Are you leaving?

I you wanna way back home?

Either way, we want to be there.

Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us time and aid, terminol and gage.

We want to send you off in style.

We wanna welcome you back home.

Tell us all about it.

We scared her?

Was it fine?

Malborn?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do you need to ride?

Do your need to ride?

Ride with Karen and Chris?

Welcome to Do you need a ride?

This is Chris.

Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgere.

Oh I agree, yeah, we just This is the second recording today.

Ah, little dog in the backseat, the cutest.

It had a tiny head and it was making a human face like the dog from Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

This is our second recording, and we both expended a lot of energy in the first.

I think we can get all of that back and then some, especially if we just take a little quick, quick peek at this dog.

Let's take a quick peek.

Oh see, well look at the lady though.

She's great.

Yeah, they have a similar face.

She's just as enjoyable.

You're coming home with me get in this tiny cage, lady.

But luckily what we lack an energy, we can just lay that onto today's guests.

Yeah, I've already said is going to do most of the heavy lifting.

You know, our guests from clubs and colleges across the country.

Everyone put your ears together for our friend.

Al Madrigal.

Yay Madrigal.

Energy shot, energy, shot right out of a cannon.

I'm known for my high energy work.

That is the most note I get on every single thing I act on.

They're like, hey, can we try it just a lot more energy and see what sounds?

Oh, so you think i'd learn at this point?

Do you ever say listen?

No, I could, but you won't like it.

This is what I do a low energy You're drawn out.

I like to take your dialogue and it around.

Wait what show was I watching where I didn't know you'd be in it?

And you were like a detective and you came in a room with other characters and you had some dry wit, and I felt everyone should have matched your energy.

I've played a detective.

I think detective an algebra teacher four times each so I get detective.

I get everybody's every single character is just over it, you know, yeah, right, a lot of sighing, and.

That's what I do.

I'm right, guys, listen, this is how this is gonna go.

See.

That's that I need the homework to be redone.

Yeah, and what's with this dead body?

It's all the same character.

What's the detective show you've done recently out?

Yeah?

I played a detective in our friend Henry Phillips punching the clown?

Right?

Yes?

What was the second one?

Was that?

Punching the clown?

Punching Henry?

Punching Henry?

I was a detective in that.

I was a barista in both.

And really that's funny.

Is that something they did on purpose?

Yes?

And then I was in a Sony Marvel movie playing a detective with Tyrese Gibson.

We were tracking down Jared leto where's a vampire?

It's funny.

I don't know if it was that.

And then let's see what else were you in?

We have a ghost?

Nope, okay, I don't know what that is.

That's Tig was in it, and she was it was the best I've seen Tig in the thing.

And uh, I'm trying to think there's four more.

Yeah, I played cop.

That's a fun A lot was it because of a mustache?

I think mustagh.

I think I people think of me as a cop, and then they I come in a room and these aren't auditions.

I'm talking about it.

It's just parties and and they expect me to have a cop vibe and they can't put their finger on what it is.

But I got rid of that mustache during COVID because oh the germs.

The oh really, there's a lot of Germans with the mustache.

I something about reassume.

So I just burned mayonnaise.

I just everything all of a sudden.

It's kind of gross.

Yeah, especially when they get big and bushy.

I've had one since I have now older children.

But if I ever tried to shave at all, my daughter would.

There's videos of other dads doing this.

I try to shave a mustache.

My family hates my face, just go what are you doing?

Yeah?

We all remember looking so so vulnerable with this tiny, thin upper lip.

Yeah, so for like ninety five percent of the time since two thousand and six, I think I've been rocking some sort of beard mustache.

And it's helpful because I have a baby face, right yeah, yeah, yeah, don't take.

A look, No you do.

I've been looking this whole time.

I would look by my neck.

I really take it in, take it in, drink it in.

It's a torn rotator cuff.

I really love to look at your face.

I want to.

I feel like it would help me if I feel like when I did stand up with the mustache, something made people listen to me.

How about dog again?

How about how about that dog?

That's a cute one.

Yeah, that's the one.

You know, our dog Vernon under the knife today.

We have two dogs, Henry and Vernon, seventeen years old and fourteen years old.

They're both Chihuahua mixes, which are like the Honda Civic of dogs.

And it's like, you know, did you ever smoke cigarettes?

Oh yeah, well.

Yeah, remember when you get like an American spirit and it's like, when's this thing an end?

That's how we feel about the dogs.

That's so funny and they're adorable.

There's still but Henry is seventeen was it doing it quick?

What it is like one hundred and nineteen years old?

Suddenly crazy and he has he's blind, no teeth.

We pulled all the teeth, which gave him.

A second life and so he can't hear, can't see, no teeth.

And tongue always out yep.

Yeah, but still, you know, getting excited about a treat even though he can't see it.

Coming, you can fell it.

It's a treat time.

And then Vernon was a dog that.

Natasha La Shiro when she was dating Duncan Trussell is a forever.

Ago has her dog.

Walker finds a dog in the street and that dog, Blanche that she still has pregnant with our dog Vernon.

Johnny Pemberton has that dog for two days, can't handle it, brings it to our house with the cage and a blanket and says, we didn't know how involved this was going to be, and I don't think we're ready.

And the dog we'd been looking at the whole time, when you know, they were puppies.

I was bringing the kids up there.

So we took on Vernon and he's fourteen and.

Today you know, dogs get little bumps all over him and there's like a little sunk, there's there is a huge one and we had taken out of his leg.

Yeah, so labsessed.

It's cosmetic surgery.

They yeah, we want to.

We're gonna get them looking like that dog out the window, cute cuting his dog up.

Whatever it takes.

Yeah, but if you lift it up.

Six pack abs by the way, delicious sandwich place on the left here if anyone's eating same sub king highly recommended.

Have you had the one that's like the bond Me?

Yes?

Oh so bad?

That place is great.

Yeah.

There's a very weird place next door where guy's just sitting in there with a pot of chili and.

I should it for sale?

Yeah?

Oh, and he also has a golf simulator really and then a variety of jerseys and that's the store, and.

It's called Boytown.

Yeah, Chili, Jersey's Golf.

Just a goodang.

Yeah, we got another season desist from boys Town.

This is a singular Yeah.

Come on, you don't see too many of these drive through Baskin Robbins.

I know that's like one of the only ones.

Do you want an ice cream cone?

Ye?

Go, let's hit it.

They have let's do it no more, no less than thirty one flavors as far as I recall it.

I want to answer your question that you asked before we started, and I said, save it for the pod, right the listener's gonna understand.

Do you want to ask the question again?

Yes, you have there ever been any accidents or close calls.

On do you need a ride the other?

I mean this was like a month ago or around then.

We were on Laurel Canyon and Moor Park and I was talking and kind of not paying attention and I just went and the light was red.

So it was trafficking there was.

It was crazy and it was very scary and the guy.

I just started driving and the guy was about to take a left and he did one of those things about what hell are you doing?

I was literally like, I don't have an answer for you.

I'm fully in the wrong everyone.

How do you motion to yourself?

My bad?

I'm in it.

I do so much going on.

I knew the playful.

I do the playful shoot myself in the head that usually gets you off the hook.

I'm the problem.

It's me again.

That was yeah, but that was just a close call, right.

Somehow I remember the Eddie Pepatone's life flashing before.

My eyes when I was on Oh, we were on the freeway.

You think it's going to be your life that flashes.

Before you're out.

It was Eddie Pepaton's life.

Very details of his childhood.

That was almost a t boning.

But I remember him not even noticing he was didn't even stop his story.

Yeah, he had a good one going.

But it's yeah, Karen's a very good driver, except for is it over there?

Oh thirty one?

Yeah, no, I think it's down to the left.

Okay, great, Yeah, I try not to crash on the Driving podcast.

But you know, La, there's a they really throw a lot of curve balls at you and you're.

Going out on the road.

Yeah with the other podcast.

Oh yes, yeah, yeah, how often you go out?

We haven't gone out in six years, six six We stopped obviously when COVID.

Had strikes things.

Yeah, it's just we just.

Built that excuse.

We We're just like, yeah, we know we can't go out as COVID, and then we're like, well, we're not going to be the first ones out, and then we're like, well, we're not going out now, and then basically we just kind of put it off.

That's fun.

Where are you going to go?

Kind of the major cities like Boston, Seattle, New York, LA.

Yeah, hit the hits everybody with three major major league sports teams that say, like minimum out.

You have to have a hockey team.

Yeah yeah, those two boy, these guys.

Do you need a mini bid Yeah yeah, do.

You need a head injury?

Yeah, that's fun.

I was talking about like going to cities that can't command a zoo like sometimes.

I was setting a bar for going out on the road because I took seven years off from stand up altogether.

I wasn't going out at all.

And then COVID, you know.

It's like post Daily Show.

After the Daily Show, would go out quite a bit.

Me and John Hodgman, We're a little team that would hit the road.

That was so fun.

And then.

You know, wanting to watch.

Kids grow up because I had teenagers and I knew had time with them was limited.

So then stuck around if anyone needed me.

Here's a funny.

No one needed me at all.

Yeah yeah, so so can you can you leave?

Please go out on the road.

So I.

Just for the first time started going out in the spring.

Actually seven or eight years was crazy and it feels good.

Still, don't love.

It, really, it's hard.

Really.

I I well, the flights and the travel and yeah, sure you know, and you're also trapped in that loveless relationship right right, there's everything that, but the actual being on stage is you enjoy that?

It's fun?

Yeah, yes, it's the it's the getting there, and it's the you.

Know, if you do a lot of the improvish comedy clubs, they're you know, it's they're in malls and as a grown man walking around a food court aimlessly, it's a weird place to be.

Yeah.

Yeah, I suppose that I've drifted away from that a little bit, but I've want to start doing comedy clubs again.

We really can do it, all right, I mean aren't we.

Why shouldn't Burbank It has a Basking Robins drive through, it might as well.

Right, And the look at the logo they've hidden the thirty one in the kind of genius goes.

It was there in front of us the whole time.

Why did we not just like the prime Dick.

Come again now?

Right?

Yes, a lot of people haven't seen a penis like that before, but it is supposed to be.

It's no what I'm probably what are you kid's cup?

You can have anything from the left side of the menu.

I don't know.

Gold medal ribbon is a classic?

Are that world class chocolate?

Ever had that.

No, it's pretty good.

I'm kind of lactose intolerant.

Oh oh, so I'll get it.

I'll get a Subert because I was gonna say so by until I realized we were basking robins and they're they're calling that Shubert.

Oh really yeah, I never knew the difference.

But it's like catchup, cats up, and there's.

A third one, I believe a pronunciation one.

What's everybody else looking for?

Here?

Cones were getting full Sundays.

It's so funny that I grew up on a street with a dairy queen at one end of the street, one block away, and three blocks away there was a basking Robins, and I think I went to each of them once in my life.

You have seen this ad for this Dubai chocolate for I know.

Dude, Dubai chocolate is a big thing these days.

Everyone.

It's sweeping the nation.

People love it.

I had some just the other day, and man, do I get it?

Oh?

Really, yes, it's good.

It's made with it.

Years of models that aren't allowed to leave that they took away their dass boards.

So delicious and rare.

Oh my god, I'm gonna try one of those because I've never I keep seeing people trying different versions of it.

Yeah, and I just don't know what it is.

But I do like pistachio.

I mean there there is and it is always with pistachio.

Have you ever in the history of this podcast pulled how many drive.

Strews have you been through?

Let's see a bunch.

A significant amount, but mostly RB's.

And sure almost always are just go to the one over and over.

Yeah, we go anywhere where the meat squats out of a Caulking gun.

We've done Krispy Kream drive through, which is in the Burbank.

Airplane popular episode.

We ate the donuts while recording.

People love that you love people listening to other people chew, eat ice cream and slope things right, It's like that as Mr.

Yes with food.

I tried to sneak a rice Crispy bar one time that I got it.

Start comments.

You cannot do it as the host.

It was really crack when snapping and we should all go full what about Bob on this too, and just go.

So good, Oh okay, everybody figure out what you want.

Okay, I guess I'm doing this is crazy.

It's so funny to me that there's a part of my brand that still thinks we're going to get in trouble because there's not a kid in the car.

Right, do you guys see Sydney Sweeney's got your own scoop here too?

They should take that down.

I never It's funny how I've gotten.

I'm so excited about Liam Nason and Pam Anders.

I'm like, yes, I totally invested in that relationship.

I'm exciting.

It's have you seen the Naked Gun yet?

Yes?

It is so great, really gely hilarious.

We have beginning to and I will venture to say because I don't really remember, and I know I loved all of them.

Funnier than the originals.

Wow, okay, I'll say it, puggin Okay, I mean in the trailer, I have a list of trope lines.

The one at the top is that's going to leave a mark.

I was disappointed.

Why I saw it and one of the ghostbusters.

Did they not have that in the movie or did they just use it for the trailer?

They have.

Answered they were given a very difficult job.

Okay, Like I feel like that is just a movie that did not need to be made again, right, and they did an incredible job.

Okay, yeah they did that.

Pamela Anderson was wonderful.

And you're going to see why they fell in love.

Oh okay, and they're falling in love on screen like you're laughing, but then you're like, oh, I bet you After this, they went to craft service together and like talked about hands.

Wouldn't it be disappointing if it was all publicity stunt?

And so is the Sweeney things.

She's like, are you sure people are gonna call me racist?

Yes they will, but they will.

But racists are the only people buying movie ticket.

Yeah.

Yeah, and Deniman is always worn by racists.

You get five percent Sweenye.

Okay, here's a napkin, thank you, a little pink spoon than you.

A child's cup, Yeah, appreciate it, very large?

Yeah, I know, you get a lot of ice cream.

In trouble it said twelve and under.

Oh look at that.

What would that'd be hilarious?

Can I see the boy in your car?

Yeah?

Can you show me your child?

Please?

Boy?

Bring out the boy?

Have the boy come out and spin around?

H on our little info sheet.

It's something about when were you in HR for ten years before I ever knew you when I was living next to Karen's aunt aunt Carol.

Is that Martin?

Right?

We lost Uncle Martin a couple months ago.

He lived.

He was like ninety three or something.

Thanks for great life.

I just need all to know what's going on with San Francisco too.

She was so excited that I was in comedy because you said, my niece is in Los Angeles, and I of course knew who you were from San.

Francisco's stand up and then yeah, I was.

She was very nice.

We were on the most idyllic little block that was above West Portal.

Like you've been to that house, you know exactly where we were.

It was my favorite place in San Francisco.

It was it was always a little foggy, It was at the base of a mountain.

It was the most I mean, that's like the magic of San Francisco.

Where like you would probably never see West Portal if you were going to San Francisco to like look at stuff.

No, that is on no one's tourist list.

Yeah there is no, but.

Those like the Irish bars in Westportal are some of the best bars.

I mean, like, of course we went there after like wakes and stuff like that.

It just also like our San Francisco cousins, because we were the country cousins, and so Mary, Kate, Nileen, you know, all the cousins that lived in that house and grew up.

When you say you were the country cousins, where were you coming from?

Oh my god, you really were the country.

Yeah, but Ptoluma's actual country.

Yeah it is.

Let's take bites of your yeah yeahs.

A review of the Dubai Chocolate Bar.

Taking my first bite and hard, fucking hard.

It's almost like a frozen Oh uh oh, what's different about it?

Brain freeze?

Pretty good.

My mom has this amazing rags.

For Riches story where she was a secretary at a company.

She met my dad at work.

They were down on Third and Townsend in San Francis, Les Go working for a place called West Coast Ship Chandlers.

It's now lofts, and she was a secretary there.

They met.

They bought our first house with it because they won a Keno ticket in Tahoe.

No no, what.

Inner sunset for twenty thousand dollars?

No way, yep, nineteen seventy one or nineteen seventy.

I was born in seventy one and then she got a job as a secretary at a staffing firm, rose her way up through the ranks of the business like working girl style.

Then quadruples buys the company, quadruples it in size.

Wow, and just sold it like four months ago.

No way, your mom did all that.

Yep, And so now like this, you know, we used to again, we needed kenot ticket winnings to buy a house growing up, and they didn't make much.

And so.

Now it's just I was the only one of the three brothers, being the eldest that even remembers like.

Any sort of like struggle.

All.

Yeah.

And then naturally, right from College of USF, I went to Cawpalli in Silesis, but I didn't love a business major, transfer to University of San Francisco and then became an HR major and then worked from the age of nineteen to thirty two r AH in HR firing and hiring people.

So I fired over a thousand people.

Oh my god.

Yeah, if you ever need a can anybody let me time, I'll come over.

Are you here for the podcast?

No, I'm here for you.

No, I'm here to end your career.

Yeah.

They all deserved it.

That's the thing is people say, horrible bosses.

It's really horrible employees.

There's been a cheating everywhere, right, fudging time, cars, showing up late and get in fights.

Oh yeah, you can't remember a time where it was someone where it was like hard for you to do it because I didn't deserve it.

It was always someone that doesn't they.

Oh, I'd say ninety percent of the time they deserved it and I warned them not to do it again, right, Or it was like an extreme situation where like two Samo and guys gear getting in a fight in a warehouse.

Yeah, yeah, and it was hilarious because I'd show up, like twenty three years old, going, hey, fellas, understand we were throwing some fists in the warehouse, so I'm gonna need to walk you both out.

They're like massive men.

Oh that would be yeah, that's great trying have to fire people that were sharpening pieces of metal as I was firing.

Were you did you do that because that's what your mom was specializing or did you have a certain like I can fix this problem.

Hr specific degree that's what well?

No, well, well yes, and that helped.

But we were staffing other people's companies, so if we worked for you.

We'd employ every single person in including yourself.

It's actually a great deal because you don't have to worry about HR.

So you probably have an office manager right now that does your payroll and all your benefits stuff like that.

Then you need to put I'm selling the company.

We sold it, but it's outsourcing you.

Just like you'd outsource your legal you can outsource all of your HR if I employ everyone working at your place.

So it's called a professional employment organization, and so you don't have to deal with any of that stuff.

That's great.

And you want to hire a new person, you go, I need three more people.

I just start placing the ads and bringing the people over.

Incredible, So we said, I want you to meet these three folks.

These are my top three candidates.

Take a look, and then we put them on our payroll working at your place under your direction.

So you basically got a degree so you could go into the family business exactly.

I mean, I hated it.

I was crying in my car because I was firing people like I had fired over a thousand people.

At some point.

I was miserable.

So I started doing stand up at twenty eight.

Do you remember the me and brothers, Me and Mike, Me and Funniest.

They were across the street from me in the Sunset District, so I grew up seeing and Michael Pritchard lived down in the Blanc.

At one point I didn't I just was talking to her about it at Largo.

But Margaret Choe grew up on twentieth the Nerving around there, so I knew what I was like.

Comedy was in the water.

I would listen to Alex Bennett every single morning going to high.

School and the Channel nine Alex Bennett's stand up show.

That was like local stand ups where it's like the first time I saw Dexter Madison or you.

Know Whoopy with toasts, you know those.

It was at Great American Musical, remember that?

And that was on the local.

Yeah, you'd see it on KQ.

That's terrific.

So we had a ton of stand up and a bunch of cool places, a bunch of cool local comics.

I knew it was a thing.

I always wanted to do it, but ahead of kind of put this dream on hold because this thing that meant everything to the family.

But eventually knew if I was going to turn thirty, it was over.

There's no, starting this after the age.

You could, but it gets weird.

Yeah, an interesting idea for a show where you, yeah, you catch the warehouse on fire because you want to end the business to start your comedy career, call it reason for Arson.

Ever, did you ever get to hire anyone or only five?

Oh?

No, we were hiring a ton of people.

Yeah, So it's just I was kind of really good at the problem people because it was so nice and honest about this their situation, right, And I'd explain to people, go, this is just like a bad relationship.

You'd be doing a great job and showing up on time if you were happy to be working here.

Yeah, right, clearly you're not meant to be doing this.

And cool, I'm this is good.

Go find a better job.

You like, Yeah, this is a new beginning.

You're free.

But you do realize that this the whole movie up in the air that George Clooney is like, that's the whole movie is about.

I could have done a million of those terminations.

He was firing white collar employees.

I was firing people that wanted to meet me in the parking lot after I've been choked chased.

Yeah, yeah, a guy put he put a like a physical therapy, like one of those sticks that you use people like they're stretch.

With or something like he put that up to my throat.

Wow.

Wow.

At that point I had done eight hundred of these.

So I was like, all right, man, you can have two choices.

You can hit me with a stick, and if you do, I'm gonna be pissed.

I'm gonna press charges and I have the cops coming.

You're gonna be arrested.

It's not gonna be great for you.

Or you take this check in my jacket pocket and just walk away and like, what's.

It gonna be dude?

Yeah, And so people like I was able to reason with a lot of folks, have that pocket check, pocket check.

Always hold the pocket check in your pocket.

Check.

Listen, you could beat me up, or you could take this pocket check and still beat you up.

And yeah, so I would have mentioned the check right away.

There's a check in my pocket.

Please he beat me up?

Is that bad a hr ing?

I can't say hr and nothing of the lead singer from Bad Brains.

So I did that and started doing stand up, and then stand up kind of took off and I went through the steps that we all go through with San Francisco Comics with you know Cobs and Tom Sawyer and the whole gang and Huck.

I remember at the back of the punchline.

You had to sit at the back of the punchline as a new San Francisco comedian for like nine months.

And I remember him coming up to a group of three of us, that's a professional.

Is it your Yeah?

Oh, I thought it was Karen's sister.

I did do because she gets through because she's in your favorites.

She yeah.

For some reason, I can't block her from calling every day at four thirty one.

She I'm like, yep, it's Wednesday.

We're recording vodcast.

Yeah, like I'm sorry, yeah every time.

It's been a while though.

But al, did you live in your parents Uh?

Now, I want to say the West Portal house or was that like your parents?

No, we're successful.

When we got this house, that.

Was the thing they were trying to keep me stand up with.

Started to take off.

I started getting auditions down in La I went to New Faces.

But I was the eldest son, supposed to take over this family business, right, So then my mom said, Hey, so we're going to buy a house.

So they were trying to get me to stay.

They were throwing a lot of incentives, Oh.

Got it to keep me up there because they saw that, you know this is right, I'm two thousand and one, two.

Thousand and two.

I was a new face at Montreal.

And then they bought the house like a month later after they saw that things were starting to take off.

Because my dad would yell, I mean, this is why there's a lot less it's changing, but Latinos and Asian people in Hollywood and show business is because if you tell anybody you're going to be a stand.

Up and work for free, right like, you get yelled at.

Yeah, that's very realistic.

You know we need to be My dad would scream at me.

He goes, where are you right now?

I go, I'm driving a Sacramento.

Why the w are you driving right?

Oh?

I'm opening for this is a real conversation.

I'm opening for Louis c k Who the hell is that?

At the hen he goes, is that a realist?

Name?

An?

I've never heard of him.

He hadn't learned to anybody, so that was pointless.

And then he goes, you know how much of gas costs?

Huh?

How much are they paying you twenty five bucks a set.

It loses his mind.

Yeah, like you should be here.

We're giving you this business.

I don't understand.

Not funny, it's so funny.

I think you can do this.

That is usually this story.

Why do you believe in yourself?

Yeah, right that I feel it's the makings of that lights of fire under your ass to prove your parents wrong.

Well, yes, I've been so lazy my whole comedy career because my dad always kind of wanted to do stand up and he totally supported me.

Oh, you need to really excel.

You need to somebody to just squash all your Yeah, I doubt it.

I doubt suck and there's no way you can pull this off.

Right, I'll show you.

I'm gonna go down to La I'm gonna be something.

I'm gonna play detective four times.

Yeah.

The first time I did the improv, I got on that Monday night showcase and at the improv, the one that was on Mason at Downtown, and my dad was his firehouse was in Chinatown, and so he came and everyone they pretended that they were inspecting the improv.

Oh, and they just double parked like outside on one of those one way streets and came down and stood in the back and watched me do stand up, and everybody else was just like, oh my god, there's something going on, and I'm like, it's not.

My dad is actually like basically testing the waters of like what I'm saying I'm doing versus what I'm actually doing, Like are you actually good at this?

Or are you like making a fool of San.

Francisco Chinatown Fire Department?

Yeah?

Why when are we doing that podcast?

Right?

I mean the stories that I could tell.

That's It's the problem is that every other word is somehow casually racist, Like it's the thing.

He's from the generation where everyone's like, well the German was over there, and then this everything is based on where people are from, and it's like my grandfather used.

To put my dad on the counter of the North Beast restaurant when he was a toddler and give the bartender fifty cents to watch them and then go underground into a tunnel and gamble and underground.

Chinese in Chinatown.

Hell yeah, yes, that's it.

I mean, wait, did your parents, your dad's family had had a restaurant in North Beach.

No, he didn't just at a restaurant, at a restaurant.

My dad, my grandfather on the Italian side, because I'm half Mexican half Sicilian.

On the Sicilian side, we owned the Buena Vista place at the cable coat price.

But then my grandfather had a gambling problem and the mob came in with a picture of my grandmother and said, you're gonna be selling us this spar Holy.

The Buena Vista is still there.

It's one of the most famous bars.

It's right by Fisherman's Wharf down to they invent yeah, right, and they invented the Irish coffee.

So mom's maid name is Tarantino, and so there's all like Tarantino Alioto, like they all came over together.

Yeah, so it's a aliott is a big San Francisco family.

And you go down to the wharf to this.

Day that my mom won't eat fish because they had to eat it every single night for dinner.

Yes, and it smells like you're in a world that always smells like fish, just like you can't.

Get Oh yeah, well your dad and that Chinatown like fire department.

WHOA, Yes, they saw some things, they definitely saw They saw some things for sure.

And it was like the stories of you know, they used to do a crab feed every year.

Every firehouse in the city did it on the same day.

And the reason it stopped sometime in the early seventies is because there was a huge fire and every they were all drunk.

Everybody on duty was ship faced from like their crab feed or whatever the thing was that they had the same party, so they like basically it all went totally ship face and they were like, this is now not allowed.

Right, that's that's those things you really end up in an orgy or the lobster ones.

I have told it before that people drink too much when they're eating shellfish.

Yeah, I think you're right.

Yeah, that's a reaction.

Well, it's so funny that that you would be sick of that because driving down my parents always had dreams of living in San Francisco.

My dad was like a Bay Area dis jockey.

And then when I was bourne, we went to Montana and they just had all these stories of that part of the country and we'd drive down there and that smell of fish was like something I was so excited by, Like we would go there just to smell it.

The city used to be super cool.

Is there's still parts and in restaurants and neighborhoods that are gonna intact with, you know, like all things.

It evolves everyone's nostalgic for when they were twelve and right right around on BMX bikes through Golden Gate Park.

It was awesome.

Yeah, and then so it was a really cool place to grow up.

I actually went to a French grammar school called Notre Dame de Victois because the means misses me and gotten a fight with the principal at Saint Anne's and so we'd have to take the cable that like ends you to den of the cable card then walk up like fifteen minutes on foot.

And I remember the means forgot me one day.

And so I was in second grade and I was a seven year old and my mom had to.

Go to work.

So she looked at me and she's like, hey, they forgot you, but you can do this.

You know the way, right, you know the way?

And I go, I do I know the way?

I know the way, and she from a pay phone, no.

I just she was still like ready to go out the door and pick up they were supposed to walk by and grab me but they forgot me, and I just did it by myself.

And then once I knew I could do it by myself as a seven year old with a forty five minute mute and two transfers.

We're going just do that by himself.

Like, can you imagine, like she might get arrested?

Oh today, Jesus, Like even this suggestion.

I can't believe you're alive to tell that story.

But also like I feel like if there's a town to do it in, And maybe I'm just just biased, but it is that kind of thing where it's the kind of town where like people would be like rooting for the seven year old, you know what I mean of all the I used to have to take the bush.

We lived in the Upper Hate, and I of course got a job at a shop in the Marina, so I.

Had to take every bus every god I.

Mean, it was insane.

I think it was the eighteen anyway, it was the longest, craziest bus ride.

So what were your San Francisco years that I was there from?

I moved to LA in ninety four, so I was in San Francisco from like ninety one to ninety four essentially, and we and I worked at the Gap in the Castro that was right on the edge of Castro and the Mission, and we lived in the upper height and it was all my roommates from Sacramento.

Everybody got out of Sacramento and went to transfer to San Francisco State, and I flunked out of Sack State.

So I was like, well, I'll just go and do stand up.

Wow, that gap is what started my credit card debt.

Did you get a gap credit card?

Yes?

And I didn't.

I've never had a store credit card.

I didn't know I did.

I just wanted a discount on a pack of underwear.

Yeah, And it went unpaid and it turned into this whole many many, many late fees and then it became hundreds of dollars.

It's such a nightmare.

When I was at cal Poly, I wrote a check for a sandwich.

Oh that's great, and then closed that account because I was leaving.

It was Tinder, but it didn't time out.

That check hadn't cleared, so it just ruined my.

Credit for ten years.

Just a sandwich.

That's the same thing.

Yeah, I don't remember remember the details, but it really ruined me for a couple of years.

This pack of underwear one time I wrote myself a check.

Is I only had like seventeen dollars in my bank account, so I wrote myself a check for five dollars and then took out a twenty And I told my mom that story, like I had discovered some great way to handle my poverty.

Yeah, and she was like that is illegal, just like explaining to me, you just committed actually a crime.

You better put money back in there right now.

It was insane where I was just like nobody talked.

I didn't get briefed on any Yeah.

Were you the eldest, No, I'm the youngest.

Oh, but you'd think that they'd have a the shit together at that point, right, No my parents, Yeah, no, in terms of briefing the.

Kids on that, we were briefed on nothing.

And it was like it was a real suck it up mentality of like lucky to get.

Eye contact in some homes.

Yeah, my parents weren't the best with the information.

I think when they seriously dropped me off at cal Poly and s Sandlus, like no one helped me set up my room.

I just got dropped off of bags and they drove away.

Well, if you're a seven year old, that can navigate across and Barca Darrow.

He's probably going to be able to figure out a dorm room.

Good Also, just that I did.

It's such a high pressure moment where because we would make my mom late for work every single day, and just that moment of her being like, I'm not gonna be late, So you're going to take on this incredible journey goodbye, like you gotta do it?

Crazy?

Can I do a brief commercial for a kid two kid scoops of Dacree ice please, let's.

And let's do characters?

Okay, kidding?

The kids scoops aren't just roky are you coming?

And a dog?

They don't check the roxy to see if he's a child in there.

And you know it's like this, you won't sound like a kid, but your mother a kid.

You're bat my boys, I like to get at sure.

Bert said other places, my call it Sorbit.

Not Sydney Sweet.

Now I'm turning into Triumph Sydney Sweet.

So again I believe there was a Sydney Sweeney poster.

They're doing Dubai chocolate bars, but dak Ree Rainbow Srbert combo at thirty one flavors.

Delic and kid sizes right size, right kid sizes the right size.

I'm saying that anybody getting a small or a medium or it's too much.

I didn't even need this whole bar.

Well, I'm worried about.

Sound, I know, but also that's so rich, okay, right and very rare.

Is that the end of your ad?

Yes, my bar is too sweet?

If you could believe it or not.

Is that what Dubai chocolate is?

It is too sweet, it's too crunchy.

I feel like it's causing cavity.

This is the worst biggest fears.

This is de influencing people.

And I started with a slight character, but it was just Chris Fairbanks with stuff in his mouth and then as I swallowed, I came back to my normal self.

But it's almost like, you know what I mean, like so sweet that they're just straight up sugar.

Part is is masking the taste of chocolate.

You both got the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, And do you like that a little bit more than Chris does?

I think I do.

It's but it is like there's a lot going on and this do buy chocolate.

That part of it, it feels like that is the pistachio.

But then there's like spiky things in there.

There's hike.

There's a crunch aspect to it that is surprising.

Yes, and there's a layer of butterfinger or something.

Yes, I do you buy but right that I didn't ask for and that I don't want to buy finger, just like it's real human fingers.

We didn't ask for it, yet it's there.

Yeah, I have to say I'm not a big sweet guy though.

Oh see that I was boarded standard chance.

Saying that has rubbed people the wrong way.

It's like I'm being up you like, speaking of San Francisco bringing its full circle?

What about it?

And it's it?

Oh?

Just beloved in my family.

I started buying my dad It's it merch a couple of Christmases ago.

You can get a hat, a baseball hat that says is it It's it with the big picture of the ice cream sandwich on it.

And I gave that to my dad for Christmas, say, five years ago.

Everyone he goes.

Every time I wear it, people ask me where I got it and how.

They get it.

There's like a whole it's it merch line?

Do you know about that?

No?

What's it?

Oh, I'm new to town.

I'm a visiting for Fisherman is.

Well, you should meet my ad character friend who can tell you all about the It's.

It Hidola, I screamed so much.

Else I love them kid and Neapol.

But do you also like oat meal cookies?

All take one and given him me?

And do you like coffee ice cream?

Stop?

And ice cream?

Chocolate ice cream?

More original Vanila?

I like three of those, maybe even mint cheap getting the hell?

You know what you got to open with mint chip?

That's like a check in your pocket.

You're at the eat eat eat.

Im all those things.

And then it's not just that we have the ice cream sandwich.

We dip the entire thing in chocolate, so it's a chocolate ship.

Oh I just realized something.

I mean that you're mid character, but I'm in a panic.

Uh there's a plumber going to Al's house in in seventeen minutes.

We gotta go back, Yeah, we gotta go back.

Okay, sorry, Alan, it's for your best thing.

This guy would be twiddling his thumb and his white truck pissed off.

It's okay, let's take our time.

Basically, somebody in San Francisco invented an ice cream sandwich with gigantic oatmeal, cookies and the whole thing wrapped in chocolate.

And you can get them.

I guess you can get them everywhere, but they're very popularity.

In the right.

Armenian pizza what does it even mean?

Wait a second, what is all that cilantro pull.

It's just they're advertising several things on the same window.

I think they have pizza and Armenians for sale there and cakes Partisi and I just wondering as we come up towards the end, I admit something to you years ago when we did the Hash Wednesday show at the Improvo.

Okay, I'm Leaco and I'm Leak and I'm I gotta get this bag.

Oh yeah, now you're gonna have aunts in your house.

No, everything that's under control.

I we I thought, I think we got high.

Who are the guys that we were performing with?

It was Dan something I have no idea.

It was two Bay Area guys.

I drew that severed hand holding a microphone for the show.

Yeah, we were just getting to know each other.

That's the other thing is Chris is one of the very first people that I met when I came down to La and so I knew probably through.

And I do remember Martha Kelly and you and myself like hanging out at the improm right, and you were trying to hit up Daniel Tosh for Taco Bell Gifts certific It's oh.

That's so funny.

Yeah, he did, like probably a commercial campaign for them.

You gave me work.

You employed me as an artist several times.

Oh yeah, and I will never forget that and stop appreciating it.

You actually paid me like I was a professional artist.

And know you're you're in credib wars.

You did an album cover for me a long time ago, and yeah that maybe my first one was drawing.

It's great today.

I made stickers for me that we Yeah, we ended up making stickers and all kinds of questions.

In the back of that car though, I was so nervous because the guy's driving.

They were getting high because I was the theme in the show.

Everyone was getting high.

I remember details you were smoking parliaments back then.

I was in the back seat.

I was so high and paranoid that I thought we were going to get pulled over if I told them I had to go to the bathroom and I tried to pee in a bottle and right before we got to the improv, I dropped it and the PEED was all over the backseat of that car.

I whoever was driving h they were of Francisco Common, Yes, they at at some point they're like, did someone pee in the back of my car?

That was me?

That was an entire gate Rade bottle of P.

I dropped it.

I didn't say anything because I was high in paranoid and I just want to get it off my chest.

Even though it wasn't your car.

I don't even remember doing it, like it was a show.

There's no problem.

And Guyle bay B and Dan not Dward Gabriel, Dan Gabriel.

It was one of their car.

I think was Dan Gabriel's car had P in the back seat because of me.

Dan Gabriel, if you're listening, sorry, you know the source of the urine?

Oh god, it was me, said years later.

There's so many things I flashes of and I'll just be walking on the street and I audibly sigh yeah and feel regret that was one of Well that's the eighty HD.

Yes, I think it is that.

You just gotta let that stuff go.

I've been it's a long time ago, so okay, yeah, it really cares or remembers.

I haven't gone and din't care.

Then.

No, they were so high.

Remember we got pulled over on the way There's and they were like, oh, we're just smoking, like everyone knew to just light up cigarettes.

This was when weed was still very illegal, and I'm like, I'm going to jail.

I just moved to the Hollywood.

That's so funny is because I must have learned very quickly after that that pot and stand up for me did not mix.

No, So I rarely did that, So that must have been a once yes and forever.

No, it was I think you were going to use that thing.

I drew for many shows, but after that night we were like, oh, I couldn't remember who I was or what my jokes were.

Most never do that again.

Yeah, yeah, some people can do it, like, oh, no problem, Doug Benson, no problem, it's like the best way.

But no, no, not me.

I wish I could have figured though, when you just talked about hook that you had to sit in the back of the punchline and Hawk would walk waiting to get on.

It drove me insane.

It's one of the reasons I moved to LA It was like kind of early because I just started stand up.

But I was like, I can't do this shit where you just show up to be kind of mentally tortured so that you can say dumb shit for seven minutes.

I was just like sing with me having this business background and firing all the people.

So they approach me and these three other guys to two other guys and he goes, all.

Right, I can give each of you guys two or three minutes.

And then I put my hand up and I go no, and he goes what and I go no, I go I waited in the Macau's room for nine months.

I'm not waiting for I'm not getting up for two minutes.

I got let me know when you have a full spot.

That's great.

Then he was like whoa, all right you guy see and then he goes out narrator.

He goes, all right, I'll give one of you guys seven minutes.

Who wants it?

And I go, I'll take it.

That's all right.

Great.

The other two guys were like, what just happened?

Yeah?

Sorry, hr Warehouse ten years shift, Yeah, choked by some omen Yeah, once that happens, you just that's your advice to every new comic.

What I do is I pretend there's a check in my front pucket every time I deal with a booker.

So awful.

Oh that's great.

They get you so nervous before a set that you're already so nervous.

To go do.

Yeah, so torturous.

Well, I hope we haven't made ulated for this.

Uh.

I don't know that the work was.

At least it's not a stranger waiting for you.

Yeah, that's right.

I feel bad that my wife is there.

I just don't want to leave my wife got a friend for too long, right, right?

This is important work driving around for no reason getting ice cream in a.

Car that was delicious.

By the way, that's the best company expense, right, that's yeah.

Can we your business manager?

Can we talk about this?

Uh?

Thirty one flavors run.

I'll be like, we got al madrigal in our hands now.

I'm just that's not that, it's just, uh, did you guys have a kid with you?

Because I'm sitting here on the receipt child scoop.

Yah, we picked up a couple of kids, so.

You get some instead of it?

There, Yeah, you get arrested for kidnapping out a tacks on it.

I swear it was.

They give the cups to adults in any world.

I grew up in Okay and because all we gotta go.

It was great to have you and great.

Do you want to do?

You want to plug anything?

I'm going I don't know when this is coming out, but I'm going to Toronto on September twentieth, every people who up in Toronto.

I'll be doing stand up there.

And got a couple other TV shows coming out which is exciting.

Detectives or Algebra Plate Now it's just a dad computer.

Both things I'm working on right now is an actor a computer programmer in both that's yeah, wow check behind the.

Desk typecast and in a way that's evolving.

Yeah.

I like it.

I love it.

I like it.

We're proud of you.

Yes, we're very proud of you.

Thank you.

It beats being choked by some moens.

Just remember.

Later.

Thank you.

You've been listening to Do You Need a Ride?

D Y N A R.

This has been an exactly right production.

Our senior producer is Analise Nelson.

Mixed by Edson Choy.

Our talent booker is Patrick Cottner.

Theme song by Karen Kilgarriff.

Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.

Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n ar Podcast.

For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.

Thank you, Oh, you're welcome.