Right, we're having a hard time with technology this morning, but let's have a go.

Mercury is in the microwave.

It has been like absolute hell trying to get us all here.

Fingers crossed this record.

Fingers crossed it works.

Let's see.

I am joined today by some of the core team members that are busting a gut behind the scenes to make ADHDF Plus charity work.

There's a lot of work goes into this alongside all of our fantastic volunteer facilitators who run the groups and we've got some new ones coming up very soon.

The core team behind the scenes alongside the chair is of course our Kim Peer Point, who is the treasurer.

Hello, we've got Kate who is the group coordinator.

Morning.

And we have Ruth who is tech support.

Kate and Ruth are both facilitators.

Kate is the facilitator of the Bristol group and Ruth is the facilitator of the London Monthly peer support group.

So if anybody hasn't listened to this podcast before, it began as just a chat about late discovered ADHD.

So many people came along for the ride and got so much from it and a community was born behind the scenes online and some live events.

And all of that led to creating a charity which is called ADHD AF Plus.

And we have peer support groups to connect and empower ADHD adults have marginalized genders in Scotland, England and very soon to be Wales in the new year.

So alongside all sorts of different episodes of ADHDAFI, do a monthly one which introduces the topic of the coming months peer support group, because all of the groups have the same outline of what we're going to talk about that month and some takeaways for that month.

So as we know we are at the end of this of November, Christmas is most definitely coming.

So December's group topic is called ADHD Christmas SOS, and that is because Christmas can be incredibly challenging.

There's a lot of pressure on our time, on our finances, our personal relationships, calendars, mental health, et cetera, and especially so if you have ADHD.

So as somebody who really likes to party, really likes to celebrate life, and likes to get together with people in real life, I absolutely love Christmas usually.

And I've joked in the past that I am Christmas because I'm just ready for it.

I'm gonna throw a do, I'm gonna eat all the food, I'm gonna put on all the tunes.

And the Christmas tree lights are always set to rave mode in my house.

But as I started along with the community, I realised the different challenges that so many of us face because of our ADHD.

And actually, before that, as ever, I didn't really know I had it until I came into this space.

So I just thought that the things that I struggled with were my personal failings as per usual, as opposed to actually seeing it through the lens of how ADHD can bring different challenges to literally any moment of our lives.

When I realised that so many of us struggle with so many of the same things or in different, different guises around Christmas, I created a Christmas tour which was I believe 2023.

I toured around some shows in Scotland and England doing a show that I ridiculously named an ADHD Christmas Laura with Carol crossed out because it had a ridiculous adaptation of Christmas Carol at the end of it.

But I went around to bring people together at Christmas to create perhaps the only Christmas party that they could definitely unmask at and make people people know that they weren't alone in their local areas and to discuss these things.

So that if they felt that Christmas was a struggle for them, they would know they weren't alone in it.

But they would also stop blaming themselves like I did for the things that they struggled with.

And I must say, I have actually managed to get that up on the Emporium.

So if anybody missed the Christmas tour of a couple of years ago, you can buy that on ADA.

Well, it's the London show, which is always one of my favorite shows.

And there's cameos from James Brown, Abigail and J adulting ADHD, Rachel Doe and Hannah Huxford's and all sorts of people and our Kim, you have a cameo on that one, I think.

And Nicole Nadler, of course.

So it's a, it's an All Star cast of absolute ridiculousness with us talking about Christmas.

So you can go and buy that.

And 5 lbs from every copy will be donated directly to the charity to help fund our in person peer support groups.

Woohoo.

So I'm literally using the framework of that show to conduct this.

Ridiculous episode.

So there are different categories that it's broken into.

So it's not a game of bingo here today, but we are going to reflect on those.

And I would love all of you to kind of give me your take on each of those categories and how it impacts you and any hints, tips, takeaways.

Just as we do in the Pierce of Hope, we're giving people who wherever you are in the world to have a flavour of what it's like.

It's actually much more structured than this because I'm absolutely knackered today, but this is what it feels like.

So you can get a feel for it.

And if you can't attend one, at least you can have some of the information from it.

And if you can attend one, we would love you to come along.

So we have got peer support groups all over the place.

And you can find out where your local 1 is by heading to the show notes, where you will find a link to the charity website with all of the information about all of the groups.

And if you cannot find one in your local area, it is only because nobody has applied to set one up yet.

So you can apply to volunteer to start your own and we would love to hear from you and you can volunteer your time in any way.

Without further ado, I would like to tell you why I've got this tied around my neck for those that are watching.

I have been bitten right in the centre of my neck by a mosquito and it's absolutely huge and it looks disgusting.

Your exes are here, here and here.

I've also got on a very festive top which they found in a box when I was decorating, but I realised that actually has a massive split down the side of it.

That's right, that's in a box and not in my wardrobe, so here we are.

That's like a crunch.

Close the armpit.

I also, I did come festive, which is ironic because one of my things which I'm sure we will cover is that I often feel like the Grinch.

I do feel appropriate in black, like you said, come like, you know what I mean?

It's the it's the kind of walking contradiction thing.

If anybody is a complete Grinch, I've got just the episode for you as well because a couple of years ago I actually spoke to Mrs.

Audi HD about it and that episode is called Fuck Christmas with Mrs.

Audi 80.

And that one's for you actually.

I would love to know how do you feel about Christmas?

I know, Kate, you're a Grinch.

Well, I'm actually not.

There are bits of Christmas that I do enjoy.

For me personally, I'm a lot more emotionally dysregulated.

So in my head, I guess that's why you would.

Then in a simplified way, you think, oh, I'm just being miserable or everyone's happy and I feel sad.

There are bits that I like.

But yeah, I think now, now we know which obviously we'll cover in this episode a bit more about why we are the way we are.

It's just that it's layered.

Absolutely 100% Kim, what about you?

Well, I don't know what the Half Misses Christmas and half misses Grinch is called, so I sit right in the middle.

I love the Christmas parties.

I love all the social stuff.

I cannot stand Christmas earrings.

I don't own a Christmas jumper.

I'm 54.

I've had four Christmas trees since I left home because I don't like Christmas trees, but I do like Christmas decorations.

We have no children and we very often don't entertain.

So there is that other side of it.

I hate Christmas Day.

I'm variably, I'm crying at some sort of dinner table because somebody in the family, whether it's my family or my in laws, has done something that has ruined the idealistic thing I have in my head.

The last three Christmases we've had at home, just the two of us, we haven't been well for the last three years.

So we've avoided seeing people and they have been the best 3 Christmases.

Well, that is something.

What about you, Ru?

You're the only one out of the three of us that has has little one the.

Christmas is stressful, but I do kind of like it.

I've I've got better over the last couple of years.

Funnily enough, that's in line with me realizing I've got ADHD.

I worry less about doing the things that you're meant to be doing and just doing what actually works with our family.

Right.

So we're going to start off with the Big 1 and I think really, you know, in the last group session, although we did kind of angle it towards Christmas, we focus more on that ADHD taxes in the financial tax and ADHD tax can mean all sorts of things, emotional tax within relationships, all, all sorts of stuff.

And I think time and time again, the thing that I've had the most that people struggle with at Christmas is actually over committing.

And in part that will be due to our impulsivity.

As we all know, I'm literally the worst person at managing a calendar.

So obviously that can lead to double booking, whatever else, all the rest of it, and just overwhelm and actually getting so caught up in the joy of Christmas or the expectations of others, etcetera, that we're saying yes to things without realizing we're going to be a bit tired or a bit skin, etcetera.

So over committing people with ADHD are often more impulsive than neurotypicals and that is due to dopamine seeking behaviors and a lack of premeditation or thoughtful planning.

The simple definition of impulsivity is speaking, behaving, or making choices without taking the time to consider the consequences of our actions.

Now, working memory is a part of our short term memory that allows us to retain recent information for ongoing tasks.

Impaired working memory can have a negative effect on organizational skills, making it difficult to plan and follow through on actions towards a specific goal.

The cognitive effects of ADHD can cause us to have trouble scheduling calendars.

As I said, we've talked a lot and I will continue to talk a lot about RSD on this podcast because it is literally my nemesis.

So rejection sensitive dysphoria, or as we prefer to call them, really shit daydreams.

But that can play a big hand in why we over commit as well.

So experiencing this intense or overwhelming emotional sensitivity to criticism or rejection.

And as ever, that's either actual or perceived, so it doesn't have to.

It might not have happened, it might never happen, but we're already not just fearing rejection, but almost feeling like it has already happened.

It's so inevitable that this is what is actually already happening now.

As I've said before, it's similar to paranoia with some of us experiencing it as a physical pain.

So over committing.

Discuss.

I would like to wear the crown of that, but I suspect there's quite a lot of contenders.

I think you probably deserve it.

No, I think you do deserve it, actually.

If I can be there, I will.

If I can say yes, I will.

But over the recent years, I've realized that sometimes I need to say I can't or I shouldn't.

However, I'm actually busy every weekend until Christmas now, and I do get very excited.

I say that's why I'm stuck halfway between Grinch and Santa, because I I will want to be at everything and then variably, That's why I'm not well, Christmas Day.

And when you're in the depths of it, like really in the thick of it and you've got back-to-back whatever, obviously that that kind of burnout illness is coming for you at the end.

But whilst you're in the midst of it, do you feel it or can you, or just so caught up in it and running, running, running that you don't see it coming?

Just running on adrenaline.

And what happened last year was I ended up with shingles.

And that was really interesting because that although I'm not suffering with shingles anymore, and this year's we've been a few stressy weeks and even in these last couple of weeks, so I had shingles on my right side.

And even in these last couple of weeks, that area has been inflamed again.

So it's for me now has become a bit of an indicator of where I am burning out or stressing out.

Because once I don't have shingles, this particular nervy area on my right side is really tender right now because I've just gone through two weeks of really high stressy times.

And I think that's been a really, yeah, unfortunate but good indicator of how I'm.

Yeah, it's almost been like a bit like a thermometer this year that I've been able to know where I am because these shingles, I keep meaning to check up, but I keep forgetting to see whether or not it can just lie dormant there and whether it just comes up and down.

So I run in adrenaline.

I literally run right to the last minute as much as I can as as long as I can so.

Now that you have got a tender right hand side, are you going to do less this Christmas or are you just going to ride it all the way into the ground or I what are you doing it on purpose so that you get to have another Christmas alone?

Well, you know, I do this thing called yoga and I teach people how to relax, so I just going to take some of my own medicine you're.

Going to practice what you preach.

Wow.

It's a hard pill to swallow.

What about you, Kate?

You know what, I used to be a huge overcommitter.

Some of that also was because I didn't love being in my own company.

I was like, as in a confidence thing as well.

And I used to end up burning out because I used to work at Christmas in retail, which is always really hectic.

Your days off were minimal.

I wanted to almost make the most of them, so I didn't feel like it was just easy work.

Repeat.

Yeah, I would.

I would be exhausted.

In the last few years, my world and my life has slightly slowed down, to be honest, with all the revelations of the ADHD and you know, kind of the stuff that we've we've learned.

I think I'm finally at 40 getting better at knowing what I need and dare I say, want.

I also have realized that actually I need to kind of try and get back a single balance because actually I am better, happier version of myself when I do things.

Therefore the people people around me get a better version of me.

For example, last year when they say there was a couple of things that I had agreed to, I almost knew as as I was agreeing to them.

I was at that little voice been I think this is Susan too much, but I went with it because of the ingrained people pleasing.

But for my whole life, the over committing came less from me from a dopamine impulsivity thing and more just to shape shift and compete, stay safe and keep everyone happy around me.

And so I think when that little voice was saying, Are you sure?

When I did end up exhausted and burn out and stuff like that, emotionally I was more annoyed in myself because I had actually ignored that that voice whereas previously I do.

I didn't know that was there.

This year I feel a lot more confident on knowing what I can and can't do and actually being able to communicate that.

Like for example, a really good friends of mine, we have been saying fragers about doing a Curry night.

I definitely last year would have done that Thursday night even they might have been exhausted, not really had the capacity.

Whereas this time I looked and I was like, could we please do this in the new year because I will be under such better form.

My friend was like yeah of.

Course.

When we are so ingrained with RSD, we can preempt that something is going to happen.

Actually, it's it's not.

That's really amazing.

That's so amazing.

One thing that you said that was really, really interesting and I'm so glad I remembered it.

I crossed my fingers and everything was about people pleasing.

You said a perfect thing to convey to any listeners that are stuck in that people pleasing trap of like, oh, well, I have to do this or they're going to think I'm a ship friend or I've already said I would, so I can't come out of it now.

And all of that stuff you also said, I realize that I need to be well to be the best version of myself for everybody else in my life.

If we can take that people pleasing and worrying that we're going to upset people or let people down and all the rest of it, If we can flip that around and say, well, actually, and I'm going to just preface this for something else.

I quite often really struggle to put myself 1st.

And so sometimes the hack that I have, because I still haven't overcome it, that will be my life's work and it will be daily work.

And that's sometimes hourly work.

But if I really, really can't, then I reframe it as actually I'm doing this thing for somebody else, even if it is for me.

And that's the lens through which I look at it, is that actually, if I'm going to be this people pleaser, realizing that I have to actually be well enough to go.

And if I'm exhausted, my emotional dysregulation is so bad, my RSD is so bad that that could even cause conflict that's going to cause upset.

That's going to cause me to be crying.

So actually, the best thing you can do for anybody else is to look after yourself.

Ruth, what about you?

My lovely talk to me over committing.

I see this.

I'm always like, Ruth, should we do this?

Ruth, should we do that?

And you're like, yeah, it's like, I'll wait to hear this answer.

Go on, Ruth.

Coming from you, obviously I've had kids for quite a while now, so I've not had the freedom to necessarily go out every night for a really, really long time.

And I just interject, we do not go out every night.

It's not 2007 and I'm not in a visa.

Carry on.

No, I know we don't.

We.

Really don't.

I think for me, over committing is less about that sort of thing.

It's more about kind of saying yes to people's troubles.

Maybe sometimes when there's lots going on anyway and you're like, yes, of course I can come and help you do that because you're like, oh, they're going through such a bad time, I have to go and help them.

Yeah, they need me and.

And especially because Andy's Christmas and they're having a hard time.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

It's really interesting because it's kind of of the same vein as what Kim was saying about if she can, like, can you logically get from A to B today and get to this thing?

And if you can, then you will.

And I'm hearing the same thing with you, Ruth, because you're like, if you can help, then you should, right?

I mean, it is a cliche, but whatever we're saying yes to means we're saying no to something else.

And we also know that if that no is to ourselves, then that will impact the people in our lives, again, as we just discussed.

Yes, another thing that's a bit tricky is actually learning that balance because it's it you know, you've gone from people pleaser who you know, someone says jump, you say how high already jumping like on a Pogo stick.

Then you start realizing kind of where some of these behaviors are coming from, which then obviously gives you that kind of understanding and the and the awareness.

Do you still want to be there to support people when they need to have to kind of, but yeah, kind of learn that balance of of how much you can give.

And also that amount changes depending on where you're at in your own headspace.

So I guess sometimes you can be more giving than other times.

Capacity versus capability, always time anyway, whether we're talking about Kim having the capability to get from A to B, but does she have the capacity?

And Ruth, with how much emotional capacity can you give to somebody in need at Christmas?

We have to acknowledge that ADHD presents differently in all people.

On top of that, we have our lovely side dishes served as alongside the main course.

And the most commonly Co occurring condition is of course, autism, ASD and a lot of people who are Audi HD and I cannot speak for them.

So please don't think that I'm, you know, explaining anybody's condition to them.

I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing.

But what I've been told many times is that people who do have Audi HD need time to.

What's the word like recharge?

If that is your experience that you can go in social situations but then you need to retreat and recharge your social battery, that is completely valid.

That's is an ADHD experience as well.

Like we're all different.

So for me, I think when I've been in a cycle of that, whether it's socializing, committing, being with friends, I think there is that people pleasing, but I genuinely think that connection, that's what I thrive on, that whole connection of being with other people.

And then if I get into a cycle of being with people consistently or a day on day off, couple of days here, a couple of days, what actually is really hard is to get off it because I find it very difficult to go back into Mundan, What I then see as mundanity where we are in that mundane life and it's very difficult to come back into normal life, having had all these great vibes, these conversations, you know, all this great connection and then come back into home, which is great to be there.

But sometimes I find the downer coming back as hard to manage because coming back into a home, which is your home, you're there to burp and fart in your own space and time.

But there is this sort of down feeling of like it's over.

I do think also now would be a really good time to mention that our charity is quite unique in that, well, it's run by us, but our charity is quite unique in the sense that we're really focusing on creating those in person spaces that face to face connection in local communities.

But if you are a person who doesn't really like connecting with others in person, that's totally valid as well.

There are so many online spaces.

For example, ADHD Adult UK has a magnificent and massive Discord server.

You can go in there for free and you can get information and support and validation and all of that stuff online if that is what suits you better.

Similarly, ADHD UK have a lot of online webinars, seminars, etcetera.

So there is a there are or a lot of online space and that's just two charities, never mind all of the wonderful support groups that there are on Facebook, Reddit, all of this stuff.

So if you are more of a person that would like to connect online, that's totally valid.

And there's loads and loads of space for that.

But we're all about the in person now.

We are going to move on to present pressure.

Gifting loved ones sounds like a lovely thing to do, but it can cause a lot of anxiety, stress and shame.

For ADHD is now impulsive spending can lead us to buying things we can't afford.

Many ADHD is are in debt due to struggles with finance, management, controlling impulses and a lot of us are unemployed or underemployed or not being paid what we should be.

Not being able to afford gifts or getting into debt for them is a struggle faced by so many of us.

People with ADHD have impeded executive function skills which impairs goal directed behaviour alongside losing track of time.

We can forget to shop or post gifts and sometimes even that we've bought them already.

Many of us misplace things.

We may lose what we've bought before gifting and or lose a treasured gift we've received, which brings a lot of shame.

Many of us have been made aware that we don't react appropriately in adverted commas, which can make even receiving gifts and deity inducing if we have to open them in front of the gift giver.

Your thoughts?

I tend to overcommit.

I decided to buy a wooden advent calendar for each of my children, which obviously then required me to buy 24 presents that were small enough to fit into the draw of the advent calendars.

Which?

Not many presents, not many things are that small.

So yes.

And obviously this year, haven't even thought about it.

First year I did it I even bought chocolate moulds and melted the chocolate so each one had an individual.

This is for two children, so that's 4848.

But talk about making your life harder for yourself.

Couldn't you be there with like AI?

Don't know, a little table celebration?

Bang Bang Bang Bang.

I'm going to re melt them into moulds.

Get 2 advent calendars jobs to get in.

No, I wanted to make them but this is coming from because because my dad was a vicar so we were never allowed chocolate advent calendars or at least not for years.

So now I'm like.

Right.

I'm with you because, you know, we're a bit nerdy and we're a bit creative as in you and I, not all ADHD is, but like the thought of it is really exciting.

Like, oh, I'm going to make this thing.

Yeah, that's one thing.

The other thing I do quite often is buy things and then hide them, then forget about them.

That's probably my biggest one.

Never bought somebody something that you'd already bought them a previous year.

I've done that before.

I get gift embarrassment because I've got certain members in my family that will just overspend.

And I've had a conversation with the same family member and said, right, this year we're going to cut it back.

It's just going to be this or it's going to be an experience that we're going to do together or something like that.

And then I hear, well, you know what?

So and so bought us, don't you?

And it's 3 first class tickets to the moon and back again.

I'm like, oh, here's your ticket to the cinema.

And it just feels like a floppy piece of lettuce.

And I'm really happy.

But I'm just like, oh, again, I've been outwitted.

I struggle with presence, with perfectionism, having to try and get as perfect as possible.

And I found that the best thing for me to do is to eradicate as many people, not eradicate the people that who I actually buy gifts for.

That kind of frees that the time and energy for the kind of the small amount.

But I do buy presents still for fine tune down who we actually need to and again, having those honest conversations and just and I know I'm being aware of different people's circumstances as well.

And I think sometimes it's it can be the one person's got to be the first person to broach like, you know, maybe doing things differently or shall we just you know, we're going out for dinner anyway.

So why let that let that be our present to each other.

And on top of the perfectionism, and I will come back to perfectionism, it's choice paralysis.

I really struggle.

Like I will be thinking about something that I want to gift somebody for a really long time, and I'll keep coming back to it and I won't be able to decide which one or which is the best one.

And then I've just left it too late.

And that happens time and time again.

It gets to a point if you're not careful of you're literally just spending money for the sake of it because you're buying it for everyone, you can't spend as much as you'd like.

Started doing Secret Santa between the siblings so that you're only buying one, which is quite a nice way of doing.

Present wise, I think I'm down to five presents a year, so then it becomes presents for me and I'll have another one for me.

Oh, and another one for me.

I will tell the story that I did tell on this tour.

As I've said many times in the past, I've always really struggled in the world of work.

I've tried to run my own business, but all of my ADHD traits made it very, very difficult.

So I'd start and stop and I did seasonal work.

So I've just never really had a wage or you know, just any kind of regular amount of money that I could rely on.

And so one Christmas, and again, time blindness and being overly optimistic or whatever else got me to about 3 days before Christmas and I suddenly realized I didn't have any money to buy the person who I was with at the time at present.

And so I just got this little box, this little pretty red box, and I wrote this massive letter, which was just like, I'm so sorry, I'm completely broke, but this is an IOU and I promise you I will get you a present.

If I had the money, I'd buy you the moon, but I don't have a pot to piss in.

It was funny because they did actually really appreciate it.

You know, we've all got different love languages.

I'm definitely words of affirmation hands down any day.

And that's why I really, really love cards as well.

Like I get probably more excited about cards than I do presents.

I want to read the words and it really means a lot.

And I keep them.

I mean, my God, this house.

This house is like pretty much built on cards.

The House of Cards, sorry.

It's so excited, but how I do just want to convey that's cheesy as it sounds, people will not necessarily remember what you got them for Christmas last year, especially if they've got ADHD.

So what I would say is that the most important thing is always how you make people feel.

And if you make people feel appreciated, that doesn't necessarily have to be with a gift.

You know, you can send somebody a lovely message.

You could write them a poem, make them a graphic.

You could, you know, just just ring them up and tell them that you love them being actually.

Really real rather than buying into that kind of what we see on the adverts.

I really noticed the disparity at Christmas between the people that have a lot and the people that don't have very much.

And actually I saw this on the takeaways in the last session this year.

I actually am going to give that money to charity and learning what feels right for you as well and explaining that aligning with your own personal values well.

Aligning with your values and just remembering that actually the whole point of giving someone a gift in theory is that you're telling them that you love them and you're thinking of them and, and yeah, celebrating.

And actually that can be done so many different ways, but it is a good last minute present as our digital downloads of ADHDF live shows, by the way, you can get that in your inbox is the season that we're all gonna eat, drink and be merry and all of that business.

But there are several traits that can make all of that particularly challenging.

So one is risky behaviour.

So many of us have a low risk perception, and ADHD symptoms are associated with stronger perceptions of the anticipated benefits of engaging in risky behaviour.

Attitudes towards the perceived risk also play a role, suggesting that adults with ADHD, as I said, are less risk averse.

Researchers suggest that adults with ADHD might rate the benefits of risky behaviour so highly because of common ADHD personality traits such as delay aversion and sensation seeking.

Dopamine is essential for controlling impulses.

A deficiency in this neurotransmitter intensifies the urge to indulge in behaviours such as overeating, substance misuse and other risk taking behaviours to achieve the same reward others get from less harmful behaviours.

The festive period is predominantly food focused with Christmas dinner taking center stage.

Many ADHD is fight daily battles with eating issues.

Encouragement to feast for those of us that struggle with eating can make this time of year feel far from a celebration.

Eating, drinking and being merry can bring challenges for those with ADHD.

Studying it is a proven that ADHD is are an increased risk.

And why can't I say increased risk?

We're at an increased risk of binge drinking and are at higher risk of alcohol use disorder.

Alcohol can increase ADHD symptoms such as impulsivity, and many of us have an increased sensitivity to the effects of alcohol.

Yeah, and the dopamine of the Christmas food and party food.

Life.

Is like the best best most ADHD food in the entire world.

Like 20 different small bite sized things I want.

To be off my tits on M&S picky bits.

Yep, and I will overeat as well.

And I was renowned in our family, close family as a child.

It's like God, Kim, where are you putting it?

Where are you?

Just keep going.

You Oh, Kimberly tick.

Kimberly tick which?

In part can be due to interception.

Not necessarily.

I'm not saying for you, but for a lot of people with ADHD, we don't realize that we're full.

We're not getting those internal cues.

Mind and body aren't linking up.

So yeah, we don't really feel full and the food's delicious.

It's all sensation taking more dopamine.

And for those of us that struggle the other way, that struggle to eat or struggle with the sensational texture of certain foods or feel the need to restrict what they eat or just struggle with eating altogether for various reasons and potential Co occurring eating disorders, etcetera.

Pressure to eat is, is really quite an awful thing.

Like to to have to sit down at Christmas dinner and eat.

So what you don't want to eat, feel like you have to people are watching you and or don't want to upset the person, but actually you're allergic.

So this or that especially, I would say it was turning down a drink.

So many people feel pressured to drink at Christmas time that actually even know themselves or are leaning on that crutch because they have social anxiety, because they are feeling emotionally overwhelmed, exhausted, whatever.

Like there's lots of pressure all around with that overindulgence in any form.

Alcohol's quite a big one, I think I used to use it much more as a social cut.

I mean, that's one of the reasons why we really like to have our support groups not in a hub.

It can be helpful sometimes to socialise with people when that's not necessarily Rams down your throat.

If it's something that feels exacerbated because of the time of year, maybe kind of being extra mindful when you're making arrangements where you're meeting or what someone else is asking of you and you just think, actually, I'm just going to end up feeling worse as a result of this because of temptation or something like that.

Kind of, again, it's about learning to know what we can cope with or not know.

It's easier said than done sometimes, especially when it comes to families.

I would hope that if it's with your friends that they would support that.

And if they don't, then again, it's that reevaluating if some wouldn't and then some wouldn't, That's who you spend some of your time with.

Exactly that, because at the end of the day, if somebody is going to put pressure on you to do something that you either don't want to do or eat something you don't want to eat or not take no for an answer.

When you say that you're not drinking this Christmas or you're now not drinking at all or whatever it is, then actually then they're not the people that you should be with.

And I'm going to say as well, you know, in terms of putting pressure on you to eat, also judgement about eating, you know, people are like, oh, you're going to have another one of those like it's nobody's business what you do or don't put in your mouth, full stop.

And if you are in a situation where you don't feel like you have that autonomy of your own body, you feel uncomfortable, you feel pressured, that really isn't the right environment.

And if, as we say, that's family, when you don't have another option, then it's limiting the amount of time that you spend in environments that are going to cause you that sort of harm and actually thinking about things that will make you feel better.

We've already talked about the fact that rest can look different for all of us.

If you need, if you're somebody that needs that time to recharge, then let somebody know that you need to go and have a little lie down or whatever.

And if you have to tell a white lie, so be it.

If your head's hurting, accidentally, got a little migraine, whatever the hell it is that you need to do to keep yourself safe, then do that.

And if you want to say what a beautiful day, let's have a walk, go and stretch your legs, move around.

If you have overindulged and it's making you feel anxious just sitting around because so many of us experienced that domestic anxiety of actually being in the house on actual Christmas Day, just sitting there for hours and hours and hours in front of the TV like so many of us grew up with those kinds of Christmases.

Then actually you, you're not changing into that sofa.

You are very much allowed to go and have a walk.

And it know that exercise helps with our ADHD symptoms on top of if we're feeling horribly full and a bit guilty.

But do try and remove that shame because if you struggle with overeating, overindulgence, drinking, whatever, it isn't your fault like it is symptomatic of the condition and you don't have to beat himself up for it.

You're not alone in it.

I think it's really important to know there is no judgement like it is Christmas and if you feel like you want to overindulge then you absolutely should.

However, it's really just about making sure that you are doing what you want to do.

And if you know that alcohol is going to lead you to have crippling RSD for a week afterwards and crying and really emotionally just regulated and feeling dreadful, even if you make your peace with that, that that's going to be the case.

So that doesn't come as a surprise to you.

Just really making sure that you can best support yourself.

We are back with Part 2 of ADHD Christmas SOS.

I haven't decided if it's going to be a separate episode or if it's all going to be put into one.

Let's see what happens.

Who knows for anybody, Christmas can be a lot, right?

We know it's coming every year, but I really don't know anybody who does actually prepare or save up for it.

But that might just be the company I keep.

And then all of a sudden not only have we we've got all of these adverts on TV telling us to make everything perfect, we've also got really emotional Christmas movies on.

This is really funny.

Sorry but we're already off with the side quest.

So my husband has got a job where he works away some of the time and he's drawn the short straw and is actually away this Christmas.

And I am literally distraught about it.

Every time I think about it I'm so upset.

And then I have to remember, like, he's not actually left me.

Everything is fine.

But anyway, we're sort of celebrating Christmas early and we've recently moved to London and I managed to bag the last two seats in the house to see Home Alone at the Royal Albert Hall with like an orchestra and everything.

And actually Home Alone is the one that gets me every time.

It's a key change in no holy night.

Like you know me, emotional dysregulation is like my calling card.

You have never heard or seen me cry like I cry in that key change about holy night.

So God help the.

Let alone with it been live.

I like implowed with emotion.

That's not the point.

The point is, at Christmas there's always some lovely oh, they're not going to make it home.

Christmas, Oh, they do.

All of it is so, so emotional.

This category is called the Perfect Christmas with a focus on perfectionism.

On average, neurodivergent person received 20,000 more negative comments in childhood than a neurotypical.

Studies found a strong correlation between perfectionism and impulsivity.

Together they form a negative feedback loop in which the ADHD is set impossible standards, fails to meet them, and then makes rash decisions out of frustration.

These decisions can then have negative consequences that further reinforce the the idea that they're worthless.

Just try harder mentality sees them plan meticulously with the belief that they can try their symptoms away.

Christmas is big business.

We are constantly sold the idea that we can create the perfect Christmas dinner or buy the perfect gift.

On top of consumerism, we are also bombarded with movies depicting perfect families enjoying Christmas together and Christmas romances kiss on the stroke of midnight.

Time blindness, motivation issues, executive dysfunction and limited resources due to ADHD tax can foil our plans to be the next Nigella.

For many of us, the Wrecking Ball of ADHD swung in and damaged or swept away some of our personal relationships, making it hard not to hear that echo of those 20,000 negative comments.

Often we need very little evidence to feel like failures.

So ramp up the perfectionism with Jingle Bells on discounts.

The perfectionism might present in me at Christmas is more in the fact that of not feeling festive enough, that I'm not almost doing.

I'm not Christmassy enough.

I'm not kind of nailing that enough.

Do you think that that is informed by people pleasing as in you are taking the shine off other people's Christmases?

Or is it just internally you're expecting yourself to feel more festive than you do because that's what's expected?

I think it's a real struggle with the emotional dysregulation.

I definitely feel sadder at a time that it feels like everyone is twinkly Christmas jumpers and my empathy gauge ramps up to an unhelpful amount.

And it's like those ADHD traits that we battle so much with and all the scars of the batting with it so that, you know, internalize shame and guilt.

And the fact that I feel that maybe I then have to use more energy to, I guess it's almost to have to mask again.

I feel that at a time when, yeah, there is more focus on celebrations, I just, yeah, I just feel that I go the opposite.

And I have to say, I completely relate to everything that you're saying.

It's like the whole of Christmas feels like a lump in my throat.

A lot of things set me off.

Then I think I just give up and lean in.

Like, you know, my favorite Christmas movie is definitely It's A Wonderful Life.

And I just sit there like every time a bell rings, like just literally a top like that.

Like, fuck it, I'm that emotion.

I might as well just bore my eyes out is how it sort of feels.

Thank you for that.

It's like another thing where you can feel like you're feeling and also around Christmas time often it's very.

Cold.

Something that I'm really noticing for myself is that my emotional dysregulation and my RSD are very much heightened when I'm tired.

And actually I don't really get tired.

My brain doesn't really switch off.

Like I literally lie there thinking about things and then sometime I just passed out for a bit, no more than five hours at any given point.

So I don't really know that I'm tired.

I don't really know that I've ever not been tired.

But what I suddenly noticed is that I am a bit more emotional.

So when we do have all of these extra messages, things to think about, things to plan and these bulging calendars like that is and I say and performative festiveness is going to make you more tired and that is also going to make you more emotional as well as all of the triggers of nostalgia, family, etcetera, etcetera.

But also I find that I've got a greater heightened anxiety, although I will say yes to almost every social function that's going, the anticipation of going into any of those functions will be that process of stepping over that threshold into that environment will be causing me angst for quite a few hours before I always have a lot of anxiety around clothing at this time of the year.

It drives me mad.

It is one of my things.

What do I wear?

What do I wear?

And I also think, Bah humbug, I don't have a Christmas tree.

Bah humbug, I don't wear the I don't do this.

But actually in reflection, it's probably probably, although the tree thing is true, I don't like the tree in the house.

But I guess that layered on top of that is the fact that I can't make that perfect Christmas tree because I don't have all those perfect decorations.

So, you know, I feel it should be gold this year.

It should be red this year.

And perfectionism drives so much of it.

And then perfectionism on top of when you walk into those social situations, whether it be with people you've known for a long time or we have a thing in our village.

If you get invited to so and so is Christmas, do you know you're in in the village and you will go there and you'll make polite little aged conversation.

We all talk absolute bollocks.

We don't talk for the rest of the year, but you've made it if you've been invited to so.

And so is Christmas Day.

Is it social anxiety or is it because this is this is what came to my mind?

Is it the perfectionism that there is so much pressure on this being a good party that you as a people pleaser alike, I have to be on top form like I have to make everyone laugh, be the life and soul.

But but I'm also, I'm literally like some sort of sonar radar.

I'm checking out the room all the time.

I'm listening to other conversations.

Who's talking the better?

Who do I want to be with?

Who sounds better?

Am I listening to the most boring real person in the room?

How do I get away from them?

Where is it?

Where?

Where do I need to be?

Who is the person I need to be stood with?

So it's a lot of energy all the time when you're scanning those rooms, even if it's a room full of ADHD is I'm constantly scanning, taking, in, noticing, recognizing.

That I'm being rude if I'm giving one person so much time that I haven't spoken to somebody else.

I'm because, like, looking around, like, like, yeah, it is a lot of that, yeah.

Ruth, how do you feel about this perfectionism, business and Christmas?

I feel it more with visitors.

I've kind of got over the fact that my house is never going to be perfectly tidy and therefore it's never going to.

There's no, there's no space to put all the beautiful decorations that I would love to have up.

There's just nowhere.

It's more visitors coming and just I try and get all the little, stupid little things on the table, the little glass decorations and you know, all of that kind of stuff.

He one of those people that does like Santa's footprints and all that business.

God no, did you not know the elves that come and visit?

They also have ADHD when they come to ours to move sometime.

Did.

Because obviously Santa lands on the roof terrace here because we have no it's.

Got special access in Houston?

The present thing is less about perfectionism, more about impulsivity.

A lot of it is adverts and social media, without a doubt.

It's easy to like to look at all these presents for that.

Oh yeah, I'll buy this one.

I'll buy that one.

And it it's not long before you realise, like out of the eight that you've bought, one of them is going to actually get used more than one.

It's quite a funny 1 and I and I'm I am worried that I'm going to get emotional in this episode, but I'm going to try really hard to just speak plainly.

I really like hosting and I really like doing the perfect Christmas.

I do fancy myself as a little bit of a Nigella and I've got receipts.

People have told me I do make the best roast potatoes in the world.

Genuinely, I make a mean roast potato and I will blow my own trumpet just like Sonia.

But I don't have any reason to host.

I am not raising a family of my own this year in particular, as I said, big as a way and all I want to do is deck the halls and cook the food and host.

That is genuinely and it's sad.

I was saying it to a family, remember the other day I was just like that.

Irony is, all I've ever wanted to do is host Christmas and I literally don't really have any reason to, and I just have to dance the beat of everyone else's drama and it makes me a bit sad.

Especially when I'm eating a soft roast potato.

Could not agree with you more.

I'd love to host.

I make the world's worst roast potato.

Well, I'll give you a lesson, Kim.

Anytime, roast potato.

I've now added pressure to the listeners.

I don't enjoy hosting because of the perfectionism.

I would have so much pressure on getting it perfect that I I find it easier to not.

But then also as well, I think it's about reframing what that perfect is because when I relax up and I've got my family over on Christmas Day, we have a really lovely time.

Does depend on who is?

On that note, it is the perfect segue actually Ruth conflict.

We have sold the concept that Christmas is about spending time with family, but many ADHD is have dysfunctional families, believe it or not, and some are estranged from members with whom relationships have turned toxic.

ADHD tends to run in families at very high percentage rate and in most cases, it's thought that the genes you inherit from your parents are a significant factor in developing the condition.

Research shows that parents and siblings of some with ADHD are very likely to have it themselves.

A reluctance for parents or siblings to acknowledge their own potential neurodivergence can cause resentment and rifts.

No two people with ADHD present in exactly the same way.

Though many of us find comfort in our shared experience and unique viewpoints, how our symptoms present can sometimes clash.

Mixing Great Uncle Archibald's quick temper with cousin Gertrude's perfectionism.

Whilst Auntie Sue has been impulsively knocking back the presexi since breakfast, the family dinner can descend into a scene straight out of the EastEnders Christmas special.

Emotional dysregulation is a decreased ability to control emotional responses, often resulting in emotional reactions that are disproportionate allegedly to the situation.

Those that struggle with emotional regulation may be seen to overreact in certain scenarios.

Some are quick to anger, whilst others may be quick to cry.

Emotional dysregulation and impulsivity are a match made in hell, causing us to blur out words in the heat of the moment that hurt those we care about, leaving us wishing we could turn back time.

We're not going to sing Cher like we did in the show, but who relates?

Oh my God yes it was a lot worse when I had unknown.

They did.

Yes I definitely used to flip out at my in laws.

I think the compilation of emotional dysferniculation and alcohol.

The perfect Christmas doesn't exist.

If I'm with my in laws, I hate the way they do something.

If I'm with my family, I hate the way they do something.

Invariably, somebody, somebody will ruin Christmas.

Somebody's ruined.

Somebody will do something.

Yeah, because they don't know what my expectations are, and that's what I have learned.

I actually agree.

And I, I am a bit of a kid.

You would think that year on year on year, you'd be like, OK, well, let's lower our expectations a little bit.

Let's let's manage the expectations that some that that's going to happen.

It happens every year, but every year I'm like, no, this one's gonna be great.

And then and then you are crushed again.

People pleasing, or should we call it peacekeeping as Megan Burks would say?

I do, I feel responsible for everybody.

It's not just my perfect Christmas, it's everyone's perfect Christmas and I will do everything I can to make sure that it is.

And when other people aren't playing ball with that or being just self driven and just doing what they want to do, I'm like, but what about this person?

We need to make sure that they're having your business.

And it just spirals into a lot of responsibility and a lot of disappointment.

And you have no chance to actually take a minute to enjoy it yourself because you're just worrying about everyone else.

Twisting your tits off because you're like nobody guys about a nice business just.

Going to say it's thought I'd also feel resentment as well because it's yeah.

All of those.

I hate them all.

Yeah.

And so I think I feel a bit envious that that people are able to just chill and think about themselves.

Like at RSD, if I don't see the response from somebody that I expect them from the gifts that I've given.

And I've also cried because my husband, he tries to be funny and we did we part, we do match each other on funny.

But sometimes Christmas Day when you open it and he's laughing and it's a spanner in a beautiful box from a beautiful lingerie to department.

And it's a spanner.

And he's like, you need this for your spare wheel and like, I need the lingerie and I need the perfume.

But you've given me a spanner.

Last year my in laws, they weren't aware of my ADHD, this year they now know.

And so I'm quite excited to see actually what this Christmas brings when people don't know if you are, if you are kind of keeping that covered or hidden, I think that adds another.

It's like another bit of the editing, isn't it?

Because you're kind of you're playing something down.

And when also we are stating, yeah, absolutely.

And I'm optimistic in that sense.

That's lovely.

It's really important to know that sometimes it is essential to mask is exhausting, but it is essential.

And if you are in a place over Christmas, whether that's in work parties, if that's in your home, if that's with your family, like there's no shame in that.

You need to do what you need to do to get through it, but be really kind to yourself because it is exhausting and it is infuriating, disappointing, distressing, and all the rest of it.

Try not to feel bad, for feeling bad is bad enough to feel bad.

Don't hate yourself twice, hey?

Which is is often easier said than done, but just know that even in those moments where you do feel incredibly isolated, you really are not alone.

Sometimes you can preserve more energy by masking when you can.

If you mask with certain people and you do your surface chat, that doesn't bring you as much nourishment as long as you've got the right people that you can.

Fully unmasked with That's why we've had a Christmas Day Zoom the last, what, three years and.

Yeah, so in the community, the Patreon peer support community, we always do Christmas Day Zoom so that people can top up their cup of, of being there fully unmasked, too muchness, whatever they are, Emotionalness, however they're feeling on the day.

And for anyone who is actually alone on the day, we're either out of choice or not that we can have that connection and have a little chin wagon or know that the leopard print army, we are all in in it together, even if just for that little while on the day.

Also just to quickly say as well, with the Patreon community I believe you can use access to work because it's considered peer support.

So just to mention.

If you're struggling, get your access to work sorted and it'll pay for it and you will not regret it.

I.

Think also communities that you belong to, whether it's Discord or other groups, even it's just coming in and putting a text in saying they're driving me mad.

It's just a really good way to vent or just really say it for you to continue the day.

If you can't, you want to be on Zoom with other people that get you, but just sometimes nipping off to the loo and just putting a random message in other people just get that as well.

And I've been able to do that and know that you're you're not being dragged away from this thing that you've got to be out, but you've still got people going.

Yeah, we get it.

We get it.

Have you seen the film Human Traffic?

Obviously any of the ravers listening will have seen Human Traffic.

Danny Dyer's character has been out raving and he sat down at Sunday lunch dinner table with his family and he's just not, not in a good way.

And he just completely blips out and he's just like, who the fuck?

Yeah.

Like just shouting at them.

Like, just like literally everything that like your internally screaming is just pouring out of his mouth that his parents and I just.

And I just always think that at some point that is what I'm going to do.

Well, this Christmas anyway, which actually brings me to the next category, is going to be really, really tough.

It's the first Christmas without my mum.

This time last year was when she got sick and I'm not actually allowed to say too much.

But as I said before, believe me, I will.

That whole period of time, the whole Christmas period was just a nightmare.

And so I'm very traumatized by the experiences of this time last year, let alone the crescendo, the grand finale of, of what actually happened.

So yeah, it's always going to be a difficult, a difficult Christmas.

Everything's been difficult this year, even if it doesn't look like it.

I've kind of realized that because I am feeling things so much, I have kept myself.

Oh, I've decided to decline every very kind Christmas offer that I've had.

So I've been offered to stay in Australia, America, Scotland.

I've literally got people all around me.

My in laws are in France, I've got invitations coming out of my backside.

But I've decided not to.

And in part that's because I still, all these years into my late Discovery Safari, feel like a bit of a burden.

It's a tiny little whisper, which I manage by being very helpful and very enthusiastic and making the drinks and taking the bins out.

And I'm absolutely fine.

And I'll do that and I'll tap dance out of every room, but it still creeps in no matter how much I do, I start to feel like I'm taking up space in somebody's house and I and I and I can't bear it anymore.

I just literally leave someone's house.

Like just, I'm sorry, I've run away in an RS2 puddle.

But now with this grief, I realize that I'm going to be double performative because I don't want to in anybody's Christmas by being upset.

Inevitably, at some point, I will be upset.

So yeah, I decided to stay home by myself.

I made this massive decision that I was going to go to Saint Paul's Cathedral in the morning just because I could happen to beg.

Happen to beg?

And go and volunteer for a couple of hours so I could be useful.

And I sat down.

I was like, I've made this decision and it's the best decision.

It's really grown up.

Everyone's parents die if you live that long.

I am a grown up now and this is the right thing to do.

How brave and bold of me.

I suddenly realize the other side of the coin, which might be that I'm just isolating myself in grief.

And a friend of mine actually cried on the phone and she said why won't you let people take care of you?

And it made me feel really bad.

Sorry, violence.

I've got to a point where I've realized that I can have the best of both.

So a friend of a friend has asked me to mind her cats in Ibiza.

So what that means is I get not just some sunshine and some beach walks and actually won't be set alone because I have two animals.

Careful.

But also I've got loads of things I've been invited to.

And it also means that I have my own space to retreat to so I don't have to feel like a massive pain in the ass.

All I have to do is not lose a cat.

So yeah, my next point is grief, one of the core triggers for myself and many at this time of year.

God, I didn't even know what I had.

Coming to me when I wrote that in 2023 is nostalgia.

Reflecting on previous years leads to remembering ghosts of Christmas times gone by.

This can rub salt in the wound, causing grief to those who are no longer in our lives.

Alongside this, receiving a diagnosis like ADHD later in life has been likened to Elizabeth Kubler Ross's grief cycle.

Obviously, in this space we see it more as a roller coaster, experiencing different stages of grief at different times in no linear order or cycle, twisting and turning and sometimes changing on the hour.

If you are feeling griefy, please know that you are not alone.

I don't have either of my parents anymore.

Trump.

Don't show off.

My dad's been gone.

Oh God, I don't bloody know, like 12 years, something like that.

My mum was a couple of years, dad was a vicar.

So obviously Christmas, that's quite a lot of.

So I think there's probably some stuff that I don't do even though I want to do so, like going to midnight Mass or.

You don't go stay.

No, because it's really too upsetting.

And I keep saying, oh, I'm definitely going to do it, and then I just don't.

So maybe this year will be the one, maybe it won't.

Play it by ear.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't really remember what Christmas was really like as a kid, other than looking under the Christmas tree and reading labels on presents.

And that's what I do.

Make sure I, I say that what I always in my head say is I'm going to make sure that I've got all the Christmas presents under the tree for like a few days before Christmas so that my kids can do the same thing.

Do I ever do that?

Christmas Eve, 2:00 in the morning, Right.

That's my griefy randomness.

There are a lot of good charities out there doing great things for people who are grieving.

So it'll be all sorts of resources in the show notes.

And like Ruth said, you can honor somebody, but you don't have to go all the way down the rabbit hole in a way that's going to harm yourself.

You know, I absolutely think that's brilliant.

So what can we do?

In conclusion, we want you to remember that self diagnosis is valid in identifying your ADHD traits.

You can figure out what your unique struggles are in order to put systems in place to best support yourself.

If you hate Christmas, don't do it at all.

You don't have to do anything, go anywhere, be with anyone, eat or drink anything that you don't want to.

Communicate your struggles.

If you don't feel comfortable divulging ADHD, you can give a different reason for not buying presents this year or needing to take time out.

Break tradition If you're feeling overwhelmed or are financially struggling, suggest alternative plans in the new year.

You don't have to see everyone in a couple of weeks.

Ask for help if perfectionism and societal pressures has you stuck in task paralysis.

Body doubling is brain magic.

We can all testify to that, right?

Definitely.

It's three years of the online peer support community this month so.

Wow, that's amazing.

Yeah, body doubling for three years.

I was just about I have to work out how many hours that equates to.

Well, it'll be three years in January of daily body doubling

at 7:00 AM.

We did.

There's been a couple of bank holidays, but aside from that.

Yeah, not many, yeah.

Not many in three years.

You don't have to explain why you need that support.

You could just invite someone out Christmas shopping or to your house over Zoom to wrap presents, write cards or prepare food.

You can make it something fun.

She's he says like Mary Poppins shut up spit swaps lean into ADHD community peer support is invaluable.

I see no to God not only this charity, but yeah, which led to this charity.

I would not still be standing if it wasn't for you all.

Genuinely don't look like peer support is.

Absolutely I am actually going to.

We were doing so well, Laura.

In connecting with others who share similar experiences, we feel validated and know that we are not alone.

So the final point is, it is your Christmas too.

This is the big one.

Do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Give yourself permission to have a Christmas that you actually want and that will make you feel good.

Your feelings are valid, you matter, and ADHD is real.

Well done for kids together, yeah.

I can suck in through the eyeballs after many years of practice.

That is my actual superpower, not ADHD.

Love it.

No, I.

Honestly, this group has been like you say, Laura.

It's like a friendship that we've never known before.

We've come together and we just get it.

Amazing.

Chasing.

Probably.

Yeah, it's some of the stuff does feel like it's massively shifting because of being with just bit of feelings.

So yes, so understood.

Just be able to express it for the first time or recognize it for the first time in a lot of our lives.

Just that whole relief.

How many podcasts finish with the four people all in tears in some way, shape or 4?

Nearly last night.

Completely still in the.

Meeting.

Why?

What did I say?

I just.

You must say I can't even remember.

I think that was just keep you saying like how much work we've put into now yarn loads.

Just like, yeah.

Sweetheart.

Yeah, that was kind of the bare bones of the live shows.

They're really special to me, those shows, like, really?

And they're special for the location.

That was a lot of work.

And actually I think if anything that we can directly look at has so informed the charity.

Like really knew how much I struggled with Christmas.

Found out that other people did, brought a load of people together.

Realize a lot of people didn't have people in their local.

Yeah.

And the importance of bringing people together.

So if you do have a peer support group, if we've set one up, please do go.

It's a really special thing to connect with others, especially at this really overwhelming what can be to bring, which can be magical, but can be really disappointing and dysregulating time of year do go along.

And if we haven't got one near you, I hope you've enjoyed this episode.

Please connect with others, even just in online spaces.

And that's not a plug for the Patreon peer support community, although you really should join it because I think any ADHD creative platform probably hates me for how cheap that is, for what you get.

But it's, it's just a really special space where you can connect with people.

But if you can't afford it, then there are so many spaces.

There's Reddit, there's Facebook, there's all sorts of communities that you can join.

Please do do that because it is literally what's kept us all upright.

And I just want to say as well, have a look at ADHDF Emporium this Christmas, please.

Conceptually is my idea.

And it's the podcast that has got us there.

But it is Steph that's worked really, really hard behind the scenes.

She's the person that's snoring products, that's posting it, and she's making stuff.

Look at the amazing print candle.

But it would really be very special to any of our makers and to us if you did shop near a Divergent this Christmas, not only you supporting neurodivergent makers and small businesses, but 10% of all profits go to our charity.

This hat is from ADHDF employment.

It's literally handmade by Steph.

Come on, it's.

Cool, I love those.

Prince Santa, we've got Christmas cards, we've got all sorts.

And yeah, you will literally be paying money towards the very support groups that we're talking about.

So it is just a big bubble of festive love.

Or you could make a donation to ADHDF Plus charity directly, which would be wonderful.

We're doing a lot of good work and we've got so, so, so much to come in the new year.

And like I say, if you want to watch the digital download, a fiver from each copy goes to the Chazzer.

Head to the link in in show notes and have a look at all of them links.

And as I said, there are support links there too.

You really are not alone.

I just wanted to wish everyone not the Merry Christmas that they think they should have, but whatever they would really like.

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

To Christmas your way, folks.

Merry Christmas.

To all holy night, let's say.

All right, we're going.

Love you all.

Thank you so much.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

On the 12th