Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and a terminol and gay.

We want to send you off InStyle.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride.

With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks.

And this is Karen kill Gariff.

On a as close to a fall day as you can get.

It's so squeaky clean in Los Angeles because it rained, like hell.

Yeah, it's almost like if you can imagine a giant squeegee just washing all the dirt off the clouds.

You don't know the sky is dirty until it rains for a full.

Day, and then you're like, this is disgusting.

Where we live right now, it's it's it's a beautiful blue sky and I can't stand it anymore.

We got power washed here.

Look at this.

We're at the intersection of Laurel Canyon and Ventura and it is.

You could eat off this intersection.

That man across this his hair is twinkling, It's got sparkles in it.

Everybody in this town is rinsed, clean and renewed.

Yeah, it seems like a cartoon thing.

When someone smiles and it goes ding and you see a little starburst come off their tooth.

That's everyone right now.

I am also on acid.

This town smells like winter green gum the whole place.

Except when I breathe near you.

Because I've got to brush my teeth this morning.

Oh wait, I did two.

Oh god, I just windows down.

Just to do a sincere pearl grasp moment when I realize that and grabbed my own mic.

Yeah, it's gonna start smelling a lot like you know, weird.

There's sometimes people have bad breath and it isn't bad that bad, And then sometimes people have bad breath and it smells like they are currently dying.

Right there's bad breath that smells Oh you add garlic.

It's food related, I can tell right away.

But if it smells like excuse me, but it always does.

Blood or pennies off off to a at least a doctor, if not a witch.

Hopefully maybe an endocrinologist.

Yes, everyone's smile.

You can tell it's someone's gut health.

Yes, and then I desver relationship.

Ties well, because you do you.

I really I was gonna say fancy myself, which is a weird phrase, but I was gonna, I really fancy myself as a super smeller.

Do you feel like you have that gift as well?

Yes?

And I remember it came with quitting smoke.

Did you ever smoke filthy cigarette?

Hell?

Yeah, all the time.

And the minute I stopped, and that became my superpower.

Smelling everything, wow, even background sense, like you know if right in front of you is a very strong scent but off.

In the addition, there's a oft in the distance of fishmonger.

I can smell the pile of shit and the fish.

Yeah, yep, I forgot to mention the thing in the foreground was the dog poop.

That's what we were looking for details, thank you.

Yeah, yeah, so I will list in the exact order based on distance.

It smells like poop, fish and boots in here.

Can you look and you're like down at the harbor, Yeah, in a bathroom.

The whole story get out of the harbor bathroom.

Yeah, there is a big I just was in Montana and when I arrived, all the trees were green, but you could tell there was a it was about to frost.

There was bad vibes in the air.

Yes, but I was excited for it.

I haven't been home for the fall in a long time, and it really put my theory to the test about you know, I always am talking about seasons, kind of helping you benchmark time passing.

Yeah, it seems like the week and a half I was at home was a month because it went from green trees to slightly yellow, and then when I left it was there was red ones.

From my dad's you can see the whole city and all the tree tops bright red orange.

It's had that smell so wet, uh, you know college football stench.

Like a locker room smell.

Yes, socks and jockey straps, No, just that time of year.

I do jockeys.

Yes, Yes, the horse, the bouncing out, the out the outward genitals got it to keep going outward either side of the saddle.

You think it's a more symmetrical sport, but you got to pick a side.

You balls out there.

I'm sorry I asked the question.

Yes, and it's natural the answers are natural.

Yes they are, but it was so it was really cool because it's over fall last two weeks and then it goes right in the winter totally, so what a privilege to be there for it.

But it really did last longer.

Wait to leave turning, I mean you got to see all that.

Yeah, no, that's so embarrassing.

Did you see that security guard and he was on like a tricycle, motorized tricycle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It turns out the original segways are very hard to ride, so they had to add another wheel.

Yeah.

The day TIG had a festival in Washington, DC, the Benson Ball Ye Benson being a man, the first man ever to die from laughter.

I think that was the history.

Oh that's funny.

Yeah, we all went on a tour of the Capitol Building and it was everyone on segways like that was part of the tour.

And you had a little earpiece and everyone was falling hard like you're supposed to just lean forward and it goes and lean back and it's down.

But people were pointing or I think it's just most comics have some level of attention deficit, so they're like, oh, look at that, and then off into the bushes, and the thing, if you jump off it, the wheels just spin that eighty miles an hour.

They had to have fixed that.

Yes, I think they fixed it by turning it into that embarrassing security guard vehicle.

That we just saw.

Now, do you know, and I'm positive you do, that the guy that invented the segway died from going off a cliff on a segway.

Yes.

I can't get over that, and I won't get over it.

And every time I talk about it with someone, I find that the next subject comes seamlessly.

It's a maybe you didn't.

Know oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That truly, I thought we were doing a bit where I missed the pun mercifully, and I thought we were doing a bit where just you were teeing it up so that it didn't come seamlessly oh.

Right, right, or or it came off as rude, like I don't want to talk about this anymore.

I knew that guy, but I think I think that he was trying out the new like kind of rugged mountain seg Again, we're not making light of this man's death.

I don't know anything about him.

We're making light of the irony of the situation.

Exactly, he was testing it out.

We're better to test it out than a rugged cliff line.

Oh so it was like a new idea.

No, na be tired.

Oh and it's.

Awful it failed the test.

I mean whatever.

I'm sure there's details that that actually make it not the absolute cartoon that I see in my head where it's like he didn't test it out at the Grand Canyon.

But man, is that where that idea is set in my head?

Yeah, and I of course have to suspect foul play.

Right.

Well, you know he was made of gold.

Its bones and legs were gold.

He loves goat.

No that he was just super rich.

I meant, Oh, of course someone benefited from that horrible and ironic accident.

Yeah, this was during a time where if you invented a thing.

Yeah.

Crazy.

That house very much needs the work that is about to be done on it.

Let's get some Let's get this mountain side secured before you.

Put pull in the side of the mountain looks like melted candle wax.

Yeah, that is a landslide waiting to happen, or it did happen.

Probably did Will.

I mean, this all happened the last few days.

Probably Los Angeles always needs rain.

But when we get it, the soiled panics.

And it runs.

Yeah, houses, we're not built.

We're talking about foundations resting on actual soil, and once you get it wet, a whole lot of shaken going.

It's over.

Friend, Yes, Jerry Lee Lewis.

Jerry Lee Lewis, as I live and breathe.

Uh, he totally had sex with and married his twelve year old cousin.

Let's let's now sit in.

Let's see socio political issues around Jerry Lee Lewis's wife.

Yeah, let's take a moment to actually visualize this.

Oh no, I'm sorry, Oh.

No, he loved it was disgusting.

He was smiling all the time.

Oh but uh yeah, that's uh, it was.

I don't know if it was featured in the movie about him starring Dennis Quaid.

There was a movie.

Oh there's all sex scene.

It's him and Ona writer.

Oh wow.

And so they went age appropriate.

With this, I mean in hiring only you know, Hollywood would have loved to have gotten it.

Oh yeah, there, Yeah, they had a list of Winona writer Christina Ricci.

You know, here's that sexy kids.

Everyone, Let's do coke and make movie magic sex kids, or who's the girl from the professional every movie Natalie Natalie Portman was so sexualized as a twelve year old that, And I remember watching Beautiful Girls.

It was a great movie.

But I watch it now and I'm like, good God, yeah, who've decided this needed to be the plot?

Men?

Men?

Men, men, Men.

Say it once, say a thousand times, it's men.

Did you watch the Charlie Sheen thing?

I didn't.

I somebody watched it and told me almost frame by frame what happened.

They were very affected by it, so then I didn't feel the need.

And then a clip came up on TikTok which is him explaining where the tiger blood shit came from, and I was like, this man, this is insane that he.

Has a documentary and it and the whole time I went to reinforce the insanity of it, and then walked away with God, he's likable.

Yes, that's what the person who was telling me about it was saying.

He's admitting to the worst things, but in such an honest way and self deprecating way.

Then it's like, oh, Charlie, yes, But no, I was all the time.

I'm like, let me really take in, why why is this made?

Did he produce this about himself?

But it makes you really love his wife that was from Starship Troopers whose name I'm forgetting that Toni Jace Richards is the most likable, foul mouthed, no sweet person that at times adopted his kids with his new wife to live with her for years, Like she dropped everything after they were no longer a couple, and she was like, yeah, no big deal, what am I supposed to do?

She was the best human ever and swearing like a pirate and funny and emotional, and I'm like, where's her documentary?

She hasn't done terrible things.

That's weird because I.

Guest produced her on the second season of The Marriage ref asked me about that some.

Stiff and she seemed to be very not in.

Her own body, which I was like, God, bless, that's she's doing.

You know, she has to go do like a comedy show, blah blah blah whatever.

Yeah, so and she was great, of course, such a pro and she's been doing it for so long.

But I love that.

Now I'm gonna watch.

That because it's celebrities always get judged on like the thing that the loudmouth wants to say about them the last time they had a job, And that makes me go, I would love to know what else is going on with her, because I was kind of weirded out by how she was just like thank you, no, yes, and I was like, are you okay?

It had a weird cult like feeling no to me.

It was the same revelation that Pamela Anderson is this great person that raised kids and is a level headed sweetheart that was mistreated.

You know, I want them to be friends.

They probably are.

They probably they probably are.

They probably are.

But oh, but you know what, I'm also thinking.

The reason I was saying I didn't want to watch that documentary is because the clip I was watching was a real interview from that era of him.

It wasn't the documentary, it was.

It was the part of the documentary that shows him giving that interview and he's awful.

Right to watch him do that is such a strain.

Yeah, yeah, it was at the time, and now it's like, oh, like anything you watched from the early two thousands, it's like, oh, it was so fucked.

How were we all turning blind eyed.

I wasn't.

I was just alone.

But yes, I literally that was all my comedy was about.

But I was literally just the braying bitch on stage all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's hard to go.

Back, it's but you know, it was like I was just holding on.

I was like, please, don't cancel the idea of being a riot girl.

And they were like, oh, we're getting rid of that.

We're getting rid of that wholeheartedly.

Yeah, but they're back now, motherfuckers.

And I don't would would if you if someone said, what's a riot girl?

Because it's a phrase I hadn't.

Well, I'm talking about my own personal experience of like the Keith Kirk Keith Kirk Cobain kind of grungey when you know, like be able to think of any of the female bands now, of course, because I'm trying to make a point, but it's like the Kathleen Hills out seven Bikini Kill era of they were like overtly feminist.

They did zines.

It was this kind of youth culture of girls, girls wearing plaid mini skirts and black tights.

It's funny when you said girl, I immediately thought of those knit beatings with cat ears.

Yes, well that's that's after it.

But same, okay, same idea.

Okay, of just kind of like fuck the patriarchy.

It used to be a thing.

And then basically I always equate it with when Sex and the City came out and suddenly it was are you a Miranda?

Are you ever on the right?

Whatever was happening.

Yeah, there was a there was a positive track going for a while.

Yeah, and then it became about me the arc and all that sex in it.

The pendulum always swings, but now it's back with a vengeance, to the point where I just watched TikTok and weep openly because it's so great.

So I'm not worried about it anymore.

You watched two TikTok oh, right right?

Oh god, I mean that's my crying machine in my pocket and all I need to feel human.

Yep, they're in there, and I'll get swept up.

Here's a cat yelling and pointing at a dog because someone not chicken on the floor.

And then sure enough I google if it's Ai and it was, Yeah, robots tricking me into crying.

That's how they start before the takeover.

You know, I would I would never normally say this about AA, but for crying, you have to remember crying as a release of cortisol from your system, and it's always only good for you, So you have to let go of the any bat I mean, you're you know, do it when you want, but right, it's good for you.

Otherwise you have to take acting classes to learn how.

I just simply go to my pocket crying machine.

That's right.

I sit in my office at work sometimes and I'm like, oh, I have fifteen minutes between meetings.

I'm going to look at TikTok and I will literally be sobbing two minutes later, and then someone will walk into my office and be like, are you.

Yeah, are you okay?

Because you're glowing?

It's time for that meeting.

Get in here.

Yeah, that's yeah, it's I've been trying to the whole time I was home in Montana.

There's like one satellite, so my phone never was working, and it was really good for me.

Oh nice.

Yeah.

It was a lot of experiencing different towns.

I opened just kind of for fun for Todd Berry, who was Oh I realized we're pretty good friends, and like driving around and just chatting with him.

I'm like, oh, I really pretty well.

Yeah, yeah, he's a great person in a way that you can't like.

You don't get him from him on stage or him the times he's been on the podcast, you know.

Yeah, you get it from actually hanging out and talking about like not trying to be funny, right, And when you get that with a comic ever.

I mean it's hard.

Yeah.

We have a lot of coping.

And we are against it on this.

If you're a comic on our podcast, you better fucking bring don't.

We don't want to hear about your personal shit.

What are you crying?

Save it for your phone.

We are here to laugh.

No crying here, Sorry, but we Yeah.

We did one show in Great Falls, Montana, which I how many my favorite murder stories have come from Great Falls, a lot, usually ending in cannibalism.

It is a windy military town with dormant or possibly active missile silos nuclear oh in missile, nuclear.

And missile these nuclear and missile.

Form, yes, and there is granted walking around like these kids, you know, smoking menthols and a trans am.

We're like, man, I like your drip, sweet out fit.

But they slowed down to maybe think about taking my shoes killing you.

But every interaction was kind of a frantic friendliness.

And yes, so the audience, which was not as many people as Todd Berry wanted was And I did say Todd Berry, not Todd Glass, right, that's right, Okay, yeah, you did.

Yes.

Every once in a while, you know, they're exactly the same person.

Someone that was a fan that was a looked like Jack Reacher, the new One, a chiseled man.

Of strength, wait of yours, A friend of mine, a fan of Todd's.

God, damn it, are you fucking joking?

I know he was.

Hey, the guy that said I'm so sorry about my friend after I said, what's up with that asshole?

Is this whole town like that?

And he's like, I don't know, that's my best friend?

And I said this to uh the rock in that costume about the wrestling.

He looked like that jawline you could crack as safe with.

And I just like, what's with the asshole?

His wife just left him.

We went golfing today.

We drank too much.

And then he shook my hand and he this was before I broke my finger.

He was He gently shook my hand and his eyes were drifting everywhere as he tried.

To enunciate because he was so faced.

Yeah, they got kicked out, and then the guy wanted to fight, and Todd was just like, the guy said, you're bombing, you're bombing.

He wasn't bombing.

There's just twenty people there.

Yeah, so you know Todd's pauses and everything.

It was a strange show and that was very hostile.

I kept saying that, and the guy keeps saying, I'm bombing.

An interesting thing.

He said it again.

It was like they were miked yes and being patched into the showroom and then they wouldn't leave.

It was just not the best situation.

So you went outside to fight the guy.

No, but Dodd said, will you please come out with me in case we have to fight the gun?

And so you didn't do your thing.

You're being the reasonable head.

Cooler heads prevail.

Oh, yes, this guy was huge.

I know my limitations.

He was taller than five nine.

You know my ramifications.

You only do lady security guards.

Yes, vapors and off duty coppers.

Vapors and coppers only, please.

Ever, The next night in Bozeman was a big, fancy theater.

Everyone was well dressed.

It was two hundred and sixty people.

It was wonderful.

So that's the difference between these two towns.

I don't I just want to go back to the moment where I, honestly you were telling me that a Jack Reacher type is my fan, and just the absolute heartbreak of ripping that back out of my hands.

I'm giving it to Todd Berry.

Well, it was a story about a Todd Berry show, I know, and the guy was a fan of Todd.

But don't say it again.

The other guy, the handsome, the handsomer of the too, the one with the cooler head, said I had never heard of Todd, which to me meant I'm here because of you and or Karen.

He didn't say that, but he fucking rolled over from the golf course and didn't know either of us.

Yes, and he listens enough to the podcast to know I don't like a tight grip handshake.

Are you being serious?

He knows our podcast.

No, but he knew I didn't.

I don't like a firm SHAKEE offended it.

No one likes it.

Wow, A lot of guys do it.

And it looks like he would be one of these guys.

Uh brow Ridge, straight nose, jawlin, big muscles, a.

Lot of veins, yes, that's what we love on this show.

But there's a lot of military there, and I think these both I had just ended it with thank you for your service.

I just went out on a limb and guest and.

Then he punched you in the right in the ear.

Which I wouldn't.

I'd be like, thank you, because, like Steve O, I kind of always wanted that cauliflower ear.

That's a lifetime after that of never having to even act intimidating.

You got those cauliflower ears like Greg Morn, Yeah, who got it from college wrestling.

That's just single it's rubbing against it.

But if you get someone to punch it and it cauliflowers up, it's a whole lifetime of like, hey, guys, settle down, and then they look at your ears and they're.

Like, yes, we want no part of this.

I'm not kidding what it's just a badge.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I just thought of is I started listening because also, TikTok, look at this insane fucking or this is.

Right where Paris Hilton does you turns right?

Yeah, beautiful, it's the heart of Beverly Hills.

Is this Rodeo drive that we're.

On is this one?

No, but it's over one.

We're very close to it.

We are behind three dueling black Mercedes SUVs.

I mean that one's a portie but same diff Yeah.

Oh, and you know that guy gets what he wants, so let him go.

Oh no, he's he's being polite.

I know.

It's so weird.

It's this weather.

I know, everyone's like in a good mood.

Yeah, this is where if you we are in the part of Beverly Hills where if you're here on vacation and you just want to see some celebs, you drive around here.

I guess that's way around.

Yeah, and there's some cafes people go.

Yeah, go get a thirty dollars, the big mirrors.

Oh, it's a hair salon, which I need.

The I don't know what happened, if I struck my lightning or what, but the left rear part of my head grows hair at three times the rate that's the right rear part.

Oh, it is hilarious.

I don't know why.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it's interesting to think about, Like if Isama Dextras, which I've been, I broke my hand.

My finger was askew and I might have to get it fixed later.

But I thought, maybe this is my chance to become a left hand dominant person.

Yep, this is your chance because I never use this hand.

This is your big break.

And it's amazing what I can.

Have you tried to brush your teeth left handed?

I mean once maybe, but I got so uncomfortable you could just stopped.

To Yes, it's like someone else doing it for you, and that someone else wants to the toothbrush in the back of your mandible.

God damn it, I thought that was a parking spot.

You're running an Errand where are we going, Karen?

I have to go to the pharmacy to get my epilepsy medicine.

Well?

Should I man the wheel?

Yeah?

Do you think you can handle it?

I will him in the wheel.

Let's go.

Oh, there might be a spot right there.

Let's go up here, and then if we have to go around the block, you're a man in the wheel, okay?

And then we'll take a brief pause.

Or do we go mobile?

I I know the cash who wears best parking.

Can I go down here?

I bet you can.

I'm going underground like the style Council, The style Council, what's the god I love that guy.

Who's that Style Council guys.

H oh, of course we know not pulp.

Is it pulp?

No, it's blur.

No, it's old than that.

I know.

I know it's silly that I'm not thinking English be No.

Uh, it's Paul Weller's band.

Sure, Paul Weller and Going on the Ground.

Yes, the Jam Going on the Ground.

Oh okay, yes, so you were right with Style Counsel.

Yeah, just the leader.

It's funny that when I hear either Style Counsel or the Jam, I think of Paul Weller, the one that played Robop.

That's Peter Weller, Peter, Peter, Paul Mary.

I just think of Woodstock.

Is that barbar Streisand.

I mean everyone's Barbara Streisand in.

Here, I'm gonna tell you, I'm tell you something.

I'm getting this pharmacy.

I'm gonna have to get sneakers or something.

I just realized, I'm fucking starving.

You have been acting like You'reretha Franklin.

It's a reference to a commercial.

Did anyone?

Will anyone admit hold on?

You literally just called.

I can't happen.

It's sixth grade jokes becoming part of my brain and I don't even know I'm making it.

It's the child taking over.

I'm having a midlife crisis.

I think that's fun though.

Let the child take over and cry Aretha.

Did anyone wait, I'm holding my mic?

Sorry it fell off and then I was just holding it.

That's going to be bad audio for a little bit.

Apologies everybody.

Well that's what I was worried about.

When we came into the underground garage.

Did anyone else think, Oh, no, we're not going to have service under here, and the podcast will come to an abrupt stop podcast service.

Look at this?

Wow?

Oh a little pink convertible Volkswagon with flowers in it?

Yes?

Are they real?

Flowers?

They looked real.

I need to know more.

Well, I'm going to read the logo on the door.

Oh, I'm going to park.

Ready, I'm gonna rock right now.

Did you guys jump out in case.

That Porsche okay is mean to us?

Okay, we're or.

I just have to run up and get it.

I don't know if you want to sit in this car.

I'll be right back after this medications in.

Thanks for having us, Beverly Hills.

It's Lola Fallana, is it no, okay.

My dad came to visit me one time and did that and was that the names were so fucking funny.

He a lady walked in front of us as we were trying.

To pull out of the Vaughn's parking lot and she was wearing those I want to say pyres high heel shoes that.

Are very like look like a fish aquarium.

Yeah, they're like all plastic on the bottom.

She was just a kind of a mess.

And then he go, I won't be able to remember the name.

Who was it?

Like it was like.

Bridget Bardow.

Yeah, but it was like it was a real deep, hilarious cut.

It's a realistic game to play.

It was, is that you've it?

Doesn't it doesn't matter gardener?

Yeah, but almost like it's like a character actress from nineteen sixty three, you know what I mean.

It was like the perfect get out of the way earth a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah, like but he did it in a voice like he was an excited tourist to see a celebrity and this woman was like practically falling on the ground.

Anyway, It seems very heartless now, but it was just a really nice.

No name check moment.

It sounds like a story about my dad.

It's a classic dad story.

Dad's being funny.

Yeah, referencing names that you only recognize from their past references.

Yes, their actors, says that only he knows about.

Yes, like it's this is that idel a Pino.

That's a perfect one right where it's like no one really, no one our age usually knows who that is.

Get out of the way, Nerd Burfler just made up names because everyone has what's somebody?

Or is somebody?

You mean every word is a name?

Yes in this world.

Yes, that's what I mean.

Anything you say, you think you're the first person to say it, but it has come out of someone's mouth upon the arrival of a newborn baby, and that has become its name.

You stub your toe, you don't announciate, right, and you say clamic There there's a kid out there named Clamming Junior.

There's Clamax before him all because you're trying to say damn it, but yeah, this is like this is solid.

I never come here.

I mean it is I would say this.

I wish I lived closer to Beverly Hills, if only so that I could eat breakfast at Naton Owl's Deli every morning, because have you gone there, it's like, you know, it's just a great Jewish deli diner kind of place.

But it's like it looks like it's.

From nineteen seventy five, okay, and you can tell that it's filled with old like producers and Hollywood adjacents, right, and there's just that perfect energy of like people hanging out in a diner bullshitting.

It's so good, it's so good.

And then there's the Beverly Hills.

Is it the Beverly Hills Motel that is kind of on sunset?

People have day brunches there, matings.

I my the Beverly Hills Hotel, hotel, park in front it, in front of it.

They won't let you.

No, No, that's for one story motels.

Otherwise, get the hell out of here.

Get out.

My old neighbor that lived across from Nate Craig and I ran a limo service and we both needed money and for some Mac makeup event there was a red carpet and we were It was very complicated getting people in the right cars.

Everyone had a valet like piece of paper number and I had a walkie talkie.

I was so stressed out because I'm not.

I've never had a job.

I've never had a service industry job.

A cash register will make me faint.

You definitely have ADHD as well, of course.

Sure, yes, I got diagnosed by you and got a second from TikTok.

I know I have it.

That's where I got my first opinion.

Yeah, it's and I think I have it too.

I mean, like I recognize all those Yeah, that thing of people who think linearly and organized linearly.

I don't know those people.

I don't want to be around them.

Aunt of parties, I don't get those people.

I'm glad my mom took Thailand all but we it was I knew so many.

It was like, for some reason, there's a bunch of comedians there that are still with old managers of mine, and they both were coming out and I had to get them into a limbo Chris, what are you doing here?

Oh it's my friend.

I'm just doing a favor to a friend wearing a tuxedo.

Fully getting people into your cart.

It was so yeah, humiliating, but hey, it's that's what I'm talking about.

In Beverly Hills.

You don't know what that valet guy used to do.

He maybe have gotten second in the Left Riots Comedy Central competition in two thousand and three.

That's right, you never know.

And now he's saying, watch your head, sir, because I was arresting a few people too.

But also, but also every single person does it.

And every person, no matter if they're the valet or the guy getting into the car, everyone's humiliated in this town.

Yeah, it's even if someone is unshakably known as or indisputably known as a movie star.

My dad always has a story about being on a plane hearing two actors sitting on the plane complaining about their careers being over, and it was someone and Paul Newman, no, and my dad was like, he thinks he's not doing well.

This was during the yeah, like late sixties.

I think that's why, right when he was he was never not at his peak, but he thought it was over because of a movie.

And he's like, oh, let me get a look at this B level select granted that the more he tells that story, it goes from Paul Newman to Robert Redford.

I think it was could have been Redford are essentially this he looked back and it was earth a kit.

Or just me trying to think of one of those names again.

But also that reminds me of and I know I've told the story on this podcast.

Sitting on the side of the entrance, like the same wall as the entrance door of Sarah Silverman's roof party, right, being a little stoner, Yeah, in the corner with all the rebel girls, watching people walk in and walk watching each person more famous than the next freak out and have social anxiety about going to a party.

And I was like, there, it is right, that's why this town will like that's why like no me Too movement can end this hideous town.

Like this town runs on people's I'm not good enough, I'm a fraud.

Everyone's better than me.

It's like that is what gets this town up in the morning.

Yeah, and it's how people make money manipulating that insecurity.

Or it's just a creative person that got in to this for the right reason.

It's because they wanted They got so good at acting because they wanted someone to like them or whatever.

It's something instilled as a kid and maybe all these really talented people all have.

Yeah, it's that's what it is.

Sorry to interrupt, I just want to let you know that Henry unfortunately has to reschedule.

Oh, so we can go ahead and keep driving.

Keep driving around will make this the double hudder solo.

So that's uh not like Henry.

Now I'm concerned.

You want to know he's he's okay.

I think our just et a is a little like yeah, just but but he's okay, He's totally fine.

That's fine.

I just wanted to see my friend Ran Freeman.

But maybe I just called my friend.

I guess I just missed my friend on that boat and see what new nail?

I think if you were to do that again, not.

To give you direct me, direct me.

It's been a while since I was on set.

Here's the set of life do the voice?

So that because I thought you were seriously disappointed to the point of anger about that, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna say something that makes him feel better.

Riffing right.

But it's because I'm a really good actor.

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

It's such a good actor that you were acting your way out of being Morgan Freeman.

Yeah, he'll be fine.

I guess I guess I just missed my friend.

How was that?

That was amazing?

Thank you.

I wish, I wish to, I hope, I wish and I hope.

Oh, there he is on the beach.

These are allowed out takes.

I watched the DVD.

He was riffing in that last scene.

There he is on the beach.

Here he comes, but I noticed he walks funny.

Maybe it was an injury from the Baseball movie.

Maybe it's my vision.

Maybe I just missed my friend.

I've done self doubt seeing with that talent comes self doubt and low self esteem.

But it is a great, great weight you bear.

Yes as an impressionist.

Yes, as a podcasting impressionist.

You're up against James Domain.

First of all, oh man, I don't even mind be in the same room.

Then you're picking a black voice, so you're afraid to do a real black voice because white people shouldn't.

Do that anymore.

I never noticed he was.

That's just why I was raised, though I don't know.

And what's the third reason?

Did you know that the whole thing about Morgan Freeman having a relationship with his step granddaughter is a lie?

Right?

I never I only heard the gossip and the fake part.

It's almost I know that now we're in a everything thrown at you.

You have to check.

It's like the cat that was pointing at the dog within five minutes, five seconds, rather I was it was proven wrong.

Yeah, there was a.

Floating logo that's a popular AI video maker and that person who got six million views is just raking in money with a rake like leaves from their AI.

So I learned that within seconds when that rumor was started.

There's been so many rumors about Sweet Morgan.

Sweet Morgan, I call him with a pause because I forget last names.

Immediately.

I almost said, Morgan Brimley, is that he has diabetes?

No?

Is that he Oh, it's because it's hot in here of having it slow?

No, it's fine.

I just recently looked that up.

I'm like, whatever happened to that fifteen year old Jerry Lee Lewis rumor about Morgan Freeman.

It's made up.

Totally a lion, like, it's incredible, destructive and they both had to come out and give statements like I and I was so surprised because I was looking at something else and then this like TikTok of the life of Morgan Freeman came up, and you know, my dad's Morgan Freeman's number one fan.

Oh sure, all our dads are.

I mean to the point where my debt.

We were driving around LA and he's like, well, where's Morgan Freeman's house.

All of our dads did not know until the child Shank that there could be a fully a love story between two straight men characters.

Yeah, and I mean Lethal Weapon kind of did it a little.

It dipped in and out.

Those guys said they loved each other a lot, and they did.

Yeah, he was a part of his family.

That it was close.

They were true partners.

Yeah, they were true partners in all the ways except legal attorneysh carnally except.

Wait sorry.

In Shawshank Redemption, is there subtext that they're supposed to actually be lovers.

No, No, they.

Just mean they love each other as fasties.

Yes, as best friends.

They love each other and that makes sense.

Yeah, because I didn't pick up on really anything else, but could have been me right.

No, it's my word choice in the pacing and the way I say things, much like a Riddler or Yoda.

It's a love story.

And every man who watched that was like I have There's been men in my life that I loved and I didn't know how to address it because it was nineteen sixty eight and he saved me in that fox Hole.

Stories like that, we're Surfacingha's.

It's also like, yeah, duh, it's a good movie.

I'm tired of hearing about it, but oh you'll hear more.

As if you ask me my top five of anything, it's the same as it was years ago.

That's why I say the same five comedians in the same five movies, Well, Sam Gross point blank, sixteen Candles, Showshank, Redemption, Uh Scorces.

He's not often viewed, Hi Mom, starring an eighteen year old de Niro.

I'm kidding.

It was Bachelor Party.

I'm kidding.

I don't like.

Bachelor Party's amazing.

It's all these men and I promoted this podcast of these guys that I don't know before.

One of them said they opened for me once and at Crackers, but I didn't remember his face.

Where crackers?

This aged?

This aged great.

They cover all those bizarre movies like Porky's and Bachelor Party and where there's they make light of full on assault, and it's like, oh my god, the world has changed so much for the better.

For the better.

If you're worried about the state, and we all are of the world today.

Do remember some of the jokes in the movie Bachelor Party that did not cancel young Tom Hanks and in fact started it is truly there are many things in it that it's like, oh no, that's wrong, and everyone would agree.

Your grandpa would agree.

It's it's yeah.

It's it's mayhem.

It is a bachelor Party.

There are new comics and new movies.

Of course, I just don't want to get into the conversations describing obscure things, so I say them are mainstream things.

But you only named four movies, Am I right?

That's all I've seen.

I've I've yet to watch my fifth movie.

Yes, that was the only one I see.

I really do like Rossawaine blank to my sister.

When I moved abruptly moved to Austin, bought a Ford Mustang and drove across the country.

At the last minute, my sister gave me those movies on the audio on just on cassette tape.

And if you've seen those movies four or five or ten times at that point and you're just listening to the soundtrack, like the whole soundtrack of Gross point blank, is what pulled me in.

I'm like, wow, all these bands are my favorites.

Yeah, but if you've seen it, you will imagine every single shot visually as you drive listening to a movie's audio.

So here's the thing, it's like watching it the way you first said that.

I thought you meant that.

Lisa went and made cassette recordings of these movies so you could listen to them as she drove.

She did the whole movie, yeah, with the talking.

Yeah, so that's not a soundtrack, No, it was three she recorded onto cassette.

It was three cassettes for shoshank.

It's a long movie.

Your sister, the relationship you and your sister have is how I know that your sister's a great mom.

Thanks?

Yes, she really a compliment for you.

It's for her.

Yeah, thanks, I'm saying on her behalf I was supposed to.

You don't get you don't get how Thanks, that's my sister.

Thanks, Karen.

No, it would be like, oh thanks, but I didn't even really yeah yeah.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

You actually do a better impression of my sister.

Than I do.

I'm a mimic.

I'm a I'm a mime, I'm a mom.

I'm a mom.

I remember, I'm a mom.

I'm a mom, I'm a mimic, I'm a mim I'm a silent mom.

Mama say mama, saw mamma, who saw.

Mamas?

Well, years ago we would no longer freestyle wrap never, No, this is.

We're really very.

Oh man, just guessing.

Well, Lisa's listening here.

Well, Lisa, you're welcome, yes for your compliments that Chris does not get to accept.

On beh I did, I changed my boy?

Yes, and now empty the everyone's call.

It earned my nephews in he is still around, so she's not fully empty nested.

But they would all agree, all of her kids, good job mom.

They'd turn and say it to her face.

I bet they wouldn't.

Good job, good job Lisa.

Well, goodbye.

As the obvious energy winds down, I thought the kit kat would put a real spring in my step.

Well, give it a second.

Yeah, let's ride the wave.

Let's do ride the wave.

Although I mean we might be done with this episode, but I'm just saying for attitudes in life.

Oh right, whether we even if we kids conclude right now, I still got to go on with my day in a positive way, and I will.

Okay, stop rapping.

Can anybo oh, I mean it, give me a beat?

I just yeah, I just that's another.

Yeah, go ahead throw Princess Bride in there.

Number five.

You finally got it.

There, It is me fifteen minutes to make a list.

We dug it out.

Mandy Patinkin was I just watched on one of my top cry sessions.

Was like he felt like he'd never been in a good film, and he went to some screening of an early cut of Princess Bride and was sobbing, and then in talking about it, he started crying, which if Mandy Patinkin cries on your phone that you are going to cry because you also like Princess Bride.

And he's like, I can't believe I got to be part of a movie like this.

He was like, and he was like his voice was wavering.

And then I realized all the men I know named Mandy are very sensitive.

Yeah, in terms of the territory, he's just the best.

All the men.

Why is no one else but Mandy thinking named Mandy man?

Yeah, it is a really good man name.

Yeah, we got close.

I thought Nicholas Cage would be named Mandy in that movie Mandy, but it was about his wife.

Yeah, of course, yeah, not that guy.

I wonder if there's another Mandy.

Yeah, he's just the best.

He really is.

Do you know he's a Broadway star first?

Right, That's all I knew of him because my dad probably told me, like he's an angelic singer.

Yeah, and then I think we were able.

I mean, this is pre pulled something out of your pocket and show people the past.

But I had seen him singing music that wasn't for me as a twelve year old.

You know, because you don't like Pirates of Penzance.

I hate Penzance.

I hate Pirates of Penzance.

You mean starring Douglas Fairbanks Junior.

Yes, yes, some relation.

It was a stage name.

But where was that name?

Taken from his mother's maiden.

That was perfectly half Todd Glass and half Brodie the way you did.

That, I'm related to all Fairbanks.

Look it up ancestry dot org.

It's free because it's government owned.

Go to ancestry dot org.

Let's on your pocket book, same information.

I'm related to pirates?

Is that true?

That?

Well?

There's an when I went to Fairbanks and the guy booking the show said, are you related to Charles W.

Fairbanks.

I was like, yeah, I mean, my grandma told me all Fairbanks are derived from this one Jonathan Fairbanks guy.

But I wasn't sure, so I put money into ancestry and sure enough that was the name some colonialists that probably did very bad things.

But Charles W as a child, even though later he was a Republican senator, and like I think Indiana, he never went to Alaska.

They treated my arrival in Alaska like the first Fairbanks to visit Fairbanks.

Wow, I can't.

I don't know if we talked about this, but I think we did, but we did for sure.

I didn't stress how hilarious it was that I had the meeting to go to city hall and met everyone that worked there.

I don't think you made it clear that you did that.

I got key to the city and it was little and I lost it.

Okay, so here's the way you fucking tell stories.

I'm pretty sure I heard you say the key the city thing and absolutely thought you were joking.

No, it was Yeah, I know my stories are the red line yarn on a murder wall.

I can't, but it was a big deal and I met this guy.

It's amazing Fairbanks alcohol distributors.

He had bottles.

He was nervous to meet me.

It was like a it was.

And I hope you wore your horsiest sweater and acted like you were like a blue blood.

I should have.

Yeah, I wish you just were real.

Yeah, I can't glass his Ani mus Cache.

Who are you are trying to be exactly?

I can't have both.

And your shows were sold out because everyone wanted to see the mayor's son or I don't know.

I wanted to get a straight answer.

Is it always packed at the Fairbanks Convention Center like it was a big half round theater.

And I think they's the joke promotion of he's related to the guy that named the town that I was like, yeah, say it And then I looked it up and I'm like, okay, go ahead, I'm not lying.

Yeah, that's good.

Great, And a bunch of people that were there and they were introducing me, these nice guys that run the show.

What if there were a bunch of people that were there to assue you because of what Charles Fairbanks.

Did back in the day.

Yes, I did, because in looking it up, it was like he was named after the town was named after him against his will like he curried favored a some nefarious miner that set up a camp post, and no one really likes that guy.

Okay, so that's the bad guy who said, well, thank you for doing letting me put a border here and take this land or whatever awful stuff happened back then.

Yeah, and then Charles W.

Fairbanks was probably like, yes, just quit calling me his first telephone, just me alone.

Yes, name at Fairbanks.

I don't care.

I live in Indiana.

I'm a Hoosier, and I think no one holds it against Fairbanks.

They just don't like the name of this settler guy.

Yeah, so if I was related to him, it would have been pitchforks and mobs.

Did you imagine getting kicked out of town like Frankenstein's Monster after a show.

I mean, I've had you know, I've heard we like the first guy better than the headliner.

Whoops, that was you.

I've heard that.

But pitchforks and mobs talk about knowing you don't go back to a city, talk.

About checking out early.

Yeah, yeah, it was.

It was a great time.

That was a fun week where it was like the first shows at this bar, the second show is at a bigger bar.

With a mechanical bowl and then we ended in this there was like practice shows.

You know, what do you mean?

Well, I it was like a smaller venue and part of this tour that people usually go there in the winter and they'd drive you there on actual snow wheels, like forty below.

The list of comics that had gone to this thing over the last twenty five years spanned exactly my career.

So it started with like John Bizarre and all the guys that I opened for when I first started.

Yeah, so these these two guys that ran this comedy show for the love of it.

Only one of them did stand up, or maybe they both did, like improv together.

They were old best friends that loved comedy and they knew every comedian over the years.

They were so fun to talk to.

Like anyone I would bring up, they would mention a year and it was like the year that I met that comic.

It was like a memory lane and it was It was a really fun time.

But it was a whole week in Alaska, in one town, doing all these different venues.

So did you get married and have a family.

I did, and know, God, thank you for reminding me.

I got to call those kids call those kids.

It hasn't even been nine months and they are I got one kid in t ball.

The one's a star wrestler.

It was in the army.

I even even thought of him.

But yeah, it was a busy week.

I have all those kids.

Visit the kids.

Well, it's funny you say that because our friend John dor On during that week met someone and is married to her and now lives in Juneo, Alaska.

So it's very possible that you meet someone after the show don't get married.

That's kind of incredible.

Yeah, a single one touring John dor went to Fairbanks, Alaska and met his future life.

Fun because I was like, wait, you're moving to Alaska?

Why are you doing that?

And he was he was being very not out of details because I'm sure it was scary.

He's a very mystery.

I've fed him to be very mysterious.

But like when you're with him, it's like you feel like you're best friends, right, And that's kind of it.

And this was on a train, so that adds to the mystery.

We did a show in San Diego and wrote a train and all fun.

Yeah, it sounds like it's it's the plot to any mystery I like.

John dor so much because I think he really is a distilled version of the best part of Canadians, which is he's hilariously funny in the weirdest way that you never thought of.

Yeah, and then he's also very gentle souled, so you don't get that.

Like there's so many male comics that are just so fucking like almost borderline scary to be around.

You just they radiate hate basically.

And but yes, there it's another thing about Canadians because there was a lot of manly men that have been in hockey fights, that have pulled jerseys over someone's head as they need them that I met at the Calgary Comedy Festival open suite, Like let's talk about real stuff type guys, and that's Canada.

It's Canada, it's got to be it is.

I had a guy at I think it's the Blockhead Comedy Festival, the one that.

Yeah, yeah, we were both there, and I had.

A guy drive me home, like a volunteer drive me back to the hotel one night, who was I was.

I wanted to stay there and get married to him.

He had this most.

Soothing voice and he was talking about the other when he I was like, what do you do when you're not doing stuff like this?

And he was like, oh, I'm the and it was something like engineering librarian at the university, something so fucking brainiac that I was like kind of humbled, just like neat.

Yeah, he was just like he just kind of spoke down here and he was very like, I don't know, he looked like a cartoon dad.

Yeah, And I was like, it would be so nice to have you kind of arrange things for me for the rest of my existence.

Yeah, and give me a schedule on microfiche.

Had to go to the.

Library, help me, calm me down and help me.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a Any time I've been to Calgary, I have a little reunion with people I met there twenty years.

Ago because you love him so much.

Just yes, in a shashanky way, I'm now realizing I'm in love with a lot of these Canadian men.

There's a lot of love, That's what I'm saying.

They're up for the love, it seems.

But Calgary is like the Texas of certainly alper Or Canada.

It really it's oil.

Like there's a downtown and it's every oil logo, including husky that you remember from me.

Yeah, they still have husky oil there.

I've never heard of it.

So it's and there's a thing called Stampede there where horses take over the whole city.

And championed the big rodeo.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a rodeo, not not a horse takeover of all businesses, not.

A hostile horse takeover.

They're very gentle.

They're Canadian horses.

They're Canadian horse.

They don't even they have soft gel horseshoes.

And they say nay.

They say yes and never nay.

No, they say nay ah.

I'm sorry, I'll say it again.

I know it's one of the worst jokes I've ever let come out of my mind.

It was it was catered for me.

It was it was what you like, nay, ay or nay.

Now you got to act it out.

I didn't want to go, I didn't won't go all the way into the character voice.

But now I will now do it as if Morgan Freeman was.

A horse, that's his friend.

Nay.

Hey, that was it.

Quick and quick and easy, and let's forget about it.

That's all we're looking for is just some light.

This podcast is about.

Somebody needs to drive themselves to work, and they don't love work, but they don't hate it.

They're not gonna quit, they just don't look forward to it.

So they're like, I'm going to hang out with my friends before I go to work.

Right, That's what I believe in my heart and hope people that's how they use this podcast.

Yeah, we did not realize when we thought this up with our friend Jerry Jerry.

We all thought of this with Darry Seinfeld and then he did his own, But it was we did not think that just recording in the car would make it a listen in the car podcast.

But of course it has been.

I think so, and some people listen to it at home or while they're raking leaves.

Right.

Sure, there's no hard and fast rules with this podcast.

Now, there are no rules.

No otherwise we'd write and prepare.

No.

No, it's more of a Sammy Hagar opening a bar type of thing.

No rules.

We're just hoping we don't have so much mescal we fall off our stool again.

I can't drive, but I can drink fifty five.

Oh fucking drink fifty five.

When I was a most lawn on a cruise, they parked in this little eric area that had the Cabo Cantina, and apparently he was always in there, and I wanted to go in there and push him off his stool.

I didn't say that out loud, but I imagined it because I, like David Lee Roth, I'm not that passionate about it.

I'm not going to assault the man teams.

But the idea of him being drunk and falling off a stool has come up so much in my mind, like I've actually seen it that I just say it and people are like, what are you talking about?

Yeah, Oh, it's a vision I had.

It's gotta be true.

It's got to be you know, he's fallen off a stool.

It's got to be real.

Yeah.

Uh, we just found out we're not going to have a guest, so let's do another episode right now.

So let's cut this one.

Listening, you're going to do the entire thing.

You're just gonna do the entire thing.

And steamroll what you're gonna say.

Well, what do you.

Think about the decision to end this episode?

Let's see.

I think it's pretty good.

God, that was a good character.

What do you call that?

We'll find out on the next episode.

Do you need to ride do you I AD A R.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarreth.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y nar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh You're welcome