, but it's like, that's just an opportunity to interact with life with my fellow man.

But that I'm literally just being like, Nope, I don't want to, and I don't think that's good.

I think that's unhealthy.

Right, you have you.

Guys like automated your lives?

Have you guys automated the post office and the bank and stuff out of your life?

You know?

I haven't.

Actually I don't know why.

It's old timy of me, but if a check is an important amount to me, I'd like to hand it to a person, Yeah, someone you know that can make mistakes.

Yes, I know that's my logic too, but I also I'm also like, but also, this ATM is probably less fallible than the human.

Right, But there's mathing in the argument free.

I hear you seem to be and the strikes are yeah right.

Sorry now, but I support tellers.

I walk up to the teller.

I want to keep them employed and right, it's so sad to go in there and there's those twenty booths and there's just the only utilize one.

Yeah, has everybody's drink.

Poor tellers.

Mine's great.

Mine is uh boy, if they put any milk in this, it was only a.

Splash, like a literal drop.

But I like it.

I like it.

Surprise everybody's doing caffeinated drinks so late we're in.

I know, I think we all knew that we're gonna be tossing and turning later.

But you know, me and my threesome, I just.

Kept bringing it back but blaming it on tour.

Listen, I listened to this podcast.

You'd say you say three some five times a the episode.

You're always trying to wedge it in like a fourth person wedges themselves into your.

For too many I'm sorry, can you guys?

Do you guys do afternoon coffee?

Is often I can't do it anymore.

I try not to.

But then when we record this, I often find that it's now almost Pavlovian where I'm so excited to We often go through go get coffee, so then I'm like, oh, I.

Mean, I really need this coffee today.

And it's that kind of thing, as if we're about to like go live on ESPN for three hours.

Or something, or it just like results right, and come on, let's go back to the board.

All the counties are weighing in.

I The reason I will be because I can have coffee and then take a nap immediately.

It's just I've changed, I think, because I drink a lot of it.

If I don't have it, I have a headache, like it's become a problem.

But the reason I won't sleep tonight is I maybe he had a little bit of an adderall.

Oh, oh, that's why I've been Oh I see just splash of adderall yeah, just a splash.

You know, I snored it.

I'm not gonna because of the stomach asked to break it down.

Yeah.

Now, I've never had adderall.

I haven't either.

I'm afraid that maybe I'm a person that just judging by how I can perform as far as something like taxes, or give me a list of things I need to do, and I get overwhelmed by lists or numbers or or I think I do or that's my story, not to use some language from Landmark, but I I find those things easier when I've had just a little bit.

But but then later I have dreams about math problems that don't exist.

Oh yeah, and restless leg I have dreams about playing soccer.

Do you Is it like a prescription that you have I get, yeah, I have some connections.

Yes, I have not yet been prescribed.

I've just in a pickle in a pickle.

When you're doing home pickling and it gets too overwhelming.

Yes, what am I gonna do.

With errand.

Old sealed courajar filmed to the brim with all.

Yeah, it's it's uh.

I'm able to do things without getting overwhelmed.

I took ADHD meds as a kid and kind of like got to a point where I, you know, did pretty well without them, but you know, had a little bit of a tough time a.

Couple of years ago.

I think this is immediately post pandemic, and like I had a job and it was kind of hard.

So I like.

Decided to kind of give ADHD meds a try again.

And it made me so hungry.

I was starving all the time.

I was like going into an office for the first time, you know, since COVID, and just had one of those grocery store containers of water melon slices in front of me and.

Just started eating.

And then when it was done, I would whip out a Costco bag of almonds and just.

Eat those.

Really really weird because what you were taking, uh probably was nothing like adderall because my thing when i've occasionally and it is very occasional.

You guys don't have a problem.

But if you're doing, you can talk about it here.

Sure, you guys, there's so many there's a needle in my arm right now, I don't.

I have no appetite, and I'll like forget to eat all day.

So it's curious, curious different effects, I mean.

But there's also that thing with offices where there is it was it a writing job.

This was all I could talk about this.

This is a it was a branded writing job.

Oh, the best kind of we love brands here the deep art of a branded Yes, that's.

Really where I shine.

Just helping a brand communicate their message to their fans.

This was a This was a branded right.

But they pay pretty good.

I could, they're they're you know, they're sometimes it's a little annoying, but they could.

They could pay great because ad companies just throw weird amounts of money at things, that's sure.

So this was so this was a.

Popular online shooter game and they wanted to do Boy, everyone thought this was something different, but the way it was pitched to me, is they want to do like a the Soup type clip show with clips of people playing their game, So it would be like people who were like Twitch streaming their game, and they wanted to take all the funniest clips and put them together in a little show where like a host would make fun of them.

And so, you know, fine, okay, sure, so we like, you know, spend a lot of time like collecting these clips, writing jokes about the clips.

And then their note when they came back was no one playing the game can be interpreted to be a bro and no one can be getting angry.

And I'm like, well, what the fuck do you want us to show?

Do you know who plays bind military shooter games?

It was yeah, God, I one of them said something like find people playing reading poetry while they're playing the game.

I'm like, what.

Someone actually said that?

Not Yeah, like, no, shitty fifteen year old in a Monster Energy T shirt will be reading poetry while they play this realistic military shooter.

It was wild.

Also, Wow, why do they think they can dictate reality?

Yeah, it's like you have to cull from what exists.

Not like that's like the executive used to always say.

Make us a viral video.

Oh my god, it's like these don't make viral videos.

Sure fucking weirdo.

Yeah yeah, like.

Make a chipsy hoy viral video where people say how much they love chips A hole, don't say anything.

I mean, no bros.

I mean that's kind of amazing for a brand to be like, we gotta we gotta get away from this bro energy and it's like.

Okay for call of duty.

Okay.

Yeah, So I was doing that and he was like, yeah, so I think I was just like having a hard time.

I mean it could have been because I was frustrated by the process.

Yeah yeah, but stuffed down those feelings with some chips.

Ahoy, and you're off the clock.

I just can't stop pitching.

I used to love.

We had there, like craft service tables getting set up and then the craft service person trying to get creative for how people can be like eating food quicker, faster, better, like as they walk by.

So our craft service person at one point poured all of the eminem's into cereal like plastic cereal containers.

Yeah, so you could just poor huge handfuls of eminems.

Oh yeah, like as you walked by where I was like this is really smart, and it's like, no, it isn't.

You can't stop eating eminems now, like you're acting like now this is your fucking job to go and get huge handfuls of eminems.

It's like, yeah, all of that.

I'm a big believer in craft service and the jobs that it does for you as a stressed out writer.

Totally.

Yeah, it's like the little packages of Eminem's probably a little bit wasteful, but also you need to physically open them, so maybe it prevents you from.

Yeah, sure, just housing ten thousand of them.

It straightened your mouth.

Yeah.

Yeah, that time when we worked at Fuel and I was my desk was right next to a Red Bull refrigerator.

Yeah, and I just was like, well, I need to try and have another idea, so I guess I'll have another one that.

It's just soda pop.

Sure, and then cut to me limping because my body turned against me.

Man.

Yeah, I experienced something really similar when and I worked there.

The Action Sports network that's not around anymore.

But on my TV it's just based in Portugal, I think.

So I think they're like library of footage went somewhere, so I think you could like watch it on the Samsung channel or something like that.

Yes, and I do watch it.

Oh, I also see it on I'll See the Little Bug, the Little you know what was the logo.

Yeah, yeah, I'll see it.

When I'm in an Islands saky Hamburger Chain Islands, I will sometimes catch some old fuel TV.

That's a match made in Heaven.

It is, and it is like, this is exactly where this should be playing.

Try and go wider with this.

Yeah, it's islands and shark themed tacos, right.

Yeah, oh yeah, but I yeah, I had a really bad energy problem when we worked there.

I would twitch.

I'm like, why is my eye twitch?

Now?

It's like, well, and you know, maybe also take note of the fact that you're sweating blue.

You've taken in so much touring that your system doesn't know what to.

Do with this man.

And then you try and look up the non FDDA approved touring and it's simply a word that means.

Of the bowl.

It's aar.

We're talking about the stamen danger.

I actually they used to have at the old Earwolf offices.

They had cold brew on tap and I went there one time to do someone's podcast and I had already finished a Venti Starbucks, just black coffee, and then I saw oh, cold Brew on tap.

I'd never interacted with cold Brew, and I went over and just filled up my ventie and it was like, delicious, this will be my coffee for the podcast.

Drank it.

Of course, everything went swimmingly during the podcast, and then on the drive home, that amount of cold Brew caffeine like hit my system and without having any emotions.

I know, I've told you this story, but I had no like there's no negative thought process or anything like that.

My eyes just started crying.

Like I was like suddenly, it was like I was stressed past the point of having any kind of thoughts or feelings about it.

It was just like this is this is really bad.

And I just started kind of crying into the sun as I drove on the one oh one to try to get home.

It was insane.

Boy.

Yeah, I feel like whatever whatever that year.

Was where cold Brew made the leap from, this is not refreshing iced coffee anymore.

This is a yeah, this is a club drug you drink.

Yeah.

Yeah, seriously, because even like if I had had a little, you know, teacup amount, that would have been probably too much for because I had already had a bunch of coffee.

Yeah.

When you dump that cold brew onto something else, oof, just the worst.

Yeah, And if it keeps being available, I will continue to drink it.

And I am, of course thinking of alcohol when I say it, but I have I don't know what it is about me.

And I'm that way with food too.

I'll overeat because I'm like, well, I don't know the next time I'll have access.

To a bunch of lasagna, So I will just eat so much right because I might want it Wednesday.

Sure, what if I never have lasagna and.

You're like, I'm having a terrible day.

I just hate Monday.

Fucking Odie's bugging me.

Fucking Odie, And boy does my owner make me roll my eye?

Or another nurse.

Had.

We used to have that a little bit growing up, though, because we did.

I grew up five miles out of town, out in the country, so on the weekends before my sister and I could drive, if we ran out of something, my parents would just be like, too bad, We're not going to the grocery store until the week So there was a weird I think that did instill a little bit of eating disorder in us.

Where we were just like we got to get it now.

Well you can like stock that stock up mentality, which is it isn't great for you know, preteen girls.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think my sister and I had that same thing.

And also if.

We had food in front of us, we would guard it with our arms and if the hand entered the situation, you'd swat at it with a spoon.

And I don't know why.

It's not like I grew up hungry.

I just maybe did you grow up in family jail?

I grew I actually grew up in Deer Lodge prison.

Oh that's why.

A normal state accredited institution.

I had a bit of a knifing problem.

It's a child.

You make great toilet wine.

I will say, I've always loved your toilet wo.

Yeah, that is something you do.

You kind of have to like learn when you start showbiz.

Is the like you don't have to eat every free thing.

It's hard not.

To, but and actually you're depending on your the area you're in, you're not supposed to, which then makes it even more like, oh my god, there's on some TV shows I've been like on set and like my friends had parts on and they're like, look at this, and you walk over and it looks like a one of those stationary kind of tool boxes, but really tall, like a filing cabinet.

Right, and like a snap on cab.

A snap on cabinet filled with full sized candy bars, right that.

I saw that once and I was just.

Like, well, that's horrible for all the people that can't like they're they're not allowed to look like people who eat full sized candy bars whenever they feel like it.

Oh no, it's the one way street, I mean dead end street.

We're at a race car driver's house, some sort of conflatable boat hand.

Yeah, whose house is this?

They're cool.

That's why that guy was staring at me.

He's like, don't come down my street.

Yeah, he's a sportsman.

Good thing.

He's in back repairing a jet ski.

That's a that's a Jordan Morris joke.

Yeah, for whatever reason, describing someone as a jet ski repairman rights, whatever reason.

Yeah, that's I've that is just like, I think a jet ski is so funny, and like a person who has one is so funny.

Which where did you grow up?

Orange County?

Oh, Orange County, California, where many a jet ski enthusiast lives.

Yeah, I think I just always you know, to me, that is always shorthand for like, you know, uh, excitable dumb guy.

That has a bit of a that has a tendency towards mechanical stuff.

Yeah, and also maybe like an excitable dumb guy who like doesn't want to do the fitness part of sports, who just wants to like blast around.

Yeah right, Yeah.

Puts me in the mind of the viral video of the turndown for what people on the boat that are racing in the boat too fast and then they crash, but they're all on video.

I don't think I've seen that.

Oh, please look it up and enjoy.

It's so hilariously violent and like because it's the guy that's like speeding in a speedboat.

They're all on video and they know they're on video, so they're trying to be cool and then he hits a wake and it is like a boat crash, but they someone put turned down for what underneath it anything that's perfectly sync to them crashing, and it is like you have to it's the funniest thing you've ever seen.

That sounds great.

Yeah, I think that if I'm I think that was one of the videos we had to make fun of on World's Dumbest And I did a little research.

I'm like, wait, someone broke their femur, Like I don't want to well, I'm not sure.

I'm not saying you or what.

Maybe it was a different one it maybe it was a different video.

But a lot of these are resurfacing because you know, TikTok.

That should be a thing at the end of fail videos for the empathetic among us.

They should just have a list of how hurt everyone got.

Yeah, yeah, like you know how at the end of Animal House you kind of learn what happened to everybody, Like there's a longer than the video segment, Yeah, where you learn how hurt everyone.

That's a really good idea.

Then you can just get it off your you can like fully cackle because I am truly addicted to TikTok.

My sister and I laughed about it this morning because I have a niece who's seventeen.

So my sister got on TikTok like immediately when she got on it, right and started sending me tiktoks constantly, and I would watch hers as like in a text.

But then if you don't get onto TikTok, I'm just gonna drive her.

Yeah, if you don't get.

Onto TikTok and you you access it like as a non member or whatever, it'll just show you the next video it wants to show you, Okay, And every time it would be like a funny falling down video or something comedic, and then the next video would always be like a twenty seven year old girl crying into Every time it was a girl crying into camera, and it drove me insane, like it would make me so mad where it's like I don't want to watch these people crying on video, like what what is this?

So finally my sister's.

Like, what are they do?

You know what?

They're crying about?

It all Like sometimes they're crying to explain like I'm just really done with caring about.

What people think, and you know what, I guess.

It gets that kind of shit.

But there's times they're crying about boat crash victims.

Other times they're feeling we were just.

Trying to have phone on the phone and then for.

Laughing at my femur.

TV.

But we now are so addicted to it and send each other so many tiktoks that we were laughing this morning that most of our conversations are us reviewing the tiktoks we've already sent each other, like it's that bad and that like we're that weirdly obsessed with it.

But I just love There was a video my sister sent me, and it's a girl getting up to go say something to her, either friend or sister, and the sister there's just a set of you know, regular people's, you know, a normal set of stairs, and this girl just comes sailing down the stairs and it looks like she dove from the top on purpose.

She clearly tripped at the top stair whatever.

And it's so funny.

But I did definitely totally goofaught and then go there's no way she's okay, right, because but then it's like, but her friend or sister posted it, so she must be over sure, right.

Yeah, right?

You see her fall down the stairs, and then it's like, you know, nineteen eighty seven three and Louis send flowers and who have likes please donate.

This is how we remember her sailing through the air.

What is your I'm here because I'm not on TikTok.

I just got on Instagram.

Guys, I'm behind.

You know, I enjoy being sent a good TikTok, but they talk about, you know, it gets so hyper personalized with the algorithm.

Oh yeah, I'm curious as to what your TikTok is.

Oh I can tell you, yes, so many of them.

And this really I'm going to be very vulnerable with both of you.

There's a lot of people explaining to me that we're now in a clip season and that's what this means for a Trus Aquarius CEO or whatever.

I get more than those that I'm actually comfortable with because I really like them and I really listen to them.

And there's a lot of it's gotten very specific people reading to roe cards and kind of giving readings, and they say all the same stuff at the beginning, where it's like if you found this, there's no hashtags, that means this was meant to be.

And then they just kind of hype you up for three minutes and basically.

Are watching the video.

You're just basically saying like, oh my god, girl, the most amazing things are about to happen to you, and you're just like mmmm.

And it's very embarrassing.

But I absolutely eat that ship up, and then there's all kinds of like.

Funny.

It's it's a lot of girls coming into their own making like whatever wherever that's called face fronting.

What's it called that kind of video is a forward facing video or whatever.

There's just a lot of girls being funny.

So like there's you know, men doing like men's rights stuff, and then they're stitching it.

So there's a guy that's like, how come women don't make dinner anymore?

And then this girl just stitches it and she's laying in bed and you can only see part of her face and she's like, how come men don't get lost at sea anymore?

And it's just like shit like that where it's it's light, it's fast, it's funny.

Yeah, we're done, we're moving on.

Yeah.

A lot of that it's low commitment and even if the joke doesn't hit, yeah, watch the next one exactly.

Yeah, good stuff.

And then like Australian shepherds hurting their shit ton of sheep, I'll get I'll get one of.

Those nice that sounds real nice.

And there's a guy I love who who cleans clog drains like in the street when there's like a big puddle in the street and he goes with his rake and cleans it out so that the puddle goes away.

Oh neat, that one's very.

That's different than the guy that landscapes for free.

Yes, oh wow, because I like that.

That guy's the best.

I love him.

Yeah, and there's a bunch of people that copy him now, where they basically go around making their cities look beautiful because they know it's good.

So they'd be like, come to this and be like, I offered to do this for free, and then they just clean everything up and make it look like real estate ready.

And it's usually old people's houses, so they just can't maintain shit anymore.

Yeah.

Yeah, it makes me happy.

I love it.

And you're watching something to completion, Yes, you know it sounds like.

Every well do it.

Everyone knew their job and they did it perfectly.

Just like those sheep dogs those.

Have you seen the bottles falling down the stairs and you have to guess whether or not it's going to break?

Yeah?

I like those.

There's a subset of those of people watching the bottles and then saying what sign the bottle is?

But when they break and how they break, it's so I mean, like people are just so funny.

I remember, oh, look at her with her grandma.

I remember.

Cool, back back to you know, the funny thing is about my TikTok feed.

It'll be like all of that, and then it'll be something like this little girl walks with her grandma every day to blah blah blah whatever it is, and it'll be some story and I will start crying in like minute one and a half and like I'm just watching it in between like meetings that I have that day, but now I'm fully crying and have to recover and then get ready to look at.

The kids.

I'm just trying to like, hey, kids, and they're great shape, so.

I'm not wearing my glasses.

They gotta add chest hair.

So fun have you?

What what is your general interest level in like astrology stuff.

I just like anyone who wants to talk about me or any part of me in my life.

So that kind of thing where it's like you are this thing is coming up for you.

It's like, great, let's hear it.

Any kind of like it'll be good or better.

Or this or that.

You know, if you're worried about this, don't worry about that type of stuff.

I just find it helpful.

In a weird way, knowing that it's like, I don't think it's what they're telling me is exactly what's going to happen.

But I just kind of it's like a nice idea that it's like I don't know they're tapped in and yeah they had good news.

Sure, I don't like like like anything in the you know, religious or woo woo camp.

Like it's helpful to help you think about things.

Sometimes we need help to process things.

Yeah, it could.

Be useful these days.

And it's a fun distraction.

If it's just full of shit, sure it's fun.

What's your sign, Jordan.

I'm a taurist.

I'm aious.

Oh my gosh, look at us.

Now there's an American car that has exactly what you've been looking for.

I don't remember that commercial.

Yeah, well it's from ninety one.

So what are our traits?

Were stubborn?

Stubborn?

I'm not.

I'm kind of a door mat.

That's fake.

We like to eat food.

Yes, they always about that.

We're earthy, we're stable, loyal, but then we're long fused.

But then if you make us mad, it's all over.

Oh I don't I think some of that's true about me.

Chris sign Chris Quarius.

Yeah, that's what I always hear.

It's usually a bad sign to most people.

And that's what I've been turned off by what astrology is.

People judging me right away because of where the moon was when my parents had sex.

So I I am always because I usually.

Get oh boy, you're a handful, and I'm like, what you There are people I know that actually make decisions about me upon learning when I was born, So I maybe it's very Aquarius of me.

Classic do you know what the traits are supposed to be?

Like, what are they?

What are they afraid of?

They're like nuptial and different.

They're always looking for innovation and there they are easily detached and easily kind of like get out, not emotional.

Oh maybe I am an Aquarius.

Yeah, it's uh.

It is usually someone earnestly saying oh boy, and I've I've always wondered why we go, But then when I read about it or I haven't very much, it's it does apply to me.

So I'm like, oh, I guess I am that way.

I don't think you have to like interpret those as bad qualities.

No, I'm just tired of people pulling out the death card and telling me it isn't.

A bad thing.

The beginning stabbed with a.

Sword, No, no, yeah, you're gonna stab those gifts is.

Right in my heart.

But this tree cards.

About to do.

I mean, I feel like I think it's interesting on TikTok because people just do what other people are doing and what they know to be popular.

So it's like it's actually supposed to be a ro reading, but they're talking about your sign, so they're like kind of combining things and there's a little bit of like you know, they're kind of pretending to guess the future.

There's all kinds of stuff going on in these things where it's like, if you really want to argue any of it, it would I think fall apart pretty quickly.

But I don't know.

I still kind of like it because it also then you just pick it by the person.

So it's like if it's like a hippie looking lady and she's like, hey, there are a message for you, it's like, oh, the hippie has a message for me.

But then if it's like someone really young and that's talking really fast, I'm like, no, I don't care what you have to say, Like what if it was all destined?

Yeah, I'm always skeptical of the fast talkers too, I mean they talk fast.

Yeah I did get someone sent me a TikTok once of this very fast talking, very good looking guy telling me about how you don't have to be a senior citizen to get an aar P card.

Just sit away for it.

Just get to the movies card.

You can do it.

Get a card.

For real.

You're so hot, toode, How this dude was?

I always say that where I'm like, oh, these people, like I hate the idea of having to make video content because these people are so beautiful, and everyone's like, Karen, it's filters, and I'm like, what do you mean?

Like I didn't.

I am not from any of that world where it's like, oh those people are like at some point, it's not their face at all.

Sure, yeah, yeah right, it might as well just be the Pikachu head you can put on there, or like the.

Guy that had to do the Zoom judgment and he couldn't change his head from being cats.

Yeah, that was fun.

There's no one that didn't like that.

That was great viral content.

Sure, and it really got me to buy chips A Hoyt with the Costco and I just loaded up on chips A hoy.

After that single.

I just was craving it after that.

The one time that I will and it was a long time ago, but I was haunted by it.

I was walking into a.

Bar in Zola with my good friend Zach and a woman stumbling out of the bar.

An older lady was like, hey, Aquarius, Hey Scorpio knew and we did not.

I'm like, are you a Scorpio And he's like yep, and I'm like I'm an Aquarius.

And we pretty much just wanted to go home in that moment, like it was.

And that was at a time, you know, the nineties where you know.

It was less popular.

Yeah, listen, I know the bit's getting a little old, but why didn't they turn into.

A three seas?

I yes, I don't want to.

Keep doing the bit.

I think the last this one was fine.

We maybe should have called it there, but this sea, you know, a lady comes out and you're serving it up.

Yeah, she would have known her part.

We all would have been in sync.

I just didn't let it happen.

I blew it I was the Nah.

Was she leaving the bar?

Or was she?

Were you guys going in and she was leaving?

Yes, because I would have wanted to speak with her a little bit more.

Yeah, I yeah.

I think we were both just startled, and then moments later we're like, did you hear what that person said?

Yeah?

Yeah, come back in absent your wisdom?

Maybe tell us more.

Where did you get those beats?

Somewhere cool?

But your bead secret You've spent some time in South America.

I want to tell us about it.

Pan Fleute much.

That my T shirt that I got at the swap brand Flute March.

I feel like we could drive around forever, but I'm going to say that I think we've I think we've done it.

Yeah, I think this is a podcast.

It's been a lovely drive.

I finished my herbal tea.

I started to worry about my restless legs, so I only had half of my.

Yeah, how jittery are y'all?

Oh?

I'm on edge.

I could podcast for hours, but my thoughts will be destroyed in most things off topic.

But I've now Jordan, you can finally do those plugs eggs.

Chris, Let's get people stopd for my fucking plug.

Listen, I know need Oh somebody went.

Wild and let's say the neighbors were intimidated or jumped on.

It looks like they were all intimidated.

There's a scary ring girl ghost on a swing.

Yes, innovative, somebody was.

There was a victim of hanging also in there.

Yeah, it could have been their idea, could have been a murder.

We don't sure.

Hostile to tell and Halloween.

We drove by too fasts.

Who actually needs help?

Hey?

So yes, I mentioned I write the occasional comic book.

These days the art of comics I mentioned are are sold out.

But you know it's not sold out.

It's my upcoming graphic novel, youth group, Why a horror comedy.

About did I not read for with the table reading?

A table read of that?

So that is a graphic novel.

So you know it?

Oh?

Thanks man?

And yeah it is?

Yeah about it about your goofy teenage actressists.

There's there's romance, there's friendship.

Some spookies in there.

Are there?

Sorry to interrupt, are there any minas?

No?

Does this is for?

You know?

It's maybe like you know, with the ended with teens in mind, Okay.

I mean, I think anyone who likes you know, jokes and spooky stuff will enjoy it.

But you know, we want to and you know I think I'm I'm a firm believer in your first threesome shouldn't happen till you go call it?

Okay, sorry, and you could quote me on that.

Yeah.

The art is by the great Bowen mcgurdy, who's just a gosh darn genius and whose art you may recognize from Marvel Comics.

And you can pre order it now, not up till next year.

But man, if you pre order it, it won't sell out like these gosh archie comedies you can't get anymore.

That's so cool and I'm proud of about Thanks.

Man, that's very cool.

There is a jet Ski joke on page tending consistent.

Stick it to nic.

I mean that that.

You can do that pre order.

You can do it in Amazon, you can do it at Bars and Noble or hey, I bet the listeners have a favorite local indie bookstore.

Why not call him up tell him to pre order Youth Group for you.

Yeses, so, Jordan Jesse go your podcast.

There's the scripted podcast bubble.

Right, Yeah, those those are those are out there, Jordan Jess, still cruising and yeah, the Bubble Podcast is also a comic book that was nominated for two Eisner Awards.

Still out there, still very good ship.

That's comic book credit.

Yeah, it did that.

All that at no point a few years ago where you like, I want to write comics specifically.

It just kind of happened, right, you know, I've.

Always kind of wanted to Again, You'll be shocked that this man isn't the shoot super Chunk.

He'll be shocked that this man is in the comic book.

And I thought you were talking about this man walking up.

The Yeah, this nice elderly exercise guy.

Yeah, he's got running shoes and sock garters.

Yeah, but he was super Junk show.

No.

Yeah, It's always kind of something I've wanted to do, and the fact that I've gotten to do it has been a like literal childhood dream cometry.

It's been really fun.

That's so cool.

Yeah, that's great.

It's so important to be a grown up and know that the fifteen year old version of you is looking at you thinking, oh man, I'm cool.

Yeah, it's neat, but yeah, and I'm excited for people to check out this book.

I hope people pre order it.

And Yeah, because we were nominated for Eisner's I'll be in an in memoriam video when I die.

Yeah, that's oh.

I can't wait for that.

Thanks for being Thank you you're.

A true fun, true dine our favorite.

Yeah podcast professional you've been listening to Do you Need a Ride?

D y n E.

I do the backup.

This has been an exactly Write production produced by Analise Nelson, mixed by Edson Choi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Coottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarret.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly Rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome.