Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and aid terminol and gaggy aid.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Mal porn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride?

To ride.

With Karen and Chris?

Welcome to Do you need to ride?

This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen.

We are podcasting.

We are podcasting.

We just is a solo episode.

Doesn't sound like I'm out of gas.

No, no way, I'm filled to the brim with unletted and I can't stop talking.

We're going to pick up a friend.

Yes, I'm so excited.

Yes, I can't wait to report how many sirens and undesirables there are in their neighborhood.

No, that's not what we do.

It's actually becoming just like so many places in Los Angeles, you go one block and all of a sudden, you're like looking.

At refurbished Victorian homes.

Whereas before it was not that.

It was like just a hammock on fire.

Yeah.

Yeah, those guys were hanging out on their front porch Friday style cool.

The exact same thing I was thinking, right.

I think that one guy really looked like bye bye.

I thought there was Look at Sam's nice house.

Beautiful.

Hello, fancy pants?

Hello pants?

I just called pants?

Yeah, sure, get in on the other side.

One of my oldest friends.

One of Karen's oldest friends, stars, stage and screen, clubs and colleges, putting yours together for Sam pancake.

Hy Hello, great news for you, bad news for me.

I'm in one of my mood nuts.

Yeah, nuts, it's right Fairbanks.

I'm want to touch both on the shoulder.

Hi.

Everyone, Oh can I say that loud?

Sure?

Sure, peek behind the hurting immediately.

Hi guys, how are you well?

Have you ever been in this neighborhood?

Oh?

Yeah, I mean you're and they're not that exact streame.

What what do you think I was saying before we picked you up, Just take a gaes Well.

Clubs in colleges is not me.

I mean I went to college and I certainly been to some nights clubs in my day, but.

I prefer saying it when it's not a touring stand up comedian.

Oh okay, it's like, but occasionally it has confused people.

I just keep saying it.

Karen started, Everyone gets the same in.

Well perfect, Yes, well I was.

I am a fan.

I listened, I did, Hi, Do you mean to tell you about Jenny Yang?

I just listened to.

Yes, I did.

I love Jenny Yang.

Yeah, she's a delight.

Where do I start?

I just have a beginning of complaints.

Haven't slept much in two weeks.

Guess why don't you know you witnessed another murder?

Yes, yes, Christ years ago.

The murder of my nation, the murder of my country.

I am what else.

Was going on?

I'm just I feel like I I thought.

My brain's on backwards.

I'm raw, I'm open, I'm ripe, I'm sleep deprived.

H O T T O G O A M A.

Let's do it right.

This is my This is my Starbucks that we like.

On the left, it's okay.

This is on the right is a Chicken place where on last the Wednesday a few weeks ago.

You know, I'm a Celiac survivor.

This stuff the right word suffer I don't know, dependent Thriver.

If you're surviving, you're suffering.

And I went right in there to Church's chicken, which has been taunting me since I lived in this neighborhood, and had a two piece and a biscuit and said, gluten be.

You know what.

I don't think it well.

I don't think the three days I spent in bed, the three or four days I spent in bed the next few days.

I think the chicken helped that.

I don't think the chicken was the cause.

I think it was other things.

Yesterday, let me tell you, Yesterday was dentist, Yesterday was therapist.

Yesterday was my new writing class.

Yo, I'm writing, I'm writing essays.

I'm in a personal essay class.

Good.

And then then the house there there's again I live like when I lived at Busy's, which we can say now because none of us live there anymore, where the murder happened, don't.

I once again find myself in a guest house, a du.

As recalling them situation.

So my friend Arthur who lives in the front, who's like him, and all these old punk rock people who now have different jobs.

They he had a dinner party and it was very fun.

But today was just not It was not a great day.

Really.

Yeah, it wi the gym though.

Just because your brain is on backwards.

My brain's on backwards.

I haven't felt right.

I'm also I would say crossroads, but it's more like where are the roads?

Like it's right, It's like a sprawling tundra of I've had about seven cups of coffee and an entire celsius, two pieces of Prince Street pizza, an orange, and an Actin shake.

This is me, welcome.

Are you just eating anything that's in front of you?

Shimmering with caffeine and anxiety?

An act shake is like did you have to go back in time to have that?

No, let me tell you what.

This personal phone number I somehow decided, and none of my decisions are great.

We know that to just get an auto delivery, which can easily.

Be stopped, but somehow I fuddled by it until it gets there from a large corporation that mails us things which I'm not I refuse to say the name of.

And this like, I went through a period a few years ago.

It was probably during the Cocoa p Cocoa pandy that I started to just have drink a sensible shake for lunch, like back in the nineties, right right, So it's one hundred and forty calories and you get all your nutrients.

So I just started getting those, and I now, just if I I'm someone who forgets to eat, which a lot of people hate me.

Yeah, fu to you for real, exactly right.

I fucked me?

No, no, I say I fuck me.

Oh, but uh, it's I just do because it's my anxiety.

And so I didn't eat a lot last week except for chicken.

Yeah, and.

At least they're having a meal replacement beverage exactly.

Yes, I forget to eat when I have a day of ADHD or whatever.

I mean.

I'm self diagnosed.

I have many things I'm not sure of, but I'll forget to eat all day.

Yes, and an Atkins anything a slim Fast, even if you want to go early eighties.

Do we still have slim Fast in the world?

I bet we do, okay, unless they unless there was like some sort of a lawsuit and change the name.

But it could be it could be like I get a tall can of fan fan Is that bad?

Well?

The thing is, uh, darkness follows R E M that I used to have quite a drug habit back in the day.

So right, yes, we were.

We had some parallel secrets together.

Here what you do, what you do the black pony?

No, no, I did the what do we call it?

What we call it crystal because it sounds light and fun, crystal mess.

Oh wow, Okay, what a big one.

And I've spoken about this before.

Yeah, yeah, it was, but it didn't feel big.

It felt like speaking of ADHD, which I now have termed by my have been diagnosed by my therapist as subclinical ADHD, which means I don't need medication, but I says who says I.

Well soon RFK Junior will say everybody nobody gets any chug and raw milk.

Yeah, but I I it was.

It's one of those things that with drugs can do like it works for a while really well.

And it was like my adderall.

And I've done that too, and it's nearly the same thing, but the adderall in a sexy It's.

Literally the same thing, right, people, But I think the aderall people get very upset when you talk about.

It, But don't you think it pushes the same little buttons in your brain to a degree.

That's my experience.

It's literally the same drug.

Okay, okay, yes, yeah.

As well as the buttons my brain was getting pushed.

Were the fen yes?

Yes?

What were the fens in the fen?

Well, I don't remember the actual thing.

It was like fental conan or something like.

That was the first one that was the upper and then there was another one fen furnamine or something, these are guesses, and that was a downer.

But I started taking it early enough before they were giving you the downer, so it was.

Only the upper.

So I was always mad, and I was always drunk, and I always had a bunch of shit.

To say to everybody.

And then after I stopped taking it, that never really went away.

Kind of how it is open the flood gates.

Well, it just like I guess, it just supported who I really wanted.

To be, got it.

Yeah, it's like being famous.

It just brings out what you already are.

Yeah, exactly.

And it's kind of like I mean, I like to laugh and have a good time, but also I love telling people to shut the fuck up because they need to be told that.

I will say this because I've known Karen Denise Victoria Catherine Kilgaratt for four thousand years, even though she is thirty four and I'm eighty seven.

I finally known the middle man.

I'm just so.

That's one of my that'll lim a pancake secrets.

Is you were We were always great together, but you were on stage you could be like, well, you're genius obviously, and you that's where I saw that used for hilarious, delight and good.

I never abusive comedy, just like.

Telling shit like it is and calling a motherfucker out.

But I don't remember that.

When I knew you socially, we though I too was on me or whatever.

I know we were probably meeting and having that kind of effervescence of like, oh yeah, hoay, soon's up here with me.

That's how I felt when I talked to you.

That's absolutely what it was.

Karen.

Yeah, it's true.

I'm glad we're still pells me too.

We're still up here, Sam, we are.

I am now.

I can drink when Celsia's energy drink, not a sponsor, and I only do it when I really need to.

But I'm serious, y'all.

I am not supposed to take anything, you know, drug ular like like hard drugs anymore, right, right, But I'm having a true crisis of sleep, and I have tried everything and my nervous system overrides all.

Are you having coffee and then celsius every day?

No?

Sorry, rarely.

This is a day where I want to be special for you.

Yeah, I did the same thing.

This is your fault.

Every podcast day, I've got coffee throughout the day.

That's a little sacred that I've kept from Karen Stuart Ster, Elizabeth Garrett.

The curtain has been ripped off.

It's not just pulled back anymore.

Ripped out of burns.

I rarely do celsius.

My my, this is a place for secrets, right.

Oh yeah, this is a special episode of secret.

I.

If I'm really having a time where I really need to go to sleep, I will take Nikwel pills and they really work, but I have.

To limit that to like once a month, and usually for a work day.

It's not ideal.

I'm groggy in the morning, but it's met four hours of sleep.

Yes, I'll take it.

Normally, I do a little bit of like a slow release melatonin.

I do a little CBD drops and now again I'll do a benadrill.

But bend makes me like depressed.

And I told my therapist that he was like, that's not a side effective.

I'm like, I welcome you inside my brain.

Doctor, can you tell me you know?

Yeah, here's a jot.

I wake up with a j at Neil and sign that says you're the biggest failure ever known to man, blinking over my bed.

Yeah, I stop out of it.

Yeah you do?

You always do?

I do.

I don't have you ever tried an EPSOM salt bath and or magnesium?

See this is I've had this conversation a few times.

The last time I take magnesium it didn't really work, and one time I did it, it just gave me the you know, the trots.

Oh yeah, which can be great if you're feeling you know, bloated.

I true, And when am I not?

The honest?

Please?

I don't this is embarrassing.

Yeah, I don't have a bathtub right now.

Okay, so I've done it.

I've done those before, the absence salt baths and in the big house where my friend lives in, he's gone a lot.

He he has a bathtub, so I might try that again.

Yeah.

Yeah, well I can I have the either run of the place.

Have you met me?

I'm a bossy old.

You're a personality higher for sure, they want you in there.

Yeah.

Also, I take care of shit.

I was like to this Carter, get a new one.

You did it.

He's the new One's great.

Welcome to me.

I used to live in a fucking estata.

What to do?

You're famous?

Thank you waving a truck.

That person sped up.

They wanted a piece of your back bumper.

Yeah that was weird.

It's like they stopped to let me go and then they're.

Like, no, fuck you.

Well much less popular than the bath as the EPSOM salt shower, which I have done.

I didn't have a plug for my toung.

I just I put the salts in it made of paste, and I literally rubbed it into my joints.

Christ is this true with one of your fantasies.

This is a real I do a lot of experimenting in the shower.

I used to wear clothes.

That's enough of that.

Yeah, yeah, Slash, tell me more, fellaf.

Just you know, if I if I need to pre wash some clothing, like I don't want to stain the set and I pull my back skateboarding, I'll wear that shirt in the shower.

To Karen's dismay, to give it a pre frankly to Sam's too.

Yes, let's all be honest.

I don't then can say, I don't then dry it out and put it in my drawer.

It's just a pre wash.

Okay, Okay, that's interesting.

Yeah, and why take it off.

I'm sweaty, there's dirt on my back.

Take a shower with their shirt off, take it off during the shower, set wet shirt aside.

I don't then keep the shirt on, dry my hair, go on with my day.

It's a quick pre wash, Okay.

I will say.

Rubbing EBS salt into your joints does help.

That's a that's a good thing to know.

You're mainlining it.

And yeah, because you're kind of when you take it through your skin also you can get more of it and then eb some salts is like all magnesium, right.

I think, I guess, So I'm going to try that.

I'm taking all offers.

I almost called a message to my doctor today.

I say, may I please just have some sort of a sleeping pill, which is dangerous air storry for you know, snorts McGee back here.

But yeah, you know, you know, calm down pill, pancake.

But like I don't know here's the funny thing too.

I was thinking about this the other day.

How come I feel like is this child walking along?

Let's ask that kid alone?

Are you alone?

When I go to like a brunch, if I make the terrible mistake of like I'm going to order waffles, you know what I mean?

Like I'm going to bust out and have a dessert breakfast, I am ready to fall asleep within thirty minutes, really shorter.

And I wonder, although you have silly ECX, but it's like sometimes there's not like when you eat a lot of carbs, like a big bull of spaghetti, help you go to sleep.

Yeah, Well, I've also the habit which is not ideal, and a lot of it now is like as we know, the strikes, slow work time, Yes, rough times, rough times, rough times, and I and I you know, we're all going through it.

So that's a part of it.

That's why, you know, not always does does my nervous system shark its way through anything I put inside my body?

But I have always been a big, big old cereal before bed, but like a not like a frosted flake, not like a you know, crazy cocoa pature.

Well it's yeah, it's in that neighborhood.

Well, it's it's I do a lot of I can do because of celiacs.

I do a rice crispy.

Oh yeah, yeah you can.

But see, almost all of those have malta.

This is so boring, but welcome to my supplement podcast about ingredients.

Have multodextrin, which is a form anything malt is wheat almost always okay, yeah, like malted milk.

Or whatever, because it's for extra flavor.

Now, my celiac isn't to the degree that, like I, I didn't have any symptoms, but they found it by surprise when they were checking my you know, my colonoscopy.

Yeah, they did an endosky be to check massive reflux, and they were like, hey, guess what.

Guess what surprise surprise.

Everything you enjoy drugs, alcohol, smoking, that's gone.

I guess what else is going to?

Biscuits, fried chicken, and happiness.

Good luck.

You can have those little weird seaweed past things exactly.

You can have a big glove of EPs and salts in the shower.

I must also add that the coarse, giant grains of salt it's painful to grub in your skin.

Why because I was out of breath, and I think also sort of burping, and so I'm yelling like big speech bubbles.

But Chris also that's a great exfoliator, I would imagine, right ends baby's soft.

My knees and macs of legs have never been more supple, fantastic.

I don't have and I'm lucky that i'm, you know again, nearly eighty seven and a half years old.

But like, I don't have any joint stuff, and I do go to the gym.

That's the thing I did today.

What helps my sleep is like if I pump, I can't believe I'm saying this, and yes I am pump iron right really yeah truly, Like like the machines, how much can you lift?

I don't look at the.

Things I move, the novel, the pinah, and I don't the gym where I live now, the gym where I'm going down this neighborhood which I love, which is new and big and everyone's hot, and I know I never run.

Into anyone I know.

Do they have classes?

They don't have class.

I joined a gym by my house that could otherwise be a car payment, but I'm just trying it out because they have massage people and classes, and I realized in a class setting, I'm competitive enough to where I actually get a workout where if I leave it up to me, and I'm doing things that I never think to do, like I don't touch a bell.

I'm not gonna every class there involves my lower body in spotting in some way, and I have to be careful what I sign up for because I'm like, sure, I'll do whatever lift is.

Everyone in there was Olympic style speed skater legs and it was like, uh, snatch and lift type class like that takes skill.

The word Olympics is in it.

Are you serious?

Yeah?

I realized I'm working out for the first time in my life and I leave those classes unable to walk for three days.

Why do you not work your upper body?

Is it perfect already?

I They have a Sunday that they call like, here's our Vanity Arm Day, and I'm like, that's all I ever really did.

I realized I was not doing things that actually make me my body perform better.

Do you also do it as I do to help knock yourself out to sleep or do you not need that?

Yes?

It does as a byproduct, and thank you for I mean back on topic, because that's why I am so tired that I had to stop.

I don't.

I no longer abuse therapy flu which so that's my little secret.

Very good.

Yeah, I mean yeah, it was to be with the niquil.

But you I've learned the hard way even before I got sober, Like if you do it more than you.

Know two or three two times in a row doesn't work anymore.

Oh yeah, I really it's only for like I have to get sleep tonight.

But I also had a an fantastic massage on Monday at my tie place and she was it was one of the best, to thank God, because I needed.

It more than ever.

She walked all over me and I was I was giggling and like making noises.

She was giggling and she was so adorable.

And when Baltis start laughing, She's like, are you a can It's fine, I just make noises right because I do.

And she small but mighty, and it was so I slept Monday night.

I'll give myself that much.

That's nice.

Well, I wonder if there's like stretches you can do that are kind of on parr care in p.

And I always I'm just like, I just don't do them.

There are ways that I don't have to get pills for a part of me is just like pills are the answer.

Because I love pills.

I love pills.

It's fun.

The stretches, Yeah, I mean I think once our nationally there's it will be better.

But or I get a ding dang job again.

It's not like some funny can't be cuck cuckoo Like I was Betty Davis and hushush with Charlot the other night at backbar.

What's what's wrong with that?

Oh?

Nothing, it was a dream.

And I'm going to force you to look at a picture.

Of me please.

That is hilarious.

I really at some point I want to say the picture too.

But I want to talk about what episodes of Golden Girls, because I that you are your favorites that talk about because sure since you were last non, I like feel like I discovered that show suddenly and how ahead of its time it was, and uh, there's a lot of favorite episode.

There's your friend who profession exactly, Wow, how do you do it?

It's that's my friend, my friend Johnny, who.

Was also in it.

Didn't he's a pro.

He's a pro and he can do anything.

And he's one of those paint this man face.

Once I shaved into into a Betty Davis you know face, and I do have big round eyes.

Yeah you have that year good cast.

There was a good choice.

It was fun.

We It's this little group we do called Queer Radio Hour that my friend Nathan Frizelle does and we've done so far Mommy Dearest with me as Joan, but Iver had a baby Jane with me as Joan and Bruce Valanche.

Is Betty Davis, which was ladies and.

Gentlemen, the real standing, the real Oh yeah, it was a benefit we did for the Day Lesbian Center, and so yeah, that's what I did.

So that makes me happy.

And again we'll make a little bit of money.

That's exactly in terms of Golden Girls.

I you know, I keep hoping I'll ever have to do it again.

Not that I don't love it, but why yeah, it is a just yeah, I'm appreciate.

Doing it like ten years now and I'm kind of like, okay, and it's I'm so happy.

It's such a gift.

I love working with Drew Drogh as you'll know.

And yes sometimes Rose is Killy Mantle and then Sherry Vine and Jackie Beat Jackie Beat.

My face just hasn't been the same since Casita shut down, because you know, you know the.

Theater which they're they're bringing.

Back, are they really?

Yeah?

And I know what you mean or I understand, you know, doing it for that long, but I swear to god, I went one time by myself.

I think it was just afterter Covid would that be right?

Yeah?

Yeah, and I was.

I bought my ticket last second.

It was like, oh I have I'm not working or whatever, and the beautiful manager, lovely man, mister Dan, mister Dan unfolded a folding chair and put me in the aisle like someone's lost aunt.

It was.

It was humiliating and hilarious at the same time.

But then the like lights went down, those commercials started running.

It was the most delightful thing.

And then everyone's sang the theme song and it was like truly, truly like self for the soul.

Oh, that's right, it's Karen.

That was that July twenty twenty one, the first one we did back, and Roz was in that one too, ros Ernandez that's right, playing Big Daddy's new young wife.

And it had the and we did three weekends.

We had a space.

The amountain more because of COVID, but it was we cried a lot.

During that because it was the big Oh my god, we're back, We're doing life theater all together, we're singing.

It was pretty magical.

Yes, there was big feelings.

You did commercial breaks too, excuse me.

Oh yeah, we do the period commercials just in the commercial breaks of the show.

They run them.

Yeah, we run them.

On all Oh okay, I was hoping you got to act out those two.

I did a show once where we did do those.

I remember playing mister Whipple and some cooky show with the Growlings and other seventies stuff, and my husband some hot shot.

Here's his ancient tiny secret cow gone, which is not ideal.

I mean nothing was nothing was ancient Chinese secret.

But at least Asian people were in that commerce.

That's true.

That's true.

The woman and her husband were both Asian.

Yes, the good.

News, but they were.

I'm sure if they had their way, they'd be like, can someone rewrite this?

So it's just regular people talking about a detergent exactly.

Yeah, yeah, that's got to be something A lot of people share.

How many commercial jingles and commercials I have memorized from my childhood where I will never get them out of my head.

You know.

Well that's in the Golden the Golden Girls show.

We do these commercials like you know, where's the beef for whatever?

Eighties stuff?

Sure, other jingles that are not coming to my brain right now, but that's another part of the like the charm of the show.

Yes, people really get to go back, they do.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, and even like my nieces and nephews are teenagers come and they everything just so exotic and wild and weird to them.

So because the kids can come, because even though we do some stilthy sides.

Yeah, just the scripts, yes, it was on TV.

Yeah, the show.

Yeah, so many tongue in cheek, sexual innuendo jokes.

There are so many good jokes.

It's one of the best written shows.

But then the sweet like did you ever do the episode live where they go to the homeless shelter because of this jacket.

Ticket yet I haven't done that one.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

It's really a sweet one.

And I got teary eyed just because it was you know, envy.

It was, yeah, and it was also predicting what a problem.

Oh yeah, that's right.

Well they covered Rose one episode, thought she had HIV, right, and then she was addicted.

She got suddenly addicted to you know, speak of the double, like speed.

Pills or something.

Right, Yeah, I think so she was on something.

She was addicted.

Funny, I might be conflating that with Elizabeth Berkeley Jesse just as Pano and Stay by the Bell.

Right, it's hard a lot of the yeah, the parallel themes.

And they all look alike.

Yeah, everything, And there's always some hustle where every other episode of Golden Girls they're trying to raise money because they're all broke and there's an auction, or they're trying to figure out how to.

Sell a painting they've acquired.

That's my favorite.

I don't remember them all being hustlers and willing to break the law together to pay for the leaky.

Roof, yeah, or the toilets that's broken.

Yeah, it's the best.

There's just what we.

Don't They live in a condo or like a it's a house.

Oh, it's there.

The actual house is in Westwood, I mean you can go see it of the exterior.

Nice, and then they live together in a house.

But we're doing it again.

I'm not sure when this comes out, but the third weekend I think in February at Largo or Beloved Largo or planning into the Gang, which we've been doing it lately.

Oat and Bob the Drag Queen is the special guest star.

Perfect.

Oh my god, it's gonna be really fun.

That's an incredible plug.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's it's I'm not sure what episodes were doing it because Jackie.

I let Jackie and Sherry make those calls because so often sometimes I can't do it because of television work.

But I don't think that'll be too much of a danger next year.

But we'll see, we'll see.

I met Bob the Drag Queen Zach night.

Towers, Yes, yeah, yeah, the West Side, and we had the best time.

He's so funny.

Yes, he did a stand up and Ro's opened for him and Zach.

I think did they take turns Siera goldten?

They take to him and.

Zach opens for it.

He's well, I think Zach opened.

He's been touring with him and he was telling me about it where he's like, no, no, it's a solid stand up hour.

There's no light he's doing stand up.

It's not like he was just saying how much he loved it, and it was so good and solid and he really respected it.

And Roz had a great, great time with him too, and yeah, it was really good.

Yeah, And I just briefly talked to him and it was about how the stand up is totally separate from the drag performance.

But one of my favorite like things I've ever seen on the internet was the first time I saw Bob the Drag Queen, and it was that live show video where he came out on stage and he was wearing the most gigantic wig and then the wig the wig snatch reveal is that there is a six year old girl sitting on his head.

You're like a five year old maybe, but like a little It's the one of the most incredible fucking things I've ever seen, and it's so the audience goes fucking insane.

It is so funny.

It's way better than my wig bit.

Baby.

It was an early wigbit.

We'll just describe it because that'll be funny.

It was I just acquired tail don't show.

I acquired six identical wigs and I just had them on top of each other and I did my normal stand up, but I'd stop and go I'm sorry.

I can't lie to you people anymore.

I'm not who you think I am, and I'd take it off and there'd be another.

I did it over and over though, how.

Many wage sixteen seventeen.

Well, at the end my hair looked like I had big, curly hair, and at the end it was my real hair.

And so I'm pulling on my real hair, which I know it's I'm describing it.

It's much more impressive to say a six year old girl sitting on my head.

That's why it's better.

Yeah, you didn't look.

You didn't win that one.

Bob the drag Queen won that one hands down.

So well, you weren't there the night that it got me second funniest person in Austin.

Soo back to now I'm roasting.

Karen hold On.

I was there that night.

Oh no, you were one of the judges.

But said not first, I said, definitely.

Not literally A rough ride around here.

It's tough.

It is tough around here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, watch what you say.

I I am.

I we should have taken me to some epps, some salts, so gonna make a paste epsom salts.

You don't need a bathtub.

You don't, Christopher Banks, I never know what's gonna come out of your sweet little mouthful and into my earbuds.

And it's just a mouthful of salts.

It's just salt, rock salt.

I keep thinking, I keep thinking, I'm saying the printer.

Company, which is EPs sun right, And we decided last time that I need to do a joke where I'm throwing a plugged in EPSOM printer into the bathtub with me to just end it all.

The last printer I bought is still it never got open.

It's I think it's still sitting in the garage.

Yeah, I just do what do you do with them?

Like, I don't know.

I have a like fear slash reluctance of returning, and laziness is around it there too.

Why don't Why do you want to return it?

And you just don't it's no good for you.

Well, Arthur already had one, and I just didn't want to buy the ink, and I, oh, when I immediately broke it, I forgot that.

Well they're so rickety and fragile and ridiculous.

And then yeah, I was in Palm Springs for two and a half weeks long story in October kind of house sitting, and you're.

Going to tell that story in October to us?

Yeah, I was going to Okay, Yeah, I was riveting no matter what month of the year.

But I went I had to go to Staples to get something printed because it's pump Springs and it was like twenty.

Five cents a page and their printer was broken.

Yeah, And you know what I did was for an audition.

And I just called my agent and said, I'm not going in on it now that things aren't so bad that I can't pass on something I'm never going to get and like, try to do an audition in Palm Springs on the self tape.

It's got to be a good feeling.

I mean when someone wants me, if someone wants me to print something, I'm like, what year do you think?

Do you want me to faxt something?

Too?

Like?

I who has a printer anymore?

Let me sign it and emailed it digitally.

I have to say I like a hard copy and I feel guilty about it because.

Oh I got a long at work.

Because it just is easier for me to I think it's probably ADHD related.

Let's go all the way away around the.

Wat like you're wanting to do donuts a little bit.

It's kind of fun in the middle of.

Laut something else.

You can't have any thanks, Sorry.

I brought it up here.

Just say churos, sugar and wheat.

But I like a hard copy to be able to read, and like copy edit or something I do too.

I like especially script.

You can't just do it off.

I think I think it's the reason I happened.

I don't.

I don't audition much anymore for commercials, and I think I'm like, I don't, I don't.

I'm not going to get a why are they working on three D printers when they can't figure out it?

Thank you, doctor Fairbanks.

That's the right question in someone answer.

Just replacing the cartridges or filling them up.

If you figured out that.

Here's a part of my crazy, which is vast in the situation I live in, like it's Arthur's printer and he like Ice.

We both kind of we're both of around the same agent, so we help each other out with it stuff sure which sidebar.

I hooked up with the guy here and the neighbord the other night on a specialty adult app nice and it was fun.

But the most important thing is he found a much of writing.

I did that.

I lost him on word Microsoft Word and I said, can I can I do anything.

Else for you?

Sir?

Oh that's so funny.

Wait, so this was an app where people come and help you with your computer.

He was a farmer.

It was it was sex, but it was just like that was the byproduct.

It was the real thing was like he was in twenty six.

Anyway, My point was that and you did a wall I have you.

Well, that's so great.

You know, people want to be your boyfriend.

And I'm like, absolute, I love it.

And he was asking you about my life and I was like, I don't know how it came up.

I didn't force it.

I didn't be like, oh, could you come over here so we can you know, hasty violations and then open up my laptop.

That's the best premise is if you disguise it as role playing, but it's like all these things you need done, sexy secretary, you know what?

I what really turns me on.

If you could take shorthands.

Someone that knows, yes, I'm going to do that.

I think it's it's Cornell for Good's sake, but I when it's Arthur's printer, his printer, and like I do the ink when it's someone else's thing, and I can feel And this is I think from being for me family of a lot a lot of kids.

If I can feel superior, once I get to know something, I'll take care of it.

I'm like, I'll get the paper off at the ink and right.

If it was just me in my house, i'd be like baby.

Print printed that.

If it's our through, I'm like, oh, get out the way.

Yeah, not literally, just in my mind.

This is not like in the way.

Yeah, move Arthur enough with your punk rock flyers smooth.

You have to come over some time.

And like there's a gros that he's decorated like a seventies punk rock rock and roll basement like a CBGB's more colorful.

They're not dirty and smelly and piss on the walls.

But like yeah, yeahs, like like like posters, like every single record album, all kinds.

Of funny things.

I love the.

Drum set, all the guitars of old jukebox.

It's pretty cool.

That is cool.

That's a great theme that I thought about.

I did wallpaper in my apartment.

I went overboard, but what pattern Well, I was thinking of because the Halloway Bar near my house that they used old rock flyers as a wallpaper and it looks.

Amazing because they did a good job.

And I'm like, oh, this looks like a CD bathroom, but it's a clean, finished wallpaper job of rock flyers, Like it doesn't have to be peace smell themed to be you know what I mean, Like it's neat.

But I ended up with just doing a snowy mountain scene like a wall photo mural.

In More importantly, our new neighbors moved in there and they're hot gay couple.

Can you imagine how lucky we feel.

In here, right in there, right next door, because this neighborhoods all these craftsmens that are all individual it's a long story, but they redid the front better and they're like lovely, like conjured up better neighbors.

Oh that's great, very exciting.

This house is gorgeous too.

I love it set right, Yeah, it's really That's why it's just saying about this neighborhood.

You go twenty feet and all of a sudden there's like a different theme.

Isn't it wild?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean La used to really be something it did.

These are all built in the teens.

I guess also to give too much away of my.

Location the old yeah please joh't well all yeah, I ain't scared of nobody.

My area.

Yeah, it's Angelino Heights.

And it's so funny.

Because on where I live, it's like basically where they shot training Day.

But then you go around the corner and there's these beautiful refurbished Victorian homes where it's like, this looks like the college.

Well, no, it's charmed.

It's thriller.

It's Colchak.

Oh yeah, right right.

It's charmed.

Col Chack.

Every house from the UPN network is in my neighborhood.

I've been comforting myself watching a Colchak the night soccer episodes in Peacock to go back to my childhood.

Fun talk about it was that guy on fen Fund because he was like Colejack is in such a bad mood all the time.

It is nothing but white straight man, possibly straight because the sexual tension between him and Simon Oakland, who places editor, is so strong and they are screaming, spittling in each other's face the entire time.

About a werewolf for a witch who's a fashion designer.

But it's like, yeah, there's no, It's it's the opposite of like entertainment.

It's like, do you want to watch two old men fight and.

They're probably in their forties, they look like they're in their seventies today, and they're they are screaming at the back row of the theater when the cameras three inches away.

And you can smell the brown liquor.

It's just that's the kind of fine old prestiche blowing.

And it's why I think I was raised on that stuff.

Where one time I was doing an episodic or a procedural and they, I want to say it was the police offers questioning me because of the crime I might have done.

Said we got He's like, he's like, what do you what?

Am I in the back row sitting right here?

Why are you yelling at me?

Oh?

Yeah?

Was he the series regular?

Son of a Sea?

I asked, wanted, No, just gonna look at my Mdvayne a couple.

Does this mean.

No that we're wrapping it down?

Yeah?

I mean I'm just tightening it up.

I don't know what that means.

I were coming.

It made less sense to keep driving around.

We've seen a lot of unilluminated pedestrians.

It's true.

Also, those two guys that had their heads pulled up and tied real tight, I'm like, well, those are they're doing crimes.

They're just cold.

They're cold.

They're regular people with cold chins.

They're just cold.

They didn't expect it to turn this cold.

I'm probably hooking up with one of them.

They're just trying to be honest.

Next time you come over, can you pretend you're doing a crime again?

That other one?

Look outside my dreams again, Chris?

Did you was it a pocket?

What were you doing where you talked about old horror movies?

Oh, I'm still doing that.

Yeah, Yeah, I'm actually going at seven thirty to do a bonus.

Yeah, it's called Sam Pancake Presents the Monday Afternoon Movie.

Oh yes, and Karen Bernadotte Christ Priscilla kill Gariff has done it and she was brilliant, delight.

We did this house possessed certain Perker Stevenson.

Yes, and we I think we talked for two and a half hours.

We like good luck editing that bullshit.

It was a two part, two part All the movies you talked about.

Initially started out just being seventies TV horror movie right right, and then it kept going so I expanded to like eighty Steve horror movies, and then I did like a season that ended up being a couple of years of all the teen movies like Sarah t Portrait of a teenage Alcoholic, don Portrait of a teenage Runaway, Go ask Alice, you.

Know right, there was one what was someone Scott Bao was an alcoholic?

Oh my god?

And it gets hit in the head.

Yes, with the boat or.

The boy who drank too much?

Yes, no way, but I called that.

Yes, I love it.

They played hockey and let me tell y'all something I was.

I watched it the boy who drank to watch, Yes.

And Lance Kirwin R and P.

They watch it again if you want your heart to be ripped out in the best way, because I kind of yeah.

No, I'm a funny fella, they say, and I goofun stuff.

Sure, I've seen it, you know, I'm one of the few.

But this I was gonna watch with another friend of mine who like also has the experience of twelve step programs that I could.

Just kind of be like oh, well, look at what it was like back then.

It was so heartbreaking and beautiful.

Oh and entirely shot on location for some reason in Madison, Wisconsin, so it wasn't like Burbank passing for you know, Minneapolis or something.

Yea.

So it has this authenticity.

It's so well acted.

And I'm try not to be one of those gay people who like sees queer coating now and everything, but I'm telling you, these two boys had this very special friendship.

And Lance Kerwin is so concerned about little Scott Bayoes and his abusive father and all the drinking, and it is.

Heartbreaking, and I was like, I can't make fun of that.

There's been very few that I was like, oh, this is too tender and too good.

And Scott beer was so good.

Scott bial was so good.

Was that the one where Scott Bayo was wearing glasses he has like almost like John Denver wireroom glasses on me.

Maybe I know that there's a lot of hockey.

They're both skated out and there's a lot of hockey.

Scott Bao.

It makes me sad because he truly was my first love.

Like I just remember looking, We're in Food City and I looked over at the magazine rack and he was on the front of teen Beat magazine, and I felt my heart like I.

Was like, oh my god, arms crossed right probably yeah, yeahs.

Or like he had a cut up gray sweatshirt that was midriff that I was.

Just like, I just loved him.

But and now just knowing, like, it's just you hate that because it's like, Nochi, that wasn't what we were doing.

Like, what are you doing now?

Oh?

Politically yes, fateful, spiteful the Secretary of State next week?

Good luck?

Well this this maybe I hurt his feelings this whole time.

I can't imagine what he looks like.

It's just a young Tony Danza.

Well you're you're kind of right.

It's kind of pixelated mixed with Robbie Bentson.

He's in the Dylan silo for Before You.

Go, I'm not going anywhere?

Where are you staying any longer?

I mean, what was the because there's the Boy who Drank Too Much?

Which what was the show where it was the main character as a kid running home to about paying the.

Bad Yes, sir, and it is Michael Landon's story, Yes yeah.

And he directed it and it is again Lance Kerwin, who's marvelous and I don't know what happened.

He only died a couple of years ago.

He went to Hawaii and like there's some kind of religious cult question mark.

I don't know, but anyway, he's so good.

In all these He was a great child.

Child act.

He really was.

He really was only in The Boy Who Do themed movie.

The Loneliest Runner in he Hester because his abusive mother sticks the urine soak sheets out the window.

To shame him.

That.

I mean, I've never wet the bed and I'm not bragging, but I that.

Yeah, I'm trying to train myself.

You need to drink more, because I sure did.

Yeah, I'm absolutely wet the bed proudly.

I just that seems so cruel.

I'm just I think it just made me feel lucky to have parents that didn't abuse me.

That seems so awful to me.

It's heartbreaking.

It's a rough ride, like go ahead and hit me, but don't hang pee, like I don't.

Know, and then that's ramped up in the picture because the adorable girl Melissas Anderson for the Little House and the Perrie moves in next door.

So he really he has to walk her home, and she likes him, and he likes her, but like he has to somehow make his uses to run to get home before she sees it.

It's it's seventies are rough.

It's bizarre that I'm even brought up because I don't think I'm remembering it as a child.

And when you said the boy who drank too much, I'm like, it all came back to me.

And it's not called the boy who peed too much, the boy who ran too much, because you know he was such a runner.

He became a track star, right, Michael Landon became like a college athlete track star.

Okay, for one second, we just talked about Michael Landon was so good looking.

Oh my god, it's it's Unfathomas.

He's one of the people I look back at as a child.

I was like, hold me, touch me, snuggle me, pair your prairie shirt.

Paw, pa, please, pa, please.

Paw And he and he died so young.

I know, sad.

Have you ever heard Frank, You know, Frank Conneff who was on.

A watch in Mystery Science, say three thousand almost every night.

I know so good.

He made up a song that he used to do at the Fake Allery when we would do comedy shows there, and it was it was because he had Michael Landon had just died.

So People magazine had a cover of Michael Dannon and the headline was Michael Landon's Legacy of Love.

So Frank goes, so I wrote this song, and he goes bring ding ding ding Ding Bringing, and he's pretending that he's playing like Little Finger, like little Finger symbols or something with his mouth.

Yes, and then he goes, Michael Landon's legacy of love.

It's a legacy that comes down from above.

It's a legacy that and.

Then it basically and then it ends with Michael Landon's legacy of love.

And I think of it every fucking other day, like it's all I think about.

That's well, now it's going to be in mind, and I thank you for.

That made it before you stay I.

Ring made it even more sad, like when a dog dies and the other dogs like fuck it and then they die with the fact that Victor French sidekick in All since Bonanza or whatever, All the Way to Highway to Heavens sure died like the next week, right.

Yeah, really, that's right.

That's right, you French, not French, no.

Hot in a different way.

He's Beard French.

Thank you friends for that ride.

I really need it.

I got all the ingredients I need for my Thanksgiving corn pudding, all two of them, because we call me a Rosie Bell Fretwell pancake in my family because that was my grandmother's name, and she would try to hit all the thanksgivings of all the kids.

Really, and I'm hitting too, yeah, are you?

Yeah?

Nice?

My sister is it too?

And then a friend group at seven?

That's good?

Yeah, I'm not you know, I'm too nervous to eat.

I'll forget to eat that day.

I'm sure you all that horrible?

Did you?

And I love you?

Sam?

I love you Karen my almost birthday twin, Chris to my hand.

To thank you for being here.

Goodbye, Sam?

Is the best?

Well you've been listening?

Do you need all?

Ride?

Dyn R.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Analise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Chroi.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

At dinar podcast.

That's d ynar podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh, you're welcome.